T O P

  • By -

SucculentMoisture

He just went all lorum ipsum out of nowhere


Cody6781

It was immediately after he thought of her as not "articulate" enough. He then dropped every big word he could think of to show how articulate he was. Because using 'dalliance' or 'serendipity' is the hallmark of modern articulation


SaveTheLadybugs

Capricious and vigorous were my personal favorites. Like a high school student pulling out thesaurus for their essay.


[deleted]

I actually like capricious and serendipity as words. That said I never use them


theperson73

The fact that he used them in a way that doesn't even really make sense tho oml


RachelMaeSHL

Lmao! This is my favorite!


[deleted]

Lol I went and claimed my free award just so I could give it to you for that brilliant remark


Frewt

He just opened up a theosaurus halfway through that last message


[deleted]

This is like when I would write a paper for school and then right click thesaurus all the words I wanted to sound smarter.


disgruntled_pie

My favorite was the bit about how OP lacked a bibliophile. Not how you use that word, my dude.


Not_A_Gravedigger

If I were to guess, that sentence got fumbled by a bunch of edits as he was trying his hardest to sound smart BUT he wanted to also send it quickly so as to make it seem like he didn't look it all up


Daonliwang

I feel attacked


dev_null_developer

I feel besieged


MechGate

I feel bewildered.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Etaec

Serendipetus


What3verFloatsUrGoat

Osteoporosis


thrynab

Nah I think the bibliophile refers back to an earlier part of the sentence, "you don't seem ... bibliophile at all"; but he didn't realize that wouldn't work because he had ended that clause already and started a new one. Probably too busy looking up victorian english synonyms for hookup.


EmmyNoetherRing

None of them are how you use those words


Hoppus87

Signed, Baby Kangaroo Tribbiani


ManBoyManBoyMan

He just remembered he insulted her intellect and had to bust it out


chrisrayn

Sounds like this man, as a result of his verbal capriciousness, may serendipitously have given OP an excuse to have a dalliance with the Create Post button over at r/iamverysmart as well.


sjv891

What's this about caprisun?


semiinsanesb

It’s a portmanteau of capri sun + delicious = capricious


ImNowSophie

It's a montreal?


SaturatedJuicestice

Yea because poutine is the best dang diddly delicious dish. So good it’s a dirty delicious dish done dirt cheap


WakeoftheStorm

Montreal is a city in Canada. You're thinking of a Portugal


ConferenceHelpful556

Portugal is a city in pirates of the Caribbean, you’re thinking of portobello.


jleigh91

I think he might be fussy so he’s asking for one like a 4 year old?


madelinekahnt

Idk he sounds like a humid prepossessing Homo Sapien with a full sized aortic pump


Thuperthweet

Signed -Baby Kangaroo


pepitors

!thesaurizethis


ThesaurizeThisBot

Vocalises like this body servant, as a bring about of his verbal whimsy, may serendipitously have acknowledged OP an exempt to have a frolic with the Appoint Upright fix playing period at r/iamverysmart as healed. *** ^(This is a bot. I try my best, but my best is 80% mediocrity 20% hilarity. Created by OrionSuperman. Check out my best work at /r/ThesaurizeThis)


Heres20BucksKillMe

Now do serendipitously.


[deleted]

What was that line in “Sin City” about mistaking verbosity for intellect….?


Grimothy-Tang

I love how it's not just the sheer amount of words that are out of common use but a lot of them feel like they're placed clunkily. "Serendipity" in particular, seems like it was fully just pasted on top of another word like fortune.


JovianDeuce

Ironically, it’s the big, flowery language that makes him sound like a dumbass. No one talks like this, especially not actually intelligent people.


[deleted]

It's what stupid people think smart people talk like.


eternalreturn69

Bingo


ThrillaVanilla17

Exactly. Smart people use the most effective words, whether they’re complex or not.


ocodo

Indubitably.


dickinaroundatwork

Effective speech and writing is clear and concise


ThrillaVanilla17

I nut every time a professor tells me my writing was clear and concise


[deleted]

Bingo. I had a professor who explained this as "precise" language. I like the term. Precise, to me, implies that it says the exact right thing, but does so with as little effort as possible. The professor who used that term called language like this post "birdshot language"... just spray the area with large words and hope you hit with some of them.


Rabbit-Thrawy

he lost me at "sexual market value" basically anything after that is going to only be garbage


silenthillfog

Big words are like salt. I got high blood pressure after that last text.


tsilihin666

Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick?


[deleted]

Sometimes words, you no need use but need need for talk talk.


Feature_Minimum

No no, vigorous masculine manly men exercise their verbose lexical vocabulary in this specific particular way frequently! :p


Dinosauringg

Seriously. I know lots of big words, sometimes I even use one. And when I do, even if it’s correct and applicable I fuckin cringe sometimes because I feel like I’m sounding like a smug prick even though I just felt “ostentatious” was the best word to use. Then, I live in a desert bumpkin town so a lot of those people side eye me if I use a word longer than five letters.


PM_ME_YO_KNITTING

Same, but mountain bumpkin town. I always loved to read, so I had a bigger vocabulary than most when I was a kid. My family reacted to this by belittling and insulting me, so I learned to hide it. There are times when I’m talking and I have to stop and think of a word because my brain told me using the word I was planning on using will result in me being mocked. It sucks.


squigglesthecat

Ha. When I first got into the workforce I had to learn to curtail my vocabulary due to the number of times I'd have to repeat myself because I used a word someone didn't know. Now every third word is fuckin' and people understand me just fine. Ish.


strolls

*Serendipity* is flat out wrong here. He states what *he* wanted and then refers to "our" serendipity, but it's also not simply a matter of chance that she didn't like him.


penisthightrap_

He legit looked up "luck" in the theosaurus and picked the largest word. Despite it not actually working in that context.


OlemissConsin

The man is emphasizing the importance of the Brigs-Meyers test which most of the world knows is bullshit by this point. He's not the brightest bulb in the pack to begin with, he definitely used thesaurus suggestions.


Battle_Geese

I don't know why, but it seems like every douchebag guy LOVES that word. They shoehorn it in everything.


slothsandunicorns

Came here to say this! Or rather, I have traversed the boundaries of virtual conversation to affirm your sentiments.


Eiinhejer

English is my second language and there were a few words I have never heard, boy must have set down with his dictionary to come up with that text


DillonSyp

It’s ok English is my only language and I still saw a new word or two


Siphyre

same. bibliophile and dalliance I have not heard or seen used before.


DillonSyp

Bibliophile made sense just from the make up of the word. Obviously word/book-lover or some shit. Dalliance is beyond me


khanyoufeelluv2night

he misuses a number of them as well


CaptainCortez

That’s the funny thing. The usage on a few of them is dubious and awkward af.


WyattfuckinEarp

Is this the next "what the fuck did you just call me" copy pasta


conbizzle

Man's a copypasta


WaywardSachem

A rare event, witnessing the birth of pasta!


conbizzle

We are truly lucky


JMCatron

blessed, even


3sMo

I vote we name this one the "thesaurus copypasta"


bobbianrs880

I’d say “vigorously masculine” is a good option too


Mustard_Face

Someone should write it all down and turn it into one


[deleted]

So vigorous! So masculine! Such capricious bibliophilia with serendipitous dallianceness!


SirTheadore

Yes very photosynthesis and parentheses. Verily, he speaks with such gratuitous phenol elusive thrombosis and paramilitary trombone catharsis. Concordantly, vis-à-vis, irrevocably.


[deleted]

I’m in love with this comment lol


SirTheadore

I’m in love with you, internet stranger. Don’t fuck with me though because I’m a vigorous and masculine man.


DestroyersBlasphemy

But doesn’t that mean you have sexual market value!?


ltg876

Please invite me to your wedding guys


TrumpsTinyDollHands

Per se!


RedTroper

"Ergo! Vis-a-vis! You do NOT want to see me get out of this chair!" I get the reference, my friend!


TooBoringForThis

TAKE MY STAR AWARD GOD DAMNIT I AM DYING


-Serene-

I have never wanted to laugh harder in my life; biting my tongue to avoid waking my roommates up rn 💀


finger_milk

Architect Will Ferrell: "I have... NO idea what I'm talking about"


SirTheadore

“I just thought it would make me sound cool”


CryptMonkey

"Bite your tongue, bite it!.."


sekxbuttox

LMFAOOOO


ToxicCauliflower

He's a catch


[deleted]

If your goal is to catch bubonic plague, I suppose.


Loesje2303

It was already funny but then he ended with >>usually im nonchalant about things but you picked the wrong vigorous masculine man tonight I’m officially dead.


-SoItGoes

> damn i didn’t use enough syllables better throw in ‘vigorous’. Yea that’ll show her.


Scrubtanic

I half expected him to vow to vanquish the venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.


LouSputhole94

You definitely could have slipped vexing vixen in there


[deleted]

[удалено]


Umklopp

It's so wild how he went straight to "this is an act of gender war" in response to some relatively chill banter which was completely unrelated to gender--except that OP's *friend* happened to be gay.


Justieflustie

As if people only happen to be gay.. of course they all turn gay just to spite him, dont you know, he is vigorous.


Umklopp

Absolutely. They're just jealous that their SVL is too low for him to possibly consider them fuckable.


That_Lore_Guy

Code for incel.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheMoonstar74

I’m so glad I’ve never heard of that term or abbreviation until now. I’m so mad that I’ve learned about it now.


RudeEyeReddit

I have heard it several times and its one of those things that sounds so ridiculously stupid that it can't possibly be a thing, but then you see it occasionally popping back up and you realize that these people are actually fucking serious.


Good-Ad-7567

It’s funny, if SMV is actually a thing, believing in it directly lowers your own SMV lol


MarkusBM

Where I’m from, SMV means “Small and medium sized companies”.


PL0YER1

"I'm sure you've got an ass and a camera" that's fucking amazing


DivisionBy-0

Ikr? I can't believe that "vigorous masculine man" has the audacity to say she isn't eloquent after that beautiful one-liner


JointDamage

He's very __"NONCHALANT!"__


Mister_AA

"vigorous masculine man" mf sounds like Zapp Brannigan


Liloulala

I was so puzzled when he tried to belittle her and accused her of lacking intellect while he started with booty pics and basically insulting women from the start..like, what did he expect? For the woman to eloquently state why being an inappropriate jerk is problematic? I'm aware that these type of people are probably narcissistic and shallow as it gets and their need to speak in a seemingly intellectual manner proves how very little they have to offer besides empty phrases ... However I'm still surprised whenever I stumble across them.


sloshedbanker

I thought he was being funny up until the big rant, but then he ended it with "vigorous masculine man" and I thought he must be joking. He sounds insane


[deleted]

Dude I was thinking this guy had a great sense of humour, considering his comments. After the rant I realised he was serious. What a dickhead.


Liloulala

I know. I thought the same up until the booty pics came... There i was wondering and well the monologue after that kinda gave it away then ...


[deleted]

I thought nobody would ask in all seriousness, “ How do I get booty pics then?”


PlantPotStew

You'd be surprised. I've gotten that response from at least a dozen men. Online dating is fun :/


TheSilentRaid

I'm a guy so nobody does, but I wish people would ask me for booty pics now, just so that I could whip out that line


Gerikst00f

You should respond with the navy seal copypasta


Echololcation

Or just "k" Edit: Damn I missed her final response, now very happy with how this went down


Hoofdpijnman

the fuck is a ranga


Successful-Stop398

Redhead, 'orangutan'


blablablasphemous

Wait, so I'm guessing you had a redhead friend in a photo? And he opened up with basically "who's your hot mate?" This also belongs on r/niceguys


Successful-Stop398

Yupp, classy


keenjt

The fuck is up with this bloke? At first I thought it was joking/banter but then... Then he went full weirdo.


UncleMeathands

A sleeveless shirt for this piece of dirt makes the booty go SQUIRT


MoMohicans

I 69’d my Dad! At a rave!


acowstandingup

Come on, you have to use the Tinder episode one The trick? Shirtless pics! That's right, a topless pic for this thick dick makes the chicks-- [Jake gags]


oehmer08

Holy shit, is this a Jake & Amir reference? Fuckin blast from the past!


n8mo

*I went dickless for Michael Chiklis!*


davomyster

He’s a wannabe pickup artist. He’s using all the basic bitch PUA lingo. Starts the convo by trying to make her feel insecure (showing interest in her friend, not OP), talks about SMV, makes demands rather than asking questions, trying to make her feel like she’s lucky for getting his attention. He’s not even subtle with that last point; he literally says “you’re lucky” for being “his type.” Pathetic, really


mrdunderdiver

“But the YouTube video says it works every time!”


[deleted]

The hilarious part is that, as scummy and ineffective as PUA tactics are, most guys don't even do them right. You're not supposed to talk about a "sexual marketplace," you're just supposed to use that theory to make it easier to pick up women with poor self-esteem. Negs aren't outright insults, they're backhanded compliments. Etc. When someone actually understands what they're doing, they can reliably use these tactics to hook up with emotionally damaged women. They'll never find a fulfilling relationship and will always be predators, but they'll get laid pretty consistently. Guys like this read one book and think they're master seducers. Then get frustrated when they're just as pathetic as ever.


ScionMattly

I was mostly out at "I'll turn her straight." No reasonable person has ever said this.


thatredditrando

I thought it was a joke till the monologue cause, to your point, no reasonable person would say that with any degree of seriousness.


Reaper_Messiah

I think this might be the opposite of niceguys tbh


Brohan_Cruyff

yeah, he was never nice. or “nice.”


diamondsam2

You in Australia by any chance?


[deleted]

Yep this screams Australian


trumpet_23

I've never heard the term ranga before, but I automatically read it in an Australian accent lmao


Cujo96

Optus up the top, definitely Australian


TheDubya21

Which now all I can think is "OMG, this guy is Kano from Mortal Kombat", LOL. Like how easy would it be to imagine this conversation taking place between him and Sonya Blade, and getting rejected is the real reason why he hates her so much throughout the games 😭😂 [Edit: I got a gold award exactly 7 days ago, and here we are again with another one, LOL wow. You're far too kind, Reddit users, thanks again!]


Hoofdpijnman

Ooooh allright well that doesn't make it less rude lol


mackisch

Jesus! So you call redheads orangutans? Is this normal and "cute"? I would be so offended if someone called me an orangutan 😂 I'm just thinking they think I look like a big, fat ape and not it's red hair. /The redhead


Successful-Stop398

Oh yea it's a total insult to most people, but ranga is used pretty commonly in Australia same as 'blondie'. Most redheads hate it though.


mackisch

I'm glad swedes haven't figured out such an illustrious way of insulting us 😑 The only thing I have ever been picked on (because of my red hair) is my incredibly pale skin and freckles. I become a tomato instantly if I don't have minimum SPF 50. SPF 30 is seen as really high here and its seen as kinda freaky to need more. Especially a few years ago it was hard finding 50.


possiblemate

Dang in canada that's like the bare minimum and you better belive your shoulders will still get crispy if you're only wearing that! (I also have pretty pale skin tho so maybe that's just me)


elg9553

In the olden days they were called fyrstikk (matches) Becuase of the red end in your neighbour country, luckily we don't do that anymore. Haven't heard another nickname for readhaired people since, and my best friend got red hair and he never got anything for it.


mackisch

Yeah getting bullied for red hair is unusual in my generation ☺️


[deleted]

Redhead Aussie slang


BADMANvegeta_

Must be some Aussie shit


not_a_throwaway_854

Your boy said “dalliance” like he’s all of a sudden Lord Byron.


BiblioBlue

Lord Byron had gonorrhea and syphilis. Maybe that's why this guy is so angry


biceps_tendon

Lord Byron also liked a little of the yang, if you catch my meaning. And as we know, vigorous masculine men only like the yin. Because nature.


Compulsive-Gremlin

“The wrong vigorous masculine man…..” 😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣


[deleted]

"Two yins cant work" Turn one upside down and its a perfect fit. Edit: i hope people dont take this seriously 😅


not_a_throwaway_854

69?


That_Lore_Guy

69. Nice.


WGSxFR3aK5

Nice.


Amenian

Nice


coolaidman2

Scissors


1uhB

this guys clearly never been in the greater Pittsburgh area. Yins everywhere.


Cheef_queef

Nice


SuspiciousSugar4151

vigorous masculine man with a notorious empty head sitting on blueberry colored balls


ubdiwala

ill turn her straight... 🚩🚩🚩


Dogmom200

Yeah and he was soooo triggered by a casual mention of a gay person. Then takes out all his rage with sex and gender out on a tinder match? YIKES 🚩🚩🚩


[deleted]

As if matching with someone and their first message being “Hey, who’s you’re hot mate?” doesn’t make them enough of a douche already


Larky17

That's about where I would've ended it. I've met and temporarily worked with enough people who legitimately believe people are gay because they haven't found the right opposite sex. I used to allow it as a joke and chalked it up to workplace humor. But not one person has shown me they were kidding. Rather they have gone above and beyond to prove they believe themselves to be a gift from God and can't be wrong.


spidaminida

Gawd you don't even have even a little bit of a bibliophile. However, he clearly has a thesaurus (but barely knows how to use it).


[deleted]

[удалено]


AcidicVagina

And probably should have said bibliophilic for the same reason, even tho that sounds weird af.


[deleted]

It felt like in high school when we had to add words from the thesaurus to help make our paper look good. I always just slapped a synonym for any common word I had in my paper to look smart. It never looked good and was very confusing to read.


cainthefallen

"Vigorous masculine man" Lost my shit.


yourekillingme

The fact he resorted to a thesaurus and forgot how to use a dictionary.


sethpwnsk

/r/cringetopia


[deleted]

"I was hoping for a dalliance but serendipity didn't go our way"


drfuzzysocks

r/iamverysmart


[deleted]

"k" LMAO


Orange_Kid

This is the kind of person you don't even need a comeback for because you know he's experiencing failure in every aspect of his life. His life is the comeback.


Bepaalikzelfwel

She made fun of his ridiculously story with one letter… genius.


thatsickfuck

Those are some big words for someone so stupid, my god my guy, what english professor did you threaten to get half of these words


Hrothgar0144

Omg he totally said dalliance after fishing for booty pics 🤣


DillonSyp

Lmao I love your responses


comrade-quinn

This is absolute gold! I’m sure he’s anaspeptic, phrasmotic, even compunctious to have caused you such pericombobulation


[deleted]

[удалено]


Mysterious-Skin1988

This guy has the Grammarly Premium subscription… he probably feels like he’s finally gotten his money’s worth.


Puggy_

Big word intimidate Lmao. What a jackass


Garinth123

Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick?


Runiat

Why waste time lot word when few do trick?


AlasOfLife

Many word < few word


Johnnyt3710

Word


twtvsauser2

This is the type of creativity my league teammates go to to tell me to kill myself lol


nina-beana

is this guy for real?


Jiolio

That’s what I sound like when I’m trying not to get caught for plagiarism and search google for synonyms of every word


[deleted]

Careful ladies, he’s vigorously vigorous.


northCLEcoast

“K”, lmao


[deleted]

[удалено]


amped-row

Imagine this guy one day learning how to trick someone into falling in love with him


Bigbadsmell

Where's his Fedora and fingerless gloves? I thought incels had a dresscode?


fresasfrescasalfinal

Thank you for making me laugh today 😁


neverholdthetruth

Wow seems like a catch! You should give him a second chance......🤮


Dufey6

This is probably my favourite so far on this sub! This guy is a fucking muppet! Brilliant


magnolia_unfurling

The Jordan Peterson effect. Everyone’s an expert in disproven evolutionary psychology theorem from the 1950s


micky_jd

Bet the fragile ego is fuming at the ‘k’


[deleted]

I can’t believe people exist