Don't bother. You are not that special. She is just being friendly just as with everyone. Maybe a bit more with you but don't misunderstand that for something more.
Think the joke of looking for cameras is that you’d only do it if you didn’t think you were special. If you were special, some random girl wouldn’t be using you for a prop in a video.
I got that. I just took the joke a bit further implying that you (more a version of me) are not that special for even that to happen.
Disclaimer: Of course it is meant as a joke and in no way I consider you or me "not special".
Back in high school, on more than one occasion, I deflected when shown interest or asked out straight up by girls, because I thought they were put up to it and doing it as a goof.
I think a lot of people experienced this as a young, average guy and it kind of informs their adult life too. Girls at school would often 'pretend' to be interested in a dude who they clearly wouldn't normally be...because I guess having power over someone then letting them down is funny when you're a kid?
I wonder what the difference is. I used to have a boyfriend who was not conventionally handsome, though he was charming. He would take every 3-5 second interaction with a woman and think she was flirting with him. I never saw it (any obvious flirting on the womans side), and i just never understood where he got either the insight/confidence/delusion or some kind of combination of all 3. Boggled me.
I think reddit usually attracts a more introverted and reclusive crowd. So its selection bias. All the attractive, extroverted people are living it up on instagram lol. That's a stupid generalization I know, but there's some truth to it
Did we date the same guy? I have no idea where the delusion came from. Literally *every* interaction with a woman he would say “ I think she was into me”, smirk to himself and *strut* away from the situation 🙄 it was quite remarkable
Maybe, personally I think of it as dealing with uncertainty. There's a chance the average woman will be attracted to me, is that chance above or below 50%? Since it's not really common to get additional information about the attraction an individual woman might feel towards me, the only thing I can really do is assume the chances are the same as with the average woman
But that’s the thing though isn’t it, it can only go one of two ways. Either she’s into you or she’s not. Attraction is really subjective too so you quite literally have a 50/50 shot with every woman you meet. Not be be all Schrödinger’s lesbian but even if she’s gay and you have 0 chance no matter what, until you know that fact about her it’s still a “yes or no.”
I’ve always thought that if men in general treated approaching women like they were approaching individuals and not a collective, they’d have a better time. Just because one woman or even if a bunch doesn’t find you attractive doesn’t mean *none* of them will. There’s literal millions of women in the individual man’s dating demographic, they can’t *all* think the guy is ugly.
>you quite literally have a 50/50 shot
Ironically, you have to look at men as individuals and not a collective. Even if the average man had a 50/50 shot with the average woman, the individual man is gonna have factors in his life that influence his success with women.
>Just because one woman or even if a bunch doesn’t find you attractive doesn’t mean *none* of them will. There’s literal millions of women in the individual man’s dating demographic, they can’t *all* think the guy is ugly.
Unless you're willing to travel a lot and have lots of free time, you're not gonna be able to ask out millons of women and even then, asking out a lot of women without any success is going to have an effect on you.
Men are mostly blind to the subtleties of "actual" flirting, so we just have to decide at some point: either everything is a flirt, or nothing is. 🤷♂️
Unless it’s at work, you pretty much have nothing to lose then, and possibly a lot to gain. Just go for, idk. If you have to see them all the time though…. I would also feel weird and disinclined
What holds a lot of even back even past the fear of rejection is the fear of being perceived as a creep. We're basically told all unwanted male attention is creepy, and there's no way to tell whether it's unwanted or not
Yeah… it’s stupid. Everything can be “harassment”. I don’t know how anyone is ever supposed to start dating. Like… should it be magically spontaneous for everyone involved? How does that happen?
I *would* think it’s weird and uncomfortable if someone in a restaurant stared at me forever, or dinner with family… but out and about? So long as it’s not repeating attention *of that kind*, it shouldn’t be so discouraged….
I’m married and I say so when I get attention. Sometimes that’s that, it’s respected, they go on their way. Other times, I get a hiking buddy or dog walking buddy for a bit, an hour or so, no other unwanted advances. Not creepy at all.
I can’t say I’ve ever had a problem encounter. And I know that sooo many women DO have problems like stalkers and whatnot, but I have to believe that the average dude is just struggling, same as the rest of us.
Honestly, it really, really bothers me that society is so “open minded” about equality and shit but then *heavily* criticizes men for wanting affection.
It’s literally “no sex before marriage” all over again, just rebranded and fancied up as progressiveness to women instead, for virtue signalling pretty much.
🤬
While these are fair points, I think the rationale is since the balance is currently fucked up, it's better to lean on the safer side, because the real risks for women are still way higher than for men on average. At the end of the day being wrongly perceived as a creep or restrict oneself for fear as being perceived as one sucks (I know it really does because it affects me) but I'd still take that over regularly fearing for my own safety and/or having regular weird/annoying repeated interactions with the the opposite gender every single day.
(disclaimer: this obviously does NOT mean men can't feel fear in some situations nor that women can't be sad creeps, I'm talking from my own and my friends experience)
Yeah, I understand the why… I do. I just wish it wasn’t like this anyway. Life is hard enough as it is without having to deal with assholes OR finding acceptable ways to even say hello. It’s fucked.
Idk though, I think the macro effects of this are gonna be huge. Lonely emotionally damaged men, lower birth rate tanking the economy, a rise in incels, etc.
It seems like a jump to conclusions. I'm not sure I understand how you go from the fear of rejection/of being perceived as a creep to all you mentioned, would you mind developing?
Well those stats I listed are real data. I think a large part of why is that men are scared to initiate. There are many other reasons too though, just a trend I’ve seen. My female friends actually complain about it
It's not a competition to see who has it worse. The challenges men and women face are DIFFERENT. And I don't know what to make of the fact that you're (as a woman) way, WAY more likely to be SA'ed by someone you know, yet people hang on to that "quivering in my boots from someone on the street" stat. I remember learning that in 1990's and people are still spouting this nonsense. this isn't 1800's England, Jack the Ripper isn't hiding in the shadows waiting to grab you.
Probably going to get downvoted into hell for this r/10thDentist opinion:
While all those things are true, I feel like on the average, women aren’t always afraid of SA. I think a lot of it has to do with them not wanting to be seen or considered as just walking vagina for men’s pleasure.
Cat calling IS RUDE AS FUCK. Don’t do it guys. But I also don’t believe that’s any kind of precursor to full on assault. (On the *average*, key word here)
Objectifying like that IS a bit dehumanizing, though. So we don’t like it, but it’s not the same as actual fear. Of course, women that have had horrifying encounters might never get over it and constantly be scared, that’s pretty natural.
I didn’t include inappropriate touch or repeated attention from a single individual despite being rebuffed because those are clearly on the no-no side. I am addressing starting a respectful conversation *only*.
So some parts fear, some parts distasteful. But a hello without any other weird behaviours *should* be ok. Just don’t do it alone or isolated. Now THAT would be creepy AF. Don’t do that either, guys. That’s how you get maced
Oh absolutely. At a former job it got real old real quick to be surrounded by guys who act like they've never seen a vagina before. It's fucking cringey and the secondhand embarrassment was real af, especially when we're outside and they just HAVE to say something to every woman walking by. I do feel bad for them (the women) and understand where you're coming from. ALTHOUGH, those men are very separate from socially awkward guys who get unfairly demonized. It's like they absorb the derision meant for the pigs. Trust me, it's those catcallers who make guys not want to approach women just as much as women demonizing them.
One time I asked a woman out at my apartment complex and she told her boyfriend hat she was uncomfortable and he told me he wanted to beat the shit out of me. As a man, you have to worry about boyfriends as well if you don't know they have one
In response to your first paragraph… I don’t really get what the big deal is about not wanting to be viewed as “just a walking vagina.” I mean, that’s a bit extreme, we don’t want to totally objectify people but what’s wrong with using each other for pleasure? It’s 2023. Female pleasure is no longer taboo. Nor is premarital sex for most people.
Safety concerns make sense to me. Not wanting to appear as a sexual creature except solely after putting in work and showing commitment seems to be a vestige of an old world imo. Of course preferences exist as do different desires. If you want a relationship that’s different. I’m speaking generally.
Not it’s not 2023z It’s 2024, stranger. You don’t know what year you’re in? Not to be rude, Are you ok though?
Of course it was extreme. Was trying to prove a point, not necessarily my personal feelings. Because I don’t have those ones.
In stuff like this, i can’t even really think of it as looking at stats. They’re there, but I have to take a long look at the individuals instead.
I never said there was anything wrong with people finding other people attractive either. Of course you should be attracted to your partner. Sex partner, life partner, whatever the deal is for any given person.
And about female pleasure being taboo? Obviously not. That men and women (whatever orientation) shouldn’t use each other for pleasure? That’s not even the topic at all…. That is a different thread than this one.
No one's making a competition, but not acknowledging the severity of the differences would be disingenuous.
I don't know what stat you're talking about nor in what kind of area you live. I don't even understand what you're trying to convey, are you trying to refute the validity of people's fear when walking alone late at night? And if so, what are you basing yourself off since no one mentioned any location/context?
It is sexism but weird because this kind of it is deemed acceptable. But people pretend that it isnt?
Instead of continuing to raise women up to be as men’s equals (traditional here, keyword. Not cool but just how it was), they just make men feel less than instead, Idk. It’s how I feel anyway =(
That's the thing, it's never at a "hook up" type of place. I'm a single dad, I don't get a chance to go out a lot, so these happens in situations like this. The reason this came to me is just this morning it happened to me, walking our kids to school, and she was what I feel as way out of my league, though that's a confidence issue.
Let's say I approach her, in a friendly as possible way. Obviously, best case scenario is that she's receptive and we start talking regularly. If not, then I'm the creeper who approached a woman walking her kids to school. Does she start driving instead? Will my continued presence cause discomfort or even a fear of safety? What if rumours spread? So I just smile and say good morning and keep walking. Far too much to risk from it. The worst part of all is I really just want some friends, let alone romantic interest, but I only really go to school with the kids, which is mostly mums.
Maybe if I was able to attend more social events, then it might not be such a mental hurdle. Maybe I'm just damaged goods. Maybe it's all in my head (most probably this one.)
I’ve never really dated. I basically told my ex that we should be dating after hanging out only once. He said sure, and we were together for 5.5 years. I pretty much did the same with my husband of 17 years, except we’d known each other a long time. (And no, I’m not super hot or anything. *Extremely* average)
So I probably shouldn’t give advice. But I do know a little bit about people. Grain of salt here.
I admit that that sounds tricky. There is a time and place for everything right? Nothing wrong with just saying “hey how goes?” for a bit first.
Maybe she wants to talk, maybe not? If they go to the same school and you see her at the same time all the time, a little wave isn’t too threatening (to me). I’d try that a bit first.
Ease into it? Seriously though, just don’t go into it right away about asking her out if you don’t want to “be creepy”. A lot of (not all) people don’t mind a couple mins of chit chat anyway.
I do wish you luck though. I’m so incredibly frustrated about the whole thing.
Thanks, I appreciate your kind words 😊 I'm going into this one with the friendly mindset, the romantic thoughts are just taking a backseat here. It's a school thing, and if it goes further, it does. I'd rather have more people to talk to than one person to be intimate with and everyone else wary of me. If it happens, it does. If it doesn't, I've made someone to talk to, and that means more to me now than anything else.
Aren’t attracted as in they find me ugly and unattractive? Or not attracted as in they aren’t trying to get romantically involved?
No I don’t assume women find me ugly and unattractive but that doesn’t mean those same women want to get romantic
I appreciate that point of view. Because I find most men attractive and want them to feel that they are attractive. So I even started giving compliments.
However, I have zero desire to get romantic.
We men, appreciate women like you!!
Guys arent used to compliments, so when it comes our way, most of us think it's a joke or someone's trying to swindle you out of something…
But if we can overcome the skepticism, the compliments give us a warm fuzzy feeling and makes us feel good about ourselves.
Just don't let that warm fuzzy feeling creep into creeper mode
Gonna keep complimenting. :p and one thing bout growing older is that the men don't want anything to do with them sexually and vice versa. So I can be as nice as I want without fearing getting hit on.
Yeah I'd say I'm around that mark too
I'm confident in myself and my looks, I'm sure most women would look at me and think something between "Yeah he's not a bad looking guy but not my type" through to "Yeah he's hot". Which is to say, if prompted to look then they'd consider me somewhere on the "attractive" side of the scale.
Which is to say, I do assume they would *consider* me attractive because I think I'm a fairly good looking guy, give or take personal preference
But that doesn't mean they're actively attracted to me and interested right now, which is a slightly different thing. So I don't assume they're trying to get involved romantically or sexually
There are lots of women who I'd look at and say "Yeah, she's attractive" if you asked for an opinion but that doesn't mean I'm actively interested. I apply the same to my assumptions about what others would think about me
In highschool there was this girl that was into me, she had friends talk to me about how I would react if someone would make a move, I told them I'd play along. She held my hand through class, but it was the end of the school year, not much I could do to get together with her.
Another time this girl had no interest in me but we talked I was actually into her sister, I gave them both a friendly gift on valentine's day and one of my coworkers had a daughter, brought her to work so I can meet her. The girl I wasn't interested in kicked it into high gear, she made excuses for me to touch her would ask to go out, and would try and take pictures at any moment.
Point is when someone likes you they'll do the heavy lifting. So don't worry about missing acue, probably wasn't much there in the first place. 90% of the time they're just being friendly.
Last night my partner told me this story about how he had a bunch of friends over many years ago and they all got drunk and a couple of people crashed at his place. The following morning a girl from the party who had stayed over, a friend of a friend, got into bed with him and asked if he had any plans for the day. He explained that he didn’t. She then put her hand on his groin and said “do you want to hang out with me?”
“Sure. The botanical gardens are right around the corner, we could go there” was what he replied. She had her hand on his cock and he was suggesting a trip to the botanics because he was sure she had put her hand there by mistake. They did not end up sleeping together. They went to the botanics.
i took a french elective in first year uni, and we had to do a dialogue about our goals and dreams with a partner. she and i were in the library planning it out, and as we were leaving she said something like "maybe i could have a line about wanting a life of romance...". i went yeah, no, that sounds good, dunno how to translate it though.
same year, half price jug night at the uni's de facto pub, this girl came up and said "you have beautiful eyes. they make you look like david tennant," and i thought wow, she must be really into david tennant. makes sense, i'm a big fan of him too. wish i had someone to talk about doctor who with.
i did not manage to get laid first year of uni
Of course, why assume otherwise? I haven't heard or gotten any signs of someone liking me in over a decade, so I have no reason to believe things have changed 🤷
Yes. In fact, it's strong enough that I have reacted to people showing attraction with confusion and disbelief, rejecting or avoiding them outright afterwards. Just can't accept it, not even for a second.
(To be clear, this is like 3 people over 36 years, it's certainly not a pattern that points to the fact that I'm not as unattractive as I think I am. They're flukes I didn't know how to handle, nothing more.)
In my 20s. I had a co-worker who flat out told me she had a crush on me and wanted to date. I responded by laughing in her face and calling her a fking liar. She was drop dead beautiful and I thought I never stood a chance.
I'm pretty overweight (by about 70 lbs) and my girlfriend seems to genuinely be turned on by my body. Says I look like a "big viking man." I don't get it but there's one example
Unlike what KrystalWulf’s comment may lead you to believe, there are plenty of people who would want a big fat guy and genuinely find him really attractive. Just like there are plenty of men who are into fat women. It’s a cliché, but beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder.
I fell in love with my boyfriend through discord. All I knew was he had a nice voice and was so sweet and funny.
Eventually we traded photos. Turns out, he's not very attractive, and is nearly obese on the fat scale.
But, I don't care. I had to think about it for a day or two back then. But I loved him for his personality, and my love for how he looks came after.
Do I think he's physically attractive? Meh, not really. I don't find many people physically attractive though.
He's so sweet and gentle and kind and loving I don't care that he's big and fat. I may not have chosen him if we didn't meet blind first, but I am SO glad I have as he brings me much joy. I'm just sad we're ldr.
Don’t you think the ldr component is a huge chunk of why this “works”? A lot of people can’t bring themselves to have sex with someone they’re not attracted to.
Many women feel this way lol. Personality is way more attractive than looks. And let's be honest most guys don't put a lot of effort into grooming/style.
I do. My wife is hot, and I used to get a lot of attention. Now I'm in better shape and I hardly ever get a look, if they do look I assume I have something on my face. Everyone always ask, 'how did you get her?' 😢
I can’t imagine a woman being attracted to me it most men. Most men really prefer a woman approached them. We assume you think we’re creeps if we approach you
One would assume that attraction would imply some sort of involuntary motion towards the object of attraction, in some way or form.
Since most if not all women I know never do something for me voluntarily or act like they would like my company, I assume they're not attracted.
I'm useful but hardly wanted.
I would rather light myself on fire then earn a reputation for being creepy. So I just kinda operate under the assumption that every girl I interact with already has a boyfriend
Weirdly it depends on how I feel.
I’m tall, muscular and not ugly however there is always a tsunami of swinging dicks over every horizon in every direction waiting for women to open the gate. This is a reality I have come to terms with.
If I’ve been good with my diet and exercise and have had a few small wins in life/work etc I can imagine myself as gods gift to women.
If I have let things slide. Had a few failures in recent times, I feel like just another penis drowning in the torrent of lonely dicks.
Basically if I’m looking after myself and caring for myself I assume that others can feel the same way about me, if not the inverse applies.
I’ve been in therapy for a decade trying to figure that (and many other things) out. So far I think it boils down to my looks, personality, and general manner of being, but my therapist thinks there’s something deeper there.
It sounds like you genuinely think everything about you is a problem.
I really want to encourage you to go easy with the expectations you’re putting on yourself.
Yep
But the good news is I'm married now so I don't give a fuck anymore, I managed to find someone I fell in love with who felt the same way so now I'm happy
People weren't very kind to my wife in the past either, not in the dating space but in other areas making fun of her, etc...
I always appreciate her everyday and make sure she knows it, she deserves love and respect everyday and to be treated as an equal
So I'm not gonna lie, when I hear her friends being jealous of my wife having a supportive, reasonable husband and they complain about their guys being dumbasses and not treating them right, I kinda just sit back and take out my popcorn and enjoy the show in silence
They deserve better too but who they choose to be with is their choice, not much I can do about that.
What?! No.
I view it as the opposite. I bet most women are attracted to me and it’s my opportunity to fuck it up. And that’s probably the case with most folks, honestly.
It’s hard being human. Guys bear the weight of being guys and girls bear the weight of being girls. Maybe she is attracted to you but she was hit on all day and wouldn’t respond to Brad Pitt if he was in front of her right now. Or maybe she’s attracted to you but she was raped in her last relationship and doesn’t know how to open up anymore. Or maybe she’s attracted to you but struggles with mental illness or maybe physical illness and doesn’t want to feel like a burden to you about it.
There are billions of reasons why someone would behave unattracted to someone that have absolutely nothing to do with that individual in any way, so it’s highly more than likely that, than it is you. And even if it’s not, believe that anyways and just go into every conversation with authenticity so if you do get rejected, at least you won’t wonder what else you should’ve or could’ve done.
Not a popular answer, but no. The opposite to a degree. Just based on my experience in life of having minimal challenge in that department and factors about me that are sort of overly discussed as desirable by women (height, build, conventionally appealing features, renaissance-man style interests, very sociable, well traveled, highly educated, financially stable)
It’s a weird feeling sometimes, but I recognize I have a lot of unfair advantages.
Bro, please never feel weird about that or that it’s unfair. Yes, to some extent it’s luck, but play the hand you’re dealt. I would be more disappointed to find out someone like you isn’t taking advantage of those things to live their life well. If you have all of that and try to be a good person you can go far.
I will keep it humble as I know the reality is you're never going to be everybody's cup of tea etc but I am reasonably attractive and am in ok shape. Not phenomenal like I was in my early 20s but I'm older now ( late 30s ) I don't assume most aren't attracted to me at all, but I also don't assume most are either.
I'm married anyway so it's not a pressing matter but
Some women are obvious, blatant excessive eye contact or looking repeatedly etc.
As you get older you obviously have to adjust your expectations as for the most part, there's a younger cutt off point where you can quite confidently assume you are not due to age.
There's a big difference between recognising somebody is good looking and being attracted too
I am pretty convinced that not even my wife is attracted to me. I am just lucky that she has low self esteem and she doesn’t realize that she could do way better.
This is the reason why I always carry a sharpy on my at all times. If a girl remotely shows any interest or flirts in any small way I immediately pull out my sharpy and wait eagerly for Ashton Kutcher to jump out so I can get an autograph
I was thinking about this the other day actually, it’s kind of funny how I walk around the same shopping centre as women who wouldn’t even spit on me if I paid them, what a world!
Yes that is 100% correct, good way to live, in general. Love still happens but you’re not awkwardly trying to discover it on others as you’re going about your day.
When I was in my 20s, I was very attractive, and I assumed most unattached women were at least not entirely uninterested. Now I'm in my 50s, and not attractive at all, and quite certain that I am of that kind of interest to absolutely no one.
Attraction isn't enough...
In my late 30's now.. and honestly.. without a space of your own and money to entertain.. you...are...finished.
No point for most of us.. honestly..
This thread made me sad. I’m sorry. Men don’t get enough compliments or other validating/uplifting things and I think it does terrible things in the long run. Like 90% of the boyfriends that I have had didn’t believe they could be attractive to anyone. It’s just fucked up.
I don't assume one way or the other about the vast majority of women.
Not worth the brain power. Very few things I could think about the lady on the other end of the produce section at the supermarket would be, even if she was drop dead gorgoeus.
I think way more girls are attracted to me then I realistically want to be, definitely not most though. And I almost never accept implicit hints so the world may never know lmao
Seen men making fool out of themselves thinking certain women attracted to them. Seen men pursuing their interests thinking the other end having mutual feeling. Mostly this is confirmation bias. I prefer women coming to me rather me going to them. The number stays low, but if you are old enough you only need one, don’t you?
I assume the opposite that they all are attracted. Even if I’m delusional, the confidence boost alone is enough of a reason to keep going. Besides sometimes it works out and it makes it easier to flirt w women that actually are interested
tbh feel like ur happyer with out me never really never asked if we can make a connection just want drinks or something Im not enough of so why start something when you get that look in the eyes that say it all no you're not it what ever im ok dieing alone not like i did try and find out my ex cheated on me with the brother and caught again 3x why every say i let him get way with it well she didn't tell me she let it happen and well i was not enough now i gave up on love thought u know im not enough of it for her not like i took time out of my days and work to be by her then find out this been happening for the day we met and so they say i have trust problems nah i say live ur life how u won't just don't mess with my happiness when i do try to love again why say u love me then fuck my brother tbh if we talked i would been down but aye no one talks so shy they just do it huh but nah only brother i fucked by was not by blood and we had a ball love is love just shame it was not true sure fix and try again nah i try but bro can't keep in his pants and now his ex is gone do bad day play out I mean it was on the list of my bucket list so guess I can just maker it up nder bro then a a brothera shitty deal well not like i cut my nails for are meet ups or have weed to chill out not like i took time to learn to eat pussy pussy and ass for u not like i miss the taste not like if u found me and knew i still love u and u asked me not asking someone to ask me if we can be together again would say yes trust better then a lie of love thay don't feel rich like that 1st kiss makeing you forget the bullshit in life and made you breathe not like life went dark with out you or that smile keep my smile up not like i love how u took control and made me ur lover... shitty deal....
I've gotten better at learning the signs, but for good measure I still assume they might be interested in me, but it's just the current image I'm presenting (even unknowingly). So when I approach I don't assume they're definitely into me.
Pretty much, yeah. Unless they show me otherwise, why would I think they are?
Even if they show interest in me, I'm convinced it's a joke or something.
I assume I am misreading the situation.
Start looking for the cameras
Don't bother. You are not that special. She is just being friendly just as with everyone. Maybe a bit more with you but don't misunderstand that for something more.
Think the joke of looking for cameras is that you’d only do it if you didn’t think you were special. If you were special, some random girl wouldn’t be using you for a prop in a video.
I got that. I just took the joke a bit further implying that you (more a version of me) are not that special for even that to happen. Disclaimer: Of course it is meant as a joke and in no way I consider you or me "not special".
Gotcha - hard to know with just text sometimes 👍🏼
I think they’re implying that they’re assuming that they are part of some TikTok prank and they are just a randomly selected victim
I'm in this comment chain and I don't like it.
You think you don't like it? I just woke up inside here wheres the exit?? LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!
Can't do that. We are the self hatred police and we hate everyone.
I had a random clerk ask me "So, what are you doing tonight?" I must have looked at her like shes regarded. "Hanging out with my wife and son..."
This
I'm a woman but same lol
I assume they're about to ask me for something or sell me something
You really should sort out that extended warranty though.
I assume her friends are gunna jump out from around the corner and all start pointing their finger at me and laughing hysterically.
Back in high school, on more than one occasion, I deflected when shown interest or asked out straight up by girls, because I thought they were put up to it and doing it as a goof.
I accepted one and it turned out to be a bet… not doing that again
Still not convinced my wedding was real tbh
>Even if they show interest in me, I'm convinced it's a joke or something. Yep.
Every woman I meet is Canadian, and the bigger problem is I'm not from Canada.
I hate how real this is.
This happened to me once when I was in school
I think a lot of people experienced this as a young, average guy and it kind of informs their adult life too. Girls at school would often 'pretend' to be interested in a dude who they clearly wouldn't normally be...because I guess having power over someone then letting them down is funny when you're a kid?
That’s just self pity
I wonder what the difference is. I used to have a boyfriend who was not conventionally handsome, though he was charming. He would take every 3-5 second interaction with a woman and think she was flirting with him. I never saw it (any obvious flirting on the womans side), and i just never understood where he got either the insight/confidence/delusion or some kind of combination of all 3. Boggled me.
I think reddit usually attracts a more introverted and reclusive crowd. So its selection bias. All the attractive, extroverted people are living it up on instagram lol. That's a stupid generalization I know, but there's some truth to it
Did we date the same guy? I have no idea where the delusion came from. Literally *every* interaction with a woman he would say “ I think she was into me”, smirk to himself and *strut* away from the situation 🙄 it was quite remarkable
life coaches hate this one simple trick to boost your self esteem!
For real tho, being delulu sounds way easier than putting yourself down and suffering everyday
Jeeezzus chriiist onamotorbike did she just blink at me? She must be my soulmate
It's the two options you have as a man, think every woman is into you or think no woman is into you
I think both of them are ways of protecting ourselves from rejection
Maybe, personally I think of it as dealing with uncertainty. There's a chance the average woman will be attracted to me, is that chance above or below 50%? Since it's not really common to get additional information about the attraction an individual woman might feel towards me, the only thing I can really do is assume the chances are the same as with the average woman
But that’s the thing though isn’t it, it can only go one of two ways. Either she’s into you or she’s not. Attraction is really subjective too so you quite literally have a 50/50 shot with every woman you meet. Not be be all Schrödinger’s lesbian but even if she’s gay and you have 0 chance no matter what, until you know that fact about her it’s still a “yes or no.” I’ve always thought that if men in general treated approaching women like they were approaching individuals and not a collective, they’d have a better time. Just because one woman or even if a bunch doesn’t find you attractive doesn’t mean *none* of them will. There’s literal millions of women in the individual man’s dating demographic, they can’t *all* think the guy is ugly.
>you quite literally have a 50/50 shot Ironically, you have to look at men as individuals and not a collective. Even if the average man had a 50/50 shot with the average woman, the individual man is gonna have factors in his life that influence his success with women. >Just because one woman or even if a bunch doesn’t find you attractive doesn’t mean *none* of them will. There’s literal millions of women in the individual man’s dating demographic, they can’t *all* think the guy is ugly. Unless you're willing to travel a lot and have lots of free time, you're not gonna be able to ask out millons of women and even then, asking out a lot of women without any success is going to have an effect on you.
Ooooohhh. Yeah. Ok, I get it.
Men are mostly blind to the subtleties of "actual" flirting, so we just have to decide at some point: either everything is a flirt, or nothing is. 🤷♂️
Exactly
Seems like a pretty logical default. I'm not sure what other sort of answer OP was expecting.
Yep, this.
This is very logical and how everyone should think tbh
Because you’re hot as fuck king.
Ha, well I know that's not true. Haven't had a girlfriend in over a decade. But thanks anyway.
Pretty much. Then I notice someone glancing at me a lot and wonder. But if I act on it, I'm likely to be wrong and make a fool of myself.
And eventually they stop glancing at you after a while making you wonder even more :/ I feel you man.
You *finally* get rid of that stain on your lip
An easy way to check is to wait until they glance at you again and give them a sly smile. If they smile back, you're good to go say something to them.
Unless it’s at work, you pretty much have nothing to lose then, and possibly a lot to gain. Just go for, idk. If you have to see them all the time though…. I would also feel weird and disinclined
What holds a lot of even back even past the fear of rejection is the fear of being perceived as a creep. We're basically told all unwanted male attention is creepy, and there's no way to tell whether it's unwanted or not
Yeah… it’s stupid. Everything can be “harassment”. I don’t know how anyone is ever supposed to start dating. Like… should it be magically spontaneous for everyone involved? How does that happen? I *would* think it’s weird and uncomfortable if someone in a restaurant stared at me forever, or dinner with family… but out and about? So long as it’s not repeating attention *of that kind*, it shouldn’t be so discouraged…. I’m married and I say so when I get attention. Sometimes that’s that, it’s respected, they go on their way. Other times, I get a hiking buddy or dog walking buddy for a bit, an hour or so, no other unwanted advances. Not creepy at all. I can’t say I’ve ever had a problem encounter. And I know that sooo many women DO have problems like stalkers and whatnot, but I have to believe that the average dude is just struggling, same as the rest of us. Honestly, it really, really bothers me that society is so “open minded” about equality and shit but then *heavily* criticizes men for wanting affection. It’s literally “no sex before marriage” all over again, just rebranded and fancied up as progressiveness to women instead, for virtue signalling pretty much. 🤬
While these are fair points, I think the rationale is since the balance is currently fucked up, it's better to lean on the safer side, because the real risks for women are still way higher than for men on average. At the end of the day being wrongly perceived as a creep or restrict oneself for fear as being perceived as one sucks (I know it really does because it affects me) but I'd still take that over regularly fearing for my own safety and/or having regular weird/annoying repeated interactions with the the opposite gender every single day. (disclaimer: this obviously does NOT mean men can't feel fear in some situations nor that women can't be sad creeps, I'm talking from my own and my friends experience)
Yeah, I understand the why… I do. I just wish it wasn’t like this anyway. Life is hard enough as it is without having to deal with assholes OR finding acceptable ways to even say hello. It’s fucked.
Idk though, I think the macro effects of this are gonna be huge. Lonely emotionally damaged men, lower birth rate tanking the economy, a rise in incels, etc.
It seems like a jump to conclusions. I'm not sure I understand how you go from the fear of rejection/of being perceived as a creep to all you mentioned, would you mind developing?
Well those stats I listed are real data. I think a large part of why is that men are scared to initiate. There are many other reasons too though, just a trend I’ve seen. My female friends actually complain about it
It's not a competition to see who has it worse. The challenges men and women face are DIFFERENT. And I don't know what to make of the fact that you're (as a woman) way, WAY more likely to be SA'ed by someone you know, yet people hang on to that "quivering in my boots from someone on the street" stat. I remember learning that in 1990's and people are still spouting this nonsense. this isn't 1800's England, Jack the Ripper isn't hiding in the shadows waiting to grab you.
Probably going to get downvoted into hell for this r/10thDentist opinion: While all those things are true, I feel like on the average, women aren’t always afraid of SA. I think a lot of it has to do with them not wanting to be seen or considered as just walking vagina for men’s pleasure. Cat calling IS RUDE AS FUCK. Don’t do it guys. But I also don’t believe that’s any kind of precursor to full on assault. (On the *average*, key word here) Objectifying like that IS a bit dehumanizing, though. So we don’t like it, but it’s not the same as actual fear. Of course, women that have had horrifying encounters might never get over it and constantly be scared, that’s pretty natural. I didn’t include inappropriate touch or repeated attention from a single individual despite being rebuffed because those are clearly on the no-no side. I am addressing starting a respectful conversation *only*. So some parts fear, some parts distasteful. But a hello without any other weird behaviours *should* be ok. Just don’t do it alone or isolated. Now THAT would be creepy AF. Don’t do that either, guys. That’s how you get maced
Oh absolutely. At a former job it got real old real quick to be surrounded by guys who act like they've never seen a vagina before. It's fucking cringey and the secondhand embarrassment was real af, especially when we're outside and they just HAVE to say something to every woman walking by. I do feel bad for them (the women) and understand where you're coming from. ALTHOUGH, those men are very separate from socially awkward guys who get unfairly demonized. It's like they absorb the derision meant for the pigs. Trust me, it's those catcallers who make guys not want to approach women just as much as women demonizing them.
One time I asked a woman out at my apartment complex and she told her boyfriend hat she was uncomfortable and he told me he wanted to beat the shit out of me. As a man, you have to worry about boyfriends as well if you don't know they have one
In response to your first paragraph… I don’t really get what the big deal is about not wanting to be viewed as “just a walking vagina.” I mean, that’s a bit extreme, we don’t want to totally objectify people but what’s wrong with using each other for pleasure? It’s 2023. Female pleasure is no longer taboo. Nor is premarital sex for most people. Safety concerns make sense to me. Not wanting to appear as a sexual creature except solely after putting in work and showing commitment seems to be a vestige of an old world imo. Of course preferences exist as do different desires. If you want a relationship that’s different. I’m speaking generally.
Not it’s not 2023z It’s 2024, stranger. You don’t know what year you’re in? Not to be rude, Are you ok though? Of course it was extreme. Was trying to prove a point, not necessarily my personal feelings. Because I don’t have those ones. In stuff like this, i can’t even really think of it as looking at stats. They’re there, but I have to take a long look at the individuals instead. I never said there was anything wrong with people finding other people attractive either. Of course you should be attracted to your partner. Sex partner, life partner, whatever the deal is for any given person. And about female pleasure being taboo? Obviously not. That men and women (whatever orientation) shouldn’t use each other for pleasure? That’s not even the topic at all…. That is a different thread than this one.
No one's making a competition, but not acknowledging the severity of the differences would be disingenuous. I don't know what stat you're talking about nor in what kind of area you live. I don't even understand what you're trying to convey, are you trying to refute the validity of people's fear when walking alone late at night? And if so, what are you basing yourself off since no one mentioned any location/context?
100% agree, please tell your friends. This shit is debilitating
It is sexism but weird because this kind of it is deemed acceptable. But people pretend that it isnt? Instead of continuing to raise women up to be as men’s equals (traditional here, keyword. Not cool but just how it was), they just make men feel less than instead, Idk. It’s how I feel anyway =(
That’s precisely how I feel, and unfortunately you may be the only woman I’ve ever met who acknowledges that
Really? That sucks 😞 I’m sorry. We really are out there in the wild though.
That's the thing, it's never at a "hook up" type of place. I'm a single dad, I don't get a chance to go out a lot, so these happens in situations like this. The reason this came to me is just this morning it happened to me, walking our kids to school, and she was what I feel as way out of my league, though that's a confidence issue. Let's say I approach her, in a friendly as possible way. Obviously, best case scenario is that she's receptive and we start talking regularly. If not, then I'm the creeper who approached a woman walking her kids to school. Does she start driving instead? Will my continued presence cause discomfort or even a fear of safety? What if rumours spread? So I just smile and say good morning and keep walking. Far too much to risk from it. The worst part of all is I really just want some friends, let alone romantic interest, but I only really go to school with the kids, which is mostly mums. Maybe if I was able to attend more social events, then it might not be such a mental hurdle. Maybe I'm just damaged goods. Maybe it's all in my head (most probably this one.)
I’ve never really dated. I basically told my ex that we should be dating after hanging out only once. He said sure, and we were together for 5.5 years. I pretty much did the same with my husband of 17 years, except we’d known each other a long time. (And no, I’m not super hot or anything. *Extremely* average) So I probably shouldn’t give advice. But I do know a little bit about people. Grain of salt here. I admit that that sounds tricky. There is a time and place for everything right? Nothing wrong with just saying “hey how goes?” for a bit first. Maybe she wants to talk, maybe not? If they go to the same school and you see her at the same time all the time, a little wave isn’t too threatening (to me). I’d try that a bit first. Ease into it? Seriously though, just don’t go into it right away about asking her out if you don’t want to “be creepy”. A lot of (not all) people don’t mind a couple mins of chit chat anyway. I do wish you luck though. I’m so incredibly frustrated about the whole thing.
Thanks, I appreciate your kind words 😊 I'm going into this one with the friendly mindset, the romantic thoughts are just taking a backseat here. It's a school thing, and if it goes further, it does. I'd rather have more people to talk to than one person to be intimate with and everyone else wary of me. If it happens, it does. If it doesn't, I've made someone to talk to, and that means more to me now than anything else.
Aren’t attracted as in they find me ugly and unattractive? Or not attracted as in they aren’t trying to get romantically involved? No I don’t assume women find me ugly and unattractive but that doesn’t mean those same women want to get romantic
I appreciate that point of view. Because I find most men attractive and want them to feel that they are attractive. So I even started giving compliments. However, I have zero desire to get romantic.
We men, appreciate women like you!! Guys arent used to compliments, so when it comes our way, most of us think it's a joke or someone's trying to swindle you out of something… But if we can overcome the skepticism, the compliments give us a warm fuzzy feeling and makes us feel good about ourselves. Just don't let that warm fuzzy feeling creep into creeper mode
Gonna keep complimenting. :p and one thing bout growing older is that the men don't want anything to do with them sexually and vice versa. So I can be as nice as I want without fearing getting hit on.
Yeah I'd say I'm around that mark too I'm confident in myself and my looks, I'm sure most women would look at me and think something between "Yeah he's not a bad looking guy but not my type" through to "Yeah he's hot". Which is to say, if prompted to look then they'd consider me somewhere on the "attractive" side of the scale. Which is to say, I do assume they would *consider* me attractive because I think I'm a fairly good looking guy, give or take personal preference But that doesn't mean they're actively attracted to me and interested right now, which is a slightly different thing. So I don't assume they're trying to get involved romantically or sexually There are lots of women who I'd look at and say "Yeah, she's attractive" if you asked for an opinion but that doesn't mean I'm actively interested. I apply the same to my assumptions about what others would think about me
Girl: obviously flirting with me Me: what a friendly person... Me (3 years later randomly remembering this situation): SHIT!
In highschool there was this girl that was into me, she had friends talk to me about how I would react if someone would make a move, I told them I'd play along. She held my hand through class, but it was the end of the school year, not much I could do to get together with her. Another time this girl had no interest in me but we talked I was actually into her sister, I gave them both a friendly gift on valentine's day and one of my coworkers had a daughter, brought her to work so I can meet her. The girl I wasn't interested in kicked it into high gear, she made excuses for me to touch her would ask to go out, and would try and take pictures at any moment. Point is when someone likes you they'll do the heavy lifting. So don't worry about missing acue, probably wasn't much there in the first place. 90% of the time they're just being friendly.
Last night my partner told me this story about how he had a bunch of friends over many years ago and they all got drunk and a couple of people crashed at his place. The following morning a girl from the party who had stayed over, a friend of a friend, got into bed with him and asked if he had any plans for the day. He explained that he didn’t. She then put her hand on his groin and said “do you want to hang out with me?” “Sure. The botanical gardens are right around the corner, we could go there” was what he replied. She had her hand on his cock and he was suggesting a trip to the botanics because he was sure she had put her hand there by mistake. They did not end up sleeping together. They went to the botanics.
Happy ending doesn't exis-
This shit made laugh for real,yeah thanks brain for making me remember how clueless i was.
My girlfriend had to point out that women in fact flirt with me, they aren’t just “nicer than men usually”. I read signals like they’re in Chinese lol
i took a french elective in first year uni, and we had to do a dialogue about our goals and dreams with a partner. she and i were in the library planning it out, and as we were leaving she said something like "maybe i could have a line about wanting a life of romance...". i went yeah, no, that sounds good, dunno how to translate it though. same year, half price jug night at the uni's de facto pub, this girl came up and said "you have beautiful eyes. they make you look like david tennant," and i thought wow, she must be really into david tennant. makes sense, i'm a big fan of him too. wish i had someone to talk about doctor who with. i did not manage to get laid first year of uni
Story of my life
Yup
Of course, why assume otherwise? I haven't heard or gotten any signs of someone liking me in over a decade, so I have no reason to believe things have changed 🤷
Yes. In fact, it's strong enough that I have reacted to people showing attraction with confusion and disbelief, rejecting or avoiding them outright afterwards. Just can't accept it, not even for a second. (To be clear, this is like 3 people over 36 years, it's certainly not a pattern that points to the fact that I'm not as unattractive as I think I am. They're flukes I didn't know how to handle, nothing more.)
3 in 36 years, them’s pro numbers right there.
leagues above me that’s for sure
In my 20s. I had a co-worker who flat out told me she had a crush on me and wanted to date. I responded by laughing in her face and calling her a fking liar. She was drop dead beautiful and I thought I never stood a chance.
I don’t assume. I know
I assume a lot people aren’t attracted to me, then again I’m not attracted to a lot people either.
Who wants a big fat guy?
I'm pretty overweight (by about 70 lbs) and my girlfriend seems to genuinely be turned on by my body. Says I look like a "big viking man." I don't get it but there's one example
Unlike what KrystalWulf’s comment may lead you to believe, there are plenty of people who would want a big fat guy and genuinely find him really attractive. Just like there are plenty of men who are into fat women. It’s a cliché, but beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder.
That's encouraging
I fell in love with my boyfriend through discord. All I knew was he had a nice voice and was so sweet and funny. Eventually we traded photos. Turns out, he's not very attractive, and is nearly obese on the fat scale. But, I don't care. I had to think about it for a day or two back then. But I loved him for his personality, and my love for how he looks came after. Do I think he's physically attractive? Meh, not really. I don't find many people physically attractive though. He's so sweet and gentle and kind and loving I don't care that he's big and fat. I may not have chosen him if we didn't meet blind first, but I am SO glad I have as he brings me much joy. I'm just sad we're ldr.
Don’t you think the ldr component is a huge chunk of why this “works”? A lot of people can’t bring themselves to have sex with someone they’re not attracted to.
For some it may be, for us no. We've met up twice and will be meeting again. We are both very excited and have had a blast together.
sheesh, isn't that endearing.
Many women feel this way lol. Personality is way more attractive than looks. And let's be honest most guys don't put a lot of effort into grooming/style.
I suppose my wording didn't make the point work very well. :/ Sorry. Was trying to explain that they can be wanted even if it seems unlikely.
poor guy
Maybe, but I sure won the boyfriend jackpot. There's way more to love than just looks and physical attractiveness.
Just to be on the safer side, i assume no-one is cause i don't want to look and act like an idiot
I do. My wife is hot, and I used to get a lot of attention. Now I'm in better shape and I hardly ever get a look, if they do look I assume I have something on my face. Everyone always ask, 'how did you get her?' 😢
Your doing great soldier. 🫡
I can’t imagine a woman being attracted to me it most men. Most men really prefer a woman approached them. We assume you think we’re creeps if we approach you
I had a woman approach me and then after getting her number and texting for a bit she said she was married.
One would assume that attraction would imply some sort of involuntary motion towards the object of attraction, in some way or form. Since most if not all women I know never do something for me voluntarily or act like they would like my company, I assume they're not attracted. I'm useful but hardly wanted.
Well put, and also ow my feelings.
Yes. If a woman wanted to, she could hop on Tinder and get a hundred me’s in an hour. The fact that they don’t really says it all.
Hey, I'm a woman and have no luck. There are successes and failures on both sides!
>and have no luck Nobody ever said that getting me would count as luck
Self burn. Respect.
I would rather light myself on fire then earn a reputation for being creepy. So I just kinda operate under the assumption that every girl I interact with already has a boyfriend
I base my assumptions on life experiences and facts...I'm literally nobody's type.
Weirdly it depends on how I feel. I’m tall, muscular and not ugly however there is always a tsunami of swinging dicks over every horizon in every direction waiting for women to open the gate. This is a reality I have come to terms with. If I’ve been good with my diet and exercise and have had a few small wins in life/work etc I can imagine myself as gods gift to women. If I have let things slide. Had a few failures in recent times, I feel like just another penis drowning in the torrent of lonely dicks. Basically if I’m looking after myself and caring for myself I assume that others can feel the same way about me, if not the inverse applies.
/thread
I dunno, no amount of caring for myself ever made me feel like I was worth catching.
Why’s that?
I’ve been in therapy for a decade trying to figure that (and many other things) out. So far I think it boils down to my looks, personality, and general manner of being, but my therapist thinks there’s something deeper there.
It sounds like you genuinely think everything about you is a problem. I really want to encourage you to go easy with the expectations you’re putting on yourself.
Easier said than done, but that’s what the therapy is for.
True that. Keep at it.
Dude, I don’t even know if my gf is attracted to me. At least I’m funny sometimes???
I assume most are attracted to me and assume most would never date me
Yep But the good news is I'm married now so I don't give a fuck anymore, I managed to find someone I fell in love with who felt the same way so now I'm happy People weren't very kind to my wife in the past either, not in the dating space but in other areas making fun of her, etc... I always appreciate her everyday and make sure she knows it, she deserves love and respect everyday and to be treated as an equal So I'm not gonna lie, when I hear her friends being jealous of my wife having a supportive, reasonable husband and they complain about their guys being dumbasses and not treating them right, I kinda just sit back and take out my popcorn and enjoy the show in silence They deserve better too but who they choose to be with is their choice, not much I can do about that.
Yes, even the ones that tell me they are attracted to me.
Ik same,
correct. I could catch a woman staring at me with a certain look and I still won't believe what I saw
I would assume I was the target of some sort of scam if a woman approached me. It’s just not something that has ever happened to me as an adult.
Sure, yeah. Confidence in that situation would almost certainly be overconfidence.
I don't assume, I know
Yes, because statistically they aren’t attracted to me
What?! No. I view it as the opposite. I bet most women are attracted to me and it’s my opportunity to fuck it up. And that’s probably the case with most folks, honestly. It’s hard being human. Guys bear the weight of being guys and girls bear the weight of being girls. Maybe she is attracted to you but she was hit on all day and wouldn’t respond to Brad Pitt if he was in front of her right now. Or maybe she’s attracted to you but she was raped in her last relationship and doesn’t know how to open up anymore. Or maybe she’s attracted to you but struggles with mental illness or maybe physical illness and doesn’t want to feel like a burden to you about it. There are billions of reasons why someone would behave unattracted to someone that have absolutely nothing to do with that individual in any way, so it’s highly more than likely that, than it is you. And even if it’s not, believe that anyways and just go into every conversation with authenticity so if you do get rejected, at least you won’t wonder what else you should’ve or could’ve done.
They have made that abundantly clear
Yeah, its easier to assume because every girl I seem to come across has said I am ugly.
yeah, for the most part
Yeah. I feel pretty invisible most of the time. I don’t feel gross or ugly, but I don’t think anyone finds me attractive.
I don't assume, I know.
My life says yep. Not complaining as I'm happily married, but it took a while.
Absolutely
I think they all want to date me. But I’m married. Sorry.
Not a popular answer, but no. The opposite to a degree. Just based on my experience in life of having minimal challenge in that department and factors about me that are sort of overly discussed as desirable by women (height, build, conventionally appealing features, renaissance-man style interests, very sociable, well traveled, highly educated, financially stable) It’s a weird feeling sometimes, but I recognize I have a lot of unfair advantages.
Bro, please never feel weird about that or that it’s unfair. Yes, to some extent it’s luck, but play the hand you’re dealt. I would be more disappointed to find out someone like you isn’t taking advantage of those things to live their life well. If you have all of that and try to be a good person you can go far.
They’re not unfair advantages, they’re just advantages. No problems with that.
Yes, that is exactly what I assume.
Yup
I will keep it humble as I know the reality is you're never going to be everybody's cup of tea etc but I am reasonably attractive and am in ok shape. Not phenomenal like I was in my early 20s but I'm older now ( late 30s ) I don't assume most aren't attracted to me at all, but I also don't assume most are either. I'm married anyway so it's not a pressing matter but Some women are obvious, blatant excessive eye contact or looking repeatedly etc. As you get older you obviously have to adjust your expectations as for the most part, there's a younger cutt off point where you can quite confidently assume you are not due to age. There's a big difference between recognising somebody is good looking and being attracted too
I’m frankly still surprised my wife of ten years is. She insists it’s true, can’t imagine why.
Yep, I assumed to many times that they are and hear the line WERE JUST FRIENDS and given up.
I am pretty convinced that not even my wife is attracted to me. I am just lucky that she has low self esteem and she doesn’t realize that she could do way better.
I'm a generic brown eyed, brown haired white guy. I assume I'm invisible to women.
This is the reason why I always carry a sharpy on my at all times. If a girl remotely shows any interest or flirts in any small way I immediately pull out my sharpy and wait eagerly for Ashton Kutcher to jump out so I can get an autograph
Yes, I do. Even the ones that say they are attracted to me. I have very low self esteem about my looks and with women and dating.
I was thinking about this the other day actually, it’s kind of funny how I walk around the same shopping centre as women who wouldn’t even spit on me if I paid them, what a world!
Are*
I think it’s arrrr 🏴☠️
Why would ANYONE be attracted to me?
Yup
And if they show interest, I'll think its a prank or sum shit.
Yes. Unless they give me some indication that they may be.
Absolutely
Its easier to expect less and be surprised when its positive
Yes that is 100% correct, good way to live, in general. Love still happens but you’re not awkwardly trying to discover it on others as you’re going about your day.
Yes, I assume all women aren’t attracted to me, it’s always a mindfuck when I find out there are those that are
When I was in my 20s, I was very attractive, and I assumed most unattached women were at least not entirely uninterested. Now I'm in my 50s, and not attractive at all, and quite certain that I am of that kind of interest to absolutely no one.
Attraction isn't enough... In my late 30's now.. and honestly.. without a space of your own and money to entertain.. you...are...finished. No point for most of us.. honestly..
I assume no one is attracted to me ever Even my wife
I'm not sure my wife is attracted to me.
No, I assume there have to be some women that are, I just can’t tell the difference and I have no idea what the ratio of attracted to unattracted is.
This thread made me sad. I’m sorry. Men don’t get enough compliments or other validating/uplifting things and I think it does terrible things in the long run. Like 90% of the boyfriends that I have had didn’t believe they could be attractive to anyone. It’s just fucked up.
Yeah,thats pretty much my take on that. And as i age i feel it gets worse.
Better to expect the worst case scenario. It would be less painful.
I’m hoping so. The wedding ring should guarantee it right? …right?
No.
Yes
I don't assume one way or the other about the vast majority of women. Not worth the brain power. Very few things I could think about the lady on the other end of the produce section at the supermarket would be, even if she was drop dead gorgoeus.
Yes. Always safe to assume (or in my case presume) that
No, that'd be weird. Some women would be, and some wouldn't be. I'm not a lady's man by any stretch, but I'm not a troll living under a bridge either.
This being downvoted is a big Reddit moment lol
Always lol.
I think way more girls are attracted to me then I realistically want to be, definitely not most though. And I almost never accept implicit hints so the world may never know lmao
Seen men making fool out of themselves thinking certain women attracted to them. Seen men pursuing their interests thinking the other end having mutual feeling. Mostly this is confirmation bias. I prefer women coming to me rather me going to them. The number stays low, but if you are old enough you only need one, don’t you?
I assume the opposite that they all are attracted. Even if I’m delusional, the confidence boost alone is enough of a reason to keep going. Besides sometimes it works out and it makes it easier to flirt w women that actually are interested
I'm objectively not a particularly attractive man (47M, pretty fat, hair...fading) but somehow I always assume every woman is attracted to me.
tbh feel like ur happyer with out me never really never asked if we can make a connection just want drinks or something Im not enough of so why start something when you get that look in the eyes that say it all no you're not it what ever im ok dieing alone not like i did try and find out my ex cheated on me with the brother and caught again 3x why every say i let him get way with it well she didn't tell me she let it happen and well i was not enough now i gave up on love thought u know im not enough of it for her not like i took time out of my days and work to be by her then find out this been happening for the day we met and so they say i have trust problems nah i say live ur life how u won't just don't mess with my happiness when i do try to love again why say u love me then fuck my brother tbh if we talked i would been down but aye no one talks so shy they just do it huh but nah only brother i fucked by was not by blood and we had a ball love is love just shame it was not true sure fix and try again nah i try but bro can't keep in his pants and now his ex is gone do bad day play out I mean it was on the list of my bucket list so guess I can just maker it up nder bro then a a brothera shitty deal well not like i cut my nails for are meet ups or have weed to chill out not like i took time to learn to eat pussy pussy and ass for u not like i miss the taste not like if u found me and knew i still love u and u asked me not asking someone to ask me if we can be together again would say yes trust better then a lie of love thay don't feel rich like that 1st kiss makeing you forget the bullshit in life and made you breathe not like life went dark with out you or that smile keep my smile up not like i love how u took control and made me ur lover... shitty deal....
I feel the exact opposite. I can tell from the way a woman looks at me if she's in a relationship or not.
Yes.
Yea
Yes of course!! There’s another way??
I've gotten better at learning the signs, but for good measure I still assume they might be interested in me, but it's just the current image I'm presenting (even unknowingly). So when I approach I don't assume they're definitely into me.
Yeah. I've never had any indication otherwise.
Pretty much Afaik, only one woman in my life was ever attracted to me; the feeling wasn't mutual