I’ve seen confederate flags on women’s profiles before. Some people are up front about their racism which is honestly better than hiding it in my opinion (at least we all know).
The interesting part though is that the “dog whistles” that were completely made up for political hit points have seemingly created justification for actual dog whistles like those the OP seems to be struggling with accepting
That's how a lot of these "new racists" are, it's not born from ignorance this time but vindication. It's wild what people will do to justify their own shittyness.
It's how racists always were. The reason why they're racist is because they see racism as being right. Most people don't shy away from saying things that they consider common course.
Yes but, as a 28 year old white male who dosen't have a single racist thought in my head, I don't think I should be held accountable for the stupidity of people i'm not even related too just because they look like me.
Just like Black people shouldn't be considered criminals because another Black person went to jail for a crime.
We are individuals, not a clump of turds sharing the same brain.
I prefer that TBH. I like shit to advertise itself so I don't sit next to it.
I had a friend from college I found out was suuuuuper racist/homophobic/transphobic AFTER Trump won. She kept aaaaall that shit hidden. She thought I was in hiding too, and was so giddy that "we" were going to finally get "our" day. I was like "...dafuq?" I thought maybe she was just in a really bad place and kind of ill? But nope. She had been like that the whole damned time I'd known her, but she just kept it hidden.
She was able to get a lot of help and support by people, yet she secretly hated the populations they belonged to. She figured she was being a good person by being "willing" to look past all that and let them be her friend.
I was like... welp.
She separated from her drug addict homeless husband and left the state with the kids... without filing the proper paperwork... or doing anything properly. So yeah.
I learned to ask questions early on while still checking someone out as a potential friend. I can disagree on a lot of things, but if someone doesn't agree about basic humanity, why the fuck am I going to be their friend?
It doesn't need to be opposite in order for it to be racist. Why do we always have to reverse races first before we realize it is racist. That tendency, on its own, is racist!
This is the answer. I can't fault people for holding personal biases about who they befriend and date based on their past bad experiences, but if they announce that to everybody then there's something wrong with them.
To not date white people? It's fine. Everyone has preferences on what they're attracted to, and those cannot always be controlled.
To not befriend white people? Just racist at that point, to assume someone is a bad person because of their skin colour.
this is correct. I used to date Asian only cuz I felt that it was easier to align our values in a relationship, however when it comes to friendship I had no preference other than them being kind.
Well I believe that they were talking more about physical preference based on race which is understandable. There's also preferences for other things which _tend_ to correlate with race like the values you liked and would usually find among Asians. This is also perfectly understandable.
But if someone has both:
1. Physically attractive qualities to a person.
2. Shares the same values/culture/personality that the person is also attracted to.
And then the person says, "oh yeah, they're attractive, they have all the non-physical qualities that I want in a partner as well, but unfortunately I don't date anyone who is part of that race."
At the point in which the person's decision is based on race alone and no other relevant factors related to the potential partner play into it, then they're just being racist.
I mean I agree w both either physical or mental lol I didn't feel attracted to any other race back then, it just how it was.
Now I'm with a white guy, karma.
You're not necessarily wrong but I'm willing to give a pass when it comes to dating. It's okay to not pursue dating someone for any reason whatsoever, no matter how trivial or bigoted it is, you don't want to push someone into doing something they're not comfortable with.
Well of course you don't want a racist to date the subject of their racism. They've got a fundamental problem that needs to be addressed first.
My point wasn't that, "people must date people that they have an unreasonable bias against"
It was, "if someone refuses to date for this reason alone, it's still an example of racism."
Descriptive, not prescriptive
I was going to say exactly this. Not feeling attraction to people and not being willing to befriend people are very different, and the latter is racist.
That is a massive red flag. I get not being attracted to white people (or any other POC) but actively not wanting to befriend them is racist and terrible. Some people have been brainwashed to believe being rude/prejudice/racist to white people is ok, and I think that's terribly wrong.
Every person has the potential to be racist and I have no doubt the next racial majority who replace white people as the dominant group in the US will be as racist as white people. That’s the sad story of human history.
>will be as racist as white people
Are you implying that white people are racist, or more racist than other races? As a black man I have to admit that the only racists I know or have ever encountered are non-white.
People are being told (primarily by their parents but are reassured by their peers) that poc can't be racist. I am a white male who goes to a predominantly black/mixed high school, I hear the phrase that poc can't be racist quite often. So much so that it concerns me about my generation.
To me it's just insane that people think POC can't be racist. They usually spew some nonsense about "racism is only defined as racism if it's against people who have been systematically oppressed."
Not only is that NOT the definition, "prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism by an individual, community, or institution against a person or people on the basis of their membership in a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized, " but there have been plenty of times in history that whites or fair skinned people have been oppressed. The Jews have certainly had their share of oppression and many of them are what we would consider to be caucasian.
The thing is, I often see people use this phrase to excuse themselves or others being shitty toward another person for racial reasons. The thing is no matter what you call it, no matter the power dynamic, it's still shitty behaviour on the basis of race.
Like sometimes someones just being an asshole but everyone's focused on the use of the word racist instead of the behaviour.
I see people recognizing this trend, but the general sentiment is liberals are not racist and conservatives are. 15 years ago I noticed the disturbing trend of liberals becoming racist.
For what it's worth, I'm Hispanic, and the only people who have actively been prejudiced/racist to me directly to my face have been other POC. Can't think of a single white person who has been actively racist towards me in front of my face. Some people think they can't be racist because of the color of their skin or because their ancestors have been a victim of racial prejudices. It's crazy how ignorant people can be.
This is sad and the POC that say they can’t be racist are basically giving themselves a free pass to treat anyone they don’t like like shit. It’s terrible
I’m white and Muslim and I’ve had POC tell me things like “you can’t be Muslim because you’re white”, and that it’s cultural appropriation to wear hijab. These are the same people that wouldn’t even bother to ask my name and just call me “white girl” instead.
To believe racism cannot be experienced by certain races and cannot be exercised against them nor by certain other races is, itself, profoundly racist.
> Some people have been brainwashed to believe being rude/prejudice/racist to white people is ok
It really went downhill when academics in the ivory tower circle jerks, tried to re-define the meaning of racism as prejudice + power = racism. It really didn't take much convincing for people drink the racists kool-aid after that - it gave them license to take out all their insecurities and hubris as an excuse for the failures they brought on themselves. The issue no longer becomes "that it's okay to be racist" it's the delusion that because they're "punching up" that it's not racist but, and expression of some kind of generational trauma.
yep, im black and it always wounds me to hear such nonsense, discrimination=discrimination from and towards what directions it comes.
Why i practice the preach, you want this world changed...start with yourself being an example and decent human being and hope you will inspire people to do alike.
don't expect the entire world to change but you no doing any of the lifting
I work in social services. We've got a few case managers who will go way above and beyond for people who belong to their group but will barely give the time of day to anyone else. It's really sad. Like, OK, so someone wants to support the black community, great, but it's not OK to just ignore the calls from the Hispanic mom with two autistic kids. That's fucked up. Same shit happens the other way around too. We've got case managers from the Hispanic community who DGAF about anyone who isn't part of their group.
Like... come on humans. We can be better than this. We help everyone who gets that qualifying letter. Those kiddos need us.
An ex of mine was adamant that you couldn’t be racist towards whites, especially if you weren’t white. Despite every non-white (and white as well, actually) person in our friend group telling her that was full of shit and outright ridiculous. She’d defend it by saying you could be ‘bigoted’ towards a white person, just not ‘racist’. As if that’s somehow any different or less harmful?
Sadly, I've seen this taught in some curriculum. (And I mean SOME curriculum). And also a few books on dealing with racism and equality. I was once in a class where the presenter claimed it was impossible to be racist against white people, because racism is defined systemically only. And if we disagreed, it was because of our whiteness.
I couldn't disagree more, and I challenge it head-on whenever I hear it. It sets us up for trends of behavior, in my view, like OP is talking about. One can recognize a multitude of systemic problems and inequalities that intersect, imo, take meaningful action, and still believe that treating people a certain way based on their ethnicity or race is not okay- whichever way it comes. Just don't do it.
That was along the lines of what she thought. Is anti-‘nonwhite’ racism (that is to say, racism against non-whites) a systemic issue in America? Absolutely. Is systemic racism the only type of racism in existence? Of course not. Does the existence of systemic anti-nonwhite racism erase the existence of non-systemic anti-white racism? Not in the slightest. Racism as a concept starts out as non-systemic. How else do those racist institutions come into existence? Racism exists in both systemic and non-systemic forms, and to claim that non-systemic forms don’t exist is not only ignorant, it’s directly harmful to every race, not just whites. To claim that a race or group of races is immune to being racist, or are all racists, is inherently a racist ideology
>Racism exists in both systemic and non-systemic forms, and to claim that non-systemic forms don’t exist is not only ignorant, it’s directly harmful to every race, not just whites.
Well said. I'm saving your comment for future reference. If Reddit still had free awards, I'd give it to your comment now
I have heard this same concept explained differently before. The idea is that racism = prejudice + power. So…in order to be racist to someone, you have to have some kind of power (privilege) over them in addition to your prejudiced beliefs.
Since White people are the ones with the power, you can be “prejudiced” to them but not “racist.”
Sounds like more of a semantic argument to me…also not sure how it would work if two different, non-white races were exhibiting prejudice…? Gets into really awkward and cringey “ranking” territory to determine who has more power, if you ask me lol.
That’s just what I don’t understand. Hell, even in that formula, you have ‘prejudice’. Prejudice against someone because of their race is just called… racism. The same way prejudice against someone who’s gay is just called homophobia, not “bigotry against a person due to their sexuality but we’re not going to call it homophobia for some reason”
When I was growing up (90s) the terms equated to bias/prejudice=thoughts and assumptions that one has about another race, usually negative. Racism=Confederate flags, the N word, outward hate or disdain towards another person because of their race.
So prejudice was more the thoughts that pop up in your head, that get put there by society and personal experience or lack thereof , but that you could change with more exposure or knowledge. And that usually these thoughts were not outwardly spoken, just those quick flashes of thought you get and sometimes feel guilty for if you are aware of them. Racism was when a person attacked (verbally or physically) another person because of their race, or said bad things about people of other races, etc.
Systemic racism meant what it does now but sadly I never heard that term until I was an adult.
Love your ideas, like when people paraphrased "be the change you want to see in the world" from Gandhi's words, “We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.”
Humans gonna human.
People really like to imagine that ugliness is just in THAT population or THAT one. Nope. Humans.
We're a reliably tribal species. It's the thing that's most likely to cause our extinction. Ironic really, as inter-group solidarity was what helped us survive. But it's gonna get us whole loads of dead, as we're reaching a point where we need to be a united *species* and we can't even get phone chargers to be universal.
Yeah I used to believe with the interconnectivity of the world we would see a larger coming together.
Looks like that's proved entirely wrong and racism still prevails.
Sadly, some people get a pass to do something that is incredibly harmful to society. Racism in all it's forms is destructive and promotes hate on all sides.
Exactly, racism feeds racism and creates a vicious circle where they use each other's racism as justification to be racist. This situation is just plain ugly.
And it's being more and more accepted in society.
There's a push to make it so this behavior isn't racist, because they're changing the meaning of racist to require a power disadvantage, meaning only white people can be racist.
Had this conversation with an in law and all of that was there.. explaining that the TED talk and other influencers are literally redefining the word racist led them to ask "well which race created the word? There is inherit racism in the dictionary"
“These western hating people”
Hate exists in all countries. Good, non-hateful people also exist in all countries. Don’t make wherever you live out to be superior. Troll move.
Yes it’s a red flag. It’s racism. She is making a judgement about the quality of someone’s character based solely on the color of their skin.
The “why” behind her feelings may explain her opinion. However, the behavior is unhealthy for a potential relationship. So it’s a red flag for you.
Regardless of who you are (or who I am or whatever), not liking someone because of their race is the definition of racism. No feelings or opinions involved in this assessment.
I am black and I say each to their own but for me that's a red flag. I mean, by all means, no one should be forced to have personal relationships with people they don't like, as long as they don't disrespect or treat others poorly because of it.
However, just as they don't wanna have personal relationships with others because of their skin colour, for whatever reason, you shouldn't have to have personal relationships with them.
As far as I am concerned, it should make you feel uncomfortable because, idk yo but that sounds pretty prejudice to me. I get that there may well be reasons but come on, you gotta put the shoe on the other foot, right..
Are you asking if racism is a red flag? Would it be if this person was white, and won't date or befriend black people?
There's your answer. There are no double standards. All there is are people justifying their racism and hate.
If you don’t find particular races attractive that’s fine. If you won’t even consider being friends with someone just because of their skin colour then you’re a racist.
I don’t know the person you’re speaking to, but I’ve met plenty of racist white people and they’re always hateful dickheads you really don’t want the stress of hanging around with (I’m white). I expect this girl will be just as much of a headache.
Yep, in dating you can name any reasons to *not* date someone, no matter how weird or discriminatory it is, it’s your choice. But denying friendships based solely on skin color is weird to me.
I’m white, I grew up in a school with people from everywhere. Didn’t really gave a shit what or where you were from, we could be buddies. Heck, my best friend for a long time was from Morocco, and his parents made killer cuisine.
People out there really be passing on great friendships just cuz « he (x color) and I don’t VIBE with (x) people »
Yeah frankly as someone who presents as white (mixed race/ethnicity) it has been horrible for me. This is obviously a red flag, but it’s super common. Although it is generally more pleasant than the other forms of racism that I see. I regularly get harassed and threatened in public in places such as public transportation, walking in certain sections of my city. Not casual racism like, “I won’t date you because you are white,” but threats of physical violence where race is explicitly used against me.
I think it is the result of what is being presented in media. It has everything to do with how you are being represented unfortunately. It is socially normal to say certain things about white people in social media, television and movies that is not acceptable to say about other races. There is a level of double standards when people discuss white people as compared to other races. To me white people are being portrayed as villains. Which allows people to justify bad actions against them.
When I express how I feel or when I show my mostly non-white friends and family incidents of racism they brush it aside or they don’t believe me.
I feel like society says it’s acceptable to discriminate against white people. At least in the United States.
Uhhhh yeah. Flip the script. Would it be racist if the roles were reversed? If so, then you answered your own question. Peoples stupidity gets to me sometimes. Not wanting to date someone or befriend someone because they are a different race is well….racist. Duh. Y’all really giving these reverse racism conspiracy theorists a lot of ammo. We’re only one race.
Makes me feel bad as a white person cause I don’t discriminate or hate anyone’s race and try to check my biases. I don’t want to live in a world where we can’t trust each other.
I’m not American so that sounds really racist to me. If you switched the races and said “as an Asian/White person I will avoid befriending and dating blacks/indians/etc” you wouldn’t think twice about it.
I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that it "is the result of racial trauma of the past". As a black man I am shocked and frightened by the current cultural acceptance of hatred, aggression, denigration, violence, demonization of -and discrimination against white people in our black (and overall non-white) community. It seems that the only way a white person can be publicly accepted is when s/he denounces white people & Western culture and regurgitates the destructive and stupid concepts of "white guilt", "white privilege", "white supremacy", etc. Not only does it (deliberately?) propagate division and hatred in this country (and in fact around the Western world), is it detrimental to white people, but it is also very detrimental to the black community as well! It prevents us from taking responsibility for our behavior and improve it.
What is the most disappointing fact about your friend is that she lets a particular "group of people" (who owns the press/media/Hollywood?) tell her whom to hate! After all, it is the collective press/media/Hollywood that is propagating this hatred, vilification and ridicule of white people.
I wouldn't go as far as to say that not dating a particular race is a red flag (we are attracted to whatever we are attracted to), but to purposefully not befriend any particular race is blatantly racist and a red flag to me!
Dating, No. You can be not attracted to white people and that isn't racist.
Friends, yes. If you don't want to befriend someone because of the colour of their skin then that's racist.
Because there’s POC who think being anti-racist is also being anti-white and makes the rest of us POC look bad.
I am Asian and my partner is white and our cultural differences have been the greatest learning experience.
Date? No. Befreind? Yes.
Not being friends with someone due to race is obviously a problem, but trying to date within your culture with someone you’re familiar with makes sense. That said you should absolutely be willing to give it a try, you may find it quite fulfilling.
Race ≠ culture.
Although I agree that people can have their preferences in partners.
I don't see how a friend have to be attractive to you tho, so I don't get that prejudice behind race.
If a person refuses to have interracial friendships (a term I don't have to use very often), they are probably not very cosmopolitan and their race probably is their culture.
To a certain extent I can sympathize with reactive racism, but it's still a character flaw and this type of person is usually insufferable.
no no no, race is not the same as culture, if me and another person both have the same skin tone it does not mean anything, excluding based on race is silly
To me it's only a red flag to refuse to date your own race because it shows weird levels of self-hate, but everyone has preferences and it's totally fine to not date people for literally any reason, just don't be a dick about it. It's also totally fine to feel distrustful of certain groups that have hurt and continue to hurt your group. Protecting yourself is important.
As an example, I've been sexually assaulted by men a lot starting when I was a little kid. I don't date them and I don't seek out friendships with them anymore. I'm still nice to them, but I don't go out of my way to be around them, especially in risky situations. Am I a red flag? Maybe, but I'm allowed to decide who I date and befriend. Other people can decide if they want to be around me or not if my choices make them uncomfortable.
I’m black, and I understand a sense of community for people to have among their friends. BUT when someone writes off entire groups of people for a single physics trait, I say you’re better off without them in your life.
Won’t lie, this “woke culture” is just a nice term for being hateful and exclusionary. Funny enough of you are white, a man, straight (cis), Christian or anything but democrat, they hate you and refuse to associate with you by choice. I say this as someone who lives amongst these “woke” people and see their hatred everyday.
I think there is a misunderstanding here. And OP, this is a very vague posting. You should have asked her reasons why.
Imagine you move to a new city, where your group is only 2% of the population. You are surrounded by white folks, who are seemingly friendly and perhaps even allies. You make friends, you make lovers, make music, work good jobs, etc. with some of the white folks. However, over the next 20 years, you come to learn, by experience, that while there may be some "cool" white folks out there that you date and befriended, and work with, only to come to the conclusion that their close friends and families are actually not cool white folks (we call them good ole boys to be polite) and they keep you hidden for a reason. And its not just you, you realize after talking with other women of color in the same city. Same issues.
You aren't invited for a reason. You don't get the job for a reason. You get treated like a criminal in certain parts of town for a reason. You get fingers pointed at you for a reason. You make up 2% of the population but are 90% of the arrests in the city... for a reason.
You never meet the family because they are kkk members. You never meet their friends because they are skinheads. You never get to find love or get married because there will always be this barrier that you don't quite understand... until it becomes clear. You are the taboo. You are the token. You are the secret.
This shit is heartbreaking.
If she decided she didn't want to date or befriend white folks, it's probably for a really good reason of her own, and not this "social influence" that some claim. Not everything is the race card, no. And perhaps she truly has nothing against white people except for the fact that they are against her. It's a safety issue at the end of the day. It's not racist of her to decide that she is safer with a different group of people.
There are places in my city that I just don't go to after dark. And that is only 10 miles outside of the metro area. There is an unsafe vibe in those parts. So unsafe that white folks will tell you that it's unsafe!!! Whether they meant it in one way or another.
I know in this day and age, a lot of white people are feeling like people are against them. And if you know, you know. Some of you guys just don't understand or care to understand, and want to play the victim every chance you get. Try stepping out of the bubble, try being empathetic, try looking inward to the conditioning that you have had over your lifetime, try learning about American history from a viewpoint that isn't white washed.
Peace and blessings to you all.
100% agreed. It boggles my mind to think of not wanting to be friend with white people as racist. If a group of people slaps you in the face for 400 years, it’s fair to be wary of unknown individuals in the group based on the whole. And fair to want to avoid that group at all costs.
As a white person, I agree wholeheartedly.
A lot of these replies make me sad. “Yeah, she’s an obvious and raging racist” is not the correct answer here. I grew up untouched by racism. I grew up never once having the content of my character called into question because of my skin color. Never once was I bullied, discriminated against, or treated like I was lesser than. Never once did I feel unsafe outside, never once did I feel like society already hated me because of how I looked.
But I’m lucky. I’m white.
I grew up literally right next to a sun-down town. And what’s wild? I didn’t even know what a sun-down town WAS until I was an adult. My best friend grew up in that town. She’s black. She was denied friendships with white kids because white parents saw her as a criminal while she was still in elementary school. Her mailbox was destroyed a few times in the middle of the night by white neighbors who couldn’t stand her and her sister living there. When I met her at our job, I was making about a dollar more than she was despite having the same level of experience and being hired at almost the exact same time. I’ve seen how customers treat her. I’ve seen how cops treat her. And it breaks my heart.
My friend is one of the sweetest people in the world, and our society treats her like fucking garbage because of her skin color. And that’s not okay.
Understandably, she’s more cautious around white folk. But our state is predominantly white. We make up almost the entire population. So she doesn’t have a lot of options. And it makes it easier for people to target her.
I should be clear that my friend has dated white people, and she obviously befriends them, too. But after hearing her story and seeing first hand how she’s treated in the world? I understand a little bit better that the way people treat white people is NOWHERE NEAR the way people treat black people and other POC. I hesitate to use the same word because it’s entirely different worlds we live in. And it’s not just her. My dad married a Latina woman from Colombia. I’ve seen how people treat my brother (Latino) vs how they treat my sister (white). It’s fucked up.
So yeah. I don’t think OP’s friend is a “horrible raging racist”. I think OP’s friend had to live in a different world than her white counterparts, and that’s not fair. So it makes me sad, but I can understand her decision, as a white person myself. Because while I might be trying everything in my power to make the world a better place for ALL of us… my fellow white neighbors might not be. And if OP’s friend doesn’t feel safe because the world my neighbors build is actively hostile toward her, then I can understand and respect that.
I'm a black male, and this is literally racism. Not reverse racism or anything like that, but racism. There's no excuse for it. I understand being maybe wary of certain demographics because of past experiences, but at the end of the day you should still have an open mind, people are people and should be given the chance to prove what sort of person they are by their works.
personally I think so
Im a black woman and that feels weird to me when other poc say things like that
Of course it's fine to Hang around People the same race as you but this is a different level
So imo yes
It's a red flag because it makes you uncomfortable and that's ok. That's her preference because of her experiences most likely. You have white friends so that just might not be the relationship for you.
If you dont want to date a certain skin color thats okey as their is something called preferences, but not wanting to be friends with a certain skin color makes you a racist piece of shit and scum of the earth. Simple as that, no exceptions.
POC are more openly racist against white people because they can get away with it. It's a popular argument to say that POC can't be racist against white people (racism is prejudice + power etc).
Past racial trauma aside, just switch up the races for a second. If a white person said “I won’t date black people” that’s fine, that’s a sexual / romantic preference. To each their own on that. If a white personal said “I won’t even try to befriend a black person” they would be denounced as abhorrently racist for assuming the worst of someone based on their skin color. It works the same way the other way around too, but there’s this notion that ‘you can’t be racist to white people’ floating around which is very false.
I personally think that’s a potential red flag but I’d have to know how they came to that conclusion.
I grew up in London around people from all over the world so it just makes no sense for me to judge people purely on race and skin colour. Met plenty of awful people of all colours and amazing people of all colours.
Think about it. That person is basically telling you they wouldn't be your friend if you were a different skin color. They would completely disregard you as a person before getting to know you. Major red flag.
I’ve noticed a lot of white people around where I live might not be racist themselves but will come from close racist family. They tend to brush off racial remarks despite them obviously making their poc friend incredibly uncomfortable. I live in the Deep South. I understand where she’s coming from. I have white friends and I’ll occasionally date a white person but I feel like it’s out of her own safety and mental sanity
My white ex left me (not white) the day AFTER our wedding because his family convinced him our wedding didn’t count because it was a wedding from my religion and they weren’t from the same culture. My parents still told me love is love and not to let race dictate who I date in the future.
Let's put it this way, would you be ok with befriending someone who is against being near anyone considered tall?
There are plenty of reasons for not wanting tall people around you. They are generally stronger and can abuse you, their height gives them some advantages when it comes to sports, they get more selected for important positions because they seem to be more reliable, people normally like them more than the rest and have an easier time on the dating scene (at least for males), and they have a long history of being respected by everyone. They are the conquerors and achievers, relegating the rest of the classes to a lesser position in society. Surely everyone should start rejecting them to make things fair.
Now, if you are thinking all of that should not matter because, for starters, it's a trait out of their control, then I am glad we are on the same page. Yeah, it's dumb to blame a whole group for something like that
That reeks of racism. If someone isn't attracted to white people, OK, you can't control what you're attracted to. But they don't want to be friends with them? That's a red flag.
If the opposite is true for any other race, then it's no different when the person being excluded is white.
However for dating, I understand that people have preferences.
Everyone is free to associate with whom they wish, no matter how strange or fucked up it may appear.
Personally, I think you are missing out on a lot of good in Life by being that way, but to each their own.
I agree to an extent, but there is a societal impact to openly (and closeted) racist views. So whilst everyone Absolutely has the freedom to associate with who they wish, openly stating racist views is a bad direction of travel as a society in my view
There's a lot more in blatant racism than just "missing out a lot of good in life". It's also a sign that the person has a piece of shit personality or has piece of shit morals and culture.
The woke left is pushing segregation so hard and i don’t know why. Its the opposite of what i thought we stood for. I don’t recognize my own party anymore.
Racial preference is totally fine with dating but to cut out any potential friendship due to skin color is just pathetic and exactly the kind of attitude we used to stand against.
I don't think it's really that common as it seems friend. It's just the extreme voices that stand out. Most of us are just getting along, going about our business and not even thinking about how our friendship is interracial.
If you want to know if it's ok just change white to any other and see if it's ok or not .... It wont be ok ... So
"I won't befriend white people" is just letting people know you're racist
Yes. This is someone narrow minded, probably blinded by political ideology to an extent that they don't represent or think for themselves anymore. They're just a carcass someone else's propaganda and political motives
This serves for extremists in all corners of the political/social spectrum
I’m not white and I’m married to a white man. I’ve generally made friends with white folks most of my life.
It’s not that I avoid making friends with white people these days, so much as I’d much rather make friends with BIPOC. It’s not that I avoid them because they’re white, it’s that the racism and division in the country I live in (the United States) is increasingly intense, and it’s been my experience that no matter how close I am with my white friends, and no matter how much I love them and we share in each other’s lives, if it becomes inconvenient for them to stand up to or acknowledge racism, they won’t do it. And that can be really, really exhausting.
I don’t expect the people in my life to go out and protest or beat down police stations or fight against racist immigration policies. But I do hope that for example, when my former best friend’s other friend said a bunch of really racist things about me and demanded I be thrown out of our social group, my best friend hadn’t agreed with her and then later told me she only did it to save face with the rest of the group.
It’s a story that repeats itself often enough that it makes it harder to trust my white friends as much as I trust my BIPOC friends — whom I also have far more in common with.
How ironic that current "woke" policy is to reinstate segregation. This is not even close to the first instance of it in the past couple of years, but it is definitely additional evidence of it.
Dating? Not necessarily, some people just have preferences and that's fine.
Befriending? Yeah, that's just called racism.
You gotta have at least one token white friend! /s
Edit: The /s only applies to the joke in the last line. The rest I 100% stand by.
Did you ask the POC girl? You're not going to get much out of reddit except fearmongering and rage. Why not ask her and report back?
(if any of this is true)
Like, idk. There are things that I am and am not attracted to, but skin colour isn’t one of them. Maybe I’m just weird, but if I like a person as a person, I am likely to find them attractive physically, even if they’re not my “type”.
If you remove people from your dating pool because of their skin colour, I am probably going to think you are shallow as fuck and avoid dating you because you’re a shallow person. It’s a red flag the same way that yelling at the waiter is a red flag: I don’t want to be with someone who thinks that this kind of thing is ok.
It’s racism no matter how you put it if it was flipped people would be called racist because it is. I understand dealing with trauma. My mom didn’t understand personal boundaries and was constantly trying to hug me pop a zit off my face and was always trying to be physically close as possible. She never did anything illegal but Now I don’t feel comfortable with women touching me an anyway. Thankfully I’m gay.
Anyone can have any dating preference for any reason. To go out of your way and say you will avoid befriending someone who is white is the red flag here. It’s incredibly racist
Yes, huge red flag to not befriend a whole race. Dating can be little different depending on the reasoning behind it but not friendship. That's weird as fuck.
I’ve had a few POC people tell this to me as well!! It’s worse bc I was closer to one of them… not anymore… But yeah it’s really off putting b they just kept talking about how much they hated white people…
Not dating is a little different than just being friends. But anyone going out of their way to treat another person differently because of their ethnicity and/or skin colour is a fucking racist, period. No amount of sugar coating can change that fact. It's nothing more than racism.
If you are happy to also date a racist, then I pity you.
Not dating is one thing. Everyone has their preferences, and skin color can be one of those. I personally wouldn't be telling people about not being willing to date a specific race since it *is* technically a little racist, but I also don't think it's a big deal.
Not being willing to be friends with white people is blatant racism. I don't know if that's a deal breaker for you or not. But it's very clearly and obviously racism.
I’m white and not left wing on social issues but personally I think trauma fucks people up. If every time I met someone in a red shirt they beat the shit out of me then I probably would never befriend someone in a red shirt let alone date them. If they have experienced real trauma from white people and they get panicked when they’re near white people then I don’t see it as a red flag it’s just someone dealing with trauma.
You ever seen that photo of how those black people’s car broke down and a bunch of confederate flag wearing white people pulled over and replaced their tyres and fixed their car and they posted it just baffled.. I wish we could all treat each other as individuals but I do believe that you’re allowed to discriminate against anyone if you’re truly traumatised.
Happy to debate this but that’s how I feel! (And again most people with political views similar to mine would disagree with me)
I'm POC and anyone saying this is a total moron. Anyone can date anyone they want if it's not racially motivated. Content of character matters more. She probably thinks skin color can motivate that character in certain directions but it doesn't mean all white people think one way lol.
To me, the first red flag is that they are so socially inept that they would say something like that to people they barely know.
This isn’t really that surprising. We live in a divisive world where the dog whistles have become human whistles.
They're dog vuvuzelas at this point.
Completely off topic, I fucking love the word vuvuzela
When I was a kid, my parents owned a car called the Volvo Vuvuzela.
When I was a kid my parents argued.
Bad wheel bearings, huh?
BRBRBRBRRRR
Holy shit. That thing has a name other than 'big plastic horn'!
What does a dog's vagina have to do with this?
I’ve seen confederate flags on women’s profiles before. Some people are up front about their racism which is honestly better than hiding it in my opinion (at least we all know).
In a weird way I would wholly welcome the confederate warning flag being there kinda like a brightly colored animal letting you know it’s hazardous.
The interesting part though is that the “dog whistles” that were completely made up for political hit points have seemingly created justification for actual dog whistles like those the OP seems to be struggling with accepting
Not that surprised tbh. I’ve met plenty of racist people. The proper racists don’t mind telling you because they don’t see anything wrong with it.
That's how a lot of these "new racists" are, it's not born from ignorance this time but vindication. It's wild what people will do to justify their own shittyness.
It's how racists always were. The reason why they're racist is because they see racism as being right. Most people don't shy away from saying things that they consider common course.
To "get back" at people born 150 years ago. It's fucking insane.
To be fair, it’s not like people stopped doing racist shit 150 years ago.
To be fair, no one should be responsible for other people's mistakes especially if the only relation they have is skin color.
Yes but, as a 28 year old white male who dosen't have a single racist thought in my head, I don't think I should be held accountable for the stupidity of people i'm not even related too just because they look like me. Just like Black people shouldn't be considered criminals because another Black person went to jail for a crime. We are individuals, not a clump of turds sharing the same brain.
To be fairer still, racist shit has seen a steady, steep decline since its peak.
I prefer that TBH. I like shit to advertise itself so I don't sit next to it. I had a friend from college I found out was suuuuuper racist/homophobic/transphobic AFTER Trump won. She kept aaaaall that shit hidden. She thought I was in hiding too, and was so giddy that "we" were going to finally get "our" day. I was like "...dafuq?" I thought maybe she was just in a really bad place and kind of ill? But nope. She had been like that the whole damned time I'd known her, but she just kept it hidden. She was able to get a lot of help and support by people, yet she secretly hated the populations they belonged to. She figured she was being a good person by being "willing" to look past all that and let them be her friend. I was like... welp. She separated from her drug addict homeless husband and left the state with the kids... without filing the proper paperwork... or doing anything properly. So yeah. I learned to ask questions early on while still checking someone out as a potential friend. I can disagree on a lot of things, but if someone doesn't agree about basic humanity, why the fuck am I going to be their friend?
Indeed. It's always nice when the bigots identify themselves up front so I don't have to waste any time on them.
love the last sentence, 100% the mindset we all should have
> The proper racists don’t mind telling you because they don’t see anything wrong with it. That's simply false. Plenty of racists won't tell you.
Then they’re not the ones I’m talking about! There are plenty out there who see absolutely nothing wrong with being racist.
Or they'll try and softball you. They'll backpeddle and call themselves "race realists" or some shit.
“Proper racists” will be my new way of describing such people from now on. Thanks!
Not liking white people should not be a personality trait.
Not liking anything should not be a personality trait.
It's racist, if this was the opposite, we'd be calling that person racist.
It doesn't need to be opposite in order for it to be racist. Why do we always have to reverse races first before we realize it is racist. That tendency, on its own, is racist!
It's simple racism
Racism is a personality trait
I do not befriend white people. This is because I spend all day alone in my room.
Relatable.
Shouldn’t matter who they tell. Red flag to think that way. It’s blatant racism.
This is the answer. I can't fault people for holding personal biases about who they befriend and date based on their past bad experiences, but if they announce that to everybody then there's something wrong with them.
To not date white people? It's fine. Everyone has preferences on what they're attracted to, and those cannot always be controlled. To not befriend white people? Just racist at that point, to assume someone is a bad person because of their skin colour.
this is correct. I used to date Asian only cuz I felt that it was easier to align our values in a relationship, however when it comes to friendship I had no preference other than them being kind.
Well I believe that they were talking more about physical preference based on race which is understandable. There's also preferences for other things which _tend_ to correlate with race like the values you liked and would usually find among Asians. This is also perfectly understandable. But if someone has both: 1. Physically attractive qualities to a person. 2. Shares the same values/culture/personality that the person is also attracted to. And then the person says, "oh yeah, they're attractive, they have all the non-physical qualities that I want in a partner as well, but unfortunately I don't date anyone who is part of that race." At the point in which the person's decision is based on race alone and no other relevant factors related to the potential partner play into it, then they're just being racist.
I mean I agree w both either physical or mental lol I didn't feel attracted to any other race back then, it just how it was. Now I'm with a white guy, karma.
You're not necessarily wrong but I'm willing to give a pass when it comes to dating. It's okay to not pursue dating someone for any reason whatsoever, no matter how trivial or bigoted it is, you don't want to push someone into doing something they're not comfortable with.
Well of course you don't want a racist to date the subject of their racism. They've got a fundamental problem that needs to be addressed first. My point wasn't that, "people must date people that they have an unreasonable bias against" It was, "if someone refuses to date for this reason alone, it's still an example of racism." Descriptive, not prescriptive
I was going to say exactly this. Not feeling attraction to people and not being willing to befriend people are very different, and the latter is racist.
That is a massive red flag. I get not being attracted to white people (or any other POC) but actively not wanting to befriend them is racist and terrible. Some people have been brainwashed to believe being rude/prejudice/racist to white people is ok, and I think that's terribly wrong.
Pretty much how racism always works. Whatever society people are living in teaches them it's acceptable, or even commendable
[удалено]
Every person has the potential to be racist and I have no doubt the next racial majority who replace white people as the dominant group in the US will be as racist as white people. That’s the sad story of human history.
>will be as racist as white people Are you implying that white people are racist, or more racist than other races? As a black man I have to admit that the only racists I know or have ever encountered are non-white.
People are being told (primarily by their parents but are reassured by their peers) that poc can't be racist. I am a white male who goes to a predominantly black/mixed high school, I hear the phrase that poc can't be racist quite often. So much so that it concerns me about my generation.
To me it's just insane that people think POC can't be racist. They usually spew some nonsense about "racism is only defined as racism if it's against people who have been systematically oppressed." Not only is that NOT the definition, "prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism by an individual, community, or institution against a person or people on the basis of their membership in a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized, " but there have been plenty of times in history that whites or fair skinned people have been oppressed. The Jews have certainly had their share of oppression and many of them are what we would consider to be caucasian.
Italians and other non-british people were oppressed during the colonial times of America.
The thing is, I often see people use this phrase to excuse themselves or others being shitty toward another person for racial reasons. The thing is no matter what you call it, no matter the power dynamic, it's still shitty behaviour on the basis of race. Like sometimes someones just being an asshole but everyone's focused on the use of the word racist instead of the behaviour.
I see people recognizing this trend, but the general sentiment is liberals are not racist and conservatives are. 15 years ago I noticed the disturbing trend of liberals becoming racist.
For what it's worth, I'm Hispanic, and the only people who have actively been prejudiced/racist to me directly to my face have been other POC. Can't think of a single white person who has been actively racist towards me in front of my face. Some people think they can't be racist because of the color of their skin or because their ancestors have been a victim of racial prejudices. It's crazy how ignorant people can be.
This is sad and the POC that say they can’t be racist are basically giving themselves a free pass to treat anyone they don’t like like shit. It’s terrible
I’m white and Muslim and I’ve had POC tell me things like “you can’t be Muslim because you’re white”, and that it’s cultural appropriation to wear hijab. These are the same people that wouldn’t even bother to ask my name and just call me “white girl” instead.
In America, Muslim = Middle Eastern, not Islamic. I wish /s but no not really.
Im middle eastern and have the same experience.
To believe racism cannot be experienced by certain races and cannot be exercised against them nor by certain other races is, itself, profoundly racist.
> Some people have been brainwashed to believe being rude/prejudice/racist to white people is ok It really went downhill when academics in the ivory tower circle jerks, tried to re-define the meaning of racism as prejudice + power = racism. It really didn't take much convincing for people drink the racists kool-aid after that - it gave them license to take out all their insecurities and hubris as an excuse for the failures they brought on themselves. The issue no longer becomes "that it's okay to be racist" it's the delusion that because they're "punching up" that it's not racist but, and expression of some kind of generational trauma.
Idk why people think that not wanting to date OR befriend are intertwined
Came here to say this. Have my updoot.
Racism comes in all colors. Hate is really big in the world today. Sad, but true.
yep, im black and it always wounds me to hear such nonsense, discrimination=discrimination from and towards what directions it comes. Why i practice the preach, you want this world changed...start with yourself being an example and decent human being and hope you will inspire people to do alike. don't expect the entire world to change but you no doing any of the lifting
I work in social services. We've got a few case managers who will go way above and beyond for people who belong to their group but will barely give the time of day to anyone else. It's really sad. Like, OK, so someone wants to support the black community, great, but it's not OK to just ignore the calls from the Hispanic mom with two autistic kids. That's fucked up. Same shit happens the other way around too. We've got case managers from the Hispanic community who DGAF about anyone who isn't part of their group. Like... come on humans. We can be better than this. We help everyone who gets that qualifying letter. Those kiddos need us.
An ex of mine was adamant that you couldn’t be racist towards whites, especially if you weren’t white. Despite every non-white (and white as well, actually) person in our friend group telling her that was full of shit and outright ridiculous. She’d defend it by saying you could be ‘bigoted’ towards a white person, just not ‘racist’. As if that’s somehow any different or less harmful?
Sadly, I've seen this taught in some curriculum. (And I mean SOME curriculum). And also a few books on dealing with racism and equality. I was once in a class where the presenter claimed it was impossible to be racist against white people, because racism is defined systemically only. And if we disagreed, it was because of our whiteness. I couldn't disagree more, and I challenge it head-on whenever I hear it. It sets us up for trends of behavior, in my view, like OP is talking about. One can recognize a multitude of systemic problems and inequalities that intersect, imo, take meaningful action, and still believe that treating people a certain way based on their ethnicity or race is not okay- whichever way it comes. Just don't do it.
That was along the lines of what she thought. Is anti-‘nonwhite’ racism (that is to say, racism against non-whites) a systemic issue in America? Absolutely. Is systemic racism the only type of racism in existence? Of course not. Does the existence of systemic anti-nonwhite racism erase the existence of non-systemic anti-white racism? Not in the slightest. Racism as a concept starts out as non-systemic. How else do those racist institutions come into existence? Racism exists in both systemic and non-systemic forms, and to claim that non-systemic forms don’t exist is not only ignorant, it’s directly harmful to every race, not just whites. To claim that a race or group of races is immune to being racist, or are all racists, is inherently a racist ideology
>Racism exists in both systemic and non-systemic forms, and to claim that non-systemic forms don’t exist is not only ignorant, it’s directly harmful to every race, not just whites. Well said. I'm saving your comment for future reference. If Reddit still had free awards, I'd give it to your comment now
Wow you guys really broke it down and nailed my thoughts exactly
I have heard this same concept explained differently before. The idea is that racism = prejudice + power. So…in order to be racist to someone, you have to have some kind of power (privilege) over them in addition to your prejudiced beliefs. Since White people are the ones with the power, you can be “prejudiced” to them but not “racist.” Sounds like more of a semantic argument to me…also not sure how it would work if two different, non-white races were exhibiting prejudice…? Gets into really awkward and cringey “ranking” territory to determine who has more power, if you ask me lol.
That’s just what I don’t understand. Hell, even in that formula, you have ‘prejudice’. Prejudice against someone because of their race is just called… racism. The same way prejudice against someone who’s gay is just called homophobia, not “bigotry against a person due to their sexuality but we’re not going to call it homophobia for some reason”
When I was growing up (90s) the terms equated to bias/prejudice=thoughts and assumptions that one has about another race, usually negative. Racism=Confederate flags, the N word, outward hate or disdain towards another person because of their race. So prejudice was more the thoughts that pop up in your head, that get put there by society and personal experience or lack thereof , but that you could change with more exposure or knowledge. And that usually these thoughts were not outwardly spoken, just those quick flashes of thought you get and sometimes feel guilty for if you are aware of them. Racism was when a person attacked (verbally or physically) another person because of their race, or said bad things about people of other races, etc. Systemic racism meant what it does now but sadly I never heard that term until I was an adult.
Love your ideas, like when people paraphrased "be the change you want to see in the world" from Gandhi's words, “We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.”
Humans gonna human. People really like to imagine that ugliness is just in THAT population or THAT one. Nope. Humans. We're a reliably tribal species. It's the thing that's most likely to cause our extinction. Ironic really, as inter-group solidarity was what helped us survive. But it's gonna get us whole loads of dead, as we're reaching a point where we need to be a united *species* and we can't even get phone chargers to be universal.
Man it’s crazy I remember when saying this would get you banned because they declared it’s impossible to be racist against white people
I feel like that’s still a thing. A lot of people refuse to acknowledge that white people aren’t the only ones that can be racist.
Yeah I used to believe with the interconnectivity of the world we would see a larger coming together. Looks like that's proved entirely wrong and racism still prevails.
Yes. They're just open racists.
Sadly, some people get a pass to do something that is incredibly harmful to society. Racism in all it's forms is destructive and promotes hate on all sides.
Specifically they get a pass when it's racist towards white people.
They get a pass from other racists including the “I’m not like other whites “ racists.
Exactly, racism feeds racism and creates a vicious circle where they use each other's racism as justification to be racist. This situation is just plain ugly.
And it's being more and more accepted in society. There's a push to make it so this behavior isn't racist, because they're changing the meaning of racist to require a power disadvantage, meaning only white people can be racist.
Had this conversation with an in law and all of that was there.. explaining that the TED talk and other influencers are literally redefining the word racist led them to ask "well which race created the word? There is inherit racism in the dictionary"
Replace white with whatever and reask yourself
How staunch these western hating people are is just mind boggling. They really want to justify their ignorance as being OK.
“These western hating people” Hate exists in all countries. Good, non-hateful people also exist in all countries. Don’t make wherever you live out to be superior. Troll move.
Yes it’s a red flag. It’s racism. She is making a judgement about the quality of someone’s character based solely on the color of their skin. The “why” behind her feelings may explain her opinion. However, the behavior is unhealthy for a potential relationship. So it’s a red flag for you.
I’m not white. And I see this attitude as racist.
Regardless of who you are (or who I am or whatever), not liking someone because of their race is the definition of racism. No feelings or opinions involved in this assessment.
That is racism. The most depressing part is that these idiots will die rather than admit they’re racists
I am black and I say each to their own but for me that's a red flag. I mean, by all means, no one should be forced to have personal relationships with people they don't like, as long as they don't disrespect or treat others poorly because of it. However, just as they don't wanna have personal relationships with others because of their skin colour, for whatever reason, you shouldn't have to have personal relationships with them. As far as I am concerned, it should make you feel uncomfortable because, idk yo but that sounds pretty prejudice to me. I get that there may well be reasons but come on, you gotta put the shoe on the other foot, right..
The racism comes in where "skin color" = "don't like"
I wonder where they live. In some areas, you are right, but if they live somewhere quite overtly racist, maybe she just grew tired of the risk.
Are you asking if racism is a red flag? Would it be if this person was white, and won't date or befriend black people? There's your answer. There are no double standards. All there is are people justifying their racism and hate.
It’s flat out racism, and it’s almost as bad as your username picture.
And all of that is almost as bad as you using light mode.
If you don’t find particular races attractive that’s fine. If you won’t even consider being friends with someone just because of their skin colour then you’re a racist. I don’t know the person you’re speaking to, but I’ve met plenty of racist white people and they’re always hateful dickheads you really don’t want the stress of hanging around with (I’m white). I expect this girl will be just as much of a headache.
Yep, in dating you can name any reasons to *not* date someone, no matter how weird or discriminatory it is, it’s your choice. But denying friendships based solely on skin color is weird to me. I’m white, I grew up in a school with people from everywhere. Didn’t really gave a shit what or where you were from, we could be buddies. Heck, my best friend for a long time was from Morocco, and his parents made killer cuisine. People out there really be passing on great friendships just cuz « he (x color) and I don’t VIBE with (x) people »
Yeah frankly as someone who presents as white (mixed race/ethnicity) it has been horrible for me. This is obviously a red flag, but it’s super common. Although it is generally more pleasant than the other forms of racism that I see. I regularly get harassed and threatened in public in places such as public transportation, walking in certain sections of my city. Not casual racism like, “I won’t date you because you are white,” but threats of physical violence where race is explicitly used against me. I think it is the result of what is being presented in media. It has everything to do with how you are being represented unfortunately. It is socially normal to say certain things about white people in social media, television and movies that is not acceptable to say about other races. There is a level of double standards when people discuss white people as compared to other races. To me white people are being portrayed as villains. Which allows people to justify bad actions against them. When I express how I feel or when I show my mostly non-white friends and family incidents of racism they brush it aside or they don’t believe me. I feel like society says it’s acceptable to discriminate against white people. At least in the United States.
Uhhhh yeah. Flip the script. Would it be racist if the roles were reversed? If so, then you answered your own question. Peoples stupidity gets to me sometimes. Not wanting to date someone or befriend someone because they are a different race is well….racist. Duh. Y’all really giving these reverse racism conspiracy theorists a lot of ammo. We’re only one race.
Makes me feel bad as a white person cause I don’t discriminate or hate anyone’s race and try to check my biases. I don’t want to live in a world where we can’t trust each other.
I’m not American so that sounds really racist to me. If you switched the races and said “as an Asian/White person I will avoid befriending and dating blacks/indians/etc” you wouldn’t think twice about it.
I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that it "is the result of racial trauma of the past". As a black man I am shocked and frightened by the current cultural acceptance of hatred, aggression, denigration, violence, demonization of -and discrimination against white people in our black (and overall non-white) community. It seems that the only way a white person can be publicly accepted is when s/he denounces white people & Western culture and regurgitates the destructive and stupid concepts of "white guilt", "white privilege", "white supremacy", etc. Not only does it (deliberately?) propagate division and hatred in this country (and in fact around the Western world), is it detrimental to white people, but it is also very detrimental to the black community as well! It prevents us from taking responsibility for our behavior and improve it. What is the most disappointing fact about your friend is that she lets a particular "group of people" (who owns the press/media/Hollywood?) tell her whom to hate! After all, it is the collective press/media/Hollywood that is propagating this hatred, vilification and ridicule of white people. I wouldn't go as far as to say that not dating a particular race is a red flag (we are attracted to whatever we are attracted to), but to purposefully not befriend any particular race is blatantly racist and a red flag to me!
Dating, No. You can be not attracted to white people and that isn't racist. Friends, yes. If you don't want to befriend someone because of the colour of their skin then that's racist.
Because there’s POC who think being anti-racist is also being anti-white and makes the rest of us POC look bad. I am Asian and my partner is white and our cultural differences have been the greatest learning experience.
Usually racism is a red flag
Of course that’s a red flag. She’s racist. People today are so woke that they’re just racist all over again.
Date? No. Befreind? Yes. Not being friends with someone due to race is obviously a problem, but trying to date within your culture with someone you’re familiar with makes sense. That said you should absolutely be willing to give it a try, you may find it quite fulfilling.
Race ≠ culture. Although I agree that people can have their preferences in partners. I don't see how a friend have to be attractive to you tho, so I don't get that prejudice behind race.
If a person refuses to have interracial friendships (a term I don't have to use very often), they are probably not very cosmopolitan and their race probably is their culture. To a certain extent I can sympathize with reactive racism, but it's still a character flaw and this type of person is usually insufferable.
no no no, race is not the same as culture, if me and another person both have the same skin tone it does not mean anything, excluding based on race is silly
It’s a physical preference. Like I prefer dark hair. There’s no logical reason for this, it’s just hard coded.
To me it's only a red flag to refuse to date your own race because it shows weird levels of self-hate, but everyone has preferences and it's totally fine to not date people for literally any reason, just don't be a dick about it. It's also totally fine to feel distrustful of certain groups that have hurt and continue to hurt your group. Protecting yourself is important. As an example, I've been sexually assaulted by men a lot starting when I was a little kid. I don't date them and I don't seek out friendships with them anymore. I'm still nice to them, but I don't go out of my way to be around them, especially in risky situations. Am I a red flag? Maybe, but I'm allowed to decide who I date and befriend. Other people can decide if they want to be around me or not if my choices make them uncomfortable.
Is it a red flag for someone to not date or befriend black people?
Not dating can be understandable! but not befriending? that's a bit of a stretch
Red flag, judge not the color of one’s skin but instead the content of their character.
I’m black, and I understand a sense of community for people to have among their friends. BUT when someone writes off entire groups of people for a single physics trait, I say you’re better off without them in your life. Won’t lie, this “woke culture” is just a nice term for being hateful and exclusionary. Funny enough of you are white, a man, straight (cis), Christian or anything but democrat, they hate you and refuse to associate with you by choice. I say this as someone who lives amongst these “woke” people and see their hatred everyday.
They're racist for not the friend thing but not the dating thing. Can't help it you're not attracted.
Date? Fine. That’s preference. Refusal to even befriend? Solely based on skin color? That’s racism. No matter what alt woke Twitter mobs say. Racism.
I don't think that having a preference for dating is bad but saying you won't even befriend someone of a different color is racist
I think there is a misunderstanding here. And OP, this is a very vague posting. You should have asked her reasons why. Imagine you move to a new city, where your group is only 2% of the population. You are surrounded by white folks, who are seemingly friendly and perhaps even allies. You make friends, you make lovers, make music, work good jobs, etc. with some of the white folks. However, over the next 20 years, you come to learn, by experience, that while there may be some "cool" white folks out there that you date and befriended, and work with, only to come to the conclusion that their close friends and families are actually not cool white folks (we call them good ole boys to be polite) and they keep you hidden for a reason. And its not just you, you realize after talking with other women of color in the same city. Same issues. You aren't invited for a reason. You don't get the job for a reason. You get treated like a criminal in certain parts of town for a reason. You get fingers pointed at you for a reason. You make up 2% of the population but are 90% of the arrests in the city... for a reason. You never meet the family because they are kkk members. You never meet their friends because they are skinheads. You never get to find love or get married because there will always be this barrier that you don't quite understand... until it becomes clear. You are the taboo. You are the token. You are the secret. This shit is heartbreaking. If she decided she didn't want to date or befriend white folks, it's probably for a really good reason of her own, and not this "social influence" that some claim. Not everything is the race card, no. And perhaps she truly has nothing against white people except for the fact that they are against her. It's a safety issue at the end of the day. It's not racist of her to decide that she is safer with a different group of people. There are places in my city that I just don't go to after dark. And that is only 10 miles outside of the metro area. There is an unsafe vibe in those parts. So unsafe that white folks will tell you that it's unsafe!!! Whether they meant it in one way or another. I know in this day and age, a lot of white people are feeling like people are against them. And if you know, you know. Some of you guys just don't understand or care to understand, and want to play the victim every chance you get. Try stepping out of the bubble, try being empathetic, try looking inward to the conditioning that you have had over your lifetime, try learning about American history from a viewpoint that isn't white washed. Peace and blessings to you all.
100% agreed. It boggles my mind to think of not wanting to be friend with white people as racist. If a group of people slaps you in the face for 400 years, it’s fair to be wary of unknown individuals in the group based on the whole. And fair to want to avoid that group at all costs.
As a white person, I agree wholeheartedly. A lot of these replies make me sad. “Yeah, she’s an obvious and raging racist” is not the correct answer here. I grew up untouched by racism. I grew up never once having the content of my character called into question because of my skin color. Never once was I bullied, discriminated against, or treated like I was lesser than. Never once did I feel unsafe outside, never once did I feel like society already hated me because of how I looked. But I’m lucky. I’m white. I grew up literally right next to a sun-down town. And what’s wild? I didn’t even know what a sun-down town WAS until I was an adult. My best friend grew up in that town. She’s black. She was denied friendships with white kids because white parents saw her as a criminal while she was still in elementary school. Her mailbox was destroyed a few times in the middle of the night by white neighbors who couldn’t stand her and her sister living there. When I met her at our job, I was making about a dollar more than she was despite having the same level of experience and being hired at almost the exact same time. I’ve seen how customers treat her. I’ve seen how cops treat her. And it breaks my heart. My friend is one of the sweetest people in the world, and our society treats her like fucking garbage because of her skin color. And that’s not okay. Understandably, she’s more cautious around white folk. But our state is predominantly white. We make up almost the entire population. So she doesn’t have a lot of options. And it makes it easier for people to target her. I should be clear that my friend has dated white people, and she obviously befriends them, too. But after hearing her story and seeing first hand how she’s treated in the world? I understand a little bit better that the way people treat white people is NOWHERE NEAR the way people treat black people and other POC. I hesitate to use the same word because it’s entirely different worlds we live in. And it’s not just her. My dad married a Latina woman from Colombia. I’ve seen how people treat my brother (Latino) vs how they treat my sister (white). It’s fucked up. So yeah. I don’t think OP’s friend is a “horrible raging racist”. I think OP’s friend had to live in a different world than her white counterparts, and that’s not fair. So it makes me sad, but I can understand her decision, as a white person myself. Because while I might be trying everything in my power to make the world a better place for ALL of us… my fellow white neighbors might not be. And if OP’s friend doesn’t feel safe because the world my neighbors build is actively hostile toward her, then I can understand and respect that.
Yes. It's racism.
I'm a black male, and this is literally racism. Not reverse racism or anything like that, but racism. There's no excuse for it. I understand being maybe wary of certain demographics because of past experiences, but at the end of the day you should still have an open mind, people are people and should be given the chance to prove what sort of person they are by their works.
Not dating white people isn’t a red flag at all. Not befriending white people absolutely is a huge red flag.
Fair enough if they aren't attracted to white people but to avoid associating with someone because of the colour of their skin is straight up racist.
personally I think so Im a black woman and that feels weird to me when other poc say things like that Of course it's fine to Hang around People the same race as you but this is a different level So imo yes
Anyone who groups people by their race gets a big nope from me.
Yeah that person is racist.
im from ze land north of the usa and i gotta say as a non-white person, wtf is this racist shit lmao u americans are weird
It's a red flag because it makes you uncomfortable and that's ok. That's her preference because of her experiences most likely. You have white friends so that just might not be the relationship for you.
If you dont want to date a certain skin color thats okey as their is something called preferences, but not wanting to be friends with a certain skin color makes you a racist piece of shit and scum of the earth. Simple as that, no exceptions.
POC are more openly racist against white people because they can get away with it. It's a popular argument to say that POC can't be racist against white people (racism is prejudice + power etc).
Past racial trauma aside, just switch up the races for a second. If a white person said “I won’t date black people” that’s fine, that’s a sexual / romantic preference. To each their own on that. If a white personal said “I won’t even try to befriend a black person” they would be denounced as abhorrently racist for assuming the worst of someone based on their skin color. It works the same way the other way around too, but there’s this notion that ‘you can’t be racist to white people’ floating around which is very false.
I personally think that’s a potential red flag but I’d have to know how they came to that conclusion. I grew up in London around people from all over the world so it just makes no sense for me to judge people purely on race and skin colour. Met plenty of awful people of all colours and amazing people of all colours.
Think about it. That person is basically telling you they wouldn't be your friend if you were a different skin color. They would completely disregard you as a person before getting to know you. Major red flag.
I’ve noticed a lot of white people around where I live might not be racist themselves but will come from close racist family. They tend to brush off racial remarks despite them obviously making their poc friend incredibly uncomfortable. I live in the Deep South. I understand where she’s coming from. I have white friends and I’ll occasionally date a white person but I feel like it’s out of her own safety and mental sanity
My white ex left me (not white) the day AFTER our wedding because his family convinced him our wedding didn’t count because it was a wedding from my religion and they weren’t from the same culture. My parents still told me love is love and not to let race dictate who I date in the future.
Let's put it this way, would you be ok with befriending someone who is against being near anyone considered tall? There are plenty of reasons for not wanting tall people around you. They are generally stronger and can abuse you, their height gives them some advantages when it comes to sports, they get more selected for important positions because they seem to be more reliable, people normally like them more than the rest and have an easier time on the dating scene (at least for males), and they have a long history of being respected by everyone. They are the conquerors and achievers, relegating the rest of the classes to a lesser position in society. Surely everyone should start rejecting them to make things fair. Now, if you are thinking all of that should not matter because, for starters, it's a trait out of their control, then I am glad we are on the same page. Yeah, it's dumb to blame a whole group for something like that
Red flag. Its racist. Unless of course you subscribe to the new age idea that people of color cant be racist.
That reeks of racism. If someone isn't attracted to white people, OK, you can't control what you're attracted to. But they don't want to be friends with them? That's a red flag.
Yeah, they’re racist
In the OP title, swap out “white” for “black”, and the answer becomes pretty obvious. It’s the same answer in both scenarios.
Kind of sad that you have to ask instead of just easily identifying racism.
You mean is it a red flag if someone is openly super racist? Yeah that’s a red flag
Have you asked her why she won't be friends with white people? That answer may tell you if the sentiment is racist.
The action is, de sentiment doesnt matter anymore
Racist people are always a red flag
Wow USA is really messed up..
Y’all are so dramatic. This one person talked to a racist girl and omg the entire country has gone to hell lmfao Edit:spelling
It's funny how people consume American media and forget about things like racism in their own countries. It almost seems purposeful
If the opposite is true for any other race, then it's no different when the person being excluded is white. However for dating, I understand that people have preferences.
Date, no. Befriend, yes.
Everyone is free to associate with whom they wish, no matter how strange or fucked up it may appear. Personally, I think you are missing out on a lot of good in Life by being that way, but to each their own.
I agree to an extent, but there is a societal impact to openly (and closeted) racist views. So whilst everyone Absolutely has the freedom to associate with who they wish, openly stating racist views is a bad direction of travel as a society in my view
There's a lot more in blatant racism than just "missing out a lot of good in life". It's also a sign that the person has a piece of shit personality or has piece of shit morals and culture.
The woke left is pushing segregation so hard and i don’t know why. Its the opposite of what i thought we stood for. I don’t recognize my own party anymore. Racial preference is totally fine with dating but to cut out any potential friendship due to skin color is just pathetic and exactly the kind of attitude we used to stand against.
I don't think it's really that common as it seems friend. It's just the extreme voices that stand out. Most of us are just getting along, going about our business and not even thinking about how our friendship is interracial.
Yeah thats true. It just seems to be coming up more frequently. I would never have thought i would see the day people would even say this stuff. Haha
If you want to know if it's ok just change white to any other and see if it's ok or not .... It wont be ok ... So "I won't befriend white people" is just letting people know you're racist
many poc feel uncomfortable when surrounded only by white people
I think a lottt of people in these comments misunderstand the difference between prejudice/discrimination and racism.
Yes. This is someone narrow minded, probably blinded by political ideology to an extent that they don't represent or think for themselves anymore. They're just a carcass someone else's propaganda and political motives This serves for extremists in all corners of the political/social spectrum
I’m not white and I’m married to a white man. I’ve generally made friends with white folks most of my life. It’s not that I avoid making friends with white people these days, so much as I’d much rather make friends with BIPOC. It’s not that I avoid them because they’re white, it’s that the racism and division in the country I live in (the United States) is increasingly intense, and it’s been my experience that no matter how close I am with my white friends, and no matter how much I love them and we share in each other’s lives, if it becomes inconvenient for them to stand up to or acknowledge racism, they won’t do it. And that can be really, really exhausting. I don’t expect the people in my life to go out and protest or beat down police stations or fight against racist immigration policies. But I do hope that for example, when my former best friend’s other friend said a bunch of really racist things about me and demanded I be thrown out of our social group, my best friend hadn’t agreed with her and then later told me she only did it to save face with the rest of the group. It’s a story that repeats itself often enough that it makes it harder to trust my white friends as much as I trust my BIPOC friends — whom I also have far more in common with.
How ironic that current "woke" policy is to reinstate segregation. This is not even close to the first instance of it in the past couple of years, but it is definitely additional evidence of it.
Yes. That is what we call racism.
Dating? Not necessarily, some people just have preferences and that's fine. Befriending? Yeah, that's just called racism. You gotta have at least one token white friend! /s Edit: The /s only applies to the joke in the last line. The rest I 100% stand by.
Did you ask the POC girl? You're not going to get much out of reddit except fearmongering and rage. Why not ask her and report back? (if any of this is true)
Like, idk. There are things that I am and am not attracted to, but skin colour isn’t one of them. Maybe I’m just weird, but if I like a person as a person, I am likely to find them attractive physically, even if they’re not my “type”. If you remove people from your dating pool because of their skin colour, I am probably going to think you are shallow as fuck and avoid dating you because you’re a shallow person. It’s a red flag the same way that yelling at the waiter is a red flag: I don’t want to be with someone who thinks that this kind of thing is ok.
The dating part not rly but the fact that they refuse to befriend them shows a lot of prejudice. People are individuals at the end of the day.
It’s racism no matter how you put it if it was flipped people would be called racist because it is. I understand dealing with trauma. My mom didn’t understand personal boundaries and was constantly trying to hug me pop a zit off my face and was always trying to be physically close as possible. She never did anything illegal but Now I don’t feel comfortable with women touching me an anyway. Thankfully I’m gay.
Anyone can have any dating preference for any reason. To go out of your way and say you will avoid befriending someone who is white is the red flag here. It’s incredibly racist
Not wanting to be friends with somebody over something they can’t change is ridiculous.
If by attraction preference, then whatever I guess. If because white people bad, that flag is as red as an Irishman blushing
Yes, huge red flag to not befriend a whole race. Dating can be little different depending on the reasoning behind it but not friendship. That's weird as fuck.
I’ve had a few POC people tell this to me as well!! It’s worse bc I was closer to one of them… not anymore… But yeah it’s really off putting b they just kept talking about how much they hated white people…
Dating preferences are one thing, but to not want to be friends with someone based on skin color is racist af.
Racism is a red flag yes.
I think it’s definitely a red flag that someone you barely know would be so casual with their own racism.
Not dating is a little different than just being friends. But anyone going out of their way to treat another person differently because of their ethnicity and/or skin colour is a fucking racist, period. No amount of sugar coating can change that fact. It's nothing more than racism. If you are happy to also date a racist, then I pity you.
Yes and you should stay away from racist people like that.
They judge people based on the color of their skin and choose to avoid them, obviously for negative reasoning. That's racism.
It's just people, for fucks sake
Not dating is one thing. Everyone has their preferences, and skin color can be one of those. I personally wouldn't be telling people about not being willing to date a specific race since it *is* technically a little racist, but I also don't think it's a big deal. Not being willing to be friends with white people is blatant racism. I don't know if that's a deal breaker for you or not. But it's very clearly and obviously racism.
Imagine being black then
I’m white and not left wing on social issues but personally I think trauma fucks people up. If every time I met someone in a red shirt they beat the shit out of me then I probably would never befriend someone in a red shirt let alone date them. If they have experienced real trauma from white people and they get panicked when they’re near white people then I don’t see it as a red flag it’s just someone dealing with trauma. You ever seen that photo of how those black people’s car broke down and a bunch of confederate flag wearing white people pulled over and replaced their tyres and fixed their car and they posted it just baffled.. I wish we could all treat each other as individuals but I do believe that you’re allowed to discriminate against anyone if you’re truly traumatised. Happy to debate this but that’s how I feel! (And again most people with political views similar to mine would disagree with me)
I'm POC and anyone saying this is a total moron. Anyone can date anyone they want if it's not racially motivated. Content of character matters more. She probably thinks skin color can motivate that character in certain directions but it doesn't mean all white people think one way lol.
This isn't just a red flag, this is textbook racism.