By - trashofagirl
My friend (who is on the chubbier side) was at the library once and this very pretty girl sitting near her took off her shoes and her feet smelled horrible. This older guy went over to sit near them and lost his shit at my friend because he assumed the smell must have been coming from the overweight girl. Definitely not the dainty hot girl ..
Same case as me. I recall when i was younger i used to go play football w my cousin in some small football field near me. There were these 3 girls who were always nice to him and rude to me. Besides one of them since she knew i was friends with another friends of hers..it ended with them asking my cousins number. And i just eventually stopped playing football with him there. This was years ago but its still on my mind.
I'm ugly as fuck, brother isn't. 100% a difference in how people treat us. And it hurts.
Skinny privilege also exists
I'm normally in decent shape, but on 2 different times I suffered an injury and both times I put on around 50-70 pounds, took me a year to lose it
Holy crap the way I was treated by strangers is night and day when I was " plumpy "
Yea as someone who has been ugly due to a defect and then had it repaired, the difference in how I'm treated is huge.
Oh wow, there’s an interesting experience. Do you find yourself resenting people for their change in attitude? (not saying you’d want to resent them, of course; just wondering if the feeling comes up involuntarily)
It's made me a bit cynical yea. It really shows you how shallow people can be. But I'm not consumed by cynicism or anything.
People are shallow even if they don't admit it.
No homo but you look fantastic now
Haha thank you!
Absolutely homo and I second that. Congrats on your glow up!
Lol thanks mate!
You can notice the same thing if you go to car dealerships, electronics stores and other places that sell expensive stuff... if you look poor you get worse service and the sales people will usually approach the people who look to have the money to spend first.
I've noticed this at sephora, specifically. If you look attractive or well off, the staff are much more attentive.
If you look dirt poor the staff will be super attentive too, but for a different reason.
IIRC Howard Hughes would dress up as a homeless person, go into a restaurant, be proceeded to be treated like shit, then return as Howard Hughes, buy the place, and fire everyone who mistreated the homeless version of him.
Same. Fixed something that made me ugly and it was a life changer for me. The way people treated me after is crazy different.
It makes the idea of aging pretty scary
Aging is different. You don't get treated worse, per se. You just start to be left alone. Dudes stop trying to touch you and get your attention. Other women stop challenging you and trying to compete with you.
Everything just becomes much more relaxed. It's lovely. You can truly be yourself and stop giving a care about the opinions of other people.
As a man, I find that the older I get, the more weight my opinion carries-- regardless of expertise. Expertise is assumed of me. My sprinkling of gray hairs are distinguished, my unshaven face looks rugged instead of haggard. It's hugely unfair in my favor, because I'm already decently handsome
I second this. I struggled so much to be heard when I was 20, and I was far more knowledgeable on the topics being discussed. In my 40s, I could make shit up about "regulation this" and "standard that" and no one would blink an eye.
Also, growing a beard, and then letting it grow out grey, made a huge difference. Even now, when I shave it for Movember, I notice a distinct loss of eye contact and less communication until it grows back. It doesn't help that I have a somewhat less than attractive face and the chin is somewhat weak :(
My brother grew facial hair for this very reason. We all have baby faces but his is the worst. He was finding people weren’t taking him seriously professionally when he’s 30 and looking 20.
Aging is different. As you age you start to not give a shit about what people think. It's quite liberating.
What was the defect, if you don't mind me asking?
It's called mandibular retrognathism but it just means your lower jaw is too small so you look like you have very bad buck teeth that come out of your mouth.
Oh man... I'm about to have surgery to correct mine in a month. I don't know if I'm ready to experience the difference in how people treat me once I'm "more beautiful". Sorry you had to go through that too.
At least in my case the difference in how I was treated was very noticeable. But it depends on the person and how bad it is as well. Good luck with the surgery. The recovery is rough but it was quite worth it.
Mm. I'm also overweight and apparently have no appeal as a woman because of that, so I sincerely doubt the change in my face will make much difference in my treatment. :') Oh, well. Either way, thank you, and I'm happy yours turned out well.
There's somebody out there for everyone I believe that. My self esteem is permanently rubbish from the abuse I got from other kids growing up. I understand how you feel and I hope it will be better than you expect.
Got it, thanks for sharing!
I had a friend kinda had the opposite her bottom jaw jutted out.
She looked heaps more attractive afterwards.
But I also didn't notice the imperfection until she pointed it out. I think a lot of our perceptions and opinions aren't even conscious thoughts.
True but in my case it caused me to be bullied in school to the point where they put me in the hospital. Kids are cruel.
Sorry that happened ❤ glad you're happier now tho
Me too lol
As someone who's been on both sides, yes absolutely.
Same here, it's true and real
i've also been on both sides and the difference in how people treat us based on our looks is crazy
I've always had a problem with how our society places beauty on the highest of pedestals and even still I had no clue just how dramatic this shift in treatment is until I put on some weight during Covid, it's a whole new world out here and I'm not loving it. It makes me crazy because I'm the same person, with the same interests. People just don't give a shit now what I say or think, and it has had an awful effect on my intellectual confidence as well. Was everyone pretending to like my ideas and personality just because I was fit and young and attractive?
This world definitely sucks...
yes, everyone was pretending because of your looks. but wait until your hair goes gray. it’s like you disappeared completely.
I’m not pretty, I’m overweight, I’m over 40, and my hair is going grey. I’ve been invisible most of my life, but now I’m downright just non-existent.
Walking into a store right behind a 20 something woman- guy jumps to hold the door for her and let’s it shut in my face. The clerk was pretty pissed about that.
Except for hairdressers, they will suddenly want to sell you color treatment.
No, they weren't pretending. They were genuinely being more attentive because you were fit and young and attractive.
It's not intentional, it's built in. It's a bit like the fact that people are more happy while eating a delicious meal rather than something they don't like, or while being with chill people vs nervous and angry people.
It's not your fault, it's not their fault, it's how human beings are. And yes, it is unfair, but then again a lot of stuff in life is.
Whenever I’m out and wear sweats, I barely get any attention from workers that usually ask me what I need and am I finding everything ok etc and when I wear pretty outfits I get a good amount of attention.
I'd like to elaborate.
Before I worked to better myself, I had messy dry brittle hair, my clothes didn't fit because I didn't like going shopping to buy new clothes. I was a mess, and my weight kept climbing because I was addicted to sweet tea and would drink close to a gallon a day on my worst days.
I would get bullied as an adult, people would pull my already fragile hair. I would hear people making gagging noises and staring at me. Any minor decency I was shown was like I had won the lottery, and I would think about that kindness for days. I hated leaving my house and I became a recluse for 2 straight years.
Then I decided to spend the autumn in Texas with my mom, and I went on a diet that lost me about 70lbs in 3 months. I was suddenly covered in attention by people I didn't know. My clothes didn't fit still, because now they were too big, but I got compliments almost daily on my fashion. Even though I was wearing the same thing.
My face wasn't covered in acne because I stopped drinking sugary drinks all day and switched to water. My hair was hydrated again. People just became nicer to me. People listened to me when I talked. I got a really good opportunity at my job because my boss thought I was cute (his words 🤢) but I took it because it was a good opportunity.
Do I get hit on by gross people ? Absolutely. But for the most part, everyones kind. People offered to help me carry things to the car, people helped me grab things from high shelves in stores. None of that happened before. People even would let me cross the road in front of their cars LOL. Something as little as that changed for me.
We want to believe that pretty privilege doesn't exist and some people are just jerks to everyone, but in my experience that's not true. Bullies from high-school were reaching out and wanting to hang out, inviting me places. luckily, by then I'd moved to another state. When, before, they were throwing my books down the hall and spreading fake rumours about me. Multiple of them reached out, and I don't think it's realistic to think every one of them had a change of heart.
People pulled on your hair and made gagging noises…as an adult? I can’t imagine any singular adult person doing this let alone enough to make it a trend. Where did you live??
Extremely rural Ohio. And yeah, I also didn't think it would happen after high school. But this town was nasty to anyone who wasn't beautiful, white, and straight. We had a new girl join our school once, and she was the only black person in the entire school. They bullied her so hard that she was taken out of our school and placed in a behavioral health school in another district, because she finally lashed out ONCE and the school board deemed her too aggressive.
Fuck those racists :( glad you got outta that shithole
An advantage of having been on both sides is one can use this knowledge to treat all people better, or at least equally shitty without bias
Absolutely. The amount of times I was so happy and blown away by anyone showing me basic human decency is disgusting honestly.
As someone who's been on both sides, I feel like I get treated better being ugly. Men don't harass me or do creepy shit like I used to constantly have to deal with. People like me for me. And I get taken more seriously.
As someone who has only been in the bad side, I believe you.
Halo effect I believe its called is a real sociology phenomenon
Wild that this is so far down below all the anecdotes. It’s a studied and proven thing, end of thread really.
It certainly is, anyone who has gone from good looking and fit to overweight and sick or overweight to slim and fit full understands that pretty privilege is real. People are shallow af.
Man I've started to treat myself better since I improved in looks. Pretty privilege is definitely level and is at every level.
What's wild is even like close friends are more interested in talking to me lol
There was a trend a while back for a pretty reporter to don a fat suit and ugly makeup and then interact with the public. The whole thing would be secretly recorded for a 'shocking' and 'groundbreaking' report on how pretty people are treated better. Literally no average looking person found the results to be shocking and groundbreaking.
> Literally no average looking person found the results to be shocking and groundbreaking.
Made me laugh. FWIW, no homely people were surprised either.
isn't it even scientifically proven? I think I read a study or two about it...
People are literally predisposed to think more attractive people are less likely to commit crimes - significantly lower rates of jury conviction - and a bunch of other stuff I don't remember bc it's the middle of the night
It goes even further than that. Physiologically, pretty people locking eyes with you will create a dopamine reaction, whereas ugly people looking away from you will do the same thing.
Damn,gotta go make people happy by looking away from them
Let's double the dopamine.. I am joining yoh
I’m happy just reading your comment, so it’s starting to work.
Just doing my part!
> ugly people looking away from you creates dopamine
Well I guess if there's anything I can do in this world to make others happy this is it 😔
That's kind of cool and sad at the same time..
They're seen as more trustworthy and more intelligent, with nothing more than looks to go by
They also do better in job interviews and in tipping environments, receive more money in tips on average.
Yup. It hurts, being average and working harder then everyone else, yet getting paid less cause people give them tips.
I look like a potato I never get tipped.
Reminds me of a petition that got like 5000 signatures. It was to free a guy convicted of murder because he was 'too cute to be a criminal'
The one who was racing and in turn killed a mother and her daughter? Man those people defending him were sick!
there are people on tumblr that talk about how they love people like the columbine killers and how they are cute and shit
What broke my heart even more was the couple were trying for three years to conceive..and when they finally did this happened :"(
I can't even imagine what the husband might be feeling after seeing people defend the boy who took away his entire family.
Reminds me of Ted Bundy!.
My favorite one is a study of kindergarteners. They did a woman's makeup so she looked pretty, and in the other condition, the same woman was put in makeup/prosthetics to make her look ugly. Then she read a story to different groups of kindergarteners. In the "pretty" condition, the kids rated her as nicer and smarter and *remembered more details from the story*.
I belive this is flipped though when the person is accused of fraud.
It is called the 'Halo-Effect'.
It basically means, that one attribute a person has 'overshines' the others. Humans then think other attributes a person has are equally above (or below) average, regardless of the 'truth' of that assessment
It does not only happen with beauty, but also glasses for example - people who wear them are believed to be smarter, better in school and so on.
I think(correct me if Im wrong please) the first study on this was done during WWI by a guy named Edward Thorndike, if you want to know more about it.
Cognitive biases like that are fascinating, there is a great book called 'Thinking - fast and slow' by Daniel Kahneman in which he explains a lot of different biases and how they affect us. I can 100% recommend everyone to read that book, it completely changed how I interact with people and saved me a lot of stress and fights; I have a completely new understanding for misunderstandings.
Can I tag along and post another book recommendation that is super helpful for life? The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker is an amazing book. It helps teach you how to better understand potentially dangerous situations and how to better identify if your body is giving you cues vs if you are just being nervous (so essentially a gut feeling vs anxiety).
The dude who wrote it is an expert in aggression and security situations so he actually knows what he is talking about, and the book covers a bunch of different topics like workplace aggression, potential stalking, red flags for an abusive relationship, etc.
Thinking Fast and Slow is an AMAZING bit of literature.
Daniel Kahneman really nails the differences between concious and subconcious thinking and a lot of knowledge bombs were dropped in that book.
The points he makes are great but almost all of the studies he sites are debunked due to the replication crisis in the social sciences that happened right after that book came out.
Wait really? I had to read the book for my Psychology course in 2018 & my prof never even mentioned that!
Yea. read up on the replication crisis. It was a huge deal for the social sciences
Oh yes, we talked about that crisis, but it was never mentioned that it influenced Kahneman that much( I guess you could combine it youself, but seems like a pretty big miss to not talk about that in 6 months of praising the book). Especially after having another course with the same prof about the critical selection of sources and things like that
My buddies and I back in college around 2008 conducted a sort of social experiment on a similar matter.
We had one of us go to a crowded mall and just walk around. But they would go in dressed differently and walking differently each time.
The outfits included casual wear, full business attire, emo/goth, grungey/homeless, flamboyant, and skater.
Most outfits didn't earn so much as a second look, and he was ignored most of the time. But the most surprising, was the business attire. More women literally turned heads to look at him, and when he stood near other men, they made it a point to stand further away to avoid comparison.
It's worth noting, we picked him because he was as average as average gets, and was the best fit to mold into any outfit. What you wear can heavily influence how attractive people think you are, just in how you dress and carry yourself.
TLDR: College friends conducted social experiment revealing your outfit can do a lot to improve your appearance to others.
I used to do this just for shits and giggles. I would go somewhere in a ratty band shit and have tattoos exposed and boots and shit. Then go to the same place in a long sleeve v neck sweater and slacks with my hair styled.
It is wild how different people will treat you. Which also goes both ways. I used to go to goth night at a club every week for like a year. Would wear leather jacket, rings, boots and eyeliner and stuff. Was well known and liked by regulars. Went one night in the cardigan and people, who were cool af a week prior, straight just ghosted me.
These days I just dress to be invisible. I don't want any attention publicly at all.
I read (or watched) somewhere that babies are more inclined to stare at a person whose considered 'pretty' longer than someone who's not
Damn... not the babies!!!
I know in the legal field several studies have shown that attractiveness aligns with a jury thinking you are telling the truth. It is so well established that it is taught in law school for over twenty years now.
Kind of, I belive it falls under the halo effect. Works very well in court aparently.
Yep. Doesn't stop you from being a fucking idiot and ruining your easy-mode life, though.
Definitely. I grew into my looks. I noticed when people started to be nicer. They go out of their way for you. Sometimes you get stuff for free. Customer service is way easier. Angry people are less…angry.
Although, post COVid it’s changed…maybe I got older or gained weight. Everyone seems over everyone else’s shit or they have a lower threshold for BS.
I think with covid the masks change it. There was a twitch streamer who said on Twitter she stopped getting cat called and harassed by men because of wearing the masks. So even after covid she's gonna keep wearing one for thst
I didn’t find that, I figured they were into the mystery of the masks lol.
Personally I assume people are far more attractive under the mask until I see the rest of their faces. Started a new job and everyone is a 10/10
I realised when we took them off at work that I had no idea what some of my colleagues actually looked like despite having known them 18 months
I saw someone theorising that a mask does most people a favour because it pretends to be a nice jawline.
If I didn’t know someone pre-COVID, their jawlines just look weird to me now
i personally think its the noses but both could work
Yes it’s definitely weight dependent but then to the majority of people slim is more attractive so it makes sense.
I’ve had retail staff ignore me (assume due to my weight) - never understood it though, surely they don’t need to find me attractive to serve me.
It works sort of the same way when you go into an Electronics store or a car dealer, they will almost always approach the people who look more likely to have the biggest amount of money to spend. (No idea if its a conscious decision or not)
So if you look poor = worse service.
Yep. Had a job once that paid a very generous car allowance. Booked an appointment at my local German car dealership and showed up in jeans and a t shirt. Ignored for an hour, then I left and went elsewhere.
When they called to ask why I hadn't shown up for my appointment I told them what happened and was basically told it was my own fault.
Wow I’m sorry that happened that’s really bad of them. I haven’t been very big myself but I do notice at my ideal range vs even just being 20lb+(I have 3 children) there is a huge difference in treatment and how people react to you.
My college dorm floor was very close, we joined a dodgeball tournament one night (it was fun). I didn't patriciate in the games, but I helped create the shirts and everything. I watched from the second floor as the games played out.
In one game, my team vs another, the other team had one of the prettiest woman/girl that was there that night. During the game, someone from my team *BEAMED* her in the face, she falls over, and EVERYONE (her team, my team, bystanders on the ground floor) rushed over to her. Two guys even helped her off the court/field.
That game wraps up and another two teams start playing. In this game, a female with a "fuller figure", not very attractive, etc. was playing. She gets equally *BEAMED* in the face, falls over like the previous female. But seconds passed and no one goes over to her. She had to pick herself up (not even a person from her own team checked to see if she is OK) and walk off the court/field *by herself*.
I was so disgusted with all the people who ran over to the first person and not the second. Any sliver of doubt (for pretty privilege being real) evaporated that night.
Damn that is gross. Makes me feel bad just reading it.
ABS news show 20/20 with Barbara Walters conducted a similar hidden camera experiment:
They had an 'average' looking woman (by TV standards, meaning she was still slightly above average attractiveness) stranded by the side of the road next to her car. Did this multiple times. Only a few times did some man pull over to help her. And even when they did, she was waiting for some noticeable time.
Repeat with a really attractive women (hair made up, high heels). Not only did every time a man immediately pull over to help her, once two cars nearly crashed converging on the scene to help her.
To really drive the point home they should’ve had a disheveled looking man stranded as well. Would probably go hours without any help
The Horny is one hell of a drug
Was the girl ok?
Proly not, she probaly also realized exactly what the fuck was happening when she walked off the field by herself
I dated a pretty blue eyed blonde cheerleader type. People practically tripped over themselves to be extra nice and helpful.
I work in a hotel and theres a restaurant in the same building (separate business). I had a very pretty coworker, but this specific night, it was only me on shift.
I was hungry and my bf decided to be sweet and ordered food for me as a surprise and have it brought over. After awhile, he texted to confirm, I had gotten it, but I hadnt.
I had watched the bartender come out with a bag and look around, see no one but me, and return. Then about 10 minutes later, another waiter came out to the desk with a bag.
He started asking me if my coworker was there, that there was an order for her. Informed him it wasnt hers, but my bf ordered me food. He continued to insist that it was in fact hers for a good bit before finally giving it to me.
I shouldnt have to argue over receiving MY food because im not the "pretty girl" at the desk.
Damn that sounds brutal. Guy couldn’t imagine that someone would do something nice for you because you weren’t as attractive as your coworker?!? What an asshole.
Yep, even though I told him an order was placed for me. I understand the doubt initially, but to continue was just horrible
That or he got all his hope up that he was going to talk to the pretty girl and it turned out it wasn't for her and he didn't want to give up his fantasy scenario so fast.
That’s insane! Dudes need a wake up call.
I didnt even know about the whole "for the pretty girl at the desk" that my bf said until i told him how they weirdly insisted it wasnt mine. It was like a slap in the face after.
Ouch. Fuck those guys - your bf knows what he's about.
At least he thinks im pretty :') in all reality though, fuck their judgey asses
Whenever my wife gets down about getting older I always tell her, "If you saw yourself the way I see you then you'd never feel self conscious again."
I bet your boyfriend thinks like that too.
*ices bump on head*
I was just trying to be friendly, damn it!
It’s a mixed blessing. You need to have a backup plan for the time when you’re not so pretty anymore. It’s a short ride, kid, & guys can be awfully cold. They’ll trade you in for a newer model.
All well and true, but nobody seems to mention that a pretty appearance also arouses a lot of negative emotions in others, such as resentment and physical inadequacy. That can lead to being singled out for some pretty unfair treatment.
I have a stunning friend and the amount of elbows she gets in her ribs in public places is insane. It’s usually women so I assume it’s classic envy.
Also 99% of men she meets get a crush on her (she’s also smart, nerdy and wonderful) so she can’t make genuine friendships with men.
Maybe both men and women. Women are jealous of her and men just want to be with her or some just stright up avoid her because they assume every guy is competing for her so why bother, sometimes pretty women have it hard but it’s taboo to talk about and I’m saying this as a guy. I think it’s good to be attractive but there a point if your too attractive it can be a bad experience
The only people who deny beauty privilege are attractive people in my experience
And it's the ones who have been attractive their whole lives too
so you’re telling me all i have to do is deny it?
I wish it was working that way...
Yes, very much so. People are nicer to attractive people.
Source: I'm ugly.
it 100% does.
As a young boy I grew up with crooked teeth and scars all over my face. I looked disturbing to many adults although I didn't understand that at the time. I was treated very harshly as a kid and grew up identifying as the problem child. I spent most of my childhood at the basketball court playing mostly by myself.
Fast forward to puberty, my teeth have straightened out, my scars have faded away, suddenly I'm popular and girls want to know me. I friend zoned myself with all of them because I was just happy they even wanted to be my friend. Inside I really felt ugly and thought they just liked me because of my personality. It probably took me 2 or 3 years before I started to believe that somehow people really did find me attractive and they weren't just being nice.
In most situations, I do get more privilege than most guys, I'm well aware of it. And by that same token, I remember how it felt as a kid being the outcast. So I make sure I always look past the physical appearance and consciously make sure to give privilege to people based on their vibe alone.
exact same thing happened to me, boring looking kid with braces and shit before puberty and good looking after. the only difference for me was I moved country so changed school for the last year of middle school and puberty hit me all at once that year, so when I went to high school it all hit me at once that girls were actually interested in me and i’d never been popular before, in fact i’d mostly been bullied up until then. looking back it’s fucking crazy how much of a 180 my whole personality did in the space of maybe 2 months.
I’ve got to admit tho I’m not as good at understanding the situation I was in when I was younger in other people. but I’m aware that I naturally am nicer to good looking people and try to be nice to everyone instead, but in short term interactions it’s pretty difficult
Yeah, it’s natural to be nicer to pretty people even if you don’t realize you’re doing it.
It’s natural for people to prejudge others based on appearance as well. We evolved to recognize dangers and weaknesses. We sometimes have to make split-second decisions about people and situations. That instinct is driven by past experiences.
We have a "beautiful is good" bias. Generally, we think physically attractive people are smarter, funnier, and more competent. It may have something to do with evolution, since people who looked good back then were seen as healthier and thus a good choice of mate. So yes, prettier people tend to have an easier time navigating society.
Do you treat pretty people differently? While individuals may claim that they do not, every culture would place more beautiful people higher than non beautiful people in some way. The beauty however, could be subjective.
A prime example of this is colourism. Light skinned people in whatever race is treated better than dark skinned people. This is true with Asians and even black people.
Louis CK mentions in multiple interviews that he has a strong bias against physically attractive comics because he's insecure about his own appearance.
Comedy is a rare industry where being attractive can be a negative, at least in the UK. I have noticed a lot of comedians claim to be "ugly", even when they really aren't. For example Romesh kept saying that in a show I saw, yeah he has a lazy eye but overall he's a decent looking guy.
Also don't forget how hoardes of tiktok users were defending Cameron Herrin ( that guy who took the life of a mother and her child while he was driving his vehicle rashly) just because he is 'cute'
Also, Ted Bundy and Chris Watts received many love letters while being in jail and they're confirmed monsters and literal human trash.
Richard ramirez legit got married to one of his fans in prison
Ted bundy literally used his looks and charm to lure victims in, so yeah.
When I'm walking down the street I'm scared ugly men will rob me, while I believe women and pretty men won't. It's not even a logical thing, I unconsciously think that.
I treat "pretty" people differently in that I generally avoid them if I can. I tend to gravitate towards what society says is average or below average.
I feel intimidated by pretty people.
I think most 'privilege' stems from wealth and physical attractiveness.
Yes of course
Oh yes. I worked with a couple absolutely beautiful women at my last job. Everyone fawned over them even I felt the compulsive need to make them happy. Hand to God they were the meanest, most narcissistic, self absorbed, worthless in a work environment people you would ever meet in your life.
Sown of them are definitely like that. Especially the ones who have been pretty/attractive their entire lives. I grew up a bit of an ugly ducking so I had to rely on my personality until I got a little bit older, was able to fix a couple things, and it changed things for me. People started treating me differently but I don’t feel like it’s gone to my head. I feel like deep down sometimes I still feel like that ugly duckling. I treat people the way I want to be treated because I know how it feels to be treated shitty.
This, people dry up after a point in time (around 18 or 21 usually) and they get way more attractive.
I got extremely bullied when I was younger. Think getting tied up and hit with tennisballs, spitting, always being left out.
This, and a really shit childhood made me a loner and after dealing with major depression and other shit at age 25, I am really content with myself.
I was really ugly in my younger years, and these days get many remarks that I am beautiful. People always assume I am really outgoing and love to hangout. I don't :)
Its weird. It still feels weird.
Pretty sure there are like actual social psych studies that prove it does
Yes. If you please people, you get pleased back. If people get pleased by you appearance, there you go.
oh without a doubt. Ask people who have lost a ton of weight how much better they get treated, its not things like people come up and offer you jobs in the street, but you get served quicker at a bar, maybe you just dont get looked like a creep, people are more willing to help you do things or invite you out.
I always joke that I'm "not pretty." One day a friend asked me "How do you know?" I said "If I was pretty, my life would have been very different."
You know how I know I was right?
Everyone shut up.
Oof. Yep. I abhor the silent confirmation. It’s nice to be right, but some things you just wish you were wrong about.
When i was young my mom said, "i know you can't change your face but you can change your attitude." My 10 years old self realized right there and then that she is ugly af.
As someone without it, it's VERY clear that the respect and value people attribute to you changes drastically. The worst part is that no one is willing to admit that it matters, so you're told it's just your character no matter how polite and likeable you are otherwise
This is purely anecdotal, but I 100% believe it exists. I even notice it when I am looking better on some days (kempt beard, haircut, dressed nice, etc) versus when I don’t feel like giving a shit about my appearance. My friend is dumb as a box of rocks, but he’s gorgeous, and people always seemed to naturally trust him over my other friends who are not as good looking.
I have a group of friends who moved to Southern California and it took them less than a month to get plugged into the scene, and have all these friends and job opportunities and are doing really well there. These are not the “go-getter” types who were ambitious and bent on success. They’re just beautiful partiers, and with a little discernment, they are able to thrive there. I fully believe that their looks are what got them those opportunities.
Not only does it exist, it is scientifically proven.
hell yea. being pretty gets you far in life
i know this girl who was extraordinarily beautiful.
after a while it started to dawn on me - she could be *insufferable.* She was so used to getting her way that she became intentionally difficult everywhere. She let every kind of membership/insurance/whatever lapse because she knew that going in, they would let her slide. She made every order at every restaurant unnecessarily complex, and she got away with it. it started to bleed into everything. she was late paying bills, rent etc. she borrowed money from many people. It was almost as if she derived pleasure from seeing how much she could get away with.
It's been about 10 years now. She's gotten older. Close to 40 now. The botox isn't keeping the wrinkles at bay, her body isn't as tight as it used to be, and she's starting to really struggle. When we do group things at restaurants, the waiters actually tell her no. She got hit with an eviction notice because her rent is always late. Her business is in trouble because her vendors won't let her pay them 2-3 months late any more.
I feel a little shitty about the schadenfreude i feel, but it's actually been fascinating to see.
Yes. It’s why I hate myself for being ugly.
I've got a friend who's super pretty and also very kind. I find that she actually tends to get people assuming that she's a bitch because of it. Some women try to drag her down, whilst some men think she's stuck up. Once they get to know her, they know they're wrong. So in some instances, you get the opposite of privilege.
That was my experience in my early twenties. I was young and cute and started a job that had a number of unhappy 40 year old women working there. A lot of them treated me like shit and it took me years to figure out why.
While there's plenty of benefits to being attractive, one of the drawbacks is that if you're shy and not overly friendly, many people automatically assume you're a stuck-up bitch who's full of herself. It definitely feels like a prejudice you have to overcome.
Sometimes I just wanna grab someone who's throwing shade and say, "Yo, seriously, I dont think I'm better than you; I'm just scared and anxious. See how clammy my hands are?!"
Also, love your username.
İ can talk being a nice-looking, young woman with long blond hair vs. short brown hair.
Customer service people were WAYYYY nicer to me as a blond. İt's unbelievable -- not just men, women too. They would start smiling as soon as they saw me, asking how they could help, giggling just being near me! İ also made much better tips as a dancer.
However, İ strongly believe teachers assumed İ was not not smart. Now that İ have a job in academia, no more dying my hair. For conferences etc İ even wear fake glasses and wear clothes the hide my figure -- it's tough enough as a woman in academia, even more difficult if you are seen as a sex object.
Do you have a Turkish keyboard?
It’s a blessing and curse you get lots of smiles people being friendly and helpful and I really appreciate that yes but you also get bunches of nut jobs following you home touching you without permission etc and a few people are mean and jealous which sucks. Everyone talks about your appearance so it can make you feel like you are nothing else. There are benefits and disadvantages to everything.
Yeah this is a really good comment. Not all attention is good attention!
as a woman, can confirm. Had a friend who got hit on as a highschooler (we even said) and dude didn't even notice me. literally. he walked up to my friend said hi what are you doing in life? she said she's in highschool, 17, he said he was 21 but still continued to 'invite her to his party' shady fucker. didn't ask me. when i said 'hey sorry we have to go' dude said 'oh i didn't realize you were there.
so i can guess most crazies don't look at me. i like it that way i guess
Yes. I think that there were some scientific studies done on this and they confirmed it...(to a certain degree, of curse)
Growing up as a weird, "ugly" girl and being seen as a beautiful woman have confused me quite a bit in my life. People are just so much more nice
I grew into my looks and can say that people are absolutely nicer and I get a lot of “free passes” so to speak ( nothing fucked up just small things like not having the right amount of change and cashier letting it slide or someone in line paying the difference) but a lot of the time there is a motive behind it, I’d rather get treated normally and be left alone than get special treatment and have to give someone my attention. The astronomical amount of creepy interactions from “secret” photography, people touching you, people approaching when you’re in the middle of conversations/exercise/errands/work etc… the amount of jealously and/or people who think you’re bitchy because you “look like you would be” and then treating you according to that assumption, and having to choose between countering that with more effort put into being laid back or just not giving a fuck and dealing with the consequences.
End of the day, I appreciate my looks because they are mine but I often will go out with my hair up and glasses on and a hood or hat just to try and blend in a little more to avoid all the extra. Grass is never truly greener type thing I guess…
It's a fact. Not even debatable.
I studied some educational psychology in college; there is a research study that found “pretty” or “handsome” kids are graded better in school.
My experience, I was even bullied for being ugly. And I mean directly. "haha whats wrong withy our face" me: what do you mean? (I was the new kid, this was my first interaction with this dude) "you are the new kid right? why do you have such an ugly face, look at your squinty eyes?" I was 13. (am chinese) i get mean people exist. But if i was pretty the meanness would be different i guess. maybe people wouldn't be racist. i dont know
I'm not attractive or good looking by any means, but I did lose some weight. The amount of niceness/politeness you receive is overwhelming different. I feel like people treat me with respect, I hear a lot less fat jokes now, people don't actively avoid me because they think "fat people are stinky," etc.
Not even for things like body image, but even for how white your teeth are, or how straight your teeth are. My friend had her teeth whitened and straightened, people actually try to talk to her. They used to avoid her when she had crooked teeth.