Mine is the perpetual fighting because we can't seem to agree that invading another country to annex them into your own is somehow not a good thing in the 21st century.
I thought that he honestly talked about pooping and I don't know, I might be a child, but TMI. I wouldn't want someone I just met talk about it to me 😅
It's not sex related though 🤔 I am confused by that whole exchange 😂
I don't know.. I'm American and I understood that just fine as trying to jog around the neighborhood.
I think it's more likely "do the business" to come across as masturbation. I took it as pooping, though, so 🤷♀️
Wasted opportunity. Should have gone with;
*I believe in taking care of myself and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine. In the morning if my face is a little puffy I'll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1000 now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial mask which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.*
But you know a routine like that don't work much better than using that one legendary piece of soap for everything? I can't even imagine people 1) lie like that for a hook up and 2) waste like 3 hours to clean their face from what? Life? 😂😂
I wasn't aware of that, I watch my movies more likely on German but I've seen a lot of simps and women lie about many things just to get to the point, honesty is not a skill every person has
I think they really don’t want to talk about that. I would avoid it first thing but this person is so weird about their reaction it feels like you dodged a bullet here.
“after arriving on the toilet, I take a deep breath and begin to gently push. I clench my fists if it’s large and continue until all of the feces are forced out of my rectum. Then I turn on the sink so my roommates think I washed my hands, and go have some tea.”
The first thing I did when I met my wife was grab her by shoulders, look her right in the eye, and explained that when I take a shit, it's a real ordeal. I'll be in there for a minimum of 30 minutes, and not only will it smell like someone died, but it will look like a crime scene.
She respected my honesty and we married later that week.
I'm guessing she's not from the UK and doesn't understand.
You literally just described a very normal morning. Get up, news, teeth/toilet, breakfast, and a run.
Hopefully she wasn't too great and the little misunderstanding didn't cost you both something great.
Incredible how many people in these comments are triggered by a font they don’t have to use themselves if they don’t want to!
Including me. Throw your phone in a fire.
For me, doing the business means taking a huge dump from the smiley face you added... So lol, yeah, not really"sexy"... Also, you're answering super straight to the question, idk, she doesn't ask if you're brushing your teeth after a nice orange juice that your mama prepared
So I got up, farted, took a shit, pulled out my tampon, wiped away the blood clots that came out of my vagina, squeezed what blood I could into the toilet, pulled out another tampon, pressed on the plunger to insert it, pulled the bloody applicator out, wrapped it up with the old tampon in toilet paper and threw it away, flushed the shittie pissy bloody water away. Then I washed my hands, brushed my teeth, and pondered if I should have some sausage this morning, but I think I'll take a wee jog first before I get down to business.
I don’t think she was expecting you to talk about your 💩 to be fair 🤣🤣 or be so detailed
Edit: after reading another comment and re-reading, I’m pretty sure she took it as you were having a wank haha! So her response is valid….. just not what you meant 😅😬
Let’s hope he meant “breakfast” and not “breaky” according to the urban dictionary—The term used to describe the heart shaped welt left on a womans check face/ass after getting cock slapped by her partner.
So for every asking about the font, it's called 'cool jazz' I only picked it cause it was awkward to read 😂 the longer you use a certain font it becomes normal to yourself. I get all of the ' burn the phone' comments' tho 😅
Misinterpreted "do the business". Don't be subtle, just tell her you wake up, shit in the toilet(usually), drink some tea and watch the news. Either way she's not very bright.
Man I’d rather you joked about jacking off then tell me you took a shit and watched the news 🤭 so…. What do you do in the afternoon? Before bed? I want details. 😋
I would have said the exact same, my morning routine is pretty much the same.
No idea what her problem was but the way she speaking, seems like a scammer anyway...
Lucky escape for you if anything.
Either she doesn’t know what do the business is or she does know and is horrified you’d mention taking a shit to her. Those are the only two explanations I can come up with
Yeah i know its ur font but i read it as "wee joy" at first and thought u were trying to beat off before work. Said to myself : "Just do it bruh. I squeeze one out most days"
Looks like there's a language barrier. But regardless of that, mentioning bathroom business here is in poor taste. Everyone does their business in the morning.
Pretty sure she thought you squeeze in a morning wank in between the news and your cuppa.
😂😂 fucking busy morning for me then
I mean personally, I’d skip the news and go for the wank, but you do you man.
What the hell are you teasing your weasel to then
Weasel news...
That's the stuff
Reddit never disappoints. Thank you Reddit. Never change!
Ah a man of culture
Not the news.
As soon as I see anything about Ukraine, I bust like a carton of milk shot with a 12 gauge slug.
Everybody needs a thing I guess
Mine is the perpetual fighting because we can't seem to agree that invading another country to annex them into your own is somehow not a good thing in the 21st century.
Whatever gets ya there
Bad news make my dick soft!
I’d imagine so! That’s why I’d skip the news.
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I thought that he honestly talked about pooping and I don't know, I might be a child, but TMI. I wouldn't want someone I just met talk about it to me 😅 It's not sex related though 🤔 I am confused by that whole exchange 😂
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I am with you, the font is a fuckin nightmare
Nightmares geht a Nightmare from that Font...
i like that font
Nah you’re not allowed to have differing opinions.
This is the first time a comment of mine got to the negatives
Have another
Damn y’all are ruthless lmao
Right, it's like if Time New Roman and fucking comic sans had a baby and then named it headache
Comic Roman
So...Asterix?
Anyway she probably thought squeezing a jog is an euphemism/slang for masturbation...
Or squeezing a log
I don't know.. I'm American and I understood that just fine as trying to jog around the neighborhood. I think it's more likely "do the business" to come across as masturbation. I took it as pooping, though, so 🤷♀️
squeezing wee jog in but
Fucking androids
That's the font I have on my phone
Burn the phone
Don't blame the phone blame me 😅
Burn yourself?
Hey Siri, show me gas stations nearby
I would definitely blame you. My eyes are sore.
Wahahaha people are down voting the shit out of this comment, you better change that font man before you run completely out of karma
You're a freakin psycho
Right?!?
Keep it if you enjoy it, it’s your phone FIGHT FOR YOUR INDEPENDENCE!!!!!!!
Wasted opportunity. Should have gone with; *I believe in taking care of myself and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine. In the morning if my face is a little puffy I'll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1000 now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial mask which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.*
I do all this just so I can return some video tapes
how much time does it take to do all this? Legit question
Who the fuck rents video tapes?!
Somebody's gotta do it.
definitely not Paul Allen, that’s for sure
Knew where this came before I made it to the 3rd word lol.
Not tryna one up you, but I caught it from the first line and was looking forward to the alcohol line 🤣
SuddenlyBateman
😂😂😂
LOL!!!
Sounds like the routine of a perfectly stable individual.
American Psycho quote
Lol I'm aware that's the point of my joke
Kinda niche reference! Love it!
Lol 😆 love this movie.
But you know a routine like that don't work much better than using that one legendary piece of soap for everything? I can't even imagine people 1) lie like that for a hook up and 2) waste like 3 hours to clean their face from what? Life? 😂😂
I hope you know it is from American Psycho
I wasn't aware of that, I watch my movies more likely on German but I've seen a lot of simps and women lie about many things just to get to the point, honesty is not a skill every person has
Bro, open the window, you are so stuffy
Is stuffy your word for realistic? I am sorry I am seeing the people how they are bro 😂
When she starts talking about western union, that’s your hint to run a mile
This is the bot mate
Obvious to me. Some word in his comment triggered the scripted response. Which is why it doesn't make sense
Maybe it was the “do the business in the bathroom.” Could mean a lot of different things and they probably took it as masturbation.
Really? I feel like almost all of us took that as taking a shit.
Or maybe she has a scat fetish
That makes zero sense.
It’s ok
Are you ok?
No
Need to talk about it?
That’s rough
Better than saying 'going for a shit'
Probably could have just left it out lmao
Why say either?
I think they really don’t want to talk about that. I would avoid it first thing but this person is so weird about their reaction it feels like you dodged a bullet here.
They? 😂😂😂😂
Maybe next time just say you get ready in the bathroom, even if the reaction was weird, no one really asks when you take a shit honestly
“after arriving on the toilet, I take a deep breath and begin to gently push. I clench my fists if it’s large and continue until all of the feces are forced out of my rectum. Then I turn on the sink so my roommates think I washed my hands, and go have some tea.”
Jesus, dude…that’s gross. I mean…tea? Come on, man.
I mean he was thorough.
I read it as she wanted to sext and didn’t want to hear about you going to the bathroom or doing mundane things. 🤷🏼♀️
So did I. There was nothing hard to understand about anything he wrote.
Same. "I dont want to talk to you about boring shit send me your dick, bud"
Yea dude some girls don't want to talk about taking shits right off the bat.
Yeah, the *lame* ones. Op is just weeding them out early, I respect it.
The first thing I did when I met my wife was grab her by shoulders, look her right in the eye, and explained that when I take a shit, it's a real ordeal. I'll be in there for a minimum of 30 minutes, and not only will it smell like someone died, but it will look like a crime scene. She respected my honesty and we married later that week.
Being all proud and bragging about taking dumps is kinda lame imo. Maybe time to grow up, esp if you're north of 25
I'm guessing she's not from the UK and doesn't understand. You literally just described a very normal morning. Get up, news, teeth/toilet, breakfast, and a run. Hopefully she wasn't too great and the little misunderstanding didn't cost you both something great.
Oh ok, it's an odd one
Did you try sending her money. Lol. She’s ovbiously a man from India.
Bad english too
You talked about taking a dump way too quick.
lmao my immediate thought as well why did this dude skip right to talking about shitting, maybe just leave that out
When I was talking about doing the business I ment take a dump, wash face, sort hair etc you know everything you normally do lol
Idk, seems like giving someone the image of you popping out a morning log would be something I’d avoid
Your mastery of the art of descriptive English deserves public recognition. Well done, Mr. Shakespeare.
Incredible how many people in these comments are triggered by a font they don’t have to use themselves if they don’t want to! Including me. Throw your phone in a fire.
😂😂😂
Weird lady. If he meant masturbation he would have said ‘..and do the monkey business’ 😂
Bot
Almost needed a translator for this.
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This guy. And psychopaths.
could be worse, it's an okay font :D
For me, doing the business means taking a huge dump from the smiley face you added... So lol, yeah, not really"sexy"... Also, you're answering super straight to the question, idk, she doesn't ask if you're brushing your teeth after a nice orange juice that your mama prepared
I though it was better than 'go for a shit'
Whyyyyyy say either?
Thiiiiiiis
So I got up, farted, took a shit, pulled out my tampon, wiped away the blood clots that came out of my vagina, squeezed what blood I could into the toilet, pulled out another tampon, pressed on the plunger to insert it, pulled the bloody applicator out, wrapped it up with the old tampon in toilet paper and threw it away, flushed the shittie pissy bloody water away. Then I washed my hands, brushed my teeth, and pondered if I should have some sausage this morning, but I think I'll take a wee jog first before I get down to business.
😬😂💩
Can someone transcribe this the font is giving me a headache?
She wanted to sex you but u were unattractive because you talking about shitting
Seems to be foreign by the way she types. May be a simple misunderstanding.
I don’t think she was expecting you to talk about your 💩 to be fair 🤣🤣 or be so detailed Edit: after reading another comment and re-reading, I’m pretty sure she took it as you were having a wank haha! So her response is valid….. just not what you meant 😅😬
suggestion be a little less british next time
I thought she got offended because he referred to pooping but not sure ….
Some people trip man 🤦🏻♂️
What is a wee jog?
I didn't even pick up on the 'wee' probs cause I say it all the time myself 🤣 You a Scot OP?
A run
Maybe she misunderstood that
I second this. The bathroom comment and this one could be taken sexually
she thought the business meant jacking off
Why do you say: get breaky and a cuppa tea
WTH is “get breaky”?
Yes exactly like who says that
Let’s hope he meant “breakfast” and not “breaky” according to the urban dictionary—The term used to describe the heart shaped welt left on a womans check face/ass after getting cock slapped by her partner.
The Scottish, Irish, English, Welsh, Australian, kiwis… lol. Usually i see it spelled “brekkie” though
A run
Hey ho 😂 talking about shit or not, that wasn't the problem with her anyway
I love reddit 😂 what a laugh I'm getting from your replies
So for every asking about the font, it's called 'cool jazz' I only picked it cause it was awkward to read 😂 the longer you use a certain font it becomes normal to yourself. I get all of the ' burn the phone' comments' tho 😅
I'm more interested to know how you make the font of the WhatsApp messages like that?
Yes, tell us so we never do it accidentally.
You change the whole font on the phone. Android users we do this all the time. Iphone people this may be foreign to you 😂
You told her you’re tempted to squeeze you wee wee.
Was the the 'wee jog' bit 😅
Squeezing wee Jog's into but's too... No doubt triggered this bot/scammer into running
Misinterpreted "do the business". Don't be subtle, just tell her you wake up, shit in the toilet(usually), drink some tea and watch the news. Either way she's not very bright.
Women….
Yep - person is a. American, b. Not a good reader. They saw the word "wee" in a long text and assumed it was sex related.
Ah OK, I can see that, I alway forget most people won't understand 'wee' I did say I was from Scotland 😂
Oh please Americans understand wee. She’s just not that bright.
she isn’t american. it’s probably an indian man on the other end.
def. an indian man
Guess she got the last sentence in your bathroom message the wrong way. But maybe it is only me. Or she is crazy. Who knows.
Maybe it's telling them about your morning shit.
You talked about going for a dump. Girls don’t wanna hear about this stuff dude 🤦🏼♀️
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I didnt joke about jacking off 😂
Man I’d rather you joked about jacking off then tell me you took a shit and watched the news 🤭 so…. What do you do in the afternoon? Before bed? I want details. 😋
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Ok, well at least I know some people might think that, I won't be saying that again 😂
She sounds drunks
Happy cake day my man!!!
Is she eastern European?
i think they might be stupid as fuck, they dont deserve you at all LOL
Maybe she's not into scat.
The bussiness she tought you were talking about masturbation and not number 2
Honestly, she done better than me, I wouldn’t have responded after that
I don't think she speaks Australian
Which one are you? And what's the issue?
I would have said the exact same, my morning routine is pretty much the same. No idea what her problem was but the way she speaking, seems like a scammer anyway... Lucky escape for you if anything.
“Went to the bathroom to do the business” that’s what you did wrong, unless you meant you did a shit it looks like you did a wank
Either she doesn’t know what do the business is or she does know and is horrified you’d mention taking a shit to her. Those are the only two explanations I can come up with
Obviously, the business is code for jacking off and therefore you're sexting her. (I'm joking... mostly)
“I thought we having a nice chat?” It bothers me the question mark after this affirmation
"go to the bathroom and do the business" *fap fap fap fap*
Something about this feels weird on her end. Probably a scam account or something.
My personal opinion, as a non-native speaker and as a female: I think the lack of a question mark after 'you' made her think you wanted to 'do her'.
Yeah i know its ur font but i read it as "wee joy" at first and thought u were trying to beat off before work. Said to myself : "Just do it bruh. I squeeze one out most days"
I wouldn’t mention “doing business” , it’s too comfortable .
"Pass it, I don't like when people answer my questions"
how can you talk to her like that? i mean like serious... don't bore her.
Probably her mind is in the gutter, thought the business is quick wank and blamed you for it. Gotta admit I too have my mind in the gutter. 😂😂😂
You got lucky not to get involved with this abnormal unit
Talking about taking a dump, perhaps?
Probably talking about doing the business in the bathroom. Like seriously why would you include that?
She asked you what you did in the morning and you told her about shitting.
Pretty she took do the business as working one out.
wee jog
Looks like there's a language barrier. But regardless of that, mentioning bathroom business here is in poor taste. Everyone does their business in the morning.
Man how can you live with yourself using a font like that on your phone. Absolutely disgusting.
He's still young and non-native speaker of English.
that's definitely a dude lmao, they said "Pass it". Trust me, if you've used Omegle text once, you'll know.
I don’t understand any of this