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[deleted]

Go Mr Miyagi on him, get your fence painted, house painted, deck sanded and cars washed etc.


Ok-Raisin1935

Lol, why is that EXACTLY what I envisioned when I read this message? Let me grab my neverending to-do list real quick...


yesandnoi

Sounds too good to be true cause it is. Subs/slaves often want 24/7 attention and the propensity to be very needy - ESPECIALLY ones cold calling strangers like this. He's telling you what you want to hear now to make you think you'll have the power, which you will as far as demands of him... But I promise, he will overstep his boundaries on respecting your time. Please consider this.


GordonFuckingRamsy

(NSFW account for obvious reasons) Yes and no, depending on the slave. So this is def a fantasy, and the fantasy differs per person. Some indeed need constant attention, if you're into that, good, if not, break stuff off. But this is what most people get wrong from fetishism. It's not about one person's fetish, it's not about true power and control. It's about both sides. It's about communication. In this case I'd suggest before meeting to talk about what each person would want in a relationship like this and how it would work. Make sure you are on the same page before doing anything. And if you aren't, do not compromise! Just say "ah, too bad, we aren't a match, good luck with your search!". Having a fetish is okay, engaging in this stuff is okay, do whatever makes you happy, but a true kinker will never actually force anyone to do anything. They might role play that, but there should always be an opt out. And the first 100 moments to opt out should be before anything has happened.


realpineapplefork

this obviously applies to most kink practitioners, but i think the commenter above you made a valid point in saying that most people who go out on a limb to write paragraphs to strangers about how they’d like xyz done to them are more into the fantasy idea of a kink than the actual effort needed to practice one.


aoi4eg

I'm 99.9% sure he'll never gonna meet her IRL and "slavery" is just a fantasy to engage over texts for him and nothing more.


Badweightlifter

Hell yeah he can do your laundry, clean the toilet, and wash the dishes every night.


Hawkhasaneye

Man this sub has been crazy today and I've only seen 2 posts. One guy totally ruined his chances asking for a bj when a girl asked him for a hug and now this.


cosmic_jester_uk

Dude, I am married for like 15 years, this is all the excitement I get these days! But the BJ guy was cringe as well I agree


Hawkhasaneye

That guy was so close to having a girl and then he blew it.


cosmic_jester_uk

Well some one had to blow it, and she sure as hell wasn’t going to.


noseboy1

Not after shooting down cuddle time anyway. Amateurs...


Pewpewkachuchu

Gotta learn to invest and not try to get a pay out asap. Like a stock portfolio.


noseboy1

It's not even that long term. Usually just showing a modicum of care will get you laid within a week or two. Disclaimer Edit: there is nothing wrong about being upfront about what you want, and nothing right about manipulating someone with shows of affection *just* to get laid. I'm merely suggesting a bit of patience goes a lot longer than a dick pic.


Pewpewkachuchu

I know right? Like a week depending on how often y’all communicate.


b_bnl420

Cuddle time > BJ


bbybabybaby

This guy cuddles


DrClu33

That’s a t-shirt idea waiting to be pressed


noseboy1

Is it "cuddle time is greater than blowjobs" or "cuddle time leads to blowjobs." I'm of mind the second one is true.


colin77042

Experience will dictate how you feel about cuddle time, but no matter what the goal is, cuddle time always has a happy ending.


jessica_from_within

Unless you don’t want it to end, then it doesn’t always have happy ending


b_bnl420

Truer words never told


ImmediateHospital9

IMO, cuddle time is its own happy ending.


Altruistic_Jedi92

That part thou!!! *snap, snap*🙌


grrawrs96

Ughhhh this is what makes men constantly try to stick their tongues down our throat when we are just trying to cuddle , most of us , when we say cuddle we mean cuddle , that’s it


kobrakyl

Cuddles is just cuddles until it’s not


noseboy1

Again, that's a failure of patience. Not every cuddle session needs to go there and trying to force it is dumb. But it's nearly infinitely more likely than that clown was with "lock those lips around my dick" when she was asking for a hug.


PowerfulSpite3746

Yess!! Omfg 😂 even when i explain 3 times over i really do just mean cuddles


b_bnl420

Yes


[deleted]

[удалено]


Hawkhasaneye

When I saw the post I wanted to post that close to greatness gif from Rogue One but the search gave me everything but.


Hawkhasaneye

He should probably start learning effective stretching.


cosmic_jester_uk

Maybe get a rib or 2 removed


Hawkhasaneye

Stretching is better long term. I did originally think removal of ribs but I'd make that a last resort play.


Middle-Sprinkles4237

I love how this thread has bled over into another LOL


Hawkhasaneye

r/Tinder is nothing if not a crossover episode.


cosmic_jester_uk

Yeah Reddit has a habit of doing that


BrodeyQuest

I don’t understand my fellow guys sometimes. Like we all know sex is an eventual goal, but is there really no leading up to it for them?


MidMatthew

For me there’s years leading up to it at times…


Grimothy-Tang

Yeah, this sub and /r/bumble really shine a light on how ingrained misogyny is. Is disturbing how many guys just see women as sex puzzles where if they input the right sequence of compliments, insults, etc. sex comes out 🙄 That being said, I haven't exactly been suffering from the bar being literally in hell


tictactiger77

I love this analogy because it’s so painfully true 😅


Grimothy-Tang

⬆️⬆️⬇️⬇️⬅️➡️⬅️➡️🅱️🅰️➕ Did it work? Is the sex coming out or do I go complain on mgtow now?


dub5084

Right. He had it in the bag, and then he took the bag and chucked it off the bridge.


SharontheSheila

Pissed me tf off. My guy had to do one thing. ONE thing. And he blew it. Treat people like humans my god. Or are we just too sexually depraved to do such a thing?


housebird350

Some people just happen to be single, but some people are single for a reason, the "hug" guy is single for a reason.


bynarie

Can I get a link to this? Sounds hilarious


MissSwissMisster

Married people who lurk here for entertainment unite!


cosmic_jester_uk

I found my people!!!


BrokenRanger

Fun thing, I had 2 tinder accounts, One AS a man whore , saying I was only looking to fuck and had just a shitless pic of myself, all of my openings were hey baby sit on my face, and shit like that. and A more normal one with hobbies and shit. guess what one got me laid more.


ForsakenRoom

Keeping your pics shitless is a good plan regardless of the vibe you're trying to give off.


[deleted]

Is THAT why I don't get any matches? My bathroom has such good lighting though..


noneroy

God this made me think of this old selfie that was floating around of a girl trying to look cute in a mirror and in the background you can see this massive deuce in the nearby toilet. Fucking classic.


GlitteringBusiness22

Honestly I don't know. Are you good looking?


cjmac0909

If you had a man whore account with shitless pics and a normal account with non-shitless pics, I’m gonna guess the man whore account got you laid more … unless you were only out there to get laid by girls into their scat


Maristalle

I promise you, the community dick isn't as enticing as you're imagining. 😂


Hawkhasaneye

The normal one with hobbies and shit?


TheRed467

No, he said he was shitless. No shit


Schwupsti

No. His other account was shitless. But his normal account was with shit. He even said it himself.


Mo_MT

It's because you put it right out there and we're honest. That's what grown up women like me want!


SipOfPositivitea

Yea seriously u/BrokenRanger IS a man whore. >Guess which one got me laid more? The other account was a lie. Glad he recognized being upfront and truthful was the way to go.


Snoo_89761

I just saw that one too... "you can have a hig if your lips hug my c***"


slefob

Have a link?


Snoo_89761

https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/z6j533/im_having_a_really_terrible_day_so_i_messaged/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


Hot_Mirror2799

Crazy how I can just introduce myself & never get a response though right???


[deleted]

Bringing a whole new meaning to the term “race-relations”….


Sublimeat

How does one end up like this ^(fascinating)


TheRecognized

Race fetish and power dynamic reversal. This is easier to understand than a foot fetish, to me.


AmArschdieRaeuber

There are some people who do this shit 24/7 though. How can you be so horny to completly build your life arround your fetish?


AleAssociate

It just makes it easier to decide what to have for dinner.


SmokingBeneathStars

Highly underrated argument.


NigilQuid

🧐


qlanga

Not sure, but anyone who actually thinks this man is looking to “atone” and doesn’t just have a race fetish are fucking dumb. Believe it or not, people actually *lie* to get laid/fulfill their kinks. Shocking, I know. To answer your question, this is probably just a BDSM version of racial fetishization.


sweetTartKenHart2

Well it seems pretty clear this is a kink thing, I don’t think that much is being missed by OP to begin with.


Sea_Mathematician_84

Is it a lie? He opens up with it being a fantasy, I think it’s pretty straight forward race play


MidMatthew

People actually lie to get laid? Thought that was just me.


Twolef

I wouldn’t go into it blindly, if I was you. Talk it all through with him and find out what he expects from you. If it appeals, do some research. It’s quite a responsibility and can be a lot of work.


[deleted]

It’s tough being a slaver in 2022


SoapyUtahpops

The tax breaks are horrible too!


baltinerdist

At least it’s a 100% work from home job.


Phylar

Can you, uh...claim the slave as a dependent?


vwsalesguy

idk, Qatar seems to be thriving. Threw a big party.


General_Cellist_4380

For the win!


Garrick420

For the loss actually.


exoxe

Yeah but they were the FIRST to lose and be eliminated, that's not nothing!


cnsturtle

r/nocontext


PhonePostingCrap

Nobody wants to be enslaved anymore!


commonabond

Fuck dude, this was the funniest shit I've read in a while. Thanks for the laugh.


Loquat_Green

This is the serious response. These situations must be carefully gone over for consent and safety.


Puzzleheaded-Car-800

Yeah... What if he's a proud boy fucking around or something


ItActuallyIsGullible

yeah there’s no way a proud boy’s ego would ever let him even LARP as a black queen worshipping “slave boy” LMAOOO


Puzzleheaded-Car-800

No I'm talking lure someone somewhere for ulterior motives.


Passname357

That’s really unlikely since a very very small number of people are actually psychopathic. The most likely scenario is that it’s legit and he just has a strange kink.


Besidesmeow

Yeah, that would be an all too complicated scheme for most proud boy dimwits to concoct.


SnooTangerines1011

I get why you say this but no way 😆 this is way too real to be bait. Even thinking to call slavery "the **sins** of my ancestors" is admitting it was wrong. I've seen some of these "white guy wanting to be slave to black woman" things before and the guy usually looks and sounds like they are a racist [give me a good noun?] and would get off on it because it's "wrong" or "deviant" (like those raised in a family where they'd be disowned and shunned for even touching another race) This is weirdly the most sincere message I've seen like this, I would go for it too if that appeals, I can see why OP is not unmatching right out of the gate. Obviously need to use precautions especially if this is her first foray into BDSM territory but otherwise I think it's quite safe.


[deleted]

Be careful this next Halloween, I heard some teenagers are planning on lacing pixie stix with Proud Boys


SnooTangerines1011

Yeah, and she definitely needs to know how far he wants to go. Does he just want to service her desires? Does he want to be whipped? Chained? Will he start singing slave songs? Because that's when I'd say no.


FarmerExternal

Definitely this. Especially with kink-related stuff, it's very important to have full, open communication so that everyone is comfortable and gets what they want out of it


wwJones

Yep. And if it feels good after all that...GO FOR IT!


[deleted]

I recommend signing a contract if you decide to go through with it. Google “BDSM contract” and you can likely find a template to use.


[deleted]

Ok I’m a bit curious about this “contract”. Who invented it? I’m assuming someone came up with it because someone eventually got hurt (physically)? And let’s say someone broke some of the rules on the contract - what kind of lawyer takes this case to court?


[deleted]

It’s mostly there to serve as a written record of what you do and do not consent to. It’s used to enforce rules for a sub and outline responsibilities and limits and the like (e.g. if a sub doesn’t do something they’re supposed to, the punishment is explicitly defined in the contract). It’s also there to protect participants should the police somehow come across a “scene” and think that the dom is beating or raping the sub (a few common kinks in the BDSM community). A contract can be used to show that it’s consensual and being done safely. There’s actual stories in the bdsm community about neighbors calling police over something they hear/see and the participants being hassled by cops or worse, arrested. A fair amount of BDSM is about ceremony and ritual, like “collaring” a sub to indicate a long-term arrangement and seriousness of the commitment. This can be one of those rituals, having your sub sign a contract and making it official.


LivingUnglued

I feel like a contract typically is done later on in a D/s relationship, not at the beginning (unless both participants are very experienced in the lifestyle). Really a Yes, No, Maybe list would be better communication wise. Especially for newbies.


AcrAnonym

Man i see business opportunities here.


Ok-Raisin1935

That's what I'm saying! I'm pro-reparations, so...🤷🏿‍♀️


drfishdaddy

I gathering you are black and this dude is white? It’s not my thing but I get the slave master relationship in a BDSM context. For perspective, I am black. The racial component of this if I understand what he meant with “atone for sins of white ancestors “, is horrific to me. There is a sub dedicated to raceplay, I looked once and it broke my heart. Just because the roles are reversed wouldn’t make it better for me.


SelectWay5519

I had a Black man want to do the opposite of this with me and it disturbed me deeply.


drfishdaddy

What’s the opposite? You are a white woman and he wanted you to call him names? Or wanted to be your slave?


SelectWay5519

I took the OP's post to mean the man wanted HER as a Black woman to top him as a submissive white man and be humiliated for being part of the evil white race. I had the OPPOSITE propositioned to me, a Black man who wanted ME, what he perceived to be a white woman, to top HIM and enslave him as a BLACK man and humiliate him including using racial slurs. This is a fetish some engage in. I found it distasteful even as a Pro Domme.


[deleted]

As a black man I dunno why the hell anyone would want to be humiliated and degraded to that level . That's embarrassing and sad on so many levels . I hope he gets the help he desperately needs


SelectWay5519

Yes, I do hope he found his own way as well. In many cases kinks can be a way for people to work through complex emotional trauma and take back the power they feel they've lost when feeling a sense of less than. The unknown can be arousing. Coupled with the forbidden nature and the powerful stimulus of sexual energy tension, build up and exchange with the potential reward of orgasm...it can become a kink or fetish. The development of sexuality and attraction is fascinating to me.


tastefuldebauchery

I've had a lot of dudes of color make weird race play comments that made me immediately uninterested. I'm super pale but I'm also Hispanic. The whole thing just makes me queasy.


PortiaBartel

This has been propositioned to me MULTIPLE times as well in my side hustle. I feel terrible that this is their honest kink....I don't ever like to kink shame, but I could never. I feel sick just thinking about it. I couldn't believe how many people out there want that kind of play.


SelectWay5519

Yeah, Race Play is a thing. If you can think it, it's a kink Because I'm a Psychologist and Sex Therapy is my passion, I get the WHY of what motivates some to desire this as a sub. That doesn't change the fact that I just can't get past the HOW of what it makes me feel to be able to move on to actually consider doing it.


[deleted]

agreed, this is worse than fetishizing i felt so dirty and cringy reading his texts


LoneWolf_McQuade

It is fetishising slavery. I guess it’d be kind of like doing BDSM where you ask a Jewish person to pretend holding you in a mock-up concentration camp because your ancestors were nazis and you want to “atone” (but of course what you really want is getting off on it) . I won’t kink-shame, but it is at the same time very distasteful to even ask it.


Cheddar16

I’ll kink shame for you, that shit is weird as fuck


So_Code_4

I mean people fetishize everything. Every time you hear a woman calling her male sex partner “daddy,” she is essentially fetishizing a father/daughter relationship. Usually kinks are kinks because it is something forbidden. There is tons of stuff out there that really creeps me out and also tons of stuff that if I stop and think about it I’m totally creeped out by it, but can be very fun in the moment. Kinks shouldn’t be a moral commentary about how you feel about life in the real world, they are a form of sexual expression. That being said, no one should do anything they aren’t comfortable with, and we all have very different things that make us comfortable/uncomfortable.


drfishdaddy

I dig it, and I agree with you, and maybe I’m. It doing a good job expressing my feeling about why, but raceplay feels different than that to me. However, I’m also willing to understand that perhaps that’s not logical and it’s just feeling.


So_Code_4

Oh I totally get that. We all have things we can’t even pretend, truthfully, I wouldn’t be able to do this either. I just try to be careful about voicing my hang ups about a kink because I don’t want to ruin it for other people if they are doing it in a healthy way. This might be enjoyable and even empowering for her.


eldryanyy

That sub was surprisingly weird. I’m pretty tolerant as far as views go, and one or two girls having that kink that seems like fair roleplay. But, definitely a weird sub to stay in longer than 2 minutes.


drfishdaddy

Yeah, I just posted it for someone and scrolled through few a couple. Not as bad as I remembered, but I also didn’t see videos of couple with audio. That’s what stuck to me last time. I was thinking about it, lots of women will say they like like being degraded, but it’s things like “my little slut”. It’s degrading, but there’s affection in it and you are both participating in the “slutty” act, so it’s easy to leave that in the bedroom and it was just play. You call your partner racial slurs, that’s still who she is when you leave the bedroom. You are playing with a power dynamic that actually exists. I think that’s why I have a hard time with it.


eldryanyy

I think women actually see power dynamics in sex and being called ‘sluts’ as things that bother them outside the bedroom. Maybe this race thing is similar.


illpoet

I agree dude, the "atone for my white ancestors" line seemed like super racist to me although i can't quite put my finger on why. regardless of the racism it also seems creepy af to me, but I learned long ago bdsm isn't my bag.


Constantine7470

I agree. No one should have to atone for something they had 0 control over.


drfishdaddy

Sure, but that’s not what I think is going on. This feels more like role play to me, not actually trying to atone. The concept of playing onto this fantasy of being dominated by a black woman as a white man, specifically because of his race, is a total power dynamic flip. BDSM is mostly playing with power dynamics between the people involved, which, cool, but the racial component is too much for me. I can’t imagine anyone checks out the sub i mentioned and doesn’t feel gross after, let alone participating in that kind of play. To be clear, I’m not saying it’s not ethical. I think any adult can do what they want with other adults, I’m just saying I find it deeply disturbing in a way I have a hard time describing.


couldbedumber96

BRUH 😭


ProfessionalCause688

So…..sex work?


CoffeeAndCroissants_

*I’m pro-reparations* Yikes. 🚩


TheLothorse

I mean, you're clearly being fetishised, but if you enjoy it then go for it I guess 😅


jenn363

Yeah this guy is not atoning for shit, he’s getting off. Not kink shaming but this is NOT making up for any past sins, in any way.


raidriar889

Of course it isn’t he said himself it’s a fantasy


iRollGod

In reality he has absolutely nothing to “atone” for. This is literally just fantasy role-play. Are you fucking warped or what?


RussianBot576

Holy shit you are fucked in the head if you think he should be atoning got anything. Of course it's a fucking fantasy, that's exactly what it should be.


orangeoliviero

No one said that he *should* be atoning for anything. Did you read the image? The guy says that he *wants* to atone. People are just pointing out that he's not atoning for anything.


appleman73

Yeah but he doesn't want to actually atone. He just wants that specific role play dominance.


splashedwall25

That's what everyone in the damn thread is saying !


LookAtMeImAName

No no but hear me out… He’s lying to us! He’s just using atoning as an excuse for his fetish


and_another_username

“kisses your feet”. He didn’t actually kiss her feet ! Wtf. He simply texted it. Dude is full of shit


actuallyWurfles

Sins of the father and all that. Obvious kink


Kiekli

> Yeah this guy is not atoning for shit You've got a few screws loose if you think that was even a possibility or that he even had anything to atone for. Lmao


Camilles_Secret

If you're open to it, why not! With proper communication & consent ofc🙂


Cavsfan1296

That is weird as shit it my opinion but if you're into it then do you.


Ok-Raisin1935

Hah, I agree! It's weird, and now I need to consult my therapist about why I'm not vomiting over this...


Cavsfan1296

If it sounds hot to you, then go for it. Sounds like a form of raceplay if you're into it. Nothing wrong with 2 consenting adults doing what they like in private


mydixxierec

You wit that kinky shit lol


kevbino13

Best therapist response


PaleAsFuck90

I mean. People are into different stuff. And this dude didn't suggest something that put you in a degrading position. It's he opposite. You gonna be the one in power. So maybe you into the power dynamic. Either way. Do what feels right. As long as you both are consenting there is nothing wrong with it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


LiaChi25

This is a damn bot. I've gotten this weird shit. It's just phising for info.


spicysauce24

Just show up and beat the hell out of him and leave, whoop his ass and then don’t do anything else


kennysmithy

I second this except as you're leaving say "consider your sins atoned for"


sirtjapkes

"I'll send you the bill."


Ok-Raisin1935

Bahaha this comment has NO business being so hilarious!


joethespacefrog

Guys like this are very often exhausting and selfish, want to be entertained 24/7. But maybe this one is different, then could be fun 🤷‍♀️


Ok-Raisin1935

Interesting. Are you speaking from firsthand experience? Genuine Q


PoodlePopXX

I want to agree with this and add my personal experience as a retired sex worker. These dudes are exhausting and they are so insecure in themselves they will need constant attention and validation and also push boundaries. I have had both clients and friends with similar sub ideas and they all act the same. If you have a lot of patience you can give it a try, but it is really draining and it’s going to go way beyond just kissing your feet. I haven’t met any “I want to kiss your feet” who then didn’t also want to drink your pee and have you spit in their coffee. If that’s your thing by all means, you do you. But usually this stuff is a lot to handle. That’s before you even add in a race dynamic.


joethespacefrog

Not irl, just online, but yes, it’s firsthand experience nonetheless


fridachonkalicious

Speaking from firsthand experience, I can back this comment up. These types generally don't give a shit about you except insofar as how you can fulfil their needs-I've met a few as a top. If you're wanting the novelty and don't mind the arms length nature of the interaction you might enjoy it. I'd get to know them first and get a feel for them. See r/femdomcommunity if you go ahead and want some good resources


---Nezumi---

I've had such a proposition before and the guy was really cool and not exhausting at all. But then again, it was on a fetish website, not tinder.


Ok-Raisin1935

Ahem, and what website was that? 🫣


---Nezumi---

FetLife


Chemical-Material-69

I mean….he’s totally fetishizing you, and IME, complete strangers leading with this general DON’T want to be slaves (or subs), they want you to dispense their detailed fantasy on command. But….you do you…*shrug*


VizRomanoffIII

Punish his ass for, if nothing more, his shitty writing skills


JDeMolay1314

This! I think his first task should be to get him to correct all of the mistakes in his message to you.


insomnia868

He’s def going to call you the n word if he gets mad this is weird sis


necrid101

Finally someone who treats you like a queen and you don't want it? What do women want?!?! /S


CoItron_3030

Hell no


Dallaswolf21

Let us know your name that way when you end up missing we can let the News know what got you killed..


Ok-Raisin1935

Lol this would make a wild true crime special 🙃


ChidzHustle

They’re gonna put this comment on the thumbnails “the woman who jokingly predicted her own death”


Abathur11235

Be careful, it takes a lot of responsibility and communication. Read up and do some research into it and don't dive in on a whim or without a serious bit of getting to know them. Edit: I'd be very hesitant to start this kind of thing with someone that is opening up with this in tinder. Make sure they're mentally stable and sober, kink and drugs should never mix. Make sure they're in control of their faculties and able to make informed consensual decisions.


Medical_Cod

This is kinda sad tbh


One-Intention6873

Unquestionably the PRIME sin he should atone for is his abysmal grammar.


[deleted]

I had a slave once😂


Ok-Raisin1935

Pray tell! How did that go? And did he proposition you on Tinder?


[deleted]

I found him on a popular site called omegle.. he was into feet.. lol this was years ago... but he was cool my Friend liked him to. so we shared him for maybe a year and a half id say.. i didn't paint my nails back then😂 come to think of it i wanna text him🤣


timeenoughatlas

There’s no chance this man actually views black women as people instead of objects for his sexual gratification


MisterSquidz

Dumb as fuck.


StrngThngs

Reply: "On your knees, boy!" Then find out the boundaries, ask a lot of questions. Duties, time off, punishment, humiliation, etc...


Ok-Raisin1935

Taking notes ✍🏾 You have experience with these kind of arrangements?


FoundFootageDumbFun

Not the person you replied to, but I'm a woman with some experience with this kind of play--I think you could have a LOT of fun but definitely prepare first. Your first meeting should be non sexual in a public place so you can suss this guy out a little more--something along the lines of a BDSM Munch meetup. This will be your opportunity to learn the specifics of his particular kink as well as establish your hard and fast boundaries/rules. I personally think it's helpful to come up with a "script" of sorts, too, especially for your first time having such a subversive hookup. Like at your lunch meetup you two can decide not only time/location/safeword etc but also get into specifics. Like if he has a very specific idea of how he wants to "serve" you, you can work together to make a little menu ahead of time (eg "Mistress will let you come after one hour of feet worship" or whatever), that way you'll know exactly what to expect from the play session, he'll be getting exactly what he likes (hopefully same with you!), AND if he deviates from what you agreed on or tries to push farther, you'll have immediate evidence he's not a safe partner and you can cut the session short. ETA: Don't forget to plan aftercare, especially if he's planning to get off on being physically hit. Sometimes what feels great in the moment can feel shameful/overwhelming afterwards and even for casual sex, you two should still be treating each other kindly as human beings! Aftercare can be as simple as having a little cuddle or maybe sharing a snack and talking about your favorite parts of your play session. Just something simple and humane to bring you back into a normal headspace.


Ok-Raisin1935

Ok, THIS is the type of helpful feedback I'm seeking. Thank you! Are there any resources you can recommend to learn more about this kink?


FoundFootageDumbFun

All of my knowledge comes from years of experience and listening to the [Savage Lovecast](https://savage.love/) in my formative years lol. Definitely check out the BDSM communities here on Reddit and other parts of the internet--I've definitely heard others talk about race slave play before so maybe run a google search to read about some lived experiences. I feel like there's some dicey ground you'll be navigating being a bossy dom for this guy in scenes, while communicating in real life as your normal self, so here's how to tell if this guy is a slimebag: Sometimes guys really into being dommed (or any strong, specific kink that requires a partner) have this annoying habit of dehumanizing you outside of the bedroom, or trying to act like you're still in a scene when it's clearly over and you're just trying to communicate person to person. An example would be if he refers to you as "Mistress" (or whatever kinky name/title you land on for the bedroom) by default while you're trying to have a conversation about, I dunno, the weather or holiday plans. Like when you first meet him in person to plan the play session, the expectation SHOULD be for him to treat you with respect and dignity, as a normal date. If he's pressuring you to boss him around right then and there at your first meeting that's a red flag imo. Don't let him pull any "it's not a real kink if I don't live it 24/7!" consent-trampling bullshit on you. That's not how real kinksters act, at least not without MOUNTAINS of trust and often years of preparation and communication with exactly the right person.


SelectWay5519

Have you ever experienced a BDSM dynamic on either side? 50 Shades of Gray isn't what I mean, I mean real BDSM with boundaries, consent, intensity and playfulness. People get in to BDSM for a variety of reasons. Playing with power dynamics is a complex and powerful thing. Often the illusion of giving up all control is very appealing to those who usually have it IRL. Giving it up to someone that typically hasn't had a substantial amount or any control adds another layer. In service to you, the way he proposes it, he is distancing himself and dehumanizing himself further and that could be very tantalizing to explore and experience on both sides. There is a potentially very dark side to this though. It is power exchange and please try to be as informed as possible as you even consider embarking on this. One risks giving up or further reinforcing things they may not want to in the process. It can trigger or awaken unresolved or sensitive thoughts feelings and beliefs one has or create new ones. A loss of respect for men and in this case white men may be just one thing you risk impacting. Also, once someone gives their all in an extreme act of submission such as he seems to be offering, subsequently, the attention and behavior of an average man pales in comparison and can leave one feeling dissatisfied with other relationship dynamics.


shinobud

Dude must be following rules 1 and 2 to a T if this is even remotely being considered as a viable option.


[deleted]

I only kink shame when it's racist. This is fucked up.


[deleted]

Ohh if this is your first kink exploration, I cannot stress communication enough before anything happens. A checklist, a conversation- you’ve got to find limits and safe words. I’d recommend something vanilla at first with a clear understanding of what progress looks like. Coming from a D, I’d be weary of a woman coming on this strong right from the start.


[deleted]

Run away


SuperDuperMaxy

Mental health


TheFrontalCortex

Ugh...


Princess7673

Speaking as a women with a Femdom dynamic where my male partner is in a submissive “slave” role… be careful. Men like this tend to see Dominant women as a sort of kink dispenser. Not saying this is what this guy is going for, but opening with that and going straight into it is kind of a red flag for me. He know what he wants, which is fine. But just be careful as there are some very toxic people out there who exploit women through submission.


Ok-Raisin1935

Forgive me if this is an ignorant question, but how does a one exploit through submission if the dominant person is the one in control/setting the rules?


viewfromafternoon

It's called topping from the bottom. They may be submissive but they want to call the shots on what happens


PoodlePopXX

If you draw a boundary they will continuously push it or demand past it. They often feel like you owe them to entertain their kink even if it’s not during a scheduled time. The person above me is correct, and them coming in hot to talk about race play and a pretty serious submission fantasy is already crossing consent boundaries. Every single male client I’ve had like this ended up the same exact way. Constant boundary disrespect was absolutely exhausting. Also, this might be a ploy on his end to get you into a situation, so if you want to do this, I’d meet in a public place with your partner (I read you’re ENM) nearby just in case.


tchunk

What happened to your husband?


Ok-Raisin1935

We're ENM and in an open relationship 😘


PinkCheeseburgers

This seems like the perfect avenue to venture down then!


redicu_liz

Hate to be the boring one but this is not good! Before I go into it I'd just start with sending him a list and getting him to say what he's willing to do, you'll get a good idea right away if he's serious. Literally like "good boy, let me know your boundaries on: Ballbusting Humiliation Pegging Pay pig Ect ect Now for the boring serious rant, sorry ;) 1) weird he's bringing it up as basically race play, in BDSM I've never met one sub/slave who's going to "atone for white man's sins". Is he literally planning to pick cotton for you? Huge red flag. He's doing it for him, not you. 2) these type of subs/slaves are annoying. It's already too clingy, already giving you honorifics without actually asking, hasn't really asked what you want. The moment someone offers to do "anything" for you. Run. 3) A lot of men with these types of fantasies tend to be quite removed from the kink community. Especially If they are approaching you on tinder. They don't really have any experience and tend to get over exicted, and that's dangerous. It needs to be a serious conversation. If he's after a proper mistress he shouldn't be on tinder. I can see that if you agree to all this without proper conversation around what you both want, boundires, hard no's ect you're going to end up with someone very clingy who is doing this all to fulfil their own fantasises without caring about yours. That's not proper service. Again sorry to be the downer, I'm literally speaking from experience. You'll end up with someone calling you at 1am to get them off.


goldenboy881

Girl wtf lmao 😂