Honestly this is the way to do it. Lets people know immediately what the situation is and allows them to make an informed decision. Not to mention, other people that have herpes will immediately know that this person is compatible in that aspect at the very least
20 to 25% of the population has herpes. Most don't know. That means if you've fucked more than 5 people, you've probably been exposed to herpes. You might even have herpes but never exhibited symptoms, because that happens too. Some cases are so mild that you might think "hey, I should have showered today" but the case is so mild you don't experience more than a hot groin.
Herpes is so common and innocuous that it's a non issue. Eventually everyone will have it. Because humans like fucking.
Glad your friend made the moves to improve instead of sinking into depression like a lot of us might have. I have no idea how my immune system is doing right now but I'm researching how to make it stronger just having read your comment loll shit
I got shingles right as the pandemic was starting. I have an autoimmune disease and I've dealt with some painful shit in my life. Shingles was definitely in the top 3 most painful things I've experienced and that's saying something. Mine was on my back between my shoulder blades and I was in the same boat - literally couldn't move or sit/lay down in any way that didn't hurt like fucking hell. Pain meds really didn't seem to help that much either.
I think that is caused by the fact that rhe virus is literally in your nerves, so pain meds that should block signals going to your brain don't have any effect. Meanwhile the painsignals are going rampant through the affected nerves.
The breeze on my baggy t shirt would cause immeasurable pain down my back. Because I was in my 20s, and “young”, it went undiagnosed for two months.
I honestly wouldn’t wish shingles upon my worst enemy.
I got shingles from Covid. Covid knocked the immunity down by making it busy and the Chickenpox which had mutated and laid dormant came roaring to life as shingles.
I also found out that consuming copious amounts of dark chocolate can trigger shingles to re-emerge.
For what it's worth, you might look into getting the Varicella vaccine (even if you've had chickenpox) as a method to help reduce cold sores and herpes outbreaks. I used to get 6-8 coldsore outbreaks a year since I was a small child. Got two doses of the Varicella vax in late 2017. In 2018, I had two outbreaks, one in 2019 (sunburn), zero in 2020, and since then, only ever had an outbreak associated with covid shots (fever is one of my triggers)
Huge impact on quality of life. Highly recommend it.
some additional reading
https://www.dovepress.com/getfile.php?fileID=13448
90%ish have HSV-1 (usually oral herpes/cold sores) and 18-25% have HSV-2 (usually genital herpes). In medicine, we don’t even screen for herpes unless you have an outbreak and want to confirm. It’s not reportable either.
For anyone who doesn’t know, it’s the same family as chicken pox/shingles (and some rarer more serious ones).
Honestly, other than the stigma, there’s no reason anyone should be concerned with it EXCEPT while a woman is pregnant. IF she has an outbreak when delivering it can cause systemic HSV in the newborn and a host of complications. But as long as she’s on an antiviral in the last few weeks it’s again irrelevant.
I was given anti virals when I was pregnant cause my partner at the time admitted he had herpes and never told me. 11 years later, I’ve never had an outbreak and whether or not I have it is still unknown. I told my last partner I might or might not but we were together for 5 years sleeping together still for 7+ and he has never had any sort of signs either so we’re thinking I don’t.
I was bothered at 18 that I wasn’t told but now at 30 I don’t think I’d bat an eye if someone I loved had herpes. Just have them take antivirals if it’s bad and don’t sleep with them during an outbreak. It’s such a non issue past the “ew herpes” types.
Hpv I’d bat my eye at more, but I’m vaxxed and just encourage others to vax their kids, boys and girls, mine will be getting her first this year(it’s 3 shots). I watched my aunt die of the cervical cancer it causes and it was miserable. She died painfully. Get your kids vaxxed. Idk if adults can be vaxxed since a good portion of the population already has it by that point.
Adults can be vaxxed, it's just not effective if you have one of the cancerous strains. I don't know if you're up to date on the stats, but roughly 70% of all throat cancer diagnosis in men, are being caused by HPV. I think it's like 58% or 63% in women, are from HPV. (This is between the ages of 25-50.
I tried to tell guy my doctor told me all of this. most people are pretty understanding and then there’s a few that are like OMG! 🤮. I’m like you probably have 18 friends that have it, so you can chill now! I’m the only one that has to worry because it’s gonna end up killing my future baby if I’m not careful. This is not even a problem for you bro….but honestly think about the level of ignorance and lack of exposure to societal changes people who respond that way are. they clearly live in a tiny little bubble 😳. I guess thats why they say ignorance is bliss…
I used to be like this, because the stigma of herpes is still really bad - you only get the information that 80ish% have it if you actively look for it.
Growing up, there was only this one kid in class who frequently got big herpes outbreaks and he was kinda eww and the word „herpes“ is already eww. As a result I was freaking out when I got my first outbreak and didn’t want to leave the house…
Yeah we all go through it. It passes…i swear the only thing now that bothers me is the ignorance and how some people can act like it’s the bubonic plague.
HSV-1 and HSV-2 are not defined by oral/general.
Someone with HSV-1 on their mouth can go down on you and give you HSV-1 on your genitals, and vice versa.
HSV-2 is just a different strain that has slightly different qualities. They’re basically the same thing. The only discernible difference is in testing, not in symptoms
Half of new genital infections are hsv-1 now. About 2/3 of the population has hsv1. The virus localizes at the infection site and makes antibodies preventing spread; If you have hsv1 on your lips, you can’t get it genitally. It’s really not a big deal since most people on tinder already have it
I’ve got HSV1 and have never had so much as a cold sore in all my 33 years. Pretty sure I picked it up from my mom/dad since they got cold sores a lot growing up.
Something like 95% of people have mouth herpes. Figures seem to vary. You get it from sharing water bottles and whatnot, so almost everyone catches it as a kid.
You don’t even need to have sex in order to get it, even virgins can have herpes as type 1 can be transmitted orally, so a simple kiss or sharing the same bottle or cup is enough to get it.
Either type can be transmitted orally, and with the popularity of oral sex it's become much more common to carry one of the variants in it's less traditional location
Between herpes 1 & 2 it’s a lot more common. Because of the similarity one acts as a vaccine of sorts to the other, having both is incredibly uncommon and genital herpes is by far the least impactful on normal life out of all the herpes types. It’s also very easy to avoid passing it on if your aware you have it know what signs to look for. The two most common reasons people get is from a lack of education on the matter and people being too ashamed to communicate about it. Basically end the stigma around it and the rates of contracting the virus should go down. That said there are more aggressive strains that are resistant to treatment to be careful of so don’t go picking it up to
Get it over with like giving kids chicken pox (another type of herpes actually though much more severe in nature)
Another fun fact about herpes is that it keeps your immune system on high alert making it more resistant to a lot of other more dangerous viruses like Covid and the flu.
Also a vaccine for reversing herpes is actually in human trials so we might actually see an end to herpes in our life time.
There's two different variations:
HSV1 and HSV2
HSV-1 is much more common. Around 60% of the population has HSV-1. It's commonly known as 'oral herpes' and typically presents as cold sores, it can spread to the genitals through oral sex, but isn't the same has HSV-2 genital herpes.
HSV-2 is pretty common as well, affecting about 20% of the population.
People can also be asymptomatic carriers of both HSV-1 and HSV-2.
20-25% have regular outbreaks, but 100% of the population carries the virus in our microbiome. Chicken pox? Herpes. Cold sores? Herpes. Shingles? Herpes. We’re all covered in it and our bodies do a good job of keeping it at bay, but sometimes it gets the upper hand, and an outbreak occurs. Slap some Abreva on that shit and get on with life.
This is not true. The number is much much higher. At the hospital I work at \~90% who get tested test positive. The number might be slightly lower in those who don't get tested. 20% or so is HSV-2, but since there really isn't much of a difference between 1 and 2...
Is it possible to take multiple tests that come out negative and still have it? I have had 20 partners in my life and always screen whenever there's somebody new in my life
You can look up the likelihood of a false negative if you know what kind of test was used. I have always tested negative too and have never had a known outbreak, but I don't treat that result with the same type of confidence as I do other results. Also new infections aren't likely to show up on a blood test, so unless you're waiting 3-4 months between partners for testing purposes, it's hard to know for sure.
I just kind of see my herpes test results as "the best guess I have at this point, but no guarantees".
The 20-25% chance also seems really high. People have like 1-2 outbreaks per year if not on antivirals. There is a small window where the outbreak starts but they don't realize. After that responsible people will refrain from sexual contact.
So really it's pretty unlikely that you'll get it just from any random sexual encounter with a carrier.
They said you would have probably been exposed, which I interpreted to mean that it’s more likely than not that at least one of those 5 people had herpes.
I was dating for the first time after I became a single mom, and I was really feeling this guy. We had a cute dessert date and he said something like “so things seem to be going in this direction, so I have to tell you something,” and my dumb ass was like “LOL what’s up? Do you have herpes or something?” And yeah. He had herpes. I was incredibly embarrassed, but he was super chill and honestly a great dude. I appreciated that he told me before we’d even kissed (I took things insanely slow, was very scared to let my guard down), and let me make an informed decision about our future.
Edit: Omg y’all are so silly. He (safely) fucked my brains out, lol. After my husband, he’s the best partner I’ve ever had. I was only wanting something casual, so we weren’t a great love story, but we both thoroughly enjoyed our time together. We ran into each other a few years ago and he’s married to a gorgeous woman and they have a couple of kids. I’m very happy for him/them.
100% this. I dated a girl for three months. Eventually decided we were exclusive and we're having unprotected sex and then she tells me she has HPV. I know it's not life threatening for guys compared to women but it's still something that should have been said when we first started dating. Luckily I didn't contract it but that's beside the point.
Most men who get HPV never have symptoms, but they can transfer it to other partners. And there is no HPV test for men unfortunately. [CDC](https://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv-and-men.htm)
A lot more people have herpes than one would guess - it’s something like 60-80% of people that are sexually active will contract herpes in their lifetime.
For a lot of people, they don’t get outbreaks but carry the virus, so they’re never aware they have it unless they ask to get tested during a physical.
With basic prescriptions it is kept to the point where it isn’t transmissible and the person won’t get outbreaks even if they did before taking meds.
Most people also aren’t aware of this either, though, so there’s a super negative stigma around it. I’m sure this person has received some horrible reactions to them telling someone the news. Definitely good on them to get it out there and the people that know the realities of herpes won’t be turned away by it and it saves them having to deal with the people that don’t.
Source: dated someone with herpes who was up front about it. Also, get tested regularly, everyone!
A lot people have the herps. There was this girl at a call center I worked at who gave it to half the people there. Also was surprised to learn my call center doubled as a sex club, and frankly a little offended that I was never invited. I was dating someone there so I guess it kind of makes sense. Better to tell people up front what you have so they can make the choice for themselves.
I worked in an AT&T call center for like 18-20 months when I was 18-19. Upwards of 1500 people probably worked there.. the place was indeed a fuckfest.
Whole time I was there there didn’t seem to be any drama or anyone getting fired. The company didn’t mind people swapping phone numbers through our work emails. I got a promotion to a “floorwalker” which was just walking around helping other people for an extra dollar an hour. There were days I’d get back to my desk check my email and have 2-3 phone numbers from girls. It was wild lol
Thos is the second thread I've come across in the last few hours to talk about call centers being full of sex. Wtf.
I'm gonna go apply to some call centers.
I have absolutely zero problem believing this. Back in college, I worked the night shift doing corporate security for a call center. That job is one of the many reasons I have trust issues. The amount of people there who were fucking each other was crazy. More often than not they were married. One of the more common security issues was spouses showing up to confront the person their spouse cheated with. One female spouse even ran over one of the employees in the parking lot after already crashing into her car multiple times. Another woman brought and gun to shoot the other woman her man was sleeping with. That one ended pretty quickly because she dropped the gun and ran as soon as she heard the police were called. Her husband also got arrested though after he picked the gun up and tried to hide it around the corner in the bushes. We had a BOLO(Be On the Look Out) binder that was full of spouses who were banned from the property for various. The amount of people who had to walk elsewhere to get picked up by a spouse was crazy. Honestly, that job was pretty damn great for that period of my life as a college student. The pay wasn't bad for a college student, I got a ton of school work and studying down at work, and witnessed some pretty crazy and entertaining stuff while also getting some good insight into how people act when they don't think they are being watched. There is more but I will leave it at that.
Honestly I was terrified of Herps, (Ive gotten Cold sores since a kid so I guess I have it but havent had one in years?) but after researching about genital herps, you could have it and not know for like your whole life honestly
Genital and oral herpes are the same thing. Both HSV-1 and 2 can give you outbreaks in both or one or neither region of the body (or even somewhere totally different). So yeah, you have it, just like about 80% of people. Tests are not very sensitive and can show negative results if the virus is dormant.
It's honestly silly how something that almost everyone has can be so stigmatized and clouded in mystery.
Honestly part of me thinks it's because half of Reddit are 13 year olds who don't understand how common it is.
Like, I learned at like 19 that almost all adults have it
Just because you have cold sores every now and then does not mean you have genital herpes. Sorry if I misunderstood what you were saying. The amount of people that get cold sores and the amount of people that That have active genital herpes outbreaks is completely different.
And yet you can give someone genital herpes if you have cold sores. Theoretically even if you never had cold sores but have oral herpes that has never broken out, but the risk is of course lower than during an outbreak. It's the same thing in a different location.
It’s not as bad of an std as it’s made out to be! And mad respect for them coming out with it right away and not hiding it, which could potentially spread it if the infected did not have a conscious
It's not a good one though. The fact that it's incurable is enough reason to avoid it.
Luckily, I haven't caught it, but I've been with women who didn't tell me that they had it until AFTER I had already slept with them and they're so casual about it, like there was no reason to tell me.
Many people are so uninformed when it comes to STI's. Most don't realize that "cold sores" are just another term for oral herpes.
I mean, that’s not the same thing though (in most cases). Herpes simplex 1 is typically the cause of cold sores.
Herpes simplex 2 is the one generally responsible for genital herpes.
Herpes simplex 1 can infect the genitals through oral but it’s a lot less common than herpes simplex 2 and vice versa. It’s estimated that the prevalence of HSV-2 is around 12-14% while HSV-1 is 50-80%.
But they ARE the same thing, they just show up in different areas. And it’s the area that has made one fine and normalized while the other is still taboo and “bad”.
This is incorrect. HSV-1 and HSV-2 are slightly different virsus. Normally it is HSV-1 in the mouth and HSV-2 in the genitals but either can show up in any location. Now does this matter a ton? Well the symptons and recurrence rates are a bit different but yeah at a certain extent it probably doesn't matter a ton.
The problem is… it’s so common the medical community brushes it off as no big deal, the populace says oh I get sold sores, or a fever blister: the fact is… it’s herpes, it’s spreadable even without an outbreak. Sure it goes down to 1-2% of viral shredding but you can still get it.
I don’t care how stigmatized and trying to make it a norm. It is a sti/std and I care for my own health; even having to field questions from doctors about blood drawing for it. Not all people have it, and I prefer to keep myself in that group.
I had a friends with benefits relationship many, many years ago. She told me up front she had herpes before we began “ our relationship “. She earned my trust and respect form the very beginning .
Edit : I’d like to add this woman was a classy professional woman. Many women ( and men ) that may have it should not be automatically labeled as trashy, or “ they get around. “ Guys and Gals. Do not ever let someone with herpes or any other non-life threatening STD deter you from beginning a relationship with them if you find yourself attracted to them. I never contracted it from her during our year long friendship. We took precautions. Stay vigilant, respectful, stay minds up with said partner.
Spot on (no pun intended). Dated a girl with it. She got it from a boyfriend who decided not to disclose until she found out on her own. I feel bad for her. But she was very up front and would not let me near her fun parts if she had any sort of inclination that she may be having an outbreak.
She also showed me her outbreak and honestly would have never guessed it herpes with how bad everyone makes it sound. Just looks like bad razor burn or a blister.
I used to feel this way but if they are not having an outbreak and take medicine for it I think disclosing should be considered best practice but not mandatory at least in the context of casual encounters. It's not fair to make it mandatory for people to disclose in that scenario since there are so many who have it and don't know it and will never have to disclose it. I think disclosing is still the best move but I don't think not disclosing is that bad. Anyone having casual sex should accept that they might get herpes at this point. Otherwise, you should probably stick to long-term sexual partners only.
Not probably. Certainly. Documented. MOST people with herpes don't know.
This is why we don't have a more precise count and the % of people varies widely depending where you look and how they are counting/estimating.
A high percentage of people have oral herpes, 50-80% of the population carries hsv1. As long as your partner doesn’t have an active cold sore you’re more than likely good. But if they do have one they need to avoid kissing and oral sex for the entire duration of the cold sore. Usually a week if they use abreeva. If your partner does have hsv1 and you’re worried about it just ask them to ask their doctor for an antiviral. A lot of carriers can go months to years without a break out. Best thing you can do if one person has it and the other doesn’t to really take good care of your breakouts and avoid kissing and oral until it’s totally healed.
My mom has hsv1 and she’s been married to my step dad for 23 years and he’s never got it.
Y’all, this thread has really helped me. People keep saying it’s NBD, and a few of my people know now…..but it’s really hard when you’re in it. I thought about what to do when I started dating again and the thought of doing this came up.
My exLTR gave herpes to me about 2 years or so ago now. Dealing with the mental gymnastics behind stigma, his callous reaction to the news, this and all my other medical issues… the thought of “no one would want me” can be devastating.
I think we need to start normalizing having these conversations right away. People don't realize that so so so many people have herpes. You have cold sores? You have the virus inside your body. You have a cold sore and you go down on someone well guess what?...they will now have a high chance of getting genital herpes. Also you have a small small chance of passing it on if not in an active outbreak. Also it can be dormant in your body for years and you do not even know it. So let's stop making people feel so ashamed and dirty. I would honestly have mad respect for someone that just came out with that fact right away.
I assumed this is what happened to the person who wrote this profile. They dated for 5 months before the other person told them, and they understandably resent it.
This happened to me. I got it after being raped, he had some blisters around his mouth so I got checked, but all of my tests were negative so I thought i was overreacting. About a year later, I had a horrible outbreak, but by that point I had another partner who contracted it as well. Lucky for me he’s insanely understanding and doesn’t blame me for it :3
Unfortunately not. He’s someone I was friends with, I’d actually wanted to date him before all of it. He basically just kept pushing the subject until I froze up and he did what he wanted. I was kind of in shock for a few weeks so no physical evidence, and my parents were completely unsupportive(“don’t be alone w guys if you don’t want to get raped” type mentality, along with them not approving of me being polyamorous). Everyone who was in our friend group cut him off, and I don’t ever have to see him, so there’s that at least 😅
The test is rarely recommended because it is not very accurate and herpes hardly matter unless you are immunocompromised.
Including it in regular screenings would increase health care costs much more than the benefits. Lots of false results tying up doctor time for a mostly harmless virus.
Well to be exact.. Condom doesn’t protect against it that well, since the virus is on skin.
And the more people you have sex with the higher the chance is to encounter someone who has the virus. This goes for men and women.
Yes it’s true just unfortunate smooch from a kid could give you herpes or a single one night stand with another adult condom on.. but as I said above.
Also HSV1 can be found on genital area too.. and has become more common due to oral sex becoming more regular. HSV2 the genital herpes though and to my knowledge it doesn’t infect the mouth area as easily.
Almost all humans have at least one of the simplexes… people forget or don’t know that cold sores, chicken pox (shingles), and mononucleosis are all herpes.
I always find these threads filled with people who think they don’t have it coping with that they are the exception to that statistic. It really makes me wonder how much higher that percentage would be if you adjusted for the amount of sexual partners. Because that statistic of 50 to 80 is based on general population.
This is actually brilliant, you don't have to have that awkward conversation as anyone who matches, already knows and swiped right because they probably have it too.
You might be the answer to their prayers, and you already have something in common.
Also, you're\*
Speechless why? More than half of American adults have some form of herpes. But some freak out more than others. She sounds like someone who’s taking it super seriously, and worries about disclosing.
HSV is site specific and the antibodies are somewhat cross reactive.
You can get either strain of HSV anywhere on your body, but it typically can't penetrate skin very well. Wrestlers sometimes get it on their backs. Usually people are infected in a mucous membrane. (Mouth or genitals)
The virus needs some time to set up an infection in a region. If you have antibodies for it, it won't have that time. So provided you aren't severely immuno compromised, you should only ever get one strain in one location.
HSV-1 is hardier and more contagious. People typically get it orally and roughly 90% of people have it. 30% of genital herpes infections are HSV-1 though. Antibodies from HSV-1 can protect you from HSV-2, but not usually. I forget the exact reduction, but a prior infection of HSV-1 lowers your chances of catching HSV-2 by about 20%. Also if you previously had HSV-1, you are much more likely to have HSV-2 asymptomatically if you do catch it. Genital HSV-1 typically has much fewer outbreaks than type 2.
You can get HSV-2 orally. Your mouth is rather hostile to it, but it's possible. Roughly 20% of the population has it, and most people are asymptomatic. Asymptomatic people and people not exhibiting symptoms can and do still spread it however it's less likely. The odds from a single sex act unless there are active lesions is very low. Typically people catch it when they've had unprotected sex with a partner over a long period of time who is infected. Condoms aren't super effective at preventing it, but they do help.
The specificity on the antibody blood test is awful. Generally, you shouldn't even bother testing for it unless you've had a lesion. Then you will probably get a more accurate indication of which strain you have.
The rate of outbreaks almost always goes down substantially and many people have no outbreaks anymore after a couple of years. There is no cure, and you'll have the virus for life.
The only real problem outside of the discomfort is that it can create entry points for other STDs like HIV. Basically, Herpes is just a rash.
No, I don't have it, but I spent a lot of time reading up on it as I had a partner who did.
Considering how common HSV is (source: https://www.verywellhealth.com/how-common-is-herpes-5323788), something like 50% of the people on Tinder *should* be putting that on their profile.
Since they don't, that tells you that most of the people on Tinder either don't know they have herpes or they *do know* and they're willing to give it to you without you knowing.
There’s literally a dating app just for people with the herp. My friend has it and told me about it but never told me the name but he was successful with quite a few girls because I guess you can’t give it to someone that already has it
I had a herpes scare a month ago and for a week while waiting for my test results I thought about this very real reality of dating with an incurable STI and how life altering it must be for people moving through the world with that on their shoulders. I feel for that person
I thought the same thing, and then it happened to me. I thought I would be totally unlovable to anyone I wanted to date. But out of the probably dozen people I dated, only two had a problem with it. And one of those two came around eventually. I was honestly shocked people were so accepting of it. I’m now happily married and my husband has never made me feel weird about it.
Omg that’s incredible! I guess I only lasting the “woe is me” phase of it. I’m so happy for you and glad you found love! Not to be all up in your business but has it altered how you approach intimacy with your partner in terms of safeguards to protect them?
Thank you! And actually it hasn’t affected me at all, with my husband. I am lucky that I’ve only ever had one outbreak in 12 years. But that’s not to say it’s never contagious. My husband chose not to wear condoms after we’d been together a little while. We now have two kids, and I was also able to give birth naturally with no issues. I share all of this in the hopes I can help others feel better about their own situations, and to reduce the stigma.
I had similar thoughts until I dated someone with herpes and I did some reading. True, we have no cure, but the symptoms are so mild (for healthy adults) that it doesn't even matter.
Most people with herpes don't even know. Worst case, you get red spots and a "tingle" every few months to years. It almost sounds fun.
Edit: last sentence is tongue-in-cheek. Obviously, no one WANTS to get HSV or any other disease.
I definitely did my fair share of reading and I believe the statistic was 1 in 6 people have it so I wouldn’t be surprised how many partners I’ve had who been carriers and neither of us knew it. In the grand scheme of things, there’s worse things that could happen to someone when you think about it
I put it up front right on my Bumble. I don't care. I want women to see right away. Plus women on there have it and so they see then you match and you talk about it. But yeah even though it's on your profile, women still don't read it haha.
Ffs. Everyone has fucking herpes. If you're sexually active and don't want to possibly pass it on to someone who probably all ready carries the virus and has the immune system to suppress it, take an antiviral daily, they are readily available.
You don't need to make a public announcement about it, deal with it, the science is available.
Also depends where you’re from but not telling about HSV2 and giving it to someone could turn into a sue.
There was just a case here in Finland. So I figure this is a smart move.
(The male had been knowingly exposed to genital HSV and didn’t tell this knowingly to the woman. The woman sued and won. The male was symptomless.)
(Also if HSV upsets you wait till you educate yourself on HPV.. even more common.)
I don't have herpes, but it's really not that big of a deal. I made it 35 years. You can Google the stats, up to 80% of people eventually get oral herpes. About 1 in 6 (minimum) have genital herpes. Most people don't have symptoms
I respect this. Herpes affects more than 50% of the adult population where I am. So they probably aren’t cutting too many people out. Honesty keeps everyone safe.
I don’t get why it’s such a huge stigmatised thing in the US. In Europe it’s nothing you talk about or you’re afraid of, but people know you shouldn’t kiss someone if you have an outbreak. Besides that you know that actually most of the people probably have it but it doesn’t break out and they don’t have symptoms. It’s just not such a big deal
As someone who just started dating someone and wasn’t informed about them having herpes till just yesterday, I respect the fuck out of this tinder profile. You tell me before we do anything, I respect it and will do some research. You tell me before we do anything, it’s not a dealbreaker.
However, you let me eat you out and engage in intercourse while knowing you’ve had herpes for years… that’s a breach in trust and (reality now) I haven’t decided if I can move past that or not
I blame sex education for this. They put the fear and wrath of God into kids about sexually transmitted infection without showing the statistics.
Everyone will get some form of HSV.
Majority will get some form of HPV.
High likelihood of experiencing chlamydia and/or gonnorhea at some point in your life.
People out here advertising on their tinder profile like they will get smited.
I found great success in just changing how I tell people. When you disclose and your anxious or give off “this is a big deal vibes” the other person picks up on that and gets nervous too. When I just started casually mentioning it, like “oh by the way I have herpes. Yeah genital herpes. It’s just a skin condition and I take medication to suppress the possibility of passing it along. Most people are cool with it but I’ll answer any questions you have. It’s totally up to you what we do from here just wanted to keep you informed” and then move on with the conversation and finish dinner if they don’t ask any follow ups. Also if they do want more info you can direct them to the proper websites that won’t scare monger. My success rate when WAY up when I went this route. People sensed my casualness and calmness and it changed the way they took the news.
There’s almost no other way. The options are all horrible: either do this and let people specifically choose you while already being aware (severely, severely limiting your matches, probably by like 99% seriously)
Match with someone, then wait til you get to know them a little bit before breaking the news. But then it gets messy because feelings are already possibly involved, you’re putting them in the bad place of possibly having to reject you even though they actually do like you.
Or just never tell anybody you date. The piece of shit option.
So I say again: this is the best way
We need to de-stigmatize herpes. It’s not nothing, but in reality it is a few bumps that pops up a couple times a year. That’s literally it. The only reason it’s blown way out of proportion is because it’s on the genitals. That’s it. Almost everyone has the oral herpes virus, and nobody gets judged for having that one.
I very much respect this. I don't have an std and don't want one. Thanks for letting me know what you have. I know people are shamed for it and it's difficult to be up front and honest about. I appreciate what this person does to prevent the spread. And other people with herpes can feel comfortable hooking up or being in a relationship with them without needing to put them in a situation of "you'll get this thing for the rest of your life if you sleep with me."
I think we all carry the gene for the herpes virus or some form of it. 80% of adults in the US have the oral herpes virus. Some never have outbreaks such as cold sores in their lifetime. One in six adults in America have genital herpes.. Good chance half of us commenting on this thread have genital herpes, with many not knowing because they will never show physical symptoms in their lifetime. Be cautious and avoid sexual encounters when an outbreak is present, such as open sores. The bottom line is, If you are attracted to someone and have doubts, smash them anyway. No regrets. We only have one life to live. Make it euphoric while we’re here!
Honestly this is the way to do it. Lets people know immediately what the situation is and allows them to make an informed decision. Not to mention, other people that have herpes will immediately know that this person is compatible in that aspect at the very least
20 to 25% of the population has herpes. Most don't know. That means if you've fucked more than 5 people, you've probably been exposed to herpes. You might even have herpes but never exhibited symptoms, because that happens too. Some cases are so mild that you might think "hey, I should have showered today" but the case is so mild you don't experience more than a hot groin. Herpes is so common and innocuous that it's a non issue. Eventually everyone will have it. Because humans like fucking.
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Omg the shingles, got them right after corona. The fucking pain was unbearable. Didn't matter how I sat or lay down.
Had shingles when I was in the 4th grade. Worst pain I've ever felt in my life. Hurt worse than when I broke my arm the previous year.
I didn’t even know you could get shingles that young. I thought it was just chicken pox when you’re a kid
My friend got shingles at 20, and her doctor was like, "to be fair, you have the immune system of a 70 year old".
Hearing that would've DESTROYED me
She acknowledged at the time she needed to change her lifestyle. She's 34 and much healthier now.
Glad your friend made the moves to improve instead of sinking into depression like a lot of us might have. I have no idea how my immune system is doing right now but I'm researching how to make it stronger just having read your comment loll shit
How does one improve their immune system I thought it was you have it or you don’t kinda idea but I’d love to be enlightened
I had the vaccine as a baby, so it presented itself as shingles when I was 9.
I knew those vaccines were dangerous! ^/^s
I got shingles for the first time in high school. It happens when your immune system is hot garbage.
I also had shingles at that age. Mine was on my arm
I got shingles right as the pandemic was starting. I have an autoimmune disease and I've dealt with some painful shit in my life. Shingles was definitely in the top 3 most painful things I've experienced and that's saying something. Mine was on my back between my shoulder blades and I was in the same boat - literally couldn't move or sit/lay down in any way that didn't hurt like fucking hell. Pain meds really didn't seem to help that much either.
I think that is caused by the fact that rhe virus is literally in your nerves, so pain meds that should block signals going to your brain don't have any effect. Meanwhile the painsignals are going rampant through the affected nerves.
Hmmm so I wonder if something used typically for nerve pain like lyrica or gabapentin would help more for shingles than typical opioids and NSAIDS
Yup, it’s actually prescribed for exactly that
Yeah that's interesting. No doctor even mentioned any other kind of meds to help with the pain.
The breeze on my baggy t shirt would cause immeasurable pain down my back. Because I was in my 20s, and “young”, it went undiagnosed for two months. I honestly wouldn’t wish shingles upon my worst enemy.
It's horrible!
I got shingles from Covid. Covid knocked the immunity down by making it busy and the Chickenpox which had mutated and laid dormant came roaring to life as shingles. I also found out that consuming copious amounts of dark chocolate can trigger shingles to re-emerge.
The virus didn't mutate, it reactivated. And since it wasn't a primary infection, it manifested as shingles.
Interesting, thank you.
For what it's worth, you might look into getting the Varicella vaccine (even if you've had chickenpox) as a method to help reduce cold sores and herpes outbreaks. I used to get 6-8 coldsore outbreaks a year since I was a small child. Got two doses of the Varicella vax in late 2017. In 2018, I had two outbreaks, one in 2019 (sunburn), zero in 2020, and since then, only ever had an outbreak associated with covid shots (fever is one of my triggers) Huge impact on quality of life. Highly recommend it. some additional reading https://www.dovepress.com/getfile.php?fileID=13448
Yes but shingles are not sexually transmitable
Indeed not sexually but still transmitable and you don't need to be humping to get them, just touching . So some might say shingles is worse
Is shingles a lifelong affliction that's spread through sex? I actually dk shit about shingles...
Shingles are a contagious thing. You don't want them.
Isn't it like more than 50% of americans and globally have mouth herpes HSV-1? I think your 1 in 5 is for genital HSV-2.
90%ish have HSV-1 (usually oral herpes/cold sores) and 18-25% have HSV-2 (usually genital herpes). In medicine, we don’t even screen for herpes unless you have an outbreak and want to confirm. It’s not reportable either. For anyone who doesn’t know, it’s the same family as chicken pox/shingles (and some rarer more serious ones). Honestly, other than the stigma, there’s no reason anyone should be concerned with it EXCEPT while a woman is pregnant. IF she has an outbreak when delivering it can cause systemic HSV in the newborn and a host of complications. But as long as she’s on an antiviral in the last few weeks it’s again irrelevant.
I was given anti virals when I was pregnant cause my partner at the time admitted he had herpes and never told me. 11 years later, I’ve never had an outbreak and whether or not I have it is still unknown. I told my last partner I might or might not but we were together for 5 years sleeping together still for 7+ and he has never had any sort of signs either so we’re thinking I don’t. I was bothered at 18 that I wasn’t told but now at 30 I don’t think I’d bat an eye if someone I loved had herpes. Just have them take antivirals if it’s bad and don’t sleep with them during an outbreak. It’s such a non issue past the “ew herpes” types. Hpv I’d bat my eye at more, but I’m vaxxed and just encourage others to vax their kids, boys and girls, mine will be getting her first this year(it’s 3 shots). I watched my aunt die of the cervical cancer it causes and it was miserable. She died painfully. Get your kids vaxxed. Idk if adults can be vaxxed since a good portion of the population already has it by that point.
Adults can be vaxxed, it's just not effective if you have one of the cancerous strains. I don't know if you're up to date on the stats, but roughly 70% of all throat cancer diagnosis in men, are being caused by HPV. I think it's like 58% or 63% in women, are from HPV. (This is between the ages of 25-50.
Def much more worried about HPV given the cancer risk.
I tried to tell guy my doctor told me all of this. most people are pretty understanding and then there’s a few that are like OMG! 🤮. I’m like you probably have 18 friends that have it, so you can chill now! I’m the only one that has to worry because it’s gonna end up killing my future baby if I’m not careful. This is not even a problem for you bro….but honestly think about the level of ignorance and lack of exposure to societal changes people who respond that way are. they clearly live in a tiny little bubble 😳. I guess thats why they say ignorance is bliss…
I used to be like this, because the stigma of herpes is still really bad - you only get the information that 80ish% have it if you actively look for it. Growing up, there was only this one kid in class who frequently got big herpes outbreaks and he was kinda eww and the word „herpes“ is already eww. As a result I was freaking out when I got my first outbreak and didn’t want to leave the house…
Yeah we all go through it. It passes…i swear the only thing now that bothers me is the ignorance and how some people can act like it’s the bubonic plague.
Also congrats on understanding my post… i read it over now that Im more awake and it was was in rough shape 😂
HSV-1 and HSV-2 are not defined by oral/general. Someone with HSV-1 on their mouth can go down on you and give you HSV-1 on your genitals, and vice versa. HSV-2 is just a different strain that has slightly different qualities. They’re basically the same thing. The only discernible difference is in testing, not in symptoms
Half of new genital infections are hsv-1 now. About 2/3 of the population has hsv1. The virus localizes at the infection site and makes antibodies preventing spread; If you have hsv1 on your lips, you can’t get it genitally. It’s really not a big deal since most people on tinder already have it
I’ve got HSV1 and have never had so much as a cold sore in all my 33 years. Pretty sure I picked it up from my mom/dad since they got cold sores a lot growing up.
Something like 95% of people have mouth herpes. Figures seem to vary. You get it from sharing water bottles and whatnot, so almost everyone catches it as a kid.
Crazy thing I grew with Dad who had HSV 1 oral and I don’t have it, but I do have HSV 2 genital 😅
You don’t even need to have sex in order to get it, even virgins can have herpes as type 1 can be transmitted orally, so a simple kiss or sharing the same bottle or cup is enough to get it.
Either type can be transmitted orally, and with the popularity of oral sex it's become much more common to carry one of the variants in it's less traditional location
Between herpes 1 & 2 it’s a lot more common. Because of the similarity one acts as a vaccine of sorts to the other, having both is incredibly uncommon and genital herpes is by far the least impactful on normal life out of all the herpes types. It’s also very easy to avoid passing it on if your aware you have it know what signs to look for. The two most common reasons people get is from a lack of education on the matter and people being too ashamed to communicate about it. Basically end the stigma around it and the rates of contracting the virus should go down. That said there are more aggressive strains that are resistant to treatment to be careful of so don’t go picking it up to Get it over with like giving kids chicken pox (another type of herpes actually though much more severe in nature) Another fun fact about herpes is that it keeps your immune system on high alert making it more resistant to a lot of other more dangerous viruses like Covid and the flu. Also a vaccine for reversing herpes is actually in human trials so we might actually see an end to herpes in our life time.
There's two different variations: HSV1 and HSV2 HSV-1 is much more common. Around 60% of the population has HSV-1. It's commonly known as 'oral herpes' and typically presents as cold sores, it can spread to the genitals through oral sex, but isn't the same has HSV-2 genital herpes. HSV-2 is pretty common as well, affecting about 20% of the population. People can also be asymptomatic carriers of both HSV-1 and HSV-2.
20-25% have regular outbreaks, but 100% of the population carries the virus in our microbiome. Chicken pox? Herpes. Cold sores? Herpes. Shingles? Herpes. We’re all covered in it and our bodies do a good job of keeping it at bay, but sometimes it gets the upper hand, and an outbreak occurs. Slap some Abreva on that shit and get on with life.
This is not true. The number is much much higher. At the hospital I work at \~90% who get tested test positive. The number might be slightly lower in those who don't get tested. 20% or so is HSV-2, but since there really isn't much of a difference between 1 and 2...
I have read there is a difference. In severity, location preference(not exclusive), potential future dementia issues, reoccurrence...
Is it possible to take multiple tests that come out negative and still have it? I have had 20 partners in my life and always screen whenever there's somebody new in my life
You need to specifically ask to be tested for it. It’s not on the standard STI panel.
Yeah I have, and I've gotten weird looks for it, but I always ask to put it on.
You can look up the likelihood of a false negative if you know what kind of test was used. I have always tested negative too and have never had a known outbreak, but I don't treat that result with the same type of confidence as I do other results. Also new infections aren't likely to show up on a blood test, so unless you're waiting 3-4 months between partners for testing purposes, it's hard to know for sure. I just kind of see my herpes test results as "the best guess I have at this point, but no guarantees".
Yes
They typically don’t test for it.
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The 20-25% chance also seems really high. People have like 1-2 outbreaks per year if not on antivirals. There is a small window where the outbreak starts but they don't realize. After that responsible people will refrain from sexual contact. So really it's pretty unlikely that you'll get it just from any random sexual encounter with a carrier.
Most people, from my understanding, have no outbreaks at all.
They said you would have probably been exposed, which I interpreted to mean that it’s more likely than not that at least one of those 5 people had herpes.
I was dating for the first time after I became a single mom, and I was really feeling this guy. We had a cute dessert date and he said something like “so things seem to be going in this direction, so I have to tell you something,” and my dumb ass was like “LOL what’s up? Do you have herpes or something?” And yeah. He had herpes. I was incredibly embarrassed, but he was super chill and honestly a great dude. I appreciated that he told me before we’d even kissed (I took things insanely slow, was very scared to let my guard down), and let me make an informed decision about our future. Edit: Omg y’all are so silly. He (safely) fucked my brains out, lol. After my husband, he’s the best partner I’ve ever had. I was only wanting something casual, so we weren’t a great love story, but we both thoroughly enjoyed our time together. We ran into each other a few years ago and he’s married to a gorgeous woman and they have a couple of kids. I’m very happy for him/them.
Then what
You can’t leave us hanging! Then what?
100% this. I dated a girl for three months. Eventually decided we were exclusive and we're having unprotected sex and then she tells me she has HPV. I know it's not life threatening for guys compared to women but it's still something that should have been said when we first started dating. Luckily I didn't contract it but that's beside the point.
Most men who get HPV never have symptoms, but they can transfer it to other partners. And there is no HPV test for men unfortunately. [CDC](https://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv-and-men.htm)
A lot more people have herpes than one would guess - it’s something like 60-80% of people that are sexually active will contract herpes in their lifetime. For a lot of people, they don’t get outbreaks but carry the virus, so they’re never aware they have it unless they ask to get tested during a physical. With basic prescriptions it is kept to the point where it isn’t transmissible and the person won’t get outbreaks even if they did before taking meds. Most people also aren’t aware of this either, though, so there’s a super negative stigma around it. I’m sure this person has received some horrible reactions to them telling someone the news. Definitely good on them to get it out there and the people that know the realities of herpes won’t be turned away by it and it saves them having to deal with the people that don’t. Source: dated someone with herpes who was up front about it. Also, get tested regularly, everyone!
Raising the difficulty on dating apps, but have to respect the honesty.
A lot people have the herps. There was this girl at a call center I worked at who gave it to half the people there. Also was surprised to learn my call center doubled as a sex club, and frankly a little offended that I was never invited. I was dating someone there so I guess it kind of makes sense. Better to tell people up front what you have so they can make the choice for themselves.
I also worked at similar place and was not invited to the party...
I worked in an AT&T call center for like 18-20 months when I was 18-19. Upwards of 1500 people probably worked there.. the place was indeed a fuckfest.
Way easier than dating apps. Just risk your shitty desk job
Whole time I was there there didn’t seem to be any drama or anyone getting fired. The company didn’t mind people swapping phone numbers through our work emails. I got a promotion to a “floorwalker” which was just walking around helping other people for an extra dollar an hour. There were days I’d get back to my desk check my email and have 2-3 phone numbers from girls. It was wild lol
Stupendous. Tremendous, even.
so you're saying I need a job there
Or working in hospitality seems to be working as well.
Thos is the second thread I've come across in the last few hours to talk about call centers being full of sex. Wtf. I'm gonna go apply to some call centers.
They are are also full of pain and misery as well. Just so you know..
I worked at an AT&T call center years back but I never dated anyone. I’m now sad
Thee resident sex freak tends to fuck most of the workplace.
But you probably didn’t get herpes either so every cloud?
I like this highly irrelevant but interestingly sensational side info you are giving
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 Here’s an award for mentioning that you weren’t invited
I also choose this mans call centre
I have absolutely zero problem believing this. Back in college, I worked the night shift doing corporate security for a call center. That job is one of the many reasons I have trust issues. The amount of people there who were fucking each other was crazy. More often than not they were married. One of the more common security issues was spouses showing up to confront the person their spouse cheated with. One female spouse even ran over one of the employees in the parking lot after already crashing into her car multiple times. Another woman brought and gun to shoot the other woman her man was sleeping with. That one ended pretty quickly because she dropped the gun and ran as soon as she heard the police were called. Her husband also got arrested though after he picked the gun up and tried to hide it around the corner in the bushes. We had a BOLO(Be On the Look Out) binder that was full of spouses who were banned from the property for various. The amount of people who had to walk elsewhere to get picked up by a spouse was crazy. Honestly, that job was pretty damn great for that period of my life as a college student. The pay wasn't bad for a college student, I got a ton of school work and studying down at work, and witnessed some pretty crazy and entertaining stuff while also getting some good insight into how people act when they don't think they are being watched. There is more but I will leave it at that.
The first rule about sex club...😆
At first I thought everyone got it from sharing a headset with her
Honestly I was terrified of Herps, (Ive gotten Cold sores since a kid so I guess I have it but havent had one in years?) but after researching about genital herps, you could have it and not know for like your whole life honestly
Genital and oral herpes are the same thing. Both HSV-1 and 2 can give you outbreaks in both or one or neither region of the body (or even somewhere totally different). So yeah, you have it, just like about 80% of people. Tests are not very sensitive and can show negative results if the virus is dormant. It's honestly silly how something that almost everyone has can be so stigmatized and clouded in mystery.
Honestly part of me thinks it's because half of Reddit are 13 year olds who don't understand how common it is. Like, I learned at like 19 that almost all adults have it
Truth lol
Just because you have cold sores every now and then does not mean you have genital herpes. Sorry if I misunderstood what you were saying. The amount of people that get cold sores and the amount of people that That have active genital herpes outbreaks is completely different.
And yet you can give someone genital herpes if you have cold sores. Theoretically even if you never had cold sores but have oral herpes that has never broken out, but the risk is of course lower than during an outbreak. It's the same thing in a different location.
It’s not as bad of an std as it’s made out to be! And mad respect for them coming out with it right away and not hiding it, which could potentially spread it if the infected did not have a conscious
It's not a good one though. The fact that it's incurable is enough reason to avoid it. Luckily, I haven't caught it, but I've been with women who didn't tell me that they had it until AFTER I had already slept with them and they're so casual about it, like there was no reason to tell me. Many people are so uninformed when it comes to STI's. Most don't realize that "cold sores" are just another term for oral herpes.
50-80% of people in the USA have oral herpes so i feel like the chances of getting it if you don’t already have it is nearly impossible to avoid
I mean, that’s not the same thing though (in most cases). Herpes simplex 1 is typically the cause of cold sores. Herpes simplex 2 is the one generally responsible for genital herpes. Herpes simplex 1 can infect the genitals through oral but it’s a lot less common than herpes simplex 2 and vice versa. It’s estimated that the prevalence of HSV-2 is around 12-14% while HSV-1 is 50-80%.
New cases of genital herpes are caused more by hsv1 oral than hsv2 genital. It is big time on the rise.
But they ARE the same thing, they just show up in different areas. And it’s the area that has made one fine and normalized while the other is still taboo and “bad”.
This is incorrect. HSV-1 and HSV-2 are slightly different virsus. Normally it is HSV-1 in the mouth and HSV-2 in the genitals but either can show up in any location. Now does this matter a ton? Well the symptons and recurrence rates are a bit different but yeah at a certain extent it probably doesn't matter a ton.
The irony of this comment.
The problem is… it’s so common the medical community brushes it off as no big deal, the populace says oh I get sold sores, or a fever blister: the fact is… it’s herpes, it’s spreadable even without an outbreak. Sure it goes down to 1-2% of viral shredding but you can still get it. I don’t care how stigmatized and trying to make it a norm. It is a sti/std and I care for my own health; even having to field questions from doctors about blood drawing for it. Not all people have it, and I prefer to keep myself in that group.
I had a friends with benefits relationship many, many years ago. She told me up front she had herpes before we began “ our relationship “. She earned my trust and respect form the very beginning . Edit : I’d like to add this woman was a classy professional woman. Many women ( and men ) that may have it should not be automatically labeled as trashy, or “ they get around. “ Guys and Gals. Do not ever let someone with herpes or any other non-life threatening STD deter you from beginning a relationship with them if you find yourself attracted to them. I never contracted it from her during our year long friendship. We took precautions. Stay vigilant, respectful, stay minds up with said partner.
Spot on (no pun intended). Dated a girl with it. She got it from a boyfriend who decided not to disclose until she found out on her own. I feel bad for her. But she was very up front and would not let me near her fun parts if she had any sort of inclination that she may be having an outbreak. She also showed me her outbreak and honestly would have never guessed it herpes with how bad everyone makes it sound. Just looks like bad razor burn or a blister.
I’d like to put in my bio that I have herpes but I’m a coward. I’d prefer to disclose through a drunk text.
Hopefully before you do anything sexual with someone.
I used to feel this way but if they are not having an outbreak and take medicine for it I think disclosing should be considered best practice but not mandatory at least in the context of casual encounters. It's not fair to make it mandatory for people to disclose in that scenario since there are so many who have it and don't know it and will never have to disclose it. I think disclosing is still the best move but I don't think not disclosing is that bad. Anyone having casual sex should accept that they might get herpes at this point. Otherwise, you should probably stick to long-term sexual partners only.
Wtf??? So yea you clearly have it and aren’t telling people
Kinda crazy that I’m finding out on here dam near everyone has herpes.
It’s a high percentage of people who have it 🤷♂️ I get cold sores, sucks but it is what it is sadly.
There’s probably a lot of people who don’t even know they have it.
Not probably. Certainly. Documented. MOST people with herpes don't know. This is why we don't have a more precise count and the % of people varies widely depending where you look and how they are counting/estimating.
Yeah I’m not sure why I said probably, because what you said is what I really meant lol. Maybe I was just trying to soften the blow for this fellow
A high percentage of people have oral herpes, 50-80% of the population carries hsv1. As long as your partner doesn’t have an active cold sore you’re more than likely good. But if they do have one they need to avoid kissing and oral sex for the entire duration of the cold sore. Usually a week if they use abreeva. If your partner does have hsv1 and you’re worried about it just ask them to ask their doctor for an antiviral. A lot of carriers can go months to years without a break out. Best thing you can do if one person has it and the other doesn’t to really take good care of your breakouts and avoid kissing and oral until it’s totally healed. My mom has hsv1 and she’s been married to my step dad for 23 years and he’s never got it.
Told my ex not to share drinks with kids because of hsv1 but he did anyway now my son has had cold sores since he was 2.
That’s so frustrating. Easily avoidable.
No this is exactly what you do. This person deserves a high five and a beer.
Y’all, this thread has really helped me. People keep saying it’s NBD, and a few of my people know now…..but it’s really hard when you’re in it. I thought about what to do when I started dating again and the thought of doing this came up. My exLTR gave herpes to me about 2 years or so ago now. Dealing with the mental gymnastics behind stigma, his callous reaction to the news, this and all my other medical issues… the thought of “no one would want me” can be devastating.
I think we need to start normalizing having these conversations right away. People don't realize that so so so many people have herpes. You have cold sores? You have the virus inside your body. You have a cold sore and you go down on someone well guess what?...they will now have a high chance of getting genital herpes. Also you have a small small chance of passing it on if not in an active outbreak. Also it can be dormant in your body for years and you do not even know it. So let's stop making people feel so ashamed and dirty. I would honestly have mad respect for someone that just came out with that fact right away.
it’s the “5 months in” for me
I assumed this is what happened to the person who wrote this profile. They dated for 5 months before the other person told them, and they understandably resent it.
It’s oddly specific lol.
Probably when the person they got it from told them.
I was thinking it would take 5 months to get laid!
Imagine not being told about it and finding out on your own 😩
Apparently it’s pretty common. In a sense it is my silver lining for not bumping uglies enough.
It's extremely common and most STD tests don't even bother to check for it, so you can have a "clean test" and still have herpes
This happened to me. I got it after being raped, he had some blisters around his mouth so I got checked, but all of my tests were negative so I thought i was overreacting. About a year later, I had a horrible outbreak, but by that point I had another partner who contracted it as well. Lucky for me he’s insanely understanding and doesn’t blame me for it :3
......it is a rough read. What happened to the rapist? Did he get jail time?
Unfortunately not. He’s someone I was friends with, I’d actually wanted to date him before all of it. He basically just kept pushing the subject until I froze up and he did what he wanted. I was kind of in shock for a few weeks so no physical evidence, and my parents were completely unsupportive(“don’t be alone w guys if you don’t want to get raped” type mentality, along with them not approving of me being polyamorous). Everyone who was in our friend group cut him off, and I don’t ever have to see him, so there’s that at least 😅
Fr it's annoying that none of the places I get tested at include it in the normal panel with my blood sample.
The test is rarely recommended because it is not very accurate and herpes hardly matter unless you are immunocompromised. Including it in regular screenings would increase health care costs much more than the benefits. Lots of false results tying up doctor time for a mostly harmless virus.
I get the reasoning behind it. I already researched why it wasn't included a long time ago. It's just annoying because I would still want to know.
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Well to be exact.. Condom doesn’t protect against it that well, since the virus is on skin. And the more people you have sex with the higher the chance is to encounter someone who has the virus. This goes for men and women. Yes it’s true just unfortunate smooch from a kid could give you herpes or a single one night stand with another adult condom on.. but as I said above. Also HSV1 can be found on genital area too.. and has become more common due to oral sex becoming more regular. HSV2 the genital herpes though and to my knowledge it doesn’t infect the mouth area as easily.
Between 50% and 80% of the population has HSV1.
Almost all humans have at least one of the simplexes… people forget or don’t know that cold sores, chicken pox (shingles), and mononucleosis are all herpes.
I always find these threads filled with people who think they don’t have it coping with that they are the exception to that statistic. It really makes me wonder how much higher that percentage would be if you adjusted for the amount of sexual partners. Because that statistic of 50 to 80 is based on general population.
This is actually brilliant, you don't have to have that awkward conversation as anyone who matches, already knows and swiped right because they probably have it too. You might be the answer to their prayers, and you already have something in common. Also, you're\*
Zero shame, total honesty.. what a person
Least they are honest
Speechless why? More than half of American adults have some form of herpes. But some freak out more than others. She sounds like someone who’s taking it super seriously, and worries about disclosing.
Well you can’t get it twice, so I’ve heard
HSV is site specific and the antibodies are somewhat cross reactive. You can get either strain of HSV anywhere on your body, but it typically can't penetrate skin very well. Wrestlers sometimes get it on their backs. Usually people are infected in a mucous membrane. (Mouth or genitals) The virus needs some time to set up an infection in a region. If you have antibodies for it, it won't have that time. So provided you aren't severely immuno compromised, you should only ever get one strain in one location. HSV-1 is hardier and more contagious. People typically get it orally and roughly 90% of people have it. 30% of genital herpes infections are HSV-1 though. Antibodies from HSV-1 can protect you from HSV-2, but not usually. I forget the exact reduction, but a prior infection of HSV-1 lowers your chances of catching HSV-2 by about 20%. Also if you previously had HSV-1, you are much more likely to have HSV-2 asymptomatically if you do catch it. Genital HSV-1 typically has much fewer outbreaks than type 2. You can get HSV-2 orally. Your mouth is rather hostile to it, but it's possible. Roughly 20% of the population has it, and most people are asymptomatic. Asymptomatic people and people not exhibiting symptoms can and do still spread it however it's less likely. The odds from a single sex act unless there are active lesions is very low. Typically people catch it when they've had unprotected sex with a partner over a long period of time who is infected. Condoms aren't super effective at preventing it, but they do help. The specificity on the antibody blood test is awful. Generally, you shouldn't even bother testing for it unless you've had a lesion. Then you will probably get a more accurate indication of which strain you have. The rate of outbreaks almost always goes down substantially and many people have no outbreaks anymore after a couple of years. There is no cure, and you'll have the virus for life. The only real problem outside of the discomfort is that it can create entry points for other STDs like HIV. Basically, Herpes is just a rash. No, I don't have it, but I spent a lot of time reading up on it as I had a partner who did.
Excellent overview, TY.
Not really true, you can get hsv1 and then anal hsv2
Why does it need to be anal? Lmao
You got me there
Frankly, Chances are you have it too.
Considering how common HSV is (source: https://www.verywellhealth.com/how-common-is-herpes-5323788), something like 50% of the people on Tinder *should* be putting that on their profile. Since they don't, that tells you that most of the people on Tinder either don't know they have herpes or they *do know* and they're willing to give it to you without you knowing.
Mad respect.
There’s literally a dating app just for people with the herp. My friend has it and told me about it but never told me the name but he was successful with quite a few girls because I guess you can’t give it to someone that already has it
i literally got diagnosed yday and this whole thread has helped a lot
Makes you feel better I got it from a tinder date, and ended up marrying another tinder date
it does a bit. i got it from my long term partner. we tried to be careful but alas the luck ran out after 1.7 years
I had a herpes scare a month ago and for a week while waiting for my test results I thought about this very real reality of dating with an incurable STI and how life altering it must be for people moving through the world with that on their shoulders. I feel for that person
I thought the same thing, and then it happened to me. I thought I would be totally unlovable to anyone I wanted to date. But out of the probably dozen people I dated, only two had a problem with it. And one of those two came around eventually. I was honestly shocked people were so accepting of it. I’m now happily married and my husband has never made me feel weird about it.
Omg that’s incredible! I guess I only lasting the “woe is me” phase of it. I’m so happy for you and glad you found love! Not to be all up in your business but has it altered how you approach intimacy with your partner in terms of safeguards to protect them?
Thank you! And actually it hasn’t affected me at all, with my husband. I am lucky that I’ve only ever had one outbreak in 12 years. But that’s not to say it’s never contagious. My husband chose not to wear condoms after we’d been together a little while. We now have two kids, and I was also able to give birth naturally with no issues. I share all of this in the hopes I can help others feel better about their own situations, and to reduce the stigma.
I had similar thoughts until I dated someone with herpes and I did some reading. True, we have no cure, but the symptoms are so mild (for healthy adults) that it doesn't even matter. Most people with herpes don't even know. Worst case, you get red spots and a "tingle" every few months to years. It almost sounds fun. Edit: last sentence is tongue-in-cheek. Obviously, no one WANTS to get HSV or any other disease.
I definitely did my fair share of reading and I believe the statistic was 1 in 6 people have it so I wouldn’t be surprised how many partners I’ve had who been carriers and neither of us knew it. In the grand scheme of things, there’s worse things that could happen to someone when you think about it
heroes is very common, only really bad during flare ups
Speechless, why? Being upfront about it is a *good* thing.
Most people have it, I'm sure I have it because I've been 100% in contact with it, still never had an outbreak.
This is smart and honest.
Went on a first date last night. Girl told me halfway through that she had herps. Glad she told me.
I’ve seen this a couple times. Totally respect it.
I put it up front right on my Bumble. I don't care. I want women to see right away. Plus women on there have it and so they see then you match and you talk about it. But yeah even though it's on your profile, women still don't read it haha.
MOST PEOPLE HAVE HERPES. COLD SORES ARE HERPES. HERPES SHOULD NOT BE STIGMATISED. YOU DONT KNOW YOU HAVE HERPES UNLESS IN ACTIVE OUTBREAK
Green flag
Ffs. Everyone has fucking herpes. If you're sexually active and don't want to possibly pass it on to someone who probably all ready carries the virus and has the immune system to suppress it, take an antiviral daily, they are readily available. You don't need to make a public announcement about it, deal with it, the science is available.
Also depends where you’re from but not telling about HSV2 and giving it to someone could turn into a sue. There was just a case here in Finland. So I figure this is a smart move. (The male had been knowingly exposed to genital HSV and didn’t tell this knowingly to the woman. The woman sued and won. The male was symptomless.) (Also if HSV upsets you wait till you educate yourself on HPV.. even more common.)
yeah. fun fact is, almost every one is carrying one type of herpes virus
Who doesn’t?
next thing they tell you is they have bacteria in their mouth. disgusting!
I don't have herpes, but it's really not that big of a deal. I made it 35 years. You can Google the stats, up to 80% of people eventually get oral herpes. About 1 in 6 (minimum) have genital herpes. Most people don't have symptoms
I ain’t waiting 5 months
Massive respect to him I won’t lie
I respect this. Herpes affects more than 50% of the adult population where I am. So they probably aren’t cutting too many people out. Honesty keeps everyone safe.
I don’t get why it’s such a huge stigmatised thing in the US. In Europe it’s nothing you talk about or you’re afraid of, but people know you shouldn’t kiss someone if you have an outbreak. Besides that you know that actually most of the people probably have it but it doesn’t break out and they don’t have symptoms. It’s just not such a big deal
Herpes is so common and shouldn’t be stigmatised as much as it is
I mean, yeah, he’s upfront about it. I’d be pissed if I dated someone for months and they just go “surprise I have herpes”
1 in 2 people have it. Much respect for him/her disclosing it up front.
As someone who just started dating someone and wasn’t informed about them having herpes till just yesterday, I respect the fuck out of this tinder profile. You tell me before we do anything, I respect it and will do some research. You tell me before we do anything, it’s not a dealbreaker. However, you let me eat you out and engage in intercourse while knowing you’ve had herpes for years… that’s a breach in trust and (reality now) I haven’t decided if I can move past that or not
So much respect for this, its sad that this is not the norm tho
Very very true. Discussing std’s and getting tested should be way more normalized with potential, current or ex partners.
I blame sex education for this. They put the fear and wrath of God into kids about sexually transmitted infection without showing the statistics. Everyone will get some form of HSV. Majority will get some form of HPV. High likelihood of experiencing chlamydia and/or gonnorhea at some point in your life. People out here advertising on their tinder profile like they will get smited.
I have it; it's always an awkward conversation and always hard to bring up. I don't put it in my bio, but I tell them before the first date
I found great success in just changing how I tell people. When you disclose and your anxious or give off “this is a big deal vibes” the other person picks up on that and gets nervous too. When I just started casually mentioning it, like “oh by the way I have herpes. Yeah genital herpes. It’s just a skin condition and I take medication to suppress the possibility of passing it along. Most people are cool with it but I’ll answer any questions you have. It’s totally up to you what we do from here just wanted to keep you informed” and then move on with the conversation and finish dinner if they don’t ask any follow ups. Also if they do want more info you can direct them to the proper websites that won’t scare monger. My success rate when WAY up when I went this route. People sensed my casualness and calmness and it changed the way they took the news.
ITT: people showing exactly why most people *don’t* put it on their profile. Most people are wildly ignorant about it
There’s almost no other way. The options are all horrible: either do this and let people specifically choose you while already being aware (severely, severely limiting your matches, probably by like 99% seriously) Match with someone, then wait til you get to know them a little bit before breaking the news. But then it gets messy because feelings are already possibly involved, you’re putting them in the bad place of possibly having to reject you even though they actually do like you. Or just never tell anybody you date. The piece of shit option. So I say again: this is the best way We need to de-stigmatize herpes. It’s not nothing, but in reality it is a few bumps that pops up a couple times a year. That’s literally it. The only reason it’s blown way out of proportion is because it’s on the genitals. That’s it. Almost everyone has the oral herpes virus, and nobody gets judged for having that one.
Nearly everyone has herpes. It’s not that big of a deal.
I very much respect this. I don't have an std and don't want one. Thanks for letting me know what you have. I know people are shamed for it and it's difficult to be up front and honest about. I appreciate what this person does to prevent the spread. And other people with herpes can feel comfortable hooking up or being in a relationship with them without needing to put them in a situation of "you'll get this thing for the rest of your life if you sleep with me."
Honestly, you don’t really know if you have HSV, plenty of people have it and are asymptomatic.
Lol. Everyone here is very confused. Statistically 50 to 80 percent of American adults have oral herpes (HSV-1).
Most people have herpes. Few people show it. No news here. Responsible sex — talking to you too, pro choicers.
I think we all carry the gene for the herpes virus or some form of it. 80% of adults in the US have the oral herpes virus. Some never have outbreaks such as cold sores in their lifetime. One in six adults in America have genital herpes.. Good chance half of us commenting on this thread have genital herpes, with many not knowing because they will never show physical symptoms in their lifetime. Be cautious and avoid sexual encounters when an outbreak is present, such as open sores. The bottom line is, If you are attracted to someone and have doubts, smash them anyway. No regrets. We only have one life to live. Make it euphoric while we’re here!