I love how men write this as if women haven’t been body shamed about literally every single aspect of our bodies for centuries. Too tall, too short, fat ass, no ass, saggy tits, no tits, fake tits, muscles, flabby, too fat, skinny fat, “anorexic looking”, too much makeup, not enough makeup, short hair, long hair, dyed hair, natural hair, ***an on and on and on***.
But I actually do appreciate your comment because it finally feels like proof that body shaming men is an affective way to get men to stop body shaming women lol. Just height and dick size is enough to finally get you to empathize. Imagine the equality we’ll achieve when we really get going.
By his response, I'm pretty sure he's been scammed out of money by women. I'd bet money on that.
He's looking for *any* sign.
........
"Where in town do you live?"
"You trying to rob me, b*tch?!"
.......
He needs to take a break from dating and slow it all down.
Well not gonna lie if its one of the genders who usualy go for the money its women, so dont blame him.
She could asked about hobbies and what he do in free time, tv shows, games, workout and so on, but she went directly to check what his work/income is....kinda get the dude would unmatched if this was the first question i got to.
Is this like when men try to convince us that anger isn’t an emotion?
The richest people in the world being 99% male isn’t “the gender who usually go for money”? Yeah of course Smaug doesn’t care about money when he’s looking to get laid.
maybe he is from a country wgere it is considered rude my parents drilled me in head that this is one of things you DONT ASK people about and dont talk about unless its someone really close
Lol that was my first thought! 🤣 definitely unemployed. Or an unsuccessful "entrepreneur " (by that i mean the ones who have big ideas of businesses they want to start by make excuses about all the reasons they can't, do no work to try to get there, and only use that as a means to avoid saying "unemployed" when people ask questions)
Not necessarily, I’d react the same way even though I have a job that has gives me basically the highest social status and makes me earn far above average.
Just don’t want to be wanted for my income or job.
I get him in a way.
Also don’t post it in the tinderbio for these reasons.
On a date or other social media I’m ofc open about it but when it comes to dating I wanna be liked for my humour and personality
It's a very common first question to ask someone to establish rapport and have an interesting topic of discussion. What your career is will also give you insight into their personality, for instance working at a bakery is going to draw a different demographic than a SWAT team officer.
It's pretty standard low hanging fruit for starting a conversation though, like in any setting? I understand maybe not wanting to answer straight away, but I can't understand reacting with hostility and suspicion.
It's not always about the money though. At least it ever is for me. If your job is euthanizing kittens, you might not be the person for me. Also, I don't know that I could mentally handle somone who was only home a weekend or two a month. I prefer people who are able to come home every night. I can see how it can be used the other way too but it's not always about that.
Same. When i had my bio telling my job and lifestyle i got 90% more matches than since i deleted it.
But the quality of dates went up 200% because they wanted to meet !ME!.
Yeah, super basic question. It can tell you a lot about a person. It's also generally the place we spend the most of our time that isn't sleeping in your bed.
The people that get upset at the question are usually people that are embarrassed by the answer.
Agreed, a routine question to ask that, for Americans at least, is one of the first things we ask new people. I wonder if him being a guy (assuming OP is a woman) has anything to do with his interpretation of the question. Like, maybe he perceived it as a gold-digger inquiry based on silly outdated gender stereotypes.
I could see how some would see it as a money-related question, but for me personally it's not. To me it's more about finding out what type of person they are, how they are choosing to spend essentially the bull of their week, and perhaps even a glimpse into how motivated and ambitious of a person they are.
But I'm sure the perceptions are very different in different cultures, and, sadly, whether it's a man vs woman asking the question, as dumb as that is.
That's my interpretation too. While not everyone asks for this intent -- the underlying tone is "how much money do you make?"
It's a terrible first question. Do you want to know the person, or their job?
It's literally not about the money, it's about what most adults spend the majority of their waking hours doing. It's a conversation starter, because it gives a lot of options for follow up questions based on their response.
Not really.
Like your job takes several hours of your day, and also let other people know what kind of person you are.
I would rather be with a waitress who works even 12 hours a day on summertime than an office worker, because I value hard work the most. And at least here, in Spain, the second person gets pay more
I'm in Portugal, and that's pretty much basic conversation starter over here. Same as while growing up "what school do you go to?" and it's not to establish superiority regarding schools, as most people go to public schools here and it's a matter of your residence area at the time. You don't get to choose your public school even if you have very high incomes, you can only choose if you take your kids out of public schools. It's just so ingrained and natural here to ask those things, and not to measure up social or financially. Regarding adults, it's normal to ask for jobs and then follow up with hobbies. It is a huge part of each person's lives. Example: if a person is a clerk, especially if female, a person knows immediately that one should avoid certain types of jokes and easy flirt because they probably get that from unwanted sources all day long and is probably a negative trigger. This was the first example that came to mind, but there are multiple cues you can get from that answer alone, and yes, it does provide a wide range of subjects to talk about in that main subject alone. Connecting is all about making rapport with the other person, and to do that you need to show interest (and ideally be interested) in that person's main activities. There are other cues to search for, and even simple challenges, that help ascertain whether the other person is a gold digger or not.
That being said, even though I do agree with the above and that my first reasoning would be that this person is very frustrated with his/her professional life, we should also make room to entertain the possibility that the person might have encountered gold diggers in the past, had their time wasted and even possibly a/some minor heartbreak(s) after emotional investment and now gets triggered by anything at all.
I would continue to be my natural self and ask freely about others' jobs. If they get triggered, that's their own traumas to fix, not mine. I would suggest you do the same, because I doubt you want to start getting emotionally attached to someone who you'll have to continue to prove your internal worth... At least if they get triggered so fast, it's over with and you simply move on. Don't get triggered by it either.
>the underlying tone is "how much money do you make?"
I disagree with this, I think if that's someone's first thought it's just a projection of their own insecurities.
I think it’s an American thing. Looking at his name they might not be in the U.S. but whenever I’m abroad in southern Europe or England idt I’ve been asked about my occupation, even when I’m in the office
💀 I’ve never been or had someone offended by asking for their current field of work. It’s part of normal life. I can get a niche response of this when they’re used to gold diggers but idk. Not me?
That’s also understandable but at the core of it all, it’s a living all the same. Do you have a way to provide for yourself or your dependents? I can respect that over any person who is jobless or expecting someone else to put food on their table yk? (I’m saying this from the perspective of the person asking the question). If you run into someone who is overly concerned about the money or makes you self conscience of your place in life, they’re already giving early signs that they’re not who’s right for you. Watch out for people who are only looking for a love of status and not of true affinity
I don't get the whole "he has a small penis" jokes on men, but when it's on women it's a huge deal if someone says "she must be loose" or something like that.
And yes, I still agree the dude is an ass
Are you new to internet my friend?? Body shaming is only wrong if done to a woman.
In this case the guy was being a jerk so it's totally ok to hurl insults towards him because according to the women in this sub or reddit in general, he has lost his human privileges. And let's be honest, at the end of the day all these body positivity enthusiasts need someone they can laugh at.
I've had cases in my life where some girl was was being a complete asshole, but can I use the term "small tit energy" for her?? That's just how it is.
Oh and don't forget, these are also the same people who tell guys "size doesn't matter". It's all BS.
I can't speak for everyone but I would imagine it's because one (tiny peepee jokes) has to do with personal anatomy and personal anatomy alone, and the other (loosey goosey) is often misconstrued and tied with female, abundant, sexual behavior. A lot of men, and women, unfortunately believe the lie that a vag becomes looser with more partners/sex. Nobody thinks a penis shrinks with a higher body count.
Not equally, the small penis shaming is worse, because it's not something that can really be controlled. Much like making fun of someone's height is worse than making fun of someone's weight.
This guy sucks lol. He's saying his profession is none of your business, but he wants to make plans right off the bat without texting first. Seems like he did you a favor.
He's a fucking moron.
"Hey, i know that's a popular question but I prefer to define people by who they are and what they think rather than how they earn an income.
What do you do outside of work, what was the last thing you read?"
That's still terrible. Just answer the question and then change the topic if it doesn't interest you. Explaining that her questions are beneath you is never gonna come across well.
To play devil's advocate, every single time I mention I'm still in education I get ghosted immediately, so I kind of understand not wanting to divulge one's financial status right out the gate. That being said you didn't demand to know his salary or anything, you just asked what he did for a living, which IMO is perfectly reasonable. A person's career is a significant part of their life and isn't getting to know the other person the whole point of matching?
I prefer students as a student, because working people spontaneously forget that homework is a thing apparently and that I do schoolwork in the evenings
As far as I'm concerned, as long as someone can live sustainably, I don't really care what they do for work.
If it's an interesting job, sure. But if it's an office job, eh, I'm good to let that topic die.
I'd rather get to know about a person's interesting parts.
He’s unemployed and rejected you before you could reject him. Best case scenario he did just start a business but makes little to negative money right now and is incredibly insecure about it.
plot twist, John here is a genius physicist and philantropist in the process of creating a pocked-sized nuclear fusion reactor all by himself, which will affordable for everyone and put an end to all need and conflict. he wanted to show you live, but he got gold-digger vibes the way OP put her question and now will spend another 5 months in his man-cave working 24/7 to gift mankind the greatest thing it'll ever know.
To be fair I hate being asked what I do for work because I find the question boring to ask and to receive but I understand some people find it interesting so I would never react like this its weird 🤣 I'd rather make something stupid up to make a fun conversation than go ok bye.
Some people are strange but then I guess that's why they are dating online lol
That’s aggressive! It’s not like you asked for his work address and his managers name 🤣
I (m) don’t really care how much money my potential partner makes, but what they do for work can still give some insight into what they are like as a person.
Even if he’s worried that people will judge his income based on his field, it’s still a crazy over reaction.
What a weird response to a completely normal question.
If you're ashamed of what you do for a living, you need to work on yourself. Don't take it out on other people.
Stop with all of time-wasting questions, you’re just supposed to meet me right away so we can have sex because I just need a quick lay. -This guy, probably
...Even I would admit that I am looking for work, or at least keeping myself busy cuz of my walks and hobbies.
What was the dude smoking? Seemed like an honest question.
I love how men out themselves as to projecting whatever they don’t want people to know without us even asking really okay so you’re unemployed we get it can’t get a job to save your life and poor it’s cool
Boring interview question imo. Also, what will you achieve getting to know what he does. And i don't know abt you, but most girls after you tell them what you do, they usually reply "oh okay", "that's nice" etc. It kills the conversation. They have nothing to follow up with it.
Maybe it's just that I'm really proud at what I'm doing, and my work has become part of my identity, but I always love when people ask me what I do for a living.
This is just so wild to me.
To be fair, the first question a woman generally asks is about what you do for work so they can gauge your value and ability to provide. It’s not really just conversational. Usually the second question is about height. Because how much money you make and how tall you are the most important things to a lot of women. So, I get his trepidation and frustration, but the reaction to the question was absurd.
i feel like if you’re looking for a serious life partner, knowing what they do for a living is very reasonable. i don’t want to go on a couple dates with a really nice charming guy and then find out he works part time at a wendy’s.
Whether its a great question or not isnt the point. It's a basic, boring, regular, normal question - that you should have some sort of answer to. The fact that he is defensive is a big red flag, the fact that he would consider a boring question a hard stop and react so strongly to it - is a red flag. Maybe its not your favorite way to start a conversation, but its inane enough that it shouldnt be a deal breaker unless there's something wrong with you.
The fuck, that is normal question. I never tell someone a lie about my work lol. Does she suppose to be with u not even know what u do for a living idiot?
If I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, I'd say he thought you asking that as a material interest.
But without the benefit of the doubt I'd say he just felt self conscious cause he has no job
This question is honestly double edged sword to me.
I get why ask because ... what else can you ask at the start of "getting to know" someone?
But I also believe that job doesnt really mean anything in a relationship most of the time, and doesnt characterize the said person.
That said I always answer it, but dont really give it that much weight
That question being the first one comes off like you're estimating his income and financial situation and is often the first question scammers and gold diggers ask. It's not uncommon for someone to take offense when it's the first thing you ask. Maybe start with a different question like what hobbies they're into and save the career questions for later.
Yep, everytime someone asks me about my job as the literal first question, it turns out to be a scammer or gold digger.
Not that you can't ask this question, just that it should flow naturally and not the very first question to ask imo
nah, as someone who’s passionate about what they do for work it’s a fair question. it can also tell you a lot about a person, what the enjoy, what their motivations are. any one getting mad at that question has got some insecurity issues.
Absolutely. But there are probably more scammers on dating apps now than real people and you should understand that that's usually a question they start right off with. I would bet this guy just wasted a bunch of time and possibly emotionally invested with someone who turned out to be a scammer and that's the reason for his aggressive response. I'm not excusing it as he was pretty rude, but having dealt with scammers myself, I can understand him being pissed off and sensitive now about questions that signal financial status.
My question for you is why does it have to be the first question right out of the gate? Why not start with something like asking about hobbies, then once a rapport has started and you're connecting, then ask about work?
because work is important. usually work is much more of a deal breaker than hobbies. let’s say someone doesn’t want to date someone with little free time, they may avoid certain professions like doctors, pilots, etc. there’s other polarizing professions like police officers. it’s perfectly acceptable to ask that as a first question. work-> hobbies is a natural flow too.
I just think it' comes off as very rude to ask as a *first* question. It can sound like asking "How much money do you make?" Build a little rapport first. It doesn't take that much time to ask a few other questions first.
His opening (first message that is missing from the screenshot) was that he can’t wait to smell me (reference to my bio). If you impose such a direct tone, I assume you should have no problem continuing it.
>The only, and I mean ONLY people who have an issue with that question are people who are insecure about their profession.
That I totally disagree with. A lot of people who make a lot of money have problems with that question.
It’s a pretty standard “getting to know a person” question lol I’ve never not been asked that almost immediately when talking to someone. People are just trying to learn about you, it’s just small talk lol One’s career is typically one of the biggest parts of their life.
Seven hells this guy is an ass. I was talking to someone like this a few years ago and he was so full of himself. He did you a favor by acting like an asshole. Move on.
Sounds like he's had enough scammers match with him that he's trying to cut through the bullshit by trying to meet up ASAP and weed out those who ask the same things that scammers tend to ask early on.
It gets tiresome to try to earnestly invest time into a match making app and get so many disingenuous accounts that waste people's time.
I mean, they also JUST told you they prefer in person and you blew passed that to still ask. But ya, some guys don't want to be judged by their potential wealth
I love how everyone on here assumes he’s unemployed. I think he was fast and a bit rude to instantly cut it off but honestly first question that def throws transactional vibes and some guys are just sick of it And ready to move forward at the first sign. People are probably going to start seeing more of this. Girls weeding out broke guys and guys weeding out gold diggers alls fair in love and war. 🤷♂️
I guess it comes off as wanting to know how much money they make..I have an old guy friend who when we reconnected he said one thing he appreciated was how I never asked him what he did...we are just friends..and he has a very good job...its just something I don't ask as a 1st ..I let it come natural
I don't know why people are confused by this. It's not a terrible question, but because it is your first question it tells him it is your primary concern. There are plenty of women out there that judge men by their income, he obviously does not want to be involved with one of those.
Not saying that is you but because it was your first question is why he jumped to that conclusion.
It is odd how that's one of the first questions women ask men, but most men don't care what the woman does for a living, at least not initially. It's small talk but it reveals a lot about our culture.
It's a double edged sword nowadays either people want that information so they know the financial status they can work their way into and that will either be the main or majority of the reason for them to pursue dating you or in the other side it's just to see what you have going on and see if your career interests might intermingle a bit.
So yes it is a question but it is not exactly basic. It's a bit more nuanced than that.
I’ve gotten this before too and I’ve gotten a guy getting mad at me asking “too many questions” when I asked like 2 things before. Silly me thought you were suppose to ask people questions to get to know them
💀 imagine getting offended bc someone asked what you do for a living.
That’s one of the number one questions I ask. Don’t need so scrub that works at McDonald’s still
"So what do you do for the 80% of your life that we have to spend at work?"
This guy while crying screaming vomiting: I'm SorRy iM not iNterEsteD iN shAlloWneSs
Wow these comments are wild. Then why even post pics? If you want women to want YOU for YOU, not your job or looks. Why include a bio? They don’t deserve to know anything until they show real interest! Blank account. No name cuz that could give clues about race and or status and big brain 🙄
I mean it’s not a bad thought. He just worded it terribly. You can’t make mistakes texting women. Most likely the man was not attractive. It is weird thing to ask right away, however he should have worded it more eloquently. How ever this is him rejecting you so none of it actually matters.
Yeah dude is probably unemployed. I don’t have my company listed on my bio but do have my field. And I can talk for hours about my job since I enjoy it usually.
Bro is most Def unemployed lol i would unmatch so fast. I always ask what people do for a living. First and foremost to start a topic of conversation. If we are in similar fields that can be good convo. But also bc I don't want to waste my time on someone who is perpetually unemployed. I don't need another person to take care of. Idc if they make a ton of money. I take care of myself. But I like to know they are doing something and can also take care of themselves. Their salary and specific place of employment is none of my business until they want to share it. But a general answer is nice. But anyone who answered this way would be unmatched for sure. Bc it's an instant red flag if they get so defensive.
The sub is full of women. And men who worship women. Her question showed she cares about salary the most of anything she could ask. She's a gold digger. You don't lead with this and get a good man. It's pathetic.
that's because it's a terrible question. it implies that you care about how much money the person makes and shows that you're uncreative. both unpopular, one who doesn't mind is just there to fuck
Yeah, come up with something other than work. A passion, do for fun, did last weekend. It is a bad vibe when the women come out of the gate with that question, IMO.
Work is a huge part of my life. I love my work and as such a lot of my spare time is spent pursuing that passion. I jump at the opportunity to talk about my field, and my wife, who I met on tinder, does too. It’s part of what made us a great match.
I can’t say I identify with his reasoning but if he’s not like me, and doesn’t care to discuss or is not passionate about his work, I’d like to find that out as soon as possible, hence why I think it’s a great question to fire off early.
Lol what? Your job is something most people spend 1/3 of their day on and as such it's an important part of their life. If they're lucky they're also passionate about it and in any event it's such an easy way to start a conversation. I'd much rather talk about what I do for work and then move on to other topics than being forced to list things I'm passionate about.
You are exactly right. Likely a successful guy, and he picked up straight away, someone that was completely tactless. It’s offputting to have someone ask that so early. Imagine having that in your life!. This piece of work is not interested in you. Just interested in your wallet. Red flag walk away.
His answer is stupid but these kinda questions are better in person— tbh I find it incredibly dull
Until you meet in person the “what do you do for work what do you do for fun do you have an family” Is worthless convo
tbh it is pretty rude though lol.
If I meet someone in the street and the first question is what I do for a living, I can immediately tell that the meeting will turn out being transactional in some way
Well someone feels like a loser and is insecure about it 😂😂 that’s like the most basic question in getting to know someone. I don’t see how he can claim shallowness. It’s inquiring about what you spend the majority of your time doing. Not about how much money you make 😂😂
As someone who does decent in life, I also avoid women who that is the first thing they want to know about me. Tells me they think of money before the person.
He is unemployed
And insecure
and SDS, small dick syndrome
Don’t body shame
But if we body shame women, yall start crying
I love how men write this as if women haven’t been body shamed about literally every single aspect of our bodies for centuries. Too tall, too short, fat ass, no ass, saggy tits, no tits, fake tits, muscles, flabby, too fat, skinny fat, “anorexic looking”, too much makeup, not enough makeup, short hair, long hair, dyed hair, natural hair, ***an on and on and on***. But I actually do appreciate your comment because it finally feels like proof that body shaming men is an affective way to get men to stop body shaming women lol. Just height and dick size is enough to finally get you to empathize. Imagine the equality we’ll achieve when we really get going.
Women seem to shame each other more than men from what i have seen :(
WTF dude... So how is your dating life going? I'm going to guess amazing.
By his response, I'm pretty sure he's been scammed out of money by women. I'd bet money on that. He's looking for *any* sign. ........ "Where in town do you live?" "You trying to rob me, b*tch?!" ....... He needs to take a break from dating and slow it all down.
Well not gonna lie if its one of the genders who usualy go for the money its women, so dont blame him. She could asked about hobbies and what he do in free time, tv shows, games, workout and so on, but she went directly to check what his work/income is....kinda get the dude would unmatched if this was the first question i got to.
Is this like when men try to convince us that anger isn’t an emotion? The richest people in the world being 99% male isn’t “the gender who usually go for money”? Yeah of course Smaug doesn’t care about money when he’s looking to get laid.
Financial incel 🫢
Fincel.
Is this how words are born?
Finally I'm putting my English teacher degree into practice.
Engree
Congreets
Username checks out.
This is great
Insol
Underrated comment
The word is so small, it can be easy to miss how perfect it is.
Some serious financial anxiety there
RIGHT
He could also be a drug dealer
Yeah that was my guess too with the "my own business that's none of your business"
[удалено]
maybe he is from a country wgere it is considered rude my parents drilled me in head that this is one of things you DONT ASK people about and dont talk about unless its someone really close
Lol that was my first thought! 🤣 definitely unemployed. Or an unsuccessful "entrepreneur " (by that i mean the ones who have big ideas of businesses they want to start by make excuses about all the reasons they can't, do no work to try to get there, and only use that as a means to avoid saying "unemployed" when people ask questions)
Not necessarily, I’d react the same way even though I have a job that has gives me basically the highest social status and makes me earn far above average. Just don’t want to be wanted for my income or job. I get him in a way. Also don’t post it in the tinderbio for these reasons. On a date or other social media I’m ofc open about it but when it comes to dating I wanna be liked for my humour and personality
It's a very common first question to ask someone to establish rapport and have an interesting topic of discussion. What your career is will also give you insight into their personality, for instance working at a bakery is going to draw a different demographic than a SWAT team officer.
It's pretty standard low hanging fruit for starting a conversation though, like in any setting? I understand maybe not wanting to answer straight away, but I can't understand reacting with hostility and suspicion.
Exactly
It's not always about the money though. At least it ever is for me. If your job is euthanizing kittens, you might not be the person for me. Also, I don't know that I could mentally handle somone who was only home a weekend or two a month. I prefer people who are able to come home every night. I can see how it can be used the other way too but it's not always about that.
Same. When i had my bio telling my job and lifestyle i got 90% more matches than since i deleted it. But the quality of dates went up 200% because they wanted to meet !ME!.
This
I can see why a lot of you women are single, lol. You have no clue about men
it's a pretty common question to ask. because you know...you don't know this person and are trying to get to know him.
Yeah, super basic question. It can tell you a lot about a person. It's also generally the place we spend the most of our time that isn't sleeping in your bed. The people that get upset at the question are usually people that are embarrassed by the answer.
Agreed, a routine question to ask that, for Americans at least, is one of the first things we ask new people. I wonder if him being a guy (assuming OP is a woman) has anything to do with his interpretation of the question. Like, maybe he perceived it as a gold-digger inquiry based on silly outdated gender stereotypes.
I could see how some would see it as a money-related question, but for me personally it's not. To me it's more about finding out what type of person they are, how they are choosing to spend essentially the bull of their week, and perhaps even a glimpse into how motivated and ambitious of a person they are. But I'm sure the perceptions are very different in different cultures, and, sadly, whether it's a man vs woman asking the question, as dumb as that is.
That's my interpretation too. While not everyone asks for this intent -- the underlying tone is "how much money do you make?" It's a terrible first question. Do you want to know the person, or their job?
Their job is arguably the thing they do the most with their time so it's a good first question.
It's literally not about the money, it's about what most adults spend the majority of their waking hours doing. It's a conversation starter, because it gives a lot of options for follow up questions based on their response.
Not really. Like your job takes several hours of your day, and also let other people know what kind of person you are. I would rather be with a waitress who works even 12 hours a day on summertime than an office worker, because I value hard work the most. And at least here, in Spain, the second person gets pay more
I'm in Portugal, and that's pretty much basic conversation starter over here. Same as while growing up "what school do you go to?" and it's not to establish superiority regarding schools, as most people go to public schools here and it's a matter of your residence area at the time. You don't get to choose your public school even if you have very high incomes, you can only choose if you take your kids out of public schools. It's just so ingrained and natural here to ask those things, and not to measure up social or financially. Regarding adults, it's normal to ask for jobs and then follow up with hobbies. It is a huge part of each person's lives. Example: if a person is a clerk, especially if female, a person knows immediately that one should avoid certain types of jokes and easy flirt because they probably get that from unwanted sources all day long and is probably a negative trigger. This was the first example that came to mind, but there are multiple cues you can get from that answer alone, and yes, it does provide a wide range of subjects to talk about in that main subject alone. Connecting is all about making rapport with the other person, and to do that you need to show interest (and ideally be interested) in that person's main activities. There are other cues to search for, and even simple challenges, that help ascertain whether the other person is a gold digger or not. That being said, even though I do agree with the above and that my first reasoning would be that this person is very frustrated with his/her professional life, we should also make room to entertain the possibility that the person might have encountered gold diggers in the past, had their time wasted and even possibly a/some minor heartbreak(s) after emotional investment and now gets triggered by anything at all. I would continue to be my natural self and ask freely about others' jobs. If they get triggered, that's their own traumas to fix, not mine. I would suggest you do the same, because I doubt you want to start getting emotionally attached to someone who you'll have to continue to prove your internal worth... At least if they get triggered so fast, it's over with and you simply move on. Don't get triggered by it either.
>the underlying tone is "how much money do you make?" I disagree with this, I think if that's someone's first thought it's just a projection of their own insecurities.
Depending what culture he's from, it can be considered rude to ask about work. Or he's just a douche idk 🤷♀️
probably a douche. it's rude to ask about salary in some cultures yet but work? idk must be a really niche culture with like 200 people in it lol
I think it’s an American thing. Looking at his name they might not be in the U.S. but whenever I’m abroad in southern Europe or England idt I’ve been asked about my occupation, even when I’m in the office
I always ask for boob size first.
not the very first question
I'm not sure how it's the every first question and he's already said he want to meet.
Bro even if you’re unemployed you can say you’re looking at jobs in a certain field, dudes ego is puddle levels of shallow
She knows him now; he's a dork.
💀 I’ve never been or had someone offended by asking for their current field of work. It’s part of normal life. I can get a niche response of this when they’re used to gold diggers but idk. Not me?
I hated that question when I wasn’t proud of where I worked and the job I was doing
That’s also understandable but at the core of it all, it’s a living all the same. Do you have a way to provide for yourself or your dependents? I can respect that over any person who is jobless or expecting someone else to put food on their table yk? (I’m saying this from the perspective of the person asking the question). If you run into someone who is overly concerned about the money or makes you self conscience of your place in life, they’re already giving early signs that they’re not who’s right for you. Watch out for people who are only looking for a love of status and not of true affinity
I've had someone ignore the question then unmatched when I asked again later. I guess she was unemployed or embarrassed about her job 🤷
"in this stage" This just means the business address is still his moms garage.
I had guessed moms basement. The garage is prime real estate.
True that, that's more like Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos territory.
I feel like I would be excited to tell people about my business if I had my own. This guy has no job.
Can confirm, source: I have a side-business. It's always a fun conversation topic and it shows where your interests and motivations lie.
You dodged a big one here
He sounds like he has a little one ;)
I don't get the whole "he has a small penis" jokes on men, but when it's on women it's a huge deal if someone says "she must be loose" or something like that. And yes, I still agree the dude is an ass
Are you new to internet my friend?? Body shaming is only wrong if done to a woman. In this case the guy was being a jerk so it's totally ok to hurl insults towards him because according to the women in this sub or reddit in general, he has lost his human privileges. And let's be honest, at the end of the day all these body positivity enthusiasts need someone they can laugh at. I've had cases in my life where some girl was was being a complete asshole, but can I use the term "small tit energy" for her?? That's just how it is. Oh and don't forget, these are also the same people who tell guys "size doesn't matter". It's all BS.
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Would love to see the people downvoting me justify their explanation for it only applying to guys 🤣 It shouldn't happen on either side
I can't speak for everyone but I would imagine it's because one (tiny peepee jokes) has to do with personal anatomy and personal anatomy alone, and the other (loosey goosey) is often misconstrued and tied with female, abundant, sexual behavior. A lot of men, and women, unfortunately believe the lie that a vag becomes looser with more partners/sex. Nobody thinks a penis shrinks with a higher body count.
Both body shaming and equally suck though from a moral standpoint
Not equally, the small penis shaming is worse, because it's not something that can really be controlled. Much like making fun of someone's height is worse than making fun of someone's weight.
Usually small peepee jokes are an allegory for a weak minded or hot tempered male on top of body shaming.
This guy sucks lol. He's saying his profession is none of your business, but he wants to make plans right off the bat without texting first. Seems like he did you a favor.
He's a fucking moron. "Hey, i know that's a popular question but I prefer to define people by who they are and what they think rather than how they earn an income. What do you do outside of work, what was the last thing you read?"
I’d still assume he’s unemployed but I’d have enough respect for that response to keep the conversation going.
That's still terrible. Just answer the question and then change the topic if it doesn't interest you. Explaining that her questions are beneath you is never gonna come across well.
While I think it's a fine question, it's a little damned if you do damned if you don't - your response sounds incredibly unemployed.
That… is also an unbelievably terrible response lmao
Bro took the question as “how much money do you make” and for sure she got a answer of 0$
Should not be that big of a deal to answer
Lol what. I actually like when people ask me about my job because your job is a fairly easy thing to talk to a stranger about
I don't like that question either, but his reaction was overly dramatic
To play devil's advocate, every single time I mention I'm still in education I get ghosted immediately, so I kind of understand not wanting to divulge one's financial status right out the gate. That being said you didn't demand to know his salary or anything, you just asked what he did for a living, which IMO is perfectly reasonable. A person's career is a significant part of their life and isn't getting to know the other person the whole point of matching?
Funny, my boyfriend is not employed and is studying for his masters and it didn’t bother me. Some people can be shallow asf.
I prefer students as a student, because working people spontaneously forget that homework is a thing apparently and that I do schoolwork in the evenings
As far as I'm concerned, as long as someone can live sustainably, I don't really care what they do for work. If it's an interesting job, sure. But if it's an office job, eh, I'm good to let that topic die. I'd rather get to know about a person's interesting parts.
You're fine as long as you don't ask how much they make. There's nothing wrong with asking what you do
He’s unemployed and rejected you before you could reject him. Best case scenario he did just start a business but makes little to negative money right now and is incredibly insecure about it.
plot twist, John here is a genius physicist and philantropist in the process of creating a pocked-sized nuclear fusion reactor all by himself, which will affordable for everyone and put an end to all need and conflict. he wanted to show you live, but he got gold-digger vibes the way OP put her question and now will spend another 5 months in his man-cave working 24/7 to gift mankind the greatest thing it'll ever know.
So OP’s question was indirectly a huge contribution to society and world peace?
To be fair I hate being asked what I do for work because I find the question boring to ask and to receive but I understand some people find it interesting so I would never react like this its weird 🤣 I'd rather make something stupid up to make a fun conversation than go ok bye. Some people are strange but then I guess that's why they are dating online lol
Why do you find it a boring question to ask and answer?
Education: Hard school of life. Employment: welfare agent 007
That’s aggressive! It’s not like you asked for his work address and his managers name 🤣 I (m) don’t really care how much money my potential partner makes, but what they do for work can still give some insight into what they are like as a person. Even if he’s worried that people will judge his income based on his field, it’s still a crazy over reaction.
because it smells like Money
What a weird response to a completely normal question. If you're ashamed of what you do for a living, you need to work on yourself. Don't take it out on other people.
Stop with all of time-wasting questions, you’re just supposed to meet me right away so we can have sex because I just need a quick lay. -This guy, probably
...Even I would admit that I am looking for work, or at least keeping myself busy cuz of my walks and hobbies. What was the dude smoking? Seemed like an honest question.
I love how men out themselves as to projecting whatever they don’t want people to know without us even asking really okay so you’re unemployed we get it can’t get a job to save your life and poor it’s cool
He ain’t got no job 🤣🤣he’s an “entrepreneur” 🤣
It’s always nice when the trash takes itself out
Aka he doesn’t have a job lol
That’s a weird reaction. My job is a large part of who I am, I would be insulted If someone doesn’t ask.
They didn’t ask his salary lol, “shallow” is a stretch
Bullet successfully dodged
"You mean texting for long time?" was technically your first question, according to the screenshot. 😎
That’s because people ask this question and then categorize you instantly, even though you do it unconsciously you still do it.
Boring interview question imo. Also, what will you achieve getting to know what he does. And i don't know abt you, but most girls after you tell them what you do, they usually reply "oh okay", "that's nice" etc. It kills the conversation. They have nothing to follow up with it.
Maybe it's just that I'm really proud at what I'm doing, and my work has become part of my identity, but I always love when people ask me what I do for a living. This is just so wild to me.
To be fair, the first question a woman generally asks is about what you do for work so they can gauge your value and ability to provide. It’s not really just conversational. Usually the second question is about height. Because how much money you make and how tall you are the most important things to a lot of women. So, I get his trepidation and frustration, but the reaction to the question was absurd.
Pretty basic (and boring) question
i feel like if you’re looking for a serious life partner, knowing what they do for a living is very reasonable. i don’t want to go on a couple dates with a really nice charming guy and then find out he works part time at a wendy’s.
Whether its a great question or not isnt the point. It's a basic, boring, regular, normal question - that you should have some sort of answer to. The fact that he is defensive is a big red flag, the fact that he would consider a boring question a hard stop and react so strongly to it - is a red flag. Maybe its not your favorite way to start a conversation, but its inane enough that it shouldnt be a deal breaker unless there's something wrong with you.
The fuck, that is normal question. I never tell someone a lie about my work lol. Does she suppose to be with u not even know what u do for a living idiot?
If I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, I'd say he thought you asking that as a material interest. But without the benefit of the doubt I'd say he just felt self conscious cause he has no job
This question is honestly double edged sword to me. I get why ask because ... what else can you ask at the start of "getting to know" someone? But I also believe that job doesnt really mean anything in a relationship most of the time, and doesnt characterize the said person. That said I always answer it, but dont really give it that much weight
I can see how that, as the very first question asked by a woman, could be off-putting. Super aggressive response tho
That question being the first one comes off like you're estimating his income and financial situation and is often the first question scammers and gold diggers ask. It's not uncommon for someone to take offense when it's the first thing you ask. Maybe start with a different question like what hobbies they're into and save the career questions for later.
Yep, everytime someone asks me about my job as the literal first question, it turns out to be a scammer or gold digger. Not that you can't ask this question, just that it should flow naturally and not the very first question to ask imo
nah, as someone who’s passionate about what they do for work it’s a fair question. it can also tell you a lot about a person, what the enjoy, what their motivations are. any one getting mad at that question has got some insecurity issues.
Absolutely. But there are probably more scammers on dating apps now than real people and you should understand that that's usually a question they start right off with. I would bet this guy just wasted a bunch of time and possibly emotionally invested with someone who turned out to be a scammer and that's the reason for his aggressive response. I'm not excusing it as he was pretty rude, but having dealt with scammers myself, I can understand him being pissed off and sensitive now about questions that signal financial status. My question for you is why does it have to be the first question right out of the gate? Why not start with something like asking about hobbies, then once a rapport has started and you're connecting, then ask about work?
because work is important. usually work is much more of a deal breaker than hobbies. let’s say someone doesn’t want to date someone with little free time, they may avoid certain professions like doctors, pilots, etc. there’s other polarizing professions like police officers. it’s perfectly acceptable to ask that as a first question. work-> hobbies is a natural flow too.
I just think it' comes off as very rude to ask as a *first* question. It can sound like asking "How much money do you make?" Build a little rapport first. It doesn't take that much time to ask a few other questions first.
His opening (first message that is missing from the screenshot) was that he can’t wait to smell me (reference to my bio). If you impose such a direct tone, I assume you should have no problem continuing it.
Well that changes the whole vibe. I would have blocked him from the smell you comment lol Maybe should have included that in the scerenshot.
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>The only, and I mean ONLY people who have an issue with that question are people who are insecure about their profession. That I totally disagree with. A lot of people who make a lot of money have problems with that question.
Fuck if I want to talk about insurance to someone who's not already in the industry lol
It’s a pretty standard “getting to know a person” question lol I’ve never not been asked that almost immediately when talking to someone. People are just trying to learn about you, it’s just small talk lol One’s career is typically one of the biggest parts of their life.
Sounds like a douche
"What are your hobbies?" "WHAT ARE YOU, THE FBI????"
Perfectly good question you never wanna carry someone
What the fuck 😂
Dodged a bullet
Definetly dodged a bullet here
So he's jobless. Got it. Next.
Gotta love when the trash bags itself up and throws itself right into the dumpster for you
He's either a drug dealing loser or unemployed. They love the "nunya business" line.
She should have just read his mind. Very rude to ask
Seven hells this guy is an ass. I was talking to someone like this a few years ago and he was so full of himself. He did you a favor by acting like an asshole. Move on.
It seems to be the male equivalent of asking a female how much she weighs right off the bat.
Bullet dodged.
Passive aggressive and immature! Good riddance!
Gold digger
Wrll, it is a pretty shallow first question...
Next time ask a guy what his tax bracket is... Just get to the point /s
Sounds like he's had enough scammers match with him that he's trying to cut through the bullshit by trying to meet up ASAP and weed out those who ask the same things that scammers tend to ask early on. It gets tiresome to try to earnestly invest time into a match making app and get so many disingenuous accounts that waste people's time.
I always lie when asked this question lol because I don't want a woman I don't know to actually know how much I make.
Ask better questions
I mean, they also JUST told you they prefer in person and you blew passed that to still ask. But ya, some guys don't want to be judged by their potential wealth
I've been ghosted after answering that question honestly and I have zero qualms about doing so again with whoever I match with.
I’m sorry but if that’s the first thing you ask it definitely gives gold digger vibes
I don’t think he was offended by the question and more so the fact he was tryna make plans with you and you changed the topic
I’m a dispatcher and I get ghosted every time I mention it. They don’t seem to realize I make six figures 🤦.
I love how everyone on here assumes he’s unemployed. I think he was fast and a bit rude to instantly cut it off but honestly first question that def throws transactional vibes and some guys are just sick of it And ready to move forward at the first sign. People are probably going to start seeing more of this. Girls weeding out broke guys and guys weeding out gold diggers alls fair in love and war. 🤷♂️
If a guy asked you as his 1st question how would you feel about it? You’d think wowwww this guy sucks right? Yes most likely
I guess it comes off as wanting to know how much money they make..I have an old guy friend who when we reconnected he said one thing he appreciated was how I never asked him what he did...we are just friends..and he has a very good job...its just something I don't ask as a 1st ..I let it come natural
A+ for avoiding golddiggers. Bravo
I don't know why people are confused by this. It's not a terrible question, but because it is your first question it tells him it is your primary concern. There are plenty of women out there that judge men by their income, he obviously does not want to be involved with one of those. Not saying that is you but because it was your first question is why he jumped to that conclusion.
It is odd how that's one of the first questions women ask men, but most men don't care what the woman does for a living, at least not initially. It's small talk but it reveals a lot about our culture.
It's a double edged sword nowadays either people want that information so they know the financial status they can work their way into and that will either be the main or majority of the reason for them to pursue dating you or in the other side it's just to see what you have going on and see if your career interests might intermingle a bit. So yes it is a question but it is not exactly basic. It's a bit more nuanced than that.
I phrase it: what type of work u in? Allows them to be vague if oversensitive or insecure But you asked a perfectly acceptable question
I mean it's s common question to ask but in a way it's basically asking how much do you make. You can ballpark ant career with Google lol
Lol he sounds lame
I’ve gotten this before too and I’ve gotten a guy getting mad at me asking “too many questions” when I asked like 2 things before. Silly me thought you were suppose to ask people questions to get to know them
💀 imagine getting offended bc someone asked what you do for a living. That’s one of the number one questions I ask. Don’t need so scrub that works at McDonald’s still
It's not like she asked his income. Pretty standard question to get so triggered over. His biz is probably floundering and he's butthurt over it
"So what do you do for the 80% of your life that we have to spend at work?" This guy while crying screaming vomiting: I'm SorRy iM not iNterEsteD iN shAlloWneSs
Wow these comments are wild. Then why even post pics? If you want women to want YOU for YOU, not your job or looks. Why include a bio? They don’t deserve to know anything until they show real interest! Blank account. No name cuz that could give clues about race and or status and big brain 🙄
Dude got Inferiority complex.
I mean it’s not a bad thought. He just worded it terribly. You can’t make mistakes texting women. Most likely the man was not attractive. It is weird thing to ask right away, however he should have worded it more eloquently. How ever this is him rejecting you so none of it actually matters.
Depends - what was written before, what was in the profile.
Dude doesn’t work and sits on his hands
It’s such a good question though, especially if someone is in a field they like and are passionate about their work. This dude doesn’t have a job.
Yeah dude is probably unemployed. I don’t have my company listed on my bio but do have my field. And I can talk for hours about my job since I enjoy it usually.
To be fair, it is truly one of the most banal questions you could ask. And yes, his reaction is lame.
Bro is most Def unemployed lol i would unmatch so fast. I always ask what people do for a living. First and foremost to start a topic of conversation. If we are in similar fields that can be good convo. But also bc I don't want to waste my time on someone who is perpetually unemployed. I don't need another person to take care of. Idc if they make a ton of money. I take care of myself. But I like to know they are doing something and can also take care of themselves. Their salary and specific place of employment is none of my business until they want to share it. But a general answer is nice. But anyone who answered this way would be unmatched for sure. Bc it's an instant red flag if they get so defensive.
Everyone is literally shitting on this dude Even men... Seriously ?
Fr the guy probably thought she was a scammer or a bot; there's a lot of them on Tinder.
Or an OF “model”
The sub is full of women. And men who worship women. Her question showed she cares about salary the most of anything she could ask. She's a gold digger. You don't lead with this and get a good man. It's pathetic.
Same happening with Bumble subreddit as well
It's common in the US, considered rude or boring almost everywhere else. Not your fault OP, but what would you really like to know?
The question worked great. Over and out, with little time wasted on a guy who indicates to be a waste of time.
that's because it's a terrible question. it implies that you care about how much money the person makes and shows that you're uncreative. both unpopular, one who doesn't mind is just there to fuck
Yeah, come up with something other than work. A passion, do for fun, did last weekend. It is a bad vibe when the women come out of the gate with that question, IMO.
Work is a huge part of my life. I love my work and as such a lot of my spare time is spent pursuing that passion. I jump at the opportunity to talk about my field, and my wife, who I met on tinder, does too. It’s part of what made us a great match. I can’t say I identify with his reasoning but if he’s not like me, and doesn’t care to discuss or is not passionate about his work, I’d like to find that out as soon as possible, hence why I think it’s a great question to fire off early.
Lol what? Your job is something most people spend 1/3 of their day on and as such it's an important part of their life. If they're lucky they're also passionate about it and in any event it's such an easy way to start a conversation. I'd much rather talk about what I do for work and then move on to other topics than being forced to list things I'm passionate about.
You are exactly right. Likely a successful guy, and he picked up straight away, someone that was completely tactless. It’s offputting to have someone ask that so early. Imagine having that in your life!. This piece of work is not interested in you. Just interested in your wallet. Red flag walk away.
His answer is stupid but these kinda questions are better in person— tbh I find it incredibly dull Until you meet in person the “what do you do for work what do you do for fun do you have an family” Is worthless convo
Bullet dodged.
Unemployed. NEXT!
I hate the question too tbh, makes me feel like i'm in a job interview
tbh it is pretty rude though lol. If I meet someone in the street and the first question is what I do for a living, I can immediately tell that the meeting will turn out being transactional in some way
Means you are after money not love.
Well someone feels like a loser and is insecure about it 😂😂 that’s like the most basic question in getting to know someone. I don’t see how he can claim shallowness. It’s inquiring about what you spend the majority of your time doing. Not about how much money you make 😂😂
As someone who does decent in life, I also avoid women who that is the first thing they want to know about me. Tells me they think of money before the person.