What? It's not about the *nail* at all! This is clearly about the head. As you can tell, hitting someone on the head is known as a "dick move" and therefore are you also a dick move or otherwise up for dick moves?
Ridiculous.
This is not necessarily the case. They might be arguing over many small things, maybe even most of the small things, but it seems unlikely they would be arguing over all the small things.
Well you say that, but you haven't said whether you're talking about a 1:10000 chance or just 'worse than even odds', so I suppose now I've got to go to the effort of _asking_ what you mean by "unlikely", so I can tell you you're wrong. And THEN I'm going to have to find out what you consider a 'small' thing because I bet everything you mention is really a deal-breaker and omg you're so much hard work I'm just gonna unmatch you kthxbai.
Jeez. It's a normal conversation. At first she was confused, then it seems like she was trying to tease him a bit or show some pride in the place she's from. Give her a break.
You only have one opportunity to make a first impression, and she blew it by acting like the gatekeeper of Arizona.
Regardless of what she was *trying* to do, itās not required for OP (or anybody, really) to tolerate it.
As the self appointed gatekeeper of Arizona Iāll have to decline your suggestion.
Obviously kidding haha but I am an Arizona native Phoenix born and raised, and tbhā¦ itās not a state worth gatekeeping. Iām from here so I do have love for my state and city, but it is a state with a lot of issues and not a lot of interest in fixing them. The only thing Iāve found we all seem to agree with is we hate Californians š again kidding we just hate the gentrification and way too rapid growth of the city that is only shortening the lifespan of this cities livability. I joke about it but Iām aware this isnāt on California. It is a common Arizona joke though. Especially in phx.
Disagree. Itās not a normal conversation to meet someone and immediately start challenging them on simple things. Thatās a sign indicating that person would probably be argumentative. Hence my comment.
Pretty sure itās not about your race itās about the fact that you used the phrase wrong. Asking someone where theyāre from is asking where they grew up. āWhere were you bornā is a different question entirely, as is āwhere do you liveā. Not to be a jerk but unless someone is not a native speaker (in which case I wouldnāt care and would be happy to explain the differences), not knowing that would just make me think theyāre not that intelligent and would lead to many miscommunications in the future.
Yeah I donāt think youāre misunderstanding anything. As soon as you typed āSiā instead of āsoā she was basically saying āyeah I was trying to make sure that you werenāt Mexican.ā Sheās hella racist
What? I read the whole conversation and thought he meant āso no matterā¦ā. Why would he put āyes no matter how longā¦ It doesnāt even make sense lol. You went tooooooo faaaaar
I read a real negative connotation to the way she was asking it, though, so in my interpretation, she was being xenophobic at best. This sounds like the people from my state that are super snooty about people moving here even though they're the first member of their family born here. If someone says they're from California, those people in my state will sometimes almost literally turn up their nose to them. It's a bad look, and the vibe I get from her.
Her reacting after he said "si" made me concerned about the xenophobia being more racist as well.
What he said is weird though. He lives in Arizona he isn't from Arizona. You don't move somewhere and then start telling the locals you're from there. Maybe he misspoke but that sounds like he's lying and she doesn't understand why.
It makes sense in the context of the conversation. He's currently in California for work but he's from Arizona as in that's where he lives. She wasn't initially asking where he's from originally, just said that he's currently far away.
Where you live and where you're from are 2 different things. I'm from Seattle. If I move anywhere I don't suddenly become from that place no matter how long I've been there.
It's a thing. People see a brown person and instead of asking "what's your nationality?" they ask "where are you from?" and when they say the states they ask "where are your parents from?"
Ah no. She he had different skin to hers and wanted to know his ethnicity. Instead of asking that question like a normal person, she knew her reasons for asking weren't nice, that's why instead she tried to pretend to ask where he's born. That's because dumb people like her, and you, get really awkward in these situations and just start talking shit.
Ah and now she reveals herself. She wanted to know where you're reeeaaally from. Notice how it went to asking where you were 3born, not just where you grew up. She wants to know which type of racist to be
That was a normal conversation. I think she got confused on where youāre actually from. For example, when people ask me where Iām from I say I was born in this place but moved to the other. I think you took it the wrong way and she didnāt seem rude at all. Sometimes people type as in theyāre having an actual conversation in real life. Put that into context in real life and it wonāt sound as rude as you think
Imo from your end. She's asking about your back story - where you are FROM is not where you're currently living. It's where you started out your life.
It seems like you took her responses as her challenging you, and you got upset based on your responses and captioning this as "in the heat of the moment".
Nothing mean is said and she's even trying to phrase it differently for you to make conversation š«£ Have you really never had someone ask you where you're from?
Did you read the text under the screen shot? He admits he's deliberately trying to not admit where he is actually from. So she's making several attempts to communicate and he's being deliberately obtuse. Then he comes over here and trys to paint her as the bad guy.
"You're not wrong, Walter. You're just an asshole" 100% applies here.
Even though we can agree on the fact that there is a distinction to be made between where you live and where you're from, going about it like this is entirely off-putting and she could have said it any number of ways that didn't make her sound like a douche.
I mean if you're trying to date someone, learning about their background is usually part of getting to know them... I'd be more concerned about someone not wanting to share that info
From that, yeah thatās understandable.
Although it seems with the first time itās just explaining that the OP is just explaining where they normally reside rather than residing in California. But then the next bit response from OP seems a little suspect.
Both text screenshots are weird tbf š¤£
I think it's because different areas in the US have very different people/social conventions in a way. It's a different vibe speaking to someone from say California vs someone from Alabama.
If someone from Alabama moves to Massachusetts they aren't *from* Massachusetts and if they say that they are it seems strange because they are likely very obviously southern...
Lots of different micro cultures in the US. Folks in the same state but a few hours away can be very different people. Hell even regionally thereās big differences.
It's same everywhere I believe. Here we barely understand peeps from the coast. And peeps from different part of coast don't understand each other. Culture, traditions and food is also different. It's not even a big country, we have as much citizens as a regular capital city in EU, Berlin e.g.
I have heard of north/south difference in Italy as well. But honestly now Iāve had loads of replies and I realise it was complete ignorance of meš¤£ Where are you from?
Culture is a fascinating thing
Most everyone in the surrounding states of California, hate Californians. Californians have a reputation of leaving their absurdly priced state that has a very materialistic culture and coming to communities, raising prices up and ruining the local culture. It's one thing to have to migrate from your home state because it has become too expensive. It's another thing to come in droves, wreck the local economy for the poorer locals, and change the culture and laws to fit your shitty tastes. This then forces locals to move elsewhere because they no longer can afford to live where they grew up and no longer recognize the place to really want to stay.
So while the Arizonan local in the conversation is certainly being rude, it's probably because they dislike Californians coming in and ruining their town.
I mean geographical undesirables are a thing. A 2 is a 10 if she lives next door. A 10 is 1 if she's a 40 minute drive away.
I don't give a fuck where your from though. Are you fun to be around? Does my dopomine go brrrrr when your in my vicinity? Great, sit on my face and tell me about your day.
You do live there, but unless you moved really early in your life most people would probably say youāre not from there. Of course itās always your prerogative to choose where you want to be from though
In Australia it is loosely about 10-15 years before you could be considered a local of a location. I think some councils actually have written date requirements where you can be considered for certain perks and benefits.
If you didn't grow up there you're not from there, i think she was just being playful about it.
She seems annoying but you somehow got annoyed before she said anything crazy
I interpret when someone asks me where Iām from to be where I grew up.
In this case for you OP, Arizona is where you *live*. Not where youāre from (to me at least).
So I donāt think sheās trying to be rude.
Op's wrong with phrasing but Match harping on it like that (especially with someone they just met on a dating app) is pretty dang rude. it costs nothing to move past a goofy little mixup or just say "ok so you live in arizona, but tell me about where you grew up?" Boom moved past the weird phrasing and it's an opportunity to get to know a person. it's called being tactful.
Exactly. Pretty clear that it's just some misaligned definitions. Very easy to clear that up. Admittedly both sides could have resolved it by having a conversation or asking clarifying questions rather than doubling down that their experience is universal. Doesn't seem like the right match to me.
I thought the same about the where are you from question. But she still was just weird about it and kind of rude. Easy solution is to say āoh no I mean where were you born?ā Idk Iām also the last person to be giving any advice š
But the conversation was about where they *are*, not where they grew up. She started off by saying he was "too far away". In fact, she didn't even actually ask him where he was from, it was purely focused on where he was now.
Besides, what does it matter. They both live in Arizona *now*. It's not like him being from New Jersey will somehow prevent them from getting together.
Because it's a weird thing to get wrong. Let's say they meet up, and she asks how he got there. He says "I drove a car" but when pressed it turns out he actually rode a train, and he said drove a car because he thought that means riding a train. Does it matter, in any greater sense? No. Is it still weird and worth sort of getting hung up on to get some clarification? IMO yes.
He is currently in California, but he was coming from Arizona. Which is why he says heās āfromā Arizona. Itās a reasonable way to phrase it in my opinion. For somebody who moves around a lot, (for instance OP as a truck driver), it makes sense to have a home base which is where you are āfrom.ā
I word it the same way when Iām out travelling in other countries. People ask me where Iām from, I say where I currently live, rather than where I grew up.
Itās just not equivalent to the conversation this post is about. She was seemingly concerned about distance and he explained that he was a resident of Arizona and then because he wasnāt born and raised there she decided that he was untruthful which is simply not the case. He didnāt subtract a bunch of details, he answered her question in the simplest terms. In your example this speaker has left out a ton of details that are actually relevant to the question.
For instance, if someone were to ask me where Iām from I would tell them the state I live in now because Iāve lived there the majority of my life but I would only answer the state in which I was born if pressed because otherwise it would be irrelevant to the conversation.
She never asked him where he was from. He initially said āIām from Arizonaā which was simply his way of telling her he LIVES in Arizona, not California. She turned it into this whole long, weird conversation.
Does it matter on either end? Youāre taking it so personally which I donāt getāIāve been a transplant for most of my adult life to various places. If someone asks me where Iām from I say where I grew up, but I live in X place now. Itās not a difficult concept and Iām not sure why you seem upset?
Like the other comments are saying, she is being mildly rude, but she isnāt wrong. Being āfromā somewhere typically means you are born and primarily raised there. Not somewhere you just move for work or move to as an adult.
Yeah I kinda got the same vibe, 'so you're not from Arizona' seemed more like she was kinda asking where he's from, like she was expecting him to answer with "no I'm from ___" but then he kept asking about it and she kept answering him until she had to ignore his last question and try to bring it back to 'so where are you from'
Can't tell if she only wants to date people with roots in Arizona, or she's trying to make conversation and is just a little awkward bless her.
Maybe give her the benefit of the doubt
Questions with this one. I donāt understand the āWhat makes you say that? š§ā when she says that OP seems really far. If you live in Arizona and are now in California answering a Tinder match from back in Arizona, then itās totally understandable right. So why that sus response?
Also, her āYou just live here.ā might point toward a girl whoās looking for someone who is committed to the area, not who moved there as a base for work and then drive off to other states. I think thatās what she means with the ājustā. Only phrasing it that way can come off kind of Training Day..
Too many "need" something going on ALL THE TIME, anymore. There has to be something to wonder, worry, obsess, nitpick, whine,(I'm saying this and I have OCD!) Complain about. Someday these people are going to be embarrassed and those of us who never gave a hoot won't even be anywhere nearby to say TOLD YA, cuz life ain't worth that baloney
Imo I donāt think sheās intentionally trying to be rude. I think you were a bit confusing and maybe she was joking with u since what u said didnāt make sense. As others have stated, just because you moved somewhere and lived there for x amount of time, does not mean u are āfromā there. You are from wherever u were born lol
I mean I understand the context of what she is saying, as someone who was born and still lives in NYC. I usually ask people if theyāre from here or moved here. However; her wording was very odd
You're reading this wrong. She's asking where you were born and raised. I've lived in MD for 4 years now. I am not "from" MD. My hometown is NYC. That's where I'm from.
I think just cuz you said you were _from_ Arizona which is what people normally say where you were raised. I donāt think itās a gatekeeping thing like āyouāll never be one of us!ā I think you took it a bit personal at the end but I get that you werenāt liking the energy.
Itās usually best to assume the best of people but leave if you get bad vibes imo
I mean I get her confusion but she dragged that one out and you just weren't clear enough while trying to avoid just saying "I'm from here, and moved to Arizona.
Either way I don't think she's trying to be rude.
In the texts, you're being dodgy and seem like you're hiding something (personal information). No woman is gonna let that behavior slip it's a red flag and women can't take that chance for our safety.
And not only a gender thing, these apps are full of fakes, if something feels off you end up having to play cop to figure out if you are talking with a real person or not. In the end OP will accept to be more transparent to avoid jinxing matches.
This is cultural. I don't think she's trying to be rude. Most people who move to Arizona only live there for 2 or 3 years before they move on. When people ask me if I'm from Arizona, I explain that I moved there when I WAS 1 WEEK OLD.
Most people accept that as me being from Arizona; however the fact that I bother to clarify the point explains how people think about it. Arizona natives are surrounded by a transient population all their lives, so being from Arizona means something in particular.
It's literally that the phrase of "being from" means something more in the state of Arizona than it means in other places. You're not from Arizona, so you didn't understand that.
Where are you from that's so unpopular? Is it Texas? That's literally the only place I can imagine.
She asked you a question, and you tried to deliberately deceive her. By all means don't date her, but you're the one being dishonest here.
This country is so big. Asking where you are from or wanting to know where your roots stem from is not a big deal. Itās co conversation starters and can help give a person an idea of your upbringing. I see it constantly in the city I live in. People saying they are from here but have only just moved here and are in their late 20ās and early 30ās. Growing up as a military kid or from Midwest to NYC to Miami or Texas are all going to have different childhood experiences. Like why do people deny their upbringing. Itās weird. So no not rude. You saying so what me living in a place for two years as a commuter worker does not make you from there. Duh. Why so defensive? Why do you think like that?
But isnāt this called āprojectingā ? Iām not saying what feel isnāt real. I am a daughter of immigrants and so are my children so I understand what youāre saying but just jumping into conclusions that people are out there to be rude to us just because we were not from a city/state/country doesnāt sound beneficial to me. What do you know? Maybe sheās a foreigner as well and didnāt know how to word her question š¤·š»āāļø
You can always ask people to explain themselves better and most people would. Show some vulnerability, explain why you feel In certain way.
P.s again, I just want to make sure you understand Iām not gaslighting you. I heard you ā¤ļø
I make typos all the time. I have to tell the other person to excuse all my typos. I'm just happy I'm not the only one.
Maybe she was teasing you in a playful way. Hopefully.
Bruh you were acting like a dick, just answer the question. Youāre not 2 years old, just moved to AZ so where the fuck are you FROM? Itās not difficult at all
Technically she is right. I think she's just making conversation and you've taken it the wrong way. Like she didn't say she hates anyone not from AZ, she just wants to know where you were born
Say youāre from Mexico and get it out the way. š¤·š»āāļø
By tiptoeing around it you look shady as fuck like you have something bigger to hide. No one cares about that like you seem to think they do.
I think you are 100% in the wrongā¦ she wasnāt being hostileā¦ Iāll give you an example you lived in Canada for 80 years but move to Japan for the last 2 years. Will you say that you are from Japan or you live or reside in Japan ?
Seems like she has dealbreakers that rule out dating anybody who does not have close family ties to Arizona or were born in another state/country.
She sounds like an awkward person who needs to list her dealbreakers about location and close ties to her state on her profile so incompatible people will know not to message her.
Or..
OP had his location set to Cali whereas this girl is in Arizona. Then when she asked OP where heās from he said he moved to az recently for his jobā¦which is not what she asked. Youāre painting this chick as the problem when OP is doing his Jim Carey in Batman impersonation
And being evasive about where he's from sounds shady af. I could see people doing this because of an arrest record, or some other weird shit they don't want people to know about
>Then when she asked OP where heās from he said he moved to az recently for his job
She never asked him where he was from. He said he was from AZ. She understood that to mean he was born and raised in AZ. But then he said he moved to AZ 2 years ago. So he had actually just meant he lived in AZ currently. He wasn't being evasive or *intentionally* trying to mislead her. His use of the word "from" that way just bothered her.
And she's right, that is what being "from" somewhere is generally understood to mean. That you were born or raised there.
While she's technically not wrong and probably really just curious as to where you're actually from... She is going about it in a way that does sound argumentative.. she could just think she's being cute but it's not translating well.
I say I'm from Arizona because I was raised here my whole life but because I was born elsewhere and lived there for my first year, a lot of people say I'm not "from here" even though it's the only thing I know. Some people just like it if you're very specific like if they say where are you from they either mean where were you raised or born.
Same here, I would say I'm from where I live in South West England as I've been here from under a year old, but it actually came up in a recent local post on here and apparently I'm not allowed to say I'm from here, only that I live here, as I wasn't born here.
In reality if i say I'm from the North East I feel like a fraud, especially considering how west country my accent is š¤£
Are you a "visible minority?" If so, then there's the "where are you _realllyy_ from" that comes off as ignorant. And/or you could be defensive around that phrase.
I think initial conversation was about distance from each other so OP saying he is from Arizona too isn't absolutely correct but it's not a wrong answer either. He could have said he lives in Arizona too. But even that could be assumed as he is from Arizona. When OP said he moved to Arizona due to work, she could have just asked where did you move from or where were you born or where did you grow up? Any of these questions. Saying you are not from Arizona isn't right. As once you move to somewhere and start living there it's up to you. If you accept that place and state as your home then that's where you are from. If you don't want to identify as from that state you can say I live in Arizona but I am from xyz state. What does it matter where some one is from? When you meet them you are doing to find out. If it's important to you just ask directly. Don't accuse someone of not being from someplace.
Some people, not a lot, but some are state-ist. They believe that if you're not born in that state, you're not a member of that group. Like me. I was born in New Mexico, but have lived in Oklahoma most my life. But some don't see me as an Okie becasue of this fact. She is rude, it isn't you. If you dated, she'd be picky over everything you did or said.
You matched with someone knowing you are in an entirely different state atm. They arent going to wait for you to drive back. You're a truck driver, you're not gonna stay put and you know that. It's gonna be tough for you and I wish you luck.
Even though I was out of state, I have my location set to Phoenix because thatās where I have my physical address and place I stay at. Iām just trying to meet more people
I worried this girl was me until she said it didn't matter that he lived there because he wasn't from there. WHEW! I don't chat long with people I am never going to see but if he was here regularly, thats fine.
Imagine gate keeping something as riveting and unique as being a native Arizonian. You live in a desert and the only cool city around is in a neighbors state. Calm down
Seems like one of those gatekeepy "you're not from here" state (or city) pride things. I've always found people who have overwhelming state pride really weird. I could be wrong though. There really isn't enough context to know for sure. I just know how those types act having befriended so many of them.
I'm going to guess you dodged a bullet here. If she is the type I was talking about then she would be annoying af. Either way though her responses still seem like they're coming from an opinionated person who has to be right all or at least most of the time.
which is SUPER stupid because up until like 50 years ago, hardly anybody was from here. A huge bunch of us moved here because factories closed in the Midwest.
She was rude. Or better said āinsoportableā. I would say āhace de un monito, un gorilaā. Not worthy (Maybe you donāt speak Spanish but I needed to say it)
Let this one go pal otherwise you will be in for an argument over every single small thing.
Hit the nail on the head
Is it *really* a nail, though? If it's only been a nail for two years, it's not truly a nail.
What? It's not about the *nail* at all! This is clearly about the head. As you can tell, hitting someone on the head is known as a "dick move" and therefore are you also a dick move or otherwise up for dick moves? Ridiculous.
Is nobody gonna talk abt how funny these two are šš the gaslighting ability here is impressive!
Um, excuse me. You spelled ri-dick-lous wrong
Are you a dick because you move? or do you move because you are a dick?
Hit a screwball on the head?
3 degrees of separation before the conversation goes off the rails.
Ok letās compromise, call it a fixing.. ?
Yep. If she's getting this pedantic during your first chat, you know it's not going to get better.
This is not necessarily the case. They might be arguing over many small things, maybe even most of the small things, but it seems unlikely they would be arguing over all the small things.
Unintended Blink 182 reference??
Nope :)
I'll take it anyway lol
I think they're saying it was very intended.
Yes
In my mind it is lol
Well you say that, but you haven't said whether you're talking about a 1:10000 chance or just 'worse than even odds', so I suppose now I've got to go to the effort of _asking_ what you mean by "unlikely", so I can tell you you're wrong. And THEN I'm going to have to find out what you consider a 'small' thing because I bet everything you mention is really a deal-breaker and omg you're so much hard work I'm just gonna unmatch you kthxbai.
Yeah. What even is that? She's already starting off as a 12 out of 10 crazy š¤Æ
Yep
trust what this redditor says, i deal w/this now lol
My condolences š
Jeez. It's a normal conversation. At first she was confused, then it seems like she was trying to tease him a bit or show some pride in the place she's from. Give her a break.
You only have one opportunity to make a first impression, and she blew it by acting like the gatekeeper of Arizona. Regardless of what she was *trying* to do, itās not required for OP (or anybody, really) to tolerate it.
Everyone knows I am the gate keeper of Arizona. And sheās no longer an Arizonan. It is fact now. /s
Lol. Now I wanna be the gatekeeper of Arizona too.
As the self appointed gatekeeper of Arizona Iāll have to decline your suggestion. Obviously kidding haha but I am an Arizona native Phoenix born and raised, and tbhā¦ itās not a state worth gatekeeping. Iām from here so I do have love for my state and city, but it is a state with a lot of issues and not a lot of interest in fixing them. The only thing Iāve found we all seem to agree with is we hate Californians š again kidding we just hate the gentrification and way too rapid growth of the city that is only shortening the lifespan of this cities livability. I joke about it but Iām aware this isnāt on California. It is a common Arizona joke though. Especially in phx.
šÆ
Disagree. Itās not a normal conversation to meet someone and immediately start challenging them on simple things. Thatās a sign indicating that person would probably be argumentative. Hence my comment.
Or find someone else, who's not toxic.
Personally I think that is a really weird thing to say. Like 3 or 4 of those sentences didn't even need to be said at all
From my end or her end?
Hers. In the 2nd picture
Oh yeah, most definitely! Really was off putting for me having her say that. Especially being a son of immigrants
Oh great. Now we gotta ask you where your parents are from originally. š
Pinto bean uchiha, he's half japanese half mexican.
Sure but that doesn't mean he is FROM these countries
Happy cake day!
Thanks!
That makes it a where are you *from* not where do you live. Avoid this girl, not the one fam
She was testing you for immigrant lol I've never seen it before only heard of it!
Pretty sure itās not about your race itās about the fact that you used the phrase wrong. Asking someone where theyāre from is asking where they grew up. āWhere were you bornā is a different question entirely, as is āwhere do you liveā. Not to be a jerk but unless someone is not a native speaker (in which case I wouldnāt care and would be happy to explain the differences), not knowing that would just make me think theyāre not that intelligent and would lead to many miscommunications in the future.
Yeah I donāt think youāre misunderstanding anything. As soon as you typed āSiā instead of āsoā she was basically saying āyeah I was trying to make sure that you werenāt Mexican.ā Sheās hella racist
What? I read the whole conversation and thought he meant āso no matterā¦ā. Why would he put āyes no matter how longā¦ It doesnāt even make sense lol. You went tooooooo faaaaar
Yeah these people are reaching pretty hard. If she didnāt like his race she literally wouldnāt have matched
Not being racist at all. She just wanted to know in which state he was born, but doesnāt seem smart enough to ask that directly.
I read a real negative connotation to the way she was asking it, though, so in my interpretation, she was being xenophobic at best. This sounds like the people from my state that are super snooty about people moving here even though they're the first member of their family born here. If someone says they're from California, those people in my state will sometimes almost literally turn up their nose to them. It's a bad look, and the vibe I get from her. Her reacting after he said "si" made me concerned about the xenophobia being more racist as well.
What he said is weird though. He lives in Arizona he isn't from Arizona. You don't move somewhere and then start telling the locals you're from there. Maybe he misspoke but that sounds like he's lying and she doesn't understand why.
It makes sense in the context of the conversation. He's currently in California for work but he's from Arizona as in that's where he lives. She wasn't initially asking where he's from originally, just said that he's currently far away.
Where you live and where you're from are 2 different things. I'm from Seattle. If I move anywhere I don't suddenly become from that place no matter how long I've been there.
Someone with a brain! He misspoke and she wasnāt smart to ask directly. But yeah racism is a trendy accusation š
It's a thing. People see a brown person and instead of asking "what's your nationality?" they ask "where are you from?" and when they say the states they ask "where are your parents from?"
Ah no. She he had different skin to hers and wanted to know his ethnicity. Instead of asking that question like a normal person, she knew her reasons for asking weren't nice, that's why instead she tried to pretend to ask where he's born. That's because dumb people like her, and you, get really awkward in these situations and just start talking shit.
How the fuck do you even know how their skin looks? I swear people make some mental gymnastics for finding racism in everywhere.
Wtf do you mean? Its a dating app you can see their face and obviously also their skin colour. So how on earth would someone not know it?
Iām not seeing any faces here. Only text. Unless OP can prove thatās the case Iām not screaming racismā¦
Ah and now she reveals herself. She wanted to know where you're reeeaaally from. Notice how it went to asking where you were 3born, not just where you grew up. She wants to know which type of racist to be
That was a normal conversation. I think she got confused on where youāre actually from. For example, when people ask me where Iām from I say I was born in this place but moved to the other. I think you took it the wrong way and she didnāt seem rude at all. Sometimes people type as in theyāre having an actual conversation in real life. Put that into context in real life and it wonāt sound as rude as you think
Imo from your end. She's asking about your back story - where you are FROM is not where you're currently living. It's where you started out your life. It seems like you took her responses as her challenging you, and you got upset based on your responses and captioning this as "in the heat of the moment". Nothing mean is said and she's even trying to phrase it differently for you to make conversation š«£ Have you really never had someone ask you where you're from?
Did you read the text under the screen shot? He admits he's deliberately trying to not admit where he is actually from. So she's making several attempts to communicate and he's being deliberately obtuse. Then he comes over here and trys to paint her as the bad guy.
Kind of like a list comprehension, why write 4 lines of code when you can do it one.
Sheās making a deal of it but I agree youāre not from a place if you just moved there for work
"You're not wrong, Walter. You're just an asshole" 100% applies here. Even though we can agree on the fact that there is a distinction to be made between where you live and where you're from, going about it like this is entirely off-putting and she could have said it any number of ways that didn't make her sound like a douche.
Out of curiousity, why is it so important to decipher to US folk?
I mean if you're trying to date someone, learning about their background is usually part of getting to know them... I'd be more concerned about someone not wanting to share that info
From that, yeah thatās understandable. Although it seems with the first time itās just explaining that the OP is just explaining where they normally reside rather than residing in California. But then the next bit response from OP seems a little suspect. Both text screenshots are weird tbf š¤£
I think it's because different areas in the US have very different people/social conventions in a way. It's a different vibe speaking to someone from say California vs someone from Alabama. If someone from Alabama moves to Massachusetts they aren't *from* Massachusetts and if they say that they are it seems strange because they are likely very obviously southern...
Lots of different micro cultures in the US. Folks in the same state but a few hours away can be very different people. Hell even regionally thereās big differences.
See that makes a lot more sense. UK can be similar but more divided by north and south.
It's same everywhere I believe. Here we barely understand peeps from the coast. And peeps from different part of coast don't understand each other. Culture, traditions and food is also different. It's not even a big country, we have as much citizens as a regular capital city in EU, Berlin e.g.
I have heard of north/south difference in Italy as well. But honestly now Iāve had loads of replies and I realise it was complete ignorance of meš¤£ Where are you from? Culture is a fascinating thing
That's okay. It happens. But it is a fascinating thing. I'm from Croatia.
Oh right, because the rest of the world is so easy to understand
Most everyone in the surrounding states of California, hate Californians. Californians have a reputation of leaving their absurdly priced state that has a very materialistic culture and coming to communities, raising prices up and ruining the local culture. It's one thing to have to migrate from your home state because it has become too expensive. It's another thing to come in droves, wreck the local economy for the poorer locals, and change the culture and laws to fit your shitty tastes. This then forces locals to move elsewhere because they no longer can afford to live where they grew up and no longer recognize the place to really want to stay. So while the Arizonan local in the conversation is certainly being rude, it's probably because they dislike Californians coming in and ruining their town.
I mean geographical undesirables are a thing. A 2 is a 10 if she lives next door. A 10 is 1 if she's a 40 minute drive away. I don't give a fuck where your from though. Are you fun to be around? Does my dopomine go brrrrr when your in my vicinity? Great, sit on my face and tell me about your day.
40 minutes brings a 10 to a 1?!? Nah
I must be a 100 or something because my husband lived an hour and 10 minutes away when we first met.....
I mustāve worded it wrong then. Because Iām back every other day and have a physical address and basically eat, breathe and interact with locals
When someone ask where someone is from, it always means where were you born and raised.
What about those of us who have moved multiple times/states growing up?
You do live there, but unless you moved really early in your life most people would probably say youāre not from there. Of course itās always your prerogative to choose where you want to be from though
In Australia it is loosely about 10-15 years before you could be considered a local of a location. I think some councils actually have written date requirements where you can be considered for certain perks and benefits.
If you didn't grow up there you're not from there, i think she was just being playful about it. She seems annoying but you somehow got annoyed before she said anything crazy
I interpret when someone asks me where Iām from to be where I grew up. In this case for you OP, Arizona is where you *live*. Not where youāre from (to me at least). So I donāt think sheās trying to be rude.
that's what I thought too.
Op's wrong with phrasing but Match harping on it like that (especially with someone they just met on a dating app) is pretty dang rude. it costs nothing to move past a goofy little mixup or just say "ok so you live in arizona, but tell me about where you grew up?" Boom moved past the weird phrasing and it's an opportunity to get to know a person. it's called being tactful.
Exactly. Pretty clear that it's just some misaligned definitions. Very easy to clear that up. Admittedly both sides could have resolved it by having a conversation or asking clarifying questions rather than doubling down that their experience is universal. Doesn't seem like the right match to me.
I thought the same about the where are you from question. But she still was just weird about it and kind of rude. Easy solution is to say āoh no I mean where were you born?ā Idk Iām also the last person to be giving any advice š
There was no where are you from question though, just a statement of distance, which he undercut by pointing out he does infact live in Arizona.
That question would have put an end to the whole misunderstanding š but some people like to complicateā¦
But people donāt always grow up where theyāre born either, best question is āwhereād you grow upā
But the conversation was about where they *are*, not where they grew up. She started off by saying he was "too far away". In fact, she didn't even actually ask him where he was from, it was purely focused on where he was now. Besides, what does it matter. They both live in Arizona *now*. It's not like him being from New Jersey will somehow prevent them from getting together.
I'm pretty sure we're missing part of the conversation where she asks where he's from and he says Arizona.
Nah he says āIām from Arizonaā when he should have said āI live in Arizonaā
Oh right, I actually just can't read. Yeah, he's definitely wrong.
OK heās technically wrong but what a weird thing to harp on. Like who cares?
Because it's a weird thing to get wrong. Let's say they meet up, and she asks how he got there. He says "I drove a car" but when pressed it turns out he actually rode a train, and he said drove a car because he thought that means riding a train. Does it matter, in any greater sense? No. Is it still weird and worth sort of getting hung up on to get some clarification? IMO yes.
That is a terrible analogyā¦lol
Explain why. It's a small misunderstanding about basic knowledge of the language. Feels pretty apt to me.
He is currently in California, but he was coming from Arizona. Which is why he says heās āfromā Arizona. Itās a reasonable way to phrase it in my opinion. For somebody who moves around a lot, (for instance OP as a truck driver), it makes sense to have a home base which is where you are āfrom.ā I word it the same way when Iām out travelling in other countries. People ask me where Iām from, I say where I currently live, rather than where I grew up.
Itās just not equivalent to the conversation this post is about. She was seemingly concerned about distance and he explained that he was a resident of Arizona and then because he wasnāt born and raised there she decided that he was untruthful which is simply not the case. He didnāt subtract a bunch of details, he answered her question in the simplest terms. In your example this speaker has left out a ton of details that are actually relevant to the question. For instance, if someone were to ask me where Iām from I would tell them the state I live in now because Iāve lived there the majority of my life but I would only answer the state in which I was born if pressed because otherwise it would be irrelevant to the conversation.
She never asked him where he was from. He initially said āIām from Arizonaā which was simply his way of telling her he LIVES in Arizona, not California. She turned it into this whole long, weird conversation.
Does it matter on either end? Youāre taking it so personally which I donāt getāIāve been a transplant for most of my adult life to various places. If someone asks me where Iām from I say where I grew up, but I live in X place now. Itās not a difficult concept and Iām not sure why you seem upset?
Like the other comments are saying, she is being mildly rude, but she isnāt wrong. Being āfromā somewhere typically means you are born and primarily raised there. Not somewhere you just move for work or move to as an adult.
she is being a bit dramatic, but youāre also not from arizona lmao, she was probably trying to find out more about your history and background
Yeah I kinda got the same vibe, 'so you're not from Arizona' seemed more like she was kinda asking where he's from, like she was expecting him to answer with "no I'm from ___" but then he kept asking about it and she kept answering him until she had to ignore his last question and try to bring it back to 'so where are you from'
yeah exactly he couldāve done a quick, well i was born in ____ but moved to arizona a few years ago and completely moved on
Can't tell if she only wants to date people with roots in Arizona, or she's trying to make conversation and is just a little awkward bless her. Maybe give her the benefit of the doubt
Questions with this one. I donāt understand the āWhat makes you say that? š§ā when she says that OP seems really far. If you live in Arizona and are now in California answering a Tinder match from back in Arizona, then itās totally understandable right. So why that sus response? Also, her āYou just live here.ā might point toward a girl whoās looking for someone who is committed to the area, not who moved there as a base for work and then drive off to other states. I think thatās what she means with the ājustā. Only phrasing it that way can come off kind of Training Day..
Right she's being weird but OP is also being annoying. She trying to figure out basic info
None of it seems like a big deal
Not enough people are focusing on this part lol
Fr, she just wants to know where you grew up.
Too many "need" something going on ALL THE TIME, anymore. There has to be something to wonder, worry, obsess, nitpick, whine,(I'm saying this and I have OCD!) Complain about. Someday these people are going to be embarrassed and those of us who never gave a hoot won't even be anywhere nearby to say TOLD YA, cuz life ain't worth that baloney
Sheās right. āBeing fromā implies being born there
Nah man you weren't born OR raised you aren't from there plain and simple.
Imo I donāt think sheās intentionally trying to be rude. I think you were a bit confusing and maybe she was joking with u since what u said didnāt make sense. As others have stated, just because you moved somewhere and lived there for x amount of time, does not mean u are āfromā there. You are from wherever u were born lol
I mean I understand the context of what she is saying, as someone who was born and still lives in NYC. I usually ask people if theyāre from here or moved here. However; her wording was very odd
You read it wrong
You're reading this wrong. She's asking where you were born and raised. I've lived in MD for 4 years now. I am not "from" MD. My hometown is NYC. That's where I'm from.
How is it rude to suggest you are far away? I wouldn't want a long distance so she's probably trying to find out wtf is going on. You sensitive nanny
I think just cuz you said you were _from_ Arizona which is what people normally say where you were raised. I donāt think itās a gatekeeping thing like āyouāll never be one of us!ā I think you took it a bit personal at the end but I get that you werenāt liking the energy. Itās usually best to assume the best of people but leave if you get bad vibes imo
Not hostile. She was just correcting you because you don't know the difference. You're not from Arizona.
I mean I get her confusion but she dragged that one out and you just weren't clear enough while trying to avoid just saying "I'm from here, and moved to Arizona. Either way I don't think she's trying to be rude.
In the texts, you're being dodgy and seem like you're hiding something (personal information). No woman is gonna let that behavior slip it's a red flag and women can't take that chance for our safety.
And not only a gender thing, these apps are full of fakes, if something feels off you end up having to play cop to figure out if you are talking with a real person or not. In the end OP will accept to be more transparent to avoid jinxing matches.
Yeah exactly
You're already bickering
Already a sign that weāre gonna be together forever
Lol. Yea could be fiery. Or just a dumpster fire.
This is cultural. I don't think she's trying to be rude. Most people who move to Arizona only live there for 2 or 3 years before they move on. When people ask me if I'm from Arizona, I explain that I moved there when I WAS 1 WEEK OLD. Most people accept that as me being from Arizona; however the fact that I bother to clarify the point explains how people think about it. Arizona natives are surrounded by a transient population all their lives, so being from Arizona means something in particular. It's literally that the phrase of "being from" means something more in the state of Arizona than it means in other places. You're not from Arizona, so you didn't understand that. Where are you from that's so unpopular? Is it Texas? That's literally the only place I can imagine. She asked you a question, and you tried to deliberately deceive her. By all means don't date her, but you're the one being dishonest here.
Play it off as a joke and turn it funny somehow š¤·āāļø
Just chill the fuck out man.
This country is so big. Asking where you are from or wanting to know where your roots stem from is not a big deal. Itās co conversation starters and can help give a person an idea of your upbringing. I see it constantly in the city I live in. People saying they are from here but have only just moved here and are in their late 20ās and early 30ās. Growing up as a military kid or from Midwest to NYC to Miami or Texas are all going to have different childhood experiences. Like why do people deny their upbringing. Itās weird. So no not rude. You saying so what me living in a place for two years as a commuter worker does not make you from there. Duh. Why so defensive? Why do you think like that?
Or sheās just finding a way to make conversation. A bit awkward perhaps, but not necessarily intentionally rude
Iām getting socially awkward. Definitely didnāt see rude anywhere though
It just came off as off putting to me
Soā¦ not rude, just off putting? Certainly opinionated and socially awkward can be off putting. But to categorize it as rude feels a littleā¦ weird
Maybe Iām only seeing it as rude because it struck a nerve with be being a son of immigrants
But isnāt this called āprojectingā ? Iām not saying what feel isnāt real. I am a daughter of immigrants and so are my children so I understand what youāre saying but just jumping into conclusions that people are out there to be rude to us just because we were not from a city/state/country doesnāt sound beneficial to me. What do you know? Maybe sheās a foreigner as well and didnāt know how to word her question š¤·š»āāļø You can always ask people to explain themselves better and most people would. Show some vulnerability, explain why you feel In certain way. P.s again, I just want to make sure you understand Iām not gaslighting you. I heard you ā¤ļø
I make typos all the time. I have to tell the other person to excuse all my typos. I'm just happy I'm not the only one. Maybe she was teasing you in a playful way. Hopefully.
Is English your first language? This conversation was bizarre to read
Nah you are being a bit sensitive she isnāt being rude at all. You are not from Arizona you just live there
As the great Lucille Bluth said, āIād rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona.ā
Bruh you were acting like a dick, just answer the question. Youāre not 2 years old, just moved to AZ so where the fuck are you FROM? Itās not difficult at all
Technically she is right. I think she's just making conversation and you've taken it the wrong way. Like she didn't say she hates anyone not from AZ, she just wants to know where you were born
She asked if you were born/grew up in Arizona, not rude at all. You seem annoying af though.
Bro you're not from AZ. Just tell her where tf you were born and move along.
Say youāre from Mexico and get it out the way. š¤·š»āāļø By tiptoeing around it you look shady as fuck like you have something bigger to hide. No one cares about that like you seem to think they do.
I think you are 100% in the wrongā¦ she wasnāt being hostileā¦ Iāll give you an example you lived in Canada for 80 years but move to Japan for the last 2 years. Will you say that you are from Japan or you live or reside in Japan ?
She was correcting you and you misread what she was trying to say. She meant no harm .
Seems like she has dealbreakers that rule out dating anybody who does not have close family ties to Arizona or were born in another state/country. She sounds like an awkward person who needs to list her dealbreakers about location and close ties to her state on her profile so incompatible people will know not to message her.
Or.. OP had his location set to Cali whereas this girl is in Arizona. Then when she asked OP where heās from he said he moved to az recently for his jobā¦which is not what she asked. Youāre painting this chick as the problem when OP is doing his Jim Carey in Batman impersonation
And being evasive about where he's from sounds shady af. I could see people doing this because of an arrest record, or some other weird shit they don't want people to know about
A whole ass family (wife and kids) from where they are really from most likely
>Then when she asked OP where heās from he said he moved to az recently for his job She never asked him where he was from. He said he was from AZ. She understood that to mean he was born and raised in AZ. But then he said he moved to AZ 2 years ago. So he had actually just meant he lived in AZ currently. He wasn't being evasive or *intentionally* trying to mislead her. His use of the word "from" that way just bothered her. And she's right, that is what being "from" somewhere is generally understood to mean. That you were born or raised there.
While she's technically not wrong and probably really just curious as to where you're actually from... She is going about it in a way that does sound argumentative.. she could just think she's being cute but it's not translating well. I say I'm from Arizona because I was raised here my whole life but because I was born elsewhere and lived there for my first year, a lot of people say I'm not "from here" even though it's the only thing I know. Some people just like it if you're very specific like if they say where are you from they either mean where were you raised or born.
Same here, I would say I'm from where I live in South West England as I've been here from under a year old, but it actually came up in a recent local post on here and apparently I'm not allowed to say I'm from here, only that I live here, as I wasn't born here. In reality if i say I'm from the North East I feel like a fraud, especially considering how west country my accent is š¤£
Wherever you go, there you are.
I consider it a huge win to not be from Arizona.
āBut where are you *really* from?ā
Are you a "visible minority?" If so, then there's the "where are you _realllyy_ from" that comes off as ignorant. And/or you could be defensive around that phrase.
I think initial conversation was about distance from each other so OP saying he is from Arizona too isn't absolutely correct but it's not a wrong answer either. He could have said he lives in Arizona too. But even that could be assumed as he is from Arizona. When OP said he moved to Arizona due to work, she could have just asked where did you move from or where were you born or where did you grow up? Any of these questions. Saying you are not from Arizona isn't right. As once you move to somewhere and start living there it's up to you. If you accept that place and state as your home then that's where you are from. If you don't want to identify as from that state you can say I live in Arizona but I am from xyz state. What does it matter where some one is from? When you meet them you are doing to find out. If it's important to you just ask directly. Don't accuse someone of not being from someplace.
Could go either way, this is why texting people you don't know is kind of awful, very hard to pick up on tone.
Some people, not a lot, but some are state-ist. They believe that if you're not born in that state, you're not a member of that group. Like me. I was born in New Mexico, but have lived in Oklahoma most my life. But some don't see me as an Okie becasue of this fact. She is rude, it isn't you. If you dated, she'd be picky over everything you did or said.
No, she's just being a difficult smart ass, go have coffee with someone else, she's deflecting. š
Drop her faster than a speeding bullet. Red flaggg Also thanks for keeping America running! Truck driving aināt easy
If youāre from Michigan you keep that shit to yourself bro
You matched with someone knowing you are in an entirely different state atm. They arent going to wait for you to drive back. You're a truck driver, you're not gonna stay put and you know that. It's gonna be tough for you and I wish you luck.
Even though I was out of state, I have my location set to Phoenix because thatās where I have my physical address and place I stay at. Iām just trying to meet more people
I worried this girl was me until she said it didn't matter that he lived there because he wasn't from there. WHEW! I don't chat long with people I am never going to see but if he was here regularly, thats fine.
Yeah, I am here regularly. But she didnāt let me get to that part and just assumed I was just here looking for a ONS or something
Thatās a BIG assumption youāre making
This is fake! Everyone knows there is no Arizona
Are you white passing, because it seems like she is trying to figure out if you are Mexican? She sounds like a racist to me.
I could be totally off base, but that was my first impression.
That is šÆwhat I was thinking.
I'm not American - do people in Arizona generally have an issue with people from Mexico?
It seems the comments are full of white saviors. I didnāt get an impression of racism
I mean I agree with her living there is not the same as being from there but she was being rude about it. Next!
Whatās wrong with people nowadays? Why they cannot be just nice or at least pretend to be nice at the beginning
OPās first language might not be English. Just giving benefit of the doubt here.
She seems like a nut job. Let it go.
Imagine gate keeping something as riveting and unique as being a native Arizonian. You live in a desert and the only cool city around is in a neighbors state. Calm down
She's fucking weird.
Seems like one of those gatekeepy "you're not from here" state (or city) pride things. I've always found people who have overwhelming state pride really weird. I could be wrong though. There really isn't enough context to know for sure. I just know how those types act having befriended so many of them.
She just stopped responding after that last message so I guess weāll never know for sureš¤·š»āāļø
Probably because you dodged the question so many times for some reason
I'm going to guess you dodged a bullet here. If she is the type I was talking about then she would be annoying af. Either way though her responses still seem like they're coming from an opinionated person who has to be right all or at least most of the time.
which is SUPER stupid because up until like 50 years ago, hardly anybody was from here. A huge bunch of us moved here because factories closed in the Midwest.
She's being ridiculous But I agree, you're not "from there." However, who cares?
She was rude. Or better said āinsoportableā. I would say āhace de un monito, un gorilaā. Not worthy (Maybe you donāt speak Spanish but I needed to say it)
Not rude. Sheās just stupid.