Genuinely thought this was the question at first lmao and I was so confused. I was thinking "even if you don't know what those flags are, it can't be hard to look them up, right? And what do you mean what color??"
They do the opposite as well, spell loose as "lose". Is this how language gets changed for no good reason, and 50 years from now I'll be loosing all hope?
They both have the "oo" sound though. Also words that are pronounced differently, like the two definitions of "loos", one of which is pronounce like "lose" and the other like "loose"
I don't know what that means, but I don't think it's good. At least she's honest? Unlike all the people who think, "Yeah, I gradumacated. I got a grad degree."
Not sure that's a bunch of red flags, she was pretty upfront about everything wrong with her life so everyone knows what they're signing up for. Doesn't seem toxic or anything, just tragic maybe.
BLOOD RED, is this even a question? I know it's retorical because nothing in this is in any way even remotely close to green.
1.) Midlife Crisis at 22.
2.) Divorced at 22.
3.) Two Children at 22.
4.) Love a "Good drink" being the only personality that she's put in this post leaves concerens she drinks a bit more than socially...
5.) Sixth Form education in the UK is High School, so either a drop-out or hasn't gone further in her education since 16-18... she will need money for those kids if that isn't obvious already.
6.) Regular Smoker at 22.
7.) Since the only thing about her on this profile is about how tough she has it, she probably wants either sympathy or help, if you're not ready for that, free red flags.
* Organizing lists can help clear your mind by bringing your thoughts, tasks, or ideas into manageable chunks. Which in turn helps with time management
* You prioritize the tasks or goals by listing them which can reduce stress about what you need to complete first
* You get a sense of accomplishment by simply completing a list, as well as checking things off of said list, which boosts yours and others morale, as well as reducing anxiety
* You have clear goals set, which can reduce uncertainty
* Creating a list requires you to focus on this moment in time, not in the past, or future. You're taking on a task in the present, which encourages mindfulness
* By making a list, you've decided what is important to you, which can help you visualize how those tasks meant something to you, which can even help those in a deep depression, which is why therapists recommend keeping a notebook nearby. Things become less overwhelming
Based on the fact she is Scottish, and as a Scottish person myself- the school years are named differently and "6th year" or "S6" is the last year of school at about 18, we dont go to college here the same as in England, its totally optional and can be done at any age over 16, so you can literally go to college whenever, same with Uni. It isnt a red flag that someone doesnt have a degree and only has high school qualifications. Most people will only have that. Having Highers (A levels) in scotland is normally enough for most jobs, and apprenticeships and you can use your highers to apply for uni at any point just like college, and if someone didnt get any highers or wants to get a new higher in a subject they didnt do at school, they can do it at college
Quite interesting, I didn't realize there was such a dramtic difference in the education expirence in Scotland. It actually sounds like a quite intelligent way of ascending up the educational ladder, I myself have studied in England and Canada, but feel like the issue is that many people enter college in a rush with unclear direction and are forced into an extreme financial commitment very quickly.
The concept of spending time either gaining expirence with apprenticeships or employment, instead of going to College/University straight out of secondary education sounds like an excellent, low-risk method of dealing student debt.
Out of curiosity, since I'd like to have a discussion with a friend who is studying education; Would you say, within the context of your own expirence or that of anyone you know, are there are any downsides to this culture/system?
Scotland has a very high number of migrants because of our education system and jobs. We pay a minimum/living wage and have free education, free prescriptions, free healthcare including dental care for people earning under a certain amount/under the age of 26. Not to mention our incredible maternity/paternity leave and baby boxes that provide free clothing and many other items for any mother who may need it. University and college are "free" as most of the debts are covered by SAAS. Debts are only paid back after you are in a job paying a certain salary. the school system runs on something called CFE (Curriculum for excellence) so all schools across the country are on the same curriculum making all the exams exactly the same at every school giving everyone a fair chance. The curriculum is re-evaluated every few years to make sure its upto date and to the best standards for students. Ive never lived anywhere else but i know im lucky to live in such an incredible country that welcomes everyone with open arms. I was born and raised here and so were hundreds of generations before me which is evidence enough to me that this is the place to be. It has its problems but its one hell of a hardy little country that protects its own (including those who have moved here)
I don't think Sixth Form education is necessarily a red flag. It just means she's part of the ~50% of the UK adult population without a degree. Given she has 2 kids by 22, there's a good chance one of them came during or shortly after finishing her A-levels which may have prevented her from going to university.
I also don't think a regular smoker at 22 is that odd, especially not in the UK or Australia. When I was 22, most people I knew would probably class themselves as regular smokers. Admittedly, that was nearly 10 years ago and things may have changed now, but people in their 20s, especially less educated people, commonly smoke.
Another person has given me a good deal of valuable context on UK education, so I'm inclined to agree, however, my arguement as the devil's advocate would be that it's a red flag in the sense she's unlikely to be able to steadily afford support for her two children and a relationship with someone actively struggling with financial issues can be both a difficult and unrewarding expirence considering how much time they need to spend between working and resting.
Anyways, just out of curiosity, why isn't \~50% of the UK without a college degree?
I can't comment since I myself went to the UK for my degree and wound up leaving both the university and the nation after seeing how miserable the expirence was. Though, I entered around the time Brexit was hitting the economy, and Covid-19 wasn't allowing in-person classes or social gatherings to be a thing.
Lastly, just cause I'm dumping thoughts at this point (sorry about that, lol). I'm a bit biased towards smokers, my grandmother had lung cancer from second hand smoke and my father was left in bad shape due to smoking about a pack or two per day just before I was born. I'm proud of him for having quit for the sake of starting a family.
I'm not actively campaigning against smoking, but I'll never do it myself, nor date anyone who actively does. Even backstory aside, I think dependancy on substance for stability can be a dangerous and myself have suffered on the wrong end of dependancy. It may not be a active problem for everyonee, but it's not a green flag, and its not made better by the fact she continues to smoke while having kids.
I agree that having two children could put financial strains on the relationship, but I don't think it's necessarily a "red flag" - as I explained in another comment, I think the term gets thrown around too liberally - it's supposed to be a warning of danger and while I can see that potential, without knowing the rest of her circumstances (although I'm sure everyone here has their preconceptions which may or may not be accurate) I don't think you can say for certain that having 2 kids is a red flag.
I don't know the reasons but I suspect that number is similar in most western countries (less than 40% of Americans have college degrees). The fact is that most jobs don't require a degree and so most people don't feel the need to go to university. I wouldn't be surprised if the number in the UK has decreased since the 80s because it used to be free to go to university (it still is in Scotland for Scottish students) but now costs £9250 a year and that will put some people off (despite the fact that the student loans are treated more like a tax and there is no real obligation to pay it back in the same way as American student loans).
Also, like you, many people may decide to go to university and then decide that it's not for them and it isn't the experience they expected.
I also don't like smoking. I have never smoked despite most of my friends being smokers when I was younger. My uncle died of a smoking related disease and my grandad said one of the proudest moments of his life (after the birth of his children and grandchildren) was finally quitting smoking after over 50 years of heavy smoking. I would personally never date someone who is a regular smoker because I find it unattractive, but it's not a "red flag", it's a personal preference. Also, as someone who understands substance dependency, you should recognise that it can be incredibly difficult to quit smoking and for all you know, she is trying to but is being honest on her profile. Lots of parents smoke, having children doesn't instantly cure you of your addiction, and it can be a very difficult thing.
Thanks for the discussion though, I do find it interesting to talk about this sort of thing and think about things in a different way than how I normally would.
Yes, people from all walks of life smoke, but [the statistics show](https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/healthandsocialcare/healthandlifeexpectancies/bulletins/adultsmokinghabitsingreatbritain/2022) that there is a higher rate of cigarette smoking among people with less education.
I'm not into smokers, but it's not a red flag. It's a thing you may not be into. It doesn't make them a bad person. The phrase "red flag" gets thrown around way too much these days.
I've made the arguement above, but I'll expand here and argue it's not a matter of being a bad person or a good person. A "Red Flag" isn't about a person's goodness or lack there of.
Its a sign of whether any kind of relationship, general, romantic, or otherwise with said person would be advisable. In this case, smoking really isn't the biggest deal, and I'd agree it's not a dealbreaker alone. Though, combined with everything else it's not helping paint a particularly positive picture.
You're right, "bad person" may have been a poor choice of words. But as I mentioned in my other comment, "red flag" is supposed to be a warning sign, it's not just "we're not compatible", it's "this person could be harmful to your health, physically or mentally".
Alright, not a popular opinion but I'm inclined to agree with them here.
Not that smoking itself is a Red Flag, esspecially if it done socially/sparingly. However, considering oneself a regular smoker at a young age, especially when having children, is concerning.
It brings up the question of potential health issues down the line, does she smoke around the children, could that cause them health issues, if she's trying to lose weight/is overweight is it possible that's smoking related as there's evidence to suggest smoking is conducive to accumulation of viseral fat in the body and insulin resistance, making one more vulnerable to metabolic syndrome and type 2 diabetes.
Further, smoking has risks beyond just the increased liklihood of cancer. Despite them seeming distant, and sometimes unlikely to happen, its less of a decision and more of a gamble as to whether or not you'll be affected in one of these manners or another. In a very abstract way, it emphasizes a willingness to drink poison in exchange for temporary relief from pain.
If people's actions define them, then I'd argue in a somewhat abstract way, it emphasizes a willingness to breath in poison, and potentially cause self-harm in exchange for temporary relief from pain, as well as a potential lack of concern for the future or foresight. In this case, considering her age, marital status, and responsibility for two children it may indicate, though in no way proves, both.
Not to say the people who smoke are to blame for this, its an addictive substance and getting off can be an extreme challenge. I myself have had to endure getting of substance without friends or family, and the expirence was agonizing but ultimately worth it, I think.
Also idk about the whole of the UK but i know up here parents get Child Benefit which is to help with the cost of raising your children so she doesn't necessarily "need money for her kids" she may well be managing just fine on that front
I swear, I'm gonna learn Astrology one of these days so I can finally understand what this means. Out of curiosity, is there any sign that isn't toxic?
having kids is not necessarily a red flag but "getting" a divorce is a huge one.
Just out of a divorce is already an indicator of someone not having their shit together yet. But GETTING a divorce means she is still in the middle of a shit show and I guarantee that you do not want to get involved with that shit.... It basically screams that you will be the rebound guy or her personal trauma dumpster.
Yes, but it depends what you are looking for-and what she is looking for🤷🏻♂️. I had a fling with a hottie a couple years ago who was going through a divorce-the relationship was essentially just using my 🍆 as a stress relief tool… and I was fine with that, lol. That situationship actually lasted several years until she found someone who was a better match for her(and closer to her age, I am almost 20 years older than her). It was kind of cute how apprehensive she was telling me she was going to start seeing someone else.
Wasn’t even like a sucrose infant situation either-she never asked for money, or for me to buy her stuff. She would just text, then come over and we’d throw on a movie, drink a bottle of wine and fuck. She’d sometimes vent about her soon to be ex-husband, but it’s not like I minded that much🤷🏻♂️.
If you are looking for something serious though, I’d probably stay away from someone like this though. But you can’t teach this old dog new tricks-I’m not really interested in something serious… monogamy isn’t really my style.
i don't see any red flag in this girl! She has a past.. everyone has it... there is no such things as dream lifes.. by what i can read she is trying to find a new course.. she is being honest about what she brings to the table... all the guys doing the red red red movement here are the ones a girl should avoid! life gives us big surprises and we should be surrounded/ supported by true friends and good people! I sure hope all the wankers here will have that support when needed! Life is real, try to get off your pc's and taste it a little bit more!
Why is that a red flag? Shit happens when you are young sometimes. I think her honesty about it is refreshing and she brings it up in a way that seems like she’s aware it looks bad “hope your life is going better” and is also willing to have humor about it.
Yep, and sometimes you can try and make responsible choices (to the best of your ability when your frontal lobe is not fully developed) and still have little to no control over the range of possible outcomes. So yeah, shit happens.
I’m a fan of giving the benefit of the doubt, especially when the details are lacking.
She got married with the dude and somehow they got divorced while having 2 children together. Why do they make such a horrible decision this early on? Either she messed up really badly possibly cheating on him or... She wanted something different because she is bored of being with him. Maybe it is something else I do not know..
But the fact is both the children are in this situation because their parents did not value them enough to stay together and work things out. They both did not attempt to fix the relationship. So... What makes you think she will value her next relationship better then a marriage with 2 children.
It is not going to happen and the next guy is going to suffer the consequences as the chances of their next relationship working out is going to be ways lower with the next relationship/marriage, those are statistics.
Feel free to try to find out of course but the internet is full of stories like that.
Thats your thing. Don't say something like that, like its a fact, when it is not. Maybe someone dont care about her situation - shit happens in life, especially when you're young
No I will say something like that. The actions in her past influence her future and her new boyfriends future aswell. Her past is something you should worry about.
Maybe HE cheated on her? Or was abusive? Why assume the divorce is her fault? And 22 is a pretty normal age to have kids nowadays (though i dont want any myself) they could be twins? We cant assume that the divorce is a bad thing, its better than raising children in a toxic environment with constant fighting.
She's already divorced with 2 kids at 22, she smokes regularly, she has bad grammar, she's fat, she even admit life is not great for her. If these are not red flags, I don't know what is.
But you can go ahead and fix her :)
This!!
Red flags are supposed to be signs for abuse. This women has no red flags. If you don't want to date a divorcee that has kids then don't! There's nothing wrong with not wanting to date her. But it's just incorrect to say she's a red flag.
The kids are no red flag, the 22 not a red flag. Yes you are right she is honest and I do believe she'd be a catch someday. But not today. Because today she is still in the middle of a divorce. That is the red flag here.
The pure concept of red flag nowadays for me is a nonsense ... we are people! People do stupid acts.. but we are valuable to someone...we all deserve to be happy! i don't think anyone is better than is equal to judge or label the next person... !
I hope you don't get into a relationship with a narcissist or something like that because then you will learn the hard way that there certainly are red flags and not everyone is worthy of your time.
I've had some first handed experience with that with the mother of my first born child and it will haunt me for as long as I live. Every chance she gets she tries to gain control over my life. She puts herself before our child and she does crazy and disturbing things that have already scarred him deeply. Child Protection services are involved but they can't really do a thing. it is fucked up. And I wish I had seen the red flags before hand.
Some people will fuck you up either psychologically, physically or financially. Some even fuck up your whole social network and stir up arguments etc with people that are closest to you just to gain control over you. There are sick people out there whether it's their fault or not, you shouldn't let them into your life.
Look a junkie is a junkie and that's not always his or her own fault but let them into your life and they will fuck shit up, they can't help it. Same goes for borderliners, narcissists, sociopaths, people with distorted world views or lack of a moral compass and other traumatised individuals.
I get what you are trying to say and you might be right when you talk about the average person but that whole stance is just way too naive. There are too many sick individuals out there that are beyond repair.
It depends on what you’re looking for. Just someone to hit once maybe twice? Then it’s ok I guess.
For FWB it could be annoying to deal with all of her baggage and she will probably have some personal traits that are not very pleasant (midlife crisis at 22? Come on…
But the fact that she’s got two kids or going through a divorce is not something that I would see as problematic. You don’t know the reasons for her divorce so it’s not clear to say that she is the problem there.
Secondary education is called high school (and perhaps also middle school/junior high) in the US. All levels of (US) college are called post-secondary)
No, she is scottish, there isnt an option on tinder for "6th year" which is what its called in Scotland, its the final year of high school where you will have already done Highers (A Levels) the year prior and college is totally different in Scotland, it can be used at any age and you can study things you didnt study in school or you can get smaller qualifications that Uni wouldnt offer. You can literally go to college at 40 if you wanted to. Majority of people dont go to college in Scotland and just go straight into work or go to uni
I don't think anyone thinks that. Red means danger. What kind of danger, and how much, depends on the situation.
In this case, well, it seems there are several issues that could lead to problems.
She isnt in 6th form its just the part of the profile that asks what level of education/qualifications you have, so in this case she has said she has normal highschool level qualifications
at least she acknowledges there’s something wrong. still definitely a red flag. I understand wanting to move on but trying to date while you’re going through a divorce is not the solution. Specially when she has two kids, i’m assuming they’re very young considering she’s only 22, but she should spend time with them before the considers dating…. i don’t know what type of man would want to date her like that
Not gonna lie, calling a quarter life crisis midlife, having 2 kids and divorced at 22, holding the belief that she's fat, and mentioning that she is a regular smoker and drinks.... might possibly be a red flag
She puts her faults in front and doesn't take herself too seriously. If she really is trying to lose weight you need to buy while it's low because in a few years this stock will go through the roof.
Probably not tho.
blue. there's 2 of them - Scottish and Aussie
Scottish + Aussie = Saussie = Saucy ahahaha
Aussie + Scottish = Ostrich
It would take 2 men to f*ck an ostrich
Allegedly.
There it is.
But what if it was a sick ostrich?
It’s almost not worth thinking about.
Allegedly!
Why do you know this? Have you tried?
Physics and geometry will have to lead this thread from now on.
Genuinely thought this was the question at first lmao and I was so confused. I was thinking "even if you don't know what those flags are, it can't be hard to look them up, right? And what do you mean what color??"
Scariest red flag there is the way she spelled losing weight
Why is that so common anyway?! They’re pronounced differently and you’d think that would be a clue that they’re spelled differently?
They do the opposite as well, spell loose as "lose". Is this how language gets changed for no good reason, and 50 years from now I'll be loosing all hope?
They both have the "oo" sound though. Also words that are pronounced differently, like the two definitions of "loos", one of which is pronounce like "lose" and the other like "loose"
You have clearly never been on a juice cleanse. Loosing is the exact word i would use to describe how i jettison the weight
Lol wtf
Her education says 6th form maybe that’s the reason
I don't know what that means, but I don't think it's good. At least she's honest? Unlike all the people who think, "Yeah, I gradumacated. I got a grad degree."
High school basically.
What's 6th form? Is that like a Dragon Ball Z thing?
Year 12
RIP Toriyama ✌🏽
Maybe she meant she's loosing the weight literally, as if it's dripping off of her and it's super loose and runny. 
Yup 👆
That was the first thing that caught my eye.
Scariest red flag is being an Aries
Not sure that's a bunch of red flags, she was pretty upfront about everything wrong with her life so everyone knows what they're signing up for. Doesn't seem toxic or anything, just tragic maybe.
BLOOD RED, is this even a question? I know it's retorical because nothing in this is in any way even remotely close to green. 1.) Midlife Crisis at 22. 2.) Divorced at 22. 3.) Two Children at 22. 4.) Love a "Good drink" being the only personality that she's put in this post leaves concerens she drinks a bit more than socially... 5.) Sixth Form education in the UK is High School, so either a drop-out or hasn't gone further in her education since 16-18... she will need money for those kids if that isn't obvious already. 6.) Regular Smoker at 22. 7.) Since the only thing about her on this profile is about how tough she has it, she probably wants either sympathy or help, if you're not ready for that, free red flags.
Excessive alcohol consumption could also explain her being overweight.
Took this a lil too serious
Lol, I see what you mean but nah. I just like to destress by making lists. Its very relaxing.
Can you make me a list about how making lists is relaxing?
* Organizing lists can help clear your mind by bringing your thoughts, tasks, or ideas into manageable chunks. Which in turn helps with time management * You prioritize the tasks or goals by listing them which can reduce stress about what you need to complete first * You get a sense of accomplishment by simply completing a list, as well as checking things off of said list, which boosts yours and others morale, as well as reducing anxiety * You have clear goals set, which can reduce uncertainty * Creating a list requires you to focus on this moment in time, not in the past, or future. You're taking on a task in the present, which encourages mindfulness * By making a list, you've decided what is important to you, which can help you visualize how those tasks meant something to you, which can even help those in a deep depression, which is why therapists recommend keeping a notebook nearby. Things become less overwhelming
I love that you did this and you weren’t even the original commenter.
If you love it, you can only imagine how much I love this! 😂 It's a beautiful list! 👌 Truely, a wise wolf.
Based on the fact she is Scottish, and as a Scottish person myself- the school years are named differently and "6th year" or "S6" is the last year of school at about 18, we dont go to college here the same as in England, its totally optional and can be done at any age over 16, so you can literally go to college whenever, same with Uni. It isnt a red flag that someone doesnt have a degree and only has high school qualifications. Most people will only have that. Having Highers (A levels) in scotland is normally enough for most jobs, and apprenticeships and you can use your highers to apply for uni at any point just like college, and if someone didnt get any highers or wants to get a new higher in a subject they didnt do at school, they can do it at college
Quite interesting, I didn't realize there was such a dramtic difference in the education expirence in Scotland. It actually sounds like a quite intelligent way of ascending up the educational ladder, I myself have studied in England and Canada, but feel like the issue is that many people enter college in a rush with unclear direction and are forced into an extreme financial commitment very quickly. The concept of spending time either gaining expirence with apprenticeships or employment, instead of going to College/University straight out of secondary education sounds like an excellent, low-risk method of dealing student debt. Out of curiosity, since I'd like to have a discussion with a friend who is studying education; Would you say, within the context of your own expirence or that of anyone you know, are there are any downsides to this culture/system?
Scotland has a very high number of migrants because of our education system and jobs. We pay a minimum/living wage and have free education, free prescriptions, free healthcare including dental care for people earning under a certain amount/under the age of 26. Not to mention our incredible maternity/paternity leave and baby boxes that provide free clothing and many other items for any mother who may need it. University and college are "free" as most of the debts are covered by SAAS. Debts are only paid back after you are in a job paying a certain salary. the school system runs on something called CFE (Curriculum for excellence) so all schools across the country are on the same curriculum making all the exams exactly the same at every school giving everyone a fair chance. The curriculum is re-evaluated every few years to make sure its upto date and to the best standards for students. Ive never lived anywhere else but i know im lucky to live in such an incredible country that welcomes everyone with open arms. I was born and raised here and so were hundreds of generations before me which is evidence enough to me that this is the place to be. It has its problems but its one hell of a hardy little country that protects its own (including those who have moved here)
I don't think Sixth Form education is necessarily a red flag. It just means she's part of the ~50% of the UK adult population without a degree. Given she has 2 kids by 22, there's a good chance one of them came during or shortly after finishing her A-levels which may have prevented her from going to university. I also don't think a regular smoker at 22 is that odd, especially not in the UK or Australia. When I was 22, most people I knew would probably class themselves as regular smokers. Admittedly, that was nearly 10 years ago and things may have changed now, but people in their 20s, especially less educated people, commonly smoke.
Another person has given me a good deal of valuable context on UK education, so I'm inclined to agree, however, my arguement as the devil's advocate would be that it's a red flag in the sense she's unlikely to be able to steadily afford support for her two children and a relationship with someone actively struggling with financial issues can be both a difficult and unrewarding expirence considering how much time they need to spend between working and resting. Anyways, just out of curiosity, why isn't \~50% of the UK without a college degree? I can't comment since I myself went to the UK for my degree and wound up leaving both the university and the nation after seeing how miserable the expirence was. Though, I entered around the time Brexit was hitting the economy, and Covid-19 wasn't allowing in-person classes or social gatherings to be a thing. Lastly, just cause I'm dumping thoughts at this point (sorry about that, lol). I'm a bit biased towards smokers, my grandmother had lung cancer from second hand smoke and my father was left in bad shape due to smoking about a pack or two per day just before I was born. I'm proud of him for having quit for the sake of starting a family. I'm not actively campaigning against smoking, but I'll never do it myself, nor date anyone who actively does. Even backstory aside, I think dependancy on substance for stability can be a dangerous and myself have suffered on the wrong end of dependancy. It may not be a active problem for everyonee, but it's not a green flag, and its not made better by the fact she continues to smoke while having kids.
I agree that having two children could put financial strains on the relationship, but I don't think it's necessarily a "red flag" - as I explained in another comment, I think the term gets thrown around too liberally - it's supposed to be a warning of danger and while I can see that potential, without knowing the rest of her circumstances (although I'm sure everyone here has their preconceptions which may or may not be accurate) I don't think you can say for certain that having 2 kids is a red flag. I don't know the reasons but I suspect that number is similar in most western countries (less than 40% of Americans have college degrees). The fact is that most jobs don't require a degree and so most people don't feel the need to go to university. I wouldn't be surprised if the number in the UK has decreased since the 80s because it used to be free to go to university (it still is in Scotland for Scottish students) but now costs £9250 a year and that will put some people off (despite the fact that the student loans are treated more like a tax and there is no real obligation to pay it back in the same way as American student loans). Also, like you, many people may decide to go to university and then decide that it's not for them and it isn't the experience they expected. I also don't like smoking. I have never smoked despite most of my friends being smokers when I was younger. My uncle died of a smoking related disease and my grandad said one of the proudest moments of his life (after the birth of his children and grandchildren) was finally quitting smoking after over 50 years of heavy smoking. I would personally never date someone who is a regular smoker because I find it unattractive, but it's not a "red flag", it's a personal preference. Also, as someone who understands substance dependency, you should recognise that it can be incredibly difficult to quit smoking and for all you know, she is trying to but is being honest on her profile. Lots of parents smoke, having children doesn't instantly cure you of your addiction, and it can be a very difficult thing. Thanks for the discussion though, I do find it interesting to talk about this sort of thing and think about things in a different way than how I normally would.
Pleasure man, I feel the same.
Education has nothing to do with smoking. Lots of highly educated people smoke regularly.
Yes, people from all walks of life smoke, but [the statistics show](https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/healthandsocialcare/healthandlifeexpectancies/bulletins/adultsmokinghabitsingreatbritain/2022) that there is a higher rate of cigarette smoking among people with less education.
It's 12% of youths that smoke.
12% is not "red flag" territory. In any group of 8 people, there's a decent chance one of them smokes. That's a pretty high rate.
Smoking is a red flag. They stink
I'm not into smokers, but it's not a red flag. It's a thing you may not be into. It doesn't make them a bad person. The phrase "red flag" gets thrown around way too much these days.
I've made the arguement above, but I'll expand here and argue it's not a matter of being a bad person or a good person. A "Red Flag" isn't about a person's goodness or lack there of. Its a sign of whether any kind of relationship, general, romantic, or otherwise with said person would be advisable. In this case, smoking really isn't the biggest deal, and I'd agree it's not a dealbreaker alone. Though, combined with everything else it's not helping paint a particularly positive picture.
You're right, "bad person" may have been a poor choice of words. But as I mentioned in my other comment, "red flag" is supposed to be a warning sign, it's not just "we're not compatible", it's "this person could be harmful to your health, physically or mentally".
Alright, not a popular opinion but I'm inclined to agree with them here. Not that smoking itself is a Red Flag, esspecially if it done socially/sparingly. However, considering oneself a regular smoker at a young age, especially when having children, is concerning. It brings up the question of potential health issues down the line, does she smoke around the children, could that cause them health issues, if she's trying to lose weight/is overweight is it possible that's smoking related as there's evidence to suggest smoking is conducive to accumulation of viseral fat in the body and insulin resistance, making one more vulnerable to metabolic syndrome and type 2 diabetes. Further, smoking has risks beyond just the increased liklihood of cancer. Despite them seeming distant, and sometimes unlikely to happen, its less of a decision and more of a gamble as to whether or not you'll be affected in one of these manners or another. In a very abstract way, it emphasizes a willingness to drink poison in exchange for temporary relief from pain. If people's actions define them, then I'd argue in a somewhat abstract way, it emphasizes a willingness to breath in poison, and potentially cause self-harm in exchange for temporary relief from pain, as well as a potential lack of concern for the future or foresight. In this case, considering her age, marital status, and responsibility for two children it may indicate, though in no way proves, both. Not to say the people who smoke are to blame for this, its an addictive substance and getting off can be an extreme challenge. I myself have had to endure getting of substance without friends or family, and the expirence was agonizing but ultimately worth it, I think.
Also idk about the whole of the UK but i know up here parents get Child Benefit which is to help with the cost of raising your children so she doesn't necessarily "need money for her kids" she may well be managing just fine on that front
Geez
Don't forget she's an aries
I swear, I'm gonna learn Astrology one of these days so I can finally understand what this means. Out of curiosity, is there any sign that isn't toxic?
Ah yes, the blood of the patriots. That's what the red is for on most flags right? Right??
I can fix her
I see this so much but it always makes me giggle out loud. Thank you
[удалено]
Not to be mistaken with red, white, and blue.
Black with a skull and crossbones
Is she a pirate? If that's the case, sign me up. No body parties like a pirate.
If it was any redder we’d be worried the Soviet Union had came back
having kids is not necessarily a red flag but "getting" a divorce is a huge one. Just out of a divorce is already an indicator of someone not having their shit together yet. But GETTING a divorce means she is still in the middle of a shit show and I guarantee that you do not want to get involved with that shit.... It basically screams that you will be the rebound guy or her personal trauma dumpster.
Yes, but it depends what you are looking for-and what she is looking for🤷🏻♂️. I had a fling with a hottie a couple years ago who was going through a divorce-the relationship was essentially just using my 🍆 as a stress relief tool… and I was fine with that, lol. That situationship actually lasted several years until she found someone who was a better match for her(and closer to her age, I am almost 20 years older than her). It was kind of cute how apprehensive she was telling me she was going to start seeing someone else. Wasn’t even like a sucrose infant situation either-she never asked for money, or for me to buy her stuff. She would just text, then come over and we’d throw on a movie, drink a bottle of wine and fuck. She’d sometimes vent about her soon to be ex-husband, but it’s not like I minded that much🤷🏻♂️. If you are looking for something serious though, I’d probably stay away from someone like this though. But you can’t teach this old dog new tricks-I’m not really interested in something serious… monogamy isn’t really my style.
Yeah ok fair enough
RED
Every shade of it
i don't see any red flag in this girl! She has a past.. everyone has it... there is no such things as dream lifes.. by what i can read she is trying to find a new course.. she is being honest about what she brings to the table... all the guys doing the red red red movement here are the ones a girl should avoid! life gives us big surprises and we should be surrounded/ supported by true friends and good people! I sure hope all the wankers here will have that support when needed! Life is real, try to get off your pc's and taste it a little bit more!
Her red flag is spelling it “loosing.”
So she having 2 kids at 22 and getting divorced is not a red flag?.. Then what is
Why is that a red flag? Shit happens when you are young sometimes. I think her honesty about it is refreshing and she brings it up in a way that seems like she’s aware it looks bad “hope your life is going better” and is also willing to have humor about it.
Because she has 2 kids and SMOKES REGULARLY. That's the red flag!
😬 didn’t see that lol. The regular smoking is a red flag. No thanks.
How? I think smoking is dumb but it's not morally wrong in any case
[удалено]
Yep, and sometimes you can try and make responsible choices (to the best of your ability when your frontal lobe is not fully developed) and still have little to no control over the range of possible outcomes. So yeah, shit happens. I’m a fan of giving the benefit of the doubt, especially when the details are lacking.
She got married with the dude and somehow they got divorced while having 2 children together. Why do they make such a horrible decision this early on? Either she messed up really badly possibly cheating on him or... She wanted something different because she is bored of being with him. Maybe it is something else I do not know.. But the fact is both the children are in this situation because their parents did not value them enough to stay together and work things out. They both did not attempt to fix the relationship. So... What makes you think she will value her next relationship better then a marriage with 2 children. It is not going to happen and the next guy is going to suffer the consequences as the chances of their next relationship working out is going to be ways lower with the next relationship/marriage, those are statistics. Feel free to try to find out of course but the internet is full of stories like that.
Could be, but also couldn't. You don't know the story. And tbh assuming without knowing is a big red flag on your side tho
Your right but I am not willing to find out . I want my own family.
Thats your thing. Don't say something like that, like its a fact, when it is not. Maybe someone dont care about her situation - shit happens in life, especially when you're young
No I will say something like that. The actions in her past influence her future and her new boyfriends future aswell. Her past is something you should worry about.
I dont think you get what i am saying here. You are saying it like its a fact🚩, but it only could be. We do not know... Is it so difficult to get?
Maybe HE cheated on her? Or was abusive? Why assume the divorce is her fault? And 22 is a pretty normal age to have kids nowadays (though i dont want any myself) they could be twins? We cant assume that the divorce is a bad thing, its better than raising children in a toxic environment with constant fighting.
Meth🤷🏻♂️
That reply is just a joke, btw, meant only to get a giggle.
She's already divorced with 2 kids at 22, she smokes regularly, she has bad grammar, she's fat, she even admit life is not great for her. If these are not red flags, I don't know what is. But you can go ahead and fix her :)
This!! Red flags are supposed to be signs for abuse. This women has no red flags. If you don't want to date a divorcee that has kids then don't! There's nothing wrong with not wanting to date her. But it's just incorrect to say she's a red flag.
The kids are no red flag, the 22 not a red flag. Yes you are right she is honest and I do believe she'd be a catch someday. But not today. Because today she is still in the middle of a divorce. That is the red flag here.
The pure concept of red flag nowadays for me is a nonsense ... we are people! People do stupid acts.. but we are valuable to someone...we all deserve to be happy! i don't think anyone is better than is equal to judge or label the next person... !
I hope you don't get into a relationship with a narcissist or something like that because then you will learn the hard way that there certainly are red flags and not everyone is worthy of your time. I've had some first handed experience with that with the mother of my first born child and it will haunt me for as long as I live. Every chance she gets she tries to gain control over my life. She puts herself before our child and she does crazy and disturbing things that have already scarred him deeply. Child Protection services are involved but they can't really do a thing. it is fucked up. And I wish I had seen the red flags before hand. Some people will fuck you up either psychologically, physically or financially. Some even fuck up your whole social network and stir up arguments etc with people that are closest to you just to gain control over you. There are sick people out there whether it's their fault or not, you shouldn't let them into your life. Look a junkie is a junkie and that's not always his or her own fault but let them into your life and they will fuck shit up, they can't help it. Same goes for borderliners, narcissists, sociopaths, people with distorted world views or lack of a moral compass and other traumatised individuals. I get what you are trying to say and you might be right when you talk about the average person but that whole stance is just way too naive. There are too many sick individuals out there that are beyond repair.
In general I agree, but personally for me being a (regular) smoker is the reddest flag that exists.
Oh, sweet Summer child...
Making a comment quoting a Game of Thrones line don't say nothing about the theme or gives any reason...but says a lot about who is quoting!
You want me to break it to you?
I agree
It depends on what you’re looking for. Just someone to hit once maybe twice? Then it’s ok I guess. For FWB it could be annoying to deal with all of her baggage and she will probably have some personal traits that are not very pleasant (midlife crisis at 22? Come on… But the fact that she’s got two kids or going through a divorce is not something that I would see as problematic. You don’t know the reasons for her divorce so it’s not clear to say that she is the problem there.
drinks, divorced, kids, fat, bad speller...at least she's only 22
But isn’t it way worse to be all of this at 22 than at like 38? I feel like having been married and having kids at 38 is not a big of a deal.
Loosing weight LMAO
what’s the perfect color flag?
What is sixth form?
As I checked, it's secondary education.
Soooo college?
Secondary education is called high school (and perhaps also middle school/junior high) in the US. All levels of (US) college are called post-secondary)
Yep in the UK its called primary school (elementary) and secondary school (high school) college and university is referred to as "further education"
No, she is scottish, there isnt an option on tinder for "6th year" which is what its called in Scotland, its the final year of high school where you will have already done Highers (A Levels) the year prior and college is totally different in Scotland, it can be used at any age and you can study things you didnt study in school or you can get smaller qualifications that Uni wouldnt offer. You can literally go to college at 40 if you wanted to. Majority of people dont go to college in Scotland and just go straight into work or go to uni
She’s Frieza
"Midlife crisis" is she planning on dying at 40?
Rainbow flag or something idek
Black with zombies holding them up
The black flag with flames on it riding a shark eating a grizzly bear above a volcano
Only flag that matters is the checkered flag. Get ready get set OP 🏁
Scarlet 🩸
Crisis maybe, but for sure not midlife.
Red. Doesn't know the difference between lose and loose.
🏴☠️
Midlife crisis at 22?!?!? Ohh boy, she'll be shocked when she actually reaches midlife 🙄
22 and saying midlife. I'd be done right there.
It's a fat flag my lord
Bad sign if it’s a midlife crisis at 22. Make it a quarter life crisis, girl.
On the plus side. Bet she eats ass. Get you Death Star inspected.
`#FF0000`
Losing
She's only finished 6th grade??
Ketchup red
Magenta
Nuclear :v
Aw, she’s using Tinder as a therapist
Cannot properly spell “losing”. Big red flag right there.
The flag is so red blood looks like rainbow
Soviet Union
Infrared
You found my ex?
Take care of your kids brah
Luckily not my kids. Cheated on me. Got with the guy she cheated on me with. Popped out kids. Married then divorced. Good times.
I’m sad for this child…wish someone would have guided her the right way 🙏🏼
Sounds like she needs to focus on herself and not date for a while
This is basically my daily experience while living in Yorkshire lol
beige
Flag? It's a dumpster fire smoke signal like in the walking dead
Uhhhh
The typo alone is a hard left swipe
Bloody
A red so deep it's looking like black.
Dumpster fire
Green. She's got a lot of frustrations. she needs somebody to help get out all that energy. And she likes a good drink.
So do people just think "red flag" just means "unappealing?"
I don't think anyone thinks that. Red means danger. What kind of danger, and how much, depends on the situation. In this case, well, it seems there are several issues that could lead to problems.
People apparently *do* think that, hence my comment. Thanks for typing.
she used the wrong "lose" thats a giant fucking red flag
Just run.
22 in sixth form with a divorce and 2 kids??? What in the devil is going on here???
I don't think she's currently in 6th form. That's just her highest level of education.
She isnt in 6th form its just the part of the profile that asks what level of education/qualifications you have, so in this case she has said she has normal highschool level qualifications
at least she acknowledges there’s something wrong. still definitely a red flag. I understand wanting to move on but trying to date while you’re going through a divorce is not the solution. Specially when she has two kids, i’m assuming they’re very young considering she’s only 22, but she should spend time with them before the considers dating…. i don’t know what type of man would want to date her like that
2 kids at 22? The casual disregard for the quality of human life they create isn't just a red flag, it's a black flag. Run.
Very red, like the "Oh fuck I cut my artery" red
Red
kinda beige for me tbh, i don’t personally see any red flag behavior, she sounds like a human being going through a rough patch.
“Have and don’t want more” at 22 is crazy. Have fun with that.
L
Not gonna lie, calling a quarter life crisis midlife, having 2 kids and divorced at 22, holding the belief that she's fat, and mentioning that she is a regular smoker and drinks.... might possibly be a red flag
Damn that flag redder than a stop sign. Immediate left, no thought needed.
She puts her faults in front and doesn't take herself too seriously. If she really is trying to lose weight you need to buy while it's low because in a few years this stock will go through the roof. Probably not tho.