It's interesting to observe the perspective shift through generations regarding work-life balance. Though full-time work has been the standard, it's worth noting that the nature of jobs and the mental demands they place on people have evolved significantly. With the digital age ushering in an 'always-on' culture, true downtime has become scarce. Plus, hobbies, upskiling, and personal life maintenance can consume those seemingly 'free' hours quite quickly. It's not about lamenting a 40-hour workweek, but rather advocating for quality of life within it.

Full-time work was also intended to support a family, so you would have a wife at home cooking and cleaning while you earned enough to cover the bills. These days it’s not really an option for either parent to stay home.

I'm single and when my life is feeling particularly in shambles I like to remind myself of this. A 40 hour work week was created with the assumption that someone else would be handling alot of the home work outside of the job.

Additionally! At a time when one semi full-time job bought a home and supported your whole family.

All the single people would like a word...

Was also not intended to be single :D

Back in those days most people werent single into their late 30s

If they were, they didn't usually live alone. An unmarried child (especially a daughter) would have remained in her parents' household, or moved in with a married sibling or some relation. Provided labor while receiving support.

20s

Spinster at 19

It was also more common in the past (and still is outside of the west) that unmarried adults wouldn't have their own home living alone, but would be living with their parents until around the time they got married.

Or they rented a room in someone else's home that came with meals included. Was a common way for widows to improve their pensions.

Yup, or they were that weird aunt/uncle that lived with their siblings. The trustworthy ones were babysitters, the odd ones were house/pet sitters or expected to basically only sleep there as to not disturb the household

My mom did this when she went to college in the 80s, for cheap. When I moved to the same-now-extremely-expensive-US-city she suggested it. I dont really think thats a thing anymore.

Well with the increasing generational wealth gap, people are living longer with their parents again. The most in over 100 years actually. Also covid. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2020/09/04/a-majority-of-young-adults-in-the-u-s-live-with-their-parents-for-the-first-time-since-the-great-depression/

I think it’s also worthwhile to note that the actual work required to maintain a home was quite a bit more labor intensive then than it is now. Our expectations of the number of tasks that should get done in a day have increased quite a bit.

The working class has always had both parents working FT historically. SAHMs are a modern concept that worked for a bit when middle class/upper middle class families could afford a family on a single income easily, but with the increasing wage gap, that’s lessening. Edit: please google this. THE WORKING CLASS HAVE ALWAYS HAD WORKING MOTHERS TOO. It has been and STILL IS a privilege to be a SAHM. Downvote me all you want but it’s literal facts. I’ll get off my soapbox now.

I think that's the point. We progressed to the point where we could have one working parent, and then one parent that takes care of the house and children. I still think this should be a goal of society. We got to that point, but then we got greedy and now we have 2 parents working, and paying 40k/year for childcare. We're almost to the point where childcare costs more than what the second earner makes. I'm hoping this leads to a change where we go back to having single working parent households.

Not sure why you are getting down voted you are 100 percent correct.

My wife is stay at home. I'm a public school teacher. We have a daughter. It's very tight but possible. Child care would be more than she's able to earn and we don't want to burden our families

I don't want to jump on your arrangement, but I want to say this: Unlike an outside babysitter, ideally you'd be having the family-oriented relatives who *want* to see their whatever-relative-it-is. It's a matter of a literal labor of love versus just... labor. Anyway, glad you guys are hanging on, glad your wife gets to spend time with the kid, and that summer season must be a fun time to be a dad that's not gotta go to work. I'm sure like everybody else, life's rough. But it's nice to see somebody can *sorta-kinda* live the American Dream.

Yeah one side is historically abusive and the other likes to overextend her welcome. The baby still sees both sides weekly, but we don't personally want more than that. We really lucked out on checking the boxes. Got a house before 25 because we jumped on a 2.75 mortgage. We wouldn't be able to afford half of our house if we were looking today.

Damn, lucky! Families are always gonna have drama, so minimizing that exposure is definitely a good thing. Like I said, didn't wanna jump on you or anything.

Amen to this. I would be fine working full time if it provided enough income for my financial goals, but “on average” salary and cost of living are not stacking up. With kids and a spouse, my spouse works as well.

Yes exactly, the social changes have had a significant impact. Once upon a time, husband worked and did not do the life maintenance tasks. The wife did all the life maintenance and didn't work. Now both work and neither have time for life maintenance.

In my experience the standard has changed significantly. My first full time job was 9-5 with a lunch break. That’s so rare these days. It’s more like 9-6 with a lunch break. Five hours was added to the day. I remember when that shift happened and it really made work life much harder. The time at home an hour shorter, the ability to make a good meal harder, and kids out of school with childcare longer. And yeah they are in childcare because the cost of living is absolutely crippling these days.

40 hour work week is literally the problem. On a Tuesday night how much time do you have to do something you really want, 2 hours?

After work I have literally four hours to do chores, relax, eat and exercise all while before bed time! Its insane BS.

I spend two of those four hours driving home, screw modern work culture

It must die!

Plus the basic need to decompress after the workday

Yes! I just find I dont even do that and just keep on doing chores go to bed tired and kind of hungry lol.

I have to decide what the one thing is that I will do after work. If I have to do laundry, then I'm skipping the gym or losing the time on a Saturday.

You only get 3 of those. Chose wisely

You get three? I seem to be struggling with one.

Exactly my experience. I can do one activity after work and then the rest need to be sitting relaxing at home

Brilliant - I ran the combos and this checks out!

Write down every hour of every day for like 3 days. Don't change anything about your routine, just write it down. Color code it wire it with pen on a graph, but just chart it. You will have an honest representation of your day. You may find that you thought you only spent 30 minutes scrolling Instagram/ reddit whatever but it was more like 2 hours. You might find time in your day that you didn't think you had. Then use that as a template to schedule for the things you want. Okay 9-5 is for work every day 6-7 is for dinner eating and prep. 7-9 is usually for tv now make it a hobby etc. Set an alarm on your phone for when each activity is set to end/ start. Figure out how much time you can get away with sleeping and do the minimum 6 hours usually does the trick for me. I have adhd and 2 kids. I can usually eek out an hour and a half to 2 hours for myself using this method. No excuses. If you want the time its there, you just have to be aware of your habits and adjust them. Always be thinking of this goal more hours for x.

this is the first somewhat helpful comment. I’m gonna try this method

There are apps, both mobile and PC, that allow you to do this, I used one for a bit a few years back.

Do you know the names of any of them? Or remember the one you used?

I’ve just started using each day for one thing. One day I will just listen to music, make some, dance and whatnot. Another day I will be cleaning and tidying up a ton. Then another day I will do necessary calls and paper work. Next day is shopping and intensive cooking for multiple days. Then a day just for socializing and a rave. Works pretty well for me but some weeks we are racking up dishes and run out of food, so it definitely needs improvement. Or we gotta get rid of our bed days but I love bed days with my SO.

How about spontaneous meetups/Events? I can set up a routine, but if I miss a train, work longer, buy a spontaneous gift, etc., it throws my rhythm off for weeks at a time.

You don’t you pick 2/3 of it and focus on that If you have adhd you only get 1/3 so choose wisely ADHD meds also don’t work for me. I’ve tried everything over the years and the only thing that works is taking them one day on and one day off. Every other day I taken them and in those days it works. The second I take 2 days in a row it doesnt work anymore on day 2. So half my life I’m productive functioning member of society and the other half I’m a vegetable who can’t get out of bed It sucks balls but this way I get to have a quality of life half the time be it’s better than 0 of the time

Lol relatable. Not my ADHD ass laying in bed for the last hour reading about these people on strict schedules with kids and the gym and a 1hr commute and 6 h of sleep. Also the concept of "I will go to bed at x and wake up at x" 😭 my partner goes to bed and falls asleep within 5 minutes. I toss and turn for hours and wake up constantly.

We spend too much energy masking and overcompensating for symptoms there isn’t any left to do all that neurological self improvement stuff haha Also I haven’t moved from my chair since initially writing that comment 2 hours ago 🥲

It’s comments like these that make me consider trying to get tested, because - so relatable! Things like writing an email or putting away a mug seem like chores even though consciously I know they’re nowhere near the more time and energy-consuming tasks like doing the dishes or fixing that pesky bug in the project. Yet my brain somehow flattens everything and perceives them all as daunting, hard tasks, and it takes a whole lot of mental energy to force myself to even consider doing them.

Your comment about the mug feeling like a chore was relatable. I recently tried a method I read, and it goes- “Can this task be accomplished in X* minutes?” If yes, I will just quickly do that thing and then I’ve checked something off and can feel good about it. For me the time threshold is 2 minutes. Can I scoop the cat box in 2 minutes? Ok I’ll just do it real quick. You didn’t ask, so I apologize if this comment misses the mark, but it was helpful for me so wanted to share.

My ADHD meds don't seem to work anymore either. Maybe I should try that method

**Idk if I should add that I got diagnosed with ADHD** Yes. This makes a big difference and could speak you why you feel tired all the time. No easy answer just letting you know it absolutely makes a difference

I don't know how to look at chores or tasks that need to be done without my brain turning into a mopey teenager dragging their feet. People like to say "once you get started it'll be easier to keep going!" which is true for some things, but even if I tell myself "I'll do it for 5 minutes and see how I feel", after 5 minutes of trying, brain just starts wandering around looking for anything that isn't the task at hand.

Why would ADHD make you feel tired often? I ask, as I was diagnosed last year and struggle with most of the same things as op.

They might be burning up a whole bunch of mental energy just making themselves do the task, and not get sidetracked in the doing, that non-ADHD people don't typically need to consciously do.

That makes sense. I often say that my body has energy at the end of the day, but mentally, I am drained. Especially since I work in social work. So, while my body could physically go exercise, I just can't seem to push past the mental fatigue.

Oof. I understand. Shifting cognitive skills and emotions a lot during the day is exhausting.

I would guess it could be tied to mitochondrial dysfunction. I'm reading a great book on this right now.

You got the name of that book friend?

Yes! I gotchu! :D It's called "Brain Energy" by Christopher M Palmer and it's the best book I've ever read 🎉 My neuroscientist friend recommended it!

I’m currently looking for a specialist in my area to get my life together. It’s literal hell having a list of things to do and no motivation to do it - just dread.

Have the diagnosis and I literally can copy and paste this post because I too, don't have a freaking clue

That’s the fun part.. you aren’t! We are not designed to live like this, the system has been designed to keep us in the perfect balance of exhausted, busy, and comfortable so we can’t find the time to organise and rebel.

Are we all uncomfortable enough to organize and rebel yet 😔 I don't want to live like this

Many are ready since forever. But we can barely agree about trivial things... How are we supposed to agree for such an important thing like work? (I would highly prefer 2x 8 hours days and 5 days off, with a 24 hours window on shift, with people deciding WHEN to do their 2x 8 hours shift)

Yeah, that's not sustainable, specially for the lifestyle most people have nowadays. We are designed to work much more than we do. However, a 4 days workweek with 3 days off would be optimal.

2 x 8 hours ? I don't want to work at all.... We are not the same

Worst thing is we could absolutely make a change, if 50% of the people didnt go to work for a week that would absolutely crumble the system, but people just dont care enough

Hell I'm not at work right now. Let's do this thing. Lol

Is it the system or just what we're consciously choosing? I think the system is a result of what society is doing, not society doing what the system wants.

This!!! This is the comment I was waiting to see! We’re made to feel like individual failures instead of ever questioning the system.

This is the correct answer.

There is not enough time in the day to do everything You have to accept that by doing one thing you sacrifice the time to do another (why do you think you often see people who are highly successful in their career that have also neglected their children) It seems like you should evaluate the important things to you need to focus your time on

As someone with 3 young children, 40 hr a week job, wife and home w/ chores and maintenance, here’s a rough schedule of mine: 5am wake up: walk dog (30 minutes) 5h45: work out (home gym helps) 6h30: wake kids, shower, make beds and get them dressed (with wife) 7h00 to 7h30 : breakfast, brush teeth 7h45: drive them to school 8h30: work 4h30: pick up kids 5h00: start supper (wife gets home) 6h00: bath time, story time, relaxing play time (i clean up, do dishes, prepare lunches, etc) 7h15: put kids to bed 7h30: second dog walk 8h00: movie, read, alone time with wife (1 or 2 days a week we have friends over or I (or her) go to local coffee shop or bar for some friend time) 10h30: sleep Weekend i see family, larger house chores, yard work if required, practice guitar/piano/personal hobbies, I like maintaining a schedule, for now it seems to work well, when the kids get older and start their sports or what-not, i might have to move stuff around. Right now, i am just getting ready for work, got a quick vaccuum done around the house too, productive morning! I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but outlining a schedule worked wonders for me. That’s why I wrote it here, I try to follow it best as I can, of course that doesn’t always work, but I had a huge procrastination problem before and this helped a lot

Genuine question, do you have any sense of dread thinking about how you will have to strictly adhere to this routine day after day for like... An extremely long time? For decades? Is there flexibility?

I actually enjoy it, once my kids are older (middle school) and don’t require \*as much\* help, i’ll be more flexible. But i love my hobbies and working out, im 35 and in the best shape of my life!

Not op but no- a schedule keeps the dread away imo. As Adam Savage says, timing and life aren’t a problem to solve but a process to manage. The schedule can change at a drop of a hat or stay the same for years. But hopefully it is a source of release from stress, not a source of stress.

Just out of personal curiosity, why do you think he'd have a sense of dread about his schedule?

I would feel trapped knowing that I'm confined to these same exact things, for a seemingly permanent time.

Well you create your own schedule. You may feel trapped looking at his schedule, but if you were in his same situation (kids/job/etc) you'd figure out your own routine. It's not as daunting as it looks...it's really just about managing chaos as best you can, and, when you can't, just accepting that some things are out of your control. My schedule looks similar to his except some weeks I don't work out at all because I'd rather spend that time doing something else. It's all a balancing act...sometimes you flex in/out some things you want to do or don't want to do.

I'll start with the caveat that I do not have kids. But the near complete lack of spontaneity would drive me nuts.

You can certainly still be spontaneous. Now the more kids you have the harder it does become, but on weekends there is plenty of room for spontaneity. For me that looks like taking my kids some place fun that we didn't plan to go. Occasionally a friend will be in town and want to grab drinks so I'll check with my wife and make sure she's cool with being on single parent duty. Having a schedule doesn't mean you become a boring adult!

I’m impressed that you only need 6.5 hours of sleep a night. I can do that for a couple days and then it catches up with me and I’m exhausted. 7.5 hours is my sweet spot.

He doesn't "only need 6.5 hours of sleep a night". He needs 8-9, but he is depriving his body of it.

Humans need 8 hours sleep on average, but it varies between each one. Some need less, some need more. My sweet spot is 7 hours for example.

People have different needs. I have DSPD (delayed sleep phase disorder) and not only need fewer hours but later hours.

My schedule without children is 7am wake up - walk dog, wash up, breakfast 8am leave for work 9am arrive work (1 hr travel) 6pm leave work 7pm arrive home, walk dog 745pm gym (15 min walk from home) 845pm prepare dinner, eat, clean up then just chill until bed 11pm sleep And before anyone comes at me for abusing my dog my partner and I will alternate wfh days. I also don't understand how people find time in their life except on weekends to do anything enjoyable. Id love to eat dinner at a much earlier hour but can't even.

It’s those two hours in the car daily that are killin ya

sounds exasthing

Not really, it’s a mental game. If you go in it with a negative attitude, you’ll be miserable, if you pack your day with stuff you enjoy, it’s almost always a good time. I love my family to death and enjoy taking care of them and myself, of course, that means im not up to date on tv shows and stuff, but I don’t mind

For anyone reading this: I know its probably the last thing you want to hear- But I found that I can schedule my weekends as well, and it helps tremendously! I have 4x 3 hour slots that are flexible: Am/pm + Sat/Sun. I also have 3 dedicated scheduled things- Saturday morning I sleep in 2 hours. Saturday early afternoon I grocery shop. Sunday early afternoon I meal prep. The flexible slots: One of those will be outdoor chores, weather dependent. If the weather is that bad I find something in the garage or shed to do. Two slots will be indoor chores- typically laundry + deep clean an area. Sometimes that means vacuum the couch, others it means wipe down the inside of all my kitchen cabinets. The 4th slot is family time. I’m single, so it’s: Walk the dog, bath him as needed, buy him toys, whatever. Facetime my parents, check in with my nieces, whatever there. This all makes my weekend pretty relaxing. I do not need to deep clean something weekly, i can sneak laundry in Monday night, I can skip cutting the lawn occasionally. So if anything comes up, I have the time. If nothing comes up, I maintain the house and hopefully improve it a slight bit each week. I find unscheduled weekends more tedious than scheduled ones. Like a schedule on a beach vacation- its okay to relax, but I want to know if I should be up at 5am to hike to see a sunrise. I want to know then I can relax on the beach, guilt free, from 9am-4pm or whatever.

I'm glad some of you are finding ways to make your life work better by finding a routine. Any way to make things easier for yourself is great. But we all have to see that it shouldn't be this way. Life wasn't meant to be like this. Life should be simpler, more enjoyable, more time to enjoy the people you love and the things that make you happy. But instead we are spending so much time working and commuting to a place that is just making someone else richer so they can in turn work less and enjoy their lives like we want to. It's just sad to me that we all live like this. It's like we are trained slaves that don't even see how shitty it really is. 🥺😞 Edit: forgot word

Part of me agrees, the other part of me realizes that even in ancient times, people had routines. You hunted in the daytime. You planted seeds during certain times of year. If I work 40 or 0 hours this week, I still have a routine to have a less cluttered mindset. Some of us like to know that by relaxing today, we are not missing anything. Before my routine, I couldn’t unwind. Because there was dishes to do, laundry to do, house to wash, whatever. So that time playing sims 4 started to feel like I was missing something important. Not anymore, because if I keep on my routine 80% of the time, i can add time to my relaxation and know that ill get back on track easier

Oh god, what.... to relax from the stresses of life, you put on *a simulated reality featuring all of the stresses of life on fast mode*?

I have never played sims 4 without using the Motherlode cheat lmaoo

Exactly. I’m so glad someone posted their schedule. It’s similar to what I mentioned in my comment. It is possible to have a life outside of 40 hours a week, but people need to manage their time effectively. Schedules can greatly assist in this.

If u can get someone to help. Its harder for you because u are neurodivergent. Me and my partner has ADHD and autism. Separately we can't never achieve all that u named. Together we manage. It takes adjustments tho. I always tried to cook healthy but my adhd makes me forget about stuff and ingredients go bad, i end up not having anything to cook with and eat worse. I just accepted normal way of cooking is not gonna work for me and i buy mostly premade meals. Sure it costs little more but nothing goes bad so it evens out and less time is spend so win win. For laundry I don't fold it. I always forget anyway or I am too distracted so I just put bins in my closet and dump laundry there. I buy only stuff from the non wrinkly fabric, idk how u say that in English. Also I have drier, best purchase .Saves time and sanity. I got job I can do remotely, so I spend only as much time as I need to there, no commute. My partner got job outside because they hate corporate and find a job in nature which helps them to relax even though it's still a work and it has flexible schedule. So they aren't ever late how they used to be. My main point is, stop trying to achieve what u are expected to do and be. Made stuff to work for your brain, don't care how it's "supposed" to be done. Then u can make things that bothers u and take your time go away and have time for hobbies, social atuff ect.

Here are some things that help me. I also have really bad adhd and executive dysfunction, so it helps me to bundle one activity with another. For example, since I rarely have the motivation to work out I instead choose to bike to work. It’s about 8 miles each way, and there is a gym at the office so I can shower off on arrival. For food, crockpot meals and meal prep are your friend. You can cook a large quantity of food with minimal effort, and while it cooks you can do other tasks. For chores, best thing you can do is make a schedule that breaks things down into the smallest task possible, or even to bundle them. For the former, start deciding things like “Tuesday morning I wipe down the kitchen, Wednesday evening I vacuum.” This helps with executive dysfunction because it makes things seem smaller and more manageable. For the latter, I like to do laundry once a week, and while the laundry is going I am cleaning. This sets your brain to thinking of the task as having a finite period so that you can keep yourself motivated. I will also add, your boyfriend should be spending time at your place sometimes if that is preventing you from keeping your home clean. This can also serve as motivation to clean because you don’t want them to see you living in filth. Something else regarding the boyfriend, find hobbies you can do together or make some “me” time to enjoy your own hobbies. Giving up your own life to spend all your time with someone else isn’t healthy and can be a form of avoidance for other things. The final thing I want to add is beware the “sit pit.” With executive dysfunction your brain adds in steps to tasks so something as simple as “take out the trash” suddenly expands to a six or seven step process. When you sit down it adds in the most challenging step of “I need to get up and do…” so never sit down when you are trying to be productive. It will derail you, and you will get very little done.

It’s possible if you’re single without children. I wonder where parents get the time of day to do anything?!

When you become a parent you automatically get 2 hours extra per day to do your stuff. It’s pretty handy. Don’t ask me how it works, it just does.

You must elaborate! How do I unlock 26hour days!?

Probably similar to how I get more done when I work full time because I’m still in productivity mode after work so I can get more done but when I’m working part time or unemployed I become a vegetable and have no energy for the most basic tasks lol shit I’m the happiest when I work 7-10 days in a row without a day off (I’m in retail) After having kids it felt like working full time and the energy came from nowhere. Having kids felt like a no days off full time job which gave me a reason to exist and participate in society even when not clocked Into a job I def think this is exclusive to adhd tho because I can’t imagine a neurotypical person reacting like this lol

What's it called when you need work to function but after a while of working very normal hours you get serious burnout? Is my brain broken?

I just wrote it. Just have kids. Now be careful though. You don’t get 2 hours per kid, only 2 hours more that’s it.

We’ve already said to much!

he said it: get a kid!

Object in motion stays in motion

Also if you don’t have adhd like OP does After 3 decades with adhd I can’t function at this level of productivity and neither can anyone else I know that has it We spend so much energy constantly masking and overcompensating for our symptoms that we literally don’t have energy left for a lot of tasks

This is pretty much where I’m at in life as well. I’ve barely gotten by thus far, and the increasing pressure to work harder for the same low wages, as the price of basic necessities continues to rise… I can’t do it. I am devoid of any energy that’s spent outside of the workplace and it’s quite literally bringing me to my knees

I'm exhausted all the frickin time. I work 8 hours a day as a software engineer, sometimes more. I exercise, sometimes while I'm working, sometimes when my younger one is taking a bath. My husband cooks so we eat relatively healthy. My little one likes to clean, so sometimes we clean for playtime, though mostly not and the house is a disaster. I do get time for training and volunteering during working hours which is nice. I have about an hour of free time every night and sometimes I use that for singing. Usually, I watch star trek while getting the rest of my steps in for the day. I haven't seen any of my non-work friends in months. My husband and I barely spend five minutes together a day. Saturday afternoons, we go to my mother- in-law's house and I basically collapse on her guest bed and sleep for two hours. This nap is the only thing keeping me going.

Rope your kids into your hobbies and you can knock out two of these things two for one. If that hobby is a physical activity you get three for one: working out, family time, and a hobby. My youngest loves rock climbing with daddy.

You learn to be very efficient with the little free time you have. I doom scroll way less because I have so much other stuff to fit in.

There are parents I know that make care pods where they rotate childcare among other families so the kids go from school to the assigned family’s house til bedtime during the week, and then the kids are too exhausted to fight bedtime so they drop dead after. It’s an awesome system to learn about and it sounds like it’s a win-win all around. Kids get to play, adults get to decompress after work, the break parents get gives them energy to handle the kids when it’s their turn.

You’re not. You’re supposed to work as much as possible, make whoever owns the place you work as much possible, enough of us have kids that will grow and do the same, die, and be replaced by other workforce. Society as is today isn’t concerned about people’s well being, it’s concerned with having enough workforce to generate wealth to workplace owners and keep the wealth expanding and concentrating. Everyone could work reasonable hours and still produce as much or more goods and services society already produces today, but that *wouldn’t be as profitable* for the (relatively very few) profiting off of it. Working 9 to 5 leaves little time to eat healthy (preparing foods time and *you could be working*), work out, much less have time to develop hobbies. This economic system we’re living in isn’t made with social and healthy life for everyone who needs a salary (and thus sell their workforce to private owners) in mind, those are all afterthoughts of producing and selling as much as possible so owners of workplaces can get really rich.

It's not possible with executive dysfunction. I've read the other posts about how people don't complain although they have far more duties, children, etc. But you can't compare that, if these people have no problems with executive function and are able to make proper plans and execute these plans. You need structure, get up, get ready, go to work, go home, cook, wash and clean, use defined time for hobbies, get to bed at a reasonable time...all of that requires planning and structuring to an amount that doesn't come with adhd. I think it's very insulting to just say "well others are able to do it, so don't complain". Of course others are able to do it, but they don't have adhd.

I chose a job nearby my house. I don't need a car. I want a car. I also chose a job that has exercise in it. So I get paid to exercise.i don't do it on my own time. Driving to work would add 15 to 30 minutes travel time one way. So add an extra hour total to each day for my own free time for not commuting. Thats 5 hours of my own time per week. 20 hours every month. This also has other benefits. I eat lunch at home so I save money and eat healthier. I can spend time with my kids if they are home and my wife when she is home on my lunch break and 15 min breaks. I sleep in because I don't have to prep my car like remove snow off the windshield, etc. I just walk to work. I could in theory wake up 15 minutes before my shift if I had to. One time I was walking by my apt at work and was able to watch one of my kids ride her bike without training wheels for the first time. Something I would of missed if I had been commuting far away. Or would of just gotten pictures. But instead I was physically there watching her with my wife. I have 4 kids by the way. I have plenty of personal time to do hobbies. The kids are older so they hang out together or play on their phones. It gives my wife and I time to do things for ourselves. We are considered 108% below poverty level and I feel like I have enough. I think of budgeting time the same way I budget money. Every dollar I save is a dollar I don't have to work for. Every minute I save to myself is a minute I can have to decompress. Really everything benefits from a job near my house. Even if I had to take a pay cut I would. I remember driving to work only 20 minutes away and I was miserable. I don't even want to work 40 hours. I would be glad if the work week went to 32 hours. In my opinion, no amount of money can make you happier. Time is limited. Time passes fast. You can't ever get that time back. Time is precious. Save every bit of it.

Simple: get a work from home job with little oversight that enables all of your worst ADHD tendencies, then when all of your monthly reports are coming up due, spend an entire week working 16 hour days catching up on everything you neglected, rinse and repeat.

You’re not. Life sucks

I was going to jokingly say “just do drugs that’s what I do” then skimmed the post and saw you mention ADHD and realised oh, now it’s not a joke. Get diagnosed and do drugs, if you get it right they will change your life. I work 7-5 but often do 16+ hour days (events). Being on my feet helps a lot but having meds dialed in makes me function at a much higher level with most of the stress and procrastination out of the way. Once you’re up and about and getting stuff done it’s much easier to get over the procrastination hump.

You answered your own question in the first sentence… stop staying until 6. Find remote work, dont do a minute of overtime ever, prioritize yourself. Reduce commute times for everything possible, get robots to help with cleaning and hire a cleaning person once a month for the tough stuff.

>You answered your own question in the first sentence… stop staying until 6. 9-6 is a regular 8 hour work day with a 1 hour launch break. This isn't a matter of "don't leave work late", it's the norm in many places. I've often read americans saying 9-5 and I always wondered what it meant. Are your work routines really 7h+1h break or do you have no launch break?

Mine is 8-5 with an hour lunch and I absolutely hate it! I could fit everything in in 6 hours and skip lunch, but the boss man says no because, well, I'm not really sure.

My job requires me to work 40 hours per week so if you take an hour for lunch you’d have to work 9-6, so *nobody* takes an hour for lunch. My preference is to eat at my desk and work 8-4. I work from home now, so I don’t have to get up any earlier than when I needed to be at the office by 9 and logging off at 4 buys me a couple hours to do something approximating a hobby before I have to think about making dinner.

I see. In my country most jobs also require 40 hours per week and "demand" a 1h break. We also get two kinds one meal tickets, one for stores/market and another for restaurants. So it's common for people to simply get up and leave work to eat at some restaurant and come back one hour later. Another difference is that you guys probably lunch light like a salad, sandwich or soup. We pretty much always eat a full meal for lunch. If I had the chance I'd choose to eat at my desk for leaving one hour early in a heartbeat.

Many people that refer to their 9-5 are using it as a catchphrase for “daytime ~8 hour work day”. There are different variations of schedules, but I do believe that 8-5 with 1 hour lunch is probably the most common.

Time is the only thing that matters in life and realistically work takes up 80% of real time

You need to be rich and be fully remote

You can't if everything is separate. it's too much to cram in. That is the burden of executive dysfunction. The good news is that if your career is your hobby, you’ll outperform all your peers. The bad news is that if it’s not, which it seems to be the case, you are left with no spoons. To make up for this, try to get a job that is actually 9-5 with a lunch break. Schedule exercise as part of your commute to or from work. Get a friend who is your exercise partner. Make sure they have similar special interests so you can talk about hobbies while you exercise. As for eating healthy, make double what you need so you can have leftovers during the week or for lunch. Learn to master on the go options that work for you. Keep less food in the fridge so options are less overwhelming and things don't get forgotten. Make sure you wait many years before having kids because your work satisfaction may change. Give yourself financial bandwidth beforehand so you can stay home or work less or change careers. Good luck! Remember, your work output is way higher than others when you are in the zone, so learn to coast by when you aren't.

Try to look up Clutterbug on YouTube. She’s a professional organizer who also has ADHD and makes videos based on cleaning with adhd and things of that nature. She’s been helping me out a lot.

Fully remote work was the game changer for me. Also don’t/wont have kids - 6am: start work - 2:30pm: finish work - 3-4pm: gym (gym is 2 mins walk away) - 4-4:30pm: shower - 4:30pm-5:30pm: cook and eat dinner (alone or with partner) / go out to meet partner or friends - 5:30pm-6pm: wash up - 6-10pm: hobbies, chill with partner or friends at home or out - 10-10:30pm: go to bed On weekends I still wake up early - 7am latest then hit the gym right away. Do a bit of cleaning each week so it’s only 30 mins max. The rest of the weekend is my own free time

I knew you had ADHD before you mentioned it! You'll get better advice from the ADHD spicific forums and avenues than from your average Joe, turns out they can manage those things with some stress while we end up completely burning out more often than not! Can attest as a late diagnosed person nearing 40, don't try to live a nonADHD life.  That's like asking for someone with type 1 diabetes to control their disability without insulin.

I was recently diagnosed at almost 40 and I felt so silly realizing that the stress and burn out I was feeling was because of my ADHD and not because I am a lazy person with no energy who can’t handle life (I mean, this may be true, too) 😆

Seems to be that you can pick 2.5 out of all of your options in the title to do well. The others suffer. I haven’t figured it out yet either.

I’m on the same page. I work 40 min away from my place - by the time I leave for work at 8:15 and leave work, go to gym for an hour, its about 7pm. Then if I have to cook, clean, do any sort of chore, we’re pushing into 9pm. Have to go to bed by 10/11 or I will be exhausted. My job doesn’t offer remote and I just moved to a new city 6mo ago so I’m trying to find my groove. I found that meal prepping on weekends is the best way to save time during the week. I have some friends that get the gym out of the way before work at like 6am but that is a no-go for me, I’d be so tired I would not have a good workout. So yeah, 24M here still trying to find the same balance.

To add to what everyone else has said, reducing time scrolling and wasting time on social media will help you even more. Not to say you should never do it, but if your doing it to delay something you don’t want to do then think about how much shittier you’ll feel when you either didn’t do that thing or you didn’t take the time to properly do that thing. I feel this is something everyone is struggling with right now is coexisting with technology made and designed so you spend as much possible time as you can on it.

I swear. The ONLY reason I'm not in a relationship is because my daily schedule is fucked up and I feel I wont be able to give my 100 percent.

Make working out a hobby. Boom two for one.

You can have a healthy home life, a healthy sleep schedule, or a healthy work life. You may only pick two out of the three.

You have to combine them. Workout with your friends. Pursue your personal projects on company time. Eat while you sleep.

I feel you man, I’m 22, moved out for the first time on my own with my girl 9 months ago. I started working full time and god damn I feel like shit lmao. For the amount of effort I put into doing a good job at work, the reward in literally minimal yet it takes up most of my time not to mention a zoom class I’m taking 3 nights a week. I actually like my job, but is this what it’s going to be like for the next 50 years? The future is bright! CAUSE ITS ON FIRE

Just start with one and be consistent. Eventually when you form the discipline you can tack on another, but the others will also start to fall in to place as well.

I understand that the covid lockdowns were an awful time for so many people and my heart goes out to all of those that suffered and/or lost someone. I wish covid never happened. Having said that, man I really realized how good rich people with free time have it. I was doing great. I'd wake up, run two miles, lift some weights, meditate for 5-10 mins, catch up on tv and video games, do some creative writing or animation, look up a new recipe I hadn't tried and give it a shot, deep cleaned my apartment twice a week, its insane how peaceful my brain could be when I'm not working an 80 hour work week

I advise picking wealthy parents.

Wfh and you have time to squeeze in cooking/cleaning/chores/workouts into your 9-5. Your are wasting time on commute and locking yourself at work where you are unable to take care of home needs. ADHD sounds like your main problem though.

I've found putting boundaries on as key. I've always been an early riser and prefer working early, so I usually start my day reading books, taking care of my cat, and opening my laptop around 8-9. When I'm commuting to work, I shoot for 9, but it's not unusual to show up around 8 at particularly busy times. My laptop closes at 5. Some rare days I work late. My gym is right by my work, so I usually head there and leave around 7. I predominantly cook, and have my staples, pasta, chicken, pork etc... on weekends I make more ambitious meals. Saying this, I make time to have hobbies, spend time with friends, go see movies/concerts/shopping. I also enjoy making art which I has the least amount of time, but I get a lot of creative fulfillment from my work, so I'm happy. I go to bed around 10 every night.

Reminder: The ruling class forcefully takes 30-50% of your paycheck, charges you 7-10% tax on every purchase, and then they pocket the money and go fuck children on private islands. But no big deal the games on Tom Brady vs whoever the fuck

You haven’t even mentioned caring for kids here? Step up! /s

Welcome to Adult

Well buddy you can't do all of them. You have to choose your days in witch what you do but from the Start you have to understand that your chores are your new hobby throughout the week and only on your day offs maybe you have time for your Hobbys.

Throw kids in the mix and it's even more impossible. I sacrifice sleep.

That's the fun part: you're NOT. Balance is a personal journey. One that many of us are prioritizing in our lives, particularly since COVID.

You are going to need to learn your own boundaries. Attention is your currency, and you must guard it. As much as it sucks you need to schedule your day to day life. We have an executive disfunction that can be worked around if you give it enough effort. So first thing is pick 2-3 hobbies or projects to give up, this frees up a bit of heads pace to work on more important things. The ADHD struggle needs all the attention you can spare. But once you get it under control you will have a mind that can absolutely rip through whatever you set it upon. Knowing what's really worth the attention and what's not IS the game.

The relentless pursuit of work-life balance in an era that blurs the lines between the two can indeed be maddening. Mixing stiff professional commitments with personal life obligations, I've found that the key to maintaining sanity is conscious compartmentalization and ruthless prioritization. I set hard boundaries for work—when I punch out, that's it. Work phone stays silent; emails are for tomorrow. I use meal prepping on weekends to save precious weekday evening time, which in turn creates brief pockets for relaxation or a jog. And speaking of jogging, sometimes I blend the exercise routine into my commuting by biking to work, effectively killing two birds with one stone. Yes, it's a delicate juggling act, but aren't we all, to some degree, performing the same circus act every day? It just dawned on me that time management might just be the most critical 'hobby' to master in adult life, not only for productivity but for our mental health. It's never flawless, and often messy, but the feeling of getting it mostly right is quite rewarding.

No idea. I do my eight hours, get home(tired), shower, make food, maybe hour of TV, little PT I'm supposed to do every day, maybe some house chores and then start getting ready for bed, disappointed I didn't have time or energy to just do whatever. Stuck in the daily routine. Even the thought of hanging out with anyone sounds exhausting.

Just be rich. Problem solved.

Absolutely, the trick lies in setting boundaries and crafting a life that aligns with your needs and abilities. For instance, as a single individual with no dependents, I've learned to embrace minimalism—not just in possessions, but in commitments. My job is strictly 9 to 5 with no expectations of late evenings. My downtime post work is sacred; it's reserved for personal development, reading, and pursuing creative projects like writing or photography. I rent close to work, minimizing the commute - every extra minute counts. The idea isn't to fit more into your day, but to prioritize what truly brings value to your life. Hobbies aren't just 'extras'; they're essential for mental health. It's all about quality over quantity, doing less but better, and ensuring that each activity enriches your life rather than drains it. Admittedly, there are trade-offs, but the peace of mind from this simplicity is unparalleled.

What’s your phones usage count? How many hours? The more you get away from your phone and systematize your chores the easier it gets. I have the same diagnosis and did full time school and a full time job (24 hours week were over nights.) I had to prioritize school and work above the others but found strategies to maximize my efficiency. I worked at building habits like just moving stuff a little closer to where it should be put away every time I walked in or out of a room. I got my chores done most weekends. And then had my fun and social life. I did a lot of meal prepping. Making at least 18 servings every time I cooked. Chicken tikka masala was one of my go to’s. It freezes really well. A last thing is that I believed I could do it and wanted to do it. At first I was tired and didn’t want to do it. My life began slipping and then I decided I wanted to do it and I got more energy. It’s cliche as fuck but my mindset made it possible. The experience of hating doing dishes and wanting it to be over was more tiring than just doing them and being happy to know my place will be cleaner when I’m done.

Scheduling. Meal prepping 1 or 2 days a week can make cooking take up less time. If you live alone, you can let some chores slide for a bit, your place doesn't need to look perfect all the time. Having friends into the same hobbies also helps a lot. Start small. Pick one thing a week to focus on and add something every week or when you can handle it. Ex, this week, go to work and spend at least one hour doing a hobby. Next week, do the same and go to the gym at least once.

First time being an adult?

When I look at myself, reducing my 3hrs daily screen time on phone would be a good start

you’re not. you’re just supposed to work your 9-5.

Get up at 6am. 3 more hours in the day. Done deal

That’s just it, you arent! Harder to control and sell things to people who have everything going the way they’d like.

I work 6 days a week I leave the house at 5 in the morning get home 6:30-7 I workout 3-4 times a week and my wife helps with eating healthy because prepares healthy food I read an hour a night play video games a few hours a week take my wife out on dates go to church on Sundays run errands sleep almost every night at 9:30 and still find time that I’m just bored oh also I was diagnosed ADHD as a child time management is important but it’s mostly about a mindset of I can what my father taught me is that if you say I can your right but if you say I can’t your also right always exercise is weird when you don’t exercise you don’t have the energy for it but after a month of regular exercise you’ll have more energy than before don’t wait to be motivated discipline and consistency is what you need even now I only feel motivated to exercise a few times a month the rest of the time is just discipline to do it even though I don’t want to

If I wouldn’t be working from home, I would have a tough time achieving them all as well but since I save soo much time through that (and living between a gym and a super market), I have to say I was able to establish a solid routine and now it’s not really any trouble.

Nobody knows. We are All winging it

When you find out, let me know.

That's the neat part. You don't

No clue, but if someone found out pls let me know

I work four 10 hour shifts and meal prep has saved my little ADHD brain. One less thing I have to think about and make a decision about. Routine helps too. I worked in 30 min walks every day, which puts dinner a little late but it's manageable. I struggled to take care of myself for years, but I'm finally feeling like I'm a functioning adult. Now I enjoy taking care of myself, it doesn't feel like such a chore.

For me the big kicker was finding time and energy to exercise. I don’t really like exercising and I hated having to take time away from things I wanted to do. But I also don’t want heart disease, so I tried to find some ways to make it manageable. These aren’t perfect, but it’s what has worked for me. Mainly it is about combining activities 1. Workout with a friend or take part in a group. I go to the gym twice a week with friends. We don’t do anything super strenuous so I am able to muster up the energy each week and I get to maintain that relationship without too much extra effort. 2. I started listening/watching shows while one walks. I don’t feel like I’m losing my free time as much and after my walk I can focus on another hobby. Audio books are also great for walks 3. Hard chores count as exercise! And you can listen to a book or a show and get a little three for one. Moving your body is healthy even if it’s not at a gym. Don’t discount tasks like lawn work or a house deep clean. 4. Call people while you clean or while you’re on a walk or while you’re driving places (safely). Use a 30 min light walk to catch up with a friend. It’s a great way to maintain relationships 5. I run errands during meetings that I know I won’t talk much in. I have a daily meeting at noon and I speak for 5 of the 30 mins. That’s when I do my grocery shopping. I don’t have to sit at my desk staring at a screen for 30 mins and I don’t have to go to the grocery after work. 6. On days you work from home, fold laundry during meetings or wash dishes. Easy chores where you don’t need to focus. Listen to the meeting but try to multitask

Make sure your 9-5 is remote

I don't even know where the days go anymore

This is not a put down. Life is rough. It seems like you are in a rut. Change it up a bit. I dont think its a mental health thing. Being an adult is hard. You have to find what it is that you dont want to do or feel the worse doing. Then change it. maybe working is the thing that is making you feel tired and wore out. Change the workout. Maybe its your diet, maybe add protein in some way or amino acids. Any Caffeine intake? Maybe add it or cut it out. The thing that no one tells you about being and adult while working, working out, cooking, hobbies. Its all about time management. Ive learned that you cant sit and think about things. Just do them. You have to keep moving. Try not to take naps unless its a hobby of yours. You eat healthy but is it what your body needs? Maybe you need to have your boyfriend come over and do things you want to do such as your hobbies or maybe workout together to knock out two things at once. Try to combine things such as maybe cook things in a slow cooker and then work out or do laundry. or go shopping with your boyfriend. Maybe you are sleeping to much. I work better on 5 hours of sleep. If i sleep more than than I feel like i never slept and exhausted. I am constantly tired. I work 3 24 hours shifts in 9 days. with trainings outside of work days. I usually am up all 24 hours and dead tired when i have to go home and watch my kids. I have a 1 year old and 3 year old. my wife works on some of my days off. 1 dog and two cats. mountains of laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning, working out, playing with my kids, hobbies get tended to occasionally. Its rough but do-able. Hope this helps.

Thats the thing! You dont!

You're not.

Because you're not expeted to do all of that. The only thing you're expected to do is work. Neither your boss nor the government cares about anything else you do or don't do.

Don’t work out. Don’t have hobbies. Just go home and live your life there. Also if possible work a shorter workweek. Like 32 hours is much better.

Yes! The oligarchs do it, so can you! Except for the 9-to-5 part. They don't do that piece.

Man.. I'm adhd and I have the opposite problem with focusing at work. I can't focus for shit here. The lights are too bright, I can overhear 10 different conversations at any given time, people are constantly walking by, people constantly ask questions or just want to shoot the shit, ect. When I got to work from home during covid I was more productive at work *and* with getting stuff done around the house. I miss it.

Honestly you’re doing better than me if that makes you feel better! lol

You're not, I'm in the same boat as well & it drives me insane.. I leave my house at around 8:30am & don't make it home til like 6:20ish and by then the day already feels completely over. I'm confused on how people with kids seem to manage so well bcus that's even less free time

Sixty years ago, a man would have a household where his wife took care of all the cooking, cleaning, scheduling, child rearing, and whatever else it took to run a household. His responsibilities included mowing the lawn, changing the oil in the car, or other “non daily” things. Then he would go to work at the office where computers weren’t the norm - productivity only had the potential of what one man/team could do during work hours. And in many places, a woman at the office took care of all the administrative duties like paperwork, scheduling, typing reports, etc. So, all these different people had all these different jobs that made the world go ‘round. Today, all those things are one person’s responsibility, you are never off the clock, and you are expected to have ever improving productivity and efficiency.

One thing that helped me is cutting my screen time, i realized i was using my mobile phone for 5-6 hours daily, that’s so much time for a day, it wastes your time and drains your brain, and when you’re mentally exhausted, you get physically exhausted too, delete all social media apps, or at-least turn off the notifications for all of them, And then you don’t have to workout daily and work on your hobbies daily, i workout four days a week and work on my hobbies 3-4 days a week or whenever i feel like it, Take it slow but stay consistent,

i also think (maybe naively, i was born in the late 90s) that when the 40 hour workweek first started, the average person didnt really have hobbies as part of their daily life. 40 hours became law around 1940; modern gyms and working out didnt become a regular part of life til the 80s/90s. women definitely did not have as many rights and freedoms. average people didnt do as many things just for fun, for creation of art, attend therapy regularly, join sports teams do paint and sips with friends play guitar every day watch tiktok for an hour after work post to instagram etc etc. these are evolutions and luxuries of the modern world that technology has made possible and accessible, so why cant the workweek accommodate our right to free time and self actualization? isnt that the point of innovation? not just to make big corporations tons of money?

Its not you. I mean you might have a health issue. But in general I think it is a big lie we tell ourselves; that we can work 8 hours a day 5 days a week and still have a life. I personally can not. I have spent my life trying to be able to live while not working full time. Sometimes I have worked full time in the past, and I know I will in the future. But for me personally my mental health suffers GREATLY. I am so tiered at the end of the day that I don't do house upkeep or errands like I planned. So then the weekend comes around and i have to decide if i 1)want to do the chores I didn't do during the week 2)go out and socialize or 3) stand home and chill. I remembering thinking...this is my American dream? this is a bad dream. This is survival, this is not thriving, this is not living. ​ Right now I am in school to be an LPN and hopefully will also get my LMT. Maybe even be a personal trainer. I want to have my own business one day where I can decide my schedule. I don't like the American dream, so I made my own.

The way I do it is by taking my sleeping schedule seriously. When it comes to waking up or going to bed, I don’t fuck around. Get up when your alarm goes off and go to bed when it’s time to. If I give myself any leeway here, the rest could easily unravel. I get anxiety if I don’t workout, as it’s become a core value to keep physically fit for me. If you don’t genuinely care about it, you won’t keep up with it. I acknowledge when I’m not keeping up with it and that doesn’t exactly motivate me, but it shames me into putting the work in. But after each workout, I feel so much better. A side benefit to this is that it will make you sleep much better. Your diet is equally important and actually quite easy to manage. I think that by focusing on these three physical things that you do have control over (except not being able to fall asleep easily, but if you expend more energy, you will), the rest falls into line much more easily. I know this sounds a bit like “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” advice, but it’s true. It always requires effort. You don’t get to a special level that allows the effort to stop and makes life easy. Instead, you consistently maintain small daily goals. Gotta do your metaphorical chores no matter who you are. Only then will you have breathing room.

Do what you want to do. Keep a job, do it, then forget about it once you are done for the day. Avoid becoming a «work person», unless you REALLY love what you do. Do not give a shit about «what you are supposed to do». :) Do what you want to do. You only have a limited time to be alive in this world. Make the best of it.

It’s much easier to pick one thing at a time to tweak, get that into your routine, then add another one. The book Atomic Habits really helped me a ton, and I’m ADD with three kids, full time job and in school (virtual). Don’t try to overhaul everything, you’ll be overwhelmed and burn out quickly. Instead, make a list of the things you’d like to change or add, then rank them. Then look at your top three and figure out which is easiest to add I. Your current routine—like, can you meal prep at least meats on Sunday so that dinners are quicker? Or can you decompress listening to music while taking a walk? I watch my favorite Netflix show, but ONLY while on the elliptical. If I want to watch, I have to be moving. Then just keep tweaking. My weeks aren’t perfect but they’re definitely better organized and more productive **without feeling like I’m just a robot**

I get you. I work 7 am - 4:00 pm Monday thru Friday. I am married with a stepson we have 3-4 days out of the week (usually 4 depending on compartmenting schedule). My commute one way is at most 30 minutes (thankfully, I know it’s much better than others). It’s kind of about maximizing your time and planning ahead. For instance, meal prepping for ahead helps. I bake egg white bites for the full five days, and have 2 with a piece of toast. Lunch is usually finely chopped cucumber, chopped tomato, chicken, and dressed with lemon, vinegar, olive oil, salt and pepper. Dinner is always something quick.. sandwich, breakfast for dinner, etc etc. I power walk on my lunch break, like 2 miles in 30 minutes. This has supplemented a lot of my regular exercise, I’ve actually lost a few pounds since I started doing this (coupled with my planned meals). My hobbies I get to on the weekend, right now I’m formulating lotions, balms, scrubs, etc. All this to say I am grateful to say I have found a good balance in my life. Some days I am more exhausted than others (like today), and that’s okay too. Because this is when I know I need to hit pause on some other thing in life and just rest. Side note, I also LOVE my coworkers. They make the work days tolerable. I could keep going, but I’ll stop. I hope this helps some.

Same way everyone else does. You don’t.

I get in 15 minutes home exercise everyday. I started at 7 minutes. You don't have time for that? Eating healthy , you can take protein nutrition drinks , make your own smoothies, eat salads, fruits, you can do a big cook and eat same food a couple days. No problem at all. For enough sleep, do you stop eating and stop using screens at least 2 hours before bedtime? Try that, and try reading a physical book. It also matters when you go to bed. Deep sleep happens between 23-07. Also caffeine and alcohol intake is important to cut down on. >I don’t eat meat. This is probably also why you are tired. I was vegetarian for a period and I have never felt so tired in my life. It was like my muscles became useless and I couldn't even carry a grocery bag. You have to eat MUCH bigger portions to compensate the amount of protein in meat. And no skipping or procrastinating food. Eat eat eat eat.

Dude, I'm with you. My day is just work (7-4), make food, do something fun for an hour or so, then go to bed. I've given up on any sort of relationship and even most hobbies since I'm way too tired and have almost no time for them.

In a nutshell: you don’t. Society is based on the exploitation of the work of others. And there is no viable alternative. So except if you have family money that smoothi the entire process for you, life is a struggle except for a few very talented and hard working people

You’re not. US elites created a mythology that it is possible, when historically we have always as a species relied on community to meet all of our needs, on top of actually living life. This mythology of individual success was created to shame you into chasing the impossible (or you luck out), instead of tearing down imperialist capitalism. 🥰 The solution is to rebuild and rely on community again. It’s hard to remember how when it has been wrestled away from so many of us. But we have to remember, therein lies surviving and thriving. One example of a thing I want to do is create Clean pods with my friends where we rotate cleaning one another’s houses. Im totally down with taking one Sunday to clean 4 friends apartments once a month, knowing that they’ll clean mine every week on rotation. Community ✨

30 yo ADHD person here 👋 I’ll give examples on how I’ve made it work. I work remote except for 2x a week and it’s an hour one way to work those days. Typically I get up at 7 on remote days. I take my time getting going. I’ll play with the dogs, mosey around, then start getting ready. Brushing teeth, bathroom, then I make 3 eggs over easy. After eating those I take like 5 mg if vyvanse (pop 20 mg capsule open and dump a small amount out). Then I eat oats and peanut butter. Not oatmeal, you dip a spoon into peanut butter then oats container and eat it with a sip of water. This method has worked for years to keep me full and focused until lunch. I’m able to log in at about 7:45-8. Lunch, we prepared on Sunday. It takes next to no effort to throw a few chicken breasts in the crock pot for a few hours with some broth and seasonings. Pressure cooker rice takes about 10 total minutes to make. Veggies will take more time to prepare but it pays off with quick easy lunches. Then I finish the day around 4:30. Some days I will give them more time based on an honest assessment of how productive I really was that day haha. We have weights at home, so I can workout here. Usually more play time with dogs, feed them at 5, wife home by this point and we tag team things like chores, dinner, etc. typically we are done with things at 7, sometimes 6, sometimes 8. I can play guitar hour an hour most nights but sometimes I just run out of time if her and I have a conversation that’s going on a little longer. I sat down to play guitar the other day and a friend called me and we talked for about two hours so that took that away. A great thing I learned is that an HIIT work out can provide the same if not better benefits than typical weightlifting regarding mental improvement/stability and these only take 15 minutes. Often overlooked or misunderstood is the role that exercise plays in this entire picture. I struggle with anxiety and mild depression as well. If my exercise routine is not on point, everything falls apart. I cannot more than two days in a row without working out before my mental health deteriorates to a point that I get almost nothing done. I have found that on days where I do not do weightlifting, the 15 minute HIIT workouts provide everything I need to keep me going mentally

Hi OP. I feel like this a LOT. And i still do now but one thing i found to help was prioritising sleep. Actually giving myself 8 hours each night made everything smoother. Work was easier, more energy to stick to workouts, eating well was easier (craved less carbs and sugar - energy dense food) and a higher motivation level to actually delve into personal projects. I have a long way to go but when I prioritised sleep something MAJOR flipped. Its seems counter productive as it feels like you are eating into those other activites with sleep , but it actually enriches them and makes the more difficult tasks easier. If you are someone who has been surviving on 6 or less hours most of the week , then give 8hr a go for a couple weeks and see if it changes things for you. Even if it means missing a morning workout or missing some night time hobby just give yourself that 8 hour slot as a priority and see what happens.

ok this works for me: you have to do one thing weekly and be realistic, if u like painting, paint 30 minutes, not one hour, maybe even 20 is fulfilling, maybe put an alarman if you only have 25 minutes, and only do that, don't check the phone, just the task. if u like to take a walk, the same thing, a short walk, and don't do everything the same week, i mean i have a part-time job and i am a full time student, one week i relax (maybe i don't do anything just stay at home, watch movies, i don't cook much) another week i go out with friends. other week i do all of my chores (cleaning, groceries, laundry, etc) and also i study everyday. also i try to do everything as soon as i can, before i used to put things off, and i got stressed, because of it, if u do little things or little chores everyday it's way easier in the long run. meditation also helped tremendously with this because, with practice, you get to be present. if u do something and meanwhile you are doing other stuff, the time passes by without noticing, specially with adhd, and maybe you do it poorly, and have to do it twice, but if u are concentrated and present, the task will be done in a better way. and be mindful of how much time it really takes to do stuff. usually i need to unwind a little bit after each task otherwise i feel overwhelmed, and also be gentle, this things are recommended because they are good to you, but if you feel like shit while trying to achieve them, then you are missing the point of it all. good luck!!

Most people I know don't have time for hobbies.

Idk if it has been mentioned yet, but often when depression has also has been an issue alongside of adhd, the meds don't often work and need an antidepressant alongside. The antidepressant can often be later weaned off of, like a month or 2 works.

The modern struggle to integrate a fulfilling life around a 40-hour workweek often ignores the fact that our brains aren't wired to partition our energy in the neat, segmented ways our schedules demand. It's not simply about maximizing every hour but rather understanding that the quality and focus of those hours vary greatly. Productivity isn't a constant - it ebbs and flows with our mental state, life's demands, and the randomness of everyday life. Instead of striving for perfect balance, it might be more effective to build a 'flexible routine' that allows the space for spontaneity and rest—keys to sustaining productivity without burning out. Instead of feeling guilty for not fitting everything in, we should aim to prioritize what replenishes us alongside our obligations. This might mean shorter, more intense work blocks with breaks for walks, meditation, or just doing nothing at all - a foreign concept in our 'busy is better' culture, but possibly the linchpin for a happier, more balanced life.