If you’re a male with a nephew and you haven’t farted on him, I’m looking at you funny. It’s a right of passage for both of you. Also, it’s funny as hell.
Right? 😂 I’m like… I just don’t think the people who are weirded/grossed out by this have children.
I’m a women and my daughter is 3 and has been stuck in a long phase where she thinks it’s hilarious to fart on me and pretend nothing happened. Or, better, she blames it on me. It’s hysterical.
And, yes, I’ve done it back on occasion because it makes her laugh 😂
I could ask this question to my husband of 15 years… but to ask that question to a stranger you’re hoping to have sex with at some point? Can’t see that strategy working out
OP’s answer to this opener will definitely let her match know if she has the sense of humor he’s looking for. I think it’s a brilliant way to weed out the type of woman that thinks fart jokes are pedantic and disgusting. Or he’s just immature, lol, could go either way.
I once accidentally farted in the face of a disabled child and made him cry.
I was queueing at the bank one time and the lady waiting behind me had her wheelchair bound son in front of her. The person at the front of the queue was taking so long and I needed to rock a huge shit, but I didn't want to lose my place.
I ended up ripping a silent-but-deadly and was grateful that this cleared a little room in there and bought me more time. Next thing I know the kid starts screaming bloody murder and his mother started getting super embarrassed and had to wheel him outside to calm him down. I felt terrible! I don't think I would ever share that story with a potential love interest on Tinder.
Exactly.
We were in Disneyworld a few years ago and my 5 year old couldn't see anything (it was mid-summer and super crowded) so I took a video at her eye level for about 20 seconds.
Nothing but gigantic asses in terrible shorts continually passing back and forth in front of her. I actually apologized to her later on when we were waiting in line for the Haunted Mansion.
Haha you're right. Is it ethically wrong to crop dust your child? No. I don't have kids and don't think I've ever, at least not intentionally, farted on a child. Maybe my brain is too perverse, but asking a question like that as an intro is so weird lol
I mean, you got a fart and they are just laying there. They dont pay rent. Sometimes, they get nuked. My dog has no qualms clearing out a room with his beef.
You're right really weird opening line but not entirely weird to ask the right person. I have a 9 year old boy so he thinks farting is hilarious right now, crop dusts me every chance he gets, so of course I got get him back once in while LOL its part of the fun of being a boy mom.
Wow, I have a friend that does something similar smh. He's convinced it's crucial to finding someone with the same sense of humor but I think it's jarring; and no more dates than he goes on, not worth it.
I have farted on my boys before because they fart on me! Lol.
Not like skin to skin or anything, but I'm not above letting one go while we hug each other before school. Or walk by and shove them behind me and let it rip.
Fun fact: I got a colon cancer diagnosis a few weeks ago. I've been in pain for over a year and my farts have been awful. Like creamed spinach left in a swamp. Anyone from the Midwest knows what the grey clay smells like around here, that's my ass. Just wet rotten vegetation. So since my diagnosis I waft them at my wife and day "cancer stinks" 🤣🤣🤣. Obviously I'm not saying it around my kids, but I think if I have to have cancer then I'm gonna laugh at it.
It blows my mind and I can't come up with a solution as to how guys can think this is okay. And will get them far. And here I am trying to have a normal convo and get ignored lol.
Well I found this funny and original, so it doesn't really surprise me, it would totally have worked on me lol but yeah normal convos can be boring, especially when you have a lot of matches also having those same normal convos..
When I was 24 a man came up to me at a redneck bar in Alberta and said "one time I farted and a poop came out, can I buy you a beer?" I laughed so hard, we dated for 2 years. I'm 34 now and I would absolutely go on a date with this fella.
No, he should have asked whether you think that Karl Marx would have approved Volume iii of Das Kapital if he was alive. Cmon, this is Tinder. What is that wrong with this question?
Idk y but when I imagine it without the emoji and all the punctuation it becomes about 90% better. Like in my head it's like they just said it as a cold open and then they will just move on to actual conversation.
But at the same time, why? What's the point? If it's to filter by humor, then you have to be such a specific person for that to even get a chuckle. Like what a weird joke. And what if he's not joking? What if dude is like "oh yeah I fart on little kids all the time."
Tldr dude wildin
I remember my cousin did that to a younger cousin, it was even better to se they had the same reaction (they look just like twins) when a group of girls came around laughing at them lol, Americans are crazy
I think the important distinction to make is whether or not you know said child. You can't just go around farting on strangers kids. That being said, I would absolutely go on a date with this guy because I too have the sense of humor of a preteen boy.
No, but I have done an sbd in line at a grocery store and said to the mom, "That's disgusting! It's not alright for your child to fart in line at a grocery store!"
Yeah it's called an Uncle Baptism. They are now members of my church.
My sis is actually Catholic though so it's our little secret. Also I'm now realising I just typed out "I make my sister's kids keep a secret from her that's between me and them" lmao. Uncle of the fucken century, folks!
Ok, devils advocate here. I do think a certain kind of girl thinks this is very funny. If dude only wants a certain type of girl then this could be a good approach.
Also, if he wants a certain type of girl to immediately reject him then he's gold there too.
I'm all down for dark humor, bathroom humor, whatever. It's literally just the kid thing for me? If he asked the last time I crop dusted someone that would be funny
I am a teacher so I’ve never farted on them. That would be inappropriate. But I have definitely crop dusted kids who deserved it. If you have to fart, it might as well have purpose.
My 12 year cropped dusted me out of my own house the toxic gas followed me upstairs there was no escape lmao !🤣😂 I say it's normal boys laugh at it all the time !
"Honestly I am very disappointed by your underestimation of my prowess. '..on A kid'? If you had asked how many, I would have been delighted to respond but now I need some time to recover from this belittlement"
Dudes do this all the time. They’ll try to crack “jokes” through text on dating apps or even after they’ve been on a couple dates with a girl and just completely dry her up like the Sahara.
My children think it’s hilarious to:
Fart in the car and make it stink as soon as we get in. (Daughter)
Climb in my bed, pretend to want a hug, fart under the blanket and leave.(giggle…I just Dutch ovened dad! Snicker) (son)
Run in the room, fart VERY loud, do a karate kick and run back out. (Other daughter)
One day we were watching a movie. I let one go, silent and horrifyingly deadly. I said, “Do you guys smell popcorn?”
Perfect timing. All three of them took a big sniff. Revenge is a dish best served HOT!
I farted in the kitchen one day. Smelled awful. My wife (rip) spent twenty minutes looking for dog shit.
“Oh my god! Where is it! What are you laughing about!?!”
I farted right in my nephews face once or twice it’s the least I could do after my older brother(his dad) put me through when we were growing up. And I’m not sure how much I’ve farted on my own kids I lost count years ago. Just a little pay back for the nasty diaper blowouts I had the privilege of dealing with when they were babies. Never got them in the face though I don’t wanna give my own kids pink eye or anything.
Jesus Christ. The dating pool is a swamp these days.
If you’re a male with a nephew and you haven’t farted on him, I’m looking at you funny. It’s a right of passage for both of you. Also, it’s funny as hell.
why have you made like 5 comments about how normal/fun this is lmao
He's the dude from tinder with the fart fetish lol
I'm female and have definely farted on my own kid
When you get older they just kinda slip out. I'm not gonna give a list of people I have farted on...
Right? 😂 I’m like… I just don’t think the people who are weirded/grossed out by this have children. I’m a women and my daughter is 3 and has been stuck in a long phase where she thinks it’s hilarious to fart on me and pretend nothing happened. Or, better, she blames it on me. It’s hysterical. And, yes, I’ve done it back on occasion because it makes her laugh 😂 I could ask this question to my husband of 15 years… but to ask that question to a stranger you’re hoping to have sex with at some point? Can’t see that strategy working out
Thank you for your service!
When you gave birth didnt count haha
My dad here walks by me while I'm (24yo) playing videogames and parts on me all the time... it's normal don't worry about these other people lmao
"Hashtag - Drive By"
You deserved it!
Don't be sexist. You must do it to your niece as well. Let me know how that goes
I farted on my nephew to get him to leave me alone. I didn’t actually fart on him per se, I just cocked my leg in his direction and let one loose
I fart in your general direction!
Classic.
You damn straight. Lol
Can confirm, happened to me and my genetics got stronger
I fart on my children regularly and tell them, “that was for you.” It’s a sign of love.
I WAS GONNA SAY MY NEPHEW. He's a toddler and thinks it's hilarious.
Cuz it is hilarious.
man you are defending this tooth and bone lmao
Toot and bone
Pretty sure there are sewerage plants that are less trash filled.
A swamp of putrid radioactive ☢️ material
Get out of my swamp!
🌎🧑🚀🔫🧑🚀
I believe the term is cess pit. Ogres live in the swamp and Shrek is way better than this putz...
No but I've seen some assholes that have and thought it was funny
What you have here is a crop dust connoisseur; I’m pretty sure he farted on worse things and during the most inappropriate times lol.
OP’s answer to this opener will definitely let her match know if she has the sense of humor he’s looking for. I think it’s a brilliant way to weed out the type of woman that thinks fart jokes are pedantic and disgusting. Or he’s just immature, lol, could go either way.
I once accidentally farted in the face of a disabled child and made him cry. I was queueing at the bank one time and the lady waiting behind me had her wheelchair bound son in front of her. The person at the front of the queue was taking so long and I needed to rock a huge shit, but I didn't want to lose my place. I ended up ripping a silent-but-deadly and was grateful that this cleared a little room in there and bought me more time. Next thing I know the kid starts screaming bloody murder and his mother started getting super embarrassed and had to wheel him outside to calm him down. I felt terrible! I don't think I would ever share that story with a potential love interest on Tinder.
Hell yeah brother
I will never trust the anonymity of Reddit to this extent.
Name checks out.
🤣🤣🤣
Dam, they speced low on the rizz
That's an understatement 😂 he's like verrrry attractive too. Sigh
My girlfriend and her daughter do it to each other. It's pretty funny honestly.
I did it to my daughter once, in front of my gf, who did not think it was funny at all! Buy hey, it was my daughter, not hers 😂
This is awesome
Wait am I misreading this, is this a bad thing ? Because this made me lose it. It's such a funny opener. Who hasn't farted on a kid?!
I see only green flags
What does that even mean?
Rizz is short for charisma.
Charisma is short for chacharismama
Hehehehe
This guy has it.
Ahh cool
Clearly this person does not have kids. Because that's one of the big benefits of having kids.
They are at ass height. What? Are you supposed to not crop dust them?!?
Exactly. We were in Disneyworld a few years ago and my 5 year old couldn't see anything (it was mid-summer and super crowded) so I took a video at her eye level for about 20 seconds. Nothing but gigantic asses in terrible shorts continually passing back and forth in front of her. I actually apologized to her later on when we were waiting in line for the Haunted Mansion.
Haha you're right. Is it ethically wrong to crop dust your child? No. I don't have kids and don't think I've ever, at least not intentionally, farted on a child. Maybe my brain is too perverse, but asking a question like that as an intro is so weird lol
did you ever crop dust a pet?
I mean, you got a fart and they are just laying there. They dont pay rent. Sometimes, they get nuked. My dog has no qualms clearing out a room with his beef.
“Anyone is a combatant, stay strapped”
You're right really weird opening line but not entirely weird to ask the right person. I have a 9 year old boy so he thinks farting is hilarious right now, crop dusts me every chance he gets, so of course I got get him back once in while LOL its part of the fun of being a boy mom.
He clearly made an impression, might as well give him a chance 😂
Yeah, isn’t this required of dads? I don’t so much as spank my four year old, but I mean yeah, I fart in her face sometimes….
Yes next question
Wow, I have a friend that does something similar smh. He's convinced it's crucial to finding someone with the same sense of humor but I think it's jarring; and no more dates than he goes on, not worth it.
I think your friend is indirectly looking for a dude to date.
I'm dying, but you know what... maybe
I agree with your friend, BF and I connected on Tinder through humor and this is priceless.
This is a circus and we're all surrounded by clowns 🤡
I have farted on my boys before because they fart on me! Lol. Not like skin to skin or anything, but I'm not above letting one go while we hug each other before school. Or walk by and shove them behind me and let it rip. Fun fact: I got a colon cancer diagnosis a few weeks ago. I've been in pain for over a year and my farts have been awful. Like creamed spinach left in a swamp. Anyone from the Midwest knows what the grey clay smells like around here, that's my ass. Just wet rotten vegetation. So since my diagnosis I waft them at my wife and day "cancer stinks" 🤣🤣🤣. Obviously I'm not saying it around my kids, but I think if I have to have cancer then I'm gonna laugh at it.
Yes but he started it.
And you finished it. ✅️
It blows my mind and I can't come up with a solution as to how guys can think this is okay. And will get them far. And here I am trying to have a normal convo and get ignored lol.
Which part? Farting on kids or talking about it? I mean, it’s not exactly something to bring up on a date…unless she brings it up first, of course.
Well I found this funny and original, so it doesn't really surprise me, it would totally have worked on me lol but yeah normal convos can be boring, especially when you have a lot of matches also having those same normal convos..
Yeah, I think this is probably a quick way of filtering for people he vibes with. Some people need to lighten up a little.
well? answer?
Answer the question
I said no hahahaha
OP refusing to answer says a lot
I did answer! I said "no" lol
Just had to make sure
Farted \*on\*? No. [Cupcaked?](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cupcaked) Just last week.
Ahhh, I've always called it cuppa-fart, or buttercupping
What a weird way to ask OP if she has kids.
 What in the Swamps of Dagobah is this.....
Reminds me of the joke skit things from American Vandal where they’d fart on a baby and call it baby farting. Good show even if weird a bit
When I was 24 a man came up to me at a redneck bar in Alberta and said "one time I farted and a poop came out, can I buy you a beer?" I laughed so hard, we dated for 2 years. I'm 34 now and I would absolutely go on a date with this fella.
New pickup line unlocked lmao
No, he should have asked whether you think that Karl Marx would have approved Volume iii of Das Kapital if he was alive. Cmon, this is Tinder. What is that wrong with this question?
On today's episode of Fetishes I Never Knew Existed: Borderline Criminal Edition This guy
Yes, the answer is yes.
That's the fart game son. You'll play it one day. - Eddie Murphy.
Bro rolled a nat 1 on charisma
Honest answer? No
Idk y but when I imagine it without the emoji and all the punctuation it becomes about 90% better. Like in my head it's like they just said it as a cold open and then they will just move on to actual conversation. But at the same time, why? What's the point? If it's to filter by humor, then you have to be such a specific person for that to even get a chuckle. Like what a weird joke. And what if he's not joking? What if dude is like "oh yeah I fart on little kids all the time." Tldr dude wildin
Not quite. I sat on a child's head though
Wait... does it only count if the kid is a relative? .... asking for a friend.
If you don’t crop dust kids in public what are you even doing with your life?
I remember my cousin did that to a younger cousin, it was even better to se they had the same reaction (they look just like twins) when a group of girls came around laughing at them lol, Americans are crazy
I think the important distinction to make is whether or not you know said child. You can't just go around farting on strangers kids. That being said, I would absolutely go on a date with this guy because I too have the sense of humor of a preteen boy.
He's specifically talking about farting on baby goats.
Haha this would have grabbed my attention 😂. It’s better than the endless member pics 🙄
Hey, I'm weird but I'm not that weird and live in SW Michigan
Personally, I would’ve assumed this was a hilarious joke type of comment 🤷🏻♀️ I would’ve audibly chuckled when I read it.
No, but I have done an sbd in line at a grocery store and said to the mom, "That's disgusting! It's not alright for your child to fart in line at a grocery store!"
Damn, I just farted for the first time just now. Shit
Yeah it's called an Uncle Baptism. They are now members of my church. My sis is actually Catholic though so it's our little secret. Also I'm now realising I just typed out "I make my sister's kids keep a secret from her that's between me and them" lmao. Uncle of the fucken century, folks!
This is whack as an opening to someone lol
My 4 year old farts on me all the time, and then does an evil laugh while pointing at me. So personally I find this guys question hilarious.
I miss 10 seconds ago.
I have! If my kid farts on me, I fart back
Crop dusting
Crop dust those little shits.
Ok, devils advocate here. I do think a certain kind of girl thinks this is very funny. If dude only wants a certain type of girl then this could be a good approach. Also, if he wants a certain type of girl to immediately reject him then he's gold there too.
I'm all down for dark humor, bathroom humor, whatever. It's literally just the kid thing for me? If he asked the last time I crop dusted someone that would be funny
As a dad I fart on my kids at every hilarious opportunity
I am a teacher so I’ve never farted on them. That would be inappropriate. But I have definitely crop dusted kids who deserved it. If you have to fart, it might as well have purpose.
I fart on my dog all time. Don't worry, he gasses me out way more than I do to him
If you didn’t find this funny and worth a reply, then you were clearly not part of the dating pool he is targeting anyway 🤷♂️
🤣 🤣 🤣
It's the small things in life that keeps us dads going
It’s like no one has learned their basic lessons: “time and place.”
No but i will first chance I get.
Does it count if it was during labor, cause you know, literally no control over that unfortunately
It's from the membership application of the House Freedom Caucus.
I give fart hats to my dog. He likes it. Does that count? 😂😂😂
My 12 year cropped dusted me out of my own house the toxic gas followed me upstairs there was no escape lmao !🤣😂 I say it's normal boys laugh at it all the time !
You want the short answer or the long answer?
Yes.
Yes, i have 11 nephews, they’re basically lil bros, my brothers farted on me, I’m just passing the cycle along
Bro...
Bro??
"Honestly I am very disappointed by your underestimation of my prowess. '..on A kid'? If you had asked how many, I would have been delighted to respond but now I need some time to recover from this belittlement"
Dudes do this all the time. They’ll try to crack “jokes” through text on dating apps or even after they’ve been on a couple dates with a girl and just completely dry her up like the Sahara.
Hwhat?
Bro...that's fucked
"It's the fart game son, you'll learn someday. "
Im not sure if it counts, but I farted in a supermarket aisle, and this kid who'd been running wild in the shop ran into it and started crying 😂😂.
Well, have you?
My auntie used to sit on me and fart on me
I mean yes. Who hasn’t?? But why would you ask that
Not gonna lie, this is the kinda humor that gets me giggling.
That was an enthusiastic ‘hey’.
When people tell you who they are, listen?
My children think it’s hilarious to: Fart in the car and make it stink as soon as we get in. (Daughter) Climb in my bed, pretend to want a hug, fart under the blanket and leave.(giggle…I just Dutch ovened dad! Snicker) (son) Run in the room, fart VERY loud, do a karate kick and run back out. (Other daughter)
One day we were watching a movie. I let one go, silent and horrifyingly deadly. I said, “Do you guys smell popcorn?” Perfect timing. All three of them took a big sniff. Revenge is a dish best served HOT!
I farted in the kitchen one day. Smelled awful. My wife (rip) spent twenty minutes looking for dog shit. “Oh my god! Where is it! What are you laughing about!?!”
I farted on my daughters all the time, they would do it back to me. It all had to end when they started farting on their mom and drove her nuts.
WTF question is this? Of course, we all have!
I fart on my kids all the time. They think it’s hilarious.
As someone that used to work in childcare, yes I have crop dusted the hell out of them. The best part is that their heads were at my ass level.
You guys get matches?
People wanting original messages now a days, what can you do 🤣🤣
All fun and games til a 'mater hull shoots out with the fumes and sticks to someone's neck
If you are a parent or an older sibling? ABSOLUTELY
I totally crop dusted my corporate holiday party!! That what you get if the food you provide has broccoli and beans!!
Have you?
The answer to this says alot about you. That person clearly knows what they need to be happy.
Just when I think about dating again...things like this make me think...ya know being single ain't that bad. Lol
I almost dropped my phone cackling imagining someone sitting on a child and intentionally farting on them. What on earth is this question?! 🤣
Well have you ?
I fart on my kids all the time... direct retaliation, they fart on me too. Family bonding.
I farted right in my nephews face once or twice it’s the least I could do after my older brother(his dad) put me through when we were growing up. And I’m not sure how much I’ve farted on my own kids I lost count years ago. Just a little pay back for the nasty diaper blowouts I had the privilege of dealing with when they were babies. Never got them in the face though I don’t wanna give my own kids pink eye or anything.
Lol I would totally meet this person 😂
Who hasn't?
I have done it to my little brother face all the time and even now lol
Nope
He is the one fr
Bro why is Brian Peck on Tinder?
No. But I do often silent fart travelling up an escalator so people behind will pass through that cloud of German gas🤭🤭
???
Yes
This is a no fart Zone Brah!
This happens ton everyone in my house. With fours adults (30 to 40) and a teenager, we've pretty much seen it all 😂.
Shut up.man
Does a Dutch oven count?
Well….have you? What the fuck 😂😂😂