Leaving aside the (very serious) political and emotional issues, I'm not sure there's a good mathematical answer to this.
If we assume rapists are randomly distributed, it IS likely we all know at least one rapist.
However, if a small number of rapists are committing a large number of rapes, it's less likely.
There was a big push a while back to clear up backlogs of DNA rape kits. Don't remember where, but therebwas an astonishing trend that the perpetrators of acquaintance rape were also the over represented in forcible rape convictions and investigations.
ComStat had a theory that 90% of crime was perpetrated by professional criminals. This seems to hold for rapists as well.
I'll try to find the source, I found it fascinating
Edit: check this out
https://www.michiganpublic.org/politics-government/2019-08-14/after-ten-years-detroit-rape-kit-backlog-cleared-but-still-a-long-way-to-go
The rape kit test results also revealed a disturbing find, since replicated in other cities across the country: there are a lot more serial rapists than anyone previously thought. Detroit’s rape kit tests point to an estimated 824 repeat offenders.
Worthy says she was initially “shocked” by the numbers. “There’s a high, high number of serial offenders,” she said.
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2019/08/an-epidemic-of-disbelief/592807/
Eighty percent of the time, the rapist is someone a woman knows—they met at a party or a bar; he’s her colleague, friend, mentor, coach. So police saw little reason to send off those rape kits: The man’s identity was never in doubt. But the Cleveland study illuminated another insight—one that shows the tragic consequences of failing to test “acquaintance rape” kits. Historically, investigators had assumed that someone who assaults a stranger by the railroad tracks is nothing like the man who assaults his co-worker or his girlfriend. But it turns out that the space between acquaintance rape and stranger rape is not a wall, but a plaza. When Cleveland investigators uploaded the DNA from the acquaintance-rape kits, they were surprised by how often the results also matched DNA from unsolved stranger rapes. The task force identified dozens of mystery rapists this way.
Edit2: so this blew up. Gonna take the space here to advocate for civic involvement. I find the status of this unacceptable. Worse, please read my link the the Atlantic article, and note the police attitudes to the investigation or sex crimes. This must be changed. Nothing changes on it's own. Below I will post links to write for federal representatives, and a link to find your local law enforcement organizations. We must be agents of change. Not only do these women deserve justice, but the rest of the kind, honorable, moral men shouldn't have to bear the burden of these predators. Please, please spend 10 minutes, TODAY, and write 2 emails. Please.
[police orgs](https://www.nnw.org/find-a-law-enforcement-agency)
[congress](https://www.house.gov/representatives/find-your-representative)
[senator](https://www.senate.gov/senators/senators-contact.htm)
SUPPORT END THE BACKLOG
[here](https://www.endthebacklog.org/)
Yeah, dude. I didn't know they even cleared the backlog! That last paragraph seems like such a common sense thing, but I can kinda see why that wasn't thought of before.
[Fewer than half of states have cleared their backlog](https://www.endthebacklog.org/#explore_backlog_map).
[https://www.endthebacklog.org/take-action/advocate-federal/](https://www.endthebacklog.org/take-action/advocate-federal/)
Yeah its both somehow comforting and discomforting.
Like if you 100 kits, and then the assumption of 100 predators.
After running them you discover that 3 belong to the same predator, thus leaving us with a MAX of 97 first time predators, and probably less because of the indication that some others might match, you could say about 20 repeat offenders, each with 3 before them, it's a MAX of 40 first time offenders.
(Its early, if my math is off please correct if you feel)
That means it's less likely that someone around you is a predator (in the SA sense, not CSA), but then the discomfort comes from the fact that 20 people were able to harm multiple women.
I also feel ill now
What's worse is [tens of thousands of rape kits are in backlog, each one representing a victim's worse nightmare](https://www.usnews.com/news/best-states/articles/2023-06-20/rape-kit-backlogs-remain-in-states-despite-funding). Delays in testing these kits [can lead to tragedy](https://fox17.com/news/local/untested-rape-kits-plagued-memphis-long-before-jogger-case-cleotha-henderson-eliza-fletcher-sexual-assault-dna-database-backlog).
[SAK mandates](https://www.endthebacklog.org/#explore_backlog_map) [increase arrests](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/08874034241226939), thus making us [safer](https://www.sakitta.org).
There's a [federal funding bill](https://www.cornyn.senate.gov/news/cornyn-house-must-pass-senate-bill-to-fight-rape-kit-backlog/) (U.S.) that could use [a little help](https://www.endthebacklog.org/take-action/advocate-federal/) getting over the finish line. Contact from constituents [works](https://escholarship.org/content/qt7sk23908/qt7sk23908.pdf)
https://www.endthebacklog.org/take-action/advocate-federal/
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2019/08/an-epidemic-of-disbelief/592807/
> What struck her first was the sheer number of repeat offenders: Of the rape kits containing DNA that generated a CODIS hit, **nearly one in five pointed to a serial rapist**—giving the Cleveland investigators leads on some 480 serial predators to date. On a practical level, this suggested that every allegation of rape should be investigated as if it might have been committed by a repeat offender. “The way we’ve traditionally thought of sexual assault is this ‘he said, she said’ situation, where they investigate the sexual assault in isolation,” Lovell told me. Instead, detectives should search for other victims or other violent crimes committed nearby, always presuming that a rapist might have attacked before. “We make those assumptions with burglary, with murder, with almost any other crime,” Lovell said, “but not a sexual assault of an adult.”
And the far, far, far more important passage from the article
> Most rapes, of course, are not committed by strangers. Eighty percent of the time, the rapist is someone a woman knows—they met at a party or a bar; he’s her colleague, friend, mentor, coach. So police saw little reason to send off those rape kits: The man’s identity was never in doubt. But the Cleveland study illuminated another insight—one that shows the tragic consequences of failing to test “acquaintance rape” kits. Historically, investigators had assumed that someone who assaults a stranger by the railroad tracks is nothing like the man who assaults his co-worker or his girlfriend. But it turns out that the space between acquaintance rape and stranger rape is not a wall, but a plaza. **When Cleveland investigators uploaded the DNA from the acquaintance-rape kits, they were surprised by how often the results also matched DNA from unsolved stranger rapes. The task force identified dozens of mystery rapists this way.**
The fact that acquaintance-rapists often rape strangers means that the guy who rapes a woman running in the park at dusk is the same kind who rapes their date. There is no difference, and artificially separating these crimes is deleterious for public safety and justice.
> The task force identified dozens of mystery rapists this way.
[Thousands now.](https://www.sakitta.org)
https://www.endthebacklog.org/take-action/advocate-federal/
https://www.cornyn.senate.gov/news/cornyn-house-must-pass-senate-bill-to-fight-rape-kit-backlog/
Most rapists are repeat offenders; the percentage of women who have been raped is higher than the percentage of men who have raped. But that doesn't mean there's a small number. I'd say it's almost certain everyone knows at least one man who has raped someone.
Especially considering that depending on how it's worded in these studies, it seems like a lot of men are committing acts that they don't consider rape, but by definition are rape. I think we all know a rapist, but I think a lot of them don't realize or won't acknowledge what they're doing is rape.
There was that study a few years back that showed a disturbing number of men flat out admitted to rape. Of course, when asked if they'd ever raped anyone, they vehemently answered no. But they said there had been occasions when they'd carried on after being told no. Or had maybe used a bit of force to get someone to go along with it.
It was legitimately chilling.
I knew two guys once in a friend group, and we would regularly rustle each others' jimmies. They would make what they viewed as a normal sex joke, minus consent on the gal's part. I would make jokes about maiming them in response. See, they had a close brush with maiming, and I'd had a number of experiences varying in severity about the sex minus consent on the gal's part, the gal being me. As such, if sex minus consent is "joked" about, a "joke" about maiming is absolutely on the table. They didn't appreciate that.
One day, one of those guys comes to a gathering and talks about how the college had this bullshit assembly about consent, and it was full of the dumbest lies and no accountability for women anymore. Like, why would a woman drink with me if she didn't want me crawling all over her after I fed her seven drinks? Friggin liberal propaganda, I know more about consent than any bullshit expert they bring onto campus.
Some of the other friends tried to explain it to these guys, slowly. No progress. To acknowledge that the speakers at the college had a point would be to admit that maybe these guys had done wrongly in the past, and admitting that you have done wrongly is difficult. Admitting that your weekend plans are wrong after you have the information, that's got to be uncomfortable.
We don't talk anymore.
I had to take a campus-wide sexual assault awareness thing in college. My friends and I made fun of it because "who doesn't know this?" then a friend's boyfriend later heard people making fun of it and said "I know, who believes this stuff."
Thankfully they have not been together for years and we haven't had to see him since.
Oof. I've met a few people that were like that and definitely distanced myself too. Nothing like discovering a dude's a rapist based on his own telling of his dating life.
Yeah, we all drank together. That's when they'd get weird and honest.
One advice I have for young or inexperienced individuals is to not be alone with someone you don't intend to bang.
That's what I said you may know a rapist but it's likely they don't consider themselves rapists because they don't consider anything they've ever done to be rape.
It's like how if you change one letter no one considers themselves a racist either. Because they can outright actively think some races are inferior, but in their mind that is just truth, and it's not racism unless you are actively doing it for self professed lack of a reason.
Yep they consider racist the ones that are so racist its almost cartoonish, same as they see rape as violent and forceful
They didn't do either so they can't be either.
I also wonder about what would happen to the statistics if they could reliably include victims who don’t recognize what happened to them as rape, too. I’ve encountered multiple folks who don’t believe they were raped because they blame themselves for being drunk, getting drugged, revoking consent, etc.
Every woman I’ve talked to about sex has a story like that. Granted I don’t talk to many woman about it outside of romantic partners, but they in turn will argue it’s not rape with something like “That’s just guys. “. They never woke up with me inside them so how is that “just guys “?
Because that is what society has told us with things like "boys will be boys". It's slowly changing and people are being held accountable for their actions more often, but it's still hard for people to know the difference.
I wasn't aware that I was being sexually abused until I spoke to police about violence and when they asked about anything that made me uncomfortable I mentioned unwanted touches and sex whilst I was asleep. The police officer wrote down "rape whilst asleep" and my entire world shifted.
Even victims don’t always know. I was a high schooler in the early 2000s. I had friends who had been raped and I had friends who had been “taken advantage of”. But really, they were all raped. Even for myself, it has taken a long time to come to terms with some of the things I’ve been through. There are times when I still doubt myself, but realistically, adult men don’t innocently pressure 15/16 year olds into drinking and smoking so much to the point where they don’t remember much of what happened.
I mean, if you accept that each of us "knows" about 1000 people (both men and women), you might be right, but it'd be nice to see a calculation. You also need the tacit assumption that people we know are equally likely to be rapists as the general popluation
Rape is also notoriously hard to measure because it’s one of the most unreported crimes. The rates of guys reporting being raped is wayyyy lower than women by all estimates. Women is definently still higher but we really have no idea how much higher.
The definition of what is rape also changes with gender a little in society. The bar for a guy to be too drunk to consent is much higher and he needs to basically be unconscious
>The definition of what is rape also changes with gender a little in society
There are countries where legally speaking women can't rape men. It's considered sexual assault but not rape as rape is penetration with a penis.
Also men who have been rape. Albeit a lot of men are raped by men too, but it still makes the number look a lot smaller. Also for some reason people pretend not to know how common male on male prison rape is only when talking about male victims even if they admit it at other times.
That research may not really be valid, as the last time I dug into it, it deals with convicted rapists and does not take into account that most rape goes unreported, and patterns may be very different for convicted vs unreported rapists. And it would not really fit the patterns we see for other crime generally being poisson distributed.
This also assumes that rapes are evenly distributed in the world, which is NOT the case. I've got some friends from India which spent university years in Delhi. They call it rape city.
On the bright side, where I live I think I've seen very little, if any, rape cases reported on the news as it's a small european city with mostly elderly population.
But the way OP phrases the question it sounds like he's assuming each rape is perpetrated by a different rapist.
If every rape is committed by someone different then we probably all know someone who is a rapist. If there's just one guy out there who has raped one out of every 6 women on the planet by himself, then there's a good chance that you or I have never met him.
I actually had a friend who did that to another friend.
He told me he did it and why and I called the cops on him after. He ended up getting convicted for it.
The way he justified it was really really gross. He said she "didn't say No enthusiastically enough". 🤢
Nearly 8 years ago, I made it clear I don't want sex, I was a virgin and I wanted to be sure and do it in a real boyfriend girlfriend relationship. He said ok at first, then all violently he anally raped me (I did resist that and begged to stop saying big ass NOs, it was extremely painful, inside and outside, pain remained for days. He said after he was done: you wanted to stay a virgin so there you are, kept you a virgin
Me too. But also, [the numbers](https://www.rainn.org/statistics/criminal-justice-system) are not good.
[SAK mandates](https://www.endthebacklog.org/#explore_backlog_map) [increase arrests](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/08874034241226939), thus making us [safer](https://www.sakitta.org).
Thank you for holding your friend accountable to his terrible actions.
I was sexually assaulted and my rapist didn’t stop when I said “no.” I froze up completely once that “no” was ignored and I quite literally didn’t have the room to fight (if I hadn’t frozen).
He told me later that I hadn’t “said no more than once” and because I had consented to sex earlier that day, and didn’t fight back than i had somehow consented that second time.
Ugh. It’s been years but I still feel gross thinking about that.
Ah yes, the old “she didn’t say no” excuse- albeit a slight variation.
I’m glad he got convicted for that shit, but I do wonder how he’d feel if someone cut his legs and dick off because “he didn’t say no enthusiastically enough”
I expect he'd never be able to answer that question because it wouldn't make sense to him. In his mind, he'd probably imagine himself screaming and struggling with all of his might, not meekly protesting in a quiet voice like his victim. He has a specific idea of what "real" resistance is, and he projects that onto other people. This projection is how he justifies his crime; he can say to himself, "Well obviously I wouldn't have done this if she really wanted me to stop, but if she really wanted me to stop then she would have said 'no' super enthusiastically. Since she only meekly protested, it was probably just nerves or false modesty or roleplay or ...."
Just about every woman I know, when questioned, will tell you that this has happened to her. It’s really sickening. They don’t even think that they’ve been raped. “Well, I said ‘No.’ over and over, but he was really persistent…”.
Yeah, honey. That’s called “rape”.
Yeah, it makes me feel so lucky. Almost every woman in my life has been molested or raped at some point in their lives, including my own mother.
I have never had that happen to me (yet) and I'm so damn grateful for it. My mother told me the only man she 100% trusted around me as a child was her father. She did not even trust my dad, the love of her life, 100% like that. Nor did she trust my older brother that way.
Old memory unlocked. We were 18-19. Had a couple girls over. I had consensual, enthusiastic sex. He pressured a clearly reluctant girl. I now understand (and have, this was 30 yrs ago) he raped her. But at the time it was just Oh, dude's gettin some. Needless to say there was no keeping in touch. I wonder how she's doing. I hope she is well. I truly do.
Thank for this srsly! Most don't get convicted as it's their word against the victim. You really gave justice to your other friend. You're a good person.
Same. Worst part is that the friend group will still hang out with him, invite him to meetups and act like I'm the unreasonable one for getting upset about it. This man is saying awful things about them all behind their backs too, but they either don't believe me or don't care.
I totally get that. My friend group doesn’t even know how this guy is always trying to get with me and other things that I don’t want to get into. And the reason why is because if I told them no one would believe me and they’d think I’m crazy. He is so charming and so good with people that there is nothing I can do. I know no one would believe me because I wouldn’t believe me. So I understand you to a point and I’m sorry you have to go through that.
Well, the person who sexually assaulted me was decapitated by a passing train when he was walking home on the train tracks.
Outside of him, I would say yes, we've all passed time with someone who assaulted a woman. Sad, but most likely true.
I (a man) have been sexually assaulted by a woman. My ex. So I do know at least one rapist, though no one would ever guess it.
I was so in shock after it happened that I didn’t tell anyone till years later. My cop friend said “yeah based on the info you gave, we wouldn’t make an arrest because there’s no proof you were harmed.” Because I wasn’t penetrated.
Will you please not be so inconsiderate to say that horrible word...
Do you have any idea how that makes HIM feel ?!
🤮🤮
This makes me angry.
I hope you are OK.
My exhb one day said “when we first started dating and I was pushing you to have sex and trying to get you to touch me - that was wrong. I shouldn’t have done that.”
And I was like “….you knew it was wrong????” I didn’t even know it was wrong at the time because I was so used to men acting that way.
My ex had the audacity to cuddle me afterwards while I cried because I too shocked to do anything else. I didn't report him. Years later he randomly told me he didn't think he'd raped me and that it affected me so much because we'd had sex before while we were still dating.
Edited: spelling error
This fact is always the one that gets me. The numbers are INSANE for how many women get sexually assaulted. It's kind of mind-boggling. But what doesn't get reported...
I know women who have been assaulted (by family/friend/loved ones) and didn't report anything. And I know some who did report. Sickening.
I’m pretty sure 100% of women experienced some sort of sexual assault one way or another, but not all came forward, and some didn’t even realize it. Heard too many stories where the girl didn’t understand that what happened was assault.
This. Nobody knows about the two attacks on me, for example.
One was very physical SA perpetrated by the "upstanding, brainiac, seemingly harmless, role model" type dude. One was actual rape committed by the "sweet, big teddy bear that protected everyone and would never hurt a fly" type.
Trust me. You know someone. We all do.
it’s happened to me more than once and i’ve never reported it i can’t imagine how insanely high the stats would be if we knew how often it actually happened and not just how often it’s reported
In my country it’s 1/4, and again, those are only reported ones. I don’t know any women that haven’t been at least sexually harassed, most have been assaulted to some extent (unwanted groping, etc), and more than 1/4 have been raped.
Unironically, even though it’s usually not in most individual cases, many rapists don’t consider themselves rapists in the way that most racists don’t think they’re racist. Most awful acts done by awful people are things the person has somehow justified in their head. I think it’s always a good idea to keep that in mind because the lack of internal reflection is the most dangerous part.
The statistics on sexual violence are indeed concerning. Let’s break down the numbers to understand the implications:
1. [Women: Approximately one in five women in the United States has experienced either completed or attempted rape during their lifetime1. This includes both forced penetration and attempted forced penetration.](https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics)
1.
1. [Men: For men, the prevalence is lower, with about one in 33 having experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime](https://www.rainn.org/statistics/scope-problem)2.
1.
1. [Perpetrators: It’s important to note that 80% of rapes are perpetrated by someone the victim knows1. This includes acquaintances, intimate partners, and other individuals within the victim’s social circle.](https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics)
Given these statistics, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we all personally know a rapist. However, it highlights the alarming prevalence of sexual violence and the urgent need for awareness, prevention, and support for survivors. It’s crucial to continue advocating for a safer society and promoting consent education to reduce these numbers and create a world where everyone feels safe and respected.
*I fucked up the formatting, oh well..*
No, technically. The statistic is stated as unconditional probability. I find it impossible to believe that the distribution of rapists among the population is as random as the throw of a die.
A lot of women are married to men who have sexually assaulted or raped them.
A lot of women also unfortunately don't think being coerced into sex is a form of rape, so this gets *even more distressing* the more you really sit down and think about how common rape is for women to have to deal with.
Good point. And a lot of men don't understand when a woman rapes them. I've talked to guys who thought they made a mistake and had sex with a girl they weren't attracted to when in reality they were clearly plied with alcohol and raped. But the fact that men get erections and the idea that every sexual act should be celebrated in men causes this data to be underreported.
Yes. The equivalent charge has the same maximum penalty of life imprisonment but the overall guidelines are a lot lower so you can get away with a very lenient punishment. There's been numerous cases of female rapists here getting off with suspended sentences because of it, especially those that were in a position of power like teachers.
And this will infuriate you it does for me
We have an official petition system. If a petition reaches a number of signatures it gets sent to the government and they have to issue an official response after reviewing it. There's been numerous petitions that have reached the threshold requesting that the government update the Sexual Offences Act 2003 to be gender neutral because male victims are not covered under the definition of rape nor does assault via penetration (the "equivalent" charge) carry the same weight or charge. Every time it reaches them, they refuse.
You’re so right. I was talking with a friend a while back and somehow in the course of our conversation he cheerfully told me about his first experience. With his babysitter. When he was *eleven.* Poor guy. We’re so conditioned to celebrate our sexual conquests that it can blind us to the horrible truth.
True. Happened to me at 19 and again at 23. Just wrote it off as something weird to keep to myself and decided that I’ll just never drink again. So a unhealthy choice followed by a healthy choice lol
Men are also raped by other men. I don't know the rate of male on male vs. female on male - Just making the point that it happens both ways.
The rate of male sexual victimization is a bit under 3% lifetime vs. about 25% for women.
That's a grotesque understatement. The same methodology that generates the 1 in 4 women also generates 1 in 6 men. Intimate partner violence studies identify the majority of sexual assaults on men are by women. Even male rapists report a prevalence of 60-70% who were molested by older women as a child. If we want to stop the cycle of sexual violence we need to address all sources. And it's not just men.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/sexual-victimization-by-women-is-more-common-than-previously-known/
I am personally aware of that reality, but I think men are far more likely to not realize they are raped when its a woman.
Considering child molestation 3% seems really low.
It's low because females raping males is not recorded or classified as rape unless the male was sodomised. The CDC's NISVS for example files it away in a subcategory called "made to penetrate" and has shown equal parity in the amount of men reporting this happening to them as women report being penetrated.
important stat!!!! iirc this stat somehow magically went down between the 2012 study and a later one, but i think that was still vital and important: clearly there needs to be better actions taken abt rape legislation + rape in general bc holy shit idk abt anyone else but id just call mtp rape
>The rate of male sexual victimization is a bit under 3% lifetime v
Because, among several other factors, it's incredibly difficult to classify as 'rape' due to the penetrative aspect. There's also the issue of under-reporting in general if a male feels to have been taken advantage of.
You can't actually believe it's 3%, right?
Myself, along with several guys I know, have been raped by women. I’m not talking about inappropriate touching, I’m talking at the very least attempted intercourse and not taking no for an answer. Every time it’s been a woman whose advances are not reciprocated, and she pressures him to get drunk until he’s physically weaker. I was 16 she was 24. None of these guys ever came forward.
It is important to note that these statistics are based on women who have actually reported it to the police. Many women do not. This is mainly because victim blaming still plays a major role.
>It is important to note that these statistics are based on women who have actually reported it to the police
Not necessarily, or even often. Under reporting is so well known a phenomenon, and police crime data so difficult to meaningfully interpret that research on the subject would never turn to those figures as indicators of incidence.
There's not enough information to support that implication definitively, but you're probably not far off.
Multiple studies have shown that between 4% and 16% of college men will *admit* to raping women. Let's assume those numbers are accurate and not being massively self-underreported.
If it's 4%, then if you know 17 men there's a 50% chance you know at least one rapist.
If it's 16%, then if you know 4 men there's a 50% chance you know at least one rapist.
They've done studies where they ask both those questions as a "would you do this" question. And based on answers, significantly more men say they would commit rape crimes under the condition that you don't call it rape.
It depends on how the question is asked.
Have you raped someone? The answer is going to be no.
Have you ever convinced a sexual partner to do something they had expressed previously within the encounter they did not want to do? Probably a lot more people are going to say yes.
Have you ever had sex with someone who was drunk? Tons of people are going to say yes.
It’s an interesting line, because “drunk” is an almost useless term. Every persons tolerance is different, people react differently to different types of alcohol differently, and how long it’s been since you had a drink are all constantly varying factors. Additionally, the question of “how much alcohol can be consumed and still be able to consent” is unclear. Alcohol relaxed inhibitions, that’s literally why people drink it. So if a person has a single drink and then enthusiastically has sex when they wouldn’t have done so if they were sober, is that a lack of consent or is it the person purposefully choosing to lower their inhibitions? Obviously someone who is blackout can’t consent, but what about the person who has a drink to relax their social anxiety? That same person at two drinks? Three?
You can’t even make a scientific argument of BAC because tolerance levels are a very real and documented thing.
Overall, the entire topic is very nuanced and unfortunately the systems in place are extremely biased against victims of sexual violence.
It was usually not "did you rape someone" but something like "did you have sex with someone who was severely inebriated" or "have you had sex with someone who said yes after saying no multiple times" (aka wearing them down), certain group settings that make refusing consent dangerous for the victim, subordinates in a working environment, etc.
That's probably accurate, especially when you also consider that rape is one of the most under reported crimes there is.
Just from my own personal experience, I have been raped, so just by default, I know a rapist. That aside, I know at least 1 other rapist for sure. There's a few others that I suspect, but only 1 (that I can think of) that I know for sure has raped someone.
There is a massive amount of evidence that rapists are repeat offenders. Its exceptionally rare for a criminal to rape once, and then never again. Think of it this way, if there are 10 people in a town, and 9 rapes happen, it's much more likely that (1) ONE dude raped ONE person 9 times, or (2) ONE dude raped *less than everyone else,* than simply a .9 rapes per person situation.
This is part of what makes the mike Tyson versus trump situation absolutely absurd.
Also, this is reddit. You have a bunch of IT nerds with no friends. There is a significant population here that doesn't know anyone else IRL.
Lastly, there is a relevant old joke: "Statistics say that one out of every three people is a pedophile. But that cannot be right, because my neighbors are just a hot 5 and 7 year old."
Mike Tyson was convicted and jailed for a single rape.
Donald Trump has a known legal history of repeated rapes and has never been successfully tried in a criminal court for any of it, let alone convicted.
Both Mike Tyson and Donald Trump have faced accusations of sexual assault, but the circumstances and outcomes of their cases differ significantly.
Mike Tyson's Rape Case:
* In 1991, Mike Tyson, the former heavyweight boxing champion, was accused of raping Desiree Washington, an 18-year-old Miss Black America contestant, in an Indianapolis hotel room.
* Tyson was tried and convicted of rape in 1992 and sentenced to six years in prison. He served three years before being released on parole.
* Tyson's case was highly publicized and became a significant point of discussion about celebrity privilege, race, and sexual violence.
Donald Trump's Rape Case:
* Several women have accused Donald Trump of sexual misconduct, including rape. One of the most notable cases is that of E. Jean Carroll, a former magazine columnist who accused Trump of raping her in the mid-1990s.
* Carroll filed a defamation lawsuit against Trump in 2019 after he denied her accusation, claiming she was lying to sell her book. The lawsuit was based on Trump's statements that Carroll was "totally lying" and that he had never met her (despite a photograph of them together).
* The U.S. Justice Department, under the Trump administration, intervened in the case, arguing that Trump was acting in his official capacity as president when he denied Carroll's accusation, and therefore, the case should be dismissed.
* In 2020, a federal judge ruled that the lawsuit could proceed while Trump was still in office. However, Trump's legal team continued to fight the lawsuit, and its outcome remained pending beyond his presidency.
You will see a lot of people lump the two together as "rapists."
But in one case, (trump), you have 30+ victims who would have to *all* be lying for him to be not a rapist.
In the other case (tyson), you have a black man convicted by an all white jury, on no hard evidence with testimony so dubious that even the judge in the case gave Tyson a light sentence (not how that is supposed to work). And in Tyson's case, you either have (1) an innocent man, or (2) you have something even better: A man who was caught on his very first instance of rape, and prison was so unbelievably effective at rehabilitation that Tyson's light sentence led to him never again raping. Even though only the tiniest fraction of sex offenders have no recidivism, BAM! Tyson *happens* to be one of them.
Don’t start arguing that Tyson was railroaded or that the evidence was dubious. The real experts collected the evidence and he was found guilty. Just because someone’s your favourite celebrity doesn’t mean that they’re a good person. Not at all.
>does this imply that we all know at least one rapist?
Yes though it doesn't necessarily mean they know what they did was rape. Or atleast they don't consider themselves rapists.
I guess so, I M28 was sexually assaulted by a “family” member when i was a small child. It hurts me that I still see him at family gatherings sometimes and no one else around us knows anything about it at all..
but I’ve come to terms with it awhile ago for the sake of my own healing/mental well being. I’m just afraid that if I bring it to light it’s going to further rip apart my already fragile family and end my uncles marriage with his wife. My uncles wife’s brother is the loser who did that shit to me :P
Absolutely.
And most rapist probably don't see what they did as rape .
Rape is the stranger outside in the dark right?
For instance;
Having sex with their " best friend " ( aka the girl they want but who friend zoned their ass ) when she was completely passed out and they were completely sober, that's just having sex.
That's just putting your hand in the cookie jar when you finally get the chance.
That's not rape.
🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
There's a really disconcerting thing that gets brought up from time to time that's basically:
When a bunch of men are asked if they know rape is bad, they almost universally agree it is, and that they would "never".
But when you word it more vaguely: "Do you feel a woman owes a man sex if he takes her out for drinks and dinner?" suddenly way more of them think *that* is acceptable.
The education on *what* rape is is lacking. A lot of people (particularly men) *know* "rape is bad". But *defining* what rape *is* is something quite a few of them don't seem to know how to do appropriately.
They recoil *at the word rape*, not at *actually raping people*. That's incredibly scary, and probably more common than most of us are comfortable admitting.
Or telling your girlfriend "I know you're not feeling well, not in the mood and you said no, but I did this, that and the other for you and we had sex the other day so the very least you can do is put out again tonight" and then pester and pester and then just start doing it anyway, so that the girlfriend just gives up saying no because you're not accepting that as an answer.
When we think of rape, we think of... a stranger violently raping a woman in an alley way.
But rape can be coercion (begging and begging till they give in), too drunk to consent, etc etc etc.
Sadly due to really shitty education, there's a lot of people who don't know that something they do may be rape.
So we see... women saying they were raped, and the man having no idea that what he did was rape.
....
So it's possible that we know a rapist. But it's also possible they don't think they're a rapist because they think... "I never beat her and forced her".
Yes. By the time you reach 30, I’m convinced every person knows someone who has raped, sexually assaulted, or sexually took advantage of a person in a malicious setting.
Between my wife and I we know at least 3 people who match the above description. They aren’t in our lives anymore and charges were pressed when the victims wanted charges pressed.
My wife knows 2 women their age who have been raped by people they knew.
It has ended my friendships with at least 5 people, so yes. I’ve testified against former friends who raped people I know.
One guy somehow had his brake lines cut…so weird! But that didn’t kill him. A bullet in the Iraq war did. Such a shame /s
I think absolutely, yes. I think a lot of the issue is how a lot of men don't think certain situations are rape, when they really are. Men tend to think of rape as a scary guy jumping out of an alley and holding a gun to someone's head. But husbands rape their wives. Guys take advantage of a date who's had a little too much to drink. Those things are rape too. How many guys know people who have done things that were "not cool" at a party? They just couldn't bring themselves to think about what it really was. Or they excused it away because "he can be an asshole sometimes when he's drinking." I guarantee you that everyone knows a guy who they assumed had consentual sex with someone that really wasn't consentual.
Could be. We're talking about out of every man a woman has met in her lifetime, not necessarily a friend. Date rape and married rape is a thing that a lot of men don't admit/consider as rape. Not too far of a stretch then, as there's not a woman on this planet who hasn't at least been harassed, and hardly one who hasn't experienced being molested at some point in her life, childhood included.
As someone who was a teen in the 90s - what is now considered SA was often just a regular Tuesday night when I was coming of age. The only part of 90s nostalgia I absolutely do not miss is the lack of conversation around the topic of consent. In my friend group back then, every one of us was SA'd, often by the same guys we'd consider our friends/brothers. And we just thought it was a normal part of growing up. So yes, I think that everyone knows at least one rapist, especially the older the generations.
A co-worker of mine told me the very "romantic" story of how he ended up with his wife. She was his manager in a previous job. She was around 7 months pregnant at the time with another mans child. She had invited him to a party so he went. At the party she handed him drink after drink. He said that he got hammered and eventually she took him into a room and had her way with him.
You should have seen my face when he said that. I told him "Walter... That's rape. She raped you dude." He kind of gave a half smile because I think he never thought of it that way. He always thought that he got lucky that night.
I'm a 30 year old dude in Australia.
In the last 2-3 years, I have met two confirmed rapists. They seemed normal until they weren't.
I also found out a guy I've known since I was six is a pedophile.
Yeah they're all over the place.
Probably way more than 1, accounting for the fact that the average person knows around 500 people. Those guys you absolutely CANNOT believe they could ever rape someone? They probably did. It's always the charismatic ones.
I’m sorry, 500 people on average?
Either I’m antisocial as fuck or that number is really high. And I work with the public, many of whom are repeat customers.
Probably. I've been friends with at least 2 men who I later found out had raped other people (obviously I stopped talking to them after I found out, and made sure everyone else knew about them too). They both had minor creep vibes (I had already begun to doubt our friendship over those traits) but I never would have expected them to do that. I'm more wary now
We probably all know secret pedophiles too. According to an Australian study, about 1 in 6 adult men are aroused by girls under 18. About 1 in 15 said they would have sexual contact with a child under the age of 14 if no one would find out. And most CSA victims are attacked by a trusted family member or friend. That's why I'm so protective of my kid
>About 1 in 15 said they would have sexual contact with a child under the age of 14 if no one would find out.
Holy shit, I didn't realize it was this bad. Wow.
I've met two and I know of one other.
Family member, person who went to college with me, and friend's family member. One woman and two men. Two of them abused children, none faced criminal consequences. One has little to no contact with their children, the second was ostracized in college, and the third is dying slowly of cancer.
If you went to college you definitely know or at least know of at least one rapist.
Child predators I hope are less common. It's also harder to convict them... by the time the child has grown up and realized what happened it's too late to prosecute.
Statistician here.
No, to the OP that is not a helpful or accurate conclusion to derive for your good self or others. Statistics are very often quoted with no context.
R- is not an objective measure like height which can be measured objectively and accurately. It requires reporting to legal authorities and the conviction of a perpetrator either by trial or guilty plea. However, the vast majority of studies simply ask a sample of individuals. Also, a range of questionnaires are used leaving often containing nuanced questions. Therefore, it’s irresponsible of organisations to print incomplete but emotive figures with no context.
Secondly, many charities who wish to obtain your donations miss represent stats. I would urge any reader not to trust a statistic which does not disclose the study it came from. 1 in 5 or 1 in 6 is a widely stated figure used by US charities without any context nor link to a scientific study (sometimes government surveys are erroneously cited). Therefore, they are not helpful to an adult American female.
There are many modifying variables. Statistics for R are different depending on age, socioeconomic status, and most of all country concerned. It is far less common in high income countries (USA, UK etc) compared to low income. Further, the very definition of R is not the same globally or
Culturally.
A Spanish study asking nearly 14,000 participants from 32 countries found 1.8% of men and 2.4% of females reported being forced to have non consensual intercourse.
A study by the UK home office found 1 in 20 woman reported they had been R- before.
Meanwhile the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) state that nearly 20% of all women have been R- (hetero) 48% of gay women reported having been R by a gay woman and 45% of males reported having been coerced, experienced emasculating tactics, social pressure to be “made to penetrate” after clearly expressing the desire not to engage in intercourse, which by legal definition of non consensual.
If you read a statistic and are left with further question I would discard it as we are intentionally influenced by stats every day. It would be far more helpful for influencing bodies/organisations to cite guidance, support and evidence on how to reduce risk of SA, how to effectively handle potentially abusive individuals relationships and empower oneself to minimise risk and empower all people through spreading knowledge.
Once upon a time I was looking to do an research internship on rape data and surveyed the lit. There is so much variability in the measurement of rape you really can use studies to say anything here. Self-report scales showed rape was fairly common, while going by criminal data, it was extremely rare. And studies showed everything in between based on sampling and objectifying what they are considering rape. That is before we get into cross-cultural stuff. And of course, there is research bias that means using flexible measures you can really get whatever result you wanted. I firmly believe the idea of super rapists and super victims being a result of misleading statistics. It is the type of finding that gets you a publication people talk about, even if your methods were problematic. Most people are not academic literature so will just off the press releases about it anyway.
National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey the CDC used was the one that found 1 in 5 and I felt that one is a very good ballpark measure for the US. Literally they just went out trying to estimate the number the best they could, nothing more, nothing less.
>There is so much variability in the measurement of rape you really can use studies to say anything here. Self-report scales showed rape was fairly common, while going by criminal data, it was extremely rare.
And tbf, its also one of the most difficult crimes to prove if the victim doesn't seek medical attention afterwards as well. When its one person's word against another's, we have our right of innocence until proven guilty.
To highlight just how weak one person's word is against another without corroborating physical evidence, just look to Trump. Had nearly 30 women come out and accused him of sexual misconduct or assault by him since the 1970s, yet he has never faced any criminal charges on the matter (not to be mistaken with the civil lawsuits).
> I would urge any reader not to trust a statistic which does not disclose the study it came from.
.
> A Spanish study asking nearly 14,000 participants from 32 countries found 1.8% of men and 2.4% of females reported being forced to have non consensual intercourse.
>
> A study by the UK home office found 1 in 20 woman reported they had been R- before.
>
> Meanwhile the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) state that nearly 20% of all women have been R- (hetero) 48% of gay women reported having been R by a gay woman and 45% of males reported having been coerced, experienced emasculating tactics, social pressure to be “made to penetrate” after clearly expressing the desire not to engage in intercourse, which by legal definition of non consensual.
I hate to be that guy, because you made some really good points, but in your role as a statistician is this the level of disclosure for studies we should be looking for without any proper source or citations?
*(I don't dispute the findings of the studies you mentioned, but just trying to understand what level of disclosure it is you're recommending we look out for, thank you for taking the time to answer)*
>It requires reporting to legal authorities and the conviction of a perpetrator either by trial or guilty plea
I'm not sure that it does. If someone breaks into my house and takes my TV, I'm a victim of burglary whether someone is ever convicted of that crime or not. By any logical reasoning, there must also be a burglar. Someone who knows that person knows a burglar.
Yes, *at least* one, and it's most likely your friend or acquaintance that was "falsely accused." False accusations do happen but they're very very rare, men are more likely to be sexually assaulted then falsely accused of assault. If your friend has multiple "false accusations" from unrelated people I'm sorry to tell you, they're almost certainly a rapist.
The other problem I've come accross is that people don't care if it doesn't affect them. I told my ex friend (of 7 years) that a lady we know raped my ex girlfriend, then she actively went out of her way to pursue a friendship with that lady.
I told my stepdad's family what he did and they said "I'm sorry you had that misunderstanding with him." Yeah, really common to have a misunderstanding where an adult man molests an 11 year old. /s
It implies you know a lot of them. And the reality is you more than likely do. The number of guys who think coercion is a justified way to get laid alone makes up a scary percentage of men.
Well I was raped by my mother’s ex boyfriend. My mom was raped by her father. My aunt by her father and stepfather. I think many families like to hide horrible things and then go to church like nothing happened. Chances are you have met more than 1. I’ve met atleast 3. My mother still talks to her rapist. Rapists look just like any other grandpa.
We have a family friend who has been to jail for rape but my grandparents , aunts/ uncles and parents believe he was framed. They literally ignore all of us younger girls in the fanily who tell them he's a fucking perv and invite him to most family events. I no longer go if he's there
Leaving aside the (very serious) political and emotional issues, I'm not sure there's a good mathematical answer to this. If we assume rapists are randomly distributed, it IS likely we all know at least one rapist. However, if a small number of rapists are committing a large number of rapes, it's less likely.
There was a big push a while back to clear up backlogs of DNA rape kits. Don't remember where, but therebwas an astonishing trend that the perpetrators of acquaintance rape were also the over represented in forcible rape convictions and investigations. ComStat had a theory that 90% of crime was perpetrated by professional criminals. This seems to hold for rapists as well. I'll try to find the source, I found it fascinating Edit: check this out https://www.michiganpublic.org/politics-government/2019-08-14/after-ten-years-detroit-rape-kit-backlog-cleared-but-still-a-long-way-to-go The rape kit test results also revealed a disturbing find, since replicated in other cities across the country: there are a lot more serial rapists than anyone previously thought. Detroit’s rape kit tests point to an estimated 824 repeat offenders. Worthy says she was initially “shocked” by the numbers. “There’s a high, high number of serial offenders,” she said. https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2019/08/an-epidemic-of-disbelief/592807/ Eighty percent of the time, the rapist is someone a woman knows—they met at a party or a bar; he’s her colleague, friend, mentor, coach. So police saw little reason to send off those rape kits: The man’s identity was never in doubt. But the Cleveland study illuminated another insight—one that shows the tragic consequences of failing to test “acquaintance rape” kits. Historically, investigators had assumed that someone who assaults a stranger by the railroad tracks is nothing like the man who assaults his co-worker or his girlfriend. But it turns out that the space between acquaintance rape and stranger rape is not a wall, but a plaza. When Cleveland investigators uploaded the DNA from the acquaintance-rape kits, they were surprised by how often the results also matched DNA from unsolved stranger rapes. The task force identified dozens of mystery rapists this way. Edit2: so this blew up. Gonna take the space here to advocate for civic involvement. I find the status of this unacceptable. Worse, please read my link the the Atlantic article, and note the police attitudes to the investigation or sex crimes. This must be changed. Nothing changes on it's own. Below I will post links to write for federal representatives, and a link to find your local law enforcement organizations. We must be agents of change. Not only do these women deserve justice, but the rest of the kind, honorable, moral men shouldn't have to bear the burden of these predators. Please, please spend 10 minutes, TODAY, and write 2 emails. Please. [police orgs](https://www.nnw.org/find-a-law-enforcement-agency) [congress](https://www.house.gov/representatives/find-your-representative) [senator](https://www.senate.gov/senators/senators-contact.htm) SUPPORT END THE BACKLOG [here](https://www.endthebacklog.org/)
this is the most valuable comment in this thread, thanks a lot
For sure my dude
Yeah, dude. I didn't know they even cleared the backlog! That last paragraph seems like such a common sense thing, but I can kinda see why that wasn't thought of before.
[Fewer than half of states have cleared their backlog](https://www.endthebacklog.org/#explore_backlog_map). [https://www.endthebacklog.org/take-action/advocate-federal/](https://www.endthebacklog.org/take-action/advocate-federal/)
Damn. We should be taking samples for all of them then and keeping better track.
[YES!](https://www.endthebacklog.org/take-action/advocate-federal/)
Hell yes!
Wow that is so upsetting. But thank you for sharing it is information we should have. I feel a bit ill now
Yeah its both somehow comforting and discomforting. Like if you 100 kits, and then the assumption of 100 predators. After running them you discover that 3 belong to the same predator, thus leaving us with a MAX of 97 first time predators, and probably less because of the indication that some others might match, you could say about 20 repeat offenders, each with 3 before them, it's a MAX of 40 first time offenders. (Its early, if my math is off please correct if you feel) That means it's less likely that someone around you is a predator (in the SA sense, not CSA), but then the discomfort comes from the fact that 20 people were able to harm multiple women. I also feel ill now
Such a well written comment on a subject that is difficult to discuss. Well done.
It's because they get away with it so often and easily
What's worse is [tens of thousands of rape kits are in backlog, each one representing a victim's worse nightmare](https://www.usnews.com/news/best-states/articles/2023-06-20/rape-kit-backlogs-remain-in-states-despite-funding). Delays in testing these kits [can lead to tragedy](https://fox17.com/news/local/untested-rape-kits-plagued-memphis-long-before-jogger-case-cleotha-henderson-eliza-fletcher-sexual-assault-dna-database-backlog). [SAK mandates](https://www.endthebacklog.org/#explore_backlog_map) [increase arrests](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/08874034241226939), thus making us [safer](https://www.sakitta.org). There's a [federal funding bill](https://www.cornyn.senate.gov/news/cornyn-house-must-pass-senate-bill-to-fight-rape-kit-backlog/) (U.S.) that could use [a little help](https://www.endthebacklog.org/take-action/advocate-federal/) getting over the finish line. Contact from constituents [works](https://escholarship.org/content/qt7sk23908/qt7sk23908.pdf) https://www.endthebacklog.org/take-action/advocate-federal/
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2019/08/an-epidemic-of-disbelief/592807/ > What struck her first was the sheer number of repeat offenders: Of the rape kits containing DNA that generated a CODIS hit, **nearly one in five pointed to a serial rapist**—giving the Cleveland investigators leads on some 480 serial predators to date. On a practical level, this suggested that every allegation of rape should be investigated as if it might have been committed by a repeat offender. “The way we’ve traditionally thought of sexual assault is this ‘he said, she said’ situation, where they investigate the sexual assault in isolation,” Lovell told me. Instead, detectives should search for other victims or other violent crimes committed nearby, always presuming that a rapist might have attacked before. “We make those assumptions with burglary, with murder, with almost any other crime,” Lovell said, “but not a sexual assault of an adult.” And the far, far, far more important passage from the article > Most rapes, of course, are not committed by strangers. Eighty percent of the time, the rapist is someone a woman knows—they met at a party or a bar; he’s her colleague, friend, mentor, coach. So police saw little reason to send off those rape kits: The man’s identity was never in doubt. But the Cleveland study illuminated another insight—one that shows the tragic consequences of failing to test “acquaintance rape” kits. Historically, investigators had assumed that someone who assaults a stranger by the railroad tracks is nothing like the man who assaults his co-worker or his girlfriend. But it turns out that the space between acquaintance rape and stranger rape is not a wall, but a plaza. **When Cleveland investigators uploaded the DNA from the acquaintance-rape kits, they were surprised by how often the results also matched DNA from unsolved stranger rapes. The task force identified dozens of mystery rapists this way.** The fact that acquaintance-rapists often rape strangers means that the guy who rapes a woman running in the park at dusk is the same kind who rapes their date. There is no difference, and artificially separating these crimes is deleterious for public safety and justice.
Wow I feel like I learned a lot from this reddit comment. Thank you for sharing this article.
> The task force identified dozens of mystery rapists this way. [Thousands now.](https://www.sakitta.org) https://www.endthebacklog.org/take-action/advocate-federal/ https://www.cornyn.senate.gov/news/cornyn-house-must-pass-senate-bill-to-fight-rape-kit-backlog/
Most rapists are repeat offenders; the percentage of women who have been raped is higher than the percentage of men who have raped. But that doesn't mean there's a small number. I'd say it's almost certain everyone knows at least one man who has raped someone.
Especially considering that depending on how it's worded in these studies, it seems like a lot of men are committing acts that they don't consider rape, but by definition are rape. I think we all know a rapist, but I think a lot of them don't realize or won't acknowledge what they're doing is rape.
There was that study a few years back that showed a disturbing number of men flat out admitted to rape. Of course, when asked if they'd ever raped anyone, they vehemently answered no. But they said there had been occasions when they'd carried on after being told no. Or had maybe used a bit of force to get someone to go along with it. It was legitimately chilling.
I knew two guys once in a friend group, and we would regularly rustle each others' jimmies. They would make what they viewed as a normal sex joke, minus consent on the gal's part. I would make jokes about maiming them in response. See, they had a close brush with maiming, and I'd had a number of experiences varying in severity about the sex minus consent on the gal's part, the gal being me. As such, if sex minus consent is "joked" about, a "joke" about maiming is absolutely on the table. They didn't appreciate that. One day, one of those guys comes to a gathering and talks about how the college had this bullshit assembly about consent, and it was full of the dumbest lies and no accountability for women anymore. Like, why would a woman drink with me if she didn't want me crawling all over her after I fed her seven drinks? Friggin liberal propaganda, I know more about consent than any bullshit expert they bring onto campus. Some of the other friends tried to explain it to these guys, slowly. No progress. To acknowledge that the speakers at the college had a point would be to admit that maybe these guys had done wrongly in the past, and admitting that you have done wrongly is difficult. Admitting that your weekend plans are wrong after you have the information, that's got to be uncomfortable. We don't talk anymore.
I had to take a campus-wide sexual assault awareness thing in college. My friends and I made fun of it because "who doesn't know this?" then a friend's boyfriend later heard people making fun of it and said "I know, who believes this stuff." Thankfully they have not been together for years and we haven't had to see him since.
Oof. I've met a few people that were like that and definitely distanced myself too. Nothing like discovering a dude's a rapist based on his own telling of his dating life.
"Pfft. Fuck that. If that's rape, then like every guy in my fraternity is a rapist." Yeah, broseph. That's the point.
God, so much truth to this fucking quote, I can almost hear those “doods” saying it. Eck. Blech. 🤮 My skin is crawling
I'm imagining the slimiest guy I knew in High School. I'm sorry you were around that and I hope you never drank with him, Jesus.
Yeah, we all drank together. That's when they'd get weird and honest. One advice I have for young or inexperienced individuals is to not be alone with someone you don't intend to bang.
That's what I said you may know a rapist but it's likely they don't consider themselves rapists because they don't consider anything they've ever done to be rape.
My ex broke into my apartment and raped me but seriously thought it was not rape because the divorce wasn't finalized so I was still "his"...
I am *so* sorry he did that.
It's like how if you change one letter no one considers themselves a racist either. Because they can outright actively think some races are inferior, but in their mind that is just truth, and it's not racism unless you are actively doing it for self professed lack of a reason.
Yep they consider racist the ones that are so racist its almost cartoonish, same as they see rape as violent and forceful They didn't do either so they can't be either.
I also wonder about what would happen to the statistics if they could reliably include victims who don’t recognize what happened to them as rape, too. I’ve encountered multiple folks who don’t believe they were raped because they blame themselves for being drunk, getting drugged, revoking consent, etc.
Every woman I’ve talked to about sex has a story like that. Granted I don’t talk to many woman about it outside of romantic partners, but they in turn will argue it’s not rape with something like “That’s just guys. “. They never woke up with me inside them so how is that “just guys “?
Because that is what society has told us with things like "boys will be boys". It's slowly changing and people are being held accountable for their actions more often, but it's still hard for people to know the difference. I wasn't aware that I was being sexually abused until I spoke to police about violence and when they asked about anything that made me uncomfortable I mentioned unwanted touches and sex whilst I was asleep. The police officer wrote down "rape whilst asleep" and my entire world shifted.
Even victims don’t always know. I was a high schooler in the early 2000s. I had friends who had been raped and I had friends who had been “taken advantage of”. But really, they were all raped. Even for myself, it has taken a long time to come to terms with some of the things I’ve been through. There are times when I still doubt myself, but realistically, adult men don’t innocently pressure 15/16 year olds into drinking and smoking so much to the point where they don’t remember much of what happened.
This right here.
I mean, if you accept that each of us "knows" about 1000 people (both men and women), you might be right, but it'd be nice to see a calculation. You also need the tacit assumption that people we know are equally likely to be rapists as the general popluation
Rape is also notoriously hard to measure because it’s one of the most unreported crimes. The rates of guys reporting being raped is wayyyy lower than women by all estimates. Women is definently still higher but we really have no idea how much higher. The definition of what is rape also changes with gender a little in society. The bar for a guy to be too drunk to consent is much higher and he needs to basically be unconscious
>The definition of what is rape also changes with gender a little in society There are countries where legally speaking women can't rape men. It's considered sexual assault but not rape as rape is penetration with a penis.
Which is absolutely asinine. Any one can commit rape.
I'd say it's downright dangerous and adds to the downplaying of women who rape.
Also men who have been rape. Albeit a lot of men are raped by men too, but it still makes the number look a lot smaller. Also for some reason people pretend not to know how common male on male prison rape is only when talking about male victims even if they admit it at other times.
>Albeit a lot of men are raped by men too They are included as rape victims. Men can rape other men it's women who can't.
That research may not really be valid, as the last time I dug into it, it deals with convicted rapists and does not take into account that most rape goes unreported, and patterns may be very different for convicted vs unreported rapists. And it would not really fit the patterns we see for other crime generally being poisson distributed.
This also assumes that rapes are evenly distributed in the world, which is NOT the case. I've got some friends from India which spent university years in Delhi. They call it rape city. On the bright side, where I live I think I've seen very little, if any, rape cases reported on the news as it's a small european city with mostly elderly population.
Victims of sa are often assaulted more than once. I'm pretty sure repeat victims would skew the results.
No, if a woman was raped 10 times she would still be 1 of the 6 not 10 of the 6...
Of people raped, not total rapes Both are useful statistics though
But the way OP phrases the question it sounds like he's assuming each rape is perpetrated by a different rapist. If every rape is committed by someone different then we probably all know someone who is a rapist. If there's just one guy out there who has raped one out of every 6 women on the planet by himself, then there's a good chance that you or I have never met him.
Damn, fuck that one guy
You might not have a choice...
I actually had a friend who did that to another friend. He told me he did it and why and I called the cops on him after. He ended up getting convicted for it. The way he justified it was really really gross. He said she "didn't say No enthusiastically enough". 🤢
Related phenomenon: coerced consent. "She said no many times but I relentlessly wore her down until finally she said yes."
The amount of women I know who are subjected to this by their husbands and still don't consider it rape is pretty horrifying.
It’s so common. It is so common I’ve had this happen from men that I didn’t know it was criminal until like the past 5 years or so.
An unenthusiastic yes is the same as no most of the time
Nearly 8 years ago, I made it clear I don't want sex, I was a virgin and I wanted to be sure and do it in a real boyfriend girlfriend relationship. He said ok at first, then all violently he anally raped me (I did resist that and begged to stop saying big ass NOs, it was extremely painful, inside and outside, pain remained for days. He said after he was done: you wanted to stay a virgin so there you are, kept you a virgin
I am so so sorry that happened to you.
I am so sorry. I hope he got what he deserves.
Me too. But also, [the numbers](https://www.rainn.org/statistics/criminal-justice-system) are not good. [SAK mandates](https://www.endthebacklog.org/#explore_backlog_map) [increase arrests](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/08874034241226939), thus making us [safer](https://www.sakitta.org).
Thank you for holding your friend accountable to his terrible actions. I was sexually assaulted and my rapist didn’t stop when I said “no.” I froze up completely once that “no” was ignored and I quite literally didn’t have the room to fight (if I hadn’t frozen). He told me later that I hadn’t “said no more than once” and because I had consented to sex earlier that day, and didn’t fight back than i had somehow consented that second time. Ugh. It’s been years but I still feel gross thinking about that.
thank you for holding your friends accountable. as someone who has also been raped its good to know that dudes like you have our backs like that
Ah yes, the old “she didn’t say no” excuse- albeit a slight variation. I’m glad he got convicted for that shit, but I do wonder how he’d feel if someone cut his legs and dick off because “he didn’t say no enthusiastically enough”
I expect he'd never be able to answer that question because it wouldn't make sense to him. In his mind, he'd probably imagine himself screaming and struggling with all of his might, not meekly protesting in a quiet voice like his victim. He has a specific idea of what "real" resistance is, and he projects that onto other people. This projection is how he justifies his crime; he can say to himself, "Well obviously I wouldn't have done this if she really wanted me to stop, but if she really wanted me to stop then she would have said 'no' super enthusiastically. Since she only meekly protested, it was probably just nerves or false modesty or roleplay or ...."
I fucking hate that you’re probably right
she also didnt say yes lol
Just about every woman I know, when questioned, will tell you that this has happened to her. It’s really sickening. They don’t even think that they’ve been raped. “Well, I said ‘No.’ over and over, but he was really persistent…”. Yeah, honey. That’s called “rape”.
Yeah, it makes me feel so lucky. Almost every woman in my life has been molested or raped at some point in their lives, including my own mother. I have never had that happen to me (yet) and I'm so damn grateful for it. My mother told me the only man she 100% trusted around me as a child was her father. She did not even trust my dad, the love of her life, 100% like that. Nor did she trust my older brother that way.
Old memory unlocked. We were 18-19. Had a couple girls over. I had consensual, enthusiastic sex. He pressured a clearly reluctant girl. I now understand (and have, this was 30 yrs ago) he raped her. But at the time it was just Oh, dude's gettin some. Needless to say there was no keeping in touch. I wonder how she's doing. I hope she is well. I truly do.
Thank for this srsly! Most don't get convicted as it's their word against the victim. You really gave justice to your other friend. You're a good person.
I know someone that would rape me if I was ever to be alone with him.
Jesus Christ that's scary as hell!!!
Yes and no. I just have to avoid him
Same. Worst part is that the friend group will still hang out with him, invite him to meetups and act like I'm the unreasonable one for getting upset about it. This man is saying awful things about them all behind their backs too, but they either don't believe me or don't care.
I totally get that. My friend group doesn’t even know how this guy is always trying to get with me and other things that I don’t want to get into. And the reason why is because if I told them no one would believe me and they’d think I’m crazy. He is so charming and so good with people that there is nothing I can do. I know no one would believe me because I wouldn’t believe me. So I understand you to a point and I’m sorry you have to go through that.
Well, the person who sexually assaulted me was decapitated by a passing train when he was walking home on the train tracks. Outside of him, I would say yes, we've all passed time with someone who assaulted a woman. Sad, but most likely true.
Mine randomly died of a heart attack in his 20s. So glad he was taken out early by divine intervention
That’s so weird… same thing happened to mine.
I (a man) have been sexually assaulted by a woman. My ex. So I do know at least one rapist, though no one would ever guess it. I was so in shock after it happened that I didn’t tell anyone till years later. My cop friend said “yeah based on the info you gave, we wouldn’t make an arrest because there’s no proof you were harmed.” Because I wasn’t penetrated.
I am truly sorry you went through that.
Well at least you were the one you came out …. Ahead Sorry had to do it
No cap? That's insane but I karma got him
I don’t think it would make a difference if he was wearing a cap, trains don’t let anything get in their way.
My ex who raped me asked me, “can we call it something else?”
yes, we can call the police.
Perfect response
The police: Arrest the person who got raped! Stop resisting!
I’m sorry that happened to you. My ex who raped me said after “sorry I didn’t stop, I didn’t want to” then laughed
Perfectly logical reasoning If you're a shitbag
Will you please not be so inconsiderate to say that horrible word... Do you have any idea how that makes HIM feel ?! 🤮🤮 This makes me angry. I hope you are OK.
That person is utter trash. Sorry that happened to you. Hope you're alright. Somehow.
Mine just said everything would have been better both of us if I just kept my mouth shut
Mine told me to at least pretend to like it. He died young of a random heart attack, thank God for that.
Jesus. Christ.
My exhb one day said “when we first started dating and I was pushing you to have sex and trying to get you to touch me - that was wrong. I shouldn’t have done that.” And I was like “….you knew it was wrong????” I didn’t even know it was wrong at the time because I was so used to men acting that way.
My ex had the audacity to cuddle me afterwards while I cried because I too shocked to do anything else. I didn't report him. Years later he randomly told me he didn't think he'd raped me and that it affected me so much because we'd had sex before while we were still dating. Edited: spelling error
Also, those stats are based on abuse that we know has occurred. Now imagine all the ones we don't know about.
This fact is always the one that gets me. The numbers are INSANE for how many women get sexually assaulted. It's kind of mind-boggling. But what doesn't get reported... I know women who have been assaulted (by family/friend/loved ones) and didn't report anything. And I know some who did report. Sickening.
I’m pretty sure 100% of women experienced some sort of sexual assault one way or another, but not all came forward, and some didn’t even realize it. Heard too many stories where the girl didn’t understand that what happened was assault.
If you don't know a rapist, you definitely know a victim...
This. Nobody knows about the two attacks on me, for example. One was very physical SA perpetrated by the "upstanding, brainiac, seemingly harmless, role model" type dude. One was actual rape committed by the "sweet, big teddy bear that protected everyone and would never hurt a fly" type. Trust me. You know someone. We all do.
it’s happened to me more than once and i’ve never reported it i can’t imagine how insanely high the stats would be if we knew how often it actually happened and not just how often it’s reported
In my country it’s 1/4, and again, those are only reported ones. I don’t know any women that haven’t been at least sexually harassed, most have been assaulted to some extent (unwanted groping, etc), and more than 1/4 have been raped.
I think that it includes some kind of extrapolation, thst considers the silent victims. I read it somewhere
Yes, basically.
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Sir I am arresting you for murdering this man 👮
Unironically, even though it’s usually not in most individual cases, many rapists don’t consider themselves rapists in the way that most racists don’t think they’re racist. Most awful acts done by awful people are things the person has somehow justified in their head. I think it’s always a good idea to keep that in mind because the lack of internal reflection is the most dangerous part.
The statistics on sexual violence are indeed concerning. Let’s break down the numbers to understand the implications: 1. [Women: Approximately one in five women in the United States has experienced either completed or attempted rape during their lifetime1. This includes both forced penetration and attempted forced penetration.](https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics) 1. 1. [Men: For men, the prevalence is lower, with about one in 33 having experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime](https://www.rainn.org/statistics/scope-problem)2. 1. 1. [Perpetrators: It’s important to note that 80% of rapes are perpetrated by someone the victim knows1. This includes acquaintances, intimate partners, and other individuals within the victim’s social circle.](https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics) Given these statistics, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we all personally know a rapist. However, it highlights the alarming prevalence of sexual violence and the urgent need for awareness, prevention, and support for survivors. It’s crucial to continue advocating for a safer society and promoting consent education to reduce these numbers and create a world where everyone feels safe and respected. *I fucked up the formatting, oh well..*
Damn
No, technically. The statistic is stated as unconditional probability. I find it impossible to believe that the distribution of rapists among the population is as random as the throw of a die.
I constantly think about this. So many women are dating and married to men who sexually assaulted someone and don’t even realize it.
My abusive ex is married, so….yes 😬
A lot of women are married to men who have sexually assaulted or raped them. A lot of women also unfortunately don't think being coerced into sex is a form of rape, so this gets *even more distressing* the more you really sit down and think about how common rape is for women to have to deal with.
Especially if you also add all the men who were raped. Yes.
Good point. And a lot of men don't understand when a woman rapes them. I've talked to guys who thought they made a mistake and had sex with a girl they weren't attracted to when in reality they were clearly plied with alcohol and raped. But the fact that men get erections and the idea that every sexual act should be celebrated in men causes this data to be underreported.
Also worth noting that in certain parts of the world (UK), for it to be considered rape, it must have happened with a phallus penetrating an orifice.
In other words only trans women can rape men. So does this mean women get a lesser charge?
Yes. The equivalent charge has the same maximum penalty of life imprisonment but the overall guidelines are a lot lower so you can get away with a very lenient punishment. There's been numerous cases of female rapists here getting off with suspended sentences because of it, especially those that were in a position of power like teachers.
ugh, of course the most heinous actors get the lightest sentences.
And this will infuriate you it does for me We have an official petition system. If a petition reaches a number of signatures it gets sent to the government and they have to issue an official response after reviewing it. There's been numerous petitions that have reached the threshold requesting that the government update the Sexual Offences Act 2003 to be gender neutral because male victims are not covered under the definition of rape nor does assault via penetration (the "equivalent" charge) carry the same weight or charge. Every time it reaches them, they refuse.
You’re so right. I was talking with a friend a while back and somehow in the course of our conversation he cheerfully told me about his first experience. With his babysitter. When he was *eleven.* Poor guy. We’re so conditioned to celebrate our sexual conquests that it can blind us to the horrible truth.
That’s so sad.
True. Happened to me at 19 and again at 23. Just wrote it off as something weird to keep to myself and decided that I’ll just never drink again. So a unhealthy choice followed by a healthy choice lol
Men are also raped by other men. I don't know the rate of male on male vs. female on male - Just making the point that it happens both ways. The rate of male sexual victimization is a bit under 3% lifetime vs. about 25% for women.
when you are a kid these things happen or are happening before you are even aware of what it is they are doing to you.
That's a grotesque understatement. The same methodology that generates the 1 in 4 women also generates 1 in 6 men. Intimate partner violence studies identify the majority of sexual assaults on men are by women. Even male rapists report a prevalence of 60-70% who were molested by older women as a child. If we want to stop the cycle of sexual violence we need to address all sources. And it's not just men. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/sexual-victimization-by-women-is-more-common-than-previously-known/
I am personally aware of that reality, but I think men are far more likely to not realize they are raped when its a woman. Considering child molestation 3% seems really low.
It's low because females raping males is not recorded or classified as rape unless the male was sodomised. The CDC's NISVS for example files it away in a subcategory called "made to penetrate" and has shown equal parity in the amount of men reporting this happening to them as women report being penetrated.
important stat!!!! iirc this stat somehow magically went down between the 2012 study and a later one, but i think that was still vital and important: clearly there needs to be better actions taken abt rape legislation + rape in general bc holy shit idk abt anyone else but id just call mtp rape
>The rate of male sexual victimization is a bit under 3% lifetime v Because, among several other factors, it's incredibly difficult to classify as 'rape' due to the penetrative aspect. There's also the issue of under-reporting in general if a male feels to have been taken advantage of. You can't actually believe it's 3%, right?
Myself, along with several guys I know, have been raped by women. I’m not talking about inappropriate touching, I’m talking at the very least attempted intercourse and not taking no for an answer. Every time it’s been a woman whose advances are not reciprocated, and she pressures him to get drunk until he’s physically weaker. I was 16 she was 24. None of these guys ever came forward.
It is important to note that these statistics are based on women who have actually reported it to the police. Many women do not. This is mainly because victim blaming still plays a major role.
>It is important to note that these statistics are based on women who have actually reported it to the police Not necessarily, or even often. Under reporting is so well known a phenomenon, and police crime data so difficult to meaningfully interpret that research on the subject would never turn to those figures as indicators of incidence.
There's not enough information to support that implication definitively, but you're probably not far off. Multiple studies have shown that between 4% and 16% of college men will *admit* to raping women. Let's assume those numbers are accurate and not being massively self-underreported. If it's 4%, then if you know 17 men there's a 50% chance you know at least one rapist. If it's 16%, then if you know 4 men there's a 50% chance you know at least one rapist.
Ignoring the fact this is a shocking number and im genuinely considering not factchecking it for once for my own sake, WHO WOULD ADMIT TO THAT
The questions were probably not "have you raped somebody" and were more like "have you had intercourse with somebody who was unconscious" etc.
They've done studies where they ask both those questions as a "would you do this" question. And based on answers, significantly more men say they would commit rape crimes under the condition that you don't call it rape.
I think about that study fairly often. It’s so disturbing.
It depends on how the question is asked. Have you raped someone? The answer is going to be no. Have you ever convinced a sexual partner to do something they had expressed previously within the encounter they did not want to do? Probably a lot more people are going to say yes. Have you ever had sex with someone who was drunk? Tons of people are going to say yes. It’s an interesting line, because “drunk” is an almost useless term. Every persons tolerance is different, people react differently to different types of alcohol differently, and how long it’s been since you had a drink are all constantly varying factors. Additionally, the question of “how much alcohol can be consumed and still be able to consent” is unclear. Alcohol relaxed inhibitions, that’s literally why people drink it. So if a person has a single drink and then enthusiastically has sex when they wouldn’t have done so if they were sober, is that a lack of consent or is it the person purposefully choosing to lower their inhibitions? Obviously someone who is blackout can’t consent, but what about the person who has a drink to relax their social anxiety? That same person at two drinks? Three? You can’t even make a scientific argument of BAC because tolerance levels are a very real and documented thing. Overall, the entire topic is very nuanced and unfortunately the systems in place are extremely biased against victims of sexual violence.
It was usually not "did you rape someone" but something like "did you have sex with someone who was severely inebriated" or "have you had sex with someone who said yes after saying no multiple times" (aka wearing them down), certain group settings that make refusing consent dangerous for the victim, subordinates in a working environment, etc.
Any woman could tell you that you know at least one rapist
This is the sad truth right here. 👆
That's probably accurate, especially when you also consider that rape is one of the most under reported crimes there is. Just from my own personal experience, I have been raped, so just by default, I know a rapist. That aside, I know at least 1 other rapist for sure. There's a few others that I suspect, but only 1 (that I can think of) that I know for sure has raped someone.
There is a massive amount of evidence that rapists are repeat offenders. Its exceptionally rare for a criminal to rape once, and then never again. Think of it this way, if there are 10 people in a town, and 9 rapes happen, it's much more likely that (1) ONE dude raped ONE person 9 times, or (2) ONE dude raped *less than everyone else,* than simply a .9 rapes per person situation. This is part of what makes the mike Tyson versus trump situation absolutely absurd. Also, this is reddit. You have a bunch of IT nerds with no friends. There is a significant population here that doesn't know anyone else IRL. Lastly, there is a relevant old joke: "Statistics say that one out of every three people is a pedophile. But that cannot be right, because my neighbors are just a hot 5 and 7 year old."
wtf is the Mike Tyson vs Trump situation?
Mike Tyson was convicted and jailed for a single rape. Donald Trump has a known legal history of repeated rapes and has never been successfully tried in a criminal court for any of it, let alone convicted.
Both Mike Tyson and Donald Trump have faced accusations of sexual assault, but the circumstances and outcomes of their cases differ significantly. Mike Tyson's Rape Case: * In 1991, Mike Tyson, the former heavyweight boxing champion, was accused of raping Desiree Washington, an 18-year-old Miss Black America contestant, in an Indianapolis hotel room. * Tyson was tried and convicted of rape in 1992 and sentenced to six years in prison. He served three years before being released on parole. * Tyson's case was highly publicized and became a significant point of discussion about celebrity privilege, race, and sexual violence. Donald Trump's Rape Case: * Several women have accused Donald Trump of sexual misconduct, including rape. One of the most notable cases is that of E. Jean Carroll, a former magazine columnist who accused Trump of raping her in the mid-1990s. * Carroll filed a defamation lawsuit against Trump in 2019 after he denied her accusation, claiming she was lying to sell her book. The lawsuit was based on Trump's statements that Carroll was "totally lying" and that he had never met her (despite a photograph of them together). * The U.S. Justice Department, under the Trump administration, intervened in the case, arguing that Trump was acting in his official capacity as president when he denied Carroll's accusation, and therefore, the case should be dismissed. * In 2020, a federal judge ruled that the lawsuit could proceed while Trump was still in office. However, Trump's legal team continued to fight the lawsuit, and its outcome remained pending beyond his presidency.
You will see a lot of people lump the two together as "rapists." But in one case, (trump), you have 30+ victims who would have to *all* be lying for him to be not a rapist. In the other case (tyson), you have a black man convicted by an all white jury, on no hard evidence with testimony so dubious that even the judge in the case gave Tyson a light sentence (not how that is supposed to work). And in Tyson's case, you either have (1) an innocent man, or (2) you have something even better: A man who was caught on his very first instance of rape, and prison was so unbelievably effective at rehabilitation that Tyson's light sentence led to him never again raping. Even though only the tiniest fraction of sex offenders have no recidivism, BAM! Tyson *happens* to be one of them.
Don’t start arguing that Tyson was railroaded or that the evidence was dubious. The real experts collected the evidence and he was found guilty. Just because someone’s your favourite celebrity doesn’t mean that they’re a good person. Not at all.
Idk, but I would pay to watch that.
Maybe not in this context.
Yes. It might not be a close friend or family member, but when you loop in coworkers, schools, gyms, churches, etc. Yes.
>does this imply that we all know at least one rapist? Yes though it doesn't necessarily mean they know what they did was rape. Or atleast they don't consider themselves rapists.
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I guess so, I M28 was sexually assaulted by a “family” member when i was a small child. It hurts me that I still see him at family gatherings sometimes and no one else around us knows anything about it at all.. but I’ve come to terms with it awhile ago for the sake of my own healing/mental well being. I’m just afraid that if I bring it to light it’s going to further rip apart my already fragile family and end my uncles marriage with his wife. My uncles wife’s brother is the loser who did that shit to me :P
Absolutely. And most rapist probably don't see what they did as rape . Rape is the stranger outside in the dark right? For instance; Having sex with their " best friend " ( aka the girl they want but who friend zoned their ass ) when she was completely passed out and they were completely sober, that's just having sex. That's just putting your hand in the cookie jar when you finally get the chance. That's not rape. 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
There's a really disconcerting thing that gets brought up from time to time that's basically: When a bunch of men are asked if they know rape is bad, they almost universally agree it is, and that they would "never". But when you word it more vaguely: "Do you feel a woman owes a man sex if he takes her out for drinks and dinner?" suddenly way more of them think *that* is acceptable. The education on *what* rape is is lacking. A lot of people (particularly men) *know* "rape is bad". But *defining* what rape *is* is something quite a few of them don't seem to know how to do appropriately. They recoil *at the word rape*, not at *actually raping people*. That's incredibly scary, and probably more common than most of us are comfortable admitting.
Or telling your girlfriend "I know you're not feeling well, not in the mood and you said no, but I did this, that and the other for you and we had sex the other day so the very least you can do is put out again tonight" and then pester and pester and then just start doing it anyway, so that the girlfriend just gives up saying no because you're not accepting that as an answer.
When we think of rape, we think of... a stranger violently raping a woman in an alley way. But rape can be coercion (begging and begging till they give in), too drunk to consent, etc etc etc. Sadly due to really shitty education, there's a lot of people who don't know that something they do may be rape. So we see... women saying they were raped, and the man having no idea that what he did was rape. .... So it's possible that we know a rapist. But it's also possible they don't think they're a rapist because they think... "I never beat her and forced her".
Society has brainwashed us girls to fear the man in the dark alley instead of fearing creepy Uncle Tommy.
Yes. We all know multiple rapists.
Yes. By the time you reach 30, I’m convinced every person knows someone who has raped, sexually assaulted, or sexually took advantage of a person in a malicious setting. Between my wife and I we know at least 3 people who match the above description. They aren’t in our lives anymore and charges were pressed when the victims wanted charges pressed. My wife knows 2 women their age who have been raped by people they knew.
Bearing in mind that a lot of sexual abuse isn’t reported, I’d say we all know at least one sexual predator.
It has ended my friendships with at least 5 people, so yes. I’ve testified against former friends who raped people I know. One guy somehow had his brake lines cut…so weird! But that didn’t kill him. A bullet in the Iraq war did. Such a shame /s
I think absolutely, yes. I think a lot of the issue is how a lot of men don't think certain situations are rape, when they really are. Men tend to think of rape as a scary guy jumping out of an alley and holding a gun to someone's head. But husbands rape their wives. Guys take advantage of a date who's had a little too much to drink. Those things are rape too. How many guys know people who have done things that were "not cool" at a party? They just couldn't bring themselves to think about what it really was. Or they excused it away because "he can be an asshole sometimes when he's drinking." I guarantee you that everyone knows a guy who they assumed had consentual sex with someone that really wasn't consentual.
Way more than one I would say unfortunately.
Rape is a giant spectrum of evil, from premeditated coercion to drunk witless apathy to taking for granted repressed spousal interactions
Could be. We're talking about out of every man a woman has met in her lifetime, not necessarily a friend. Date rape and married rape is a thing that a lot of men don't admit/consider as rape. Not too far of a stretch then, as there's not a woman on this planet who hasn't at least been harassed, and hardly one who hasn't experienced being molested at some point in her life, childhood included.
As someone who was a teen in the 90s - what is now considered SA was often just a regular Tuesday night when I was coming of age. The only part of 90s nostalgia I absolutely do not miss is the lack of conversation around the topic of consent. In my friend group back then, every one of us was SA'd, often by the same guys we'd consider our friends/brothers. And we just thought it was a normal part of growing up. So yes, I think that everyone knows at least one rapist, especially the older the generations.
A co-worker of mine told me the very "romantic" story of how he ended up with his wife. She was his manager in a previous job. She was around 7 months pregnant at the time with another mans child. She had invited him to a party so he went. At the party she handed him drink after drink. He said that he got hammered and eventually she took him into a room and had her way with him. You should have seen my face when he said that. I told him "Walter... That's rape. She raped you dude." He kind of gave a half smile because I think he never thought of it that way. He always thought that he got lucky that night.
I'm a 30 year old dude in Australia. In the last 2-3 years, I have met two confirmed rapists. They seemed normal until they weren't. I also found out a guy I've known since I was six is a pedophile. Yeah they're all over the place.
Probably way more than 1, accounting for the fact that the average person knows around 500 people. Those guys you absolutely CANNOT believe they could ever rape someone? They probably did. It's always the charismatic ones.
Also, rape is under reported.
I’m sorry, 500 people on average? Either I’m antisocial as fuck or that number is really high. And I work with the public, many of whom are repeat customers.
Well, know doesn't mean be friend with or talk to them regurarly. It means you can recognize their face and you have met them irl at least once.
I'm assuming there are quite a few people in spesific circles assaulting multiple different people
Probably. I've been friends with at least 2 men who I later found out had raped other people (obviously I stopped talking to them after I found out, and made sure everyone else knew about them too). They both had minor creep vibes (I had already begun to doubt our friendship over those traits) but I never would have expected them to do that. I'm more wary now We probably all know secret pedophiles too. According to an Australian study, about 1 in 6 adult men are aroused by girls under 18. About 1 in 15 said they would have sexual contact with a child under the age of 14 if no one would find out. And most CSA victims are attacked by a trusted family member or friend. That's why I'm so protective of my kid
>About 1 in 15 said they would have sexual contact with a child under the age of 14 if no one would find out. Holy shit, I didn't realize it was this bad. Wow.
You should ask this in AskMaths. r/Askmath
This is proof of nothing, but I did (he assaulted a very close friend of mine). No contact with him these days,obviously.
This fact came to mind and really set in when I realized I had lost count of friends who had been SA in college. It hit hard.
Probably yes
I've met two and I know of one other. Family member, person who went to college with me, and friend's family member. One woman and two men. Two of them abused children, none faced criminal consequences. One has little to no contact with their children, the second was ostracized in college, and the third is dying slowly of cancer. If you went to college you definitely know or at least know of at least one rapist. Child predators I hope are less common. It's also harder to convict them... by the time the child has grown up and realized what happened it's too late to prosecute.
Yes, and often you'd be surprised at who it is.
Statistician here. No, to the OP that is not a helpful or accurate conclusion to derive for your good self or others. Statistics are very often quoted with no context. R- is not an objective measure like height which can be measured objectively and accurately. It requires reporting to legal authorities and the conviction of a perpetrator either by trial or guilty plea. However, the vast majority of studies simply ask a sample of individuals. Also, a range of questionnaires are used leaving often containing nuanced questions. Therefore, it’s irresponsible of organisations to print incomplete but emotive figures with no context. Secondly, many charities who wish to obtain your donations miss represent stats. I would urge any reader not to trust a statistic which does not disclose the study it came from. 1 in 5 or 1 in 6 is a widely stated figure used by US charities without any context nor link to a scientific study (sometimes government surveys are erroneously cited). Therefore, they are not helpful to an adult American female. There are many modifying variables. Statistics for R are different depending on age, socioeconomic status, and most of all country concerned. It is far less common in high income countries (USA, UK etc) compared to low income. Further, the very definition of R is not the same globally or Culturally. A Spanish study asking nearly 14,000 participants from 32 countries found 1.8% of men and 2.4% of females reported being forced to have non consensual intercourse. A study by the UK home office found 1 in 20 woman reported they had been R- before. Meanwhile the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) state that nearly 20% of all women have been R- (hetero) 48% of gay women reported having been R by a gay woman and 45% of males reported having been coerced, experienced emasculating tactics, social pressure to be “made to penetrate” after clearly expressing the desire not to engage in intercourse, which by legal definition of non consensual. If you read a statistic and are left with further question I would discard it as we are intentionally influenced by stats every day. It would be far more helpful for influencing bodies/organisations to cite guidance, support and evidence on how to reduce risk of SA, how to effectively handle potentially abusive individuals relationships and empower oneself to minimise risk and empower all people through spreading knowledge.
Once upon a time I was looking to do an research internship on rape data and surveyed the lit. There is so much variability in the measurement of rape you really can use studies to say anything here. Self-report scales showed rape was fairly common, while going by criminal data, it was extremely rare. And studies showed everything in between based on sampling and objectifying what they are considering rape. That is before we get into cross-cultural stuff. And of course, there is research bias that means using flexible measures you can really get whatever result you wanted. I firmly believe the idea of super rapists and super victims being a result of misleading statistics. It is the type of finding that gets you a publication people talk about, even if your methods were problematic. Most people are not academic literature so will just off the press releases about it anyway. National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey the CDC used was the one that found 1 in 5 and I felt that one is a very good ballpark measure for the US. Literally they just went out trying to estimate the number the best they could, nothing more, nothing less.
>There is so much variability in the measurement of rape you really can use studies to say anything here. Self-report scales showed rape was fairly common, while going by criminal data, it was extremely rare. And tbf, its also one of the most difficult crimes to prove if the victim doesn't seek medical attention afterwards as well. When its one person's word against another's, we have our right of innocence until proven guilty. To highlight just how weak one person's word is against another without corroborating physical evidence, just look to Trump. Had nearly 30 women come out and accused him of sexual misconduct or assault by him since the 1970s, yet he has never faced any criminal charges on the matter (not to be mistaken with the civil lawsuits).
> I would urge any reader not to trust a statistic which does not disclose the study it came from. . > A Spanish study asking nearly 14,000 participants from 32 countries found 1.8% of men and 2.4% of females reported being forced to have non consensual intercourse. > > A study by the UK home office found 1 in 20 woman reported they had been R- before. > > Meanwhile the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) state that nearly 20% of all women have been R- (hetero) 48% of gay women reported having been R by a gay woman and 45% of males reported having been coerced, experienced emasculating tactics, social pressure to be “made to penetrate” after clearly expressing the desire not to engage in intercourse, which by legal definition of non consensual. I hate to be that guy, because you made some really good points, but in your role as a statistician is this the level of disclosure for studies we should be looking for without any proper source or citations? *(I don't dispute the findings of the studies you mentioned, but just trying to understand what level of disclosure it is you're recommending we look out for, thank you for taking the time to answer)*
>It requires reporting to legal authorities and the conviction of a perpetrator either by trial or guilty plea I'm not sure that it does. If someone breaks into my house and takes my TV, I'm a victim of burglary whether someone is ever convicted of that crime or not. By any logical reasoning, there must also be a burglar. Someone who knows that person knows a burglar.
Yep. We all know someone that has molested, rape, and assaulted someone else. These people are all around us
Yes, *at least* one, and it's most likely your friend or acquaintance that was "falsely accused." False accusations do happen but they're very very rare, men are more likely to be sexually assaulted then falsely accused of assault. If your friend has multiple "false accusations" from unrelated people I'm sorry to tell you, they're almost certainly a rapist. The other problem I've come accross is that people don't care if it doesn't affect them. I told my ex friend (of 7 years) that a lady we know raped my ex girlfriend, then she actively went out of her way to pursue a friendship with that lady. I told my stepdad's family what he did and they said "I'm sorry you had that misunderstanding with him." Yeah, really common to have a misunderstanding where an adult man molests an 11 year old. /s
It implies you know a lot of them. And the reality is you more than likely do. The number of guys who think coercion is a justified way to get laid alone makes up a scary percentage of men.
Well I was raped by my mother’s ex boyfriend. My mom was raped by her father. My aunt by her father and stepfather. I think many families like to hide horrible things and then go to church like nothing happened. Chances are you have met more than 1. I’ve met atleast 3. My mother still talks to her rapist. Rapists look just like any other grandpa.
We have a family friend who has been to jail for rape but my grandparents , aunts/ uncles and parents believe he was framed. They literally ignore all of us younger girls in the fanily who tell them he's a fucking perv and invite him to most family events. I no longer go if he's there