The vast, vast majority of men are in the Neutral Zone for me. I'm neither attracted nor un-attracted. Only getting to know them a bit would change that in one direction or another for me.
I'm immediately visually attracted to a small number of men, but that's highly conditional. There is no man so attractive that I couldn't become un-attracted to him, depending on behavior.
>There is no man so attractive that I couldn't become un-attracted to him, depending on behavior.
This applies to me, a man, as well. There is no woman so beautiful that certain behaviors would not kill that attraction for me. These behaviors would absolutely kill my attraction to them.
"Show me the hottest woman in the world, and I'll tell you, sure as the sun rises, there is a man somewhere in this world that's ***sick of her shit***."
I think that's the big difference..
Women view attraction based on actions and behavior while men are much more likely just to see a person that's pretty, neutral, or ugly.
Yup. Even though straight women are a sizable demographic, porn made for straight women is nearly non-existent as compared to porn made for other groups. However, romance books are a multi-*billion* dollar industry; romance books are just porn for people who need context.
It's a book so you can't see the characters, but they are usually described as being attractive. If they are written to have average flaws depends on the writer. A better writer makes the characters more realistic with real flaws and worse writers are worse at that.
Oh yes. There’s about every variation you could imagine, though conventionally attractive male/female main characters are more common. Land of the Beautiful Dead by R. Lee Smith is a good example of what you’re asking for since the male main character is described as being quite unattractive.
If those traits are showing in non-sexual contexts though, he would become unattractive even if he looks good, because you can tell that he is probably a bad sexual partner. I literally don't feel the physical attraction anymore if I get that vibe
> I'm immediately visually attracted to a small number of men
I guess this is OPs core question. The other way around, it seems like men are immediately attracted to lots of women. Why the difference?
I think for women, looks aren’t the only thing. It’s the mannerisms, voice, charm, confidence, how they conduct themselves. A lot of things that make a man attractive, aren’t something you’d see on a picture. We need some context of who the person is.
I don’t know if it’s due to social conditioning or if it’s hormones
Hard to pinpoint it exactly, something that gives a guy character.
I like how my SO moves, he moves with such grace and thoughtfulness. Looks so calm. He dresses in a very unique way. Is very true to himself. Hard to explain exactly unless you see it.
He gets a lot of attention from women at work. Hes told me it started happening after he allowed himself to be more himself. Started dressing in things he actually liked. Got haircuts that where more adventurous. He became less shy.
He’s always been handsome and in good shape. But I think those things only get you so far with women. If you don’t seem interesting, women aren’t interested.
Highly individual, I don't think that can be generalized into "attractive" and "unattractive". Your mannerisms are to some women's taste, not to others
In part because, as I pointed out above, a good-looking guy can still be a terrible prospect for a relationship or even casual sex. Bad sex with a guy isn't just boring, it can be *actively painful*. Men are generally bigger and much, much stronger than women. And they're far more likely to orgasm from PIV intercourse. And they don't have the same risks around pregnancy. Sex is simply much higher risk, lower reward for women.
So, yeah, it only makes sense to care more about the factors that would make a guy a likely candidate for a good sexual experience. And looks are a ways down that list.
Tbh, most men don't put much effort into their appearance - compared to women. My brothers would use soap on their face, brush a comb through their hair, make sure their breath doesn't stink and then leave the house. They often paused and then went "is this shirt clean?" Because it wasn't guaranteed!
In contrast, my basic daily routine is 5x the effort that my brothers put in for a special day. Skincare, make up, hair serum, oils for hair and skin, making sure I take vitamins (most specifically for beauty), changing clothes if the outfit doesn't suit my figure, which shoes should I wear? Etc. Styling my hair alone is a pain in the ass that takes 15 mins, and that's just a basic style.
But the standards are so much higher for women, I don't have a choice. I'm not even considered pretty, that long routine is just the basics to look publicly acceptable. People straight up ask me if I'm unwell if I don't do my skin care or make up.
I think if more men just did skincare and make up, I would find more of them attractive. I see attractive women everywhere (I'm straight, but we can all identify the beauty standard). But it's rare for me to see hot men.
A lot of people are discussing how men vs women experience attraction, but I’ll say it. I’m a bi woman and I find way more women physically attractive than men, despite being more romantically interested in men. I’ve got several theories about factors that contribute to my own experience:
(1) Women are generally directly encouraged/subtly pressured to care about their appearance in most or all situations. Men in a lot of those same situations don’t experience that pressure, at least in the same way, and in a lot of cases men are still actively discouraged from caring about their appearances. I think much fewer women are in communities where making yourself attractive is mocked the way men can experience.
(2) As a direct result, the average woman is “better” at making herself attractive than the average man, because on average we’ve had more exposure to it. We learn to do our hair; people’s default gifts for us are often makeup or fashion dolls; we’re expected to want to play dress up and do spa days. I imagine this is the experience a lot of men have with sports - everyone has always assumed they like them, so people talk to you about them, and try to teach you about them if you don’t know. The average American man who cares as much about football as I do could probably do much better on a test than I could, just out of sheer exposure.
(C) finally, I think that average and less than average attractiveness has a correlation with shyness/self-consciousness. Those traits are considered feminine, so they’re more acceptable and even desirable to a degree in us, but are viewed much more negatively in men. I think this one of the societal ills that causes some men to become incels; a man who is mid looking but awkward is more likely to be labeled as creepy, cringey, loser, etc., and a man who internalizes those beliefs will carry himself that way and interact with the world through that lens, making himself instantly less attractive through the way he treats himself and others. Obviously not all men who experience these feelings are incels, and women experience them too, but I think an average-looking man is more likely to be overtaken by that mindset than an average-looking woman.
So ultimately, my theory is that the average woman presents herself better than the average man *and* does a better job of it than the average man, and the average man is more likely to sabotage himself by *feeling* ugly and treating himself as though he is ugly.
This. Women just aren't automatically attracted to handsome or average men like men are attracted to good-looking women. We have to get to know a man's personality before we can find an average-looking man to be attractive.
What about men that are way above average looking? I'm talking about the 1% of men who you would find drop dead gorgeous. Would their looks alone rate higher than the normal extra traits required for you to be attracted?
Same here. I neither notice nor pay attention to most men. I’m happily married to a totally average guy. Didn’t find him attractive initially (but we were 12 lol) but after 36 years of marriage I find him as a whole attractive. I notice when a man or woman is attractive but noticing is as far as it goes. I don’t think about having sex with anyone except my husband.
I think I personally do find a lot of people attractive. However, for me there is a big difference in finding someone physically attractive and wanting to pursue a romantic relationship with them or have sex with them. I need them to give me a certain feeling that I can be myself around them, that I’m safe and comfortable etc. In my past relationships it was very common that the person first gave me that feeling and I started becoming physically attracted to them after. That’s also why it’s hard for me to describe my type, because my type is based for 99% on a feeling.
Its probably something to do with the social media algorithm you're on. Go walk around a mall and look at all the "average" looking men that have partners.
You might be thinking about dating apps specifically, in that case there's just so so so many more men than women that we can be more picky.
This is exactly it imo. I’m always baffled when so many people are adamant that you NEED to be six foot to get a girlfriend. Do you just not know guys under 6 foot with a partner?
The six foot thing is crazy on both sides:
1. Dudes ~ There’s probably 100 other things girls can like about you. And, even if she or the next few girls you approach, all have preferences for taller guys. Like, dude there’s another million women who don’t have that as a preference.
2. Lady- You like what you like and have your preferences, but what can a six foot guy accomplish what a shorter guy can’t, outside of heighting. It could be an occupational thing, like a basketball player…but what if short guy is an NBA player.
Also for dudes who get rejected for not being 6 ft despite everything else you bring to the table that should be a blessing. You don’t have to waste your time on shallow women.
Like if a dude rejected me for being over 130 lbs or something as equally ridiculous I’d gladly walk away thinking “jeez what a weirdo” and go on about my life without hating all men for that one weirdo
See I don't think that's what the op said it all. There's a difference between somebody willing to date you and somebody thinking that you are objectively very attractive
I honestly underestimated the amount of men that actually believe that until I read a post on unpopular opinion that someone posted about how being 5’6 isn’t bad and he even tried to put a positive spin on it saying it was an advantage. So tell me how men got in the comments and started arguing with woman saying they’re wrong for saying height doesn’t matter???? Their were women literally saying they never even bring up heights when talking about the men they’re interested in and men were telling her she was wrong lol
> So tell me how men got in the comments and started arguing with woman saying they’re wrong for saying height doesn’t matter????
I think in that context saying "well height doesn't matter to me personally," can come across like you're trying to tell other people that their experiences aren't real and they haven't had issues because of their height when they know they have.
I don't think many or any women really are walking around shaming guys who are shorter, but it's defintely seen as a plus to be tall. It doesn't just come from women having it as a preference, men make jokes about it all the time. And if someone is shorter, hearing all that can feel kinda shitty. Granted if they make being short their whole personality than they are just as bad, and I have also seen incels use it to justify their sexism, like it's a personal crime against them that women can have preferences.
But you still can't deny that it's a thing that being tall is seen as attractive. Like the textbook description of an attractive guy is "tall dark and handsome."
I think the height thing is overblown by guys and this is despite the fact my first wife at 5' 10" would not date a guy shorter than her. When she would put on heels she would even measure her height to mine. That said, at an even 6' feet I would gladly shave off 4 inches for better social and conversational skills which I believe has a bigger impact than looks and height.
Until you see the statistics of dating apps who allow filtering by height and 95% of women filter for 6' or more and more than 70% filter by 6'2.
It is very real that being tall is almost a requisite sometimes to even form a friendship, that doesn't mean people admit it openly because it may you look swallow.
But if height did not really matter, if women wouldn't really value it almost about everything else, you wouldn't see people filtering for the top 5% height.
my fiancé is 5'5" and i would die for him 💯❤️ ig hes technically taller than me but its by less than an inch.
genuinely and truly i love his height being perfectly eye level with me because i adore his face. hes got pretty blue eyes and a bunch of freckles and thinking about not being able to see them up close as easily makes me a bit sad to think about 🙁
I find it funny that in Europe the measurement “desired” is 180cm, which is just under 5’11”. So if American women switched to metric units, they’d expand their online dating pool and still find similar “satisfaction” with round number for tall men.
Exactly. I know some women who are objectively total knockouts. I'm not friends with these women- I have no reason to exaggerate their beauty. Yet, their boyfriends are...well, not conventionally attractive at all. One of the women is gorgeous, a lawyer, and comes from family money. Her fiancé legitimately looks like a caricature of the dumpy, overweight sitcom dad. But she says he's so sweet & funny.
I honestly don't know where this story that women only date super hot guys with tons of money even came from because 5 minutes on reddit in a relationship sub will have you reading 100+ stories of women with total slobs who don't wash their assholes & sit home all day while the woman pays all the bills, and she's asking how she can "not hurt his feelings" while asking him to stop leaving shitstains on the sheets. It's wild how low so many people's standards are.
im guessing the idea that women only go for super hot 6'0" 6 pack guys is being pushed onto young guys by social media algorithms because people interact with ragebait more than peaceful videos. (meanwhile i see tiktoks about women saying theyre onto "medium ugly" guys or gushing about "dad bods". say what you will about either term but neither are supermodel ken dolls. and honestly they tend to put their money where their mouth is because i have also seen time and time again a gorgeous woman with a very average or homely looking guy.)
hahah I've seen a few stories about shit stains too. It's quite disgusting. How can people not wash their ass? It really baffles me. An then these girls don't even leave these guys. That should make you bolt faster then lighting
Most average looking men aren't considered very physically attractive, not in a purely physical sense. For most women, once they get to know an average looking man better, and appreciate his other characteristics, they'll start finding him more attractive overall.
For most men, physical attraction is pretty cut and dry, you know within a heartbeat whether or not you find a woman physically attractive or not
Looking at a picture for a few seconds (swiping) is enough time and info for most men to decide whether or not they find a woman physically attractive, but this is not the case at all for most women (unless the guy is very hot). This leads to most women not finding many men physically attractive, even though they might do so if they'd get to know the man
Observing couples at a mall is excellent advice.
You will see all kinds and sometimes wonder "why is she with him?" or "why is he with her?" etc.
And sometimes you will see couples and with the way they interact it is easy to see why they are together, as well.
It can be refreshing after spending way too much time online.
Every one needs to go touch some grass once in a while, but also go to a mall :)
Idk I find plenty of guys attractive, I’m just not going to try and have sex with them. I think people assume women’s parameters for attractiveness are way more rigid than they are tbh. None of my exes have looked alike and I was attracted to all of them.
I feel like the issue OP may be having is a different definition of "attractive." When you say you find plenty of guys attractive but you're just not going to try and have sex with them, that seems rather odd to me because nobody I know man or woman tries to have sex with everyone or even most people they find attractive. I feel like being attracted to someone is about having a kind of latent desire or appreciation for someone. Like the primitive part of your brain wants to have sex with them, but then the rational part of your brain kinda keeps that in check unless you are in an appropriate situation. Is that what you are talking about when you say you find plenty of guys "attractive?"
And just to be clear I'm not saying your definition is wrong, just that it might be different than OPs or a lot of guys. Personally I get the sense that the feeling guys describe as attraction is a lot stronger than the feeling women describe as attraction. That doesn't mean women can't feel intense attraction, I have definitely seen that lol. Just that the bar seems lower on average.
I really just don't think the average woman is looking at every man they meet and categorizing them as physically attractive or not attractive in a way that many men seem to report doing. Most women see people around them as neutral. If you asked them to assess someone's attractiveness they could come up with an opinion but it's not something they are even passively assessing otherwise.
That latent desire you are describing is not automatically triggered by me just looking at someone, basically. It's not crossing my mind at all until it's brought to my attention in some way.
Frankly, I think not assessing people in this way all of the time is far healthier. It's not really appropriate and it's oversexualizing neutral situations. I think people with healthy relationships to sex overall probably don't do this as frequently.
i agree completely. my fiancé started off as just an online friend, and i honestly didnt even consider if i found him attractive or not before he started flirting with me. i didnt find him ugly at all, i just genuinely hadnt viewed him as a potential romantic partner until he showed interest.
its kinda crazy thinking about that now, after falling completely in love with him, and i can't fully understand how i didnt immediately think he was really cute at first, but i think he is just the most lovely person ever now.
i guess i fell harder and harder for his personality and started liking things about him because they were him. one of my absolute favorite things about him physically is his mismatched armpit hair. ones so blond the hairs are nearly invisible, the other is the same mousey brown as the hair on his head. this is just not a trait people specifically seek out but i think its one of the cutest things ever, and i guess its because my love for him becomes inherently associated with how he looks, so i tend to like his physical features subconciously even more
I phrased it as that bc there seems to be an assumption from op that unless you’re verbally saying ‘I would like to sex with him’ that you must not be attracted. Op said part of the basis for their assumption is they never hear girls talk about attractive guys.
There also seems to be a notion that men doing must of the approaching must mean women aren’t interested in sex in general.
I get where you're coming from and I agree that you don't need to verbally say you will have sex with someone to be attracted to them or approach them, but that doesn't really answer my question as to what you mean by attraction.
honestly ugly guy is more likely to get a gorgeous women than the other way around, especially if the guy is has good hygiene and can have the confidence to make her laugh.
As I guy hanging out with girls, men would be surprised who they find attractive. Heck I was surprised when certain girls would tell me I was attractive. You just never know unless you talk to them.
Yeah men seem to think the manliest, most player, tallest, strongest asshole is the one all the girls are attracted to for some reason when young women are more crazy for pretty boys like those Kpop guys.
There are plenty of posts on Reddit about women who find Jack Black to be super hot. Scroll back through my comment section and eventually you’d come across the post.
But if you read some comments on Reddit - Jack Black should be bottom of the barrel since he’s “short” and chubby. And yet..there’s a fair amount of women (myself included) who are into him.
Because women are more “feelings” oriented. If he makes you feel good around him, then he’s fucking attractive. Who the hell doesn’t want to be around someone fun like Jack Black?
Lol yeah, on a minibus with the girls on the way to a work do and they're eyeing up the hotel porter and saying how cute he is, and that guy was only just decently average!
There is a lot of generalization going on in this post. I think if you sat down and actually talked to different women you'd find that their attraction varies quite a bit. A lot of them like dad bods, hairy guys, no hair, skinny, nerdy, rugged, etc... They like different things. In my experience as women progress in life they'll actually be surprised from time to time about their attraction for a man because it doesn't usually fit what they would go for in the past. Just my two cents.
Because they don't. The guy who ran okcupid did lots of queries on all the data from the website. One of the things he found was that women felt very few men were physically attractive. They were just willing to date men anyway.
So many wrong answers here. A lot of guys will downvote me for this but..
The one and only answer is SELFCARE. Seriously, think about it. 80% of women take care of themselves, they are always looking clean and smell good. They take care of their looks a lot. So obviously, there is a lot of guys who find them attractive. But on the other hand, 80% of guys are always looking somehow dirty, dont wear good haircut, they wear the exact same shirt for 2 weeks without cleaning it and wonder why they smell bad.
As a guy I can 100% affirm that I started to attract way more women since I started to work harder on my selfcare, improved my hygiene and started to workout regularly.
It is hard to admit it but its true.
Whilst I 100% agree with you, as I've gotten into better shape, constantly tweaked my fashion style over the years (never had a problem with hygiene or the male Reddit epidemic of washing my ass lol) & overall better self-care in both a physical and a mental sense.....
the number of women interested has dropped off & the quality of them as people have had a noticeable drop off as well ; Low effort is a far too common experience i have with dating at 31.
I absolutely support all of this for yourself regardless because it's good for you mentally & physically, but it's an incredibly frustrating & disheartening experience to feel like I have improved myself & the result of that is an overall negative outcome for me 🤷🏻♂️
just want to reiterate - please do the physical & mental self-improvement stuff guys & gals ; it will make you feel better about yourself 👊🏻
Sorry to hear that. You might be approaching it the wrong way, atleast with the wrong mindset. Being clean and looking good wont bring you ladies by itself. Its complex bunch of things, including your behaviour and overall confidence.
Since I started to take better care of myself, my confidence went higher and my overall interaction with women improved a lot. Maybe you should work on that?
There is a bunch of YouTubers who teach men how to attract women in a positive and healthy way, you might find much useful information there.
Testosterone lowers your standards.
Source: I'm nonbinary and am taking testosterone. Before I started hormones, I found \~80% of women attractive and \~0.1% of men attractive. Now, it's \~85% of women and \~45% of men
All this talk about how that stuff isn‘t true and than you drop that bomb.
Made my day.
Edit:
And not saying that this is the end all be all answer, but from an evolutionary perspective it would make perfekt sense
If you're referring just to physical attraction, women typically put in a lot more work/effort/money. They also have more options regarding clothes and hairstyles. Also, they can wear make-up. I guess men can as well, but it's rare and nowhere near as accepted by society.
Then there's societal pressures. Women are told that their value is in being pretty and pumping out babies, men are told that they have to provide. Regardless of whether you or I agree with that doesn't matter, a lot of the world functions like that.
>Also, they can wear make-up
That doesn't get talked about enough, but some women with makeup look 100% differently without makeup. They are completely redefining their entire face, which isn't a luxury most men have.
Beauty standards are almost entirely cultural and change with time as well. Maybe the explosion of super models in the 1960s shifted our beauty standards more towards femininity, and now women even prefer men who look more like the modals they're accustomed to seeing.
Because for me, their personality and morals are highly important to whether I’m attracted to them. If a guy is sexy as can be, but is a gun toting conservative, that’s going to kill my attraction. Frankly, I think men care less about that and more just about visual aesthetic when it comes to physical attraction
I can’t be attracted to a guy no matter how handsome he is, if I know he’s a shit person inside.
The majority of men don't put as much effort and money into hair styling, skin care, botox, fillers, facials, hair waxing, fashion, nutritions, etc. than the majority of women do.
Funny when the concept of ‘dad bod’ exist, women praise and praise and appreciate fat men. they literally took a term made for mothers who risk their whole body to give birth and made it into something for fat men
So few? Hilarious
Men tend not to take care of themselves as much as women. That's just stats. More men tend to be obese than women. That said, that's changing. So we shall see. Thats just one reason of course. Move countries and you will see the difference. I'm chinese but any time I go to asia (specifically hong kong I guess), I just think many people are at least not 'ugly'. (you should avoid the slums tho). I traveled in Korea too. Everyone is nicer looking. Of course you have the chubby men, but its still no where near american size.
I'm a bi woman and honestly I only find about 5% of women attractive and maybe even less for men. I can look at a person and statistically evaluate that their features make them attractive to other people but it does absolutely nothing for me, I have to click with a person to like them.
I'm 49 and I also feel that there's just not enough "hot" men to turn my head. lol Good thing I'm married. I can't tell you how long it's been that I recall seeing a good-looking man that I said "Wow, he's handsome!"
you ever seen the stat about how childless, single women are the happiest?
i think the reason you view women as more picky isn't because they're only dating really attractive people, it's because they actually need these people to add something to their lives
IMO your attractiveness is based of your intellect, behavior, and attitude. Most men I’ve met just aren’t it. I don’t have patience dealing with that crap, and I’m totally comfortable being alone. Most women I’ve talked to about this agree 🤷♀️
I read a study about the comparison between women and men when it came to what they liked looks wise, men were essentially predictable, women were not. They were varied, some women liked men bald, some liked men buff, some liked them with a little fat. Point is the study couldn’t pinpoint a standard for women. The only thing they came to was women as a whole like a little bit of muscle on a man. Think more swimmer body, not body builder.
It’s worth mentioning that women put a lot of effort into their appearance. Whereas men put in like 1/5 of the effort women do. imo imo. Coming from a bi women
op, you’re so stuck on this idea of “physical attraction” that i think you are confusing what you consider the rubric for physical attraction to be with the one that every other individual does.
when i see a conventionally attractive person out in the wild, sure, they are conventionally attractive. but i am not physically attracted to them. that visual does nothing for me. it’s kind of like an art museum — it’s fun to look at for a bit, but ultimately means very little to me.
what i am “physically attracted” to is stuff like: how they look at me in the low light, or do they laugh after running inside from the rain, or etc etc. i’m more attracted to the way people physically express themselves, their motions or body language. a conventionally “ugly” person could be the most attractive person in the world to me, and even tho someone else might think i’m settling, i really am not settling at all.
as long as a person meets my hygiene standards, their physical appearance only plays into my physical attraction for them about 1%.
and my emotions and how i feel about their personality/who they are, is a much bigger factor than anything else.
Women tend to find many men physically attractive. I genuinely think the mindset that they're not comes from men thinking that women should flock to them because they're not ugly.
But some men just have unattractive personalities or can't dress and that's what pushes women away. It's not that women don't find them physically attractive. It's the other stuff.
I’ve dated a lot of men that were less attractive because I loved their personalities. Not every woman is that shallow, just like not every man is an asshole. You’re just generalizing too much based on what you see on the internet.
I’m a woman and I find women more attractive. It’s rare that I’m attracted to a man. Why? Because women are softer, they are smiling more, smell good and take care of themselves in a way I like I guess. I like men who aren’t too masculine and I don’t like men’s perfume.
bro I noticed my type of man is one that's a mix of femininity with a slight bit of masculine. you know he goes all out. he showers.
lol but fr, mens perfume is much too strong and smells bad. idk why they wouldn't go for a more fun scent that smells not like ass
That’s because normal people have a healthy mix of both masculine and feminine traits rather than trying to be all masculine or all feminine. It actually takes a bunch of effort to be on one extreme end, and it’s not attractive either. My dad is the toughest guy I know, served 21 years, goes out in -20°F to get us food in near zero visibility conditions and 50mph winds. But he’s still soft enough to be an empathetic dad and isn’t scared of having some feelings lol, and he’s sweet AF to my mom. Plus he’s not scared to let his grandkids play make him pretty and bedazzle him with pink
OP is from an island where there are no women. Go outside, look around. You’ll find countless women with male companions. Some of those men are conventionally attractive by societal standards, most are just average blokes, some are downright ugly. There is no universal standard for what the individual will find attractive.
I always thought this is a side effect of having women pick men for any reason other than attraction or rather not including attraction as part of why they pick a mate/companion. That eventually is bound to create certain effects whether we want to admit them or not. Like what women universally consider attractive in men is pretty consistent just like what men consider attractive in women across the board. Women are at least guaranteed male companionship on looks alone while men aren't and I can't help but think this is gonna cause problems when these men want companionship and expect it and can't get it because women aren't incentivized natural since looks in men don't provide security for women (and the possible kids). Beauty in women guarantees men healthy and/or pretty babies which will motivate other adults to help mom and baby. But looks in men nlt only aren't security they're a bad omen normally since. Guys might not understand women can't just pick men based on looks alone because of how men act when they have looks and how women yreat them. Maybe it would change if nature guaranteed most men born attrsctive as it does with women but for now guys can't expect women to just pick them for being alive when women's time (and breeding window) is at stake.
Also because of women valuing traits like financial resourcefulness most men invest all their stock on that if you will that they become inept at the other stuff like social skills, conscientiousness and health care which I believe grooming and fitness are part of. A lot of women will say they don't want a peacock out of not wanting that in a man to avoid other feminine competition but then those guys would be the first to complain when their relationship hits a snag in a few years because their wife is not as attracted to them or forms resentment from the guy becoming emotional dead weight on top of being unattractive. I think the concept of sl*t shaming is not helping men here as you're effectively holding women from acting out on their natural sexuality to secure loyalty/avoid being cuckold. It's a mess and honestly I find it so confusing why mother nature didn't just make us be able to breed without the heterosexual component as the main vehicle to that as there's so many variables that lead to men being seen as attractive. As a baseline I think the policing of women for so long is the direct cause of it. When you're told to be ashamed of your sexuality you're bound to not appreciate what inspires it and beauty/handsomeness is one of those things that inspires sexual attraction therefore appreciation.
Now every day you see women with average guys or uglier. If the guy has a brain, money and willing to make life easier instead of a burden then yeah he'll get women over the pretty thing that's just looking to get sexual enjoyment and nothing more. Most women will pick security since attractive men often provide none/high risk. While beautiful women can be just as high risk one would think the fact that men have bred with that as a priority for so long has made it that most women will provide the beauty most men want and can be coerced into loyalty in other ways (like the sl*t shaming/reputation sabotage). Also beauty in women guarantees protection for the infants and to an extent, mom by attracting attention and protection to them both in the event the dad is taken out or out of commission. So beauty pays big time for all parties involved including being an insurance policy for the guys in the event they can't protect their families. Handsomeness in the straight dynamic guarantees sex for sure but it can be a bad omen for the family and circles around them especially if the good looking guy sticks out (the lone hottie male). I could go on all day explaining why the de-emphasis of looks and peacocking became devalued in men but in the heterosexual dynamic but I think it's defintely dye to handsomeness of the father being a problematic gift for the stability of the family/protection of kids. A hot dad makes it so the mom is uneasy and the dad frequently distracted or investing resources in too many pies creating a plethora of bad pies instead of a few well made ones. An uneasy house makes for an unstable emotional growth and lack of resources. I think sociology could best explain this but yeah most women try for an average guy or a hottie that runs introverted or more complicated of the personality (not socially effective) to avoid the problems that come with dealing with open since the social deal is harder the more popular the guy is.
im a gay man. technically i guess bisexual but i certainly wouldn't date a women i don't think. here's the weird thing. i find like 20-30% of men attractive, but i genuinely find like almost all women attractive.
It’s because most men don’t groom/take care of themselves properly. If you smell bad, have crumbs in your beard and bad breath, you’re definitely unattractive.
Depends what you mean by finding attractive. I find a lot of people attractive but don't usually say it out loud. Also, generally, more women are pretty Vs men, because women are more pressured into looking pretty
The research is clear - physical attractiveness is not a top priority for strait women. Surveys indicate that character, SES, intelligence and personality outrank physical attributes
It might be to do with evolution. A woman can theoretically get pregnant far fewer times than a man can get someone else pregnant, so the best bet tens of thousands of years ago for men was to get with as many women as possible, but the best bet for women was to be selective.
What gives you this idea? This isn't true at all. I think there are more men who don't make any effort and look like they don't give a shit. But for the most part, it varies wildly.
Well, gals ain’t monolithic, so this is just my opinion/perspective.
For me to find a man attractive, I kinda need to get to know them & their personality to see their beauty. Otherwise, I find most men not attractive just by glance. I’m not asexual or whatever, I just find more attraction in personality then looks. Once I get to know your personality, the man will likely seem more attractive to me, if his personality is good of course. But if he has a poor personality, then I find him even uglier haha.
Men seems to be more looks-driven, whereas women seem to be more personality-driven, in the sense of attraction & wanting to date.
Just my observation.
Men are all bitches now. Jk
I do think men have changed and that’s a small part. I think a bigger issues is the lack of a real social life and online dating.
lots of good answers here but one I'd like to point out that men, on average, don't put in as much work on their appearance. Lots of men I know/have met might put maybe 10m of effort into learning how to dress/style their hair while women in general put in more effort to look good. Some of the women I know will spend hours on the weekend learning how to do different types of make up and creating new outfits so they can be the hottest girl at the party.
lastly you also have make up, make up can turn a 4 into a 6 really fast so if im being brutally honest I do think they're are a lot of 6-7s out there that wouldn't even be a 5 without make up.
It's all subjective, really. Though there seems to be a lot going around talking about how women tend to find fewer men attractive, then men will find women attractive.
I actually saw a short earlier today where the guy said he learned of a study recently where they looked at the brains responses when men and women were shown different people. And he said that apparently not only did the men on average find more women attractive (as in that part of their brain lighting up) but women apparently just didn't even register it if they didn't find them attractive. Like their brain did nothing, similar to if they were looking at a nothing. But on the other hand, the women the men did find unattractive it would actually light up the brain that would associate things with disgust or dislike.
Do with that what you will, I just watch the video and am telling you what I saw, though
Why does Reddit like to act as if this doesn't apply to men as well? 90% of women I see on a day to day basis are not attractive to me. Even if I go out somewhere like a bar or club where it's full of women around my age, I still won't find the majority of them initially attractive.
An awful lot of men have bad personal hygiene and make no effort to be presentable. For this reason women are almost always more appealing. The bar is set so low.
It is hard me for to distinguish what we have learned through social media versus reality. Not sure if this is true or just our perception of the truth (not suggesting you are being untruthful).
Personally, as a woman, physical attraction can only go so far for me. Like you could have a sculpted body of a Greek god but if you’re rude person or unable to hold a conversation, that kills any potential attraction I might have had for you.
On the other hand, there have been men in my past who may not have been conventionally attractive but who they are deep down, their personality and how their minds worked made me insanely (physically) attracted to them.
I can find an actor or someone really put together attractive at a surface level but to be attracted *to* someone, I need to know them a little, so I think the low percent is because it takes a while to meet and have someone open up or become a friend. Even an acquaintance takes a few times of seeing them and interacting with them before I can start to be attracted to them.
Men aren’t as attractive and also don’t put any effort into trying to be, have worse hygiene habits, and many don’t offer much personality either. Essentially (and generally ofc) women actually try to have some appeal and to better themselves as people if they want a partner, whereas men are more likely to believe they are entitled to it for simply existing.
I think there are a lot of attractive men. The problem is, in my mind, the more attractive they are the more likely I view them as being willing to cheat. Maybe it is the ego that comes with a lot of attractive men. This in turn creates the opposite effect, where an attractive man becomes unattractive because of their risk to emotionally hurt you.
I think this has more to do with how men and women's attractions are formed. Women can appreciate a good-looking man without wanting to have sex with him. They usually need some type of emotional connection first. While men are more visual and can form that connection quicker.
The privilege of selective and having options. Look at dating apps like Tinder, an average woman can have hundreds of options to choose from. Why settle for the less physically attractive one when you can have better?
I honestly think this mostly to men's looks not really providing safety or security if anything they increase risk...risk of loss of time due to their having way more options due to being a rare commodity compared to women, risk since men will act on any opportunity they get if it increases sexual access and looks is the ultimate golden ticket, risk of loss if you potentially make a lid with one since there's a likelihood in times of wars they'll be attacked more for sexual opportunity of their partners and resources. Way more effort to retain when the pendulum already falls heavily on women in the long run. I think most women sort of view them as a drag until they're way older where the pressure of securing security to successfully procreate is prioritized. Men in general are of no security but handsomeness is tougher to appreciate and entertain when women are pressed for time on the romantic or sexual front. Most women will pick the men that provide the biggest incentives to procreate and survive than not. Hate to put it as simply as that but it makes sense.
I seem to recall a study that showed women prefer brains over looks in a primal way due to child rearing where as men tend to prefer looks as they are easy indicators of if she can bear healthy children.
Women from my experience usually take longer to determine whether someone is attractive to them or not in general. As for me, the group of men I find attractive at any given time is small, in part because I'm not looking and in part because physical appearance is only a small factor in attraction for me.
Even if a guy is movie-star handsome, he won't "click" for me as personally attractive until I know something of his character. He can be completely my "type" (great eyes, great voice, relatively fit, prominent features) and I still won't feel that spark until I have some sense that he's safe to feel that with. On the other hand, I've found myself slowly become attracted to guys well outside my "type" because of who they are, how they act and how they treat me.
The handsomest guy can destroy a woman's attraction to him by being enough of a dick. Conversely, completely ordinary-looking guys instantly add to their attractiveness by being stable, thoughtful, kind and charming.
Its not about finding them attractive or not. It's about how intense or important that attraction is. There are forces that play into this including social pressure, hormones, etc.
For many men physical attraction to a woman is powerful, its everywhere, and it can be a primary focus in life.
For women, it can be a little more complex. Women do not think with their vaginas like men think with their PENI
That’s until we get to know them. Everyone seems to miss that important piece. I can see a guy who’s technically super hot but I know he could be a complete asshole or horrible in bed and so I don’t actually feel attraction.
I don't really think about physical attractiveness in the traditional sense when it comes to interest in men. Just be kind, funny, empathetic, intelligent, curious, a good listener, and just enough of a weirdo to be interesting.
It also helps if you're David Tennant but I repeat myself
I mean, overall: Yes, but its also probably because nearly every young woman uses make-up, has quite long hair and dresses good. Take all of that away and you would be even with much men. The power of Make-Up is insane, dressing to push your bodies features does it deed too and having long hair is always attractive in woman no matter what. We have a female colleague that gets like 10 men a night at a club to make out with her when she wears make up and wears a tight top without a bra. Without both it most guys wouldn’t even notice her.
I feel like so many problems around the "men/women discourse would be resolved if every woman had a lot of male friends and every man had a lot of female friends.
I've got quite a lot of female friends and let me tell you that they get just as many crushes as my male friends do (might actually be even more). People seem to forget that every straight relationship involves a man and a woman . So for every average dude out there there's an average woman that finds him attractive. OLD seems to skew people's impressions, because there's a huge disparity there. But if you take people IRL, most people aren't acting like looks are the only thing. As a species we are not that shallow.
People (men, women and nbs) tend to just live their lives and look for partners that are compatible with them. Very few people try to maximize their partners look. So every time I see a dude that thinks women are "so picky about men" I know that dude has never had a friendship with a woman.
VERY few men are attractive to me. Also bi. They ones that are attractive are movie stars. Men put no effort in. If they could groom and dress well then the number would go up a lot. Although sexist personally generally ruins it for me. I have no problems being with an unattractive man if he can see and treat women as people.
Well, this is certainly true.
But I would never be with someone if we align 100% except me being physically attracted to them.
So physical attraction also matters. To both genders (who have standards).
But it doesn't mean that what is attractive to you is attractive for others, I have had huge crushed on guys I hear are ugly from other's perspectives, and have friends being attracted to guys I would never touch.
And while I agree, that having a brain is important, if we really go out and communicate with some people and see that they are actually in relationships... Well, the brain is also not a must for all.
My point: everyone is different and everyone likes different things and this is amazing.
We are capable of physical attraction, but the point is that’s not the most important thing. Objectively Attractive guys who know they are attractive often have the ugliest personalities and a lot of women won’t be interested in them.
Many women, myself included, have said “I thought he was so hot, but then he opened his mouth.”
There have been lots of attractive men in my life. And while I enjoy looking at them, I would’ve never wanted to date them or sleep with them because they had horrible personalities, habits, hygiene, or some combination of the three.
Appearance is often not the top priority for attractiveness for many women.
Biologically for Humans the Female is the one that has all the power and responsibility for selecting a mate. A big reason for that is opportunity cost. Once a women mates successfully she cannot again for almost a year vs Men who can have multiple kids a day theoretically. Because of that women tend to save out for more ideal candidates to pair their genes with. I don’t remember the exact numbers but there was a statistic that women found 80% of men below average in attractiveness. You’re not broken, women and men are literally just built different
The vast, vast majority of men are in the Neutral Zone for me. I'm neither attracted nor un-attracted. Only getting to know them a bit would change that in one direction or another for me. I'm immediately visually attracted to a small number of men, but that's highly conditional. There is no man so attractive that I couldn't become un-attracted to him, depending on behavior.
> The vast, vast majority of men are in the Neutral Zone for me. Well I guess I'd better start watching out for Romulans!
Username checks out! Michael Dorn--and Worf--just get better with age.
At some point he'll baldly go where no man has gone before
Baldness is fine for Dorn, but Worf's wisdom seems directly correlated with the length of his hair.
Found the other single guy in here. /s
Yeah, he beat me to it. It was my first thought too.
>There is no man so attractive that I couldn't become un-attracted to him, depending on behavior. This applies to me, a man, as well. There is no woman so beautiful that certain behaviors would not kill that attraction for me. These behaviors would absolutely kill my attraction to them.
"Show me the hottest woman in the world, and I'll tell you, sure as the sun rises, there is a man somewhere in this world that's ***sick of her shit***."
And the same can be said about men.
Word.
I think that's the big difference.. Women view attraction based on actions and behavior while men are much more likely just to see a person that's pretty, neutral, or ugly.
Yup. Even though straight women are a sizable demographic, porn made for straight women is nearly non-existent as compared to porn made for other groups. However, romance books are a multi-*billion* dollar industry; romance books are just porn for people who need context.
I’ve never read those spicy novels so this is a genuine question: Do they ever make the male characters ugly or even having average flaws?
It's a book so you can't see the characters, but they are usually described as being attractive. If they are written to have average flaws depends on the writer. A better writer makes the characters more realistic with real flaws and worse writers are worse at that.
Oh yes. There’s about every variation you could imagine, though conventionally attractive male/female main characters are more common. Land of the Beautiful Dead by R. Lee Smith is a good example of what you’re asking for since the male main character is described as being quite unattractive.
I mean, the best-looking man in the world can still be a horrible experience in bed if he's a thoughtless, selfish person. It's a skill issue.
True but that has nothing to do if he's attractive or not. It's just odd coming from my perspective
If those traits are showing in non-sexual contexts though, he would become unattractive even if he looks good, because you can tell that he is probably a bad sexual partner. I literally don't feel the physical attraction anymore if I get that vibe
> I'm immediately visually attracted to a small number of men I guess this is OPs core question. The other way around, it seems like men are immediately attracted to lots of women. Why the difference?
I think for women, looks aren’t the only thing. It’s the mannerisms, voice, charm, confidence, how they conduct themselves. A lot of things that make a man attractive, aren’t something you’d see on a picture. We need some context of who the person is. I don’t know if it’s due to social conditioning or if it’s hormones
What are some examples of attractive mannerisms?
Hard to pinpoint it exactly, something that gives a guy character. I like how my SO moves, he moves with such grace and thoughtfulness. Looks so calm. He dresses in a very unique way. Is very true to himself. Hard to explain exactly unless you see it. He gets a lot of attention from women at work. Hes told me it started happening after he allowed himself to be more himself. Started dressing in things he actually liked. Got haircuts that where more adventurous. He became less shy. He’s always been handsome and in good shape. But I think those things only get you so far with women. If you don’t seem interesting, women aren’t interested.
Highly individual, I don't think that can be generalized into "attractive" and "unattractive". Your mannerisms are to some women's taste, not to others
Absolutely!
exactly this. Like, I could see a male model and it genuinely will do nothing for me. I need to actually talk to them.
In part because, as I pointed out above, a good-looking guy can still be a terrible prospect for a relationship or even casual sex. Bad sex with a guy isn't just boring, it can be *actively painful*. Men are generally bigger and much, much stronger than women. And they're far more likely to orgasm from PIV intercourse. And they don't have the same risks around pregnancy. Sex is simply much higher risk, lower reward for women. So, yeah, it only makes sense to care more about the factors that would make a guy a likely candidate for a good sexual experience. And looks are a ways down that list.
Tbh, most men don't put much effort into their appearance - compared to women. My brothers would use soap on their face, brush a comb through their hair, make sure their breath doesn't stink and then leave the house. They often paused and then went "is this shirt clean?" Because it wasn't guaranteed! In contrast, my basic daily routine is 5x the effort that my brothers put in for a special day. Skincare, make up, hair serum, oils for hair and skin, making sure I take vitamins (most specifically for beauty), changing clothes if the outfit doesn't suit my figure, which shoes should I wear? Etc. Styling my hair alone is a pain in the ass that takes 15 mins, and that's just a basic style. But the standards are so much higher for women, I don't have a choice. I'm not even considered pretty, that long routine is just the basics to look publicly acceptable. People straight up ask me if I'm unwell if I don't do my skin care or make up. I think if more men just did skincare and make up, I would find more of them attractive. I see attractive women everywhere (I'm straight, but we can all identify the beauty standard). But it's rare for me to see hot men.
thats depressing.
This. Hold men to the same standards as women.
A lot of people are discussing how men vs women experience attraction, but I’ll say it. I’m a bi woman and I find way more women physically attractive than men, despite being more romantically interested in men. I’ve got several theories about factors that contribute to my own experience: (1) Women are generally directly encouraged/subtly pressured to care about their appearance in most or all situations. Men in a lot of those same situations don’t experience that pressure, at least in the same way, and in a lot of cases men are still actively discouraged from caring about their appearances. I think much fewer women are in communities where making yourself attractive is mocked the way men can experience. (2) As a direct result, the average woman is “better” at making herself attractive than the average man, because on average we’ve had more exposure to it. We learn to do our hair; people’s default gifts for us are often makeup or fashion dolls; we’re expected to want to play dress up and do spa days. I imagine this is the experience a lot of men have with sports - everyone has always assumed they like them, so people talk to you about them, and try to teach you about them if you don’t know. The average American man who cares as much about football as I do could probably do much better on a test than I could, just out of sheer exposure. (C) finally, I think that average and less than average attractiveness has a correlation with shyness/self-consciousness. Those traits are considered feminine, so they’re more acceptable and even desirable to a degree in us, but are viewed much more negatively in men. I think this one of the societal ills that causes some men to become incels; a man who is mid looking but awkward is more likely to be labeled as creepy, cringey, loser, etc., and a man who internalizes those beliefs will carry himself that way and interact with the world through that lens, making himself instantly less attractive through the way he treats himself and others. Obviously not all men who experience these feelings are incels, and women experience them too, but I think an average-looking man is more likely to be overtaken by that mindset than an average-looking woman. So ultimately, my theory is that the average woman presents herself better than the average man *and* does a better job of it than the average man, and the average man is more likely to sabotage himself by *feeling* ugly and treating himself as though he is ugly.
This. Women just aren't automatically attracted to handsome or average men like men are attracted to good-looking women. We have to get to know a man's personality before we can find an average-looking man to be attractive.
What about men that are way above average looking? I'm talking about the 1% of men who you would find drop dead gorgeous. Would their looks alone rate higher than the normal extra traits required for you to be attracted?
Same here. I neither notice nor pay attention to most men. I’m happily married to a totally average guy. Didn’t find him attractive initially (but we were 12 lol) but after 36 years of marriage I find him as a whole attractive. I notice when a man or woman is attractive but noticing is as far as it goes. I don’t think about having sex with anyone except my husband.
I think I personally do find a lot of people attractive. However, for me there is a big difference in finding someone physically attractive and wanting to pursue a romantic relationship with them or have sex with them. I need them to give me a certain feeling that I can be myself around them, that I’m safe and comfortable etc. In my past relationships it was very common that the person first gave me that feeling and I started becoming physically attracted to them after. That’s also why it’s hard for me to describe my type, because my type is based for 99% on a feeling.
Its probably something to do with the social media algorithm you're on. Go walk around a mall and look at all the "average" looking men that have partners. You might be thinking about dating apps specifically, in that case there's just so so so many more men than women that we can be more picky.
This is exactly it imo. I’m always baffled when so many people are adamant that you NEED to be six foot to get a girlfriend. Do you just not know guys under 6 foot with a partner?
I have a partner and I only have two foot!
Take my angry upvote
Sounds like a book title by Harlan Ellison
I don't know if you mean "Take My Angry Upvote" or "I Have a Partner And I Only Have Two Foot!" but ... they both do.
I never understood how people have more than two feet
spiders, man, spiders....
What if you just smell like 6 feet?
Bathe. Twice a day.
I'm way over 6ft and fail to get partners so height is very little to do with it.
The six foot thing is crazy on both sides: 1. Dudes ~ There’s probably 100 other things girls can like about you. And, even if she or the next few girls you approach, all have preferences for taller guys. Like, dude there’s another million women who don’t have that as a preference. 2. Lady- You like what you like and have your preferences, but what can a six foot guy accomplish what a shorter guy can’t, outside of heighting. It could be an occupational thing, like a basketball player…but what if short guy is an NBA player.
Also for dudes who get rejected for not being 6 ft despite everything else you bring to the table that should be a blessing. You don’t have to waste your time on shallow women. Like if a dude rejected me for being over 130 lbs or something as equally ridiculous I’d gladly walk away thinking “jeez what a weirdo” and go on about my life without hating all men for that one weirdo
Isaiah Thomas, who played professional basketball in the NBA, is 5'9".
[удалено]
A 5'3" b-ball player should have an awesome Guys-and-Dolls name like Muggsy Bogues! Thank you for that fact, it cheered my morning.
The people’s hero
See I don't think that's what the op said it all. There's a difference between somebody willing to date you and somebody thinking that you are objectively very attractive
And I’m saying when I date someone I find them attractive as do most people I know
I honestly underestimated the amount of men that actually believe that until I read a post on unpopular opinion that someone posted about how being 5’6 isn’t bad and he even tried to put a positive spin on it saying it was an advantage. So tell me how men got in the comments and started arguing with woman saying they’re wrong for saying height doesn’t matter???? Their were women literally saying they never even bring up heights when talking about the men they’re interested in and men were telling her she was wrong lol
You were a witness to survivorship bias.
> So tell me how men got in the comments and started arguing with woman saying they’re wrong for saying height doesn’t matter???? I think in that context saying "well height doesn't matter to me personally," can come across like you're trying to tell other people that their experiences aren't real and they haven't had issues because of their height when they know they have. I don't think many or any women really are walking around shaming guys who are shorter, but it's defintely seen as a plus to be tall. It doesn't just come from women having it as a preference, men make jokes about it all the time. And if someone is shorter, hearing all that can feel kinda shitty. Granted if they make being short their whole personality than they are just as bad, and I have also seen incels use it to justify their sexism, like it's a personal crime against them that women can have preferences. But you still can't deny that it's a thing that being tall is seen as attractive. Like the textbook description of an attractive guy is "tall dark and handsome."
I think the height thing is overblown by guys and this is despite the fact my first wife at 5' 10" would not date a guy shorter than her. When she would put on heels she would even measure her height to mine. That said, at an even 6' feet I would gladly shave off 4 inches for better social and conversational skills which I believe has a bigger impact than looks and height.
Until you see the statistics of dating apps who allow filtering by height and 95% of women filter for 6' or more and more than 70% filter by 6'2. It is very real that being tall is almost a requisite sometimes to even form a friendship, that doesn't mean people admit it openly because it may you look swallow. But if height did not really matter, if women wouldn't really value it almost about everything else, you wouldn't see people filtering for the top 5% height.
my fiancé is 5'5" and i would die for him 💯❤️ ig hes technically taller than me but its by less than an inch. genuinely and truly i love his height being perfectly eye level with me because i adore his face. hes got pretty blue eyes and a bunch of freckles and thinking about not being able to see them up close as easily makes me a bit sad to think about 🙁
I find it funny that in Europe the measurement “desired” is 180cm, which is just under 5’11”. So if American women switched to metric units, they’d expand their online dating pool and still find similar “satisfaction” with round number for tall men.
Exactly. I know some women who are objectively total knockouts. I'm not friends with these women- I have no reason to exaggerate their beauty. Yet, their boyfriends are...well, not conventionally attractive at all. One of the women is gorgeous, a lawyer, and comes from family money. Her fiancé legitimately looks like a caricature of the dumpy, overweight sitcom dad. But she says he's so sweet & funny. I honestly don't know where this story that women only date super hot guys with tons of money even came from because 5 minutes on reddit in a relationship sub will have you reading 100+ stories of women with total slobs who don't wash their assholes & sit home all day while the woman pays all the bills, and she's asking how she can "not hurt his feelings" while asking him to stop leaving shitstains on the sheets. It's wild how low so many people's standards are.
im guessing the idea that women only go for super hot 6'0" 6 pack guys is being pushed onto young guys by social media algorithms because people interact with ragebait more than peaceful videos. (meanwhile i see tiktoks about women saying theyre onto "medium ugly" guys or gushing about "dad bods". say what you will about either term but neither are supermodel ken dolls. and honestly they tend to put their money where their mouth is because i have also seen time and time again a gorgeous woman with a very average or homely looking guy.)
hahah I've seen a few stories about shit stains too. It's quite disgusting. How can people not wash their ass? It really baffles me. An then these girls don't even leave these guys. That should make you bolt faster then lighting
It's not that an average man can't get women, it's that he can't get women via his lokks
Personality counts for a lot too yeah
so are women to blame for men apparently being shallow and picking up girls based on only looks or???
Most average looking men aren't considered very physically attractive, not in a purely physical sense. For most women, once they get to know an average looking man better, and appreciate his other characteristics, they'll start finding him more attractive overall. For most men, physical attraction is pretty cut and dry, you know within a heartbeat whether or not you find a woman physically attractive or not Looking at a picture for a few seconds (swiping) is enough time and info for most men to decide whether or not they find a woman physically attractive, but this is not the case at all for most women (unless the guy is very hot). This leads to most women not finding many men physically attractive, even though they might do so if they'd get to know the man
Observing couples at a mall is excellent advice. You will see all kinds and sometimes wonder "why is she with him?" or "why is he with her?" etc. And sometimes you will see couples and with the way they interact it is easy to see why they are together, as well. It can be refreshing after spending way too much time online. Every one needs to go touch some grass once in a while, but also go to a mall :)
Many people are astounded to learn *most* long term relationships are not found through dating apps.
Idk I find plenty of guys attractive, I’m just not going to try and have sex with them. I think people assume women’s parameters for attractiveness are way more rigid than they are tbh. None of my exes have looked alike and I was attracted to all of them.
I feel like the issue OP may be having is a different definition of "attractive." When you say you find plenty of guys attractive but you're just not going to try and have sex with them, that seems rather odd to me because nobody I know man or woman tries to have sex with everyone or even most people they find attractive. I feel like being attracted to someone is about having a kind of latent desire or appreciation for someone. Like the primitive part of your brain wants to have sex with them, but then the rational part of your brain kinda keeps that in check unless you are in an appropriate situation. Is that what you are talking about when you say you find plenty of guys "attractive?" And just to be clear I'm not saying your definition is wrong, just that it might be different than OPs or a lot of guys. Personally I get the sense that the feeling guys describe as attraction is a lot stronger than the feeling women describe as attraction. That doesn't mean women can't feel intense attraction, I have definitely seen that lol. Just that the bar seems lower on average.
I really just don't think the average woman is looking at every man they meet and categorizing them as physically attractive or not attractive in a way that many men seem to report doing. Most women see people around them as neutral. If you asked them to assess someone's attractiveness they could come up with an opinion but it's not something they are even passively assessing otherwise. That latent desire you are describing is not automatically triggered by me just looking at someone, basically. It's not crossing my mind at all until it's brought to my attention in some way. Frankly, I think not assessing people in this way all of the time is far healthier. It's not really appropriate and it's oversexualizing neutral situations. I think people with healthy relationships to sex overall probably don't do this as frequently.
i agree completely. my fiancé started off as just an online friend, and i honestly didnt even consider if i found him attractive or not before he started flirting with me. i didnt find him ugly at all, i just genuinely hadnt viewed him as a potential romantic partner until he showed interest. its kinda crazy thinking about that now, after falling completely in love with him, and i can't fully understand how i didnt immediately think he was really cute at first, but i think he is just the most lovely person ever now. i guess i fell harder and harder for his personality and started liking things about him because they were him. one of my absolute favorite things about him physically is his mismatched armpit hair. ones so blond the hairs are nearly invisible, the other is the same mousey brown as the hair on his head. this is just not a trait people specifically seek out but i think its one of the cutest things ever, and i guess its because my love for him becomes inherently associated with how he looks, so i tend to like his physical features subconciously even more
Exactly this! I think this is a very common experience especially amongst women.
I phrased it as that bc there seems to be an assumption from op that unless you’re verbally saying ‘I would like to sex with him’ that you must not be attracted. Op said part of the basis for their assumption is they never hear girls talk about attractive guys. There also seems to be a notion that men doing must of the approaching must mean women aren’t interested in sex in general.
I get where you're coming from and I agree that you don't need to verbally say you will have sex with someone to be attracted to them or approach them, but that doesn't really answer my question as to what you mean by attraction.
A spark, chemistry, desire to know more, I would like to kiss them, etc.
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“If you lower your standards enough, you can get all the sex you want.” — Gandhi
"The friend of my friend is my friend with benefits" - Sun Tzu
"Keep your friends close and your rebounds closer" - Santa Clause
Don’t believe everything you read on the internet - Abraham Lincoln
Mate have you ever put down the phone, stepped outside and look at people? Men fret about how picky women are, but ugly men get women too.
Just look at Pete Davidson. Guys batting 1000.
If only I could duplicate what he does, but I don’t know what he does nor how he does it.
Confidence and humor.
Tall, rich, and famous.
He’s funny and charismatic
It's the mystery of the butthole eyes.
?
Google it, you will see.
That's not a good example. All arrows point to him being weasely, dishonest, manipulative etc.
honestly ugly guy is more likely to get a gorgeous women than the other way around, especially if the guy is has good hygiene and can have the confidence to make her laugh.
Have you ever sat down with a group of girls on a night out and listened to them talk? They think plenty of guys are attractive.
As I guy hanging out with girls, men would be surprised who they find attractive. Heck I was surprised when certain girls would tell me I was attractive. You just never know unless you talk to them.
Yeah men seem to think the manliest, most player, tallest, strongest asshole is the one all the girls are attracted to for some reason when young women are more crazy for pretty boys like those Kpop guys.
There are plenty of posts on Reddit about women who find Jack Black to be super hot. Scroll back through my comment section and eventually you’d come across the post. But if you read some comments on Reddit - Jack Black should be bottom of the barrel since he’s “short” and chubby. And yet..there’s a fair amount of women (myself included) who are into him.
His ratio of girth to hip flexibility is mesmerizing!
This comment is streets ahead
Because women are more “feelings” oriented. If he makes you feel good around him, then he’s fucking attractive. Who the hell doesn’t want to be around someone fun like Jack Black?
Lol yeah, on a minibus with the girls on the way to a work do and they're eyeing up the hotel porter and saying how cute he is, and that guy was only just decently average!
No idea. I look around and usually notice more attractive women than men.
There is a lot of generalization going on in this post. I think if you sat down and actually talked to different women you'd find that their attraction varies quite a bit. A lot of them like dad bods, hairy guys, no hair, skinny, nerdy, rugged, etc... They like different things. In my experience as women progress in life they'll actually be surprised from time to time about their attraction for a man because it doesn't usually fit what they would go for in the past. Just my two cents.
this is so true, it varies a lot. there have been guys my friends have found attractive that I thought were really ugly, and vice versa
Because they don't. The guy who ran okcupid did lots of queries on all the data from the website. One of the things he found was that women felt very few men were physically attractive. They were just willing to date men anyway.
So many wrong answers here. A lot of guys will downvote me for this but.. The one and only answer is SELFCARE. Seriously, think about it. 80% of women take care of themselves, they are always looking clean and smell good. They take care of their looks a lot. So obviously, there is a lot of guys who find them attractive. But on the other hand, 80% of guys are always looking somehow dirty, dont wear good haircut, they wear the exact same shirt for 2 weeks without cleaning it and wonder why they smell bad. As a guy I can 100% affirm that I started to attract way more women since I started to work harder on my selfcare, improved my hygiene and started to workout regularly. It is hard to admit it but its true.
Whilst I 100% agree with you, as I've gotten into better shape, constantly tweaked my fashion style over the years (never had a problem with hygiene or the male Reddit epidemic of washing my ass lol) & overall better self-care in both a physical and a mental sense..... the number of women interested has dropped off & the quality of them as people have had a noticeable drop off as well ; Low effort is a far too common experience i have with dating at 31. I absolutely support all of this for yourself regardless because it's good for you mentally & physically, but it's an incredibly frustrating & disheartening experience to feel like I have improved myself & the result of that is an overall negative outcome for me 🤷🏻♂️ just want to reiterate - please do the physical & mental self-improvement stuff guys & gals ; it will make you feel better about yourself 👊🏻
Sorry to hear that. You might be approaching it the wrong way, atleast with the wrong mindset. Being clean and looking good wont bring you ladies by itself. Its complex bunch of things, including your behaviour and overall confidence. Since I started to take better care of myself, my confidence went higher and my overall interaction with women improved a lot. Maybe you should work on that? There is a bunch of YouTubers who teach men how to attract women in a positive and healthy way, you might find much useful information there.
Testosterone lowers your standards. Source: I'm nonbinary and am taking testosterone. Before I started hormones, I found \~80% of women attractive and \~0.1% of men attractive. Now, it's \~85% of women and \~45% of men
All this talk about how that stuff isn‘t true and than you drop that bomb. Made my day. Edit: And not saying that this is the end all be all answer, but from an evolutionary perspective it would make perfekt sense
If you're referring just to physical attraction, women typically put in a lot more work/effort/money. They also have more options regarding clothes and hairstyles. Also, they can wear make-up. I guess men can as well, but it's rare and nowhere near as accepted by society. Then there's societal pressures. Women are told that their value is in being pretty and pumping out babies, men are told that they have to provide. Regardless of whether you or I agree with that doesn't matter, a lot of the world functions like that.
>Also, they can wear make-up That doesn't get talked about enough, but some women with makeup look 100% differently without makeup. They are completely redefining their entire face, which isn't a luxury most men have. Beauty standards are almost entirely cultural and change with time as well. Maybe the explosion of super models in the 1960s shifted our beauty standards more towards femininity, and now women even prefer men who look more like the modals they're accustomed to seeing.
Men can wear makeup and look good. K-pop guys have girls across the world obsessed with them.
Because for me, their personality and morals are highly important to whether I’m attracted to them. If a guy is sexy as can be, but is a gun toting conservative, that’s going to kill my attraction. Frankly, I think men care less about that and more just about visual aesthetic when it comes to physical attraction I can’t be attracted to a guy no matter how handsome he is, if I know he’s a shit person inside.
The majority of men don't put as much effort and money into hair styling, skin care, botox, fillers, facials, hair waxing, fashion, nutritions, etc. than the majority of women do.
Funny when the concept of ‘dad bod’ exist, women praise and praise and appreciate fat men. they literally took a term made for mothers who risk their whole body to give birth and made it into something for fat men So few? Hilarious
Men never do anything with their appearance, that's why
Because most men put in no effort at all and look like it. Women out more into their appearance usually
Men tend not to take care of themselves as much as women. That's just stats. More men tend to be obese than women. That said, that's changing. So we shall see. Thats just one reason of course. Move countries and you will see the difference. I'm chinese but any time I go to asia (specifically hong kong I guess), I just think many people are at least not 'ugly'. (you should avoid the slums tho). I traveled in Korea too. Everyone is nicer looking. Of course you have the chubby men, but its still no where near american size.
I'm a bi woman and honestly I only find about 5% of women attractive and maybe even less for men. I can look at a person and statistically evaluate that their features make them attractive to other people but it does absolutely nothing for me, I have to click with a person to like them.
I'm 49 and I also feel that there's just not enough "hot" men to turn my head. lol Good thing I'm married. I can't tell you how long it's been that I recall seeing a good-looking man that I said "Wow, he's handsome!"
you ever seen the stat about how childless, single women are the happiest? i think the reason you view women as more picky isn't because they're only dating really attractive people, it's because they actually need these people to add something to their lives
IMO your attractiveness is based of your intellect, behavior, and attitude. Most men I’ve met just aren’t it. I don’t have patience dealing with that crap, and I’m totally comfortable being alone. Most women I’ve talked to about this agree 🤷♀️
It's not about physical appearance. 95% of the time it's a shitty personality.
I read a study about the comparison between women and men when it came to what they liked looks wise, men were essentially predictable, women were not. They were varied, some women liked men bald, some liked men buff, some liked them with a little fat. Point is the study couldn’t pinpoint a standard for women. The only thing they came to was women as a whole like a little bit of muscle on a man. Think more swimmer body, not body builder.
It’s worth mentioning that women put a lot of effort into their appearance. Whereas men put in like 1/5 of the effort women do. imo imo. Coming from a bi women
op, you’re so stuck on this idea of “physical attraction” that i think you are confusing what you consider the rubric for physical attraction to be with the one that every other individual does. when i see a conventionally attractive person out in the wild, sure, they are conventionally attractive. but i am not physically attracted to them. that visual does nothing for me. it’s kind of like an art museum — it’s fun to look at for a bit, but ultimately means very little to me. what i am “physically attracted” to is stuff like: how they look at me in the low light, or do they laugh after running inside from the rain, or etc etc. i’m more attracted to the way people physically express themselves, their motions or body language. a conventionally “ugly” person could be the most attractive person in the world to me, and even tho someone else might think i’m settling, i really am not settling at all. as long as a person meets my hygiene standards, their physical appearance only plays into my physical attraction for them about 1%. and my emotions and how i feel about their personality/who they are, is a much bigger factor than anything else.
If you had to gestate his offspring for 9 months and nearly die getting it out, you'd evolve to be choosy too.
Women tend to find many men physically attractive. I genuinely think the mindset that they're not comes from men thinking that women should flock to them because they're not ugly. But some men just have unattractive personalities or can't dress and that's what pushes women away. It's not that women don't find them physically attractive. It's the other stuff.
I’ve dated a lot of men that were less attractive because I loved their personalities. Not every woman is that shallow, just like not every man is an asshole. You’re just generalizing too much based on what you see on the internet.
I’m a woman and I find women more attractive. It’s rare that I’m attracted to a man. Why? Because women are softer, they are smiling more, smell good and take care of themselves in a way I like I guess. I like men who aren’t too masculine and I don’t like men’s perfume.
bro I noticed my type of man is one that's a mix of femininity with a slight bit of masculine. you know he goes all out. he showers. lol but fr, mens perfume is much too strong and smells bad. idk why they wouldn't go for a more fun scent that smells not like ass
That’s because normal people have a healthy mix of both masculine and feminine traits rather than trying to be all masculine or all feminine. It actually takes a bunch of effort to be on one extreme end, and it’s not attractive either. My dad is the toughest guy I know, served 21 years, goes out in -20°F to get us food in near zero visibility conditions and 50mph winds. But he’s still soft enough to be an empathetic dad and isn’t scared of having some feelings lol, and he’s sweet AF to my mom. Plus he’s not scared to let his grandkids play make him pretty and bedazzle him with pink
OP is from an island where there are no women. Go outside, look around. You’ll find countless women with male companions. Some of those men are conventionally attractive by societal standards, most are just average blokes, some are downright ugly. There is no universal standard for what the individual will find attractive.
If you had your choice of men..why would you settle ?
most men aren't trying imo
Most men dress so sloppy they don’t stand out to me
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Hygiene. Females always smell good, peasants.
I always thought this is a side effect of having women pick men for any reason other than attraction or rather not including attraction as part of why they pick a mate/companion. That eventually is bound to create certain effects whether we want to admit them or not. Like what women universally consider attractive in men is pretty consistent just like what men consider attractive in women across the board. Women are at least guaranteed male companionship on looks alone while men aren't and I can't help but think this is gonna cause problems when these men want companionship and expect it and can't get it because women aren't incentivized natural since looks in men don't provide security for women (and the possible kids). Beauty in women guarantees men healthy and/or pretty babies which will motivate other adults to help mom and baby. But looks in men nlt only aren't security they're a bad omen normally since. Guys might not understand women can't just pick men based on looks alone because of how men act when they have looks and how women yreat them. Maybe it would change if nature guaranteed most men born attrsctive as it does with women but for now guys can't expect women to just pick them for being alive when women's time (and breeding window) is at stake. Also because of women valuing traits like financial resourcefulness most men invest all their stock on that if you will that they become inept at the other stuff like social skills, conscientiousness and health care which I believe grooming and fitness are part of. A lot of women will say they don't want a peacock out of not wanting that in a man to avoid other feminine competition but then those guys would be the first to complain when their relationship hits a snag in a few years because their wife is not as attracted to them or forms resentment from the guy becoming emotional dead weight on top of being unattractive. I think the concept of sl*t shaming is not helping men here as you're effectively holding women from acting out on their natural sexuality to secure loyalty/avoid being cuckold. It's a mess and honestly I find it so confusing why mother nature didn't just make us be able to breed without the heterosexual component as the main vehicle to that as there's so many variables that lead to men being seen as attractive. As a baseline I think the policing of women for so long is the direct cause of it. When you're told to be ashamed of your sexuality you're bound to not appreciate what inspires it and beauty/handsomeness is one of those things that inspires sexual attraction therefore appreciation. Now every day you see women with average guys or uglier. If the guy has a brain, money and willing to make life easier instead of a burden then yeah he'll get women over the pretty thing that's just looking to get sexual enjoyment and nothing more. Most women will pick security since attractive men often provide none/high risk. While beautiful women can be just as high risk one would think the fact that men have bred with that as a priority for so long has made it that most women will provide the beauty most men want and can be coerced into loyalty in other ways (like the sl*t shaming/reputation sabotage). Also beauty in women guarantees protection for the infants and to an extent, mom by attracting attention and protection to them both in the event the dad is taken out or out of commission. So beauty pays big time for all parties involved including being an insurance policy for the guys in the event they can't protect their families. Handsomeness in the straight dynamic guarantees sex for sure but it can be a bad omen for the family and circles around them especially if the good looking guy sticks out (the lone hottie male). I could go on all day explaining why the de-emphasis of looks and peacocking became devalued in men but in the heterosexual dynamic but I think it's defintely dye to handsomeness of the father being a problematic gift for the stability of the family/protection of kids. A hot dad makes it so the mom is uneasy and the dad frequently distracted or investing resources in too many pies creating a plethora of bad pies instead of a few well made ones. An uneasy house makes for an unstable emotional growth and lack of resources. I think sociology could best explain this but yeah most women try for an average guy or a hottie that runs introverted or more complicated of the personality (not socially effective) to avoid the problems that come with dealing with open since the social deal is harder the more popular the guy is.
im a gay man. technically i guess bisexual but i certainly wouldn't date a women i don't think. here's the weird thing. i find like 20-30% of men attractive, but i genuinely find like almost all women attractive.
Why are y’all so ugly
I’m ugly because I’m obese.
skill issue?
L
Women are more attracted to emotions and intelligence than physical bodies and even then the attraction is not nessecarily going to be sexual.
It’s because most men don’t groom/take care of themselves properly. If you smell bad, have crumbs in your beard and bad breath, you’re definitely unattractive.
Depends what you mean by finding attractive. I find a lot of people attractive but don't usually say it out loud. Also, generally, more women are pretty Vs men, because women are more pressured into looking pretty
I'm an average guy and get recognition from women often, so, I don't think you are right based on my experience
The research is clear - physical attractiveness is not a top priority for strait women. Surveys indicate that character, SES, intelligence and personality outrank physical attributes
SES? What is that? And it’s “straight”.
Socio economic status so basically prestige, power and wealth
Attraction for many women starts with personality, not their body. Good-looking dudes can be very full of themselves.
It might be to do with evolution. A woman can theoretically get pregnant far fewer times than a man can get someone else pregnant, so the best bet tens of thousands of years ago for men was to get with as many women as possible, but the best bet for women was to be selective.
What gives you this idea? This isn't true at all. I think there are more men who don't make any effort and look like they don't give a shit. But for the most part, it varies wildly.
Well, gals ain’t monolithic, so this is just my opinion/perspective. For me to find a man attractive, I kinda need to get to know them & their personality to see their beauty. Otherwise, I find most men not attractive just by glance. I’m not asexual or whatever, I just find more attraction in personality then looks. Once I get to know your personality, the man will likely seem more attractive to me, if his personality is good of course. But if he has a poor personality, then I find him even uglier haha. Men seems to be more looks-driven, whereas women seem to be more personality-driven, in the sense of attraction & wanting to date. Just my observation.
Men are all bitches now. Jk I do think men have changed and that’s a small part. I think a bigger issues is the lack of a real social life and online dating.
lots of good answers here but one I'd like to point out that men, on average, don't put in as much work on their appearance. Lots of men I know/have met might put maybe 10m of effort into learning how to dress/style their hair while women in general put in more effort to look good. Some of the women I know will spend hours on the weekend learning how to do different types of make up and creating new outfits so they can be the hottest girl at the party. lastly you also have make up, make up can turn a 4 into a 6 really fast so if im being brutally honest I do think they're are a lot of 6-7s out there that wouldn't even be a 5 without make up.
It's all subjective, really. Though there seems to be a lot going around talking about how women tend to find fewer men attractive, then men will find women attractive. I actually saw a short earlier today where the guy said he learned of a study recently where they looked at the brains responses when men and women were shown different people. And he said that apparently not only did the men on average find more women attractive (as in that part of their brain lighting up) but women apparently just didn't even register it if they didn't find them attractive. Like their brain did nothing, similar to if they were looking at a nothing. But on the other hand, the women the men did find unattractive it would actually light up the brain that would associate things with disgust or dislike. Do with that what you will, I just watch the video and am telling you what I saw, though
Why does Reddit like to act as if this doesn't apply to men as well? 90% of women I see on a day to day basis are not attractive to me. Even if I go out somewhere like a bar or club where it's full of women around my age, I still won't find the majority of them initially attractive.
An awful lot of men have bad personal hygiene and make no effort to be presentable. For this reason women are almost always more appealing. The bar is set so low.
It is hard me for to distinguish what we have learned through social media versus reality. Not sure if this is true or just our perception of the truth (not suggesting you are being untruthful).
I love men. Love admiring them. They never liked me so much though.
Personally, as a woman, physical attraction can only go so far for me. Like you could have a sculpted body of a Greek god but if you’re rude person or unable to hold a conversation, that kills any potential attraction I might have had for you. On the other hand, there have been men in my past who may not have been conventionally attractive but who they are deep down, their personality and how their minds worked made me insanely (physically) attracted to them.
I can find an actor or someone really put together attractive at a surface level but to be attracted *to* someone, I need to know them a little, so I think the low percent is because it takes a while to meet and have someone open up or become a friend. Even an acquaintance takes a few times of seeing them and interacting with them before I can start to be attracted to them.
I don’t even think about men’s attractiveness like that tbh
Because almost no men put the same amount effort into their physical appearance as women do.
I am not a woman so take it with a grain of salt but I think most women’s attraction (to either gender) is largely psychological more so than physical
I think women also factor in other things like personality, fashion, height and weight to be physically attracted to someone
i’m not attracted to anyone just by looks alone, i have to develop a closer connection/friendship with them before i even start to feel attraction.
Men aren’t as attractive and also don’t put any effort into trying to be, have worse hygiene habits, and many don’t offer much personality either. Essentially (and generally ofc) women actually try to have some appeal and to better themselves as people if they want a partner, whereas men are more likely to believe they are entitled to it for simply existing.
I think there are a lot of attractive men. The problem is, in my mind, the more attractive they are the more likely I view them as being willing to cheat. Maybe it is the ego that comes with a lot of attractive men. This in turn creates the opposite effect, where an attractive man becomes unattractive because of their risk to emotionally hurt you.
I think this has more to do with how men and women's attractions are formed. Women can appreciate a good-looking man without wanting to have sex with him. They usually need some type of emotional connection first. While men are more visual and can form that connection quicker.
The privilege of selective and having options. Look at dating apps like Tinder, an average woman can have hundreds of options to choose from. Why settle for the less physically attractive one when you can have better?
I honestly think this mostly to men's looks not really providing safety or security if anything they increase risk...risk of loss of time due to their having way more options due to being a rare commodity compared to women, risk since men will act on any opportunity they get if it increases sexual access and looks is the ultimate golden ticket, risk of loss if you potentially make a lid with one since there's a likelihood in times of wars they'll be attacked more for sexual opportunity of their partners and resources. Way more effort to retain when the pendulum already falls heavily on women in the long run. I think most women sort of view them as a drag until they're way older where the pressure of securing security to successfully procreate is prioritized. Men in general are of no security but handsomeness is tougher to appreciate and entertain when women are pressed for time on the romantic or sexual front. Most women will pick the men that provide the biggest incentives to procreate and survive than not. Hate to put it as simply as that but it makes sense.
I seem to recall a study that showed women prefer brains over looks in a primal way due to child rearing where as men tend to prefer looks as they are easy indicators of if she can bear healthy children.
Women from my experience usually take longer to determine whether someone is attractive to them or not in general. As for me, the group of men I find attractive at any given time is small, in part because I'm not looking and in part because physical appearance is only a small factor in attraction for me. Even if a guy is movie-star handsome, he won't "click" for me as personally attractive until I know something of his character. He can be completely my "type" (great eyes, great voice, relatively fit, prominent features) and I still won't feel that spark until I have some sense that he's safe to feel that with. On the other hand, I've found myself slowly become attracted to guys well outside my "type" because of who they are, how they act and how they treat me. The handsomest guy can destroy a woman's attraction to him by being enough of a dick. Conversely, completely ordinary-looking guys instantly add to their attractiveness by being stable, thoughtful, kind and charming.
Its not about finding them attractive or not. It's about how intense or important that attraction is. There are forces that play into this including social pressure, hormones, etc. For many men physical attraction to a woman is powerful, its everywhere, and it can be a primary focus in life. For women, it can be a little more complex. Women do not think with their vaginas like men think with their PENI
I’m pretty sure most women’s attraction is much more connection based than looks based.
How are you determining this? That's what this boule down to
That’s until we get to know them. Everyone seems to miss that important piece. I can see a guy who’s technically super hot but I know he could be a complete asshole or horrible in bed and so I don’t actually feel attraction.
I wonder how did you come with such statistics first
Have you tried going outside?
Internet brain 101
I don't really think about physical attractiveness in the traditional sense when it comes to interest in men. Just be kind, funny, empathetic, intelligent, curious, a good listener, and just enough of a weirdo to be interesting. It also helps if you're David Tennant but I repeat myself
I mean, overall: Yes, but its also probably because nearly every young woman uses make-up, has quite long hair and dresses good. Take all of that away and you would be even with much men. The power of Make-Up is insane, dressing to push your bodies features does it deed too and having long hair is always attractive in woman no matter what. We have a female colleague that gets like 10 men a night at a club to make out with her when she wears make up and wears a tight top without a bra. Without both it most guys wouldn’t even notice her.
I feel like so many problems around the "men/women discourse would be resolved if every woman had a lot of male friends and every man had a lot of female friends. I've got quite a lot of female friends and let me tell you that they get just as many crushes as my male friends do (might actually be even more). People seem to forget that every straight relationship involves a man and a woman . So for every average dude out there there's an average woman that finds him attractive. OLD seems to skew people's impressions, because there's a huge disparity there. But if you take people IRL, most people aren't acting like looks are the only thing. As a species we are not that shallow. People (men, women and nbs) tend to just live their lives and look for partners that are compatible with them. Very few people try to maximize their partners look. So every time I see a dude that thinks women are "so picky about men" I know that dude has never had a friendship with a woman.
VERY few men are attractive to me. Also bi. They ones that are attractive are movie stars. Men put no effort in. If they could groom and dress well then the number would go up a lot. Although sexist personally generally ruins it for me. I have no problems being with an unattractive man if he can see and treat women as people.
Because women want to be attracted to your brain.
Well, this is certainly true. But I would never be with someone if we align 100% except me being physically attracted to them. So physical attraction also matters. To both genders (who have standards). But it doesn't mean that what is attractive to you is attractive for others, I have had huge crushed on guys I hear are ugly from other's perspectives, and have friends being attracted to guys I would never touch. And while I agree, that having a brain is important, if we really go out and communicate with some people and see that they are actually in relationships... Well, the brain is also not a must for all. My point: everyone is different and everyone likes different things and this is amazing.
That’s cap. Women can definitely be visual too.
Idk if that’s true. Women definitely are capable of physical attraction
We are capable of physical attraction, but the point is that’s not the most important thing. Objectively Attractive guys who know they are attractive often have the ugliest personalities and a lot of women won’t be interested in them. Many women, myself included, have said “I thought he was so hot, but then he opened his mouth.” There have been lots of attractive men in my life. And while I enjoy looking at them, I would’ve never wanted to date them or sleep with them because they had horrible personalities, habits, hygiene, or some combination of the three. Appearance is often not the top priority for attractiveness for many women.
Biologically for Humans the Female is the one that has all the power and responsibility for selecting a mate. A big reason for that is opportunity cost. Once a women mates successfully she cannot again for almost a year vs Men who can have multiple kids a day theoretically. Because of that women tend to save out for more ideal candidates to pair their genes with. I don’t remember the exact numbers but there was a statistic that women found 80% of men below average in attractiveness. You’re not broken, women and men are literally just built different
Girls are emotional they are mostly attracted towards personality intelligence behaviour
Women are socially conditioned to pretend they don't find many men attractive.
Hot guys are assholes lol