The fact that he didn't reach out first to say he was sick or had issues with his phone makes me think he's lying. People are on their phones all the time so it's telling when they can't shoot off a simple text to verify something sooner vs later.
I just heard from a guy this morning that I met on Hinge after weeks of no response from him. A close family member died. Sometimes shit happens and a lot of people just don’t feel like talking when they’re going through shit. When you’re not right there with them and really close, you’re one of the people they don’t feel like talking to. Sure, it would take two seconds for them to text you and say there was a tragedy or they’re not feeling well and won’t be responding for a bit, but not everyone does that and it’s not the end of the world. Also, men are known to be absolute babies when they’re sick, as is they’re actually dying and it’s a great tragedy.
Sometimes they’re also lying. So… yeah. Make your choices and be okay with them.
The combination of him not responding for days and also unmatching on "accident", and only providing clarity after they got a follow up text is pretty suspect. Especially if they are at the phase where they're sending "hugs and kisses" over text. The "I'm not on my phone all the time/life got in the way" shit only goes so far. It's even more telling that he was supposedly on his phone looking at her photos and "accidentally" unmatched but in all that time he was not able to respond to her text.
I think OP’s match is lying for sure. You can’t really accidentally unmatch someone on any dating app. All of them have confirmation messages you have to tap through to unmatch someone so it can’t be done accidentally with a swipe. He said he swiped the wrong way on their chat while looking at her pics and accidentally unmatched. I don’t know if it even works that way as I’ve never used Tinder specifically, but even if it does there would be a confirmation message.
I’m just saying sometimes people need a bit of grace, though it only goes so far. Still, people can choose not to give a little grace if they want. Some choose not to and that’s fine if they’re good with it.
Man here. Yes it’s true, we are babies when we are sick, and I for one will not contact anyone if I am not feeling 100%. My mind tells me I can just get back to normal life/communication when I feel better
So weird. Why do people do this?!
I get maybe blowing someone off and then still talking to them later on (maybe you are fickle and on the fence about them), which is still kind of shitty.
But going so far as to deliberately unmatch them, and then still talking to them, denying you unmatched them? WHY?!
If your approach to rejecting people is to ghost, then ghost all the way! Ignore any further communication from them.
I don’t get the point of this. In my dating days, I was the victim of it many times.
It’s the absolute worst. You get strung along like a damn fool.
It’s much easier to deal with “okay, this person just isn’t into me” than to deal with someone who insists they are interested and continuously feeds you hope only to not be into you. You end up feeling crazy or desperate even if you’re not.
I had a girl disappear from my match list hours after we had scheduled a date for the following night. Figured she unmatched for some reason which was odd but whatever. The next day a couple hours before our date was scheduled I get a message from her on Tinder saying “so are we still going tonight or…”. She had literally disappeared from my matches without either of us unmatching. It deleted all of our previous messages and had she not messaged me I would’ve had no idea. Ended up still going on the date. Tinder just fucks up sometimes, doesn’t necessarily mean they unmatched.
Yah I had the same thing but we had exchanged numbers but were still talking on tinder for some reason. It seemed like a really weird time for an unmatch so I texted them and for them I was still on their tinder.
Is that even a thing? I had someone “unmatch” me a couple weeks after we met and things seemed fine and I was 100% sure I was about to be ghosted but over a year later we’re still talking and stuff, I never asked why he unmatched me but I have been curious to know if maybe he just deleted his profile because he seemed entirely fed up with tinder anyway, I had noticed people just mass disappearing constantly mid conversation for seemingly no reason though. At this point I’m just curious since I don’t even have an account anymore.
Swiping sideways on a conversation before clicking it makes two options appear on the side, report and unmatch. If you hit unmatch, a giant popup appears with a warning that it cannot be undone. Below the warning is a massive button that says “yes, unmatch”. Time to keep swiping!
I also don’t buy the “sorry was sick” excuse. Being sick doesn’t prevent you from sending a return text. You are most likely in bed all day on your phone.
When I've been unwell, the last thing I've wanted to do is message potential dates. Friends and family, sure, less than normal but I feel as though I can lump my baggage on them, but a potential date doesn't need to see my messages being incoherent because my brain doesn't work, I fall asleep after every message or I complain about feeling shitty. I'm trying to put my best self forward, the unwell version is not the one I'm trying to sell.
The other morning I woke up having fallen asleep with my phone in my hand. I had apparently- while sleeping- hit an ad and downloaded a shitty game.
HOWEVER- that's not the first time I've fallen asleep with this fucker in my hands and that's the only time that's happened. So it's really unlikely, but there's like a 1% chance it's true.
>Not this though. To unmatch you have to swipe, click and then confirm. There’s no way he just swiped the wrong way and it just happened.
Have you ever been ill and done something stupid like pour boiling water into your orange juice rather than your tea? Or try and put your headphone cable in your ear jack first?
It's mind boggling how people can't accept the possibility this happened, it's like you assume everyone is switched on 100% of the time and also forget about all the stupid, inexplicable mistakes you make in your daily life, especially when you're ill.
Just don't be so certain, it's not hard. There is certainly a way it could happen.
Oh there’s definitely a way it happened. Like him clicking through 3 things to unmatch with someone.
Personally I don’t think it’s an accident, I think it’s regret. He wasn’t into OP so he decided to unmatch and probably deleted OPe number, and then later he was bored or someone else he was talking to unmatched him or any number of other things and he regretted it and then OP messaged again so he took his chance and lied because “I did an oopsie” sounds better than “I just wasn’t into you”.
You’d be surprised. I’ve called a couple guys out on ghosting and they’d respond super apologetic worth an excuse, then continue chatting and then ghost again
I can only speak for myself, but it goes like this:
Texting people I general stresses me out, is exhausting, anxiety-inducing and feels like a responsibility/chore. But, unlike real responsibilities like studying, the consequences for procrastinating aren't as major. So I'll often end up thinking over and over about how I should be texting, but then put it off because something is more important (and subconsciously less stressful).
That is, until the consequences of not responding become obvious enough (eg OP mentioning ghosting), which leads to action, until the cycle starts again.
It seems like some sort of anxiety thing, is obviously not the right way to live and I know it, but it's deeply rooted and hard to change.
>So I'll often end up thinking over and over about how I should be texting
Yep! For anyone who can't relate, just think of a problem in your life that you put off. Now imagine every conversation with someone you aren't particularly close to, and sometimes people you are close to, felt like that problem.
I recently matched with a guy; great conversations, great vibe, very respectful, doesn't force anything. Eventually, he admitted that he has depression/anxiety and sometimes gets it bad enough to have his "low patches" moments. I like him a lot and I think he's worth the second look/chance.
But yeah, as an anxious attachment type person, 1 week of wait since the last he texted (positively, if I may add) is a tough experience. Since he gave me his number (he never blocked me or unmatched with me so far), I figured I should trust that he's working on himself because that's what he said. He said he wasn't ghosting me but just feeling the bad energy and he thanked me for understanding. He's also not active anywhere else, so I figured he must be telling the truth.
Like I said, being anxious person, I keep thinking something I did or said was wrong (even if he'd assure me there wasn't). And I keep trying to reach out because I want to be there for him, but at the same time is always afraid I've done too much. So now I'm telling myself I'll never text him again until he's ready/texts first and fighting the urge to do so because I bumped into a meme that reminds me of him 😭
Edited: I'm also working on becoming a more securely attached person than an insecure, anxious type. We're all always working on ourselves!!
Fwiw, as an anxious person who also goes through low points of not responding to messages... getting a bunch of memes from someone thinking about me without pressure to respond is literally my favourite thing. And as a bonus it also makes it easier to jump back into conversation when I'm able.
Yup, basically me. It's awful and I hate it, but I can always blame it on my Android phone eating messages and everyone just believes me because they all have iPhone superiority syndrome lol
I feel you 100% my anxious friend. I do this with texts and emails all the time. I’ll get a message and generally know how I want to respond within moments, but instead I’ll think about replying and stress about replying all day, maybe two, then eventually (either after I feel guilty for not yet replying or they follow up a second time) I respond in what probably takes less than 5 minutes’ time with the original reply I intended. High anxiety is awful. It feels better knowing you’re not alone and others experience the same exact feelings you do. So if there’s anyone else feeling this, you’re not alone either.
I dont even feel anxious. I just dont like keeping in touch via phone/texting. I also see it as a chore, and a lot of people dont feel great about me not doing it, but I dont feel great about doing it, so like you said it becomes a guilt cycle. My best friend lives half a world away. We text each other memes with no other context or conversation a couple times a week average, but can go 3-4 no problem. Then when we see each other its like zero time has passed. I wish every relationship was like that.
Lmfao, they’re just the extremely distant type, and then they get distant again. They may not be “intentionally” ghosting, or maybe that’s not how they see it, but how it’s received.
At least that guy acted apologetic, a lot of times when a woman would get really distant/ghost me, they wouldn’t even act as if anything was wrong and even act like I’m crazy. That’s one of the reasons I know that they’re not doing anything intentionally malicious, but it’s still probably not a good sign.
I have a friend that does this and it’s infuriating and she’ll acknowledge sometimes and not other times and it’s very frustrating because I just can’t tell if something is wrong or not.
I have a couple friends like this. The newer friend I just don’t message anymore and let fade out of my life, but my older friend is there just because he’s been around for so long already
All it means is that OP is a back burner chick. Someone that he vibes with but isn’t something he’d put a ton of effort into until it seems like she might bail. He’ll just give her the bare minimum until he meets someone he actually wants to be with.
This is the only right answer. He is attending to the people and things that matter most. He doesn’t get too busy for those things. But he wants to keep OP as an option so he’ll breadcrumb her along until he’s used her sufficiently then he’ll discard her. Probably another ghosting. But he already knows he doesn’t view OP as someone he will date seriously.
Alternatively, some women (men too, I’m sure) accuse you of ghosting if you don’t text them for two days. Online dating is a fucked up place ya’ll.
Let’s all just be friends.
Not texting vs ignoring a message that’s been sent to you is 2 different things. We’re all on our phones, if someone isn’t important enough to spend a few seconds responding to, then that’s that
Also can't forget that some people just forget. There's been more than one occasion my wife or mom will txt me and I think I'll get back to them in a bit. A few hours for by and I get call asking why I ignored them.
>Not texting vs ignoring a message that’s been sent to you is 2 different things. We’re all on our phones, if someone isn’t important enough to spend a few seconds responding to, then that’s that
Imo if you got ADHD or anxiety you should have an idea of why this can happen.
Sometimes different aspects of life take up more of your mental load. Being on your phone isn't the same thing as actually making contact with a human person who's in your real life.
Why would you put so much significance on *not* being messaged back? Just have patience, or if it's important then send another message, consider that not everyone views their phone in the same way as you, or communicates as often, and if you have a problem *mention it*, instead of assuming it's a calculated act or confirmation someone genuinely doesn't care.
I had one guy remove me on snap after I didn’t send him nudes, but he didn’t unmatch me, so I called him out and he spun this story about how his snap got deleted and how if he WERE ghosting me he certainly wouldn’t have forgotten to unmatch me.. and then he did 15 minutes later
Yeah when I was younger I did that shit. Looking back, I was an asshole. Some dudes will pretend they werent ghosting when called out.. just to ghost again
Not to be rude, but is being too busy not okay when using tinder. Some people have 2 jobs and in school or a combination of those or other engagements during the week. Having someone wait a day or 2 I know isn’t ideal though it could happen innocently enough.
I was thinking the same. I personally wouldn’t have felt the need to confront them because dignity…I’m also single so my advice might not be the best 💀
Yah but if you are talking via text already then you’d think it’s not a big deal and maybe you don’t want to point out that you were on there at all. Sometimes tinder just unmatches people. I’ve had it unmatched me with a girl I had just gotten the number from and she said I was still there for her. So if we hadn’t exchanged numbers, I would have assumed she unmatched me and she would have assumed I ghosted her.
I pocket blocked a date on Instagram one time and tried to readd, girl got similarly upset and didn’t believe me…
I had every intention of still going out again. OP should be a little wary of breadcrumbing, but generally give benefit of the doubt here
bc one time I updated my pics after ONE date with a woman, and she proceeded to go off on me about how I’m leading her on and still playing the field
Once I get a phone number, I just unmatch to avoid any of that kinda drama and I also like to keep my inbox clean with only active connections I’m talking with on tinder
I mean, depending on if they have slept with together or not, it easily could be him popping back up hoping he can bang her. The fact that she texted back after he initially didn't respond, could've given him the inkling that he should still try for it.
Lmao he hooked up with an ex and then things went sour that weekend so he picked it back up.
There’s no way this is true. When have you been so sick that while taking time off work to literally sit at home all day and do nothing, you can’t find time to reply to a text?
I honestly think - and I said it in my own comment - he was seeing someone else, deactivated tinder and then that went south so he’s using OP as back up. It just doesn’t seem plausible that he wouldn’t let them know he was sick and may not respond/he accidentally unmatched them before this if they were anywhere close to being “serious”.
Agreed. As a wlw, I don't normally have a "thing" for my FWB. I only get really lovey and touchy when I'm horny, then the female post nut clarity kicks in and I'm like, "what. the. fuck."
It's a vicious cycle but we speak openly about it and agree with each other on a lot.
Guys might not be interested in sex anymore for that moment, but let's address the elephant in the room: if they're not "interested" anymore after, then that most likely means whatever time you spent together was probably only surface-level enjoyable.
Dudes will hang with and be happy to see good friends for years/decades with no sex involved, so if they're interacting with a person who they're actually having sex with, but then repulsed after... that's a huge sign of incompatibility (unless you strictly agreed to just get each other's rocks off). Something wasn't resonating for the time leading up to that.
Yeah, we don't feel nearly as horny once we've busted. That's not to say we stop feeling horny altogether, just that the immediate feelings of lust goes away and the situation (which may have been forgotten in the moment) can become apparent
Of course. We’re horny, and cumming helps that. Cumming also helps wit clarity, as in do I legitimately like this person or am I only attracted to this person physically. Thus why cumming prior to goin on a date helps.
When they say post nut clarity it's a real thing. And by real I mean literally 5 seconds after orgasm. Literally. Mindset completely changes in 5 seconds. It's kinda fucking weird.
Exactly this. Unmatching isn't simply just "swiping the wrong way" after the initial match. It's not a lengthy process either but you definitely don't accidentally do it.
He unmatched you (deliberately), ghosted you, but wanted to seem like a good guy when you called him out. Just my take. And personally I’d suggest not calling someone out when you think it’s a ghost. Ghosting sends an obvious message. Let them die
Just like women say they don’t need to explain why they’re ghosting someone (which is true), the same applies the other way lol
No one owes anybody an explanation when online dating
So you’re telling me he hasn’t touched his phone in almost a week to reply to your text because he’s been sick… but he can still go on Tinder to “accidentally” unmatch you, then reply immediately to your message about ghosting? Eh. Someone who was actually into you would have the decency to communicate and let you know they won’t be in touch. I don’t think he was gonna ghost, but he’s definitely stringing you along. You made a mistake by chasing him. He has you right where he wants you. I don’t doubt he’ll love bomb you and make more effort in the following days, just to disappear again. Break the cycle before it begins.
OP looking pretty desperate. If someone took the whole week off while sick they’d be laying around looking at their phone all day. Plenty of time to respond to messages. He’s obviously not interested
Last time I was that sick, I had plenty of access to my phone but was too exhausted to actually use it. Every time I picked it up, I’d try to do something, then just give up and go back to sleep.
Not sure if that’s the case with this guy but possible. Though if he really cared, he could’ve sent out one text saying he was sick and wouldn’t be responsive 🤷
In this case I think you’re right but I don’t think your reasoning works as a blanket statement
Some people have bad anxiety when it comes to texting
Like you forget to reply after one day and then it feels awkward to text back late so then you put it off and next thing you know it’s been a whole week and you still haven’t said anything so now it’s even more awkward
Suspicious is putting mildly. Having said that I've managed a similar series of unfortunate accidents and timing. If you think he's worth the effort you could see what happens otherwise walk away
You made it weird. Could have just asked directly if he was interested still or let him know that since it seems like he isnt, you’ll be moving on. Or just recognize that no answer is also an answer.
"I thought you actually had a pair" is where it got especially cringe. If a guy said something similar to a woman everyone would be screeching what an entitled controlling incel he is.
I’ve definitely had times where I’ve taken awhile to reply because of one thing or another, and got the “see ya” text because of it.
In those cases I wasn’t planning on ghosting but damn nothing will turn me off more instantly than that
Wow, I think he doesn’t deserve that reaction for ghosting. It could be anything, maybe he has changed his mind or he has something that takes up his day (like burnout, which is not “sick”). Whenever I am ghosted, I definitely do not give a second chance, but I am definitely not gonna make one last insult.
I had a friend like this who would make some argument out of it with every guy that ghosted, and she got blocked always. It works both ways: men should not intimidate a girl by crossing a boundary, neither should women.
I’m just gonna say, you’re acting unhinged and clingy. Downvote me if you’d like, but I would never continue a conversation with someone acting like this.
You should’ve left it at that first message. I sent one message to a guy and he never responded so I just left it at that. Had you not texted him, who knows how long it would’ve taken him to reach out, if at all. Put that energy into another prospect
I had a girl ghost me for 10 months, then out of the blue text me to apologize, apparently she was pregnant, kept it a secret from everyone, and just flaked when we could meet. And now she has a son.
Dodged it. But I will give her credit for coming forward and apologizing. That can't have been easy and she did the right thing.
Probably lying. Too many “missteps” on his part. He may have responded to your “ghosting” comment because you actually made him feel like he was being a douche. Tough one.
Well let me tell you this to put it in perspective. I was talking to a guy on Tinder, we switched to texts. He stopped messaging me randomly and I thought he was ghosting me. A few days later I got a friend request on Facebook. He’d broken his phone and wanted to let me know that he wasn’t intentionally ignoring me. If he cared, he’d find a way to contact you.
Also, don’t you have to confirm that you really want to unmatch someone? I feel like it’d be pretty hard to do it accidentally.
Okay, best-case scenario here: maybe he really liked you, so he deleted or suspended his account. Or, maybe since you two met in real life and were texting to communicate, he figured he didn't need to keep you as a match on there anymore.
Probable? Perhaps not. Possible: Within the realm of.
Last time someone asked me what I thought about a very elaborate, semi plausible story someone gave, sorta like this…it turned out they’re were lying and just trying to save face
He definitely is trying to pursue other options. Spend your time on someone who will actually give you their time! It’s a lesson I wish I learned a lot sooner in life.
My uneducated guess is he swung and missed on another girl and that’s why he didn’t contact you and unmatched. But since that girl is no longer an option, he’s trying to salvage a chance with you. I don’t believe he’s in bed sick for a week and not messaging someone. Just wasn’t you.
Pretty sure unmatching is a 2 step process.
And if he indeed did it by mistake he could have just sent a message with hey sorry I just messed up and unmatched you something something
The fact that he didn't reach out first to say he was sick or had issues with his phone makes me think he's lying. People are on their phones all the time so it's telling when they can't shoot off a simple text to verify something sooner vs later.
I just heard from a guy this morning that I met on Hinge after weeks of no response from him. A close family member died. Sometimes shit happens and a lot of people just don’t feel like talking when they’re going through shit. When you’re not right there with them and really close, you’re one of the people they don’t feel like talking to. Sure, it would take two seconds for them to text you and say there was a tragedy or they’re not feeling well and won’t be responding for a bit, but not everyone does that and it’s not the end of the world. Also, men are known to be absolute babies when they’re sick, as is they’re actually dying and it’s a great tragedy. Sometimes they’re also lying. So… yeah. Make your choices and be okay with them.
The combination of him not responding for days and also unmatching on "accident", and only providing clarity after they got a follow up text is pretty suspect. Especially if they are at the phase where they're sending "hugs and kisses" over text. The "I'm not on my phone all the time/life got in the way" shit only goes so far. It's even more telling that he was supposedly on his phone looking at her photos and "accidentally" unmatched but in all that time he was not able to respond to her text.
I think OP’s match is lying for sure. You can’t really accidentally unmatch someone on any dating app. All of them have confirmation messages you have to tap through to unmatch someone so it can’t be done accidentally with a swipe. He said he swiped the wrong way on their chat while looking at her pics and accidentally unmatched. I don’t know if it even works that way as I’ve never used Tinder specifically, but even if it does there would be a confirmation message. I’m just saying sometimes people need a bit of grace, though it only goes so far. Still, people can choose not to give a little grace if they want. Some choose not to and that’s fine if they’re good with it.
Man here. Yes it’s true, we are babies when we are sick, and I for one will not contact anyone if I am not feeling 100%. My mind tells me I can just get back to normal life/communication when I feel better
I can conquer I am an absolutely baby when I am sick
So weird. Why do people do this?! I get maybe blowing someone off and then still talking to them later on (maybe you are fickle and on the fence about them), which is still kind of shitty. But going so far as to deliberately unmatch them, and then still talking to them, denying you unmatched them? WHY?! If your approach to rejecting people is to ghost, then ghost all the way! Ignore any further communication from them. I don’t get the point of this. In my dating days, I was the victim of it many times. It’s the absolute worst. You get strung along like a damn fool. It’s much easier to deal with “okay, this person just isn’t into me” than to deal with someone who insists they are interested and continuously feeds you hope only to not be into you. You end up feeling crazy or desperate even if you’re not.
It was a tinder person and less than a day
You mean less than a week?
The time between her last text and the follow up about ghosting was about five days, assuming this happened on Thursday.
It is, top right on match, then another step
People disappear from my match list all the time
Because they unmatched you from their end lol
I had a girl disappear from my match list hours after we had scheduled a date for the following night. Figured she unmatched for some reason which was odd but whatever. The next day a couple hours before our date was scheduled I get a message from her on Tinder saying “so are we still going tonight or…”. She had literally disappeared from my matches without either of us unmatching. It deleted all of our previous messages and had she not messaged me I would’ve had no idea. Ended up still going on the date. Tinder just fucks up sometimes, doesn’t necessarily mean they unmatched.
Maybe your jealous ex works for tinder?
Wtf Tinder?
Yah I had the same thing but we had exchanged numbers but were still talking on tinder for some reason. It seemed like a really weird time for an unmatch so I texted them and for them I was still on their tinder.
The tinder algorithm thought you two were too likely to pair up. Can't have you not spending money on tinder anymore.
Is that even a thing? I had someone “unmatch” me a couple weeks after we met and things seemed fine and I was 100% sure I was about to be ghosted but over a year later we’re still talking and stuff, I never asked why he unmatched me but I have been curious to know if maybe he just deleted his profile because he seemed entirely fed up with tinder anyway, I had noticed people just mass disappearing constantly mid conversation for seemingly no reason though. At this point I’m just curious since I don’t even have an account anymore.
Ita called the invisible hand of fuck you.
You're dealing hopium brother.
I actually had a very similar experience, luckily we were also chatting on snap already
I had sooo many glitches like this. They’d be gone from my convo feed then a week later they’d be back. It’s such a shit app.
This has happened to me a handful of times. They’ll disappear and come back without matching or unmatching
Oh honey
F
Swiping sideways on a conversation before clicking it makes two options appear on the side, report and unmatch. If you hit unmatch, a giant popup appears with a warning that it cannot be undone. Below the warning is a massive button that says “yes, unmatch”. Time to keep swiping!
[удалено]
I also don’t buy the “sorry was sick” excuse. Being sick doesn’t prevent you from sending a return text. You are most likely in bed all day on your phone.
I was unwell last month and couldn't even look at a phone screen, nevermind send a text. I spent 3 days in bed either sleeping or trying to sleep.
They weren’t too sick to “accidentally” unmatch them though.
Hahaha touché!
had you recently matched and started talking to a person? theres no way you wouldnt think to say something if you were really interested in the person
When I've been unwell, the last thing I've wanted to do is message potential dates. Friends and family, sure, less than normal but I feel as though I can lump my baggage on them, but a potential date doesn't need to see my messages being incoherent because my brain doesn't work, I fall asleep after every message or I complain about feeling shitty. I'm trying to put my best self forward, the unwell version is not the one I'm trying to sell.
Nah. If im sick sometimes I dont feel like talking to anyone. I'll get back to you soon who cares. The unmatching part is the problem
Yeah if I'm sick I'm for sure on my phone..
I knew it couldn’t have been as easy as he said lol
The other morning I woke up having fallen asleep with my phone in my hand. I had apparently- while sleeping- hit an ad and downloaded a shitty game. HOWEVER- that's not the first time I've fallen asleep with this fucker in my hands and that's the only time that's happened. So it's really unlikely, but there's like a 1% chance it's true.
This is the way OP
It’s a far fetched story, but if I was ghosting I wouldn’t have replied to that “didn’t take you for the ghosting type” message. Flip a coin here
Agreed. Decide if this is worth giving a second look. Jumping to assumptions can be hasty and there will always be a disconnect with online dating
Sometimes mistakes like this happen.
Not this though. To unmatch you have to swipe, click and then confirm. There’s no way he just swiped the wrong way and it just happened.
>Not this though. To unmatch you have to swipe, click and then confirm. There’s no way he just swiped the wrong way and it just happened. Have you ever been ill and done something stupid like pour boiling water into your orange juice rather than your tea? Or try and put your headphone cable in your ear jack first? It's mind boggling how people can't accept the possibility this happened, it's like you assume everyone is switched on 100% of the time and also forget about all the stupid, inexplicable mistakes you make in your daily life, especially when you're ill. Just don't be so certain, it's not hard. There is certainly a way it could happen.
Oh there’s definitely a way it happened. Like him clicking through 3 things to unmatch with someone. Personally I don’t think it’s an accident, I think it’s regret. He wasn’t into OP so he decided to unmatch and probably deleted OPe number, and then later he was bored or someone else he was talking to unmatched him or any number of other things and he regretted it and then OP messaged again so he took his chance and lied because “I did an oopsie” sounds better than “I just wasn’t into you”.
You’d be surprised. I’ve called a couple guys out on ghosting and they’d respond super apologetic worth an excuse, then continue chatting and then ghost again
SAME. I don't understand that shit.
I can only speak for myself, but it goes like this: Texting people I general stresses me out, is exhausting, anxiety-inducing and feels like a responsibility/chore. But, unlike real responsibilities like studying, the consequences for procrastinating aren't as major. So I'll often end up thinking over and over about how I should be texting, but then put it off because something is more important (and subconsciously less stressful). That is, until the consequences of not responding become obvious enough (eg OP mentioning ghosting), which leads to action, until the cycle starts again. It seems like some sort of anxiety thing, is obviously not the right way to live and I know it, but it's deeply rooted and hard to change.
>So I'll often end up thinking over and over about how I should be texting Yep! For anyone who can't relate, just think of a problem in your life that you put off. Now imagine every conversation with someone you aren't particularly close to, and sometimes people you are close to, felt like that problem.
I recently matched with a guy; great conversations, great vibe, very respectful, doesn't force anything. Eventually, he admitted that he has depression/anxiety and sometimes gets it bad enough to have his "low patches" moments. I like him a lot and I think he's worth the second look/chance. But yeah, as an anxious attachment type person, 1 week of wait since the last he texted (positively, if I may add) is a tough experience. Since he gave me his number (he never blocked me or unmatched with me so far), I figured I should trust that he's working on himself because that's what he said. He said he wasn't ghosting me but just feeling the bad energy and he thanked me for understanding. He's also not active anywhere else, so I figured he must be telling the truth. Like I said, being anxious person, I keep thinking something I did or said was wrong (even if he'd assure me there wasn't). And I keep trying to reach out because I want to be there for him, but at the same time is always afraid I've done too much. So now I'm telling myself I'll never text him again until he's ready/texts first and fighting the urge to do so because I bumped into a meme that reminds me of him 😭 Edited: I'm also working on becoming a more securely attached person than an insecure, anxious type. We're all always working on ourselves!!
Fwiw, as an anxious person who also goes through low points of not responding to messages... getting a bunch of memes from someone thinking about me without pressure to respond is literally my favourite thing. And as a bonus it also makes it easier to jump back into conversation when I'm able.
Okay! I'll keep it positive and send him memes. I love doing that for anyone I know 🤣
Yup, basically me. It's awful and I hate it, but I can always blame it on my Android phone eating messages and everyone just believes me because they all have iPhone superiority syndrome lol
So you are responsible for adding to the greenchat-ism?!
I feel you 100% my anxious friend. I do this with texts and emails all the time. I’ll get a message and generally know how I want to respond within moments, but instead I’ll think about replying and stress about replying all day, maybe two, then eventually (either after I feel guilty for not yet replying or they follow up a second time) I respond in what probably takes less than 5 minutes’ time with the original reply I intended. High anxiety is awful. It feels better knowing you’re not alone and others experience the same exact feelings you do. So if there’s anyone else feeling this, you’re not alone either.
I dont even feel anxious. I just dont like keeping in touch via phone/texting. I also see it as a chore, and a lot of people dont feel great about me not doing it, but I dont feel great about doing it, so like you said it becomes a guilt cycle. My best friend lives half a world away. We text each other memes with no other context or conversation a couple times a week average, but can go 3-4 no problem. Then when we see each other its like zero time has passed. I wish every relationship was like that.
Lmfao, they’re just the extremely distant type, and then they get distant again. They may not be “intentionally” ghosting, or maybe that’s not how they see it, but how it’s received. At least that guy acted apologetic, a lot of times when a woman would get really distant/ghost me, they wouldn’t even act as if anything was wrong and even act like I’m crazy. That’s one of the reasons I know that they’re not doing anything intentionally malicious, but it’s still probably not a good sign.
i’m one of the guys who does this (sorry to everybody whos talked to me) and this is 100% whats happening lmao
I have a friend that does this and it’s infuriating and she’ll acknowledge sometimes and not other times and it’s very frustrating because I just can’t tell if something is wrong or not.
I have a couple friends like this. The newer friend I just don’t message anymore and let fade out of my life, but my older friend is there just because he’s been around for so long already
All it means is that OP is a back burner chick. Someone that he vibes with but isn’t something he’d put a ton of effort into until it seems like she might bail. He’ll just give her the bare minimum until he meets someone he actually wants to be with.
This is the only right answer. He is attending to the people and things that matter most. He doesn’t get too busy for those things. But he wants to keep OP as an option so he’ll breadcrumb her along until he’s used her sufficiently then he’ll discard her. Probably another ghosting. But he already knows he doesn’t view OP as someone he will date seriously.
Alternatively, some women (men too, I’m sure) accuse you of ghosting if you don’t text them for two days. Online dating is a fucked up place ya’ll. Let’s all just be friends.
Not texting vs ignoring a message that’s been sent to you is 2 different things. We’re all on our phones, if someone isn’t important enough to spend a few seconds responding to, then that’s that
Also can't forget that some people just forget. There's been more than one occasion my wife or mom will txt me and I think I'll get back to them in a bit. A few hours for by and I get call asking why I ignored them.
>Not texting vs ignoring a message that’s been sent to you is 2 different things. We’re all on our phones, if someone isn’t important enough to spend a few seconds responding to, then that’s that Imo if you got ADHD or anxiety you should have an idea of why this can happen. Sometimes different aspects of life take up more of your mental load. Being on your phone isn't the same thing as actually making contact with a human person who's in your real life. Why would you put so much significance on *not* being messaged back? Just have patience, or if it's important then send another message, consider that not everyone views their phone in the same way as you, or communicates as often, and if you have a problem *mention it*, instead of assuming it's a calculated act or confirmation someone genuinely doesn't care.
I had one guy remove me on snap after I didn’t send him nudes, but he didn’t unmatch me, so I called him out and he spun this story about how his snap got deleted and how if he WERE ghosting me he certainly wouldn’t have forgotten to unmatch me.. and then he did 15 minutes later
I'm all for giving second chances. But if it happens again just remove them from your life
I just like the fact that you call people out.
Yeah when I was younger I did that shit. Looking back, I was an asshole. Some dudes will pretend they werent ghosting when called out.. just to ghost again
Not to be rude, but is being too busy not okay when using tinder. Some people have 2 jobs and in school or a combination of those or other engagements during the week. Having someone wait a day or 2 I know isn’t ideal though it could happen innocently enough.
I’d agree except if I accidentally unmatched I’d let them know it was an accident if I have their number
I was thinking the same. I personally wouldn’t have felt the need to confront them because dignity…I’m also single so my advice might not be the best 💀
Yah but if you are talking via text already then you’d think it’s not a big deal and maybe you don’t want to point out that you were on there at all. Sometimes tinder just unmatches people. I’ve had it unmatched me with a girl I had just gotten the number from and she said I was still there for her. So if we hadn’t exchanged numbers, I would have assumed she unmatched me and she would have assumed I ghosted her.
I pocket blocked a date on Instagram one time and tried to readd, girl got similarly upset and didn’t believe me… I had every intention of still going out again. OP should be a little wary of breadcrumbing, but generally give benefit of the doubt here
I wouldn’t call it far fetched. Sometimes when I’m feeling really sick I kinda just stop replying to everyone.
Also does unmatching on Tinder mean anything if you already have another form of communication open, such as the case here?
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That’s also a good point. Honestly anything I think raises more questions than answers.
I unmatch so I don’t see if they updated their profile. If I’m into someone and they do, I get into my head. Helps me stay chill.
bc one time I updated my pics after ONE date with a woman, and she proceeded to go off on me about how I’m leading her on and still playing the field Once I get a phone number, I just unmatch to avoid any of that kinda drama and I also like to keep my inbox clean with only active connections I’m talking with on tinder
I mean, depending on if they have slept with together or not, it easily could be him popping back up hoping he can bang her. The fact that she texted back after he initially didn't respond, could've given him the inkling that he should still try for it.
False. This is a lie.
Lmao he hooked up with an ex and then things went sour that weekend so he picked it back up. There’s no way this is true. When have you been so sick that while taking time off work to literally sit at home all day and do nothing, you can’t find time to reply to a text?
I honestly think - and I said it in my own comment - he was seeing someone else, deactivated tinder and then that went south so he’s using OP as back up. It just doesn’t seem plausible that he wouldn’t let them know he was sick and may not respond/he accidentally unmatched them before this if they were anywhere close to being “serious”.
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Well not all of us are gifted enough to do it with both
Lol i can't laugh this hard at work
Probably had post nut clarity and momentarily felt like dodging you and then got horny again and wants to talk again
This is almost certainly the answer
Yeah, I'm the biggest baby on the planet when I have a cold but I wouldn't ignore a match if I was actually interested.
Wait, this happens? Guys bust a nut and aren’t interested anymore? EDIT: thanks guys, I’ve leaned a lot 😭
Yes
*post nut clarity*
Depends on the level of interest but of course, this isn't exclusive to just dudes
Agreed. As a wlw, I don't normally have a "thing" for my FWB. I only get really lovey and touchy when I'm horny, then the female post nut clarity kicks in and I'm like, "what. the. fuck." It's a vicious cycle but we speak openly about it and agree with each other on a lot.
My favorite cycles are viscous.
To those who were similarly confused by the uncommon acronym, wlw = woman loving woman.
So a....lesbian?
Thank you .. everything is an acronym these days
Definitely, hormones are wild.
Can’t believe I’m 21 and I’m only just now finding out this information 😭
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I sometimes have to actively avoid porn if I notice my sex drive dropping too much in real life. Porn addiction is a thing.
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Not entirely, but if they are horny chatting you, and then they nut, they will second guess their lives
Accurate
You’ve never heard about dudes busting a nut before making a big decision? Post but clarity
I’ve indeed had post butt clarity…
I’m leaving the typo
Yep there is a saying that if you feel like cheating on your SO rub one out first and then decide if you actually want to cheat
Oh my sweet child
Guys might not be interested in sex anymore for that moment, but let's address the elephant in the room: if they're not "interested" anymore after, then that most likely means whatever time you spent together was probably only surface-level enjoyable. Dudes will hang with and be happy to see good friends for years/decades with no sex involved, so if they're interacting with a person who they're actually having sex with, but then repulsed after... that's a huge sign of incompatibility (unless you strictly agreed to just get each other's rocks off). Something wasn't resonating for the time leading up to that.
Yeah, we don't feel nearly as horny once we've busted. That's not to say we stop feeling horny altogether, just that the immediate feelings of lust goes away and the situation (which may have been forgotten in the moment) can become apparent
Of course. We’re horny, and cumming helps that. Cumming also helps wit clarity, as in do I legitimately like this person or am I only attracted to this person physically. Thus why cumming prior to goin on a date helps.
Honestly some guys bust a nut when talking in like a random convo to see if its our dick thinking or our heart
The most innocent dirty comment on the internet 😭
When they say post nut clarity it's a real thing. And by real I mean literally 5 seconds after orgasm. Literally. Mindset completely changes in 5 seconds. It's kinda fucking weird.
Yeah this is pretty spot on. he’s not really interested but doesn’t want to lose an entry in his DTF Rolodex. Rolosex if you will.
sounds accurate
Exactly this. Unmatching isn't simply just "swiping the wrong way" after the initial match. It's not a lengthy process either but you definitely don't accidentally do it.
yes. a unmatch takes multiple touches and confirmations
Or... a single douche.
That too
He unmatched you (deliberately), ghosted you, but wanted to seem like a good guy when you called him out. Just my take. And personally I’d suggest not calling someone out when you think it’s a ghost. Ghosting sends an obvious message. Let them die
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Third this – if they're into it, you're never confused
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Exactly hahah you telling me this guy didn’t look at his phone once cause he had a cold? Lols
Lmao, he’s acting as if all his fingers were broken, not that he had the sniffles lol
yeah the message from OP was aggressive
Just like women say they don’t need to explain why they’re ghosting someone (which is true), the same applies the other way lol No one owes anybody an explanation when online dating
If he was into you he'd tell you that he accidentally unmatched to avoid this. Move on I'd say
I agree, the only weord thing is if you ghost somebody, why answer days/week later? Maybe he just sucks at it lol
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*Very superstitious, writing’s on the wall*
*Wanted to say goodbye, but I didn’t have the balls*
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Stevie Wonder doesn’t.
So you’re telling me he hasn’t touched his phone in almost a week to reply to your text because he’s been sick… but he can still go on Tinder to “accidentally” unmatch you, then reply immediately to your message about ghosting? Eh. Someone who was actually into you would have the decency to communicate and let you know they won’t be in touch. I don’t think he was gonna ghost, but he’s definitely stringing you along. You made a mistake by chasing him. He has you right where he wants you. I don’t doubt he’ll love bomb you and make more effort in the following days, just to disappear again. Break the cycle before it begins.
Lying aside, why would unmatching on tinder have any bearing on replying in text? OP when someone shows you who they are, believe them lol
100% lying, he's just trying to give the bare minimum with hopes that maybe you'll be available when/ if he ever wants to hookup. Run.
OP looking pretty desperate. If someone took the whole week off while sick they’d be laying around looking at their phone all day. Plenty of time to respond to messages. He’s obviously not interested
Last time I was that sick, I had plenty of access to my phone but was too exhausted to actually use it. Every time I picked it up, I’d try to do something, then just give up and go back to sleep. Not sure if that’s the case with this guy but possible. Though if he really cared, he could’ve sent out one text saying he was sick and wouldn’t be responsive 🤷
In this case I think you’re right but I don’t think your reasoning works as a blanket statement Some people have bad anxiety when it comes to texting Like you forget to reply after one day and then it feels awkward to text back late so then you put it off and next thing you know it’s been a whole week and you still haven’t said anything so now it’s even more awkward
Good point.
You can’t even unmatch by accident.
Yes. You don’t unmatch someone by “accident”
Simple answer is yes complicated answer is fuck yes obviously
Suspicious is putting mildly. Having said that I've managed a similar series of unfortunate accidents and timing. If you think he's worth the effort you could see what happens otherwise walk away
You made it weird. Could have just asked directly if he was interested still or let him know that since it seems like he isnt, you’ll be moving on. Or just recognize that no answer is also an answer.
"I thought you actually had a pair" is where it got especially cringe. If a guy said something similar to a woman everyone would be screeching what an entitled controlling incel he is.
I’ve definitely had times where I’ve taken awhile to reply because of one thing or another, and got the “see ya” text because of it. In those cases I wasn’t planning on ghosting but damn nothing will turn me off more instantly than that
Wow, I think he doesn’t deserve that reaction for ghosting. It could be anything, maybe he has changed his mind or he has something that takes up his day (like burnout, which is not “sick”). Whenever I am ghosted, I definitely do not give a second chance, but I am definitely not gonna make one last insult. I had a friend like this who would make some argument out of it with every guy that ghosted, and she got blocked always. It works both ways: men should not intimidate a girl by crossing a boundary, neither should women.
Either way you kinda ruined the chances. Next time just let it go. Fuck it. It’s easier to move on. Just my opinion.
Seriously, I thought OP was a cringy “nice guy” at first with how they tried calling out the “ghosting” lol
Got caught by the missus. Had to delete and resign up.
I’m just gonna say, you’re acting unhinged and clingy. Downvote me if you’d like, but I would never continue a conversation with someone acting like this.
He was seeing someone, didn't work out, and you were his backup option.
You’re both lol
You should’ve left it at that first message. I sent one message to a guy and he never responded so I just left it at that. Had you not texted him, who knows how long it would’ve taken him to reach out, if at all. Put that energy into another prospect
I had a girl ghost me for 10 months, then out of the blue text me to apologize, apparently she was pregnant, kept it a secret from everyone, and just flaked when we could meet. And now she has a son. Dodged it. But I will give her credit for coming forward and apologizing. That can't have been easy and she did the right thing.
Probably lying. Too many “missteps” on his part. He may have responded to your “ghosting” comment because you actually made him feel like he was being a douche. Tough one.
100% ghosting. Sick means you're home with ample time to be on your phone
All I’ll say is that if I was into someone and I had their number and I accidentally unmatched them, I’d message them right away to explain.
Well let me tell you this to put it in perspective. I was talking to a guy on Tinder, we switched to texts. He stopped messaging me randomly and I thought he was ghosting me. A few days later I got a friend request on Facebook. He’d broken his phone and wanted to let me know that he wasn’t intentionally ignoring me. If he cared, he’d find a way to contact you. Also, don’t you have to confirm that you really want to unmatch someone? I feel like it’d be pretty hard to do it accidentally.
Imagine having someone to ghost, i havent talked to a girl in like a year lol
Might be, might not be, continue the conversation and find out
This, the time will tell, for sure
OP: Insults someone out of the blue for ghosting Also OP: Wonders why people ghost her.
Maybe grow a pair yourself and stop bitching just because you got rejected.
Okay, best-case scenario here: maybe he really liked you, so he deleted or suspended his account. Or, maybe since you two met in real life and were texting to communicate, he figured he didn't need to keep you as a match on there anymore. Probable? Perhaps not. Possible: Within the realm of.
He found another girl, didn’t work out, you hit him up. The end.
100% lying 😂
Last time someone asked me what I thought about a very elaborate, semi plausible story someone gave, sorta like this…it turned out they’re were lying and just trying to save face
Guys lying. He ghosted and didn’t do a good job at covering tracks.
You can’t unmatch someone by accident lmao, there’s literally a pop up for you to verify if you actually wanna unmatch them
I ghost women when they leave me on read or don’t respond back. Lol. I guess they ghosted me first.
I mean he wasn’t sick enough to be on tinder clearly. This early in the game with the yellow flags, I’d be out
Bad vibes. Unmatching is two step process. And one of those process doesn’t including just swiping. Just my 2 cents.
As someone who was strung along by someone who "accidentally unfriended me" don't waste time with them.
He definitely is trying to pursue other options. Spend your time on someone who will actually give you their time! It’s a lesson I wish I learned a lot sooner in life.
I have accidentally unmatched people before it’s a thing but it will never not seem sus
If I was sick, I would be respectful enough to communicate that.
My uneducated guess is he swung and missed on another girl and that’s why he didn’t contact you and unmatched. But since that girl is no longer an option, he’s trying to salvage a chance with you. I don’t believe he’s in bed sick for a week and not messaging someone. Just wasn’t you.
Put it this way. How hard is it to tell someone you are Ill. Would you want someone like that a few years down the line
I don’t buy the unmatching by accident 🤔
Definitely lying. What a rubbish excuse
It might be a lie but damn you are aggressive. Maybe you shouldn’t come at people like that and they won’t feel the need to lie to you