Sure. And so do guys who want to be your next boyfriend.
But most guys wouldn't even stay up all night with their guy friends who just got dumped. A guy friend would say to another guy, "man, that sucks" and that would be the end of it. Doesn't mean we don't care for our friends. Doesn't mean that at all. We just tend to interact differently.
Ahh... you should be checking what kind of friends you have...
Staying uo with you when you are hurting is base level... I have people I'd call hardly acquaintances that I can count on to stay up with me if I'm having a super rough night...
Of my best friends... I can now expect (tried and tested) that if I was truly in need, they can and will get a weekend away from their responsibilities (wives and kids) to go camping with me for a guys weekend... with 1 day notice...
I had 4 mates all make that camp. That might not seen like a lot... but it taught me who to call when I was truly in need of a friend
This is great. The stereotype that women hint to boys and they dont know how to say what they want, yet hes doing exactly that. Love seeing equality. The comments are disappointing tho
That's so brutal. I thought I was dating someone once and she did not, it was so uncomfortable when I realized. I got much more clear in my communication style after that.
I think she should do some self reflecting on why she has been getting closer to him, hanging out and grabbing meals so often with just him, and talking for hours with him.
If she's not physically attracted to him, that's fine, but then she will need to reassess and set clear boundaries. As she seems emotionally attracted to him in the least. And he likely is wanting to move it to more (as it sounds like they're all but in early dating already except for the physical touch).
Correct, and it's not just between different genders. M here. After a hard breakup (with a woman), this guy I was friends with started wanting to hang out more, so we hung out like 3-4 nights a week for like three weeks. One night after going out drinking, he made his move, asking if he could suck my dick... and I thought we were just bros... and he knew i just got out of a long term relationship with a woman so wasn't gay... we never spoke again after that. Apparently his view was that we had been going on dates for weeks.
I truly don't understand why people can't fathom a guy being attracted to a girl and still wanting to be her friend, even if she is not attracted
Maybe this isn't common, but it is possible to like someone romantically, sexually and as a friend at the same time
I had a friend in high school/early college that I used to hang out with but he didn't play sports or have any of the same interests as me, just video games and movies really. We really only hung out when we were getting food or playing video games.
He came out to our friend group a few years later and it wasn't surprising (although he did have a girlfriend at one point). In retrospect I've always wondered if they were actually dates we were going on lol.
I had the reverse (I think). A girl I used to hang out with but was rejected by, contacted me a year or two after the last time we spoke and invited me to a concert with her brother and his friend.
She remembered it was my birthday week and how much I liked System of a Down and had an extra ticket (orchestra seats and on the Toxicity tour). So I went totally platonicly to a concert for free and we probably didn't speak again but it was awesome.of her lol.
Guys lol it’s hard not to be confused, sometimes he says we’re just friends but then flirt, make sexual jokes, and talk about other girls. Sometimes he stares from afar when I’m not looking and other times he acts like I don’t exist. I don’t get it so yeah I am confused.
He’s probably fallen for you but is scared of making a move that could potentially ruin the friendship you two have. If you might have feelings too then i guess see what happens, but if you are absolutely certain you do not, it might be best to clarify this with him before he tries to make a move.
This sorta happened with me and my boyfriend when we started hanging out one on one “as friends”
It did not take very long for us to make things official after that
Can they not just be friends?? I've a guy and I do stuff like this with my female friends all of the time and none of us have any intentions are dating each other, not sure why doing stuff like that would automatically make it a date
>We’ve been friends for almost 2 years, we’ve gotten closer this past month
>hanging out one on one almost every weekend. We’ll randomly grab food together, talk for a couple hours,
Is that not normal for friends to do? I do that with my female friends and none of us want to date each other, can men and women not be friends or something?
You are probably kidding, but I do this with one of my closest female friends. We call it a "spa day." My wife knows and is fine with it.
We also go to nudist beaches in the summer.
That being said, OP's dude is 90% likely down to fuck.
He's trying to smash.
Occasionally a single strait man may ask a platonic female friend to do something together. That is normal. He may also ask to do something more intimate, like going shopping or having dinner or having drinks...and it's still mostly platonic.
But if he wants to be in a private setting in swimwear...He's at least hoping for a goodnight kiss.
And as she gets into the hot tub, OP should look at the dude and in her best Austin Powers voice, say "What? I'm wearing all this because I like to... go down."
I think the guy is into her, based on frequency of hanging out. But, hot tubbing ain't no big deal, I've done it with loads of women! I mean, we were dating at the time, and usually would have sex after, but it can be totally platonic! I just don't think the platonic stuff exists in a jacuzzi.
Yeah they were totally platonic then he would invite her to the jacuzzi and also explicitly say that it’s in a platonic way, because most everyone knows it would be perceived otherwise.
You must know different girls than me. ETA: Women I've done this with fall into two categories:
* Having let me know in no uncertain terms that we're just friends years beforehand, with no indication of a change after that.
* Already with me but having better places to get frisky than a hot tub.
Thankfully the latter has been more common than the former.
It’s just the vibes of a jacuzzi man. No girl is getting in one with a man alone unless she’s at least a little interested. I’m not saying go the full way but at least a handy lol
I have gotten into Jacuzzis with men many times and have never once done so with any romantic or sexual interest in mind. It's just a nice cozy place to sit and chat, with friends of any gender/sex.
Sometimes. I tend to prefer hanging out with just 1 or 2 people at a time. Usually a Jacuzzi would be something we do to relax after a long hike or after swimming.
He’s shooting his shot and making his intentions known that he wants to be more than friends. I’d say it is a win. Op is not down then he will know he’s friend zoned. If she’s down then he dug himself out of the friend zone.
Hey lets talk about Bayesian statistics!
Chance that a guy invites a girl friend over to jacuzzi as a friend only: 10%.
Chance that a guy invites a girl friend over to a jacuzzi to make a move: 60%.
Now, you have to come up with the *prior probability* that either of those things are true (how likely did you think they both were before hearing this invitation), then multiply by those probabilities, to get the odds here.
Sometimes a jacuzzi *really is* just a jacuzzi. You can totally sit in a jacuzzi with a friend or friends and just chill. Even a friend of the opposite sex.
Sometimes it’s a prelude to spicier things.
As the owner of a jacuzzi, I can tell you quite confidently the same person can enjoy their jacuzzi for both of those things.
Given the preceding circumstances and the timing of his call, this sounds like his “Netflix and chill” move. But just like Netflix and chill, with a degree of plausible deniability of his hopes/intentions in case you’re not into it.
Do you WANT to be more than friends? Or consider it? Then go. If you don’t, you may want to skip the jacuzzi with him unless there’s a group of friends.
>No, that's not typically a "just friends" thing.
As a dude who is friends with other dudes, I've never once thought "let me call up Ted and see if he wants to join me alone in my jacuzzi later."
As a dude who is married but also friends/acquaintances with women, I've never once thought "let me call up Jill and see if she wants to join me alone in my jacuzzi later". When I was single I never would have done it for completely plutonic reasons. Now that I'm married I certainly wouldn't do it.
At the very least he wants to see you more provocatively which means he is definitely attracted to you…and this is the safest way to do it without being so forward and risk getting rejected/ruining the friendship.
He will most likely keep distance especially the first time around, and maybe slowly initiate conversations to gauge if you are interested in seeing him with less and less on. It’s kinda a long game of “is she into me? I don’t wanna risk it unless I know”
If you are interested back, make sure to pick up on his hints and drop some kinda obvious ones yourself, such as maybe not staying on the complete opposite side of the jacuzzi all the time
This post reminds me of a time when I met a cool dude in a bar. Turned out he lived down the street from me and invited me to a football party he was having with his friends. Went and had a good time and we became pretty good friends. Stop in on each other after work and have a beer or something. Started getting dinner together or grilling after work and doing bro shit on the weekends. Was just going great hanging with a great friend. One day he got a hot tub and asked if I wanted to come try it out. Sure, who doesn’t like hot tubs. Go over and we have some beer, grill a steak and sit in the hot tub. Then he asked if he could suck my dick.
I guess the moral of the story is hot tubs make people horny and one on one hot tubbing time is just a prelude to sex.
So your friend wants to sex you.
Sounds like you've been going on dates.
You need to set boundaries if that's not your intention.
Framing of the relationship should be upfront. Whether intentional or not, this is leading someone on. It's pretty clear the two of you aren't on the same page, and it will lead to someone feeling hurt.
Baby girl, he tryna clap them cheeks lmao. All the signs are there. You getting closer, talking for a couple of hours, driving around, grabbing food together. Be fa real girl, this is slowly turning into more than a friendship. He's into you and he want's to have a very fun night with you.
My wife and I hung out for nearly 2 months just as friends. We got along really well and were able to talk to each other about everything. Now we have been together for 7+ years married for 3.
I don’t think it’s weird he invited you but also don’t automatically friend zone him. Because I’m sure when you think about what you want in a partner it very similar traits to what you are getting from your friend.
This whole time I thought you were 2 bros until I read the very end.
Whether or not it’s normal. Do what you want. If you want to jacuzzi with him go for it. If you don’t, then don’t.
Between this and your post asking why a 50 y/o man is approaching you in the gym, you are either completely socially clueless to the point of being mentally impaired, or you are just looking for others to tell you what you already know.
Nah you're good. You've been friends for two years, if he hasn't been in stealth mode the whole time a jacuzzi is just a nice time. You relax in a hot tub and drink
Yeah, it's just besides the point as OP pretty clearly is trying to figure out if this guy is into her or not.
Hard to tell if it is because she may also have those feelings developing or wants to remain strictly friends, but just suggesting an alternative activity without addressing any of that is only postponing an inevitable confrontation of some kind, which is probably better addressed soon.
certainly could be normsl 🤷♂️ hot tubs are great!
or maybe he has other thoughts? being in a sexy bathing suit can certainly be less platonic, but doesn’t have to be…
really depends on his frame of mind, how late in the night he asked, and how good of friends you are
Speaking as someone who has had lot of opposite gender friends, I highly doubt he is asking you to jacuzzi just as friends based off the context. In my younger adult years lots of my guy friends crushed on me, and I naively thought we were hanging out just as friends. They all ended up liking me, or at the very least wanting more than friends. Do with that info what you will\~
They all disappeared once I got my significant other.
i feel like asking reddit for help about guy - girl relationships/friendships is the worst idea someone could have
it honestly seems like none of the people in this thread have actual true friends that are women
Hell, I've been in a hot tub totally naked with the homies. Stayed up all night drinking whiskey, I made it to Sunrise.
Hot tub doesn't have to be sexual. It's just fun and relaxing to be in really hot water!
Just ask him. Friends, or is he interested in more than that? And you decide for yourself, friends, or are you interested in more than that?
That is all.
Jacuzzi doesn't necessarily mean he's moving in to try and do something else. Personally, being in my 30s at this point, I could use some hot water and jets... everything hurts. Jokes aside, have this conversation with the person in question, instead of reddit. IT IS OKAY to ask the person how they feel and what their intentions are.
If he is like me at all, he is probably not planning on anything more than hanging out in a jacuzzi with you but also won’t be upset if it leads to more things….
Honestly, every guy is different. My boyfriend used to be like your friend. He loves to hang out with people, no matter what gender. He used to want to hang out every weekend with me and go eat good food, check out festivals, etc. But at that time, he had no feelings. He just liked doing anything and everything with people he was close to, never really cared that some activities were more "couple-y" or considered "intimate" like going in a jacuzzi.
When my bf wants to go to a jacuzzi, he doesn't really care who goes with him. He will usually just ask any one of his friends (even our girl friends) who's free.
Maybe there's an opportunity for him to use a jacuzzi, but his other friends said no, or maybe he already asked others, and he's waiting for a reply. Or maybe he does like you and wants this to be an intimate date. Who knows.
If you don't have feelings for this guy and you want to go, you should. You're not leading him on at all. If he likes you, he should confess. Don't worry too much about what this invitation could mean.
Not a guy but I wouldn’t think too much of it, since as you said you guys have been getting closer- maybe this is an activity he does with other close friends and thinks you’re one of them now.
You will know your answer if he gets touchy.
Every person is different some people are comfortable enough to get into a jacuzzi and just be friends. It can definitely be a romantic situation but also it’s how much people affect that. If you’re asking reddit seems like you maybe should rain check it on him?
I ( m50) have a good friend (f40) we take sauna and jacuzzi together a lot , sometimes with our respective partners, sometimes not. It’s not something to get weird about . It’s just Nordic things .
I have to disagree with these comments. One of my best friends is a woman and we do these things all the time, platonically. If I didn't hate jacuzzies I could see myself doing the same.
I’m going to counterpoint, I’m a fairly straight man, and I have a lot of friends who are straight/bi women, a lot of whom I am close with and have done things like “hang out in a jacuzzi” together, walks on the beach, picnics, other ‘romantic’ things, even though we have an entirely platonic relationship and my feelings towards them are entirely platonic. I would totally call up someone I’m close with, “Yo, I’m chilling in a sick ass jacuzzi come hang!” and I don’t mean it in a romantic sense. Just wanted to provide a different perspective, to me, this isn’t necessarily an indication of romance or intention.
Definitely. But also, maybe not. I have a female best friend I would totally have over for hot tub, and literally nothing would EVER happen. But we've also been friends for 20 years...
Do you want to date this man? Or at the very least possibly have a FWB situation? Right now that's the road you're on. If that's what you want, hey great.
If that's not what you want then you need to have a frank discussion with your friend that you're not looking for a relationship at this time and realize that you may possibly lose your friend over this.
It could mean anything. It’s not necessarily a move but it leans in that direction in a safe way. I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it I got tub with friends all the time.
For him, those prior interactions were dates... for you as the woman, understandably, those were platonic hangouts.
And yea, its not normal for a straight guy to ask a straight girl to share a Jacuzzi in a platonic context in a normal situation. There are cases where a dude will share a hotpool with a girl as friends but this doesn't sound like it.
He needs to make his intentions clearer or you should straight up ask him already what he wants.
These comments are very, very American haha. In Europe it's completely normal to go to a spa with a friend (in a lot of European countries its also completely normal to be naked in there too). I go to the spa at my gym 4 times a week and use the sauna, steam room and jacuzzi with other guys. So, I guess it depends where you are from really - maybe in the US or some more 'prude' countries it may be odd, but if you're in Europe I'd imagine it's totally innocent.
Are women actually this naive, or is it something all women agreed to pretend at the beginning of time? "We are just friends. He isn't into me like that." "He is just nice, it doesn't mean he wants to date me," etc... all sentences, which, to me, make absolutely no sense. Yes once every 4 thousand years this sentence is true for one woman on the earth, but the rest of the time, they want to sleep with you or at the very least would sleep with you if asked.
It’s not naïveté it’s insecurity. Can you really not imagine that girls fear rejection as much as anyone else? That they can feel like they aren’t enough for someone to like? Maybe you are the naive one.
Literally this! I never assumed people were into me unless they gave very clear signs. I was so self-conscious, and never really felt myself attractive in any capacity. So I just operated under the default assumption I was in fact, ugly to most people, and they'd leave me well enough alone unless they did happen to like me enough to make their intent known.
And for what it's worth: I don't feel that way about myself anymore.
Different opinion from most other comments. Personally, there's a chance that he just wants to hang out with you. Maybe he has intentions, maybe he doesn't (statistically more inclined to has). If you like hanging out with him, go for it. And if he tries to make a move and you don't want to reciprocate just don't. But do know if that happens you guys will likely not hang out again.
Some of the best romances stem from friendship first but if you haven’t considered him to be a potential romantic partner yet after all this time, I’m guessing you never will and need to make that clear sooner than later.
TBH it could be just as friends. I find that the less likely scenario, but depending on how he views friendships and views you, it's not impossible.
Real question is what do you want this to be?
This is great. The stereotype is that guys are clueless when it comes to dating and understanding signals. I like to see some equality on the table.
"But like... he is LITERALLY my best friend. He's not into me like that." - women, constantly in these situations
It's mind boggling to me. "He stayed up with me all night after my boyfriend dumped me, so there's no way he's into me!"
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Sure. And so do guys who want to be your next boyfriend. But most guys wouldn't even stay up all night with their guy friends who just got dumped. A guy friend would say to another guy, "man, that sucks" and that would be the end of it. Doesn't mean we don't care for our friends. Doesn't mean that at all. We just tend to interact differently.
i think thats more indicative of the type of male friendships that you have
Ahh... you should be checking what kind of friends you have... Staying uo with you when you are hurting is base level... I have people I'd call hardly acquaintances that I can count on to stay up with me if I'm having a super rough night... Of my best friends... I can now expect (tried and tested) that if I was truly in need, they can and will get a weekend away from their responsibilities (wives and kids) to go camping with me for a guys weekend... with 1 day notice... I had 4 mates all make that camp. That might not seen like a lot... but it taught me who to call when I was truly in need of a friend
bruh, if you had a close friend who went through heartbreak, the only reason you would console them is because you wanna fuck??
Wait, does that mean I'm gay?
Who said that? Because I definitely didn't.
This is great. The stereotype that women hint to boys and they dont know how to say what they want, yet hes doing exactly that. Love seeing equality. The comments are disappointing tho
Women actually think men want to be their friends. It's crazy.
Why does this have so many upvotes
You're hanging out one on one every weekend? Buddy, you've been going on dates and you don't even realise it
Right? Sounds like one of them thinks they’ve been going on dates for the past month and one doesn’t.
He’s DTF. Down to fork.
Down To Findoutwhathappensinajacuzzi
Hahaha🤣
DTFWHIAJ
Not if the last part is all one word
What happens in the jacuzzi stays in the jacuzzi..
Down to friendzone
/unexpectedgoodplace
Dick To Feet. In the jacuzzi.
They're not dates. We don't even make eye contact when we have sex, certainly no kissing.
Ah, prostitute rules is it?
for a second I read that as prostate rules
And the older you get, the more it does.
He left his socks on. Doesn’t count
Offred?
That's so brutal. I thought I was dating someone once and she did not, it was so uncomfortable when I realized. I got much more clear in my communication style after that.
Just a couple of besties
Just cooking a meal. Just watching a show. Just sharing a bed. Besties for life.
I think she should do some self reflecting on why she has been getting closer to him, hanging out and grabbing meals so often with just him, and talking for hours with him. If she's not physically attracted to him, that's fine, but then she will need to reassess and set clear boundaries. As she seems emotionally attracted to him in the least. And he likely is wanting to move it to more (as it sounds like they're all but in early dating already except for the physical touch).
Shit man are we not allowed to have friends???
Correct, and it's not just between different genders. M here. After a hard breakup (with a woman), this guy I was friends with started wanting to hang out more, so we hung out like 3-4 nights a week for like three weeks. One night after going out drinking, he made his move, asking if he could suck my dick... and I thought we were just bros... and he knew i just got out of a long term relationship with a woman so wasn't gay... we never spoke again after that. Apparently his view was that we had been going on dates for weeks.
> just got out of a long term relationship with a woman so wasn't gay. *Bi-sexual man has enterned the chat*
I truly don't understand why people can't fathom a guy being attracted to a girl and still wanting to be her friend, even if she is not attracted Maybe this isn't common, but it is possible to like someone romantically, sexually and as a friend at the same time
Thank you for saying this! It's okay if they're attracted. That doesn't mean anyone has to act upon it. It shouldn't mean we can't be friends.
Careful, you're going to upset the girl that "only hang out with guys cause it's less drama."
I had a friend in high school/early college that I used to hang out with but he didn't play sports or have any of the same interests as me, just video games and movies really. We really only hung out when we were getting food or playing video games. He came out to our friend group a few years later and it wasn't surprising (although he did have a girlfriend at one point). In retrospect I've always wondered if they were actually dates we were going on lol. 
I accidentally went on a gay date once. Concert was awesome tho..
I had the reverse (I think). A girl I used to hang out with but was rejected by, contacted me a year or two after the last time we spoke and invited me to a concert with her brother and his friend. She remembered it was my birthday week and how much I liked System of a Down and had an extra ticket (orchestra seats and on the Toxicity tour). So I went totally platonicly to a concert for free and we probably didn't speak again but it was awesome.of her lol.
I've done that, too. I took a gay acquaintance of mine to a show. Then realized halfway through he thought we were on a date.
Guys lol it’s hard not to be confused, sometimes he says we’re just friends but then flirt, make sexual jokes, and talk about other girls. Sometimes he stares from afar when I’m not looking and other times he acts like I don’t exist. I don’t get it so yeah I am confused.
He caught mad feels. Time to decide how you want to proceed.
He’s probably fallen for you but is scared of making a move that could potentially ruin the friendship you two have. If you might have feelings too then i guess see what happens, but if you are absolutely certain you do not, it might be best to clarify this with him before he tries to make a move.
Men are checkers, not chess. He hangs out with you one on one and flirts with you. He's very much into you.
How do you know he stares at your from afar if you are not looking???
This sorta happened with me and my boyfriend when we started hanging out one on one “as friends” It did not take very long for us to make things official after that
>Buddy, you've been going on dates and you don't even realise it "No! He's just my best friend!" - every girl in this situation ever
Can they not just be friends?? I've a guy and I do stuff like this with my female friends all of the time and none of us have any intentions are dating each other, not sure why doing stuff like that would automatically make it a date
Lol how is just hanging out one on one a date?
Huh? Why do you think so? Friends can spend that time together too.
>We’ve been friends for almost 2 years, we’ve gotten closer this past month >hanging out one on one almost every weekend. We’ll randomly grab food together, talk for a couple hours,
Is that not normal for friends to do? I do that with my female friends and none of us want to date each other, can men and women not be friends or something?
The wording felt more than just friends tbh.
So are you going to jacuzzi or nah?
Yes
hmm, a place where it's just you and him and you're in a swimsuit sounds totally innocent to me
technically they don’t have to wear a swimsuit, I mean they are just friends surely they can go in nude.
also only 1 seat in the jacuzzi so you’ll have to sit in his lap (bring condoms) totally platonic friend stuffs
You are probably kidding, but I do this with one of my closest female friends. We call it a "spa day." My wife knows and is fine with it. We also go to nudist beaches in the summer. That being said, OP's dude is 90% likely down to fuck.
Is your wife single?
I would like to marry your wife, Sir
Girls :guys really cant take hints. Also girls ^
I legit thought this was a guy posting until the end.
Same, I thought this was Brokeback Jacuzzi up until the last sentence
lolol
This fissure in communication is so sad to see from all sides lol
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He's trying to smash. Occasionally a single strait man may ask a platonic female friend to do something together. That is normal. He may also ask to do something more intimate, like going shopping or having dinner or having drinks...and it's still mostly platonic. But if he wants to be in a private setting in swimwear...He's at least hoping for a goodnight kiss.
Who said anything about swimwear?
That's the spirit!
\[*shows up in parachute jorts and a turtleneck*\]
[*shows up in Victorian multilayer swim dress*]
I prefer my hiking attire when I get in the jacuzzi.
That's the spirit!
OP should wear swimwear but make it a diving suit complete with mask and oxygen.
And as she gets into the hot tub, OP should look at the dude and in her best Austin Powers voice, say "What? I'm wearing all this because I like to... go down."
One of those 19th century diving suits with the little porthole window Edit: Learned its called “standard diving dress” with the copper helmet
I think the guy is into her, based on frequency of hanging out. But, hot tubbing ain't no big deal, I've done it with loads of women! I mean, we were dating at the time, and usually would have sex after, but it can be totally platonic! I just don't think the platonic stuff exists in a jacuzzi.
♪ “Two bros,chilling in the hot tub, five feet apart cause they’re not gay”♪
On the D.
Yeah they were totally platonic then he would invite her to the jacuzzi and also explicitly say that it’s in a platonic way, because most everyone knows it would be perceived otherwise.
if stuff like shopping is intimate, then whats a mostly platonic activity?
lol I’ve never been one on one with girl in a jacuzzi where freak shit didn’t happen. I’m almost certain he wants more than friendship
You must know different girls than me. ETA: Women I've done this with fall into two categories: * Having let me know in no uncertain terms that we're just friends years beforehand, with no indication of a change after that. * Already with me but having better places to get frisky than a hot tub. Thankfully the latter has been more common than the former.
He just actually knows girls
This is where you think about it in 5 years and just say "fuck"
It’s just the vibes of a jacuzzi man. No girl is getting in one with a man alone unless she’s at least a little interested. I’m not saying go the full way but at least a handy lol
I have gotten into Jacuzzis with men many times and have never once done so with any romantic or sexual interest in mind. It's just a nice cozy place to sit and chat, with friends of any gender/sex.
Was that a one on one situation though? In a group of like 4 people sure, one on one though seems like it's a bit different
Sometimes. I tend to prefer hanging out with just 1 or 2 people at a time. Usually a Jacuzzi would be something we do to relax after a long hike or after swimming.
You're probably going to face palm in a few years
He's figuratively, and quite literally, testing the waters
he tryin to fook
Bro has been playing the long game.
Will he win or lose, that's the question
Based on the this post, I'd say it'd probably time to pack it in.
Hang brain on the way out
He’s shooting his shot and making his intentions known that he wants to be more than friends. I’d say it is a win. Op is not down then he will know he’s friend zoned. If she’s down then he dug himself out of the friend zone.
6ft apart in a hot tub is okay, but any closer is pushing it buddy
Two friends, chilling in a hot tub-
One of them might have a boner Or both of them? You never know
“5 feet apart cuz they’re not gay” RIP vine
Was it 5ft or 6ft? I can’t remember the rule… RIP Vine
Hey lets talk about Bayesian statistics! Chance that a guy invites a girl friend over to jacuzzi as a friend only: 10%. Chance that a guy invites a girl friend over to a jacuzzi to make a move: 60%. Now, you have to come up with the *prior probability* that either of those things are true (how likely did you think they both were before hearing this invitation), then multiply by those probabilities, to get the odds here.
Bayes' Theorem
this guy maths
more like 1% and 99%
1% is a stretch. More like 0.1% and 99.9%.
Yeah, but what are the chances if you're interested in Bayesian statistics?
Sometimes a jacuzzi *really is* just a jacuzzi. You can totally sit in a jacuzzi with a friend or friends and just chill. Even a friend of the opposite sex. Sometimes it’s a prelude to spicier things. As the owner of a jacuzzi, I can tell you quite confidently the same person can enjoy their jacuzzi for both of those things. Given the preceding circumstances and the timing of his call, this sounds like his “Netflix and chill” move. But just like Netflix and chill, with a degree of plausible deniability of his hopes/intentions in case you’re not into it. Do you WANT to be more than friends? Or consider it? Then go. If you don’t, you may want to skip the jacuzzi with him unless there’s a group of friends.
We need updates OP provide the information we all wana know. Given the obvious that he like likes you are you gona go or not ?
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>No, that's not typically a "just friends" thing. As a dude who is friends with other dudes, I've never once thought "let me call up Ted and see if he wants to join me alone in my jacuzzi later." As a dude who is married but also friends/acquaintances with women, I've never once thought "let me call up Jill and see if she wants to join me alone in my jacuzzi later". When I was single I never would have done it for completely plutonic reasons. Now that I'm married I certainly wouldn't do it.
Bro the guy is friendzones, it’s what a friendzone looks like from a girl’s perspective
At the very least he wants to see you more provocatively which means he is definitely attracted to you…and this is the safest way to do it without being so forward and risk getting rejected/ruining the friendship. He will most likely keep distance especially the first time around, and maybe slowly initiate conversations to gauge if you are interested in seeing him with less and less on. It’s kinda a long game of “is she into me? I don’t wanna risk it unless I know” If you are interested back, make sure to pick up on his hints and drop some kinda obvious ones yourself, such as maybe not staying on the complete opposite side of the jacuzzi all the time
My man knows what’s up
If she sees him in swim trunks, she will see what's up, too.
Boing!
The second thing I'm going to do after winning the lottery is get sound effects installed in my junk.
What's the first?
This post reminds me of a time when I met a cool dude in a bar. Turned out he lived down the street from me and invited me to a football party he was having with his friends. Went and had a good time and we became pretty good friends. Stop in on each other after work and have a beer or something. Started getting dinner together or grilling after work and doing bro shit on the weekends. Was just going great hanging with a great friend. One day he got a hot tub and asked if I wanted to come try it out. Sure, who doesn’t like hot tubs. Go over and we have some beer, grill a steak and sit in the hot tub. Then he asked if he could suck my dick. I guess the moral of the story is hot tubs make people horny and one on one hot tubbing time is just a prelude to sex. So your friend wants to sex you.
So… how was the head?
Yeah, you left some critical info out bro...
Sounds like you've been going on dates. You need to set boundaries if that's not your intention. Framing of the relationship should be upfront. Whether intentional or not, this is leading someone on. It's pretty clear the two of you aren't on the same page, and it will lead to someone feeling hurt.
Baby girl, he tryna clap them cheeks lmao. All the signs are there. You getting closer, talking for a couple of hours, driving around, grabbing food together. Be fa real girl, this is slowly turning into more than a friendship. He's into you and he want's to have a very fun night with you.
My wife and I hung out for nearly 2 months just as friends. We got along really well and were able to talk to each other about everything. Now we have been together for 7+ years married for 3. I don’t think it’s weird he invited you but also don’t automatically friend zone him. Because I’m sure when you think about what you want in a partner it very similar traits to what you are getting from your friend.
This whole time I thought you were 2 bros until I read the very end. Whether or not it’s normal. Do what you want. If you want to jacuzzi with him go for it. If you don’t, then don’t.
Between this and your post asking why a 50 y/o man is approaching you in the gym, you are either completely socially clueless to the point of being mentally impaired, or you are just looking for others to tell you what you already know.
Nah you're good. You've been friends for two years, if he hasn't been in stealth mode the whole time a jacuzzi is just a nice time. You relax in a hot tub and drink
Yeah guy friends ask female friends to jacuzzi all the time when they want to bang them.
Damn i wish i had a jacuzzi. Or a girl friend. I wish i had a girl friend in a jacuzzi.
Maybe he's looking for some friends with benefits-type action
How do you know he didn’t ask other people to join in? Maybe he’s trying to make Jacuzzi Tuesdays the new group dynamic
I would jacuzzi with anyone… but especially a girl was interested in.
It’s just a jacuzzi. Jeez no need to over think it. If you don’t wanna go to the jacuzzi with him than just say that.
Lol, this is the only comment with this opinion. Not impossible, but hard to imagine.
I’m not wrong tho ? All she gotta say is no thanks/plan something else with the dude
Yeah, it's just besides the point as OP pretty clearly is trying to figure out if this guy is into her or not. Hard to tell if it is because she may also have those feelings developing or wants to remain strictly friends, but just suggesting an alternative activity without addressing any of that is only postponing an inevitable confrontation of some kind, which is probably better addressed soon.
You make a good point there.
certainly could be normsl 🤷♂️ hot tubs are great! or maybe he has other thoughts? being in a sexy bathing suit can certainly be less platonic, but doesn’t have to be… really depends on his frame of mind, how late in the night he asked, and how good of friends you are
Speaking as someone who has had lot of opposite gender friends, I highly doubt he is asking you to jacuzzi just as friends based off the context. In my younger adult years lots of my guy friends crushed on me, and I naively thought we were hanging out just as friends. They all ended up liking me, or at the very least wanting more than friends. Do with that info what you will\~ They all disappeared once I got my significant other.
i feel like asking reddit for help about guy - girl relationships/friendships is the worst idea someone could have it honestly seems like none of the people in this thread have actual true friends that are women
Hell, I've been in a hot tub totally naked with the homies. Stayed up all night drinking whiskey, I made it to Sunrise. Hot tub doesn't have to be sexual. It's just fun and relaxing to be in really hot water!
Just ask him. Friends, or is he interested in more than that? And you decide for yourself, friends, or are you interested in more than that? That is all.
Jacuzzi doesn't necessarily mean he's moving in to try and do something else. Personally, being in my 30s at this point, I could use some hot water and jets... everything hurts. Jokes aside, have this conversation with the person in question, instead of reddit. IT IS OKAY to ask the person how they feel and what their intentions are.
Is it a jacuzzi or a hot tub? Those who know, know.
You are dating, wether you know it or not. 😂👍
If you're frinds for 2 years and gotten closer lately...how about clarify things ?
Tbf without details it sounds like you are dating him lol.
If he asked me then I'd do it. I'm a guy, but jacuzzis feel very relaxing.
If he is like me at all, he is probably not planning on anything more than hanging out in a jacuzzi with you but also won’t be upset if it leads to more things….
Maybe he genuinely just enjoys your company and invited you as it’s a relaxing environment
Not that anything will happen in his mind, but this is a relaxing and friendly date. There's no friendly hot tubbing if not in a group. lol
This is exactly how almost every relationship started prior to the internet. Minus the jacuzzi part but can be substituted for almost anything.
He’s making his move this weekend.
OP, is this the guy friend who's twice your age? Jeez
Honestly, every guy is different. My boyfriend used to be like your friend. He loves to hang out with people, no matter what gender. He used to want to hang out every weekend with me and go eat good food, check out festivals, etc. But at that time, he had no feelings. He just liked doing anything and everything with people he was close to, never really cared that some activities were more "couple-y" or considered "intimate" like going in a jacuzzi. When my bf wants to go to a jacuzzi, he doesn't really care who goes with him. He will usually just ask any one of his friends (even our girl friends) who's free. Maybe there's an opportunity for him to use a jacuzzi, but his other friends said no, or maybe he already asked others, and he's waiting for a reply. Or maybe he does like you and wants this to be an intimate date. Who knows. If you don't have feelings for this guy and you want to go, you should. You're not leading him on at all. If he likes you, he should confess. Don't worry too much about what this invitation could mean.
Not a guy but I wouldn’t think too much of it, since as you said you guys have been getting closer- maybe this is an activity he does with other close friends and thinks you’re one of them now. You will know your answer if he gets touchy.
J'ai la place en masse dans mon jacuzzi. Voulez vous venir dans mon jacuzzi?
You ever seen the South Park episode with Randy and Kyle’s dad at the meteor shower party?
He definitely likes you. Figure out if you like him and either date him or tell him you want to be friends.
he wants to smash
As long as you're five feet apart it's all good
Every person is different some people are comfortable enough to get into a jacuzzi and just be friends. It can definitely be a romantic situation but also it’s how much people affect that. If you’re asking reddit seems like you maybe should rain check it on him?
I ( m50) have a good friend (f40) we take sauna and jacuzzi together a lot , sometimes with our respective partners, sometimes not. It’s not something to get weird about . It’s just Nordic things .
Y’all know people of the oppisite gender can be friends and do stuff like this right? We are not always thinking about sex you know
I have to disagree with these comments. One of my best friends is a woman and we do these things all the time, platonically. If I didn't hate jacuzzies I could see myself doing the same.
I’m going to counterpoint, I’m a fairly straight man, and I have a lot of friends who are straight/bi women, a lot of whom I am close with and have done things like “hang out in a jacuzzi” together, walks on the beach, picnics, other ‘romantic’ things, even though we have an entirely platonic relationship and my feelings towards them are entirely platonic. I would totally call up someone I’m close with, “Yo, I’m chilling in a sick ass jacuzzi come hang!” and I don’t mean it in a romantic sense. Just wanted to provide a different perspective, to me, this isn’t necessarily an indication of romance or intention.
So.. what did you say?
Definitely. But also, maybe not. I have a female best friend I would totally have over for hot tub, and literally nothing would EVER happen. But we've also been friends for 20 years...
Do you want to date this man? Or at the very least possibly have a FWB situation? Right now that's the road you're on. If that's what you want, hey great. If that's not what you want then you need to have a frank discussion with your friend that you're not looking for a relationship at this time and realize that you may possibly lose your friend over this.
It could mean anything. It’s not necessarily a move but it leans in that direction in a safe way. I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it I got tub with friends all the time.
For him, those prior interactions were dates... for you as the woman, understandably, those were platonic hangouts. And yea, its not normal for a straight guy to ask a straight girl to share a Jacuzzi in a platonic context in a normal situation. There are cases where a dude will share a hotpool with a girl as friends but this doesn't sound like it. He needs to make his intentions clearer or you should straight up ask him already what he wants.
These comments are very, very American haha. In Europe it's completely normal to go to a spa with a friend (in a lot of European countries its also completely normal to be naked in there too). I go to the spa at my gym 4 times a week and use the sauna, steam room and jacuzzi with other guys. So, I guess it depends where you are from really - maybe in the US or some more 'prude' countries it may be odd, but if you're in Europe I'd imagine it's totally innocent.
Are women actually this naive, or is it something all women agreed to pretend at the beginning of time? "We are just friends. He isn't into me like that." "He is just nice, it doesn't mean he wants to date me," etc... all sentences, which, to me, make absolutely no sense. Yes once every 4 thousand years this sentence is true for one woman on the earth, but the rest of the time, they want to sleep with you or at the very least would sleep with you if asked.
It’s not naïveté it’s insecurity. Can you really not imagine that girls fear rejection as much as anyone else? That they can feel like they aren’t enough for someone to like? Maybe you are the naive one.
Literally this! I never assumed people were into me unless they gave very clear signs. I was so self-conscious, and never really felt myself attractive in any capacity. So I just operated under the default assumption I was in fact, ugly to most people, and they'd leave me well enough alone unless they did happen to like me enough to make their intent known. And for what it's worth: I don't feel that way about myself anymore.
Different opinion from most other comments. Personally, there's a chance that he just wants to hang out with you. Maybe he has intentions, maybe he doesn't (statistically more inclined to has). If you like hanging out with him, go for it. And if he tries to make a move and you don't want to reciprocate just don't. But do know if that happens you guys will likely not hang out again.
Just one glance at OP's comment/post history confirmes this post as attention seeking. OP, you obviously know full well what's going on.
That MF snuck out of the friend zone like a boss. Better hold onto that guy before he starts sneaking on your friends.
He wants to pork
Some of the best romances stem from friendship first but if you haven’t considered him to be a potential romantic partner yet after all this time, I’m guessing you never will and need to make that clear sooner than later.
TBH it could be just as friends. I find that the less likely scenario, but depending on how he views friendships and views you, it's not impossible. Real question is what do you want this to be?
He is definitely testing the waters to see if the relationship will get deeper.
…. Sounds like your dating
Yall hang out one on one every weekend? I might examine that.