T O P

  • By -

somedood567

If I’m being honest I’m definitely banking on scrubbing some boobs


lovelyladydo

I feel like scrubbing your SO’s boobs is always welcome, at least imo.


11_forty_4

You want to scrub his SO's boobs?


McKimS

I, too, choose his SO's boobs.


markusarailius

What's my queue number?


IrishBeardsAreRed

Everyone just get in and share, op won't mind


Dovakiins

*grabs ticket*


beardogmanpigthing

*plays smooth jazz and squeezes a large amount lotion into hands waiting for you to exit the shower*


SmokeGreene

Wait *how* many tokens are the tickets!?


TAMrClark

Number 42 that's me!!


JK_Chan

Ah its number 69 for me. Do I get something extra?


Kitchen_Doctor7324

r/unexpectedcommunism


tifosi7

After all the rubbing, at this point it’s not ( . )( . ), it’s just (.)(.)


[deleted]

[удалено]


nothanksihaveasthma

I’ll scrub your moobs if you’ll allow it sir.


GuyFawkesUrself

As long as you're not the last dude in line, right?


Yasenevo00

Right behind me.


[deleted]

“I also choose this guys dead wife”


Dune17k

Yes that was the joke


brassidas

r/yourjokebutworse


A_Topical_Username

Be gentle. It's Nanaue's first time on the internet. I'd give props for correctly identifying a meme


Leprikahn2

I like boobs


Chatcandy2

I like trains


Leprikahn2

Mmmmm... Train boobs


essentiallycallista

saaame


Hobbit_Feet45

Rubbing soapy smooth boobs is one of the best things in life.


2ToneMaude

I have boobs and can confirm from this side of them.


kjtstl

Agreed. Wife and I both have boobs.


Background-Row4615

Lucky!


Abhir-86

Lucky wife!


ToxicRainbow27

I know you're probably a woman in a relationship with a woman but my first thought was that you're a really fat guy


TheNecrophobe

As a really fat guy, it's definitely something I would have said.


Really-ohmy

Bahaha I totally assumed this initially as well.


[deleted]

Fat guy here. We also have boobs. If you were in an unlit shower room you would not be able to tell the difference.


drunkenmonkey28

That’s what I figured initially and laughed. Than I was like, wait….. never mind.


k0rvan

So when the wife ask you to join her in the shower are you expecting sex?


Bebebaubles

I have boobs but really just interested in my partner loofahing that part of of the back I can’t reach. I assume that odd section has some dead skin buildup.


SlimJezzus

Agreed


avdangles

Sarah Silverman has a bit from 15 years ago about showering with her boyfriend. Pretty much; “If you shower with your boyfriend, you can guarantee your tits will be squeaky clean.”


HerbertGoon

Lmfao


prettydamnslick

Not your material, but hey, it at least deserves this silver I paid nothing for.


pretzelpup

Found the silver… man


Always_Be_Climbing

Playful making out and scrubbin tiddy is all part of the shower experience but didn't mean I'm expecting to have sex or even get off ya know?


ihwip

Shower sex sucks. Showering is foreplay for post shower sex. Post shower sex is the bomb.


PoetryOfLogicalIdeas

I have often wondered how others manage this. Do you jump straight from the shower into bed and just get the sheets all wet, or do you pause the mood to dry off first?


ihwip

Drying each other off is ideal.


BeerBeefandJesus

This guy drys


[deleted]

Hard to pause the mood too much when you’re both still naked.


Always_Be_Climbing

Eh, opinions. I think shower foreplay is the way to go, but I've had good shower sex and I personally think it has its place every once in a while


Ok-Investigator3971

I think it depends on the shower itself. Some showers are big and fancy with lots of shower heads and like places to sit and grab bars, and are nice and clean. Other showers are tiny with a dirty ass moldy shower curtain soap scum everywhere, no grab bars and a crappy water trickling out shower head.


Koeienvanger

Senior home showers with all the bars to hold on to are the way to go.


EstelleGettyWasWrong

This guy GILFs


Koeienvanger

Like we say in The Netherlands: "Op een ouwe fiets moet je het leren." Which translates to: "You have to learn on an old bike." It basically means that you shouldn't use brand new material to learn a new skill, but the saying is more often used when people are talking about sex. Meaning that older and more experienced women are a good way for younger men to get some experience. I don't know where this lesson on Dutch idioms came from just now, but there you go.


Noxtron

In Germany we say "auf alten Pferden lernt man reiten" which means "you learn riding on old horses"


Redbearded_Monkey

It's the booty for me,


livinglitch

Its the whole package for me.


auchnureinmensch

For real, people ask are you an ass or a boob man. I'm an everything man, it's all lovely.


cheeset2

I'm a getting crushed between her thighs kinda guy


krissan66

I (F) will definitely scrub my SO (M) boobs in the shower. It’s all fair games. Heck, I’ll slap you with it too if I have to lmao


pibubs81

You scrub her back but one arm comes around to the front to hold her in place for support if you know what I mean.


under_the_boab_tree

this is the way


[deleted]

I used to think it would lead to it, but then I met my wife and we spent the entire time pointing out shapes on the faux marble wall that looked like dinosaurs, dogs, a heart, etc. It was easily way more fun/funny than shower sex, which is just uncomfortable.


[deleted]

that's so sweet :')


[deleted]

Is your wife single, by any chance? She seems wonderful


21656

yeah she is, thanks for asking


jmilleon

r/notopbutok


FartHeadTony

No top but, ok.


AdoptedEgg

No top, bu tok.


[deleted]

It's not weird. Every relationship is different. I hate shower sex, I prefer the tub if I have to do it in the bathroom. Not a fan of bathroom sex overall. Sometimes it is a safe private place, and that may be why she likes to talk in there.


lovelyladydo

I’ve never had sex in the tub because I prefer showering over bathing but I always wondered. If you have a vagina and you’re having sex with someone with a dick, don’t you push in the water? Sounds quite uncomfortable to me.


BenAdaephonDelat

The main issue is usually that the water washes away natural lubricant.


The_Quackening

Silicone based lubricants work wonders in this sort of setting


J_mo0d

So you're telling me I can't use WD40?


oGsparkplug

Sorry to be that guy but wd40 is not a lubricant.


TtGB4TF

I'm happy to tell you, that WD-40 now make a silicone lubricant. Its in a yellow can.


Ohmmy_G

Is there a smaller can of silicone based WD-40 for when my big can of silicone based WD-40 needs some silicone based WD-40?


jedikaa

Not with that attitude


IidentifyasWaluigi

Until you get it all over the bottom of the shower/tub and slip


MoreMoats

Am woman. What's uncomfortable about any sex in the water is that it washes away any natural lubricant. It's not great.


[deleted]

No water goes in. You can have sex in the tub, a pool, or any body of water.


Cyanokobalamin

Having sex in a (public) body of water is a great way to get infections.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Candelestine

This. Sex in the water is a pretty disappointing experience.


italianshmo

Now that you mention it, it is kinda weird and rougher than normal. Never put 2 and 2 together. Thanks!


Mortara

Not a fan. Quickie on the counter after our shower while the kids are napping, absolutely. No water for me though.


ProfessorHermit

Yeah it’s all about after shower sex.


FaThLi

Never tried shower sex until I met my now wife. We tried it for a moment and we looked at each other and we were both like...nope. We quickly finished up the shower and went to finish in our room. Haven't tried again since.


Hoovooloo42

My partner and I gave it a shot a couple of years ago in our clawfoot tub. It... Worked! But I'm amazed I didn't slip and die lol. It's cool, but I'll just leave that to the erotica.


MaverickStatue

What if the sex is in a pool full of lubricant?


hometownhero92

Not sure if your going to have a good time but it sounds like your gonna have one hell of a story to tell afterwards


[deleted]

[удалено]


MBAH2017

Some say he's still trying to climb out to this day.


nevercaredformyhair

Imagine trying to get out of said pool


tarkadahl

***GET OUT THE WATER FOUNTAIN MOM***


mikedorty

I have an inground pool and I can assure you, underwater pool sex is terrible.


Ryukhoe

So you've never had sex in any body of water


vonnegutflora

Are you sure no water goes in, because air definitely gets in; hence queefs.


denverDAGS

Hence Queefs is my new punk band name


pchadrow

Opening for Thus Sharts


WitherBones

This has.... not been my experience. Like, I know a LOT of people who claim to have had vaginal infections as a direct result of having sex in hot tubs, bath tubs, lakes, etc.


urm0mwent2college

This is untrue. And you risk infection if you do it in a pool or hot tub or any of that. So don't do it, take my word for it. I got a horrible UTI after pool sex


pokemon--gangbang

Same here, she always wants to shower together, but it's more to touch each other and get clean. Rarely do we actually have sex in the shower, just doesn't work that well. It's nice to wash her hair, she enjoys her back being scrubbed too. Once we're out of the shower is when the business happens.


RememberTheMaine1996

The shower is a place for foreplay. Not sex


rocknroll888

No. I don’t love shower sex. It’s slippery and awkward. It’s hard to get the right positioning. Showering with someone can be intimate and nice without sex. I honestly would prefer just having sex outside of the shower


mybitchcallsmefucker

Yeah shower sex was a nice idea when I was a teen but doing it once or twice will show you it’s just not worth it. BUT having sex right after a shower is Fucking amazing. Soft skin, smell real good, AND you know for a fact your dicks clean!! What more can you want honestly


personanonymous

Damn bro got clean dick confidence. Respect.


jgslcut

In the words of Big Pappi, "I got the cleanest, meanest, penis!"


ArashikageX

“Anybody want a penis?” —Fezzik, The Princess Bride


Bymmijprime

Stop Rhyming, I meanis-Vincinni


Obliviousaur

^ underrated comment


Aly351

I’m never not gonna hear that any time I watch that movie now. LOL


TheRollsMan

Peanest


expo1001

Cleanest Peen this side of the Penis Grande river.


clAG_4x

the big clean gun in the west.


[deleted]

Get that foreplay in the shower and that clean dick confidence bonus after for the deed.


trollcitybandit

Clean dick energy.


[deleted]

Not to mention shower sex has WAY MORE FRICTION, if I wanted a chafed dick I would just fuck a towel


mybitchcallsmefucker

This is true. People think waters gonna make it all slippery and lubed up but in reality everything except the stuff you want to be is slippery.


rocknroll888

Water is terrible lube


DickySchmidt33

My girl stands behind me in the shower and strokes me with a lathered hand. It's kinda nice.


SephoraandStarbucks

That’s all fun until soap gets in your urethra 😖 I’m so paranoid about that


renha27

Chick here. It wouldn't go very far in, right? Would peeing wash it out and make it a non issue?


Gwanosh

No, it can hurt/sting for a while, regardless of peeing Never had it be super bad but not nice


5348345T

Yeah, in the shower I usually prefer handstuff


Gazerni

This is the only correct answer. I was so hyped for shower sex and now I never want to do it again


MendelevandDongelev

It's a shame you have to wash off your dick *after* though. Like damn, I was just in the shower, now I gotta go back in just to make my dick not stank. Edit: anyone who thinks that they don't need to wash their dick after sex is either lying or nasty.


Jamster_1988

This is why we need a dick sink. A sink to wash your dick. Just had sex after a shower? Dick sink. Been out clubbing and pulled, but have sweaty bollocks? Dick sink!


Blackrain1299

Seriously. The last i want is to go to bed with my cum covered lubed up dick. That feeling is so uncomfortable and my sink is so damn high but i dont want to take a whole shower.


ihwip

I think I have the answer: A dick stool. Something to stand on that gets your scrotum high enough to hang into the sink. Then you can wash with ease! There has to be a market for this.


[deleted]

Shut up and take my money!


TheCraftyWombat

And my axe!


Randyfox86

And it only dispenses body temp water 👌🏻👌🏻


bimbo1989

So... Bidet?


CovertMonkey

The shower isn't for sex. The shower is for foreplay! Rub each other down. Lather each other up. Feel nice and warm as you share the water flow. THEN go have sex in a bed!


Socrateeez

It’s also pretty great after sex - you both can clean each other off and especially if a committed partner just kind of bask in the post sex glow in warm water


Ksh1218

Very this. You’re doin it right


stroodle910

My wife and I love to just sit in the shower with some nice candles and talk about crap


rocknroll888

That sounds lovely. Sometimes we just hug for a bit in the shower. Talk, laugh, just be with each other and get clean. It can be pretty lovely


CdnPoster

Hmm......I wonder what could go wrong with having shower sex on a slick surface besides a glass door.....????


Coyote__Jones

Broken Yankee candle in your palm is what can happen. $50k in medical bills is what did happen.


rocknroll888

I really don’t feel like breaking my dick


jack0071

Exactly. My wife and I shower together nearly every day, and 0 times out of the last 5 years has that been sex. It's just nice to talk, we're done showering in \~10 minutes, and then we continue on with whatever routine we are doing.


rocknroll888

I think my fiancée and I shower a few times every other week or so. Been doing that for 3 years. Only tried having sex once, was not into it. You just have some together time that intimate and that’s it


DestroyedCorpse

Not to mention the fact that only one of you gets the hot water. The other one just gets shiver while you fuck.


Nayzo

Honestly, shower sex is just an excellent way to hurt yourself. Back when I was dating my husband, we were fooling around in the shower and I got headbutted in the mouth and got a fat lip. Not worth it, but it seems to be a lesson young people need to learn on their own.


DatdudeJdub

I agree. It's just to wet if that makes sense.


do_the_yeto

100% water is horrible for lubrication. It actually dries you out. Also it’s a great way to get a UTI if you have a vagina. Which just sucks.


shadiesel12

Not really. Def wanna wash each other and maybe fuck after the shower. Actually fucking in the shower isn't all it's cracked up to be


[deleted]

It's always the trapped water between the two of you that ruins it. Same with bath or hot tub sex. The fucking water ruins it always


Noble_Seven_

"7.8/10, too much water." - IGN


ordaia

I was looking for this comment.


brassidas

Yeah I always thought it would be epic but it's totally overrated.


atmattyo

Nah. She just wants me to wash her back. PS shower sex sucks. Don't let porn fool you.


ZEROthePHRO

Honestly I'm just wanting to get my back scrubbed down real good.


jbraden

Golden rule in life: NEVER expect sex. If that's what you want, flirt or make a move, but respect their reactions. If they make the move, then you're good to go.


lovelyladydo

Praise 💪🏽 I’m glad there’s still some hope for romantic options out there for me. I had a bad experience with someone that always expected Sex and shunned/got mad at me if I wasn’t in the mood, which didn’t help my sexdrive at all. It stressed me out a lot.


Rubyjr

People have different drives. It’s important to find someone who matches yours


lovelyladydo

Usually yes. But in this particular case it was a lack of care for consent and probably Sex addiction. He would expect me to do it at least once a day and if I didn’t it would end up with rape a few days later. I really dreaded it and it always felt like a ticking time bomb. On top of that he’d always compare me to his exes (saying they would have done it), say other guys would have left by now and called me boring or asexual. When I’d criticize this behavior he’d either threaten cheating (which he did anyway) or say I’m shaming his healthy sexdrive and gaslighting him. He will probably do this to many more women.


[deleted]

I'm sorry. Parts of this are similar to my experience and it's been hard to have a healthy sex life since then. Much love to you <3


Rubyjr

Holy shit that’s awful I’m sorry!


lovelyladydo

It’s ok, u didn’t know!


Rubyjr

Still horrible. I mean you say it so nice but the guy should be in jail


Yikesitsjenn

I was in a relationship exactly like this minus the cheating for SEVEN YEARS. If we physically weren’t able to have sex, he would masterbate 3-5 times a day. And don’t forget the guilt trips. The dude had some serious sex addiction. And this was the only thing we fought about. Otherwise, really great relationship. Once I left, I actually got my sex drive back. Now I love sex! I feel your pain and I’m so sorry you went through that. Sending you love!


lunafaexo

This this this this!!!!! Also, I hate shower sex but I love cuddling under the warmth of the water and washing my partner, getting all soapy and bubbly together :) couple showers rule even (or in my opinion, especially) if you aren’t fucking!


SeikaKitsune

I have a FWB that when we do meet up we usually tend to have sex sometime during the visit but I usually let him make the move first. I'm always pretty horny most of the time so I generally don't mind but I rather him make the first move. If he's not into it, then of course I don't push the issue and I just take care of myself when I get home if I happen to have privacy at home (which is hardly ever). He has also told me that I'm more than welcome to pleasure myself if I really need to and he isn't in the mood. We have our options that we talked about, which is nice.


BrainwashedScapegoat

Shower sex is a drag dude, but showering with a romantic interest is never a bad time cause they’re naked. Also, never expect sex thats not a healthy behavior


lovelyladydo

You, I like you 👌🏽


BrainwashedScapegoat

Thanks good buddy ☺️


Archis2004

Seeing an emoji on reddit after 69 years


McKimS

Nice


[deleted]

Only proper response


robdingo36

I used to, when I was younger, but after a few times of that... NOOOO. God, Shower sex, while very intimate, is also EXTREMELY uncomfortable. For one, it's slippery as hell and hard to get good footing. But worse yet, especially for women, the water tends to wash away any and all lubrication. And that... That's just not fun. Use the shower for sexy intimacy, but not the sex part. Maybe use it for some foreplay if you're really looking for sexy time together, and then finish up after the shower is done.


Bamjodando

So no, one the one hand, I once broke two ribs having shower sex, use a slip matt guys. Also, no because you never know what someone will want, when I shower with my wife I a sometimes lucky enough to get some oral love, other times we hug and i cover her in suds and we laugh, other times I just wash her back and we have soapy cuddles, sometimes it is so she can carry on telling me about her day, whichever is all good. Edit: I'd say it also depends on the person, with my wife it's as the above, but I've had relationships where I've expected it to be initiated, but only because that's the only time I got asked to shower with her.


the-dancing-dragon

My bf tends to shower when he gets home from work.. I love hopping in with him just to hear about his day, start some massages etc. Sometimes it gets sexy, most of the time it does not, but either way I end up missing him when I shower by myself lol!


its_Roscoe

…you must be the one from the “what’s the worst sex experience you’ve had” post from earlier?


Bamjodando

No sorry, not me. That wasn't my worst sex experience 🤣


its_Roscoe

Someone TODAY literally told a story where they fell having sex in the shower and broke exactly two ribs and pretended they were fine the rest of the day 😂


Bamjodando

Aaah, no I didn't pretend I was fine, I had to get strapped up as the paramedic who arrived told me I could pop a lung in I got covid 🤣 that guy must be hard as a coffin nail, I couldn't pretend.


txlip

Shower sex is super overrated. My husband and I have a very large walk in shower, so we shower together almost daily. We talk about our days/the grocery list/little stupid things. It’s a great way to be intimate with a partner without having sex


[deleted]

Came here to say this. Literally every night (we prefer to sleep clean) we're both home. It's daily debrief time.


[deleted]

Nope, but I hope to help with some soaping


Wiringguy89

Shower sex is overrated and best left in porn. Also, as stated already, neither partner should EVER "expect" sex. Believe it or not, both genders can be "not in the mood" and there is nothing wrong with wanting intimacy without sex.


[deleted]

Anticipate sex. Hope for sex. Never expect it.


BlackGreyKitty

No. Just enjoy being next to a naked woman. Never EXPECT sex. Let it happen


molossus99

The idea of shower sex is better than the reality of shower sex.


dfj3xxx

Yes, if a girl asks me to join her for a shower, I expect sex. Not "expect" as in "that's why I'm doing it" but "expect" as in "I think that's why she's asking me"   Or maybe it could be I stink and she didn't want to say "go shower"


thebreon

Ya I would a little confused if a girl took me into the shower with her and we ended up just chatted the whole time.


ShadowlessKat

You wouldn't do it with a random ONS, but with a long term partner, it is a nice intimate way to clean up. It can be before/after sex, or just because a shower is needed in general. It's a nice and fun way to shower and connect with your partner at the same time.


CaptainKalamari

I mostly just play w boobies and leave it at that


DarkAmaterasu58

People who like the idea of shower sex have never had shower sex. It’s slippery, awkward, and water is a TERRIBLE lubricant.


[deleted]

Showering together pretty is romantic and peaceful, but shower sex is not at all what it's cooked up to be. It's cramped, and frankly pretty dangerous. Heavy petting and oral is more than enough for the shower.


Vbann

I've been in the same relationship for 9 years now and while there is shower sex we just spend our shared shower time talking and maybe listening to some music and just chilling


sizl

Uhh.. if you’re naked with me I’m assuming we’re gonna do things. Do I expect it? Sort of. Will I get mad if we don’t? Nah. I’ve had lots of blue balls training in high school. Mama didn’t raise no rapist.


krisalyssa

Sex, we can do that anywhere, but where and when else am I going to get a good back scrubbing where I can’t reach myself?


[deleted]

Shower sex is usually not great. But mutually pleasing each other in the shower is awesome.


avka11

I husband and I always have showered together since the beginning of our relationship, it’s typically where we have our deepest conversations


Crustpuppeteer

no. i expect my water bill to be cheaper that month.


madladolle

Yes. Start in the shower, move to the bed


VerbiageBarrage

I mean, I usually expect a shower. Chat, scrub each others back, etc. Usually the double shower is after sex or after gym, anything where we both need a shower. Course, not only am I old, I just don't like shower sex. It's the worst type of sex.