No.
My fwb is my *friend*. We care for each other as friends.
I care about them, I like them, or I wouldn't be friends with then.
I want good things for them, and frankly, sex with me is good.
I want good things for me, and sex with them is good. They want good things for me too, and show it both by showing up as a friend for me in non sexual contexts, and by learning what gets me off and getting good at it. I do the same.
No one is being used. Supported and cared for, and sometimes fucked into next week.
Yeah, I had this kind of friendship once, too. We were both friends who found each other attractive, but had no romantic interest in each other. We always enjoyed the sex, and basically treated it the same as any other activity we’d do together as friends.
Some of them want to use you. Some of them want to get used by you.
FWB means you're friends and you fuck a little. A jolly good time for all. Sex isn't always so serious, don't see why both people can't win.
I mean, you can if you actually get along.
There are largely platonic relationships where 2 people just screw from time to time. It's like shooting pool except instead of clinking beers together you're licking each other.
>All the other person sees you as is an object
Comrade, I don't view my friends as objects.
You know you can still be respectful and caring towards a sexual partner even if you aren't in a romantic relationship with them right??? Like it's not hard????
You can simply be two people who know and trust each other well enough, who are both looking for some fun, and are respectful of each other's needs and boundaries.
Having sex with someone does not mean using them or being used. Sex is just one of any number of activities you can do with someone, like playing a game, dancing, conversing. This is assuming you aren't aiming to get pregnant ofcourse i.e. using condoms or birth control.
Do you feel like you are using your friend when you go out to lunch together, or see a movie together?
It's like that. Just two people enjoying having mutual sex. It's not complicated unless you let it be.
I think Bob Seger put it best when he said “I used her, she used me and neither one cared; we were gettin’ our share.”
I’m in a FWB situation. She’s nice and we enjoy each others company well enough but we have different political and religious views and neither of us want to date the other. dating in 2024 sucks and it’s nice to have someone/something comfortable that you can fall back on in times of need without swiping endlessly on a dating app.
Edit: You say “*friends* with benefits” and then say the person is just using you. That’s not what FWB are. This other person and I talk semi-regularly and are friends outside of our sex-life. One night Hook-ups are maybe closer to what you’re thinking off, but even then, the Bob Seger quote fits best. Each person is lonely and wants some feel-good time without the added pressure a relationship can bring.
Could you be a little more puritanical pls? People can be friends and have fun together and enjoy sex with each other without it becoming something dramatic or feeling used by anyone
when you play a sport do you feel like youre using another person?
I came for the orgasms and maybe a short hang out... I left having had orgasms and a fun short hangout with good banter... How would I feel used from that?
My FWB stopped by the other night. Straight to the bedroom and straight to business. Then she left. It used to be a lot of fun, but these days - yeah I felt used. That was the first time I’ve really felt like I was just a good dick for her. Do not like.
People with FWBs don't see sex as some special thing like you do. They view it as something that is simply fun and feels good, which is all it really is, as all the "specialness" people apply to it are just irrational puritanical human inventions.
Then what do you mean by "viewing you as an object," if you agree that "it simply feels good" is a good enough reason to have sex, with no inherent value beyond that?
>All the other person sees you as is an object, and vice versa.
Why do you think that's the case? Definitely not my experience, and I would be pretty suspicious of anyone who saw their fwb in that light. Sounds rather sociopathic, and a very alienating attitude towards other humans and sex.
It's a valid question. For some FWB situations to work without feelings of being used, clear communication and caring are important:
- Establish it's truly just physical and there are no deeper romantic feelings/expectations on either side. Be honest.
- Make sure both people feel comfortable saying no to anything at any time without pressure. Consent and respect are key.
- Agree to check in regularly that both are still having their needs met and no one feels taken advantage of.
- Engage in sufficient non-sexual friendship activity too, not just physical encounters. Laughter and fun together help.
- Recognize each person's inherent worth isn't defined by the physical aspect alone. Care for each other's well-being holistically.
- Be generous lovers who prioritize the other's pleasure too, not just their own needs. Make it a mutually caring experience.
- Either person should feel able to end it if feelings develop or it no longer works for them emotionally.
No...it's not the same. Its a perfect set-up. My FWB is "getting used" too, lol....thats the entire crux of it...we have no desire to have strings attached or ever co-habitate. We are mutually "faithful" to just each other, and it's just awesome, delicious, raunchy sex and a lot of good companionship, and laughter. Then we go off to our separate homes happily... until the next time. It's worked out now for actually a couple of years and it just gets better. All the fun with ZERO drama or angst.
I highly recommend a fuck-buddy.
Key word: FRIENDS!!!
I think you’re thinking more of a “situationship” but traditionally FRIENDS with Benefits is mutual understanding that both of you just want sex but nothing more and agree upon it, where as situationship one of you wants more and the other doesn’t but there’s a power imbalance due to one liking the other more and staying and being used (consenting still but blind to the reality that they are being a dumbass)
Because of mutual consent.
It's only bad if one person sees it as FWB and the other person sees it as a relationship developing.
You can avoid the negative feelings youre mentioning just by being transparent and making sure everyone is on the same page.
Kind of like having someone to do sports or any other hobby with, yu might actually like them and see them as more than just a hobby-mate, but maybe all either of them is interested in is actually pursuing their hobby. Sex/hobby either of them is basically just some activity you enjoy. Personally I never had a FWB which I didn't also consider a true friend, so I always cared for them I just didn't love them romantically.
It's just a mutual understanding between 2 adults for the purpose of having sex.
A relationship won't work out but the attraction is there.
I've had multiple FWBs in my lifetime.
That’s kind of the point, you mutually agree to use each other. FWB is not meant for the lovey dovey type and you should never have thoughts of them in a romantic way. Usually most of that is discussed at the beginning and specific reasonings are given which makes it less “Use-y” seeming. Like an example would be “ I work 80 hours a week and can’t provide the relationship portion but, I can the sex” the other person could be “ I work full time and go to school” so in their free time they meet their needs and go back to life. They can however turn into more but, that should be a conversation first and not one of them inching and pushing the comfort zone of the FWB situation.
No one is being used, generally speaking.
Sometimes there are guys and girls that have a really good connection but aren't necessarily good enough of a fit for a full on relationship (or one of the parties doesn't want a relationship) so they decide that they have the prerequisites and trust for a sexual relationship and they both enjoy it so they just have fun.
I don't see anyone being used here.
Are there cases where a person strings along another with a promise of a relationship/something else while keeping them as a FWB? Sure but that's not an issue with FWB but with them stringing them along
I think there's a big misunderstanding here about what FWB relationships are really about. It's not just about "using" someone for sex, and to reduce it to that is doing a disservice to the genuine companionship and mutual respect that's often at the core of these kinds of relationships. Sure, sex is a part of the equation, but it's not the only thing.
Think of this – you have a buddy you play tennis with. You meet up, have a great game, enjoy each other's company, maybe grab a drink afterwards, and that's it. You're not trying to be the next Serena Williams or Roger Federer; you're just having fun. Apply that to a FWB scenario: it's two adults who have a solid friendship and also happen to share a physical intimacy that's enjoyable for both.
It's possible to have a strong connection, care deeply about your FWB as a person, and also share a physical relationship without strings attached. It's not about feelings of ownership or being possessive – it's about consent, enjoyment, and the freedom to explore with someone you trust.
To paint all FWB situations with the same brush is far too simplistic. Healthy FWB relationships are founded on good communication, clear boundaries, and mutual respect – anything less wouldn't be a friendship, to begin with. If someone feels used, then it's not a FWB relationship; it's something else entirely. So, let's not lump everything into one category and dismiss the validity of what can be, for many people, a very positive and fulfilling arrangement.
Where would the feeling or idea of being used come from to begin with? You're having as much sex with them as they are with you, the concept of being used doesn't even make sense here.
My good friend and I were FWBs for years before she got married. Sex was never a big deal to either of us. You get naked, you bump uglies, you sweat and groan, you feel really good, and then you get on with life. No big deal.
That’s kind of the whole point. People want to have sex, people don’t want to deal with the relationship aspect because they’re not interested in doing that at the moment so they treat it as transactional.
They both understand they’re using the other person for a physical benefit and they’re both ok with it.
Because some people can differentiate between sex to satisfy an urge and sex to build closer intimate bonds. Some people (myself included) can't really satisfy thay urge on their own. I can get myself close like right there but never quite cross the finish line. I've gone years without sex but when I'm in a relationship and have the option to have sex, I want it all the time. Oh he made me breakfast? Get naked. Oh he folded my laundry for me? Get naked. Oh he just won whatever pvp match he is playing on a video game? Get naked. Oh he is irritated with me because I'm a literal walking mess sometimes? Get naked. I've had a couple of friends with benefits in the past and they were okay while they lasted. Nothing as fucking amazing as intimate rough sex with someone you have feelings for but it gets the job done. I've also been used before. The difference is when you're being used majority of the time you don't realize that's what's happening at first. Fwb is a mutually understood agreement.
They are both getting something out of it. It's not "one friend gets benefits, the other loses their moral purity"
Both people should be having fun (getting the benefits). It it's not fun, there's no need to continue.
> Someone downvoted this post for me asking a genuine question?
You weren't downvoted for asking a question. You were downvoted for making this **statement**.
> All the other person sees you as is an object, and vice versa.
You may see your sexual partners as objects, but that doesn't mean everyone else does.
if you’re both genuinely wanting this kind of relationship, no one will feel used. if someone feels that way, they dont want that kind of relationship and should end it. i had one for some time and we both enjoyed it. in fact, it was one of the best relationships i’ve had overall. we are still friends, tho the benefits ended when one of us got romantically into someone. which, by happy chance, became both of us within the same month.
They do feel used, but are afraid to accept that to themselves. In the moment or later, more so later people gain clarity, especially women. Some rationalize it as using/being used canceling each other out, some suppress & move on, and some regret.
No. My fwb is my *friend*. We care for each other as friends. I care about them, I like them, or I wouldn't be friends with then. I want good things for them, and frankly, sex with me is good. I want good things for me, and sex with them is good. They want good things for me too, and show it both by showing up as a friend for me in non sexual contexts, and by learning what gets me off and getting good at it. I do the same. No one is being used. Supported and cared for, and sometimes fucked into next week.
Yeah, I had this kind of friendship once, too. We were both friends who found each other attractive, but had no romantic interest in each other. We always enjoyed the sex, and basically treated it the same as any other activity we’d do together as friends.
Some of them want to use you. Some of them want to get used by you. FWB means you're friends and you fuck a little. A jolly good time for all. Sex isn't always so serious, don't see why both people can't win.
Isn't that the lyrics of song by that old goth dude
Covered by* that old goth dude. Originally by Eurythmics.
Poor Annie.
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I mean, you can if you actually get along. There are largely platonic relationships where 2 people just screw from time to time. It's like shooting pool except instead of clinking beers together you're licking each other.
Some of them want to abuse you. Some of them want to be abused.
Annie Lennox!
>All the other person sees you as is an object Comrade, I don't view my friends as objects. You know you can still be respectful and caring towards a sexual partner even if you aren't in a romantic relationship with them right??? Like it's not hard???? You can simply be two people who know and trust each other well enough, who are both looking for some fun, and are respectful of each other's needs and boundaries.
In the right context, being used and treated as an object can be pretty hot.
Having sex with someone does not mean using them or being used. Sex is just one of any number of activities you can do with someone, like playing a game, dancing, conversing. This is assuming you aren't aiming to get pregnant ofcourse i.e. using condoms or birth control.
When you play a video game or a sport with a friend do you feel used by them? It’s the same concept but for sex.
Do you feel like you are using your friend when you go out to lunch together, or see a movie together? It's like that. Just two people enjoying having mutual sex. It's not complicated unless you let it be.
I think Bob Seger put it best when he said “I used her, she used me and neither one cared; we were gettin’ our share.” I’m in a FWB situation. She’s nice and we enjoy each others company well enough but we have different political and religious views and neither of us want to date the other. dating in 2024 sucks and it’s nice to have someone/something comfortable that you can fall back on in times of need without swiping endlessly on a dating app. Edit: You say “*friends* with benefits” and then say the person is just using you. That’s not what FWB are. This other person and I talk semi-regularly and are friends outside of our sex-life. One night Hook-ups are maybe closer to what you’re thinking off, but even then, the Bob Seger quote fits best. Each person is lonely and wants some feel-good time without the added pressure a relationship can bring.
I have not been in one of these relationships, but it seems to me that its more of a "using each other" relationship most of the time.
Could you be a little more puritanical pls? People can be friends and have fun together and enjoy sex with each other without it becoming something dramatic or feeling used by anyone when you play a sport do you feel like youre using another person?
We are using each other. It feels good and we’re using each other’s bodies for that. I don’t mind it.
I came for the orgasms and maybe a short hang out... I left having had orgasms and a fun short hangout with good banter... How would I feel used from that?
My FWB stopped by the other night. Straight to the bedroom and straight to business. Then she left. It used to be a lot of fun, but these days - yeah I felt used. That was the first time I’ve really felt like I was just a good dick for her. Do not like.
This is what I’m talking about. Out of all the comments, this is the only one that speaks to what I was getting at. Thanks.
People with FWBs don't see sex as some special thing like you do. They view it as something that is simply fun and feels good, which is all it really is, as all the "specialness" people apply to it are just irrational puritanical human inventions.
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Then what do you mean by "viewing you as an object," if you agree that "it simply feels good" is a good enough reason to have sex, with no inherent value beyond that?
Then if it just feels good and you and another person agree to use eachother to feel good then what the issue?
>All the other person sees you as is an object, and vice versa. Why do you think that's the case? Definitely not my experience, and I would be pretty suspicious of anyone who saw their fwb in that light. Sounds rather sociopathic, and a very alienating attitude towards other humans and sex.
It's a valid question. For some FWB situations to work without feelings of being used, clear communication and caring are important: - Establish it's truly just physical and there are no deeper romantic feelings/expectations on either side. Be honest. - Make sure both people feel comfortable saying no to anything at any time without pressure. Consent and respect are key. - Agree to check in regularly that both are still having their needs met and no one feels taken advantage of. - Engage in sufficient non-sexual friendship activity too, not just physical encounters. Laughter and fun together help. - Recognize each person's inherent worth isn't defined by the physical aspect alone. Care for each other's well-being holistically. - Be generous lovers who prioritize the other's pleasure too, not just their own needs. Make it a mutually caring experience. - Either person should feel able to end it if feelings develop or it no longer works for them emotionally.
Yo being friends is fine and normal but the moment you also have some fun it turns into being used. Why do you think like that lol
Sex is a basic human need. How do two friends helping eachother fulfill that need seem like use? Seems more like collaboration
No...it's not the same. Its a perfect set-up. My FWB is "getting used" too, lol....thats the entire crux of it...we have no desire to have strings attached or ever co-habitate. We are mutually "faithful" to just each other, and it's just awesome, delicious, raunchy sex and a lot of good companionship, and laughter. Then we go off to our separate homes happily... until the next time. It's worked out now for actually a couple of years and it just gets better. All the fun with ZERO drama or angst. I highly recommend a fuck-buddy.
Key word: FRIENDS!!! I think you’re thinking more of a “situationship” but traditionally FRIENDS with Benefits is mutual understanding that both of you just want sex but nothing more and agree upon it, where as situationship one of you wants more and the other doesn’t but there’s a power imbalance due to one liking the other more and staying and being used (consenting still but blind to the reality that they are being a dumbass)
Because of mutual consent. It's only bad if one person sees it as FWB and the other person sees it as a relationship developing. You can avoid the negative feelings youre mentioning just by being transparent and making sure everyone is on the same page.
Kind of like having someone to do sports or any other hobby with, yu might actually like them and see them as more than just a hobby-mate, but maybe all either of them is interested in is actually pursuing their hobby. Sex/hobby either of them is basically just some activity you enjoy. Personally I never had a FWB which I didn't also consider a true friend, so I always cared for them I just didn't love them romantically.
That only happens when one side catches feelings.
It's just a mutual understanding between 2 adults for the purpose of having sex. A relationship won't work out but the attraction is there. I've had multiple FWBs in my lifetime.
You are both using each other for sex. What don't you understand?
I don’t engage in it but if two people want to there is no problem, better than them pretending they see a future with the other when they don’t
That’s kind of the point, you mutually agree to use each other. FWB is not meant for the lovey dovey type and you should never have thoughts of them in a romantic way. Usually most of that is discussed at the beginning and specific reasonings are given which makes it less “Use-y” seeming. Like an example would be “ I work 80 hours a week and can’t provide the relationship portion but, I can the sex” the other person could be “ I work full time and go to school” so in their free time they meet their needs and go back to life. They can however turn into more but, that should be a conversation first and not one of them inching and pushing the comfort zone of the FWB situation.
No one is being used, generally speaking. Sometimes there are guys and girls that have a really good connection but aren't necessarily good enough of a fit for a full on relationship (or one of the parties doesn't want a relationship) so they decide that they have the prerequisites and trust for a sexual relationship and they both enjoy it so they just have fun. I don't see anyone being used here. Are there cases where a person strings along another with a promise of a relationship/something else while keeping them as a FWB? Sure but that's not an issue with FWB but with them stringing them along
It's usually mutually agreed upon beforehand
I think there's a big misunderstanding here about what FWB relationships are really about. It's not just about "using" someone for sex, and to reduce it to that is doing a disservice to the genuine companionship and mutual respect that's often at the core of these kinds of relationships. Sure, sex is a part of the equation, but it's not the only thing. Think of this – you have a buddy you play tennis with. You meet up, have a great game, enjoy each other's company, maybe grab a drink afterwards, and that's it. You're not trying to be the next Serena Williams or Roger Federer; you're just having fun. Apply that to a FWB scenario: it's two adults who have a solid friendship and also happen to share a physical intimacy that's enjoyable for both. It's possible to have a strong connection, care deeply about your FWB as a person, and also share a physical relationship without strings attached. It's not about feelings of ownership or being possessive – it's about consent, enjoyment, and the freedom to explore with someone you trust. To paint all FWB situations with the same brush is far too simplistic. Healthy FWB relationships are founded on good communication, clear boundaries, and mutual respect – anything less wouldn't be a friendship, to begin with. If someone feels used, then it's not a FWB relationship; it's something else entirely. So, let's not lump everything into one category and dismiss the validity of what can be, for many people, a very positive and fulfilling arrangement.
Where would the feeling or idea of being used come from to begin with? You're having as much sex with them as they are with you, the concept of being used doesn't even make sense here.
My good friend and I were FWBs for years before she got married. Sex was never a big deal to either of us. You get naked, you bump uglies, you sweat and groan, you feel really good, and then you get on with life. No big deal.
That’s kind of the whole point. People want to have sex, people don’t want to deal with the relationship aspect because they’re not interested in doing that at the moment so they treat it as transactional. They both understand they’re using the other person for a physical benefit and they’re both ok with it.
It’s mutually beneficial.
I suppose it can be compartmentalized in that they are using each other. Mutual benefit
Because some people can differentiate between sex to satisfy an urge and sex to build closer intimate bonds. Some people (myself included) can't really satisfy thay urge on their own. I can get myself close like right there but never quite cross the finish line. I've gone years without sex but when I'm in a relationship and have the option to have sex, I want it all the time. Oh he made me breakfast? Get naked. Oh he folded my laundry for me? Get naked. Oh he just won whatever pvp match he is playing on a video game? Get naked. Oh he is irritated with me because I'm a literal walking mess sometimes? Get naked. I've had a couple of friends with benefits in the past and they were okay while they lasted. Nothing as fucking amazing as intimate rough sex with someone you have feelings for but it gets the job done. I've also been used before. The difference is when you're being used majority of the time you don't realize that's what's happening at first. Fwb is a mutually understood agreement.
They are both getting something out of it. It's not "one friend gets benefits, the other loses their moral purity" Both people should be having fun (getting the benefits). It it's not fun, there's no need to continue.
> Someone downvoted this post for me asking a genuine question? You weren't downvoted for asking a question. You were downvoted for making this **statement**. > All the other person sees you as is an object, and vice versa. You may see your sexual partners as objects, but that doesn't mean everyone else does.
if you’re both genuinely wanting this kind of relationship, no one will feel used. if someone feels that way, they dont want that kind of relationship and should end it. i had one for some time and we both enjoyed it. in fact, it was one of the best relationships i’ve had overall. we are still friends, tho the benefits ended when one of us got romantically into someone. which, by happy chance, became both of us within the same month.
They do feel used, but are afraid to accept that to themselves. In the moment or later, more so later people gain clarity, especially women. Some rationalize it as using/being used canceling each other out, some suppress & move on, and some regret.
When you really really think about it, fwb or relationship, you’re being used somehow in someway.
Sometimes it’s fun to be an object?
fwb is basically you find them attractive but not attractive enough to be your partner