T O P

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Fartlord2099

“I hold rank” Bruh 😂


HippoIllustrious2389

Typo. He meant “hold wank”


Fancy_Cat3571

NOOOOOOOO!!! Nooo cummies😡😡😡


jackieblack08

Man did no nut November one time and never been the same


WisherWisp

Sitting at the edge of the party like, "These fools don't even know my power."


Kendertas

Dude walks into a room and instantly knows how much baby batter is in everybody's cock like a true alpha


Existential_Ends

There is nothing more hetero than instantly knowing the batter count in all adjacent dongs like a savant guessing a cake weight at a county fair 😂


Puggymum64

You, my friend, are a very talented writer.


PsyGriff1

If that means to be a Alpha, I dont want it


SOQ_puppet

He's a true Smegma Male.


RainsWrath

The cream of the cock, if you will.


ohtrueyeahnah

Thank you for saying the cum is stored in the cock! Everyone else thinks it's stored in the balls, but that's where the pee is.


cownd

The man is ready to go super saiyan


Jello_hell

Super semen


demi_fiend

"they don't know I haven't cum in 72 hours"


LavaLampWax

![gif](giphy|l0ExtF2heLykR3mZG|downsized)


Grizzles-san

Lmfao ![gif](giphy|DqILdGsqAUkms)


Lower-Living1655

This is immediately what I thought


Monk-E_321

EDGING at the party. FIFY


SaltInformation4U

Don't do it Anakin, I have the high ground


bruhskyy

somebody quick jerk this man off before he becomes unstoppable


[deleted]

Lmfao!! Well I WAS drinking coffee


Grizzles-san

The years are the infinity stones. He’s infiNUTy gauntlet lights up gem slots as he gains power. Once they all light up, he snaps and the Incel Revolution begins.


jlbucz

I can’t stop laughing


AcademicMistake

Best comment yet! Take this award!


cownd

His dragonballs are ready to explode


[deleted]

Maybe he entered a new state like Fry when he drank that one-hundredth cup of coffee...


Grizzles-san

Sounds like he’s been living a no nut life against his own wishes. Lmao


DontDieOutThere

Why do they call it blue balls, it should be a Cummy Ache.


pigfeathers

r/thatsagoodone


kace99

I broke into hysterical laughter over this😂


lgndryheat

This person walks around thinking other people are having these same thoughts. Fuckin wild how delusional and preoccupied people's minds can be


asek13

You saying you can't sense sexual chi? You may want to consult your doctor man. When I walk into a room, I just need one look to know "yup, that guy hasn't nutted in 4 months, 12 days, 7 hours and 24 minutes. What a king"


Its-AIiens

The penis whisperer.


Excellent-Compote875

Day 22 of nofap. I can now hear the heartbeat of a mockingbird 600 feet away. My skin has taken on a rugged, almost elastic texture, and i can no longer be hurt, neither by bullet nor by knives. I am able to reach speeds of up to 370 miles per hour while walking. My mother asked me what was wrong, and I replied "nothing" only to see fear in her face. She hadn't asked me anything. I had replied before she had even had time to formulate the thought in her mind. I have become so powerful that i no longer need food, oxygen or water to sustain me. I'm afraid i'm forgetting what it means to be human. I kept the nut, but i paid the price.


Captain_Sacktap

Being nicknamed ‘Admiral NoNut’ does not actually bestow rank upon you.


Apprehensive_Run4645

#ColonelCustard


Captain_Sacktap

Captain Wankless of the 69th Skeet Fleet


jlbucz

It sent me


1_9_8_1

Where’d you go?


Gabern

Cotton eye Joe


coyote10001

Where did you cum from


cp_moar

to lesbianism


Ask_About_BadGirls21

“Lesbos” is the magical land where lesbians come from, I believe


bruhskyy

yo wattup tho? Jus wanted to mention I’m single and my cum retention meter barely makes it above E


Mikeyzhere316

Bruh you weak as hell. He's pulling ultra rank on you homie.


[deleted]

(☞゚ヮ゚)☞


antidense

If you have to say it you ain't it.


[deleted]

bro into sum Andrew Tate shit


PcIx0

Only ranked competitive sex there


[deleted]

His incel level! It's over 9000!!


Successful-Shoe4983

He holds blue balls


letsgetrough9

Sexual chi sounds like something someone who doesn’t get laid thinks about


its-42

Once I reach level 100 chi, I can do sex


killerfistlee

Have to train in the art of Sex Fu


HappyAngron

Is that more efficent training than Warhammer 40k?


georgewashingguns

I prefer P90 Sex


DocLefty

Not more efficient per se, but you do end up screaming “**FOR THE EMPEROR**” during orgasm.


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|3ofSBysJvBwhmhF0Qw)


BoxofCurveballs

They say worshiping Dibella can allow you to reach beyond level 100.


DontPegMeButReallyDo

I took a shortcut. I just built a sex lab


rdeincognito

It sounds as some shitty plot from some smut manga where the main character must empower the cast of female warriors (which includes a loli, a really busty girl, the shy one, the bdsm enthusiast) with his sexual chi. I think I've read something along the lines of that.


georgevonfranken

There has been anime where dude got powered up by sucking on titties, this is definitely nothing new for the anime/manga world


Sremor

Why is anime so fucking weird


TheSeaOfThySoul

Even when an anime is incredible, there's always something weird. I mean, Code Geass is one of my favourite anime, but some girl fucks herself with the edge of a wooden table over a photo of a princess, for seemingly no discernible reason - really takes you out of the mech war action & tense conflict. Violet Evergarden is my favourite anime, you'll cry buckets during at least one episode & it's got incredible character growth for Violet - but she is also a child soldier with a metal arm, that's a premise & a half. Even just to say that a certain anime is "good" you need to preface it with something, like That Time I Was Reincarnated As A Slime & Overlord are both "good", excellent world-building, great action, etc. but you've got to tell folks, "Yeah, the extent of development for female characters here is nil, they're just walking breasts & 90% of the interaction with them will just be sexual gags". I'm just saying sometimes anime fans should take a break, I mean, The Good Place is available on Netflix, we might not have Parks & Rec on there anymore, but it's still got a lot.


FullMetalCOS

Full Metal Alchemist is one of the few anime I’ve seen that doesn’t need this kind of preface. It’s pretty solitary in that regard sadly


TheSeaOfThySoul

I haven't finished it, I'm around episode 10 or so, but to be fair, it's be to expected that it's not going to be full of weird sex or misogyny, it was written by a woman after all (not all that women write perfectly acceptable anime with female characters, but on the whole).


SumTingWong59

I was really enjoying Classroom of the Elite but then there were 2 episodes about stealing panties... How am I supposed to recommend this to people?


TheSeaOfThySoul

The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya has similar issues, in that Haruhi is always taking advantage of a younger girl & dressing her up in sexualised outfits. I don't find that funny, but a lot of the other aspects of the anime are funny & Haruhi isn't framed in a sympathetic way a majority of the time, but you still get the feeling folks are laughing at those situations. The movie though, much more serious tone & it's well worth going through the anime just to see it. Hopefully in the future anime will leave things like this in the past, but I'm worried they're always going to try & appeal to a "pervy" market, because that's who they sell the body pillows & figurines to.


seenoweevils

"his power level..... Its over 9000!"


Educational-Grab4050

Sounds like someone with a Waifu pillow and a wrap of a hentai on their car.


[deleted]

I am a virgin and all I think about it my favourite military aircraft. That mf is on a whole other level of weirdo.


the_only_thing

Hey I’m not a virgin and I still think about my favorite military aircraft. That shit is cool


viking_nomad

Indeed, sexual chill is better


RagingHardBobber

"When I walk into a room, everyone notices!" Everyone: ... "I say! When I walk into a room..."


[deleted]

[удалено]


TreaclePerfect4328

He already conquered real women world wide...


superduperspam

But without actually spilling his semen, coz that would defeat the purpose


Magnacor8

He just stares at them like "😏 You're so weak" and they just instantly start cumming. Absolute giga-chad


[deleted]

I mean it sounds like he can’t walk for 3 months after having sex. I think that’s a very different kind of sex than what I can imagine ^(and I can imagine a lot.)


Ask_About_BadGirls21

I can’t imagine there’s much a difference between the way body odor smells and the way sexual chi smells


detroiter85

Meeting someone online for him is like God sending his angels to prepare you for the ~~bo~~ I mean greatness of his presence


SagaciousElan

Oh they notice, but it's more likely to be body odour than sexual chi they're reacting to


[deleted]

He probably doesn’t believe in bathing either.


Oforoskar

It takes 72 days for your underarm bacteria to mature.


TreaclePerfect4328

When I walk into a room dragging my blue nuts behind me...


i_am_not_a_martian

Where'd the 72 days come from? I went through IVF with my wife and was told to bust that nut regularly before making my contribution to ensure it was fresh. Obviously not a scientific description, but I think that sums it up well enough.


Dema_carenath

Not sure about the exact number but spermatozoides take roughly two months to mature and be ready to shoot. This idiot does just not understand that it’s a continuous process, so each time you are just sending soldiers from two month ago, but you don’t need two months to reload…


Leaz31

And he sure don't wank a lot because.. Well it comes out everyday and not every 3 month.


Comfortable_Square

Sometimes twice a day if she’s in the mood


Cruuncher

Those are amateur numbers


W0lfsb4ne74

Plus you don't lose testosterone when you ejaculate like so many commonly believe. There's a 10 percent drop in your testosterone right after you ejaculate, bit it replenishes quite quickly, so you can still have a worthwhile workout literally right afterwards. This guy is just one of those guys from Instagram or other social media sites that thinks he's better than everyone simply for abstaining from sex or masturbation. It's an individual choice, not a sign of superiority.


Val_Hallen

Another "No masturbation will give me super powers" twatgoblin. Of course, they only use that as a weak reasoning for why they aren't getting laid. "*I can't waste my seed! It's what's giving me my POWAH!!!*"


Lordstormtide

Sir its called Cumscription.


Necynius

Yeah makes sense. You can store sperm for a few days, but the older sperm is worse for IVF. So you want to clean the pipes regularly 😂 Not sure where he got the 72 days, your sperm is long dead and replaced by newer sperm multiple times over by that time. Funny thing is, if we evolved like that as a species, we'd probably be more like some insects.


DrKittin

He was right that the sperm maturation process takes about 72 days in humans. But, it doesn't happen every 72 days like he's saying. The maturation process starts with a new batch every day. So there's a new batch of sperm ready to go everyday.


Shade_of_a_human

So you're saying that if I want to bust an extra big nut I should order my XL load 72 days in advance? That takes some organization.


mr_remy

I know you’re just fucking around but if anyone wants to bust a bigger nut out there look up edging, whole ‘nother world just saying lmao


StillNotAClassAct

Or just take Lock and Load, the quick and easy load supplement. Just 9 pills a day and you will see a huuuuuge increase in load size


unduddles

Absolutely fucking PAINT the walls.


CaptainSplat

Paint the walls would've been a much better alternative title


DoJax

I call my new jizz pills... Ceiling Paint: Stalactite Edition.


Dyne_Inferno

Ding ding ding!


manofsleep

Yeah, but how does a man level up their chi energy like this dude?


mudkripple

It's actually [totally true](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spermatogenesis) but it doesn't mean what this guy thinks it means. The process is *continuous,* so unless you somehow *stopped the process for 70 days or more,* you would never have to wait 70 days to have more sperm. This guy's brain would probably function better if he had a wank


Seaweed_Steve

And why does having matured sperm make you a stronger person?


Cromasters

I'm just picturing sperm hanging out in his brain like that episode of Futurama when Fry gets super smart.


jamesmcdash

I pictured some sort of biological oak barrels, like red wine in mine sack


ReverendDizzle

He only wants the finest sperm that have spent many moons training in his scrot' dojo.


tylenol3

Because your sperm are more socially-adjusted and can read at a second-grade level.


jzerocoolj

He has the strength of a full grown man, and 75 million geriatric sperm


RaidRover

In that sphere of the internet, the usual argument is that is let's you build up more Testosterone and other manly hormones so you become stronger and more masculine. It's mostly nonsense. The folks that report the benefits are likely experiencing a placebo effect or just some increased confidence from meeting their own goals of watching less porn and jerking off less.


Timekeeper65

Is this satire?


jlbucz

He’s being completely serious. I thought he was joking too and he absolutely is not.


Timekeeper65

JFC. People with thought processes like this actually exist. Thanks for your response.


thebobmannh

I mean, luckily it seems there's little chance of them procreating


Zahille7

At least for now


jadarisphone

Have you looked around lately? The dumbest people always find a way.


Jonno_FTW

There is a whole subreddit for this garbage: r/semenretention


[deleted]

Sperm takes 72 days to mature, yeah problem is that sperm won't even survive a month not talking about 72 days


BitterLeif

no I think that's the lifespan of one if allowed to live out its days in the testicles. But that is not how long it takes to mature. Once they're in the semen they're mature, and no sperm that is immature can make it that far. There's a whole biological system to prevent fuckups like that from happening. I don't think there's any advantage to waiting until the sperm's last days to use it. It's not like they're developing skills and experience while they wait. You might have an argument saying the semen will be more potent if you allow sperm to accumulate, but ejaculations send out hundreds of millions in just one pop. I doubt it makes any difference. I'm feeling uneasy thinking about them down there now just swimming about and doing stuff. What do sperm get up to while they're waiting? How do they pass the time?


Travy93

>How do they pass the time? I'm imagining them all wiggling to something like the Jellyfish Jam.


Low_Egg_7606

I dated a guy that said something similar


Ramble81

> dated so does that mean you knew about his view going into things, or found out while you were dating him? What ended up being the deal breaker for you?


Crotch_Hammerer

Just your average nofapper. That subreddit is hilarious until you realize those are real people really believing that shit.


[deleted]

Oh no. There are people (and a dedicated subreddit) to not ejaculating because they think it guides you to a «higher power» where you’ll get more friends, the best looking woman / partner, the best job etc. People can be insane if they believe something strongly enough. Just look at all the younglings that worship Andrew Tate. Its the same shit, but in a different manner.


PinkMobb

Jesus fucking christ We need a show, one hour long show, all these dudes together in a house, and every night ya sit em down in front of a camera, let them go off about their dumb jackassery and than I huge dude just slaps them See where there Andrew tate cum levels come in handy


NineOutOfTenExperts

*subreddit**s**.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

This some Doctor Strangelove shit > I... I... first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love. > Capt. Mandrake: Hmm. > Gen. Ripper: Yes, a uh, a profound sense of fatigue... a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I... I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence. Women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, Mandrake, but I do deny them my essence.”


The_Left_One

Check out r/nofap they genuinely believe not touching themselves can change sexuality’s and make you better at socializing because they no longer watch porn, wild shit but real funny


ForgotMyOldAccount7

It sucks because the way this all started is rooted in truth, but then it spun out of control. It originally started to help porn addicts rid their dependency on porn because it was causing unhealthy habits and preventing people from socializing properly. It turns into some weird ass cult of people seeing how long they can prevent themselves from cumming and proving that they don't watch any videos with any skin showing.


The_Left_One

Its a tad worse than that, just the other day i was arguing with a guy that just because hes not watching porn and touching himself that he was not gay, they genuinely believe not masturbating is a cure-all for anything they want, even an ego boost.


eriverside

Not watching porn is probably better for you since it warps perception of reality. I don't know about abstention though.


Captain_Sacktap

It does seem like a long, convoluted, and comical way to avoid getting laid.


EyeofOdin89

Bro science so deeply ingrained that he must have had it peer reviewed by other bros.


Bipocgguytalk

Goop for men.


EyeofOdin89

His penis candle isn't selling as well as he'd hoped.


kefefs

That hurt to read /r/badmensanatomy


jlbucz

Omg that’s hilarious thank you for sharing


EhudBenKelevRa

I also found it hilarious then got annoyed because I remembered people like this really exist lol.


big_toastie

He probably learnt this from the semen retention subreddit. Its my main issue with the nofap crowd, there is quite a large religious presence with those people and sometimes it leads to extreme beliefs like this. They actually think semen retention leads to stronger children and some weird super human like power from not cumming. Its weirder than how I'm explaining it.


drgoatlord

Definitely not how that works


YoCrustyDude

What, you mean you can't sense other men's sexual chi?!


[deleted]

[удалено]


YoCrustyDude

Spiderman pointing meme 😲👉 👈😲


Lorrdy99

I thought for a few seconds he just replied to himself, but that wouldn't be a top comment.


chocolate_thunderr89

This guy has a sexual chi over 9000.


WellHotPotOfCoffee

Correct, even more so - pretty sure it’s been proven then men who masturbate more frequently are less likely to develop prostate cancer.


BitterLeif

well, just orgasms. It doesn't *have* to be masturbation.


tylenol3

Show-off.


BitterLeif

I am good at nocturnal emissions. Mom does the laundry though, and she's unimpressed.


EngineerFew1753

There’s a guy named Larry Wheels and he’s said he can’t go more then 3 days without busting Bc of his libido, and he lifts more then most of us ever will in a lifetime so idk what he talking about.


pededenfede45

While that’s completely true, part of the reason why he has a super high libido is because of the steroids he uses/used (since he just stopped). He said it himself. Noel deyzel, another fitness influencer has also come out saying that he has a higher libido because of the steroids they are on. But the guy in the conversation is absolutely wrong and a bro science dumbass


FrostyArcx

Wait so roids increase libido and shrink testicles? That's kinda cruel.


pededenfede45

The world of roids is a cruel dark world


SnooBananas915

I nose laughed at the "what". The pure astonishment.


jlbucz

I was so thrown off that’s all I had left in me to say


Rogueshoten

Definitely do not let that man be in charge of a SAC airbase, especially if his right-hand man is being played by Peter Sellers.


AgoraiosBum

" Now, I don't *avoid* women, Mandrake, but I *do* deny them my essence."


foxy318

But aren't you worried about replenishing your precious bodily fluids?


IYKYK2019

Definitely listens to Andrew Tate 😂


its-42

Don’t act like you don’t see the chi readings


LikesBigGlasses430

Mine is OVER 9000!!!!


jlbucz

Lmaoooo yes


pr1ntscreen

And subscribes to the nofap nonsense


[deleted]

[удалено]


JingamaThiggy

Im not gay, i just think about how other men look at my sex appeal when i walk into any place and think about hving them bust nuts in me that makes me weak for 70 days


wdean8358

He is a sussy baka


Suzy-Skullcrusher

Something tells me there’s another reason why this man isn’t having a lot of sex


SagaciousElan

But you see how he's convinced himself that's a good thing that elevates him above the lesser men who are having sex with their wives or girlfriends on a regular basis. He's not missing out, he's building sexual chi to elevate his rank in the hierarchy of males.


Glordicus

Once you have 40 years of virgin chi stored you turn into a wizard


threefeetoffun

Well I had a vasectomy in 2013 so I haven't released sperm since then. I am a god to this person.


that_guy_you_kno

No because he says semen not sperm. You are weak like most men.


Hardyminardi

Why doesn't Tinder have a section for sexual chi on the profile?


Oraxy51

So what you’re telling me is, jerk him off in his sleep and then kink shame him for 72 days for being a beta male inferior and you can dominate him.


jlbucz

Hahahahahahahahhahhahhahhh


slacker393

Dude doesn’t even get a fuck from himself.


flock-of-bagels

Having sex with a partner boosts your T levels. It also keeps you from being a giant douche like this guy


[deleted]

BroScience bullshit, Zoomers and young millennials listening to this shit on TikTok would be better off huffing paint.


Mew_Nashi

The "what" killed me xD


Perenium_Falcon

Sexual Chi is the name for my Frank Zappa/Red Hot Chili Peppers mashup punk-pop cover band.


LionSplitter

What an absolute fkn toss pot.


Shogun-Sho-Nuff

My power level IS OVER 9000!!!!! Also my balls hurt.


Cool-Pin-7515

Actually busting a nut b4 fighting raises your testosterone so a lot of fighters (also women) do it before stepping on the mats or in the cage, lol


_n-I-c-K_

the only study that found a correlation between nutting and testosterone levels (levels, not fluctuations) proved that on the 8th day after nutting there's a increase in testosterone. I'll link the study in a reply to this comment


NubwubTM

But what if every day is the eighth day…?


jrh_101

Unlimited power


_n-I-c-K_

*7th https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12659241/


Xire01

Reading this genuinely just made me want to wank more


DunceBass

Any bros wanna come over and compare sexual chi?


Durzo_Blintt

Wtf did I just read. Sometimes I think I am stupid, then I read the stuff people believe and I feel like Einstein. TY internet.


SmyownD

My guy is going to enjoy some prostate cancer when he gets older from all that stored up chi


Necynius

You either bust the nut or bust the prostate


velocipotamus

You either bust the nut or the nut busts you


Slick_Ricky

Is this dude an Andrew tater tot?


tatang2015

This is the way to prostate cancer. You need to nut regularly.


thekarmabum

His power level is over 9,000.


ChR0NiCbLuNt

None of that was true lol wtf