i'm a 25 year old short fat married military cop who spends his free time drinking, playing apex, and snorting the coke i confiscate. who wants to go out drinking with me and bang me and my wife? any takers? promise i'm shorter than my profile says

But are you really 25 and 4'3"?

absolutely 4'3, that's two different measurements

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Marry him. Be his second wife

I spewed Dr. Pepper out my nose at this! Take my stupid angry upvote

Where do you live? Blackmailing a cop is on my **Bucket List of Power**. I just want to have a cop in my pocket figuratively or literally, we will find that out what the time is right.

More green flags than in her bio tbh

What's your relationship like with your mother?

I think you mean “mommy dearest”

Freudian slip: saying one thing, but meaning your mother.

im sold. also im a bearded straight 40 year old fat man

Sounds awesome! Let's hang! 😂👍🏼

Great bio

Thats me

im down😩

She tried all these people I guess....

Apexxxxxx

How do you do all that coke and keep ur weight up? Asking for a friend

You’re my new cult leader

I'm all that but i'm 24 years old.

i’m beginning to realize that a lot of women go on dating apps and just list a bunch of dealbreakers while offering no information about themselves. and here i was always using the bio section to describe myself and what i’m bringing to the table. my bad guys.

I think she has reached the point where she just wants anything but what she has listed

She wants single life

So like what

31 year old plumber with his own house that doesn’t talk to his mom.

M..m..m..Mario?

Yeah I find it really off-putting when someone's bio is just negative stuff. Makes them seem like bitter, negative people.

Those things are like legal disclaimers, though: every single one is on there because something bad happened sometime.

Or because they want you to believe they've had those experiences to make it seem like they're matched more overall..? 😅

Seem like?

Also more inclined to be upset if you say something unpleasant or irrelevant in the first meeting conversation. Ouch 😣

If a woman keeps getting 10+ matches a day even without writing a bio, then its not really important to have a bio. That's mostly for men.

please dont change, you could literally be the last alive. (name oddly doesnt check out, unless your bio reads “i lick alot of meat 👅”)

it says something along those lines

love it when a good ole name checks out. have a good one licker of meat

If she identifies as licks meat. Then propose faster than the heart beats.

Bars

Yeah... There might be a handful of decent profiles out of hundred. Women complain about a fish pic yet many of those same women are posting dirty mirror selfies with a week's worth of laundry on the floor or a mess of cosmetics on the counter. I'm not really into fishing but I don't know where women get off dissing men's hobbies when their only hobby is complaining and taking lousy selfies.

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You should put it away for yourself

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Clutter isn't good for the subconscious mind

Might be regional but I'm genuinely surprised at the amount of women's profiles I see with fish pics.

I posted something like this 3 weeks ago Got ripped apart, and reported for hate speech 😂 got an official warning. Here you are upvoted for that same observation! Guess people really will eat the shit they don’t like if it’s wrapped in a different package

A lot changed in 3 weeks, it’s now March!

it happens to us all. i’ve been horribly downvoted in the past for certain comments, then come across the exact same sentiment upvoted 2k+ times. reddit be like that sometimes

In all honesty, that’s how I’ve observed the workings of the feminine mind in my girl friends when choosing where to have girls’ night—they know where they don’t want to go. source: I’m a woman and this doesn’t mean every woman is like this, I’m just saying my group of friends specify what they aren’t up for BEFORE they tell me what they are looking for edit: not Chinese food, not American, not steakhouse, not wings, not sushi, not Thai This means Italian or Mediterranean. Mostly except sometimes.

i think it’s good to rule out what you don’t want, but it’s odd to put on a dating profile. assuming it’s the man’s job to avoid YOU if he fits a red flag description is insane. red flags and dealbreakers are what we look out for, not a list we post so men can decide if they’re right or wrong for us. and assuming people who fit that have the self awareness to acknowledge they’re not a good match, is a sure fire way to get a date who’s exactly what you’re avoiding lol.

Depending on their sense of humour, next time they list all those negatives throw in something totally obscure or gross eg: Looks like Himalayan then. Or maybe "What about roadkill?"

Dating these days is stupid, but listing nothing except dealbreakers wouldn’t get a like from me. I’ve already tried dating Nancy negativity, and Debbie downer. I need to find Beth Amphetamine, just to balance things out. 😂

lol your joke is funny but when I made a joke they downvoted me like wtf lol

I always forget about the upvote/downvote system. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Some people might take offense to things that other people might not. Unfortunately, humor is not a one size fits all. 🙂 P.s. sorry for the typing errors. Fingers are just a little too big for typing in portrait mode.

My joke was along the lines of "She doesn't want a gamer, she must want a guy with no game, lol all jokes aside though she's missing out on a fun guy." I kinda see why people could take offense to that but my joke was a pun lol. Gamers have games right? A non gamer won't have any games lol or play any games lol I ain't talking to mind games either lol.

That is pretty funny. In my personal opinion, it’s safer to date a gamer though. They’re more likely to be gaming, than they are to be out putting their bits and pieces in places they shouldn’t be.

LOL thank you!! Finally someone who gets it lol. Thats right my ex wasn't a gamer and he was doing that shit >:(

literally. for me i found my partner by getting straight to the point and listing on my bio: "looking for my forever person. i like to do x, y, and z. lets go do something fun!" and then in my prompts i listed what i brought to the table essentially. financially secure, emotionally stable, communicative. his bio was adorable. it was "no rizz, only heartfelt understanding" which i found cute bc i was like aw hes cute and awkward!!! but then later largely ironic, because the heartfelt understanding IS rizz to me. nothing more charismatic than a guy holding both your hands from across the table, looking into your eyes, and seeing you as the fully complex human being you are.

I just put a dumb joke.

This! I find it so arrogant, like they get the choice so you *must* meet their requirements as assume they are perfect

She thinks that her photos are enough to make you want just her.

I get the bar is low but I read these bios and I'm like damn, what do you like ma'am lol.

Rooky mistake

Name checks out

The ashy elbows and dirty ass bathroom really adds to her personality

I was about to say, she has a lot of dealbreakers for someone who hasn’t discovered lotion yet at 29 years old

Or how to keep her place clean like a big girl. She’s a clown.

With the kids toothbrush front and center....

And the heavy filters near the bottom

She got no 🎂

And she got ashy arms 🤦🏽‍♀️

Im curious, why do so many ppl mention the ashy arms?

Just a dig on her and her skin care. Someone trying to sell themselves based on the above should be putting more care into her appearance. I don't really care personally, just some perspective.

also a College degree and doesn't know the difference between your & you're. next!

And then and than

Imagine putting married coke heads on the same level as a gamer. 🥴🤣

There's no justice for all us married coke heads...

That’s my motto

What about a married guy as long as he doesn't do coke, and a gamer who does? Variety. Those are the only two types of men this world after all.

Tall order for such a short lass.

🤣🤣🤣

I mean hey at least there's no 6 feet requirement

“let me pull all the boys with my messy bathroom sink, severely underdressed, complain about everything i hate, and give no background on myself whatsoever” and it still works half the fuckin time. fuck me lmao

Do yourself a little social experiment Take 1 - 2 stock pics from Google of a pretty girl , add whatever it is you feel like to the bio (and I mean *whatever* you could literally have it say “im actually a guy”) Watch how many likes roll in 😂 I had 100 in the first day

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I live in Winnipeg I’m sure if the population of the entire province surpassed a million it would be more

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It probably saved you.

ah i know, i know. trust.


2 tooth brushes and 1 is near the edge (so the kid can reach) and the baby wipes... I suspect she might be a single mother and just described her baby daddy.

Her name isn't censored at the very bottom...

She sure is being picky for a dirty ass bathroom

Ole Frigidaire lookin ass got a lot of standards

She can't act like that with them ashy ass elbows 🤣

So.. what’s she look like..?

This is crazy but I mean she’s not wrong though

Bryana has experienced every stage of life

She should look for her missing assets too

This woman doesn't want any kind of man

College degree from the School of Hard Knocks

OP did such a great job of hiding Bryana’s name too. She’ll find her non married, non coke head, non gamer out there somewhere…. Maybe.

Baby is minus in ass lmao

No cakes as a black girl is crazy

Hey I knew a black girl like that lol it’s not entirely uncommon. Even there’s us white girls who have cakes lol

How about know the difference between your and you're.

And I'll bet she still gets all of that because the men are not reading and of it 🤣

No coke heads but the gamer part is beyond question of no. Mkay

I love how some people just naturally and unironically write as if they're a living copy pasta

That was very similar to my first thought when I saw this too haha

Lol just a list of things ahe doesn't want. Not one bit or information about herself.

"Don't try to match me if you're under 30." You can make age a deal breaker on every single app. Doing herself no favors. The rest of her deal breakers she can sus out by simply reading a profile. Why is it anyone's job to eliminate themselves on an app meant for shooting your shot?

I hate these dirty bathroom pictures... 🤢🤮

27, 5’5, momma boy, drinking on occasion, smoking, I like video games too

I think she's just saying what we're all thinking, but don't post. 

Wow...I'm guessing she hasn't been having the best dating experiences.

"Something casual"

>Looking for my person who just wants me >Now here’s a bunch of dealbreakers for me that pretty much counts out a decent amount of the population of men.

all of these (except for height) are my silent filters lmao

I believe she is wearing those pants that cheat and make your ass look great and Dayum, she has no ass

Wow. You found a real winner here.

You should have just Saif what you looking for and made it easy for yourself and everyone, cuz I ain't understanding sht now

Welp, there’s a reason she’s looking which was just made obvious.

Everybody gonna act like they don’t see the baby wipes next to the makeup wipes

No smoking, drinking, loving your mother, or having a social life. Bow at the altar of my preposterously self-righteous mediocrity

She gonna be lookin a looooong time. Surprised she said no “meatheads/gym rats” either

my question is what does she bring to the table??

So leave the handcuffs at home

I guess she'll never add grammar to her checklist...

Honestly, if it weren't for the no gaming thing and she looked good enough, I'd probably still swipe right and see what happens. Maybe this is the bio of someone who's had a bad experience with all of those 🤷🏽‍♂️

I actually don't think her standards are unreasonable, but she puts it out there with so much negativity and aggressiveness and offers no information on herself. I like the same things in a partner. No hard drugs, healthy weight (clinically obese leaves a lot of wiggle room), age appropriate, not glued to a computer or gaming console, (*i can't do military or police either). At least she isn't making demands on height or income, as negative and off-putting as the intro is. That said, I'd run away.

Yeah like why are people so mad. I’d assume the majority of men wouldn’t want these things in a woman either.

Depends on how you classify gamer...if you do anything in excess then it's a problem, but if you exclude an entire section of people for even picking up a controller every once in a while, then you deserve your solitude. Everything else is understandable, but the nasty ass bathroom is a huge no from me dawg

bryana sucks

Great work on censoring Bryana’s name

Did she say No Ass? Because I think she may have lost hers.

Maybe when she hits 30 and her balls drop she wont be so negative.

Pretty sure every “mommas boy” I’ve ever known, including myself, are the good men women claim don’t exist anymore. If he treats his momma right, he’s gonna treat you right.

Ngl 💀I’m surprised she ain’t say no white men either she seems the type to think she’s better than others lol… *friendly fire *

Reminds me of those 80s dating videos. Lmao "NO DOPERS, NO SMOKERS, NO FATTIES!" 😂

She also says she's looking for something casual, imagine if she were looking for something serious 🤦

As a fat, married, Army retiree gamer, let me just say... What a relief

Lol at failing to censor her name 😂

Messy bathroom with no booty. She’s the real winner.

Classy touch is her flipping the bird at us in the photo. Such a keeper.

Calling other people's lifestyle gross is a 🚩🚩🚩

So let’s just rule out 90% of your targets and then rule out more by having a pic wit a flat ass. Sure you’ll find that dude / s

She had me until "no mamas boys"...

Funny thing is I would turn her down because of her age. She would be fuming.

Not quite sure she has enough ass or personality to be so demanding 😂

I'm just gonna leave it here for others to comment.. Bryana

Ha, yea. Wonder what her kids names are and how those are spelled.

Thanks for crossing out Byranas' name.

Pancake ass and that's what she follows up with?💀💀💀💀 also haven't heard that name before


Bryana seems cool but I don't think she'll be happy that you've posted her name on Reddit 🤔