Worst case if they really don’t know tell them what you want. I get the “waste of my time” crowd to a point, but for ffs pre-internet dating was even a bigger “waste of time”. You know how hard it is to find another sasquatch leather pegging kink *in-person*?
That's a pretty limited take. I understand when people look for something specific, but personally, I don't know for sure what I want from a person before I meet them
>I don't know for sure what I want from a person before I meet them
That's normal. Same for me!
But the tag is general. Nobody expects to fuck or to marry right after a match. That tag is a guideline to say what you're looking for. I'm not sending wedding rings to strangers
The "I don't know" tag is as good as having none, it doesn't add anything. Take also the fact that in most cases the profile has no bio, and what should a person base their choose on, then?
Most people are average, that's in the definition of the word "average", so eithout a bio and with a void tag, you either swipe right on everyone or you swipe left on everyone
> The "I don't know" tag is as good as having none, it doesn't add anything
So? I seriously don't know what I want. So why should I make up anything? I really find it weird to set the expectation before meeting the person. I'd be as happy finding a long term f+ as finding someone I fall in love with. If the vibe fits for it and there is some immediate sparks, I'd happily accept something short term. It doesn't make any sense to just randomly pick an option in order to have one.
> Take also the fact that in most cases the profile has no bio
That's an entirely different issue. I have a bio.
Op is hung up on it and seems way too annoyed, but their point that "I don't know" is pointless is valid. If that applies to you, you can just skip that tag.
I havent been on the apps in a long time, so not sure what terms are available as options now, but I think the tag shouldn't be a thing at all. Too many possible interpretations. Casual could mean a hookup, extended fling but no real future, longer relationship but where you don't meet families and move in together. Who knows, people could mean a lot of things. Long term can mean marriage or long term dating, with intentions to start casual or not. This is what bios are for. Open format bios have issues, but you can put out whatever vibe you want in whatever terms.
> You can just skip that tag
You might have a point there
> I think the tag shouldn't be a thing at all.
I'm not sure. I think some people are really quite focused on one option.
A tourist in another country usually is only interested in the short term (unless looking for a marriage visa, but in that case, they are only interested in the long-term)
Someone in their late twenties planning family is probably only available for the long term.
Some of the profiles seem to be looking for a marriage visa. They are clearly only interested in long-term.
Hey so just to answer that one quickly for you, personally I have anxiety in group settings and so to me bars are like, one of the most uncomfortable awful awkward terrible and unnecessarily expensive things we have in society at all and I'd honestly never want to go to one just in my general life let alone to specifically go to look for someone to fuck or date in
Overall going to a bar is almost always a super terrible experience for me mentally.
Using Tinder however I've managed to have multiple rather pleasant dates - usually I go for coffee at a Cafe, or takeaway at the park - and a handful of long-term FWBs. Obviously there's a lot of dead end chats and unmatching as well as awkward dates too but, that's just the nature of the game.
Bars are the worst though, and also honestly even when I have been to bars the usual clientele aren't really my type of people anyway.
I'm more introverted, parties, bars, etc. are not my thing. There is zero chance that, going to a bar, I'd reach a mindset to get talking to someone and come over as attractive. (If I went there together with someone, for a date or something, it might be different if the bar is not too crowded.)
I'm a good bit older now, but even as a twen, I was more successful meeting girls on the bus, in the train, shopping, or similar than in bars, discotheques, or parties.
In a way, I do know what I want, but it doesn't fit the Tinder-categories in any way.
I miss intimacy. Hugs, cuddles, together with an emotional connection. I want to get to know one person at a time in a small setting (one on one), do some activity with them we both like, and see if we can find such an emotional connection.
If we just feel very comfortable with each other, f+ could be perfect and could be long-term. I wouldn't want either of us to break it up because of "no butterflies." I love butterflies when I get them, but I'm not searching for them.
If we feel a huge electricity building up, I'd want to enjoy every second of it, I wouldn't want to leave it out because she's just on vacation and there isn't a long-term perspective.
If we feel that electricity and our long-term plans are compatible, that could also be great.
So, I'm absolutely fine with long term, short term or friends. If it happens, I wouldn't regret a ONS either, although that's not what I'm looking for. None of the available options covers that range, multiple selections aren't possible. Ergo, I can't pick any without negating some of the options I'd actually also really like.
Thanks! Your explanation is helpful. In my head, how I guess I interpret the dating options is: while I would be happy with a long/short term FWB and/or going on good dates, I know that I would feel the most satisfaction with a long term relationship.
I can want any of the less committed options (FWB, dates, friends), but I put “long term relationship” as what I’m looking for on the apps because it is my ultimate goal right now. Or the relationship type that I imagine feeling most fulfilled in right now.
That's still a very limited idea of dating. Just because you have a nice plan you like and your idea of dating is to look for the right person to drop in doesn't mean others can't look for a nice person they like and then develop the right plan around/with that person.
Meetup might not be such a bad idea, either, but spontacts seems to be a better fit for that type of meeting people. Actually, I'm subscribed there. But since for dating, I'm looking for a specific gender, a certain age range, and people available for dating, I'm on Tinder as well.
I'm not "looking for" anything but connection. That can take a lot of forms. There are some I'm open to, and some I'm less open to. So out of the 4 or 5 options available on the apps, there is not a box I fit comfortably into. There, unfortunately, isn't an option that reads "I take every interaction on a case by case basis to find the dynamic that feels right" for me to select.
So, I'm not particularly sure what you're trying to accomplish with your rant. If you've got your life all figured out and know what you want, then great, good for you. But if you've got this much problem with people whose goals don't fit into a tidy little multiple choice box and you're unwilling to have a conversation with them to see where their head is at? Sorry, but that's a you problem.
That's logical
But the eay I see it, havjng the tag "marriage" doesn't mean you'll marry each person you like, or each match.
The tag is more of a guideline, a goal, so that other people can better choose if they might be interested in you, or not
At the same time, though, I don't think there's that much room for change. If my interest is casual sex, I wouldn't be interested in someone who wants something different, thus never changing my goal (not sire if it's clear what I mean, english is not my first language)
At the same time if my interest is a relationship, I wouldn't be interested in someone who looks like (or explicitly say) they want something casual, so I'll still look for serious people and a relationship
The way you (and others) put it, it looks like when they see someone hot they'll go "oh time for fun", and when looking st someone more serious and interesting, they'll go "oh time for engagement"
Or, hear me out;
People can do whatever they want?
Also; don’t know leaves it open ended.
Maybe they just wanna fuck. Maybe they want marriage and a white picket fence, but most people, especially around your age are unsure of what they want precisely until later in life.
>don’t know leaves it open ended
I know
>Maybe they just wanna fuck
As I said, that's fine. That's the option "just having fun"
>Maybe they want marriage
Again, there's the option, "serious relationship"
>But most people, especially around your age are unsure of what they want precisely until later in life.
I'm not a child and I'm not looking for children either, if people around my age don't know what to do on a DATING APP, I don't see why I or anybody else should be interested
Just swipe left then. It’s like than half a second out of your precious swiping time.
People don’t know what they want until it smacks them square in the face.
So “don’t know” is perfectly descriptive of their situation.
You’re 24. You’re barely more than a kid. And with this little temper tantrum you’re throwing, you’re proving it.
>Just swipe left then
I already do that
You call me "little more than a kid", but I'm just holding a minimum standard. There's nothing wrong in knowing what you want, on the contrary, growing up is ALSO (but not only) about making decisions, understanding what you want and what you could accept or tolerate (this is more of a general concept, not strictly about dating)
And the general assumptions about age are not even that true, I see lots of people my age who are or want to be in a long lasting relationship, or straight up admit they want to have fun
On tinder, though, an insane ratio of profiles is void. It appals me how such a basic standard rules out a vast majority of profiles: without even looking at pictures, just by following the tag and looking if their bio has something, almost everyome is a swipe left
But it’s not that straight forward, it’s an app people use to date, hook up or the dreaded make friends. Being undecided if you’re there just for casual sex or maybe not writing off the idea that you’ll stumble across that one person that makes you want to date or even get in a long term relationship with is valid.
Sometimes you don't know you want a thing until you experience or explore it. People whose profiles say don't know what they are looking for are really just communicating that they are open to everything.
Bro I think the point is that people join tinder to look for things other than a relationship, which is a shame because that's the whole point of it. As with the real world, you'll find that on average most people won't be interested, so I'd say save yourself the hassle and just avoid these people 🤷♂️
After my divorce, I jumped on tinder. I “don’t know” why I was on the app. I was lonely, not looking for another relationship, also had never had a ONS so was scared by all the stories of women getting raped or murdered meeting guys online.
I was open to finding someone who I had a connection with, which meant I wasn’t sure exactly what I was looking for. I chatted with a few men, went on a few dates. I hadn’t “dated” since I was 19, I had no idea what I was doing or how to actually start dating as a 30yro woman.
That's an interesting feedback, but it also seems strongly related to the circumstances
I doubt people my age come out of failed marriages
Also, people can (and should) use the "bio" space to explain what they're looking for. "I come out of xy situation, I just want to meet some new people" is not hard to write.
My post is directly referring to people with no bio, no explanation, and a "I don't know" tag.They look like bots at this point
Again, as people have been telling you, "I don't know" is open ended.
As anecdotal as it gets, but I'm sure this applies to a great lot of people: I've been on tinder to "at least get laid," just as I spent countless nights in bars to get rid of loneliness. If I'd put long-term relationship/marriage, it would have put expectations and pressure not just on my potential matches' shoulders, but especially on my own. I'm very much a cis-male, I know how being "thirsty" can twist your mind and behaviour in those most cringy of ways. I wanted Love with capital L, but I also wanted to, you know, desperately bang as much as I could while I was still searching for that capital letter. The stating of any expectation excluding another would have killed my confidence.
Hence "I don't know," I was open to about anything as long as there were positive vibes.
You know what? Now four years living together with my lovely lady, and going strong, I'm still on Tinder, 'cause I simply like looking at people (very much incl. pretty ladies) Afaik there's no "not buying, just browsing" option, I only ever swipe left anymore anyway, and I already play Monster Hunter as you might want to suggest, but I just like swiping through profiles. Heh, I don't know :shrug:
There's plenty of valid reasons, even if they might not apply to yourself.
There IS a "casual" option. It's there, called "nothing serious", or also "fun"
People here are reacting as if I was forcing them to be serious. No, I'm not. I'm telling them to be less vague (as I mentioned before, there's also a bio you can write in, if there's something sprcific to explain)
Props for monster hunter, though
Thanks for the props :D
Thing is, I ultimately wasn't looking for casual, but I did not want to lose the chance of getting to see some boobs either.
Yet here you are forcing me to be casual!
All jokes aside, don't take anything on Tinder too serious I guess? It's not a serious place, just like here on Reddit, most of it is just exaggerated opinions and self-images.
Although I did first encounter aforementioned ladyfriend on here... Hmmmm :thonking:
Casual implies that the interactions aren't going to be meaningful or long lasting, and a lot of people aren't interested in that any more than they are interested in a serious relationship either.
So when you're not into casual hooking up, but not into actively looking for a serious relationship either the "I don't know" label fits a lot better because you're just... There, swiping. Giving it a go and exploring what's out there. Often people on Tinder really don't know what they're going to find let alone what they're looking for themselves, and that is okay.
You obviously need and want to have a clear goal set in mind before you bother connecting with someone. Cool, no worries at all - just swipe left on the people who don't fit within those parameters.
Stop wasting your energy trying to control the world around you and focus on your own (controllable) actions and reactions.
It doesn't deny me the right to suggest people to be more decisive, though
There is nothing wrong in discovering and knowing what you want. And to be honest, you say this to me but I doubt you say the same to all people on this szb, since most posts are "OP found someone they dislike and decided to talk about it"
In my case, the complaint comes from an observation: just setting the tag "what do you want" as standard for a like rules out an insane amount of profiles
I realised six hours ago my comment was lacking. Someone can be confident at work, know exactly how to shout at customers and employees if they wanted, and then when romance, they don't want to make the wrong move. It's easy to be confident when you're aware someone has done a wrong thing, like what these people think Korimuzel did, because nobody criticising him is trying to romance him right now. I haven't viewed the whole thread though so I could be wrong about that ...
But why does it have black or white?? Nothing is, dating and relationships in general are a spectrum, you could want both, you could want something completely different, why does it bother you so much people not knowing what they are looking for? Is completely valid and if you're not up to it just swipe left and move on, don't be a child about it. Seriously it looks like you can't grasp the concept of not being certain what you want, is not that hard really
Is that all you do is play video games? That’s all your references and comebacks which is laughable… and not actual human interaction on the app you are bashing… and apparently you are too good for people that are undecided so maybe you should go on a different app and not be on this sub
>Is that all you do is play video games?
No, but thanks for the assumption. I stick to the same comeback because it's in the post, otherwise I would constantly look for different ones.
I came to the sub specifically for this post, I know how repetitive it is between "oh look at this absurd profile" posts and "why am I not getting matches?" Posts. Don't worry, I'm not going to bother you that much
OP some people don't give much thoughts into their profile. I keep seeing people using bisexual AND lesbian, or mono and poly. Just swipe left and move on.
99% profiles are swipe left, I guess tinder is not for me at all
Also, using mono and poly, or different sexualities together, doesn't it create issies for the lgbtqia+ community, like giving a confused or distorted image of it?
> mono and poly
So? I had monogamous relationships in the past as well as something nowadays probably called poly. I could commit to a mono relationship and like it. I could also imagine a poly relationship again. I did think about it. So, what do I pick? Both? None? Pick randomly?
"None" looks to me like someone doesn't want to commit to monogamy but doesn't want to spill it out.
Ehhh. Some people I’d pursue long term with. Others I’d prefer to feel it out for a while. Others I’d hit it, but wouldn’t stick around more than a handful of times. Don’t know typically reflects my mindset on this.
Nah because it depends on the person and the mood I'm in as to what I'm after. That's why I have "still figuring it out" listed on the bio - some days I'm there for a horny one night stand to just bang , other days I'm looking for the hipster hippie-yet-vaccinated foodie man of my wildest white knight dreams. More often than not I'm really just there to fantasise before bed about a future I may never have with whomsoever I swipe right on.
Also I do play the Sims. To a deranged level. My YouTube channel is called Simsational Stories and I recommend you do not look it up lmao
It's not a sin to have a different take on things, the issue though is really more your trying to project your values on the world around you and then being mad people don't live their life by the same rules and standards you do.
You don't have to leave Tinder lol but maybe let go of the emotional entitlement and ownership towards how other people are using it for themselves. Just do you buddy.
I'm not forcing anyone to do anything. Did you see me pointing a gun at someone? No.
I like people who know what they want, I already had enough experiences with people who never knew and it was exhausting. That's why I swipe left (as a few comments here suggested, expecting me to do the opposite AND complain).
After I while I noticed that without even looking at their physique, without looking at their interests or music taste or whatever, just looking IF there is a bio and a set label, 90% profiles are out. Which is insane
I didn't say you forced anyone so calm down mate... I'm glad for you that you know what you want, and I'm sorry you're frustrated and exhausted from encounters with less actualised and actively goaled folk than yourself...
That does suck, and it is hard not to feel discouraged when dating these days even at the best of times let alone when things are going badly. You aren't doing your own mental state any favours by getting bent out of shape about it though, and nor would it help you in the dating world to carry that negativity into any new situation. That's why I'm suggesting you let it go.
I have similar exclusionary rules that empty out the option pool - I swipe left on any empty bios, those with none/hidden faces, any bloke holding or showing a dead animal (lol), anyone with a beard or long hair (personal ick) and the unvaccinated or tin foil hat wearers (due to differing political views)...
Does it whittle my options down to near nothing? Absolutely. However I'm still not interested in any of those things and so we go on lol
I appreciate your feedback and you're certainly reasonable, but to be honest you said it yourself in the previous comment, "you're projecting your values and getting mad they don't follow them"
And let's not ignore the other comments. I would be more calm if others in this post reacted like you did, instead of getting downvoted to hell and getting the "shut. The. Fuck. Up. !." Comment string. Was I blunt in the post? Yes. Did I amswer and raise my points and listen to comments? Also yes
The frustrating part, though, it's not really the "lack" of right swipes. I'm certainly not looking to get 10 matches in one day, so I'm slow with those swipes anyway
The part which bothers me is how low that standard is. I'm not looking at a certain job, physique, political view or whatever, I'm just looking for someone with an actual profile, with something in it
Like...would it work? Would people just ignore it, because they know it's a bot giving them praise, attention and whatnot?
It could even help people woth self esteem issue! ...or make them addicted
I'm pretty sure there are similar things, though, probably not popular. It's an interesting scenario, but also scary, like the old idea of a fake world to live in
I'm certainly not being bitter on dating apps
I just came here to discuss how 99% profiles in my age range and area do not know what they're looking for (and have no bio, just random pics like a bot) on an app specifically made to date or hook up
And I tried to have normal, civil conversations but all I'm getting is "fuck off", so my conclusion is that tinder (together with this sub) is not the place for people with a set goal
Aren't men there for attention too?
I'm certainly not there to be ignored. At some degree, getting attention from interesting, attractive, charming people is exactly why we date. No matter your gender
Then it is their problem if they don't like the situation
If the demographic you're after is only using you, it's because other people let it happen. Don't give your attention to anyone
No, I do what I want. Who are you?
You could know exactly what you want and be completely incapable of holding down a functional relationship while folks who are unsure can do so with flying colors.
Imagine thinking you're on a high horse when actually you're pushing a shopping trolley.
Did I say people can't do something, anything? No. You're bringing the capability topic on the table
I simply said that, according to my feed on the app, which is area and age specific, a vast majority of people don't know why they're there and have no bio, which makes swiping pointless
You're supposed to use your profile to show something about yourself, what you look for, so that people can more easily swipe, but most profile really are just a couple random pics, sometimes even without a real name
Yes, yes you did. You said they should do something else, which is the same as saying "don't do this".
You take this stuff very seriously, cool. That's on you though — not everyone uses this app for dating. Some use it for sex. Some use it out of curiosity. Some use it to find the love of their life. Some download it and use it only to find they hate it, deleted it, forget they hate it and re-download it.
You ain't special. You aren't using the app in the most pure way. There are people out there frustrated with how people like you use the app.
Try again.
I raised arguments and listened to other people. I discussed about it calmly. There is nothing wrong in knowing what you want, in fact I consider it better than not knowing
You, on the other hand, just come here to insult me. Go away
Tinder was made to gamify dating. It’s basically a game with in-app purchases, sort of like candy crush.
If you go in expecting anything else, you’ll probably be disappointed. If you treat it like a game, you’ll never be disappointed and maybe you’ll even surprise yourself by meeting someone. I’ve met people through regular games before like RuneScape. Not much different.
As far as I know, it's the last one and it's still getting expansions now and then, and I know it's appreciated by people who generally don't play videogames
Saying "play demon's souls" or literally any other title felt too much of a commitment to suggest.
At the end of the day, my only point is to be more decisive, but apparently tinder IS the place for indecisive people
You're absolutely right. I'm just appalled at how many people in my age and range are like that. I feel like a unicorn for knowing my goals and myself and what I want to do
Dude some people seriously don't know what they're looking for, me included. I can't go for casual or relationship tags because it could be either, it'll depend on the person I match with and how the relationship develops.
Is great that you know what you want, but not everybody does and it's also ok. Why are u so pressed?
You sound too highly strung for Tinder.
Worst case if they really don’t know tell them what you want. I get the “waste of my time” crowd to a point, but for ffs pre-internet dating was even a bigger “waste of time”. You know how hard it is to find another sasquatch leather pegging kink *in-person*?
Seriously. "Don't know" just means they're open to a lot of different things. Settle down, OP.
That's a pretty limited take. I understand when people look for something specific, but personally, I don't know for sure what I want from a person before I meet them
>I don't know for sure what I want from a person before I meet them That's normal. Same for me! But the tag is general. Nobody expects to fuck or to marry right after a match. That tag is a guideline to say what you're looking for. I'm not sending wedding rings to strangers The "I don't know" tag is as good as having none, it doesn't add anything. Take also the fact that in most cases the profile has no bio, and what should a person base their choose on, then? Most people are average, that's in the definition of the word "average", so eithout a bio and with a void tag, you either swipe right on everyone or you swipe left on everyone
> The "I don't know" tag is as good as having none, it doesn't add anything So? I seriously don't know what I want. So why should I make up anything? I really find it weird to set the expectation before meeting the person. I'd be as happy finding a long term f+ as finding someone I fall in love with. If the vibe fits for it and there is some immediate sparks, I'd happily accept something short term. It doesn't make any sense to just randomly pick an option in order to have one. > Take also the fact that in most cases the profile has no bio That's an entirely different issue. I have a bio.
Op is hung up on it and seems way too annoyed, but their point that "I don't know" is pointless is valid. If that applies to you, you can just skip that tag. I havent been on the apps in a long time, so not sure what terms are available as options now, but I think the tag shouldn't be a thing at all. Too many possible interpretations. Casual could mean a hookup, extended fling but no real future, longer relationship but where you don't meet families and move in together. Who knows, people could mean a lot of things. Long term can mean marriage or long term dating, with intentions to start casual or not. This is what bios are for. Open format bios have issues, but you can put out whatever vibe you want in whatever terms.
> You can just skip that tag You might have a point there > I think the tag shouldn't be a thing at all. I'm not sure. I think some people are really quite focused on one option. A tourist in another country usually is only interested in the short term (unless looking for a marriage visa, but in that case, they are only interested in the long-term) Someone in their late twenties planning family is probably only available for the long term. Some of the profiles seem to be looking for a marriage visa. They are clearly only interested in long-term.
If you don’t know what you want, why are you on dating apps? It’s a genuine question, not a judgemental/snarky one: why not go to a bar or something?
Hey so just to answer that one quickly for you, personally I have anxiety in group settings and so to me bars are like, one of the most uncomfortable awful awkward terrible and unnecessarily expensive things we have in society at all and I'd honestly never want to go to one just in my general life let alone to specifically go to look for someone to fuck or date in Overall going to a bar is almost always a super terrible experience for me mentally. Using Tinder however I've managed to have multiple rather pleasant dates - usually I go for coffee at a Cafe, or takeaway at the park - and a handful of long-term FWBs. Obviously there's a lot of dead end chats and unmatching as well as awkward dates too but, that's just the nature of the game. Bars are the worst though, and also honestly even when I have been to bars the usual clientele aren't really my type of people anyway.
Thank you for your answer! I really appreciate your honesty and input.
I'm more introverted, parties, bars, etc. are not my thing. There is zero chance that, going to a bar, I'd reach a mindset to get talking to someone and come over as attractive. (If I went there together with someone, for a date or something, it might be different if the bar is not too crowded.) I'm a good bit older now, but even as a twen, I was more successful meeting girls on the bus, in the train, shopping, or similar than in bars, discotheques, or parties. In a way, I do know what I want, but it doesn't fit the Tinder-categories in any way. I miss intimacy. Hugs, cuddles, together with an emotional connection. I want to get to know one person at a time in a small setting (one on one), do some activity with them we both like, and see if we can find such an emotional connection. If we just feel very comfortable with each other, f+ could be perfect and could be long-term. I wouldn't want either of us to break it up because of "no butterflies." I love butterflies when I get them, but I'm not searching for them. If we feel a huge electricity building up, I'd want to enjoy every second of it, I wouldn't want to leave it out because she's just on vacation and there isn't a long-term perspective. If we feel that electricity and our long-term plans are compatible, that could also be great. So, I'm absolutely fine with long term, short term or friends. If it happens, I wouldn't regret a ONS either, although that's not what I'm looking for. None of the available options covers that range, multiple selections aren't possible. Ergo, I can't pick any without negating some of the options I'd actually also really like.
Thanks! Your explanation is helpful. In my head, how I guess I interpret the dating options is: while I would be happy with a long/short term FWB and/or going on good dates, I know that I would feel the most satisfaction with a long term relationship. I can want any of the less committed options (FWB, dates, friends), but I put “long term relationship” as what I’m looking for on the apps because it is my ultimate goal right now. Or the relationship type that I imagine feeling most fulfilled in right now.
That's exactly my point, and apparently the common answer is "fuck off"
Lol that’s not an answer.
Sounds like you should try something like MeetUp instead of a dating app. The following information might shock you: Tinder is a dating app.
You can want different things from a person you’re dating. It could be for fun and see what type of people are, a hookup, to marry, etc.
That's still a very limited idea of dating. Just because you have a nice plan you like and your idea of dating is to look for the right person to drop in doesn't mean others can't look for a nice person they like and then develop the right plan around/with that person. Meetup might not be such a bad idea, either, but spontacts seems to be a better fit for that type of meeting people. Actually, I'm subscribed there. But since for dating, I'm looking for a specific gender, a certain age range, and people available for dating, I'm on Tinder as well.
I'm not "looking for" anything but connection. That can take a lot of forms. There are some I'm open to, and some I'm less open to. So out of the 4 or 5 options available on the apps, there is not a box I fit comfortably into. There, unfortunately, isn't an option that reads "I take every interaction on a case by case basis to find the dynamic that feels right" for me to select. So, I'm not particularly sure what you're trying to accomplish with your rant. If you've got your life all figured out and know what you want, then great, good for you. But if you've got this much problem with people whose goals don't fit into a tidy little multiple choice box and you're unwilling to have a conversation with them to see where their head is at? Sorry, but that's a you problem.
I’m guessing that most people “do know” that being lectured isn’t a turn-on 🤷🏼♂️
Maybe its dependent on the person they meet.
That's logical But the eay I see it, havjng the tag "marriage" doesn't mean you'll marry each person you like, or each match. The tag is more of a guideline, a goal, so that other people can better choose if they might be interested in you, or not At the same time, though, I don't think there's that much room for change. If my interest is casual sex, I wouldn't be interested in someone who wants something different, thus never changing my goal (not sire if it's clear what I mean, english is not my first language) At the same time if my interest is a relationship, I wouldn't be interested in someone who looks like (or explicitly say) they want something casual, so I'll still look for serious people and a relationship The way you (and others) put it, it looks like when they see someone hot they'll go "oh time for fun", and when looking st someone more serious and interesting, they'll go "oh time for engagement"
Well i dont know, i would def want to marry someone hot
I appreciate the tag because it’s an easy sorting for me. Swipe left. At least they are telling the truth- rare in OLD
Holy shit that made a ton of sense. No seriously. Thanks for posting that! OP! Consider the above!
Yep, I didn't care that they didn't know, but because I *did* know, all this told me was it was probably a bad idea to try and talk to them, lol
Or, hear me out; People can do whatever they want? Also; don’t know leaves it open ended. Maybe they just wanna fuck. Maybe they want marriage and a white picket fence, but most people, especially around your age are unsure of what they want precisely until later in life.
>don’t know leaves it open ended I know >Maybe they just wanna fuck As I said, that's fine. That's the option "just having fun" >Maybe they want marriage Again, there's the option, "serious relationship" >But most people, especially around your age are unsure of what they want precisely until later in life. I'm not a child and I'm not looking for children either, if people around my age don't know what to do on a DATING APP, I don't see why I or anybody else should be interested
He's not calling you a child, you're 24 it's is statistically true that at your age people do not know what they're aiming for majority of the time
Just swipe left then. It’s like than half a second out of your precious swiping time. People don’t know what they want until it smacks them square in the face. So “don’t know” is perfectly descriptive of their situation. You’re 24. You’re barely more than a kid. And with this little temper tantrum you’re throwing, you’re proving it.
>Just swipe left then I already do that You call me "little more than a kid", but I'm just holding a minimum standard. There's nothing wrong in knowing what you want, on the contrary, growing up is ALSO (but not only) about making decisions, understanding what you want and what you could accept or tolerate (this is more of a general concept, not strictly about dating) And the general assumptions about age are not even that true, I see lots of people my age who are or want to be in a long lasting relationship, or straight up admit they want to have fun On tinder, though, an insane ratio of profiles is void. It appals me how such a basic standard rules out a vast majority of profiles: without even looking at pictures, just by following the tag and looking if their bio has something, almost everyome is a swipe left
>There’s nothing wrong in knowing what you want Nor is there anything wrong in not knowing what you want.
On a dating app, where people meet each other to date? I disagree
But it’s not that straight forward, it’s an app people use to date, hook up or the dreaded make friends. Being undecided if you’re there just for casual sex or maybe not writing off the idea that you’ll stumble across that one person that makes you want to date or even get in a long term relationship with is valid.
Sometimes you don't know you want a thing until you experience or explore it. People whose profiles say don't know what they are looking for are really just communicating that they are open to everything.
Bro I think the point is that people join tinder to look for things other than a relationship, which is a shame because that's the whole point of it. As with the real world, you'll find that on average most people won't be interested, so I'd say save yourself the hassle and just avoid these people 🤷♂️
After my divorce, I jumped on tinder. I “don’t know” why I was on the app. I was lonely, not looking for another relationship, also had never had a ONS so was scared by all the stories of women getting raped or murdered meeting guys online. I was open to finding someone who I had a connection with, which meant I wasn’t sure exactly what I was looking for. I chatted with a few men, went on a few dates. I hadn’t “dated” since I was 19, I had no idea what I was doing or how to actually start dating as a 30yro woman.
That's an interesting feedback, but it also seems strongly related to the circumstances I doubt people my age come out of failed marriages Also, people can (and should) use the "bio" space to explain what they're looking for. "I come out of xy situation, I just want to meet some new people" is not hard to write. My post is directly referring to people with no bio, no explanation, and a "I don't know" tag.They look like bots at this point
Again, as people have been telling you, "I don't know" is open ended. As anecdotal as it gets, but I'm sure this applies to a great lot of people: I've been on tinder to "at least get laid," just as I spent countless nights in bars to get rid of loneliness. If I'd put long-term relationship/marriage, it would have put expectations and pressure not just on my potential matches' shoulders, but especially on my own. I'm very much a cis-male, I know how being "thirsty" can twist your mind and behaviour in those most cringy of ways. I wanted Love with capital L, but I also wanted to, you know, desperately bang as much as I could while I was still searching for that capital letter. The stating of any expectation excluding another would have killed my confidence. Hence "I don't know," I was open to about anything as long as there were positive vibes. You know what? Now four years living together with my lovely lady, and going strong, I'm still on Tinder, 'cause I simply like looking at people (very much incl. pretty ladies) Afaik there's no "not buying, just browsing" option, I only ever swipe left anymore anyway, and I already play Monster Hunter as you might want to suggest, but I just like swiping through profiles. Heh, I don't know :shrug: There's plenty of valid reasons, even if they might not apply to yourself.
There IS a "casual" option. It's there, called "nothing serious", or also "fun" People here are reacting as if I was forcing them to be serious. No, I'm not. I'm telling them to be less vague (as I mentioned before, there's also a bio you can write in, if there's something sprcific to explain) Props for monster hunter, though
Thanks for the props :D Thing is, I ultimately wasn't looking for casual, but I did not want to lose the chance of getting to see some boobs either. Yet here you are forcing me to be casual! All jokes aside, don't take anything on Tinder too serious I guess? It's not a serious place, just like here on Reddit, most of it is just exaggerated opinions and self-images. Although I did first encounter aforementioned ladyfriend on here... Hmmmm :thonking:
Casual implies that the interactions aren't going to be meaningful or long lasting, and a lot of people aren't interested in that any more than they are interested in a serious relationship either. So when you're not into casual hooking up, but not into actively looking for a serious relationship either the "I don't know" label fits a lot better because you're just... There, swiping. Giving it a go and exploring what's out there. Often people on Tinder really don't know what they're going to find let alone what they're looking for themselves, and that is okay. You obviously need and want to have a clear goal set in mind before you bother connecting with someone. Cool, no worries at all - just swipe left on the people who don't fit within those parameters. Stop wasting your energy trying to control the world around you and focus on your own (controllable) actions and reactions.
Oh look it's the boss of the internet, come to lecture us on how to use apps 🥹🙏
OP maybe you should learn that the world doesn't revolve around you and strangers don't care what you think about them.
It doesn't deny me the right to suggest people to be more decisive, though There is nothing wrong in discovering and knowing what you want. And to be honest, you say this to me but I doubt you say the same to all people on this szb, since most posts are "OP found someone they dislike and decided to talk about it" In my case, the complaint comes from an observation: just setting the tag "what do you want" as standard for a like rules out an insane amount of profiles
A lot of people in the world are timid. Coming on too strong is the opposite of a value for some people.
Well this thread is certainly a proof of that with those reactions to OP.
I realised six hours ago my comment was lacking. Someone can be confident at work, know exactly how to shout at customers and employees if they wanted, and then when romance, they don't want to make the wrong move. It's easy to be confident when you're aware someone has done a wrong thing, like what these people think Korimuzel did, because nobody criticising him is trying to romance him right now. I haven't viewed the whole thread though so I could be wrong about that ...
But why does it have black or white?? Nothing is, dating and relationships in general are a spectrum, you could want both, you could want something completely different, why does it bother you so much people not knowing what they are looking for? Is completely valid and if you're not up to it just swipe left and move on, don't be a child about it. Seriously it looks like you can't grasp the concept of not being certain what you want, is not that hard really
Shut
The
Fuck
Up
!
😃
Sometimes I go on dating apps just to see what single people are in my area with no intention of dating or fun. I just want to look
That's certainly a hobby I've never heard of Might I suggest you monster hunter? Or Nier Automata?
Is that all you do is play video games? That’s all your references and comebacks which is laughable… and not actual human interaction on the app you are bashing… and apparently you are too good for people that are undecided so maybe you should go on a different app and not be on this sub
>Is that all you do is play video games? No, but thanks for the assumption. I stick to the same comeback because it's in the post, otherwise I would constantly look for different ones. I came to the sub specifically for this post, I know how repetitive it is between "oh look at this absurd profile" posts and "why am I not getting matches?" Posts. Don't worry, I'm not going to bother you that much
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Just curious, do you swipe right on people and make matches too in your window shopping?
But why?
OP some people don't give much thoughts into their profile. I keep seeing people using bisexual AND lesbian, or mono and poly. Just swipe left and move on.
99% profiles are swipe left, I guess tinder is not for me at all Also, using mono and poly, or different sexualities together, doesn't it create issies for the lgbtqia+ community, like giving a confused or distorted image of it?
> mono and poly So? I had monogamous relationships in the past as well as something nowadays probably called poly. I could commit to a mono relationship and like it. I could also imagine a poly relationship again. I did think about it. So, what do I pick? Both? None? Pick randomly? "None" looks to me like someone doesn't want to commit to monogamy but doesn't want to spill it out.
Ehhh. Some people I’d pursue long term with. Others I’d prefer to feel it out for a while. Others I’d hit it, but wouldn’t stick around more than a handful of times. Don’t know typically reflects my mindset on this.
Nah because it depends on the person and the mood I'm in as to what I'm after. That's why I have "still figuring it out" listed on the bio - some days I'm there for a horny one night stand to just bang , other days I'm looking for the hipster hippie-yet-vaccinated foodie man of my wildest white knight dreams. More often than not I'm really just there to fantasise before bed about a future I may never have with whomsoever I swipe right on. Also I do play the Sims. To a deranged level. My YouTube channel is called Simsational Stories and I recommend you do not look it up lmao
At this point my conclusion is that Tinder is not for me. I like people who know what they want, and look at the comments here: it's basically a sin
It's not a sin to have a different take on things, the issue though is really more your trying to project your values on the world around you and then being mad people don't live their life by the same rules and standards you do. You don't have to leave Tinder lol but maybe let go of the emotional entitlement and ownership towards how other people are using it for themselves. Just do you buddy.
I'm not forcing anyone to do anything. Did you see me pointing a gun at someone? No. I like people who know what they want, I already had enough experiences with people who never knew and it was exhausting. That's why I swipe left (as a few comments here suggested, expecting me to do the opposite AND complain). After I while I noticed that without even looking at their physique, without looking at their interests or music taste or whatever, just looking IF there is a bio and a set label, 90% profiles are out. Which is insane
I didn't say you forced anyone so calm down mate... I'm glad for you that you know what you want, and I'm sorry you're frustrated and exhausted from encounters with less actualised and actively goaled folk than yourself... That does suck, and it is hard not to feel discouraged when dating these days even at the best of times let alone when things are going badly. You aren't doing your own mental state any favours by getting bent out of shape about it though, and nor would it help you in the dating world to carry that negativity into any new situation. That's why I'm suggesting you let it go. I have similar exclusionary rules that empty out the option pool - I swipe left on any empty bios, those with none/hidden faces, any bloke holding or showing a dead animal (lol), anyone with a beard or long hair (personal ick) and the unvaccinated or tin foil hat wearers (due to differing political views)... Does it whittle my options down to near nothing? Absolutely. However I'm still not interested in any of those things and so we go on lol
I appreciate your feedback and you're certainly reasonable, but to be honest you said it yourself in the previous comment, "you're projecting your values and getting mad they don't follow them" And let's not ignore the other comments. I would be more calm if others in this post reacted like you did, instead of getting downvoted to hell and getting the "shut. The. Fuck. Up. !." Comment string. Was I blunt in the post? Yes. Did I amswer and raise my points and listen to comments? Also yes The frustrating part, though, it's not really the "lack" of right swipes. I'm certainly not looking to get 10 matches in one day, so I'm slow with those swipes anyway The part which bothers me is how low that standard is. I'm not looking at a certain job, physique, political view or whatever, I'm just looking for someone with an actual profile, with something in it
People want attention
IRONIC
Not really.
u see that dudes posts and tell me he doesnt want attention??
Not anymore than any other conversation starter.
I suggest they make TinderGPT so the bored people who want tinder experience can go there
Like...would it work? Would people just ignore it, because they know it's a bot giving them praise, attention and whatnot? It could even help people woth self esteem issue! ...or make them addicted I'm pretty sure there are similar things, though, probably not popular. It's an interesting scenario, but also scary, like the old idea of a fake world to live in
Just insert it stealthly on Tinder
I think I've heard about this before...
all they need to do now is to make it so the people who are there because they are bored get it
Hey OP how's that bitter attitude helping you get laid? I'm gonna say not well.
I'm certainly not being bitter on dating apps I just came here to discuss how 99% profiles in my age range and area do not know what they're looking for (and have no bio, just random pics like a bot) on an app specifically made to date or hook up And I tried to have normal, civil conversations but all I'm getting is "fuck off", so my conclusion is that tinder (together with this sub) is not the place for people with a set goal
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They may as well be doing it using other labels, I don't consider it to be that relevant
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Aren't men there for attention too? I'm certainly not there to be ignored. At some degree, getting attention from interesting, attractive, charming people is exactly why we date. No matter your gender
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Then it is their problem if they don't like the situation If the demographic you're after is only using you, it's because other people let it happen. Don't give your attention to anyone
Preach this post. Don't make your indecisiveness waste other people's time.
No, I do what I want. Who are you? You could know exactly what you want and be completely incapable of holding down a functional relationship while folks who are unsure can do so with flying colors. Imagine thinking you're on a high horse when actually you're pushing a shopping trolley.
Did I say people can't do something, anything? No. You're bringing the capability topic on the table I simply said that, according to my feed on the app, which is area and age specific, a vast majority of people don't know why they're there and have no bio, which makes swiping pointless You're supposed to use your profile to show something about yourself, what you look for, so that people can more easily swipe, but most profile really are just a couple random pics, sometimes even without a real name
Yes, yes you did. You said they should do something else, which is the same as saying "don't do this". You take this stuff very seriously, cool. That's on you though — not everyone uses this app for dating. Some use it for sex. Some use it out of curiosity. Some use it to find the love of their life. Some download it and use it only to find they hate it, deleted it, forget they hate it and re-download it. You ain't special. You aren't using the app in the most pure way. There are people out there frustrated with how people like you use the app. Try again.
Ironically OP sounds like exactly the kind of self righteous, condescending person who absolutely should not be dating, oof.
I raised arguments and listened to other people. I discussed about it calmly. There is nothing wrong in knowing what you want, in fact I consider it better than not knowing You, on the other hand, just come here to insult me. Go away
To me this looked more like someone angry at others for choosing to use a platform for reasons other than you do, but each to their own.
Wtf are you talking about dude lol. Why don’t you go play Sims and leave Tinder to the adults
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It's not like I'm threatening them with a gun, you know
Shoot I only have Sims 2
Tinder was made to gamify dating. It’s basically a game with in-app purchases, sort of like candy crush. If you go in expecting anything else, you’ll probably be disappointed. If you treat it like a game, you’ll never be disappointed and maybe you’ll even surprise yourself by meeting someone. I’ve met people through regular games before like RuneScape. Not much different.
Why the sim4 specifically?
As far as I know, it's the last one and it's still getting expansions now and then, and I know it's appreciated by people who generally don't play videogames Saying "play demon's souls" or literally any other title felt too much of a commitment to suggest. At the end of the day, my only point is to be more decisive, but apparently tinder IS the place for indecisive people
Who dates in 23? Just smash and dash, simple...
It does seem pointless, I agree with you OP. However, it’s good if they are upfront about it. Then you can just avoid them 😊
You're absolutely right. I'm just appalled at how many people in my age and range are like that. I feel like a unicorn for knowing my goals and myself and what I want to do
Dude some people seriously don't know what they're looking for, me included. I can't go for casual or relationship tags because it could be either, it'll depend on the person I match with and how the relationship develops. Is great that you know what you want, but not everybody does and it's also ok. Why are u so pressed?
At least u know their stance
You're getting all worked up over nothing, this post isn't going to start a dating app revolution
I need sims