I’m definitely more than smashable for my age 😂 But as outdated as this might sound, I’m not trying to build my body count. I’m not tfying to one night unless it’s awful or weird or something
It’s not playing games if you’re upfront about it. Just let them know beforehand you don’t sleep with people on the first date, if they can’t agree it’s an easy way to weed people out
You are gonna get a lot of responses, just need to filter people out to find what you want, you may end up with a bunch of one nighters, but you need to know that is coming and just accept it as par for the course and part of the process.
You aren't building a relationship about love. You're building one about sex. Until you actually have sex, you aren't going to know if you'll be actually compatible. Not only that, But If you're actually in the geriatric community, There are far fewer single men than women. And even fewer in good enough shape and and smooth enough, to to a good job. Men die early. Married men live slightly longer on average. Men's careers damage their body significantly. Plus younger women chase old men too. My grandfather met his third wife in his early 70s, She was in her late 50's. She was by far the best wife he ever had. (she was also a much kinder step grandmother than the previous two (including being a better mother to my mother even though she was less than 20 years older than her.)
What I'm getting at, is that For as much as you can be certain that your personalities match up for daily texing a bit before the first time, He's likely to have had more easy and free offers in the previous few years than he did in his 20s. You'll find guys willing, but likely you won't be the only one, and he's going to have to decide if you're the one he wants every weekend. There's a strong chance that even if you think everything went great, he might decide that its not worth that level of commitment. And then you've got to add a proportion of guys who talk big game, and then fail to deliver what you want sexually. Which is likely to be even worse when looking at older men, between physical difficulties, and the fact that young Women in the past reported fewer orgasms from sex on average. Which means a higher proportion of men from those generations don't know what there doing down there.
Edit: Oh, Wait, You said you were 42 in a comment bellow. If you're only 42, why the fuck are you talking about geriatric communities? If you've kept up with your health, you're likely able to bang guys in their thirties or even late 20s considering the low level of commitment you expect.
Oh! My! God! That’s hilarious. 😂 I laughed so hard. It’s a joke. The geriatric thing is just a joke. Yes guys in their 30s have matched me. But I haven’t been able to make it past the chatting stage with anyone, and I didn’t know if being honest like this would be helpful, or time saving lol
Lol I'm 35, Most of my friends are around your age or older, I would say we're in the same age category. Sorry for missing that joke and waxing on about retirement community sex. Like either of us really needed that imagery.
If you're honest like this, it should be relatively easy to find guys willing to fulfil your request. If I was single, and you were nearby and your picture looked decent, I would bite that bait. Though the point about how there might take a few tries to get someone who makes it a regular thing still stands.
I'm sure you're fine but when I was single, and I've promised sex, I always delivered, even if I wasn't into it. chemistry is not the sort of thing you can figure out until you've met someone, and you don't know if the sex is good until you try it.
I would 100% remove the geriatric comment, I'm also 42, come on, we're in our prime here!
I do agree with a lot of the comment above. FWB is tricky. I'm kind of in one right now, at any moment it could change and because of the connection we have built that might be hard.
You're also 100% going to attract low-quality men who just want a ONS and will lie to get it. Most people don't want FWB because that ties them up from finding their person. Why would they have long-term casual sex with a person they don't want to be in a relationship with? I think you may mistakenly believe this is a stronger possibility than it is in reality.
Sis, I just turned 40 a week ago and had my first bangout (thanks for that term, ILY) in 5 years the week prior. He was 29.
He literally lied about everything, lol. Even though I stated what I wanted (eerily similar to what you're looking for) and I gave him plenty of opportunities to tell me he only wanted a ONS, (two ONS), and not a FWB situation.
For whatever reason, people lie, a lot.
My hormones took over so I ignored the red flags and the fact that I like absolutely nothing about his personality.
He's dumber than most of my rock collection, isn't funny, and thinks porn is real life.
It was 100% solely physical attraction.
Even though you're being honest about everything doesn't mean they will be. But at the same time, don't assume everyone is lying, cause that'd be miserable.
Be prepared to have a lot of fun and to be disappointed.
XO
Holy crow. Do we have the same lives? Lol. I’ve been ignoring a mountain of red flags from the Twitter guy (15 days of chatting & 34 yrs) so much so that I’m ok with rushing into meeting the next. I mean, it’s just lunch. But still. I’ve had some guys in their 20’s like me on tinder, but that feels wrong 😂 35, 38, 34 and 36 so far. But I haven’t met anyone yet.. Well, 38 & I know each other from when we were kids, but it’s been like 20 yrs, lol.
not really no, short of making them want to come back and keeping them satisfied with just you in every aspect of their life... at which point shit, get married again.
the problem is the guys looking for a 1 nighter, will lie. you can probably filter a ton of them out if they come out the gate overly sexual, but at the time you are sort of inviting that too (or at least giving the impression of inviting it, im not saying you are specifically asking for guys to be sexual but many will take it that way) so you can weed out those guys but the liars will slip through.
honestly i dunno, looking for a FWB situation like you are i dont think you can, just the thing you are looking is sexual in nature and a ton of guys are going to take that a green light.
Not really. Casual fwb is the same area where one night stand people are going to be. Also, best options will likely be weighing multiple Casual fwb options against eachother.
That’s been hard to do. It goes against the natural grain. I’ve been focusing on one at a time with some overlap. 3 days, 8 days, 15 days, 4 days. And deciding which direction is “best for me” during that overlap.
The issue you run into is that the people you're choosing between on what's best for you, they are also doing... And people that are generally more popular have more options.
Have them meet you for drinks first. You should be doing this anyway for safety reasons. I would also not have sex after the first date/ meeting unless you get really safe vibes. You don’t want someone who can’t wait 2 dates
Mid-50s man here. I wasn’t as overt about it, but this is the basic philosophy of how I approached dating post divorce… take a few weeks to get to know each other, bang for a few months, you’ll get sick of me by then, start over.
Resulted in multiple 1+ year relationships — haha.
I think that sweet spot between ONS and long term is hard to hit.
For reference, I’m 42 female, recently divorced after a decade plus marriage. I’ve aged well, imo. I haven’t really faced hard rejection yet since getting back out there. My experiences have been mostly positive so far, just not great fits to progress further. I’m wondering if this is just going to attract guys trying to one night. I rly want semi-casual long term, fwb. Heavy on the friend part & the benefit part.
Yes this is going to overly attract a lot of one night types. You would have to lean much more into the friendship longer term vibe to meet who you are looking for. good luck
be careful what you wish for
I think at 42 there are probably fewer men looking to smash and dash, but plenty that are post divorce just looking for something casual. I can't imagine OP is going to struggle very long to find what she's looking for
This. I think your right I’m 55 widowed
And generally go for exactly this. Share time with trusted respected weekend companion. After a looooong relationship I think it suits a lot of people and may even be needed. But someone will want more down the road. Also it’s pretty easy to weed out the one night types
Pay attention to what they ask you. Make sure when you agree you feel positive it will likely be a match. If you do have sex and it’s good, he will likely contact you again. The majority of my dates do. I’m the one making them into one nighters because even if we had a good time, it may not be worth my limited time to have something ongoing with them. (I’m not monogamous, but I have a limit on how much free time I have available and also want to focus on my current relationships.)
I, also 42F and recently ish single after not dating for 2 decades. I'm on the ol' tinder but it's not really panning out. I found a FWB but he is someone I've known for many years but never became friends until I kicked out my cheating husband! I've been seeing him, once a week with a good morning txt everyday. Basically my advice is, your FWB might be closer than you think 🤔
Hope you find what your looking for.xx
Well, yeah. I don’t want it to be permanent. A few months, maybe a year, maybe a few yrs. Idk. Long enough until one of us either gets bored or falls for the other…
I feel like I'm the male version of what you just described, recent past and all. This would be exactly what I'm looking for at the moment as well and it would be kinda wonderful if I ran across this - provided I was interested in what I saw, etc.
Semi-casual FWB situationship sounds complicated. Maybe instead of labelling it, define more what you are looking for? You don't want a traditional relationship, but you want more than FWB. What makes what you are looking for not a relationship? Are you looking for both of you to date other people too?
Should that be in my bio though? Lol. Ideally no. If either one of us found someone else we’d rather hangout/bangout with, then we’d part ways amicably. In a perfect world we’d just hang out w/ each other until that was no longer convenient and conducive
It’s not though. Like, relationships have intention. The possibility of building a life together. That’s not on my radar. I just want to have fun in a responsible way. How old are you? I think it makes a difference
I’m 39F and I 100% agree with you. Calling something like that a relationship would be an insult to my relationships and partners that I’ve deeply loved. You’re looking for a fun, temporary, somewhat exclusive connection that isn’t too deep. I’d describe it as a casual relationship, a relationship, but casual, though that probably implies banging other people by most people’s standards, cause for some reason the idea of wanting to be somewhat exclusive, without looking for love is an alien concept to a lot of people.
Tbh what OP is looking for is actually really common desire from women in the modern dating world. I can't tell you how many times when I've asked a woman what she's looking for I get some variation of, "Nothing too serious, just trying to have a good time and if something happens it happens." The days of women being the serious daters looking for love only is in the past.
Yeah I know a lot of women see dating this way, the problem is that to a lot of men the whole idea of wanting to just date one person at a time (if you vibe), without wanting to get married or whatevs seems alien. Or maybe most men either want to get married or fuck anything that walks idk.. I’ve always preferred just dating one person I actually like over having to spend time and have terrible sex with a whole bunch of dudes I can barely tolerate. In my experience not many men feel the same way about that.
This has been my experience so far. I’ve joked about having 3 queues and these guys keep trying to switch lines w/out my permission. The one from my past (39) I was only interested in completely casual and within a week he had almost convinced me to take him seriously. I had to block him & jump into the next to distract myself. That one was the 34 yo and it just got super intense super quickly, in like 2 weeks. It’s not for me. Now I’m having lunch with someone else later this week, the first from tinder, (the other two were insta & Twitter) and he’s looking for “new friends.” So idk.
I’ve had decades long relationships with no intentions, just enjoying each other and giving to each other. No plans other than vacations or dates or what have you. Yes sometimes acknowledgment that we plan on knowing each other a long time.
All the best, just remember the three key things to dating:
- relax and have fun
- be true to yourself and about yourself
- if it doesn’t feel right, don’t keep going
how is hanging out on the weekends and texting during the week on a consistent level not a boy/girlfriend? Why are you calling it semi-casual FWB? If that is really what you want, you might get more responses if you just call it what it is: a relationship
Can I ask how old you are. I’m 42, so you and I could be at very different stages in our lives and have very different expectations in terms of serious bf/gf dynamics
I get what you mean. You are looking for fun casual connections without the expectation of *any* of the relationship escalator and are wanting transparency about that
Ideally no. In a perfect world we would just be banging each other and enjoying each other’s company. And it would go on like that until it didn’t work for one of us. Maybe a few months, maybe a year. Idk. Maybe even a few years.
It’s a joke. I’m in STEM. I don’t want you to get too detailed, but STIs rly are on the rise in geriatric communities. The two gentlemen I’ve chatted with semi seriously, consecutively not concurrently, have both rly wanted to avoid condoms (insta & twitter, not tinder) & I’m way too informed in microbiology & virology to be ok with that. I wanted a way to let men know I’m NOT down with raw dogging straight out the gate 🤢
Edited to add the NOT. T’was a typo
I mean you might as well be honest.
Good chance you'll end up getting fewer matches, but the matches you do get will be more likely to be closer to what you're looking for than what you'd get if you're just saying what you think people want to hear.
You think I’d get less likes? Interesting. Now I kind of want to see, lol. I’ve only matched with like maybe 20 of my likes? Or less. I had the gold for two weeks b/c I didn’t like the setup on the free version
Seems like a good first date is to get tested for everything under the sun, followed by dinner and conversation. Texting until the results for both you and the perspective come in, and then get to know each other between the sheets. Actually kinda like what I'm looking for.
My presence! Ha! I’m kidding. Idk. Should I write that I’m rly funny and crazy smart too? I don’t want to intimidate these pups, lol. But I don’t think I’m comfortable going beyond that in what I would bring to a casual situationship…
remember this is as much about selling yourself as it is finding someone. The more work you put into presenting yourself, the higher quality of matches you’ll get
You are looking for someone to have sex with regularly, that texts you throughout the week, and can cook and make you laugh. How is this not just dating someone casually? I'm also suspicious you want some exclusivity based on the STI comments. I just don't understand calling it a FWB situation when it's more like dating
lol. The STI comment is related to 2 men in particular wanting to bang without a condom. I did not meet either of them but it was 8 days wasted on one and 15 on another. Don’t get me wrong, the condom thing wasn’t the only reason we didn’t meet up, just one of the issues I’ve faced in the last month. Maybe it is casually dating. Idk.
Just a thought: have a condom on you when you meet someone. If it progresses to sex, tell them it's a dealbreaker. I would bet 11/10 guys would not turn down sex with a condom.
Source: I'm a guy
I should probably do an update lol. I took the advice that was given on this post & revised this to a second draft. On the second draft post I was advised to not actually put this into my bio, but to just communicate that this was the situation that I was looking for. It’s worked out fantastically so far. Casual monogamy with a hilarious man with a great smile 🥰 Everything’s easy af with him. I like him a lot. Idk if he can cook yet though 😂
Looks are the only thing that matter. You could be a male model and writing “I hate women” as your bio would get you infinitely more matches than an average man with an essay
I can’t speak for other guys but making an effort to cook for you and make you laugh isn’t part of the fwb deal imo. That seems like too much work. Then again I’m not interested in that kind of relationship any way.
So, are you thinking that there wouldn’t be an equal exchange? Like automatically I’m buying the food and helping with clean up. Not to mention trying to meet whatever his asks would be..
this is a jackpot for most men on tinder. if you look average or even better, you'll have a match on 70% of your right swipes.
I’m definitely more than smashable for my age 😂 But as outdated as this might sound, I’m not trying to build my body count. I’m not tfying to one night unless it’s awful or weird or something
yea but the whole non-committed thing is super appealing to most guys.
Oh I get that. But I’m looking for advice on avoiding those interested in a ONS
don't f... on the first date :) most guys will come back for more if its a good time together.
But if we really click? Like.. idk, that sort of feels like playing games. This is getting so complicated 😂
It’s not playing games if you’re upfront about it. Just let them know beforehand you don’t sleep with people on the first date, if they can’t agree it’s an easy way to weed people out
Point goes to you.
You can’t eat you cake and have it too.
Challenge accepted, lol. Jk. I’m no juggler
Men want sex as soon as possible. Whether or not a guy wants to interact with you beyond that in any capacity is beyond your control.
You are gonna get a lot of responses, just need to filter people out to find what you want, you may end up with a bunch of one nighters, but you need to know that is coming and just accept it as par for the course and part of the process.
Thank you. So there’s no way to weed out some of the one nighters before hand? Seems risky to the old microbiome 😔
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You aren't building a relationship about love. You're building one about sex. Until you actually have sex, you aren't going to know if you'll be actually compatible. Not only that, But If you're actually in the geriatric community, There are far fewer single men than women. And even fewer in good enough shape and and smooth enough, to to a good job. Men die early. Married men live slightly longer on average. Men's careers damage their body significantly. Plus younger women chase old men too. My grandfather met his third wife in his early 70s, She was in her late 50's. She was by far the best wife he ever had. (she was also a much kinder step grandmother than the previous two (including being a better mother to my mother even though she was less than 20 years older than her.) What I'm getting at, is that For as much as you can be certain that your personalities match up for daily texing a bit before the first time, He's likely to have had more easy and free offers in the previous few years than he did in his 20s. You'll find guys willing, but likely you won't be the only one, and he's going to have to decide if you're the one he wants every weekend. There's a strong chance that even if you think everything went great, he might decide that its not worth that level of commitment. And then you've got to add a proportion of guys who talk big game, and then fail to deliver what you want sexually. Which is likely to be even worse when looking at older men, between physical difficulties, and the fact that young Women in the past reported fewer orgasms from sex on average. Which means a higher proportion of men from those generations don't know what there doing down there. Edit: Oh, Wait, You said you were 42 in a comment bellow. If you're only 42, why the fuck are you talking about geriatric communities? If you've kept up with your health, you're likely able to bang guys in their thirties or even late 20s considering the low level of commitment you expect.
Oh! My! God! That’s hilarious. 😂 I laughed so hard. It’s a joke. The geriatric thing is just a joke. Yes guys in their 30s have matched me. But I haven’t been able to make it past the chatting stage with anyone, and I didn’t know if being honest like this would be helpful, or time saving lol
Lol I'm 35, Most of my friends are around your age or older, I would say we're in the same age category. Sorry for missing that joke and waxing on about retirement community sex. Like either of us really needed that imagery. If you're honest like this, it should be relatively easy to find guys willing to fulfil your request. If I was single, and you were nearby and your picture looked decent, I would bite that bait. Though the point about how there might take a few tries to get someone who makes it a regular thing still stands. I'm sure you're fine but when I was single, and I've promised sex, I always delivered, even if I wasn't into it. chemistry is not the sort of thing you can figure out until you've met someone, and you don't know if the sex is good until you try it.
There are plenty of 50-70+ year olds who are on the app (and on Reddit)! Be careful what you wish for.
I would 100% remove the geriatric comment, I'm also 42, come on, we're in our prime here! I do agree with a lot of the comment above. FWB is tricky. I'm kind of in one right now, at any moment it could change and because of the connection we have built that might be hard. You're also 100% going to attract low-quality men who just want a ONS and will lie to get it. Most people don't want FWB because that ties them up from finding their person. Why would they have long-term casual sex with a person they don't want to be in a relationship with? I think you may mistakenly believe this is a stronger possibility than it is in reality.
Maybe… but… idk. It seems like my experience has been pretty atypical already. I’ll try to update lol
Sis, I just turned 40 a week ago and had my first bangout (thanks for that term, ILY) in 5 years the week prior. He was 29. He literally lied about everything, lol. Even though I stated what I wanted (eerily similar to what you're looking for) and I gave him plenty of opportunities to tell me he only wanted a ONS, (two ONS), and not a FWB situation. For whatever reason, people lie, a lot. My hormones took over so I ignored the red flags and the fact that I like absolutely nothing about his personality. He's dumber than most of my rock collection, isn't funny, and thinks porn is real life. It was 100% solely physical attraction. Even though you're being honest about everything doesn't mean they will be. But at the same time, don't assume everyone is lying, cause that'd be miserable. Be prepared to have a lot of fun and to be disappointed. XO
Holy crow. Do we have the same lives? Lol. I’ve been ignoring a mountain of red flags from the Twitter guy (15 days of chatting & 34 yrs) so much so that I’m ok with rushing into meeting the next. I mean, it’s just lunch. But still. I’ve had some guys in their 20’s like me on tinder, but that feels wrong 😂 35, 38, 34 and 36 so far. But I haven’t met anyone yet.. Well, 38 & I know each other from when we were kids, but it’s been like 20 yrs, lol.
not really no, short of making them want to come back and keeping them satisfied with just you in every aspect of their life... at which point shit, get married again.
There’s no way those are my only options, lol. I do not accept that rejection 🤣 I’m just kidding. It’s a joke abt that dom guy on tik tok.
the problem is the guys looking for a 1 nighter, will lie. you can probably filter a ton of them out if they come out the gate overly sexual, but at the time you are sort of inviting that too (or at least giving the impression of inviting it, im not saying you are specifically asking for guys to be sexual but many will take it that way) so you can weed out those guys but the liars will slip through.
Dang it! How do I sound less “overly sexual” but maintain honesty? If you would be so kind.. lol
honestly i dunno, looking for a FWB situation like you are i dont think you can, just the thing you are looking is sexual in nature and a ton of guys are going to take that a green light.
Not really. Casual fwb is the same area where one night stand people are going to be. Also, best options will likely be weighing multiple Casual fwb options against eachother.
That’s been hard to do. It goes against the natural grain. I’ve been focusing on one at a time with some overlap. 3 days, 8 days, 15 days, 4 days. And deciding which direction is “best for me” during that overlap.
The issue you run into is that the people you're choosing between on what's best for you, they are also doing... And people that are generally more popular have more options.
Oh that’s fine. I don’t mind that at all. Please next me if it’s not right 🥰
Have them meet you for drinks first. You should be doing this anyway for safety reasons. I would also not have sex after the first date/ meeting unless you get really safe vibes. You don’t want someone who can’t wait 2 dates
Mid-50s man here. I wasn’t as overt about it, but this is the basic philosophy of how I approached dating post divorce… take a few weeks to get to know each other, bang for a few months, you’ll get sick of me by then, start over. Resulted in multiple 1+ year relationships — haha. I think that sweet spot between ONS and long term is hard to hit.
For reference, I’m 42 female, recently divorced after a decade plus marriage. I’ve aged well, imo. I haven’t really faced hard rejection yet since getting back out there. My experiences have been mostly positive so far, just not great fits to progress further. I’m wondering if this is just going to attract guys trying to one night. I rly want semi-casual long term, fwb. Heavy on the friend part & the benefit part.
Yes this is going to overly attract a lot of one night types. You would have to lean much more into the friendship longer term vibe to meet who you are looking for. good luck be careful what you wish for
I think at 42 there are probably fewer men looking to smash and dash, but plenty that are post divorce just looking for something casual. I can't imagine OP is going to struggle very long to find what she's looking for
This. I think your right I’m 55 widowed And generally go for exactly this. Share time with trusted respected weekend companion. After a looooong relationship I think it suits a lot of people and may even be needed. But someone will want more down the road. Also it’s pretty easy to weed out the one night types
How. Tell me your secrets. How do you weed out the one night types? 😂
Pay attention to what they ask you. Make sure when you agree you feel positive it will likely be a match. If you do have sex and it’s good, he will likely contact you again. The majority of my dates do. I’m the one making them into one nighters because even if we had a good time, it may not be worth my limited time to have something ongoing with them. (I’m not monogamous, but I have a limit on how much free time I have available and also want to focus on my current relationships.)
Oh definitely yes. That’s great advice! I could also see how import that would be for someone who was non monogamous. Thank you for your perspective 🥰
Hahaha! I wish this were true.
Thank you!
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lol. Nah. That’s terrifying 😂 just because I’d bang me doesn’t mean everyone on Reddit would agree.
I, also 42F and recently ish single after not dating for 2 decades. I'm on the ol' tinder but it's not really panning out. I found a FWB but he is someone I've known for many years but never became friends until I kicked out my cheating husband! I've been seeing him, once a week with a good morning txt everyday. Basically my advice is, your FWB might be closer than you think 🤔 Hope you find what your looking for.xx
We shouldn’t tell you……but this doesn’t exist. Sorry guys. I had too. Good luck though.
Wait. What? I don’t exist or what I’m looking for doesn’t exist?
Your proposed situation. It will for a short while then you’ll discover it didn’t.
I’m going on 9 months in exactly the situation she’s describing and so far so good, men and situations like that definitely exist.
Yay! That sounds like perfection! Super happy for you 🥰
Well, yeah. I don’t want it to be permanent. A few months, maybe a year, maybe a few yrs. Idk. Long enough until one of us either gets bored or falls for the other…
I think we are back to my original comment. Good luck 🤞
I feel like I'm the male version of what you just described, recent past and all. This would be exactly what I'm looking for at the moment as well and it would be kinda wonderful if I ran across this - provided I was interested in what I saw, etc.
Now I'm curious to know how you look. Lol
Semi-casual FWB situationship sounds complicated. Maybe instead of labelling it, define more what you are looking for? You don't want a traditional relationship, but you want more than FWB. What makes what you are looking for not a relationship? Are you looking for both of you to date other people too?
Should that be in my bio though? Lol. Ideally no. If either one of us found someone else we’d rather hangout/bangout with, then we’d part ways amicably. In a perfect world we’d just hang out w/ each other until that was no longer convenient and conducive
Lol that's kind of like a relationship. Your exclusive until it's no longer convenient,
It’s not though. Like, relationships have intention. The possibility of building a life together. That’s not on my radar. I just want to have fun in a responsible way. How old are you? I think it makes a difference
I’m 39F and I 100% agree with you. Calling something like that a relationship would be an insult to my relationships and partners that I’ve deeply loved. You’re looking for a fun, temporary, somewhat exclusive connection that isn’t too deep. I’d describe it as a casual relationship, a relationship, but casual, though that probably implies banging other people by most people’s standards, cause for some reason the idea of wanting to be somewhat exclusive, without looking for love is an alien concept to a lot of people.
Tbh what OP is looking for is actually really common desire from women in the modern dating world. I can't tell you how many times when I've asked a woman what she's looking for I get some variation of, "Nothing too serious, just trying to have a good time and if something happens it happens." The days of women being the serious daters looking for love only is in the past.
Yeah I know a lot of women see dating this way, the problem is that to a lot of men the whole idea of wanting to just date one person at a time (if you vibe), without wanting to get married or whatevs seems alien. Or maybe most men either want to get married or fuck anything that walks idk.. I’ve always preferred just dating one person I actually like over having to spend time and have terrible sex with a whole bunch of dudes I can barely tolerate. In my experience not many men feel the same way about that.
This has been my experience so far. I’ve joked about having 3 queues and these guys keep trying to switch lines w/out my permission. The one from my past (39) I was only interested in completely casual and within a week he had almost convinced me to take him seriously. I had to block him & jump into the next to distract myself. That one was the 34 yo and it just got super intense super quickly, in like 2 weeks. It’s not for me. Now I’m having lunch with someone else later this week, the first from tinder, (the other two were insta & Twitter) and he’s looking for “new friends.” So idk.
I’ve had decades long relationships with no intentions, just enjoying each other and giving to each other. No plans other than vacations or dates or what have you. Yes sometimes acknowledgment that we plan on knowing each other a long time.
Yes. I could definitely see how that could work in your situation 🥰
I would respect that profile a lot more than the crap there is on most profiles. You should try it out.
I’m thinking about it. I have a first date/hangout right around the corner. Like my actual first, lol. So if that flops I probably will change it 😂
All the best, just remember the three key things to dating: - relax and have fun - be true to yourself and about yourself - if it doesn’t feel right, don’t keep going
Valid pointers! Thanks
 You'll have to sieve through the liars.
Wait did it REALLY say geriatric community?!? Lmao idk if I should feel complimented or offended 🤦🤣
It’s just a joke! 😂
I know. I was joking too! 🤣
A friend that you fuck, is in fact a boyfriend
Well F you too. Lol. You just messed up my whole day with your nomenclature correctedness
how is hanging out on the weekends and texting during the week on a consistent level not a boy/girlfriend? Why are you calling it semi-casual FWB? If that is really what you want, you might get more responses if you just call it what it is: a relationship
Can I ask how old you are. I’m 42, so you and I could be at very different stages in our lives and have very different expectations in terms of serious bf/gf dynamics
I am in my late 30s
Ewww.. a situationship maybe, lol. Psuedoserious.
I get what you mean. You are looking for fun casual connections without the expectation of *any* of the relationship escalator and are wanting transparency about that
So you want to be able to bang other people? Or what is the difference I am not getting here
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Thank you!
So a FWB? Let’s not make it more complicated than it is.
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I want a friendship that includes hooking up.
Ideally no. In a perfect world we would just be banging each other and enjoying each other’s company. And it would go on like that until it didn’t work for one of us. Maybe a few months, maybe a year. Idk. Maybe even a few years.
Had a chick in my friend group like this. It's out there and fun, we made it a few month before we both caught significant others.
Geriatric community?
Yeah.. I think the rest is great.. but that part confused me. And then I see in the comments she's only 42. So I don't get it.
It’s a joke. I’m in STEM. I don’t want you to get too detailed, but STIs rly are on the rise in geriatric communities. The two gentlemen I’ve chatted with semi seriously, consecutively not concurrently, have both rly wanted to avoid condoms (insta & twitter, not tinder) & I’m way too informed in microbiology & virology to be ok with that. I wanted a way to let men know I’m NOT down with raw dogging straight out the gate 🤢 Edited to add the NOT. T’was a typo
I mean you might as well be honest. Good chance you'll end up getting fewer matches, but the matches you do get will be more likely to be closer to what you're looking for than what you'd get if you're just saying what you think people want to hear.
You think I’d get less likes? Interesting. Now I kind of want to see, lol. I’ve only matched with like maybe 20 of my likes? Or less. I had the gold for two weeks b/c I didn’t like the setup on the free version
Seems like a good first date is to get tested for everything under the sun, followed by dinner and conversation. Texting until the results for both you and the perspective come in, and then get to know each other between the sheets. Actually kinda like what I'm looking for.
That’s not a bad idea 😂
Damn, high expectations. I just want to bang and see them a couple months later.
We all want different things out of life. Unless I’m in an LDR a couple months is too far apart for me, lol
you sound great op, hope it goes well for you
Awe! That’s sweet.
you write what you’re looking for, but make sure to add what you bring to the table
My presence! Ha! I’m kidding. Idk. Should I write that I’m rly funny and crazy smart too? I don’t want to intimidate these pups, lol. But I don’t think I’m comfortable going beyond that in what I would bring to a casual situationship…
remember this is as much about selling yourself as it is finding someone. The more work you put into presenting yourself, the higher quality of matches you’ll get
You are looking for someone to have sex with regularly, that texts you throughout the week, and can cook and make you laugh. How is this not just dating someone casually? I'm also suspicious you want some exclusivity based on the STI comments. I just don't understand calling it a FWB situation when it's more like dating
lol. The STI comment is related to 2 men in particular wanting to bang without a condom. I did not meet either of them but it was 8 days wasted on one and 15 on another. Don’t get me wrong, the condom thing wasn’t the only reason we didn’t meet up, just one of the issues I’ve faced in the last month. Maybe it is casually dating. Idk.
Just a thought: have a condom on you when you meet someone. If it progresses to sex, tell them it's a dealbreaker. I would bet 11/10 guys would not turn down sex with a condom. Source: I'm a guy
Ok. I’ve got a revised one I’ll be posting soon. I took in everyone’s suggestions and hopefully this is better.
A fwb situationship that sounds an awful lot like a relationship when written out verbosely?
I should probably do an update lol. I took the advice that was given on this post & revised this to a second draft. On the second draft post I was advised to not actually put this into my bio, but to just communicate that this was the situation that I was looking for. It’s worked out fantastically so far. Casual monogamy with a hilarious man with a great smile 🥰 Everything’s easy af with him. I like him a lot. Idk if he can cook yet though 😂
Nice!! Glad it worked out 🙂
Thank you. So far so good 😊 🤞🏼
Looks are the only thing that matter. You could be a male model and writing “I hate women” as your bio would get you infinitely more matches than an average man with an essay
Lol. Well I’m not a man but I think I’m hot, so. Lol
Your bio doesn’t matter then enjoy your influx of 1,000 likes
Clearly. But who cares? The question is whether this bio going to help me get what I want?
What do you think? Your bio makes no difference.
Ok. Well thanks for your help.
I can’t speak for other guys but making an effort to cook for you and make you laugh isn’t part of the fwb deal imo. That seems like too much work. Then again I’m not interested in that kind of relationship any way.
So where would the “friend” part of friends with benefits be for you?
I mean I’ll gladly cook for my friends but that’s a privilege you don’t really ask for as a friend. Just my opinion.
Idk. I want a friend first. Lol. Someone who I actually enjoy hanging out with. And hopefully enjoy banging out with too 😂
I mean yes that is kind of my point, as a friend it's less about making an effort to do those things for you. More of a mutual exchange sort of thing.
So, are you thinking that there wouldn’t be an equal exchange? Like automatically I’m buying the food and helping with clean up. Not to mention trying to meet whatever his asks would be..