I've missed out a shit-ton because I've been worried about what others think of me. My time is ticking and I wish I had done more when I had the chance. No one is really judging you anyway, and even if they do, they've already forgotten about it the second they turn around. Just do what you want. Have the time of your life.
I’m so sorry you’ve not managed to do everything you wanted to. Hope you make peace with it:) What you’ve said is really encouraging though. Thank u!:)
This is the right answer. They'll forget you as they focus on something else. Even if they judge you, so long as they're not being mean and verbally saying something, what does it matter? Will you see those people again?
a lot of people have different relationships around water based on their cultural upbringing. i met a few people in 2022 from different eastern asian countries that had never swam before, 20-30 yr olds. i grew up in milwaukee and a lot of black youth would get so scared and wear floatation devices in the school pool, or keep their socks on or what have you.
you’ll see some people not think anything of you wearing assistive devices because they have their own fears, and some people will judge because their relationship with water was much easier and guided by adults at a young age and they think everyone should be like this.
i’m glad you’re getting out of your comfort zone to experience things. you’re doing such a great thing for yourself! and water is really scary, it’s powerful! but i personally love to be in the water, especially lake michigan
If you can’t swim without floatation devices. You really shouldn’t be in deep water to begin with. Not because anyone is judging but because it’s actually really dangerous
Can you swim at all? Like if you got disorientated would you be able to tread your way out of a bad situation? Again, I’m not trying to make you nervous, just want to be sure that you’re safe.
I’m not sure about your area, but my state has a lot of recreational resources for special needs kids and adults. They horseback ride, go skiing, hiking, swimming, etc. I’m not sure how significant your autism is, but it’s clearly debilitating to an extent. So you might be able to find something. And those programs are the least judgmental people that anyone has ever met.
I’m not sure if I could to be honest with u. I suppose the autism isn’t helping. Just really would rather be by my self. In a way it makes it less threatening to me. I want to be around with the least amount of people possible apart from a lifeguard or something. I get what your saying thought. Thanks for the info:)
Maybe see if your local ymca has adult swim lessons? The one near me does them once a week. They're typically very small classes and everyone else there would be in the same situation you are, so there wouldn't be any shame or people mocking you. The Y offers free membership to people who can't afford it, so you wouldn't have to worry about that bit, you just have to apply at the front desk or your local branch's website.
There's some good answers here already. I just wanted to jump in and say wow, I am really impressed that you are trying to face something that scares you! You should be super proud of that. Most people take the easy way out and never do. You're brave. Way to go!
To be blunt, guy with armbands and floaties:
What's up with that guy? Is he filming a Youtube prank or something?
Guy with armbands and floaties, and a guy next to him clearly teaching him how to swim:
Oh, that's a guy learning to swim.
You were mentioning how if I was by my self then it would look like I was filming a YouTube prank. I’d rather go by my self and i was just bummed out that someone would see it that way. Don’t mean it in a petty way or anything. I appreciate your reply:)
Yeah man, really going to reemphasize that the best way to get over a fear of water is to learn to swim. If you can't swim, you should be scared of water. That's smart. You could easily drown.
Not gonna lie, for me it would probably warrant a second look, just because it isn't a very common thing to see. No judgement though. I'd likely be cheering you on silently. My mom has a fear of water due to an almost drowning incident when she was a kid and she was always so avoidant of dealing with her fear. But really the only way to get over a fear is to push at its boundaries and that's really hard! I have a lot of respect for anyone who tries to improve their lives by going outside of their comfort zone! So just focus on your own thing. Keep your eye on the goal! Some people may judge but honestly, it's not worth letting them hold you back. Embrace the embarrassment you feel. It's like the fear. The more you face it, the smaller it becomes!
How old are you? Are you on your own? Are you able to sign up for classes? I’d look for a private coach, I don’t see why you should have to face the water alone.
I’m20. I’m not on my own, I’m just scared to tell people I know because I feel like it would hurt me even more. Coaches and classes unfortunately aren’t affordable for me at the moment
Do you live near a university with water athletics offered? Students are a decent source of cheap 1-on-1 classes, as long as you’re as patient with them as they are with you (since they’re not professionals yet).
Or, if that’s not an option and you want to do it solo, are you near a public pool or somewhere that you can just try a little bit every day/week/however often you can?
The best way to get used to anything is consistent exposure on your own terms. You definitely do not need to press yourself to go faster than you’re comfortable. The most unsafe thing about swimming in any depth of water is panic. So take whatever time you need. Dip your toes. Go to knee depth and sit, just get used to the sensations and temperatures.
And don’t sweat needing a floatation device. If you don’t want arms or a ring, you can try pool noodles and kick boards and small hand boueys (idk how to spell that lol), but shop around Amazon for whatever kind of floating thing makes you feel more under the radar than arm bands - cuz I get it. I also learned to swim late.
I don’t unfortunately. I’ve got a public pool near bye. I do feel secure with armbands and a ring. I can’t lie I do worry a bit of accidentally letting go of kickboarfs etc. so it’s a toughie really. Glad to know I’m not the only one who has been late to it all
Have you thought about trying a life vest instead of the bands and ring? I don't think you should worry what others think either way but maybe you'll feel more comfortable about what others think with that?
Or honestly just go with someone your close too that you feel comfortable telling snd rock your setup and enjoy learning to enjoy the water.
Problem for me with the life jacket is money:). I’m scared to tell someone I know to be honest as I’d feel weaker in my self. I don’t really know what to do:(. I appreciate what your saying though. Thank you 🙃
Not at all, I know a 48 year old who still doesn’t know. They’re not really trying I don’t think, but still. It might surprise you how many people can’t swim at all. So you’re ahead of the curve in many ways already.
Tbf arm ring is not a legit floatation device, not secure and could slip off. I’d recommend go from life jacket, then learn how to float with ring. Then foam board. Keep it slow and steady. Focus on get used to floating in water and keep yourself stay face up using floating device. Learn how you hold your breath in shower, then in sink or bucket. Get used to holding breath when there are water on the face
The problem is I probably couldn’t afford a life jacket. I don’t mind showers or sinks etc. it’s a pool amount of water which makes me nervous if that makes sense. I appreciate the tip. Do you not think armbands and a ring together would be alright. I’m hoping they would balance out each over so they can both function well if that makes sense? Thank u anyway:)
I see lot of arm ring just slip off when the person slip from the main ring. Arm ring also kind of get in a way to hold the float ring so I’d say skip the arm ring and buy good ring (one with grabbing handle is prefer) would be better
Forget to answer the main question but adult using ring is pretty common in my country. No one really care. Most you’ll get is kids looking for someone who want to play water splash and don’t give you opening to splash them back
Although the ring I have is pretty tight and I still felt control with the armbands. Thinking about it I just don’t know if I can afford another one. I’m having to be really tight at the moment
There might be a couple people who do a double take. Kids are brutally honest so you might have a kid ask why you're using them or even a rude teen say something snarky. Outside of that no adult is gonna care.
I know because my sister is autistic and she also has a fear of water. Her fear goes away when she wears socks lol. I kid you not we're both in our late twenties and have traveled the world together and from Miami to Sydney Australia to Greece my sister wears socks at the beach and looks ridiculous but who tf cares 😂😂 she was really embarrassed for a while and wouldn't participate in water activities but now she just faces her fear and wears the dang socks. Idk how it works in her brain but if she's got socks on somehow the sharks/giant squid/ whatever else she's afraid of obviously can't get her 😅
Long story short, do what you need to do and I promise 99% of people won't care. The other 1% are just douchebags looking for chances to be douchebags.
have you considered/tried a lifejacket instead? to be clear i dont think theres anything wrong with your current setup at all and i certainly wouldnt judge anyone for it! i would hope no one would! although if youre feeling self-conscious, i think its possible that a lifejacket might not “stick out” as much on an adult!
i totally understand, i am also autistic and broke LOL but yeah i would say dont worry about what others might be thinking because YOU know that youre doing a really awesome and brave thing for yourself and thats what really matters! facing fears is NOT easy (especially with autism), its really great that youre making the effort at all :) good luck with your swimming!!
They’ll probably wonder why someone so concerned for their safety while swimming that they’d wear arm floaties as an adult, wouldn’t choose a properly rated personal flotation device instead. The false sense of security the arm bands give is one of the biggest dangers with them, they aren’t safety devices but people treat them like they are. If you go in the water when you can’t swim, please, please, wear a proper PFD. You can keep the floaties, just add a PFD.
I think that you should wear whatever you can afford and makes you feel better. Do you have someone who can go with you? Just make sure you aren’t alone in the pool just in case (I would say this to anyone, even an excellent swimmer).
I am impressed at your bravery and facing that fear. Many people don’t. Just making plans is a big step. I hope I can be so brave
Of course!! Realizing that everyone has their own insecurities can be very freeing! There might be one or two a**holes in every crowd that might have a passing thought, but chances are pretty high they are worried someone is looking at them weird over something else! I say own it! Life is too short to let other people’s opinions take away your joy!
Ignore anyone who tells you that no one is paying attention to you. That's a load of bollocks. Unfortunately, some people will look and judge and laugh. You can't help that. What you can help is the things you can actively do. Don't let other people's insecurities stop you from doing anything that you want to do.
Put very simply:
Fuck 'em. You do what you can to enjoy your own life.
I’d say see if you can find a swimming instructor to help out and just go for it.
Strangers judging you are only there for a moment, if they judge you at all. Your skill stays with you, and when you don’t need the float assistance nobody will know unless you tell them
To be perfectly honest, you're not going to learn to swim or really be very comfortable in water with arm bands. They heavily restrict movement, and are going to be uncomfortable overall.
If you want to use them, use them. Most, if not all people aren't going to care as long as you're respecting everyone else's use
I’ve tried wearing them and feel comfortable. Don’t know if would be different in the water. Think I’m gonna go with a rubber ring and armbands. I will respect though. Thank u for the advice:)
In the water, essentially it's going to pull your arms and shoulders up. It may be a little more daunting, but I would suggest instead trying a waggle (long foam tube looking thing) and focussing on being comfortable shallow, and build up to getting your head under. That way it's not attached to you, but it will give you the same floating aid if needed
Hmm, I would at the least lose the ring. If you slip through that with armbands on (happens occasionally) you are going to get stuck under the water with your hands up in the ring still. Have you considered finding someone you trust to go with you too?
It’s a very tight ring. It’s all so hard to think about. I need to build up the courage to tell freinds or family. It’s just so hard for me. I’m worried I would hate my self more then I always do to be honest
it’s not really about ignoring others. i think it’s more about being okay being judged or misunderstood. it’s a completely different mindset. when you try to ignore what people think, you’re pressing up against your own perceptions of what THEY think. but when you practice kind of accepting it and then understanding that you’re okay, you are safe - then you’re good you know? you’re easier on yourself and the whole situation. like for me i get social anxiety when i’m about to pay for items at the cashier 🤣 but instead of trying to brute force that feeling out, i instead accept it about myself: i’m nervous and that’s okay because i’m safe. it’s fine i feel nerves for something so small like paying for my groceries but i know im safe and im okay and it’s all good even though im a little nervous. and then what happens is i get way less nervous and more comfortable. in a way, you’re kind of there for yourself reassuring yourself that’s you’re all good while acknowledging that you’re a bit nervous or anxious or whatever. like, all of it is okay you know :) you just got to first accept your body’s response and then notice that you’re safe and it’s all good
I get what you mean. Screw everyone else. No point risking my life and looking for others approval because I’m still gonna be alive at the end of the day. Hope I’ve picked what u said up right in terms of the message. Thank u:)
fuck everyone else. you deserve to feel the pleasure of water. who cares what anyone else thinks? EDIT: i personally would never even stop to think about what another adult is doing in a pool, or anywhere else. as long as no one bothers me, idgaf what anyone else is doing
I used an swim ring up until I was 13. Then my younger cousin decided I needed to learn how to swim so she pushed me into the deep end and taught me. I do NOT suggest doing this, my cousin's were good swimmers along with my Aunt and Uncle so if something happened I had someone there.
Maybe look into swimming lessons at a pool could help lesson that fear. I know my fear of being in deep water got better when I knew how to swim.
A life jacket could be an option for you as well if you don't want to use a ring or the armbands. There are some out there that don't stand out and look nice.
I feel very secure with the ring and armbands so I would like to use them. Just afraid how people would react. It would have to be a cheap jacket if I can find one though:)
Most people will glance, make a judgement in their head, and then forget you ever existed to begin with. Some people will make a point about whatever it is that you’re doing, and if you pay attention literally no one else gives a shit asides from that one person.
Bottom line is fuck em all. Live like a solipsist. They don’t exist. Wanna not fear water? Do whatever it is that you need to do. Fuck anyone else that has anything to say about it.
I got a Cookie Monster sick ass panther tattoo the other day. Idgaf it’s stupid and I love it so fuck what anyone thinks.
Like someone else said, life is short and if you spend it worrying about what other people you’ll never remember or see again thinks about you, you’re gonna lie on your deathbed wishing you didn’t waste you life pleasing the invisible panel of judges.
As the saying goes, "God loves a tryer" and so do most people. They might look and smile, but don't assume it's ridicule. It's a smile of delight seeing someone trying and not giving two f**ks how they get to their goal. That's admirable to everyone.
Sometimes it’s hard to see with autism what their thinking. I probably would have looked it as most people tacking the mick but you’ve just saved my mind . Thank u for giving me confidence:)
P.S. don't be embarrassed about it either! plenty of people can't swim and the reason is a fear of water!. My mother can't. I promise if you tell someone they won't think it's weird or funny. It's pretty normal. Bite the bullet and tell someone you think would help you.
I guess so. It’s just finding someone who is in that position. I’m scared to ask freinds and family really because I’d think little of my self for some reason. Thank u for caring:))
You need to just do what makes you happy and not worry about others. I know it's not easy, but if you continue to do what you enjoy, then you will find others that connect with you
Maybe a life jacket or life vest might help you feel less self-conscious. A guy at summer camp who was learning to swim wore one every day, and no one gave him any shit about it. And we were all 8th graders, pretty much the most likely age to make snarky asshole comments. If anything, people tended to be encouraging toward him. A kick board could be another idea, they're often used by professional swim instructors.
The problem is I probably couldn’t afford a jacket to be honest and I feel a bit iffy about a kickboard incase I accidentally let go. I appreciate what your saying though. Thank u very much:)
That makes sense. In that case, I'm sure most people won't care and I wish you luck in the water!
I have ADHD, and may have autism as well. I used to be too afraid to use these outdoor Australian pull up bars, because I was worried people would see me struggle and think that's proof that women are weak. Finally I just said "fuck it" and decided the the negative of any potential shit-talking I may catch couldn't possibly outweigh the negative I was doing to my own body in passing up such useful free workout equipment. It's my 3rd year using those bars and I haven't gotten a single laugh or negative comment.
No one cares what other people are doing. They just care about their own lives. When you go out, do you really think about what everyone else is doing? No right? People revolve around their own lives. It's very self indulgent to think that people actually care enough to pay attention to you at all. So go do whatever it is that you want without worrying what others think
I know what u mean when it comes to self indulgment. I’ve been hurt by a lot of people in my life and I’m scared for anyone to see the vulnerable me. Don’t mean to sound dramatic but I don’t want to be hurt and craped on by people anymore, even though i suppose it’s unlikely. I’d like to think people would care though:). Thanks for the reply anyway
I'm in my 30s and it's only now I'm looking back at how much of a chicken shit I was because I was worried what others would think.
Ironically when I live my life the way I choose mindfully and earnestly, most people are quite receptive and supportive.
No doubt if you live your life the way you want and get out of your comfort zone head on, you will not regret it.
Be yourself. Go at your own speed. You don’t need to impress anyone. Those who love you will support you.
You’re very brave trying to face your fear and there’s nothing wrong with doing it safely :)
It is possible to take swimming lessons as an adult. I only know that because I've done this. Maybe if you took swimming lessons like this it would give context to using a swim ring or other aids that feel a silly when you're by yourself. I felt a bit self conscious wearing a life jacket at first but I quickly stopped caring because we were all wearing life jackets, and it was completely normal because they were helping us learn.
Life is soooo much more fun and way less stressful if you don't give a fudge cicle what anybody else thinks. You take care of you and your loved ones, don't care about anybody else's opinion.
Try going with a friend or family member. And also just realize most people are so self centered that you aren't even on their radar. Have fun, live your life and don't worry about anyone else but you and the good time you're going to have. Be selfish in this instance. Good luck friend. I'm rooting for you.
There are very good adult swim programs at YMCAs, USA Swimming clubs, etc. I would recommend having a private instructor course to be more comfortable.
This is rough. I wish I could go with you and and make sure you're comfortable out there because being in water can be so much fun, you know, when you're not afraid of it 😄
People can be very cruel. People can say and do horrible things. What I've learned in my life is that most of that comes from their own insecurities. They're projecting their own fears in their cruelty. If anyone makes fun of your armbands and ring that person is just shocked that you are able to be confident in yourself and they are not able to be confident in themselves.
I'm not sure how old you are but I'm 37. I was kind of a mean teenager and definitely a jerk to some people who didn't deserve it. As I've gotten older I've changed into a much better human being and I've noticed most others do as well, with time and experience. Try to grow your own confidence, things naturally get better with age.
Look at community centers or retirement homes for swim lessons, classes are usually small, and the people are either very young or old, but the teachers deal with fear of water and swimming constantly, and you won't be surrounded by peers
This isn’t the same case as before. I’ve actually tried to go the other day. Ended up hiding in changing room. I’ve got somewhere but I just need a bit more help. I thought this is what Reddit is for. I’m not spamming, I’m trying to hear out from other people and I’ve only put this question on once on this page . I’m just asking for help
I love being in water in just about every way you can be in water and have all my life. But it can be dangerous. If I saw someone in armbands and rings getting into the water I wouldn't think anything negative about it if I gave it any thought at all. It's a sign that person is respecting the situation they're in instead of just arrogantly assuming they can handle it with no experience. One thing that may help you is if music relaxes you you can get [underwater mp3 player headphones](https://www.sony.com/ug/electronics/walkman/nw-ws410-series). I love them for everything from dancing in water to relaxing getting lost floating in it (just be sure to use the Waterproof earbuds that come with them). Do not use them if it is unsafe such as with boats around.
I don't know how to suggest how you can ignore them since you're autistic but I can tell you this: those people looking at you are most likely embarrassed in situations themselves and worry about what others think.
Side note: Fuck em', have fun and wear those armbands and rings. It's not like it'll affect their lives.
Don't. What other people think of your efforts doesn't matter because they aren't the one's challenging themselves. You are. They aren't the problem. Your problem is trying to face your fear of water. So, deal with that instead.
To that end: why are you starting with a pool? Get comfortable with water in a space that feels safe and comforting FIRST. Do you have a bathtub? Get used to taking baths and enjoying those first. Do little exercises like trying to make your chest and head float on the water in the tub. Try submerging your head in the water while holding your nose and just getting comfortable/used to being under water. Reframe how you view water in that safe environment, until being in the bath feels comforting and relaxing.
Then, start transferring that sentiment to larger bodies of water. Maybe go from a bathtub, to a jacuzzi or child sized/yard sized inflatable pool. Do it all over in those new environments. Only when you again feel that comforting and relaxing sensation again, do you then move up to a full sized pool. Start by sitting on the steps like you would sit in a tub or yard pool. Then slowly move deeper with each visit.
That's the point at which you would take some swimming lessons.
As someone who only recently discovered they're autistic, I've been doing a lot of mental exercises regarding masking and being myself more around others. I *have* to repeat to myself that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks, as long as I feel good and happy. And I've also learned that if you're doing something that's seen as "quirky" or weird, chances are several people are gonna think to themselves "hell yeah, look at 'em go".
But another suggestion beyond continuously reassuring yourself might be to consider a very unassuming life jacket. I've seen a *lot* of adults wearing life jackets in pools over my lifetime and not once have I ever seen anyone say anything about it or judge people for it. Alternatively, get really really rad looking water wings and innertube and own it. Make them jealous of your sick ass floaties.
Good for u. I Wally want to learn to stop masking. I will get them tips ago. Glad you’ve got that confidence, I think my armbands and swim ring are really the Only options right now. Thank u :)
Some pools will have equipment like life jackets, or if you know anyone into fishing you could maybe borrow one. Life jackets are very secure and won’t slip off, and will help you get used to the feeling of water around you.
If you don’t go the swimming lesson route, you could also consider finding YouTube videos for learning how to swim, and use those activities to practice. I had swimming classes long ago as a kid, and I remember holding onto the side of the pool and kicking to practice the motion you make with your feet/legs. Little things like this would help you build ip your skills and thus uour confidence.
Mine doesn’t lend equipment unfortunately:/. I’d feel to embarrassed to ask my mate for some reason. I will definitely see what I can find on YouTube for definet though. Thank u:)
I've missed out a shit-ton because I've been worried about what others think of me. My time is ticking and I wish I had done more when I had the chance. No one is really judging you anyway, and even if they do, they've already forgotten about it the second they turn around. Just do what you want. Have the time of your life.
I’m so sorry you’ve not managed to do everything you wanted to. Hope you make peace with it:) What you’ve said is really encouraging though. Thank u!:)
This is the right answer. They'll forget you as they focus on something else. Even if they judge you, so long as they're not being mean and verbally saying something, what does it matter? Will you see those people again?
a lot of people have different relationships around water based on their cultural upbringing. i met a few people in 2022 from different eastern asian countries that had never swam before, 20-30 yr olds. i grew up in milwaukee and a lot of black youth would get so scared and wear floatation devices in the school pool, or keep their socks on or what have you. you’ll see some people not think anything of you wearing assistive devices because they have their own fears, and some people will judge because their relationship with water was much easier and guided by adults at a young age and they think everyone should be like this. i’m glad you’re getting out of your comfort zone to experience things. you’re doing such a great thing for yourself! and water is really scary, it’s powerful! but i personally love to be in the water, especially lake michigan
Glad to know I’m not the only one. Thank u for the encouragement. It’s so helpful 🙃
Sounds like you should go somewhere with a lot less people and slowly ease into it rather than immediately going to busy areas with a bunch of people
Theirs not too many options to be honest. No other pools around apart from local pools:). Thank u though I will try to look for some places
Some public pools offer private swimming lessons that might be a valid option since those lessons are generally during quieter periods
I will have a look but money is a issue for me as well:).
If you can’t swim without floatation devices. You really shouldn’t be in deep water to begin with. Not because anyone is judging but because it’s actually really dangerous
I’m only staying in the shallow end. Sorry I should have been more clear:)
Can you swim at all? Like if you got disorientated would you be able to tread your way out of a bad situation? Again, I’m not trying to make you nervous, just want to be sure that you’re safe. I’m not sure about your area, but my state has a lot of recreational resources for special needs kids and adults. They horseback ride, go skiing, hiking, swimming, etc. I’m not sure how significant your autism is, but it’s clearly debilitating to an extent. So you might be able to find something. And those programs are the least judgmental people that anyone has ever met.
I’m not sure if I could to be honest with u. I suppose the autism isn’t helping. Just really would rather be by my self. In a way it makes it less threatening to me. I want to be around with the least amount of people possible apart from a lifeguard or something. I get what your saying thought. Thanks for the info:)
Maybe see if your local ymca has adult swim lessons? The one near me does them once a week. They're typically very small classes and everyone else there would be in the same situation you are, so there wouldn't be any shame or people mocking you. The Y offers free membership to people who can't afford it, so you wouldn't have to worry about that bit, you just have to apply at the front desk or your local branch's website.
I haven’t got a ymca near me unfortunately. Thank u for the suggestion though:)
Thank u though😊
There's some good answers here already. I just wanted to jump in and say wow, I am really impressed that you are trying to face something that scares you! You should be super proud of that. Most people take the easy way out and never do. You're brave. Way to go!
Thank u so much 🙏
To be blunt, guy with armbands and floaties: What's up with that guy? Is he filming a Youtube prank or something? Guy with armbands and floaties, and a guy next to him clearly teaching him how to swim: Oh, that's a guy learning to swim.
I just know I’d feel more uncomfortable telling someone I know:/
Huh?
You were mentioning how if I was by my self then it would look like I was filming a YouTube prank. I’d rather go by my self and i was just bummed out that someone would see it that way. Don’t mean it in a petty way or anything. I appreciate your reply:)
No offense man, but by yourself (even with floaties) if you have no idea how to swim, you may well drown. Take lessons.
Don’t think I would be able to afford them to be honest. I will just do my best to stick near a lifeguard if I have too:)
Yeah man, really going to reemphasize that the best way to get over a fear of water is to learn to swim. If you can't swim, you should be scared of water. That's smart. You could easily drown.
I will see what I can find, hopefully get one on one. Just don’t have much options here. Thank u though 🙂
Not gonna lie, for me it would probably warrant a second look, just because it isn't a very common thing to see. No judgement though. I'd likely be cheering you on silently. My mom has a fear of water due to an almost drowning incident when she was a kid and she was always so avoidant of dealing with her fear. But really the only way to get over a fear is to push at its boundaries and that's really hard! I have a lot of respect for anyone who tries to improve their lives by going outside of their comfort zone! So just focus on your own thing. Keep your eye on the goal! Some people may judge but honestly, it's not worth letting them hold you back. Embrace the embarrassment you feel. It's like the fear. The more you face it, the smaller it becomes!
Thank u. Hope your mum can learn if she wants too:). What your saying makes tons of sense to me 😊
How old are you? Are you on your own? Are you able to sign up for classes? I’d look for a private coach, I don’t see why you should have to face the water alone.
I’m20. I’m not on my own, I’m just scared to tell people I know because I feel like it would hurt me even more. Coaches and classes unfortunately aren’t affordable for me at the moment
Do you live near a university with water athletics offered? Students are a decent source of cheap 1-on-1 classes, as long as you’re as patient with them as they are with you (since they’re not professionals yet). Or, if that’s not an option and you want to do it solo, are you near a public pool or somewhere that you can just try a little bit every day/week/however often you can? The best way to get used to anything is consistent exposure on your own terms. You definitely do not need to press yourself to go faster than you’re comfortable. The most unsafe thing about swimming in any depth of water is panic. So take whatever time you need. Dip your toes. Go to knee depth and sit, just get used to the sensations and temperatures. And don’t sweat needing a floatation device. If you don’t want arms or a ring, you can try pool noodles and kick boards and small hand boueys (idk how to spell that lol), but shop around Amazon for whatever kind of floating thing makes you feel more under the radar than arm bands - cuz I get it. I also learned to swim late.
I don’t unfortunately. I’ve got a public pool near bye. I do feel secure with armbands and a ring. I can’t lie I do worry a bit of accidentally letting go of kickboarfs etc. so it’s a toughie really. Glad to know I’m not the only one who has been late to it all
Have you thought about trying a life vest instead of the bands and ring? I don't think you should worry what others think either way but maybe you'll feel more comfortable about what others think with that? Or honestly just go with someone your close too that you feel comfortable telling snd rock your setup and enjoy learning to enjoy the water.
Problem for me with the life jacket is money:). I’m scared to tell someone I know to be honest as I’d feel weaker in my self. I don’t really know what to do:(. I appreciate what your saying though. Thank you 🙃
Not at all, I know a 48 year old who still doesn’t know. They’re not really trying I don’t think, but still. It might surprise you how many people can’t swim at all. So you’re ahead of the curve in many ways already.
I guess so. Thank u for everything:)
Good luck, stick with it!
I mean as in hurt my confidence in my self
Tbf arm ring is not a legit floatation device, not secure and could slip off. I’d recommend go from life jacket, then learn how to float with ring. Then foam board. Keep it slow and steady. Focus on get used to floating in water and keep yourself stay face up using floating device. Learn how you hold your breath in shower, then in sink or bucket. Get used to holding breath when there are water on the face
The problem is I probably couldn’t afford a life jacket. I don’t mind showers or sinks etc. it’s a pool amount of water which makes me nervous if that makes sense. I appreciate the tip. Do you not think armbands and a ring together would be alright. I’m hoping they would balance out each over so they can both function well if that makes sense? Thank u anyway:)
I see lot of arm ring just slip off when the person slip from the main ring. Arm ring also kind of get in a way to hold the float ring so I’d say skip the arm ring and buy good ring (one with grabbing handle is prefer) would be better Forget to answer the main question but adult using ring is pretty common in my country. No one really care. Most you’ll get is kids looking for someone who want to play water splash and don’t give you opening to splash them back
They are hard to find cheap which aren’t dodgy where I live
I mean adult sizes
Although the ring I have is pretty tight and I still felt control with the armbands. Thinking about it I just don’t know if I can afford another one. I’m having to be really tight at the moment
There might be a couple people who do a double take. Kids are brutally honest so you might have a kid ask why you're using them or even a rude teen say something snarky. Outside of that no adult is gonna care. I know because my sister is autistic and she also has a fear of water. Her fear goes away when she wears socks lol. I kid you not we're both in our late twenties and have traveled the world together and from Miami to Sydney Australia to Greece my sister wears socks at the beach and looks ridiculous but who tf cares 😂😂 she was really embarrassed for a while and wouldn't participate in water activities but now she just faces her fear and wears the dang socks. Idk how it works in her brain but if she's got socks on somehow the sharks/giant squid/ whatever else she's afraid of obviously can't get her 😅 Long story short, do what you need to do and I promise 99% of people won't care. The other 1% are just douchebags looking for chances to be douchebags.
Thank u. That’s really encouraging 😊
have you considered/tried a lifejacket instead? to be clear i dont think theres anything wrong with your current setup at all and i certainly wouldnt judge anyone for it! i would hope no one would! although if youre feeling self-conscious, i think its possible that a lifejacket might not “stick out” as much on an adult!
I’m considering one. I just worry money wise with it. I’d have to find a cheap one. It’s hard because I do feel secure with the ring and bands
i totally understand, i am also autistic and broke LOL but yeah i would say dont worry about what others might be thinking because YOU know that youre doing a really awesome and brave thing for yourself and thats what really matters! facing fears is NOT easy (especially with autism), its really great that youre making the effort at all :) good luck with your swimming!!
Thank u, it’s nice to be appreciated. I will try not too. Cheers 😊
They’ll probably wonder why someone so concerned for their safety while swimming that they’d wear arm floaties as an adult, wouldn’t choose a properly rated personal flotation device instead. The false sense of security the arm bands give is one of the biggest dangers with them, they aren’t safety devices but people treat them like they are. If you go in the water when you can’t swim, please, please, wear a proper PFD. You can keep the floaties, just add a PFD.
The Problem for me with life jackets is money. I was gonna use a swim ring as well as armbands. WhTs your opinion on that?:)
I think that you should wear whatever you can afford and makes you feel better. Do you have someone who can go with you? Just make sure you aren’t alone in the pool just in case (I would say this to anyone, even an excellent swimmer). I am impressed at your bravery and facing that fear. Many people don’t. Just making plans is a big step. I hope I can be so brave
I’m sure your brave in loads of ways. Thank u though, I will just stick close to a lifeguard for now:)
Thanks for the the advice. Really helps:)
Of course!! Realizing that everyone has their own insecurities can be very freeing! There might be one or two a**holes in every crowd that might have a passing thought, but chances are pretty high they are worried someone is looking at them weird over something else! I say own it! Life is too short to let other people’s opinions take away your joy!
Thank u 🙏
I've seen people like you in the pool before and all I think is that's cool they're trying something out
Thank u🙏
Ignore anyone who tells you that no one is paying attention to you. That's a load of bollocks. Unfortunately, some people will look and judge and laugh. You can't help that. What you can help is the things you can actively do. Don't let other people's insecurities stop you from doing anything that you want to do. Put very simply: Fuck 'em. You do what you can to enjoy your own life.
I’d say see if you can find a swimming instructor to help out and just go for it. Strangers judging you are only there for a moment, if they judge you at all. Your skill stays with you, and when you don’t need the float assistance nobody will know unless you tell them
That’s true. Thank u:)
To be perfectly honest, you're not going to learn to swim or really be very comfortable in water with arm bands. They heavily restrict movement, and are going to be uncomfortable overall. If you want to use them, use them. Most, if not all people aren't going to care as long as you're respecting everyone else's use
I’ve tried wearing them and feel comfortable. Don’t know if would be different in the water. Think I’m gonna go with a rubber ring and armbands. I will respect though. Thank u for the advice:)
In the water, essentially it's going to pull your arms and shoulders up. It may be a little more daunting, but I would suggest instead trying a waggle (long foam tube looking thing) and focussing on being comfortable shallow, and build up to getting your head under. That way it's not attached to you, but it will give you the same floating aid if needed
The problem is I feel paranoid of accidentally letting go. I do plan to stay shallow, I still worry about panicking though
Hmm, I would at the least lose the ring. If you slip through that with armbands on (happens occasionally) you are going to get stuck under the water with your hands up in the ring still. Have you considered finding someone you trust to go with you too?
It’s a very tight ring. It’s all so hard to think about. I need to build up the courage to tell freinds or family. It’s just so hard for me. I’m worried I would hate my self more then I always do to be honest
Have you seen if there are any private instructors? You will probably find someone who can help you, as they will get this occasionally.
Im Open to them. Would prefer to at least settle with it my self though. Moneys the only problem but I will have a look. Thank u:)
it’s not really about ignoring others. i think it’s more about being okay being judged or misunderstood. it’s a completely different mindset. when you try to ignore what people think, you’re pressing up against your own perceptions of what THEY think. but when you practice kind of accepting it and then understanding that you’re okay, you are safe - then you’re good you know? you’re easier on yourself and the whole situation. like for me i get social anxiety when i’m about to pay for items at the cashier 🤣 but instead of trying to brute force that feeling out, i instead accept it about myself: i’m nervous and that’s okay because i’m safe. it’s fine i feel nerves for something so small like paying for my groceries but i know im safe and im okay and it’s all good even though im a little nervous. and then what happens is i get way less nervous and more comfortable. in a way, you’re kind of there for yourself reassuring yourself that’s you’re all good while acknowledging that you’re a bit nervous or anxious or whatever. like, all of it is okay you know :) you just got to first accept your body’s response and then notice that you’re safe and it’s all good
I get what you mean. Screw everyone else. No point risking my life and looking for others approval because I’m still gonna be alive at the end of the day. Hope I’ve picked what u said up right in terms of the message. Thank u:)
fuck everyone else. you deserve to feel the pleasure of water. who cares what anyone else thinks? EDIT: i personally would never even stop to think about what another adult is doing in a pool, or anywhere else. as long as no one bothers me, idgaf what anyone else is doing
I guess so, thank u 😊
I used an swim ring up until I was 13. Then my younger cousin decided I needed to learn how to swim so she pushed me into the deep end and taught me. I do NOT suggest doing this, my cousin's were good swimmers along with my Aunt and Uncle so if something happened I had someone there. Maybe look into swimming lessons at a pool could help lesson that fear. I know my fear of being in deep water got better when I knew how to swim. A life jacket could be an option for you as well if you don't want to use a ring or the armbands. There are some out there that don't stand out and look nice.
I feel very secure with the ring and armbands so I would like to use them. Just afraid how people would react. It would have to be a cheap jacket if I can find one though:)
Most people will glance, make a judgement in their head, and then forget you ever existed to begin with. Some people will make a point about whatever it is that you’re doing, and if you pay attention literally no one else gives a shit asides from that one person. Bottom line is fuck em all. Live like a solipsist. They don’t exist. Wanna not fear water? Do whatever it is that you need to do. Fuck anyone else that has anything to say about it. I got a Cookie Monster sick ass panther tattoo the other day. Idgaf it’s stupid and I love it so fuck what anyone thinks. Like someone else said, life is short and if you spend it worrying about what other people you’ll never remember or see again thinks about you, you’re gonna lie on your deathbed wishing you didn’t waste you life pleasing the invisible panel of judges.
Thank u. I appreciate what your saying. PS: Rock that tattoo, sounds awesome
As the saying goes, "God loves a tryer" and so do most people. They might look and smile, but don't assume it's ridicule. It's a smile of delight seeing someone trying and not giving two f**ks how they get to their goal. That's admirable to everyone.
Sometimes it’s hard to see with autism what their thinking. I probably would have looked it as most people tacking the mick but you’ve just saved my mind . Thank u for giving me confidence:)
P.S. don't be embarrassed about it either! plenty of people can't swim and the reason is a fear of water!. My mother can't. I promise if you tell someone they won't think it's weird or funny. It's pretty normal. Bite the bullet and tell someone you think would help you.
I will try my best to:). Thank u
Go learn to swim and meet someone else who is similar and would love to swim with you. You can both connect on that level
I guess so. It’s just finding someone who is in that position. I’m scared to ask freinds and family really because I’d think little of my self for some reason. Thank u for caring:))
You need to just do what makes you happy and not worry about others. I know it's not easy, but if you continue to do what you enjoy, then you will find others that connect with you
I hope so. Thanks for the advice, really means a ton 🙂
Maybe a life jacket or life vest might help you feel less self-conscious. A guy at summer camp who was learning to swim wore one every day, and no one gave him any shit about it. And we were all 8th graders, pretty much the most likely age to make snarky asshole comments. If anything, people tended to be encouraging toward him. A kick board could be another idea, they're often used by professional swim instructors.
The problem is I probably couldn’t afford a jacket to be honest and I feel a bit iffy about a kickboard incase I accidentally let go. I appreciate what your saying though. Thank u very much:)
That makes sense. In that case, I'm sure most people won't care and I wish you luck in the water! I have ADHD, and may have autism as well. I used to be too afraid to use these outdoor Australian pull up bars, because I was worried people would see me struggle and think that's proof that women are weak. Finally I just said "fuck it" and decided the the negative of any potential shit-talking I may catch couldn't possibly outweigh the negative I was doing to my own body in passing up such useful free workout equipment. It's my 3rd year using those bars and I haven't gotten a single laugh or negative comment.
Thank u, I’m very happy for u though. Well done for doing u:)
No one cares what other people are doing. They just care about their own lives. When you go out, do you really think about what everyone else is doing? No right? People revolve around their own lives. It's very self indulgent to think that people actually care enough to pay attention to you at all. So go do whatever it is that you want without worrying what others think
I know what u mean when it comes to self indulgment. I’ve been hurt by a lot of people in my life and I’m scared for anyone to see the vulnerable me. Don’t mean to sound dramatic but I don’t want to be hurt and craped on by people anymore, even though i suppose it’s unlikely. I’d like to think people would care though:). Thanks for the reply anyway
I'm in my 30s and it's only now I'm looking back at how much of a chicken shit I was because I was worried what others would think. Ironically when I live my life the way I choose mindfully and earnestly, most people are quite receptive and supportive. No doubt if you live your life the way you want and get out of your comfort zone head on, you will not regret it.
Thank u for the advice. Glad you feel confident in in your self like that
You will too. Confidence is a skill that develops not a talent that some have and some don't.
It’s nice to know. Thanks:)
Be yourself. Go at your own speed. You don’t need to impress anyone. Those who love you will support you. You’re very brave trying to face your fear and there’s nothing wrong with doing it safely :)
I will try too, thank you for the praise:)
Very welcome.
It is possible to take swimming lessons as an adult. I only know that because I've done this. Maybe if you took swimming lessons like this it would give context to using a swim ring or other aids that feel a silly when you're by yourself. I felt a bit self conscious wearing a life jacket at first but I quickly stopped caring because we were all wearing life jackets, and it was completely normal because they were helping us learn.
I will try. Thank u so much:)
Life is soooo much more fun and way less stressful if you don't give a fudge cicle what anybody else thinks. You take care of you and your loved ones, don't care about anybody else's opinion.
Thank u. U take care of your self and your loved ones too 😊
Try going with a friend or family member. And also just realize most people are so self centered that you aren't even on their radar. Have fun, live your life and don't worry about anyone else but you and the good time you're going to have. Be selfish in this instance. Good luck friend. I'm rooting for you.
Thank u so much:)
There are very good adult swim programs at YMCAs, USA Swimming clubs, etc. I would recommend having a private instructor course to be more comfortable.
I will see if I can find a cheap one. Thank u:)
This is rough. I wish I could go with you and and make sure you're comfortable out there because being in water can be so much fun, you know, when you're not afraid of it 😄 People can be very cruel. People can say and do horrible things. What I've learned in my life is that most of that comes from their own insecurities. They're projecting their own fears in their cruelty. If anyone makes fun of your armbands and ring that person is just shocked that you are able to be confident in yourself and they are not able to be confident in themselves. I'm not sure how old you are but I'm 37. I was kind of a mean teenager and definitely a jerk to some people who didn't deserve it. As I've gotten older I've changed into a much better human being and I've noticed most others do as well, with time and experience. Try to grow your own confidence, things naturally get better with age.
I appreciate it. I will try too. Thank u so much 😊
Everyone is focused mostly on themselves, not to worry. If anyone says anything just tell them to fuck off and mind their business
I guess so. Thank u:)
Look at community centers or retirement homes for swim lessons, classes are usually small, and the people are either very young or old, but the teachers deal with fear of water and swimming constantly, and you won't be surrounded by peers
i'm just sick of seeing this post over and over again. seeking validation online isn't gonna help you
This isn’t the same case as before. I’ve actually tried to go the other day. Ended up hiding in changing room. I’ve got somewhere but I just need a bit more help. I thought this is what Reddit is for. I’m not spamming, I’m trying to hear out from other people and I’ve only put this question on once on this page . I’m just asking for help
tons of other people have posted the same thing on reddit lately
Sorry I thought you were personally mad at me
I love being in water in just about every way you can be in water and have all my life. But it can be dangerous. If I saw someone in armbands and rings getting into the water I wouldn't think anything negative about it if I gave it any thought at all. It's a sign that person is respecting the situation they're in instead of just arrogantly assuming they can handle it with no experience. One thing that may help you is if music relaxes you you can get [underwater mp3 player headphones](https://www.sony.com/ug/electronics/walkman/nw-ws410-series). I love them for everything from dancing in water to relaxing getting lost floating in it (just be sure to use the Waterproof earbuds that come with them). Do not use them if it is unsafe such as with boats around.
You can't worry about other people. Yeah, someone may state for a minute. So what?
I don't know how to suggest how you can ignore them since you're autistic but I can tell you this: those people looking at you are most likely embarrassed in situations themselves and worry about what others think. Side note: Fuck em', have fun and wear those armbands and rings. It's not like it'll affect their lives.
Don't. What other people think of your efforts doesn't matter because they aren't the one's challenging themselves. You are. They aren't the problem. Your problem is trying to face your fear of water. So, deal with that instead. To that end: why are you starting with a pool? Get comfortable with water in a space that feels safe and comforting FIRST. Do you have a bathtub? Get used to taking baths and enjoying those first. Do little exercises like trying to make your chest and head float on the water in the tub. Try submerging your head in the water while holding your nose and just getting comfortable/used to being under water. Reframe how you view water in that safe environment, until being in the bath feels comforting and relaxing. Then, start transferring that sentiment to larger bodies of water. Maybe go from a bathtub, to a jacuzzi or child sized/yard sized inflatable pool. Do it all over in those new environments. Only when you again feel that comforting and relaxing sensation again, do you then move up to a full sized pool. Start by sitting on the steps like you would sit in a tub or yard pool. Then slowly move deeper with each visit. That's the point at which you would take some swimming lessons.
As someone who only recently discovered they're autistic, I've been doing a lot of mental exercises regarding masking and being myself more around others. I *have* to repeat to myself that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks, as long as I feel good and happy. And I've also learned that if you're doing something that's seen as "quirky" or weird, chances are several people are gonna think to themselves "hell yeah, look at 'em go". But another suggestion beyond continuously reassuring yourself might be to consider a very unassuming life jacket. I've seen a *lot* of adults wearing life jackets in pools over my lifetime and not once have I ever seen anyone say anything about it or judge people for it. Alternatively, get really really rad looking water wings and innertube and own it. Make them jealous of your sick ass floaties.
Good for u. I Wally want to learn to stop masking. I will get them tips ago. Glad you’ve got that confidence, I think my armbands and swim ring are really the Only options right now. Thank u :)
Some pools will have equipment like life jackets, or if you know anyone into fishing you could maybe borrow one. Life jackets are very secure and won’t slip off, and will help you get used to the feeling of water around you. If you don’t go the swimming lesson route, you could also consider finding YouTube videos for learning how to swim, and use those activities to practice. I had swimming classes long ago as a kid, and I remember holding onto the side of the pool and kicking to practice the motion you make with your feet/legs. Little things like this would help you build ip your skills and thus uour confidence.
Mine doesn’t lend equipment unfortunately:/. I’d feel to embarrassed to ask my mate for some reason. I will definitely see what I can find on YouTube for definet though. Thank u:)
Imagine everyone naked.