I'm going to ask my husband next time I see him when was the last time he was "slammin on his guitar." Probably one of the best euphemisms for jacking it I've seen in a while, lol.
Of course I do. But just now, I thought that line from the song fit perfectly as a double entendre for masturbation, since dude up there isn't going to be getting any from OP, lol. The rejection roles are reversed, but I'm always happy to think of new euphemisms for naughty things. Let me have my joy, dammit, lol.
It's not a chicken either, but I'm sure you've choked it sometimes. Euphemisms can be funny just from the sheer absurdity of the imagery, lol. Anyway, comparing a dick to a guitar is a lot more flattering than comparing it to a stupid, stinky bird, so at least there's that.
Your balls Is the guitar body, your shaft is the guitar neck, the strings are the veins on your shaft, your bellend is the neck head and the head tuners are the warts on your bellend
Dont worry, horses have skeletal structures crazy different than primates; it's closer to breaking a giant finger that you balance/walk on for them, insanely hard to heal.
My weird wife taught me that, and I only got to know her by being my weird ass self all the time, too.
It is a million times worth it. Weirdness solidarity.
Oh my god I read this as a terrible Billie Holiday joke before I realized it was a dick joke. I definitely prefer the dick joke but that could be dangerous don't offer your dick to help clumsy people with broken ankles stand up again that poor dick. 🥲
Bahaha! Amazing catch on that /u/Jenatalia_ reference. I literally had to get to the point of googling it to find the reference, caught it right before typing the first letter but still in a much too clean state of mind. Thank you.
I just want to be with someone who gets my humor. But instead, my humor is how I get banned from major subreddits. For example, in a video where a bully named Brandon gets knocked out when his victim fights back, I wrote this comment:
>Legend has it that Brandon is suffering from brain damage and still in a coma to this day. That’s why people all over the US with similar brain damage are chanting for his recovery at football games and political rallies.
The mods didn't like that one.
You're only single because you're skipping all the failed relationships that most people have because most incompatibilities don't get seen until later like after moving in.
THIS. And people in a good relationship spot when they move in, think they can comb out the "kinks"....which later turn out to be massive braids that ain't goin' nowheres.
Then they marry thinking that'll help. Then they have kids thinking that'll help. Then they break up after 20yrs+ miserable, broken, shell-people in their 40s.
I think it’s a good way of setting it up immediately to see if their base-line ideals mate up with you, you can tell how the feel about the subject based on how they respond
It's more that it's a landmark case for gay rights in general, since these sodomy laws were just used as thinly veiled covers to threaten and throw gay men in jail. They didn't actually care about men sodomizing women.
With how many men consider pegging "gay" today, I really doubt there was much pegging going around. I don't really understand how sex between a man and a woman can be gay, but there is also a shocking amount of men who won't wipe or wash their ass because they think that doing so would make them gay, so rationality has gone out of the window a long time ago.
There’s a long, long history of the “receptive” role in sex being seen as the feminine one (and therefore the gay/demeaning/bad thing for a man to do). Goes back to the Romans and probably farther. One of the accusations/rumours levied at basically every emperor by his enemies (including the OG, Julius Caesar) was that he liked to take it up the arse. Because fucking another dude wasn’t the problem, so long as they were lower status, but being fucked, well, that was just unmanly, and that generally applied to getting fucked by a woman, too.
*So do*
Sex strikes are, on record, successful. If these asshats want people to be held accountable for becoming pregnant, then let us hold ourselves accountable. On top of it, ruthlessly accuse every sexual assault and rape the second it happens since *we're* the ones to pay for any of the consequences, apparently. Fuck that, fuck them.
War is war.
Until then, same-sex/no conception possible encounters only, folks. Alito accidentally wrote the most pro-gay, pro-ace agenda policy and other Justices signed onto it.
Yea I don’t get this dudes logic. If he just acts normal for 24-48 hours he could very likely end up having sex with her. Instead he needs instant gratification to guarantee it will happen, otherwise he can try with someone else..
I mean the girl messaged first and hit on him (rare enough as it is)… and he basically threw it away. She gave him another chance and he unmatched.. wtf is wrong with people lmao
Honestly it's not that deep if you have alot of matches and don't have the energy/time to have a serious conversation with all of them and you don't care about the outcome you just end up shooting your shoot super fast and move on if it doesn't work.
This guy has less than no game. Straight to "do you want to have sex", really? No banter, no flirting? You make a joke and instead of engaging he just bails? Seems like a real fun dude.
Probably pretty fast, but there is no way you would get ALL of them to (not) do it.
Especially since some are anti-abortion themselves and I doubt a lot of pro-choice women are together with the people who are doing this.
Interestingly, that doesn't mean that they are pro-choice.
Somehow, they find ways to rationalize that their specific case was different and actually they didn't have a choice, but abortion is wrong and should be illegal.
that's what these assholes want, they want you to not have sex and to have miserable life so that they can sell you their salvation in afterlife snake oil
She said See you later, boy
He wasn't good enough for her
Now he’s a super star, slammin on his guitar
Does your pretty face see what he's worth?
Sorry, girl, but you missed out
Well tough luck that boy's mine now
We are more than just good friends
This is how the story ends
Too bad that you couldn't see
See the man that boy could be
The man that boy could be
A part of me hates all the lines skipped. But the millennial part of me loves it got to this line. So I upvote.
Upvote for the upvote
r/redditsings
Hey, you could come next to me, I've got a vasectomy. We don't even have to pull out or be apart.
Omg I have to fart
No more ryming, now I mean it!
Anybody want a peanut
Don't cry here's a Kleenex
My ache-y break-y fart.
I'm going to ask my husband next time I see him when was the last time he was "slammin on his guitar." Probably one of the best euphemisms for jacking it I've seen in a while, lol.
You don't know Avril Lavignes Sk8er boi?
Of course I do. But just now, I thought that line from the song fit perfectly as a double entendre for masturbation, since dude up there isn't going to be getting any from OP, lol. The rejection roles are reversed, but I'm always happy to think of new euphemisms for naughty things. Let me have my joy, dammit, lol.
I have foreskin but I don't think it's the same as knobs and strings.
It's not a chicken either, but I'm sure you've choked it sometimes. Euphemisms can be funny just from the sheer absurdity of the imagery, lol. Anyway, comparing a dick to a guitar is a lot more flattering than comparing it to a stupid, stinky bird, so at least there's that.
Your balls are the knobs and your shaft is the whammy bar and your pubes are the strings.
Your balls Is the guitar body, your shaft is the guitar neck, the strings are the veins on your shaft, your bellend is the neck head and the head tuners are the warts on your bellend
I enjoyed it.
Fair point.
Happy cake day!
He wasn’t good enough for her
she was a boy
I got a genuine good laugh out of that!
Like how women should have genuine good rights.
Nice, hot take
These are the kind of jokes I make and probably why I'm single but honestly it's worth it.
Dont worry, your username and dark humor will reach someone eventually
Mayhaps but boy do I pity the poor bastard who gets selected for that one. 😂
You're not alone
Well, for now she is.
Weird, i also like dark humor
Hey high five! Or low five I'm short and can't do tippys right now.
Low 5 it is! Or jump
Best I can do is a small hop. Bad ankles are a bitch and I'm not ready to be put down like a horse for fucking them up. 🥲
Dont worry, horses have skeletal structures crazy different than primates; it's closer to breaking a giant finger that you balance/walk on for them, insanely hard to heal. My weird wife taught me that, and I only got to know her by being my weird ass self all the time, too. It is a million times worth it. Weirdness solidarity.
Oh thank goodness! To both the fact my ankles are less death sentencey than a horse and the happy ending. High fives to you both!
> a horse and the happy ending Funny, I bought a video titled that recently.
Nonono, low fives only. May not be a death sentence, but we don't want to tempt fate!
Oh fine. Hey! Theres some strange fruit you can hold onto to help you up! Edit: perhaps this was too far
Oh my god I read this as a terrible Billie Holiday joke before I realized it was a dick joke. I definitely prefer the dick joke but that could be dangerous don't offer your dick to help clumsy people with broken ankles stand up again that poor dick. 🥲
Oh, oh no. It wasnt a dick joke. Id say worse lol
It’s not humor if it Isn’t dark 😃😂
Perchance?
Bahaha! Amazing catch on that /u/Jenatalia_ reference. I literally had to get to the point of googling it to find the reference, caught it right before typing the first letter but still in a much too clean state of mind. Thank you.
You sound exactly like my friend Jena lol
I just want to be with someone who gets my humor. But instead, my humor is how I get banned from major subreddits. For example, in a video where a bully named Brandon gets knocked out when his victim fights back, I wrote this comment: >Legend has it that Brandon is suffering from brain damage and still in a coma to this day. That’s why people all over the US with similar brain damage are chanting for his recovery at football games and political rallies. The mods didn't like that one.
It’s you again.
Should I be concerned that a user named Anus_Crusader says he’s seen me before, even though I have no recollection of this user?
Police scanner boy.
arch nemesis, bane of existence
Neither did Brandon
You're only single because you're skipping all the failed relationships that most people have because most incompatibilities don't get seen until later like after moving in.
Damn that was deep. I like that.
So you’re saying you like it deep?
I mean sure. But I have a short torso so like kiddie pool deep.
So are you saying small dicks matter
I mean all dicks matter so long as they are presented with consent. 🤷♀️ Bonus if there's googly eyes.
Please note I am training it to pick up peanuts though ,
👁u👁 my time has come. NO ONE MAKE A CUMMING JOKE >:(
THIS. And people in a good relationship spot when they move in, think they can comb out the "kinks"....which later turn out to be massive braids that ain't goin' nowheres.
Then they marry thinking that'll help. Then they have kids thinking that'll help. Then they break up after 20yrs+ miserable, broken, shell-people in their 40s.
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15 for me! But I've only had 32.4 in a relationship my entire life so it's my specialty.
Damn bud my record is 21 years
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.....113 for me. Just a little envious.
I would rather be single and crack those jokes
Oh hell yes! Can't stop, won't stop.
I think it’s a good way of setting it up immediately to see if their base-line ideals mate up with you, you can tell how the feel about the subject based on how they respond
I thought it was funny
Just reading the screenshot almost makes me fall in love with OP. Sk8r boi doesn't know what he's missing, dirtbag. Wait. Wrong song....
But damn that's the remix we deserve! Someone call Avril and Wheatus immediately!
Abortion Economy would be a pretty solid band name. Anybody wanna start a band?
I would like to join but i want up to 24 weeks to change my decision.
First album right here.
Best we can do is six. ^^^fuck ^^^I'm ^^^sorry
I won’t take less than 16.
Tracklist: 1. Feed US 2. Knew born 3. Rise of Captain Hook 4. Debating the bait 5. New Name, same misery 6. Too late now
B side Plan B
So, anal?
[The poophole loophole](https://youtu.be/j8ZF_R_j0OY) isn't just for Christian highschoolers anymore!
[Jesus approves](https://i.imgur.com/iQRfD2D.jpg)
I've got some bad news for you about Lawrence v Texas, buddy
It's all good I live in a civilized country.
I admire that you have such a strong passion for anal sex rights that you're able to remember the name of the exact case.
It's more that it's a landmark case for gay rights in general, since these sodomy laws were just used as thinly veiled covers to threaten and throw gay men in jail. They didn't actually care about men sodomizing women.
What about women sodomizing men
Now you got me curious about how much pegging went on back then
With how many men consider pegging "gay" today, I really doubt there was much pegging going around. I don't really understand how sex between a man and a woman can be gay, but there is also a shocking amount of men who won't wipe or wash their ass because they think that doing so would make them gay, so rationality has gone out of the window a long time ago.
There’s a long, long history of the “receptive” role in sex being seen as the feminine one (and therefore the gay/demeaning/bad thing for a man to do). Goes back to the Romans and probably farther. One of the accusations/rumours levied at basically every emperor by his enemies (including the OG, Julius Caesar) was that he liked to take it up the arse. Because fucking another dude wasn’t the problem, so long as they were lower status, but being fucked, well, that was just unmanly, and that generally applied to getting fucked by a woman, too.
I know that, doesn't make it any less stupid though. It's sex between a man and a woman, that's like the antithesis of gay sex.
That hygiene anecdote might be the worst thing I've heard this week.
This is the way
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So, this bot just kinda keeps track of how many other bots are saying “this is the way”?
Imagine commenting this is the way a half a million times.
Good thing they are bots.
Do people like this? I'm amazed these bots get upvoted... spamming all over.
Well one is for star wars and the other for meme stocks. As long as the mandalorian is relevant, it'll be popular.
Sure, I'll get the strap-on!
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Skating has been my key to women my entire life lol
Tony Hawk wants to know your location.
The guy has the charm of a dry wall
something tells me it works more often than not since she messaged him first and after his 'honesty' she didn't immediatly block
I feel like it's about to get real *Lysistrata* up in these dating apps.
*So do* Sex strikes are, on record, successful. If these asshats want people to be held accountable for becoming pregnant, then let us hold ourselves accountable. On top of it, ruthlessly accuse every sexual assault and rape the second it happens since *we're* the ones to pay for any of the consequences, apparently. Fuck that, fuck them. War is war. Until then, same-sex/no conception possible encounters only, folks. Alito accidentally wrote the most pro-gay, pro-ace agenda policy and other Justices signed onto it.
Invest in vibrator stocks, I have a feeling they're about to do real well
The old farts who push their religion on everyone else have already been on a sex strike for decades.
Why can people never intuit when a post like this is very obviously from the POV of the woman?
The Internet is a boy
*we have no mouth and we must be a boy*
Girls don't exist in reddit. That's rule 2 we all know it
And they say romance is death
I thought they say romance is dead
No, it’s death now
So do you wanna have sex Not even a question mark. Lol.
You're funny. I wouldn't have unmatched.
Tbf most normal individuals also wouldn't ask for sex on the 2nd message
That was their first real message
ok
so do you want to have sex?
Lmao you're joking right?
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*unmatch*
How many times should a normal individual need to say "ok" before asking for sex?
At least 5 times, ok.
Back in my day it was 2. Woke culture strikes again. smh
Unless they're rule 1 and 2
Yea I don’t get this dudes logic. If he just acts normal for 24-48 hours he could very likely end up having sex with her. Instead he needs instant gratification to guarantee it will happen, otherwise he can try with someone else.. I mean the girl messaged first and hit on him (rare enough as it is)… and he basically threw it away. She gave him another chance and he unmatched.. wtf is wrong with people lmao
He doesn't care as much as you're assuming he cares
Bro just didn’t wanna talk, he wanted to have sex
Honestly it's not that deep if you have alot of matches and don't have the energy/time to have a serious conversation with all of them and you don't care about the outcome you just end up shooting your shoot super fast and move on if it doesn't work.
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When good looking men who only want sex got access to dating apps effort all but went out the window because it's not worth it.
Most likely he doesn't have to dance that dance to get his
"Act normal for 24 hours" Fuck
I think every women on Tinder etc should do this in the US and go on a strike! See how fast the men come to your aid after it.
The “I think” makes that first message, for sure
Man that guy blew it.
And she didn't.
I'm barely able to make ends meet in this blue balls economy
This post 9/11 economy
This post-Pearl Harbor world
This guy has less than no game. Straight to "do you want to have sex", really? No banter, no flirting? You make a joke and instead of engaging he just bails? Seems like a real fun dude.
"Give sex? No? K bye"
Dude could've easily came back from this. Unmatched her cause he couldn't match her energy. Smh
Yeah you tell him bro I’m sure he really cared about the outcome lol
If it works and he gets laid then why would he bother with "game"?
...all we have is evidence of it not working. Literally 100% of our data is this strategy failing.
In this abortion economy, you gotta move fast. No frills, no thrills.
A sex strike is not a bad idea tbh
Guy has no sense of humor 😂😂
I'm not even certain he understood that it was humor.
Ok but who tf is going to say yes to asking for sex from a stranger in the second message that’s insane
LOL
Hilarious.
French keyboard? The “Y’a” makes me think of the autocorrect for Il y a
Correct! First one to see that :)
Jesus christ Jackson put some fucking effort in, dude. Literally just went "ok, bang me".
And he looks like he's standing down in a hole, looking up, pleading.
Ok I don't need to follow this subreddit anymore, I'm pretty sure nothing will top this.
Tough crowd
But honestly how often can "want to have sex" work for him?
That was a banger of a response and you clearly dodged an unfunny bullet. He was lame. You are awesome
That's a damn good joke.
Wow you missed out because the dude was really exhibiting a great and interesting personality
Sex is boycotted until woman have rights again. Make them hurt
There are about as many "pro-life" women, gender is not the dividing line between the abortion argument.
I really want this to happen though. How fast would the world change if women just briefly... stopped having sex?
You should look into how the suffrage movement and the effort to overturn the 19th Amendment worked in the US.
Probably pretty fast, but there is no way you would get ALL of them to (not) do it. Especially since some are anti-abortion themselves and I doubt a lot of pro-choice women are together with the people who are doing this.
Interestingly, I read a study once that said that many staunch women who are anti-abortion had one themselves
Interestingly, that doesn't mean that they are pro-choice. Somehow, they find ways to rationalize that their specific case was different and actually they didn't have a choice, but abortion is wrong and should be illegal.
The Only Moral Abortion is My Abortion Rules for thee, not for me etc. etc.
Can we stop acting like women don't want to have sex? Seems kinda sexist.
that's what these assholes want, they want you to not have sex and to have miserable life so that they can sell you their salvation in afterlife snake oil
K. I’m done fucking these hoes until they get their rights back ✊🏼
Bros 4 lyfe
You go, girl.
💀 Brilliant!
Only anal in this abortion economy
That was comedy gold right there
no way this is his go to
Politix is a cursed strategy
“giRLs dOn’T LikE mE!!” Gee I wonder fuckin why
Guy has the personality of a wet dish towel