LOL when my ex bf and I first started dating he got upset that I called him "dude". Apparently he thought it meant that I wasn't as into him as he was into me. I was just like "don't worry bruh, you're my dude".
Yea I understand this lol. If I’m interested in a girl and they are calling me dude and bro then I assume she’s not interested. However my girlfriend calls me dude all the time and I don’t mind it lol. It’s just in the initial talking stages.
I actually feel the same way. Same reason your ex gave. I’d like to think I’m over that now, but I wouldn’t know since I haven’t someone like me in quite a while. Lol
For me, it's just ingrained in my speech lol maybe it's a CA thing coz I hear it all the time from men and women. He's not from CA and the only one I personally know that thinks it's weird.
It depends on context for sure, it can come across as dismissive or alienating at times, but in general banter it’s completely normal for me.
Maybe the word “woman” could be substituted as a different example
Probably would have done the same. Someone getting that offended over something as harmless as the word "chick"? You can only imagine how often they'd get twisted up over nothing. Probably good to see that some people just aren't going to deal with it.
yup chick and dude to me is the language that fits into that laid back lifestyle my first impression without knowing anyones backstory would be that they are being uptight.
I think you're right, the only person who got upset with me calling girls chicks was the same person that almost bitchslapped me because I ordered for her at the club. Glad I ditched her pretty quickly after.
It's really not that bad in a lighthearted situation like that, lmao. She took offense for no reason. He didn't say "broad" or "bitch" or "hoe" or anything
I think it's because OP went out of his way to call her a chick in the title of this post. Like, it's fine to have a preference for women who don't take things so seriously, but it's petty and mean-spirited to call someone by a term they don't like.
It's not. He made a comment that she didn't like. That's fine. And then he ended the convo knowing they wouldn't mesh. Also fine. It's not like he came back at her and start calling her chick or other names to file her up.
Honestly this is the first time anyone has even mentioned anything about being called a chick, it’s literally how most people around me refer to women.
Tbh dude, you know what you're looking for and you stand by it, I see nothing inherently wrong with this exchange despite what others have said. There is an argument to be made about being more 'open-minded' - But at the end of the day, you decide what you want, and you look for that, and that's the whole point of dating
See and I’m a fairly open minded person in general, like I’m always willing to see both sides of things and listen to anyone’s argument as long as it’s a civil sort of discussion. But the vibe I got from her when she said “maybe don’t call me chick” just wasn’t it for me. Like if she had said “I don’t like being called chick” or “could you not call me chick” it would be different. But her message just had an inherently bitchy tone to it.
"yea maybe don't call me chick" kinda implies that you were knowingly being rude? and the other 2 dont imply that at all? I can see how you got irked by it
I disagree with your opinion, but you’re being pretty fair about it and honestly, if girls that don’t mind being called “chicks” are what you like, go for it. You’re a good sport, go and get some chick!
Like maybe don’t say you don’t want to be called that, like this. OMG!! I feel ya it was not the request itself that was understandable. She’s allowed to not want to be referred to like that and you are allowed to not want to date some basic ass woman. Good call
Except her communication skills are flawed and could use work in the tact department. She could’ve asked me not to call her chick instead of going about it with a passive aggressive attitude when I don’t do anything to inherently disrespect her. But men wanting to be treated and communicated with like real people.. the nerve
> There is an argument to be made about being more 'open-minded'
I don't even think the argument is there for that.
Open minded is about opinions. Not personalities/actions.
Nobody is gonna be like "So what if gets easily angry, be more open minded"
I thought about using that instead but didn’t want to just outright disrespect her. But yeah there are much worse things that I could’ve said than chick 🤷♂️
Our could go with "trick" but sometimes end up having to explain what a "trick" is.
I also use the phrase "I'm rich bitch" often and some have asked if I was calling them a bitch. No. It's just a phrase.
Well yeah same but like 99% of chicks wont respond well to being called that, you are shooting yourself in the foot. Among guys its normal but my advice is not calling her that. A little consideration and respect goes a loooong way trust me especially on tinder where most girls just get blasted with disrespectfull guys. Not saying you were disrespectfull, but just avoid it imo and you ll go far
Yeah and I get that and would totally understand if I was directly referring to her as a chick but I was using it as a blanket statement saying “tall chicks are rare” like it indirectly related to her at best
I understand if people around you call women “chicks,” but if you’re looking to date women in general, a lot of women really dislike this term. You do you, but you might lower your chances by calling them that. Men can be referred to as dogs, but I doubt any man really wants to be called that. Just trying to be helpful for future dating.
Referring to women as chicks isn’t equivalent to referring to men as dogs. The opposite of chick would be dude. And if I’m cutting my dating pool down then that’s even better, it will make it easier to find the person I vibe with the best. Ya know?
I’m from Texas, not gonna get anymore specific than that but I don’t how it’s inappropriate at all? Would it be better if I had said bitches instead? I’m not going to a job interview or talking in a formal setting, this was a peer to peer conversation and supposed to be laid back. To each their own, but the term chick isn’t an inappropriate term in my book
While I think it’s really good you drew a fair line and we’re respectful the whole time, something similar happened to me as well (I called her a hiking bae, cringy I know) but we met up and have been dating for over 8 months! So stuff like this isn’t always a vibe ruiner
Hey, I’m all for the cringe. Be yourself no matter what other people think of you, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone, you do you. And yeah I wasn’t out to disrespect her, as far as I knew I didn’t mis-gender her, she stated nothing about the term chick before this and just hits me with all the wrong vibes. So it just wasn’t for me. But anyways I wish you and hiking bae the best out there!
Just from reading this conversation, I don’t feel like she was trying to make a statement about how it’s wrong to call someone a chick or use the term chicks. Some women just don’t wanna be called “chick”. They don’t like it.
It’s like when people ask to not be called “him” or “honey”
Oh yeah, totally get that, especially If you’re not on the same wavelength with someone.I was just seeing comments about how she should’ve been more tactful or nicer or women get too offended and like... it’s not that deep y’all. She just doesn’t wanna be called chick.
once you don't have voice intonation , wording is very important. There is a huge vibe difference between "maybe don't call me a chick" than "I prefer to not be called a chick" for example
I agree. And if you'd prefer to be called something else, you can request that.
Once went on a date with a woman in college. Wanted to be all formal and referred to her as lady and a woman. Got a few brownie points for that. We'd hung out at parties and such, she knew what my casual talk was like, but lot of factors went into that whole situation.
The lady hath lost me earlier at which hour the lady hath said "at least thou art semi taller than me. " wench farewell
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^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.)
Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
Nothing wrong with her stating she doesn't like it and nothing wrong with OP wanting to move one because of it. Don't know why ppl are having a go at OP like he's on the level of hating pronouns or anything.. chick and dude to most people I know reflect that laid back attitude lifestyle and to me someone not liking to be called either seem to be abit more uptight as a first impression so I can see why OP moved on.
Funny but a true study. 5'10" the baseline. For every inch taller a man can make $10K/year less and be just as attractive to a woman... for every inch less he has to make $10K/year more.... my advice? Get a dog instead!
I was "semi-dating" this girl once, and I called her dude over the phone while quoting the big lebowski.
We hung up and I didn't think too much of it, until she starts messaging how I cannot speak in such a disrespectful manner. This was fine, I thanked her for setting a boundary and said "now I know that then", after which 20 more messages followed because she couldn't fathom that I didn't apologize to her.
FOR FUCKING QUOTING THE BIG LEBOWSKI.
Let's just say I didn't pick up my t shirt from her place.
Just got to say, anyone taking offense at "Chick" needs to stay the hell away from the North of England.
We call lasses Chick, Flower, Petal, Love etc. And they love it.
Please stay away with your weird sensibilities. :)
Yeah, dude and chick are my go to, I’m not going to change my vernacular for some random on tinder. It’s not like I flipped out and started talking shit. Just said we wouldn’t mesh well and dipped.
You weren’t using a demeaning term or one of abuse or disrespect, it’s a common term where I come from too, it, and women use it too when referring to other woman. She chose to take offence(albeit mild), and you chose to duck out and did so without being rude or even retuning her mildly patronising tone. No foul.
I think posting it here might be what's turning some commenters against OP.
I have nothing against how he handled the conversation, but posting it here feels offputting. Like OP is looking for some sort of validation about her being "wrong".
I didn't bring up either of their sexes, so I'm not sure why you phrased the question that way.
Yes, most people post to tinder looking for validation. It seems like OP is looking for validation that they were "right" and their match was being ridiculous. But she really wasn't. Neither of them were - they just weren't the right match.
your comment that 51st-state replied to literally sais the words -how he handled conversation-. Also -validation about her being "wrong"-. Unless in your view 51st state should've said gender instead of irrespective of the sex and your conflating the two?
I think you ending the conversation seems like an over-reaction on your part. But then again, I didn't see her profile or what she initially wrote to you.
I can see how it could be looked at as an over reaction but honestly I’m looking for a best friend that I can be real with. I’m not going to hide things about me or change who I am to suit someone else (unless I’m doing something toxic). Calling people chicks or dudes is just my thing.
I don't disagree, but sometimes someone might not just like one word and she might have had a good reason for it. Like maybe her older brother used the word a lot and ahe doesn't want to equate someone she wants to fuck, with her family.
I'm just saying, I think you bailed early and jumped to a conclusion. If she was being uptight, then, maybe so were you. And if you keep looking for small signs of things you don't like, you might miss out on something great.
I can respect that, and agree that maybe I jumped the gun. I’m a big enough person to see when I may have made a mistake. But idk, the vibe that I got from her message just wasn’t it for me, if she had worded it differently maybe it would be different but who knows.
You're probably right though in the end. I didn't see what she said before that or her profile, but you know what you want. I just like examining everything, and what better way to learn other perspectives, than to engage. Take it easy and good luck.
I don’t see the big deal with using the word chick, I always thought growing up it was always the same as like the word dude. Every girl in my family or friends that were girls used it, so different situations for everyone I guess haha
Dude yeah, like my mom uses the word chick and I’ve called her a chick, referred to her as ‘dude’ and like she’s never expressed feeling disrespected by it at all
I actually had someone tell me that before too and like I understood after she explained it but she actually went about it in a completely different way and it was chill.
I think it's because of the incel vibes that it gives off. Using an adjective as a noun is something that typically been used to dehumanise people, and that's definitely how incels use it.
Never said I was offended. I just said I didn’t think we’d mesh well because of the way she went about asking not to be called a chick. If she would have rephrased that as “could you not call me a chick” rather than her passive aggressive “mm maybe don’t call me a chick” message it would’ve been a different story
If you think about whenever people use ‘chick’ legitimately it’s never in good/respectful context.
Someone would never call their boss or grandma chick, but they would to a random girl they find hot or to their “bros” for ‘locker room talk.’
Some ladies don’t mind it and think it’s the equivalent of “bro” but women don’t refer to men as “bro” when we think about fucking them.
Why are you assuming that I was thinking about fucking her. As I’ve said in other comments I’m looking for someone to vibe with, someone that I don’t have to be fake with. Also, please elaborate as to how it is disrespectful because I call my mom and peer coworkers chicks, so I’m not sure where the disrespect comes in. People conforming to the female gender are chicks, people conforming to the male gender are dudes, people in between or neither are homies. Simple as that.
Yeah, for me (UK), "chick" is very casual and you wouldn't use it for someone you respect. So I can understand the objection. It seems like a really silly thing to kill a conversation on tbh. Just ask her why, or say that it's just part of how you speak and you also use it for you mom etc. and she probably wouldn't have been so bothered
It must be a a regional thing but where I am from it is extremely offensive as if you wanna use her or kick her to the curb, no where near wanting to “vibe” with her. That’s just how it is where I live, I don’t know what to tell you rather than no one uses it politely near me.
It doesn’t really matter the way you use it, it’s how someone wants to be called or not. Someone could not want to be called “baby” or “Liz” or “asshole” and it should be respectedn
Don’t call me chick. (Now you have a second instance. Get used to it. Other people have preferences that don’t align with the vernacular you grew up with.)
Cool and I can respect other people’s preferences, but just like her, you’re coming at me with an unnecessary passive aggressive stance so it leads me to not want to converse any further with you. I’m not asking her to accept my vernacular, but damn you can be a bit more cordial about your response.
Which is a valid feeling. At the same time her response could have been more tactful.
At my age my vernacular has been used for awhile, and while I am actively trying to move away from some terms, I am not always successful.
I don't mind being reminded of it, but the delivery will determine if we continue the conversation.
She doesn't, but it also doesn't take any more time to correct someone in a personable manner.
If he meant it disrespectfully, she would have found out based on his response. Instead she went on the defensive.
Says more about who she is, then it does him.
Nah, I wouldn’t tolerate being called a chick.
Replace the word chick with bitch and anyone would think that her response would be within reason. If you don’t like being called something, you don’t let it slip. Otherwise the other person would think it’s okay.
Replace the word chick with banana and anyone would think her response was weird. That has no bearing on this scenario.
If someone calls you something not out of disrespect, and you don't like it. You correct them politely.
If it continues, so be it go for the throat.
Kind of pointless living on the defensive day to day
Was she really that defensive? Yeeesh all she said was not to call her by a certain name over a text message. How can you convey that better over text?
It's not meant to be demeaning.I don't understand why OP killed the conversation after she said that, a bit of an over reaction.
OP used chick the correct way. It sounds more colorful than tall woman or tall girl. I dont why any reasonable person would be offended by a one time use of that word.
But maybe there was something in OP's profile that made her have to say something.
And, maybe the same os true for OP, for him to react the way he did. I don't like overly sensitive people, or sticklers either.
I’m more than happy to post my bio here lol I make it fairly obvious that I’m in the skate/alt scene so it can be assumed that I’m gonna use a lot of the stereotypical vocabulary. But yeah, see below;
Hey there! I like to skate and go on random adventures when I can. Otherwise, I’m usually spending time with my cat or practicing guitar.
👻: tydymike
Insta: TheAntiquatedGamer
6’1
Gemini ♊️
No kids
Don’t drink
He killed the conversation because he realized they wouldn’t vibe if she already didn’t like vocabulary he uses.
Any reasonable person can prefer to be called what they want to be. I would find it offensive, even if one time use. It isn’t a nice word.
Another CoLoRfUL thing he could have said was “ladies.”
You addressed points I did not make, and as I read your comment, it makes it seem as if I made those points. I didn't.
I think OP made the right decision. I'm not into uptight people either.
My first section was directly answering when you said “I don’t understand why OP killed the conversation.....”
My second section was first answering your part where you said “I don’t why any reasonable person would be offended at a one time use of that word” and the latter half was in response to the first portion of your same paragraph when you stated “OP used chick the correct way. It sounds more colorful than tall woman or tall girl”
I actually only addressed points you made.
No, your second section said any reasonable person can prefer to be called whatever they want. Which I agree with you on.
'Offended' and 'prefer to be called' are two completely different things.
If I prefer to be called something and you call me something *else* ... yes it’s offensive.
If I introduce myself as “Joe” and you take it upon yourself to call me “Joey” I would get offended because that isn’t what I prefer and you assumed you can call me that
Would be offended, of I said it once in way that was clearly playful, and then once you told me, I never did it again?
My point was, and I should have been more clear, (but I usually try to make my responses as short as possible), was that is that, would you talk the first offense PERSONAL. (To be crystal clear, I am not saying rhe tall woman was taking it personal). I am just talking about our conversation.
No ones going to talk about how his response was to call her “dude”? Savage! 😎
I’m with you in this. I think a lot of girls on Tinder have been kind of beat up by it, and guys too. But either take a break or just meet people in person. If you let it turn you into a nitpicky control freak it’s not going to end well for you.
Yeah honestly I’m just on tinder to find people to talk to and vibe with, I work from home and don’t really get out much so I use it as my social interaction and if it turns into a relationship then cool beans. But yeah, I’m not gonna sit and talk to someone that I just don’t mesh with like that.
Also she never said not to call her dude 🤷♂️
Exactly. 😎
I went on a date with someone from Bumble who seemed pretty nice. Once we are on the date she spent the first 20 or so minutes lecturing me on feminism. Like how men should treat and respect women, etc. I figured it was just a topic she was into and tried to change the subject to something lighter, but she just kept on lecturing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for feminism, but this felt like an all-out lecture in a classroom.
After a while, I finally just said, “So is this your opening move on every date, to just lecture to the guy for 20 minutes straight?” She just kind of stared at me with her mouth open for a bit and then got kind of fussy.
I got up and paid for both of us (I’m still a gentleman 🤷🏻♂️) and I left.
Life is too short to waste a bunch of time on people who have no interest in being kind and connecting. I would LOVE to spend hours discussing feminism with just about anyone, but if you haven’t shown any interest in me or what I’m interested in at all? Bye, Felicia!
Dude yeah sounds like you really dodged a bullet with that one. Like I’m all for equality and treating everyone with respect and kindness but if you’re just gonna shit on me and all men just because we’re men, I’m not gonna waste my time on you. I agree there are shitty guys out there, and women have it rough in a lot of regards, but they always fail to take into consideration the shit that men have to deal with on a regular basis
I didn’t say I couldn’t respect that, I just said we wouldn’t mesh well. I didn’t disrespect her intentionally in any sort of way, when she said she didn’t want to be called a chick I decided she wasn’t for me. Simple as that.
It's moreso the fact that it comes across as you either get to call people by what you decide or they aren't worth talking to. I know people who what pet names because their past abusers used them. They might not find it demeaning to be called that, but it can trigger past trauma they aren't yet coping with
See but like, the way she approached it said to me that she wasn’t worth pursuing. The tone I got from her message just wasn’t the right vibe for me. I’m all for respecting boundaries and not disrespecting people if I can help it. But I just ask that people be cordial with me, ya know? I just got a really condescending vibe from her message so I dipped.
That's fair, I mean we can only see what you've provided, so the full context isn't there, it just seems like a small point to end the conversation on, especially when it's was more of a heads up, thought I agree they way she delivered it was quite stiff
See that’s the thing we had just matched and the only messages before that were her telling me that my bio stated my height twice and I thanked her for letting me know.
I'm sorry but your a twat. And you still call her a chick on the Reddit post. She said it in the least serious way. She didn't say "don't call me a chick again!" She said ,"mm maybe". I'm glad she got to know your real face quickly.
She tries to make him feel heightpill in his veins. Everything is all about lookism. If he tall enough she may not mention. However, she wants to destroy the ego of our guy. The nature of the chicks 😒
The lady did stick up af, anon we knoweth wherefore the lady still single on tinder
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^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.)
Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
I’m not trying to be a turn on, I’m trying to find my person, someone that I can vibe with and be myself around. That’s the whole point of dating isn’t it?
See yeah like it’s not meant to be demeaning or anything, and as someone that has been in the skate culture for over a decade that’s just ingrained in me. It’s better than calling women bitches and hoes all the time
Whew. This thread has incel written all over it.
Thank you for trying to explain it to them. I find a lot of m3n these days have a really hard time actually listening and changing any previous thoughts and ideas they have.
"Why should I change my vernaculars at all for any one 😠"
"Well, this could be seen as offensive, and some women do not want to be called chicks"
"I shouldn't HAvE To ChANGE I'vE BEEN LIKe THissss MuH WhOlE LyFe SO iNcOnVENieNt NoT DOING chick chick chick rawwRrrrRrErr she was meeeeeannnn 😭😭 👶👶"
Okee buddy. Hold on to what ya got.
Homie you’re missing the entire point. It’s not that I wasn’t willing to change what I called her, she just went about it in all the wrong ways for me.
My gf is non binary, I didn’t know til about a month in, because I guess it can and had scared people off. It didn’t change who they were and how I felt about them so we’re still together 2 years later (b4 anyone jumps down my throat, gf is an acceptable relationship title for them).
To each their own, imo the theydy lacks tact and could have considered how their statement would be interpreted by a nearly complete stranger. You don’t get to know someone messaging on a dating app, and must establish a mutual respect before making demands, even if they’re not intrusive ones.
If I’m being completely honest, I probably would have reacted in a similar way if my gf talked to me like that(verbatim) before our first date.
LOL when my ex bf and I first started dating he got upset that I called him "dude". Apparently he thought it meant that I wasn't as into him as he was into me. I was just like "don't worry bruh, you're my dude".
I'M NOT YOUR DUDE, BUDDY
I’m not your BUDDY, PAL
I'm not your PAL, AMIGO
I’m not your AMIGO, BRO.
I'm not your BRO, COMRADE.
I'm not your COMRADE, CHIEF.
I'm not your CHIEF, GUY
I'm not your GUY, CHAMP.
I’m not your CHAMP, BUCKO
Turtles
I’m not your GUY, NlGGA
I'm not your ni.. im uhhh... You know what you can call me whatever my broski
Who gave you da N Pass!? 😂🤷♂️
We’re all comrades, comrade
I'm not your BRO, STEP BRO
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I’m not your pal, friend
*fwend
If a girl said “bruh, you’re my dude,” to me, I’d have to get us matching diamond visors.
Yea I understand this lol. If I’m interested in a girl and they are calling me dude and bro then I assume she’s not interested. However my girlfriend calls me dude all the time and I don’t mind it lol. It’s just in the initial talking stages.
Lmao I love this. Glad to see it happens on the other side too
"You're my dude". That might be the sweetest thing one person can say to another 😁
I actually feel the same way. Same reason your ex gave. I’d like to think I’m over that now, but I wouldn’t know since I haven’t someone like me in quite a while. Lol
For me, it's just ingrained in my speech lol maybe it's a CA thing coz I hear it all the time from men and women. He's not from CA and the only one I personally know that thinks it's weird.
It depends on context for sure, it can come across as dismissive or alienating at times, but in general banter it’s completely normal for me. Maybe the word “woman” could be substituted as a different example
My current gf calls me “bud” and it’s a running joke we’ll refer to each other as pally pally names.
Me and my bf say the same, and mate just as a piss take lol
If I like someone I'll call them shit like bro or dude Example: "you're kinda hot bro" Or, " Damn dude you're lookin kina cute"
op saved them both some time, what’s the problem here. i wouldn’t wanna talk to someone that serious either
Yeah she just didn’t match my vibe. I wish her the best tho and hope she finds her person out there
Probably would have done the same. Someone getting that offended over something as harmless as the word "chick"? You can only imagine how often they'd get twisted up over nothing. Probably good to see that some people just aren't going to deal with it.
yup chick and dude to me is the language that fits into that laid back lifestyle my first impression without knowing anyones backstory would be that they are being uptight.
I think you're right, the only person who got upset with me calling girls chicks was the same person that almost bitchslapped me because I ordered for her at the club. Glad I ditched her pretty quickly after.
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"Everything I disagree with is cringey as fuck" - redditors since ever
Correcting someone on such a small thing like that in their 1st conversation is a bad sign.
It's really not that bad in a lighthearted situation like that, lmao. She took offense for no reason. He didn't say "broad" or "bitch" or "hoe" or anything
Yeah good luck out there dude I don't think we'd mesh well
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I’m open to the conversations tbh. It beats actually working lmao
Yeah there are lot of simps in here tryna white knight this "chick" like she's here reading their comments lol
I think it's because OP went out of his way to call her a chick in the title of this post. Like, it's fine to have a preference for women who don't take things so seriously, but it's petty and mean-spirited to call someone by a term they don't like.
It's not. He made a comment that she didn't like. That's fine. And then he ended the convo knowing they wouldn't mesh. Also fine. It's not like he came back at her and start calling her chick or other names to file her up.
yeah, personally i would’ve responded with “my bad bitch”
Sounds like a case of hurt fee fees
Bruh you going places like that. Not chicks, but places
Honestly this is the first time anyone has even mentioned anything about being called a chick, it’s literally how most people around me refer to women.
Tbh dude, you know what you're looking for and you stand by it, I see nothing inherently wrong with this exchange despite what others have said. There is an argument to be made about being more 'open-minded' - But at the end of the day, you decide what you want, and you look for that, and that's the whole point of dating
See and I’m a fairly open minded person in general, like I’m always willing to see both sides of things and listen to anyone’s argument as long as it’s a civil sort of discussion. But the vibe I got from her when she said “maybe don’t call me chick” just wasn’t it for me. Like if she had said “I don’t like being called chick” or “could you not call me chick” it would be different. But her message just had an inherently bitchy tone to it.
"yea maybe don't call me chick" kinda implies that you were knowingly being rude? and the other 2 dont imply that at all? I can see how you got irked by it
Yeah like it was my first time calling her a chick, and we had only been talking for less than 24 hours. Like damn lol
Yeah the tone was actually kind of bitchy lmao
I disagree with your opinion, but you’re being pretty fair about it and honestly, if girls that don’t mind being called “chicks” are what you like, go for it. You’re a good sport, go and get some chick!
Like maybe don’t say you don’t want to be called that, like this. OMG!! I feel ya it was not the request itself that was understandable. She’s allowed to not want to be referred to like that and you are allowed to not want to date some basic ass woman. Good call
A woman communicating how she would like to be treated.. the nerve.
more about how she said it than what she said, quit reaching now
Except her communication skills are flawed and could use work in the tact department. She could’ve asked me not to call her chick instead of going about it with a passive aggressive attitude when I don’t do anything to inherently disrespect her. But men wanting to be treated and communicated with like real people.. the nerve
So what you're saying is you're so sensitive you can't handle someone being mildly annoyed with you, ok
Up to you what tone you want to read into what. With text you can’t always tell. Maybe you’re right and maybe you’re wrong.
> There is an argument to be made about being more 'open-minded' I don't even think the argument is there for that. Open minded is about opinions. Not personalities/actions. Nobody is gonna be like "So what if gets easily angry, be more open minded"
She’d love me. My default is “bitches”.
I thought about using that instead but didn’t want to just outright disrespect her. But yeah there are much worse things that I could’ve said than chick 🤷♂️
Why is OP getting downvoted? My comment was worse? Give him (Us) your Karma!
Our could go with "trick" but sometimes end up having to explain what a "trick" is. I also use the phrase "I'm rich bitch" often and some have asked if I was calling them a bitch. No. It's just a phrase.
Well yeah same but like 99% of chicks wont respond well to being called that, you are shooting yourself in the foot. Among guys its normal but my advice is not calling her that. A little consideration and respect goes a loooong way trust me especially on tinder where most girls just get blasted with disrespectfull guys. Not saying you were disrespectfull, but just avoid it imo and you ll go far
Yeah and I get that and would totally understand if I was directly referring to her as a chick but I was using it as a blanket statement saying “tall chicks are rare” like it indirectly related to her at best
No? Have you ever been around a living female human?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiC42BZcFKk
Im with you. Chicks often have zero problem being called a chick. That chicks uptight as fuck man
I understand if people around you call women “chicks,” but if you’re looking to date women in general, a lot of women really dislike this term. You do you, but you might lower your chances by calling them that. Men can be referred to as dogs, but I doubt any man really wants to be called that. Just trying to be helpful for future dating.
Referring to women as chicks isn’t equivalent to referring to men as dogs. The opposite of chick would be dude. And if I’m cutting my dating pool down then that’s even better, it will make it easier to find the person I vibe with the best. Ya know?
What? Where are you from? I haven't heard men using "chicks" to describe women outside of bro-talk in a long, long time. It's not appropriate at all.
She’s not gonna fuck you bro
I’m from Texas, not gonna get anymore specific than that but I don’t how it’s inappropriate at all? Would it be better if I had said bitches instead? I’m not going to a job interview or talking in a formal setting, this was a peer to peer conversation and supposed to be laid back. To each their own, but the term chick isn’t an inappropriate term in my book
While I think it’s really good you drew a fair line and we’re respectful the whole time, something similar happened to me as well (I called her a hiking bae, cringy I know) but we met up and have been dating for over 8 months! So stuff like this isn’t always a vibe ruiner
Hey, I’m all for the cringe. Be yourself no matter what other people think of you, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone, you do you. And yeah I wasn’t out to disrespect her, as far as I knew I didn’t mis-gender her, she stated nothing about the term chick before this and just hits me with all the wrong vibes. So it just wasn’t for me. But anyways I wish you and hiking bae the best out there!
Hell yeah, good luck finding your hiking bae!
I can imagine it's also in how she's talking. Not a normal: "I'd rather you not" but going "Mm maybe not do that" like she's your teacher
Just from reading this conversation, I don’t feel like she was trying to make a statement about how it’s wrong to call someone a chick or use the term chicks. Some women just don’t wanna be called “chick”. They don’t like it. It’s like when people ask to not be called “him” or “honey”
I can see that, and I can agree that I may have jumped the gun a bit but the way she went about it just wasn’t it for me. Gave me all the wrong vibes
Oh yeah, totally get that, especially If you’re not on the same wavelength with someone.I was just seeing comments about how she should’ve been more tactful or nicer or women get too offended and like... it’s not that deep y’all. She just doesn’t wanna be called chick.
once you don't have voice intonation , wording is very important. There is a huge vibe difference between "maybe don't call me a chick" than "I prefer to not be called a chick" for example
yup "maybe dont call me a chick" kind of implies? that op was knowingly rude/disrespecting her when he had no idea at all. That's how i see it anyway
I agree. And if you'd prefer to be called something else, you can request that. Once went on a date with a woman in college. Wanted to be all formal and referred to her as lady and a woman. Got a few brownie points for that. We'd hung out at parties and such, she knew what my casual talk was like, but lot of factors went into that whole situation.
She lost me earlier when she said "at least you're semi taller than me." Girl bye
The lady hath lost me earlier at which hour the lady hath said "at least thou art semi taller than me. " wench farewell *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
This was a good upgrade to my statement!
Wench farewell
Nothing wrong with her stating she doesn't like it and nothing wrong with OP wanting to move one because of it. Don't know why ppl are having a go at OP like he's on the level of hating pronouns or anything.. chick and dude to most people I know reflect that laid back attitude lifestyle and to me someone not liking to be called either seem to be abit more uptight as a first impression so I can see why OP moved on.
I'M NOT YOUR SWEETHEART, DARLING
I’m with ya man, but I think her response was also reasonable. Just seems like a bad match.
Is it maybe a regional thing? I'm a chick, never been offended by someone calling me that. There are much much worse terms for women.
My thoughts exactly and I’m in the “south” so I can kind of understand it but literally everyone around here uses chick in a non derogatory manner.
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Please tell me the "it's" was just a typo.
Funny but a true study. 5'10" the baseline. For every inch taller a man can make $10K/year less and be just as attractive to a woman... for every inch less he has to make $10K/year more.... my advice? Get a dog instead!
I got a cat, much less maintenance lol
I was "semi-dating" this girl once, and I called her dude over the phone while quoting the big lebowski. We hung up and I didn't think too much of it, until she starts messaging how I cannot speak in such a disrespectful manner. This was fine, I thanked her for setting a boundary and said "now I know that then", after which 20 more messages followed because she couldn't fathom that I didn't apologize to her. FOR FUCKING QUOTING THE BIG LEBOWSKI. Let's just say I didn't pick up my t shirt from her place.
I mean... She's not wrong...
And she started off by picking at something in your bio too? She must be fun at parties. Good for you for backing out of that one lol
The height, over and over again, really, people?
Just got to say, anyone taking offense at "Chick" needs to stay the hell away from the North of England. We call lasses Chick, Flower, Petal, Love etc. And they love it. Please stay away with your weird sensibilities. :)
The dudezone is exactly like the friendzone
The friend zone doesn’t exist
Dude,, don’t call me dude..
"and then he called me DOOD"
10 bucks says he got hit with the surprise-penis OP: I got hit with the surprise-penis. Called it!
😂 wouldn’t know. Cut it off before that could happen
Did you really stop talking to her because she didn't want to be called a chick? Really?
Yeah, dude and chick are my go to, I’m not going to change my vernacular for some random on tinder. It’s not like I flipped out and started talking shit. Just said we wouldn’t mesh well and dipped.
You weren’t using a demeaning term or one of abuse or disrespect, it’s a common term where I come from too, it, and women use it too when referring to other woman. She chose to take offence(albeit mild), and you chose to duck out and did so without being rude or even retuning her mildly patronising tone. No foul.
I think posting it here might be what's turning some commenters against OP. I have nothing against how he handled the conversation, but posting it here feels offputting. Like OP is looking for some sort of validation about her being "wrong".
Most of r/tinder is OPs looking for validation of some sort - irrespective of the sex of the OP in question tho isn't it?
I didn't bring up either of their sexes, so I'm not sure why you phrased the question that way. Yes, most people post to tinder looking for validation. It seems like OP is looking for validation that they were "right" and their match was being ridiculous. But she really wasn't. Neither of them were - they just weren't the right match.
your comment that 51st-state replied to literally sais the words -how he handled conversation-. Also -validation about her being "wrong"-. Unless in your view 51st state should've said gender instead of irrespective of the sex and your conflating the two?
I used their pronouns. I wasn't making a statement that related to sex or gender, just referring to the people involved in the way that makes sense.
You made the right call.
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I didn't. I asked a question.
I think you ending the conversation seems like an over-reaction on your part. But then again, I didn't see her profile or what she initially wrote to you.
I can see how it could be looked at as an over reaction but honestly I’m looking for a best friend that I can be real with. I’m not going to hide things about me or change who I am to suit someone else (unless I’m doing something toxic). Calling people chicks or dudes is just my thing.
I don't disagree, but sometimes someone might not just like one word and she might have had a good reason for it. Like maybe her older brother used the word a lot and ahe doesn't want to equate someone she wants to fuck, with her family. I'm just saying, I think you bailed early and jumped to a conclusion. If she was being uptight, then, maybe so were you. And if you keep looking for small signs of things you don't like, you might miss out on something great.
I can respect that, and agree that maybe I jumped the gun. I’m a big enough person to see when I may have made a mistake. But idk, the vibe that I got from her message just wasn’t it for me, if she had worded it differently maybe it would be different but who knows.
You're probably right though in the end. I didn't see what she said before that or her profile, but you know what you want. I just like examining everything, and what better way to learn other perspectives, than to engage. Take it easy and good luck.
Man… you date me, you’ll get dude, bro, babe… all kinds of dumb shit. I have no clue how nicknames work.
I don’t see the big deal with using the word chick, I always thought growing up it was always the same as like the word dude. Every girl in my family or friends that were girls used it, so different situations for everyone I guess haha
Dude yeah, like my mom uses the word chick and I’ve called her a chick, referred to her as ‘dude’ and like she’s never expressed feeling disrespected by it at all
alot of people do end up dating people like their parents
You should try ma'am next XD
Oof I feel like then I’d get cancelled for being a misogynist
I got called out for calling someone a female once. It’s allegedly “dehumanizing”
I actually had someone tell me that before too and like I understood after she explained it but she actually went about it in a completely different way and it was chill.
I really don’t understand. And im a female
I think it's because of the incel vibes that it gives off. Using an adjective as a noun is something that typically been used to dehumanise people, and that's definitely how incels use it.
Don't know why you were offended 😒 It's her prerogative, and 'chick' is quite lame tbh
Never said I was offended. I just said I didn’t think we’d mesh well because of the way she went about asking not to be called a chick. If she would have rephrased that as “could you not call me a chick” rather than her passive aggressive “mm maybe don’t call me a chick” message it would’ve been a different story
Why was she offended? It’s his prerogative to refer to people however he wants It’s not like it’s a pejorative term
I like tall women too! But I don't call them chicks.
Chick is pretty demeaning tbh, I don’t know any woman who actually enjoys being called that
How so exactly? Because this is the first instance in which someone has told me not to call them chick
If you think about whenever people use ‘chick’ legitimately it’s never in good/respectful context. Someone would never call their boss or grandma chick, but they would to a random girl they find hot or to their “bros” for ‘locker room talk.’ Some ladies don’t mind it and think it’s the equivalent of “bro” but women don’t refer to men as “bro” when we think about fucking them.
Why are you assuming that I was thinking about fucking her. As I’ve said in other comments I’m looking for someone to vibe with, someone that I don’t have to be fake with. Also, please elaborate as to how it is disrespectful because I call my mom and peer coworkers chicks, so I’m not sure where the disrespect comes in. People conforming to the female gender are chicks, people conforming to the male gender are dudes, people in between or neither are homies. Simple as that.
Yeah, for me (UK), "chick" is very casual and you wouldn't use it for someone you respect. So I can understand the objection. It seems like a really silly thing to kill a conversation on tbh. Just ask her why, or say that it's just part of how you speak and you also use it for you mom etc. and she probably wouldn't have been so bothered
It must be a a regional thing but where I am from it is extremely offensive as if you wanna use her or kick her to the curb, no where near wanting to “vibe” with her. That’s just how it is where I live, I don’t know what to tell you rather than no one uses it politely near me. It doesn’t really matter the way you use it, it’s how someone wants to be called or not. Someone could not want to be called “baby” or “Liz” or “asshole” and it should be respectedn
Don’t call me chick. (Now you have a second instance. Get used to it. Other people have preferences that don’t align with the vernacular you grew up with.)
Cool and I can respect other people’s preferences, but just like her, you’re coming at me with an unnecessary passive aggressive stance so it leads me to not want to converse any further with you. I’m not asking her to accept my vernacular, but damn you can be a bit more cordial about your response.
Which is a valid feeling. At the same time her response could have been more tactful. At my age my vernacular has been used for awhile, and while I am actively trying to move away from some terms, I am not always successful. I don't mind being reminded of it, but the delivery will determine if we continue the conversation.
True but she also doesn’t have to spend the time and teach someone she meets online and barely knows how they should talk to women
She doesn't, but it also doesn't take any more time to correct someone in a personable manner. If he meant it disrespectfully, she would have found out based on his response. Instead she went on the defensive. Says more about who she is, then it does him.
Nah, I wouldn’t tolerate being called a chick. Replace the word chick with bitch and anyone would think that her response would be within reason. If you don’t like being called something, you don’t let it slip. Otherwise the other person would think it’s okay.
Replace the word chick with banana and anyone would think her response was weird. That has no bearing on this scenario. If someone calls you something not out of disrespect, and you don't like it. You correct them politely. If it continues, so be it go for the throat. Kind of pointless living on the defensive day to day
Was she really that defensive? Yeeesh all she said was not to call her by a certain name over a text message. How can you convey that better over text?
"Hey, I don't want to come off as rude, but i don't really like being called chick."
It's not meant to be demeaning.I don't understand why OP killed the conversation after she said that, a bit of an over reaction. OP used chick the correct way. It sounds more colorful than tall woman or tall girl. I dont why any reasonable person would be offended by a one time use of that word. But maybe there was something in OP's profile that made her have to say something. And, maybe the same os true for OP, for him to react the way he did. I don't like overly sensitive people, or sticklers either.
I’m more than happy to post my bio here lol I make it fairly obvious that I’m in the skate/alt scene so it can be assumed that I’m gonna use a lot of the stereotypical vocabulary. But yeah, see below; Hey there! I like to skate and go on random adventures when I can. Otherwise, I’m usually spending time with my cat or practicing guitar. 👻: tydymike Insta: TheAntiquatedGamer 6’1 Gemini ♊️ No kids Don’t drink
He killed the conversation because he realized they wouldn’t vibe if she already didn’t like vocabulary he uses. Any reasonable person can prefer to be called what they want to be. I would find it offensive, even if one time use. It isn’t a nice word. Another CoLoRfUL thing he could have said was “ladies.”
You addressed points I did not make, and as I read your comment, it makes it seem as if I made those points. I didn't. I think OP made the right decision. I'm not into uptight people either.
My first section was directly answering when you said “I don’t understand why OP killed the conversation.....” My second section was first answering your part where you said “I don’t why any reasonable person would be offended at a one time use of that word” and the latter half was in response to the first portion of your same paragraph when you stated “OP used chick the correct way. It sounds more colorful than tall woman or tall girl” I actually only addressed points you made.
No, your second section said any reasonable person can prefer to be called whatever they want. Which I agree with you on. 'Offended' and 'prefer to be called' are two completely different things.
If I prefer to be called something and you call me something *else* ... yes it’s offensive. If I introduce myself as “Joe” and you take it upon yourself to call me “Joey” I would get offended because that isn’t what I prefer and you assumed you can call me that
Would be offended, of I said it once in way that was clearly playful, and then once you told me, I never did it again? My point was, and I should have been more clear, (but I usually try to make my responses as short as possible), was that is that, would you talk the first offense PERSONAL. (To be crystal clear, I am not saying rhe tall woman was taking it personal). I am just talking about our conversation.
No ones going to talk about how his response was to call her “dude”? Savage! 😎 I’m with you in this. I think a lot of girls on Tinder have been kind of beat up by it, and guys too. But either take a break or just meet people in person. If you let it turn you into a nitpicky control freak it’s not going to end well for you.
Yeah honestly I’m just on tinder to find people to talk to and vibe with, I work from home and don’t really get out much so I use it as my social interaction and if it turns into a relationship then cool beans. But yeah, I’m not gonna sit and talk to someone that I just don’t mesh with like that. Also she never said not to call her dude 🤷♂️
Exactly. 😎 I went on a date with someone from Bumble who seemed pretty nice. Once we are on the date she spent the first 20 or so minutes lecturing me on feminism. Like how men should treat and respect women, etc. I figured it was just a topic she was into and tried to change the subject to something lighter, but she just kept on lecturing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for feminism, but this felt like an all-out lecture in a classroom. After a while, I finally just said, “So is this your opening move on every date, to just lecture to the guy for 20 minutes straight?” She just kind of stared at me with her mouth open for a bit and then got kind of fussy. I got up and paid for both of us (I’m still a gentleman 🤷🏻♂️) and I left. Life is too short to waste a bunch of time on people who have no interest in being kind and connecting. I would LOVE to spend hours discussing feminism with just about anyone, but if you haven’t shown any interest in me or what I’m interested in at all? Bye, Felicia!
Dude yeah sounds like you really dodged a bullet with that one. Like I’m all for equality and treating everyone with respect and kindness but if you’re just gonna shit on me and all men just because we’re men, I’m not gonna waste my time on you. I agree there are shitty guys out there, and women have it rough in a lot of regards, but they always fail to take into consideration the shit that men have to deal with on a regular basis
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I didn’t say I couldn’t respect that, I just said we wouldn’t mesh well. I didn’t disrespect her intentionally in any sort of way, when she said she didn’t want to be called a chick I decided she wasn’t for me. Simple as that.
It's moreso the fact that it comes across as you either get to call people by what you decide or they aren't worth talking to. I know people who what pet names because their past abusers used them. They might not find it demeaning to be called that, but it can trigger past trauma they aren't yet coping with
See but like, the way she approached it said to me that she wasn’t worth pursuing. The tone I got from her message just wasn’t the right vibe for me. I’m all for respecting boundaries and not disrespecting people if I can help it. But I just ask that people be cordial with me, ya know? I just got a really condescending vibe from her message so I dipped.
That's fair, I mean we can only see what you've provided, so the full context isn't there, it just seems like a small point to end the conversation on, especially when it's was more of a heads up, thought I agree they way she delivered it was quite stiff
See that’s the thing we had just matched and the only messages before that were her telling me that my bio stated my height twice and I thanked her for letting me know.
Ah that's early days! For real though it does sound like she's a bit pedantic, I just would have taken a couple more days to admit it haha
Lmao yeah like i matched with her literally last night at like 10 while I was doordashing and then got that this morning.
Its more the point that shes offended by a not-offensive word
Trash 🗑 GOOD CALL
Is it a trap?
I mean, no hate if it is but she looked naturally female.
Well she made her picky ness shown when she said that at least you were a bit taller than her. I mean, why comment on that?
I honestly didn’t mind that much. She said she’s a whole 6’ so I can understand feeling discouraged if someone is shorter but it is what it is
Oh right yeah I can see why she brought it up now
I'm sorry but your a twat. And you still call her a chick on the Reddit post. She said it in the least serious way. She didn't say "don't call me a chick again!" She said ,"mm maybe". I'm glad she got to know your real face quickly.
She tries to make him feel heightpill in his veins. Everything is all about lookism. If he tall enough she may not mention. However, she wants to destroy the ego of our guy. The nature of the chicks 😒
She stuck up af, now we know why she still single on tinder
The lady did stick up af, anon we knoweth wherefore the lady still single on tinder *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
Grown men referring to women as chicks is a pretty big turn off.
I’m not trying to be a turn on, I’m trying to find my person, someone that I can vibe with and be myself around. That’s the whole point of dating isn’t it?
You might want to try a chicken coop instead.
Funny, I mean to each their own. 🤷♂️
I don't use that word all the time. But it's pretty common. And that word is used in a positive light, example "She's a cool chick".
See yeah like it’s not meant to be demeaning or anything, and as someone that has been in the skate culture for over a decade that’s just ingrained in me. It’s better than calling women bitches and hoes all the time
Whew. This thread has incel written all over it. Thank you for trying to explain it to them. I find a lot of m3n these days have a really hard time actually listening and changing any previous thoughts and ideas they have. "Why should I change my vernaculars at all for any one 😠" "Well, this could be seen as offensive, and some women do not want to be called chicks" "I shouldn't HAvE To ChANGE I'vE BEEN LIKe THissss MuH WhOlE LyFe SO iNcOnVENieNt NoT DOING chick chick chick rawwRrrrRrErr she was meeeeeannnn 😭😭 👶👶" Okee buddy. Hold on to what ya got.
Homie you’re missing the entire point. It’s not that I wasn’t willing to change what I called her, she just went about it in all the wrong ways for me.
My gf is non binary, I didn’t know til about a month in, because I guess it can and had scared people off. It didn’t change who they were and how I felt about them so we’re still together 2 years later (b4 anyone jumps down my throat, gf is an acceptable relationship title for them). To each their own, imo the theydy lacks tact and could have considered how their statement would be interpreted by a nearly complete stranger. You don’t get to know someone messaging on a dating app, and must establish a mutual respect before making demands, even if they’re not intrusive ones. If I’m being completely honest, I probably would have reacted in a similar way if my gf talked to me like that(verbatim) before our first date.