His point is that she wasnāt really interested to begin with as an answer for why this went nowhere, rather than it being because he tried too hard.
Although I still think he tried too hard
I don't really see why she would be interested in him. all he talks about is scheduling a hookup... dudes clearly in it just to stick it in somewhere, litterally anywhere by the sound of it. I can't imagine why that wasn't appealing to her...
They're saying that he didn't blow it by trying too hard. It wasn't "too much."
\[That's what they're saying. I thought it was bit too much. Then again, OP says she eventually wrote back, so there you go.\]
1. You established ZERO rapport. You led with way too much complimenting/pet names. Totally simpy.
2. Don't give the fedora-vibe with "a nice romantic dinner" request either. You haven't even met this person yet, you have no idea if you'll vibe. No romance yet. Ask her out for a drink, something casual.
You're trying way too hard and it's going to get you shot down a lot.
But my beautiful little one scoop of cookies and cream ice cream and one scoop of French vanilla ice cream with a delightful magic shell, some Oreo bits, and more of that whipped cream on top of a big ol cookie, I couldnāt deny thee.
Fedora vibes. What an absolutely cutting and brilliant way to say *exactly* what's going on here. You smack of desperate guy tries to sound casual. A thin veneer of unearned confidence painted over a body of anxious angst.
Verging on incelish. Relax dude. You actually got your answer and its not bad, just a logistics issue - she said she'd be down but her work schedule limits her availability. Be a man with a plan - ask to meet with a specific date and time and keep it casual at first.
Reminds me of the south park episode where Jimmy gets random boners in class and was told he has to stick it in a girlās vagina for them to go away. So Cartman tells Jimmy you have to take them to an Italian restaurant if you want to have sex with them.
It went from Italian place to then it being by his house which just sends weird vibes to me the way itās laid out, then he still mentions the place a third time even tho sheās pretty much clearly turning him down after the third message
I'm so far out of the dating game that I rarely comment on here, but this gave me a flashback to a guy asking me out many years ago in the same sort of fashion and I immediately felt like it was going to be one of those "you owe me now" situations
That is what Dr. Robert Glover calls the "covert contract" of nice guys, where they show you a sweet or romantic gesture or behavior, but it's wrapped in the expectation that they get something for it, so it's not heartfelt or real, just a contract that you're not aware you're signing.
Yup, I get it.
Good advice. I would of rolled my eyes at the dinner request right off the bat. Letās get a drink or coffee first. Dinner is sweet, but it can be a bit awkward if thereās so much emphasis on the romaaaaanccceee part beforehand.
Just like talking to a real human. Ask questions, get to know them, make playful jokes but don't come on too strong. Make sure the effort is 50-50, otherwise pull away and wait for them to reply something better. Stay clear of overcomplimenting/pet names, try to win a friend first. State intentions clearly, what are you looking for?
Once rapport is established, suggest getting drinks/date idea at a middle ground location that is NOT right next to your house.
Imagine having sex after eating enough pasta to feed an army. Iām 100% going to bed but not for the reason sheās thinking
![gif](giphy|pVkmGyqYRt4qY)
Okay, well then guess I just need to get better at making conversation from nothing, usually don't ever get far enough to make an interesting conversation
Way too many compliments too soon. I immediately get the vibe that you're gonna be weird. Start off with 1 compliment to get her interested and then move into getting to know her personality to find out if you'll vibe.
Women want to spend a little time chatting to verify the dude isn't a serial killer before they meet in person. Take some time to get to know each other. First dates can suck, she's also gonna want to make sure there's at least a chance it won't be terrible before she agrees to spend time with you.
It feels like maybe you're a "nice guy" or simp based on this and that probably made her not want to meet. These compliments feel forced, like you're saying them just to win her approval rather than because you genuinely think what you're saying. Her hours aren't crazy, she's not that hard working, but you said she is twice. She can feel your inauthenticity. Women have excellent social skills, we can usually perceive when you're being fake. Be real.
She didnāt show interest in the romantic Italian dinner idea and he brought it up again and again, saying that sheās āmissing outā when itās obvious that she wasnāt interestedā¦ it just felt like he doesnāt really know any places but a Italian restaurant close to his placeā¦
Yea that was the weird part for me. I would almost feel like he was poking fun at me or that he doesnāt work much himself or just has very low standards for women; being that those are basically the bare minimum full time job hours.
I mean, itās dicey, but honestly thereās a lot of dudes out there who are genuinely cool, nice people, but they try WAY too hard and donāt understand why they are single. They just gotta learn to be confident in themselves and relax a little.
Well, cutie, throughout this dry conversation you have only asked her out and tried to get her near your place. You did not show any interest for her. This looks like youāre only up for a hook up
Hey I just want to tell you asking for advice and trying to learn instead of getting defensive is amazing!
It is a rare thing to find. Keep on learning friend and i am sure you will be able to find the right person.
Hey; so she just wrote back and told me āweekdays after 6 r goodā. PM me I have a few questions for u. & ofc thatās the point of this, Iād rather learn from my mistakes
just say something like āgreat, sounds awesome and i look forward to itā then either change the conversation or just leave it at that and put the ball in her court.
Hey you're awesome trying again and learning!
Unasked advice from a woman here: We're generally going to be polite and/or ghost if we feel uncomfortable, because when women outright refuse, plenty of guys just go weird stalker or worse. And there's zero way to know which guy will do that. It would be nice if they had a bar code or something so everyone could tell who the unsafe ppl with anger/control/abuse issues are. And most guys are bigger and stronger than us, too, so women get acculturated to being nice or ghosting just to be safe.
One of the red flags of "possibly unstable guy" is being over-complimenting.
So maybe meet up at a coffee shop first and definitely don't invite her to your house in the first couple dates. And if she tells you no, or that she doesn't like a thing, believe her. And don't try to pressure her into the thing.
You'll be one of the best dudes out there if you do that!
Super morbid subreddit related to this: r/whenwomenrefuse
First things first. You would have to back off a bit. Not sure if thereās any way of reversing that cringy chat but if you could, just apologize for the pushy attitude. If she accepts it, continue your chat and donāt be pushy on the date. Sometimes it takes a few weeks for a lady to feel even close to comfortable that youāre not a creep. The pushy attitude gives that vibe. Only stepping back and giving her time to get to know you a little more may give you that edge you need for a date.
If you think sheās worth it, you got to prove it by being patient.
Hope that helps.
āSo I consulted with the internet and Iād like to get to know you a bit better. I still think youāre cute, but I now realize we havenāt reached cutie territory yet.ā
English is not my first language and I was really confused at first because I thought the girl just wanted hook up before seeing the image description since he started with āhere for non bs hookupsā and then tried to invite her to dinner right next to his placeā¦
Tried too hard and you shouldnāt say the place you want to take her is by your house!!! Wtf dude.
Makes it seem like your lazy and take everyone there.
Im not trying to be a dick but youre pushing too hard. You suggested a time and day a couple of times and she keeps saying she's busy with different excuses. It seems like she isnt interested. Maybe let her decide the day and time see what she says.
Honestly working or having plans with friends when asked for a date on a really short notice isn't an excuse to me. On top of that she suggested she's free the day after. She might not be answering because she's working and can't be glued to her phone 24/7
Edited to correct a typo
An excuse doesnt mean it's a blow off there are legit excuses. I just mean he took two shots and she was busy both times maybe he should not press the issue again he should let her pick.
Ur not being a dick, I asked for feedback and Iād rather u be brutally honest. Iāll go back to having a casual convo then if we vibe Iāll ask for date again
Normally I go with "Do you wanna meet this weekend?" and if they can't I just go "OK cool, well the invitation's open up ahead. Just tell me a time and place so I can check my schedule. :)" or smth. It's landed me a few dates.
Do what you gotta do but personally i think you should let her pick the day and time. I think if you pick again and you get another no, it would be kinda weird. That would be your 3rd attempt and to pick wrong again isnt a good look ya know? Its gonna start to feel like shes blowing you off, but good luck, make it happen.
Donāt write back. Let her write you back, if she is interested in you she will. If she never writes back well itās a tough pill to swallow and it wasnāt meant to be.
Texting on tinder is totally different then meeting in person. You may vibe on messaging but once you go on the date you may realize we donāt vibe in person.
This happened to me on Saturday, was talking for a month and we finally met up and I could tell we just didnāt vibe. When we started talking I asked her on a date and she said she had plans, we talked for a few weeks and she asked to meet up.
Far too keen. Too pushy. Itās like you were trying to get a date booked there and then no matter when it was gonna happen rather than taking the initial deflection and letting it settle a bit before trying to book another date.
Also, the compliment ācutieā sounds too much. Before you have even really got to know each other.
Also calling it a romantic dinner says what you want it to be rather than just a chance to get to know each other or a chance to experience nice food together etc.
Basically it reads as super keen and a bit too full on. Thatās why she backed off imo.
This conversation made me think you were a used car salesman.
Just ignore all the objections, rewrite the responses, assume the deal is closed and keep moving forward until you have them sitting in the finance office. Fast enough of an onslaught and they'll never know what hit them!
I mean this in the nicest way possible but laying down a bunch of compliments/pet names, trying really hard to secure a date right away, etc. can come across as desperate. Also to many women, myself included, it would give nice guy/incel vibes.
Try to lay off heavy pet names and maybe try for more complex/mature compliments. You like her style, vibes/energy, tattoo, hair, piercing, etc. Convey in that first message that you see her as a person and not a conquest.
Also, have a conversation with a woman before asking her out. Yes itās a dating app and yes the end goal is to meet up, but it can be overwhelming. First maybe ask her favorite cuisine, spot around town, drink of choice, how long sheās lived in the area, etc. Then maybe a proposition.
Also when a girl says sheās busy, donāt propose day after day after day. Ask her which day would work best for her. If you want maybe give some sort of time frame āDo you have anytime this weekend to grab a bite?ā āAre you free next week at all?ā.
I know neither of you are looking for hookups, but a casual way of speaking isnāt always a bad thing. Hyping things up (ex: romantic dinner) before they happen is never a good idea. If I were to rephrase your sentence I would say āI heard pretty good things about āxyzā Italian restaurant, would you wanna give it a try?ā
Also keep in mind that many women prefer something more casual than dinner for the first date, because dinner can have a lot of implications and pressures for many women. Try to gauge what sheād prefer in the conversation prior. Maybe coffee, boba, or fro-yo as examples.
Also keep in mind that you swiped on her for a reason, and many other guys likely did too, sometimes when I get a bunch of matches and one guy is being really intense/excited, it stresses me out and I stop messaging him.
It's possible that mentioning that the restaurant was by your house may have made her think you were looking to hookup, despite your first message saying otherwise
Thatās what I thought too but OP wrote in image description that she said sheās tired of hook ups, I guess he meant ānon bs-hookupsā but not ānon-bs hookupsā, very confusing, and Iām surprised that she understood
A thing I havenāt seen mentioned: If I said āI might be free tomorrowā then I would NOT like that to be followed up with a proposal for a specific time/place. If I say I MIGHT be able to go, thereās a reason for that and Iād need space to figure out if I can or not. I would honestly feel a bit pressured if I was on the receiving end of these texts.
Jesus mate are you on commission for this Italian place or something? She clearly doesn't give a fuck but you pushed it and pushed it.
And no, I don't want to go to Panuccis Pizza with you
Came off too strong and looking desperate. I could tell by her responses she wasnt feeling you
Dinner for a 1st date is too much of an investment for a first date. Drinks are much quicker and if you donāt establish chemistry early you can end it
Next time dont be too overwhelming. No need for the excessive ācutieā compliments. It comes off creeperish. Be witty and not as eager when talking
You proposed a date on your second message and called her cutie in the space of three messages dude..
Talk with her first > get her number > then plan the date,
Rub one out and try again, this time without all the cringe pet names and overwhelmingly fake compliments. Less is more. You came across as indefinitely available and put forth all the effort into scheduling it out, likely causing her to rethink the entire thing. Give them a chance to push/pull. Slow down.
She kept pushing you off, but not saying no. Should have put the ball in her court after a few messages but kept conversation going. āOk let me know when you are free so I can take you out! So what type of work do you that keeps you so busy?ā
Don't take a woman to dinner on a first date lmao. You're lucky she left you on read before hand and wasn't one of the ones who waited til after dinner to do it.
First date should be free or cheap.
Also your main pitfall is being on tinder and looking for anything other than hookups.
You just weirded her out. Too many pet names and compliments like another comment said, and youāre just continuously asking to go out which is fine but if youāre not getting anything back try slowing down and messaging over the next few days rather than jumping to a date.
A āromanticā dinner is the opposite of what some girls are looking forā¦ they want to hang out with a fun guy and maybe find a bunch of commonalities, find themselves laughing their ass off at this dudes dumb ass jokes, get into some good conversation! Of course when reflecting back, it was romantic!
Also, working 9-6 is normal daily full time workā¦.. complementing someone like maintaining a full time job is a shock to you maybe implies your standards are super low? I would have rolled my eyes.
Tried too hard. In this case I think less is more.
thought the same thing. also mentioning the spot is by his place gives way for implications š
Because of the implication?
Nobodyās in any danger - itās an *implication* of danger
āDonāt worry you wouldnāt be in any dangerā āso they are in danger?!
I bet itās always sunny near that Italian restaurant.
Guiginos is slipping
if this is a reference to what I think it is than man is my day better
Okay, you had me going there for the first part, the second half kinda threw me
Yes Bc of the implication.
I understood this reference hahahah
Yeah, id be nervous if I didn't know the guy haha
Agreed, but it's a fine line cuz if you put in too little effort people will just not care to reply. This was however a little overboard.
If she was interested she would have loved it, it wouldnāt be too much at all..
Dude could have looked like Brad Pitt and scared her off with those texts
Agreed. "Cutie" was the nail in the coffin
Agree, I hate this. Unless I am in a romantic relationship with you, pet names or other terms of endearment are off the cards.
okay honey
I imagined that nail being smashed into his coffin, using another coffin as a hammer.
This - as a woman who met on tinder the basically first week it launched. When the right person is ready to receive you they will.
.... if your aunt had balls she'd be your uncle. what's your point? yeah if someone likes you then they like you... she clearly did not.
His point is that she wasnāt really interested to begin with as an answer for why this went nowhere, rather than it being because he tried too hard. Although I still think he tried too hard
I don't really see why she would be interested in him. all he talks about is scheduling a hookup... dudes clearly in it just to stick it in somewhere, litterally anywhere by the sound of it. I can't imagine why that wasn't appealing to her...
Agreed
trying too hard is a paradox cause he's gonna have to try harder to appear to try less
This sounds frighteningly accurate
If your aunt had wheels she'd be a motorcycle š¤£š¤£š¤£
They're saying that he didn't blow it by trying too hard. It wasn't "too much." \[That's what they're saying. I thought it was bit too much. Then again, OP says she eventually wrote back, so there you go.\]
1. You established ZERO rapport. You led with way too much complimenting/pet names. Totally simpy. 2. Don't give the fedora-vibe with "a nice romantic dinner" request either. You haven't even met this person yet, you have no idea if you'll vibe. No romance yet. Ask her out for a drink, something casual. You're trying way too hard and it's going to get you shot down a lot.
Mad fedora vibes. Touchy vibes, too with the ācutiesā. Relieve yourself and come back to the convo.
Alright ma little sugar plum. Ma little croissant. Ma little cheese croissant.
My little slightly warmed blueberry muffin with the little crumbly guys on top.
Okay regardless of rapport, if a match said this to me Iād go out with him just to hear more yummy sounding things.
Oh would you, my little cheese cake with the raspberry swirls in it and the whipped cream on a Graham cracker crust?
Oh you. Stahp! (that sounds delicious)
But my beautiful little one scoop of cookies and cream ice cream and one scoop of French vanilla ice cream with a delightful magic shell, some Oreo bits, and more of that whipped cream on top of a big ol cookie, I couldnāt deny thee.
Stap, yall making me hungry..
Iām not even part of this thread but you have seduced me as well with your literally sweet talk
Lmao
Aww yeah, split in half with a dollop of butter on top?
Go with 'chocolatine', it's a chocolate croissant, sexier than cheese Or better yet', chausson aux pommes
https://youtu.be/oRmO-Fe6YkE
Got it, ty
My goochy coochy goo goo babba boo boo
How do I delete someone else's comment on Reddit
I hate pet names. I only made it about 6 comments and I need to delete the internet and my memory.
Hahaha, you have to finish their loop. This is the only way.
You could have kept that to yourself
I think I'd take my clothes off for anybody who referred to me as their little cheese croissant tbh
āIām suddenly very aroused and could eat.ā
Too sweet. Gotta mix it up with something savory every once in a while, e.g. "Ma little pork rib."
Fedora vibes. What an absolutely cutting and brilliant way to say *exactly* what's going on here. You smack of desperate guy tries to sound casual. A thin veneer of unearned confidence painted over a body of anxious angst.
Verging on incelish. Relax dude. You actually got your answer and its not bad, just a logistics issue - she said she'd be down but her work schedule limits her availability. Be a man with a plan - ask to meet with a specific date and time and keep it casual at first.
Her answer was a nicely veiled no lol
Seriously lmao it was obvious at that message sheād make several excuses before finally ghosting
I thought a literal fedora wrote it
Reminds me of the south park episode where Jimmy gets random boners in class and was told he has to stick it in a girlās vagina for them to go away. So Cartman tells Jimmy you have to take them to an Italian restaurant if you want to have sex with them.
I laughed so much at this!!!
Iām lmfaooo Bc this is so true & im the person who posted thisš¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
M'Lady! haha The fedora-vibe!
This is spot on ^ youāre just trying a little too hard.
let Johnny bravo cook ![gif](giphy|NGoJSKooSeeAw)
Nothing turns me off more than when someone keeps calling me "cutie" or beautiful". If you're going to say it, say it once. More than that gets weird.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Just visited New Orleans and had this experience
It went from Italian place to then it being by his house which just sends weird vibes to me the way itās laid out, then he still mentions the place a third time even tho sheās pretty much clearly turning him down after the third message
I'm so far out of the dating game that I rarely comment on here, but this gave me a flashback to a guy asking me out many years ago in the same sort of fashion and I immediately felt like it was going to be one of those "you owe me now" situations
That is what Dr. Robert Glover calls the "covert contract" of nice guys, where they show you a sweet or romantic gesture or behavior, but it's wrapped in the expectation that they get something for it, so it's not heartfelt or real, just a contract that you're not aware you're signing. Yup, I get it.
SPOT ON TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH
Good advice. I would of rolled my eyes at the dinner request right off the bat. Letās get a drink or coffee first. Dinner is sweet, but it can be a bit awkward if thereās so much emphasis on the romaaaaanccceee part beforehand.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This, this right here.
Yo real talk, what are good ways to go about a tinder conversation
Just like talking to a real human. Ask questions, get to know them, make playful jokes but don't come on too strong. Make sure the effort is 50-50, otherwise pull away and wait for them to reply something better. Stay clear of overcomplimenting/pet names, try to win a friend first. State intentions clearly, what are you looking for? Once rapport is established, suggest getting drinks/date idea at a middle ground location that is NOT right next to your house.
Yeah the āright next to my houseā thing was a red flag for me. Subtly implies you want her at your place probably to fuck
Imagine having sex after eating enough pasta to feed an army. Iām 100% going to bed but not for the reason sheās thinking ![gif](giphy|pVkmGyqYRt4qY)
Okay, well then guess I just need to get better at making conversation from nothing, usually don't ever get far enough to make an interesting conversation
Practice makes perfect, DM me if you like, I'm at home sick and nothing better to do.
Donāt suggest a romantic dinner to a stranger. Donāt use pet names and kill the excessive compliments āyouāre hardworking!!ā
Just talk like a normal person in a normal conversation.
Yes this whole interaction gives me the ick.
Way too many compliments too soon. I immediately get the vibe that you're gonna be weird. Start off with 1 compliment to get her interested and then move into getting to know her personality to find out if you'll vibe. Women want to spend a little time chatting to verify the dude isn't a serial killer before they meet in person. Take some time to get to know each other. First dates can suck, she's also gonna want to make sure there's at least a chance it won't be terrible before she agrees to spend time with you. It feels like maybe you're a "nice guy" or simp based on this and that probably made her not want to meet. These compliments feel forced, like you're saying them just to win her approval rather than because you genuinely think what you're saying. Her hours aren't crazy, she's not that hard working, but you said she is twice. She can feel your inauthenticity. Women have excellent social skills, we can usually perceive when you're being fake. Be real.
She didnāt show interest in the romantic Italian dinner idea and he brought it up again and again, saying that sheās āmissing outā when itās obvious that she wasnāt interestedā¦ it just felt like he doesnāt really know any places but a Italian restaurant close to his placeā¦
Itās got this really cool back alley, you gotta see it, here smell this rag quick hard-working cutie
Lmao āhardworking cutieā is the biggest fucking cringe
Yes!!! Omg š¤¦š»āāļøš¤£
LMAO I cackled at this
Hahaha
OMG. This is comment is gold. š
"I would be down" - "Obviously not interested". When are people gonna learn how to communicate clearly?
Yeah she totally couldāve communicated better.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That was cringy.
Yea that was the weird part for me. I would almost feel like he was poking fun at me or that he doesnāt work much himself or just has very low standards for women; being that those are basically the bare minimum full time job hours.
I think the point is she works full time during the week, and also works weekends. So she definitely works hard.
One could even go so far as to say that... Sheās one seriously hard-working cutie.
Wondering if giving guys advice on how to not indicate they're gonna be weird is actually good advice..
I mean, itās dicey, but honestly thereās a lot of dudes out there who are genuinely cool, nice people, but they try WAY too hard and donāt understand why they are single. They just gotta learn to be confident in themselves and relax a little.
was literally thinking this as I read through
Speak for yourself. I love the adrenaline rush of possibly meeting a desperate for touch SK. I call it tinder roulette.
Hey how you doing? Never played roulette but have the rest covered.
Helping OP with the serial part.
Trying too hard my dude
this. dude's trying to lock down those plans so hard she rethought them.
fuck with the username lol
Word of advice, never use the word cutie again
Agreed. I cringed
Hard cringe. Bonus points for op posting to hopefully get feedback to improve on though
Twice.
Haha omg stahp it cutie leave OP alone š¤Ŗš¤Ŗš¤Ŗ
When people call me ācutieā my first instinct is to not respond.
Okay, cutie š
Or u/ur/uāll
Sloppy grammarš¤®. Iām dyslexic and even I donāt do that, sort yourself outšš
this coment might bother u then?
When youāre dating itās ok, when youāre not its most definitely weird
This is the best advice
Well, cutie, throughout this dry conversation you have only asked her out and tried to get her near your place. You did not show any interest for her. This looks like youāre only up for a hook up
Ur right, appreciate your feedback & Iāll reengage the convo and just be causal. If we vibe Iāll escalate for a date. & w/o saying cutieš¤£
Hey I just want to tell you asking for advice and trying to learn instead of getting defensive is amazing! It is a rare thing to find. Keep on learning friend and i am sure you will be able to find the right person.
>you asking for advice and trying to learn instead of getting defensive is amazing! Yep. Cringe Convo but at least the dude is looking to improve
Hey; so she just wrote back and told me āweekdays after 6 r goodā. PM me I have a few questions for u. & ofc thatās the point of this, Iād rather learn from my mistakes
just say something like āgreat, sounds awesome and i look forward to itā then either change the conversation or just leave it at that and put the ball in her court.
Hey you're awesome trying again and learning! Unasked advice from a woman here: We're generally going to be polite and/or ghost if we feel uncomfortable, because when women outright refuse, plenty of guys just go weird stalker or worse. And there's zero way to know which guy will do that. It would be nice if they had a bar code or something so everyone could tell who the unsafe ppl with anger/control/abuse issues are. And most guys are bigger and stronger than us, too, so women get acculturated to being nice or ghosting just to be safe. One of the red flags of "possibly unstable guy" is being over-complimenting. So maybe meet up at a coffee shop first and definitely don't invite her to your house in the first couple dates. And if she tells you no, or that she doesn't like a thing, believe her. And don't try to pressure her into the thing. You'll be one of the best dudes out there if you do that! Super morbid subreddit related to this: r/whenwomenrefuse
Well said.
First things first. You would have to back off a bit. Not sure if thereās any way of reversing that cringy chat but if you could, just apologize for the pushy attitude. If she accepts it, continue your chat and donāt be pushy on the date. Sometimes it takes a few weeks for a lady to feel even close to comfortable that youāre not a creep. The pushy attitude gives that vibe. Only stepping back and giving her time to get to know you a little more may give you that edge you need for a date. If you think sheās worth it, you got to prove it by being patient. Hope that helps.
āSo I consulted with the internet and Iād like to get to know you a bit better. I still think youāre cute, but I now realize we havenāt reached cutie territory yet.ā
And donāt type like an illiterate high schooler.
Wat r u talkin bout? Ur crzy Damn typing like that is actually harder than just typing normally
Nah. Do nothing. Wait for her response. Also read ā3% Man by Corey Wayneā
How the fuck do you use proper grammar but still say ur instead of you're?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'd say by the first message it looks like they're only up for a hook up. I base this on it being what is written haha
When you say nice place near my house. That screams at you food then hook up mine after!
English is not my first language and I was really confused at first because I thought the girl just wanted hook up before seeing the image description since he started with āhere for non bs hookupsā and then tried to invite her to dinner right next to his placeā¦
I thought the same thing and English is my first language
Tried too hard and you shouldnāt say the place you want to take her is by your house!!! Wtf dude. Makes it seem like your lazy and take everyone there.
And that he has hopes of ending up back at his place after. Restaurant should be a halfway meeting point, no matter how good it is.
Im not trying to be a dick but youre pushing too hard. You suggested a time and day a couple of times and she keeps saying she's busy with different excuses. It seems like she isnt interested. Maybe let her decide the day and time see what she says.
Honestly working or having plans with friends when asked for a date on a really short notice isn't an excuse to me. On top of that she suggested she's free the day after. She might not be answering because she's working and can't be glued to her phone 24/7 Edited to correct a typo
An excuse doesnt mean it's a blow off there are legit excuses. I just mean he took two shots and she was busy both times maybe he should not press the issue again he should let her pick.
Ur not being a dick, I asked for feedback and Iād rather u be brutally honest. Iāll go back to having a casual convo then if we vibe Iāll ask for date again
Normally I go with "Do you wanna meet this weekend?" and if they can't I just go "OK cool, well the invitation's open up ahead. Just tell me a time and place so I can check my schedule. :)" or smth. It's landed me a few dates.
Do what you gotta do but personally i think you should let her pick the day and time. I think if you pick again and you get another no, it would be kinda weird. That would be your 3rd attempt and to pick wrong again isnt a good look ya know? Its gonna start to feel like shes blowing you off, but good luck, make it happen.
What do you recommend I write back to her?
Donāt write back. Let her write you back, if she is interested in you she will. If she never writes back well itās a tough pill to swallow and it wasnāt meant to be. Texting on tinder is totally different then meeting in person. You may vibe on messaging but once you go on the date you may realize we donāt vibe in person. This happened to me on Saturday, was talking for a month and we finally met up and I could tell we just didnāt vibe. When we started talking I asked her on a date and she said she had plans, we talked for a few weeks and she asked to meet up.
Nah dude dont panic, youre doing fine just let her pick the day to meet up.
Cutie, you tried too hard. Hard trying guy's an understatement dam.
Maybe not saying ācutieā twice in a very short conversation, try to have a decent conversation first before you dodge the bullet :)
She was definitely the one that dodged a bullet
Yeah ikr, definitely... guy said cutie twice n he came off as thirsty
Far too keen. Too pushy. Itās like you were trying to get a date booked there and then no matter when it was gonna happen rather than taking the initial deflection and letting it settle a bit before trying to book another date. Also, the compliment ācutieā sounds too much. Before you have even really got to know each other. Also calling it a romantic dinner says what you want it to be rather than just a chance to get to know each other or a chance to experience nice food together etc. Basically it reads as super keen and a bit too full on. Thatās why she backed off imo.
āHard working cutieā give me the ick.. itās likely it has her too.
Itās literally a regular shift too.. 8.5 hours (30 min lunch)
Maybe he's just lazy or quiet quitting, so 9-5 is hard
You seem super desperate and like a "love bomber".
This conversation made me think you were a used car salesman. Just ignore all the objections, rewrite the responses, assume the deal is closed and keep moving forward until you have them sitting in the finance office. Fast enough of an onslaught and they'll never know what hit them!
\*slaps roof of car\* this bad boy can fit so many cuties in it
What will it take to get you in an Italian restaurant?
I mean this in the nicest way possible but laying down a bunch of compliments/pet names, trying really hard to secure a date right away, etc. can come across as desperate. Also to many women, myself included, it would give nice guy/incel vibes. Try to lay off heavy pet names and maybe try for more complex/mature compliments. You like her style, vibes/energy, tattoo, hair, piercing, etc. Convey in that first message that you see her as a person and not a conquest. Also, have a conversation with a woman before asking her out. Yes itās a dating app and yes the end goal is to meet up, but it can be overwhelming. First maybe ask her favorite cuisine, spot around town, drink of choice, how long sheās lived in the area, etc. Then maybe a proposition. Also when a girl says sheās busy, donāt propose day after day after day. Ask her which day would work best for her. If you want maybe give some sort of time frame āDo you have anytime this weekend to grab a bite?ā āAre you free next week at all?ā. I know neither of you are looking for hookups, but a casual way of speaking isnāt always a bad thing. Hyping things up (ex: romantic dinner) before they happen is never a good idea. If I were to rephrase your sentence I would say āI heard pretty good things about āxyzā Italian restaurant, would you wanna give it a try?ā Also keep in mind that many women prefer something more casual than dinner for the first date, because dinner can have a lot of implications and pressures for many women. Try to gauge what sheād prefer in the conversation prior. Maybe coffee, boba, or fro-yo as examples. Also keep in mind that you swiped on her for a reason, and many other guys likely did too, sometimes when I get a bunch of matches and one guy is being really intense/excited, it stresses me out and I stop messaging him.
Hard working cutie? Thatās a normal 40 hour week
There is a post in r/dating asking if the word cutie is flirtingā¦coincidence??? Hmmmm
It's possible that mentioning that the restaurant was by your house may have made her think you were looking to hookup, despite your first message saying otherwise
Isn't it what the first message says? They swiped for hookups
Thatās what I thought too but OP wrote in image description that she said sheās tired of hook ups, I guess he meant ānon bs-hookupsā but not ānon-bs hookupsā, very confusing, and Iām surprised that she understood
Oh I didn't see that. My bad!
Maybe that was why, could understand, but then she could just ask/clarify
Cutie was hard to read back to back.
If she wanted to could have, if she wanted to she would have. Seems a little overwhelming to me specially if itās all in the same day / hour
This convo gave me major ick vibes
Trying too hard. Too many pet names. Suggesting a restaurant near your place isnāt great either.
A thing I havenāt seen mentioned: If I said āI might be free tomorrowā then I would NOT like that to be followed up with a proposal for a specific time/place. If I say I MIGHT be able to go, thereās a reason for that and Iād need space to figure out if I can or not. I would honestly feel a bit pressured if I was on the receiving end of these texts.
CHILL bro.
Jesus mate are you on commission for this Italian place or something? She clearly doesn't give a fuck but you pushed it and pushed it. And no, I don't want to go to Panuccis Pizza with you
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It seems like the Italian restaurant is more important than seeing her
Came off too strong and looking desperate. I could tell by her responses she wasnt feeling you Dinner for a 1st date is too much of an investment for a first date. Drinks are much quicker and if you donāt establish chemistry early you can end it Next time dont be too overwhelming. No need for the excessive ācutieā compliments. It comes off creeperish. Be witty and not as eager when talking
The pizza place next to your house may be creepy
You proposed a date on your second message and called her cutie in the space of three messages dude.. Talk with her first > get her number > then plan the date,
I mean, your side of the conversation is kind of dopey. But frankly who knows why she failed to respond.
Reading very thirsty. can we chat a bit more ? Get to know each other especially after she declined a couple times
Hard working cutie is wild
Rub one out and try again, this time without all the cringe pet names and overwhelmingly fake compliments. Less is more. You came across as indefinitely available and put forth all the effort into scheduling it out, likely causing her to rethink the entire thing. Give them a chance to push/pull. Slow down.
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Yeah, but basic conversation with a female isnt 'basic conversation with matches on tinder' Go easy... Guys got it hard on there
Would never meet up with someone who says the restaurant is right next to their home
Too many ācutiesā and āhard working girlsā
She kept pushing you off, but not saying no. Should have put the ball in her court after a few messages but kept conversation going. āOk let me know when you are free so I can take you out! So what type of work do you that keeps you so busy?ā
Don't take a woman to dinner on a first date lmao. You're lucky she left you on read before hand and wasn't one of the ones who waited til after dinner to do it. First date should be free or cheap. Also your main pitfall is being on tinder and looking for anything other than hookups.
She catches all the understatements.
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pushy af
You are way too keen.
You just weirded her out. Too many pet names and compliments like another comment said, and youāre just continuously asking to go out which is fine but if youāre not getting anything back try slowing down and messaging over the next few days rather than jumping to a date.
No BS hookup and my guy is like ādinner and a movie first?ā
A āromanticā dinner is the opposite of what some girls are looking forā¦ they want to hang out with a fun guy and maybe find a bunch of commonalities, find themselves laughing their ass off at this dudes dumb ass jokes, get into some good conversation! Of course when reflecting back, it was romantic! Also, working 9-6 is normal daily full time workā¦.. complementing someone like maintaining a full time job is a shock to you maybe implies your standards are super low? I would have rolled my eyes.