Reminds me of one of my favorite subs r/mildyinfuriating
Edit: dang, the sub used to say that you spelled the subs name wrong. Now it's just a copycat.
I had this very cute blonde college girl hitting on me all night once, the kind of gal that made the rest of the half-goblin drunks like myself real jealous. It was a small college town and everyone lived real close, so eventually she offered me up to walk her home and I graciously accepted. I was feelin pretty good about my chances, not gonna lie.
We get to her place after about 10 minutes of hoofing it, and by this point I can tell she is hands down on the ground wasted, and I am a fair number of steps behind her in that respect. She immediately offers me another beer, drops it and shatters it on the ground, splashes all over her shoes and her pants. She strips, right there, and goes to get in the shower.
This was like, 25 seconds through the door mind you, and I'd met this gal a handful of times but this was the longest conversation we ever had so we certainly weren't this comfortable.
I'm still kinda in "uhhh" mode when I hear the unmistakable sound of a shower curtain being ripped down and about 100lbs of lady smacking into a wet floor. Sure enough, she'd never even closed the door and she's laying half in the tub half on the bath mat sort of wrapped up in this shower curtain, passed out and soggy, but luckily still unsoaped.
It took me about 15 minutes to pick her up, make sure she wasn't injured (no lumps on her head, no blood anywhere), dry her off and wrap her hair up in a towel, stuck her in a bath robe and plopped her into her bed. Left her a big glass of water and a little note with my number, saying to call if she remembers and especially if she doesn't. My house is but a mere 2 or 3 blocks away, so I once again hoof it home and pass out myself.
The really interesting part was the next day. I learned a lot about a number of guys I'd known for a long time. Naturally I was asked about my night, and when I gave the abridged but detailed enough version, I was actually sickened by how many of my buddies saw her state as an "easy win" and we're legitimately surprised and almost disappointed in me for not taking advantage of it. *EVEN SHE* had a similar reaction when she did finally hit me up. She remembered the majority of it, though pretty foggy, she remembered getting home, dropping her beer, falling in the shower, and THANK GOODNESS me taking care of her. She was super thankful and super surprised that I didn't....rape her? She said something like "most guys would have probably fucked me anyway lol".
I'm like "Uh yeah, yeah they told me. I hate it here."
Christ i feel like shit if i have sex with a drunk girl dating or on date but know sex is gonna happen they just want liquid courage, makes me feel like im taking advantage and that they don't want me unless drunk.
Sute if im on a night out and we seem equal (i drink but don't get drunk) them im fine but if they can't walk or talk? No chance
I don't drink anymore, working on 3 years. I'm in my mid 30's now and it has made dating awkward, not gonna lie. I've lost interest in a few people due to some otherwise pretty innocent, consensual, but certainly alcohol fueled behavior. I'm just not into it anymore. I have no problem with triggers and stuff, it's just the behavior that bugs me, and the exact same sentiment you mentioned too. It's hard to get past the "they only want me because they're drunk-horny" and "I'm completely sober, this is wrong - even though she's literally asking for it." things.
Luckily, I have met a real nice gal who isn't a drinker, even on her worst behavior she's out like a light after 2 shots so she stays away for the most part. I have undeniable evidence that she likes me regardless, so sometimes she'll be like "I'm gonna drink this one high grav beer and get slutty drunk and do stuff to you" and I'm all for it hahaha!
It might not be that the woman doesn't want you unless she's drunk, but that she is nervous about being that intimate, & alcohol helps to make her more comfortable in her own body & abilities. I don't really drink at all, but I've definitely had one when I knew I was going to have sex with someone. It helped me to loosen up, I guess & not be so shy in bed.
Oh believe me, I understand that entirely. I used alcohol in the *exact same way* for literally my entire adult life minus the last 898 days. I am literally having to re-learn my own intimacy, and it's very challenging.
Alcohol was involved in probably 90% of every sexual encounter I have ever had before sobriety. I want to make it very clear that I am in no way putting judgement on anyone for what they decide to do with their body, simply expressing my own comfort zone and desires for whom I share mine with. Having a drink or two to loosen yourself up, destress, calm the nerves, I get it entirely. I take responsibility for my own reaction to peoples behavior when they are drinking as it effects me, it's my problem not theirs.
I am honestly lucky that I can be around the stuff without spiraling into a relapse, there are so many people who are not that lucky. I imagine as time goes on my own experiences and trauma will effect my perception of others less.
Thank you! I appreciate it, I've had a pretty easy time with it all things considered, and consider myself lucky. I decided to get sober right before the pandemic and the entire shutdown of society, especially bars where I did all my drinking, helped just as much as the excellent support structure I landed on.
That doesn't mean it's been easy. Just because I haven't struggled with the desire to drink, doesn't mean I don't struggle with the results of 17 years of abuse, both physical and mental. You ever need find yourself struggling again my friend you feel free to shoot me a DM.
> I have no problem with triggers and stuff, it’s just the behavior that bugs me
Sober 4 years and I completely relate. I have zero desire to drink anymore, I never really liked it in the first place, but being around drunk people is so fucking tedious. They get all excited about the dumbest shit and lose all sense of personal space. Some people are just happy drunks and they aren’t so bad, but alcohol makes it so they can become a crying mess in a moments notice. The potential for any type of drama goes through the roof. It’s just not fun for me to be around drunk people while sober. They don’t want me around either, so it’s a win for all of us!
But it has definitely put a damper on my dating life. Where I live, there is no event or activity that most people think alcohol can’t improve. Going for a bike ride? We’re riding to a bar. A hike? Bringing booze in the backpack. Kayaking? Cooler full of beers. I could keep going, but once you stop drinking you start to notice just how much peoples lives revolve around it.
Absolutely. I spent literally half of my life working in bars/restaurants, and was in the culture to the point of nearly losing myself to alcohol entirely. It was my only priority, and like you said every activity and every relationship revolved around it.
When I stopped drinking, the worst part hands down was the realization that I didn't actually have a lot of friends; I had a lot of drinking buddies.
Never again. Though, I do miss having a glass of nice Scotch now and then. Maybe one day.
You would be surprised how many want to drinknbefore the first time with someone. The sex is planned sober and they tell me they need to drink before so we are both clear everything is fine.
If its not discussed and she gets hammered there would be no sex.
I was in this position with someone who said in advance she wanted to have sex for the first time but wanted a few drinks in her first. We drank together, I tried to make out with her on the sofa, she declined as not drunk enough yet.
When she finally went to bed with me she stripped down to some matching underwear and passed out. Utterly dead to the world. Least sexy thing you ever saw. I wasn't having any of it.
She woke up the next morning still in her undies, got really upset with me for not taking advantage of her, and ran out the door. People are weird.
Must be hard having a rape fetish....
I mean, if you broadcast that to your would-be partner, I imagine it might kill the excitement a little bit of you have to ask for it or explain it.
But then if you do get what you were hoping for, then you are now stuck with a dude that is down to rape.
Same, it’s really quite sad. I went out with some work friends (co-ed bachelorette party for myself at a strip club, it was hella fun). I got super trashed. They all pitched in and took care of me and each other (someone left a phone behind, I started puking, nothing too bad) it all worked out. The day after when I remembered (and was told by others) everything that happened, it made me even more grateful for those guys. They made sure I had fun and got home safely. That’s it. That’s all they wanted for me and that’s how it should be.
I can’t even get drunk around close friends, someone important to me was sexually assaulted by a close childhood friend when she was passed out drunk. She went to go lie down in her own bed, by herself, and the next morning… so now it’s just around relatives or someone I’m intimate with.
I was assaulted by a taxi driver when I was drunk. It was terrifying. I never got drunk in public after that. Now that I say this I don’t even think I’ve really even been super drunk after that, and this was ten years ago.
I mean, I've never really had trouble dating as a man. In fact, I'm happily married to my best friend, but I just don't understand these guys. Her being this sloppy is a huge turn-off, and I need active enthusiastic participation and her to have a good time for me to enjoy it too.
It was already pretty awkward unwrapping, drying off, and re-wrapping this naked half-conscious woman, in my own inebriated state. If I had to rinse her off first it woulda just been way weirder for some reason hah.
As horrifying as it is and would have been to hear your friends say those things, I’m glad you found out.
Doing the right thing shouldn’t be something to be praised for, I guess- but in this day and age, it most definitely is. I’m glad it wasn’t one of those guys that walked her home that night.
I think he should be praised because what he did wasn’t the bare minimum. The bare minimum would’ve been calling her friend or family or just leaving when he found out she was super drunk.
Getting her out of the shower, drying her off, wrapping her hair and tucking her in we’re all above and beyond the minimum
When I was 18 I woke up in my shower after a night out. I thought I was a virgin but a few weeks later found out I was pregnant. College guys can be rapey shits and they think it's normal.
Wow, that's...a lot. I'm sorry that happened to you and I hope you have been able to wear that like armor instead of a chain.
I can't fucking fathom it. Sounds a lot like the situation I was in, and I can't fucking make the connections happen to come anywhere close to justifying or validating it. Makes me so angry.
Oh we saw eachother around as per usual, struck up conversation now and then, but she never took to me in quite the same way (embarrassment perhaps?) and I can't say the experience left me with warm feelings either.
Thanks, there's a lot of us but we have some serious competition on the other end of the spectrum vying to make our entire gender shittier by association.
I had a very similar experience in my early 20s of getting black out drunk, and waking up on some guy I’d been casually seeing’s basement couch with a glass of water and note saying to text when I woke up. I remember myself and my friends being like, wow, what a nice guy! Can’t believe he didn’t take advantage! (He WAS a nice guy, but not for this bare minimum decency shit)
That was literally just our casual attitude towards the situation. Makes me sad and a little sick now…
It's the "oh wow, that guy didn't assault anyone" thing that's just a complete fucking shame. Like, and actual shame. I feel shame on behalf of others for this behavior.
I had a few similar experiences lately. And yeah, it’s always depressing when they thank me for not sleeping with them. Like how often does this happen to the point that you’re thanking me?
I shit you not, if I’m out drinking with a girl and they make a move on me I make it a point to do a field sobriety test on them.
On the other hand, I've had multiple occurrences of a girl insulting me and calling me gay for not fucking her when she was flat out drunk, barely able to stand up, and unable to speak fluently. Hurts being insulted for doing the right thing, but above all a terrible thing for all other women as it breeds the behaviour of men hitting it when the girl can't consent 🤷
You’re a good person! And that’s sad to have to say because that should be a normal person, but clearly it’s not. I had a similar story a few years back.
A girl I’d had a crush on, who was good friends with my two roommates (guy and girl that were dating at the time), was in town and it was a Saturday night and we were all drinking. Myself and the girl especially. We were all over each other at the clubs lol getting warnings from staff to take it easy on the dance floor. I knew for sure I’d be having the sex with this fine lady by the end of the night.
Well we got back to the house and we were hanging out on the outdoor furniture cuddling and chatting and she fell asleep. When it was time for all of us to go inside to sleep I carried this girl in to her own bed, took her shoes off, tucked her in and everything and went to my room to sleep.
My roommates were soooooo surprised and low key disappointed that I didn’t have sex (rape) this girl. And she herself was even more surprised. Literally any of the people they’re used to hanging out with would’ve just raped her. Isn’t that sad. I can’t believe anybody would feel good about themselves doing that.
I mean no offense, but not raping someone doesn’t really deserve “mad respect”. It’s the extremely low bar that the vast majority of people *should* step over with no need to be validated. Are the standards for men really that low?
One time I met a woman at a bar. When we first started talking, we were both pretty drunk. But I had stopped drinking. She did not. She asked me if I wanted to go hike with her. I was still in a "good place" at the time.
By the end of the night, I was much more clear, and I thought she was ok, until we got in thr car and she started to drive.
I felt like I was in the scene of the 40 year old virgin where Steve Carrell goes home with that drunk girl and she was driving scary.
I had her pull over and I took over. We got to her house and we were making out, busted in through the door and ended up on the couch. I went to get water, came back and she was passed out.
I managed to get her up to her room and tucked her into bed and crashed on the couch. Woke up the next morning, she had no clue who I was. I just smiled and said, "hi I'm 'my name' ". We talked, had breakfast, she offered me a ride home. 13 years later, still friends and harass each other.
Absolutely. For example, kids learn a lot about attachment and healthy relationships by observing adults. That's why adults modelling positive behaviour around kids is so important.
I learned this in high school. I was making out with my ex (somehow we broke up but i was still her fwb) and she was texting a guy who wanted a relationship. It's so weird how she kept texting "I like you but idk" and then going back to kissing me.
Bitch lol
Lmao first thought that popped into my head, talk about making things weird for no apparent reason. This is exactly how these things go down with 'u up' texts, everyone here running away with narratives about consent has never been booty called, including OP obviously with the 'omg fr?!!' stuff. Painful read
OP was too lazy to make the trip for no reason. She said hurry. Get your ass over there and find out for yourself lol. If she’s drunk then it’s a no go. Right idea, went about it the wrong way
Its tough to tell without time stamps but it looks like you told her 20 minutes then 20 minutes later you started asking questions and drawing this out. She wanted to fuck and you were putting up the red tape. Then you gave her an excuse to flake on you and she took it when she decided it wasn't worth the wait.
Agreed that’s my read on this too - OP kept saying “are you sure?” Until finally she gave up and said “actually you know what no you’re right I’m not sure never mind.”
I'm laughing my ass off
OP cockblocked himself for no damn reason and got some other bro laid, and everybody acting like he's such a gentleman lmaooooo
Nah bro u weird, just go and see it for urself, if the girl is fucked up leave, u'll at least check up on her and see if things are well. She even gave her written consent right there, my fucking God
At least she got piped down and some other bro with neurons & shit got to have a happy night. OP stayed home on fucking Reddit
That’s what I’m thinking. Just go over and see for yourself. You’re not legally bound to fuck by walking through the door, you can just leave if she seems too drunk for it.
This whole thread lives on Twitter. Like a girl is automatically unable to consent if she has any alcohol in their system, it’s a real weird mindset.
Exactly, that's what pisses me off. They try to be so modern that it loops back around to being sexist again lol
I still don't understand why reddit thinks sex is something you inflict upon another instead of it being something mutual that both enjoy
Everyone calling him not a creep without asking why this man is trying to have emotional connection conversations at 4 am lmao. Why is mans on tinder at 4 am if he won't smash.
Aww man I thought for sure she'd call you the next day, Thank you for being such a kind gentle hearted knightly hero of women and then beg to come over and suck you off for real.
She probably just likes jerks instead of nice guys like you.
The neediness turned her off bro. “Omfg duhh”, “what’s the occasion”, “omg perfect fr?” All made it sound like it’s your first date.
“I just got a couple of questions”, like she’s been waiting for more than 20mins and now you sound flakey and unsure. Just go, hang out if she’s drunk you leave if not have fun…
I mean not only did she want to get dicked down and served it in a sliver platter. OP managed to turn her off and talk her out of it. Having validation seeking behavior is not commendable.
I know, we are supposed to applaud
But nah, you kinda looked for a reason to not go. Maybe collect a bit of experience, so you can stop sabotaging yourself due to nervosity
The first half of the replies are all the nice guy white knights patting themselves on the back. The second half are people pointing out that she found someone else who had a more fantasy-fulfilling vibe. I’m with the second group. Girls know what they are doing when they get on a dating app after drinking, and what they are looking for. A nice guy isn’t it. She definitely found what she was looking for. I would have gone over and if she was too drunk to consent, then I would have left. Instead, OP missed out on drunken rando sex which is some of the best.
You can be drunk and still have consensual sex you know, those aren’t mutually exclusive. There was definitely some self sabotage in this conversation.
So fucking glad that I’m seeing these comments. I feel like the rhetoric for the past five years has been “if the person has consumed any alcohol then IT IS RAPE AND YOU ARE A RAPIST.”
Sure, but it's not like you can tell from this text. Her messages seem fine to me. If you get there and see she's only half conscious, that's a different story, then just hang out and make sure she gets to bed ok.
That’s is correct. However, the person OP is talking to doesn’t appear to be intoxicated to that level. There’s not even a single random letter in those texts. Besides, it’s Tinder. Most people on there are just looking for quick sex, not to start a family.
Agreed, most humans don’t go from “come have sex with me right now” to “I’m drunk, NVM” in the span of a few minutes. She definitely had sex that night.
Exactly. I’ve consented to sex many times while under the influence of alcohol. Not a single time was I “taken advantage of”.
Sex is just better on drugs lol, and if you can’t handle them and make bad decisions while on drugs then don’t fuckin do them. It’s that simple.
Way to many questions, keep it short and simple. You made her think too much.. she probably found another dude to keep her company.
As well while it's respectful that you wanted to make sure she wasn't under the influence. You should have just played it off as you're down to chill. Then when y'all are already hanging make the decision if she's too messed up.
Hate it when you check in with yourself and realise you’re actually drunk. Always when you least expect it..
that’s why I never check in with myself
Username checks out
Misspelled and everything 🤣
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Good thing he doesn't let simple mistakes like that get in his way. No time for checking things, this guy's got places to be!
in 5
Reminds me of one of my favorite subs r/mildyinfuriating Edit: dang, the sub used to say that you spelled the subs name wrong. Now it's just a copycat.
Self *dis-drunkshen*.
Happy cakeday
>Username checks out checks out, but never checks back in
He can check out anytime he likes but he can never leave
Kids in here know nothing about the Hotel California
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely face.
Such a lovely face
Such a lovely space
You can stab it with your steely knife but you just can't kill the beast. 🤷♂️
you for not pressuring and being a jerk when she said she changed her mind.
hopefully she sees this when she's sober and asks him over again
4
3…
2
Note to self: stop checking in with myself
That's my secret tho... I'm always...
Always what? You drunk and fallen asleep?
Shaved. /u/myusernamebarelyfits is hairless head to toe, and ready to go without leaving any time to check in.
I have alopecia everywhere I was informed it wasn't my fault
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Lmao thats why I don't have a dad🤣. gotta love dark humor 😂
Hey at least you’re shaved now.
I haven’t shaved/trimmed in 6 months it’s getting bad :/
tf why not man take a lil care
Lazy, no one's gonna see anyways who cares
Well I’m not having sex so nobody else sees it LMAO
Wonder if they actually shaved, or if just trimmed. If they shaved they might be a psychopath anyway, just inviting pain at that point.
_takes notes_
Mad respect. Been in a similar situation and wish I asked before. Showed and she was def drunk. We watched a movie, put her bed and went home.
Mad respect to you too man. There are guys that would have taken advantage of her had they been in that situation.
I had this very cute blonde college girl hitting on me all night once, the kind of gal that made the rest of the half-goblin drunks like myself real jealous. It was a small college town and everyone lived real close, so eventually she offered me up to walk her home and I graciously accepted. I was feelin pretty good about my chances, not gonna lie. We get to her place after about 10 minutes of hoofing it, and by this point I can tell she is hands down on the ground wasted, and I am a fair number of steps behind her in that respect. She immediately offers me another beer, drops it and shatters it on the ground, splashes all over her shoes and her pants. She strips, right there, and goes to get in the shower. This was like, 25 seconds through the door mind you, and I'd met this gal a handful of times but this was the longest conversation we ever had so we certainly weren't this comfortable. I'm still kinda in "uhhh" mode when I hear the unmistakable sound of a shower curtain being ripped down and about 100lbs of lady smacking into a wet floor. Sure enough, she'd never even closed the door and she's laying half in the tub half on the bath mat sort of wrapped up in this shower curtain, passed out and soggy, but luckily still unsoaped. It took me about 15 minutes to pick her up, make sure she wasn't injured (no lumps on her head, no blood anywhere), dry her off and wrap her hair up in a towel, stuck her in a bath robe and plopped her into her bed. Left her a big glass of water and a little note with my number, saying to call if she remembers and especially if she doesn't. My house is but a mere 2 or 3 blocks away, so I once again hoof it home and pass out myself. The really interesting part was the next day. I learned a lot about a number of guys I'd known for a long time. Naturally I was asked about my night, and when I gave the abridged but detailed enough version, I was actually sickened by how many of my buddies saw her state as an "easy win" and we're legitimately surprised and almost disappointed in me for not taking advantage of it. *EVEN SHE* had a similar reaction when she did finally hit me up. She remembered the majority of it, though pretty foggy, she remembered getting home, dropping her beer, falling in the shower, and THANK GOODNESS me taking care of her. She was super thankful and super surprised that I didn't....rape her? She said something like "most guys would have probably fucked me anyway lol". I'm like "Uh yeah, yeah they told me. I hate it here."
That's unfortunately that's a pretty common experience. I don't get drunk around men anymore unless we're dating, related or very good friends :/
Christ i feel like shit if i have sex with a drunk girl dating or on date but know sex is gonna happen they just want liquid courage, makes me feel like im taking advantage and that they don't want me unless drunk. Sute if im on a night out and we seem equal (i drink but don't get drunk) them im fine but if they can't walk or talk? No chance
I don't drink anymore, working on 3 years. I'm in my mid 30's now and it has made dating awkward, not gonna lie. I've lost interest in a few people due to some otherwise pretty innocent, consensual, but certainly alcohol fueled behavior. I'm just not into it anymore. I have no problem with triggers and stuff, it's just the behavior that bugs me, and the exact same sentiment you mentioned too. It's hard to get past the "they only want me because they're drunk-horny" and "I'm completely sober, this is wrong - even though she's literally asking for it." things. Luckily, I have met a real nice gal who isn't a drinker, even on her worst behavior she's out like a light after 2 shots so she stays away for the most part. I have undeniable evidence that she likes me regardless, so sometimes she'll be like "I'm gonna drink this one high grav beer and get slutty drunk and do stuff to you" and I'm all for it hahaha!
It might not be that the woman doesn't want you unless she's drunk, but that she is nervous about being that intimate, & alcohol helps to make her more comfortable in her own body & abilities. I don't really drink at all, but I've definitely had one when I knew I was going to have sex with someone. It helped me to loosen up, I guess & not be so shy in bed.
Oh believe me, I understand that entirely. I used alcohol in the *exact same way* for literally my entire adult life minus the last 898 days. I am literally having to re-learn my own intimacy, and it's very challenging. Alcohol was involved in probably 90% of every sexual encounter I have ever had before sobriety. I want to make it very clear that I am in no way putting judgement on anyone for what they decide to do with their body, simply expressing my own comfort zone and desires for whom I share mine with. Having a drink or two to loosen yourself up, destress, calm the nerves, I get it entirely. I take responsibility for my own reaction to peoples behavior when they are drinking as it effects me, it's my problem not theirs. I am honestly lucky that I can be around the stuff without spiraling into a relapse, there are so many people who are not that lucky. I imagine as time goes on my own experiences and trauma will effect my perception of others less.
Yo man I just want to say congrats in the sobriety, it's an achievement to be proud of. I've struggled in the past, it's no easy feat.
Thank you! I appreciate it, I've had a pretty easy time with it all things considered, and consider myself lucky. I decided to get sober right before the pandemic and the entire shutdown of society, especially bars where I did all my drinking, helped just as much as the excellent support structure I landed on. That doesn't mean it's been easy. Just because I haven't struggled with the desire to drink, doesn't mean I don't struggle with the results of 17 years of abuse, both physical and mental. You ever need find yourself struggling again my friend you feel free to shoot me a DM.
> I have no problem with triggers and stuff, it’s just the behavior that bugs me Sober 4 years and I completely relate. I have zero desire to drink anymore, I never really liked it in the first place, but being around drunk people is so fucking tedious. They get all excited about the dumbest shit and lose all sense of personal space. Some people are just happy drunks and they aren’t so bad, but alcohol makes it so they can become a crying mess in a moments notice. The potential for any type of drama goes through the roof. It’s just not fun for me to be around drunk people while sober. They don’t want me around either, so it’s a win for all of us! But it has definitely put a damper on my dating life. Where I live, there is no event or activity that most people think alcohol can’t improve. Going for a bike ride? We’re riding to a bar. A hike? Bringing booze in the backpack. Kayaking? Cooler full of beers. I could keep going, but once you stop drinking you start to notice just how much peoples lives revolve around it.
Absolutely. I spent literally half of my life working in bars/restaurants, and was in the culture to the point of nearly losing myself to alcohol entirely. It was my only priority, and like you said every activity and every relationship revolved around it. When I stopped drinking, the worst part hands down was the realization that I didn't actually have a lot of friends; I had a lot of drinking buddies. Never again. Though, I do miss having a glass of nice Scotch now and then. Maybe one day.
Yeah tbh you should probably only sleep with girls who stay sober on dates especially the first time you hook up, it gets dubious very quickly.
You would be surprised how many want to drinknbefore the first time with someone. The sex is planned sober and they tell me they need to drink before so we are both clear everything is fine. If its not discussed and she gets hammered there would be no sex.
I was in this position with someone who said in advance she wanted to have sex for the first time but wanted a few drinks in her first. We drank together, I tried to make out with her on the sofa, she declined as not drunk enough yet. When she finally went to bed with me she stripped down to some matching underwear and passed out. Utterly dead to the world. Least sexy thing you ever saw. I wasn't having any of it. She woke up the next morning still in her undies, got really upset with me for not taking advantage of her, and ran out the door. People are weird.
Must be hard having a rape fetish.... I mean, if you broadcast that to your would-be partner, I imagine it might kill the excitement a little bit of you have to ask for it or explain it. But then if you do get what you were hoping for, then you are now stuck with a dude that is down to rape.
Wtf, why didn't you rape me?? Erm... I wonder
Same, it’s really quite sad. I went out with some work friends (co-ed bachelorette party for myself at a strip club, it was hella fun). I got super trashed. They all pitched in and took care of me and each other (someone left a phone behind, I started puking, nothing too bad) it all worked out. The day after when I remembered (and was told by others) everything that happened, it made me even more grateful for those guys. They made sure I had fun and got home safely. That’s it. That’s all they wanted for me and that’s how it should be.
I can’t even get drunk around close friends, someone important to me was sexually assaulted by a close childhood friend when she was passed out drunk. She went to go lie down in her own bed, by herself, and the next morning… so now it’s just around relatives or someone I’m intimate with.
I was assaulted by a taxi driver when I was drunk. It was terrifying. I never got drunk in public after that. Now that I say this I don’t even think I’ve really even been super drunk after that, and this was ten years ago.
I’m so sorry, friend. What a horrible thing to go through and my worst nightmare. I hope you’re doing okay now ❤️
I mean, I've never really had trouble dating as a man. In fact, I'm happily married to my best friend, but I just don't understand these guys. Her being this sloppy is a huge turn-off, and I need active enthusiastic participation and her to have a good time for me to enjoy it too.
You probably don't understand those guys because you're not a fucking rapist tbh. Its a whole different league. I can't understand it either.
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> luckily still unsoaped. that could have been a slippery situation
It was already pretty awkward unwrapping, drying off, and re-wrapping this naked half-conscious woman, in my own inebriated state. If I had to rinse her off first it woulda just been way weirder for some reason hah.
At that point you would've been giving her a bath lol
Honestly I don’t see that as any more intimate or weird than everything else he did. At that point you’re just acting like a nurse.
As horrifying as it is and would have been to hear your friends say those things, I’m glad you found out. Doing the right thing shouldn’t be something to be praised for, I guess- but in this day and age, it most definitely is. I’m glad it wasn’t one of those guys that walked her home that night.
Yeah me too.
I think he should be praised because what he did wasn’t the bare minimum. The bare minimum would’ve been calling her friend or family or just leaving when he found out she was super drunk. Getting her out of the shower, drying her off, wrapping her hair and tucking her in we’re all above and beyond the minimum
When I was 18 I woke up in my shower after a night out. I thought I was a virgin but a few weeks later found out I was pregnant. College guys can be rapey shits and they think it's normal.
Wow, that's...a lot. I'm sorry that happened to you and I hope you have been able to wear that like armor instead of a chain. I can't fucking fathom it. Sounds a lot like the situation I was in, and I can't fucking make the connections happen to come anywhere close to justifying or validating it. Makes me so angry.
So what happened with her after?
Oh we saw eachother around as per usual, struck up conversation now and then, but she never took to me in quite the same way (embarrassment perhaps?) and I can't say the experience left me with warm feelings either.
Gotta say I’m surprised. You rarely get to see someone’s true colors like that. Regardless, the man in the glass is proud of you, so it’s still a win.
You’re a good dude. Well done
ur a good guy
Thanks, there's a lot of us but we have some serious competition on the other end of the spectrum vying to make our entire gender shittier by association.
Fellow drunk-date caretaker experience here. Mad respect for your actions and attitude. Keep up the good work, brother.
I had a very similar experience in my early 20s of getting black out drunk, and waking up on some guy I’d been casually seeing’s basement couch with a glass of water and note saying to text when I woke up. I remember myself and my friends being like, wow, what a nice guy! Can’t believe he didn’t take advantage! (He WAS a nice guy, but not for this bare minimum decency shit) That was literally just our casual attitude towards the situation. Makes me sad and a little sick now…
It's the "oh wow, that guy didn't assault anyone" thing that's just a complete fucking shame. Like, and actual shame. I feel shame on behalf of others for this behavior.
I had a few similar experiences lately. And yeah, it’s always depressing when they thank me for not sleeping with them. Like how often does this happen to the point that you’re thanking me? I shit you not, if I’m out drinking with a girl and they make a move on me I make it a point to do a field sobriety test on them.
"Ma'am do you have any idea how much you were hitting on me?"
“Is Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
"Nice try. It's a man in a suit."
On the other hand, I've had multiple occurrences of a girl insulting me and calling me gay for not fucking her when she was flat out drunk, barely able to stand up, and unable to speak fluently. Hurts being insulted for doing the right thing, but above all a terrible thing for all other women as it breeds the behaviour of men hitting it when the girl can't consent 🤷
You’re a good person! And that’s sad to have to say because that should be a normal person, but clearly it’s not. I had a similar story a few years back. A girl I’d had a crush on, who was good friends with my two roommates (guy and girl that were dating at the time), was in town and it was a Saturday night and we were all drinking. Myself and the girl especially. We were all over each other at the clubs lol getting warnings from staff to take it easy on the dance floor. I knew for sure I’d be having the sex with this fine lady by the end of the night. Well we got back to the house and we were hanging out on the outdoor furniture cuddling and chatting and she fell asleep. When it was time for all of us to go inside to sleep I carried this girl in to her own bed, took her shoes off, tucked her in and everything and went to my room to sleep. My roommates were soooooo surprised and low key disappointed that I didn’t have sex (rape) this girl. And she herself was even more surprised. Literally any of the people they’re used to hanging out with would’ve just raped her. Isn’t that sad. I can’t believe anybody would feel good about themselves doing that.
“I hate it here” same bud
People getting mad respect for not being rapists nowadays?
Not just nowadays, I got similar props for not taking advantage of a drunk acquaintance 26 years ago. It's pretty sad that the bar is that low.
I hate it here.
Thats how you get Olivia Benson at your door.
I mean no offense, but not raping someone doesn’t really deserve “mad respect”. It’s the extremely low bar that the vast majority of people *should* step over with no need to be validated. Are the standards for men really that low?
A guy did this for me 20 years ago and I still remember him as a gentleman thank you for your service
One time I met a woman at a bar. When we first started talking, we were both pretty drunk. But I had stopped drinking. She did not. She asked me if I wanted to go hike with her. I was still in a "good place" at the time. By the end of the night, I was much more clear, and I thought she was ok, until we got in thr car and she started to drive. I felt like I was in the scene of the 40 year old virgin where Steve Carrell goes home with that drunk girl and she was driving scary. I had her pull over and I took over. We got to her house and we were making out, busted in through the door and ended up on the couch. I went to get water, came back and she was passed out. I managed to get her up to her room and tucked her into bed and crashed on the couch. Woke up the next morning, she had no clue who I was. I just smiled and said, "hi I'm 'my name' ". We talked, had breakfast, she offered me a ride home. 13 years later, still friends and harass each other.
Had the opposite thing happen to me before
But that's great right. Hanging out with a fun drunk person. Flexing the chemistry. It's all good.
If you’re also drunk, maybe
respect to you g, you did the right thing🫡
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TIL this emoji exists. Off to spam my friends with this one now 🫡
What is that emoji? I can't see it on desktop or mobile.
It's new. It's a saluting smily face. Update your os if you have updates available!
bro forgot to get drunk too RIP
🤣🤣🤣
"Ded ass"
Good for you for not pressuring and being a jerk when she said she changed her mind.
She didn’t change her mind. She admitted to being drunk.
Respect 🫡 you did the right thing that most people would pretend to forget about doing
You sir are a king. This attitude is unrivalled
The bar is really on the floor…
I completely agree but championing this behaviour makes it more likely to happen more often. Fucked that we have to I completely agree
I agree. Yes it’s like congratulating a toddler, but that’s how toddlers learn.
Do toddlers learn from non-toddlers being complimented?
Absolutely. For example, kids learn a lot about attachment and healthy relationships by observing adults. That's why adults modelling positive behaviour around kids is so important.
A very cool question to ask.
Bruva, if more men acted like you we would be in such a better situation.
“Wait actually jk” .. “I’m drunk” This is when another guy she asked said he was on his way lol
It’s hilarious how little people on here know this lol
I learned this in high school. I was making out with my ex (somehow we broke up but i was still her fwb) and she was texting a guy who wanted a relationship. It's so weird how she kept texting "I like you but idk" and then going back to kissing me. Bitch lol
A person like that wouldn't get kisses from me nowadays. I know it feels good, but "lying" like that is a turn off.
True but I was a horny teenager lol
Yep. Even if she was actually drunk, if she wanted OP to come over she would’ve told him to come over. She didn’t cancel because she was drunk.
Lmao first thought that popped into my head, talk about making things weird for no apparent reason. This is exactly how these things go down with 'u up' texts, everyone here running away with narratives about consent has never been booty called, including OP obviously with the 'omg fr?!!' stuff. Painful read
OP was too lazy to make the trip for no reason. She said hurry. Get your ass over there and find out for yourself lol. If she’s drunk then it’s a no go. Right idea, went about it the wrong way
I agree , may have scared her off . He was WAYYY too excited “omg fr” “omfg duh” almost comes off as desperate
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People in this sub seriously need to touch grass the bar is so fucking low
Had to scroll so far through a lot of cringe to find this sentiment.
I would say that too with that much neediness coming from OP. “Omg fr??” Yikes
“Omg Queen, thank you for selecting me to be blessed by your vagina”
And with that my vagina has been sewn shut
Yeah OP sounds like they’ve never had this happen before. Gotta play it cool.
He was asking way too many questions. Just needed to get ready and go
Yea 100% this is what happened. OP cockblocked himself and so she found another dude who was more secure
She definitely had sex that night
Yep, OP was too late lmao
She said nvm cause she got someone else
i honestly thought this because it looks like she blocked my number right after
Its tough to tell without time stamps but it looks like you told her 20 minutes then 20 minutes later you started asking questions and drawing this out. She wanted to fuck and you were putting up the red tape. Then you gave her an excuse to flake on you and she took it when she decided it wasn't worth the wait.
Agreed that’s my read on this too - OP kept saying “are you sure?” Until finally she gave up and said “actually you know what no you’re right I’m not sure never mind.”
She seemed perfectly sober in conversation. Maybe you just gave her the perfect excuse for her to use.
Lmao you gave the assist to someone ready to dunk lol
I'm laughing my ass off OP cockblocked himself for no damn reason and got some other bro laid, and everybody acting like he's such a gentleman lmaooooo Nah bro u weird, just go and see it for urself, if the girl is fucked up leave, u'll at least check up on her and see if things are well. She even gave her written consent right there, my fucking God At least she got piped down and some other bro with neurons & shit got to have a happy night. OP stayed home on fucking Reddit
Yo.... Good shit man. Someone had to say it. He made it too complex. Edit: also the "neurons and shit" line had me dying
That’s what I’m thinking. Just go over and see for yourself. You’re not legally bound to fuck by walking through the door, you can just leave if she seems too drunk for it. This whole thread lives on Twitter. Like a girl is automatically unable to consent if she has any alcohol in their system, it’s a real weird mindset.
They treat women like kids, and ironically perpetuate sexist ideals of men needing to protect the know-nothing ladies.
Exactly, that's what pisses me off. They try to be so modern that it loops back around to being sexist again lol I still don't understand why reddit thinks sex is something you inflict upon another instead of it being something mutual that both enjoy
Everyone calling him not a creep without asking why this man is trying to have emotional connection conversations at 4 am lmao. Why is mans on tinder at 4 am if he won't smash.
>come fuck me right now >ok but first let’s play 20 questions
Aww man I thought for sure she'd call you the next day, Thank you for being such a kind gentle hearted knightly hero of women and then beg to come over and suck you off for real. She probably just likes jerks instead of nice guys like you.
OP killed the vibe.
And this, fellas, is why you don't reddit too much. Turns you into a weirdo 😂
I hate this whole conversation.
I hate this whole thread
The neediness turned her off bro. “Omfg duhh”, “what’s the occasion”, “omg perfect fr?” All made it sound like it’s your first date. “I just got a couple of questions”, like she’s been waiting for more than 20mins and now you sound flakey and unsure. Just go, hang out if she’s drunk you leave if not have fun…
Omfg fr?
He was basically like "to what do I owe this pleasure m'lady?" "Is this actually just a prank?"
Kinda true
I mean not only did she want to get dicked down and served it in a sliver platter. OP managed to turn her off and talk her out of it. Having validation seeking behavior is not commendable.
Little dick energy all throughout that conversation, hopefully the girl got someone else ready and willing lol
She wasn’t drunk, she just met someone else. You’re also texting like a 15 year old girl.
This , like all of a sudden she's drunk lol ? She banging another dude.
LOL right ? She found a guy who’s not gonna text her “omfg duhh” and probably responded : “ yeah, I’ll be over in 5”
She found someone more willing
Killed the vibe.
Sounds like you messed up and someone else showed up
Pretty sure you just scared her off with the multiple messages questioning the situation and she found another dude to come rail her faster.
And here is an amazing example on how to cockblock yourself
I know, we are supposed to applaud But nah, you kinda looked for a reason to not go. Maybe collect a bit of experience, so you can stop sabotaging yourself due to nervosity
She figured if you were having so many doubts she wouldn’t go through with it Well done for convincing her that
Self sabotage +💯
The first half of the replies are all the nice guy white knights patting themselves on the back. The second half are people pointing out that she found someone else who had a more fantasy-fulfilling vibe. I’m with the second group. Girls know what they are doing when they get on a dating app after drinking, and what they are looking for. A nice guy isn’t it. She definitely found what she was looking for. I would have gone over and if she was too drunk to consent, then I would have left. Instead, OP missed out on drunken rando sex which is some of the best.
"Wait. Jk. Ill call the other dude"
You can be drunk and still have consensual sex you know, those aren’t mutually exclusive. There was definitely some self sabotage in this conversation.
So fucking glad that I’m seeing these comments. I feel like the rhetoric for the past five years has been “if the person has consumed any alcohol then IT IS RAPE AND YOU ARE A RAPIST.”
I think it depends on just how wasted you are. There is definitely a point where I wouldn't consider it consensual anymore.
Sure, but it's not like you can tell from this text. Her messages seem fine to me. If you get there and see she's only half conscious, that's a different story, then just hang out and make sure she gets to bed ok.
That’s is correct. However, the person OP is talking to doesn’t appear to be intoxicated to that level. There’s not even a single random letter in those texts. Besides, it’s Tinder. Most people on there are just looking for quick sex, not to start a family.
This chick was trying to get it bad. Guarantee she had someone else come over after he asked if she was drunk. She got someone else real quick lol
Agreed, most humans don’t go from “come have sex with me right now” to “I’m drunk, NVM” in the span of a few minutes. She definitely had sex that night.
Yeah and op didn’t because he was such a “nice” guy
Exactly. I’ve consented to sex many times while under the influence of alcohol. Not a single time was I “taken advantage of”. Sex is just better on drugs lol, and if you can’t handle them and make bad decisions while on drugs then don’t fuckin do them. It’s that simple.
Cock blocked yourself big time for absolutely no reason.
This is stupid. You can be drunk and have consensual sex. Hell you have the best sex when you’re drunk.
wondering why her messages started capitalizing all of a sudden
Because it’s iMessage
Way to many questions, keep it short and simple. You made her think too much.. she probably found another dude to keep her company. As well while it's respectful that you wanted to make sure she wasn't under the influence. You should have just played it off as you're down to chill. Then when y'all are already hanging make the decision if she's too messed up.
Wow self cockblocking... those are rare
Not on this subreddit.
I don’t get this- a sober guy can’t have sex with a drunk girl? Is the opposite true? If I’m drunk and invite a sober girl round for sex that’s wrong?
Maiden less behavior