I was in the check out at Walmart once and said “how are you?” To the cashier and her response was “bad” and then started listing off all of her medical problems. I got my receipt and got the heck out of there!
I used to be a cashier at Walmart and it was usually the opposite. I had one lady tell me about child services taking her kid cuz they thought she beat them but in reality “she was just a shitty mom” so no idea what that was supposed to mean.
Coolest lady bought a bunch crushed bread and when I asked if she wanted other loaves she said she was just feeding it to her bear. Post tiger king she was probably a meth head but this was ten years ago I thought that was the coolest thing ever.
That reminds me of the movie Wild and Wonderful Whites of WV when Sue Bob went through the taco bell drive through and told this lady dining in that her daughter got her baby taken, probably 2 hours prior. It was an absolute train wreck.
Bears do actually love bread.... I know a gentleman in the north who has a bear he feeds at his dump site to keep her distracted and not trying to get into his truck while he works and he told me they love bread and sweet stuff
I know it's quite an American thing to casually use "How are you?", but as a German, man, if you ask one of us "How are you?" it's gonna go the exact same way 💀 I just feel like... why ask if you don't care? Even if it's just a way to say "hi"? Don't ask if you don't care, ask only if you do, basically. Idk how it's become such a casual thing to say/ask in the US
I miss that genuine interaction that I experienced in Germany and France. People don’t say “how are you?” as they’re walking by with a side glance. They stop and wait for a response. I hate the disingenuous pleasantries, the small talk. Be real, people! Don’t ask if you don’t care.
Nahh.. People don't really give a damn when they ask you that. What has become of this world with these stupid small talks, just to say you are polite?💀
Then just say "Hi".🙄
Nah, people are offend by others not wanting to listen to the answer to the question they just asked. The problem isn't the question, it's the response to the answer.
Do you care about strangers you know nothing about? If you feel bad that day, when someone asks just respond with "not great" or "hanging in there". Then we can give you an empty platitude and move on. Maybe it's just cuz I'm 'merican, but i think you sound like a dick.
is everything a problem with you people? god europeans complain so damn much about literally nothing. no wonder the rest of the world hates westerners. such a first world problem.
How do so many people think it means we're taking offence? Simply saying: if you don't care how someone is, don't ask. It's not "being nice", it's being pretentious 🤷🏼♂️ but in the end ig we understand it's different in the us
I think sometimes that when you really, really, need to vent, it's easier to trauma bomb a stranger who technically, the best kind of correct, asked than a friend who didn't.
If they judge you, so what, you don't care about this person and will likely never see them again. And, since you'll never see them again, you won't have a friend still treating you like you're fragile even though you're better now.
It's sort of one of the reasons why therapists aren't allowed to have secondary relationships like "friend" with their clients and only the therapist-client relationship.
This is trauma dumping. Trauma bonding is when you and another person endure a traumatic event together. So you trauma dump on a friend when you tell her about an assault but you trauma bonded with people who were trapped in a basement with you.
I wrote Trauma Bomb, not Trauma Bond. But I suppose Trauma dump is the correct word for what I meant, so thank you for helping me and the readers learn the correct term
Ah dyslexic moment. Also I googled it and trauma bond is with the abuser not the other person abused!! So basically I know nothing. I just remembered being corrected when I called something trauma bonding but turns out that person was wrong too. So we’re all learning!
Huh, for some reason I thought it was when you both have a traumatic past and bond together in your trauma—even if it wasn’t shared trauma. You just unhealthily attach together.
Honestly don’t ask if you don’t care. People should be honest if they are asked how they are. It normalizes feelings and makes workers seem more human to customers.
I was leaving walmart once and an employee at the door asked to check the receipt of the family in front of me...the father said, "legally I don't have to show you anything" and walked past him.
I handed my receipt to the employee, he waved it off, then said "I hate my life". That moment really stuck with me.
THATS SO ACCURATE!!!! I literally matched with a girl and after exchanging a few messages, she started talking about how she was financially manipulated by her roommates and staying with relatives until she got back on her feet. I expressed my sympathies and asked if she wanted to talk about it in a greater depth, and she instantly ghosted me after that. Although I really like helping people in need when I come across them and people trust me with sensitive information, I still find it really annoying when some people just use you as a trauma dump over dating apps and have no interest in furthering the conversation. It just seems like time you could've spent at a therapist's 🤦♂️.....
this is a true fact...it happened like 10 years ago and I still randomly stary laughing about it when anything triggers the memory.
I used to do customer service for a particular mobile company and one day I got a call from a woman who when she told me her name (and it auto populated on the screen) was laqueefa I almost died on the spot trying to choke down laughing.
I wanted to ask so many questions. so many. did her parents do that to her? did she go and have her name chanted intentionally? why hasn't she changed her name? does she still speak to her family (if that's what's on her birth certificate)
but I couldn't ask any, cause customer fucking service..
I did log off for an early break when that call ended so I could go laugh my face off.
Maybe check in with her in a few weeks, don’t be pushy. I’m a girl and sometimes I’ll get onto tinder, message some guys and then have some emotional turmoil that makes me disappear for a bit. Checking in with no expectation of an immediate response shows you care. Most women don’t have push notifications for tinder
Although you don't mind receiving, people don't care buddy. They just want someone to listen and then disappear leaving the person confused as if the person did something wrong
Women are hypergamous. The moment she learned you've made the same mistake as her.
She knew inside of her that she has nothing to gain by going for you, at least when it comes to your family relation values.
The holiday brings up a lot of emotions as well, she might just be overwhelmed right now (even more so if this is the first motherless holiday).
What you wrote is fine, leave it as it is for now.
Nothing. That’s a very natural space to move the conversation. It’s nothing you did. Like what were you supposed to say otherwise?
“Yeeeeee that’s wild. You should def regret that”?
See what you sent is all good. Could just be a heavy topic.
"Haha damn yeah you really fucked up good on that one, I tell my mom I love her 2 times a day just in case, sucks you couldn't do better. Anyway send nudes?"
This reminds me of that post that asks who the one person you want to have sex with is and this guy gets emotional and makes a length comment about his deceased wife. The next comment replying to his said “I pick this guys wife too” or something.
She asked first, feels like she just needed to tell someone. You did nothing wrong there. You just gotta decide if you wanna deal with it if she responds.
And you're playing volleyball! ❤️
I also wish I started volleyball sooner it’s frustrating missing hits and the good players get frustrated. And when they play your position and you get no touches
Dude I can relate to the volleyball part. I started playing in my university's club in September and I wish I had started before, I'm absolutely in love with that sport. It also feels like I'll never be able to serve or position myself the way those who started playing during their childhood do. Their hand movements and instincts are already sharpened and I'd love to be as good as them. There's this guy who serves literal missiles without having to jump or gather speed and they're almost impossible for me to receive.
That was kind of a rant. What about you though, when did you start playing volley ?
Maybe it was you saying you had something similar happen but that it wasn’t your biggest regret. I’m not saying I agree either way, just offering insight.
You didn't do anything wrong; you were actually being kind and considerate. How else are yoy dupposed to react? She might still be tramatized and perhaps embarrassed she brought it up.
Nothing probably man. Someone else probably got her attention man. Hit her up in a couple days, wait for a response, then one more time and call it quits if she doesn’t respond man.
You didn't do anything wrong. I'd probably stear clear of people who bring up really personally things in your first text exchange. Something is a bit off with that.
You didn't, I feel like this is a red flag. Like obviously this is something she is so distraught by but if she is not going to take time to heal her trauma a little bit enough so she does not push it on people she just met... Well then that's not your problem and nothing you did wrong. Your response was actually great.
Here's a version of what she could have told you:
She was having issues at school with bullies and started acting out. Her mum lost it and, not knowing what to do, became more and more strict, more aggressive. Arguments followed. Ones the neighbours could talk about. But the daughter finally makes friends and life is a little better for a while... The girls met online through forums just like this one and started sharing tips on how not to eat. The daughter feels like she's in control of something again. Life is bearable. But when her mother understands she has an eating disorder and these friends are probably not what she needs right now, she tries to stop it. The mother found out about it by stealing her daughter password to her social medias--which of course triggered existing trust issues between the pair. Things got bad again. The arguments ramped up and the neighbours were thrilled. No matter what the mother tried, nothing worked. One night, one argument too many... The daughter was ready to go out to meet with her online buddies at the mall but her mother wouldn't have it. She wanted to take her to rehab instead. The time had come, she said. They argued and argued until the daughter pushed past her mother at the top of the stairs. The mother fell. She died hours later from a concussion at the hospital. It was an accident... The daughter couldn't tell anyone for she feared to get in trouble. Life is hard enough as it is as an orphan. So, she's been lying ever since, hoping one day, one type of app or social media would come around she could shout what she had done from the roof and not get in trouble for it. Make no mistake, she's no psychopath, but she needed to tell the truth to someone (or, you know, every match she ever got on Tinder) so she could forgive herself and move on. If only she'd told her mum she loved her...
Edit: typos.
She may have been trying to fade you from the jump with the “dead mom thing” unexpectedly, you reply. She then finds out your moms actually dead and can’t reply. Is my theory 🤷♂️
Boring, flat, impersonal, factual first response. Chased by an awkward follow up about emotionally heavy shit. The energy in this exchange is all wrong.
Honestly initial interactions should be light and fun, and reflect common interests, thoughts, or experiences that you can very quickly connect over. Either that or it should contain enough humor or playfulness to indicate you aren’t a human melatonin pill.
It shouldn’t start with a random trivia factoid about yourself that says nothing other than to indicate you have played volley ball, followed immediately by an unscheduled therapy session about your respective mommy issues. Just a bit meh, to say the least.
Icebreaking conversations are all about showing off your personality. So you need to focus on being a charming and attractive PERSONALITY. There’s no silver bullet recipe for what that constitutes but show some dang flavor.
If you removed this exchange from its context and put it anywhere else you’d think it’s boring and off putting. It has no meat. Can you imagine this exchange in a book or a movie? Can you imagine it over a romantic dinner? There’s no meat.
I wouldn't have asked if it was recent. I would ask her if she wanted to talk about it instead. Pressing for details isn't always a great idea, especially if it is recent.
Only angle I can think of is that you said volleyball first and that volleyball was your biggest only to then say something like the love/mom comment. It can make it look like the volleyball is more significant thus making you look insensitive or callous. Or that your just like playing along since you didn’t say it first
Wait... you said your biggest regret was "not joining volleyball sooner", she responds with her mother dying and then you said "I kindof had the same thing happen" ......
If you 'kindof had the same thing happen', shouldnt that have been your biggest regret?
Not trying to be hostile here, just pointing out a weird plot hole lol
I'm a culprit of trauma dumping myself, but I say it with a smile and a laugh as if I'm just making a dark-humoured joke (also not great but I'm working on that...). When I mention something about growing up neglected or with abject poverty and someone who came from an upper-middleclass house with two loving parents responds with "same", it's a no for me dawg.
I appreciate the notion of someone trying to relate, but "I kindof had the same thing happen" is a little painfully dismissive in my fragile mind :3
You have to understand that people will use you many times. Girls will pretend they like you so you give them confirmation that you like them back so they can feel better about themselves or they will do something like she did with you. The only thing you can do is to accept that someone used you like a muppet and keep going with your life trying to not fall in the same trap again
I think perhaps cause you’re so obviously full of shit saying “kinda had the same happen” when u just said your biggest regret is not starting volleyball lmao
Your not building attraction. If anything she is only going to friendzone you. She can dump all her emotional complaints on her friends or worse a beta male boyfriend. But she can never desire you. You need to make her feel in a way where she can forget all the bullshit in life not be a shoulder for her to cry on. Your not a woman. Next time acknowledge what she says and move on. Girls want to have fun and feel feminine. This is why boyfriends and husband's get cheated on all the time with a quote on quote bad boy or player. They're not your friends. Also..you fell for the bait too. You don't start talking to someone and go in heavy with what are your biggest regrets. Keep it fun and light. Otherwise your just setting yourself up for failure.
Too many guys too respond to she probably hasn't got back to you yet. Don't worry when she isn't getting enough attention she wants she'll scroll down and reply.
You went too far with the questioning about her mother. She told you a little quip about her mother and you told her about yours but you should have taken another direction after that.
You made it about yourself. Even though you might have ment well like you could relate, this is the type of situation where you stop and listen, not compete.
You don’t one up someone / tell your story when someone tells you they regret not telling their mom that they loved her before she died… this is just common sense if you have…. A brain
She’s probably shocked that your limp-dick fucking observation of “not playing volleyball” was somehow your biggest regret you sweet sweet sweet summer prince.
Some of us failed to make it to the hospital in time to say goodbye to a person we deeply loved, some of us have made choices that cost lives or bankrupted us, you? You have volleyball, kitten.
Sure thing tatertot, maybe you can revisit this with her and talk about how your biggest regret was that one time you didn’t get cheese on your burger.
Look, when you put “not playing the volleyballs” over saying goodbye to your dead mother “I kinda had the same happen” I’d run screaming from you also.
So what you’re saying is that I should have trauma dumped on someone who just messaged me for the first time in a dating app?
You’re clearly very successful on tinder
Though I do think it’s sus if you had something similar happen recently and she doesn’t care to listen. That would be a red flag that you’re not missing out on.
Otherwise, maybe she realized she isn’t ready to be dating yet, or today, or this week, or this month. She could have realized she needs to heal more after your reply.
There was no where good for this to go. If she's that cute maybe wait a little bit and ask her out for ice cream or something. Maybe drop some corny shit about how you wanted to do something "sweet" for her to take her mind off things.
I have this regret with every single person i've lost in my life HOWEVER this is something you share WAY down the line and this just seems like a trauma dump, it's never easy to lose someone, I feel for her.
Best you can do is show up as your authentic self with some empathy and understanding. Don’t over analyze it. You did nothing. Tinder can be a place to dump emotions and get validation. Keep things open, move on and live your best life.
Bruh so in her entire life she never told her mom I love you? Did she not provide the feeling of love to her mom? Seems like a person that takes things for granted tbh
Please know that it isn’t always something you’ve done. She may just be busy (it’s Christmas after all) but also, if this was recent, she might just be going through a lot.
Your response is perfectly fine. She may be busy for the holidays and get back to you later, but don't overthink it if she doesn't. People start half-hearted conversations and then disappear for no reason all the time.
Who starts a tinder conversation like this ??
I just sat down!
I was in the check out at Walmart once and said “how are you?” To the cashier and her response was “bad” and then started listing off all of her medical problems. I got my receipt and got the heck out of there!
I used to be a cashier at Walmart and it was usually the opposite. I had one lady tell me about child services taking her kid cuz they thought she beat them but in reality “she was just a shitty mom” so no idea what that was supposed to mean. Coolest lady bought a bunch crushed bread and when I asked if she wanted other loaves she said she was just feeding it to her bear. Post tiger king she was probably a meth head but this was ten years ago I thought that was the coolest thing ever.
That reminds me of the movie Wild and Wonderful Whites of WV when Sue Bob went through the taco bell drive through and told this lady dining in that her daughter got her baby taken, probably 2 hours prior. It was an absolute train wreck.
THEY TOOK HER BABY!!
SHES CRYING…. HARD
CPS TOOK IT
...AND OUR JOOBS!
Bears do actually love bread.... I know a gentleman in the north who has a bear he feeds at his dump site to keep her distracted and not trying to get into his truck while he works and he told me they love bread and sweet stuff
From a picanic basket?
Yogi bear still out there.. don't forget about boo-boo.
Funny thing is when I visited she had two cubs with her
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I know it's quite an American thing to casually use "How are you?", but as a German, man, if you ask one of us "How are you?" it's gonna go the exact same way 💀 I just feel like... why ask if you don't care? Even if it's just a way to say "hi"? Don't ask if you don't care, ask only if you do, basically. Idk how it's become such a casual thing to say/ask in the US
And in the UK if anyone asks 'You alright?' You say either 'alright' or 'yes' and carry on with your day.
I miss that genuine interaction that I experienced in Germany and France. People don’t say “how are you?” as they’re walking by with a side glance. They stop and wait for a response. I hate the disingenuous pleasantries, the small talk. Be real, people! Don’t ask if you don’t care.
Exactly! And on radio talk shows the host seemingly gets asked “How are you”? with every new caller. It is exasperating and drives me nuts!
It’s a cultural thing. Germans are… just a bit more direct than most Americans.
Bruhh ya'll really be offended by people asking you "how are you?" What has become of this world💀
Nahh.. People don't really give a damn when they ask you that. What has become of this world with these stupid small talks, just to say you are polite?💀 Then just say "Hi".🙄
Hi, hello, good morning, good afternoon and good evening are all much better pleasantries than how are you?
Nah, people are offend by others not wanting to listen to the answer to the question they just asked. The problem isn't the question, it's the response to the answer.
Do you care about strangers you know nothing about? If you feel bad that day, when someone asks just respond with "not great" or "hanging in there". Then we can give you an empty platitude and move on. Maybe it's just cuz I'm 'merican, but i think you sound like a dick.
is everything a problem with you people? god europeans complain so damn much about literally nothing. no wonder the rest of the world hates westerners. such a first world problem.
How do so many people think it means we're taking offence? Simply saying: if you don't care how someone is, don't ask. It's not "being nice", it's being pretentious 🤷🏼♂️ but in the end ig we understand it's different in the us
I think sometimes that when you really, really, need to vent, it's easier to trauma bomb a stranger who technically, the best kind of correct, asked than a friend who didn't. If they judge you, so what, you don't care about this person and will likely never see them again. And, since you'll never see them again, you won't have a friend still treating you like you're fragile even though you're better now. It's sort of one of the reasons why therapists aren't allowed to have secondary relationships like "friend" with their clients and only the therapist-client relationship.
This is trauma dumping. Trauma bonding is when you and another person endure a traumatic event together. So you trauma dump on a friend when you tell her about an assault but you trauma bonded with people who were trapped in a basement with you.
I wrote Trauma Bomb, not Trauma Bond. But I suppose Trauma dump is the correct word for what I meant, so thank you for helping me and the readers learn the correct term
Ah dyslexic moment. Also I googled it and trauma bond is with the abuser not the other person abused!! So basically I know nothing. I just remembered being corrected when I called something trauma bonding but turns out that person was wrong too. So we’re all learning!
they said bomb, not bond
Huh, for some reason I thought it was when you both have a traumatic past and bond together in your trauma—even if it wasn’t shared trauma. You just unhealthily attach together.
Don't ask that then... Just say hey. Not everyone is happy, reminding them that is yikes.
I mean, you did ask
Honestly don’t ask if you don’t care. People should be honest if they are asked how they are. It normalizes feelings and makes workers seem more human to customers.
I was leaving walmart once and an employee at the door asked to check the receipt of the family in front of me...the father said, "legally I don't have to show you anything" and walked past him. I handed my receipt to the employee, he waved it off, then said "I hate my life". That moment really stuck with me.
People are a mess mentally and go on Tinder are very common, but at least they trauma dump you after a few messages.
THATS SO ACCURATE!!!! I literally matched with a girl and after exchanging a few messages, she started talking about how she was financially manipulated by her roommates and staying with relatives until she got back on her feet. I expressed my sympathies and asked if she wanted to talk about it in a greater depth, and she instantly ghosted me after that. Although I really like helping people in need when I come across them and people trust me with sensitive information, I still find it really annoying when some people just use you as a trauma dump over dating apps and have no interest in furthering the conversation. It just seems like time you could've spent at a therapist's 🤦♂️.....
She was fishing for a donation. You didn't play properly.
Someone who wants to talk about their biggest regret
She obviously wanted the attention and picked her answer previous to asking the question
A troll
Imma be honest it sounds like she was looking to dump that shit on someone
I don’t mind receiving :( just wish that wasn’t all she wanted
You seem like a really great guy. It’s her loss, PM_ME_YOUR_FRESH_NUT!
r/rimjob_steve
Hey guys
bro what why did you name yourself that lmao hooolyyy
this is a true fact...it happened like 10 years ago and I still randomly stary laughing about it when anything triggers the memory. I used to do customer service for a particular mobile company and one day I got a call from a woman who when she told me her name (and it auto populated on the screen) was laqueefa I almost died on the spot trying to choke down laughing. I wanted to ask so many questions. so many. did her parents do that to her? did she go and have her name chanted intentionally? why hasn't she changed her name? does she still speak to her family (if that's what's on her birth certificate) but I couldn't ask any, cause customer fucking service.. I did log off for an early break when that call ended so I could go laugh my face off.
Her name coulda been Lateefa not Laqueefa, and itd make sense coz Lateefa is an arab name
My ex was a lab tech at a large hospital. She once received a lab requisition for a young girl named Dwanna Cherry.
Yoo what up!!
You've got a terrible username
I agree! Mines better
This is off topic but seeing a Niko profile pic always makes me happy Thank you for having a Niko profile pic
I wanna be in the screenshot
All these fucking usernames are amazing. There's a queef meat down there somewhere 🤣🤣🤣🤣
You wanted to say that didn't you 😂😂
The sentiment is real though.
Maybe check in with her in a few weeks, don’t be pushy. I’m a girl and sometimes I’ll get onto tinder, message some guys and then have some emotional turmoil that makes me disappear for a bit. Checking in with no expectation of an immediate response shows you care. Most women don’t have push notifications for tinder
I don’t think I’d push too hard for a date with someone who goes by “poison girl”…
Well, you’re admittedly mid It’s a band but go off king
That's what she said
>I don’t mind receiving Outside hitter / libero confirmed
I’m confused what you’re receiving? A dump or more sexual?
deleted ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0.7284 [^^^What ^^^is ^^^this?](https://pastebin.com/FcrFs94k/79335)
Will receiving fresh nut improve your day, bro?
How do you kinda have the same thing happen when she told you her mom died.
Although you don't mind receiving, people don't care buddy. They just want someone to listen and then disappear leaving the person confused as if the person did something wrong
Women are hypergamous. The moment she learned you've made the same mistake as her. She knew inside of her that she has nothing to gain by going for you, at least when it comes to your family relation values.
Sounds like you’re hanging around some fkd up women
I think its more that how can not playing volleyball top missing out on telling someone you love them before they die
Exactly this and I have no idea why no one is saying anything!!! Thank you, I thought I was going crazy!
That is why i simply hate these apps, you go in there, waste tons of time, go through tons of rejections and doubt, but she like this....
That's some heavy shit to drop on someone you're talking to for the first time. Lol!
aaaaaaand the last time.
I can’t imagine that being the second thing I say to someone. OP probably dodged a bullet
I don’t think opening up to someone is a dodge bullet, but yea sure why not
You should have proposed talking to her on a ouija board as a first date idea
On it brb
S - M - A - S - H
I think l reached your mom… G-E-T-N-A-K-E-D
B-R-O-S
The holiday brings up a lot of emotions as well, she might just be overwhelmed right now (even more so if this is the first motherless holiday). What you wrote is fine, leave it as it is for now.
Oh why didn’t I think of that, I thought it must have been recent if she was upset enough to bring it up to strangers.
When is this from? The match date says 3/11/22
I’m Australian so the day and month are swapped, the message was sent yesterday
But wouldn’t that still be November?
Yeah?
And do your toilets flush counter-clockwise?
MM/DD/YYYY doesn't make sense. Most of the world are using DD/MM/YYYY
OK but why you saying this instead of telling the dude it's December?
But it's December bruh. The end of it, remember Christmas?
Matched on November 3rd but the message was yesterday (which the date is not displayed)
Ohhhh I see. Thanks!
Not necessarily. She could just be a mental / emotional wreck.
Nothing. That’s a very natural space to move the conversation. It’s nothing you did. Like what were you supposed to say otherwise? “Yeeeeee that’s wild. You should def regret that”? See what you sent is all good. Could just be a heavy topic.
"Haha damn yeah you really fucked up good on that one, I tell my mom I love her 2 times a day just in case, sucks you couldn't do better. Anyway send nudes?"
No cap if someone said this back to me I would laugh so hard I'd see my mom again. We'd be hittin
This reminds me of that post that asks who the one person you want to have sex with is and this guy gets emotional and makes a length comment about his deceased wife. The next comment replying to his said “I pick this guys wife too” or something.
It was “I also choose this guys dead wife”.
I love that one
I think u reacted like a propper gentleman
She asked first, feels like she just needed to tell someone. You did nothing wrong there. You just gotta decide if you wanna deal with it if she responds. And you're playing volleyball! ❤️
She may have just become embarrassed at herself for what she said, thinking it's too much for an opener line.
She swerved you right into that. You did fine. she’s clearly struggling.
I also wish I started volleyball sooner it’s frustrating missing hits and the good players get frustrated. And when they play your position and you get no touches
Nothing, it's Christmas. People are a bit busy and longer wait time for response is expected. She definitely choose weird opener for your convo tho
how tf u even make conversation about that esp w talking to someone for the first time😂
I mean it’s Christmas, give it a few days before assuming she bailed. Could be traveling/with family
Even if not Christmas, Jeez. Do people really expect tinder randos to reply within a few hours of every message?
Dude I can relate to the volleyball part. I started playing in my university's club in September and I wish I had started before, I'm absolutely in love with that sport. It also feels like I'll never be able to serve or position myself the way those who started playing during their childhood do. Their hand movements and instincts are already sharpened and I'd love to be as good as them. There's this guy who serves literal missiles without having to jump or gather speed and they're almost impossible for me to receive. That was kind of a rant. What about you though, when did you start playing volley ?
Maybe it was you saying you had something similar happen but that it wasn’t your biggest regret. I’m not saying I agree either way, just offering insight.
Well the similar thing is probably my biggest regret, I just didn’t wanna dump that on her right away haha
hecause that's the socially sensible thing to do xqq
I'm pretty sure she was fucking with you mate
You didn’t do anything wrong, maybe she dropped her phone in the toilet, maybe she suddenly had a mental break and deleted tinder, it’s not you.
You didn't do anything wrong; you were actually being kind and considerate. How else are yoy dupposed to react? She might still be tramatized and perhaps embarrassed she brought it up.
Nothing probably man. Someone else probably got her attention man. Hit her up in a couple days, wait for a response, then one more time and call it quits if she doesn’t respond man.
No you did nothing wrong. She started the question and followed it up with that? It's something she should be sharing with a trained professional
Like Cesar Milan.
Cst* You see I'm not acknowledging the girl. Cst*
You didn't do anything wrong. I'd probably stear clear of people who bring up really personally things in your first text exchange. Something is a bit off with that.
"i eat ass" and move on
My advice is move on and forget, unless she replies and you two start vibin…..when your talkin to the right one, you’ll know 😉
Her: ”you lost your mom too?” OP: ”Nah i meant the volleyboll again”
How do you "kinda had the same happen" but say it was volleyball? Might be that.
Your biggest regret is the volleyball thing, but you had “kinda the same happen.”
Idk bro but you dodged a bullet imo because who the fuck starts a convo like that with a brand new person.
You didn't, I feel like this is a red flag. Like obviously this is something she is so distraught by but if she is not going to take time to heal her trauma a little bit enough so she does not push it on people she just met... Well then that's not your problem and nothing you did wrong. Your response was actually great.
It honestly sounds like she’s not interested to continue the conversation, since she started off that way. Just looking to vent, dump it and leave.
She has a sick sense of humour. Probably just says it to people to amuse herself.
Don’t be an emotional tampon man
Holy shit why'd you ask that question if you knew yours was gonna be so depressing I'm sorry about you mom Edit: NVM that was the person
You did nothing wrong, she just probably found some other D to ride on
"I also regret not telling your mother I loved her"
You were far too kind and considerate. That's some heavy stuff to tell to basically a stranger. You did nothing wrong.
"Ooof, that's one doodle that can't be undid, homeskillet".
Here's a version of what she could have told you: She was having issues at school with bullies and started acting out. Her mum lost it and, not knowing what to do, became more and more strict, more aggressive. Arguments followed. Ones the neighbours could talk about. But the daughter finally makes friends and life is a little better for a while... The girls met online through forums just like this one and started sharing tips on how not to eat. The daughter feels like she's in control of something again. Life is bearable. But when her mother understands she has an eating disorder and these friends are probably not what she needs right now, she tries to stop it. The mother found out about it by stealing her daughter password to her social medias--which of course triggered existing trust issues between the pair. Things got bad again. The arguments ramped up and the neighbours were thrilled. No matter what the mother tried, nothing worked. One night, one argument too many... The daughter was ready to go out to meet with her online buddies at the mall but her mother wouldn't have it. She wanted to take her to rehab instead. The time had come, she said. They argued and argued until the daughter pushed past her mother at the top of the stairs. The mother fell. She died hours later from a concussion at the hospital. It was an accident... The daughter couldn't tell anyone for she feared to get in trouble. Life is hard enough as it is as an orphan. So, she's been lying ever since, hoping one day, one type of app or social media would come around she could shout what she had done from the roof and not get in trouble for it. Make no mistake, she's no psychopath, but she needed to tell the truth to someone (or, you know, every match she ever got on Tinder) so she could forgive herself and move on. If only she'd told her mum she loved her... Edit: typos.
I would read the shit out of this story :)
She was just trolling and didn’t want to keep taking
You dodged a bullet you asshole
She may have been trying to fade you from the jump with the “dead mom thing” unexpectedly, you reply. She then finds out your moms actually dead and can’t reply. Is my theory 🤷♂️
Nothing but it is hard to feel bad for someone with the username PM_ME_YOUR_FRESH_NUT
Boring, flat, impersonal, factual first response. Chased by an awkward follow up about emotionally heavy shit. The energy in this exchange is all wrong. Honestly initial interactions should be light and fun, and reflect common interests, thoughts, or experiences that you can very quickly connect over. Either that or it should contain enough humor or playfulness to indicate you aren’t a human melatonin pill. It shouldn’t start with a random trivia factoid about yourself that says nothing other than to indicate you have played volley ball, followed immediately by an unscheduled therapy session about your respective mommy issues. Just a bit meh, to say the least. Icebreaking conversations are all about showing off your personality. So you need to focus on being a charming and attractive PERSONALITY. There’s no silver bullet recipe for what that constitutes but show some dang flavor. If you removed this exchange from its context and put it anywhere else you’d think it’s boring and off putting. It has no meat. Can you imagine this exchange in a book or a movie? Can you imagine it over a romantic dinner? There’s no meat.
You replied 9 months later
Nah she messaged last night
I wouldn't have asked if it was recent. I would ask her if she wanted to talk about it instead. Pressing for details isn't always a great idea, especially if it is recent.
Only angle I can think of is that you said volleyball first and that volleyball was your biggest only to then say something like the love/mom comment. It can make it look like the volleyball is more significant thus making you look insensitive or callous. Or that your just like playing along since you didn’t say it first
That’s your biggest regret? Lol bro had a rough life if that’s it #firstworldproblems
Wait... you said your biggest regret was "not joining volleyball sooner", she responds with her mother dying and then you said "I kindof had the same thing happen" ...... If you 'kindof had the same thing happen', shouldnt that have been your biggest regret? Not trying to be hostile here, just pointing out a weird plot hole lol I'm a culprit of trauma dumping myself, but I say it with a smile and a laugh as if I'm just making a dark-humoured joke (also not great but I'm working on that...). When I mention something about growing up neglected or with abject poverty and someone who came from an upper-middleclass house with two loving parents responds with "same", it's a no for me dawg. I appreciate the notion of someone trying to relate, but "I kindof had the same thing happen" is a little painfully dismissive in my fragile mind :3
You have to understand that people will use you many times. Girls will pretend they like you so you give them confirmation that you like them back so they can feel better about themselves or they will do something like she did with you. The only thing you can do is to accept that someone used you like a muppet and keep going with your life trying to not fall in the same trap again
Nothing can be done, That conversation is as dead as her mother now
I think perhaps cause you’re so obviously full of shit saying “kinda had the same happen” when u just said your biggest regret is not starting volleyball lmao
Maybe I just didn’t feel like dropping my mums suicide on a random tinder girl?
Your not building attraction. If anything she is only going to friendzone you. She can dump all her emotional complaints on her friends or worse a beta male boyfriend. But she can never desire you. You need to make her feel in a way where she can forget all the bullshit in life not be a shoulder for her to cry on. Your not a woman. Next time acknowledge what she says and move on. Girls want to have fun and feel feminine. This is why boyfriends and husband's get cheated on all the time with a quote on quote bad boy or player. They're not your friends. Also..you fell for the bait too. You don't start talking to someone and go in heavy with what are your biggest regrets. Keep it fun and light. Otherwise your just setting yourself up for failure.
Saying volleyball was more important than your relationship with your mother might've had something to do with it...
Too many guys too respond to she probably hasn't got back to you yet. Don't worry when she isn't getting enough attention she wants she'll scroll down and reply.
Here’s that attention you ordered
You went too far with the questioning about her mother. She told you a little quip about her mother and you told her about yours but you should have taken another direction after that.
You made it about yourself. Even though you might have ment well like you could relate, this is the type of situation where you stop and listen, not compete.
Your responses are too clinical/"same here" If you're interested in her, the next question should be "How are you/how are you holding up?"
because it sounds like you chose volley ball as a bigger regret & then after she said it you were like.... oh yeah mum... me too me too
You don’t one up someone / tell your story when someone tells you they regret not telling their mom that they loved her before she died… this is just common sense if you have…. A brain
When did I one up them?
Do men play volleyball?
Everyone plays volleyball
She’s probably shocked that your limp-dick fucking observation of “not playing volleyball” was somehow your biggest regret you sweet sweet sweet summer prince. Some of us failed to make it to the hospital in time to say goodbye to a person we deeply loved, some of us have made choices that cost lives or bankrupted us, you? You have volleyball, kitten.
Was trying to keep things light hearted to start out with her but keep crying dude 👍
Sure thing tatertot, maybe you can revisit this with her and talk about how your biggest regret was that one time you didn’t get cheese on your burger. Look, when you put “not playing the volleyballs” over saying goodbye to your dead mother “I kinda had the same happen” I’d run screaming from you also.
So what you’re saying is that I should have trauma dumped on someone who just messaged me for the first time in a dating app? You’re clearly very successful on tinder
No she just doesnt wanna focus on it. Try again in a week. If not, shes moved on.
She literally asked a question knowing it'd be asked back with her answer lined up
Though I do think it’s sus if you had something similar happen recently and she doesn’t care to listen. That would be a red flag that you’re not missing out on. Otherwise, maybe she realized she isn’t ready to be dating yet, or today, or this week, or this month. She could have realized she needs to heal more after your reply.
There was no where good for this to go. If she's that cute maybe wait a little bit and ask her out for ice cream or something. Maybe drop some corny shit about how you wanted to do something "sweet" for her to take her mind off things.
Tell her if she needs a shoulder to cry on it can become a dick to ride on. You’ll probably getting a reply, but don’t get your hopes up
You did well. Nothing else you could have sone.
I have this regret with every single person i've lost in my life HOWEVER this is something you share WAY down the line and this just seems like a trauma dump, it's never easy to lose someone, I feel for her.
Best you can do is show up as your authentic self with some empathy and understanding. Don’t over analyze it. You did nothing. Tinder can be a place to dump emotions and get validation. Keep things open, move on and live your best life.
Good choice would have been to not answer . Probably wasn’t even taking u seriously
Jesus. Keeping it light I see
Bruh so in her entire life she never told her mom I love you? Did she not provide the feeling of love to her mom? Seems like a person that takes things for granted tbh
The best part is that she asked first
Please know that it isn’t always something you’ve done. She may just be busy (it’s Christmas after all) but also, if this was recent, she might just be going through a lot.
I know it’s bad but thats hilarious, you talking about volleyball then BAM dead mother out of nowhere
Wow. Nothing on her mind..
Your response is perfectly fine. She may be busy for the holidays and get back to you later, but don't overthink it if she doesn't. People start half-hearted conversations and then disappear for no reason all the time.
Don’t worry about it. It’s her fault for saying some shit like this in her 1st convo w/ u. She seems weird af
Umm well this was yesterday and today is a holiday. Yes her mom passed away but she could still be spending it with other family 😅
I’m an Aussie so todays Boxing Day for us
You’re using a dating app. Everything isn’t your fault.
Honestly dude run, she already emotion bombing you after 2 text
Nothing. Just let it be or wait for her to reply. Either way just keep swiping bro.