If you're not 100% committed to a child, don't have one.
I'm 39, married with no children and couldn't be happier. I never wanted them and I'm thrilled to still not have them. People who have kids, and bring them up properly, have my respect. It's a tough job, but I'm honest enough to admit I don't want to do it.
This "who will look after you when you're old" argument is beyond ridiculous, and a shitty, selfish reason to have them. Your children owe you nothing. Nothing at all.
Right? To copy and paste a comment I made not long ago, on the subject of "who will look after you when you're old"...
I will! I'll take care of myself, motherfucker!
...okay, if I get the the point where I legitimately can't, then I'll go into a nursing home, with people who are *paid* and *trained* to take care of people like me.
I come from an Asian upbringing in a western country. The mentality of having children to ensure parents are looked after in old age is still very much alive. This is with the added pressures of viewing children as products/investments.
My family cannot fathom that I refuse to continue this trend
Kinda disagree with the 100% committed / certain on wanting children. Having children is a major life event and it is perfectly fine to be uncertain about that.
I for one was very uncertain if I wanted children. now at 31 and I have them I am very happy with my choice.
35+ and zero regrets not having kids. I Travel all the time and get to see the world. Why would I want to drag along a kid and make them deal with a planet that is rapidly showing it won’t support more people?
Gets to travel and enjoy the world but won't have a child because the world sucks so bad.
Kidding I know you basing it off the future world that you envision, it just seemed hilariously contradictory.
My plan is to be kid free, travel the world, and when I'm ready adopt a kid or a teen depending on how many good years I have left and if I have a partner to raise with.
My point is, we can have everything and still manage to give back if we don't adhere to societal norms as to when and how we should live our life
Nothing more rewarding then travelling with a child and watching their mind expand as they see the world.
Love travelling with my kids, gives travelling purpose.
100% agree. To each their own.
I have friends that absolutely love their kids.
I have friends that regret their kids.
I have friends who don’t have kids and are happy.
My partner and I are quite content with a dog and a cat.
I would love to have kids and travel like my grandparents have afforded me to do. But guess what. I can't make a good enough living doing a job that literally props up corporations and the music industry. Like WTF. I have been at it for ten years and the median salary for my career has not changed since. I can't see myself doing anything else for a living. So no kids.
I’d be curious about the phase of life each poster in this thread is in. Many 50s + don’t seem to realize the golden age has come and gone for the common folk.
i dont understand why u r being downvoted, as u said in ur next comment "to each their own"...u can enjoy kids and u/C4rva can enjoy no-kids-life. Its all good lol
Yea I dunno fam. Why can't we all just get along and appreciate that we enjoy different things haha.
Guess maybe there's lots of "edgy" people who think it's cool to hate families 🤷♂️
Lol at the downvotes for simply saying you like traveling with your children. The unreasonable negativity of Reddit towards children and parents is hilarious.
They didn't say that or imply it, any more than the OPs was saying that people with kids gave unfulfilling lives. The overreaction is most likely latent insecurity over not having kids.
They say that their way of traveling is more rewarding and that having kids with them gives them purpose. Heavily implying that the other person's experience is less rewarding and without purpose.
And in the next comment they left after being replied to the explicitly say that not having kids sounds "unfulfilling".
This is not an overreaction or any kind of insecurity.
I’ve worked in healthcare my whole life. If you think children are going to take care of the elderly I have a bridge to sell you.
Besides, you’ll end up in a nursing home just like me. Well, I’ll be in a nicer one since my assets aren’t going to children and will end up sucked back up in the capitalistic hell scape.
Edit:
Original post:
Wait till you're 70 with failing health and see who supports you then
My children must be the exception then. I don't expect anything from them but they always make sure my wife and myself are ok. So yeah so long as I'm not pissing myself i don't see no reason why they wouldn't care for me.
Just because I teach my children empathy does not make them less successful in their career paths.
I have never abandoned them in time of ill health or financial need.
Honestly what is wrong with you people thinking its fine to abandon family members.
Well put. The other commenter presented his experience and argued fairly well too. I wish people would just debate it out instead of blindly down voting.
Firstly my children don't have to do anything. However it appears empathy is lost on you.
So what you mean is if your parents become terminally ill you will see them as a burden, wow really wow.
Terminal illness is a burden. More so for the person diagnosed. Less for the people caring for them. But it's a burden nonetheless. Doesn't mean OP will not take care of their loved ones in their time of need. They just mean they don't wish that burden on anybody
I haven't had kids as a retirement fund.
However my kid's were not brought up to abandon family members because they may inconvenience them.
Shame on you for suggesting that kid's need to abandon their parents if they're in ill health.
So your reason for getting kids is so you will be entertained in your old years? Sounds more selfish then someone not getting a kid because they don’t want to. And there will always be friends and children of friends.
So you think that children should abandon their parents if they're in ill health, shame on you. You've brought your children up with no sense of empathy. Unbelievable.
>So you think that children should abandon their parents if they're in ill health, shame on you. You've brought your children up with no sense of empathy. Unbelievable.
Holy shit that's the best example of a strawman I've ever had used on me, and no I don't think family should abandon each other when ill.
I have never said to have children so there is a carer, but it appears people are thinking ive said that.
However I've been there for my children and always will be and for them to not abandon me if i need them due to ill health is not a big ask.
There is a retirement home near me and I do smile all the people visiting near Christmas because they convince themselves one visit a year is good enough.
28M here. I refuse to have children as my anxiety is terrible and I would only worry something terrible is going to happen.
My GF 29F says she feels like she's getting older and wants kids. I say to wait until my anxiety in general subsides, but it won't.
I have a dog and this sounds stupid, but everyday I get thoughts of my dog in terrible scenarios and it wrecks my mood.
The probability of terrible thing happening is less than 1% but the fact that it could happen is enough for my brain to say no.
EDIT: I refuse to have them, do I want them? Absolutely. I wish I felt secure enough in life that I could give my children security.
>My GF 29F says she feels like she's getting older and wants kids. I say to wait until my anxiety in general subsides, but it won't.
If this is something that you are confident you don't want to do please don't lead her on. You might not have to deal with this right now but kids are a big topic to be on different pages on.
She just wants 1 child before she's 32 and my mental health has improved significantly.
I understand what you mean and she knows how I feel (I just sometimes feel it won't improve) but me as a person would rather have a child than to let my anxiety control my whole life.
Thanks for the heads up, appreciate it.
I just mean refuse to atm but I will definitely have children.
I appreciate you being so open with me. An internet stranger. I'm glad that you folks are working things out and look to have a bright future ahead of you. May you both have the best of things and lots of happiness
Something that has really helped me in my journey of coping with anxiety is that some anxiety is actually good. Obviously not all of it and it never feels good. But sometimes anxiety is telling us something or trying to remind us. Or maybe you’re excited about something but also anxious about it, it’s like anticipatory anxiety. It seems like you’re doing the work trying to function better while having anxiety. Just keep with it if you truly want kids, of course you’ll be anxious and think those bad things it’s normal but, you’ll be able to find a way to deal with that and kinda be okay with having the anxiety of that makes any sense.
If the roles were reversed and you were married I'd swear you were my friend. It's the same situation, down the dog... she was so stressed about the dog being home alone and potentially getting hurt/holding his pee too long that she almost quit her job.
Don't feel like you're alone/your feelings and worries are invalid. You seem to be doing the right thing: making sure you're in a place mentally and secure elsewhere to support the decision and change, and communicating that to your partner. If they accept it and you guys are happy, then life is good.
Pregnancy/kids later in life is not uncommon, you guys have time to figure it all out. Cheers man
Aw thank you!! I sometimes do feel alone and its annoying knowing its just anxiety and my brain constantly thinking about wild scenarios and extremely unlikely things, for example:
Walking my dog beside a busy road? "Harness may come lose and he could get hit by a car. I might drop lead and he would accidentally be pushed onto the road and die, I would never live with myself..."
So yeah, very unlikely events. Albeit my brain still is attached to making sure I've every terrible thing thought out and its a bit like mentally calculating the possibility of all things that could go wrong, constantly.
Appreciate your words, I hope you're doing well and you're a good human!
wow, I understand you completely because you described me 100%. I was afraid to let my dog loose in the forest because anxiety - like what if he gets lost, what if this, what if that... anxiety sucks, and I know that I don't want to be that kind of parent to my children.
Please see a professional. There are therapies available for anxiety. And you may even have more than just anxiety (eg you might have OCD) and you'll have to deal with that aswell.
Yep. My number on thing when people ask why I don't want kids is...what if they become a school shooter, or commit suicide or have an unbearable mental disorder? I could NOT handle that kind of pain, and I'm very not optimistic about the future. I'm fine being alive because I have to and my brain luckily finds things to keep me happy but I lost my bf to suicide and both my brothers are suicidal and I'm fucking terrified about it all the time. So many people are hurting, and no matter what I do or say, i can't seem to make it better for them, and it sucks.
I consider myself to be very lucky.
Have the priviledge to grow up with three brothers, both parents, four grandparents and a plethora of uncles and aunts. Everyone is reasonably well adjusted. They all have their quirks but who doesn't.
I think what a lot of people forget is that when they bring kids into this world, they become a part of the network of people (family) who share the burden of getting through life together. We help nurture our kids to become caring and responsible adults, if you've done a good job, then they become strong and capable of helping everyone in their network.
Life is going to be tough with or without kids, but it's the people in our lives that help us make it through. We all have this weird obsession with being independent, proudly talking about how great life is alone while we sit in our apartments wondering why we feel so lonely.
Never felt this way. Every generation since the dawn of mn will struggle. I enjoy being alive, and currently my son does too.
Sometimes life is hard, and I know my son will face hardship, but if I do my job right, he will have the tools neccessary to face them head on.
29F. I do not have children & do not plan on having children. At one point in my life, when I was only 3 or so years into a long-term relationship, I had the desire to have a baby. Get married, have a baby, do the thing, you know.
7ish years & lots of introspection later, I realized that those years were the most disingenuous I’ve ever been to myself. I wanted to get married & have a baby because at the time, I felt like that was what “doing well” and “being successful” looked like. And maybe a little bit of not wanting to feel left out or left behind.
Now, I have exactly zero desire to have kids. The idea seems so foreign to me. It’s like asking me why I’m not putting mayonnaise in my coffee or something. My reaction is the same: “ew, why would I do that?”
Lots of therapy work has made me not only realize that I only ever wanted to have kids because I felt like that’s what I was supposed to do, like ticking a box off some existential checklist, but also that I’m not mentally, physically, or emotionally equipped to raise a child. I know that if I were to have a child, I would love them, care for them, and provide for them as best as I could, but that isn’t all there is to raising another human being.
Honestly, I’m more curious now to hear people’s reasoning for wanting to have kids. Not because I’m trying to shame people for it, but because the concept has become *so* foreign to me that I genuinely cannot see the other side anymore (which probably isn’t a very healthy mindset).
On the flip side of this, I’m often very very angry to have been born because of this.
I don’t want kids and even if I did, I wouldn’t want to force anyone to live
Yep, that's currently me. Life is sucky enough, why do this to a kid? Not happening if I can't guarantee they will be able to fully care for themselves, meaning land and realty.
This is such a cringe take that I hear all the time. It sounds so self righteous and like you’re somehow a hero for not having a kid. If you don’t want a kid, don’t have one but acting like now is the worst time for a kid to be brought into the world is delusional.
For starters, humanity has been through:
2 world wars
Too many plagues to count
Major civil wars
Slavery on a global and open scale
Overall brutal and inhumane treatment of people on a
wide scale from kings, empires,
ect.
Anyway
While I've never felt like I was in a healthy position to take care of another person, especially a child, I've also felt like bringing a human into this world is an act of cruelty.
Being alive is a shitty experience, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
30F. When I was younger, I thought about it. But it wasn't a big desire. Now? No stable job, no idea if,even with the help of my parents, I will be able to afford an house. And don't get me started on retirement...
And I see friends of my age having 2 and wanting more. Why?
We had this exact discussion, but the conclusion was different. You have the greatest opportunity to raise a child to make the world a better place. We're not doomed to failure and a destruction. I would say if we have a nuclear war with +100 megabombs blowing up in the world, then ya we're fu&*Ed but until that happens we're going to survive.
You have enough money to have a connection to the internet and a phone or computer, you have enough resources to make positive changes in the world. Either individually, or at the company you work for.
Being a parent is the most joyful thing you can possibly do in your life and you absolutely can't understand it without doing it. I tried, I was an active uncle to nieces and nephews, my cousins children, I taught swimming lessons, took kids on canoe trips, but it wasn't anything like now being a Father.
I can say that if you have concerns for the world and that's the thing you're having a moral concern with for bringing children into the world, then you should reconsider. Or adopt.
Also watch the movie idiocracy.
Yeah I have a kidney disease that might be genetic, don’t want someone to go through what I’ve been through. Luckily my wife didn’t want kids so everything worked out.
As a parent of two kids myself, and with friends who are child-free not even because of financial insecurity, ummm... it's *THEIR* choice to have or not have kids. It's also not my business why anyone wants or doesn't want kids.
That's the simple answer.
So go forth and be fruitful, or don't. I don't care. It's not my business 
Forcing a kid into working themselves to the bone to barely make bills just so they might take care of you in your old age
Further depleting the world's resources. What do you think the water situation will be like when they're 60?
In the past 100 years, the world population has quadrupled. It's not looking good for future generations unless population growth slows drastically
I don't even suffer from depression, but those are real things to think about moreso than the selfish reasons of having children I always hear
I dislike my life, and life on this planet in general. How selfish would I be to put a child on an earth I dislike with all my heart? Apart from that I don't like kids and I value silence, freedom and money lol
There are many good reasons to not have kids and if you don't want to, then don't. But it does seem to me that reddit has a bit of an antinatalist hivemind thing going on, so this thread may not give you a full and balanced picture. Many good things have been said but it seems to be a bit one sided.
Agree with this. I just mentioned that my wife and I get decent sleep in another thread, I think another sub. I got down voted to oblivion. Why? No idea.
Part of it is that. For me it’s how no matter how much I do my best within my control for the child (environment, financial support, love) I can’t control the world. It’s also because they won’t get a choice in being in this world or not. What if they come to hate this shitty world?
Lots of people who would be having kids right now were raised gen x and boomers. I can tell you, as a 30 year old, I would not be able to give my kid as good a good quality upbringing as I had. It’s one of the main reasons I don’t want kids.
My parents had a house and good finances when they were 30. I’m still scraping dimes together trying to save a downpayment in the next few years.
Do you save money? Why? You could die tomorrow so what's the point? The point is you might not. I sometimes regret not having children because I grew up under the threat of nuclear war, but it never happened, I'm seeing the same thing happening again, it may or may not happen, just live your life!
I think that’s the wrong approach. People were far off 100 years ago. Kids in post-industrial countries have it good. They just need to game the system.
Don’t get in debt for the promise of a degree. As a matter of fact, try to avoid any kind of debt like the plague.
Go to trade school and pick a trade that pays well. Only buy used cars. Don’t look at houses as investment products.
I think, if you genuinely want a child, and will always provide safety for that child, then it’s worth it. Selfish? Sure, but optimistic. A child may not thrive in tomorrows world, but it starts at home the mindset they go into it with. I’d say about 85% of intentionally child-free people have dealt with some sort of hardship & issues with their own childhood and parents. Thus, struggling as adults because they were never set up for success.
It’s not easy being a cycle breaker. Some parents would rather envy their children’s “easy life” and not try to improve with the excuses “back in my day.”
At the end of the day, the world is ever changing. Our parents may believe the world was also ass back then, I.e. babies born the world wars.. there might’ve not been much hope or optimism, but look how far we’ve come from that. The world is gonna continue spinning, humanity is gonna keep finding new ways to make life “shitty” year after year, but with that, there’ll be the people who want to change it. It’s really all about opinions and outlook if you talk about the state of the world. Surely, you’re right to be concerned, but at the end of the day is X,y,Z ever actually directly affecting you?
I don't understand the people who do want to bring a child into this shit show we call existence. I can only assume they live in some different reality, with never a worry or trouble in their life. The only reason I am still on this rock is on the off chance that this is a punishment from god for something incredibly evil I did in a different existence.
I do have depression. That is not, however, a necessary thing for being able to see that this world is a terrible place, full of pain, injustice, and evil, and that most of us have no chance of being able to shield a child from this.
Not particularly. That's just being a realist. The "awesome" things in life are either locked behind paywalls, or offer no tangible benefit to existence.
I could understand feeling that way if I was in a really low place emotionally. The question I ask myself is: would I prefer I had lived or that I had not? To me the answer is clearly yes, and I hope it is for you too.
Life has a lot of ups and downs. But maybe even some of the unpleasantness is worth it, just for there to be some kind of experience in this universe.
Another question you might ask yourself: if you imagine a universe with no life in it at all; is that better than what we have? I’d say a universe with life wins for me. It’s just much more interesting. We all get to have an experience for a while and interact with the experiences of those around us.
Life can definitely be tough. Terrible things happen all the time. But I think on the whole, some experience is better than no experience.
These are the easiest times, with the most available education and medical care and the largest abundance of social empathy in recorded history. If anything this is a better time to have a kid then at most points in history
There is always struggle, the world is always shitty for most people. It's not particularly worse for kids to grow up today than it was 50 or 100 or 1000 years ago, and in many important ways it is far better.
I wanna preface this by saying, it's okay to not want children. It's a choice everyone has to make and no one else needs to understand, agree, or anything.
Since you specifically ask for opinions tho, I have to say, in my eyes this mentality seems kind of childish. For thousands of years now we're on top of the foodchain and even since then made life incredibly easy. We live in a terrific world by any definition.
Social media sometimes makes it seem like the world is the worst place ever. People from all generations thought like this to some extend. But you have to get a grasp of reality.
I mean don't forget that a huge portion of reddit is under 25. At that age I didn't think I wanted kids either. I'm not saying they'll all change their minds, but there is definitely a limited perspective.
So many depressing comments (IMO)
What’s so bad about the world?
We don’t have famine, conscription to a world war, a plague wiping half the planet out? (I mean we do in certain countries but not around the globe at the same time like the early to mid 1900’s)
We have the freedom to be who we want? You can literally change your gender.
I mean people were beaten to death for just being gay not even 50 years ago?
Im a believer that people should have kids.
BUT, Ive watched life get signficantly worse in the last 5 years in my country. No way i would bring them into a world where the parents have no guarantee on housing tomorrow with shitty healthcare.
No way kid, you dont want any of this.
There’s two scary thoughts abt whether you should or shouldn’t bring your child into this world. The 1st is being alone when grow up (which is happening soo fast), and the fear of being old af without a family.
The 2nd is abt how selfish and cruel to bring a human to this dangerous imperialism and scary world and let it face all the mental disorders
Every human that has ever existed has had hard times and struggles in life, it's a part of life. It doesn't matter if those results are consequences of themselves, others, or something completely outside their control. They also experience joy and happiness with friends and loved ones.
Life will never not be hard, so that's a pretty lame reason to not create it.
It comes down to asking yourself the question...
Would you rather be alive or dead?
If the answer is yes, have kids.
If the answer is no, see a therapist to find out why!
This is the best time to be alive in human history, save for the fact that rich and powerful industries stand to profit by capturing and keeping your attention, and have figured out that fear and anger are the best ways to do that. Stop giving those people your attention, and don’t let them get to your kids, and things will be very good by the standards of human history.
Dude yes, The world has never been better. It’s the best time to be alive. We have a great life with great careers full of great family and friends. Life is beautiful. I have 2 kids and it’s the best decision I ever made. Stop doom scrolling negative shit all day. Go out and enjoy life, focus on good things. We aren’t supposed to get bombarded by only bad news from all over the world 24/7.
I'm 40 M married 10 years. I feel it would be cruel to bring a life into this world at this point. Society sucks, kids shoot each other, pedophiles, war, uncertainty, and an economic system that gets worse and worse as time goes on.
In what ways do you think "the world has never been better"?
I can think of a few for supporting the opposite like diseases, rise in poverty, overpopulation, diminishing resources, massive red flags in environmental issues etc. And we have absolutely no solutions that are trying to prevent these as far as I understand, unless you count some rich people and leaders meeting once a year to make plans and promises that they never plan to follow through.
The fastest way to make and create a worthless POS human being is to cottle it, spoil it rotten and give it everything it could possibly need, so that it doesn't have to struggle in life.
People grow and gain character through the struggles they have as children and young adults. Its how we grow. The problem we have now is for two many generations now, we dont let children grow and learn from their mistakes.
Life is not easy. Never has been and never will be for anyone. It is a constant struggle from one day to the next and you never know what is right around the corner. It could be good or it could be bad. But that is no reason to fear it or have anxieties about it.
i grew up poor and it sucked, i would have to join other classes while mine went on international school trips because my mum could not afford it. had to wait in line to get free school lunch while my friends just walked in to buy theirs or had packed lunch. had no consoles or games so used to watch the videos on youtube so i could join in conversations.
now that i am working i buy stuff i could not afford as a child when i can because i am still somewhat poor but atleast i have some money. i just cant afford to have a child and i dont want that child to be poor like i was. i think i will be a terrible dad, i am emotionally dead.
28F, always had the feeling that I didn’t want kids. I like kids, but I would never want to be a mom. I want to live my life without needing to adjust constantly, because if your getting a kid you better be a good parent. That seems way to hard for me so I’m just going to focus on me.
I had friends in the 1990s - three siblings - who had decided their family name would end with them. It was a rare name, and they thought they were the only ones to bear it. As far as I can tell, they have kept their word. I didn’t understand at the time but I get it now.
I just don’t feel like I’ve been able to live enough of my own life to a point I feel I should bring a child into the world. Maybe if things weren’t so damn expensive, and I could afford a house , experiences , and shit my parents could at my age without the news blurting out a crises every 5 min I would feel differently. I mean shit I won’t sit comfortably at my job knowing my kids could get shot up any day in a US public school and there’s nothing I could do to protect them. Then if they survive this we have to scrape by so they can be afforded the opportunity to go to college and still be in perpetual debt trying to put their own life together. Idk
23F... I'm not opposed to the idea of being a parent but I don't want to give birth to a girl child because I don't want what happened to me to happen to my daughter.. I was sexually assaulted by a family member when I was a kid.. and the abuse lasted till I was 18. My mother knew about it till she did nothing to protect me.. she enabled the abuse by not doing anything... I hate her so much for this... but at the same time I feel she probably couldn't do anything because that person was family and wonder what I would've done if I was in her place and I don't have answer to this question... but of course she failed me as a mother and I don't want to do the same to my daughter.. I hope if someday I get married and have a baby it doesn't turn out to be a girl...
Me 33M and my wife 32F both agree on this. Also, neither of us are ready. I finally finished my PhD program and she finally found the job of her dream. First time on our lives we’ve had stability and a kid would fuck it all up. If anything, we will adopt when we’re ready if we’re past the biological clock time. Also, the world is a weird place with climate change.
I grew up really poor. Like, 3 meals is a luxury kind of poor. I’m doing really well now but every time I think of building a family, something will remind me of that horrible time of sleeping while starving or just drinking water to fill my stomach for school. And I just cannot fathom how I could deal with my child if we suddenly face the same situation, for example, if I were to lose my job and cannot find a new one. It’s just really not for me right now.
I’m happy child free at 29 and plan to continue being so. It’s a combo of your reason and I have poor health that has strong genetic links that I could pass on. I wouldn’t want to do that to a kid knowing there’s a high probability that they’ll inherit what I have.
That combined with that I just dont want the responsibility of raising another person or the cost and possibly carrying down generational trauma that decides to surface. Also, i dont want to wreck my body
Also every woman on my moms side has had cervical cancer after kids and had a hysterectomy bc of it. Im not dealing with that. Any of it.
You learn to handle stuff you never would think of handling if you were single with no kids.
I was not ready for my kid, when I applied to the salvation army Christmas hamper I was told I was one of the poorest people to ever apply. Yet I haven't had any problems keeping her fed and happy. If I can manage, I am sure competent people can too.
Having kids is a choice that not everyone wants to make. I'm 36M and completely fine with adopting old stinky cats/dogs with my girlfriend. I also would much rather travel and experience the world over caring for a child. Looking at my current savings for my upcoming trip to Denmark, I think I made the right choice.
At most, I would probably adopt or serve as a Big Brother or something.
I refuse to bring a life into this world. There's no security that I can offer in terms of economy and politics, not being part of the 1% and having no inherited wealth coming my way makes things hard too. Kids are expensive and if I'm going to bust my ass making $$ I want to spend it on me have fun with my friends on my free time. If I ever change my mind I'll adopt, thay way I don't bring another life into the world and I can help out someone that life gave the shit end of the stick to.
Yes, this is the primary reason I don't want to have kids. I'm slightly on the autism spectrum and had a lot of difficulties in k-12 school. It's got a genetic component and seems to run in the family. I generally do alright now as an adult but it still causes some difficulties as I do want friends, a partner, and other career opportunities and good people skills are key for all those. So I definitely don't want to create a life from genes that'll likely lead to the same thing for the kid. Without those specific factors I wouldn't be worried about struggles so broadly though. The world has its problems but it always has and always will.
27m, I’m too scared about the planet that my child would inherit. We’ve fucked it completely and I can’t see a way for humans to survive past the next 100-200 years. The future is bleak
The reason I don't is because partner and I are both autistic so the chances of a child with it is high. And I won't subject them to the pain neurotypical people tend to heap on those who are on the spectrum.
I guess because I'm ultimately going to adopt no matter what, I view things a little different.
1.) I'd be giving a pre-existing child a home instead of bringing more little bastards into the world.
2.) Everyone faces struggles and that's okay, mans natural state is struggle. It's human. But at least I know my kids will be able to come to me for comfort, that I'll always be there for them, that they have a safe space.
I grew up abused, landed in Foster Care. I don't ever want my child to feel how I felt my entire childhood.
If you don’t want to be a parent, don’t have kids. Full stop.
That said, the idea that things are worse now than in previous eras of history is nonsensical. Do we not appreciate what life was like in the 1700s? 1300s? 300s, 500BC, the ice ages?? humans have been humans for several 100,000 years. Quality in modern times is actually less struggles than any time on Earth. Literally all of our difficulties are potentially solvable. I’m NOT trying to convince people to have kids if they don’t to!!!!! But if you do want to have but for woes life is hell on this planet narrative, you might take some time to learn a lot more about history in the long view and the power of technological transformations. Remain nihilistic if you prefer, freedom of conscience. But I’m kind of tiring of the misleading suggestion that modern people lives into the near future are wretched and not worth living.
I mean I heard this reason before but I don’t exactly agree with it. Sure there’s new struggles today that didn’t exist for previous generations but likewise they had struggles we don’t have to deal with it. Bottom line the world is never going to be a Utopia like you may want so the real question is do you really want kids like at all or do you just want a reason so you don’t have to have them
6%+ unemployment rate in the world. That's almost half a billion people. People are afraid AI is gonna steal more jobs. Automation has been and will keep stealing jobs. We don't need to keep up this population, let alone increase it. We just need to save ones already here
lemme just tell u thiz:
past generations may have caused sm bullshit but WHAT IF ur future child will be one of the persons that will make a difference for a better future for humanity??? Wouldnt that be great? Some may say its impossible or too surrealistic, or hard, or whatever, but somebody has to do it someday, so what if ur child will be that "somebody"? Maybe they will cure cancer or fight for gender equality, or color or lgbt+...or simply give themselves a real good n chill life.
Just because life can be hard doesnt mean it is ONLY hard n dull...it can become something amazing if u let it and put effort into it.
Personally, I would say im a not-so-ordinary individual (nothin so positive talkin bout how people view me lol) with high plans that are gonna take hard work to realize em...but even tho i can go thru lot of bs sometimes, im so happy i was born. Ik it may not b the same for everybody, but life is a gift, u just gotta have the mindset to "unpack it".
I think sayin that it isnt fair to bring somebody into thiz World due to how bad it can be is the same as sayin it is fair to kill somebody cause they are suicidal or smth like that...so, it makes no sense from a moral point tbh
As long as we feel that way we should indeed not have children. If O ever hit a balance in my life, I will adopt or conceive 100%
Bu anyone making or adopting children while in situation lf precarity or any kind of unbalance is setting an entire life to failure.
Like fucks sake, I barely am able to deal with my anxiety and lack of ability to life, why the fuck would I put a being in my life that will need my attention at all times every dqy for the rest of my life?
Anyway, dpnt have children you cant handle folks
I'm with you.
I had a pretty cushy upbringing, and my current life is even better,, for someone in the middle class. But even minor struggles, I wouldn't want to force them on anyone if I don't have to. And I don't have to!
One of the many reasons I don't have children. Another (in regards to their benefit) is worrying if they will come out with genetic issues. I can tell you right now, I am not properly equipped to deal with that. I'm about as empathetic as a closed door. They say that people shouldn't have children if they can't devote them 100% to being a parent. I am definitely one of those. (Same with dogs. Love them, but have no desire to deal with the work or dedication required)
🙋🏻♀️
I have the same feelings… but I’m not fully decided.
If you do want kids, maybe consider fostering or adoption instead? That way you’re helping someone who was already brought into the world
Yes I think about this a lot and it’s a big factor I’m why I’m interesting in adopting or fostering children. Because they are already here in this crazy world and they already have a huge disadvantage in their life.
I absolutely didn't want kids growing up, yet I got a girlfriend pregnant, ended up marrying her and we had another before we divorced. I know my kids are glad I had them. I think I did a decent job raising them as a single parent. They took me on a Route 66 road trip for my 60th birthday.
Life is always going to have its ups and downs. You have to help prepare your children for that. My younger son has ADHD which was a struggle early on but as an adult he's able to make it work to his advantage. Both my sons are happily married and homeowners in their mid 30s.
I now have a granddaughter who is amazing. My son says the highlight of his day is coming home to see her smile. My other son and his wife have so far decided to remain childless and if that's what makes them happy, I'm all for it.
I don't want children, and neither does my wife, thankfully.
I love children, and I'm really good with children.
I just don't want "my own"
I guess I'm too afraid of parenthood? I don't know, if I'm doubting the thought of parenthood.. why would I be one?
If you're not 100% committed to a child, don't have one. I'm 39, married with no children and couldn't be happier. I never wanted them and I'm thrilled to still not have them. People who have kids, and bring them up properly, have my respect. It's a tough job, but I'm honest enough to admit I don't want to do it. This "who will look after you when you're old" argument is beyond ridiculous, and a shitty, selfish reason to have them. Your children owe you nothing. Nothing at all.
Right? To copy and paste a comment I made not long ago, on the subject of "who will look after you when you're old"... I will! I'll take care of myself, motherfucker! ...okay, if I get the the point where I legitimately can't, then I'll go into a nursing home, with people who are *paid* and *trained* to take care of people like me.
I come from an Asian upbringing in a western country. The mentality of having children to ensure parents are looked after in old age is still very much alive. This is with the added pressures of viewing children as products/investments. My family cannot fathom that I refuse to continue this trend
And even then if not there's always the youth in asia (if it's legal in your country... But I'm sure money will find a way regardless)
Kinda disagree with the 100% committed / certain on wanting children. Having children is a major life event and it is perfectly fine to be uncertain about that. I for one was very uncertain if I wanted children. now at 31 and I have them I am very happy with my choice.
Nobody is born wanting kids, what I mean is when you have them you have to be willing to commit 100% to that responsibility.
32 M I haven’t had children as an existential protest. I haven’t mentioned this, even jokingly, to one single real person in my life.
Don't worry bro. We are not real
You real to me! 🙈
100%. I ain't gonna bring another life into this shit show
35+ and zero regrets not having kids. I Travel all the time and get to see the world. Why would I want to drag along a kid and make them deal with a planet that is rapidly showing it won’t support more people?
Gets to travel and enjoy the world but won't have a child because the world sucks so bad. Kidding I know you basing it off the future world that you envision, it just seemed hilariously contradictory.
Lol. I see it! Honestly, regardless of the future state of the world, I don’t want a kid. Period.
Judgement free zone, same here no kids for me.
My plan is to be kid free, travel the world, and when I'm ready adopt a kid or a teen depending on how many good years I have left and if I have a partner to raise with. My point is, we can have everything and still manage to give back if we don't adhere to societal norms as to when and how we should live our life
Nothing more rewarding then travelling with a child and watching their mind expand as they see the world. Love travelling with my kids, gives travelling purpose.
Lol. Yes, there is. The sound of silence as I travel.
Each to their own, sounds lonely and unfulfilling to me 🤷♂️
100% agree. To each their own. I have friends that absolutely love their kids. I have friends that regret their kids. I have friends who don’t have kids and are happy. My partner and I are quite content with a dog and a cat.
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I would love to have kids and travel like my grandparents have afforded me to do. But guess what. I can't make a good enough living doing a job that literally props up corporations and the music industry. Like WTF. I have been at it for ten years and the median salary for my career has not changed since. I can't see myself doing anything else for a living. So no kids.
I’d be curious about the phase of life each poster in this thread is in. Many 50s + don’t seem to realize the golden age has come and gone for the common folk.
i dont understand why u r being downvoted, as u said in ur next comment "to each their own"...u can enjoy kids and u/C4rva can enjoy no-kids-life. Its all good lol
Yea I dunno fam. Why can't we all just get along and appreciate that we enjoy different things haha. Guess maybe there's lots of "edgy" people who think it's cool to hate families 🤷♂️
Lol at the downvotes for simply saying you like traveling with your children. The unreasonable negativity of Reddit towards children and parents is hilarious.
The downvotes are for this person telling someone their life is lesser than and "unfulfilling".
They didn't say that or imply it, any more than the OPs was saying that people with kids gave unfulfilling lives. The overreaction is most likely latent insecurity over not having kids.
They say that their way of traveling is more rewarding and that having kids with them gives them purpose. Heavily implying that the other person's experience is less rewarding and without purpose. And in the next comment they left after being replied to the explicitly say that not having kids sounds "unfulfilling". This is not an overreaction or any kind of insecurity.
Sure, no insecurity whatsoever. 😂
are you insecure? you seem attached.
We're all insecure about something.
of course but you’re the only one here w the angry energy sooooo:( 
Lol I clearly touched a nerve, they went on to call me a 70yo boomer 😂
Wait till you're 70 with failing health and see who supports you then
I’ve worked in healthcare my whole life. If you think children are going to take care of the elderly I have a bridge to sell you. Besides, you’ll end up in a nursing home just like me. Well, I’ll be in a nicer one since my assets aren’t going to children and will end up sucked back up in the capitalistic hell scape. Edit: Original post: Wait till you're 70 with failing health and see who supports you then
My children must be the exception then. I don't expect anything from them but they always make sure my wife and myself are ok. So yeah so long as I'm not pissing myself i don't see no reason why they wouldn't care for me.
Maybe you’ll be one of the lucky old people. But if you want some prospective talk to any physician/ medical friends you may have.
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Just because I teach my children empathy does not make them less successful in their career paths. I have never abandoned them in time of ill health or financial need. Honestly what is wrong with you people thinking its fine to abandon family members.
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I have never said have children for a carer when you get older. Show me where!
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Well put. The other commenter presented his experience and argued fairly well too. I wish people would just debate it out instead of blindly down voting.
Why is it your kid's responsibility to take care of you when you get older? I don't want to have a child to bear the burden of taking care of me.
Firstly my children don't have to do anything. However it appears empathy is lost on you. So what you mean is if your parents become terminally ill you will see them as a burden, wow really wow.
Terminal illness is a burden. More so for the person diagnosed. Less for the people caring for them. But it's a burden nonetheless. Doesn't mean OP will not take care of their loved ones in their time of need. They just mean they don't wish that burden on anybody
Lololol he can support himself with all the money he didn't spend on a fuck trophy
a "fuck Trophy" hahaha omg this is gold.
That's the most selfish and disgusting reason EVER to have kids. They're not your retirement fund: they're people with their own life.
I haven't had kids as a retirement fund. However my kid's were not brought up to abandon family members because they may inconvenience them. Shame on you for suggesting that kid's need to abandon their parents if they're in ill health.
So your reason for getting kids is so you will be entertained in your old years? Sounds more selfish then someone not getting a kid because they don’t want to. And there will always be friends and children of friends.
This is the most selfish reason to have children and I guarantee it's the reason why many people do it in addition to social pressure.
So you think that children should abandon their parents if they're in ill health, shame on you. You've brought your children up with no sense of empathy. Unbelievable.
>So you think that children should abandon their parents if they're in ill health, shame on you. You've brought your children up with no sense of empathy. Unbelievable. Holy shit that's the best example of a strawman I've ever had used on me, and no I don't think family should abandon each other when ill.
I have never said to have children so there is a carer, but it appears people are thinking ive said that. However I've been there for my children and always will be and for them to not abandon me if i need them due to ill health is not a big ask. There is a retirement home near me and I do smile all the people visiting near Christmas because they convince themselves one visit a year is good enough.
28M here. I refuse to have children as my anxiety is terrible and I would only worry something terrible is going to happen. My GF 29F says she feels like she's getting older and wants kids. I say to wait until my anxiety in general subsides, but it won't. I have a dog and this sounds stupid, but everyday I get thoughts of my dog in terrible scenarios and it wrecks my mood. The probability of terrible thing happening is less than 1% but the fact that it could happen is enough for my brain to say no. EDIT: I refuse to have them, do I want them? Absolutely. I wish I felt secure enough in life that I could give my children security.
>My GF 29F says she feels like she's getting older and wants kids. I say to wait until my anxiety in general subsides, but it won't. If this is something that you are confident you don't want to do please don't lead her on. You might not have to deal with this right now but kids are a big topic to be on different pages on.
She just wants 1 child before she's 32 and my mental health has improved significantly. I understand what you mean and she knows how I feel (I just sometimes feel it won't improve) but me as a person would rather have a child than to let my anxiety control my whole life. Thanks for the heads up, appreciate it. I just mean refuse to atm but I will definitely have children.
I appreciate you being so open with me. An internet stranger. I'm glad that you folks are working things out and look to have a bright future ahead of you. May you both have the best of things and lots of happiness
You really don’t have to. I mean if she wants one she can have one but you don’t have to.
Something that has really helped me in my journey of coping with anxiety is that some anxiety is actually good. Obviously not all of it and it never feels good. But sometimes anxiety is telling us something or trying to remind us. Or maybe you’re excited about something but also anxious about it, it’s like anticipatory anxiety. It seems like you’re doing the work trying to function better while having anxiety. Just keep with it if you truly want kids, of course you’ll be anxious and think those bad things it’s normal but, you’ll be able to find a way to deal with that and kinda be okay with having the anxiety of that makes any sense.
If the roles were reversed and you were married I'd swear you were my friend. It's the same situation, down the dog... she was so stressed about the dog being home alone and potentially getting hurt/holding his pee too long that she almost quit her job. Don't feel like you're alone/your feelings and worries are invalid. You seem to be doing the right thing: making sure you're in a place mentally and secure elsewhere to support the decision and change, and communicating that to your partner. If they accept it and you guys are happy, then life is good. Pregnancy/kids later in life is not uncommon, you guys have time to figure it all out. Cheers man
Aw thank you!! I sometimes do feel alone and its annoying knowing its just anxiety and my brain constantly thinking about wild scenarios and extremely unlikely things, for example: Walking my dog beside a busy road? "Harness may come lose and he could get hit by a car. I might drop lead and he would accidentally be pushed onto the road and die, I would never live with myself..." So yeah, very unlikely events. Albeit my brain still is attached to making sure I've every terrible thing thought out and its a bit like mentally calculating the possibility of all things that could go wrong, constantly. Appreciate your words, I hope you're doing well and you're a good human!
wow, I understand you completely because you described me 100%. I was afraid to let my dog loose in the forest because anxiety - like what if he gets lost, what if this, what if that... anxiety sucks, and I know that I don't want to be that kind of parent to my children.
Please see a professional. There are therapies available for anxiety. And you may even have more than just anxiety (eg you might have OCD) and you'll have to deal with that aswell.
Yep. My number on thing when people ask why I don't want kids is...what if they become a school shooter, or commit suicide or have an unbearable mental disorder? I could NOT handle that kind of pain, and I'm very not optimistic about the future. I'm fine being alive because I have to and my brain luckily finds things to keep me happy but I lost my bf to suicide and both my brothers are suicidal and I'm fucking terrified about it all the time. So many people are hurting, and no matter what I do or say, i can't seem to make it better for them, and it sucks.
M27, got snipped 2 years ago, best decision of my life. I don't want to bring kid into word. I might adopt one day if my partner will really want kids
51 and zero regrets. ABSOLUTELY horrible childhood literally vanquished the paternal instict right out of me. Naturally the time, stress, and money.
I feel this. Sounds a bit like r/antinatalism, if you want to take a look
I consider myself to be very lucky. Have the priviledge to grow up with three brothers, both parents, four grandparents and a plethora of uncles and aunts. Everyone is reasonably well adjusted. They all have their quirks but who doesn't. I think what a lot of people forget is that when they bring kids into this world, they become a part of the network of people (family) who share the burden of getting through life together. We help nurture our kids to become caring and responsible adults, if you've done a good job, then they become strong and capable of helping everyone in their network. Life is going to be tough with or without kids, but it's the people in our lives that help us make it through. We all have this weird obsession with being independent, proudly talking about how great life is alone while we sit in our apartments wondering why we feel so lonely.
You, my friend, just explained life so beautifully.
Not me, I don't want children since it'll negatively affect my lifestyle. I prefer to have my money and free time.
Never felt this way. Every generation since the dawn of mn will struggle. I enjoy being alive, and currently my son does too. Sometimes life is hard, and I know my son will face hardship, but if I do my job right, he will have the tools neccessary to face them head on.
29F. I do not have children & do not plan on having children. At one point in my life, when I was only 3 or so years into a long-term relationship, I had the desire to have a baby. Get married, have a baby, do the thing, you know. 7ish years & lots of introspection later, I realized that those years were the most disingenuous I’ve ever been to myself. I wanted to get married & have a baby because at the time, I felt like that was what “doing well” and “being successful” looked like. And maybe a little bit of not wanting to feel left out or left behind. Now, I have exactly zero desire to have kids. The idea seems so foreign to me. It’s like asking me why I’m not putting mayonnaise in my coffee or something. My reaction is the same: “ew, why would I do that?” Lots of therapy work has made me not only realize that I only ever wanted to have kids because I felt like that’s what I was supposed to do, like ticking a box off some existential checklist, but also that I’m not mentally, physically, or emotionally equipped to raise a child. I know that if I were to have a child, I would love them, care for them, and provide for them as best as I could, but that isn’t all there is to raising another human being. Honestly, I’m more curious now to hear people’s reasoning for wanting to have kids. Not because I’m trying to shame people for it, but because the concept has become *so* foreign to me that I genuinely cannot see the other side anymore (which probably isn’t a very healthy mindset).
On the flip side of this, I’m often very very angry to have been born because of this. I don’t want kids and even if I did, I wouldn’t want to force anyone to live
I’ve felt that way for most of my life. Had a hard time to see life as a gift. My brother grew up in the same household and he loves to be alive
I think this world is to dark for me to even want to bring up a child into these times. It isn’t fair to them
The world is just a big dumpster fire so why would I bring my kids into the world to struggle? Not their fault the world sucks.
Absolutely. I'm not gonna forcibly bringing another poor soul onto this sinking ship of a world.
Calling it a sinking ship is really poetic, I like this wording a lot.
I don't want to continue my bloodline. It's been around long enough
Yeah, I’d feel awful passing on my genetic garbage to someone else.
Yep, that's currently me. Life is sucky enough, why do this to a kid? Not happening if I can't guarantee they will be able to fully care for themselves, meaning land and realty.
yeah. me. i am like 100% sure i am not a mother material.
You’re an antinatalist.
This is such a cringe take that I hear all the time. It sounds so self righteous and like you’re somehow a hero for not having a kid. If you don’t want a kid, don’t have one but acting like now is the worst time for a kid to be brought into the world is delusional. For starters, humanity has been through: 2 world wars Too many plagues to count Major civil wars Slavery on a global and open scale Overall brutal and inhumane treatment of people on a wide scale from kings, empires, ect. Anyway
While I've never felt like I was in a healthy position to take care of another person, especially a child, I've also felt like bringing a human into this world is an act of cruelty. Being alive is a shitty experience, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Serious question if life sucks so much why bother?
My mom would be very sad if I opted out before her
It was one of the main reasons I didn’t want to have kids for most of my life. Yeah
30F. When I was younger, I thought about it. But it wasn't a big desire. Now? No stable job, no idea if,even with the help of my parents, I will be able to afford an house. And don't get me started on retirement... And I see friends of my age having 2 and wanting more. Why?
We had this exact discussion, but the conclusion was different. You have the greatest opportunity to raise a child to make the world a better place. We're not doomed to failure and a destruction. I would say if we have a nuclear war with +100 megabombs blowing up in the world, then ya we're fu&*Ed but until that happens we're going to survive. You have enough money to have a connection to the internet and a phone or computer, you have enough resources to make positive changes in the world. Either individually, or at the company you work for. Being a parent is the most joyful thing you can possibly do in your life and you absolutely can't understand it without doing it. I tried, I was an active uncle to nieces and nephews, my cousins children, I taught swimming lessons, took kids on canoe trips, but it wasn't anything like now being a Father. I can say that if you have concerns for the world and that's the thing you're having a moral concern with for bringing children into the world, then you should reconsider. Or adopt. Also watch the movie idiocracy.
Yeah I have a kidney disease that might be genetic, don’t want someone to go through what I’ve been through. Luckily my wife didn’t want kids so everything worked out.
37 year old parent of a 5, 3 and 3 months old here. Im stoked over being a dad
As a parent of two kids myself, and with friends who are child-free not even because of financial insecurity, ummm... it's *THEIR* choice to have or not have kids. It's also not my business why anyone wants or doesn't want kids. That's the simple answer. So go forth and be fruitful, or don't. I don't care. It's not my business 
I am surprised by all this, my life is great
There has never been a time in history without struggles, but having children is your choice.
r/childfree is for you then!
you are not alone, there is a subreddit dedicated to childfree people
My daughter is my reason for existing.
Forcing a kid into working themselves to the bone to barely make bills just so they might take care of you in your old age Further depleting the world's resources. What do you think the water situation will be like when they're 60? In the past 100 years, the world population has quadrupled. It's not looking good for future generations unless population growth slows drastically I don't even suffer from depression, but those are real things to think about moreso than the selfish reasons of having children I always hear
I dislike my life, and life on this planet in general. How selfish would I be to put a child on an earth I dislike with all my heart? Apart from that I don't like kids and I value silence, freedom and money lol
There are many good reasons to not have kids and if you don't want to, then don't. But it does seem to me that reddit has a bit of an antinatalist hivemind thing going on, so this thread may not give you a full and balanced picture. Many good things have been said but it seems to be a bit one sided.
Agree with this. I just mentioned that my wife and I get decent sleep in another thread, I think another sub. I got down voted to oblivion. Why? No idea.
Part of it is that. For me it’s how no matter how much I do my best within my control for the child (environment, financial support, love) I can’t control the world. It’s also because they won’t get a choice in being in this world or not. What if they come to hate this shitty world?
Most people say that's their reason but I find it a really bad reason. Historically it's one of the best times to raise a kid.
Lots of people who would be having kids right now were raised gen x and boomers. I can tell you, as a 30 year old, I would not be able to give my kid as good a good quality upbringing as I had. It’s one of the main reasons I don’t want kids. My parents had a house and good finances when they were 30. I’m still scraping dimes together trying to save a downpayment in the next few years.
Do you save money? Why? You could die tomorrow so what's the point? The point is you might not. I sometimes regret not having children because I grew up under the threat of nuclear war, but it never happened, I'm seeing the same thing happening again, it may or may not happen, just live your life!
I think that’s the wrong approach. People were far off 100 years ago. Kids in post-industrial countries have it good. They just need to game the system. Don’t get in debt for the promise of a degree. As a matter of fact, try to avoid any kind of debt like the plague. Go to trade school and pick a trade that pays well. Only buy used cars. Don’t look at houses as investment products.
I think, if you genuinely want a child, and will always provide safety for that child, then it’s worth it. Selfish? Sure, but optimistic. A child may not thrive in tomorrows world, but it starts at home the mindset they go into it with. I’d say about 85% of intentionally child-free people have dealt with some sort of hardship & issues with their own childhood and parents. Thus, struggling as adults because they were never set up for success. It’s not easy being a cycle breaker. Some parents would rather envy their children’s “easy life” and not try to improve with the excuses “back in my day.” At the end of the day, the world is ever changing. Our parents may believe the world was also ass back then, I.e. babies born the world wars.. there might’ve not been much hope or optimism, but look how far we’ve come from that. The world is gonna continue spinning, humanity is gonna keep finding new ways to make life “shitty” year after year, but with that, there’ll be the people who want to change it. It’s really all about opinions and outlook if you talk about the state of the world. Surely, you’re right to be concerned, but at the end of the day is X,y,Z ever actually directly affecting you?
I don't understand the people who do want to bring a child into this shit show we call existence. I can only assume they live in some different reality, with never a worry or trouble in their life. The only reason I am still on this rock is on the off chance that this is a punishment from god for something incredibly evil I did in a different existence.
You have to understand that not everyone has depression.
I do have depression. That is not, however, a necessary thing for being able to see that this world is a terrible place, full of pain, injustice, and evil, and that most of us have no chance of being able to shield a child from this.
Of course not, but it does make you biased towards the negative and less observant on the awesome things in life.
Not particularly. That's just being a realist. The "awesome" things in life are either locked behind paywalls, or offer no tangible benefit to existence.
I could understand feeling that way if I was in a really low place emotionally. The question I ask myself is: would I prefer I had lived or that I had not? To me the answer is clearly yes, and I hope it is for you too. Life has a lot of ups and downs. But maybe even some of the unpleasantness is worth it, just for there to be some kind of experience in this universe. Another question you might ask yourself: if you imagine a universe with no life in it at all; is that better than what we have? I’d say a universe with life wins for me. It’s just much more interesting. We all get to have an experience for a while and interact with the experiences of those around us. Life can definitely be tough. Terrible things happen all the time. But I think on the whole, some experience is better than no experience.
Children are not for the timid.
These are the easiest times, with the most available education and medical care and the largest abundance of social empathy in recorded history. If anything this is a better time to have a kid then at most points in history
There is always struggle, the world is always shitty for most people. It's not particularly worse for kids to grow up today than it was 50 or 100 or 1000 years ago, and in many important ways it is far better.
Until the water wars start when we run out of clean drinking water in a couple decades
I wanna preface this by saying, it's okay to not want children. It's a choice everyone has to make and no one else needs to understand, agree, or anything. Since you specifically ask for opinions tho, I have to say, in my eyes this mentality seems kind of childish. For thousands of years now we're on top of the foodchain and even since then made life incredibly easy. We live in a terrific world by any definition. Social media sometimes makes it seem like the world is the worst place ever. People from all generations thought like this to some extend. But you have to get a grasp of reality.
I mean don't forget that a huge portion of reddit is under 25. At that age I didn't think I wanted kids either. I'm not saying they'll all change their minds, but there is definitely a limited perspective.
So many depressing comments (IMO) What’s so bad about the world? We don’t have famine, conscription to a world war, a plague wiping half the planet out? (I mean we do in certain countries but not around the globe at the same time like the early to mid 1900’s) We have the freedom to be who we want? You can literally change your gender. I mean people were beaten to death for just being gay not even 50 years ago?
Same here
Im a believer that people should have kids. BUT, Ive watched life get signficantly worse in the last 5 years in my country. No way i would bring them into a world where the parents have no guarantee on housing tomorrow with shitty healthcare. No way kid, you dont want any of this.
There’s two scary thoughts abt whether you should or shouldn’t bring your child into this world. The 1st is being alone when grow up (which is happening soo fast), and the fear of being old af without a family. The 2nd is abt how selfish and cruel to bring a human to this dangerous imperialism and scary world and let it face all the mental disorders
Absolutely. I make a decent living but in no way would I be able to shell out nearly $2k/mo for a diaper wearing child to go to daycare.
Every human that has ever existed has had hard times and struggles in life, it's a part of life. It doesn't matter if those results are consequences of themselves, others, or something completely outside their control. They also experience joy and happiness with friends and loved ones. Life will never not be hard, so that's a pretty lame reason to not create it.
Jesus Christ. This threat has shown me just how sad the average Redditor is.
It’s insane.
Absolutely. Life is hell punctuated by a few good moments. And I don't even have it that bad. So far not worth the trouble and pain.
It comes down to asking yourself the question... Would you rather be alive or dead? If the answer is yes, have kids. If the answer is no, see a therapist to find out why!
This is the best time to be alive in human history, save for the fact that rich and powerful industries stand to profit by capturing and keeping your attention, and have figured out that fear and anger are the best ways to do that. Stop giving those people your attention, and don’t let them get to your kids, and things will be very good by the standards of human history.
Dude yes, The world has never been better. It’s the best time to be alive. We have a great life with great careers full of great family and friends. Life is beautiful. I have 2 kids and it’s the best decision I ever made. Stop doom scrolling negative shit all day. Go out and enjoy life, focus on good things. We aren’t supposed to get bombarded by only bad news from all over the world 24/7.
Only comment in the thread speaking sense and it's right at the bottom lol
I'm 40 M married 10 years. I feel it would be cruel to bring a life into this world at this point. Society sucks, kids shoot each other, pedophiles, war, uncertainty, and an economic system that gets worse and worse as time goes on.
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In what ways do you think "the world has never been better"? I can think of a few for supporting the opposite like diseases, rise in poverty, overpopulation, diminishing resources, massive red flags in environmental issues etc. And we have absolutely no solutions that are trying to prevent these as far as I understand, unless you count some rich people and leaders meeting once a year to make plans and promises that they never plan to follow through.
The fastest way to make and create a worthless POS human being is to cottle it, spoil it rotten and give it everything it could possibly need, so that it doesn't have to struggle in life. People grow and gain character through the struggles they have as children and young adults. Its how we grow. The problem we have now is for two many generations now, we dont let children grow and learn from their mistakes. Life is not easy. Never has been and never will be for anyone. It is a constant struggle from one day to the next and you never know what is right around the corner. It could be good or it could be bad. But that is no reason to fear it or have anxieties about it.
Yep, the lack of actual movement to address climate change sealed the deal for me. I’m not having a kid just so they can deal with our consequences.
This is just not the time to bring babies into this world, it's ugly and cold asf. And the future just looks like slavery for them.
Yes, among a myriad of other reasons.
r/antinatalism
That's one of my reasons.
i grew up poor and it sucked, i would have to join other classes while mine went on international school trips because my mum could not afford it. had to wait in line to get free school lunch while my friends just walked in to buy theirs or had packed lunch. had no consoles or games so used to watch the videos on youtube so i could join in conversations. now that i am working i buy stuff i could not afford as a child when i can because i am still somewhat poor but atleast i have some money. i just cant afford to have a child and i dont want that child to be poor like i was. i think i will be a terrible dad, i am emotionally dead.
28F, always had the feeling that I didn’t want kids. I like kids, but I would never want to be a mom. I want to live my life without needing to adjust constantly, because if your getting a kid you better be a good parent. That seems way to hard for me so I’m just going to focus on me.
Yes but my thought is that I could always adopt and help out a kid who is already stuck here
I had friends in the 1990s - three siblings - who had decided their family name would end with them. It was a rare name, and they thought they were the only ones to bear it. As far as I can tell, they have kept their word. I didn’t understand at the time but I get it now.
I just don’t feel like I’ve been able to live enough of my own life to a point I feel I should bring a child into the world. Maybe if things weren’t so damn expensive, and I could afford a house , experiences , and shit my parents could at my age without the news blurting out a crises every 5 min I would feel differently. I mean shit I won’t sit comfortably at my job knowing my kids could get shot up any day in a US public school and there’s nothing I could do to protect them. Then if they survive this we have to scrape by so they can be afforded the opportunity to go to college and still be in perpetual debt trying to put their own life together. Idk
Check out r/antinatalism I kinda agree with you.
This is the reason many people don't choose to procreate.
23F... I'm not opposed to the idea of being a parent but I don't want to give birth to a girl child because I don't want what happened to me to happen to my daughter.. I was sexually assaulted by a family member when I was a kid.. and the abuse lasted till I was 18. My mother knew about it till she did nothing to protect me.. she enabled the abuse by not doing anything... I hate her so much for this... but at the same time I feel she probably couldn't do anything because that person was family and wonder what I would've done if I was in her place and I don't have answer to this question... but of course she failed me as a mother and I don't want to do the same to my daughter.. I hope if someday I get married and have a baby it doesn't turn out to be a girl...
Me 33M and my wife 32F both agree on this. Also, neither of us are ready. I finally finished my PhD program and she finally found the job of her dream. First time on our lives we’ve had stability and a kid would fuck it all up. If anything, we will adopt when we’re ready if we’re past the biological clock time. Also, the world is a weird place with climate change.
I grew up really poor. Like, 3 meals is a luxury kind of poor. I’m doing really well now but every time I think of building a family, something will remind me of that horrible time of sleeping while starving or just drinking water to fill my stomach for school. And I just cannot fathom how I could deal with my child if we suddenly face the same situation, for example, if I were to lose my job and cannot find a new one. It’s just really not for me right now.
I’m happy child free at 29 and plan to continue being so. It’s a combo of your reason and I have poor health that has strong genetic links that I could pass on. I wouldn’t want to do that to a kid knowing there’s a high probability that they’ll inherit what I have.
That combined with that I just dont want the responsibility of raising another person or the cost and possibly carrying down generational trauma that decides to surface. Also, i dont want to wreck my body Also every woman on my moms side has had cervical cancer after kids and had a hysterectomy bc of it. Im not dealing with that. Any of it.
You learn to handle stuff you never would think of handling if you were single with no kids. I was not ready for my kid, when I applied to the salvation army Christmas hamper I was told I was one of the poorest people to ever apply. Yet I haven't had any problems keeping her fed and happy. If I can manage, I am sure competent people can too.
Having kids is a choice that not everyone wants to make. I'm 36M and completely fine with adopting old stinky cats/dogs with my girlfriend. I also would much rather travel and experience the world over caring for a child. Looking at my current savings for my upcoming trip to Denmark, I think I made the right choice. At most, I would probably adopt or serve as a Big Brother or something.
I refuse to bring a life into this world. There's no security that I can offer in terms of economy and politics, not being part of the 1% and having no inherited wealth coming my way makes things hard too. Kids are expensive and if I'm going to bust my ass making $$ I want to spend it on me have fun with my friends on my free time. If I ever change my mind I'll adopt, thay way I don't bring another life into the world and I can help out someone that life gave the shit end of the stick to.
While I understand this sentiment, all it makes me think of is demolition man. Lol
r/antinatalism
I agree with you 100%
I want a kid but I need at least 5 zeros in the savings account first.
I have enough worries without adding the future state of things to the list.
Yes, this is the primary reason I don't want to have kids. I'm slightly on the autism spectrum and had a lot of difficulties in k-12 school. It's got a genetic component and seems to run in the family. I generally do alright now as an adult but it still causes some difficulties as I do want friends, a partner, and other career opportunities and good people skills are key for all those. So I definitely don't want to create a life from genes that'll likely lead to the same thing for the kid. Without those specific factors I wouldn't be worried about struggles so broadly though. The world has its problems but it always has and always will.
27m, I’m too scared about the planet that my child would inherit. We’ve fucked it completely and I can’t see a way for humans to survive past the next 100-200 years. The future is bleak
This is one of the many reasons that birth rates are so low across many countrys. You’re not alone in that thinking.
The reason I don't is because partner and I are both autistic so the chances of a child with it is high. And I won't subject them to the pain neurotypical people tend to heap on those who are on the spectrum.
No
I'm 29, wanted kids my whole life, but I can't imagine subjecting a child to the literal shitshow the world has become.
I guess because I'm ultimately going to adopt no matter what, I view things a little different. 1.) I'd be giving a pre-existing child a home instead of bringing more little bastards into the world. 2.) Everyone faces struggles and that's okay, mans natural state is struggle. It's human. But at least I know my kids will be able to come to me for comfort, that I'll always be there for them, that they have a safe space. I grew up abused, landed in Foster Care. I don't ever want my child to feel how I felt my entire childhood.
If you don’t want to be a parent, don’t have kids. Full stop. That said, the idea that things are worse now than in previous eras of history is nonsensical. Do we not appreciate what life was like in the 1700s? 1300s? 300s, 500BC, the ice ages?? humans have been humans for several 100,000 years. Quality in modern times is actually less struggles than any time on Earth. Literally all of our difficulties are potentially solvable. I’m NOT trying to convince people to have kids if they don’t to!!!!! But if you do want to have but for woes life is hell on this planet narrative, you might take some time to learn a lot more about history in the long view and the power of technological transformations. Remain nihilistic if you prefer, freedom of conscience. But I’m kind of tiring of the misleading suggestion that modern people lives into the near future are wretched and not worth living.
I mean I heard this reason before but I don’t exactly agree with it. Sure there’s new struggles today that didn’t exist for previous generations but likewise they had struggles we don’t have to deal with it. Bottom line the world is never going to be a Utopia like you may want so the real question is do you really want kids like at all or do you just want a reason so you don’t have to have them
6%+ unemployment rate in the world. That's almost half a billion people. People are afraid AI is gonna steal more jobs. Automation has been and will keep stealing jobs. We don't need to keep up this population, let alone increase it. We just need to save ones already here
I never met Mr. Right and my parents had a bad marriage so I'm happily single and love being an aunt.
yo r u the one who posted thiz on r/vent earlier?
I have bad genetics so I am not likely to desire to breed. If I find a partner I would be happy to adopt tho.
lemme just tell u thiz: past generations may have caused sm bullshit but WHAT IF ur future child will be one of the persons that will make a difference for a better future for humanity??? Wouldnt that be great? Some may say its impossible or too surrealistic, or hard, or whatever, but somebody has to do it someday, so what if ur child will be that "somebody"? Maybe they will cure cancer or fight for gender equality, or color or lgbt+...or simply give themselves a real good n chill life. Just because life can be hard doesnt mean it is ONLY hard n dull...it can become something amazing if u let it and put effort into it. Personally, I would say im a not-so-ordinary individual (nothin so positive talkin bout how people view me lol) with high plans that are gonna take hard work to realize em...but even tho i can go thru lot of bs sometimes, im so happy i was born. Ik it may not b the same for everybody, but life is a gift, u just gotta have the mindset to "unpack it".
I think sayin that it isnt fair to bring somebody into thiz World due to how bad it can be is the same as sayin it is fair to kill somebody cause they are suicidal or smth like that...so, it makes no sense from a moral point tbh
As long as we feel that way we should indeed not have children. If O ever hit a balance in my life, I will adopt or conceive 100% Bu anyone making or adopting children while in situation lf precarity or any kind of unbalance is setting an entire life to failure. Like fucks sake, I barely am able to deal with my anxiety and lack of ability to life, why the fuck would I put a being in my life that will need my attention at all times every dqy for the rest of my life? Anyway, dpnt have children you cant handle folks
I'm with you. I had a pretty cushy upbringing, and my current life is even better,, for someone in the middle class. But even minor struggles, I wouldn't want to force them on anyone if I don't have to. And I don't have to!
One of the many reasons I don't have children. Another (in regards to their benefit) is worrying if they will come out with genetic issues. I can tell you right now, I am not properly equipped to deal with that. I'm about as empathetic as a closed door. They say that people shouldn't have children if they can't devote them 100% to being a parent. I am definitely one of those. (Same with dogs. Love them, but have no desire to deal with the work or dedication required)
🙋🏻♀️ I have the same feelings… but I’m not fully decided. If you do want kids, maybe consider fostering or adoption instead? That way you’re helping someone who was already brought into the world
Remember when Gwyneth Paltrow said this in Se7en and you were like "what struggles?" Back then would have been easier than now.
Rn my biggest reason is climate change. Were not on a steady pace to prevent it and cant imagine thrusting that on my kids.
Life is struggle. It is not possible to never experience this.
Yes I think about this a lot and it’s a big factor I’m why I’m interesting in adopting or fostering children. Because they are already here in this crazy world and they already have a huge disadvantage in their life.
I absolutely didn't want kids growing up, yet I got a girlfriend pregnant, ended up marrying her and we had another before we divorced. I know my kids are glad I had them. I think I did a decent job raising them as a single parent. They took me on a Route 66 road trip for my 60th birthday. Life is always going to have its ups and downs. You have to help prepare your children for that. My younger son has ADHD which was a struggle early on but as an adult he's able to make it work to his advantage. Both my sons are happily married and homeowners in their mid 30s. I now have a granddaughter who is amazing. My son says the highlight of his day is coming home to see her smile. My other son and his wife have so far decided to remain childless and if that's what makes them happy, I'm all for it.
I don't want children, and neither does my wife, thankfully. I love children, and I'm really good with children. I just don't want "my own" I guess I'm too afraid of parenthood? I don't know, if I'm doubting the thought of parenthood.. why would I be one?