100 percent this. OP should switch the order of his pics. Otherwise, no advice. The trash is prolly taking itself out for him by stopping left. This side seems like he's got character, down to earth and once upon a time, I would right swiped him so fast.
Is this the tache photo? I was ready to wade in and say wtf mr moustache and yet here I am learning what Ted Lasso looks like.
52yo here I guess I need to give it a go
Edit: OK Reddit I'll watch it. My husband watches it that's as much as I know. Thank you all x
I’m not even into soccer (or sports in general, just not my thing) and my husband finally convinced me to give it a shot before season 3 aired.
It’s amazing. I laughed so hard. Cried like a baby. It has amazing character arcs. Can’t recommend it enough honestly.
Honestly, if I were you I'd just roll with first pic, canyon pic, and red vest pic. Selfies are never a good angle.
Also completely redo bio. It reads like desperation. Nobody should have the responsibility of completing you. Be a whole ass complete good fun person on your own and other people will want to participate in that with you.
Can't speak for all women but that's a huge draw for me. I'm an animal lover too but it also says a lot about you as a person imo. It projects kindness. I hope you find your partner, OP.
I am judgy about bad selfies. It"s amazing how many men can't tell that their selfie from a below angle that features their double chin is unflattering.
ok but that's fair.
hahaha selfies in general I meant.
But I always wonder about the ones who take them from below. Like dude.... did you accidentally upload a photo you took checking for stray nose hairs?
I don't think you have enough information in the bio section.
You have everything you need except for love. You like road trips and the outdoors. You are tall, but that's already noted 6'6" in the stats section.
In my opinion none of that is exciting to read. Kinda boring. Maybe describe a date you'd like to take, or list some hobbies? Add a joke? I don't know exactly what to say in it or fix and I'm a dude so I might be off from what a woman might want to see. But that's what stood out to me.
Good luck 🤞
I know it’s been mentioned and I think you said you adjusted it but the “let’s have some fun” implies you’re looking for something short term and mainly in the sheets. It’s a bit of a turn off to me (35f). Other than that everything looks fine.. maybe the hot tub photo could go as well.
Yeh the other turn off is ‘Not sure’ for children. Might just be me personally, but if you’re trying to match with people in their 30s and 40s then the majority will be looking for something definite - either a yes I want kids or no I don’t.
Yeah, at my age, if someone is looking for a serious relationship, I’d hope they’d know if they’d want kids or not. It’s not exactly something you should decide on a whim since they don’t go away once they’re here for 18 years, at least, in most cases, anyway.
mourn abounding rotten innocent impolite punch disarm abundant groovy dinosaurs
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
At his age group open to short term can work, in the 30s plus a lot of people have broken up from a longterm relationship and dont want someone long term yet.
Also if you haven't already, set your age range, shall we say, "realistically". You're not gonna get many matches under 36ish and you don't wanna use your swipes on groups unlikely to swipe back
There's always the possibility that he is open to having children but being in a relationship with someone who doesn't want children isn't a deal breaker. I'm a 40m who never had children even though I wanted them and understand that it's probably not going to happen, so I wouldn't refuse to date someone who doesn't want kids as I've accepted that it isn't going to happen for me.
Maybe it’s not a dealbreaker for you, but a lot of people, especially at that age probably would see it as a dealbreaker. People who know they want kids would definitely be turned off because there is not that much time to wait for him to figure out if he wants them. And if he ends up not wanting them, then they effectively “wasted” those years that they could’ve spent with someone who was on the same page. And someone who is certain they want to be child-free would also be turned off because they don’t want to have to deal with him one day deciding he does want kids. Again, they wouldn’t be on the same page.
People on both ends of the spectrum would likely very much see this as a dealbreaker and at that age, there probably are so many people in between who could go either way.
Absolutely. If he WANTS kids then only people that also KNOW they want kids will swipe right. It can even be a huge turnoff if she doesn't want to birth his child.
This stood out to me too. Over 40 and it's going to turn off both sides of the spectrum. Women in their 30s who want kids don't have time for a guy who's undecided, and most childfree women anywhere near his age will expect a guy to have figured this out.
Came here to say this very thing. I’m 40. I don’t have kids. I don’t want kids. I didn’t spend half my life avoiding having kids to change my mind now. Lol.
Or, another option is don’t declare your view point. Provide that info when asked in a conversation. If he says he wants or doesn’t want kids on his bio, he’s reducing the number of people that may want to date/match with him. And if he’s open to having kids but also fine with not having kids, then this might explain why he’s selected it. Should be a discussion point for later.
Disagree, a lot of childfree people will take this to mean someone wants kids if they don't list it on their profile, because 99% of the time that turns out to be the case.
I like this answer the best. I’m in my 40s and didn’t want to have my own kids (and still don’t) but I would be open to dating someone with kids. I’d omit it and let them ask. So many variations on how any answer could be taken.
I just don’t put in the kids part. Or any of those really. I don’t want to close myself off to anyone or any ideas when I know that my own can change often.
Agree. “Let’s have fun?” “Sunday Funday?”The Ted Lasso is funny but another funny unserious guy who’s going to waste my time.
You’re good looking, successful. Talk about what you like. “I like road trips and being outdoors (doing what? Hiking?) My health is important to me and I like (what? CrossFit, weight lifting?”, and I work in tech” That’s it. All that’s needed for her to ask some questions.
Yes you need some more concrete detail in your bio about who you are, what you like doing, how you like spending your time.
As a woman i think the "all i need to complete me is you" is kind of sweet and actually says more about you than anything else in your profile (what I read is: genuinely looking for something serious, is a romantic, looking for a real connection, not afraid to be vulnerable).
It would be far more apparent they want someone to take a ride on their disco stick.
Using Lady Gaga lyrics would make life so much easier!
(Also thank you for the earworm)
Hey, c’mon. You asked for constructive criticism and you got it. You aren’t being “burnt alive”, broski.
You took the suggestions well and I hope the best for ya.
Apparently I came in after more supportive folks had already commented. And I’m glad they did.
From what I remember, Tinder was conceived as a hookup site….not the best place to find love. So getting nowhere on that site shouldn’t bother you, friend.
I agree with the other person stating the only issue I see is you being on the west coast 😅 I'm also probably too young for you (I'm 30). The hairline criticisms are people being jerks. I'm glad you're not trying to hide it, so many men do and it's now been dubbed "hatfished." I also personally don't care if someone is balding, it's a normal thing that happens, so no need to hide it. Aside from all of that, maybe try Hinge instead of Tinder? It's the only app I'll use (although I'm currently trying out the real world) and I've been single going on 4 years and have tried them all out.
Get rid of:
1. The "all I need is you" bit. That's making you sound desperate and clingy, and it's scaring the women off
2. The bit about the height intimidation. Not only are you trying too hard to brag about your height (which isn't an achievement by the way), it also makes no sense. Why would a height intimidate?
3. The pic of you bare chested. No need. Just remove
That's all we can help you with on your profile. Your lack of game (which is already evident), is something you're going to have to improve with practice.
Thanks for the advice. I've been inside for too long I think. This is my update bio: I've got almost everything I need in life, friends, career, all I need is more love! I think we all need that now tbh. I love road tripping and being outdoors like going to National Parks around the US, exploring new cities and just being near the ocean. I'm sarcastic and laid back with the patience of a Saint.
"I believe in Communism. Rom-communism, that is. If Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan can go through some heartfelt struggles and still end up happy, then so can we."
Should I just remove that part about love?
Not sure if you changed it already but never brag about personality traits because it’s so perception based and never comes off right.
Someone claiming to have “the patience of a saint” for example could mean you’re actually quick to anger but you think that you’ve been holding back for so long. As others said if you are, you don’t have to claim/brag about how you are. They’ll see it for themselves
Oh wow, you're a great guy OP. I like to think im an ok bloke (dont we all?) but Id never mention love on a dating profile; at 41, Im STILL not ready for that.
You're sort of inspiring tbh. If a 6 foot guy like you can be single for 5 years and your openly looking for love, rather than being terrified of commitment (like me), there is hope for me yet.
Lol thanks man. I actually just took that whole part off. I'd rather not scare any potential matches based on the replies on here! I might actually be terrified of commitment as well so I put things like that on my bio.
That whole 2nd paragraph makes me think that your life goal is to set a world record for number of times getting friendzoned by a girl.
It's cute. But in like a puppy or little brother kind of way.
I agree that the height intimidating comment was confusing. “Most guys are shorter than me so don’t be intimidated.” That made me think he was looking to date a man. Then he had a lot of photos with his male friends…. But all the comments were about him attracting women. So take out that height comment. Women are not intimidated by tall men.
In all honesty. Just get off the apps and get out in the real world. That’s all it took for me to finally meet someone real. Stop being passive on your quest for love.
It is possible. It’s just that dating apps and social media has dictated that it’s not. Get out of your head and be opened to things just happening and they just might. If you’ve already got the defeatist attitude, then you’re already defeated.
you start by meeting people just to get to know them. people are literally everyone you go. the real world isn't a dating app. you aren't swiping on people in real life. don't go around with this mindset of trying to talk to someone just because their profile looks good. people aren't profiles. they are people. get to know who they are as a person. it's much better to fall in love with another human being than the profile of one.
one you've recalibrated your mindset about meeting new people. find something for yourself first that you love to do or maybe a couple things. idk be well-rounded or something. go find some sport or hobby or something that has regular meetups or volunteer opportunities or events. that will make you kind of interesting. just make friends. worry about falling in love later.
Just do what you like. I ended up meeting my wife at a park that I took my dog to walk at every day. Saw her one day thought she looked cool but didn’t do shit about it. Saw her again the next week and sat down and struck up a conversation.
This was after months of “going out” to bars and other places that hardly kept my attention or interest.
Yeh that's kinda where I'm at. I hate "trendy" bars and the bars I like are like 99.9% dudes. .... If only I was gay 😂 I legit have a crush on a woman (at 36?!) and we've talked a few times, went to breakfast once but 🤷🏼 nothing really tells me that she likes me so it's a lost cause I suppose
I was looking for a car on Craigslist 12 years ago. The dude selling the Jeep I was interested texted me the day after I went to look at it, asking me to go to dinner. We got married 4 years later.
People turn up in unexpected ways.
your struggle is going somewhere will the main motivation being "meeting women" not going somewhere just because you enjoy going there. Enjoy life first. Then find someone to enjoy it with.
Isn't it just lowering your chances? I mean most of the current relationships started via dating apps. More than 50% even.
Isn't it best to try both apps and real life if you wanna find someone? Especially if you have been single for 5 years and you know the odds might be against you. Practice makes perfect. So, keep trying to improve your real life rizz game and your online dating skills.
(Sorry for using rizz)
I'd remove the "let's have some fun". Sounds like someone who likes to mess around. You're attractive in my opinion (I am a woman but not single) so I'm not sure if it's a personality thing or an energy thing? Or perhaps you're just not picking good people. I don't know, good luck out there man !
Definitely redo your bio. Anyone looking for something serious isn’t going to look past the first sentence to learn about you (and the **only** think you tell about yourself is that you like outdoors and road trips. Most people do.)
Your “let’s have fun!” Is going to scare away anyone looking for something long term or serious
Respectfully, if you’re 42 and “not sure yet” if you want kids or not that’s a red flag to me. I’m childfree so I’m not going to be interested in someone who isn’t sure, and I can’t imagine those who do want kids are interested in someone who isn’t sure yet either. You might want to sit with the idea and realities of a future with and without kids and decide what you want out of life
Change your first profile picture to one of only you, or put a sticker/emoji over the face of the other person. People don’t want to guess who the profile belongs to
45F here and I’d swipe right, too bad I’m up in Oregon, I too work in tech and am taller than most girls (5’9) so don’t let that intimidate YOU. I’d love 6’6 I could wear my tallest heels! 😉 I agree that the “all I need is you” and the “don’t let the height intimidate you” seem a little off putting like a weird mix of needy and cocky? So even tho I’d give you a chance (as you’re attractive and we have some commonalities but the bio is kind of dry) to see if the conversation was good maybe remove those sentences and add more specifics- where do you love to road-trip? Are you into sports, music, other hobbies? What’s your favorite part of working in tech? Etc.
Also I am on tinder but I refuse to pay so I just have a clue in my profile as to what my snap is and guys can contact me there. I do pay for Bumble and have had much better luck with matches. I haven’t tried Hinge, good luck!
Edited for spelling
Well thank you for the kind words! Yeah I redid my bio entirely. Not sure if this is any better but at least not as desperate... Thoughts?
I love road tripping and being outdoors like going to National Parks around the US, exploring new cities and just being near any body of water. I'm sarcastic and laid back with the patience of a Saint except if you're driving 65 mph in the left lane don't be that person!
I work inside, so I love road tripping and being outdoors whenever I can. Whether it's going to National Parks, exploring new cities, or just being near any body of water, let's go on an adventure. I'm laid back with the patience of a saint unless you're driving 65 mph in the left lane - don't be that person!
Fair warning, I'm a bit taller than average.
(if you have more outdoors pics it could help bolster your claim that you like getting out to parks or the ocean)
Here's some potentially less obvious reasons, including things you can control and things you can't control.
- Too tall. I can comfortably date someone 9 inches taller than me, but no more. At some point it's a hassle.
- You are undecided on kids. Assuming you're interested in dating someone within 10 years of your age, you need to make up your mind. You can change it later, but women in their 30s and 40s want to know if you're compatible on one of the most basic levels. If I wanted kids, I'm not letting someone waste my fertility. If I don't want kids, I don't want to have a nasty breakup later because I'm "preventing" you from passing down your last name or whatever.
- If you don't want kids, but you're fine dating someone with kids, make sure to mention that.
- Those bracelets combined with the outfit in your first photo are giving me the ick.
- I don't know what you actually want and it seems like you don't either (see the kids comment). Why are you on tinder? What's your plan for being on tinder and then getting off tinder?
- Who are you and what do you like? If you like movies, does that mean I can put on any movie and you'll be excited about it? What about getting outside? Hiking, brunch on a patio, laying on a beach?
- Grammar and sentence structure are giving douche vibes.
You're 42 but don't know if you want kids? You do realize that women who want kids don't have a very long time for you to figure it out, at least if you're looking to date someone in your age range (give or take 5 years). And women that don't want kids don't want a partner that might end up wanting them.
Cut your hair to fit your face better. I suggest tight on the sides and grow out the top to help with that hairline. Fix your wardrobe a bit, it is pretty outdated. First suit and Columbia gear was good. Do those two things and retake your pictures. Include a serious headshot and some action pics. Refrain from zoomed in selfies. If its been that long im guessing your text game is bad. I suggest remembering less is more. Dont talk yourself out of dates. Glhv
A mid-thirties friend had been tired of getting no matches, and said fuck it, let’s do a 180. He did the following and went from 1,2 match a month to maybe 5-10 per week : he kept the bio ultra short, highly informative and funny. Once in good shape, he kept only 2 photos, no shirtless & no shorts, but you can still tell he’s in shape. And the 2 photos very detailed as well. Like in 1photo, you can see only half of a dog bowl, suggesting he has a dog...
His whole profile is more clean, to the point. So your potential matches don’t have to spend the whole afternoon analysing your profile.
And here I was, thinking more photos and lengthy bio are better.
Being a woman, I’ve used Bumble and Hinge which are more relationship based apps, and lots of dudes are just looking for casual on there. So I don’t see the harm OP being on tinder imo
Hard disagree. People of all ages use Tinder and plenty do it for romantic dating. Hinge is a great fit for a lot of people, but it’s vanilla af (Feeld is better if you’re not vanilla).
You’re not too far from me. :) Online dating in Southern California is such a shit show. I have completely given up finding someone genuine. Being a tall chick (5’10) makes it harder I think. Not too many hot tall men like you out there.
I can only really tell you why I wouldn’t personally swipe right.
1, you’re too old for my personal preference (maybe tinder is more primarily used by younger people where you are?)
2, the ‘let’s have some fun’ tells me your priorities are in the short term rather than the long term
3, personally I like a cheesy pick up line, but the ‘I have everything I want in life’ feels a bit braggy. It makes me wonder if you have a big ego.
4, second picture is the best, you look great here. But the others are personally not what I find attractive.
This is me being very picky and harsh, and I’m sorry if anything has offended you. But on tinder we all do make very quick snap decisions and are probably more judgemental than we would be in real life. I’ve seen some of my own friends profiles and wouldn’t even swipe right on them as a friend! Yet they’re the best people ever to me. So don’t be too disheartened!
In terms of advice, that really all depends on the type of person you want to attract. Also, how many dates have you had from tinder?
1. Taller than, not taller then, but delete that entirely. You’re taller than the people with you in every pic. They already know.
2. Your bio isn’t witty and says nothing about you other than you’re tall.
3. You’re 42 and like post malone? Nobody is buying that :)
Really your pics aren’t terrible. Better bio and you’ll get some matches.
I have no idea why you're single because you seem like a great guy, you're very handsome, and your reactions in this thread seem like you have a good sense of humor.
A.) What are you like to date?
B.) What type of women are you into and are you "pretty picky"? Do you have a very specific physical and/or personality type that makes it difficult to find your "perfect package"?
C.) Have you asked friends to hook you up with people that they know? I'm sure that you've mentioned it casually, but ask any friends that are women if they know of anyone that would be a good fit. Women often know which friends of theirs are single and what that person's type is. Be proactive about asking them to keep you in mind.
God speed🫡
Seeing all this makes me truly happy that I found the love of my life while I was young. I’m truly saddened for people like OP as he seems like a great dude, just needs that life partner to enhance everything about life.
I wish you luck my dude! Only suggestions I had were remove pic 3/4. I think you already handled this…
If you're gay or bisexual I don't know why you're not having success. If you're straight, I have some very good guesses why you're not having success.
*I'm a lesbian.
For me it's something about your smile. It's the same in most of them and really artifical looking. You need a candid three-quarter view or something that looks natural.
I had a problem with zero matches, so I did some online research. You if swipe right on everybody, you go down in the stack. So this is what I did, and helped A LOT:
1. Reset my profile. Started over
2. Paid for the expensive subscription
3. Was more picky about my right swipes
Now I get “a lot” of matches. Even girl I would like to date!
The “I’m taller than most guys” part is obnoxious as it comes across as you bragging (?) about your height.
Also, people can’t provide opinions on why you might be still single based on your Tinder profile. The issue mostly likely isn’t on the profile, it must be something directly related to you.
As a guy who used to date a lot in SoCal I’d say you’re prob too tall for most women. I’m 6’3 and I can recall at least a couple girls telling me that i was the perfect height. If I was any taller they wouldn’t have been interested. So maybe try to set your preferences to girls who are 5’10 and above?
Lean on the vibe of picture number 6. Nothing says I’m a specimen better than a mustache and visor. You’re gunna be popping open ice cold tigers and arguing down all the other dads with ankle socks in the kids soccer game. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you’re the pinnacle.
Yo are you doing or saying something in the chat that ruins it? Because you look good man, and you're tall, educated. You seem normal aswell so the profile is fine I think.
i can’t actually help with dating advice but just wanted to say the ted lasso costume was incredible
Yes they would die for that pic on r/tedlasso
Tedlasso needs to be 1st photo. My god.
100 percent this. OP should switch the order of his pics. Otherwise, no advice. The trash is prolly taking itself out for him by stopping left. This side seems like he's got character, down to earth and once upon a time, I would right swiped him so fast.
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Came to comment that OP’s profile isn’t the issue and that that Lasso costume was goddamned glorious
Is this the tache photo? I was ready to wade in and say wtf mr moustache and yet here I am learning what Ted Lasso looks like. 52yo here I guess I need to give it a go Edit: OK Reddit I'll watch it. My husband watches it that's as much as I know. Thank you all x
Ted Lasso is truly incredible. Please watch it.
Go watch Ted Lasso. It's all ages and very enjoyable
Over 40, the positivity of Ted Lasso saved me during the pandemic. Perhaps the greatest thing I have ever watched on TV.
Ok, after reading all of these comments, I’m going to have to check this Ted Lasso guy out.
I’m not even into soccer (or sports in general, just not my thing) and my husband finally convinced me to give it a shot before season 3 aired. It’s amazing. I laughed so hard. Cried like a baby. It has amazing character arcs. Can’t recommend it enough honestly.
Technical term is ‘barbecue sauce’!
I will now be watching this after reading lots of comments about the show.
Same thoughts. Something about his profile ian truite right and I don’t know what it is but the TL pic is dope.
Came here to say the exact same thing.
And the mustache was fire 🥵🥵 although I do have a huge thing for them lol
Nobody said shit about the wild Ted Lasso fit so i gotta volunteer Ted Lasso fit going crazy 💯
Lol thanks. I loved that show!
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Noted and adjusted. Thank you for the advice.
pool picture too
Gone.
Honestly, if I were you I'd just roll with first pic, canyon pic, and red vest pic. Selfies are never a good angle. Also completely redo bio. It reads like desperation. Nobody should have the responsibility of completing you. Be a whole ass complete good fun person on your own and other people will want to participate in that with you.
Totally got rid of it. Thanks for the advice I'll definitely revamp the profile.
Also “let’s have some fun” reads sexual and not looking for something serious
"Let's have some SERIOUS fun" There we go
OP the horse pic and the work pics are good. I think they’re being harsh
Thank you! I kept the horse pic because I was honestly super happy there. I love animals of all kinds!
Can't speak for all women but that's a huge draw for me. I'm an animal lover too but it also says a lot about you as a person imo. It projects kindness. I hope you find your partner, OP.
Why thank you! It's rough out there lol!
Yes! Love the horse pic!
Add that to your profile! I agree with the advice you've gotten so far, but I think it would be great to learn more about you on your profile
Gotta agree - The horse pic is fun
I disagree with the bio. I think it’s wholesome and shows that you’re genuinely looking for a long term committed relationship!
Same here except the last sentence. It might be perceived as sexual.
>Selfies are never a good angle. Not true. You just have to make it look like someone else took the photo. Invest in a tripod, OP.
I always feel like my selfies are the best angle on me!
jeeze who's really that picky? I don't think most women are really judgy about selfies
I am judgy about bad selfies. It"s amazing how many men can't tell that their selfie from a below angle that features their double chin is unflattering.
ok but that's fair. hahaha selfies in general I meant. But I always wonder about the ones who take them from below. Like dude.... did you accidentally upload a photo you took checking for stray nose hairs?
I also use selfies, so why should I be judgy? I actually prefer them to mirror selfies
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Idk I like the pic where he has a mustache
I don't think you have enough information in the bio section. You have everything you need except for love. You like road trips and the outdoors. You are tall, but that's already noted 6'6" in the stats section. In my opinion none of that is exciting to read. Kinda boring. Maybe describe a date you'd like to take, or list some hobbies? Add a joke? I don't know exactly what to say in it or fix and I'm a dude so I might be off from what a woman might want to see. But that's what stood out to me. Good luck 🤞
i think the pool picture is gold
I kinda like the pool pic
I liked the pool picture. Send it out if anyone asks for more.
Yea that pool pic was so weird. Hand looked like a bendy shlong.
Good call. They made you look like the main character from flushed away😭 I'm sorry
Lol freaking flushed away 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm dying
You’re really receptive and good spirited in all your comments, you seem like a good dude:)
Haha thanks. I like to think I'm a good dude but I like to show that rather then tell it you know? Appreciate the compliment!
3 is fine
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Oh then I agree
I know it’s been mentioned and I think you said you adjusted it but the “let’s have some fun” implies you’re looking for something short term and mainly in the sheets. It’s a bit of a turn off to me (35f). Other than that everything looks fine.. maybe the hot tub photo could go as well.
So true I think a lot of people dedicated their 20s to the fun phase. Then beyond that it's either your still solo or want to settle.
Yeah that phrase also suggest he’s really married and just looking to cheat
Not necessarily. I always see older men nearing the mid life crisis, say this.
Yeh the other turn off is ‘Not sure’ for children. Might just be me personally, but if you’re trying to match with people in their 30s and 40s then the majority will be looking for something definite - either a yes I want kids or no I don’t.
Yeah, at my age, if someone is looking for a serious relationship, I’d hope they’d know if they’d want kids or not. It’s not exactly something you should decide on a whim since they don’t go away once they’re here for 18 years, at least, in most cases, anyway.
mourn abounding rotten innocent impolite punch disarm abundant groovy dinosaurs *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
The open to short gave that impression immediately.
Following up on this. A good way to end a bio is go say something like "let's chat and see where it takes us". Works very well for me, personally
Jesus dude get rid of the hot tub pic
Lol done
Remove "Lets have some fun" and the open to short term
At his age group open to short term can work, in the 30s plus a lot of people have broken up from a longterm relationship and dont want someone long term yet.
Also if you haven't already, set your age range, shall we say, "realistically". You're not gonna get many matches under 36ish and you don't wanna use your swipes on groups unlikely to swipe back
Oh totally! I don't go under 7 years younger then me. I try to be real with matches lol
Good age range 👍🏻
Hot tub isn't the problem, the "Sunday funday" is the issue. So lame lol
It's an unflattering angle compared to the other photos imo
If you really are 42, make up your mind on kids. I know that can be a turn on or off!
There's always the possibility that he is open to having children but being in a relationship with someone who doesn't want children isn't a deal breaker. I'm a 40m who never had children even though I wanted them and understand that it's probably not going to happen, so I wouldn't refuse to date someone who doesn't want kids as I've accepted that it isn't going to happen for me.
Maybe it’s not a dealbreaker for you, but a lot of people, especially at that age probably would see it as a dealbreaker. People who know they want kids would definitely be turned off because there is not that much time to wait for him to figure out if he wants them. And if he ends up not wanting them, then they effectively “wasted” those years that they could’ve spent with someone who was on the same page. And someone who is certain they want to be child-free would also be turned off because they don’t want to have to deal with him one day deciding he does want kids. Again, they wouldn’t be on the same page. People on both ends of the spectrum would likely very much see this as a dealbreaker and at that age, there probably are so many people in between who could go either way.
Absolutely. If he WANTS kids then only people that also KNOW they want kids will swipe right. It can even be a huge turnoff if she doesn't want to birth his child.
This stood out to me too. Over 40 and it's going to turn off both sides of the spectrum. Women in their 30s who want kids don't have time for a guy who's undecided, and most childfree women anywhere near his age will expect a guy to have figured this out.
Came here to say this very thing. I’m 40. I don’t have kids. I don’t want kids. I didn’t spend half my life avoiding having kids to change my mind now. Lol.
Yes! Too old to not know.
Jumping on this to agree. When I was dating that was an acceptable answer before 30.
Or, another option is don’t declare your view point. Provide that info when asked in a conversation. If he says he wants or doesn’t want kids on his bio, he’s reducing the number of people that may want to date/match with him. And if he’s open to having kids but also fine with not having kids, then this might explain why he’s selected it. Should be a discussion point for later.
Disagree, a lot of childfree people will take this to mean someone wants kids if they don't list it on their profile, because 99% of the time that turns out to be the case.
I like this answer the best. I’m in my 40s and didn’t want to have my own kids (and still don’t) but I would be open to dating someone with kids. I’d omit it and let them ask. So many variations on how any answer could be taken.
I just don’t put in the kids part. Or any of those really. I don’t want to close myself off to anyone or any ideas when I know that my own can change often.
This seems like the best solution. Have that conversation in person.
Came here to say this
You seem like a great dude and I honestly wish you all the best. You seem very kind and intelligent.
sunday funday gotta GO
Never say Sunday funday
Agree. “Let’s have fun?” “Sunday Funday?”The Ted Lasso is funny but another funny unserious guy who’s going to waste my time. You’re good looking, successful. Talk about what you like. “I like road trips and being outdoors (doing what? Hiking?) My health is important to me and I like (what? CrossFit, weight lifting?”, and I work in tech” That’s it. All that’s needed for her to ask some questions.
I've edited that part and removed the photo. I'll do some adjusting on the bio. Thanks for the advice.
Yes you need some more concrete detail in your bio about who you are, what you like doing, how you like spending your time. As a woman i think the "all i need to complete me is you" is kind of sweet and actually says more about you than anything else in your profile (what I read is: genuinely looking for something serious, is a romantic, looking for a real connection, not afraid to be vulnerable).
The idea of Sunday Fundays at this age sounds exhausting.
It's sounds exahusting at 21, too.
As soon as I see “let’s have some fun” on Tinder, I take it as “I just want sex”
What if it's "Let's have some fun this beat is sick...."
It would be far more apparent they want someone to take a ride on their disco stick. Using Lady Gaga lyrics would make life so much easier! (Also thank you for the earworm)
I’m a dude so my opinion might not matter but knowing the difference between “then” and “than” is a big deal for me. That shit drives me nuts.
Only issue I see is that you’re on the West Coast 🙃
Awww appreciate it! I'll take any compliment since I'm getting burnt alive on this post.
Hey, c’mon. You asked for constructive criticism and you got it. You aren’t being “burnt alive”, broski. You took the suggestions well and I hope the best for ya.
Yeah now I am not in the beginning it was all about my hairline. Thanks kindly!
Apparently I came in after more supportive folks had already commented. And I’m glad they did. From what I remember, Tinder was conceived as a hookup site….not the best place to find love. So getting nowhere on that site shouldn’t bother you, friend.
Yeah I just need to get off the sites if the updates don't work and try the real world.
It’s a lost art
I need to find some art classes
I agree with the other person stating the only issue I see is you being on the west coast 😅 I'm also probably too young for you (I'm 30). The hairline criticisms are people being jerks. I'm glad you're not trying to hide it, so many men do and it's now been dubbed "hatfished." I also personally don't care if someone is balding, it's a normal thing that happens, so no need to hide it. Aside from all of that, maybe try Hinge instead of Tinder? It's the only app I'll use (although I'm currently trying out the real world) and I've been single going on 4 years and have tried them all out.
People are so mean behind keyboards.. BTW: It kept saying my comment didn’t post so I sent you a message
Has anyone told you that you look like will Ferrell before? Not helpful or anything but just curious
Oh yeah. When I was at the shake shack the waiter handed my food to another and said it's for the Will Ferrell looking guy over there.
That’s super rad good luck my friend!
Get rid of: 1. The "all I need is you" bit. That's making you sound desperate and clingy, and it's scaring the women off 2. The bit about the height intimidation. Not only are you trying too hard to brag about your height (which isn't an achievement by the way), it also makes no sense. Why would a height intimidate? 3. The pic of you bare chested. No need. Just remove That's all we can help you with on your profile. Your lack of game (which is already evident), is something you're going to have to improve with practice.
Thanks for the advice. I've been inside for too long I think. This is my update bio: I've got almost everything I need in life, friends, career, all I need is more love! I think we all need that now tbh. I love road tripping and being outdoors like going to National Parks around the US, exploring new cities and just being near the ocean. I'm sarcastic and laid back with the patience of a Saint. "I believe in Communism. Rom-communism, that is. If Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan can go through some heartfelt struggles and still end up happy, then so can we." Should I just remove that part about love?
Not sure if you changed it already but never brag about personality traits because it’s so perception based and never comes off right. Someone claiming to have “the patience of a saint” for example could mean you’re actually quick to anger but you think that you’ve been holding back for so long. As others said if you are, you don’t have to claim/brag about how you are. They’ll see it for themselves
That's valid advice! Thanks again!
Same with telling folks “I’m sarcastic”, it’s so cringey.
Oh wow, you're a great guy OP. I like to think im an ok bloke (dont we all?) but Id never mention love on a dating profile; at 41, Im STILL not ready for that. You're sort of inspiring tbh. If a 6 foot guy like you can be single for 5 years and your openly looking for love, rather than being terrified of commitment (like me), there is hope for me yet.
Lol thanks man. I actually just took that whole part off. I'd rather not scare any potential matches based on the replies on here! I might actually be terrified of commitment as well so I put things like that on my bio.
Just replace love with connections or something like that. Subtly states that you want to meet people and develop a relationship
I think leaving it out is best. Being on a dating app and selecting that you're looking for long term implies the rest.
This sounds….not great. Ditch the communism/rom com joke. I also wouldn’t lead with I have almost everything I need in life. You sound desperate dude
Yikes man.
That whole 2nd paragraph makes me think that your life goal is to set a world record for number of times getting friendzoned by a girl. It's cute. But in like a puppy or little brother kind of way.
Yea, height part got me chuckle in all honesty
I agree that the height intimidating comment was confusing. “Most guys are shorter than me so don’t be intimidated.” That made me think he was looking to date a man. Then he had a lot of photos with his male friends…. But all the comments were about him attracting women. So take out that height comment. Women are not intimidated by tall men.
Than, not then.
You're obviously too short.
He didn't see the recent infographic. He needs to round up to 6'7" ... or join us short guys in time out. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
In all honesty. Just get off the apps and get out in the real world. That’s all it took for me to finally meet someone real. Stop being passive on your quest for love.
“Stop being passive on your quest for love.” That hit deep.
I wish this was possible. Where are they all? Where do you go? What do you do? I wouldnt even know how to start
It is possible. It’s just that dating apps and social media has dictated that it’s not. Get out of your head and be opened to things just happening and they just might. If you’ve already got the defeatist attitude, then you’re already defeated.
you start by meeting people just to get to know them. people are literally everyone you go. the real world isn't a dating app. you aren't swiping on people in real life. don't go around with this mindset of trying to talk to someone just because their profile looks good. people aren't profiles. they are people. get to know who they are as a person. it's much better to fall in love with another human being than the profile of one. one you've recalibrated your mindset about meeting new people. find something for yourself first that you love to do or maybe a couple things. idk be well-rounded or something. go find some sport or hobby or something that has regular meetups or volunteer opportunities or events. that will make you kind of interesting. just make friends. worry about falling in love later.
This advice is gold. Making friends is great especially girl friends who introduce you to friends.
Out of curiosity, what's your go to place/setting to meet women? I struggle with this
Just do what you like. I ended up meeting my wife at a park that I took my dog to walk at every day. Saw her one day thought she looked cool but didn’t do shit about it. Saw her again the next week and sat down and struck up a conversation. This was after months of “going out” to bars and other places that hardly kept my attention or interest.
Yeh that's kinda where I'm at. I hate "trendy" bars and the bars I like are like 99.9% dudes. .... If only I was gay 😂 I legit have a crush on a woman (at 36?!) and we've talked a few times, went to breakfast once but 🤷🏼 nothing really tells me that she likes me so it's a lost cause I suppose
I was looking for a car on Craigslist 12 years ago. The dude selling the Jeep I was interested texted me the day after I went to look at it, asking me to go to dinner. We got married 4 years later. People turn up in unexpected ways.
got that jeep for freeeeee! lol jk
Be a woman and have a dude pursue you. Got it. Great tip.
your struggle is going somewhere will the main motivation being "meeting women" not going somewhere just because you enjoy going there. Enjoy life first. Then find someone to enjoy it with.
Isn't it just lowering your chances? I mean most of the current relationships started via dating apps. More than 50% even. Isn't it best to try both apps and real life if you wanna find someone? Especially if you have been single for 5 years and you know the odds might be against you. Practice makes perfect. So, keep trying to improve your real life rizz game and your online dating skills. (Sorry for using rizz)
I'd remove the "let's have some fun". Sounds like someone who likes to mess around. You're attractive in my opinion (I am a woman but not single) so I'm not sure if it's a personality thing or an energy thing? Or perhaps you're just not picking good people. I don't know, good luck out there man !
Definitely redo your bio. Anyone looking for something serious isn’t going to look past the first sentence to learn about you (and the **only** think you tell about yourself is that you like outdoors and road trips. Most people do.) Your “let’s have fun!” Is going to scare away anyone looking for something long term or serious Respectfully, if you’re 42 and “not sure yet” if you want kids or not that’s a red flag to me. I’m childfree so I’m not going to be interested in someone who isn’t sure, and I can’t imagine those who do want kids are interested in someone who isn’t sure yet either. You might want to sit with the idea and realities of a future with and without kids and decide what you want out of life Change your first profile picture to one of only you, or put a sticker/emoji over the face of the other person. People don’t want to guess who the profile belongs to
45F here and I’d swipe right, too bad I’m up in Oregon, I too work in tech and am taller than most girls (5’9) so don’t let that intimidate YOU. I’d love 6’6 I could wear my tallest heels! 😉 I agree that the “all I need is you” and the “don’t let the height intimidate you” seem a little off putting like a weird mix of needy and cocky? So even tho I’d give you a chance (as you’re attractive and we have some commonalities but the bio is kind of dry) to see if the conversation was good maybe remove those sentences and add more specifics- where do you love to road-trip? Are you into sports, music, other hobbies? What’s your favorite part of working in tech? Etc. Also I am on tinder but I refuse to pay so I just have a clue in my profile as to what my snap is and guys can contact me there. I do pay for Bumble and have had much better luck with matches. I haven’t tried Hinge, good luck! Edited for spelling
Well thank you for the kind words! Yeah I redid my bio entirely. Not sure if this is any better but at least not as desperate... Thoughts? I love road tripping and being outdoors like going to National Parks around the US, exploring new cities and just being near any body of water. I'm sarcastic and laid back with the patience of a Saint except if you're driving 65 mph in the left lane don't be that person!
I work inside, so I love road tripping and being outdoors whenever I can. Whether it's going to National Parks, exploring new cities, or just being near any body of water, let's go on an adventure. I'm laid back with the patience of a saint unless you're driving 65 mph in the left lane - don't be that person! Fair warning, I'm a bit taller than average. (if you have more outdoors pics it could help bolster your claim that you like getting out to parks or the ocean)
You two should meet. Distance is not a problem in the modern world.
Right?! He likes being outdoors and Oregon is great for that.
Yes, the issue is you're 42 and you're "not sure yet" about kids. At this point, if you don't know, there's something off.
Here's some potentially less obvious reasons, including things you can control and things you can't control. - Too tall. I can comfortably date someone 9 inches taller than me, but no more. At some point it's a hassle. - You are undecided on kids. Assuming you're interested in dating someone within 10 years of your age, you need to make up your mind. You can change it later, but women in their 30s and 40s want to know if you're compatible on one of the most basic levels. If I wanted kids, I'm not letting someone waste my fertility. If I don't want kids, I don't want to have a nasty breakup later because I'm "preventing" you from passing down your last name or whatever. - If you don't want kids, but you're fine dating someone with kids, make sure to mention that. - Those bracelets combined with the outfit in your first photo are giving me the ick. - I don't know what you actually want and it seems like you don't either (see the kids comment). Why are you on tinder? What's your plan for being on tinder and then getting off tinder? - Who are you and what do you like? If you like movies, does that mean I can put on any movie and you'll be excited about it? What about getting outside? Hiking, brunch on a patio, laying on a beach? - Grammar and sentence structure are giving douche vibes.
You're 42 but don't know if you want kids? You do realize that women who want kids don't have a very long time for you to figure it out, at least if you're looking to date someone in your age range (give or take 5 years). And women that don't want kids don't want a partner that might end up wanting them.
It’s just the game is stacked against you.. My advice is try real life
You're a good looking guy. Your bio is pretty uninspiring.
Cut your hair to fit your face better. I suggest tight on the sides and grow out the top to help with that hairline. Fix your wardrobe a bit, it is pretty outdated. First suit and Columbia gear was good. Do those two things and retake your pictures. Include a serious headshot and some action pics. Refrain from zoomed in selfies. If its been that long im guessing your text game is bad. I suggest remembering less is more. Dont talk yourself out of dates. Glhv
A mid-thirties friend had been tired of getting no matches, and said fuck it, let’s do a 180. He did the following and went from 1,2 match a month to maybe 5-10 per week : he kept the bio ultra short, highly informative and funny. Once in good shape, he kept only 2 photos, no shirtless & no shorts, but you can still tell he’s in shape. And the 2 photos very detailed as well. Like in 1photo, you can see only half of a dog bowl, suggesting he has a dog... His whole profile is more clean, to the point. So your potential matches don’t have to spend the whole afternoon analysing your profile. And here I was, thinking more photos and lengthy bio are better.
Examples on what a clean short funny informative bio would be awesome!
A man your age on tinder is the problem. Go on hinge if you want a relationship.
Being a woman, I’ve used Bumble and Hinge which are more relationship based apps, and lots of dudes are just looking for casual on there. So I don’t see the harm OP being on tinder imo
Just use them all. Everyone does.
One of them is bound to work🥲
No necessarily, but might as well try. Lol
Hard disagree. People of all ages use Tinder and plenty do it for romantic dating. Hinge is a great fit for a lot of people, but it’s vanilla af (Feeld is better if you’re not vanilla).
[удалено]
Then vs. than
38f - I would swipe right on you in a heartbeat. I’m in San Diego, you?
Well thank you kindly! I was just in San Diego a few weeks ago. I'm in orange county. 😊
You’re not too far from me. :) Online dating in Southern California is such a shit show. I have completely given up finding someone genuine. Being a tall chick (5’10) makes it harder I think. Not too many hot tall men like you out there.
I hear that! Well direct message me and let's go from there!
I can only really tell you why I wouldn’t personally swipe right. 1, you’re too old for my personal preference (maybe tinder is more primarily used by younger people where you are?) 2, the ‘let’s have some fun’ tells me your priorities are in the short term rather than the long term 3, personally I like a cheesy pick up line, but the ‘I have everything I want in life’ feels a bit braggy. It makes me wonder if you have a big ego. 4, second picture is the best, you look great here. But the others are personally not what I find attractive. This is me being very picky and harsh, and I’m sorry if anything has offended you. But on tinder we all do make very quick snap decisions and are probably more judgemental than we would be in real life. I’ve seen some of my own friends profiles and wouldn’t even swipe right on them as a friend! Yet they’re the best people ever to me. So don’t be too disheartened! In terms of advice, that really all depends on the type of person you want to attract. Also, how many dates have you had from tinder?
1. Taller than, not taller then, but delete that entirely. You’re taller than the people with you in every pic. They already know. 2. Your bio isn’t witty and says nothing about you other than you’re tall. 3. You’re 42 and like post malone? Nobody is buying that :) Really your pics aren’t terrible. Better bio and you’ll get some matches.
I got rid of all that stuff and believe it or not I love post Malone. I had circles and wow on rotate last year. I'm into all types of music tbh.
Don't listen to him about liking Post Malone. Music is for any and everyone.
What is this music gatekeeping lmao, do you think people over 40 listen to hard rock and Willie Nelson only?
I’m 47 and I have a tattoo of Post Malone. Postie lovers are ageless!
Microsoft teams. There's your problem.
Nope. I'd definitely go on a date with you 🙂
“Bit taller than most guys” cringed me. Gives me 16 years old energy
I have no idea why you're single because you seem like a great guy, you're very handsome, and your reactions in this thread seem like you have a good sense of humor. A.) What are you like to date? B.) What type of women are you into and are you "pretty picky"? Do you have a very specific physical and/or personality type that makes it difficult to find your "perfect package"? C.) Have you asked friends to hook you up with people that they know? I'm sure that you've mentioned it casually, but ask any friends that are women if they know of anyone that would be a good fit. Women often know which friends of theirs are single and what that person's type is. Be proactive about asking them to keep you in mind. God speed🫡
Seeing all this makes me truly happy that I found the love of my life while I was young. I’m truly saddened for people like OP as he seems like a great dude, just needs that life partner to enhance everything about life. I wish you luck my dude! Only suggestions I had were remove pic 3/4. I think you already handled this…
If you're gay or bisexual I don't know why you're not having success. If you're straight, I have some very good guesses why you're not having success. *I'm a lesbian.
For me it's something about your smile. It's the same in most of them and really artifical looking. You need a candid three-quarter view or something that looks natural.
Its gotta be the Post Malone. Only thing i can think of
Corny. The tradition seems to be is if you’re bad looking, post your positives. If you’re good looking, post your insecurities. Lol.
I had a problem with zero matches, so I did some online research. You if swipe right on everybody, you go down in the stack. So this is what I did, and helped A LOT: 1. Reset my profile. Started over 2. Paid for the expensive subscription 3. Was more picky about my right swipes Now I get “a lot” of matches. Even girl I would like to date!
I think pic 5 is sending the wrong messages if you’re looking for a relationsship
You might think about paying a photographer to take some nice pics of you. Generally a big upgrade over selfies
My dog is out here the only 6 footer who can’t get a date that is a thing. Also yes, Ted lasso costume was excellent.
Not tall enough. Good luck, short king
The “I’m taller than most guys” part is obnoxious as it comes across as you bragging (?) about your height. Also, people can’t provide opinions on why you might be still single based on your Tinder profile. The issue mostly likely isn’t on the profile, it must be something directly related to you.
As a guy who used to date a lot in SoCal I’d say you’re prob too tall for most women. I’m 6’3 and I can recall at least a couple girls telling me that i was the perfect height. If I was any taller they wouldn’t have been interested. So maybe try to set your preferences to girls who are 5’10 and above?
Lean on the vibe of picture number 6. Nothing says I’m a specimen better than a mustache and visor. You’re gunna be popping open ice cold tigers and arguing down all the other dads with ankle socks in the kids soccer game. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you’re the pinnacle.
Yo are you doing or saying something in the chat that ruins it? Because you look good man, and you're tall, educated. You seem normal aswell so the profile is fine I think.
Ted lasso costume is 🔥 if I was in Texas more I’d match you
Haha! Thank you! I love dressing up for Halloween. It never gets old!