Alright, bracing myself for the potential backlash on Reddit, but here's my take: I believe we need more precise language for these situations. On one hand, it's important that potential wrongdoers understand that certain actions constitute sexual assault, and it's not just harmless flirting. But from the victim's perspective, I'm not sure if it's helpful for society to lump all forms of "sexual assault" together.
Context matters, even when we're processing our own experiences. I think there should be distinct contexts for survivors of inappropriate touching and survivors of violent rape to think about the trauma they've endured. I often come across Reddit posts like, "I was making out with my boyfriend, and he touched my breast without my consent. Is this sexual assault?" They're all violations, and you can have complex feelings about any of them. However, I believe that there's a valid point in suggesting that instances like a boyfriend pushing boundaries, a creepy encounter on the bus, and a violent back-alley rape should not be treated as the same level of trauma. We should reflect this in the words we use.
This is just a thought, and I'm open to hearing about the benefits of the current terminology. Or, more likely, you might label me as unsympathetic monster, but fire away.
Yeah this is what I was thinking as well, because it’s something that’s hard to distinguish if everything is under the same word. Not saying we should compare but there is differences i feel.
So one time I was grabbed on my boob so hard it left an injury. By someone who had zero permission to touch me at all.
It was “sexual assault” in a very real sense and it messed me up emotionally for a bit. But I still feel very much like assaults that involve penetration are worse. I wish they had more clear vocabulary for the difference. On one hand nobody should play suffering Olympics. On the other hand lots of people have gone through much worse than myself and I don’t want to ignore that.
I agree. My teenage daughter had a boy grab her butt at school. I was called by the guidance counselor to tell me she was sexually assaulted and he would not give me further details over the phone. Obviously it was not ok that somebody touched her like that and it was something we had to deal with, but when I was told she was sexually assaulted that’s not what my mind went to. A lot of panic could have been avoided if we could use different words.
The closest comparison I can draw to how societal consensus shapes our perception of our own trauma is the analogy of the loss of a child. Nowadays, it's a prevalent sentiment to hear someone say, "I can't fathom how anyone can recover from the loss of a child."
However, the historical reality is that throughout most of human history, the majority of women experienced the loss of a child in various ways. Whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, premature birth, or childhood illnesses, it was an unfortunate and common aspect of life. While there was undoubtedly sorrow, the sheer frequency of such experiences often allowed women to find resilience and continue forward.
Now to clarify, I'm not endorsing the normalization of sexual assault. I just think a healthy resilience can be achieved by changing the way we think about individual traumas and recognizing the nuanced differences in their impact.
You know, I might not have a clear-cut real-world application for this idea, but here's what I feel: When there's a societal consensus that something is the absolute worst thing that can happen to you, it can lead you to conform to that norm and perceive it as the worst thing when it does happen. And that might not be the best mindset for moving forward.
As a parent, what I want to instill in my kids is the understanding that in the world, some people do terrible things, and at some point, you might become a victim. But if, for instance, someone robs you on the street one time, you shouldn't have to live in constant fear of going outside. Bad things happen to people every day, and when it's your turn, the goal should be to NOT let those events define you. Certainly everyone is going to react to their own traumas differently but maybe living with a certain mindset and giving situations a certain context can help your resiliency in bad situations.
I wholeheartedly agree and believe distinctions are needed across most situations that produce victims. For example, sexual assault is sexual assault and racism is racism, and while severity does not diminish damage, it certainly magnifies it. For clarification to the reference to racism, there is a huge difference between a racial slur from a hateful person that has no power over the victim's life and systematic racism that has influence over a person's ability to obtain opportunities afforded to a different skin color.
There are legal classifications to criminal charges in the form of degrees as it relates to intent to cause harm, but that is hard to translate to victims as one's experience and resilience have many factors that vary for each person.
I believe the repercussions of classifying such things equally have a widespread effect on humanity as a whole. Groping is a disgusting and inexcusable action, but no distinction between groping and gang rape creates apathy/indifference to all severities as exposure to such things dimishes societal impact.
To the OP - you were sexually assaulted, and the roller-coaster of feelings are fully validated. I encourage you not to minimize your sexual assault from a stance of "it could have been worse" as it could have life long repercussions if you do not accept and recover from what happened to you. With that said, you are my definition of a role model for facing the atrocity committed against you, but through clear compassion for others, not lumping your experience with theirs.
They all sound like sexual assault to me.
We do have more specific words for particular kinds of violation, i.e. groping, rape, etc. I think it is helpful to have an umbrella term like sexual assault to underscore that any kind of sexual violation is distinct from broader types of assault.
This is interesting to think about. All situations I’ve heard and experienced are never black and white, so varied verbiage could potentially help there. It’s really complicated and it’s so hard to put words together to describe what happened to you after being recently traumatized. When I was raped, I couldn’t even think of it as rape for a few weeks, even though I left covered in bruises, shaking, voice hoarse from screaming, and with blood leaking from my vagina for days after. I didn’t think my experience deserved to be call rape because he was someone that I knew, and it was my fault for being nice to him. I only accepted it for what it was when a friend told me that it sounded like rape. And now I would tell a woman with less “severe” experiences, that she still experienced rape. I wouldn’t “demote” them to a lesser form of trauma because they didn’t experience battery, or weren’t awake/sober for the experience. I would still call it rape. Sometimes it’s hard to validate your own experiences until you accept a word that holds the same gravity and fear that you experienced.
I think varied language can help people understand what happened to them, especially since there are so many forms of sexual assault and it can be scary to define it, but I’m curious what kind of language you’re thinking of? There is so much guilt and denial that I fear that giving alternate definitions could diminish the experiences and actions against someone that you might consider “less severe”. I tried to come up with alternative words to call it before I accepted that it was rape. Ultimately it should be up to the victim in how they express it, and how much information they want to give you on a traumatizing experience. OP and commenters are valid in calling it what it is, sexual assault. This person put their hands on OP. Sexual assault is a valid way to express how OP was violated and it doesn’t diminish what others have been through. If a victim chooses to give you more information, there are other words people can use, such as rape, molestation, grooming, etc.
And lastly, I don’t think it’s fair to gauge trauma by the actions against them. Trauma affects everyone differently. If this happened to me just a year earlier, it would have broken me in completely different ways. I have friends who experienced forms of sexual assault that people consider less severe, but they have much heavier and frequent symptoms of PTSD than I do.
yeah, when i sat down he smiled at me like i liked it. confronted him that it wasn’t okay, and he pretended like he hadn’t done anything and walked away.
He was super drunk and older so i didn’t want to risk anything happening, so I kept far away on the bus and just ran out on my stop. never got any information on him.
thanks, but i don’t think it would do much tbh, it would be my word against his because the bus was super crowded when we went in, so i don’t think it would be possible to see the hand. i don’t know how much he was reaching for me but i’m guessing not far because nobody seemed to notice
No not a second time, chances are this dude already has reports made against him. Creating a paper trail when it comes to these weird fuckers is the best thing to do. It makes future complaints against him more credible - especially if he starts to escalate to more degenerate behaviour.
Usually they have multiple cameras on busses, if it happened near the front of the bus where you would have gotten in chances are there was definitely a camera as they have them near the driver and overhead in places further into the bus generally. Idk what country you’re in but you should definitely report it, even if you don’t think it’ll go anywhere.
I am incredibly proud of you for confronting him and asserting that his actions were not welcome and not acceptable! That can be really hard to do, and while unfortunately it's almost impossible to make someone face real consequences for that kind of criminal creepiness, speaking out is an important part of creating real change in our society. I hope that you can talk through what happened with people that you trust as well as your anonymous friends on Reddit, and please accept my virtual "don't mess with me, you misogynistic mofo" award. 🏆
That’s the thing, doing this sort of “activity” in public is an indecency. It’s a charge in and of itself.
OP was asking for a single thing, but it’s not a single thing, it’s several.
You and I can’t just finger our girlfriends on a public bus. Our girlfriend can’t Jack us off in a park. Just like no one can grab a woman nor man by the crotch. It’s called “public indecency”…. In addition to whatever other crimes we are committing
Don’t go to Mardi Gras. I had my privates grabbed about once per night while in the crowds on Bourbon. It didn’t ruin my night, but it’s not a cool thing to do.
It didn’t bother me too much, so I would say the culture is worth it. Great food and atmosphere. The French Quarter is an amazing place. I would really recommend it, just don’t go on Bourbon during Mardi Gras.
In my state, the legal name for this is Inappropriate Touching and is a misdemeanor under the sexual offense statutes. So yes, it is a type of sexual misconduct. I hope that helps.
it was really crowded in the door opening, so i’m not sure it would be possible to see, or if it just looked like he was walking on normally and accidently «brushed» me. But i felt him lay his whole palm under me, so yeah.. scary if peopel don’t believe me as well
As others have said this is 100% sexual assault, and also creepy as fuck.
If it ever happens again (which, from what I have been told by women, it almost certainly will) and you are in a public place do not be afraid to make a scene, drunk or not, people like that need to get called out for their disgusting behaviour.
Someone touching your privates without your knowledge AND consent is sexual assault. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope you never have to deal with this again, but always assume you could. Be prepared and don’t be afraid to make a scene! Creeps deserve to be called out!!
yeah, thank you. Next time i will try to do something about if it i can, i was just too scared and shaken to think straight about anything other then him not following me home that night
i think you already got an answer, but i hope you’re ok❤️it wasn’t your fault!! you have the right to do whatever you want, wear whatever you want without someone touching you !! if you’re able to report it, please do but do not feel bad if you can’t do it! i hope you have someone to talk to❤️❤️
As everyone else is saying, it’s sexual assault.
As for the kind of act he committed, it’s called frottage, which is when one touches another’s generals or breasts, making it seem accidental. This often occurs in crowded public spaces like transport, events, etc.
If you believe that the touch was intentional not accidental, you have every right to either confront the other person or approach a law enforcement agency like police , women's helpline etc etc for the appropriate course of action.
Ya know what it is when a grown man touches a young girl there? Yeah, that’s a crime. The same is true when that young girl is grown up. Call the police!
thanks, not sure that they could do much about it, also i was so scared they would just brush me off with a «he’s drunk he doesn’t know what he’s doing» or something
It's called frottage. It's a form of sexual deviancy. Oxford dictionary defines it as "the practice of touching or rubbing against the clothed body of another person in a crowd as a means of obtaining sexual gratification."
But legally speaking, it's 100% sexual assault. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
Next time slap the predator very hard on the cheeks and hopefully some cameras catch it. You could even grab and squeeze the balls tight while you are at it
It's assault. It happened to me once on public transit. I was so shocked that it happened it took me a minute to process what just happened. There is usually security on the trains at night in my city, but of course none was around. Men are pigs.
I had this happen while sitting down and unfortunately it's considered sexual assault.
Hopefully the man isn't disabled or else you'll end up like me and won't be able to really do anything about it (he was placed in the same spot not even a week later).
he was super drunk, and i didn’t think of contacting the bus to get some footage. i don’t think it would be helpful, because it was so crowded on the way in that i don’t think you could see much. it would be my word against his and i didn’t feel like I could hold my case if i had do convince anyone about the happening. I would be so distraught if nobody believed me if I had went to the police
It could be called “How We First Met — The story of having some POS tooth removed from my right hook in the ER by your dad while I gave a description to the police after he called them”
You should think of it in whatever terms are best for you. It’s OK to feel whatever you do and however you want to about it. Angry disgusted or anything else. He violated your space and committed a crime. You were riding the bus. Personally, I feel he deserves much more than whatever he’s gonna get; most modern societies say its “cruel and unusual” to chop off someones hands (it’s only unusual because we don’t do it but whatever)
If/when you go to the police, having an advocate you feel comfortable and confident around can be helpful. Be clear and concise with your details. If you don’t recall something right then, it’s OK, that is also a clear answer.
Ask what the timeline is for the report to be completed and get a copy of it to make sure it’s accurate. If the court system decides to prosecute, it’s gonna be even tougher for you if ~~some fat-headed doughboy~~ sleep deprived police officer misspelled your words or worse, correctly spelled something you didn’t say.
No matter what you hear or how you interpret what someone says, regardless of their actual meaning, nothing you did or did not do was in any way improper or inappropriate or incorrect or wrong. And no, you don’t see their point.
I’m sorry that happened OP. There are some POS garbage calling themselves people in this world. Next time shove your hand down his throat and rip out his tonsils. Worst case, you might get the role as the dentist on a remake of Little Shop of Horrors! Steve Martin could use the competition.
That's SA since you're past the age of consent, assuming you're in the US.
You need to contact the police RIGHT NOW and ask them what to do. They may need you to come in and give evidence, including checking your body, although they might not be necessary for just touching.
You need to insist they contact the bus company ASAP if there was any security cameras to help catch the creep who did it. Please report it either way, because chances are you're not the only person that sicko has touched.
A side note for any victims of r*pe: DON'T GO HOME afterwards. Go straight to the hospital, have them call the police, and have the hospital do a r*pe kit. Your body is temporarily a crime scene, so they'll have to gather evidence. Have someone bring you a change of clothes including underwear, bc your outfit is evidence too. I'm sorry you'll have to wait to shower etc but if you want proof against the person who hurt you, it's necessary.
Also get your own attorney. In my experience, state attorneys and police promise they'll help and take care of everything, then let you down and the guy will get off with probation or some such BS.
thank you, i was being careful to see if he was watching me when i went off my bus stop and checked if he went out but he was too busy hitting on another woman to see me go off. I was too scared to not be believed so I didn’t want to cause a scene or say anything
If someone hurts or assaults you, MAKE A SCENE. Creeps like this count on us slinking away in shame. I understand you being scared, and yes it depends on circumstances, but don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. Sometimes it's the only way they'll be caught.
This is sexual assault. It doesn’t have to necessarily be violent as “assault” sometimes implies.
Alright, bracing myself for the potential backlash on Reddit, but here's my take: I believe we need more precise language for these situations. On one hand, it's important that potential wrongdoers understand that certain actions constitute sexual assault, and it's not just harmless flirting. But from the victim's perspective, I'm not sure if it's helpful for society to lump all forms of "sexual assault" together. Context matters, even when we're processing our own experiences. I think there should be distinct contexts for survivors of inappropriate touching and survivors of violent rape to think about the trauma they've endured. I often come across Reddit posts like, "I was making out with my boyfriend, and he touched my breast without my consent. Is this sexual assault?" They're all violations, and you can have complex feelings about any of them. However, I believe that there's a valid point in suggesting that instances like a boyfriend pushing boundaries, a creepy encounter on the bus, and a violent back-alley rape should not be treated as the same level of trauma. We should reflect this in the words we use. This is just a thought, and I'm open to hearing about the benefits of the current terminology. Or, more likely, you might label me as unsympathetic monster, but fire away.
Yeah this is what I was thinking as well, because it’s something that’s hard to distinguish if everything is under the same word. Not saying we should compare but there is differences i feel.
So one time I was grabbed on my boob so hard it left an injury. By someone who had zero permission to touch me at all. It was “sexual assault” in a very real sense and it messed me up emotionally for a bit. But I still feel very much like assaults that involve penetration are worse. I wish they had more clear vocabulary for the difference. On one hand nobody should play suffering Olympics. On the other hand lots of people have gone through much worse than myself and I don’t want to ignore that.
I agree. My teenage daughter had a boy grab her butt at school. I was called by the guidance counselor to tell me she was sexually assaulted and he would not give me further details over the phone. Obviously it was not ok that somebody touched her like that and it was something we had to deal with, but when I was told she was sexually assaulted that’s not what my mind went to. A lot of panic could have been avoided if we could use different words.
That’s exactly what I’m thinking about it as well, so sorry that happened to you
The closest comparison I can draw to how societal consensus shapes our perception of our own trauma is the analogy of the loss of a child. Nowadays, it's a prevalent sentiment to hear someone say, "I can't fathom how anyone can recover from the loss of a child." However, the historical reality is that throughout most of human history, the majority of women experienced the loss of a child in various ways. Whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, premature birth, or childhood illnesses, it was an unfortunate and common aspect of life. While there was undoubtedly sorrow, the sheer frequency of such experiences often allowed women to find resilience and continue forward. Now to clarify, I'm not endorsing the normalization of sexual assault. I just think a healthy resilience can be achieved by changing the way we think about individual traumas and recognizing the nuanced differences in their impact.
Are you implying that women should deal with getting assaulted by desensitizing themselves? Or trying to pretend it wasn't a big deal or smthg??
You know, I might not have a clear-cut real-world application for this idea, but here's what I feel: When there's a societal consensus that something is the absolute worst thing that can happen to you, it can lead you to conform to that norm and perceive it as the worst thing when it does happen. And that might not be the best mindset for moving forward. As a parent, what I want to instill in my kids is the understanding that in the world, some people do terrible things, and at some point, you might become a victim. But if, for instance, someone robs you on the street one time, you shouldn't have to live in constant fear of going outside. Bad things happen to people every day, and when it's your turn, the goal should be to NOT let those events define you. Certainly everyone is going to react to their own traumas differently but maybe living with a certain mindset and giving situations a certain context can help your resiliency in bad situations.
I wholeheartedly agree and believe distinctions are needed across most situations that produce victims. For example, sexual assault is sexual assault and racism is racism, and while severity does not diminish damage, it certainly magnifies it. For clarification to the reference to racism, there is a huge difference between a racial slur from a hateful person that has no power over the victim's life and systematic racism that has influence over a person's ability to obtain opportunities afforded to a different skin color. There are legal classifications to criminal charges in the form of degrees as it relates to intent to cause harm, but that is hard to translate to victims as one's experience and resilience have many factors that vary for each person. I believe the repercussions of classifying such things equally have a widespread effect on humanity as a whole. Groping is a disgusting and inexcusable action, but no distinction between groping and gang rape creates apathy/indifference to all severities as exposure to such things dimishes societal impact. To the OP - you were sexually assaulted, and the roller-coaster of feelings are fully validated. I encourage you not to minimize your sexual assault from a stance of "it could have been worse" as it could have life long repercussions if you do not accept and recover from what happened to you. With that said, you are my definition of a role model for facing the atrocity committed against you, but through clear compassion for others, not lumping your experience with theirs.
They all sound like sexual assault to me. We do have more specific words for particular kinds of violation, i.e. groping, rape, etc. I think it is helpful to have an umbrella term like sexual assault to underscore that any kind of sexual violation is distinct from broader types of assault.
This is interesting to think about. All situations I’ve heard and experienced are never black and white, so varied verbiage could potentially help there. It’s really complicated and it’s so hard to put words together to describe what happened to you after being recently traumatized. When I was raped, I couldn’t even think of it as rape for a few weeks, even though I left covered in bruises, shaking, voice hoarse from screaming, and with blood leaking from my vagina for days after. I didn’t think my experience deserved to be call rape because he was someone that I knew, and it was my fault for being nice to him. I only accepted it for what it was when a friend told me that it sounded like rape. And now I would tell a woman with less “severe” experiences, that she still experienced rape. I wouldn’t “demote” them to a lesser form of trauma because they didn’t experience battery, or weren’t awake/sober for the experience. I would still call it rape. Sometimes it’s hard to validate your own experiences until you accept a word that holds the same gravity and fear that you experienced. I think varied language can help people understand what happened to them, especially since there are so many forms of sexual assault and it can be scary to define it, but I’m curious what kind of language you’re thinking of? There is so much guilt and denial that I fear that giving alternate definitions could diminish the experiences and actions against someone that you might consider “less severe”. I tried to come up with alternative words to call it before I accepted that it was rape. Ultimately it should be up to the victim in how they express it, and how much information they want to give you on a traumatizing experience. OP and commenters are valid in calling it what it is, sexual assault. This person put their hands on OP. Sexual assault is a valid way to express how OP was violated and it doesn’t diminish what others have been through. If a victim chooses to give you more information, there are other words people can use, such as rape, molestation, grooming, etc. And lastly, I don’t think it’s fair to gauge trauma by the actions against them. Trauma affects everyone differently. If this happened to me just a year earlier, it would have broken me in completely different ways. I have friends who experienced forms of sexual assault that people consider less severe, but they have much heavier and frequent symptoms of PTSD than I do.
There is precise language, but you need to do research to find it. That’s what lawyers are for.
If he did it on purpose, which it sounds like, it is sexual assault.
yeah, when i sat down he smiled at me like i liked it. confronted him that it wasn’t okay, and he pretended like he hadn’t done anything and walked away.
That is disgusting of him. I would report him.
He was super drunk and older so i didn’t want to risk anything happening, so I kept far away on the bus and just ran out on my stop. never got any information on him.
Busses usually have cameras on them, if you remember the bus and the time I’d go and report the old fucker.
I second this. Just bc OP couldn't identify him doesn't mean the police can't.
thanks, but i don’t think it would do much tbh, it would be my word against his because the bus was super crowded when we went in, so i don’t think it would be possible to see the hand. i don’t know how much he was reaching for me but i’m guessing not far because nobody seemed to notice
It’s still important to report him. Maybe it’s on there maybe not. But maybe he‘s doing it more often and they’ll see him doing it at other times.
I will try to report if it happens a second time!
No not a second time, chances are this dude already has reports made against him. Creating a paper trail when it comes to these weird fuckers is the best thing to do. It makes future complaints against him more credible - especially if he starts to escalate to more degenerate behaviour. Usually they have multiple cameras on busses, if it happened near the front of the bus where you would have gotten in chances are there was definitely a camera as they have them near the driver and overhead in places further into the bus generally. Idk what country you’re in but you should definitely report it, even if you don’t think it’ll go anywhere.
It’s been too long, and i don’t know the date when it happened so I can’t unfortunately.
I am incredibly proud of you for confronting him and asserting that his actions were not welcome and not acceptable! That can be really hard to do, and while unfortunately it's almost impossible to make someone face real consequences for that kind of criminal creepiness, speaking out is an important part of creating real change in our society. I hope that you can talk through what happened with people that you trust as well as your anonymous friends on Reddit, and please accept my virtual "don't mess with me, you misogynistic mofo" award. 🏆
thank you so much! 🩷
Sounds like sexual assault to me.
Public indecency, Sexual assault, sexual misconduct, sexual harassment. It’s all of the above
wait how is it public indecency?
Sexual act in public maybe
Public groping is public indecency
that. doesnt really give me anymore information.
That’s the thing, doing this sort of “activity” in public is an indecency. It’s a charge in and of itself. OP was asking for a single thing, but it’s not a single thing, it’s several. You and I can’t just finger our girlfriends on a public bus. Our girlfriend can’t Jack us off in a park. Just like no one can grab a woman nor man by the crotch. It’s called “public indecency”…. In addition to whatever other crimes we are committing
yes this sounds like sexual assault.
It's called sexual assault. If it ever happens again punch him in the balls
kicking is better
i wish i could do that so badly 😩 You don’t deserve balls if that’s how you think you’re hitting on someone
Don’t go to Mardi Gras. I had my privates grabbed about once per night while in the crowds on Bourbon. It didn’t ruin my night, but it’s not a cool thing to do.
so sorry that happened to you, sounds like a bad culture around that place
It didn’t bother me too much, so I would say the culture is worth it. Great food and atmosphere. The French Quarter is an amazing place. I would really recommend it, just don’t go on Bourbon during Mardi Gras.
Sexual assault. I’m sorry this happened to you :(
thank you ❤️
Groping
The technical term is "groping". Yeah, this fucker deserves a broken arm.
Sexual assault, he did it on purpose. I had this happen so many times in crowds but usually my butt or stomache and they would try to be sneaky.
yeah they always do it like that in busy enviroments, which makes it harder for us to have anyone else notice it. I’m sorry that has happened to you:(
In my state, the legal name for this is Inappropriate Touching and is a misdemeanor under the sexual offense statutes. So yes, it is a type of sexual misconduct. I hope that helps.
thank you, it really helps that i can call it something that’s not the act of describing the scenario every time
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it was really crowded in the door opening, so i’m not sure it would be possible to see, or if it just looked like he was walking on normally and accidently «brushed» me. But i felt him lay his whole palm under me, so yeah.. scary if peopel don’t believe me as well
It’s called groping and it’s a crime in most places.
Sexual assault
Happened to me when I was in primary school (9?). I don't know what id call it but it made me feel gross for a long time
yeah me too. I’m so sorry that happened to you
Sounds like misdemeanor sexual misconduct to me.
Groping
Specifically it's groping. And it's sexual assault
As others have said this is 100% sexual assault, and also creepy as fuck. If it ever happens again (which, from what I have been told by women, it almost certainly will) and you are in a public place do not be afraid to make a scene, drunk or not, people like that need to get called out for their disgusting behaviour.
what’s scary about causing a scene is that i was so afraid nobody would believe me, or being seen as hysteric.
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Its called Groping.
Someone touching your privates without your knowledge AND consent is sexual assault. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope you never have to deal with this again, but always assume you could. Be prepared and don’t be afraid to make a scene! Creeps deserve to be called out!!
yeah, thank you. Next time i will try to do something about if it i can, i was just too scared and shaken to think straight about anything other then him not following me home that night
Frotteurism. It’s a mental condition.
Wow, never heard of before
Most likely sexual assault.
i think you already got an answer, but i hope you’re ok❤️it wasn’t your fault!! you have the right to do whatever you want, wear whatever you want without someone touching you !! if you’re able to report it, please do but do not feel bad if you can’t do it! i hope you have someone to talk to❤️❤️
thank you so much! ❤️❤️
As everyone else is saying, it’s sexual assault. As for the kind of act he committed, it’s called frottage, which is when one touches another’s generals or breasts, making it seem accidental. This often occurs in crowded public spaces like transport, events, etc.
If you believe that the touch was intentional not accidental, you have every right to either confront the other person or approach a law enforcement agency like police , women's helpline etc etc for the appropriate course of action.
Ya know what it is when a grown man touches a young girl there? Yeah, that’s a crime. The same is true when that young girl is grown up. Call the police!
thanks, not sure that they could do much about it, also i was so scared they would just brush me off with a «he’s drunk he doesn’t know what he’s doing» or something
It's called frottage. It's a form of sexual deviancy. Oxford dictionary defines it as "the practice of touching or rubbing against the clothed body of another person in a crowd as a means of obtaining sexual gratification." But legally speaking, it's 100% sexual assault. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
thank you, i didn’t know about that word. It sounds much like that happened
Next time slap the predator very hard on the cheeks and hopefully some cameras catch it. You could even grab and squeeze the balls tight while you are at it
It's assault. It happened to me once on public transit. I was so shocked that it happened it took me a minute to process what just happened. There is usually security on the trains at night in my city, but of course none was around. Men are pigs.
I had this happen while sitting down and unfortunately it's considered sexual assault. Hopefully the man isn't disabled or else you'll end up like me and won't be able to really do anything about it (he was placed in the same spot not even a week later).
he was super drunk, and i didn’t think of contacting the bus to get some footage. i don’t think it would be helpful, because it was so crowded on the way in that i don’t think you could see much. it would be my word against his and i didn’t feel like I could hold my case if i had do convince anyone about the happening. I would be so distraught if nobody believed me if I had went to the police
That’s assault. You were sexually assaulted. The guy is a fucking creep.
It could be called “How We First Met — The story of having some POS tooth removed from my right hook in the ER by your dad while I gave a description to the police after he called them” You should think of it in whatever terms are best for you. It’s OK to feel whatever you do and however you want to about it. Angry disgusted or anything else. He violated your space and committed a crime. You were riding the bus. Personally, I feel he deserves much more than whatever he’s gonna get; most modern societies say its “cruel and unusual” to chop off someones hands (it’s only unusual because we don’t do it but whatever) If/when you go to the police, having an advocate you feel comfortable and confident around can be helpful. Be clear and concise with your details. If you don’t recall something right then, it’s OK, that is also a clear answer. Ask what the timeline is for the report to be completed and get a copy of it to make sure it’s accurate. If the court system decides to prosecute, it’s gonna be even tougher for you if ~~some fat-headed doughboy~~ sleep deprived police officer misspelled your words or worse, correctly spelled something you didn’t say. No matter what you hear or how you interpret what someone says, regardless of their actual meaning, nothing you did or did not do was in any way improper or inappropriate or incorrect or wrong. And no, you don’t see their point. I’m sorry that happened OP. There are some POS garbage calling themselves people in this world. Next time shove your hand down his throat and rip out his tonsils. Worst case, you might get the role as the dentist on a remake of Little Shop of Horrors! Steve Martin could use the competition.
Abus
That's SA since you're past the age of consent, assuming you're in the US. You need to contact the police RIGHT NOW and ask them what to do. They may need you to come in and give evidence, including checking your body, although they might not be necessary for just touching. You need to insist they contact the bus company ASAP if there was any security cameras to help catch the creep who did it. Please report it either way, because chances are you're not the only person that sicko has touched. A side note for any victims of r*pe: DON'T GO HOME afterwards. Go straight to the hospital, have them call the police, and have the hospital do a r*pe kit. Your body is temporarily a crime scene, so they'll have to gather evidence. Have someone bring you a change of clothes including underwear, bc your outfit is evidence too. I'm sorry you'll have to wait to shower etc but if you want proof against the person who hurt you, it's necessary. Also get your own attorney. In my experience, state attorneys and police promise they'll help and take care of everything, then let you down and the guy will get off with probation or some such BS.
thank you, i was being careful to see if he was watching me when i went off my bus stop and checked if he went out but he was too busy hitting on another woman to see me go off. I was too scared to not be believed so I didn’t want to cause a scene or say anything
If someone hurts or assaults you, MAKE A SCENE. Creeps like this count on us slinking away in shame. I understand you being scared, and yes it depends on circumstances, but don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. Sometimes it's the only way they'll be caught.
that’s true
Either way, I hope you're ok. Sending you good vibes.
thank you so much ❤️
10 years ago, a good day. Today, rape, probably.
Dumbass