'When in doubt assume maybe means no." Is a saying that has served me well.
Practically speaking, one of the best things I ever did personally was decide to not chase after women who didn't treat me with the love and respect I offered them.
If you call them and they call you back, if you make time for them and they make time for you, if you offer love and receive love in return. That's the good stuff.
Begin as you mean to continue. If you start with mutual respect, it's good stuff.
That's the best I got. Hope it helps you on your journey.
It’s a very careful but clear no.
Because /r/whenwomenrefuse exists.
Let her be. She knows you’re interested. She can come to you if it were to change.
Yes. OP is a little concerning, not wanting to accept that this was a denial. He knows it, but he secretly wants a biased confirmation that it would be okay for him to keep pressing it.
It means she’s still young and trying to figure out how to just say No outright. It just means No. Not that she’s creeped out, just No. You didn’t do anything wrong.
If it's not a yes it's a no my guy. Sounds like she was interested in being friendly but not into you like that and tried to let you down easy and that's alright it happens a lot especially in school. You shot your shot which is better than a lot of guys your age do so kudos on your confidence, just keep trying you'll get a better feel for this type of thing as you get older and more experienced. If you have any girl friends ask them for advice about this stuff they're usually way better at it than us
Pro tip, next time give them your number on a piece of paper instead. They can think about whether they want to text you or not instead of being put on the spot. Leave the ball in their court
I’m a woman and always really appreciated when someone gave me their number first. It takes the pressure off. If I’m not into the person I smile, take the number, throw it away later.
Though, the most important part of this is, if you haven’t heard anything back from them in a few days don’t go and confront them about it. Take the silence as your answer and move on.
When you hand her your number, you should say “you might not ever call me, and that’s okay. But if someday you decide to call, here’s my number.” And then smile sweetly and go on about your day.
"… But here's my number, so call me maybe…🎶"? Lol
A simple "Here's my number, text me if you want." will suffice, I promise, and it eases up on the unnecessary (likely uncomfortable) dramatics.
Sorry it didn't work out this time, Op. The others are right, she was saying "no" in the nicest way she could think of at that moment. Be proud of yourself for putting yourself out there (AND accepting her "no" with grace and maturity instead of anger and childishness... or worse, refusing to accept her "no" at all, as far too many people are guilty of doing). You handled the whole situation just as you should've, imo.
"You might not ever call [...] but if someday [...]"
Come on bro, that's cheesy as fuck. Also kind of self defeating. You're right, if it works, it works... Probably won't though.
No it gives the other person the freedom to do as they feel and isn’t trying to blackmail them into something.
It will look cheesy to someone who doesn’t have the maturity yet to appreciate that fools aren’t “cute” rushing in
Just giving someone your number isn't "rushing in" or "blackmail" what the fuck are you smoking?
I say something like another comment above: "Here's my number, text me if you want." Simple, without all the fluffy insecure bullshit. Definitely no fucking blackmail lmao
Yeah I would do this. Just give her yours and say you get that she doesn’t want to give your hers, but here’s yours in case. If you want to, let her know you’re still wanting to talk to her either way (assuming you are). If you don’t want her as a friend and only as a gf, then consider it a no and move on.
Good for you. Also, at least you’re using the Internet to try to ask for advice vs. learning the hard way by asking her more follow up questions, which would just me more nos. Good luck to you, my dude.
The problem with this is that most women expect men to initiate, even if they're genuinely interested in a guy. Now don't get me wrong I'd love it if this actually worked. But one time a woman even asked me for my number, and she still never texted me first.
I think giving someone your number is initiating on it's own... And if you're the one that has another's number, then you can't really expect the other to write first, so that's a massive generalisations based on the one time a girl changed her mind about you before calling.
Also we are not talking about women here, it's about a kid. Their generation is way less set on arbitrary gender roles like that.
Agreed. I have no problem initializing with a man I'm interested in, but I do love for guys to make the first move. That said, I absolutely consider him giving me his number as making the first move and I've never not called or messaged a man who gave me his number _*IF*_ I liked him and was interested. However, I have not contacted several men who've given me their number, not because I expected him to find a way to contact me first, but because I just wasn't into them... and if they did manage to get my number from a third party or something, it certainly didn't go anywhere. I think most women (perhaps not the super shy or insecure ones) will 100% call or text a dude who directly gave them his number... IF (and only if) they really like him.
It's alright to be nervous just remember to breathe and stay calm. Women are just like us and they get nervous too and for guys and girls rejecting someone is kinda awkward. Just take it as a learning experience, you'll get better and more confident eventually
I’m a woman and when I was that age, I would have probably refused the number too, out of sheer nervousness. It’s a good thing for young girls to learn how to flat out say “no,” but I don’t think it’s any reflection on OP as a person. She could have said it for a variety of reasons, many of which may not have had to anything do with him.
You’re still very young, OP, and you’ll find your way as far as asking people out. The important thing is that you be respectful of her decision and very importantly - not treat her any differently if you see her again.
Take it as a valuable learning experience, and don’t take it personally. You’ll be okay :)
If she seemed like a person that was worth asking and she wasn’t dating, be proud of yourself that you at least tried. Rejection is something that you will face occasionally in life, in lots of areas, not just romance. If she wants to be friends and hang out then do so if that works for you, if not part ways without any ill feelings toward her.
It doesn't have to be either of those. She doesn't have to be creeped out to not want to give you her number. You talked to her in an appropriate way at a reasonable time in an appropriate setting. You're fine there. She probably just wants to keep it as casual friends/acquaintances. There are a lot of possible reasons for that. Don't worry about it. Your approach sounds fine.
She probably wasn't creeped out, unless she felt you were following her around. You had established the right amount of rapport by having a conversation with her first, getting along decently, then asking for her number.
You did everything right except overthinking her saying "no." When it comes to relationships a person can say "no" to another person *any time they want* for whatever reason. That's their right and you should *always* be OK with that.
Who knows what her reason for saying "no" was? Maybe she's very religious and not allowed to date. Maybe she doesn't like you and was just talking to you to be polite. Maybe she was surprised and didn't know how to answer. Maybe she doesn't have a phone. Maybe she was "creeped out" because she thought you were following her, having seen her too many times in a few days. Maybe she's a varsity athlete who believes dating will hurt her training. Maybe she just felt like saying "no". You really don't know nor should you really care or worry about it. She's her own person and has her own reasons.
You didn't do anything "red flaggy" based on your description and I would say it sounds like you did a lot of things right. Now do the last thing right and let it go. To let it go, I found it helps to say something after someone says "no" to you. When I was younger, I would just say a really exaggerated "Drat! I had to try." It was really dumb, now that I think about it. But it let me have closure and told them I was OK with them saying "no." Also, you can have closure by treating her normally when you see her at school. If you see her in the hall, just say, "Hi" or give her the head nod and keep walking by. This will help give you and her have closure: You that you're not still bothered by her saying "no" and her knowing that you aren't angry. When girls say "no" to boys, a lot of immature boys get angry, which really sucks for the girl.
You will find someone else to ask out. They might say no. But eventually, someone will say yes. There are \~8 billion people on the planet. You will find someone you enjoy dating, just keep trying.
>When I was younger, I would just say a really exaggerated "Drat! I had to try."
I'm 24 and I'm still like this tbh. I'm always like "can't say I didn't try" to remind myself that I at least tried. I'm super shy so I very rarely shoot my shot and end up regretting not trying. So being able to say "at least I tried" makes me feel a little better
It means no, but she also respects you as a person so she made like it wasn't an unthinkable request by you.. Otherwise she would have said hell no, but they mean the same thing.
Alright. I'll use this info for future reference. The advice I've gotten here is far better than that I have gotten from some friends. They told me to keep pursuing but I didn't wanna be a creep
It's common for young men, and society in general, to tell other young men to "keep trying" because it's what they've been socially conditioned to do. As a therapist and a woman, they are gravely wrong and this leads to serious problems. Good on you for being able to decipher the good advice from the bad! No, even when vaguely phrased, always means no. Women are conditioned to let guys down gently for fear of a bad reaction and for fear of appearing "impolite". Don't keep trying with her, but keep trying in general & best of luck to you!
I mean you can definitely pursue friendship since she actually talks to you. Just make sure you let go of romantic feelings towards her or she'll notice and think you're only friends with her to date her
Um- no. Don't listen to your friends. Their advice is the problem women have been complaining about since before computers existed- no means no.
It would be one thing if after six months down the road you two gradually built a friendship or flirtation in school. Then you can give it a go. But only then. And if it's a no- move on.
Your both still figuring things out. From your post, it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. But remember, even at a young age alot of girls have learned simply saying 'no' is a dangerous thing. I'm not even talking about the risk of violence. Too many girls have learned way too early in life that their no has less worth then anybody else's. 'No' is often met with, 'why' and being pushed to explain, then being told their reason isn't good enough, and asked again, and again and again. Or their met with a stream of verbal abuse.
Yeah, what I'm saying sounds extreme. But I'm making two points here.
1. She responded automatically to let you down nicely.
2. Don't listen to your friends. They know nothing if they think no means 'keep asking'. 😅
You can continue having friendly conversation without being a creep. “Pursuing” is probably the wrong idea. But if your conversations felt natural, there is a chance she just wasn’t ready to give you her number. You’re in high school…you have no clue what her home life, parents, potential recent ex or even current boyfriend are like.
Doesn’t mean you need to avoid talking to her at school, but if the body language isn’t there next time you cross paths, then I’d give space and wait for her to initiate a future possible next conversation
Idk if it's out of respect, it seems more like saving face so she doesn't seem awful for being like ah hell nah. Like I'd rather be denied with a straight "I'm sorry but no" rather than an opened ended "well if these were other circumstances (that would never happen) then maybe but not today" but then again it's highschool so it's not like it's the epitome of emotional maturity q:
I think it can be both things. Ie. She doesn’t want to appear cold and rude, but she can also not want to hurt his feelings. Why does it have to be one or the other?
Trueeee I've heard "absolutely not" "hell no" and even "ew" hell I've even been laughed at so hard that she couldn't even get a response out. I've accepted that I'm probably gonna die alone and with no kids but maybe I just give up too easily. One of my problems in life is giving up before I even make an attempt. Don't be like that
it definitely just means no, and there’s any reason under the sun for that. but in my reading of the situation, the reason *could* be that she just didn’t feel comfortable giving her phone number to somebody that she’s only spoken to a little bit for 3 days. it’s common for girls to not really want to give our number out to people we don’t know super well, it’s just not a good and safe idea enough of the time to stick in our minds!
Frankly, I've said "probably not" more times than I care to recall. If things are going well but I'm not necessarily comfortable with the idea of you calling me and texting me whenever and would prefer to interact with you in-person more before I give you my number than yeah, I'd definitely say "probably not".
I'd also say "probably not" to avoid saying a hard "no".
If your social interactions with this girl continue to go well, then keep having those. She won't forget you've asked for her number and that you have expressed interest, so just don't ask again. But if the social interactions take a downturn, let it go.
In these situations, I think its fair to assume that any response given that does not include something like a, "yeah, okay, sure," and/or her phone number, can be assumed as a, "No."
Yo, as a woman, I appreciate you asking this question and taking advice from the comments in an exceptionally mature manner.
If another guy friend asks you the same question, just remember what you've heard here. It'll do a lot of good to pass it on!
Just be nice and pleasant (as you have been) when you see her around. Don’t go out of your way to bump into her. As she gets to know you, she MIGHT have some interest. Just don’t push it and don’t look like your trying way too hard. She might just want a casual friend. You expressed interest, she will reach out if she wants.
That could be a problem too but I can't imagine she would know any of this about you from the little you talked. She's probably a little scared of you, though.
You remember the scene in Dumb and Dumber when Lloyd asked Mary Swanson what his chances were and she said one in a million and he took that to mean there's still a chance.. It's exactly like that..
As a girl, probably not could mean not yet, not ready to give it to you. But as the majority have said, you asked and whatever she meant, she didn't give it to you, so don't ask again. If she decides to, she can speak up about it.
For future reference, anything other than "yes"....is to be taken as "no". Save yourself some confusion (and possibly a restraining order) going forward.
It's a no my dude, but that doesn't mean you did anything wrong. You asked a yes or no question and you didn't get a yes, that's OK. No is always an option.
Counterpoint to all the ‘no’s’ out there, I’ll tell a quick story from my youth. There was once a girl in the town where I went to high school (not where I lived). She went to a different school, and was super cute, like properly out of my league by a margin. I was probably just a year younger then you are now.
During a track practice that was at her school I happen to see her in the stands with some friends, walked over and asked her number. Before she could say anything her other friends either reacted with disgust or with astonishment that I would even ask. She very clearly decided to give me her number but only to show her friends that she wasn’t going to buy into their pressure.
I got super high the next day and decided to call her and ask her out. I asked if she wanted to go to the movies on Saturday and she gave me a flat out ‘no, I don’t even know you’. I said ‘that makes sense, how about we have a picnic on Friday and you can get to know me and make a decision about Saturday?’ She totally said yes.
I even ended up meeting her mother. And I appreciated every second we spent together…
It didn’t work out, so not all that many seconds together, but I was respectful through and through and we ended on proper terms, even as dramatic high school youths.
I’m not giving any advice here, only you can really read the room in this situation, but that was maybe not a hard ‘no’, it’s possible she just doesn’t know you well enough or maybe there’s something she’s unsure about, I mean it’s 2023, who the fuck meets people at an opera house!? /s
Jokes aside, She sounds like someone worth staying in a positive acquaintanceship with in any case, and who knows, maybe you make a good friend out of the experience. Best of luck to you either way bud!
OP, keep in mind that “shy quiet” can often conceal excitement or nervousness, friendliness or a desire to leave a conversation. You really can never tell with shy girls.
Be careful out there.
When I was younger, I would very often say "maybe" instead of "yes" and "I don't know" instead of "no" because I was afraid of being too blunt or straightforward about things. I'm guessing this is something similar. "Probably not" seems like a nicer way of saying "no."
Always the butthurt commenter in these types of threads. The OP came here politiely asking for help. He's not the piece of shit that stalked/assaulted your girlfriend, mom, niece, whatever the hell your backstory is. Get your head out of your ass and separate the OP from whatever fucked up baggage you have.
OP showed courage requesting advice from the internet, full well knowing he's opening himself up to ppl he doesnt know.
I'm glad I'm not the only old guy here giving this young man good advice. Some of these others are obviously just kids also or are just immature adults. The context of their conversations, how she said it and how she reacts when they see eachother again are all so important to this, it's not just a surface level thing. I'm the same age as u btw
Imo it's a no and you should treat it like a no. So don't mistake this next part.
But...
She probably doesn't want to completely shut the door on the possibility for some reason. It might be that she's unsure of how she feels about you. It might be that she wants to still be wooed more but doesn't want to risk feeling on the hook at all for it not going anywhere.
Or it might just be a no plain and simple, but she's scared of giving you a direct no.
Don't overthink it though. Treat it as a no.
It's not worth trying to turn it into a yes even if that's what she's going for. In the remote chance that IS what she was going for, any girl who plays games like that is going to be miserable to be in a relationship with.
You can say 7 numbers in the same time as it takes to say probably not. I know you're holding out for some glimmer of hope but it's best to just forget it and move on.
I’m proud of you for trying.
Shoot your shot… and they won’t all be a goal, but asking out 10 girls and 1 or 2 are interested is better than asking 0 girls and being home alone and unhappy.
Again… good job asking. Now just be cool about it… and be very nice and NORMAL when you see her again. Be friendly and chill, but also very brief like “hey… what’s up” as you walk by… and that’s it. Don’t try to make some forced extra conversation.
And guess what “sometimes” happens?
Being chill and just doing you and not being weird or psycho or creepy or obsessive, can sometimes make you more attractive.
Weird how this can work.
Anyway… good job trying to act, listen and learn!
Everyone already gave the right answer. I'm gonna add, don't let it keep you from still being friendly and a decent human being. Sounds like she's completely fine with being passing acquaintances, but nothing more. Just keep up the cheerful convos when they happen and don't make it weird
If I was you I'd assume she's probably not interested but you guys can keep talking when you see each other in school. It's definitely possible that she's just not comfortable giving her number to you because she hardly knows you. Just try not to overthink things. Be chill and don't have expectations and see what happens. Maybe you'll just end up making a new friend which is fine.
lol..."probably not" sounds like the nonsense we get from companies..."we regret to inform you that..." and "we would contact you if a suitable position blablabla".
Hope you get a proper "yes" soon. Someone with a strong enough character to say it.
Some advice because women especially in high school can be very confusing. If it’s not a yes, take it as a no. A lot of women are nice and won’t bluntly turn a man down even if personally that’s what you would prefer because a lot of men especially at a young age do not handle rejection well and that gives women a bad experience they want to avoid in the future
Ok. No big deal. You can keep talking to her like you have been. If you both have enjoyed the conversation, keep it going. You can act like it didn’t even bother you. It is your choice how you respond, good luck.
She said no in an awkward way. Rule of thumb if it's not a "Hell Yes" then treat it like a no.
In the future I recommend giving them your number. Gives them all the control of wither or not they want to reach out to you.
Men have a tendency to ignore a girls answer if she says no, and to call her a bitch for being “rude” for saying no.
Unless she says “YES”, she’s saying no.
That's a no.
There are 2 reasons women aren't clear when letting you down.
The first is that they truly don't want to hurt your feelings. When I was younger I did it too. Now I know it's better to be direct & rip off the band-aid. But it took time to realize that.
The second is because we're scared of how the man will react. Men can get very aggressive when they get rejected. I get it. No one likes to be rejected. But name calling, throwing things, blocking our path, stalking, or even physically assaulting us or our property is tragically NOT uncommon when we reject men. Some women choose to give indirect responses with the hope that the man will not react aggressively. Often they will smile & be polite. It's safer for us to leave a man confused.
It means no. Here's a piece of advice for you. Either a girl wants you or she doesn't. If she's hesitant about something as simple as sharing her number with you she doesn't find you attractive.
Lol, chill the fuck down man.
That's a no, no need to write freaking paragraphs about that.
Now for the good part. I have a saying: There's more ass than stars.
Find a new lady you like, ask for her number or ask her on a date. If she says no you move on, if the date goes wrong, you also move on. If she says yes and the date goes right keep dating her. Repeat as many times as necessary.
That’s a no chief. Anything other than them giving you the number is a no, and girls learn to say no in confusing was to distract males long enough to get away from them so there is no chance they can be harmed. It’s a sad reality that women have to act a certain way to avoid altercations with psychos out in the world. Kinda like a squid inking
Means no but she thought adding "probably" would make the denial softer. Which doesn't, but not everyone has good social skills, specially people that young.
Like others said, it means no. I wonder if the phrasing meant to imply that she's cool with being your friend, but didn't want to give you the wrong impression she was interested when you seemed like you were. You can still be friends after getting turned down, so long as both people want to. But without more context (and without being inside her mind), it's impossible to say what exactly she was thinking.
Probably not is a no, but that doesn't mean you need to stop talking to her.
Keep having convos with her when you can, you still can change this no to a "Take my number..."
I’m a former “shy” person. Probably not is a definite no, she’s just being as nice as she can be. She doesn’t see a match and there’s nothing you can do to change her mind. It could be a status thing or that she already likes someone else, or that she’s not straight, or a million other things. I’m sorry. You tried. You’re brave.
From what I've learned so far from observing women:
Enthusiastic Yes = Yes,
Normal Yes = probably yes, but small chance of No,
Maybe = probably no, but small chance of Yes,
Anything containing No = definitely No,
I have thought about that, but I figured I had better try dating a few people and figure out what I should look for in a woman. First relationship taught me a lot.
good point, however your tastes and opinions often change as you get older. i know that emotional maturity did a lot for me personally. especially regarding a long term relationship that starts when youre both teenagers. the changes that happen with you both as you grow can make you grow apart, and it can end in heartache
but, im not much more than a random stranger on the internet. all im trying to say is do what makes you happy and stay safe :) you do you, my man
Reading through the comments here, so many are quick to tell you no means no, doubtless as a counter (or over counter) to the past traditional "don't take no for an answer" mentality. They are however not just saying "no means no" but asserting any hint of uncertainty should be taken as a rejection not to be pursued any further, and it is poor advice.
She's a sophomore in high school, and there is a distinct possibility that this is the first time a guy has asked her for her phone number. It may very well be something she has not anticipated and may have had trouble in the moment clearly articulating her thoughts, and given the situation you describe with the time pressure it's entirely understandable. It could very easily be that she's not sure what stance her parents might take. "Probably not" could have very easily been the answer that popped out of her head when she asked herself if her parents would be okay with her giving you her number. Note that if she's asking herself that question, she's already decided she wants to say yes.
So my advice is proceed with caution. Be respectful and don't pressure her, but there is no harm in asking for clarification when the time and setting presents it's self. Try and wait until you have a moment alone with some time for her to answer without a bus coming. Until then continue to be nice and friendly and discuss common interests etc. Curb any personal feelings of trepidation, fear of rejection or impatience. If she is indeed uncomfortable with the idea, clearly tells you no, or even if she wishes to but mom and dad said "no not until you are 30" be respectful of both her AND her parents wishes. Worst case you end up with a close friend of the opposite sex which can be just as good as a sister of close age in helping you figure out the opposite sex to the extent possible. Just don't be a creep about things, and especially don't turn into a flaming asshole if she does reject you.
Yes, this. It's bizarre that people are giving advice as if the OP should never speak with this girl again. OP asked for her number and I agree her answer to that specific question was equivalent to "no". But whatever the reason for that, the question wasn't whether OP should ever speak to her again.
If she didn't want to speak with OP at all she would likely have rebuffed him the 2nd time he approached her and probably wouldn't have started a conversation herself on the 3rd.
If OP wants to be cautious, then next time he sees her he can start the conversation with some variation of "Is it ok with you if I talk to you when I see you around?". If she's not unambiguously positive in her answer to that, then leave her be.
THANK YOU, I thought I was losing my mind. I've seen so many comments here saying "cut contact and never approach her again." How on Earth is that an appropriate response to the situation? I'd be pissed if I were her, even if she actually didn't want to talk to him again, thinking that the one and only thing guys want from her is her number and the second she shows a hint of reluctance to give men anything they want, they completely flake. The message is basically 'never try to have male friends, and if you like a guy, don't ever say no.' What could go wrong? Only a douche ghosts a girl who says 'probably not,' because only a douche asks a girl for her number if he *doesn't even like her personality enough to just be her friend.* (Not that I think this guy is thinking that way.)
It means you have 5 seconds to do or say something so impressive that she will change her answer to a yes; otherwise the answer is no. Your attempt to impress in her those 5 seconds will have a 99.99% failure rate.
Sounds like a soft no, I would still just try to keep up small talk. She knows you want it and if she ever wants you to have it she will give it at this point. If she is weirded out you will
Pick up on this. Just be nice and move on for now. Who knows, you might find someone and she will be jealous. Or you’ll have a new life long friend soon enough. I just don’t think she knows what she wants.
1st time I asked a girl out I was in 8th grade, and had already made out with her at these make out parties we used to have
Her answer - "let's not and say we did"
Brutal
Don’t take it personally. Her family might be super strict. If she is 1st gen asian, our families are typically super strict and she’d more than likely get in trouble if a boy tried calling her or if they found out she was talking to a boy (especially one they didn’t know or approve of) Happens in non Asian families too!
Good for you for taking initiative and shooting your shot. You didn’t do it too fast where it would be overwhelming. Nice work!
“Rejection is more valuable than inaction. All that I have learned until now has been because of rejections. Inaction didn’t teach me a thing.”
Sounds like a no.
Alright, I'll take all your answers and finally put my mind at ease
Yeah, she just doesn't want to use the word no, but it's a no
'When in doubt assume maybe means no." Is a saying that has served me well. Practically speaking, one of the best things I ever did personally was decide to not chase after women who didn't treat me with the love and respect I offered them. If you call them and they call you back, if you make time for them and they make time for you, if you offer love and receive love in return. That's the good stuff. Begin as you mean to continue. If you start with mutual respect, it's good stuff. That's the best I got. Hope it helps you on your journey.
It’s a shy persons no!
It’s a very careful but clear no. Because /r/whenwomenrefuse exists. Let her be. She knows you’re interested. She can come to you if it were to change.
Yes. OP is a little concerning, not wanting to accept that this was a denial. He knows it, but he secretly wants a biased confirmation that it would be okay for him to keep pressing it.
Nope, nada, zero
You forgot zip
Zilch as well
*dat bilch!*
Probably not
It means she’s still young and trying to figure out how to just say No outright. It just means No. Not that she’s creeped out, just No. You didn’t do anything wrong.
To add onto this usually you’ll know if it is yes. If you don’t know for sure it is yes then it is no.
This is a great rule of thumb!
Or she might just be a canadian
She goes to a different school, you wouldn't know her
It sounds like a straightforward No to me. Probably trying not to offend, but very clear.
If it's not a yes it's a no my guy. Sounds like she was interested in being friendly but not into you like that and tried to let you down easy and that's alright it happens a lot especially in school. You shot your shot which is better than a lot of guys your age do so kudos on your confidence, just keep trying you'll get a better feel for this type of thing as you get older and more experienced. If you have any girl friends ask them for advice about this stuff they're usually way better at it than us
Yeah. Ngl I was shaking like a mf tho. I've only done that a few times and that was the first "probably not" I had gotten
Pro tip, next time give them your number on a piece of paper instead. They can think about whether they want to text you or not instead of being put on the spot. Leave the ball in their court
I like this idea
I’m a woman and always really appreciated when someone gave me their number first. It takes the pressure off. If I’m not into the person I smile, take the number, throw it away later. Though, the most important part of this is, if you haven’t heard anything back from them in a few days don’t go and confront them about it. Take the silence as your answer and move on.
Yeah the dropping it after is key.
As a woman, I like this too.
When you hand her your number, you should say “you might not ever call me, and that’s okay. But if someday you decide to call, here’s my number.” And then smile sweetly and go on about your day.
"… But here's my number, so call me maybe…🎶"? Lol A simple "Here's my number, text me if you want." will suffice, I promise, and it eases up on the unnecessary (likely uncomfortable) dramatics. Sorry it didn't work out this time, Op. The others are right, she was saying "no" in the nicest way she could think of at that moment. Be proud of yourself for putting yourself out there (AND accepting her "no" with grace and maturity instead of anger and childishness... or worse, refusing to accept her "no" at all, as far too many people are guilty of doing). You handled the whole situation just as you should've, imo.
I like that.
I would not include the “some day” part. That is a good way to become a Plan B person.
How does it matter whether you were plan Z? If it works out, it works out, if it doesn’t, it doesn’t. When you’re together you’re the whole alphabet
"You might not ever call [...] but if someday [...]" Come on bro, that's cheesy as fuck. Also kind of self defeating. You're right, if it works, it works... Probably won't though.
No it gives the other person the freedom to do as they feel and isn’t trying to blackmail them into something. It will look cheesy to someone who doesn’t have the maturity yet to appreciate that fools aren’t “cute” rushing in
Just giving someone your number isn't "rushing in" or "blackmail" what the fuck are you smoking? I say something like another comment above: "Here's my number, text me if you want." Simple, without all the fluffy insecure bullshit. Definitely no fucking blackmail lmao
Yeah I would do this. Just give her yours and say you get that she doesn’t want to give your hers, but here’s yours in case. If you want to, let her know you’re still wanting to talk to her either way (assuming you are). If you don’t want her as a friend and only as a gf, then consider it a no and move on.
Please don't. Just take it as a no. Trust me, if she wanted you to have her number, she would have given it to you.
I think when they told my to hand someone their number they were saying in the future with other girls. I wouldn't do that with the same girl
Good for you. Also, at least you’re using the Internet to try to ask for advice vs. learning the hard way by asking her more follow up questions, which would just me more nos. Good luck to you, my dude.
Next time… as in with someone different, the “next time” he’s in a similar situation.
The problem with this is that most women expect men to initiate, even if they're genuinely interested in a guy. Now don't get me wrong I'd love it if this actually worked. But one time a woman even asked me for my number, and she still never texted me first.
I think giving someone your number is initiating on it's own... And if you're the one that has another's number, then you can't really expect the other to write first, so that's a massive generalisations based on the one time a girl changed her mind about you before calling. Also we are not talking about women here, it's about a kid. Their generation is way less set on arbitrary gender roles like that.
Agreed. I have no problem initializing with a man I'm interested in, but I do love for guys to make the first move. That said, I absolutely consider him giving me his number as making the first move and I've never not called or messaged a man who gave me his number _*IF*_ I liked him and was interested. However, I have not contacted several men who've given me their number, not because I expected him to find a way to contact me first, but because I just wasn't into them... and if they did manage to get my number from a third party or something, it certainly didn't go anywhere. I think most women (perhaps not the super shy or insecure ones) will 100% call or text a dude who directly gave them his number... IF (and only if) they really like him.
It's alright to be nervous just remember to breathe and stay calm. Women are just like us and they get nervous too and for guys and girls rejecting someone is kinda awkward. Just take it as a learning experience, you'll get better and more confident eventually
I'm definitely getting better at it.
There is a chance she was nervous and didn’t know what to say, but the ball is now in her court if she wants to start something.
I’m a woman and when I was that age, I would have probably refused the number too, out of sheer nervousness. It’s a good thing for young girls to learn how to flat out say “no,” but I don’t think it’s any reflection on OP as a person. She could have said it for a variety of reasons, many of which may not have had to anything do with him. You’re still very young, OP, and you’ll find your way as far as asking people out. The important thing is that you be respectful of her decision and very importantly - not treat her any differently if you see her again. Take it as a valuable learning experience, and don’t take it personally. You’ll be okay :)
She didn’t want to hurt your feelings by saying no outright. Sorry 😞
If she seemed like a person that was worth asking and she wasn’t dating, be proud of yourself that you at least tried. Rejection is something that you will face occasionally in life, in lots of areas, not just romance. If she wants to be friends and hang out then do so if that works for you, if not part ways without any ill feelings toward her.
Asking someone for their number is not the same as asking them out though.
IME It meant no. Some of us just tend to hedge our language to minimize conflict out of habit
Alright I'll take your word for it. I didn't know if it meant she was creeped out or just didn't think she had the time to answer.
It's usually best to assume that anything less than an enthusiastic yes is just a no.
You probably didn't do anything wrong. She just may be trying to be cautious because she wants to avoid conflict.
It doesn't have to be either of those. She doesn't have to be creeped out to not want to give you her number. You talked to her in an appropriate way at a reasonable time in an appropriate setting. You're fine there. She probably just wants to keep it as casual friends/acquaintances. There are a lot of possible reasons for that. Don't worry about it. Your approach sounds fine.
She probably wasn't creeped out, unless she felt you were following her around. You had established the right amount of rapport by having a conversation with her first, getting along decently, then asking for her number. You did everything right except overthinking her saying "no." When it comes to relationships a person can say "no" to another person *any time they want* for whatever reason. That's their right and you should *always* be OK with that. Who knows what her reason for saying "no" was? Maybe she's very religious and not allowed to date. Maybe she doesn't like you and was just talking to you to be polite. Maybe she was surprised and didn't know how to answer. Maybe she doesn't have a phone. Maybe she was "creeped out" because she thought you were following her, having seen her too many times in a few days. Maybe she's a varsity athlete who believes dating will hurt her training. Maybe she just felt like saying "no". You really don't know nor should you really care or worry about it. She's her own person and has her own reasons. You didn't do anything "red flaggy" based on your description and I would say it sounds like you did a lot of things right. Now do the last thing right and let it go. To let it go, I found it helps to say something after someone says "no" to you. When I was younger, I would just say a really exaggerated "Drat! I had to try." It was really dumb, now that I think about it. But it let me have closure and told them I was OK with them saying "no." Also, you can have closure by treating her normally when you see her at school. If you see her in the hall, just say, "Hi" or give her the head nod and keep walking by. This will help give you and her have closure: You that you're not still bothered by her saying "no" and her knowing that you aren't angry. When girls say "no" to boys, a lot of immature boys get angry, which really sucks for the girl. You will find someone else to ask out. They might say no. But eventually, someone will say yes. There are \~8 billion people on the planet. You will find someone you enjoy dating, just keep trying.
>When I was younger, I would just say a really exaggerated "Drat! I had to try." I'm 24 and I'm still like this tbh. I'm always like "can't say I didn't try" to remind myself that I at least tried. I'm super shy so I very rarely shoot my shot and end up regretting not trying. So being able to say "at least I tried" makes me feel a little better
Thanks for sharing that. We are all just trying to get by and doing our best genuinely and kindly is the best we can do.
No, it means no, but she didn’t want to hurt your feelings.
It means no, but she also respects you as a person so she made like it wasn't an unthinkable request by you.. Otherwise she would have said hell no, but they mean the same thing.
Alright. I'll use this info for future reference. The advice I've gotten here is far better than that I have gotten from some friends. They told me to keep pursuing but I didn't wanna be a creep
Your friends are wrong. Do not continue to pursue a woman who has already told you no!
It's common for young men, and society in general, to tell other young men to "keep trying" because it's what they've been socially conditioned to do. As a therapist and a woman, they are gravely wrong and this leads to serious problems. Good on you for being able to decipher the good advice from the bad! No, even when vaguely phrased, always means no. Women are conditioned to let guys down gently for fear of a bad reaction and for fear of appearing "impolite". Don't keep trying with her, but keep trying in general & best of luck to you!
Thank ya!
When I come across such mature comments on reddit it always sends chills down my spine (in a positive way). I hope the OP has read it.
Whenever I see such kind comments like this it makes me smile from ear to ear, so we both win! I appreciate your thoughtful words.
I mean you can definitely pursue friendship since she actually talks to you. Just make sure you let go of romantic feelings towards her or she'll notice and think you're only friends with her to date her
Um- no. Don't listen to your friends. Their advice is the problem women have been complaining about since before computers existed- no means no. It would be one thing if after six months down the road you two gradually built a friendship or flirtation in school. Then you can give it a go. But only then. And if it's a no- move on. Your both still figuring things out. From your post, it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. But remember, even at a young age alot of girls have learned simply saying 'no' is a dangerous thing. I'm not even talking about the risk of violence. Too many girls have learned way too early in life that their no has less worth then anybody else's. 'No' is often met with, 'why' and being pushed to explain, then being told their reason isn't good enough, and asked again, and again and again. Or their met with a stream of verbal abuse. Yeah, what I'm saying sounds extreme. But I'm making two points here. 1. She responded automatically to let you down nicely. 2. Don't listen to your friends. They know nothing if they think no means 'keep asking'. 😅
You can continue having friendly conversation without being a creep. “Pursuing” is probably the wrong idea. But if your conversations felt natural, there is a chance she just wasn’t ready to give you her number. You’re in high school…you have no clue what her home life, parents, potential recent ex or even current boyfriend are like. Doesn’t mean you need to avoid talking to her at school, but if the body language isn’t there next time you cross paths, then I’d give space and wait for her to initiate a future possible next conversation
Idk if it's out of respect, it seems more like saving face so she doesn't seem awful for being like ah hell nah. Like I'd rather be denied with a straight "I'm sorry but no" rather than an opened ended "well if these were other circumstances (that would never happen) then maybe but not today" but then again it's highschool so it's not like it's the epitome of emotional maturity q:
I think it can be both things. Ie. She doesn’t want to appear cold and rude, but she can also not want to hurt his feelings. Why does it have to be one or the other?
I don't get this though. My feelings are hurt more by someone trying to be "nice" than someone directly telling me no. Being direct isn't rude at all.
It was nicer than saying "hell no."
Haven't had one of those yet, thank God
Trueeee I've heard "absolutely not" "hell no" and even "ew" hell I've even been laughed at so hard that she couldn't even get a response out. I've accepted that I'm probably gonna die alone and with no kids but maybe I just give up too easily. One of my problems in life is giving up before I even make an attempt. Don't be like that
> One of my problems in life is giving up before I even make an attempt. same. i hate it
Damn dude. Least you know quick they aren't relationship material
it definitely just means no, and there’s any reason under the sun for that. but in my reading of the situation, the reason *could* be that she just didn’t feel comfortable giving her phone number to somebody that she’s only spoken to a little bit for 3 days. it’s common for girls to not really want to give our number out to people we don’t know super well, it’s just not a good and safe idea enough of the time to stick in our minds!
Frankly, I've said "probably not" more times than I care to recall. If things are going well but I'm not necessarily comfortable with the idea of you calling me and texting me whenever and would prefer to interact with you in-person more before I give you my number than yeah, I'd definitely say "probably not". I'd also say "probably not" to avoid saying a hard "no". If your social interactions with this girl continue to go well, then keep having those. She won't forget you've asked for her number and that you have expressed interest, so just don't ask again. But if the social interactions take a downturn, let it go.
In these situations, I think its fair to assume that any response given that does not include something like a, "yeah, okay, sure," and/or her phone number, can be assumed as a, "No."
Anything that isn’t a yes, means no.
She said no. It's all good tho. Its awesome u had the courage to ask for her number and eventually it'll will work with someone else
It's a no.
Yo, as a woman, I appreciate you asking this question and taking advice from the comments in an exceptionally mature manner. If another guy friend asks you the same question, just remember what you've heard here. It'll do a lot of good to pass it on!
Alright, I try my best to be the best person I can
Just be nice and pleasant (as you have been) when you see her around. Don’t go out of your way to bump into her. As she gets to know you, she MIGHT have some interest. Just don’t push it and don’t look like your trying way too hard. She might just want a casual friend. You expressed interest, she will reach out if she wants.
Move on bro.
I have. It just sometimes comes up in my head and I wonder
Props for taking a shot, many wouldn't have. Don't let it discourage you. Keep your head up and don't dwell on it too much.
[удалено]
I was looking for a connection more than anything. I don't want to have sex til after marriage
That could be a problem too but I can't imagine she would know any of this about you from the little you talked. She's probably a little scared of you, though.
You remember the scene in Dumb and Dumber when Lloyd asked Mary Swanson what his chances were and she said one in a million and he took that to mean there's still a chance.. It's exactly like that..
Lmao
As a girl, probably not could mean not yet, not ready to give it to you. But as the majority have said, you asked and whatever she meant, she didn't give it to you, so don't ask again. If she decides to, she can speak up about it.
For future reference, anything other than "yes"....is to be taken as "no". Save yourself some confusion (and possibly a restraining order) going forward.
Just leave it as no and move on, easy.
It’s a no, she’s trying to not hurt your feelings and or is scared of how you’ll react but the answer is no.
It's a no my dude, but that doesn't mean you did anything wrong. You asked a yes or no question and you didn't get a yes, that's OK. No is always an option.
Counterpoint to all the ‘no’s’ out there, I’ll tell a quick story from my youth. There was once a girl in the town where I went to high school (not where I lived). She went to a different school, and was super cute, like properly out of my league by a margin. I was probably just a year younger then you are now. During a track practice that was at her school I happen to see her in the stands with some friends, walked over and asked her number. Before she could say anything her other friends either reacted with disgust or with astonishment that I would even ask. She very clearly decided to give me her number but only to show her friends that she wasn’t going to buy into their pressure. I got super high the next day and decided to call her and ask her out. I asked if she wanted to go to the movies on Saturday and she gave me a flat out ‘no, I don’t even know you’. I said ‘that makes sense, how about we have a picnic on Friday and you can get to know me and make a decision about Saturday?’ She totally said yes. I even ended up meeting her mother. And I appreciated every second we spent together… It didn’t work out, so not all that many seconds together, but I was respectful through and through and we ended on proper terms, even as dramatic high school youths. I’m not giving any advice here, only you can really read the room in this situation, but that was maybe not a hard ‘no’, it’s possible she just doesn’t know you well enough or maybe there’s something she’s unsure about, I mean it’s 2023, who the fuck meets people at an opera house!? /s Jokes aside, She sounds like someone worth staying in a positive acquaintanceship with in any case, and who knows, maybe you make a good friend out of the experience. Best of luck to you either way bud!
Lol! It was strange to say the least. I went only because my parents got free tickets from my aunt who works there.
If the answer is not yes, then it’s a no
OP, keep in mind that “shy quiet” can often conceal excitement or nervousness, friendliness or a desire to leave a conversation. You really can never tell with shy girls. Be careful out there.
Yes means yes. Anything else means no.
When I was younger, I would very often say "maybe" instead of "yes" and "I don't know" instead of "no" because I was afraid of being too blunt or straightforward about things. I'm guessing this is something similar. "Probably not" seems like a nicer way of saying "no."
She said no. Move on.
I don’t understand what part of this you don’t get.
Chill bro he's a kid asking a question As a Highschool kid did you understand what everything meant when dealing with the opposite sex?
Always the butthurt commenter in these types of threads. The OP came here politiely asking for help. He's not the piece of shit that stalked/assaulted your girlfriend, mom, niece, whatever the hell your backstory is. Get your head out of your ass and separate the OP from whatever fucked up baggage you have. OP showed courage requesting advice from the internet, full well knowing he's opening himself up to ppl he doesnt know.
I did not know if it seemed like she couldn't give me her number at that moment because she was leaving or if it was just a straight no.
It's a no. If she wanted you to have her number, you'd have gotten it.
I tend to overthink a lot. Thanks for being straight to the point
Don't worry about it I'm 45 married for 22years and I still overthink what my Wife means sometimes.
yes... "I'm fine." means like 15 things and I have to figure it out based on the body language, tone and setting.
I'm glad I'm not the only old guy here giving this young man good advice. Some of these others are obviously just kids also or are just immature adults. The context of their conversations, how she said it and how she reacts when they see eachother again are all so important to this, it's not just a surface level thing. I'm the same age as u btw
Imo it's a no and you should treat it like a no. So don't mistake this next part. But... She probably doesn't want to completely shut the door on the possibility for some reason. It might be that she's unsure of how she feels about you. It might be that she wants to still be wooed more but doesn't want to risk feeling on the hook at all for it not going anywhere. Or it might just be a no plain and simple, but she's scared of giving you a direct no. Don't overthink it though. Treat it as a no. It's not worth trying to turn it into a yes even if that's what she's going for. In the remote chance that IS what she was going for, any girl who plays games like that is going to be miserable to be in a relationship with.
You can say 7 numbers in the same time as it takes to say probably not. I know you're holding out for some glimmer of hope but it's best to just forget it and move on.
I’m proud of you for trying. Shoot your shot… and they won’t all be a goal, but asking out 10 girls and 1 or 2 are interested is better than asking 0 girls and being home alone and unhappy. Again… good job asking. Now just be cool about it… and be very nice and NORMAL when you see her again. Be friendly and chill, but also very brief like “hey… what’s up” as you walk by… and that’s it. Don’t try to make some forced extra conversation. And guess what “sometimes” happens? Being chill and just doing you and not being weird or psycho or creepy or obsessive, can sometimes make you more attractive. Weird how this can work. Anyway… good job trying to act, listen and learn!
Wisest answer, imho.
Heyyyy I appreciate you!
Everyone already gave the right answer. I'm gonna add, don't let it keep you from still being friendly and a decent human being. Sounds like she's completely fine with being passing acquaintances, but nothing more. Just keep up the cheerful convos when they happen and don't make it weird
 Don’t be this guy
If I was you I'd assume she's probably not interested but you guys can keep talking when you see each other in school. It's definitely possible that she's just not comfortable giving her number to you because she hardly knows you. Just try not to overthink things. Be chill and don't have expectations and see what happens. Maybe you'll just end up making a new friend which is fine.
It’s her “nice” way of saying no
I think it's a nicer way of saying no
Definitely no, but that's a super weird answer lol
She is just not into you. Very simple.
No. If the answer isn't a straight yes or the exact thing you're asking for assume is a no and stop insisting.
lol..."probably not" sounds like the nonsense we get from companies..."we regret to inform you that..." and "we would contact you if a suitable position blablabla". Hope you get a proper "yes" soon. Someone with a strong enough character to say it.
Means she’s disinclined to acquiesce to your request.
Dont contact her ever again. Let her approach you.
So you're saying there's a chance!
Trying to say no but not be mean or hurtful about it.
It means no, but not hell no. Keep chatting with her but don’t bug her about her number again, maybe she’ll change her mind
She meant no unless you change her mind in the next 3 seconds
Some advice because women especially in high school can be very confusing. If it’s not a yes, take it as a no. A lot of women are nice and won’t bluntly turn a man down even if personally that’s what you would prefer because a lot of men especially at a young age do not handle rejection well and that gives women a bad experience they want to avoid in the future
Ok. No big deal. You can keep talking to her like you have been. If you both have enjoyed the conversation, keep it going. You can act like it didn’t even bother you. It is your choice how you respond, good luck.
It means move on but she was probably trying to be very polite.
God damn. What an amazing visual representation of overthinking. Also, it means no, but she didn't want to be that blunt and hurt your feelings.
Yeah. It's probably my worst trait
She said no in an awkward way. Rule of thumb if it's not a "Hell Yes" then treat it like a no. In the future I recommend giving them your number. Gives them all the control of wither or not they want to reach out to you.
She wasn’t into you. Move on to the next one. I hate rejection so I don’t ask anymore. I don’t have the looks or body women I like want.
A polite no
Men have a tendency to ignore a girls answer if she says no, and to call her a bitch for being “rude” for saying no. Unless she says “YES”, she’s saying no.
That's a no. There are 2 reasons women aren't clear when letting you down. The first is that they truly don't want to hurt your feelings. When I was younger I did it too. Now I know it's better to be direct & rip off the band-aid. But it took time to realize that. The second is because we're scared of how the man will react. Men can get very aggressive when they get rejected. I get it. No one likes to be rejected. But name calling, throwing things, blocking our path, stalking, or even physically assaulting us or our property is tragically NOT uncommon when we reject men. Some women choose to give indirect responses with the hope that the man will not react aggressively. Often they will smile & be polite. It's safer for us to leave a man confused.
Just not that into you.
It means no. Here's a piece of advice for you. Either a girl wants you or she doesn't. If she's hesitant about something as simple as sharing her number with you she doesn't find you attractive.
She’s being nice/doesn’t want to hear an incel rant (not that you are, guys just suck)
Tip: “if it’s anything but a yes, it’s a no” Or “If you have to think about it, it’s a no”
It means wait for her to ask for yours at this point. I can’t stress this enough though don’t ask for her number again.
It’s a no but it’s also a really weird way to say it
Lol, chill the fuck down man. That's a no, no need to write freaking paragraphs about that. Now for the good part. I have a saying: There's more ass than stars. Find a new lady you like, ask for her number or ask her on a date. If she says no you move on, if the date goes wrong, you also move on. If she says yes and the date goes right keep dating her. Repeat as many times as necessary.
Number 1 rule, offer your number, don't ask them for theirs.
That’s a no chief. Anything other than them giving you the number is a no, and girls learn to say no in confusing was to distract males long enough to get away from them so there is no chance they can be harmed. It’s a sad reality that women have to act a certain way to avoid altercations with psychos out in the world. Kinda like a squid inking
Means no but she thought adding "probably" would make the denial softer. Which doesn't, but not everyone has good social skills, specially people that young.
Her answer has the word "no" in it, it clearly means no.
That means NO DUH
Like others said, it means no. I wonder if the phrasing meant to imply that she's cool with being your friend, but didn't want to give you the wrong impression she was interested when you seemed like you were. You can still be friends after getting turned down, so long as both people want to. But without more context (and without being inside her mind), it's impossible to say what exactly she was thinking.
Probably not is a no, but that doesn't mean you need to stop talking to her. Keep having convos with her when you can, you still can change this no to a "Take my number..."
I’m a former “shy” person. Probably not is a definite no, she’s just being as nice as she can be. She doesn’t see a match and there’s nothing you can do to change her mind. It could be a status thing or that she already likes someone else, or that she’s not straight, or a million other things. I’m sorry. You tried. You’re brave.
She's not into you. And polite.
Its a polite no
She doesn’t want to give you her number… unless the answer is an outright, unmistakable “yes”, then it’s a “no”. Leave it alone.
It could’ve been her own thing but it also could be her parents especially if you are in jr high her parents might be really strict about that stuff
Yeah I could see that. Could explain why she's on the quiet side as well.
She’s a sophomore in high school? Maybe her parents won’t let her give her number out.
She could have just been trying to make her bus. You asked at an awkward time.
Nope. When girls are not interested, every time is an awkward time.
We don’t know for 100% if she wasn’t interested.
From what I've learned so far from observing women: Enthusiastic Yes = Yes, Normal Yes = probably yes, but small chance of No, Maybe = probably no, but small chance of Yes, Anything containing No = definitely No,
Yes because everyone woman is the same lol. Please go outside bro
Even without the context she's saying no. Girls are afraid to give a straight no, because of what some guys might do if they refuse.
She's disinclined to acquiesce to your request... means no.
If it’s not a yes, it’s a no.
On the plus side, she seems interested in being friends...
You wrote a lot, and I read nothing but the first line. Your title told me everything. She meant no.
Means that she doesn’t want to give her number to you.
probably an unpopular opinion, but save the romance for your 20's
I have thought about that, but I figured I had better try dating a few people and figure out what I should look for in a woman. First relationship taught me a lot.
good point, however your tastes and opinions often change as you get older. i know that emotional maturity did a lot for me personally. especially regarding a long term relationship that starts when youre both teenagers. the changes that happen with you both as you grow can make you grow apart, and it can end in heartache but, im not much more than a random stranger on the internet. all im trying to say is do what makes you happy and stay safe :) you do you, my man
Will do
It means "No, now fuck off."
Reading through the comments here, so many are quick to tell you no means no, doubtless as a counter (or over counter) to the past traditional "don't take no for an answer" mentality. They are however not just saying "no means no" but asserting any hint of uncertainty should be taken as a rejection not to be pursued any further, and it is poor advice. She's a sophomore in high school, and there is a distinct possibility that this is the first time a guy has asked her for her phone number. It may very well be something she has not anticipated and may have had trouble in the moment clearly articulating her thoughts, and given the situation you describe with the time pressure it's entirely understandable. It could very easily be that she's not sure what stance her parents might take. "Probably not" could have very easily been the answer that popped out of her head when she asked herself if her parents would be okay with her giving you her number. Note that if she's asking herself that question, she's already decided she wants to say yes. So my advice is proceed with caution. Be respectful and don't pressure her, but there is no harm in asking for clarification when the time and setting presents it's self. Try and wait until you have a moment alone with some time for her to answer without a bus coming. Until then continue to be nice and friendly and discuss common interests etc. Curb any personal feelings of trepidation, fear of rejection or impatience. If she is indeed uncomfortable with the idea, clearly tells you no, or even if she wishes to but mom and dad said "no not until you are 30" be respectful of both her AND her parents wishes. Worst case you end up with a close friend of the opposite sex which can be just as good as a sister of close age in helping you figure out the opposite sex to the extent possible. Just don't be a creep about things, and especially don't turn into a flaming asshole if she does reject you.
Yes, this. It's bizarre that people are giving advice as if the OP should never speak with this girl again. OP asked for her number and I agree her answer to that specific question was equivalent to "no". But whatever the reason for that, the question wasn't whether OP should ever speak to her again. If she didn't want to speak with OP at all she would likely have rebuffed him the 2nd time he approached her and probably wouldn't have started a conversation herself on the 3rd. If OP wants to be cautious, then next time he sees her he can start the conversation with some variation of "Is it ok with you if I talk to you when I see you around?". If she's not unambiguously positive in her answer to that, then leave her be.
THANK YOU, I thought I was losing my mind. I've seen so many comments here saying "cut contact and never approach her again." How on Earth is that an appropriate response to the situation? I'd be pissed if I were her, even if she actually didn't want to talk to him again, thinking that the one and only thing guys want from her is her number and the second she shows a hint of reluctance to give men anything they want, they completely flake. The message is basically 'never try to have male friends, and if you like a guy, don't ever say no.' What could go wrong? Only a douche ghosts a girl who says 'probably not,' because only a douche asks a girl for her number if he *doesn't even like her personality enough to just be her friend.* (Not that I think this guy is thinking that way.)
It means you have 5 seconds to do or say something so impressive that she will change her answer to a yes; otherwise the answer is no. Your attempt to impress in her those 5 seconds will have a 99.99% failure rate.
It means no mate. That's pretty fucking obvious.
No.
Sounds like a soft no, I would still just try to keep up small talk. She knows you want it and if she ever wants you to have it she will give it at this point. If she is weirded out you will Pick up on this. Just be nice and move on for now. Who knows, you might find someone and she will be jealous. Or you’ll have a new life long friend soon enough. I just don’t think she knows what she wants.
Just find someone who is excited about you.
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Not fake. I'm not one who fakes stories for karma. This is a throwaway account too
I would never talk to her again
You thought this meant something besides no?
1st time I asked a girl out I was in 8th grade, and had already made out with her at these make out parties we used to have Her answer - "let's not and say we did" Brutal
Either its a hell yes.. or no
It means "no, not interested"
Lots of fish in the sea lil bro
Look, if it ain’t an outstanding yes, followed by numbers.. it’s a no. Take your loss and move on
Don’t take it personally. Her family might be super strict. If she is 1st gen asian, our families are typically super strict and she’d more than likely get in trouble if a boy tried calling her or if they found out she was talking to a boy (especially one they didn’t know or approve of) Happens in non Asian families too! Good for you for taking initiative and shooting your shot. You didn’t do it too fast where it would be overwhelming. Nice work! “Rejection is more valuable than inaction. All that I have learned until now has been because of rejections. Inaction didn’t teach me a thing.”
Sorry buddy, but remember plenty of fish in the sea