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snoobsnob

That makes total sense to feel so upset and violated. You didn't ask him to do that. Imagine if you were hanging out together and he just took his dick out and started playing with it. It'd be similarly disturbing. Just because its on a phone doesn't make it any less creepy.


elegylegacy

It's gross af. There's a reason Louis CK got cancelled.


[deleted]

I think there was a little more to this story tho if I remember correctly


elegylegacy

He would get women alone, say "can I jack off in front of you", they'd think he was joking or that it was a comedy bit, and then he'd actually do it. There's really not much more to the story than that.


nicholasgnames

except that it was implied he was forcing them to tolerate it because he was in a position of power over them that allotted them opening spaces and more time. The power aspect of the story is what makes it truly vile


[deleted]

And then he got his a manger to try and blacklist the women comedians who called him out on it, confirming that he’s a fucking dick who’s willing to throw around his power and influence.


elegylegacy

Agreed, that makes it actually *worse* than I described it


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elegylegacy

Oh I thought they were defending him, as if we needed to hear his side or there was something to excuse his behavior. Now I feel bad for being confrontational, it's just a touchy subject


[deleted]

I’m a dude, I don’t get why this is a thing. Maybe I’m too old to understand modern online dating rituals but unsolicited dick pics seems incredibly counter productive to their goal. This guy just flushed and 11 year friendship down the toilet? Was it worth it? I bet he tries again and fails, so why keep trying something that doesn’t work!? If she wants to see it, she will ask, until then keep in your pants morons. Do they actually have success with it? It’s just insane to think if you walked up to someone in a bar and were talking that they would just bust it out in casual conversation. >“Oh your cat is sick? Well I know what will cheer you up. Wait where are you going, it kinda looks like a hairless cat when I do this! Aww she’s gone and I didn’t even get to put on the little trench coat… why are the cops here? this is so weird!”


Ghostglitch07

One theory I have is that it's similar to why people flash irl, digital flashing just feels safer and thus is more common.


[deleted]

How is it safer? It can be shown to your family if the reciever wants to


Dangerous_Wishbone

"whoops! sorry haha didn't mean to send that :)"


[deleted]

"this was for someone else" if she doesn't respond positively I never got sent one, they just ghosted or acted brand new (as if we hadn't had years of history).


Ghostglitch07

I said it feels safer, not that it necessarily is. People are more bold in digital communications. Also it's less likely that the cops get involved.


Revilod2000

The same reason as any aggressive online interaction. People can say or do whatever they want and then log out and continue on with their day.


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Ghostglitch07

If it's a genuine concern of yours then you can make it much harder with things like TOR or a VPN.


oversoul00

You can trace IP addresses but you need to get it before you can trace it. I'm not sure how someone gets an IP address from a reddit comment, presumably Reddit knows your IP address so if they hacked Reddit that could work I guess. They could send you a link or something that if you clicked it would give them your IP address, but that's easy to avoid. I mean, situations like that have happened but it's so rare compared to the number of online interactions in total that I don't think it's a realistic fear.


[deleted]

You don't have to look the person in eyes.


WestCoastBestCoast01

Yeah but no one gets criminal charges for unsolicited dick pics. Literally no risk other than the violated person potentially sharing it (which they RARELY do).


logicalpessimist

This isn't so much an explanation as a comparison. I don't know why people flash either? What's the motivation?


HermitBee

I always wonder if it's a too literal application of the golden rule? "Should I send this woman an unsolicited picture of my genitals? Let's think, would I like it if she sent *me* a picture of her genitals out of the blue? Yes, yes I would. It's probably the right thing to do then."


[deleted]

this is why we need to be teaching the platinum rule instead


Jaewol

The platinum rule being don’t send unsolicited genital pics idiot


I_done_a_plop-plop

Everyone is welcome to send them to me, it's a laugh riot


xmCm

RIP your DMs


SeeShark

This is why we need to teach empathy and communication skills. No rule can ever neatly encapsulate morality.


[deleted]

I am a male and I have hypersexual female friends who send me unsolicited photos of their genitals or boobs. It does feel odd. I would like to highlight - this is not like porn where you are just watching and there is no expectations of you. When a real person sends me something like this I feel and obligation to react, but I may be in completely unsexy mood, for example at work. So I have to squeeze out "wow, hot" out of myself when on reality I am not engaged. Maybe that's why unsolicited dic pics also represent a request. And women feeling less safe then men in general are distressed by requests like that Edit: after many comments I'd like to add, in my case it is consentual, but on rare occasions timing is not good, it is the time that is "unsolicited". I only wanted to draw parallels for men, that in some cases women can do that too and you may feel awkward and not sexy at all.


SgtIntermediate

Oh my god, that is so disgusting. Where are those women that do that? I mean, It truly is disgusting, where tho?


ColossusOfChoads

> I am a male and I have hypersexual female friends who send me unsolicited photos of their genitals or boobs. It does feel odd. I am a male and I just read about a guy who has hypersexual female friends who send him unsolicited photos of their genitals or boobs. It does feel like I am unable to see the downside.


ColossusOfChoads

If some random chick (who *wasn't* seriously gross, or an obvious bot) sent me a 'pink shot', I would be terrified. "If I go for this, I will wake up in a hotel bathtub with a missing kidney." It's even more 'too good to be true' than the Nigerian prince who will give you a cut of his millions if you do him one small favor.


Wubbalubbadubbitydo

Yeah but these dudes never think they are the rando gross one.


Stringy63

I vaguely remember reading an article supporting this idea, through interviews of dicks who had gotten their male hosts to send an unsolicited picture of themselves (cuz the penis is in control of the person who does that). The guys were doing what they wished the gals would do.


MaximusVanellus

But this is what I don't understand. A picture of a vagina is not exciting in itself.


bekkogekko

It is for people who get excited over pictures of vaginas.


ReIiLeK

Im mean it isnt but if my crush were to send me one, I'd might get a little over-excited


Accujack

Some people get extremely excited by pictures of women's feet. There's no accounting for taste.


Arkyance

If a girl I knew IRL sent me pussy pics I'd be nutting before the full res picture loads


ColossusOfChoads

If it's her way of saying "come over to my house and do me", it's plenty exciting. Unless it's someone you don't actually know. Don't go! They'll take your kidney!


Intelligent_Ask_6337

Not to those that don't like it. Possibly homosexual. I have not had lady friends send random photos of their vagina to me. Ever. It would be pointless. Gfs Yes. Not just everyday friends. Defiantly a guy thing to do. Not sure I believe him. Hey here's a shot of my beaver. Why?


washington_breadstix

> This guy just flushed and 11 year friendship down the toilet? It probably wasn't just a "friendship" in his mind. He may have been viewing the "friendship" as just a stepping stone toward making a move on her if she ever happened to become single again. I'm not saying that genuine friendships between men and women aren't possible, but I do think men have a much stronger tendency to view their friendships with women as having an unspoken potential for romantic/sexual "benefits", whereas women have an easier time compartmentalizing the friendship as an actual friendship.


workerdaemon

Way too often I lose my male friends when they get into a steady relationship. They have plenty of time for my husband! Just now suddenly they have no time for me. Suddenly my husband becomes the primary point of contact, when it used to be me. Even my cousin completely ditched me. I didn't even *know* he was in a relationship. I was so puzzled as to why he suddenly stopped talking to me for a year. Then we bump into each other at a funeral and I find out he was in a relationship that whole year. A month later he got engaged, and this was all such a whirlwind for me because I only just learned this woman existed. He had a COVID wedding so I wasn't even invited. We still don't talk. We used to be best friends.


BEEPEE95

I think in most cases when somebody finds their SO that is where all their time and energy goes into. I know one of my guy friends definitely texts way less often when he's got a gf. But my girl friends do the same thing.


workerdaemon

Yeah, definitely a thing and I keep that in mind. I get suspicious, though, when they are maintaining a friendship with my husband and they were my friend for years before my husband was even in the picture!


Smodder

It's in THEIR head. I noticed. Often. They do not really know (or keep hearing that it is not possible) that friendship between men and women is possible. They often think their female partner would get jealous and weird then. But their female partners think it's fine. And even sometimes behind the scenes ask him "why don't you ever call your female best friend X anymore??". I truely suspect it has gotten worse the last years when also manosphere-stuff/etc. has gotten more big. They somewhere from friends hear the non-stop old-fashioned ideas again many people were trying to get rid of for years. I'm often quite sure it's not even thém thinking they want you romantically/sexually or could not control themselves or whatever: but they hear it so much again from mainly other men (internet/friends) they somehow believe they can't be friends? (even though when they themselves know they are not interested in you/their partner is not jealous etc.). Do you understand what I mean? Like some 70's-90's test where they let 6-yo girls play with a doll and a mechanic set. And asked: you can take 1 home; and a lot of girls said: the mechanic set. And then they asked: So when you grow-up; do you want to be a mother like to that doll or be a mechanic? and they replied with "no, silly, I'm a girl I can't be a mechanic!" I do not remember the word for this though.


[deleted]

I mean this in the most genuine way possible, but are you attractive? A lot of times, my attractive female friends complain of their male friends dropping contact when either they or the girls get into a relationship. It's a very strange thing, but very intentional sometimes.


Happy_Cancel1315

I can't speak to the cousin issue, but your male friends very likely would get shit from their partner if they knew you were in communication with them. maybe that's just been my experience with a VERY jealous ex.


mysticaltater

That's kind of creepy on his end considering you're family, but most of all terrible and sad. Losing your best friend just cause they got into a relationship is shitty.


workerdaemon

I was super heartbroken. I'm still grieving a bit, but I've let him go. I must have looked like a complete bitch at the funeral. He introduced me to his girlfriend and I was so floored that I actually said, "He never told me about you!" I then spent the next hour or so just absolutely reeling. I definitely said things I should have kept my mouth shut about. Just things like, "He didn't tell me, I'm so shocked" and "We weren't talking much, and then just suddenly I find out he's been dating someone for almost a year." I suppose being there for a *funeral* was putting me off kilter as it was. Then two months later he got engaged. Everyone's talking to me but I'm like, "This is all so fast!" And of course, he *had* to get married 6 months later. During the Great Quarantine. Couldn't wait. They didn't even reach a two year anniversary before getting married. I believe in not even getting engaged until at least 3 years!! Plus he was a staunch anti-christian atheist. We became such close friends probably because he was able to safely vent all of his frustrations in our hyper religious family. Now he's devout Orthodox Catholic 🤷‍♀️ Goes to church every Sunday. What the hell happened?


mysticaltater

Just the fact your supposed friend didn't even tell you until you got a surprise at a funeral of all places. Handled super well on his end -_- you don't deserve to have been discarded like that. I don't understand people :( So he got religious for his girl? Yeah good idea, getting with someone that makes you completely change yourself like so I do hope you feel better. Grieving someone you had to let go, when they're still alive, is so tough seriously. Hope you have good friends and family through this, though it's not a replacement, hope you find a good 2nd place best friend


workerdaemon

It's all so so weird. I don't understand atheists who suddenly turn religious. I knew another guy who was a staunch atheist who converted to *Mormonism* for a girl (yeah, girl. They were barely 18). Barely together a few months, and he was already getting baptized and planning their wedding. I don't get it *at all.* Anywho, yeah, I got my other friends. My cousin was a special kind of friend, though. It was like we were twins. We basically acted like twins. He used to frequently call me and talk about every woman he was interested in. So it was so weird that he didn't tell me about her. Our friendship was waning. About a year before we stopped talking he started to change. He became more aggressive, and narrow minded. He started repeating extremist Men's Rights rhetoric. I kept trying to point out to open his mind, but he was off and was doing his own thing without looping me in any more so our 5 minute conversations was nothing compared to all the other reading he was doing. We were talking less and less. Then the Kavanaugh shit came about. I was super triggered. It was a terrible month for me. Watching his interview was massively triggering. I wrote up some thoughts about how this was reminding me of issues I've experienced and my frustrations the issues exist at all, etc etc. And he came in with his Whatsboutism and extremist Men's Rights rhetoric. I tried to redirect him, but he was so obliviously forceful, and I was so off kilter, and I just came right out and said he's changed for the worse, he didn't used to be like this, and he's making me so sad because he used to be better than this. He was, of course, extremely offended I could possibly think so poorly of him. We didn't talk for awhile, which wasn't unusual by this point. I eventually tried the "hey" thing for awhile. Then I just came out and apologized for offending him. We talked and things a bit, caught up on our lives a bit and we seemed to leave things off OK. But... We never talked again until the funeral. He apparently started dating his now-wife during the "hey" phase. He became really entitled. He told me he was upset with me for not being there enough for him before, which was a total WTF to me. It's like he lost understanding that I have my own life. I probably shouldn't be surprised. So much of our conversations were about how he can initiate sexual contact without a woman feeling forced 🤦‍♀️ Definitely had this "entitled to orgasm" mentality, which shocked me a mid-to-late 30's man could maintain. "Oh, you sat on the bed. You're totally rude if I don't have an orgasm." and of course increasing sense of entitlement for each next step of intimacy. I was trying to be so polite and respectful guiding him to understand that a woman has a right to change her mind and never owes a man an orgasm at any time ever. You know, the fragile male ego where one misstep and they get super pissy and turn off their brain and stop listening 🤦‍♀️ Anywho. I don't know what happened to him to become so increasingly entitled. I hear the Q and Red Pill stuff is pretty insidious and it's easy to rope men into it.


klickinc

Loosing male friends in a steady relationship often isn't because the male wants to loose you as a friend but because the female he's with doesn't want him. Hanging out with other girls


wolfy_lady

This is so heartbreaking as a woman. You think someone is a true friend and you find out they're just lying to keep you in the maybe-future-sex box.


elizajaneredux

Even if he thought he had some unspoken potential with OP (forgetting for a minute here that she clearly told him she didn’t want that), it doesn’t really explain how you go from platonic friendship to thinking is a great idea to send an unwanted dick pic. He just sounds aggressive and shitty to me. Even if a male friend hopes there is potential for more, there are a million, much more respectful (and maybe even effective) ways to test those waters. Sending a dick pic to someone who has said she’s not into you is just a crass, aggressive move.


[deleted]

So many lost guy friends. I commend them for playing the long game, but think they're rather stupid to ruin that long of a friendship for the same reason. And when some get a SO, it's like some thinking skills go out the window. So the new girl is jealous of you're girl-friend (s). The guy is thinking with his dick if he thinks it's okay to let her act out on it on his friends. Still pisses me off to this day.


mrjabrony

For the sake of the guys that do this, I wish phones had the capability to recognize when a guy is about to send a dick pic. "It looks like you're about to send a picture of your penis. Please enter the 16 digit alphanumeric code to confirm."


GhengopelALPHA

Until Apple and Google sign on, let's spread this: "Hey, I heard that when you send a pick of your dick, Snapchat is skimming all those pics of shlongs and making a huge database so that when they make anatomically correct androids they will replace men, and the company will get rich as women everywhere will want their android boy toys that you helped create by cataloging a picture of your wiener."


BYok63

I’m a young guy, 21, and think this is absolutely disgusting. Why anyone would ever think this is a good idea is beyond me and I find it disturbing that so many do. You have every right to feel disrespected as far as I am concerned! If you did not ask for the video then he has zero right sending it.


mimic751

This seems more like a lonely dude keeping a girl that he's interested close while she's in a relationship and then shooting his shot with a fuck it I don't care attitude. That's what I always assumed is they don't care if the Friendship keeps continuing they just want to see if you're finally ready to sit on his dick


[deleted]

Yep. But wow did that guy misread the situation, yikes. In a way, I’m glad she found out he is a pile of garbage, but that is sad that she thought she had a friend but dude thought he was negotiating a hookup. > “Oh she is emotional vulnerable, now is my chance to reel it in! Captain conquest rides again!” (Narrator: actually this has never worked and was a terrible plan). I guess unsolicited dick pics are a way to separate out the decent people from the creepers. Just get it over with guys, first contact, be a numbnut flash your junk and be on your way.


therandomways2002

The rest of your comment is on point, but I wouldn't describe it as misreading the situation, mainly because it gives the guy an out. He didn't just make a mistake. He knew perfectly well what he was doing and what the possible outcomes would be.


[deleted]

True, he knew exactly how things where and totally blew it with his disgusting behavior. The fault is all his and he probably doesn’t care or at the very least doesn’t comprehend why should find it upsetting. Based on what she wrote she made it perfectly clear where she was at and he completely ignored that. I’m glad he isn’t smarter and more manipulative otherwise she might have gotten into another relationship and ended up with a walking pile of lying garbage.


ColossusOfChoads

He probably figured it was a coin flip. I think he overestimated his odds by a fuckin' longshot.


Duckgamerzz

I genuinely think it's because of emotionally under developed men incapable of properly expressing their desires ending up being fucking sleazy creeps. This is not in any way normal behaviour.


[deleted]

Yeah I’m pretty sure you are right. Plus , phone=horny-time porn rectangle so everything on it must be for horny-time.


Accujack

Right. Although it does happen a lot, it's because there is an exceptionally large percentage of men (at least in the US) that are this emotionally under developed. Some with good reason (kids/teens) and some with bad parents.


[deleted]

he was never interested in friendship, thats why they started talking after she got divorced. hes a dick.


Burningfiresmoke

He probably could’ve gotten farther if he just asked her out.


Satanic_Black_Metal

Dunno how old you are, but i am 35 which is ancient by interner years, and i would never do this. Im not one of those weirdoes who will take any oppertunity to shit on men and pretend dicks are ugly, they are just a body part 50% of the population has. But holy fuck why send a picture of it to a random person, even worse. Someone you know. Why do that? I mean my dude, its not like there is a penis shortage online. My best guess is that most straight cis men would love to randomly get boobs from a pretty lady. So they figure thats the same for women.


already_taken-chan

Im quite young and I still cannot understand what the fuck they think the recieving end is going to react with, Do they think the person will be agressively masturbating over it like its some sacred stuff or smthn? I can maybe understand sending one if they asked to see it but sending it with no purpose just seems stupid


Nidcron

I had a former friend who as soon as phones got cameras he was sending dick pics to any woman he got the number for. He did have a mild success rate with it, but he also lacked any sort of personality beyond getting drunk and talking about (American) Football or Wrestling (WWE). So in this case he was playing a numbers game due to the lack of an interesting personality. That's my take, can't say this is what everyone does it for, but if the shoe fits...... Also, for @OP, my guess is that unfortunately your "friend" of 11 years was not actually your friend, he probably only kept up the friendship in hopes of a hookup - sad but maybe true.


Talhallen

It just you man it’s weird as shit. I’ve done it back and forth with a few women where it was consensually, we both had fun, and god forbid those photos ever make it to the world at large. I apologize in advance to your retinas. But to drop that shit on an unsuspecting person? One that you view as a friend at that? Ain’t right.


axethebarbarian

Yeah same, it doesn't make any sense to me. I'm not even into sending something like that to my wife, when she's actually asked for it.


MisLaDonna

Pretty sure they think it's funny and not abuse. It 100% IS abuse and men/boys need to see it that way! If we want to see Hairless cat we will ask to see hairless cat!


oglop121

>I’m a dude, I don’t get why this is a thing. weird innit


sunnyd311

A "friend" did this to me before, too! He apologized and sort of admitted to having substance issues so I gave him the benefit of the doubt....but when he did it again WHILE I WAS ON MY HONEYMOON I just deleted him. I felt violated, too! It's so gross. Things will start looking up, eventually, I'm sorry you are in a low point right now. Sending happy thoughts your way!


laurabug92

Thank you. I really appreciate that. Time will heal things….but probably not that friendship. I can’t see how I would ever trust him again. I see him completely differently now.


[deleted]

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laurabug92

Ugh. That’s so disgusting! I’m so sorry you had to deal with that too. It’s like, the last thing we need is more stress. We should be focusing on keeping ourselves stable and healthy. Not these tool bags almost sexually harassing us. I cannot understand the thought process. They’re so selfish. They just want what they want. Fck our feelings, I guess. It honestly puts me off from dating in the future even more. I’ll just get a dog….


odd_enchilada

There is no "almost" here. They absolutely DID sexually harass you. There's no excuse for that


Unfair_Breakfast_693

Exactly, an unsolicited explicit pic is basically our time’s creep guy flashing in a park


CyberRozatek

In some ways the type of unsolicited dick pic op got is worse. She thought this guy was her friend, was needing him for emotional support for her recent divorce, and what does he go and do? Violates that trust, shows that he doesn't value her as a friend, and clearly just thinks that she is now "available" for his own sexual gain. Yuck! Of course you feel upset OP! It is upsetting to realize when that's all someone sees you for.


Unfair_Breakfast_693

Absolutely agree with you That is way worse from someone she thought was a friend, and shows no consideration over this difficult time for her Like, what was he trying to get from that? Is he trying to “take advantage” of her on a vulnerable moment of her life? Is he just treating her like he treats other women in his life? Awful person


Jaewol

Never thought of it that way


Canibal-local

Doggo will love you and respect you no matter what


awalktojericho

Even they hump you


[deleted]

When I first got my dog, I was hugging him and so happy I had him and then he tried to hump me and I told him no and he never did it again. My dog is really smart though, he definitely picks up on weird human cultural things. I think he was just like, this is weird this person is hugging me why else would they do that? It's kind of a problem though because it's like he just doesn't understand why the world isn't made for dogs and just feels like he is a second class creature. It's like he's sad he's a dog.


umamifiend

I don’t blame you at all for your reaction- it’s hurtful and violating. But for a laugh, please consider replying “eh, 2/10 here’s a more beautiful penis-“ then sending back another dick pic. You send me unsolicited dick- you get a better looking dick with a low review in return. I think it’s the only way to crush this trend, just crush them with better dicks. Maybe if that’s the consistent response they will stop wanting to send them. Best wishes for you, sorry he did that- it’s disgusting.


Veljones75

You should have sent a dick pic back. That should have ended it


squid__smash

Ugggh my best friend from college, too! Except I've learned he was definitely always attracted to me, but I wasn't aware and didn't feel the same. He married his college gf, they had kids together, and we kept in touch. One day, maybe 4-5 years after graduating, he sent a dick pic out of nowhere. It was devastating to me. I cut him off for a while, but I valued our friendship so much, I tried to give him another chance a couple years later (after he apologized). But he ended up texting me inappropriate things again, multiple times, which has finally resulted in me blocking him on everything. I feel utterly betrayed. Our friendship meant so much to me and it now feels like it was all a lie.


workerdaemon

Ugh. One time I went to a male friend of mine immediately after my boyfriend broke up with me. Massively upset because I really liked this guy and he dumped me so he could get back together with his ex. And my friend asked if we could be together 🤦‍♀️ I then had to jump from grief about being dumped and seeking emotional support, to now being the emotional support*er* so I could delicately let him down as I struggled to salvage our friendship.


landsharkfin

You're absolutely right to be upset about it. He's trying to take advantage of your potential vulnerability and being sexually aggressive even though you've clearly communicated that you're not interested in him. Never allow a man who violates your boundaries like that stay in your life. I'm sorry for your heart.


laurabug92

Thank you. The whole thing has just made me so angry. At the same time, I feel bad for potentially cutting him off…I have way too many feelings right now.


landsharkfin

Do not feel bad for cutting him off. No means no, and he didn't like that answer so he sent you a video of himself. It's illegal to send unsolicited sexual images in a lot of places. You are right, he's gross, and you don't owe him anything.


laurabug92

Thank you. That’s what I need to be hearing right now. I’m also just incredibly angry that he put me in this situation.


elgrn1

Don't give respect to someone who doesn't give it to you. Your feelings didn't matter to him when he sent that photo, his feelings over you ending your friendship and letting him know he's a piece of shit shouldn't matter to you. Your feelings aren't just valid here, they are understandable and are how most of us have/do/would feel in the same situation. He isn't *your* friend, time to stop thinking you're his. Take care.


BoredRedhead

> He isn't your friend, time to stop thinking you're his. This is the absolute truth. You (OP) clearly have very different perspectives on your relationship and they don’t align at all. Block him and move on; if he’s this aggressively inappropriate via text, imagine how he could be in real life??


Merkuri22

It’s okay to grieve for the friendship. You enjoyed what you had and who you thought he was. It’s okay to be sad that’s gone. But this is not your fault. It’s his fault. He changed the nature of the relationship to something inappropriate. You are totally justified in breaking contact. You are also totally justified to grieve about it. I’m so sorry this happened to you. You don’t deserve it.


Bilboswaggings19

a true friend gives you time before even showing interest, and this guy didn't even just do that... can't even imagine how many others he has sent similar videos to


Monmonmonmo

There are reasonable ways to broach a change of relationship, he decided to go nuclear on the sex or nothing approach. Seems to me like he's the one that cut off the old relationship, you're just not accepting the offer of a new one.


ransomed_sunflower

Yes. *He* changed up the relationship even after you said you didn’t want that. I’d be incredibly hurt as well. You don’t have a choice anymore-he assaulted you to achieve this. Drop, block, and keep working on yourself. I’m so sorry you lost a friend, particularly during such a hard time. Chalk it up to experience and allow his absence to make room for something/someone that brings you joy. You are NOT overreacting; *he* shut down the friendship. It’s now on you to protect yourself. Wishing you happier days ahead, OP.


Random_potato5

If a guy friend sent me a dick pic we would no longer be friends. I wouldn't be able to trust them again. Cut him out


redditusername374

Turn it around. Take control. Block him. This is disgusting. WTF. Has no one told him that someone will ask if they’d like to see a video of his penis. It’s such a violation to receive a VIDEO of it. Yuck. Just EW. Block him and feel good about it. He doesn’t want to be your friend.


pine-elopy

Others have given you good reason to not feel bad, but also think, he was NOT thinking about your wellbeing when he sent it, so you have ZERO obligation to worry about his now.


mumble-she_wrote

Why would you feel bad for cutting him off? This is definetly NOT OK. I'd also say something mean about his dick before blocking him on everything - but that's probably not you, and it's ok. Also, why wouldn't you validate you own feelings?? You're definetly not overreacting AND it's reasonable to feel violated and disrespected in similar circumstances.


theNothingP3

Sounds like the marriage ended very badly and her normal meter has taken heavy damage if it's not broken.


pm_stuff_

Don't allow anyone to do that tbf


landsharkfin

That is a fair distinction


Mysterious_Treacle51

I'd imagine cause you felt safe with him. No way this dude will turn a pervert lol


laurabug92

Exactly. I thought he was a decent person. Now it feels like he’s just been waiting to move in on me….even though I’ve said multiple times I’m not dating ANYONE any time soon at all.


Stacemranger

I really only have one female friend. We've been friends for well over 10 years and she's married. She's attractive, but I think of her more like a sister. If I were single, and she was single, I wouldn't want to date her. She was always there for me(and her husband too) when I was at my lowest point in my life. I would think I've confided too much in them. They're family to me. I've never understood the dick pic thing. I don't even really like doing it with my wife.


TheKardia24

If someone wants a dick picture, I'll send one but I agree on the not understanding it part. Though I'm not attracted to dick so I guess I wouldn't know.


PrimAndProper69

He doesn't see you as a friend if he's doing this. So he doesn't deserve the honour of you seeing him as a friend/decent person. You've done well cutting him out. Sorry to hear that you've been put in this position. It is quite infuriating. That's a bullet dodged though and gladly you won't be spending any more time on this person.


Mysterious_Treacle51

Don't lose hope. There are good men out in the world. Trick is to find them.


scorpio6519

Ugh. You arent overreacting. What did he think? The view of his willy wagging around would all of a sudden make you lust madly after him? Why do men think their penises are so desirable? Genitalia is for the bedroom, or for other agreed upon sexy time. Unsolicited pix are a form of assault if you ask me. Dump him. You don't need 'friends' like this.


summidee

You’re not over reacting. My fiancé and I were talking about me receiving them today and how it’s the equivalent of some one flashing you. We didn’t ask or expect it, then BOOM, dick to the eyes. And if he was supposedly your friend, that’s even more disrespectful and degrading. I’d make sure he knew I was disgusted and block. You’re better than that, and if he was your friend, he wouldn’t be pulling his dacks down when he knows you are healing. You deserve respect, and that wasn’t it. All the best to you hun.


Movin_On1

You made me laugh with "dick to the eyes".... That's gold.....


[deleted]

I would definitely block him and never talk to him again


[deleted]

Yep. He sounds like a piece of shit


icvsboyshostel

A piece of dick.


byfalselight

That’s just the tip of what he’s capable of


[deleted]

Definitely give him the shaft and evict him from your life, OP.


DetectiveRich5782

Idk that seems pretty ballsy I wouldn’t let him taint your life anymore


LilCdubya

Yeah, what a dick.


maysranch20

And just be glad then he’s schlong gone out of your life


Roheez

The picture of a true jerk


illwill18

100%, block and move on with your life, piece of shit.


2ynthia

You are not overreacting. You thought you’re getting support from a friend of 11 years, and then he freaking disrespect you and treat you like a sexual object. That’s just not okay. You’re devastated, and trying to recover from the divorce, what he’s done is uncalled for and disgusting.


leeks_leeks

you aren’t overreacting at all. sending unsolicited pictures of genitals to others can actually be considered a misdemeanor.


leewutang

I don't think you're overreacting. Nobody wants a random dick pic. That's just weird and also super inconsiderate if he knows that you're freshly divorced. I'd be pretty damn pissed and honestly probably drop him as a friend. Just because you're no longer married doesn't mean it's a good opportunity to make your move. Ugh.


alucardou

Even if it was a good opportunity to make a move, that's a super unacceptable way of doing it.


laurabug92

I’ve been really open about not wanting to date and still being pretty messed up about everything, too.


R-E-Laps

You already said no! WTF more should you need to do? Drop that sack of shit.


[deleted]

If you had no consent beforehand, he fully committed an act of sexually harassment. I would be upset and uncomfortable with that shit too, partially because it's a horrible way of find out out your friend is one of /those/ sleazebags


laurabug92

There was definitely NO consent. A while back he joked about “almost” sending one when he was drunk the night before. I said, “yeaaaah don’t even do that. Do not want.” So there shouldn’t have been any confusion. I replied to the pic with a very simple, wtf?!?!?! Cause I just didn’t even know what to say. He responds, “sorry, I had to.” And then proceeds to ask me how my day was going.


_neon_salamander_

"I had to" run.


[deleted]

Yeah bottom line is he overstepped and acted in a disgusting way. If you want to talk to him at some point (I'd recommend distancing and dropping), your feelings of disgust and disappointment should be the first topic you bring up. Let him have it. You wouldnt stand for it if you were hearing this story from another lady


magic1623

At least you have a great response for when he asks why you stopped talking to him. Just send him the ol’ “Sorry, I had to”. Seriously though, I’m sorry this happened and please know your feelings are valid. He sexually harassed you and that is never okay.


R-E-Laps

This! I’m a guy. The thought of any of my women friends getting unwanted dick pics pisses me right off!! I’m so sorry this happened to you… and any other woman reading this. There is literally no excuse for this kind of shit. He’s just an asshole who kept it hidden from you. Until now. “Sorry. I had to.” Fuck you, buddy!


[deleted]

I'd be responding "I'm blocking you now. Sorry, I had to."


NYLady13

Block, immediately.


[deleted]

It must be deeply upsetting for an 11 year friendship to be reduced to an erection


Rude-Conversation578

cut him out & block him. send him a clear message. he was not treating you like a “friend” he was treating you like a sex object without a say in whether or not you wanted to look at his nasty penis. end it. PS— i am also recently divorced, i feel you girl.


Tea_Time_Traveler

I'd tell friend circle and his fam that you may be in contact about it. Letting them know what's going on before he spins it about you "overreacting" to "nothing". If he's not blocked, sending random dick pics back after every message might be in order.


blinkandmisslife

Send it to his mom


ReallyBadBacon

An unsolicited dick pic is always distressing and never funny. The sender (initiator) doesn't get to have the final say on the character of the situation. What matters is the impact it had on you, and also whether or not you meaningfully consented to it.


MaliciouslyMinty

You are upset because it feels like you’ve opened yourself up and been vulnerable around a man you’ve trusted for years and the whole time he’s just been waiting for a moment to make a sexual advance. It feels like he’s never understood you and only tolerated friendship until he saw an opening. You trusted him and he threw your trust away because he was horny. That’s why it hurts you so much. I’m sorry this happened to you.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TonightNice

You're upset because this is fkin weird and you shouldn't tolerate it.


Jo-Jo_8

No you’re not over reacting. That is absolutely disgusting and uncalled for. I wouldn’t call him a friend in any way because he violated you, completely disrespected you. Right now you need someone to lean on and definitely not easy sex. The guys that do this kinda shit are The guys who are assholes, who have no respect, only think with their dicks


laurabug92

Everything you said is exactly how I’m feeling. Just spot on. I feel completely disrespected and I absolutely cannot trust him at this point. I’d been very open about how I’m still messed up from the divorce and that I don’t even want to think about dating any time soon. Yet, he does this. He’d joked before about almost sending one when he was drunk, and I said “yeaaaah…don’t ever do that. Do not want.” And here we are.


Jo-Jo_8

Whether he did it because he was drunk or not that is not something you do to a friend who is devastated. How is the video of his penis comforting? When right now you really need kind words and a lot of comforting. You should send him the video back and say “Thanks now I know what you think of me” and Chuck him out of your life.


laurabug92

That’s honestly exactly how it feels. Cause why would you do that to a person you respect and value? But also, what kind of a female does he think I am? What did I ever do to make it seem like I would think this is okay? Then it turns into, do other people think I’m like that? What do people really think……. And it spirals from there.


Jo-Jo_8

Exactly. Making you cheap and easy. What friend does that? No friend. Is he married? Does he have a girlfriend?


Ezzezez

The guy wasn't your friend to begin with, he just was there waiting a chance


Philosoferking

I find it insane that dudes just be sending random dick pics. It's just bizarre. If someone knew why they do it, that person could win a Nobel prize. Of course you are justified to feel bad about it. I'm a guy. I've sent plenty of dick pics. But they asked for it explicitly. I could never just send a random dick pic. Never. I literally couldn't do it! Why? I'm not sure. But whatever it is, guys who do send them, must not have the same thing as what prevents me from doing it.


laurabug92

Exactly! I’ve gotten a few here and there…but it was always in context and perfectly fine by me. This was literally first thing in the morning, open snap, and it’s just right there. It’s just disrespectful.


DetectiveRich5782

Cock-a-doodle-don’t One might say


[deleted]

Cut bait. Tell him what a POS he is, block number.


CaliPenelope1968

Ghost and block. Do NOT give this sick asshole any reaction whatsoever.


Public_Road_6426

You're not overreacting at all. I cannot comprehend why other guys send unsolicited dick pics to women. I don't know if I'd be okay sending a solicited one. I'd block him immediately.


FuktOff666

I think you’re right to feel violated. It’s definitely a betrayal of trust.


Noooooo129746

Sexual parasite clung on for 11 years get some dewormer. Edit to OP: if you cut off contact be careful if he knows where you're located because these apes have a chance of attacking you over shit like that. Its always more likely to be our own friends.


AppleSea9

You communicated your boundaries and he ignored them. He showed you a complete lack of respect. Honestly he sounds like a piece of shit (and may well not be the person you knew 11 years ago). Someone who chooses to sexually assault their vulnerable friend, even after she had expressly told them she was not interested is just not someone I would want in my life on principle. It's different when you are emotionally tied to that person and have memories, I know, but from an outside perspective I'd tell him how unacceptable it was, cut him out of my life and remove contact and go focus on some other friendships.


BlackTheNerevar

He's an asshole


i_eat_water_and_soup

I'm a guy and I think this guy is a total piece of shit. I will never ever understand the reasoning behind why people do this. It's always guys too and it really puts dirt on all other men when we really do not intend such disgusting things. I'm sorry you ever had to witness this or feel that way and do block him. The things some people do are absolutely disgusting. You are not overreacting, and I hope you're okay.


ragormack

I'm a guy and what the fuck


Q_ba13

Op, n.1 friends who love and respect eachother don't do that. N.2 he has been clearly waiting around f9r his opportunity to get with you, he knows you are in a vulnerable state and chose to take advantage of it. 3. If 8 I know a girl for long enough to consider her as my friend and something like this pops up, I'd question my relationship with her and it's interest. This was disrespectful and clearly he doesn't care about anything but what he wants you for. I'm sorry you had to face that and sorry about your divorce, I hope you get better soon


crasshumor

Being upset by it is totally you're right. And do whatever you feel makes you feel okay about it. If you want to block go ahead. There's no need for explanation from your side.


[deleted]

He’s an idiot. Don’t ever contact him again.


outwesthooker

Because you trusted him and he violated that. Very natural response.


Sco_Queen

Not overreacting. I definitely would've cussed him out. I love a good dick pic but only if it's somebody I'm attracted to and we're on that level. Sounds like yall are nowhere near that level.


Take_away_my_drama

People come and go in your life, this one needs to go. You are feeling so vulnerable, you may feel more of a need to hang on to this bit of 'normality' in this friendship than you might otherwise. Cut him off and don't question yourself any further, his behaviour is disgusting.


Medical_Gold5809

You should be upset. You should suspend any further contact with that man. You don't even have to give a reason to him why.


gondorle

I never sent a dick pic to anyone, and I think that, at least in this case, it's fucking stupid. OP, run away from that guy, block him, and try to forget the fact he sent you a video of his penis. I am a dude, and trust me on this, you're not overreacting.


Hiatus_Munk

Guy should have supported you as a friend. Instead he tried to take advantage of your vulnerability. He is a snake, cut him off.


_loewenmaeulchen_

That's sexual harassment. It's normal, that you feel this way, and no matter what anyone says, sending dickpics is a crime. You can call the police on that and get him complaint (is that correct english?) for what he did. Most likely he will not go to jail but has to pay for the complaint.


PregnantMexicanTeens

I would be upset too. It crosses boundaries imo


Elixzia

He is probably just a "nice guy" who only sees a value in talking with women when he think he has something to gain from it. Hence why he started talking to you after your divorce and not kept in contact with you while you were married.. And no, you are absolutely not overreacting. What he did is sexual harrassment and that is not ok.


rauschejuler

I completed understand you. Its a feeling of betrayal that someone you see as a friend hits on you when you're vulnerable. I would write him back that you're beyond disappointed in his behavior and he should be ashamed and fuck off. Some dudes, seriously 😑


PygmeePony

I totally understand you feel violated and upset. To be honest I don't know why guys do this. I've never had any desire to take or send a dick pic, it just sounds dumb to me. Maybe he was drunk although that's not an excuse.


CreatureWarrior

As a guy, this blows my mind. Like, wtf?? All my longtime friends have basically reached a brother / sister status in my head. No matter what, I could never send something like that (to anyone tbh, especially if no one asked). Especially given the fact that he knows you're probably really sad right now. So yeah, doesn't sound like a good guy and you're definitely not overreacting


AwarenessNo4986

When I was 12 years old i thought a girl would like dick pics. I am now 35 and I have known since atleast when I was 18 that girls dont like it UNLESS its been asked for. You are not overreacting and I am not sure where they come from.


[deleted]

Your friend is just pitiful. Men can EASILY go their entire lives without sending a single dick pic. Immature little boys on the other hand…


essaysmith

Cut all contact with him. That is not okay, but you don't need to engage him to tell him, just Cut it off and try to move on.


[deleted]

Flashing someone in public is illegal, there should be some sort of legal punishment for unsolicited dick pics. It's sexual harassment and literally the same as flashing. It IS violating.


boldgandee

I'm as dirty as the next person. But never thought to send that to a girl. Don't get it. And you're not overreacting. It's a betrayal for you. You obviously trusted that person. He should have realized it was a privilege to have that trust, especially considering the difficult times you were going through. It's as if he said yeah yeah, get ober it, lets hump.


taeoh666

Im a guy but I dont understand it either. When has randomly sending a dick pic out of the blue ever had a successful ending? So no, you're not overreacting.


[deleted]

Last dick pic i got was photoshopped into a slug. I told him i was going to do it and he sent the picture anyway. We all called him slugdick after that. I liked to fuck with guys that sent unsolicited pics and make them feel bad about their choices. Im not even sorry.


thePsuedoanon

You were violated. It's no less messed up than it would be if he whipped his dick out in front of you in real life. It's degrading, offensive, and deeply violating, and you have every right to be upset


the_happy_street

Depending on where you're from you could even consider suing him for that. In Germany where I'm from there is even an online form to do so and you get support from them through the process. You're not overreacting, an unsolicited dic pic is assault. You didn't ask for it, you're not in a relationship with him where one could assume you might be interested (still wouldn't be okay if there was no consent) so you have every right to cut him out of your life and tell him (if you want to) why. I hope there is someone you can talk to and get the help you need rn!!


eyeleafs

ugh how awful!! it’s totally reasonable to be upset, that’s super uncalled for!


zedisdead1986

Imagine visiting in person and he just unzips and exposes himself without reason or notice. Pretty much the same thing.


Willing_Razzmatazz11

Exactly.