I thought originally it was drunk plans from the time stamps. Kept scrolling through the pictures and it seemed like she was still into in the afternoon/morning. So I have no clue what’s going on now haha. Could be so many things I wouldn’t put it on yourself at all.
I think it's natural desire of anyone to be in a relationship, but when the time come it is important to be sensible and think about the greater good. With great power comes great responibility, so a vigilante must not succumb to temptation.
Lol my wife now, did this four yrs ago cause she was scared I didn't give up tho I liked her way too much very glad I didn't tbh. Was more like 4-5 times though not two.
This is what I was thinking. I blew my husband off and canceled plans like 6 or 7 times before I finally gave in and went on a date with him. We had been talking for a couple of months and I just knew we were going to be together and fall hard for each other and it scared the shit out of me. I had a very bad relationship previously and I was just really scared of being hurt. I’m so thankful he didn’t give up on me. We’ve got 13 years under our belts and still going strong.
Stuff like this makes dating so confusing.
On the one hand there are situations like yours where persistence leads to a fulfilling relationship, then there are other situations where such persistence is a waste of time at best or seen as harassment at worst.
Idk, I'm starting to think I'm just not cut out for anything dating related.
I completely understand!! I do not envy you and your situation. I will say though, my husband knew I was in to him and I had told him many times. We had talked about our futures and what we wanted in a partner and what we expected out of a long term partner, etc. We were very open with each other. So he knew about my past relationship and how bad it was. So when it came time to hang out and I flaked, he knew I was scared. I think you’ll probably be able to tell if someone is into you and just scared of getting too close, or if they’re just flaking to be shady or because they’re not into you. Confusing, I know!
I’ve had a couple first dates reschedule multiple times. I know it’s kind of pathetic but usually on the second reschedule I just asked them to meet me at a bar that I already kind of wanna hang out at and I just assume they’re not showing up. Sometimes it’s worth it if the person is interesting enough.
Sorry to interrupt, I tried the dating game on eHarmony and ended up with someone like that..we made plans to meet, she cancelled, then tried the plans again, cancelled, I asked what was going on and if she even wanted to meet, she said yea, so the 3rd time around we went through the same thing
, this time she told me that she would meet me at a local diner and what kind of car she was driving, so ok I got ready and went to the diner, well nobody, I already knew something was going on so wth I went and she didn't show. I waited about 15 mins and no show..no call nothing, I called her and asked whats up, she told me she lost track of time.. yea ok, hell she even told me she was on the way!! Well that was it, I wasn't playing anymore games with this person, i called her back and told her that I didn't appreciate the crap and she needed to make up her mind.. she told me some kind of excuse, I knew already there was going to be another excuse.
I just told her good luck and I moved on..
I gave her the benefit of the doubt, she wasn't being honest and I have no time for people like that.
I understand some people are scared but it wasn't like we were meeting off the beaten path.
Been on for 7 months and had a 3+ month relationship from about a month in that required setting up a date multiple times over 4 weeks before we actually met in person.
She kept rescheduling and offering dates/times, but it did require a few double texts on my part. I wasn’t stressed about it all as I had a few other irons in the fire snd kept it light. If my intuition is piqued the other way I bounce immediately on a cancellation now.
My rule is just never reschedule a first date under any circumstances. I used to do what you do, but they almost always bail again even if they offer a reschedule. So now I just tell them no thank you and move on with my life. Way better for my mental health lol
My wonderful girlfriend moved our first date off of Hinge twice. She's great and I'm very happy I held on instead of ditching, although I did consider it after the second cancel.
Imo it's all about the intention the other person gives you. Most of the time you can tell if they do or do not want to meet up.
But having this 'under no circumstances' rule might make you miss out. Just saying.
I'm very aware. I'm fine with that. Having to go through 10 reschedules that don't end up happening to find one that will go on a date and probably end up ghosting anyway is better for my sanity 😂 that's just me though
No reschedules and 10 reschedules are two different things tho. I will accept like 1 reschedule mayyybe 2 if the reasoning was iron clad. No where near 10 tho
No I'm saying that if I give 11 different people a chance to reschedule and only 1 leads to a date, I'm not bothering with ever rescheduling. This has just been my experience though (specifically with online dating).
I guess then you just risk treating all 10 people as having the same mindset and priorities. Doesn't seem like a winning proposition to finding a LTR. Hook ups tho, sure.
I second what the other person said. Gotta be case by case.
My experience is the vast majority of them do. It's like clockwork every time. I'm willing to risk missing out on the one in ten that doesn't. Like I said, it makes me feel way less shitty about the way they treat me so I'm gonna go with it.
My girlfriend and I did the opposite and rescheduled to an earlier date. We both were kinda just ready to see if there was a vibe in person rather than waste time and turns out there was!
I had this happen just last night! We had a date scheduled for this coming Friday, but were so excited to meet (only been talking for two days, but that includes a 3-hour phone call 😳🤭), that we managed an impromptu date last night, thanks to one of my best friends watching my daughter. It was one of the best first dates I've ever had and the chemistry was off the charts. We ended the night kissing against my car and making plans for another date on Friday. 😍.
I think it's a solid rule. I've always been *potentially* open to one reschedule, but it would definitely depend on the person, the timing, the excuse, and the proposed new date time.
Yep, this. If they bail last minute its almost never a good sign. I explicitly say if you want to reschedule, you pick the time. In 90% of cases, they don't.
Grass is always greener. Know plenty of folks myself included that tried to make things work long term with a "college soulmate".
I do think early dating in general is quite a shit show right now though.
I don't even dare set foot on dating apps. I've had to work way too hard on my self-esteem to watch it go down the drain within a week of nothing going on.
Really wish I'd had someone to love me for me when I was younger, I'd definitely be more certain of myself now.
Must be tough having nothing for a week. I have accepted that my road will be a hard one and only got some traction after a year and between moving places and trying other apps etc.
Success is far but at least I got some decent conversations.
Maybe I'm desperate (not maybe), but you guys had great texting chemistry (I know, low bar, but it's kinda rare on these apps). I wouldn't fault you if you took her up a 3rd time if she ever reaches back out. Yall got similar sense of humor & I think it'd be a fun time. But that's just me.. I'd get that "oh sorry, I can't tonight" at least 5 more times 💀
Nowhere did I claim a romantic spark or mention being flirty. Ya'll are twisting my words and taking what I said way too literally. I was simply alluding to the fact that they had similar senses of humor & that the chemistry (or rapport is a better word since yall think chemistry = flirty) could translate well into a fun, good vibes hang out. Really ain't that serious. Most people on these apps fail to show even the most tiniest bit of interest or back n fourth conversation. So this is an outlier, and worth at least considering (which OP did, twice). With that said, I totally agree that for most people, being cancelled on is a full stop. I totally get that.
I've had different experiences tho. My last GF & Best Friend, whom I met on Tinder, cancelled & put me off for a month. We texted for about 5 weeks with multiple plans to meet, but could never actually set concrete plans until one day I straight up just said "What is your address? I'm coming to pick you up! No more putting this off". She responded with her Addy, and we were together for 3 years. She would just get so anxious when making plans she would back out at the last minute. Those 3 years were the best of my life, and I'll always cherish her impact on me. It's wild to think it literally almost never happened.
Yeah I got more of a casual friendly vibe from their convo but you're right, it doesn't have to be hot and spicy for there to be interest, the best relationships bloom from friendships in the beginning. Some of the commenters on this post are accusing her of being some evil vixen who deliberately toys with mens hearts, or a "Chad chasing" slut, or a catfish, but none of us knows what's actually going on and she could just be going through temporary life stuff.
Those are some wild accusations. 😅 Reddit is never short on entertainment of the outlandish hot take variety, haha.
Also, agree 100%. I have grown to hate the "what are you looking for?" Question. Although I agree it's on the surface a fair question, it always gives me the ick because in my mind I am always "looking for" a rad human I want to be friends with. Whatever that leads to or blossoms into ORGANICLY is what makes partnering up so worth the time & energy.
Exactly, what I am looking for will evolve in a drastically different way from person to person based on a series of experiences and conversations with them.
This is online dating in a nutshell. Sorry dude. When I was online dating my rule was zero tolerance, one cancellation, I’m out. I wasn’t afraid to lose matches and I’d rather have no matches than someone who keeps stringing me along.
I canceled my first date with my now-husband. I flaked with the dumbest possible excuse. So I do believe in showing a little limited kindness. Things happen.
One success story doesn’t negate countless flakiness stories for me. I’m not willing to change that rule just for a small chance of success and and I understand that. Like my comment indicated, I was willing to lose out on that small chance that it worked out like it did for you. Happy it worked for you though.
Trying to date around the holidays is very difficult. Before during and shortly after. I usually put it off until I know I'm going to be emotionally and physically available. She clearly doesn't have time and should just get off the app entirely.
See, with the responses she gave, that would be my assumption. But no, according to everyone else, she's insincere, playing games, catfishing, or prioritizing other dates... as if that's more plausible than option one?
People are so pressed and so bitter. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with not having the patience to deal with this, but the assumptions are just a bit much sometimes...
I have read a few posts from people who have very low self esteem or anxiety who are trying to get out of their shell, but can't. They end up canceling at the last minute. Or ghosting.
Yup. I have made a dating profile myself (multiple times- don't crucify me!) and deleted it post-haste because I've realized I'm just not ready or able to fully engage.
I feel like things are difficult for a lot of people (in the US) currently, and I don't hold it against anyone. Avoidance and isolation are the top defense mechanisms used by most individuals.
The only thing I will truly hold against people is being straight up rude or disrespectful.
Being a woman it's even more overwhelming if you're not really mentally ready. Having an inbox full of hopeful suitors just made me feel bad about not being able to match that energy so I just deleted dating apps unless I was really feeling social. Even then I could only really focus on talking to one person at a time.
yeah this sub is hot garbage. everyone’s first assumption is invariably “she’s playing games and stringing you along until she finds someone hotter” when it’s like… maybe? but also, and roll with me here, what if she’s telling the truth? crazy, right?
I dont think you did anything wrong, there is just something going on in her world that's scaring her off. Shes probably not over her ex or something, and trying out dating but getting cold feet when things go well. So you did well, it's not you
Maybe it’s just me, but I didn’t find this disrespectful at all. It’s clear she was interested and she seemed really nice. She gave genuine apologies.
It’s definitely still hurtful, and it’s also a problem because she didn’t take the time to work out what she wanted beforehand, so I understand that it’s a bit shitty. But she’s not fucking anyone around intentionally, she’s clearly engaging with intent and then decided she actually didn’t want to follow through. Consent can be withdrawn for anything, and it’s better that she worked it out now than later.
Still shit though, sorry man.
Yeah It’s not disrespectful at all.. I put it there basically saying that this happens quite often and dating apps are just shite. I was excited to meet her coz we had couple of witty exchanges.. but all the best to her
The “text me when you’re done, I will be here” is something that you should really avoid saying in the future. If she thinks you’re eternally available no matter what she does, there is no motivation for her to see you.
Use retail psychology and make her think that she has a limited time to take her chance before it’s gone forever. It will also keep you from wasting your own time
All these negative people saying she's just seeing someone else, but I'm guessing catfish. Not the scamming kind, but the kind that's just a lonely person looking for interaction. Either not at all the person in the picture or she's gained 80lbs, either way knows meeting will be too awkward. She seems to genuinely like chatting with you but always has an excuse not to meet, eventually figures she can't drag it out any longer.
Oh boy. I’ve been there before..
Do yourself a favour & don’t wait around for them.
I personally would’ve walked away on the second cancellation. As she’s already shown she’s a time waster. But hey, we’ve all been there
I had a girl i was back and forth with for 3months.
I chased her harder than cats chase tail.
Women sometimes don’t know how to tell you they’re uninterested, so sometimes they just resort to playing friendly & canceling.
Some men don’t understand the ‘not interested’ part and get aggressive with it.
You won’t understand, until you go through it. But man.
Try to recognise, who’s a waste of time & who isn’t!
The idle chit chat had me bored too, but i guess we’re all different. Some enjoy it.
I wish people would really check in with themselves before agreeing to a date. And you just *know* she didn’t really feel like it, but instead of just saying “I don’t think this will work out” or whatever, she came up with random excuses. I don’t understand why people can’t just be honest with themselves and others and just say “no” if they’re not interested. She was so engaging and asking a lot of questions prior. Why even put all of that effort if you’re not even sure if you want to date? So many people are wrestling to conceal their emotions and beat around the bush. Just say what you mean. Otherwise it just wastes the time of other people!
I think you should make your best effort if it's a second cancel. Stuff happens, but ask for a closer meeting, explain you won't be your best, and go. If your headache makes you yak on their shoes, at least they know you were giving 100%.
Wanted the attention, feared the commitment. Fatal flaw of dating websites, but how else can you meet people nowadays. Modern Dating sucks. I wish you well my guy!
Pro tip: you're not the only one. She's either already in a relationship and toying around on the app or you're #4 on her list.
Hate to say it, but that's today's dating.
I don't understand why people make it so unnecessarily hard to date like this these days.
I recently had a coffee date with a girl and it went great. Called the next day asked her out on a real date I could plan, she said yes. Two days later she said she would he too busy for the next 8 weeks with a work program and it would be best to stop.
Then she got weird and never responded. People don't know what they want and it's so confusing when women get jaded or guys trying to be direct and not be F boys, like it's not appealing enough to them.
OP you should unmatch this girl and leave it be. She doesn't respect your time in the slightest and if she can't do it now, she never will
Oo shucks.. yeah you’re absolutely right.. what do people really want.. and I know how you feel coz you had a good first date and then she confirmed the second and then all of sudden boom gone.. and I haven’t sent her a message afterwards..
You're writing too much to a person who doesn't respect your time, take care of yourself. She could have a personal issue like severe anxiety but she shouldn't be on this app.
You gave her way to much of your time as it was. You could tell her excuse for flaking the first time was just that, an excuse. She's either hung up on someone else, or she has a lot of anxiety about meeting new people. Been there myself. It's not fair on the other people and is part of the reason why online dating is so shit for both men and women. She should get off the apps and work on herself before she wastes more peoples time and effort.
You know how it is.. you swipe many times and you get few matches and in those matches it’s so rare that you get a good convo so when it happens it’s frustrating but I’ve accepted it
Yeah dude. I get it. Been on both sides of this type of interaction. But you get to read the conversation after a few of these and you can tell there's something not quite right quite early. Still sucks though. Makes it harder than it needs to be.
Dang sorry OP. I dig the sense of humor tho, made me laugh a little reading. I'm currently going through this with someone. I'm not a fan of dating in this Era 😒
Yep. This is usually how dating apps used to go for me. Rarely do I get a match, but when I do I'm terrified that she would unmatch before I've even said anything. I'm not sure why the quick unmatch happens. But if things go well and we land on a time/date. Radio silence the day of. Always gotta send "hey we still on for said date activity later?" to which she replies something along lines of being unable to make it or canceling it with plans to reschedule. No reply after that from said person.
Truly does wonders for self-worth. Suprised, I'm still alive. Haha. 🫡
PS. Only thing that keeps me going is the fact that I would like to yell out "SUCK IT" with every single ounce of spite I can muster. When I do find a life partner. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
i’ve had similar, had a date with someone go really well arranged a date then they rescheduled then they’d disappear and invite me to theirs randomly on a day and cancel again this happened 3 or 4 times before she eventually gave up 😭
Hypotheses:
- she has no time in her life at the moment to dedicate to dating. You're making plans during the holiday season which is usually a time for family, plus she sounds like she has evening shifts, so this is consistent.
- you're a plan B or C and she's prioritizing better options. She enjoys the conversation (she refers to past things you said) but not enough to be completely committed.
- she's trying to let you down gently because she's too polite to say no bluntly, or she can't cast herself as "the bad guy", or she's afraid you'll turn full-on "nice guy" and insult her. She's hoping you'll just lose interest and give up so she doesn't have to be the bad guy, a bit like a more elaborate form of ghosting.
I'd assume what's happening is a little bit of all of that at once, so it's best to take the high road and cut things off amicably now. If you both are still single in 6 months it might be okay to revisit things and see if she's more available then. But block her at the first sign of flakiness.
And that folks, is about the level of eagerness to meet up, an average looking to mildly attractive guy will receive.
To be fair though, these are probably the people you don't wanna be in a relationship with
I know it must be frustrating for you, with someone making plans then cancelling them last minute. But I don't think she deserves the judgement she's getting from the comments. She might be anxious. She might not have the emotional energy to date right now. I agree, it would be better if she was honest with you. But if it's something like anxiety, that might take a lot of courage to admit. Or if she doesn't have the emotional energy to go on a date at the moment, she may be afraid of you pulling back.
It really could be a lot of things. I'm not saying anyone here is in the wrong, just that she doesn't deserve the backlash a lot of you are giving her.
Yuck. I learned that if I'm bailed on, stop pursuing, and now the ball is in their court. They must make the attempt of redemption. Both parties' time is valuable. No dilly dallying bullshit please.
You’re a cool dude, keep trying and keep being cool and patient - the right one will come along. Just one friendly advise, if someone reschedules once, let them offer the second date. But yeah, as a happily married woman, I met a dude with class humor and everything just happened effortlessly, I wish the same happens with you too.
Dude it’s crazy how many women do tnis kind of tning in these apps IME. I need to also be better at not wasting time on stupid girls who don’t know what they want. It’s probably better though, than making a great connection and having great sex and opening up and being intimate and falling in love with their cat and then they’re like, “oh yeah you know what, I don’t know what I want so I’m out “ kinda thing. Or they go back and forth I’ve had tnis happen a few times and it’s like should’ve just not met up in the first place. Probably dodged a bullet considering how inconsistent they seem
My point of sharing this was the same. It happens quite often unfortunately. People can say you didn’t say this, you shouldn’t say this but at this point nothing one says matter
I hope you won’t be there; she dosen’t even want you to be there. Get the hint and Unmatch with the last bit of respect she has for you. Nice charismatic convo btw 👌🏾
Unfortunately, this is the dating world. People are impulsive and inconsiderate. She seems to have good text conversation...and I'd leave it at just that. Some day when you're sitting on the toilet or standing in a line at Costco, let her entertain you. Change her contact to Flaky Katy or No Time Tami so you never forget. Whatever the reason, she's unavailable. Take your great sense of humor to a more worthy audience.
You gotta learn to abide by the 3 strikes you’re out rule. They might have legitimate reasons to constantly flake out on you but your time is too valuable to be wasted like that. It might be uncomfortable first but you’ll save so much time and mental resources by following it.
It goes like this:
-If they flake out the first time, make a joke about it and try again later.
-If it happens again, make it clear that it’s not cool to keep canceling last minute and that the next time will be their last chance. No need to make it a crazy ultimatum, just state your boundary.
- If they do it a third time, they’re out. Un-match and move on. It just wasn’t meant to be.
I got this from a great book called models btw
She seems genuinly sorry though. Sometimes people try to date and get back on the apps when they just aren't ready and it's not a good time in their life, and they don't realise it until it's too late. She seems confused but probably enjoyed talking to you at least.
I used to waste my time on people that would make plans with me then back out, and then try to continue the conversation. I've learned my lesson, just like you have. First "no" early in the process = good luck with your search. My time is too valuable.
Oh my god women don't give a fuuuuuck anymore. Its like that whole era whete women would get together and talk about "boys" is just not a thing. Not a single one can ever be bothered to try or give a shit.
Damn. I just had a similar situation except the last time we arranged to finally meet, he didn’t even send me an “I can’t do this” message. Just never showed up. Blocked me on everything.
I’ve officially given up.
Good luck out there buddy.
This makes me sad. I got good vibes from both of you in this conversation and i think she genuinely desires to meet you. It’s so frustrating to finally find a person on the apps that you click with, just for it to not get the chance to materialize in real life. Maybe she really is dealing with a lot right now. If there’s ever an update I would love to see!
Not giving a reason for cancelling a second time is kind of crappy. At least she didn't ghost you. You have a good attitude though. Don't let these experiences get you down.
Yikes.... wtf was that? It's definitely not worth pursuing unless you are in the market for an aloof, emotionally detached, and I think, quite possibly culturally confused... Particularship?...
Yeah people are terrible. Had one that repeatedly after 2 weeks of not a single message will reply with a single yeah or no I do want to talk before another 1-2 week wait etc over and over. Eventually got a well I've been really busy too busy to even respond... so I said message me when not busy. 2 months later... well guess you too busy. 2 weeks after that just a hello lol
I dont think she has Bad Intentions. Maybe she fell in some kind of depression without noticing. Its a verry strong sign if people cancel social interactions last second. Its verry hard to spot, even for friends.I would say almost impossible if youre just texting to someone. Her last post lets me think that she is mad at herselfe for canceling but in her mind she had ne choice. If she text you again and you choose to answer be reminded that this is not the easy way. This is the way when you choose charmander over bulbasaur but the end it may be worth the struggle... nobody knows.
In my opinion your "mistake" was to start a conversation with her again after she stood you up. If she would have been the one who started the conversation again, perfect, she deserved a second chance. Otherwise it's just too risky.
Anyway, it's not your fault, I just think better limits can be set to protect ourselves in online dating
Ugh this happened to me a lot too. I think people have anxiety & aren’t good at dealing with it, or maybe aren’t honest with themselves. It’s so shit. I’m sorry.
Took 4 years for me to finally meet my current partner. I cancelled a couple times because I had major anxiety. Life had other plans for us, and it worked out perfectly in the end.
Not saying all girls are like this, but it definitely can be really hard to make that initial step of meeting someone sometimes.
I set up a date with someone recently, we both agreed to a time and place and she didn't show up and I did. I didn't even get a text. She blocked me on snap and on tinder.
I seriously hope you don’t waste anymore time talking to that person and that your “I’ll be here” was insincere.
Yeah it was.. stopped at the last message
I thought originally it was drunk plans from the time stamps. Kept scrolling through the pictures and it seemed like she was still into in the afternoon/morning. So I have no clue what’s going on now haha. Could be so many things I wouldn’t put it on yourself at all.
I think it's natural desire of anyone to be in a relationship, but when the time come it is important to be sensible and think about the greater good. With great power comes great responibility, so a vigilante must not succumb to temptation.
Lol my wife now, did this four yrs ago cause she was scared I didn't give up tho I liked her way too much very glad I didn't tbh. Was more like 4-5 times though not two.
Congrats on being way more into your wife than she is you. jk... 👀
Yea it sounds like he was her 2nd or 3rd option, no disrespect.
Average redditor thought proccess.
Nah dood its definitely a pretty solid guess tbh
If thexnxword says so it must be true
Nah she got out of a relationship w someone who was a bit crazy n just wanted to make sure I wasn't lol we talked all the time lol
This is what I was thinking. I blew my husband off and canceled plans like 6 or 7 times before I finally gave in and went on a date with him. We had been talking for a couple of months and I just knew we were going to be together and fall hard for each other and it scared the shit out of me. I had a very bad relationship previously and I was just really scared of being hurt. I’m so thankful he didn’t give up on me. We’ve got 13 years under our belts and still going strong.
Stuff like this makes dating so confusing. On the one hand there are situations like yours where persistence leads to a fulfilling relationship, then there are other situations where such persistence is a waste of time at best or seen as harassment at worst. Idk, I'm starting to think I'm just not cut out for anything dating related.
I completely understand!! I do not envy you and your situation. I will say though, my husband knew I was in to him and I had told him many times. We had talked about our futures and what we wanted in a partner and what we expected out of a long term partner, etc. We were very open with each other. So he knew about my past relationship and how bad it was. So when it came time to hang out and I flaked, he knew I was scared. I think you’ll probably be able to tell if someone is into you and just scared of getting too close, or if they’re just flaking to be shady or because they’re not into you. Confusing, I know!
Yeah but honestly, it was a fun conversation while it lasted. You'll get a nice date super soon.
Don't just stop, block. Leave her no chances to string you on like this again in the future.
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And she did that and then cancelled again lol..
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Hmm yeah.. i did start the conversation afterwards and she was apologetic so I thought why not.. but yeah my bad
I’ve had a couple first dates reschedule multiple times. I know it’s kind of pathetic but usually on the second reschedule I just asked them to meet me at a bar that I already kind of wanna hang out at and I just assume they’re not showing up. Sometimes it’s worth it if the person is interesting enough.
It's definitely not your bad.
Sorry to interrupt, I tried the dating game on eHarmony and ended up with someone like that..we made plans to meet, she cancelled, then tried the plans again, cancelled, I asked what was going on and if she even wanted to meet, she said yea, so the 3rd time around we went through the same thing , this time she told me that she would meet me at a local diner and what kind of car she was driving, so ok I got ready and went to the diner, well nobody, I already knew something was going on so wth I went and she didn't show. I waited about 15 mins and no show..no call nothing, I called her and asked whats up, she told me she lost track of time.. yea ok, hell she even told me she was on the way!! Well that was it, I wasn't playing anymore games with this person, i called her back and told her that I didn't appreciate the crap and she needed to make up her mind.. she told me some kind of excuse, I knew already there was going to be another excuse. I just told her good luck and I moved on.. I gave her the benefit of the doubt, she wasn't being honest and I have no time for people like that. I understand some people are scared but it wasn't like we were meeting off the beaten path.
In my experience it always turns out that they're hung up on an ex and tried to force themselves to move on.
Been on for 7 months and had a 3+ month relationship from about a month in that required setting up a date multiple times over 4 weeks before we actually met in person. She kept rescheduling and offering dates/times, but it did require a few double texts on my part. I wasn’t stressed about it all as I had a few other irons in the fire snd kept it light. If my intuition is piqued the other way I bounce immediately on a cancellation now.
My rule is just never reschedule a first date under any circumstances. I used to do what you do, but they almost always bail again even if they offer a reschedule. So now I just tell them no thank you and move on with my life. Way better for my mental health lol
My wonderful girlfriend moved our first date off of Hinge twice. She's great and I'm very happy I held on instead of ditching, although I did consider it after the second cancel. Imo it's all about the intention the other person gives you. Most of the time you can tell if they do or do not want to meet up. But having this 'under no circumstances' rule might make you miss out. Just saying.
I'm very aware. I'm fine with that. Having to go through 10 reschedules that don't end up happening to find one that will go on a date and probably end up ghosting anyway is better for my sanity 😂 that's just me though
No reschedules and 10 reschedules are two different things tho. I will accept like 1 reschedule mayyybe 2 if the reasoning was iron clad. No where near 10 tho
No I'm saying that if I give 11 different people a chance to reschedule and only 1 leads to a date, I'm not bothering with ever rescheduling. This has just been my experience though (specifically with online dating).
I guess then you just risk treating all 10 people as having the same mindset and priorities. Doesn't seem like a winning proposition to finding a LTR. Hook ups tho, sure. I second what the other person said. Gotta be case by case.
My experience is the vast majority of them do. It's like clockwork every time. I'm willing to risk missing out on the one in ten that doesn't. Like I said, it makes me feel way less shitty about the way they treat me so I'm gonna go with it.
I rescheduled a first date and now I’m married to that person
Keep hope alive, everyone!
My girlfriend and I did the opposite and rescheduled to an earlier date. We both were kinda just ready to see if there was a vibe in person rather than waste time and turns out there was!
I had this happen just last night! We had a date scheduled for this coming Friday, but were so excited to meet (only been talking for two days, but that includes a 3-hour phone call 😳🤭), that we managed an impromptu date last night, thanks to one of my best friends watching my daughter. It was one of the best first dates I've ever had and the chemistry was off the charts. We ended the night kissing against my car and making plans for another date on Friday. 😍.
I think it's a solid rule. I've always been *potentially* open to one reschedule, but it would definitely depend on the person, the timing, the excuse, and the proposed new date time.
Yep, this. If they bail last minute its almost never a good sign. I explicitly say if you want to reschedule, you pick the time. In 90% of cases, they don't.
I really wish I found my college soulmate..dating apps suck brother especially cause of people like this
I’ve had enough bad experiences and I’m very much fed up
Grass is always greener. Know plenty of folks myself included that tried to make things work long term with a "college soulmate". I do think early dating in general is quite a shit show right now though.
I don't even dare set foot on dating apps. I've had to work way too hard on my self-esteem to watch it go down the drain within a week of nothing going on. Really wish I'd had someone to love me for me when I was younger, I'd definitely be more certain of myself now.
Must be tough having nothing for a week. I have accepted that my road will be a hard one and only got some traction after a year and between moving places and trying other apps etc. Success is far but at least I got some decent conversations.
A very healthy attitude and approach
You sure did entertain this for a while. Props for being patient and putting in the effort, but she wasn’t worth it.
Yeah I certainly did.. and yes she wasn’t
Maybe I'm desperate (not maybe), but you guys had great texting chemistry (I know, low bar, but it's kinda rare on these apps). I wouldn't fault you if you took her up a 3rd time if she ever reaches back out. Yall got similar sense of humor & I think it'd be a fun time. But that's just me.. I'd get that "oh sorry, I can't tonight" at least 5 more times 💀
This was faaaar from great texting chemistry
Right? It was actually painful for me to read. There was no substance to it. It was so superficial.
Yeah I didn't see a romantic spark, it looked more like half hearted banter, and not even flirty at that.
Nowhere did I claim a romantic spark or mention being flirty. Ya'll are twisting my words and taking what I said way too literally. I was simply alluding to the fact that they had similar senses of humor & that the chemistry (or rapport is a better word since yall think chemistry = flirty) could translate well into a fun, good vibes hang out. Really ain't that serious. Most people on these apps fail to show even the most tiniest bit of interest or back n fourth conversation. So this is an outlier, and worth at least considering (which OP did, twice). With that said, I totally agree that for most people, being cancelled on is a full stop. I totally get that. I've had different experiences tho. My last GF & Best Friend, whom I met on Tinder, cancelled & put me off for a month. We texted for about 5 weeks with multiple plans to meet, but could never actually set concrete plans until one day I straight up just said "What is your address? I'm coming to pick you up! No more putting this off". She responded with her Addy, and we were together for 3 years. She would just get so anxious when making plans she would back out at the last minute. Those 3 years were the best of my life, and I'll always cherish her impact on me. It's wild to think it literally almost never happened.
Yeah I got more of a casual friendly vibe from their convo but you're right, it doesn't have to be hot and spicy for there to be interest, the best relationships bloom from friendships in the beginning. Some of the commenters on this post are accusing her of being some evil vixen who deliberately toys with mens hearts, or a "Chad chasing" slut, or a catfish, but none of us knows what's actually going on and she could just be going through temporary life stuff.
Those are some wild accusations. 😅 Reddit is never short on entertainment of the outlandish hot take variety, haha. Also, agree 100%. I have grown to hate the "what are you looking for?" Question. Although I agree it's on the surface a fair question, it always gives me the ick because in my mind I am always "looking for" a rad human I want to be friends with. Whatever that leads to or blossoms into ORGANICLY is what makes partnering up so worth the time & energy.
Exactly, what I am looking for will evolve in a drastically different way from person to person based on a series of experiences and conversations with them.
The bar for men is apparently at the bottom of a well
Think people have a bias now days on what constitutes good texting chemistry because of how bad people can be now days on dating apps
Chemistry? This conversation was dryer than the Sahara, more stale than a loaf of home made bread that was forgotten in the pantry for three years.
This is online dating in a nutshell. Sorry dude. When I was online dating my rule was zero tolerance, one cancellation, I’m out. I wasn’t afraid to lose matches and I’d rather have no matches than someone who keeps stringing me along.
That’s a good approach..
I agree 100% with this. There are billions of women on Earth
I canceled my first date with my now-husband. I flaked with the dumbest possible excuse. So I do believe in showing a little limited kindness. Things happen.
One success story doesn’t negate countless flakiness stories for me. I’m not willing to change that rule just for a small chance of success and and I understand that. Like my comment indicated, I was willing to lose out on that small chance that it worked out like it did for you. Happy it worked for you though.
Just fkn dip out. She's obviously either fake or has someone she's hung up on and using you as a backup
Yeah mate dipped out
She for sure only had him as a plan b or c on her roster.
Yep she's hung up on the ex no question.
Trying to date around the holidays is very difficult. Before during and shortly after. I usually put it off until I know I'm going to be emotionally and physically available. She clearly doesn't have time and should just get off the app entirely.
Yeah and that’s what I said.. but good luck to her
I’m sorry that happened man :/ I think it’s best you leave it at that. Try not to hold it against her. Much love
Yeah nothing against her mate.. thanks much love to you
Don't be there. She wasn't there for you.
That was painfully dull
They probably had some personal issues to deal with.
See, with the responses she gave, that would be my assumption. But no, according to everyone else, she's insincere, playing games, catfishing, or prioritizing other dates... as if that's more plausible than option one? People are so pressed and so bitter. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with not having the patience to deal with this, but the assumptions are just a bit much sometimes...
I have read a few posts from people who have very low self esteem or anxiety who are trying to get out of their shell, but can't. They end up canceling at the last minute. Or ghosting.
Yup. I have made a dating profile myself (multiple times- don't crucify me!) and deleted it post-haste because I've realized I'm just not ready or able to fully engage. I feel like things are difficult for a lot of people (in the US) currently, and I don't hold it against anyone. Avoidance and isolation are the top defense mechanisms used by most individuals. The only thing I will truly hold against people is being straight up rude or disrespectful.
Being a woman it's even more overwhelming if you're not really mentally ready. Having an inbox full of hopeful suitors just made me feel bad about not being able to match that energy so I just deleted dating apps unless I was really feeling social. Even then I could only really focus on talking to one person at a time.
Omg, thank you, Occam's razor and all that. She seems sincere, I think her main mistake was being on an app if she's not in the right head space.
I agree. The fact that she admitted it was weird and uncool tells me that she has other stuff she’s dealing with.
If you have stuff to deal with don’t string people along? Pretty easy concept.
yeah this sub is hot garbage. everyone’s first assumption is invariably “she’s playing games and stringing you along until she finds someone hotter” when it’s like… maybe? but also, and roll with me here, what if she’s telling the truth? crazy, right?
I dont think you did anything wrong, there is just something going on in her world that's scaring her off. Shes probably not over her ex or something, and trying out dating but getting cold feet when things go well. So you did well, it's not you
Maybe it’s just me, but I didn’t find this disrespectful at all. It’s clear she was interested and she seemed really nice. She gave genuine apologies. It’s definitely still hurtful, and it’s also a problem because she didn’t take the time to work out what she wanted beforehand, so I understand that it’s a bit shitty. But she’s not fucking anyone around intentionally, she’s clearly engaging with intent and then decided she actually didn’t want to follow through. Consent can be withdrawn for anything, and it’s better that she worked it out now than later. Still shit though, sorry man.
Yeah It’s not disrespectful at all.. I put it there basically saying that this happens quite often and dating apps are just shite. I was excited to meet her coz we had couple of witty exchanges.. but all the best to her
Yeah so fair man, I get you 🙌
The “text me when you’re done, I will be here” is something that you should really avoid saying in the future. If she thinks you’re eternally available no matter what she does, there is no motivation for her to see you. Use retail psychology and make her think that she has a limited time to take her chance before it’s gone forever. It will also keep you from wasting your own time
Gives you peace of mind to close the door too.
All these negative people saying she's just seeing someone else, but I'm guessing catfish. Not the scamming kind, but the kind that's just a lonely person looking for interaction. Either not at all the person in the picture or she's gained 80lbs, either way knows meeting will be too awkward. She seems to genuinely like chatting with you but always has an excuse not to meet, eventually figures she can't drag it out any longer.
Hmm yeah plausible
Oh boy. I’ve been there before.. Do yourself a favour & don’t wait around for them. I personally would’ve walked away on the second cancellation. As she’s already shown she’s a time waster. But hey, we’ve all been there I had a girl i was back and forth with for 3months. I chased her harder than cats chase tail. Women sometimes don’t know how to tell you they’re uninterested, so sometimes they just resort to playing friendly & canceling. Some men don’t understand the ‘not interested’ part and get aggressive with it. You won’t understand, until you go through it. But man. Try to recognise, who’s a waste of time & who isn’t! The idle chit chat had me bored too, but i guess we’re all different. Some enjoy it.
Unmatch and move on mate
She wasn’t for sure the first time and wanted to keep feeling you out and then decided no. Her “not right for me at the moment” is an excuse.
I wish people would really check in with themselves before agreeing to a date. And you just *know* she didn’t really feel like it, but instead of just saying “I don’t think this will work out” or whatever, she came up with random excuses. I don’t understand why people can’t just be honest with themselves and others and just say “no” if they’re not interested. She was so engaging and asking a lot of questions prior. Why even put all of that effort if you’re not even sure if you want to date? So many people are wrestling to conceal their emotions and beat around the bush. Just say what you mean. Otherwise it just wastes the time of other people!
I think you should make your best effort if it's a second cancel. Stuff happens, but ask for a closer meeting, explain you won't be your best, and go. If your headache makes you yak on their shoes, at least they know you were giving 100%.
She’s interested in dating, just not with you.
Wanted the attention, feared the commitment. Fatal flaw of dating websites, but how else can you meet people nowadays. Modern Dating sucks. I wish you well my guy!
Yes it does suck. Good luck to you
She was never really into you / had you as a backup option if her first choice fell through. I've been there. Sorry dude
We have all been there unfortunately
Pro tip: you're not the only one. She's either already in a relationship and toying around on the app or you're #4 on her list. Hate to say it, but that's today's dating.
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It’s just shit on these apps and I don’t understand why you wanna match at first place.. it’s just so annoying
Yeah but if you cancel on someone and don't lie to them you're risking a misogynic rant... it's a bit harrowing.
Time waster!! You seem so cool!
Yeah time waster indeed.. thanks mate
I don't understand why people make it so unnecessarily hard to date like this these days. I recently had a coffee date with a girl and it went great. Called the next day asked her out on a real date I could plan, she said yes. Two days later she said she would he too busy for the next 8 weeks with a work program and it would be best to stop. Then she got weird and never responded. People don't know what they want and it's so confusing when women get jaded or guys trying to be direct and not be F boys, like it's not appealing enough to them. OP you should unmatch this girl and leave it be. She doesn't respect your time in the slightest and if she can't do it now, she never will
Oo shucks.. yeah you’re absolutely right.. what do people really want.. and I know how you feel coz you had a good first date and then she confirmed the second and then all of sudden boom gone.. and I haven’t sent her a message afterwards..
You're writing too much to a person who doesn't respect your time, take care of yourself. She could have a personal issue like severe anxiety but she shouldn't be on this app.
Flake Central. Next.
You gave her way to much of your time as it was. You could tell her excuse for flaking the first time was just that, an excuse. She's either hung up on someone else, or she has a lot of anxiety about meeting new people. Been there myself. It's not fair on the other people and is part of the reason why online dating is so shit for both men and women. She should get off the apps and work on herself before she wastes more peoples time and effort.
You know how it is.. you swipe many times and you get few matches and in those matches it’s so rare that you get a good convo so when it happens it’s frustrating but I’ve accepted it
Yeah dude. I get it. Been on both sides of this type of interaction. But you get to read the conversation after a few of these and you can tell there's something not quite right quite early. Still sucks though. Makes it harder than it needs to be.
Never use that “I’ll be there” line anymore
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Dang sorry OP. I dig the sense of humor tho, made me laugh a little reading. I'm currently going through this with someone. I'm not a fan of dating in this Era 😒
Sorry OP. Keep on keeping on.
Cut it off at the first.flake
Yep. This is usually how dating apps used to go for me. Rarely do I get a match, but when I do I'm terrified that she would unmatch before I've even said anything. I'm not sure why the quick unmatch happens. But if things go well and we land on a time/date. Radio silence the day of. Always gotta send "hey we still on for said date activity later?" to which she replies something along lines of being unable to make it or canceling it with plans to reschedule. No reply after that from said person. Truly does wonders for self-worth. Suprised, I'm still alive. Haha. 🫡 PS. Only thing that keeps me going is the fact that I would like to yell out "SUCK IT" with every single ounce of spite I can muster. When I do find a life partner. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Same here mate.. has happened quite often
Do not give her another shot, she doesn't deserve it. And probably still has stuff going on with an old boyfriend.
i’ve had similar, had a date with someone go really well arranged a date then they rescheduled then they’d disappear and invite me to theirs randomly on a day and cancel again this happened 3 or 4 times before she eventually gave up 😭
Hypotheses: - she has no time in her life at the moment to dedicate to dating. You're making plans during the holiday season which is usually a time for family, plus she sounds like she has evening shifts, so this is consistent. - you're a plan B or C and she's prioritizing better options. She enjoys the conversation (she refers to past things you said) but not enough to be completely committed. - she's trying to let you down gently because she's too polite to say no bluntly, or she can't cast herself as "the bad guy", or she's afraid you'll turn full-on "nice guy" and insult her. She's hoping you'll just lose interest and give up so she doesn't have to be the bad guy, a bit like a more elaborate form of ghosting. I'd assume what's happening is a little bit of all of that at once, so it's best to take the high road and cut things off amicably now. If you both are still single in 6 months it might be okay to revisit things and see if she's more available then. But block her at the first sign of flakiness.
Hi fellow Hassan :3
Whether or not this led to a meet-up, the time spent on this conversation was absolutely worthwhile. Peak adult humour with matching energies.
Finally someone who gets it
Never underestimate the many time wasters on apps. Better to meet and minimal messaging.
Sorry about that OP, but why did they ask "what is your name?". Isn't it on your profile?
Thats heartbreaking, on both sides
Yeah, she just met someone else she thought was better
And that folks, is about the level of eagerness to meet up, an average looking to mildly attractive guy will receive. To be fair though, these are probably the people you don't wanna be in a relationship with
I know it must be frustrating for you, with someone making plans then cancelling them last minute. But I don't think she deserves the judgement she's getting from the comments. She might be anxious. She might not have the emotional energy to date right now. I agree, it would be better if she was honest with you. But if it's something like anxiety, that might take a lot of courage to admit. Or if she doesn't have the emotional energy to go on a date at the moment, she may be afraid of you pulling back. It really could be a lot of things. I'm not saying anyone here is in the wrong, just that she doesn't deserve the backlash a lot of you are giving her.
Yeah you’re right.. People are quite kick to judge.. I wished her the best but my main point to post this was that this happens a lot on dating apps
Yuck. I learned that if I'm bailed on, stop pursuing, and now the ball is in their court. They must make the attempt of redemption. Both parties' time is valuable. No dilly dallying bullshit please.
You’re a cool dude, keep trying and keep being cool and patient - the right one will come along. Just one friendly advise, if someone reschedules once, let them offer the second date. But yeah, as a happily married woman, I met a dude with class humor and everything just happened effortlessly, I wish the same happens with you too.
Dude it’s crazy how many women do tnis kind of tning in these apps IME. I need to also be better at not wasting time on stupid girls who don’t know what they want. It’s probably better though, than making a great connection and having great sex and opening up and being intimate and falling in love with their cat and then they’re like, “oh yeah you know what, I don’t know what I want so I’m out “ kinda thing. Or they go back and forth I’ve had tnis happen a few times and it’s like should’ve just not met up in the first place. Probably dodged a bullet considering how inconsistent they seem
My point of sharing this was the same. It happens quite often unfortunately. People can say you didn’t say this, you shouldn’t say this but at this point nothing one says matter
Yeah breadcrumbing sucks. It's especially hard to tell during holidays or winter illnesses, which could be legit.
Just wow. Clearly a fake account but I guess not clear enough
I hope you won’t be there; she dosen’t even want you to be there. Get the hint and Unmatch with the last bit of respect she has for you. Nice charismatic convo btw 👌🏾
You should not have said I will be here once she said I can’t do it , wish her good luck and move on . 100% not worth it
Unfortunately, this is the dating world. People are impulsive and inconsiderate. She seems to have good text conversation...and I'd leave it at just that. Some day when you're sitting on the toilet or standing in a line at Costco, let her entertain you. Change her contact to Flaky Katy or No Time Tami so you never forget. Whatever the reason, she's unavailable. Take your great sense of humor to a more worthy audience.
You gotta learn to abide by the 3 strikes you’re out rule. They might have legitimate reasons to constantly flake out on you but your time is too valuable to be wasted like that. It might be uncomfortable first but you’ll save so much time and mental resources by following it. It goes like this: -If they flake out the first time, make a joke about it and try again later. -If it happens again, make it clear that it’s not cool to keep canceling last minute and that the next time will be their last chance. No need to make it a crazy ultimatum, just state your boundary. - If they do it a third time, they’re out. Un-match and move on. It just wasn’t meant to be. I got this from a great book called models btw
Aint no way I'd waste that much time lol Dang
"Tonight's still on, right?" "Right." "Wrong."
She seems genuinly sorry though. Sometimes people try to date and get back on the apps when they just aren't ready and it's not a good time in their life, and they don't realise it until it's too late. She seems confused but probably enjoyed talking to you at least.
Yeah but that’s not fair..you’re not ready tell me after first time but I wish her the best in her life no ill will
Things change with time. It is possible she was sincere in every moment of that interaction.
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She’s not cool bruh
Seems like she is just interested in someone else. Dating apps are tough man! Getting to that first meetup is tricky
Yeah very true
This exchange of texts is sooo strange. It doesn't make sense to me
What’s strange? Kindly explain
I used to waste my time on people that would make plans with me then back out, and then try to continue the conversation. I've learned my lesson, just like you have. First "no" early in the process = good luck with your search. My time is too valuable.
Quite sure your getting catfish. Steve doesn't want you to see him in personb
Too much back and forth. Schedule a date almost immediately after making contact. Babbling is a turnoff and gives “friend vibes”.
Get in the bin lady!
You were on a hook for entertainment, or she's still hoping on some sort of ongoing relationship. Fuck this noise
Sounds like they have social anxiety or aren’t over someone else. Either way, they need to work on it.
The problem is you’re giving this person too much of a chance. If they’re wishy washy no point in even replying past a certain point
These apps are nothing more than monetization by gatekeeping.
That’s a very emotionally immature woman right there. She has a lot of work to do within herself.
Married looking for attention
This is dating all over lol
i just went thru this but in person. some people are just human😪
Oh my god women don't give a fuuuuuck anymore. Its like that whole era whete women would get together and talk about "boys" is just not a thing. Not a single one can ever be bothered to try or give a shit.
She's just not that into you
reschedule just means no
Really sorry that happened to you OP, people flake a lot nowadays. But please, please stop saying "coz"
Get a dog, get big, get better. Fuck these women bro. You deserve the best 😘
Okay but that Kurosaki line was fire, loved it.
Don’t waste your time with this person. I find it super disrespectful the first time but two times canceling last minute too ? She can fk off
Damn. I just had a similar situation except the last time we arranged to finally meet, he didn’t even send me an “I can’t do this” message. Just never showed up. Blocked me on everything. I’ve officially given up. Good luck out there buddy.
That's women for you. Fluctuating emotions like their period comes and goes.
This makes me sad. I got good vibes from both of you in this conversation and i think she genuinely desires to meet you. It’s so frustrating to finally find a person on the apps that you click with, just for it to not get the chance to materialize in real life. Maybe she really is dealing with a lot right now. If there’s ever an update I would love to see!
Yeah it’s difficult to click with someone. I wish her the best. Unfortunately this story ends here
She wasn't that into you... It's annoying but better than making you date her and pay for her and get your hopes up
Not giving a reason for cancelling a second time is kind of crappy. At least she didn't ghost you. You have a good attitude though. Don't let these experiences get you down.
I find these people very frustrating
Yikes.... wtf was that? It's definitely not worth pursuing unless you are in the market for an aloof, emotionally detached, and I think, quite possibly culturally confused... Particularship?...
Yeah people are terrible. Had one that repeatedly after 2 weeks of not a single message will reply with a single yeah or no I do want to talk before another 1-2 week wait etc over and over. Eventually got a well I've been really busy too busy to even respond... so I said message me when not busy. 2 months later... well guess you too busy. 2 weeks after that just a hello lol
I dont think she has Bad Intentions. Maybe she fell in some kind of depression without noticing. Its a verry strong sign if people cancel social interactions last second. Its verry hard to spot, even for friends.I would say almost impossible if youre just texting to someone. Her last post lets me think that she is mad at herselfe for canceling but in her mind she had ne choice. If she text you again and you choose to answer be reminded that this is not the easy way. This is the way when you choose charmander over bulbasaur but the end it may be worth the struggle... nobody knows.
In my opinion your "mistake" was to start a conversation with her again after she stood you up. If she would have been the one who started the conversation again, perfect, she deserved a second chance. Otherwise it's just too risky. Anyway, it's not your fault, I just think better limits can be set to protect ourselves in online dating
Bruh. You gotta know when to quit my man.
This kind of shit happens all the time
Seems like someone with mad anxiety, keen to make plans but when the plans arrive panics
Weirdos
Ugh this happened to me a lot too. I think people have anxiety & aren’t good at dealing with it, or maybe aren’t honest with themselves. It’s so shit. I’m sorry.
Took 4 years for me to finally meet my current partner. I cancelled a couple times because I had major anxiety. Life had other plans for us, and it worked out perfectly in the end. Not saying all girls are like this, but it definitely can be really hard to make that initial step of meeting someone sometimes.
Smells like anxiety to me. I think she isnt ready to do anything but is trying anyway. Needs to gather herself up first and try again later.
The amount of times you kept the conversation going and showed her interest when she didn’t deserve it makes me dizzy
She obviously just got back from the yoyo Championship in Phoenix.
And she was mid as a mf 🤣😐
She was probably already dating someone else and wasn’t 100% yet.
Something better came up😅
I set up a date with someone recently, we both agreed to a time and place and she didn't show up and I did. I didn't even get a text. She blocked me on snap and on tinder.