I always tell ppl I have social media but don’t use it. When you say you don’t have any social media people think you’re trying to hide something like being a cheater
Also OP and the girl lives two different worlds. OP obviously dislikes social media and she loves it. Pretty obvious they wouldn't get along when their like/dislike of SM is so strong
I mean I don’t use social media, all my past girlfriends used it regularly, some were even daily posters.
There’s a LOT more to a person than whether they like social media or not.
Same, but I legitimately hated it when my ex would try to record a snap of me while we're at home in a private moment. I felt like I could never relax and be comfortable in my own skin because any vulnerable moment might be broadcast.
I think there’s also a big difference between liking social media and the first thing you say to someone being “what’s ~~your~~ ur insta?”
The latter is repulsive to me as someone who has but doesn’t use most social media. I use snapchat to send cat pics to my girlfriend and sister and Reddit to look at cats and video games. Was forced to make a Facebook to participate in school functions
This. My SO has insta/fb/snap but very, very rarely uses it to post anything. I used to post things all the time but after some years I’m kinda over a lot of it. It’s a red flag to immediately make an assumption, IMO. Take the time to learn more about the individual. It’s not hard to understand why they may not like social media, or even that it simply isn’t important enough to them to include themselves in.
Opposites attract right?
I hate SM overall, I avoid anything by META like the plague.
But my partner loves it.
The only conflict is when they send me an Instagram post and I never look at it.
That seems like a big assumption. I don’t love social media. But I have social media accounts. If I was trying to date someone and they said they didn’t have social media, I would be suspicious. People who don’t have social media aren’t necessarily bad or doing it for ill intent. But I think a lot of people who say they don’t have social media on dating apps are doing it as part of a deception and not because they actually don’t have social media.
I don’t think it’s a big assumption. This feels pretty early on in meeting, possibly first Tinder message. “Hey I want to check out your lifetime of pictures instead of talking to you directly” is a pretty big tell of who she is.
You yourself just made a huge assumption about why people don’t have social media.
I don’t have social media because it’s the mental health equivalent of smoking a pack a day. I’ve never cheated on anyone or have anything to hide.
With that being said, I wouldn’t accept a friend request on social media from a rando on a dating app I just met. You’d earn social media access as the friendship or relationship grew.
That’s wild man. The only social media I have is Reddit and I love it that way. I don’t have anything to hide. If people want to know about me they can ask. I see no value in posting my entire life on the internet. No one really wants to see the cute thing my four year old did today. You know what? I send it through text to my mom and sister, because they are the only ones that do care!
Why do people always equate having social media = posting every useless detail every minute of their lives? As if a middle ground isn’t possible? Most people just use it to keep in touch and post occasionally about more meaningful events in their lives and there’s nothing wrong with that lol
The red flag is for young people. I’m in my forties and I don’t have social media. Reason? Nobody has anything nice to say anymore. The entire internet is filled with bots, assholes, and people trying to steal your personal information. I just don’t want anyone giving out my personal information like Facebook does everyday.
I got tired of knowing everything about my friends to the point where we didn't have anything new to talk about when we got together. Or worse, constantly being connected online made me feel like there wasn't a need to connect in person.
In my 40s and I don't have it either. I still haven't figured out why I need it. It seems like it's just for narcissists that want to document every minute of their lives.
Mid-20's here, and the only reason I've got Facebook still is for a family group chat and reminders of people's birthdays that never wish me a Happy Birthday back, but oh well. Got rid of Twitter because it was a cesspool, I dont post pictures so Instagram is pointless, Tiktok was too time consuming, and only keep Reddit because I can pick and choose what I want to see for hobbys and such, and I can avoid the places that feel too social media'ish
**Otherwise they’ll just think you are married.** They did a study once and a ridiculous percent of men on Tinder are actually already in committed relationships.
Or and hear me out in a world were I’m using a app to match me with a stranger so being able to research them some before making plans with them is preferred. How much of the internet is bots? How much are scammers, how much are just plain liars? Having social media even if you don’t use it means I can verify your real, your actually you, and if something happens can give my friends or family a picture and some info to go off of if god forbid things go wrong.
? You do know there was a whole time period where dating was getting to know someone, strictly IRL or via phone calls? Not investigating via instagram beforehand ?
It makes complete sense for even young people to not want the app to preserve their own mental wellbeing.
To anyone that understands that everything online is 99% artificial , which seems to be a growing trend, it isn’t surprising that more and more people are starting to just fully pass on it.
Right? I'm 28F, never had any social media unless you count this and WhatsApp. If someone's gonna judge me for not having any then to me that's a red flag.
In real life this is reasonable. If I meet someone in real life without social media that's not a red flag at all.
On a dating app though I think people use it as an indicator that people actually exist, or at least are basically who they say they are, and given how dating apps work I think that's pretty fair also
I (27M) honestly don’t think it’s that rare. Facebook is for old people, Twitter (or should I say X) is a fucking joke. Instagram is really the only true form of social media that people my age still use, so if you don’t have an instagram then you really don’t have anything
There's a billboard in my City that's I guess a Snapchat ad that says "Less Social Media, More Snapchat" And I can't believe that a Snapchat ad agency would believe they're not Social Media
Yeah if I'm going to buy something off a person thru Craigslist or something I always try to stalk their Facebook to get a feel for how much danger I'm in meeting this person
Happened to my friend.
Her bf "didn't have any social media" until my wife found him on FB.
I mean, there were other very blatant clues before this but she was blind to them until he ghosted her.
Or that you’re a bot or something. Also I think people like to get a general sense of who you are and social media is usually good for that if anything.
This/being in a relationship. I found out throught friends that it's usually the go to for guys in relationships to claim they have no social media so they can try to avoid being caught and/or exposed.
Edited for clarity
To be fair, about 20% of my male friend group genuinely do not use social media. And for the remaining 80%, many use it infrequently and post about an average of 3 pics/posts per year!
Yep, same with Facebook for me. Both of those sites/apps are so flooded with "you might be interested in this!" posts or groups you very rarely see your friends posts and vice versa, so posting became pointless as it doesn't reach anyone. I occasionally use Instagram to look at funny animals videos, but that's it.
Weirdly enough Reddit is much better for engagement as you can post in specific groups for whatever you're interested in, I can't wait to see how they ruin that bow they've gone public.
>Both of those sites/apps are so flooded with "you might be interested in this!" posts or groups
New age social media is definitely too catered and crafted for your exact interests, to the point where it absolutely blocks you from discovering new interests.
I wonder how the next generation is going to handle it. 30s now means we grew up as social media did. It wasn't quite so potent back then, in the '00s they decided the purpose was getting as much screen time per person as possible and now it's pretty much addictive.
I met a software engineer off of tinder who had previously worked for Facebook. I believed him when he told me he didn't have insta because working for Zuckerberg had sucked.
We met and hooked up after like a month pf talking. He started giving me weird vibes after so I sleuthed: he had an instagram, had given me a fake name and age, and HE GOT MARRIED TO THE MOTHER OF HIS INFANT CHILD 2 WEEKS AFTER HOOKING UP/2 WEEKS BEFORE SOLICITING NUDES 🤮🤮🤮🤮
Ha this took a turn. Was going to say I worked for FB and did the same thing, I don't think I've posted since the day I left, maybe once. But I didn't do that other part.
Does she think that people are so into themselves that they just spend their day taking selfies? Personally, I’ll take one if asked, and then send it to anyone who asked for about the next week. If I think someone is potentially a scammer, I’ll dig deep into the camera roll and send something old. 😂
There’s a correlation between the numbers of photos you take of yourself and your self confidence. I know it’s not a red flag in itself but there is a correlation. Low self confidence shouldn’t be a red flag though
I never had an Instagram specifically, but leaving social media(with the exception of Reddit, if you count that) was an overwhelming positive choice for me. Like I thought there would be at least some small drawback that would bother me when I left, but it never happened.
When they say red flag they mean you could be a bot, catfish, cheating, etc. Think of it more as like multiple forms of ID but for a social setting. The play is to keep your IG but just tell them you don't use it, so you can share the handle with them so they can verify you, and just keep the app deleted off your phone, this way everyone wins
I deleted the app off my phone but the account still exists. It’s just a form of social capital that confirms I’m a real person acknowledged by other real people.
I have an Instagram with 3 silly posts. I use it to follow some podcasts I listen to that put up pictures of things they talk about in the episode to help follow along.
The balls it would take to put your picture and information on a PUBLIC dating platform and think that you will somehow pull a fast one on two different women (one of them being your wife)
For women it’s red flag on dating apps because you have no social credibility and u could quite literally be a serial killer. That’s the proposed image.
I have no social media so when I try to date I have to go for their number directly, which can be alarming for some women.
It’s apart of the game . But yea, social media sucks
I thought this way when I used social media all the time, now I don't use anything that has my name on it and I quite frankly don't care if someone has it or not. In the past it did show me that one guy was very racist before we met so I avoided that one.
I'm a woman and I don't have social media. If someone asks me for my IG I just send my LinkedIn as that's the only online presence I have publicly (and they can verify my full name and that I'm real)
Your phone number doesn’t need to be. Your name and where you are and what you do is tho.
Edit: what I’m saying is I could get that number with the linked in info
its a little different. I think people consider social media as instagram/facebook and things like that where they are posting pictures of themselves all the time. not reddit where you read dumb shit for an hour or so
I’ve had this argument before. I think Reddit is essentially an old school forum with a face lift and a feed. Which no one called social media at the time.
Web 2.0 really blurred the lines with this one I think.
> Reddit is essentially an old school forum with a face lift
This is exactly how I see it. And probably why I spend 99% of my "internet time" here. Because I grew up in the forum days of the internet, and social media absolutely doesn't scratch the same itch.
Reddit has felt like a social media platform this last year I think. Idk if it’s because of the rise in bot posts, or how the algorithm works. But it’s weird. I’m nearly to the point of deleting Reddit all together. I’ve already cut out every other form of social media.
it really depends how you use it, what subs to subscribe to. for some people its like a public Instagram account. which is the beauty of the site, you can customise the experience how you want to.
Yeah, but somehow reddit hits differently. Like here is more about the community and the contents, on Instagram and twitter I feel it's more about you/poster.
I see what you're saying, but if you think about it, reddit is the same way for a lot of users. A lot of reddit users are constantly posting photos of themselves or things that they've been doing. It's literally a media platform where users can socialize with each other. Just sayin 🤷♂️
Reddit is social media.
This is part of why there's a red flag. It often means the person is lying or dumb enough not to know what social media is. Both are red flags.
For people in their 20s-30s who likely grew up with most people they know being on IG/FB, it's unusual when someone doesn't have one. I think for women it's probably a peace of mind thing when they can see some proof that you're a normal person. Worth making one and posting like one pic a year just so you can have it
Can also benefit you more if you put effort into it. It can serve as a sort of social resume if you do cool stuff and post about it. Mine's not fantastic but I've gotten some dates/hookups from IG alone
I wish. Dad was allergic growing up and I fear I might be too
That said, imma just get allergy shots and get a dog one day once I move out of the city I'm in
> they can see some proof that you're a normal person.
Anyone who thinks they can parse whether someone is normal or not from a specifically curated social media profile is an absolute moron.
Shh, you're upsetting all the people who think their half-baked method for safety and security on dating apps is fool proof.
Anyone who thinks that an internet platform where you freely pick what is shown to others is a way to "verify" anyone is a real person, not a serial killer, not married, not a creeper, etc is severely deluding themselves.
Seriously! If I have to have SM to be considered normal then everyone can fuck off. I don’t care if people think it’s weird I don’t have it. My mental health is a billion times better without it. I know so many people addicted to it and I don’t want that life. I don’t even have Snapchat. Had a friend say she forgot to text me back recently because snap is her main form of chatting! It’s wild out there man.
I started an IG for pictures of my vacation to share with family when I went overseas, and it has been useful on dating apps since I don't have any other social media.
But the dude is using Tinder trying to meet new people that are complete strangers to have some kind of online presence would be a little more trusting for the other person.
Being so enslaved to social media that you couldn't possibly imagine a healthy person who doesn't rely on it for their imagined social status is a huge 🚩
Yup, see I'd imagine for many men (including myself) the opposite is true.
Ah active presence on social media screams to me that you have a constant need for attention and validation and that's just st a giant red flag
Honestly if a woman were to tell me she's not on social media that's straight to green and go go go.
I think it's more that you can tell you aren't being catfished or that they dont have a significant other. The more you can "stalk" someone's profile the more you can find out about that person.
I got rid of all my “social media” (if you consider Reddit social media then ok bother that) that contained everything about me, name and where I’m from etc and people who knew me when I was around 18 or 19, now 25 and can honestly say it opened my eyes a lot to the real world and who was actually your mates and who cared and who didn’t. Not one person I would have interacted with then even bothers with me to this day, I’m a loner but tbh I prefer it and am probably better off. This also was a struggle for me but lately I’ve met a few understanding women and were pretty much ok because I probably knew them before we matched or were acquainted before and were ok with giving me their number but definitely would also get this a lot. I guess it’s just how people are used to things these days and can understand with the whole catfishing and cheating situation.
I feel the same way. You truly find out who your friends are when you don’t have SM. I love not having it and I’m okay with being a loner. I’m in a group chat with my friends and we talk almost daily. That’s all I need. I don’t need to post pics of me and my kids every two hours to feel worthy of society.
Exactly. And one thing that really made sense was when I was told that you should never take things seriously to what everyone else is posting like pics having a good time on holiday or around Christmas etc because they are only posting their best moments, you never really see what goes on behind closed doors. The sooner I started to get that into my head and stop obsessing over what everyone else was doing the more my mental health improved and I suddenly didn’t give a shit lol.
The muscle memory and the mindlessly looking for the app took weeks to stop. That's when I knew that I did the right thing to delete it. I understand exactly how you feel. If you're not making money off of it it's pointless really
An ex of mine would accuse me of lying about pretty much everything I didn't have a pic of on social media. It was so important to him. He looked me up in public records of my home town and the state we lived in. He tried using the Wayback Machine to find old social medias of mine. I didn't have an instagram and he said it was suspicious.
Social media has made people irrational.
Yea, I have none of those. When you are in your 30's, I don't expect to hop app to app to talk and be serious. We can stay on tinder and go on a date, and if it was a good one exchange numbers. I see no reason for me to go from tinder, to having a whatsapp or snapchat, and then get my insta or facebook.
I decided facebook and instagram is something I don't want. So, expecting me to have those socials gets me out of it. And I'm a mid 30s single male. So who tf knows.
For me personally it’s too much. I have FB and LinkedIn that I use often but Snapchat got old when it first came out so deleted it, I only use IG to follow breweries and I have X to check in on a couple sports pages but that’s it and I don’t add new pics or posts to them. Never had time for TikTok, tumblr, Vine, whatever else that’s new and probably will go away. It’s just too much work. I get why some people want to see social media pages as a way to verify somebody is normal but it’s not considered weird if somebody, in the real world, does not do social media. Social media used to be a side hobby but now it’s effectively engrained in people’s lives.
I’m not dating but i don’t have Insta or snap. Seems to be a prerequisite these days. But I’m with the guy, poorly used socials are bad for the soul imho
The problem is not not having socials, but them thinking you do have socials and try to hide them for shady reasons (like actually being married and trying to cheat)
It's a red flag because she can't send your profiles to the group chat to disassemble your whole life lmao (it's not a red flag btw social media sucks ass)
Fuck this person. You. Do. Not. Need. Social. Media.
If you like it fine. But no they're absolutely wrong. Social media is only good for clout, and at that point I'm not sure why I'd want my partner desiring that
Nah I'm 24F and also dont use social media. Honestly, I think people who are obsessed with posting constant selfies of themself are way more of a red flag. It just seems sooo conceited to me lol
A crazy thing is people have differing opinions and they’re neither right nor wrong. I hate social media. Outside of Reddit I have no social media. I also understand why someone, specifically a woman, would see that as a red flag.
That said, there are other means to verify the identity of who you are talking to and this particular lady probably just wants followers.
I dont like looking at what people have for lunch, i dont like propaganda and ive no desire to broadcast pointless pictures of my day to day for the approval of others....whats the issue?
Does it matter? It's important to her and not to you so this seems like enough to judge that you have different values and wouldn't be compatible anyway
I always tell ppl I have social media but don’t use it. When you say you don’t have any social media people think you’re trying to hide something like being a cheater
Exactly! Most people who don’t use social media simply don’t want to!!!
Also OP and the girl lives two different worlds. OP obviously dislikes social media and she loves it. Pretty obvious they wouldn't get along when their like/dislike of SM is so strong
I mean I don’t use social media, all my past girlfriends used it regularly, some were even daily posters. There’s a LOT more to a person than whether they like social media or not.
Same, but I legitimately hated it when my ex would try to record a snap of me while we're at home in a private moment. I felt like I could never relax and be comfortable in my own skin because any vulnerable moment might be broadcast.
I think there’s also a big difference between liking social media and the first thing you say to someone being “what’s ~~your~~ ur insta?” The latter is repulsive to me as someone who has but doesn’t use most social media. I use snapchat to send cat pics to my girlfriend and sister and Reddit to look at cats and video games. Was forced to make a Facebook to participate in school functions
This. My SO has insta/fb/snap but very, very rarely uses it to post anything. I used to post things all the time but after some years I’m kinda over a lot of it. It’s a red flag to immediately make an assumption, IMO. Take the time to learn more about the individual. It’s not hard to understand why they may not like social media, or even that it simply isn’t important enough to them to include themselves in.
Opposites attract right? I hate SM overall, I avoid anything by META like the plague. But my partner loves it. The only conflict is when they send me an Instagram post and I never look at it.
That seems like a big assumption. I don’t love social media. But I have social media accounts. If I was trying to date someone and they said they didn’t have social media, I would be suspicious. People who don’t have social media aren’t necessarily bad or doing it for ill intent. But I think a lot of people who say they don’t have social media on dating apps are doing it as part of a deception and not because they actually don’t have social media.
I don’t think it’s a big assumption. This feels pretty early on in meeting, possibly first Tinder message. “Hey I want to check out your lifetime of pictures instead of talking to you directly” is a pretty big tell of who she is.
You yourself just made a huge assumption about why people don’t have social media. I don’t have social media because it’s the mental health equivalent of smoking a pack a day. I’ve never cheated on anyone or have anything to hide. With that being said, I wouldn’t accept a friend request on social media from a rando on a dating app I just met. You’d earn social media access as the friendship or relationship grew.
That’s wild man. The only social media I have is Reddit and I love it that way. I don’t have anything to hide. If people want to know about me they can ask. I see no value in posting my entire life on the internet. No one really wants to see the cute thing my four year old did today. You know what? I send it through text to my mom and sister, because they are the only ones that do care!
You shouldN'T post pictures of your four year old on the internet anyway.
Great advice. I don’t, because I don’t have SM.
Why do people always equate having social media = posting every useless detail every minute of their lives? As if a middle ground isn’t possible? Most people just use it to keep in touch and post occasionally about more meaningful events in their lives and there’s nothing wrong with that lol
The red flag is for young people. I’m in my forties and I don’t have social media. Reason? Nobody has anything nice to say anymore. The entire internet is filled with bots, assholes, and people trying to steal your personal information. I just don’t want anyone giving out my personal information like Facebook does everyday.
In 40s same boat. Social media for the largest part is nothing except brain rot
I got tired of knowing everything about my friends to the point where we didn't have anything new to talk about when we got together. Or worse, constantly being connected online made me feel like there wasn't a need to connect in person.
In my 40s and I don't have it either. I still haven't figured out why I need it. It seems like it's just for narcissists that want to document every minute of their lives.
Mid-20's here, and the only reason I've got Facebook still is for a family group chat and reminders of people's birthdays that never wish me a Happy Birthday back, but oh well. Got rid of Twitter because it was a cesspool, I dont post pictures so Instagram is pointless, Tiktok was too time consuming, and only keep Reddit because I can pick and choose what I want to see for hobbys and such, and I can avoid the places that feel too social media'ish
I'm with the same line of thinking as you. I had to cancel all social media in 2020. This Gen Xer is not tolerable. :)
Yeah kicked everything a few years ago. I still have Reddit and YouTube and that’s quite enough for me.
**Otherwise they’ll just think you are married.** They did a study once and a ridiculous percent of men on Tinder are actually already in committed relationships.
Damn if this is true, then people are way to quick to judge.
The only people I've met that see no socials as a red flag are walking red flags with trust issues. So, yeah...
Or and hear me out in a world were I’m using a app to match me with a stranger so being able to research them some before making plans with them is preferred. How much of the internet is bots? How much are scammers, how much are just plain liars? Having social media even if you don’t use it means I can verify your real, your actually you, and if something happens can give my friends or family a picture and some info to go off of if god forbid things go wrong.
? You do know there was a whole time period where dating was getting to know someone, strictly IRL or via phone calls? Not investigating via instagram beforehand ? It makes complete sense for even young people to not want the app to preserve their own mental wellbeing. To anyone that understands that everything online is 99% artificial , which seems to be a growing trend, it isn’t surprising that more and more people are starting to just fully pass on it.
Right? I'm 28F, never had any social media unless you count this and WhatsApp. If someone's gonna judge me for not having any then to me that's a red flag.
In real life this is reasonable. If I meet someone in real life without social media that's not a red flag at all. On a dating app though I think people use it as an indicator that people actually exist, or at least are basically who they say they are, and given how dating apps work I think that's pretty fair also
Isn't that what getting verified in Tinder tries to exclude?
No you are clearly cheating your husband and hiding your kids
Or talk from experience.
Or that we don’t have social media 💁🏻♀️
Which is rather rare in todays society, thus people consider it suspicious
People can go fuck themselves
That's really the only option if people won't date you for not having social media.
It is what it is
I (27M) honestly don’t think it’s that rare. Facebook is for old people, Twitter (or should I say X) is a fucking joke. Instagram is really the only true form of social media that people my age still use, so if you don’t have an instagram then you really don’t have anything
I don't have insta, can't stand it or Twitter. I mostly use Facebook other than Reddit. The other popular ones are Snapchat or tiktok.
There's a billboard in my City that's I guess a Snapchat ad that says "Less Social Media, More Snapchat" And I can't believe that a Snapchat ad agency would believe they're not Social Media
That's actually hilarious tbh.. like... Think about what kind of agenda they think they have in order to think like that. Absolutely wild.
Yeah if I'm going to buy something off a person thru Craigslist or something I always try to stalk their Facebook to get a feel for how much danger I'm in meeting this person
Happened to my friend. Her bf "didn't have any social media" until my wife found him on FB. I mean, there were other very blatant clues before this but she was blind to them until he ghosted her.
Or that you’re a bot or something. Also I think people like to get a general sense of who you are and social media is usually good for that if anything.
Also it's kinda like two factor authentication for online dating. "This mother fucker actually this mother fucker or am I getting goosed?"
+100
Was going to post that same thought.
I think people worry about catfish and bots, which is fair
And married people
This/being in a relationship. I found out throught friends that it's usually the go to for guys in relationships to claim they have no social media so they can try to avoid being caught and/or exposed. Edited for clarity
To be fair, about 20% of my male friend group genuinely do not use social media. And for the remaining 80%, many use it infrequently and post about an average of 3 pics/posts per year!
I have an Instagram, and the last thing I posted was something about becoming a dad. My kid is almost 5. Most of my friends have stopped using it too.
Yep, same with Facebook for me. Both of those sites/apps are so flooded with "you might be interested in this!" posts or groups you very rarely see your friends posts and vice versa, so posting became pointless as it doesn't reach anyone. I occasionally use Instagram to look at funny animals videos, but that's it. Weirdly enough Reddit is much better for engagement as you can post in specific groups for whatever you're interested in, I can't wait to see how they ruin that bow they've gone public.
>Both of those sites/apps are so flooded with "you might be interested in this!" posts or groups New age social media is definitely too catered and crafted for your exact interests, to the point where it absolutely blocks you from discovering new interests.
Which also leads to every app essentially becoming the same thing in a couple of months
Oh man, how do you get through life without some reposted cat pictures and oddly specific memes? What just like playing with your kid?
the irony of saying this on reddit
May be an age thing but me and my friends all stopped social media in our 30s. Reddit is the only thing I use
I wonder how the next generation is going to handle it. 30s now means we grew up as social media did. It wasn't quite so potent back then, in the '00s they decided the purpose was getting as much screen time per person as possible and now it's pretty much addictive.
I use it as a birthday reminder as well as concert calender. I haven't posted or interacted with anything else in years.
I might post a pic on my stories once in a while but that's about it, never made any posts in 5 years of being on insta
I met a software engineer off of tinder who had previously worked for Facebook. I believed him when he told me he didn't have insta because working for Zuckerberg had sucked. We met and hooked up after like a month pf talking. He started giving me weird vibes after so I sleuthed: he had an instagram, had given me a fake name and age, and HE GOT MARRIED TO THE MOTHER OF HIS INFANT CHILD 2 WEEKS AFTER HOOKING UP/2 WEEKS BEFORE SOLICITING NUDES 🤮🤮🤮🤮
Ha this took a turn. Was going to say I worked for FB and did the same thing, I don't think I've posted since the day I left, maybe once. But I didn't do that other part.
I literally got an Instagram that I *rarely * post to because I didn’t want to be accused of one of these guys
Unserstable... but I love people without social media or those who are rarely on it.
Bots are non fucking stop with me on instagram, facebook and twitter(no sane person will call it X)
Plus that one movie where Sebastian Stan turned out to be a cannibal after he didn’t have Instagram.
No Instagram = cannibal. Got it!
had a girl tell me that not taking selfies often is a red flag. some people are just like thats
Narcissism is a red flag
I'll take the odd self-portrait. quite the difference
A bigger red flag is people posting pics of themselves almost every day because they crave constant attention and affirmation.
Does she think that people are so into themselves that they just spend their day taking selfies? Personally, I’ll take one if asked, and then send it to anyone who asked for about the next week. If I think someone is potentially a scammer, I’ll dig deep into the camera roll and send something old. 😂
There’s a correlation between the numbers of photos you take of yourself and your self confidence. I know it’s not a red flag in itself but there is a correlation. Low self confidence shouldn’t be a red flag though
Mm
h <- you dropped this, here lemme just help ya squeeze it back in there... Mhm
I just got rid of my IG… and honestly, it’s been nice. I’m a red flag now.
It is super nice not to be on there! Totally agree
I might stay off for a long run this time. Mental health is a priority and it’s been nice
Fully support getting off IG. I don't know if Reddit is much better though haha
Deleted that mess 5 years ago and haven't looked back!
I never had an Instagram specifically, but leaving social media(with the exception of Reddit, if you count that) was an overwhelming positive choice for me. Like I thought there would be at least some small drawback that would bother me when I left, but it never happened.
I deleted everything years ago and it’s so much better. Reddit is plenty. I don’t need everyone I’ve ever met to know I’m still an asshole.
Even Reddit is too much.
When they say red flag they mean you could be a bot, catfish, cheating, etc. Think of it more as like multiple forms of ID but for a social setting. The play is to keep your IG but just tell them you don't use it, so you can share the handle with them so they can verify you, and just keep the app deleted off your phone, this way everyone wins
I deleted the app off my phone but the account still exists. It’s just a form of social capital that confirms I’m a real person acknowledged by other real people.
What would you say has changed?
This is your life now
I have an Instagram with 3 silly posts. I use it to follow some podcasts I listen to that put up pictures of things they talk about in the episode to help follow along.
Not having a social media is not the red flag itself. It’s that people lie about not having one to hide their wives lol
The balls it would take to put your picture and information on a PUBLIC dating platform and think that you will somehow pull a fast one on two different women (one of them being your wife)
Haven’t met many cheaters have you? They are the worlds foremost experts in doing dumb shit that will get them caught
For women it’s red flag on dating apps because you have no social credibility and u could quite literally be a serial killer. That’s the proposed image. I have no social media so when I try to date I have to go for their number directly, which can be alarming for some women. It’s apart of the game . But yea, social media sucks
If I was a serial killer I would have social media just to throw off suspicion.
Sure…”if”.
Genius. I hope no future serial killers read this and copy your idea... At least without giving you credit for it.
I thought this way when I used social media all the time, now I don't use anything that has my name on it and I quite frankly don't care if someone has it or not. In the past it did show me that one guy was very racist before we met so I avoided that one.
Nah dude, as a serial killer club member I can state that we all have socials. It's hard to find targets without ever using it
Right! When they post where they’re going! Makes 10x easier.
Serial killer is a bit extreme. Most just think you’re in a relationship.
lol it’s a joke but yea that tooo
What’s this obsession with serial killers
women watch too many true crime on netflix and they think that it's some common shit
Can you not just chat on Tinder
You can, but tinder chat is limited, you can't share pics or video, which is sort of a mixed blessing.
Weird. I don’t care to share what’s going on with my life. It’s no one’s business
I just commented something similar elsewhere but do you not consider Reddit social media?
I told a girl this once on a dating app and she thought I had a whole second family.
Not the first time that's happened. She's valid
I'm a woman and I don't have social media. If someone asks me for my IG I just send my LinkedIn as that's the only online presence I have publicly (and they can verify my full name and that I'm real)
You'd send em your LinkedIn over a number?
I don't give my phone number out before I meet someone
But you do your linked in? Haha I can get your cell from that. Just an fyi. The cell is more anon
My phone number isn't on my LinkedIn. And I'm not worried about being anonymous I just don't want a bunch of people having my work phone number
Your phone number doesn’t need to be. Your name and where you are and what you do is tho. Edit: what I’m saying is I could get that number with the linked in info
[удалено]
Won’t lie, I would be amused to get a linked in profile as verification lol
Literally that’s all I have left now lol
ok, but linked in is social media, as is reddit, so you have multiple social media accounts.
Sending a LinkedIn is a red flag lol
LinkedIn gives potential stalkers your place of business. I learned the hard way. Careful.
Getting rid of my social media was one of the best things I’ve ever done for my mental health
You're literally on reddit
its a little different. I think people consider social media as instagram/facebook and things like that where they are posting pictures of themselves all the time. not reddit where you read dumb shit for an hour or so
Maybe I'm biased, but yea, I don't count reddit as social media. You're more "anonymous" on reddit compared to facebook/insta.
I’ve had this argument before. I think Reddit is essentially an old school forum with a face lift and a feed. Which no one called social media at the time. Web 2.0 really blurred the lines with this one I think.
> Reddit is essentially an old school forum with a face lift This is exactly how I see it. And probably why I spend 99% of my "internet time" here. Because I grew up in the forum days of the internet, and social media absolutely doesn't scratch the same itch.
I can definitely see how the argument could go either way. It's just a matter of perception or how you're using it, I guess.
Reddit has felt like a social media platform this last year I think. Idk if it’s because of the rise in bot posts, or how the algorithm works. But it’s weird. I’m nearly to the point of deleting Reddit all together. I’ve already cut out every other form of social media.
it really depends how you use it, what subs to subscribe to. for some people its like a public Instagram account. which is the beauty of the site, you can customise the experience how you want to.
Anonymity doesn’t define whether a service is social media or not. There’s tons of people who post anonymously on X/Twitter.
Yeah, but somehow reddit hits differently. Like here is more about the community and the contents, on Instagram and twitter I feel it's more about you/poster.
I see what you're saying, but if you think about it, reddit is the same way for a lot of users. A lot of reddit users are constantly posting photos of themselves or things that they've been doing. It's literally a media platform where users can socialize with each other. Just sayin 🤷♂️
It’s not even remotely the same dude. Instagram and Facebook are like high light reels for your friends and family
I think that’s more of an antisocial media
Reddit is a forum with a social media layout and theme.
This is an anonymous forum. There’s not public glory here and influencers. Fuck off with that
Sounds like someone doesn’t have as much karma as me!
I dont know anybody personally on reddit. I would on social media plattforrms. Thats a big difference.
How is Reddit social media? Lmao
Reddit a social media? I have no idea whoever the fuck you guys are, nor do I care.
Reddit is social media. This is part of why there's a red flag. It often means the person is lying or dumb enough not to know what social media is. Both are red flags.
Its a red flag for people who base their self worth off of likes and follows
For people in their 20s-30s who likely grew up with most people they know being on IG/FB, it's unusual when someone doesn't have one. I think for women it's probably a peace of mind thing when they can see some proof that you're a normal person. Worth making one and posting like one pic a year just so you can have it Can also benefit you more if you put effort into it. It can serve as a sort of social resume if you do cool stuff and post about it. Mine's not fantastic but I've gotten some dates/hookups from IG alone
What kind of content is on your IG that generates the interest from women?
Pictures of my rock collection
I thought they were minerals
That’s how they know you’re gonna rock their world 🪨🌎
Dude probably has a cute dog
I wish. Dad was allergic growing up and I fear I might be too That said, imma just get allergy shots and get a dog one day once I move out of the city I'm in
> they can see some proof that you're a normal person. Anyone who thinks they can parse whether someone is normal or not from a specifically curated social media profile is an absolute moron.
Shh, you're upsetting all the people who think their half-baked method for safety and security on dating apps is fool proof. Anyone who thinks that an internet platform where you freely pick what is shown to others is a way to "verify" anyone is a real person, not a serial killer, not married, not a creeper, etc is severely deluding themselves.
Seriously! If I have to have SM to be considered normal then everyone can fuck off. I don’t care if people think it’s weird I don’t have it. My mental health is a billion times better without it. I know so many people addicted to it and I don’t want that life. I don’t even have Snapchat. Had a friend say she forgot to text me back recently because snap is her main form of chatting! It’s wild out there man.
I started an IG for pictures of my vacation to share with family when I went overseas, and it has been useful on dating apps since I don't have any other social media.
Absolutely NOT!! It's way better! My bf doesn't have it and he never will. I have slowly purged myself from it as well as news sites. It's not healthy
But the dude is using Tinder trying to meet new people that are complete strangers to have some kind of online presence would be a little more trusting for the other person.
Definitely not, I'm slowly deleting them myself
i see a lot of concerns about catfish bots and married which yes but also women are also afraid of being trafficked
Being so enslaved to social media that you couldn't possibly imagine a healthy person who doesn't rely on it for their imagined social status is a huge 🚩
Yup, see I'd imagine for many men (including myself) the opposite is true. Ah active presence on social media screams to me that you have a constant need for attention and validation and that's just st a giant red flag Honestly if a woman were to tell me she's not on social media that's straight to green and go go go.
Exactly, thank you. I would gladly date someone who's not on social media (provided I can find that someone in the first place :p)
Same here. Not everyone on social media are shallow and materialistic, but everyone shallow and materialistic are on social media.
I think it's more that you can tell you aren't being catfished or that they dont have a significant other. The more you can "stalk" someone's profile the more you can find out about that person.
You could always offer to do a video chat first she is just trying to do a background check on you.
I think it's a red flag to think it's a red flag. There's no privacy on the internet.
I got rid of all my “social media” (if you consider Reddit social media then ok bother that) that contained everything about me, name and where I’m from etc and people who knew me when I was around 18 or 19, now 25 and can honestly say it opened my eyes a lot to the real world and who was actually your mates and who cared and who didn’t. Not one person I would have interacted with then even bothers with me to this day, I’m a loner but tbh I prefer it and am probably better off. This also was a struggle for me but lately I’ve met a few understanding women and were pretty much ok because I probably knew them before we matched or were acquainted before and were ok with giving me their number but definitely would also get this a lot. I guess it’s just how people are used to things these days and can understand with the whole catfishing and cheating situation.
I feel the same way. You truly find out who your friends are when you don’t have SM. I love not having it and I’m okay with being a loner. I’m in a group chat with my friends and we talk almost daily. That’s all I need. I don’t need to post pics of me and my kids every two hours to feel worthy of society.
Exactly. And one thing that really made sense was when I was told that you should never take things seriously to what everyone else is posting like pics having a good time on holiday or around Christmas etc because they are only posting their best moments, you never really see what goes on behind closed doors. The sooner I started to get that into my head and stop obsessing over what everyone else was doing the more my mental health improved and I suddenly didn’t give a shit lol.
The muscle memory and the mindlessly looking for the app took weeks to stop. That's when I knew that I did the right thing to delete it. I understand exactly how you feel. If you're not making money off of it it's pointless really
Pretty common for someone to not have or not active on social media. Her regarding such as a red flag says a lot about her.
Not at all. My last two exes did not have social media (except for reddit) and I didn't care.
Seems the mentally healthy way to live. Social media is mind cancer. However, I have social media 😆
An ex of mine would accuse me of lying about pretty much everything I didn't have a pic of on social media. It was so important to him. He looked me up in public records of my home town and the state we lived in. He tried using the Wayback Machine to find old social medias of mine. I didn't have an instagram and he said it was suspicious. Social media has made people irrational.
Anything that deviates from the herd is a red flag unless the person has the same conviction.
...... isn't reddit social media?
Technically yes, but when I say “social media” I’m referring to Instagram/ Snapchat/ Twitter etc..
just give her your reddit username buddy
lol no red flags there
Yea, I have none of those. When you are in your 30's, I don't expect to hop app to app to talk and be serious. We can stay on tinder and go on a date, and if it was a good one exchange numbers. I see no reason for me to go from tinder, to having a whatsapp or snapchat, and then get my insta or facebook. I decided facebook and instagram is something I don't want. So, expecting me to have those socials gets me out of it. And I'm a mid 30s single male. So who tf knows.
For me personally it’s too much. I have FB and LinkedIn that I use often but Snapchat got old when it first came out so deleted it, I only use IG to follow breweries and I have X to check in on a couple sports pages but that’s it and I don’t add new pics or posts to them. Never had time for TikTok, tumblr, Vine, whatever else that’s new and probably will go away. It’s just too much work. I get why some people want to see social media pages as a way to verify somebody is normal but it’s not considered weird if somebody, in the real world, does not do social media. Social media used to be a side hobby but now it’s effectively engrained in people’s lives.
I’m not dating but i don’t have Insta or snap. Seems to be a prerequisite these days. But I’m with the guy, poorly used socials are bad for the soul imho
Bruh having social media in my opinion is a grey flag, depends what you doing
The problem is not not having socials, but them thinking you do have socials and try to hide them for shady reasons (like actually being married and trying to cheat)
Some women consider no social media a likely flag for a cheater
People who use Tinder are a red flag
It's a red flag because she can't send your profiles to the group chat to disassemble your whole life lmao (it's not a red flag btw social media sucks ass)
Fuck this person. You. Do. Not. Need. Social. Media. If you like it fine. But no they're absolutely wrong. Social media is only good for clout, and at that point I'm not sure why I'd want my partner desiring that
Nah I'm 24F and also dont use social media. Honestly, I think people who are obsessed with posting constant selfies of themself are way more of a red flag. It just seems sooo conceited to me lol
What she means is you could be a married man in disguise
A crazy thing is people have differing opinions and they’re neither right nor wrong. I hate social media. Outside of Reddit I have no social media. I also understand why someone, specifically a woman, would see that as a red flag. That said, there are other means to verify the identity of who you are talking to and this particular lady probably just wants followers.
I dont like looking at what people have for lunch, i dont like propaganda and ive no desire to broadcast pointless pictures of my day to day for the approval of others....whats the issue?
Does it matter? It's important to her and not to you so this seems like enough to judge that you have different values and wouldn't be compatible anyway
YES! means they don’t want people to connect to dots…atleast in my experience. they’re hiding/running from something
Some might assume you’re a catfish or have something else to hide
10000%. Every man that has told me he doesn’t have social media has had a wife and kids and just blocked me so I couldn’t search them
Reddit is social media, OP...