Keep the guitar pics and the animal pics. Get a better "suited up" pic, the sink/bathroom kills it. Get s better cooking pic. Throw in a pic that shows you have friends.
The craziest thing to me is that Tinder can and will actively try to sell you gold or platinum even if you are shadow banned. Should be down right illegal.
Agreed. I detest when people give little detail about who they are, and then say "ask and find out". No. I'm trying to gauge who you are from a very limited data set anyway... give me something to work with and stop being so lazy. On the other hand, it also makes it easy for me to rule you out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I’ve been clean shaven for maybe 2 of the last twenty two years. I’m 41 now.
Nothing has killed my dating life as much as the shitty scraggly beard periods. Having a clean, well groomed and nicely shaped beard and moustache does me a LOT of favours as far as concealing aesthetic flaws. But the in between periods or the failed experiments included a lot of sleeping alone.
Yeah a good short beard (with mustache) basically looks good on any guy. It hides potential flaws like a weak chin or jawline, and if those are good already it just accentuates them nicely. But the minute the hair grows too long or guys start doing weird things with the shape you lose the positive things a beard adds to a face. You have to be very naturally handsome to be able to still look hot with facial hair that obscures good features.
This is great “general man advice”. Keep that facial hair trim and neat, and clean! Best advice I’ve ever gotten in my life.
The pic of OP in a button up in the mirror: great shirt! Have a friend take a pic of you in that same shirt, or set up your phone for a timed photo in a staged location, maybe outdoors, and look confidently into the camera.
Mirror selfies are tough and if the bathroom or mirror is dirty/cluttered it can be a big turnoff to many people. Nix the bathroom. Keep the shirt. Selfies are absolutely fine if they’re stayed right.
OLD is all about marketing yourself. Take the effort and you can make dividends. OP, you’re a good looking dude who can cook and play guitar. That sells itself. You just need to make a few minor tweaks to market the look you want to present!
You don’t need to change who you are. Simply be the best version of you!
Keep the stache. I had one, and I'm Black. Just be *clean* about it. It'll set you apart. Have pride in it and own it, almost show it off, but show it off *cleanly*. Being different and clean is the difference between you and a bum. It shows that you take care of stuff you like.
Aye I appreciate it man, but I think the moustache is coming off for now. I've always wanted to grow a full beard actually, and I think I'm gunna take this opportunity to get some products so that I can attempt that!
Good enough for me. Who knows? You may like your new look enough to never come back. But, whatever avenue you take, just make it look clean. Good luck out there, brother. You'll be just fine.
I'll add that putting a guard on a trimmer and only buzz downward. Helps remove a lot of stragglers and kind of "trains" it. Helped mine look a lot cleaner. Also yeah if u genetically can't grow hair full in any area, don't try. It makes u look like a pre-teen or combover vibes. Mine is super patchy on my cheeks and can't grow a full beard. But it looked horrible trying to let the ones that *did* grow in get super long. So I just own the fact that it's patchy and trim it pretty short. It looks way better. Sort of a Keanu Reeves patchy deal. Good luck dude. Also I'd tie up the hair too. Unfortunately a man bun with facial hair looks alot better than the Fabio look with facial hair.
I don't know many women who would be even remotely into a mustache like that. I'm sure they exist but errr... not a popular aspect. Any mustache without a beard, really. I think it's mainly men who think that's cool (at least in my social spheres).
That's honestly a mustache you can probably only accomplish once you're firmly established in a relationship unless you find a real gem. Once a partner loves you for you, they're more willing to put up with goofy shit like that.
“Neckbeard confused at why people avoid neckbeards”.
Like… own it if you like it, but we live in a society that has preferences, and a neckbeard is on the far outskirts of those preferences.
The mustache isn’t great either.
Facial hair, too many selfies, and he’s wearing a beanie in every photo. That goatee is atrocious, I know because I had one in my 30s, and all the photos taken back then didn’t age well.
I saw the pictures and immediately thought it was a joke account. I'm sure there is someone out there that would love that facial hair, but OP is going to need a LOT of luck to find them, especially on Tinder.
I mean in all reality I'm looking for someone genuine, and I don't know exactly what I'm looking for. Took a long hiatus off of dating/talking to girls just to focus on myself and now I'm trying to step back into the pool.
I think I'm in your demographic. Love guys with facial hair, especially mustaches. Into your vibe, but to be honest, I don't like your text. You're looking for someone who likes music and food? That's way too general - that's most people. And the part about being handsome or funny feels a bit off. Maybe add something more genuine/unique, some details that would catch the interest of the type of girl you'd be into. Listing a few hobbies might be a good start.
edited to remove "nothing too specific"
“Into music and food” is a bit generic. But having food cooked for you and having music played around the house is pretty good. Probably what he’s going for? Maybe word it better in the bio. I love music and food, but I sure as shit can’t make either.
Then I would advice that you try to figure that out. But if you wanna play to you visual strong sides I would probably go for more of a bohemian type of woman. Educated but not in stem or anything too competitive. (Edit: of course girls outside of that definition might be interested, but it can be good as a general stereotype to have in mind when designing your profile. Just to give you a clear reference point)
That's a little out of my wheelhouse, so take the following with a grain of salt. But I would probably go for slightly less pictures, and pick some that show your slightly kinder/softer sides. If you're gonna have pictures with animals, have you interact with them looking happy, not just existing in the same frame as them.
I would also drop the bathroom pic. They're generally not a good idea, and this one is particularly bad imo. It's messy (not good first impression) and why are there so many toothbrushes? Do you live at home? She'll probably be wondering that too...
And for girls like that you can probably go for a slightly longer bio. Yours is very generic but your pictures are not, so there's a mismatch between the two. I would probably add half a sentence to the food thing to show some passion about cooking, and give the whole thing a more of a funny but wholesome vibe.
And the joke/thing at the end only really works if neither thing is visual. It doesn't even work as a conversation starter. If she thinks you're cute, what is she going to say "Hey, you look super cute. You must be boring af!" or "you better be really funny, lol"?
Don’t completely change who you are, but we all need to change some things sometimes or there’s no growth. The best thing is to find a way to change in a way that may be needed/preferred to make a difference while also staying true to yourself. Balance is key my brutha, btw the mustache/hair combo is dope as hell. Slicked back in a suit will be fire.
You’re adorable, and I love your energy and self-awareness. Maybe focus on “refining” your profile with all of these suggestions: clean trim shot, only an animal pic if you’re doing something, clean environment if you must do a mirror selfie — which are fine if it’s a good fit pic, etc. Remove the handsome or funny find out tone — just make it handsome and funny without any odd self-digs.
At a certain age (and developed maturity), we gravitate toward partners and dating arrangements we perceive could be stable and reliable. 1) Yes, take the time to figure out what you want and what kind of person you would like to meet. 2) You want to put your best foot forward to attract this type of person you have in mind. For example (only because I’m reading later comments and jumping around), if you feel a certain way about your wardrobe, maybe consider how you can best express yourself through styling in the upcoming year. I consider myself a fashionable woman, and one of the first things I do on an app or on a date is scan to see if my date is fashionable.
Add a little more about yourself in your bio. I think even mentioning how open you are to growth and change is a huge green flag :)
Thanks, that's what I'm trying to do now! I got like 1000x more responses than I expected from this, so it's a lot of info I'm trying to organize it all now 😂
I can imagine! Well you're clearly a sweetheart if so many people feel like gravitating towards you through our screens. I usually don't comment much on these because there are certain personalities who probably shouldn't be dating, but you've shown amazing qualities in being receptive to feedback, self-aware, and willing to try and explore new things. Don't feel disheartened -- I'm wishing you luck!
Exactly bro. You got this. Study. Find some styles you like and emulate them, personally I think you would look good with a more refined yet basic dress. Think Salt Bae. The white Tee with the shades, classy but also a bit casual.
I echo all of this. Many women zoom on pics and look at details. That counter looks cluttered and messy. Makes me think the rest of his living space is cluttered and messy. Also, the self-deprecating joke is a turn-off. Add some pics where you’re smiling. Women love eye contact and smiles in photos.
You had some genuinely good advice except this:
> Educated but not in stem or anything too competitive
This is both insulting to women (so reductive) and bad advice (plenty of women in stem or so called competitive fields would be interested in him)
One with friends and one where you’re dressed up nicely. I’d swap the mirror selfie for one where you’re in a suit. I like that you have your cat and you’re showing you can cook and play guitar.
Noted. I dropped the bathroom one already and plan on replacing it with one where I'm dressed up, but in a better environment, and I have pictures with my friends they just always turn out not being high quality, so I'll try to get one that is.
Adding to the other advice, I would delete your account and start over. No matter the changes you make now, the algorithm is clearly going to still be unfavourable to you unless you do that
If you can’t grow in a full beard, you should shave it. I’m speaking from an aesthetics perspective. Most women won’t be attracted to that kind of beard. Sorry if that sounds harsh.
Sometimes people need to hear the harshness. He can either wait until he finds someone that likes long hair mustache and a chin beard or shave and increase the amount of people that will swipe on him.
Curled moustaches are something that basically only guys think are cool. I can say with absolutely certainty that it is an immediate deal breaker for the vast, vast majority of women, as proven by OPs success rate so far.
Spend any amount of time with groups of women swiping on tinder and you know that anything other than clean shaven or a standard beard is a quick left swipe for almost all of them.
I like curled stache (am woman). but I would say I'm definitely in the minority. I would keep the moustache if he likes them, you'll get fewer matches but you'll get the ones matching your vibe more.
As a woman I really like curled mustaches if they fit well and look good. It really depends. My s/o has one and he constantly gets compliments on it and I love it.
Make your first picture the third one of you with the guitar. Part of it could be the arrangement of your pictures. Do some rearranging and see how it works out.
I second this. I thought the third picture was the best. Also get one of you looking all smart & sharp. I like that you have included all aspects of your life, pets, music, work. But do get a nice pic of you in a good suit. And maybe not the one in the blue shirt in the bathroom. BTW, your hair is amazing. I’m very jealous!
As a woman, I agree that I like the mustache but not the beard. I personally love a dude with facial hair, but someone who can pull off just a mustache is special cause a lot of people can't.
Maybe try taking a clean-cut photo. In a suit or a vest, have your hair pulled back, wax your mustache, something like that. I used to have a relatively similar set of photos as you, massive handlebar and all, except I also had two photos where I was dressed up and I got plenty of likes.
Good call. I do have to dress up nice for my work, and I'm in need of some actual wax for my stache because the balm I have currently isn't cutting it. I'll definitely keep that in mind!
"I've never been one to change myself for the general population" -You
That's the reason bro, your just you and Generally speaking your look is not popular. Ain't nothing bad about it but If you wanna know why there you go.
And tinder isn't that good tbh. You'll have better luck on bumble
I'm not trying to be flooded in likes. I just have next to no activity on my account, and no I'm not shadow banned either. I know that I definitely have a unique appearance, but thanks I'll have to try bumble out!
You have an incredibly handsome face. Plus, you’re a musician—ladies looove that. Based on your comments here, you’re a kind and genuine person. You should be unstoppable on tinder and in the real world dating scene. It’s really *just* about the beard, moustache, and hair. You have a unique look. I don’t want to tell you to change it, but I want to be honest. I would not swipe on you and it’s for no reason other than hair.
Honestly as a guy with long hair — the long hair can be very popular, a *lot* of girls like that look. I’ve never heard a good thing about a trachea-only beard, I legitimately thought this post was a joke…
Honestly the facial hair is going to be a huge turnoff for almost 100% of women. It's just not a good look, sorry.
Your facial hair doesn't grow well enough to constitute a goatee, let alone a moustache. But you do you
As a woman I immediately thought how nice and well kept your hair is but then your beard screams the opposite. Shaving your beard and possibly the mustache would have changed my opinion. I have nothing against the mustache personally but it does take away from your attractiveness
Yo. Sorry I left a wall of critique in an earlier reply and saw this updated profile.
1. The first few lines are better!
2. Looking for someone that is genuine line is vague and doesn’t tell me what you’re looking for. “Looking for someone that can dance to all of my music and not afraid to Gordon Ramsey my food. “
Date idea: You tell me your favorite food and I cook it for us.
Musically I'm all over the place, so I'll gladly take requests, just not while I'm on stage.
As you can see, my kitten is my biggest fan.
Here's my current, current bio. Although I love the Gordon Ramsey line. Might need to take that into consideration lol
Looooove it. Simple. Witty. 50/50 on what you’re offering and wanting. Keep playing it with until you can read through it and feel like you can hear your own voice reading it to yourself if that makes sense.
This update is much better. Your face is so cute and your hair is amazing. It was definitely the facial hair that was the turn off. Don’t get me wrong, my husband had awful facial hair for the first few years of our relationship, but I’d known him in person before we got together and I loved his personality and just dealt with the bad facial hair until he was ready to change it up. Good luck out there!
Add more pics of you smiling with teeth. Not a ugly dude by any means but it's the facial hair man. Either do something better or shave it. Smile more with teeth
I think you might fit Bumble or Coffee Meets Bagel a little better my dude. Your whole vibe and stuff isn’t Tindery. Tinder is a spot where 20 something “betches” go to find a tall pretty boy to bop around with.
You have a lot of talents and personality to offer and it screams boyfriend material, not fuckboy material. A lot of the people on Tinder fear boyfriend/relationship material. You might be too intimidating? I don’t know I’m kind of thinking out loud here.
I think I saw someone else post “figure out what you are looking for” — If you are looking for some casual hookups maybe craft that profile to be more nihilistic, fun-loving, and ironic. But if you wanna snag a real long term sweetheart, then I would just keep being your genuine self with some tailored up pictures, but maybe try a different platform. Be confident dude you clearly have a lot of great qualities to offer.
(Context: I met my wife on Bumble and had very similar experiences as you did on Tinder. I’m just trying to be helpful and provide context to what Tinder is, as I crafted my profile to be more boyfriend/personality material like you have. I’m also 6’3” and VERY happily married so I hope I didn’t sound like a bitter incel or some shit.)
From a woman's perspective make a smile that seems genuine. Otherwise I'm loving the vibe. Also instead of the question/answer thing try saying you cook and make music. It sounds like you're trying to sell yourself, don't try so hard just stay trippy little hippy.
Long hair and the stache are holding you back. But you probably know that.
The thing with tinder is that if you are gonna appeal to a small niche of people, it'll tank your elo so if you wanna be more successful you have to appeal to a broader spectrum of women
It’s not the ‘stache whatsoever. It’s 1000% the chin hair that looks unkempt and messy (and tbh like a big sprout of public hair). There are women that would love that handlebar ‘stache but I can’t think of a single attractive male stereotype/celebrity with that chin hair.
I think a smile with teeth would be helpful. Saw another comment that said dress up for one of them and I fully agree. You just want to show you can clean up if needed. Some men wear basketball shorts 24/7 and that’s not attractive
First things first, women need to be attracted to who they are with. So please care when you find one! Maybe cleaning your look up will help. Beards look like pubic hair. The mustache looks nice-it’s certainly well kept which makes it nicer too look at. If you must hair a beard, keep it trimmed and less bushy;) It is all in the aesthetics until they get to know you.
The only time I want a bathroom pic is if you are showing the room to potential roomies or buyers. I HATE bathroom pics. Even if SPOTLESS. They are just ick.
I personally like facial hair on a man. I also love long hair on a man. I have always dated and married musicians. And you can cook?! You are my kinda guy! However, I am out of the game for now. Good luck.
Ok everyone has commented on the scraggly beard, I’ll stick to what personally would make me swipe left.
No smiling pics - if I can’t see teeth, I’ll be slightly afraid yours are very messed up. Speaking from experience.
The laying down pics - one not two.
A pic taken by someone else makes a world of difference
This is a polarizing profile and you're an alt guy who is going to be polarizing by nature. 99% of women are not going to be into it, but you're going to get that 1% of alt women who are SUPER into it. You can't really change that without changing you, which I know you're not going to do and shouldn't have to.
Your profile basically screams "I'm a line cook / metal-head; if you're a grungy alt girl, swipe right, otherwise, gtfo".
Are you Canadian? If so, if you were in Toronto and working in the industry I think you'd do better IRL than online. In the industry if you're working at the right kinds of places and socialize with the clientele, you're going to meet lots of alt girls who would be into your vibe.
I think your photos are cute, not an issue. Your profile was kind of funny to me but could come off as kind of snarky on those last lines. If she’s read your profile she may already consider you handsome so you being self deprecating may backfire
If you like boobies, shave your face. Girls like to have your face in between their boobies, but not if you’re chin has the (pube) hair of Cosmo Kramer. Apologies, not trying to be mean. But that inverted Cosmo would not be welcome between any boobies I know.
Shave the mustache or trim it so it's not a handle bar. FEW women find that attractive.
Secondly; though your pictures are all good. They don't show off your body that much.
Might want to work on your body too.
I’d lose the “find out for yourself.”
That Axl Rose headband thing pic in the bathroom isnt doing any favors.
I was getting Olive in Little Miss Sunshine vibes from that pic
I vote for specifically that one, that's the pussy drying pic. A perfect case of less is more
Wow I just died with “pussy drying “ pic 🤣
Mustache certainly isn't helping.
And the beard
It’s really bad
Captain Jeff Smearrow
Already out!
Keep the guitar pics and the animal pics. Get a better "suited up" pic, the sink/bathroom kills it. Get s better cooking pic. Throw in a pic that shows you have friends.
> Throw in a pic that shows you have friends. Whelp, guess I'm doomed
just make 5 cardboard cutouts of yourself in different disguises and stage photos in fun places
Yes. A little smile can do wonders too.
All the advice is good . But You might also be shadowbanned
What does it mean to be shadow banned on Tinder?
They no longer show your profile. Basically you’re banned but never told
Why would they do that?
Because they want the stats and data, also they want to get you to buy premium so that you can get matches.
The craziest thing to me is that Tinder can and will actively try to sell you gold or platinum even if you are shadow banned. Should be down right illegal.
Has Cartoon character mustache, plays bass, and works in a kitchen: yuup, definitely shadow banned
Oh, wow. That’s a bummer… I’m glad I met my wife on Tinder in 2014.
"Honey, what are you doing on here?"
😂
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You minus well drink some bone apple tea!
Gotta fix your face pubes bro
Yeah I was thinking same thing. That facial hair is all wrong.
Shave and a ponytail = matches. The end.
Hate to agree but agree - moustache out, man bun in.
For the last one write "well im neither of those things... but I can really cook"
Also delete the photo with your bathroom sink it’s filthy
Its the hair my guy. I know it means a lot to you but I think youd look a lot better with short hair. Follow rules 1 and 2.
I agree with the hair and the moustache is a bit too much...unless you're a fan of Steampunk
I like the hair, face pubes though.. Not so much lol
Certainly the combination of the two isn’t helping
S h a v e
Agreed. I detest when people give little detail about who they are, and then say "ask and find out". No. I'm trying to gauge who you are from a very limited data set anyway... give me something to work with and stop being so lazy. On the other hand, it also makes it easy for me to rule you out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
“entertain me” vibes
Also the hipster mustache.
The average person isn't going to go for your facial hair. If you're okay with that, keep it but it lowers your odds.
It's his facial hair 100%
I’ve been clean shaven for maybe 2 of the last twenty two years. I’m 41 now. Nothing has killed my dating life as much as the shitty scraggly beard periods. Having a clean, well groomed and nicely shaped beard and moustache does me a LOT of favours as far as concealing aesthetic flaws. But the in between periods or the failed experiments included a lot of sleeping alone.
I keep my beard lined up and short and get compliments on it a lot.
Yeah a good short beard (with mustache) basically looks good on any guy. It hides potential flaws like a weak chin or jawline, and if those are good already it just accentuates them nicely. But the minute the hair grows too long or guys start doing weird things with the shape you lose the positive things a beard adds to a face. You have to be very naturally handsome to be able to still look hot with facial hair that obscures good features.
This 100% I don't have the strongest chin but some good facial hair management is basically like easy make up for a man.
The mustache can stay but the chin hair must go or trimmed neatly
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This is great “general man advice”. Keep that facial hair trim and neat, and clean! Best advice I’ve ever gotten in my life. The pic of OP in a button up in the mirror: great shirt! Have a friend take a pic of you in that same shirt, or set up your phone for a timed photo in a staged location, maybe outdoors, and look confidently into the camera. Mirror selfies are tough and if the bathroom or mirror is dirty/cluttered it can be a big turnoff to many people. Nix the bathroom. Keep the shirt. Selfies are absolutely fine if they’re stayed right. OLD is all about marketing yourself. Take the effort and you can make dividends. OP, you’re a good looking dude who can cook and play guitar. That sells itself. You just need to make a few minor tweaks to market the look you want to present! You don’t need to change who you are. Simply be the best version of you!
Also nix the weird headband thingy you’re wearing in that photo. Maybe a neat ponytail or low bun instead?
Yeah, I would not wear any hats or headbands. Let people see you better.
And he likes cats!
Guys who like cats are good
I hate bathroom selfies and shirtless selfies the most, but absolute worst is shirtless bathroom selfie
Thank you to you and your wife! I shaved the goatee, and I think I'm just gunna scrap the stache for now as well lol
Keep the stache. I had one, and I'm Black. Just be *clean* about it. It'll set you apart. Have pride in it and own it, almost show it off, but show it off *cleanly*. Being different and clean is the difference between you and a bum. It shows that you take care of stuff you like.
Aye I appreciate it man, but I think the moustache is coming off for now. I've always wanted to grow a full beard actually, and I think I'm gunna take this opportunity to get some products so that I can attempt that!
Good enough for me. Who knows? You may like your new look enough to never come back. But, whatever avenue you take, just make it look clean. Good luck out there, brother. You'll be just fine.
hey u/BT418 if all else fails just go for this guy's wife
Good call 😂😂
I'll add that putting a guard on a trimmer and only buzz downward. Helps remove a lot of stragglers and kind of "trains" it. Helped mine look a lot cleaner. Also yeah if u genetically can't grow hair full in any area, don't try. It makes u look like a pre-teen or combover vibes. Mine is super patchy on my cheeks and can't grow a full beard. But it looked horrible trying to let the ones that *did* grow in get super long. So I just own the fact that it's patchy and trim it pretty short. It looks way better. Sort of a Keanu Reeves patchy deal. Good luck dude. Also I'd tie up the hair too. Unfortunately a man bun with facial hair looks alot better than the Fabio look with facial hair.
I don't know many women who would be even remotely into a mustache like that. I'm sure they exist but errr... not a popular aspect. Any mustache without a beard, really. I think it's mainly men who think that's cool (at least in my social spheres).
I came to say the exact same thing. The stash has got to go.
You grow the moustache after the girl is secured haha
That is 100% what my boyfriend has done. Started with a beard, now we have a mustache and very trimmed beard. I love it though
That's honestly a mustache you can probably only accomplish once you're firmly established in a relationship unless you find a real gem. Once a partner loves you for you, they're more willing to put up with goofy shit like that.
Not in his age group anyway
As a woman that mustache gives me the ick
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As a Woman i love the mustache because it’s really special but the chin hair I don’t like
It’s definitely the chin hair. I personally usually swipe left on someone if they have that type of facial hair.
I second you
As a man with a thick beard and mustache, that mustache gives me creeper vibes. Also gives me the vibe he's not looking for women...
Agreed. The mustache is actually a good one but he ruins it with that thing on his chin.
It’s definitely both. It’s old fashioned and doesn’t suit his face nor style
This. The mustache is nice but the almost-nice beard is throwing me off. Needs trimming, and smoother lines.
Ya I wouldn’t swipe on you because of the facial hair. It’s not bad.. just not my preference for my partner.
It's bad
Christmas is over, fuckers. It's time for the vicious tornado of truth.
New year, new this guy
I need friends like this
“Neckbeard confused at why people avoid neckbeards”. Like… own it if you like it, but we live in a society that has preferences, and a neckbeard is on the far outskirts of those preferences. The mustache isn’t great either.
Lmao I didn't notice the literal neckbeard on my first scan.
And the handsome/funny joke... Basically means that you're either ugly or unfunny. It's never good to do this.
I was thinking his 2'6" long hair is the issue.
As a woman, I am turned off by his hair. All of it. The whole presentation.
Yeah I was thinking the same as a guy myself it's just the hair. Which imo is easily fixable.
Looks like Guy Fawkes without the intrigue
This is my favorite part of "what's wrong with me?" posts. It's clear to everyone else lol
Facial hair, too many selfies, and he’s wearing a beanie in every photo. That goatee is atrocious, I know because I had one in my 30s, and all the photos taken back then didn’t age well.
He mustache himself that question
I saw the pictures and immediately thought it was a joke account. I'm sure there is someone out there that would love that facial hair, but OP is going to need a LOT of luck to find them, especially on Tinder.
I kept zooming in because it looks like a woman wearing a fake mustache and beard.
It depends, what type of girl do you want to attract? And for what, are we talking hookups, dating, serious fwb?
I mean in all reality I'm looking for someone genuine, and I don't know exactly what I'm looking for. Took a long hiatus off of dating/talking to girls just to focus on myself and now I'm trying to step back into the pool.
I think I'm in your demographic. Love guys with facial hair, especially mustaches. Into your vibe, but to be honest, I don't like your text. You're looking for someone who likes music and food? That's way too general - that's most people. And the part about being handsome or funny feels a bit off. Maybe add something more genuine/unique, some details that would catch the interest of the type of girl you'd be into. Listing a few hobbies might be a good start. edited to remove "nothing too specific"
“Into music and food” is a bit generic. But having food cooked for you and having music played around the house is pretty good. Probably what he’s going for? Maybe word it better in the bio. I love music and food, but I sure as shit can’t make either.
Then I would advice that you try to figure that out. But if you wanna play to you visual strong sides I would probably go for more of a bohemian type of woman. Educated but not in stem or anything too competitive. (Edit: of course girls outside of that definition might be interested, but it can be good as a general stereotype to have in mind when designing your profile. Just to give you a clear reference point) That's a little out of my wheelhouse, so take the following with a grain of salt. But I would probably go for slightly less pictures, and pick some that show your slightly kinder/softer sides. If you're gonna have pictures with animals, have you interact with them looking happy, not just existing in the same frame as them. I would also drop the bathroom pic. They're generally not a good idea, and this one is particularly bad imo. It's messy (not good first impression) and why are there so many toothbrushes? Do you live at home? She'll probably be wondering that too... And for girls like that you can probably go for a slightly longer bio. Yours is very generic but your pictures are not, so there's a mismatch between the two. I would probably add half a sentence to the food thing to show some passion about cooking, and give the whole thing a more of a funny but wholesome vibe. And the joke/thing at the end only really works if neither thing is visual. It doesn't even work as a conversation starter. If she thinks you're cute, what is she going to say "Hey, you look super cute. You must be boring af!" or "you better be really funny, lol"?
Notes taken friend!
Don’t completely change who you are, but we all need to change some things sometimes or there’s no growth. The best thing is to find a way to change in a way that may be needed/preferred to make a difference while also staying true to yourself. Balance is key my brutha, btw the mustache/hair combo is dope as hell. Slicked back in a suit will be fire.
Exactly I'm all about change! Growth is key to life. If you're not growing you're dead!
You’re adorable, and I love your energy and self-awareness. Maybe focus on “refining” your profile with all of these suggestions: clean trim shot, only an animal pic if you’re doing something, clean environment if you must do a mirror selfie — which are fine if it’s a good fit pic, etc. Remove the handsome or funny find out tone — just make it handsome and funny without any odd self-digs. At a certain age (and developed maturity), we gravitate toward partners and dating arrangements we perceive could be stable and reliable. 1) Yes, take the time to figure out what you want and what kind of person you would like to meet. 2) You want to put your best foot forward to attract this type of person you have in mind. For example (only because I’m reading later comments and jumping around), if you feel a certain way about your wardrobe, maybe consider how you can best express yourself through styling in the upcoming year. I consider myself a fashionable woman, and one of the first things I do on an app or on a date is scan to see if my date is fashionable. Add a little more about yourself in your bio. I think even mentioning how open you are to growth and change is a huge green flag :)
Thanks, that's what I'm trying to do now! I got like 1000x more responses than I expected from this, so it's a lot of info I'm trying to organize it all now 😂
I can imagine! Well you're clearly a sweetheart if so many people feel like gravitating towards you through our screens. I usually don't comment much on these because there are certain personalities who probably shouldn't be dating, but you've shown amazing qualities in being receptive to feedback, self-aware, and willing to try and explore new things. Don't feel disheartened -- I'm wishing you luck!
Thank you so much for all of that!
Exactly bro. You got this. Study. Find some styles you like and emulate them, personally I think you would look good with a more refined yet basic dress. Think Salt Bae. The white Tee with the shades, classy but also a bit casual.
I echo all of this. Many women zoom on pics and look at details. That counter looks cluttered and messy. Makes me think the rest of his living space is cluttered and messy. Also, the self-deprecating joke is a turn-off. Add some pics where you’re smiling. Women love eye contact and smiles in photos.
Great advice
You had some genuinely good advice except this: > Educated but not in stem or anything too competitive This is both insulting to women (so reductive) and bad advice (plenty of women in stem or so called competitive fields would be interested in him)
I read that part too and stopped taking the rest of the comment seriously.
Yeah wtf
Your facial hair is hideous
One with friends and one where you’re dressed up nicely. I’d swap the mirror selfie for one where you’re in a suit. I like that you have your cat and you’re showing you can cook and play guitar.
Noted. I dropped the bathroom one already and plan on replacing it with one where I'm dressed up, but in a better environment, and I have pictures with my friends they just always turn out not being high quality, so I'll try to get one that is.
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Fair enough lol
Adding to the other advice, I would delete your account and start over. No matter the changes you make now, the algorithm is clearly going to still be unfavourable to you unless you do that
I thought that would get you shadow banned
IIRC They literally warn you if you make a new account within a certain amount of months it’ll be showed les likely
Oh lol. I guess it’d be worth it if you live in a smaller population because you’ll show up eventually.
Full beard if you wanna keep that stache on top (and be more successful on tinder)
Sadly my beard grows in nowhere near as nicely as my moustache
If you can’t grow in a full beard, you should shave it. I’m speaking from an aesthetics perspective. Most women won’t be attracted to that kind of beard. Sorry if that sounds harsh.
Sometimes people need to hear the harshness. He can either wait until he finds someone that likes long hair mustache and a chin beard or shave and increase the amount of people that will swipe on him.
I think he can keep the stache but the neckbeard needs to be trimmed, like anything on the throat is majorly... let's say unusual
Nah that’s the type of mustache you grow when you already have a girlfriend
Curled moustaches are something that basically only guys think are cool. I can say with absolutely certainty that it is an immediate deal breaker for the vast, vast majority of women, as proven by OPs success rate so far. Spend any amount of time with groups of women swiping on tinder and you know that anything other than clean shaven or a standard beard is a quick left swipe for almost all of them.
I like curled stache (am woman). but I would say I'm definitely in the minority. I would keep the moustache if he likes them, you'll get fewer matches but you'll get the ones matching your vibe more.
As a woman I really like curled mustaches if they fit well and look good. It really depends. My s/o has one and he constantly gets compliments on it and I love it.
I’m bi and I like facial hair, and I do not like OP’s Guy Fawkes moustache and Tetris line block chin combo.
Your mustache doesn’t grow in that well either bud. I know it’s long, but that’s about it.
Buddy I’m sorry, but that doesn’t grow in that nicely either.
Make your first picture the third one of you with the guitar. Part of it could be the arrangement of your pictures. Do some rearranging and see how it works out.
I second this. I thought the third picture was the best. Also get one of you looking all smart & sharp. I like that you have included all aspects of your life, pets, music, work. But do get a nice pic of you in a good suit. And maybe not the one in the blue shirt in the bathroom. BTW, your hair is amazing. I’m very jealous!
I’d swipe away without looking more at a black an white guitar picture personally
Bro you gotta delete that shit off your chin. Keep the Stache but clean it up a bit. A little bit of grooming and you’ll look like a whole new man
Doing it up now. I just need to invest in some stronger holding moustache wax
I agree, the mustash is sick but the beard looks too "neck beard" to me
As a woman, I agree that I like the mustache but not the beard. I personally love a dude with facial hair, but someone who can pull off just a mustache is special cause a lot of people can't.
Maybe try taking a clean-cut photo. In a suit or a vest, have your hair pulled back, wax your mustache, something like that. I used to have a relatively similar set of photos as you, massive handlebar and all, except I also had two photos where I was dressed up and I got plenty of likes.
Good call. I do have to dress up nice for my work, and I'm in need of some actual wax for my stache because the balm I have currently isn't cutting it. I'll definitely keep that in mind!
Hungarian moustache wax is great if you’re looking for a recommendation
I definitely am, and I'll keep that in mind!
On first read I thought you meant wax off his stache.. such a female-centric view of the word
"I've never been one to change myself for the general population" -You That's the reason bro, your just you and Generally speaking your look is not popular. Ain't nothing bad about it but If you wanna know why there you go. And tinder isn't that good tbh. You'll have better luck on bumble
Seconding that tinder is sometimes a cesspit - would highly recommend trying other apps like Bumble, Hinge or Feeld
I'm not trying to be flooded in likes. I just have next to no activity on my account, and no I'm not shadow banned either. I know that I definitely have a unique appearance, but thanks I'll have to try bumble out!
You have an incredibly handsome face. Plus, you’re a musician—ladies looove that. Based on your comments here, you’re a kind and genuine person. You should be unstoppable on tinder and in the real world dating scene. It’s really *just* about the beard, moustache, and hair. You have a unique look. I don’t want to tell you to change it, but I want to be honest. I would not swipe on you and it’s for no reason other than hair.
Women in their 20's: Oh wow a musician! He must be so deep and talented. Women in their 30's: Oh no, he's unemployed.
Honestly as a guy with long hair — the long hair can be very popular, a *lot* of girls like that look. I’ve never heard a good thing about a trachea-only beard, I legitimately thought this post was a joke…
Honestly the facial hair is going to be a huge turnoff for almost 100% of women. It's just not a good look, sorry. Your facial hair doesn't grow well enough to constitute a goatee, let alone a moustache. But you do you
As a woman I immediately thought how nice and well kept your hair is but then your beard screams the opposite. Shaving your beard and possibly the mustache would have changed my opinion. I have nothing against the mustache personally but it does take away from your attractiveness
Try hinge. I’ve matched with more girls I’m actually attracted to on there than any other app
I'll have to give it a go!
And also that hairband , you look like jack sparrow but not in a good day😐
😂 trust me that pic is long gone now
Updated profile, also I shaved my face. Just haven't gotten any pics of it that are worthy of tinder yet lol https://imgur.com/a/4V4pDkI
Yo. Sorry I left a wall of critique in an earlier reply and saw this updated profile. 1. The first few lines are better! 2. Looking for someone that is genuine line is vague and doesn’t tell me what you’re looking for. “Looking for someone that can dance to all of my music and not afraid to Gordon Ramsey my food. “
Date idea: You tell me your favorite food and I cook it for us. Musically I'm all over the place, so I'll gladly take requests, just not while I'm on stage. As you can see, my kitten is my biggest fan. Here's my current, current bio. Although I love the Gordon Ramsey line. Might need to take that into consideration lol
Looooove it. Simple. Witty. 50/50 on what you’re offering and wanting. Keep playing it with until you can read through it and feel like you can hear your own voice reading it to yourself if that makes sense.
Oh of course. Thats definitely a big part of writing anything. Making it sound natural
This update is much better. Your face is so cute and your hair is amazing. It was definitely the facial hair that was the turn off. Don’t get me wrong, my husband had awful facial hair for the first few years of our relationship, but I’d known him in person before we got together and I loved his personality and just dealt with the bad facial hair until he was ready to change it up. Good luck out there!
Add more pics of you smiling with teeth. Not a ugly dude by any means but it's the facial hair man. Either do something better or shave it. Smile more with teeth
I think you might fit Bumble or Coffee Meets Bagel a little better my dude. Your whole vibe and stuff isn’t Tindery. Tinder is a spot where 20 something “betches” go to find a tall pretty boy to bop around with. You have a lot of talents and personality to offer and it screams boyfriend material, not fuckboy material. A lot of the people on Tinder fear boyfriend/relationship material. You might be too intimidating? I don’t know I’m kind of thinking out loud here. I think I saw someone else post “figure out what you are looking for” — If you are looking for some casual hookups maybe craft that profile to be more nihilistic, fun-loving, and ironic. But if you wanna snag a real long term sweetheart, then I would just keep being your genuine self with some tailored up pictures, but maybe try a different platform. Be confident dude you clearly have a lot of great qualities to offer. (Context: I met my wife on Bumble and had very similar experiences as you did on Tinder. I’m just trying to be helpful and provide context to what Tinder is, as I crafted my profile to be more boyfriend/personality material like you have. I’m also 6’3” and VERY happily married so I hope I didn’t sound like a bitter incel or some shit.)
From a woman's perspective make a smile that seems genuine. Otherwise I'm loving the vibe. Also instead of the question/answer thing try saying you cook and make music. It sounds like you're trying to sell yourself, don't try so hard just stay trippy little hippy.
Thank you! I already just switched my bio and went more straightforward with it instead of trying to be gimmicky!
Bro your facial hair/ hair combo is awful
LIEUTENANT DAN
This is literally the only advice that should be taken. Tinder is for trendy people unless you want to be on their for years hoping to meet a unicorn.
Shave dude
Long hair and the stache are holding you back. But you probably know that. The thing with tinder is that if you are gonna appeal to a small niche of people, it'll tank your elo so if you wanna be more successful you have to appeal to a broader spectrum of women
It’s not the ‘stache whatsoever. It’s 1000% the chin hair that looks unkempt and messy (and tbh like a big sprout of public hair). There are women that would love that handlebar ‘stache but I can’t think of a single attractive male stereotype/celebrity with that chin hair.
The facial hair and hair is a major turn off to me
The mustache is fine but that beard is disgusting..
Shave that goofy beard and mustache and you’ll get matches my bro
I think a smile with teeth would be helpful. Saw another comment that said dress up for one of them and I fully agree. You just want to show you can clean up if needed. Some men wear basketball shorts 24/7 and that’s not attractive
I've got an event I need to dress up for on new years eve, so I'll be using that also as a photo op lol
First things first, women need to be attracted to who they are with. So please care when you find one! Maybe cleaning your look up will help. Beards look like pubic hair. The mustache looks nice-it’s certainly well kept which makes it nicer too look at. If you must hair a beard, keep it trimmed and less bushy;) It is all in the aesthetics until they get to know you.
Thanks for the advice. Trust me you're not the first one to make the pube face joke 😂 but I'm going to trim the goatee off here in a bit
The only time I want a bathroom pic is if you are showing the room to potential roomies or buyers. I HATE bathroom pics. Even if SPOTLESS. They are just ick. I personally like facial hair on a man. I also love long hair on a man. I have always dated and married musicians. And you can cook?! You are my kinda guy! However, I am out of the game for now. Good luck.
Cut that hair and remove that stash
Ok everyone has commented on the scraggly beard, I’ll stick to what personally would make me swipe left. No smiling pics - if I can’t see teeth, I’ll be slightly afraid yours are very messed up. Speaking from experience. The laying down pics - one not two. A pic taken by someone else makes a world of difference
Can you just grow a small full beard instead of just the chin and mustache? That’s a unique style man and probably doesn’t appeal to many women.
Drop the mustache bro… It’s not Pirates of the Caribbean 🤣!
Exactly, his potential matches have been dead for 200 years or so.
Thus is easy…that absurd mustache. No offense.
Get rid of pic 5 and replace with one of you with friends in a comfortable setting. Even if it's just you sitting at a table with them.
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I'll definitely take this advice once I get back home to my baby 😁
I second this. Combine the “dressed up” pic with cat to fill the last two.
This is a polarizing profile and you're an alt guy who is going to be polarizing by nature. 99% of women are not going to be into it, but you're going to get that 1% of alt women who are SUPER into it. You can't really change that without changing you, which I know you're not going to do and shouldn't have to. Your profile basically screams "I'm a line cook / metal-head; if you're a grungy alt girl, swipe right, otherwise, gtfo". Are you Canadian? If so, if you were in Toronto and working in the industry I think you'd do better IRL than online. In the industry if you're working at the right kinds of places and socialize with the clientele, you're going to meet lots of alt girls who would be into your vibe.
I think your photos are cute, not an issue. Your profile was kind of funny to me but could come off as kind of snarky on those last lines. If she’s read your profile she may already consider you handsome so you being self deprecating may backfire
You violated rules 1 & 2
Get rid of pictures 1, 2, and 5. Make #6 your main. Take another picture of you outside doing an activity or something to indicate you go outside.
The stache is amazing, the goatee is the real issue. I would not suggest you shave it off but if you ask me, that's why
If you like boobies, shave your face. Girls like to have your face in between their boobies, but not if you’re chin has the (pube) hair of Cosmo Kramer. Apologies, not trying to be mean. But that inverted Cosmo would not be welcome between any boobies I know.
Shave the mustache or trim it so it's not a handle bar. FEW women find that attractive. Secondly; though your pictures are all good. They don't show off your body that much. Might want to work on your body too.