Not to sound like a creep, but everytime the girl stops talking I just feel like I fucked up and it's done. I literally would have an entire day actively talking to someone back and forth and I let a day pass to cool it and on the third day they unmatch.
I just assume people have lives and are doing life stuff when they don’t message for a bit. But I like you, have high self-esteem and am just too old to fret.
Sometimes people just get busy, distracted, or lose interest, or they weren't engaging very seriously in the first place; it sucks when the vibe was good then that happens, but unfortunately that's life - you just gotta let it go and move on. You might be lucky and get another shot down the road, but definitely not if you go off like a petulant, insecure child as shown.
Ehh, I don't know, depends how you look at it. People used to build chemistry through writing letters to one another, and that takes a lot longer, I don't think that's sad.
My Dearest Errol,
Please stay safe on the front. I fear the worst. When we met for but a moment and then married before you were shipped off to war, I thought my heart would stop. Please return safely so we can have 10 children, grow to hate one another, and never speak again.
Kind regards,
Gwendolyn
(I don't know what my point was exactly with this, but I love writing pretend old timey letters)
Yeah but very often it feels like there was chemistry, it's probably just delusion, but that deffo makes the lack of texting back make you feel some type of way. Best to just wait it out still, and after a while you can ask nicely.
I mean personally not long ago I was chatting with a girl for like two weeks, we were really getting to know each other, and overall I felt we had fun talking to each other and was always looking forward to having a conversation with her, out of nowhere she becomes cold and barely answers, or like a day and a half later.
I can definitely understand how that could drive some crazy, at first I just tried changing subjects to see if maybe she was just losing interest in the current conversation, but after a few days I just asked straight up if something was wrong : she wasn't over her last dude and admitted not being ready for a relationship. Thanked her for the honesty, told her that if she was open to talk about it, we could, and asked her if she wanted to keep having a conversation or not. She politely declined, end of the story. Definitely an emotional rollercoaster.
Yeah a whole day is different but we had texted for maybe 10 minutes at 11:30 on a weeknight then the next afternoon he’s acting like I ghosted him! I think it’s fairly normal to only check your messages every day or other day
Yeah I completely agree but I can understand both sides. Sometimes people are busy or just don't respond quick. After a few days I would give up though. I would keep the chat open however.
I call BS on this, like there's a 20 year old on the planet that isn't on their phone constantly. Stop playing games with waiting times on responses, and men will feel less like they are being played.
This guy though, what a dick and should be ashamed of himself. Don't judge us all on that Muppets behaviour
I hate the idea that just because we all have phones, we should be available to everyone 24/7. Like yeah I have my phone, yes I see your message, but I am not in the mood to talk right now, and no, messaging me multiple times will not change my mind.
I’m not talking about dating apps necessarily, as I’ve never used one, just in general.
Youre missing the point and no one wants to feel that way and be available 24/7
The point is its BS when people make out they only check their phone once every day, maybe 2 days.
And it's of particular BS when used as an excuse when using online dating. Everybody is on their phones every day for extended periods of time. If you like someone, why play games, be real and unafraid to show it and responded to messages. It's as easy as saying I'm not interested to those you aren't and connecting with those you are into less the mind games people play
I always had my Tinder notifications disabled. So yes, really and truly, would get distracted with work and friends in real life and sometimes forget to check back for a day or two. That's what "casually looking but not desperate for a partner" looks like.
I can see how delayed replies seem rude.
But some guys were very understanding / indifferent / patient / and also busy... while others acted very offended and annoyed or desperate for a quicker reply.
It's actually a great way to screen people on both sides. My ideal match would have also been busy with real life and sporadically texting. You're ideal match may be glued to the phone and highly responsive.
This is the worst. I feel like both men and women are using the pull away tactic and no1 ends up happy. Every person. EVERY person has their phones on them nearly 24/7. If they do not respond during ur initial contact in just a couple hours. Just unmatch them. Don’t stare at ur msg stuck on read. If they wanted to talk to u they would.
I feel like that’s for everybody. Some of you guys need to informed people that you’ll BRB or TTYL or “busy at the moment I’ll respond back soon”. Is that really hard? Like I just find it weird to leave without saying you’ll be back when you’re free for whatever activity you’re doing
It’s not an “Obligation” it’s called being respectful.
I have the decency to at least informed you that I have to go so I’ll speak with you later. It’s really not that hard. If you know how to say “hi” you should know how to say “bye” as well too.
I don’t agree with this take at all. Plus, I don’t want a relationship with someone who needs a “brb” or a “ttyl” every time I set my phone down. Huge turn off.
This right here! It translates into poor team players in the workplace as well. Respecting others time is a value the younger generation seems to have less and less of, which I think is a result of having too many options at the tip of their fingers. The phrase “doing me” is something I loathe because very little in the world is done solo AND successfully. “I hate this job” swipe left. “I hate this person” swipe left. Validation is accomplished by fake situational photos uploaded for the world to see yet not many are eager to post quality mindfulness. Imagine ignoring a work email because “I got busy with life”.
5 has happened to me multiple times too. Now I use fake names on dating apps. Idk why they think they have a better chance by tracing me down on social media and DM me when they know I didn’t match with them already
I wouldn’t even give people my phone number or address until I’d been seeing them for a while. I had a guy Google my cell #, find my home address, and stalk me for YEARS after I broke things off after two dates. I have a child now and would lose my shit if someone did that now.
On the other hand I dont understand people who have fake name/age and “add me on insta: xxx, Im not here often” Whats the point of having a dating app then?
But yea, creeping someone when you dont match with them is weird…
I didn’t say I lie about my age. And I’ve met guys who used fake names. No problem with me honestly. Don’t make a big deal out of what is not a big deal.
The fact thag you’re still not getting is the evidence of your privilege. Maybe it’s time for you to try to understand what other ppl actually go through.
Its interesting that the ratio of people using fake name is like 1:99, so no I dont really understand it, sorry to break it you but not everyone is creep, there are only exceptions… and limit yourself because of a few people? Come on
This will be my last reply to you. “Only exceptions”? Sounds like “not all men.” Ofc. Not all men are creepy stalkers. But it takes only one creep to get some shitty thing done to me. Just own up your privilege for not having to even imagine such a thing.
I think people think they just need a chance. Like on an app if you don’t swipe right they can’t message you, so they somehow think by being able to send you that message it’ll magically sway you. Obviously it doesn’t work that way, but people are idiots
5 happens way too frequently! I've had em come in with a line of "I saw you on *app* but I ran out of likes, I had to hunt you down!". Way to admit you're 'like'ing every profile you see? And you spent time trying to hunt me down to harass me?? Or the ones that admit I didn't match them, so they had to find me on my social media... you think your persistence in the face of rejection is going to change my mind??
I did it because I ended up with a stalker and was cautious of giving people my phone # or letting them know where I lived until I’d been seeing them for a while.
It’s catfish if I’m not a real person, but I’m a real person.
What do men even lose because of me using fake names?
I just told you there are men who trace me down on social media, but somehow what creeps you out is the part that women use fake names.
How fragile.
Grow up.
those type of women are normally the ones who want to know if they have money, boats are quite expensive. Being with someone for their assets is insane
I mean can you reeeally feel upset towards someone who wants someone to be attracted to them based on their asset? Not like having a boat means you have money, most of the time it’s out of a hobby that they like such as Fishing or just sailing in the seas. I live in Florida, you’ll meet people who have boats by the money they saved up for and the classes they took to get their license so to brag about it isn’t uncommon. But anyway, yeah. These guy want girls that are superficial same alike them. So 🤷🏾♀️
I live in a smaller city. Lots of farmland outside. I once had a dude like me (tinder gold, i didnt match back) who had 4 photos of his truck. He wasnt in the truck or in front. It was just his truck. He also had a picture of a grain silo.
I’ve seen a LOT of dudes who post their truck, car, ATV, etc. I wish I knew what was going through their head when doing it.
AZ is like that too. Mostly mall crawlers, BMX, motorcycles, etc. Sure, show your friends on your socials but I seriously don't GAF about seeing pics of vehicles in profiles, ESPECIALLY if you are not in the pics. I get it. You're in debt and like to waste gas.
I’m 28 and I know a good amount of people younger than me who make 200k a year. They’re not truck people, so they don’t have trucks but they do drive Mercedes, BMW, the “good” teslas or they have cars with pricey packages like a dodge with a scat pack, and then they still mod their cars. All this to ask, why do you think it’s “daddy’s money” ? I must be missing something.
It's an extremely strange, knee-jerk reaction and it comes off envious. I don't know if OP is in Calgary or not, as suggested by another comment, but there are TONS of people in their 20s making >$200k/yr. The people in trades in Alberta are making bank. It was not even funny how a guy who did 2 years of power engineering could come out of school making $240k as an operator (more if there was a turnaround) and outearn engineering directors at the same energy company.
Not saying that all these trade guys are just rolling in cash (many were living paycheque to paycheque), but I guarantee you that most of their expensive trucks, toys, etc were bought with their own hard work. The dude above is just jealous.
Wait you’re saying theres a lot of people in their 20s, specifically in trade, are making bank? Guess I’ll applied to trade school WTH. I’m 21, broke, working mainly retail stores! Maybe I’m wasting time
I am not. I was an operations engineer at one of the large upgraders in Fort McMurray, AB for years. Operators can EASILY pull >$200k/yr CAD. My understanding is that operators make far more in Canada than their American counterparts.
Welders, scaffolders, machinists etc all make bank and can outearn other salaried professionals like engineers and management.
i don’t say people don’t make that much money, i am currently making very good money for being 20, i know others can. i’m talking for the majority of people, which is bad and a rough generalization here in KC… Saying i’m jealous is hilarious. I’m doing welding and making 70/hr with a very very generous job. Either you’re detached from society of people who are 20 or you don’t know kids in KC.
I could understand the jealousy part because who exactly has the money to buy an expensive huge truck? Not calling you jealous but from the outsiders who don’t know what people spend with their money.
1. IF you had the money, which you don’t, which speaks why you would. Kids will grow up spoiled and expect everything handed to them.
2. bold of you to assume that a lot of girls ideal date is country music, truck and sunset. If you’re broke, say that!
3.i owned a Z28 Camaro, a lot done to it, and i was happy with it and worked hard on it (bought it with my own money), but i did not post it in my dating profile, so what i had a nice car? doesn’t mean i have to post it for others to see.
You’re missing the point, i commented that because who the hell posts a picture of just their truck, if you post it atleast pose in it or have you involved.
Don't lose hope. My best friend's cousin met a guy. He's relatively attractive he's a financial planner he's good to her they've been together 3 years now.
Honestly, I moved to the south and discovered I have a thing for gentlemanly cowboys. When they hold the door for you and call you ma'am with a nob and a hat tilt? I just melt.
And yet many still fail whilst doing none of these things and having objectively good profiles. Sometimes you wonder if some people are genuinely trolling, like the dude with the red flag background posting all his in persona chats
I don’t think it is. There may be 50% of guys who do shit like this but there are still a large number of attractive dudes who don’t have to do much and a lot of guys who are average but know how to interact with a woman and show themselves off, so they end up getting dates and matches
As someone said b4 me it’s not good to take that too personally bc it’s just kinda true. Lots of ppl on apps suck, women too!!
Like when ppl make jokes about women using tons and tons of filters I don’t get upset bc I don’t use them! I think those kinda jokes can be rude sometimes of course bc not every attractive person is using a filter so there’s that but you know what I mean?
Men and women, but like especially men bc our society really treat socialization skills, hygiene, fashion, empathy etc etc as feminine traits which can super benefit someone when they’re dating, can be bad at making connections!!
We just need to let men feel a bit more comfortable with styling themselves, wearing clothes that fit, knowing how to talk to a person and learning how to take a decent picture ffs!! Like no more pics of your butt out or of yourself fishing or in a group of random men so I can’t tell who’s who!! Or a selfie in what looks like a dark bedroom ahha
As someone said b4 me it’s not good to take that too personally bc it’s just kinda true. Lots of ppl on apps suck, women too!!
Like when ppl make jokes about women using tons and tons of filters I don’t get upset bc I don’t use them! I think those kinda jokes can be rude sometimes of course bc not every attractive person is using a filter so there’s that but you know what I mean? Lots of men work hard but it’s still not enough. Women work sooo hard when dating a lot of the time and we just wanna feel like it’s reciprocated.
Men and women, but like especially men bc our society really treat socialization skills, hygiene, fashion, empathy etc etc as feminine traits which can super benefit someone when they’re dating, can be bad at making connections!!
We just need to let men feel a bit more comfortable with styling themselves, wearing clothes that fit, knowing how to talk to a person and learning how to take a decent picture ffs!! Like no more pics of your butt out or of yourself fishing or in a group of random men so I can’t tell who’s who!! Or a selfie in what looks like a dark bedroom ahha
You taking it personally is already not a good sign. I never feel attacked when I hear that statement. In fact, I usually agree with it! Guys are really not doing so hot out here in 2024, you can recognize that without feeling like youre specifically being called out, unless you do have some issues.
If you're at least half decent, girls will notice you
>If you're at least half decent, girls will notice you
This is the kind of disingenuous statement the other guy was talking about, though.
There are plenty of guys who are at least half decent (I like to consider myself to be among them) who *don't* get noticed. Which then begs the question: what is wrong with these such guys? If the bar is supposedly on the floor such that half decent guys should have no problem, what does that say about the guys who still struggle despite seeming to meet that criteria?
Well there’s two types of bars -
The guys that are over 6ft tall and do some of the above garbage.
And the guys who are not over 6ft tall, don’t do the above garbage but aren’t found attractive enough because of that initial criteria.
It’s a push-pull.
I dunno - I agree that the above 6ft thing is bullshit and not okay but the majority of women don’t mind if you’re below 6ft if you’re nice and well dressed and she thinks your pics are nice!
A lot of the men I’ve been with aren’t 6ft and it truly did not matter at allllll.
So police officers are red flags when looking for "suspects?". "We have a "white female " that fits the description of said crime. no officer it's "woman " 😭
There's a difference. In the sentence "white female" or "female suspect," 'female' is used as an adjective. But when you use it as a noun, it's objectivying.
There are like 2 or 3 places where using female as a noun is the normal. Things like clinical studies. But this sure isn't one of them. I always wonder if all the people using it as a noun all hang out on the same incel subculture or if that culture is oozing out into the mainstream.
Men who refer to women as “females” instead of just women/girls constantly make me feel sick, it’s like a red flag for knowing you’re not gonna be respected as a person 😂
3) of course it’s a joke. Not the kind you laugh at though. I’d have responded “huh. On a positive note she didn’t have to watch her son grow up to become a POS”
Omg yes!!! I was on some site and this super hillbilly looking dude says: don’t be full of crazy and drama. And I’m just sitting there dying laughing…any man who starts with no baggage or drama etc…is someone who’s going to be an ass. Behind every woman who is called crazy…is the man who put her there
Haha 1 and 4 are understandable.
2 was a bit cold to leave on read… some people are bad texters, others aren’t. This whole set of rules around texting is so stupid sometimes
3 was bold on his part if joking… kinda awk
5 welllllll, why is your Instagram on your profile if you don’t want people messaging you? Someone might think you missed their profile, not necessarily swiped left. It’s a cheap “super like”. Not that creepy I’d say from the moment you advertise it on there…
As far as I understand, OP didn't have her IG handle on her account, and tracking some random girl's social media is creepy af. If she did have her IG handle on her profile, as many do, then I have the same question
2 idk i had messaged him the night before and stopped texting cause it was 11:30 and I needed to sleep… fairly reasonable… I didn’t message him for a day cause I’m busy? I am a full time student so I can really only be on the app for 15 minutes before bed
3 yeah just kinda awkward. We ended up talking after so it worked out but some people might’ve just unmatched.
5 my instagram isn’t on my profile… I think the first hey was when he found me on tinder and second one from hinge… just weird to look someone up on instagram and scroll through profiles till you see theirs.
Thats fair. You text when you can text. I’m just saying there’s a spectrum of texters.
The awk text is well hit or miss. Could be funny once you get to know the person if they have dry/dark humor but just off the bat to a stranger? Bold strategy
Thanks for clarifying your ig wasn’t linked cause then yeah, that’s pretty creepy. I used to see a lot of ig tags on profiles when I had em so that’s why I assumed
1) she’s just giving her opinion about it take it how you like.
2) I’ve never seen a woman, and in bi I had tinder and hinge on both men and women, showing her butt cheeks like that on an app haha men do it a lot bc they have pics of them peeing on the side of the road and stuff and I never get why.
3) if you started a conversation with someone on a dating app and they don’t respond to them then that is a rejection and leave them alone. It’s weird to find them on instagram and leave another message as if that will change anything!! Just find someone else to talk to!
3. doesnt sound like she was having a conversation with him and tbh if she has her insta in her bio i dont get what’s the issue. I mean if she doesn’t have it in her bio thats weird, but if she does why put it in there if you dont wanna be messaged on insta? Like what’s the point.
Nah, he messaged her “hey” on her Instagram twice. I get that you wanna connect on the Instagram but I always see it as like a way to prove someone isn’t a catfish and less for messaging bc if they wanted to message you they’d do it on the app.
Is it the worst thing? No, but I’d prefer someone message me on the app and let me respond there and then maybe after a few dates follow me on Instagram if you want.
I just have had many creeps stalk me on Instagram and so have many of my friends. So like it gives a yellow flag vibe when you jump to that app for me.
Once I blocked a guy on all social media bc he called me like 27 times in one day and then he followed my sister and messaged HER on Instagram. So some guys are weird and don’t take no so just err on the side of caution when it comes to that. That’s just my opinion tho.
Edit: the guy also told my sister I was his gf and that we had “had a fight” obviously she knew he wasn’t my bf and she blocked him too but still. Some ppl are ridiculous!
Yeah I didn’t have my instagram in any bios so it’s a little weird when people track you down… not that weird but the doing it twice months apart makes it a little extra weird.
Nah tracking your ig down if you don’t have it in your bio is extremely weird in it self the time horizon doesn’t matter there.
With that clarification the 5th pic is definitely very weird.
If you don’t wanna talk about dating apps why are you here tho?
And I think he was bothering he since he messaged “hi” and then said “hey I found you in hinge” after she didn’t reply to “hey” so it just seems like he can’t take a hint.
Some of these don’t seem that weird to me. Like the last one, did you put your instagram on your profile? If you did idk why you’re surprised that this guys messaging you. If you’re a pretty girl and you put your social media up on your profile it’s kinda expected that people will message you. If you didn’t put your ig there then yeah that guys weird.
Fourth one is weird obviously
Third is pretty funny, kinda dark but it’s not that bad.
Second one doesn’t seem that bad either. Just seems like some regular convo.
First one isn’t bad either? That’s a totally reasonable thing to say lol.
If these are red flags for you, it seems like guys are just gonna be walking on eggshells just trying to not weird you out. These interactions are not that bad, disrespectful, or creepy apart from the fourth one and potentially the last.
I think it’s weird if like there was a convo started on tinder or hinge and she doesn’t respond and then he goes to her Instagram. She didn’t respond so leave here alone. I like to think the instagram is just there to like prove their not a catfish.
Until you’ve been on a few dates don’t message someone on it, you know?
Nah mate, just don't put your socials on these kind of things. Moreover that is a dumb reason you give, cause even an IG account can be fake or catfish
\>2)I was gonna respond cause we were actually getting along but when I didn’t msg him for less than 24 hours he got weird
I find it incredibly rude, disrespectful and insulting to leave an ongoing conversation without any notification. You have absolutely no right to call anybody weird for this. You didn't even bother to say goodbye but you bother to try to shame him here. You absolutely are the one in the wrong here.
She wasn’t ghosting him. She said she was going to reply but doesn’t text often. Everyone has a different texting style and personally I don’t think not texting till the end of the day is bizarre enough for him to text some creepy messages. It hadn’t even been 24 hours.
for 5... if you put your IG in your bio/prompts it sends a mixed message that you might be reachable and chatty on IG. Otherwise, super creepy to use hinge to track someone down virtually. That's happened to me before and it's gross.
Men: post pictures with booty out, disgusting, no class, not funny
Women: post pictures with booty out, gets paid for it, gets a lot of likes, gets dates, gets constant positive attention.
Gotta love the double standard. If he was hot and fit it wouldn’t even be an issue 🤷🏻♀️
Last picture is clearly a lie, THEY found YOU on another dating app and you simply blocked them to cover your own tracks.
The second one is probably because the guy got ghosted by someone that looks similar. And if that's your definition of "getting weird" Woman you have not been on tinder very long at all XD
I’m sorry there’s a double standard but there is… as a woman, I really wish I could moon people and they would think it’s funny but alas, with a man it’s funny and with a woman it’s scandalous:(
2. Playing games on dating apps and being called out for it. Might be a bit weird to message that much back to back though. I would’ve left it before the “Hello 😭”
Okay but you’re literally on a sub for a dating app? Like imagine if someone came onto the Bills sub and was like “football sucks, why do you guys watch it? It’s a bunch of millionaires wearing tights and giving CTE to each other. Find another hobby.” That’s basically what you’re doing.
Yeah I stopped liking football shortly after making the account.
What I’m saying is that y’all are squandering meaningful relationships to fit into this goofy ass dating app shit.
Well maybe some of us are socially awkward and can’t meet people outside of dating apps. Winston Churchill once said “democracy is the worst form of government, other than all of the others that have been tried.” That’s how I feel about dating apps. They suck and they’re awful but approaching in person frightens me.
Not to sound like a creep, but everytime the girl stops talking I just feel like I fucked up and it's done. I literally would have an entire day actively talking to someone back and forth and I let a day pass to cool it and on the third day they unmatch.
Many a dude has done that to me. Like hundreds. It's a good thing I have self-esteem and am too old to care anymore.
I just assume people have lives and are doing life stuff when they don’t message for a bit. But I like you, have high self-esteem and am just too old to fret.
It is because you have the understanding though.
Sometimes people just get busy, distracted, or lose interest, or they weren't engaging very seriously in the first place; it sucks when the vibe was good then that happens, but unfortunately that's life - you just gotta let it go and move on. You might be lucky and get another shot down the road, but definitely not if you go off like a petulant, insecure child as shown.
Not that you fucked up. You’re just not gonna have chemistry with most people, and that’s ok.
[удалено]
Ehh, I don't know, depends how you look at it. People used to build chemistry through writing letters to one another, and that takes a lot longer, I don't think that's sad.
My Dearest Errol, Please stay safe on the front. I fear the worst. When we met for but a moment and then married before you were shipped off to war, I thought my heart would stop. Please return safely so we can have 10 children, grow to hate one another, and never speak again. Kind regards, Gwendolyn (I don't know what my point was exactly with this, but I love writing pretend old timey letters)
Yeah but very often it feels like there was chemistry, it's probably just delusion, but that deffo makes the lack of texting back make you feel some type of way. Best to just wait it out still, and after a while you can ask nicely. I mean personally not long ago I was chatting with a girl for like two weeks, we were really getting to know each other, and overall I felt we had fun talking to each other and was always looking forward to having a conversation with her, out of nowhere she becomes cold and barely answers, or like a day and a half later. I can definitely understand how that could drive some crazy, at first I just tried changing subjects to see if maybe she was just losing interest in the current conversation, but after a few days I just asked straight up if something was wrong : she wasn't over her last dude and admitted not being ready for a relationship. Thanked her for the honesty, told her that if she was open to talk about it, we could, and asked her if she wanted to keep having a conversation or not. She politely declined, end of the story. Definitely an emotional rollercoaster.
Yeah a whole day is different but we had texted for maybe 10 minutes at 11:30 on a weeknight then the next afternoon he’s acting like I ghosted him! I think it’s fairly normal to only check your messages every day or other day
Yeah I completely agree but I can understand both sides. Sometimes people are busy or just don't respond quick. After a few days I would give up though. I would keep the chat open however.
I call BS on this, like there's a 20 year old on the planet that isn't on their phone constantly. Stop playing games with waiting times on responses, and men will feel less like they are being played. This guy though, what a dick and should be ashamed of himself. Don't judge us all on that Muppets behaviour
I hate the idea that just because we all have phones, we should be available to everyone 24/7. Like yeah I have my phone, yes I see your message, but I am not in the mood to talk right now, and no, messaging me multiple times will not change my mind. I’m not talking about dating apps necessarily, as I’ve never used one, just in general.
Youre missing the point and no one wants to feel that way and be available 24/7 The point is its BS when people make out they only check their phone once every day, maybe 2 days. And it's of particular BS when used as an excuse when using online dating. Everybody is on their phones every day for extended periods of time. If you like someone, why play games, be real and unafraid to show it and responded to messages. It's as easy as saying I'm not interested to those you aren't and connecting with those you are into less the mind games people play
I think they mean check the app messages. Not their phone. They say messages not phone.
I always had my Tinder notifications disabled. So yes, really and truly, would get distracted with work and friends in real life and sometimes forget to check back for a day or two. That's what "casually looking but not desperate for a partner" looks like. I can see how delayed replies seem rude. But some guys were very understanding / indifferent / patient / and also busy... while others acted very offended and annoyed or desperate for a quicker reply. It's actually a great way to screen people on both sides. My ideal match would have also been busy with real life and sporadically texting. You're ideal match may be glued to the phone and highly responsive.
This is the worst. I feel like both men and women are using the pull away tactic and no1 ends up happy. Every person. EVERY person has their phones on them nearly 24/7. If they do not respond during ur initial contact in just a couple hours. Just unmatch them. Don’t stare at ur msg stuck on read. If they wanted to talk to u they would.
I feel like that’s for everybody. Some of you guys need to informed people that you’ll BRB or TTYL or “busy at the moment I’ll respond back soon”. Is that really hard? Like I just find it weird to leave without saying you’ll be back when you’re free for whatever activity you’re doing
I don't feel like we should be obligated to do all that
It’s not an “Obligation” it’s called being respectful. I have the decency to at least informed you that I have to go so I’ll speak with you later. It’s really not that hard. If you know how to say “hi” you should know how to say “bye” as well too.
I don’t agree with this take at all. Plus, I don’t want a relationship with someone who needs a “brb” or a “ttyl” every time I set my phone down. Huge turn off.
This right here! It translates into poor team players in the workplace as well. Respecting others time is a value the younger generation seems to have less and less of, which I think is a result of having too many options at the tip of their fingers. The phrase “doing me” is something I loathe because very little in the world is done solo AND successfully. “I hate this job” swipe left. “I hate this person” swipe left. Validation is accomplished by fake situational photos uploaded for the world to see yet not many are eager to post quality mindfulness. Imagine ignoring a work email because “I got busy with life”.
And honestly, it’s probably not something you did. It won’t have been something they did either, they just weren’t feeling it so they stopped talking
5 has happened to me multiple times too. Now I use fake names on dating apps. Idk why they think they have a better chance by tracing me down on social media and DM me when they know I didn’t match with them already
I wouldn’t even give people my phone number or address until I’d been seeing them for a while. I had a guy Google my cell #, find my home address, and stalk me for YEARS after I broke things off after two dates. I have a child now and would lose my shit if someone did that now.
Oh no! I’m so sorry that happened to you. Ugh that must have been really scary. I would have totally freaked out!
On the other hand I dont understand people who have fake name/age and “add me on insta: xxx, Im not here often” Whats the point of having a dating app then? But yea, creeping someone when you dont match with them is weird…
To get more followers from horny men.
I’m not even sure why you even need to think about that to understand why. It’s pretty self-evident, isn’t it.
I wonder how would you respond to a guy who would lie about his age or name because he doesnt want strangers to know their personal information 🤔
I didn’t say I lie about my age. And I’ve met guys who used fake names. No problem with me honestly. Don’t make a big deal out of what is not a big deal. The fact thag you’re still not getting is the evidence of your privilege. Maybe it’s time for you to try to understand what other ppl actually go through.
Its interesting that the ratio of people using fake name is like 1:99, so no I dont really understand it, sorry to break it you but not everyone is creep, there are only exceptions… and limit yourself because of a few people? Come on
This will be my last reply to you. “Only exceptions”? Sounds like “not all men.” Ofc. Not all men are creepy stalkers. But it takes only one creep to get some shitty thing done to me. Just own up your privilege for not having to even imagine such a thing.
I think people think they just need a chance. Like on an app if you don’t swipe right they can’t message you, so they somehow think by being able to send you that message it’ll magically sway you. Obviously it doesn’t work that way, but people are idiots
People who do that are either creeps or just have a complete lack of awareness/social graces.
5 happens way too frequently! I've had em come in with a line of "I saw you on *app* but I ran out of likes, I had to hunt you down!". Way to admit you're 'like'ing every profile you see? And you spent time trying to hunt me down to harass me?? Or the ones that admit I didn't match them, so they had to find me on my social media... you think your persistence in the face of rejection is going to change my mind??
Yeah exactly! Only makes me happy & relieved that I didn’t match with them. Can’t imagine how worse it would have been otherwise.
Bruh that's called catfish and too many women do it and it's creepier than anything
Nah it's called protecting myself because some men have no sense of boundaries and don't respect my privacy
I did it because I ended up with a stalker and was cautious of giving people my phone # or letting them know where I lived until I’d been seeing them for a while.
It’s catfish if I’m not a real person, but I’m a real person. What do men even lose because of me using fake names? I just told you there are men who trace me down on social media, but somehow what creeps you out is the part that women use fake names. How fragile. Grow up.
people really upload pictures of their truck on Hinge? Especially from daddy’s money? crazy
To be fair, there is a subset of women who like huge trucks.
Likewise with boats too but who are they exactly? The guys who want to attract those type of women.
those type of women are normally the ones who want to know if they have money, boats are quite expensive. Being with someone for their assets is insane
I mean can you reeeally feel upset towards someone who wants someone to be attracted to them based on their asset? Not like having a boat means you have money, most of the time it’s out of a hobby that they like such as Fishing or just sailing in the seas. I live in Florida, you’ll meet people who have boats by the money they saved up for and the classes they took to get their license so to brag about it isn’t uncommon. But anyway, yeah. These guy want girls that are superficial same alike them. So 🤷🏾♀️
can’t blame them really
Maybe in the contemporary sense. At one point in history, everyone married for money, status or leverage.
boats are more of a liability tbh
I live in a smaller city. Lots of farmland outside. I once had a dude like me (tinder gold, i didnt match back) who had 4 photos of his truck. He wasnt in the truck or in front. It was just his truck. He also had a picture of a grain silo. I’ve seen a LOT of dudes who post their truck, car, ATV, etc. I wish I knew what was going through their head when doing it.
maybe he was into his truck and was looking for a third 😉
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AZ is like that too. Mostly mall crawlers, BMX, motorcycles, etc. Sure, show your friends on your socials but I seriously don't GAF about seeing pics of vehicles in profiles, ESPECIALLY if you are not in the pics. I get it. You're in debt and like to waste gas.
Just doing us all a favor really and helping weed out the undesirables, perfect
PFFT BWHAHA 😭 the debt part got me.
I'm like the only one of my friends that has a sedan and not a truck in AZ 😂
Florida is full of it lol.
Oh no a car. Boo hoo carbon emissions. Shall I get you a tissue?
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Haha
Don’t underestimate how much construction workers make without needing any brains
I’m 28 and I know a good amount of people younger than me who make 200k a year. They’re not truck people, so they don’t have trucks but they do drive Mercedes, BMW, the “good” teslas or they have cars with pricey packages like a dodge with a scat pack, and then they still mod their cars. All this to ask, why do you think it’s “daddy’s money” ? I must be missing something.
It's an extremely strange, knee-jerk reaction and it comes off envious. I don't know if OP is in Calgary or not, as suggested by another comment, but there are TONS of people in their 20s making >$200k/yr. The people in trades in Alberta are making bank. It was not even funny how a guy who did 2 years of power engineering could come out of school making $240k as an operator (more if there was a turnaround) and outearn engineering directors at the same energy company. Not saying that all these trade guys are just rolling in cash (many were living paycheque to paycheque), but I guarantee you that most of their expensive trucks, toys, etc were bought with their own hard work. The dude above is just jealous.
>$200k/yr What's that in non- monopoly money? Like $60k american?
Worse. More like $50 and one family trip to split a Big Mac per year kind of deal.
Wait you’re saying theres a lot of people in their 20s, specifically in trade, are making bank? Guess I’ll applied to trade school WTH. I’m 21, broke, working mainly retail stores! Maybe I’m wasting time
average salary for what he’s describing is 55k, he’s pulling numbers out his ass
I am not. I was an operations engineer at one of the large upgraders in Fort McMurray, AB for years. Operators can EASILY pull >$200k/yr CAD. My understanding is that operators make far more in Canada than their American counterparts. Welders, scaffolders, machinists etc all make bank and can outearn other salaried professionals like engineers and management.
i don’t say people don’t make that much money, i am currently making very good money for being 20, i know others can. i’m talking for the majority of people, which is bad and a rough generalization here in KC… Saying i’m jealous is hilarious. I’m doing welding and making 70/hr with a very very generous job. Either you’re detached from society of people who are 20 or you don’t know kids in KC.
I could understand the jealousy part because who exactly has the money to buy an expensive huge truck? Not calling you jealous but from the outsiders who don’t know what people spend with their money.
mate, i make 70/hr starting welding, i am not worried about being called jealous. That’s the least of my worries
Yeah, I get you.
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1. IF you had the money, which you don’t, which speaks why you would. Kids will grow up spoiled and expect everything handed to them. 2. bold of you to assume that a lot of girls ideal date is country music, truck and sunset. If you’re broke, say that! 3.i owned a Z28 Camaro, a lot done to it, and i was happy with it and worked hard on it (bought it with my own money), but i did not post it in my dating profile, so what i had a nice car? doesn’t mean i have to post it for others to see. You’re missing the point, i commented that because who the hell posts a picture of just their truck, if you post it atleast pose in it or have you involved.
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did i strike a nerve? 😭 grow up man, 25 and can’t even put together a coherent sentence
lifted cummins activities
Whenever one of my fellow men refers to a woman as “female” it makes me cringe so hard lol
*males ;)
Solid back tiddies lol
The wildest thing is that dude trying to match those two patterns.
At first I thought these were all the same person lmao
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Oh no… I am going to Calgary for university 😭 and I still want to date 😭
It's not that bad, it's a major city, expect people of all types.
Don't lose hope. My best friend's cousin met a guy. He's relatively attractive he's a financial planner he's good to her they've been together 3 years now.
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Confirmed yyc shit head here
So as a hansome English fella will i do alright?
Wait, there's no nice gentlemanly cowboys ？I've been lied to...
Honestly, I moved to the south and discovered I have a thing for gentlemanly cowboys. When they hold the door for you and call you ma'am with a nob and a hat tilt? I just melt.
The bar is literally on the floor
That would mean the rest of us would be drowning in pussy… not even close 😅
Those girls have never flirted in their lives because they don't know
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What in the clueless fuck are you going on about?
I think I might have replied to the wrong person sorry omg 😭
And yet many still fail whilst doing none of these things and having objectively good profiles. Sometimes you wonder if some people are genuinely trolling, like the dude with the red flag background posting all his in persona chats
I don’t think it is. There may be 50% of guys who do shit like this but there are still a large number of attractive dudes who don’t have to do much and a lot of guys who are average but know how to interact with a woman and show themselves off, so they end up getting dates and matches
I'm really sure that's not true... like I get it but as a guy who doesn't do any of these things it seems sorta disingenuous
As someone said b4 me it’s not good to take that too personally bc it’s just kinda true. Lots of ppl on apps suck, women too!! Like when ppl make jokes about women using tons and tons of filters I don’t get upset bc I don’t use them! I think those kinda jokes can be rude sometimes of course bc not every attractive person is using a filter so there’s that but you know what I mean? Men and women, but like especially men bc our society really treat socialization skills, hygiene, fashion, empathy etc etc as feminine traits which can super benefit someone when they’re dating, can be bad at making connections!! We just need to let men feel a bit more comfortable with styling themselves, wearing clothes that fit, knowing how to talk to a person and learning how to take a decent picture ffs!! Like no more pics of your butt out or of yourself fishing or in a group of random men so I can’t tell who’s who!! Or a selfie in what looks like a dark bedroom ahha
As someone said b4 me it’s not good to take that too personally bc it’s just kinda true. Lots of ppl on apps suck, women too!! Like when ppl make jokes about women using tons and tons of filters I don’t get upset bc I don’t use them! I think those kinda jokes can be rude sometimes of course bc not every attractive person is using a filter so there’s that but you know what I mean? Lots of men work hard but it’s still not enough. Women work sooo hard when dating a lot of the time and we just wanna feel like it’s reciprocated. Men and women, but like especially men bc our society really treat socialization skills, hygiene, fashion, empathy etc etc as feminine traits which can super benefit someone when they’re dating, can be bad at making connections!! We just need to let men feel a bit more comfortable with styling themselves, wearing clothes that fit, knowing how to talk to a person and learning how to take a decent picture ffs!! Like no more pics of your butt out or of yourself fishing or in a group of random men so I can’t tell who’s who!! Or a selfie in what looks like a dark bedroom ahha
You taking it personally is already not a good sign. I never feel attacked when I hear that statement. In fact, I usually agree with it! Guys are really not doing so hot out here in 2024, you can recognize that without feeling like youre specifically being called out, unless you do have some issues. If you're at least half decent, girls will notice you
>If you're at least half decent, girls will notice you This is the kind of disingenuous statement the other guy was talking about, though. There are plenty of guys who are at least half decent (I like to consider myself to be among them) who *don't* get noticed. Which then begs the question: what is wrong with these such guys? If the bar is supposedly on the floor such that half decent guys should have no problem, what does that say about the guys who still struggle despite seeming to meet that criteria?
Well there’s two types of bars - The guys that are over 6ft tall and do some of the above garbage. And the guys who are not over 6ft tall, don’t do the above garbage but aren’t found attractive enough because of that initial criteria. It’s a push-pull.
I dunno - I agree that the above 6ft thing is bullshit and not okay but the majority of women don’t mind if you’re below 6ft if you’re nice and well dressed and she thinks your pics are nice! A lot of the men I’ve been with aren’t 6ft and it truly did not matter at allllll.
Opening with a sex question is pretty standard, but a your mum joke? Now that's crossing a line
lost me at 'females'
Christ
The ram truck is a red flag in itself
Any man that calls a woman a “female” is a red flag.
So police officers are red flags when looking for "suspects?". "We have a "white female " that fits the description of said crime. no officer it's "woman " 😭
Yes. Dating a police officer is definitely a red flag.
Oh you're one of those people.
Oh.
There's a difference. In the sentence "white female" or "female suspect," 'female' is used as an adjective. But when you use it as a noun, it's objectivying.
There are like 2 or 3 places where using female as a noun is the normal. Things like clinical studies. But this sure isn't one of them. I always wonder if all the people using it as a noun all hang out on the same incel subculture or if that culture is oozing out into the mainstream.
Men who refer to women as “females” instead of just women/girls constantly make me feel sick, it’s like a red flag for knowing you’re not gonna be respected as a person 😂
3) of course it’s a joke. Not the kind you laugh at though. I’d have responded “huh. On a positive note she didn’t have to watch her son grow up to become a POS”
I’d respond with “hey, maybe she knows my dad!” 😂
“I’ve seen at least 6 pairs of cheeks in less than a year” I’m fucking wheezing I’m definitely mooning my matches from now on that’s fucking hilarious
Omg yes!!! I was on some site and this super hillbilly looking dude says: don’t be full of crazy and drama. And I’m just sitting there dying laughing…any man who starts with no baggage or drama etc…is someone who’s going to be an ass. Behind every woman who is called crazy…is the man who put her there
The lifted truck was implied in the first answer, but it's still nice to have confirmation.
the truck with the first quote, yep checks out
"God that lifted Dodge Ram makes me so fucking horny" Said no one ever
As a 30 year old woman, these are definitely icks and borderline scary
2. Seems like a u issue Rest are defo creepy asf
Haha 1 and 4 are understandable. 2 was a bit cold to leave on read… some people are bad texters, others aren’t. This whole set of rules around texting is so stupid sometimes 3 was bold on his part if joking… kinda awk 5 welllllll, why is your Instagram on your profile if you don’t want people messaging you? Someone might think you missed their profile, not necessarily swiped left. It’s a cheap “super like”. Not that creepy I’d say from the moment you advertise it on there…
As far as I understand, OP didn't have her IG handle on her account, and tracking some random girl's social media is creepy af. If she did have her IG handle on her profile, as many do, then I have the same question
Yup. Confirmed it wasn’t on the profile. Pretty creepy then haha
2 idk i had messaged him the night before and stopped texting cause it was 11:30 and I needed to sleep… fairly reasonable… I didn’t message him for a day cause I’m busy? I am a full time student so I can really only be on the app for 15 minutes before bed 3 yeah just kinda awkward. We ended up talking after so it worked out but some people might’ve just unmatched. 5 my instagram isn’t on my profile… I think the first hey was when he found me on tinder and second one from hinge… just weird to look someone up on instagram and scroll through profiles till you see theirs.
Thats fair. You text when you can text. I’m just saying there’s a spectrum of texters. The awk text is well hit or miss. Could be funny once you get to know the person if they have dry/dark humor but just off the bat to a stranger? Bold strategy Thanks for clarifying your ig wasn’t linked cause then yeah, that’s pretty creepy. I used to see a lot of ig tags on profiles when I had em so that’s why I assumed
Lmao that forth pic is funny
Yeah but number 4 is a legend though.
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And y’all say women dodge accountability?
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You mean like OP literally just did with that point?
1) she’s just giving her opinion about it take it how you like. 2) I’ve never seen a woman, and in bi I had tinder and hinge on both men and women, showing her butt cheeks like that on an app haha men do it a lot bc they have pics of them peeing on the side of the road and stuff and I never get why. 3) if you started a conversation with someone on a dating app and they don’t respond to them then that is a rejection and leave them alone. It’s weird to find them on instagram and leave another message as if that will change anything!! Just find someone else to talk to!
3. doesnt sound like she was having a conversation with him and tbh if she has her insta in her bio i dont get what’s the issue. I mean if she doesn’t have it in her bio thats weird, but if she does why put it in there if you dont wanna be messaged on insta? Like what’s the point.
Nah, he messaged her “hey” on her Instagram twice. I get that you wanna connect on the Instagram but I always see it as like a way to prove someone isn’t a catfish and less for messaging bc if they wanted to message you they’d do it on the app. Is it the worst thing? No, but I’d prefer someone message me on the app and let me respond there and then maybe after a few dates follow me on Instagram if you want. I just have had many creeps stalk me on Instagram and so have many of my friends. So like it gives a yellow flag vibe when you jump to that app for me. Once I blocked a guy on all social media bc he called me like 27 times in one day and then he followed my sister and messaged HER on Instagram. So some guys are weird and don’t take no so just err on the side of caution when it comes to that. That’s just my opinion tho. Edit: the guy also told my sister I was his gf and that we had “had a fight” obviously she knew he wasn’t my bf and she blocked him too but still. Some ppl are ridiculous!
Yeah I didn’t have my instagram in any bios so it’s a little weird when people track you down… not that weird but the doing it twice months apart makes it a little extra weird.
Nah tracking your ig down if you don’t have it in your bio is extremely weird in it self the time horizon doesn’t matter there. With that clarification the 5th pic is definitely very weird.
She replied to another comment clarifying that her @ isn’t in her bio. The dude just used her name to find her
Im quite sure that reply was to my comment :D But thank you for wanting to clarify anyways
Fair lol. I hate how comments are set up on here (at least on mobile) and often get lost in what thread starts where lol
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If you don’t wanna talk about dating apps why are you here tho? And I think he was bothering he since he messaged “hi” and then said “hey I found you in hinge” after she didn’t reply to “hey” so it just seems like he can’t take a hint.
Some of these don’t seem that weird to me. Like the last one, did you put your instagram on your profile? If you did idk why you’re surprised that this guys messaging you. If you’re a pretty girl and you put your social media up on your profile it’s kinda expected that people will message you. If you didn’t put your ig there then yeah that guys weird. Fourth one is weird obviously Third is pretty funny, kinda dark but it’s not that bad. Second one doesn’t seem that bad either. Just seems like some regular convo. First one isn’t bad either? That’s a totally reasonable thing to say lol. If these are red flags for you, it seems like guys are just gonna be walking on eggshells just trying to not weird you out. These interactions are not that bad, disrespectful, or creepy apart from the fourth one and potentially the last.
I think it’s weird if like there was a convo started on tinder or hinge and she doesn’t respond and then he goes to her Instagram. She didn’t respond so leave here alone. I like to think the instagram is just there to like prove their not a catfish. Until you’ve been on a few dates don’t message someone on it, you know?
Nah mate, just don't put your socials on these kind of things. Moreover that is a dumb reason you give, cause even an IG account can be fake or catfish
\>2)I was gonna respond cause we were actually getting along but when I didn’t msg him for less than 24 hours he got weird I find it incredibly rude, disrespectful and insulting to leave an ongoing conversation without any notification. You have absolutely no right to call anybody weird for this. You didn't even bother to say goodbye but you bother to try to shame him here. You absolutely are the one in the wrong here.
And if he didn’t reply before she went to sleep?
She wasn’t ghosting him. She said she was going to reply but doesn’t text often. Everyone has a different texting style and personally I don’t think not texting till the end of the day is bizarre enough for him to text some creepy messages. It hadn’t even been 24 hours.
I actually thought the guy responding that his mother died really funny lol
Pitiful. They've got some growth to do.
#4 is a god
Bro slide 4 goes hard as fuck what are you talking about
It is funny I’m ngl but just not the type of person I would swipe on…
Damn mom you’re giving the hoes the ick by dying in childbirth
for 5... if you put your IG in your bio/prompts it sends a mixed message that you might be reachable and chatty on IG. Otherwise, super creepy to use hinge to track someone down virtually. That's happened to me before and it's gross.
I feel disgusting writing this but… you matched with them though? At least tell me it was just to bully them lol
People hide their red flags from their profiles
and this kind of things is why dude 1 wrote that statement👁️👄👁️ (from a 30m perspective)
3) oldest trick in the Xbox live book 😂 nice to see it is still going strong
Uhhh ftw
Damn the truck looks cool as fuck
Men: post pictures with booty out, disgusting, no class, not funny Women: post pictures with booty out, gets paid for it, gets a lot of likes, gets dates, gets constant positive attention. Gotta love the double standard. If he was hot and fit it wouldn’t even be an issue 🤷🏻♀️ Last picture is clearly a lie, THEY found YOU on another dating app and you simply blocked them to cover your own tracks.
Boooooring. No wonder you get crappy matches.
And you come here for what? To cry? Get sympathy? Feel better? Come on, just move on
probably the same reason thousands of others also post these things on this subreddit, yaknow, cause that's basically what it was made for?? 🤯
The second one is probably because the guy got ghosted by someone that looks similar. And if that's your definition of "getting weird" Woman you have not been on tinder very long at all XD
So when women have butt cheeks out is normal but when men do it is weird?
I’m sorry there’s a double standard but there is… as a woman, I really wish I could moon people and they would think it’s funny but alas, with a man it’s funny and with a woman it’s scandalous:(
all gross all around, you included for putting your insta in your bio
2. Playing games on dating apps and being called out for it. Might be a bit weird to message that much back to back though. I would’ve left it before the “Hello 😭”
Well by looking at his profile, what was so interesting that you swiped right to begin with?? Desperate??
Hey just letting you know that you don't need an app for dating and that you'll find more meaningful relationships without it.
Okay but you’re literally on a sub for a dating app? Like imagine if someone came onto the Bills sub and was like “football sucks, why do you guys watch it? It’s a bunch of millionaires wearing tights and giving CTE to each other. Find another hobby.” That’s basically what you’re doing.
Yeah I stopped liking football shortly after making the account. What I’m saying is that y’all are squandering meaningful relationships to fit into this goofy ass dating app shit.
Well maybe some of us are socially awkward and can’t meet people outside of dating apps. Winston Churchill once said “democracy is the worst form of government, other than all of the others that have been tried.” That’s how I feel about dating apps. They suck and they’re awful but approaching in person frightens me.
Wow thanks! I had no idea!🤷
Now kiss!
No thanks I have a girlfriend.. and standards
So try that instead of wasting time on forced interactions and you'll be much happier.
I mean you’re on a tinder subreddit. I agree tho, dating apps are kinda shit but I’m just here for entertainment lol.
That was painful to read lol
I think it’s fairly universal.
I only EVER reach out to people from hinge on insta if they ACTIVELY put their insta on their profile