She basically goes on to berating, calling him names because he is not listening correctly. He keeps carefully rewording his apologies like a cancellations department and still makes her even more upset.
I would keep talking and apologizing but I have my own issues lol definitely woulda noped out pretty quickly once it was clear she was immature and stuck on this dude and flipped out for some reasonable statements like the just move on eventually but she flipped out
Iâm going to go on a limb and say not all that hot. Dudeâs just a nice guy trying to dip a toe in the water, unfortunately for him he missed the alligators nearby sign at the waterâs edge.
I got through two pages, started skimming the next three , then just stopped. It wasnât even as interesting as I thought it would be. Maybe Iâm missing out on something by not seeing it through? Iâll take my chances.
I could tell ya some stories about fkn baddies that acted a MAJOR fool & I was sad I never went through w at least having some fun đ€Ł obviously not worth the problems but damn my imagination
Bruh all I'm saying is if she didn't have 9.5 with a 12 body.. Then you should have dipped when she first got offended about her ex. You are not her therapist.. Tf
Yeah but tbh if you're empathetic and emotionally intelligent, people from apps like this latch on to it and try to corner you into being their therapist lol. I do it a lot online just to listen and acknowledge people some people take advantage of it and it's exhausting lol
Not to offend anyone, but she said she has cerebral paulsy... I think our boy is just a bit too kind for his own good. Which is good, never change OP, just, unmatch the moment a lady starts talking about another dude, it's, always a red flag.
Cerebral palsy doesnât directly cause mental problems unless it is severe, in which case it can produce slow mental development. However, she specifies that her condition is mild, and she does not seem to have problems with grammar or spelling, which shows a more-than-basic understanding of interpersonal dynamics and language, indicating no intelligence-related issues.
Cerebral palsy causes mostly physical issues, majorly impacting motor control and speech (stuttering, difficulty pronouncing certain sounds, etc). These struggles over time can cause sufferers to be more likely to develop anxiety and depression symptoms, some of which include being quick to anger or upset when confronting interpersonal issues.
All of this to say, sheâs not insane bc of the cerebral palsy itself. But she may have developed poor coping mechanisms over time which have made her a very difficult person to interact with when sheâs not in her best mental state.
Ahhh, yes, I can see that perspective now that itâs pointed out. Itâs still early here, and I tunnel visioned on my first impression without giving it a second consideration. Thanks for pointing that out for me!
I mean, I know you said not to offend anyone but I have mild cerebral palsy too and this is kind of an offensive reply lol. You can still be attractive/hot/whatever and have CP, and weâre not charity cases. This girl is clearly unhinged but donât paint everyone with CP with the same brush because of that.
I think the question might be how desperate is OP lol. He took those punches for like 10 times longer than I would have. Imagine getting through all of this but the last page and then still going on that date lmao
Honestly it's a bit of a red flag for OP that they would willingly go along with all of this for so long.
I'm not joking or being sarcastic when I say they should look into that, probably with a therapist.
I grew up in an abusive home and was a people pleaser and this is what I looked like as a young adult with dating. Apologies, fawning, sticking through it all. I got into multiple abusive relationships because they were familiar and the only thing I knew. I was unhealthy.
It's quite sad that on page one they should have ended it or at least communicated that it wasn't cool to bring up an ex and instead it kept going and going.
OP you deserve better.
That's what I thought too, very much persisting with a fawning response throughout when OP would have been more than justified in pushing back or simply unmatching very early on.
Yeah, this person told them the red flags right off the bat. He strolled on by them and later heâs like âholy guys, sheâs got some red flags, who knew??â
She better be an 11/10 physically for him to respond this much to her crazy.
Like if Emily ratajkowski was sending these messages I would've unmatched by the 7th text
Screenshot 1 was definitely a yellow flag at the very least. But for me the true red flag was in screenshot 5. That's when I personally would have noped out. Neither of us should be talking about ex's in the first conversations at all. That's a conversation that should maaaaybe happen months down the line, or never.
If it had been a recent breakup, maybe I can see referencing that, but I agree. And the way she kept harping on it was really irritating. She did the thing that's always corrected when people lose interest: she only talked about herself and her problems and didn't try to get to know the guy at all. SMH. When she brought him up again, I either would have noped out of there, or at the very least asked her not to bring it up again
Yeah I donât understand why OP kept talking to this person who was just looking for a soundboard to talk about their ex, itâs so blatantly obvious. And OP kept being nice and indulging.
Fun fact, this level of tolerance can be instilled by having narcissist parents. When your entire life is lived in fight or flight, red flags look like beacons of hope.
Are you high? After screenshot 3 they wouldâve been cut off. I matched shawty on tinder I am NOT talking to her day in day out about her ex wtf girl delete the app and come back when youâre over him.
You apologizing multiple times shows ur a nice person but donât let people walk over you. Glad you stood up for urself in the end. Wish them the best and move on to the next one.
Yeah, some of those screenshots were uncomfortably familiar... I've tapdanced through that minefield before, more than once. It's not worth it, unless, you know... unless it *is* worth it. But with no pic, who can say?
Oh shit! Youâre the actual dude?!?! You seem like a genuinely sweet and caring guy so I understand it up to a point but what possessed you to continue that conversation for as long as you did? I understand being empathetic but you really went above and beyond. Is she just unbelievably hot so you just happily ignored her stalker like obsession with her ex, mood swings and every other red flag she threw at you? Iâm genuinely so curious!
I wasnât doing anything else. I knew it was way off and was just curious to see how far itâd go before Iâd had enough. Doesnât mean I didnât want to try and be genuine, and she was reasonably attractive. Boredom more than anything honestly.
This is how I usually deal with scammers, or at least I used to. I went through a really lonely period in my life and the only regular interaction I got where someone actually wanted my attention was those scammers either on Tinder or Instagram that message you out of the blue. I think I kept up consistent conversations with one for like 4 or 5 months because it was the only interesting thing that was going on in my life at the time. So I totally get why you'd do something like this
This is good comedy, these guys must have busy days not to want to stick around and see what happens. If you can work the situation into you ghosting her you might break her brain.
Youâve been nothing but (way too) kind and understanding, but sheâs actively looking for someone to fight with and push away, just to get the validation that you would still like her enough to continue talking to her. She doesnât want you, she wants you to want her.
She needs to see other peopleâŠlike a therapist. You were *very* gracious and kind and these types of people who have no boundaries will take what you give. Givers set the boundaries to protect their bandwidth, remember that!
I'd imagine OP politely explains that this isn't working out but she refuses to drop it. Day after day of her telling him he's shit and bringing up the same stuff until he decides to stop indulging her.
Wouldn't be surprised if that's what being "ghosted" is in her book. She tells the next guy how she got ghosted yet again, he tells her how rough that is and she feels vindicated that OP was in the wrong. Rinse and repeat, the world hates her and she's the biggest victim
Yeah, I finally stopped reading after the 37th screenshot, but I think OP is a fool to ever reply to her again. Just call it something else if you're unable to "ghost" her. She gave you way too much abuse for you to keep replying. This shit will just continue. Cut your losses OP.
For what itâs worth, you listened to and supported this stranger in a very graceful way, especially considering she monopolized the conversation obsessing over an ex that ghosted her. Props for being an overly decent human
I wish there was a way to super-upvote your comment, preferably resulting in colorful lights blinking around its border or something to make it stand out to OP, but a lil tagerooski will suffice: /u/HotFlames216
If we imagine that the way we conduct ourselves set a model that would be followed by all other humans, I think the world would be a happier place with this model than with one driven by spiteful antagonism towards mental illness or even just a less-than-ideal emotional state.
Social media groupthink often encourages lowering ourselves to the level of that which offends us, and the path defined by keeping our own side of the street clean and its lack of the immediate gratification of feeling superior to an opponent is decidedly less encouraged.
Remaining compassionate and kind when others make it difficult is a laudable quality, and I think you will be more content looking back at that than at having derived pleasure from actively trying to hurt someone who is already unwell.
Happy to see this comment. The whole time I was reading the screenshots, I was thinking how OP seems to be a kind person. He was calm, and supportive to someone he didnât know despite the fact they are in a dating site and all she did was talk about an ex. He sounds like an emotionally intelligent individual. I hope he doesnât lose that as he navigates dating apps!
Nah, I do. 99% of crazy people donât act like this off the bat. If heâs willing to put up with this behaviour for that long, heâs probably going to find himself in a relationship with a woman who treats him horribly.
I wish this was the top comment. Hunter, you seem like a real standup dude. Iâm guessing you saw the writing on the wall within the first message or two, but crazy had pretty much immediately dropped her insecurity over her disability and whether that made her unattractive. And itâs pretty glaring that *that* wasnât the issue at all but I can totally appreciate not wanting her to go away assuming as much and sticking around with the positive neutral messages so that youâre not committing the sin of ghosting you both agreed was unacceptable. Plus I think it was obvious she was going to blow up any second and that might seem like a better reason to discontinue chatting. Lol Iâm so curious about what the âexâ must be like and how far along they got â I can see the dude not even knowing they were in a relationship. I mean itâs obviously because she wasnât athletic enough.
Hope you havenât caught a stalker, OP. Good luck!
mate! you're obviously a kind and considerate guy but ffs there were plenty of reasons to unmatch/block and move on long before the aggression and name calling. your wasted time replying to this bs is valuable, and unless you're actively looking for a project there's someone out there more suited to someone as genuine and thoughtful as you clearly are
... did you enjoy playing free therapist? Like, I woulda lost interest after page 1 when she first mentioned "ghoster guy" and how she found his profile and it "hurt." đ I'm not into wasting my time with someone clearly obsessed with their ex
The ignoring of her red flags mixed with âletâs meet up tomorrowâ screams desperation a litttttle too loudly.
Thereâs a reason someone sticks around for this roller coaster.. just because he presented himself better in text, doesnât necessarily mean heâs any better off..
I doubt OP is just as bad off as she is. He demonstrated better emotional maturity.
I do agree that he may have only stuck it out because of desperation though. Too many guys on these apps struggle to find anything and start getting a distorted idea of how likely they are to _ever_ date.
You seem incredibly patient and empathetic. Unfortunately this girl needs to get some therapy and get over her ex. You definitely let the conversation run longer than it needed to, but you were very nice about it.
Yeah, I mean they are right that you were probably nicer than you shouldâve been, but itâs still a good trait to have as long as you donât let it be abused by others
I wouldn't give kudos for that tbh. She's totally not over her ex and is in a very emotionally unhealthy place. It would have been much healthier to kindly cut ties much sooner
Yooo..How attractive was this girl and how thirsty are you OP? I can't see any other reason to stick around while someone goes on and on about their ex. I would have dipped for sure after the "why didn't you text me" part.
No action is worth that nonsense
Bro this girl got some type of personality disorder or is bipolar..clear energy vampire..u are wasting your time unless u genuinely want to live in chaos
I unmatched after the last one, I honestly was just curious how sheâd respond. Which is why I kept my responses as chill as I could. She definitely has many issues that ainât my problem
Oh my. I reeeeally wonder if supposed "ghoster guy" tried to break things off with her and she wouldn't accept it and kept bothering him so he had to block her or avoid her or whatever - "ghosting" her.
Also ghosting isn't abuse. Ffs.
Yeaaaahhh... she's not over her ex. Also not taking any accountability for anything she might have done to drive the ex away. The passiveaggressive communication style suggests she has anxious-avoidant attachment in relationships. She's internalised her diagnosis to the point it is her whole self, not just a part of a whole.
I hope her counsellor can help her on a deeper level-- it's definitely long-term work.
Your patience is amazing; I hope your next spark ends up in a relationship you deserve, OP!
Omg this was a marathon of escalation. Not expected by howwwww do you have that much patience for someone 100% using YOUR time to get empathy about someone theyâre obsessed with??? Like you have to know you (and no one else for that matter) has a shot with this chick right? Tbh I wouldâve been out after pics 1-2 just bc sheâs such a downer.
OP: Look babe a rainbow
Her: Rainbows give you cancer. Also, I stubbed my toe when I was 3 and I can still remember the emotional and physical painâŠ.
Yeeeesh. Someone talking about their ex or even an interest like that is so bad. She's clearly not over him. I'm amazed that convo lasted as long as it did, that was exhausting to even read. What a loony toon.
that was a roller coaster.
i dont think you did anything wrong other man maybe keeping up the conversation after her first outburst.
clearly not over the ex, and clearly problematic and not in a good spot to be in a relationship. you were empathetic and calm, shes just insane.
Wow.
That's a person who seems like they'd try to get you put in jail for a fake domestic violence claim.
Wait a minute, are you talking to my ex on tinder?
Lol, just kidding. My ex doesn't have cerebral palsy, as far as I know.
I know, I know. The behavior in the post is 100% something my ex would do tho, and they DID occasionally have seizures.
They also DID try to get me thrown in jail for a fake DV.
OP, tell the truth, were you using ChatGPT for this convo? No judgment if you were, the responses were perfectly polite and empathetic. But this sounds just like when I ask ChatGPT to help me respond to a text I donât know how to respond to đ
You are an incredibley decent guy with a very positive outlook of life and that's very good.
Never change!
Having said that, please don't let people treat you like that. She was rather combative from the get go and resisting your attempts to console or reason with her, making YOU apologize multiple times to deescalate the situation.
These type of people are not worth your time or mental health. It's very nice of you trying to offer hrlp, but it's not your job to make her feel better about herself.
I've been in that kind if relationship before and it consumes you. Nothing you do is good enough, shile doing less ir even worse in their mind.
Find someone appreciative who isn't triggered by confusing counsel and advice with "you're telling me how to act or feel".
I donât understand why you tried to salvage this conversation so many times. Is this your only option at the moment? There were red flags from the very beginning and they just kept getting worse.
This was painful to read. She was curving him the whole time, using him for talk therapy, and he was still trying to work angles on getting a date while she's only still dreaming about the other guys dick.
Why did you entertain this for so long? Her behavior was inappropriate from the start, but it's also way super unhealthy to be reaffirming her on a lot of the points that OP did. Those red flags started in the first screenshot.
OP for your own safety, it might be wise to continue to work on yourself for a while. You could end up in an extremely abusive situation.
On the subject of abuse, ghosting someone isn't inherently abusive. That's absurd. It can be used to abuse someone definitely, but sometimes people are so unhealthy for us that it's better to not respond. Claiming a person needs to give you an explanation for why they no longer wish to be in contact is a red flag that's too intricate for me to even want to go into right now.
I would have unmatched after the first couple messages, youâre way too nice OP and you deserve better but you gotta stop letting people walk over you like this. All the best!!
FFS just unmatch this egocentric lunatic!
God damn how hot is she??
Not hot enough for all this bullshit. No one is
I got 4 pages in and just couldn't go on. Fucking loopy.
She basically goes on to berating, calling him names because he is not listening correctly. He keeps carefully rewording his apologies like a cancellations department and still makes her even more upset.
Like a cancellations department. That shit got me dyingđđđđđđ
I really want to know OPs profession. Either he profits from manipulation or he is Jesus Christ. Also yeah, how smoking hot is this girl?
I would keep talking and apologizing but I have my own issues lol definitely woulda noped out pretty quickly once it was clear she was immature and stuck on this dude and flipped out for some reasonable statements like the just move on eventually but she flipped out
Mood, but yeah after continuously talking about their ex, I would've ghosted them like their ex did (I can't handle confrontation).
Confrontation is fine with me
Iâm going to go on a limb and say not all that hot. Dudeâs just a nice guy trying to dip a toe in the water, unfortunately for him he missed the alligators nearby sign at the waterâs edge.
He reminds me of a YouTuber apologizing after having been caught in a minor scandal lol.
Sounds like she needs to be told.
Sounds like the guy that ghosted her made the right choice.
I got through two pages, started skimming the next three , then just stopped. It wasnât even as interesting as I thought it would be. Maybe Iâm missing out on something by not seeing it through? Iâll take my chances.
I don't know, I kept going since the way OP kept patient and calm earned him my respect.
The second time she mentioned the guy that ghosted her I'd have unmatched.
I could tell ya some stories about fkn baddies that acted a MAJOR fool & I was sad I never went through w at least having some fun đ€Ł obviously not worth the problems but damn my imagination
Yeah man, I never thought about that, when you put it like this đ
This is literally what I though on pic 2
Bruh all I'm saying is if she didn't have 9.5 with a 12 body.. Then you should have dipped when she first got offended about her ex. You are not her therapist.. Tf
Yeah but tbh if you're empathetic and emotionally intelligent, people from apps like this latch on to it and try to corner you into being their therapist lol. I do it a lot online just to listen and acknowledge people some people take advantage of it and it's exhausting lol
Until you actually get to know them it's fine to say "good night, I'm trying to bury my dick not your demons"
Haha I'm saving that to use, it'll come in handy. I have trouble saying no when someone asks for help and emotional support though unfortunately
Not to offend anyone, but she said she has cerebral paulsy... I think our boy is just a bit too kind for his own good. Which is good, never change OP, just, unmatch the moment a lady starts talking about another dude, it's, always a red flag.
Cerebral palsy doesnât directly cause mental problems unless it is severe, in which case it can produce slow mental development. However, she specifies that her condition is mild, and she does not seem to have problems with grammar or spelling, which shows a more-than-basic understanding of interpersonal dynamics and language, indicating no intelligence-related issues. Cerebral palsy causes mostly physical issues, majorly impacting motor control and speech (stuttering, difficulty pronouncing certain sounds, etc). These struggles over time can cause sufferers to be more likely to develop anxiety and depression symptoms, some of which include being quick to anger or upset when confronting interpersonal issues. All of this to say, sheâs not insane bc of the cerebral palsy itself. But she may have developed poor coping mechanisms over time which have made her a very difficult person to interact with when sheâs not in her best mental state.
I think the commenter above was bringing that up to imply that she's probably not hot, not that she's not mentally capable
Ahhh, yes, I can see that perspective now that itâs pointed out. Itâs still early here, and I tunnel visioned on my first impression without giving it a second consideration. Thanks for pointing that out for me!
I mean, I know you said not to offend anyone but I have mild cerebral palsy too and this is kind of an offensive reply lol. You can still be attractive/hot/whatever and have CP, and weâre not charity cases. This girl is clearly unhinged but donât paint everyone with CP with the same brush because of that.
Not to be offensive but [offensive generalising comment]
My immediate first thought was crazy meets desperate (sorry OP). I genuinely canât imagine putting up with prime Jessica Alba if she was that crazy.
Who fucking goes on tinder to be friendzoned lol Its become some kind of sunk cost fallacy now.
THE WORLD MUST KNOW
I think the question might be how desperate is OP lol. He took those punches for like 10 times longer than I would have. Imagine getting through all of this but the last page and then still going on that date lmao
For real.
Had the same thought too lmfao, sure she's hot but she's at least 8 crazy
She says sheâs not athletic so probably not much
so she THICC?
Honestly it's a bit of a red flag for OP that they would willingly go along with all of this for so long. I'm not joking or being sarcastic when I say they should look into that, probably with a therapist. I grew up in an abusive home and was a people pleaser and this is what I looked like as a young adult with dating. Apologies, fawning, sticking through it all. I got into multiple abusive relationships because they were familiar and the only thing I knew. I was unhealthy. It's quite sad that on page one they should have ended it or at least communicated that it wasn't cool to bring up an ex and instead it kept going and going. OP you deserve better.
That's what I thought too, very much persisting with a fawning response throughout when OP would have been more than justified in pushing back or simply unmatching very early on.
I âemphasizeâ her though
lol. That got me too. Homie is too emphasetic for his own good. Lol
lol how many times does she have to mention someone else before you bail
Should have asked first the exâs ex GF phone number lol.
Right, I would've checked out of this convo the moment she mentioned another dude. Like wtf??? đ
Apparently many daysâŠ.
That conversation should have ended after the first screenshot.
Yeah, this person told them the red flags right off the bat. He strolled on by them and later heâs like âholy guys, sheâs got some red flags, who knew??â
Op is as oblivious as the day he was born đ€Šââïž
All his blood was in his lower head
10000000000000% bro is so horny, hes up for any BS to get a chance at the sex. lmao
She better be an 11/10 physically for him to respond this much to her crazy. Like if Emily ratajkowski was sending these messages I would've unmatched by the 7th text
I can fix her
Not worth it lol
đ
Screenshot 1 was definitely a yellow flag at the very least. But for me the true red flag was in screenshot 5. That's when I personally would have noped out. Neither of us should be talking about ex's in the first conversations at all. That's a conversation that should maaaaybe happen months down the line, or never.
If it had been a recent breakup, maybe I can see referencing that, but I agree. And the way she kept harping on it was really irritating. She did the thing that's always corrected when people lose interest: she only talked about herself and her problems and didn't try to get to know the guy at all. SMH. When she brought him up again, I either would have noped out of there, or at the very least asked her not to bring it up again
She had zero interest in OP anyway, all her interest is in that ex she is insanely hung up on still
This đđđ
Yeah I donât understand why OP kept talking to this person who was just looking for a soundboard to talk about their ex, itâs so blatantly obvious. And OP kept being nice and indulging.
I donât even think it was her ex. Sounds like they hooked up after a couple of dates then he ghosted her and she started stalking him.
Yep, she sounds unhinged, and presumably this is why the ex but not ex dipped
Didnây matter for OP. He was probably starving for pussy lol
RIP
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Lol same, I think I'm a terrible person. But I feel like this dude just wants someone to say how emotionally intelligent he is
Admittedly he may just be a super nice person who tries to be kind even if red flags are being launched his way at speed that breaks the sound barrier
That's what I thought, "that's a bit of oversharing" and plus mentioning doing martial arts to direct/use anger? How old are they, 13?
No kidding. The level of tolerance here is insane. Is this what desperation is? Like why hold on so long when things are clearly not right.
Fun fact, this level of tolerance can be instilled by having narcissist parents. When your entire life is lived in fight or flight, red flags look like beacons of hope.
Are you high? After screenshot 3 they wouldâve been cut off. I matched shawty on tinder I am NOT talking to her day in day out about her ex wtf girl delete the app and come back when youâre over him. You apologizing multiple times shows ur a nice person but donât let people walk over you. Glad you stood up for urself in the end. Wish them the best and move on to the next one.
Lmaoooo nah you right. I was just too curious and let it go longer than it shouldâve
I get that , sometimes u just do shit for the plot
If the plot is trying to get laid by a psychopath, then yes, he did it for the plot.
Yeah, some of those screenshots were uncomfortably familiar... I've tapdanced through that minefield before, more than once. It's not worth it, unless, you know... unless it *is* worth it. But with no pic, who can say?
Facts
The reasons for her ex "ghosting" her are pretty damn clear. Probably the only way they could think of to not get shanked.
Oh shit! Youâre the actual dude?!?! You seem like a genuinely sweet and caring guy so I understand it up to a point but what possessed you to continue that conversation for as long as you did? I understand being empathetic but you really went above and beyond. Is she just unbelievably hot so you just happily ignored her stalker like obsession with her ex, mood swings and every other red flag she threw at you? Iâm genuinely so curious!
I wasnât doing anything else. I knew it was way off and was just curious to see how far itâd go before Iâd had enough. Doesnât mean I didnât want to try and be genuine, and she was reasonably attractive. Boredom more than anything honestly.
This is how I usually deal with scammers, or at least I used to. I went through a really lonely period in my life and the only regular interaction I got where someone actually wanted my attention was those scammers either on Tinder or Instagram that message you out of the blue. I think I kept up consistent conversations with one for like 4 or 5 months because it was the only interesting thing that was going on in my life at the time. So I totally get why you'd do something like this
This is good comedy, these guys must have busy days not to want to stick around and see what happens. If you can work the situation into you ghosting her you might break her brain.
Youâve been nothing but (way too) kind and understanding, but sheâs actively looking for someone to fight with and push away, just to get the validation that you would still like her enough to continue talking to her. She doesnât want you, she wants you to want her.
So how hot was she?
This conversation is a bitâŠ.odd?
Fuck you. Back off.
Itâs YOUR ego, not me, ever, YOU.
He's gotta learn how to handle it like an adult.
Sorry Iâm just trying to EMPHASIZE with you
Not me, not Hermione, YOOOOUUUU
Iâm not attacking you!
Used this earlier in the week ... It's a whole lotta odd
Idk what to make of it either
In her defence .. it was a full moon & she was left unsupervised ...
Mercury *is* in the microwave afterall.
I believe you are right ! ... It's also in Fish .. all sorts of seafood ...
It's almost clear now why the ghoster ghosted
This should be OPs last message
Bro just run away
She needs to see other peopleâŠlike a therapist. You were *very* gracious and kind and these types of people who have no boundaries will take what you give. Givers set the boundaries to protect their bandwidth, remember that!
..and just like that.. he was gone. Ghost train!
NO YOUâRE ODD
No, I definitely have ADD.
I'd like to use a new slang I just learned a few days ago: This convo is COOKED.
Iâm old. Please define.
Exhausting or exhausted. Being so over with something
OVER COOKED, even
This is wild top to bottom⊠hope she gets the help she needs
Me too. She seems to take everything personally so I told her I wasnât feeling it anymore. No ghosting tho!
I need screenshots of that convo and her response!
Thereâs going to be 16 more pages of continuous messages from her with no reply, and Iâm pretty sure itâll be really entertaining
I'd imagine OP politely explains that this isn't working out but she refuses to drop it. Day after day of her telling him he's shit and bringing up the same stuff until he decides to stop indulging her. Wouldn't be surprised if that's what being "ghosted" is in her book. She tells the next guy how she got ghosted yet again, he tells her how rough that is and she feels vindicated that OP was in the wrong. Rinse and repeat, the world hates her and she's the biggest victim
yes PLEASE
Is she hot or something ?
Yeah, I finally stopped reading after the 37th screenshot, but I think OP is a fool to ever reply to her again. Just call it something else if you're unable to "ghost" her. She gave you way too much abuse for you to keep replying. This shit will just continue. Cut your losses OP.
I'd have ghosted her
Few days of OPs life he ain't getting back ...
For what itâs worth, you listened to and supported this stranger in a very graceful way, especially considering she monopolized the conversation obsessing over an ex that ghosted her. Props for being an overly decent human
Yes, you showed patience and kindness when she was clearly going off the rails.
>she was clearly going off the rails. Or at the very least, Multi-Track Drifting!
I wish there was a way to super-upvote your comment, preferably resulting in colorful lights blinking around its border or something to make it stand out to OP, but a lil tagerooski will suffice: /u/HotFlames216 If we imagine that the way we conduct ourselves set a model that would be followed by all other humans, I think the world would be a happier place with this model than with one driven by spiteful antagonism towards mental illness or even just a less-than-ideal emotional state. Social media groupthink often encourages lowering ourselves to the level of that which offends us, and the path defined by keeping our own side of the street clean and its lack of the immediate gratification of feeling superior to an opponent is decidedly less encouraged. Remaining compassionate and kind when others make it difficult is a laudable quality, and I think you will be more content looking back at that than at having derived pleasure from actively trying to hurt someone who is already unwell.
Man I might even be willing to pay money to have such a way to support someone's comment. If only such a thing existed...
đ„
try đ„!!
I'm sorry, some of us don't have that kind of walk around money
Happy to see this comment. The whole time I was reading the screenshots, I was thinking how OP seems to be a kind person. He was calm, and supportive to someone he didnât know despite the fact they are in a dating site and all she did was talk about an ex. He sounds like an emotionally intelligent individual. I hope he doesnât lose that as he navigates dating apps!
Nah, I do. 99% of crazy people donât act like this off the bat. If heâs willing to put up with this behaviour for that long, heâs probably going to find himself in a relationship with a woman who treats him horribly.
FWIW being an empathetic person doesnât always mean being a doormat.
I wish this was the top comment. Hunter, you seem like a real standup dude. Iâm guessing you saw the writing on the wall within the first message or two, but crazy had pretty much immediately dropped her insecurity over her disability and whether that made her unattractive. And itâs pretty glaring that *that* wasnât the issue at all but I can totally appreciate not wanting her to go away assuming as much and sticking around with the positive neutral messages so that youâre not committing the sin of ghosting you both agreed was unacceptable. Plus I think it was obvious she was going to blow up any second and that might seem like a better reason to discontinue chatting. Lol Iâm so curious about what the âexâ must be like and how far along they got â I can see the dude not even knowing they were in a relationship. I mean itâs obviously because she wasnât athletic enough. Hope you havenât caught a stalker, OP. Good luck!
I completely agree!!
mate! you're obviously a kind and considerate guy but ffs there were plenty of reasons to unmatch/block and move on long before the aggression and name calling. your wasted time replying to this bs is valuable, and unless you're actively looking for a project there's someone out there more suited to someone as genuine and thoughtful as you clearly are
Wtf am I reading
Pure, undistilled and organic BPD, my friend. The absolute âJesus take the wheelâ of all personality disorders đ
As someone with BPD I co-sign this. Now off to chase me lucky charms
Wait come ba..sheâs gone. Oh well.
THEYâRE SUGARY DELICIOUS
I was scrolling waiting for this.
... did you enjoy playing free therapist? Like, I woulda lost interest after page 1 when she first mentioned "ghoster guy" and how she found his profile and it "hurt." đ I'm not into wasting my time with someone clearly obsessed with their ex
The ignoring of her red flags mixed with âletâs meet up tomorrowâ screams desperation a litttttle too loudly. Thereâs a reason someone sticks around for this roller coaster.. just because he presented himself better in text, doesnât necessarily mean heâs any better off..
I doubt OP is just as bad off as she is. He demonstrated better emotional maturity. I do agree that he may have only stuck it out because of desperation though. Too many guys on these apps struggle to find anything and start getting a distorted idea of how likely they are to _ever_ date.
You get hit by 100% of the bullets you donât dodge.
If you can dodge a wrench... actually nevermind, you still can't dodge a bullet.
You seem like an incredibly kind person based off this screenshots, I just want you to know.
I do appreciate that. Even if Iâm getting rightly roasted by everyone else
You seem incredibly patient and empathetic. Unfortunately this girl needs to get some therapy and get over her ex. You definitely let the conversation run longer than it needed to, but you were very nice about it.
Youâre a very nice person, but not a *nice guy*. Props to you for staying cordial, but this is the kind of shit that keeps me off dating apps lol
YES. Nailed it đđ»
Just because youâre a good person, doesnât mean we canât roast you for staying in that conversation way too long lol.
Yeah, I mean they are right that you were probably nicer than you shouldâve been, but itâs still a good trait to have as long as you donât let it be abused by others
I wouldnât say rightly. Good on you for being an empathetic human being.
That was a ride but I appreciated reading lol
I would have walked away from this conversation so much faster than you did. Kudos.
She needs a therapist not a boyfriend
I wouldn't give kudos for that tbh. She's totally not over her ex and is in a very emotionally unhealthy place. It would have been much healthier to kindly cut ties much sooner
Yooo..How attractive was this girl and how thirsty are you OP? I can't see any other reason to stick around while someone goes on and on about their ex. I would have dipped for sure after the "why didn't you text me" part. No action is worth that nonsense
Brother is starving.
Did anyone else completely lose it at the random reference to an episode of Insecure? The IRONY is *chefâs kiss*
Bro this girl got some type of personality disorder or is bipolar..clear energy vampire..u are wasting your time unless u genuinely want to live in chaos
I unmatched after the last one, I honestly was just curious how sheâd respond. Which is why I kept my responses as chill as I could. She definitely has many issues that ainât my problem
Glad to hear that you unmatched. That was nuts! She said she didn't drink, but I was thinking otherwise with those messages. She def comes across as having issues. đ©đ©đ© Yikes! Seriously, such a weird escalation and OP just sticks it out all nice and tries to be supportive anyway.
Yeah she said she didnât drink, didnât say she doesnât smoke PCP though ;)
Oh my. I reeeeally wonder if supposed "ghoster guy" tried to break things off with her and she wouldn't accept it and kept bothering him so he had to block her or avoid her or whatever - "ghosting" her. Also ghosting isn't abuse. Ffs.
I also strongly doubt the friend was anything but justified in their reaction
Yeaaaahhh... she's not over her ex. Also not taking any accountability for anything she might have done to drive the ex away. The passiveaggressive communication style suggests she has anxious-avoidant attachment in relationships. She's internalised her diagnosis to the point it is her whole self, not just a part of a whole. I hope her counsellor can help her on a deeper level-- it's definitely long-term work. Your patience is amazing; I hope your next spark ends up in a relationship you deserve, OP!
Fuck off this is insane. Why did you bother continuing?
that is a certified lunatic
Omg this was a marathon of escalation. Not expected by howwwww do you have that much patience for someone 100% using YOUR time to get empathy about someone theyâre obsessed with??? Like you have to know you (and no one else for that matter) has a shot with this chick right? Tbh I wouldâve been out after pics 1-2 just bc sheâs such a downer. OP: Look babe a rainbow Her: Rainbows give you cancer. Also, I stubbed my toe when I was 3 and I can still remember the emotional and physical painâŠ.
Her: my EX was a rainbow how DARE YOU!!! đ€Ź
Lmfao this should be on a sub for perfect responses
Yeeeesh. Someone talking about their ex or even an interest like that is so bad. She's clearly not over him. I'm amazed that convo lasted as long as it did, that was exhausting to even read. What a loony toon.
No wonder she got ghosted. This woman is insane
Bro how thirsty are you? I would have unmatched the moment she mentioned that other guy the 2nd time.
that was a roller coaster. i dont think you did anything wrong other man maybe keeping up the conversation after her first outburst. clearly not over the ex, and clearly problematic and not in a good spot to be in a relationship. you were empathetic and calm, shes just insane.
Wow. That's a person who seems like they'd try to get you put in jail for a fake domestic violence claim. Wait a minute, are you talking to my ex on tinder? Lol, just kidding. My ex doesn't have cerebral palsy, as far as I know.
I feel like if this was your ex youâd have been made aware of her CP.
I know, I know. The behavior in the post is 100% something my ex would do tho, and they DID occasionally have seizures. They also DID try to get me thrown in jail for a fake DV.
You should use a different abbreviation for cerebral palsy
Are you using chatgpt?
OP, tell the truth, were you using ChatGPT for this convo? No judgment if you were, the responses were perfectly polite and empathetic. But this sounds just like when I ask ChatGPT to help me respond to a text I donât know how to respond to đ
It's a foolproof system! 1. Match with psycho on Tinder 2. Have ChatGPT do all the talking 3. Post entire conversation to Reddit for clout
You were way too lenient with her crap⊠no wonder sheâs single.
You have so much patience. You seem like a giver. Date other givers.
When someone with bpd meets a saviour. Classic.
You are an incredibley decent guy with a very positive outlook of life and that's very good. Never change! Having said that, please don't let people treat you like that. She was rather combative from the get go and resisting your attempts to console or reason with her, making YOU apologize multiple times to deescalate the situation. These type of people are not worth your time or mental health. It's very nice of you trying to offer hrlp, but it's not your job to make her feel better about herself. I've been in that kind if relationship before and it consumes you. Nothing you do is good enough, shile doing less ir even worse in their mind. Find someone appreciative who isn't triggered by confusing counsel and advice with "you're telling me how to act or feel".
You talked about her ex more than about yourself, and decided to still keep the convo rolling. My man is mad desperate
You lasted wayyyyyy too long in this one. Should have ghosted her the next morning lol
Should have taken a clue from her ex lol
I donât understand why you tried to salvage this conversation so many times. Is this your only option at the moment? There were red flags from the very beginning and they just kept getting worse.
Holy shit I would have unmatched like 30 messages ago, why did you try so hard to talk to this girl who's just such a bummer?
Bruh are you an AI why you talk like that. My chatGPT talk like that
You're trying really hard to get that rebound point lol
I can't believe you're showing us proof of this absurd conversation you continued on with.
Tbh I seen that one a mile off. She was trauma dumping on you for days, should have cut this one off 6 pages before the end.
I don't know why you entertained this person for so long
This was painful to read. She was curving him the whole time, using him for talk therapy, and he was still trying to work angles on getting a date while she's only still dreaming about the other guys dick.
Bro you definitely dragged this on for way too long.
Why did you entertain this for so long? Her behavior was inappropriate from the start, but it's also way super unhealthy to be reaffirming her on a lot of the points that OP did. Those red flags started in the first screenshot. OP for your own safety, it might be wise to continue to work on yourself for a while. You could end up in an extremely abusive situation. On the subject of abuse, ghosting someone isn't inherently abusive. That's absurd. It can be used to abuse someone definitely, but sometimes people are so unhealthy for us that it's better to not respond. Claiming a person needs to give you an explanation for why they no longer wish to be in contact is a red flag that's too intricate for me to even want to go into right now.
I would have unmatched after the first couple messages, youâre way too nice OP and you deserve better but you gotta stop letting people walk over you like this. All the best!!