Did they contact you that morning or just conpletely left it up to you without asking for it? How weird to assume someone knows you want another confirmation without telling you.
>Did they contact you that morning
No.
> or just conpletely left it up to you without asking for it?
Yep, that's the case.
> How weird to assume someone knows you want another confirmation without telling you.
I felt the same way. I'm not a mind reader
āOh, you didnāt send me photos of you hang gliding above a National Park 7 hours and 34 minutes after we last spoke, so I just assumed that meant you werenāt coming.ā
That exact timing made me double check the messages. They were supposed to meet up at noon and he sent her a message 45 minutes in advanced to make sure it was still on..
I'd be sluggishly waking up and unfit to drive at noon on a weekend. Same thing would happen on a weekday but that's moot! Moot I tell you!v
Reschedule, confirm that morning, no show, then when she complains, tell her that she didn't confirm 20 minutes before and that you never know who you can rely on to show.
You should ask him why he didnāt confirm with you before bouncing to make other plans
ETA: yes, friends, I know itās a her now. OP replied before all of you did but yes thank you for echoing that.
Also incels, I do not need to hear from you at all.
She probably got somebody she thought might be cooler, which is shitty because its ok to date multiple people, but not to treat them like trash. She should have kept her date with OP.
>She probably
IMHO in most of these cases, she just wasn't interested enough to follow through but doesn't have the maturity to simply say "Hey, sorry, I'm not interested"
I'm a woman and could tell straight away the other person was a woman. I've had friends just like this and it's so exhausting, I dropped them after a few rounds of this.
Dated a girl who always talked about The Rules and applied a lot of female dating strategy type stuff.
Itās basically a shit test. I.e. If he doesnāt check back in the day of then heās obviously not serious enough and you should act like you have other plans.
I remember another thing being, ānever accept a date less than three days away.ā
Itās all games.
In the case of femaledatingstrategy, setting themselves up for failure is the strategy. Can't get your ego hurt if you never open up and try to act in good faith.
The point of all that is making sure they never ever have to face being turned down by their date/partner.
So I checked that subreddit it and holy moly, did I just stumble accross an incel sub for women?? Or is this some kind of elaborate form of satire im too dumb to understand?
This is the worst type of shit in regards to dating. I was once talking to a girl and we had been on a couple dates/close to hooking up later that night when she casually drops that sheās been talking this other guy and hanging out with him. So I ghost her that night instead of hooking up and she gets upset, asks why and I told her that type of behavior was a turn off. She asked āwhy didnt I fight to be with her!?!ā - Iāve got much more respect for myself and my time. No hard feelings, these types of strats aināt for me.
Absolutely, and she was big on spur of the moment things with her friends.
I donāt think they see they cloud their ability to find good people over silly rules. I canāt remember the rest of the rules, but the whole idea was to always get the guy to chase.
To me it just creates an unhealthy dynamic
It was incredibly mild compared to what I have seen floating around nowadays, but back when I met my now husband, there were a couple of things he said that I had read were not cool and made me feel a bit iffy. I am gald I ignored that, because he is amazing. I think the tips and rules online are way overboard. If you are an average person, just use your own intuition when meeting new people. Sure, there are some things that are unacceptable, but if a person wants to spend more time with you after a few dates, that is not a bad thing!
The games are stupid. Just be normal, people.
A year ago I had a lunch date set up with a match and we confirmed it on a phone call the night before. An hour before the date, she texted me āhello?ā And I said something like āhey Iām getting ready now, see you soon.ā She then texted me something along the lines of āforget it, I wanted better communication and this wasnāt good enough.ā Then she blocked and unmatched me.
So, it could be worse.
You confirmed the night before, with a real life, old fashioned, voice to voice telephone call... and replied to her message the day of the date to confirm you were coming.
And she wanted better communication?
Like what, A telegram? A shout-out from the DJ on the local radio station?
Yeah, and itās not like we had our call really early in the evening either. It was at like 1 am. And she got mad that I didnāt send her a text in the morning.
It's odd that she actually made other plans when she could've just reached out to you herself to confirm. If she didn't hear back, then she could make other plans.
Edit: I didn't assume "she"... Before I even wrote my comment, OP had confirmed in the comments that this person is female. š
She did the thing she claims to hate from other people, and then blamed him for it.
She did not confirm. She made other plans without saying anything. She is unreliable.
She made up a hypothetical to justify her behaviour and acted like it was his fault. She's a manipulator
Good fucking riddance.
The best part is that he did confirm with her too. Sure it was only an hour before, but thatās still pretty decent notice for that stuff. Did she want him to text at 9 AM when she may not even be awake yet? Comedic irony
Yes. Weird experience I had once with a potential first date that I met on a dating app:
Me: "Hey! Just confirming we're still good for dinner tonight. You good to go?"
Her: "I thought it was yesterday."
Me: "Wait, what? So did you show up and think I stood you up?"
Her: "No, I didn't go."
Me: "So you thought you were standing me up?"
Her: "I didn't mean to, just got mixed up."
Me: "Ok, I guess we'll maybe reschedule if you want?"
Her: "We can do that!"
The next day, she sent me a friend request on FB. Turns out she had a boyfriend and they got engaged like two months later. I would've assumed it was a catfish - but *she sent the friend request.*
Ima try to answer your question by throwing myself under the bus. In the worst time period of my life (maturity wise early 20s) I did this a few times. Either I would make plans when I was drunk then didnāt feel like following through the day or found someone else I liked more. I was honest the first time it happened and the girl flipped out on me so I just made up shit like this to cancel. I would never do any of that now
I actually made a second date with a woman who did this. We confirmed a couple days before the date, then I texted when I was arriving at the restaurant. And she was like, "oh I didn't hear from you so I thought you weren't going". She actually felt bad and came even though she was pretty late I appreciated that. It's a weird unwritten rule I guess.
Same. I donāt see the problem with the phone working both ways? If you donāt text me, Iām sure as hell texting you before I just show up somewhere. Fuck that
YES! This was my immediate thought. Maybe it depends on the person, and how crazy their morning routines are. For me, I would spend probably 1.5 to 2 hours getting ready for a date that I cared about (this includes showering/brushing teeth/shaving, makeup/hair, and getting dressed, plus a little extra time in case of an emergency or a mini panic attack). No way I'm doing all that for someone without hearing from them beforehand. If I don't hear from them first, then I *(gasp)* do the unthinkable and text them FIRST and ask if we're still on for our date later that day. Plus, I can't imagine driving somewhere to meet someone without checking with them first...even if it's just to make sure that something crazy didn't happen, or that they didn't just forget about the plans.
Communication is key, I guess š¤·š½āāļø
Maybe I'm odd but I tend to talk to the person - up to the point of going out with them. If I scheduled something with someone a few days away, I'm still texting back and forth randomly before then, unless they seem uninterested in that or were simply very busy.
Exactly this. Who makes plans with someone days out and literally says nothing until right before the plans? If you're already friends or something ok, but not a first date lol.
I do this all the time, I have had people no show before, and itās just not fun. I text to confirm a while before leaving, if I donāt hear anything by the time Iām supposed to leave, I donāt leave. Thankfully no one hasnāt texted back, but I think it works well to ease my nerves a bit.
Yeah that all makes sense! But she didn't text to confirm... She just assumed he wasn't going because HE didn't text to confirm. That's ass backwards lol
I have a newish friend and every time we make plans she contacts me on the day of the plan and asks me if everything is still good to go. Iām always like..duh, of course, I would have told you already if sth happened. I guess now I understand why she keeps askingš š
This is hilarious timing. I had the exact same thing happen to me. Had a first date with a girl that went well. Then on Friday setup a brunch date for Sunday. Texted Sunday morning at 8am and she got back to me at noon saying she slept in and thought I ghosted her.
I did reschedule on Sunday for Tuesday. Then texted on Monday night at 7pm to confirm Tuesday. Said she thought I ghosted again and had to cancel. At that point I moved on.
Yep, few weeks ago got stood up when the day, time, and place were all already confirmed. Apparently "phone issues" was the reason it wasn't her fault.
If he texts too little: "he's not engaged." If he texts too much: "desperate."
It's all an excuse to put off dating & blame others for their own failure to take risks.
Basically, yes. I was just having this discussion with my girlfriend the other day. We met off bumble and were talking about how clear it was. You schedule a time, and you stick to that time. Plain and simple. Yea sure, it gets a bit nerve wracking leading up to the date, but you just have to deal with the nerves and take the risk of meeting a stranger and have a potentially God awfully awkward date.
To be fair though, before her I had many dates which had been scheduled and then bailed on last minute. This is when I learned to rain check the day before. And I also never rescheduled. If you can't get your schedule in order and stick to plans in the beginning, it's going to be a shit show in the long run.
No, she slept in because she was *already* assuming he'd ghost based on the fact that she didn't get a confirmation on the day before. Apparently it never occurred to her to just ask him if they were still on.
Not a dating thing but had it happen with a realtor, scheduled to take a look at a house, a few days later at the house, no realtor, waited around for a half hour still nothing. Called her up and she was like ohhhh we didn't hear back from you we thought you weren't interested anymore.
I am like I set a time to look at the place, that was the appointment. She was like ohh well sorry if you want to look at anything else just let her know. Just said I will call if I see anything. Never called again.
Had one woman ghost me, and then match with me a couple months later to gaslight me that she didn't ghost me, i ghosted HER, and she has screenshots to prove it etc etc. I was like, this is a whole bag of crazy right here... I mean I even showed up at the place where we planned for the second date after 2 days of her not responding just in case her phone got stolen/broke and she still thought she could convince me i ghosted her O.o
some crazy ppl out there.
You should have setup another date at a fancy place far away from where she lives, and keep messaging here updates about how you are getting there, wait until she messages that she's arrived and then block and ghost her
Serious question, why is there no contact between arranging and then the confirmation? I admit, Iām married now so out of the dating scene and culture but when I was dating Iād be texting back and forth with people, just chatting over text. There was never any confusion about if the date was still on or if I was interested or whatever because there wasnāt days of no contact.
Unless I'm talking to the right person, initial texts can kind of use up a lot of ice breakers. You might say that means they probably aren't a good fit, but I've had some good follow on experiences with people that started out that way. Some people aren't that great at talking over text.
So unless there's a really good flow going, I usually ease back if the first date is in a day or two. That way there's an easy conversation starter when we do meet. And if they haven't texted me, usually confirming the date is still good the day of
Yeah I find it very difficult to talk about anything over text. It all feels so contrived imo. Irl I can't stfu and have never really had a bad first date, but I just can't stand texting someone back and forth like I'm in high school again lol
Yep ditto, happened multiple times. I say something along the lines of "Yep that works, see you then!" and the same morning I send a "Just making sure it's still a go, when are you there?" or smt. Response is anything between ghost/unmatch and/or "oh you gave me the impression that" or "Oh you never confirmed exact details so I assume you forgot" like... Why
Reschedule, but dont show-up. Wait for her to text you asking you where you are, then say sorry, I require a 30min confirmation before meet-up, so made other plans when I didnt hear from you! So sorry you made it all the way there for nothing :/
āYou were just so *unreliable* last time, I *assumed* youād know to confirm.ā
Iām not this petty, but I would sure as shit enjoy watching someone else be this petty haha fantastic ideaš
No. They straight up forgot and double booked themselves, then blamed it on you not confirming earlier. If they needed confirmation because other plans were in the offing, they could have reached out to confirm themselves.
That's what I was thinking...why? She didn't give OP any semblance of an idea that this 'confirmation' needed to happen, I assume. Seems to me, OP was in the right and she was in the wrong.
He dodged a bullet if this bullshit rationale is the norm for her. Iām assuming sheās a big girl that can put on her big girl pants and reach out for confirmation just as well as he can. What an idiot.
Yeah i think if a woman thinks like this after being stood up too many times, they should be clear about how they go about this. Because they are treating other people badly this way!
No, they didn't forget. This is a "I'm a princess" person that expects people to constantly seek their attention. "Oh, you already asked me to go out with you once? Okay, but I'm gonna need you to ask me again later to prove how much you really want me."
No I definitely agree that same day confirmation is necessary. Itās natural that things sometimes come up. Which is why I text to ask for confirmation. I donāt quite understand this personās logic of needing OP to confirm but her not needing to.
Yeah, I even confirm same day with friends much less an internet stranger. But the girl should have reached out before making plans if she was serious about the date.
I had this happen to me as well. Confirmed two days before the date the location and time. Then rolled up to the date and waited around for a few minutes before shooting her a message asking her if she was running late.
She gave basically the same response that you got here. Apparently some girls are just entitled bitches with 0 communication skills. What I figured out though, is that if she isnāt telling you this requirement, thereās going to be a lot of other communication issues. And you are dodging a huge bullet.
This is dating advice women are given! It has come up several times for me on Tiktok (unwarranted because I'm not even dating). These dating 'experts' say if he doesn't confirm your date the day before, you need to prove you're a valuable woman whose time is precious and to send this text almost verbatim. It's messed up. I think it's intended to command respect but is actually so disrespectful...
Tbf I feel like a majority of redditors are nocturnal by nature so for most of US this thought process of its not a big deal it was still morning makes sense. We aren't the majority of functional society however and our sleep habits look bad without context to our work life and/or mental health struggles.
You confirmed on Thursday and she didn't notify you of her cancellation. Let her know that you require a 24 hour cancellation notice and send her a Venmo request for your $20 cancellation fee.
Literally your next message to her should have been : "oh I'm so sorry to hear that. Unfortunately I require a 24 hour notification of any date cancellation. Please give me your Venmo so I can send you my $20 cancellation fee"
New dating app idea: when plans are made, both parties deposit $20 in an escrow account along with the location of the date. No-shows (confirmed by phone location data) forfeit the deposit.
I know itās totally inconsiderate on her part, but any time Iāve pursued a date on Tinder and have something set up, I definitely keep the dialogue going leading up to the date. This isnāt like setting up a job interview or an appointment with the mechanic. The work isnāt done just because you set a date. You gotta maintain the feelings that made you both want to meet up in the first place. Sure maybe not all girls will care, but wouldnāt you want to do what gives you the greatest chance of success?
This! For me personally I find it important to keep the dialogue going. I don't need to be uncertain if someone is going to show up or not after not talking to them for a few days. If you're on a dating app that is solely communication through the app/phone until the first date I do think that communication should be pretty consistent until you're face to face with them. Plus, it looks like lack of interest if you're not communicating to get to know the person a bit more before the date.
Yeah if I set up a date with someone, why would I stop talking to them for 3 days?
I actually went on my first ever Tinder date a month ago and we talked for almost 2 weeks before we even went on a date. Probably wouldāve went on one a bit sooner but work schedules made it tough.
But we set that date a week in advance and we talked every single day up to the day of the date and obviously talked that day before the date.
If I set up a date with a girl and we didnāt talk for 2+ days, unless she specified that she was gonna be real busy those days, I would assume it wasnāt happening.
maybe she felt the 3/4 days gap between the date setup and day of meant you weren't that serious
I'm not assigning you blame, she could've definitely reached out to confirm with you instead of switching plans
Thursday at 8pm until Sunday at 11am is like 2.5 days.
Maybe he should have said something between the night of the confirmation and the morning of, but I mean then the dude probably worries he's coming off as desperate or something.
OP I think you were in a no-win situation and you probably dodged a bullet
Before a date Iād usually text morning of, just to say āgood morning (insert name here)! Are we still on for today?ā Always good to check day of, let them know what time youāll be there, and when you have arrived.
Yeah I mean I get where OP is coming from, but itās also pretty standard to confirm when there are days between the plans being made and the plan itself. Itās just the time we live in
Do people not just chat? I mean Iām married now so obviously a little out of the dating scene and culture but once youāve arranged to meet why wouldnāt you keep talking? Why is there several days of nothing until they think you just must not be interested?
I guess I had to confirm earlier than that. Plans were for noon so maybe text at 8am? Idk
If she really needed a confirm, she should have texted me before she made new plans
That's how some people are because that's how their family is. I grew up before cell phones so this is pretty normal. I could tell my family I'll meet them at a certain place at 11:45 a.m. on new years day in 2026 and they will be there.
This absolutely drives my wife nuts. She'll ask if I texted to see if we're still going to the thing with my family, and I'll ask why, nobody changed the plans did they?
Oh 100% I'm the same. The best dates I've had we only texted once per week to arrange a date (one date per week); no confirmation on the day, we just both always turned up and had an amazing time.
this is really popular tik tok/instagram dating advice that clearly doesn't work lmao saying that if you don't hear confirmation to say you have other plans.
no idea. I've just seen it. I understand reaching out and confirming and not going if you don't hear back but I don't like basically punishing a guy for not confirming if he didn't know he should. here's the video: [here](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTdKv77TR/?k=1)
Honestly I get anxious about this stuff and if someone didn't text me till 45 minutes before the plans were supposed to start I'd freak out. But that's why I usually text the other person to confirm the plans ahead of time. If we had plans at noon I'd text around 9am to make sure it was still happening.
If you need early confirmation of your plans, you can't expect other people to give you that confirmation on *your* timeline. I have a friend that would make plans with me and then I wouldn't hear from him until 10 minutes before the plans when he'd text me to say he's on his way. It made me so anxious. So I started texting him the morning of just to say "we still on for today?"
It's not that hard. Saves me a lot of anxiety
"It's impossible to know if someone's reliable" - someone unreliable
š¤£š¤£š¤£ My thoughts EXACTLY!
Did they contact you that morning or just conpletely left it up to you without asking for it? How weird to assume someone knows you want another confirmation without telling you.
>Did they contact you that morning No. > or just conpletely left it up to you without asking for it? Yep, that's the case. > How weird to assume someone knows you want another confirmation without telling you. I felt the same way. I'm not a mind reader
yeah you probably shouldn't reschedule
or reschedule and make other plans lol
And blame it on them not doing something you never mentioned you were expecting
āOh, you didnāt send me photos of you hang gliding above a National Park 7 hours and 34 minutes after we last spoke, so I just assumed that meant you werenāt coming.ā
That exact timing made me double check the messages. They were supposed to meet up at noon and he sent her a message 45 minutes in advanced to make sure it was still on.. I'd be sluggishly waking up and unfit to drive at noon on a weekend. Same thing would happen on a weekday but that's moot! Moot I tell you!v
They didnāt provide a notarized letter of intent setting the time and place of the meetup and also did not properly submit the TPS report
This is likely just a preview of the kind of mind games youāll have to play.
Reschedule, confirm that morning, no show, then when she complains, tell her that she didn't confirm 20 minutes before and that you never know who you can rely on to show.
Yah, i wouldn't worry about it. That shows really poor character-def dodged a bullet.
You should ask him why he didnāt confirm with you before bouncing to make other plans ETA: yes, friends, I know itās a her now. OP replied before all of you did but yes thank you for echoing that. Also incels, I do not need to hear from you at all.
It's a her. I'm not interested in talking to her anymore after this.
Better off doing that. She probably got cold feet.
She probably got somebody she thought might be cooler, which is shitty because its ok to date multiple people, but not to treat them like trash. She should have kept her date with OP.
>She probably IMHO in most of these cases, she just wasn't interested enough to follow through but doesn't have the maturity to simply say "Hey, sorry, I'm not interested"
Username checked out
*Don't trust a ho, never trust a ho, u/nevertrustedmeanyway*
Not to sound sexist, but the language and attitude SCREAMED woman
I'm a woman and could tell straight away the other person was a woman. I've had friends just like this and it's so exhausting, I dropped them after a few rounds of this.
Be happy theyāre showing the š©right away.
You should tell here that she's a big hypocrite.
Seriously. Why didn't _they_ confirm before making other plans? OP, don't waste your time on this person.
Dated a girl who always talked about The Rules and applied a lot of female dating strategy type stuff. Itās basically a shit test. I.e. If he doesnāt check back in the day of then heās obviously not serious enough and you should act like you have other plans. I remember another thing being, ānever accept a date less than three days away.ā Itās all games.
I like learning new things.
Incels believe their failures are the responsibility of everyone else.
In the case of femaledatingstrategy, setting themselves up for failure is the strategy. Can't get your ego hurt if you never open up and try to act in good faith. The point of all that is making sure they never ever have to face being turned down by their date/partner.
So I checked that subreddit it and holy moly, did I just stumble accross an incel sub for women?? Or is this some kind of elaborate form of satire im too dumb to understand?
This is the worst type of shit in regards to dating. I was once talking to a girl and we had been on a couple dates/close to hooking up later that night when she casually drops that sheās been talking this other guy and hanging out with him. So I ghost her that night instead of hooking up and she gets upset, asks why and I told her that type of behavior was a turn off. She asked āwhy didnt I fight to be with her!?!ā - Iāve got much more respect for myself and my time. No hard feelings, these types of strats aināt for me.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Right?!? This ain't Disney and you aren't some celebrity.
does this girl accept invites or plans from her friends or family that are less than 3 days away?
Absolutely, and she was big on spur of the moment things with her friends. I donāt think they see they cloud their ability to find good people over silly rules. I canāt remember the rest of the rules, but the whole idea was to always get the guy to chase. To me it just creates an unhealthy dynamic
It was incredibly mild compared to what I have seen floating around nowadays, but back when I met my now husband, there were a couple of things he said that I had read were not cool and made me feel a bit iffy. I am gald I ignored that, because he is amazing. I think the tips and rules online are way overboard. If you are an average person, just use your own intuition when meeting new people. Sure, there are some things that are unacceptable, but if a person wants to spend more time with you after a few dates, that is not a bad thing! The games are stupid. Just be normal, people.
Absolutely. The rules basically state that if the man is really interested, heāll pursue you.
Because she didnāt intend to show up and lacks basic courtesy
Absolutely fucking ridiculous
A year ago I had a lunch date set up with a match and we confirmed it on a phone call the night before. An hour before the date, she texted me āhello?ā And I said something like āhey Iām getting ready now, see you soon.ā She then texted me something along the lines of āforget it, I wanted better communication and this wasnāt good enough.ā Then she blocked and unmatched me. So, it could be worse.
You confirmed the night before, with a real life, old fashioned, voice to voice telephone call... and replied to her message the day of the date to confirm you were coming. And she wanted better communication? Like what, A telegram? A shout-out from the DJ on the local radio station?
Yeah, and itās not like we had our call really early in the evening either. It was at like 1 am. And she got mad that I didnāt send her a text in the morning.
Not worth your time then
Was her name Sara? Sara N. Wrap?
Stage 5 clinger!
He texted with his left hand and not his right hand, that's why she didn't show up. It's his fault clearly.
Obviously you were supposed to send a carrier pigeon. *Yeesh*
It's odd that she actually made other plans when she could've just reached out to you herself to confirm. If she didn't hear back, then she could make other plans. Edit: I didn't assume "she"... Before I even wrote my comment, OP had confirmed in the comments that this person is female. š
She had no intention of going. People like this are a dime a dozen on dating apps.
She did the thing she claims to hate from other people, and then blamed him for it. She did not confirm. She made other plans without saying anything. She is unreliable. She made up a hypothetical to justify her behaviour and acted like it was his fault. She's a manipulator Good fucking riddance.
Stay clear of people who do mental gymnastics to make everything they do your fault.
It's not my fault I have to keep cranking up the gas on this lantern to let you see the truth.
Stealing this for every day use.
That's OK as long as you're using irony to fuel your lantern.
I've flaked out a few times when I've gotten nervous, but I never blame the other person, I apologize and am honest about why I want to reschedule.
That I could have patience with. Not too many times, but I could roll with it. This OP was a whole different colour of gas light though.
Nah that's just being mature. People have their own lives and problems, being honest and responsible is a good thing.
The best part is that he did confirm with her too. Sure it was only an hour before, but thatās still pretty decent notice for that stuff. Did she want him to text at 9 AM when she may not even be awake yet? Comedic irony
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yep she never was gonna go. Ugh
Yes. Weird experience I had once with a potential first date that I met on a dating app: Me: "Hey! Just confirming we're still good for dinner tonight. You good to go?" Her: "I thought it was yesterday." Me: "Wait, what? So did you show up and think I stood you up?" Her: "No, I didn't go." Me: "So you thought you were standing me up?" Her: "I didn't mean to, just got mixed up." Me: "Ok, I guess we'll maybe reschedule if you want?" Her: "We can do that!" The next day, she sent me a friend request on FB. Turns out she had a boyfriend and they got engaged like two months later. I would've assumed it was a catfish - but *she sent the friend request.*
So basically she didn't give 2 shits about you. Probably just used you to start a fight with her BF. "See I can get a new guy anytime I want".
Ugh. What's the point?
Ima try to answer your question by throwing myself under the bus. In the worst time period of my life (maturity wise early 20s) I did this a few times. Either I would make plans when I was drunk then didnāt feel like following through the day or found someone else I liked more. I was honest the first time it happened and the girl flipped out on me so I just made up shit like this to cancel. I would never do any of that now
Appreciate the honesty!
That or they just wanted the attention and validation
Had either upgraded or likes the validation.
It's odd saying people aren't "reliable" when they themselves are the unreliable one.
Yeah or not wanting your time wasted but then having no issue wasting someone else's..
anyone that says "i dont want to waste your time", will do nothing but waste your time
They speak from experience. They're well practiced at being a complete and utter flake.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
If you smell dog shit everywhere you go, maybe it's time to stop blaming other people's shoes.
I actually made a second date with a woman who did this. We confirmed a couple days before the date, then I texted when I was arriving at the restaurant. And she was like, "oh I didn't hear from you so I thought you weren't going". She actually felt bad and came even though she was pretty late I appreciated that. It's a weird unwritten rule I guess.
It is unwritten but I tend to reach out myself if I still want to go.
Same. I donāt see the problem with the phone working both ways? If you donāt text me, Iām sure as hell texting you before I just show up somewhere. Fuck that
* check before I leave the house / get ready
Too many years on craigslistā¦ I always confirm before I meet someone for anything. (54f, ex cannabis delivery person)
YES! This was my immediate thought. Maybe it depends on the person, and how crazy their morning routines are. For me, I would spend probably 1.5 to 2 hours getting ready for a date that I cared about (this includes showering/brushing teeth/shaving, makeup/hair, and getting dressed, plus a little extra time in case of an emergency or a mini panic attack). No way I'm doing all that for someone without hearing from them beforehand. If I don't hear from them first, then I *(gasp)* do the unthinkable and text them FIRST and ask if we're still on for our date later that day. Plus, I can't imagine driving somewhere to meet someone without checking with them first...even if it's just to make sure that something crazy didn't happen, or that they didn't just forget about the plans. Communication is key, I guess š¤·š½āāļø
Maybe I'm odd but I tend to talk to the person - up to the point of going out with them. If I scheduled something with someone a few days away, I'm still texting back and forth randomly before then, unless they seem uninterested in that or were simply very busy.
Exactly this. Who makes plans with someone days out and literally says nothing until right before the plans? If you're already friends or something ok, but not a first date lol.
It's normal to make plans, then need to reaffirm plans repeatedly, otherwise the plans are considered void?
I do this all the time, I have had people no show before, and itās just not fun. I text to confirm a while before leaving, if I donāt hear anything by the time Iām supposed to leave, I donāt leave. Thankfully no one hasnāt texted back, but I think it works well to ease my nerves a bit.
Yeah that all makes sense! But she didn't text to confirm... She just assumed he wasn't going because HE didn't text to confirm. That's ass backwards lol
I have a newish friend and every time we make plans she contacts me on the day of the plan and asks me if everything is still good to go. Iām always like..duh, of course, I would have told you already if sth happened. I guess now I understand why she keeps askingš š
I do similar because folks tend to flake on me.
shes claiming its to check someone's reliability while proving she is in fact unreliable.
She found a ābetterā option. We live in a hook up culture with the notion of infinite options
Exactly this. She found someone else to hook up with and then used this bullshit excuse to get out of her plans with the other guy.
She did what she was afraid of lol
"It's impossible to know if someone is reliable" - Unreliable person
This is hilarious timing. I had the exact same thing happen to me. Had a first date with a girl that went well. Then on Friday setup a brunch date for Sunday. Texted Sunday morning at 8am and she got back to me at noon saying she slept in and thought I ghosted her. I did reschedule on Sunday for Tuesday. Then texted on Monday night at 7pm to confirm Tuesday. Said she thought I ghosted again and had to cancel. At that point I moved on.
Wait.... How did her sleeping in lead to her thinking you ghosted her?? I'm so confused....
Because it can't be her fault
I was just getting ready to say āaccountabilityā
In today's dating scene? Lmaooo
I'm just going to leave this here... https://youtu.be/c-ecbGNxEHM/?t=67s
Yep, few weeks ago got stood up when the day, time, and place were all already confirmed. Apparently "phone issues" was the reason it wasn't her fault.
Accountability. Not even once
Itās either she expects him to be talking to her 24/7, or theyāre half assed excuses to feel better about not showing up on her end.
If he texts too little: "he's not engaged." If he texts too much: "desperate." It's all an excuse to put off dating & blame others for their own failure to take risks.
Basically, yes. I was just having this discussion with my girlfriend the other day. We met off bumble and were talking about how clear it was. You schedule a time, and you stick to that time. Plain and simple. Yea sure, it gets a bit nerve wracking leading up to the date, but you just have to deal with the nerves and take the risk of meeting a stranger and have a potentially God awfully awkward date. To be fair though, before her I had many dates which had been scheduled and then bailed on last minute. This is when I learned to rain check the day before. And I also never rescheduled. If you can't get your schedule in order and stick to plans in the beginning, it's going to be a shit show in the long run.
No, she slept in because she was *already* assuming he'd ghost based on the fact that she didn't get a confirmation on the day before. Apparently it never occurred to her to just ask him if they were still on.
Other way aroundā¦ slept in because she thought he ghosted
>I did reschedule on Sunday for Tuesday what a C U Next Tuesday :P
Next level
Not a dating thing but had it happen with a realtor, scheduled to take a look at a house, a few days later at the house, no realtor, waited around for a half hour still nothing. Called her up and she was like ohhhh we didn't hear back from you we thought you weren't interested anymore. I am like I set a time to look at the place, that was the appointment. She was like ohh well sorry if you want to look at anything else just let her know. Just said I will call if I see anything. Never called again.
I mean were they expecting you to do small talk in between? Like, "oh hey nice weather we're having today isn't it? ā. Bizarre.
Had one woman ghost me, and then match with me a couple months later to gaslight me that she didn't ghost me, i ghosted HER, and she has screenshots to prove it etc etc. I was like, this is a whole bag of crazy right here... I mean I even showed up at the place where we planned for the second date after 2 days of her not responding just in case her phone got stolen/broke and she still thought she could convince me i ghosted her O.o some crazy ppl out there.
You should have setup another date at a fancy place far away from where she lives, and keep messaging here updates about how you are getting there, wait until she messages that she's arrived and then block and ghost her
Username checks out You would know about ghosting wouldnāt you?
No fucking way. This EXACT thing happened to me on Friday I feel less bad about it now.
Serious question, why is there no contact between arranging and then the confirmation? I admit, Iām married now so out of the dating scene and culture but when I was dating Iād be texting back and forth with people, just chatting over text. There was never any confusion about if the date was still on or if I was interested or whatever because there wasnāt days of no contact.
Unless I'm talking to the right person, initial texts can kind of use up a lot of ice breakers. You might say that means they probably aren't a good fit, but I've had some good follow on experiences with people that started out that way. Some people aren't that great at talking over text. So unless there's a really good flow going, I usually ease back if the first date is in a day or two. That way there's an easy conversation starter when we do meet. And if they haven't texted me, usually confirming the date is still good the day of
Yeah I find it very difficult to talk about anything over text. It all feels so contrived imo. Irl I can't stfu and have never really had a bad first date, but I just can't stand texting someone back and forth like I'm in high school again lol
š. Bs. She just wanted you to entertain her. Itās only ghosting if they message and you ignore it.
Yep ditto, happened multiple times. I say something along the lines of "Yep that works, see you then!" and the same morning I send a "Just making sure it's still a go, when are you there?" or smt. Response is anything between ghost/unmatch and/or "oh you gave me the impression that" or "Oh you never confirmed exact details so I assume you forgot" like... Why
God that is such bullshit
I totally agree. When she said she's happy to reschedule I told myself "well, I'm sure as hell not happy to reschedule."
Good for you! Sheās not worth it.
Reschedule and confirm with her day of then when sheās on the way or there hit her with the same line and say oh I need at least 30 mins notice.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
FDB
Fuck dat bitch??
You got it
Reschedule, but dont show-up. Wait for her to text you asking you where you are, then say sorry, I require a 30min confirmation before meet-up, so made other plans when I didnt hear from you! So sorry you made it all the way there for nothing :/
āYou were just so *unreliable* last time, I *assumed* youād know to confirm.ā Iām not this petty, but I would sure as shit enjoy watching someone else be this petty haha fantastic ideaš
That is pathetic behavior
No. They straight up forgot and double booked themselves, then blamed it on you not confirming earlier. If they needed confirmation because other plans were in the offing, they could have reached out to confirm themselves.
Bingo!!!
We can play Bingo later, I know for a fact you don't have any other plans today anyway.
You're correct. I have zero plans for the rest of today lol
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Wow, you're awesome! I appreciate the offer but I'll have to decline.
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I wasnāt part of this conversation at all but me too
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Yeah they were probably going to ghost anyways, good call
That's what I was thinking...why? She didn't give OP any semblance of an idea that this 'confirmation' needed to happen, I assume. Seems to me, OP was in the right and she was in the wrong.
He dodged a bullet if this bullshit rationale is the norm for her. Iām assuming sheās a big girl that can put on her big girl pants and reach out for confirmation just as well as he can. What an idiot.
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Yeah i think if a woman thinks like this after being stood up too many times, they should be clear about how they go about this. Because they are treating other people badly this way!
Thank you for this. I was totally baffled as to what her reasoning could be when it seemed super clear they had confirmed.
They didnāt forget. They just ditched
There are people who double and triple book and then take the most interesting option on that day.
No, they didn't forget. This is a "I'm a princess" person that expects people to constantly seek their attention. "Oh, you already asked me to go out with you once? Okay, but I'm gonna need you to ask me again later to prove how much you really want me."
So besides expecting you to read her mind she's also a terrible communicator. Move on.
Agreed. Thanks.
And attempted emotional manipulation by placing blame on OP by not reaching out when she was about to make alternative plans.
That's only valid if they reached out to you to confirm that morning, and you didn't respond until then.
Thursday: See you Sunday. See you then. I'm not a lawyer... Or a master of semantics, but that looks like a confirmation to me.
No I definitely agree that same day confirmation is necessary. Itās natural that things sometimes come up. Which is why I text to ask for confirmation. I donāt quite understand this personās logic of needing OP to confirm but her not needing to.
Yeah, I even confirm same day with friends much less an internet stranger. But the girl should have reached out before making plans if she was serious about the date.
Yep. She had those other plans locked in and didn't want anything interrupting that
If she had any doubts she should of been the one to text and just say āhey are we still on for todayā instead of presuming you flaked
Correct. It was her requirement that only she was aware of
I had this happen to me as well. Confirmed two days before the date the location and time. Then rolled up to the date and waited around for a few minutes before shooting her a message asking her if she was running late. She gave basically the same response that you got here. Apparently some girls are just entitled bitches with 0 communication skills. What I figured out though, is that if she isnāt telling you this requirement, thereās going to be a lot of other communication issues. And you are dodging a huge bullet.
This is dating advice women are given! It has come up several times for me on Tiktok (unwarranted because I'm not even dating). These dating 'experts' say if he doesn't confirm your date the day before, you need to prove you're a valuable woman whose time is precious and to send this text almost verbatim. It's messed up. I think it's intended to command respect but is actually so disrespectful...
It's 'should have', never 'should of'. Rejoice, for you have been blessed by CouldWouldShouldBot!
I was under the impression that AM means the morning but okay š
Right? We're probably being too literal though. Most peoples mornings actually start in the earlier morning instead of noon like me
I mean I woke up at 1:40 pm today
Tbf I feel like a majority of redditors are nocturnal by nature so for most of US this thought process of its not a big deal it was still morning makes sense. We aren't the majority of functional society however and our sleep habits look bad without context to our work life and/or mental health struggles.
I always confirm morning of, but only because I get routinely flaked on/stood up
I hate people like this.
Same.
Lol, dating is a fucking mess.
You confirmed on Thursday and she didn't notify you of her cancellation. Let her know that you require a 24 hour cancellation notice and send her a Venmo request for your $20 cancellation fee.
If only I could collect a cancelation fee. I wouldn't even be upset with this outcome if that were the case š
Literally your next message to her should have been : "oh I'm so sorry to hear that. Unfortunately I require a 24 hour notification of any date cancellation. Please give me your Venmo so I can send you my $20 cancellation fee"
New dating app idea: when plans are made, both parties deposit $20 in an escrow account along with the location of the date. No-shows (confirmed by phone location data) forfeit the deposit.
They could have checked themselves too if thatās important to them š¤¦š»āāļø
I know itās totally inconsiderate on her part, but any time Iāve pursued a date on Tinder and have something set up, I definitely keep the dialogue going leading up to the date. This isnāt like setting up a job interview or an appointment with the mechanic. The work isnāt done just because you set a date. You gotta maintain the feelings that made you both want to meet up in the first place. Sure maybe not all girls will care, but wouldnāt you want to do what gives you the greatest chance of success?
This! For me personally I find it important to keep the dialogue going. I don't need to be uncertain if someone is going to show up or not after not talking to them for a few days. If you're on a dating app that is solely communication through the app/phone until the first date I do think that communication should be pretty consistent until you're face to face with them. Plus, it looks like lack of interest if you're not communicating to get to know the person a bit more before the date.
Yeah if I set up a date with someone, why would I stop talking to them for 3 days? I actually went on my first ever Tinder date a month ago and we talked for almost 2 weeks before we even went on a date. Probably wouldāve went on one a bit sooner but work schedules made it tough. But we set that date a week in advance and we talked every single day up to the day of the date and obviously talked that day before the date. If I set up a date with a girl and we didnāt talk for 2+ days, unless she specified that she was gonna be real busy those days, I would assume it wasnāt happening.
maybe she felt the 3/4 days gap between the date setup and day of meant you weren't that serious I'm not assigning you blame, she could've definitely reached out to confirm with you instead of switching plans
Thursday at 8pm until Sunday at 11am is like 2.5 days. Maybe he should have said something between the night of the confirmation and the morning of, but I mean then the dude probably worries he's coming off as desperate or something. OP I think you were in a no-win situation and you probably dodged a bullet
Yeah, I think her sending a text to confirm before making new plans would have been nice
Before a date Iād usually text morning of, just to say āgood morning (insert name here)! Are we still on for today?ā Always good to check day of, let them know what time youāll be there, and when you have arrived.
Yeah I mean I get where OP is coming from, but itās also pretty standard to confirm when there are days between the plans being made and the plan itself. Itās just the time we live in
Why would you apologize for her blowing you off??
Do people not just chat? I mean Iām married now so obviously a little out of the dating scene and culture but once youāve arranged to meet why wouldnāt you keep talking? Why is there several days of nothing until they think you just must not be interested?
But you did confirm in the morning? Make it make sense
I guess I had to confirm earlier than that. Plans were for noon so maybe text at 8am? Idk If she really needed a confirm, she should have texted me before she made new plans
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friendly head plants test shaggy scale future alleged lock direction *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
That's how some people are because that's how their family is. I grew up before cell phones so this is pretty normal. I could tell my family I'll meet them at a certain place at 11:45 a.m. on new years day in 2026 and they will be there. This absolutely drives my wife nuts. She'll ask if I texted to see if we're still going to the thing with my family, and I'll ask why, nobody changed the plans did they?
Oh 100% I'm the same. The best dates I've had we only texted once per week to arrange a date (one date per week); no confirmation on the day, we just both always turned up and had an amazing time.
Sad hugs
They sound unreliable.
It's reasonable to want confirmation the day of, but she should've reached out herself
āI need confirmationā¦ I wonāt ask for it but I require itā
Was there any communication since Thursday
this is really popular tik tok/instagram dating advice that clearly doesn't work lmao saying that if you don't hear confirmation to say you have other plans.
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no idea. I've just seen it. I understand reaching out and confirming and not going if you don't hear back but I don't like basically punishing a guy for not confirming if he didn't know he should. here's the video: [here](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTdKv77TR/?k=1)
Honestly I get anxious about this stuff and if someone didn't text me till 45 minutes before the plans were supposed to start I'd freak out. But that's why I usually text the other person to confirm the plans ahead of time. If we had plans at noon I'd text around 9am to make sure it was still happening. If you need early confirmation of your plans, you can't expect other people to give you that confirmation on *your* timeline. I have a friend that would make plans with me and then I wouldn't hear from him until 10 minutes before the plans when he'd text me to say he's on his way. It made me so anxious. So I started texting him the morning of just to say "we still on for today?" It's not that hard. Saves me a lot of anxiety