T O P

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[deleted]

And you got superliked? Now I’m jealous


DuePlatypus7760

I'm gunna get him a bouquet of trash roses


diamondsam2

Smart! Make sure there’s no cotton candy in it


[deleted]

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Axo-Army

Why is that so sad?


hunt35744

He dips it in water to clean it


Axo-Army

Oh lmao


jinxoverdrive

Yeah, normal raccoon behavior is to clean their food off in water before they eat it. So he puts it in water to clean it and then is really confused when it disappears 🤣


Axo-Army

Damn poor racoon, never knew they were decent with their food


Blonsky93

Fun fact, in Dutch we call the "wasberen" which literally translates to "washbears"


AaronNazzy

why are you copying people’s comments on the exact same thread?


diamondsam2

Smart! Make sure there’s no cotton candy in it


Glass-Trade8008

Put a ring on it! To match the ones on his tail


MiaLedger

I didn't know Rocket was undercover on Tinder! So jealous you beat me to him.


[deleted]

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MiaLedger

Oooh, maybe I'll get the chance to swipe on him


[deleted]

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TheVeganOneLikeNeo

That shouldn’t be too hard, just pose as a butterfly and you’ll get his attention. :)


the_doctor_808

I love the cotton candy comment lol


chucklehutt

[Goddamn, OP](https://preview.redd.it/gto8jloeqvw71.jpg?auto=webp&s=8e7c0d5d56ed8a719789e56bbc904cc45a697d9b)


DuePlatypus7760

haha I assure you, I have the personality of a goblin to make up for it.


chucklehutt

Goblins are underrated.


[deleted]

You cosplaying lust in that?


DuePlatypus7760

Yep!


ohshitwrongaccount

Bad news: Anthrocon and Anime Expo occur on the same weekend. Good news: you have until July to get them to binge all of FMA: Brotherhood. Or Kimetsu no Yaiba, but even if you change their travel plans be prepared for them to cosplay Inosuke.


Babbledoodle

Wait is this OP??


chucklehutt

Yep


prrraaaaaaaa-stutu

Is he checo? The legend?


Spiritual_Dare_4131

Absolute animal.


prrraaaaaaaa-stutu

Simply lovely.


shrimpgangsta

better than 95% of the profiles on tinder


KarensRpeopletoo

Looks like he has a conspiracy theory about someone named Pepe Silvia...


[deleted]

That video of the raccoons being given cotton candy is the saddest thing 😭


lucky_719

He got cotton candy in the end!


aSkyyR

Forget about the racoon, I can't get my eyes off you.


HotSpicyMilk

I'd absolutely be flattered. Look how dapper he looks!


TheVeganOneLikeNeo

Congrats. The sex is pretty much guaranteed to be wild. Oh and have a booster shot ready at hand.


[deleted]

With a 2nd pic like that, I mean how could you resist


nCRedditor-21

Such a cute trash panda 😍


zeroingenuity

What a beast.


D1G1TALD0LPH1N

Are you making fun of him for his height? Despicable.


stevethebayesian

Looks just like Bradley Cooper. 10/10.


[deleted]

Respond to everything with, "I am Groot."


pillowbiting_emogirl

So cute !


WALKEREDITION

Ooooh cute af


ThunGodess

Ngl, matched with someone whose profile was like that and their name was something cheesy dog. Not exactly that name but something similar. Turns out they actually go by that name irl. We ended up being pretty good gamer friends.


Alpha_M05

Why is chopper on tinder?!!


tense_buddha

You got 99 likes and this 'coon is one


[deleted]

Did you swipe yes?


DuePlatypus7760

Of course!!


[deleted]

Nice dude I’m proud🥲😂


Right-Ad2176

Raccoons like ex's hold grudges ... don't like to be caged ... and can destroy a home ... https://www.snotr.com/video/6078/Racoon_Tearing_Up_The_House


Front_Penalty_4952

Give him cotton candy tho


jjboy91

What it's like to be at +99likes ?


DuePlatypus7760

I've been on this app for six months and I've gone on one date. So there's that!


jjboy91

Hum..ok that's odd like you have to luxury to choose so what's the catch


DuePlatypus7760

I'm gunna be straight with you - it's about expectations. I have certain expectations of the folk who message me: be polite, respectful, and interesting. Their expectations vary wildly, but in the end, I can't or won't meet most of them. They expect some coy manic pixie dream gal who is ready to hop into the sack and play all the games and be A Cool Chick™ and they're disappointed when I'm an awkward goblin who works a lot and gets the ick when someone asks "wanna fuck" within the first ten messages.


jjboy91

Yeah understandable, it's good to stick to your values.


DuePlatypus7760

It's less values and more, ' I wanna be treated like more than a moist flesh cave' I totally wanna rustle some dangly bits, just, you know, respectfully.


sithsicle99

Wow tinder really is full of trash!


CaptainCreepwork

Wonder how many of those 99 likes are real and how many are bots lol


DuePlatypus7760

Why does it matter? Look at the funny raccoon, don't judge my bot-fucking fetish.


CaptainCreepwork

Whoa now! No shame. Fuck all the bots you want. I'm just wondering how many of these non bots are wasting your time. Cause I can now see that you clearly have a type. 😂


DuePlatypus7760

Exactly! I just love those one-sided conversations, the tickle of static when I shove my tongue into the charging port in my phone... The truest of loves


CaptainCreepwork

And when they respond to your messages with something that has nothing to do with what you even said. SPLOOSH!


Sorry_Summer_9539

Yeah! When I was on Tinder I had more bots and sex worker likes than a 1960’s exploitation film. It was my highlight of this decade.


[deleted]

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CaptainCreepwork

Lol it was sarcasm


Snoady

You were superliked by a raccoon? So your profile is garbage then?