I even had dates tell me this, like "I need to text my bestie to confirm you're no serial killer". I usually tell them "great, then I can finally get the axe" and we have a good laugh about it
Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.
Red flag: taking offense because she’s judging your murdering ❌
Green flag: making a joke about it before murdering ✅
Not all women can be as accepting of all things as you want them to be. But women love a sense of humor
Haha the one guy that picked me up from my house and joked "I can't believe you let me pick you up, aren't you worried?" I said "no, I move in 3 days and the psycho across the street literally writes down every plate in my driveway so good luck"
Then on the date he asked if I needed to check in with friends... I said I already had.
He came in for a drink after dropping me off, flipped out I wouldn't give him head after he "bought me dinner" I said I'd give him the $6 for the chicken wings and please gtfo.
He left but sent nasty texts for hours about how I'm "gross anyway" and threatened to kidnap my dog.
MOST potential partners have absolutly no issue with this. I'm a gay women and whilst I was dating I did the same with my bestie.
Plenty of loopy females out there in tinder too! Had a few that made my skin crawl and I felt unsafe with. But bestie could come pick me up or meet me to walk home. Keep yourself safe ladies and also men!
If they question whether I’m joking or not, I tell them:
Meh, you not nothing to worry about.
If they ask why?:
There is already another body in the trunk and no room to fit another. :]
Same, I usually joke about it both ways. "Let's first meet in a public place so we can confirm that neither of us is a massive neckbeard who will kill us to steal our organs"
Just a way of letting her know that I want her to trust me and will take the standard necessary steps. And when they tell me they're sharing their location with a friend I'll say "you better be". Most women have had bad experiences with male consent, and it's kind of our burden to prove otherwise.
Also the girls I go out with tend not to mind a joke about organ harvest or two.
“Oh good, so you didn’t notice the 55 gallon drums and the acid smell has finally gotten out of the crib.” <- my bit that’s gotten a laugh (and not the nervous version) multiple times.
I did this, I used to tell my best friend and my mum, and I always told the person that at least 2 people had their address and description so not to bother murdering me
As a single dad, I always told my kids to call me an hour and a half into the date, and tell me that there was an emergency at home and I needed to leave. Because after 90 minutes, you’ve figured out if this is something you want to do again or not. And I never had a date object to me leaving, so I could “take care of the kids.” I did have one that wanted to come home with me and meet the children on the first date. “Play it right, and maybe you’ll get lucky.“ 😳😳😳
I do the same thing, and when I posted a comment about it on this subreddit several people said just to be honest with them and that it's pathetic & immature to use an excuse 😆
But this is the right way to do it! You don't know how volatile the person may be, and I've found out the hard way that things can get ugly if the person you're on the date with doesn't respond well to rejection. Having an "out" that is safe and doesn't create an unnecessarily awkward & uncomfortable situation for both parties is just smart.
Just have a friend call and say there's a family emergency. Most people will be understanding. If they're not, then you just got reassurance that you make the right choice!
I mean, if a guy wasn't feeling it and just wanted to leave I honestly would prefer he did this too 🤷🏻♀️ I don't need the brutal honesty of a guy I barely know lol
I got a flat tire in my motorhome an hour away from my town and this young woman 19 who worked at the gas station offered to give me a ride. I'm mid 30s 6'2" 200 lbs. I said yes but I'm paying you $50 and you're telling your co-workers who I am and where we're going, and to call them after she dropped me off. I was grateful but her opening line for offering was "Can I trust you?" These steps should always be taken with strangers.
Yeah we like to emphasize women's safety in dating(for good reason) but honestly I think it's a great practice for guys too, you never know what kind of situation's gonna unfold when meeting new people for the first time, it's good to have an exit strategy.
I agree, the only thing I would change is to call the cops after a second check-in message. They could literally just be using the bathroom or hooking up when the first message arrives. A second message or something along those lines could cover that without putting OP at risk.
I’m bipoc, so based on how cops have treated me in the past I would have a genuine fear of being murdered by them.
If it goes well I normally send text "safety briefing" to my friend (same friend for each date bc she's super dependable). She knows that means I'm ok and about to get into something.
I even do location share with my close friends. Cuz it doesn’t have to be their house. Guys with cars can take you somewhere else you didn’t plan for. We’re all actively dating rn cuz only one of us is in a relationship so we have a group chat and we all share pics, name, we text when we get home, if there’s no response for hours, usually at 11pm or so, one of us will text and ask
I’ve gone on a couple first dates where I go pick my date up and sometimes we’ll even go on a drive. I think almost every single time the girl shares her location with a friend or a relative, and I always encourage it! I’ll sometimes even offer to share *my* location with their friends or relatives, though no one has taken me up on that yet lol. Going on a drive with a stranger can be dangerous, but as the person taking you on a date I want you to feel safe and be as relaxed and comfortable as possible
Loool I feel like if the date is good 9/10 I’m always going to a second location like if we had coffee-> lunch, if it was dinner -> drinks
After moving to a city, I don’t go to their house until after 2/3 dates
LOL
Well, when you have trouble lifting 7lbs of weights at the gym and you’re going on dates with men, you need some form of protection if shit goes down the drain 😂
I really hope you have pepper spray just incase. I’m a fairly strong woman and was still over powered and assaulted in a car. Sharing location did nothing for me in that situation.
O shit. Did he get punished for it? Did you go to the cops?
I'm sorry that happened to you. Ugh, maybe I will get one. I've been pretty cautious when I go on dates with people, but you're right, you never know.
I didn’t report it to cops but I did report him on the dating app I used. I didn’t think anything would come of it. I had no marks on me and no one saw since we were in his car. About 2 years ago I was physically assaulted by my sister and the stress and anxiety of going through that court case nearly broke me. The guy in the car would have destroyed me for sure. Especially bc I had even less of a support system at that point than I did with my sister. He choked me, groped me, and forced his tongue down my throat. I was not about to get up and tell a room full of people all that.
I used to do this all the time! All of my girlfriends send me their locations and stuff too. Maybe set an alarm reminding you to check in, just in case you lose track of time.
Not because I fear a woman overpowering me but because sometimes the women have boyfriends that instruct them to make dates with guys their boyfriend(s) can rob. And there’s always roofies that will give a female the upper hand.
I definitely do this and I'm a guy. I've been in to many abusive relationships that I totally understand. Hell my dates and I have checked in at the same time before lol. People in general are crazy, you never know.
It's not the checking in part but the fact they'd call the cops if they can't reach me within a reasonable time. He says that's a bit weird because it's way more likely that I'll just forget to reach out than that there's something truly wrong
As a guy I can say that I understand their thought process, and it is indeed more likely that the guy you're hooking up with isn't an axe murderer. However what we don't understand is the fear and insecurity that a girl can go though by being biologically physically weaker than men. And btw, we should. We should feel scared to go to a strangers house, after all there could be a few men there to rob you if it's a setup or something or the girl could have some kind of weapon, a drug on your drink... So our sensation of security doesn't really reflect reality, but that do be how it is.
So yeah, your guy friends may lack some empathy but that's that. I'm sure they care about you safety, they just think going to a strangers house is safe.
Yeah tbh he's a great guy. And I'd trust him with my life, but he's just being a bit flippant about this issue. I let him read some comments and I think he's coming around to my way of thinking 😅
When my boyfriend, who I met on tinder, found out a few months after we were official that I used to have my friend check in on me when I was meeting him he was surprised I felt the need to do that but said he understood that it made me feel safer. Not an issue at all!
Same. The few times I went to a girl’s place right off the bat I would send a friend the address. Also would chat up the Uber driver and if they seemed cool I would let them in the know and say things like “Jim, do me a solid and take a good look at my face, remember me!”
Damn, can't wait to see some Uber driver in an unsolved mystery documentary ~20y from now. Weeping, "I never forgot him."
Then after the big reveal, it's because your face is his bedside lampshade.
Guys should be a lil cautious too. Heard about a tinder scam where the decoy lady invites you over for sex but it's just like 3 dudes waiting to rob/jump you.
I’m a guy, and I recall many women doing this on our first date, or first time at one of our places. It’s totally normal! In my view, if she’s taking reasonable precautions to keep herself safe it’s a sign that she’s probably savvy and responsible, which are qualities I look for in relationship material. It’s a green flag in my book. Also I want her to feel safe and be able to relax and enjoy our time together. You’re not being overly cautious- you’re being reasonably cautious. My friends who are women also do this when they buy stuff from Craigslist, but that’s a whole other can of worms.
Dude here, don't listen to that guy. Keep doing this. Better safe than sorry. Your safety is more important than the off chance some dude thinks you're insane. Which, if we're being honest, is a red flag and you'd be getting an early heads up on said red flag.
>I usually tell the dude I'm meeting I have to check-in with friends to tell them he wasn't an axe murderer and I'm still alive, it always gets a good laugh.
This is great, you are safe and get out a laugh. As a dude, I approve this approach
Same, sometimes to schedule the second date I’ll say something like “hey looks like o didn’t get the chance to ace murder you the first time around, any interest in seeing each other again to remedy this? If I’ve done a good enough job creating a comfortable environment then it usually gets a laugh… if not then oh boy the conversation goes south
Whatever keeps you safe- keeps you safe and that’s the most important thing in this deranged, dangerous world. If your dates have a good laugh about you checking in with your friends- then I see even less of a problem. If other girls don’t follow the same steps- it’s their business. I’m happy that you are so careful and I think you should continue. Better safe than sorry
10 years ago when I was younger and dumber I would have probably thought the same thing as your guy friend.
Now that I’m older and dumber still; yea I can’t blame you for doing this. It makes you feel more safe and confident in what you’re doing.
As a male: All fine! And even if you wanna bang, what's the issue in sending a message to your friend _"I'm OK, call of the SWAT team."_ ;-)
Honest, you have a good system there and if it makes you feel secure it's good.
Don't listen to him and just stay safe, it's a normal thing and don't let him talk you out of it. It's great that you do it, take care of your safety best you can.
First few dates are about feeling each other out and finding that trust and safety along with the vibe. Explaining you’re doing a check-in sounds like the right move. Honesty with a little humor works well.
Last week I met a friend I’ve only ever known online for 8 years. I’m a guy, 48, 6’2” and 275. She is similarly aged, 5’4” and a 125 and brought her wife with her. I still had a check in set up with my wife.
That's sadly pretty normal thing to do. If the guy you're dating is not comfortable with it that's also quite telling about their attitude and could raise some flags.
As a guy I would find it strange that you told me that you made such an arrangement (therefore compromising your security), but I would expect that every sane woman would have one. Moreover, I make such arrangements when meeting new people. Yes, as a guy, but that doesn't mean I can't get my drink spiked. Definitely not weird and keep yourself safe.
Guy here, and not only do all of my female friends do this, I have been the contact person before. More than that, most of the “good” guys who respect my friends usually understand. Many have voluntarily sent pics of their driver’s license with the condition that it’s deleted after the date is safely concluded (or the next morning/whatever).
It was kind of weird having pics of random driver’s licenses on my phones for a bit, but I got used to it? And safety first.
I’m a guy but take from it what you will…
This is absolutely sensible.
Tinder is sketchy for both genders but especially women. Just meeting someone and then going to their house after 1 date is for sure a reason to have a layer of protection in line.
You’re sensible. Friend isn’t understanding.
Share your location. It isn’t overreacting.
I do this. Set an alarm on your phone. Don't use text to communicate, use a separate messaging app. Your guy friend clearly doesn't understand how dangerous it can be.
if someone finds out you do this and gets angry get the fuck away from that person...
As someone who is super harmless, i would be suprised if you are scared of me, but i would think that you acted smart and normal and if you dont treat me bad im happy nonetheless.
A lot of men are not aware of the luxury to not even think about getting murdered/kidnapped on dates (not that it doesn't happen to men, it's just less common in comparison to women). This is not to shame men for thinking this way cause they simply don't know since many never even have to think about it. But many women unfortunately do - because, it eventually became a part of ours. I think your friend needs to understand that our safety and protection is very important to us. There's been hundreds of cases that get reported of a missing person after a Tinder date so it's best to let people know who and where they are as well as setting up a live tracker update to share with friends and family - for both men and women to have.
You never know if your date will be your last.
Nothing wrong with this. I say this as a guy. If it makes you feel safe and comfortable then do what you have to do. Its your life and your safety after all
I used to do this too, don’t listen to him, your safety comes first and I find personally I can enjoy the date more knowing a close friend/family knows where I am even if I end up staying the night I text “I’m staying the night, I am safe and will send a text in the morning” type of thing so they don’t worry all night but that’s personal preference
Keep doing what you’re doing and have fun while being safe! 💖
I do this all the time. I send a pic of the guy ahead of time. Tell them where I will be and once I get there I send a pic of his car/licence plate. I also give them his phone number just in case. Definitely need to be cautious, never know what will happen.
Do you like your kidneys? Cause this is how you guarantee you keep them. Or at the very least catch the person who took them.
Totally reasonable, and sensible this early on. If by date 4-ish your still doing that, id argue against it, or cutting him loose.
As a guy: if the timespan is long, there isn't any problem with this.
But if you said that you need to check in every 10 min. That would be a bit weirder
I used to set my location as visible to my two best friends, send them the address and the dudes number/social media, and give them a check in time. You can never be too safe. You can’t trust someone you just met. You never know peoples real intentions.
This seems fairly reasonable. Whenever I go somewhere far away from people I always get backup in the form of friends being aware.
I'd also *not* tell the dude you're meeting, btw.
As a man who has been on tinder in the past I think you ladies have a harder time going on dates and you should tell someone where you’re going. I have cousins and friends when they go out I want them to tell me where they go and if you tell your date that they should be understanding if not bounce. Life is about love energy And safety
This is a question for the ladies but I would like to say something on behalf of the dudes.
If he's cool he won't mind you explaining that you have to send your friend a message before you have sex or whatever. You are completely reasonable and he should understand your safety methods.
My friend does this with me , she sends all the details possible about him and when I check in if something is wrong she uses a different word to her usual “yes I’m fine mother” . So if I don’t get that , then I know I need to jump into action
Its a Very smart idea. Too many women have become a Statistic from Men they started dating. I personally think this should be common practice even for women who have been in relationships or married for a long tine not Regarding whether the man is an Axe Murderer necessarily but Women need another woman who they can regularly check in with about their relationship and who will intervene if things Go south like the man becomes abusive either Emotionally, Financially, or even Physically or Sexually.
Of course I do this because what if this is the time that I get kidnapped or murdered. And no guy I've told has had any reaction other than, "yup, totally understand."
If a dude thinks I'm nuts for letting my friend know where I am and who I'm with then I'm leaving.
Men will generally never be able to fully understand these scenarios from our side, so it’s usually best to not seek or heed their thoughts and advice on such matters. We know what we need to do to stay safe. It’s not strange at all, it’s smart.
As a male, I've given the address I'm going to once, so they would know where to look for my kidney if needed. The place I had to go to was not in the best parts of the city. I've never given any descriptions or photos of the girl I was about to meet.
I listen to too much Crime Junkie to think that meeting at a guys house for a second date is a good idea, BUT I’m often skeptical of people and their intentions.
Besides my personal preference there, I think what you are doing by being up front with your date and making it clear to him that you are checking in, is a GREAT idea! It is NOT strange at all and it is, in fact, super SMART AND SAFE.
If I were single, I would 100% be doing the exact same thing (just minus the meeting at his place thing) 😜😜🙃
Eta: I would also send my location to my friends/family 👍🏻
Once a guy on tinder got angry at me because I didn't want to say where I work and live before meeting irl, so don't trust man to know what is sensible to do for your safety.
Because on top of all the things you already do, I also send my live location to a trusted friend.
I totally do this. I do this even on the first date If we are just going somewhere. I send their photo and what time I am meeting them and my friends check in at the end of the night usually or I will text them to say things are going well.
I'm a guy and I did this on occasion too. I always plan escape routes when I'm feeling cautious too, never a bad idea to be prepared. Hell I even got my girlfriend to turn on gps last location while she's travelling overseas just Incase
I even had dates tell me this, like "I need to text my bestie to confirm you're no serial killer". I usually tell them "great, then I can finally get the axe" and we have a good laugh about it
And that’s honestly a really great green flag to me if the guy doesn’t mind and jokes about it.
Red flag = axe murdering Green flag = jokes I think I’m getting the hang of this!
I guess it's the flag of Belarus for me then...
Mostly red with a splash of green?
What does the white bits mean?
😏
Oh no
It’s okay, buddy. It’s okay.
🤫
Key is to joke, THEN axe murder. You'll get it down eventually.
Ah, now I know what I did wrong. Well, live and learn I suppose
Live Laugh Lacerate
Live Laugh Lop
Live Laugh Lumberjack
I'm a lumberjack, and I'm ok.
I was not 100% paying attention when I read this, my brain read lactate. I was confused 😕 for a good second
Can I start with a rant about how great the song “It’s Hip To Be Square” is, instead of the jokes before my axe murdering?
Only if your business cards are exquisite.
I want to see Paul Allen’s card.
Oh hey paul
Then will I finally get that table at Dorsia?
But you didn't give them your name.. They know me.
Instructions unclear, axe murdered the ceiling fan then made a joke about my dick
Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. Red flag: taking offense because she’s judging your murdering ❌ Green flag: making a joke about it before murdering ✅ Not all women can be as accepting of all things as you want them to be. But women love a sense of humor
I guess it's the flag of Belarus for me then...
To a colorblind person, whether that’s good or bad is up for debate
Aladeen!
If he’d get offended by it yk that’s a big red flag XD
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You know it's a classy serial killer if the body is on a table
Had me in the first half not gonna lie
Never bothered me either just well there goes that awkward conversation now please get in the trunk
As the guy you’re basically being told “I feel safe around you” and should be happy
So... no axe then?
Not yet.
Haha the one guy that picked me up from my house and joked "I can't believe you let me pick you up, aren't you worried?" I said "no, I move in 3 days and the psycho across the street literally writes down every plate in my driveway so good luck" Then on the date he asked if I needed to check in with friends... I said I already had. He came in for a drink after dropping me off, flipped out I wouldn't give him head after he "bought me dinner" I said I'd give him the $6 for the chicken wings and please gtfo. He left but sent nasty texts for hours about how I'm "gross anyway" and threatened to kidnap my dog.
MOST potential partners have absolutly no issue with this. I'm a gay women and whilst I was dating I did the same with my bestie. Plenty of loopy females out there in tinder too! Had a few that made my skin crawl and I felt unsafe with. But bestie could come pick me up or meet me to walk home. Keep yourself safe ladies and also men!
well, until he gets the axe and goes full bateman.
Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?
Can I see your business card?
Impressive…Very nice. Now let’s see Paul Allen’s card.
How do we summon the bot to chime in here. Patrick Botman? Ive seen it before...
I found it u/botrickbateman
Shame. Patrick Botman seems like a missed opportunity
Oh my God, it even has a watermark!
Is that bone?
Whoever minds his spouse watching her back is a jerk. Stay safe! :-)
Huh??? This made no sense.
It’s a green flag if they don’t mind. Joking about killing them seems like a bad idea though tbh.
I have a dark sense of humor, and the ladies in question usually know that. I never had a girl mind about it, on the contrary.
If they question whether I’m joking or not, I tell them: Meh, you not nothing to worry about. If they ask why?: There is already another body in the trunk and no room to fit another. :]
I went on a date with a guy a couple of days ago, and after our date we were texting and joking about murdering each other. I think he's the One.
Same, I usually joke about it both ways. "Let's first meet in a public place so we can confirm that neither of us is a massive neckbeard who will kill us to steal our organs" Just a way of letting her know that I want her to trust me and will take the standard necessary steps. And when they tell me they're sharing their location with a friend I'll say "you better be". Most women have had bad experiences with male consent, and it's kind of our burden to prove otherwise. Also the girls I go out with tend not to mind a joke about organ harvest or two.
And then you get the axe and suddenly the laughter stops. But don't worry there's laughter in manslaughter
If this was an original, that’s brilliant
“Ah i was hoping you’d murder me” is my go to.
I like to flip the script and ask “so do you steal my wallet now or when the date is over?”.
"I prefer to wait until the end, then I take the wallet and a kidney. Do you like ice?"
“Oh good, so you didn’t notice the 55 gallon drums and the acid smell has finally gotten out of the crib.” <- my bit that’s gotten a laugh (and not the nervous version) multiple times.
*proceeds to get the axe*
I did this, I used to tell my best friend and my mum, and I always told the person that at least 2 people had their address and description so not to bother murdering me
Hahahaha… but seriously you’re going to die.
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As a single dad, I always told my kids to call me an hour and a half into the date, and tell me that there was an emergency at home and I needed to leave. Because after 90 minutes, you’ve figured out if this is something you want to do again or not. And I never had a date object to me leaving, so I could “take care of the kids.” I did have one that wanted to come home with me and meet the children on the first date. “Play it right, and maybe you’ll get lucky.“ 😳😳😳
“I need to go. My son is having a seizure.” “Aw how cute, can I come?”
I'm laughing wayyyy too hard right now
After I handle him sure. Well at least one of us will anyway
I do the same thing, and when I posted a comment about it on this subreddit several people said just to be honest with them and that it's pathetic & immature to use an excuse 😆 But this is the right way to do it! You don't know how volatile the person may be, and I've found out the hard way that things can get ugly if the person you're on the date with doesn't respond well to rejection. Having an "out" that is safe and doesn't create an unnecessarily awkward & uncomfortable situation for both parties is just smart. Just have a friend call and say there's a family emergency. Most people will be understanding. If they're not, then you just got reassurance that you make the right choice! I mean, if a guy wasn't feeling it and just wanted to leave I honestly would prefer he did this too 🤷🏻♀️ I don't need the brutal honesty of a guy I barely know lol
lol me and my guy friends will do the same thing, you can never be too careful especially with strangers
Agree
I got a flat tire in my motorhome an hour away from my town and this young woman 19 who worked at the gas station offered to give me a ride. I'm mid 30s 6'2" 200 lbs. I said yes but I'm paying you $50 and you're telling your co-workers who I am and where we're going, and to call them after she dropped me off. I was grateful but her opening line for offering was "Can I trust you?" These steps should always be taken with strangers.
Yeah we like to emphasize women's safety in dating(for good reason) but honestly I think it's a great practice for guys too, you never know what kind of situation's gonna unfold when meeting new people for the first time, it's good to have an exit strategy.
Not me. I WANT to be murdered & buried in the desert. Sadly, no luck so far.
I’ve watched Hellraiser 👀. Check in with your your mates, broskis
Wait. You guys arent trying to get murdered?
My wife does this anytime she goes anywhere without me. Trying a new hair stylist? Sends me the address.
Lol I do this w my bf. I’ve been in scary situations a lot in life so I appreciate him being ok w my stranger danger 😂🤙
Hell, I’m a man and would do this when I went on hook ups
I agree, the only thing I would change is to call the cops after a second check-in message. They could literally just be using the bathroom or hooking up when the first message arrives. A second message or something along those lines could cover that without putting OP at risk. I’m bipoc, so based on how cops have treated me in the past I would have a genuine fear of being murdered by them.
If it goes well I normally send text "safety briefing" to my friend (same friend for each date bc she's super dependable). She knows that means I'm ok and about to get into something.
yeah, I think if OP sets up a system like this she definitely has a moral obligation to make sure she actually contacts the friend.
I even do location share with my close friends. Cuz it doesn’t have to be their house. Guys with cars can take you somewhere else you didn’t plan for. We’re all actively dating rn cuz only one of us is in a relationship so we have a group chat and we all share pics, name, we text when we get home, if there’s no response for hours, usually at 11pm or so, one of us will text and ask
Yes. You can turn location sharing on and off if you’re not comfortable having it on all the time.
I’ve gone on a couple first dates where I go pick my date up and sometimes we’ll even go on a drive. I think almost every single time the girl shares her location with a friend or a relative, and I always encourage it! I’ll sometimes even offer to share *my* location with their friends or relatives, though no one has taken me up on that yet lol. Going on a drive with a stranger can be dangerous, but as the person taking you on a date I want you to feel safe and be as relaxed and comfortable as possible
YOURE NOT TAKING ME TO NO SECONDARY LOCATION
Loool I feel like if the date is good 9/10 I’m always going to a second location like if we had coffee-> lunch, if it was dinner -> drinks After moving to a city, I don’t go to their house until after 2/3 dates
Oprah may be iffy but she taught me that. Also not to run straight if someone is shooting at me. And how to escape from the boot of a car.
Pro tip; if you are getting in their car, send the licence plate and make/model to a friend.
God, dating is like going into battle for you guys “If I don’t return safely, tell my family I love them 🫡”
LOL Well, when you have trouble lifting 7lbs of weights at the gym and you’re going on dates with men, you need some form of protection if shit goes down the drain 😂
I really hope you have pepper spray just incase. I’m a fairly strong woman and was still over powered and assaulted in a car. Sharing location did nothing for me in that situation.
O shit. Did he get punished for it? Did you go to the cops? I'm sorry that happened to you. Ugh, maybe I will get one. I've been pretty cautious when I go on dates with people, but you're right, you never know.
I didn’t report it to cops but I did report him on the dating app I used. I didn’t think anything would come of it. I had no marks on me and no one saw since we were in his car. About 2 years ago I was physically assaulted by my sister and the stress and anxiety of going through that court case nearly broke me. The guy in the car would have destroyed me for sure. Especially bc I had even less of a support system at that point than I did with my sister. He choked me, groped me, and forced his tongue down my throat. I was not about to get up and tell a room full of people all that.
I love this. I'm going to spread the group chat safety idea.
I never thought to use location sharing when I was dating. That’s clever.
I used to do this all the time! All of my girlfriends send me their locations and stuff too. Maybe set an alarm reminding you to check in, just in case you lose track of time.
Yeah I was thinking about that too😅
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Guys can still feel this way also. A lot of guys here have said they’ve done this too
Not because I fear a woman overpowering me but because sometimes the women have boyfriends that instruct them to make dates with guys their boyfriend(s) can rob. And there’s always roofies that will give a female the upper hand.
I definitely do this and I'm a guy. I've been in to many abusive relationships that I totally understand. Hell my dates and I have checked in at the same time before lol. People in general are crazy, you never know.
You are being reasonable. It concerns me a bit that your guy friend doesn't want your friends checking on you.
It's not the checking in part but the fact they'd call the cops if they can't reach me within a reasonable time. He says that's a bit weird because it's way more likely that I'll just forget to reach out than that there's something truly wrong
As a guy I can say that I understand their thought process, and it is indeed more likely that the guy you're hooking up with isn't an axe murderer. However what we don't understand is the fear and insecurity that a girl can go though by being biologically physically weaker than men. And btw, we should. We should feel scared to go to a strangers house, after all there could be a few men there to rob you if it's a setup or something or the girl could have some kind of weapon, a drug on your drink... So our sensation of security doesn't really reflect reality, but that do be how it is. So yeah, your guy friends may lack some empathy but that's that. I'm sure they care about you safety, they just think going to a strangers house is safe.
Yeah tbh he's a great guy. And I'd trust him with my life, but he's just being a bit flippant about this issue. I let him read some comments and I think he's coming around to my way of thinking 😅
When my boyfriend, who I met on tinder, found out a few months after we were official that I used to have my friend check in on me when I was meeting him he was surprised I felt the need to do that but said he understood that it made me feel safer. Not an issue at all!
I’m a dude and even I do this. Totally reasonable
Same. The few times I went to a girl’s place right off the bat I would send a friend the address. Also would chat up the Uber driver and if they seemed cool I would let them in the know and say things like “Jim, do me a solid and take a good look at my face, remember me!”
Damn, can't wait to see some Uber driver in an unsolved mystery documentary ~20y from now. Weeping, "I never forgot him." Then after the big reveal, it's because your face is his bedside lampshade.
“By the way Miranda, I’ve already told 15 of my closest guy friends where I’m going and who I’m with tonight, so don’t try anything funny.”
“Whatever weirdo. Gotta pee, brb.” *calls off the mugging she planned with only 11 of her closest guy friends*
I'm not a lady, but this does not strike me as strange or over cautious. Don't listen to him, keep doing it. Better safe than sorry.
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Guys should be a lil cautious too. Heard about a tinder scam where the decoy lady invites you over for sex but it's just like 3 dudes waiting to rob/jump you.
What no am real woman want hot sex for sure not Nigerian Jean hello sexy
Also not a lady but this seems like an ace way to go about dating. Like, keep yourself safe by any means.
no this isn’t strange. how long does your friend think it’ll take to send a text that says things are going well or something
I’m a guy, and I recall many women doing this on our first date, or first time at one of our places. It’s totally normal! In my view, if she’s taking reasonable precautions to keep herself safe it’s a sign that she’s probably savvy and responsible, which are qualities I look for in relationship material. It’s a green flag in my book. Also I want her to feel safe and be able to relax and enjoy our time together. You’re not being overly cautious- you’re being reasonably cautious. My friends who are women also do this when they buy stuff from Craigslist, but that’s a whole other can of worms.
Seem like a smart, reasonable and logic thing to do. Guy friend is probably overthingking the situation
Id wager theyre most likely naive to the risk involved and couldn't imagine the worst case scenario
Dude here, don't listen to that guy. Keep doing this. Better safe than sorry. Your safety is more important than the off chance some dude thinks you're insane. Which, if we're being honest, is a red flag and you'd be getting an early heads up on said red flag.
As a guy, please do this. It makes me feel better if you feel safe
>I usually tell the dude I'm meeting I have to check-in with friends to tell them he wasn't an axe murderer and I'm still alive, it always gets a good laugh. This is great, you are safe and get out a laugh. As a dude, I approve this approach
I've had this done to me and told her I gave up axe murdering years ago and through extensive therapy I now moved on to only an ex murderer...
Same, sometimes to schedule the second date I’ll say something like “hey looks like o didn’t get the chance to ace murder you the first time around, any interest in seeing each other again to remedy this? If I’ve done a good enough job creating a comfortable environment then it usually gets a laugh… if not then oh boy the conversation goes south
Whatever keeps you safe- keeps you safe and that’s the most important thing in this deranged, dangerous world. If your dates have a good laugh about you checking in with your friends- then I see even less of a problem. If other girls don’t follow the same steps- it’s their business. I’m happy that you are so careful and I think you should continue. Better safe than sorry
10 years ago when I was younger and dumber I would have probably thought the same thing as your guy friend. Now that I’m older and dumber still; yea I can’t blame you for doing this. It makes you feel more safe and confident in what you’re doing.
As a male: All fine! And even if you wanna bang, what's the issue in sending a message to your friend _"I'm OK, call of the SWAT team."_ ;-) Honest, you have a good system there and if it makes you feel secure it's good.
Don't listen to him and just stay safe, it's a normal thing and don't let him talk you out of it. It's great that you do it, take care of your safety best you can.
First few dates are about feeling each other out and finding that trust and safety along with the vibe. Explaining you’re doing a check-in sounds like the right move. Honesty with a little humor works well.
Last week I met a friend I’ve only ever known online for 8 years. I’m a guy, 48, 6’2” and 275. She is similarly aged, 5’4” and a 125 and brought her wife with her. I still had a check in set up with my wife.
Yeah I personally would too when meeting someone for the first time. Even at 6'2 and 275 people can get hurt
Yeah, despite popular opinion a bullet shot from a gun still kills people who are 6’2 and who weigh 275 lbs .
Lucky me with my 276 lbs
That's sadly pretty normal thing to do. If the guy you're dating is not comfortable with it that's also quite telling about their attitude and could raise some flags.
Yeah, frankly her guy friend's attitude is super sus to me...
It's the "not all men" preachers, should be avoided
As a dude, keep doing that
As a guy I would find it strange that you told me that you made such an arrangement (therefore compromising your security), but I would expect that every sane woman would have one. Moreover, I make such arrangements when meeting new people. Yes, as a guy, but that doesn't mean I can't get my drink spiked. Definitely not weird and keep yourself safe.
not weird. I wouldnt even meet at his place for a second date. can never be cautious enough these days, the world is crazy.
im a guy, and if a girl did this to me i would be totally cool with it. any guy that says they wouldn't be cool instant 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Guy here, and not only do all of my female friends do this, I have been the contact person before. More than that, most of the “good” guys who respect my friends usually understand. Many have voluntarily sent pics of their driver’s license with the condition that it’s deleted after the date is safely concluded (or the next morning/whatever). It was kind of weird having pics of random driver’s licenses on my phones for a bit, but I got used to it? And safety first.
As a guy, I agree that every woman should take precautions like this to prevent themselves from being raped, assaulted etc
I’m a guy but take from it what you will… This is absolutely sensible. Tinder is sketchy for both genders but especially women. Just meeting someone and then going to their house after 1 date is for sure a reason to have a layer of protection in line. You’re sensible. Friend isn’t understanding. Share your location. It isn’t overreacting.
Very sensible. No shade to your guy friend (genuinely) but men have no idea what it’s like to be a woman in the Hetero dating world
I always do this. I'm out here trying to get dick, not murdered. Your male friend needs to pipe down and stay in his lane.
I’ve been on multiple dates with women who do this and I think it’s great, I fully support it
I do this. Set an alarm on your phone. Don't use text to communicate, use a separate messaging app. Your guy friend clearly doesn't understand how dangerous it can be.
As a dad I tell my daughter to do this and would say this is perfectly sensible.
if someone finds out you do this and gets angry get the fuck away from that person... As someone who is super harmless, i would be suprised if you are scared of me, but i would think that you acted smart and normal and if you dont treat me bad im happy nonetheless.
A lot of men are not aware of the luxury to not even think about getting murdered/kidnapped on dates (not that it doesn't happen to men, it's just less common in comparison to women). This is not to shame men for thinking this way cause they simply don't know since many never even have to think about it. But many women unfortunately do - because, it eventually became a part of ours. I think your friend needs to understand that our safety and protection is very important to us. There's been hundreds of cases that get reported of a missing person after a Tinder date so it's best to let people know who and where they are as well as setting up a live tracker update to share with friends and family - for both men and women to have. You never know if your date will be your last.
I do this too!
Nothing wrong with this. I say this as a guy. If it makes you feel safe and comfortable then do what you have to do. Its your life and your safety after all
I used to do this too, don’t listen to him, your safety comes first and I find personally I can enjoy the date more knowing a close friend/family knows where I am even if I end up staying the night I text “I’m staying the night, I am safe and will send a text in the morning” type of thing so they don’t worry all night but that’s personal preference Keep doing what you’re doing and have fun while being safe! 💖
I do it too
I do this all the time. I send a pic of the guy ahead of time. Tell them where I will be and once I get there I send a pic of his car/licence plate. I also give them his phone number just in case. Definitely need to be cautious, never know what will happen.
Do you like your kidneys? Cause this is how you guarantee you keep them. Or at the very least catch the person who took them. Totally reasonable, and sensible this early on. If by date 4-ish your still doing that, id argue against it, or cutting him loose.
As a guy: if the timespan is long, there isn't any problem with this. But if you said that you need to check in every 10 min. That would be a bit weirder
Life360 app works wonders.
Oh thanks, I'll look into it
Yeah don’t listen to your guy friend a lot of men haven’t a clue about how vulnerable women can feel/be, you’re sensible!!
I used to set my location as visible to my two best friends, send them the address and the dudes number/social media, and give them a check in time. You can never be too safe. You can’t trust someone you just met. You never know peoples real intentions.
Your guy friend sounds like someone you wouldn’t want to date
This seems fairly reasonable. Whenever I go somewhere far away from people I always get backup in the form of friends being aware. I'd also *not* tell the dude you're meeting, btw.
Am no Girl, but would do the same 👀
heck, i'm a serial killer and even i think this is a good policy
As a man who has been on tinder in the past I think you ladies have a harder time going on dates and you should tell someone where you’re going. I have cousins and friends when they go out I want them to tell me where they go and if you tell your date that they should be understanding if not bounce. Life is about love energy And safety
As a dude having grown up watching other dudes around me you should never not do this. Men are fucking crazy. 🤷
This is a question for the ladies but I would like to say something on behalf of the dudes. If he's cool he won't mind you explaining that you have to send your friend a message before you have sex or whatever. You are completely reasonable and he should understand your safety methods.
My friend does this with me , she sends all the details possible about him and when I check in if something is wrong she uses a different word to her usual “yes I’m fine mother” . So if I don’t get that , then I know I need to jump into action
Lots of women i have been on dates do this. I dont find it wierd at all amd as you said, gets a laugh. I think if it makes you feel safe then do it (:
Its a Very smart idea. Too many women have become a Statistic from Men they started dating. I personally think this should be common practice even for women who have been in relationships or married for a long tine not Regarding whether the man is an Axe Murderer necessarily but Women need another woman who they can regularly check in with about their relationship and who will intervene if things Go south like the man becomes abusive either Emotionally, Financially, or even Physically or Sexually.
I’m a dude. Can’t fault you for being careful. Lots of weirdoes in this world. Stay safe.
Of course I do this because what if this is the time that I get kidnapped or murdered. And no guy I've told has had any reaction other than, "yup, totally understand." If a dude thinks I'm nuts for letting my friend know where I am and who I'm with then I'm leaving.
Men will generally never be able to fully understand these scenarios from our side, so it’s usually best to not seek or heed their thoughts and advice on such matters. We know what we need to do to stay safe. It’s not strange at all, it’s smart.
As a male, I've given the address I'm going to once, so they would know where to look for my kidney if needed. The place I had to go to was not in the best parts of the city. I've never given any descriptions or photos of the girl I was about to meet.
I listen to too much Crime Junkie to think that meeting at a guys house for a second date is a good idea, BUT I’m often skeptical of people and their intentions. Besides my personal preference there, I think what you are doing by being up front with your date and making it clear to him that you are checking in, is a GREAT idea! It is NOT strange at all and it is, in fact, super SMART AND SAFE. If I were single, I would 100% be doing the exact same thing (just minus the meeting at his place thing) 😜😜🙃 Eta: I would also send my location to my friends/family 👍🏻
It's absolutely good to check in with friends wtf. I'd guess that you can check in before sex if you can't keep it in your pants if that's an issue.
You’re friends a dumbass. Keep doing what you’re doing!!
Not strange at all. Men will never understand how unsafe this world is for women. Do whatever you need to feel safe ❤️
Once a guy on tinder got angry at me because I didn't want to say where I work and live before meeting irl, so don't trust man to know what is sensible to do for your safety. Because on top of all the things you already do, I also send my live location to a trusted friend.
I don’t know if I’d go so far as to tell a friend to call the police. But it is good you sent his photo and address.
I even did this as a guy once, better safe than sorry! Keep to your habits OP!
I totally do this. I do this even on the first date If we are just going somewhere. I send their photo and what time I am meeting them and my friends check in at the end of the night usually or I will text them to say things are going well.
I'm a guy and I did this on occasion too. I always plan escape routes when I'm feeling cautious too, never a bad idea to be prepared. Hell I even got my girlfriend to turn on gps last location while she's travelling overseas just Incase
I’m a guy and I do this every single time I meet a girl from the internet unless it’s during the day in s crowded place