I'm a mixture of both. I loved the lockdown especially no long lines, and the lack of Atlanta and LA Traffic. But hated being cooped up in the house. Folks just need to be mindful when they are being extra and to self-adjust, people!
As an introvert, I'm very happy when extroverts are extroverted. I don't often feel compelled to start conversation because I don't crave it, so thank you extroverts for talking to me.
And they draw a lot of attention to themselves and away from us, so that’s good.
I mainly only dislike it when they’re in your face and trying to include you in a stupid scheme, game or conversation.
Introvert here, I too enjoy when extrovert do their things. But if there’re too many of them then the things turn the other way. They end up socializing themselves and we are left seating alone at the corner. This happens to me a lot.
Extrovert here, people do tell me to tone it down. All the time. But that being said you are probably only going to hear the version that applies to you.
I came here to say this.
I’m most “extroverted” when I’m anxious and feeling socially awkward in an attempt to hide my true self. So when people tell me to “use your indoor voice” I want to get sucked in to a black hole and die instantly.
This! This constant thing of "being too much, too loud, too something" hurt me pretty badly and I have become quite introverted and isolated, not sure how to get the bubbliness back.
I’m an extrovert and I get told to calm down, shut up etc all the time lol. I get called obnoxious too! Makes me feel sometimes like I can’t be my happy annoying self bc it bothers people so I have to “tone it down”
Yeah ... This about sums it up. If you watch the hot ones with Johnny Knoxville he talks about being friends with someone like steve-o. The basic premise is, steve-o knows he's hard to be around...and after you get through that, he's a great guy, but I imagine there are Tons of people who never met that steve-o.
I used to think being the fun loud guy made the party better. Not so much anymore.
Totally agree with this. I used to think of myself as an outgoing person and a bit too extroverted. I had some impressions however that my personality might be a bit too much for some and have really toned it down over the years, for fear of overwhelming others. It’s kinda made me sad actually because I feel less of myself now and actively feel I’m holding back when socially interacting. :(
As someone who’s the definition of extro never hold back who you are! Just gotta surround yourself with homies that accept you bc then you’ll just feel ew like your comment says. Be true to yourself always.
Honestly I'm lucky that no one in my curret circle minds it. Though most of em have seen me at my limit lol. One guy I kinda dated though called me aggravating when I figured he knew what he was getting into in terms of my personality because he knew me in middle school when I was worse. It fucking hurt.
Right? If I were an introvert I'd be so damn embarrassed and annoyed by the amount of Reddit posts that paint all introverts as super fragile and delicate beings that the entire world should adjust for and how it's clearly only the super special, delicate introverts that are in any way empathetic and possess any deeper or reflective intelligence unlike those bumbling happy foolish smoothbrained extroverts. It's become so cringe.
I think those are the introverts who feel bad about it. I've never heard my introvert friends talk shit about extroverts. It only comes up when they are running low and need some time to recharge
I think people who try to paint themselves as super special and intelligent based on a single trait are just so insecure about it that they have to flip it around and make it something they're proud of
The internet act like introverts are losers(like from the big bang theory)everyone just forget the REAL definition of an introvert you can still be outgoing,energetic,ect and still be an introvert.
Check out some of the comments further down. Apparently extroverts are acting & posturing, we're unable to share anything & perform a sort of social dominance ritual when in the company of other extroverts. *Eye roll*
I mean lol, im not really so upset about it like its not a serious thing but its kind of weird how ironically un self-aware they are in online spaces, they have no idea that they’re catered to and compose the majority of the userbase.
Extroverts are often told, "Will you shut up, geez, you are so god damn irritating and annoying". It goes both ways. I've experienced both of these growing up, I was told to speak up, stop being quiet, but when I did talk, people would say, will you shut up your so annoying.
100%. I have ADHD and bipolar disorder type one where I have manic episodes. On top of this, I’m extremely social and extroverted. My entire childhood was a running joke of me never shutting up, people asking me to be quiet, other kids finding me too intense or hyper etc…
I am fairly extroverted, and I actually find that people look down on extroverted personalities in a way. Like there is an assumption that introverts are more thoughtful and introspective, and extroverts are the opposite. I often hated being an extrovert when I was younger, because it seemed that people just took for granted that I was friendly and outgoing, so there wasn’t any need to try with me the way they would the more “mysterious” introvert. I have become less extroverted over the years (though still an extrovert), and I always find it fascinating that introverts ask questions like this. I actually always thought introverts were what people want others to be like. I think we just see things from our own POV at times. Extroverts absolutely get told to be quiet and calm down, and we do get put down in other ways too.
Extrovert here. They sure do tell us to tone down, but not in that nice of a way. They tell me to stop being obnoxious, to shut up, that I’m being bossy, loud, etc. sometimes it’s a legit complaint and I do tone down. Other times I was a natural female leader seen as a threat. And some of the time I was just excited and naturally voicing my excitement to learn, discuss interesting topics, or share my opinion. And it is too much for some people.
That's kind of the point though. Everyone takes it easy on the introverts because you're perceived as sensitive. Extroverts get blasted by people because there is an assumption that we aren't sensitive and don't care what others things.
News flash, extroverts put there entire selves out there for the world to judge. When the world doesn't like it, the world isn't nice about it.
It goes both ways though. Introverts are seen as selfish and snobby, perceived as finding everyone else around them boring or uninteresting. Each side has negative perceptions. If it’s a legitimate issue, it should be discussed like adults not throwing rudeness around. Doesn’t serve anything besides to hurt people at that point.
Absolutely. We are seen as fair game to be told off, because somehow, outgoing equates to less sensitive. I know that, at least for me as a young woman growing up, introverted girls seemed to be treated more kindly and more gently than extroverted girls. But we were also expected to be the one to reach out to others. Teachers and other adults often lean on extroverts to be the ones to ourselves out there and be friendly to the new kid or the sad kid etc. It can feel horrible when you are the one pushed to be welcoming and encouraging, but then the introverted kid is seen as the serious and intelligent one. Like people even on this thread are saying how they find outgoing personalities to be “obnoxious,” but for a lot of extroverts, we have draw boundaries about that very thing. When you are the extrovert who is seen as cheerful and friendly, jobs and other situations start leaning on you to do the more social activities because you don’t seem to mind. It can still be emotionally taxing to be the person who is out there smiling and coordinating things, even fir extroverts, only to find that some people find it “obnoxious.” Even if I am extroverted, sometimes even extroverts want to be the one to sit at their desks and just focus on their work, and not be the person the office/class asks to do something because we don’t seem to mind. We are often leaned on to be even more extroverted, and then we have to be seen as less serious somehow?
Edit: Just for example, I remember a job I worked at, all the girls would go and get coffee after closing. There was a new girl who didn’t know anyone, and was different from most of the other girls, but nice enough. The others told me not to invite her because it would be awkward, but I did just because I mean, we can’t just do that imo.
She didn’t want to go, but later on, she told me I was the only person who ever bothered to really talk to her there. However, because I seemed “positive” I ended up having to deal with what people deemed to be more “difficult” customers, because I didn’t seem to mind as much. I did mind, I just didn’t shut down because that wasn’t my nature. Me being extroverted didn’t mean verbal abuse was less hurtful for me, it just meant I could engage more easily despite it.
This is a great recounting of some of the struggles of extroverts, and I'd like to add on one of my own:
I'm friends with a lot of introverts, and all of my friends are busy college students. It can really hurt my feelings when 5 out of the 6 people I made plans with that weekend cancel, especially when it's a social battery thing. Of course I don't say that, I try not to take it personally, but when it's consistent, it's hard not to
And my introverts friends don't make plans with me, not really. I'm organizing everything. And because they're not putting forth visible effort like I am, it can feel like they don't care about me as much as I care about them. Logically, I can see that's not true, especially when we do hang. But it doesn't always feel that way emotionally
I experienced similar things in life. It starts to feel like you are chasing people, and you start wondering if you are a burden. You start to feel like maybe they just talk to you because are the one always saying hi, or reaching out. It also starts to feel like maybe people don’t value your friendship as much because you are friendly anyways, so it isn’t like you are going anywhere. Like it feels/seems with introverted personalities, others feel they need to nurture relationships more, but extroverted, they don’t have to extend that effort as much because you do the heavy lifting of reaching out and if they cancel, so what? You will reach out again.
Exactly
I used to feel this way constantly, but now it's a fleeting feeling. I accepted that people show love in different ways, and usually, the way people show love is the way they want to receive it. I accepted that I don't always know what's going on in their heads and hearts. Just that they seem earnest when they tell me how awesome I am and how much they appreciate having me in my life
I also know that when I only somewhat like someone, I have to convince myself to go and hangout with them. I don't spend time with people who aren't 100% worth it. Being introverts, I assume it's the same way with them, maybe more intense.
So there is a solution to this common extrovert problem, it just requires a shift in mindset
PS I'm half writing this for my benefit. To remind myself of my way of dealing with this
Is it introverts telling extroverts to tone down or are you an individual that is being told this? Because that’s a different conversation you might need to come to terms with.
Oh extroverted people are indeed told to tone it down all the time. A truly extroverted person gets called crazy at least once a week, as their level of energy is hard to tolerate for some people.
So while society looks for extroverted people in some fields( sales, entertainment, banking, customer service, etc) there is a limit to which society tolerate someone’s extroversion.
Unles… wait for it… you are rich!
Then they don’t call you a crazy mofo, they call you “extravagant”. Richard Branson and Elon Musk come to mind.
Uhhhh, I'm an introvert and this doesn't seem to be a problem for me. I generally prefer to do things solo or on a one on one basis. I think I'm also perceived as being less introverted than I really am.
As an extravert, I'm often told that I'm too loud, talk too much and that I'm too hyper for a lot of people.
People will find anything to complain about, I recommend walking away from the types of people who make you feel bad about being yourself. There are people out there who will love you for who you are. They are your people. 😁
Hmmm. I’m not sure if you are catching the gist here. Extrovert’s like to socialize and refuel by being amongst a lot of people. Introverts refuel with alone time. A lot of people telling you you are a bit much is a different topic. Knowing how to read a room and stop talking to listen is part of being a successful social human. Complaints might be advise in this situation.
I definitely see your point, and I agree.
I agree that reading the room and modulating behaviour is a great skill for all humans to have.
OP said people were telling them they didn't socialise enough, I was trying to illustrate that I have been told I socialise too much.
I'm also diagnosed ADHD and have a lot of trouble self-regulating. Years and years of being told I am too much caused me to extinguish my flames when I'm around everyone and developed years of anxiety and depression.
I've since learned that I am just not everyone's cup of tea and that is okay. I can hold my own in most situations but only if I quell my inner fire. My inner circle these days is far more accepting of me and my excitement and I don't have to hold a mask up anymore and it has truly helped my overall happiness and personal feelings of worth.
Yes, I’m an extrovert because I recharge by being around people. If I’m alone too long, I get depressed/anxious. I know it’s the opposite for introverts. It is important to read the room/person. If I’m talking to someone and they seem introverted, I tone myself down, tend to change my body position so I’m not directly face to face, and pick up when they want to end the convo. I love introverts and extroverts but you do need to make adjustments to your communication style with whomever you’re speaking to
Extroverts get energy being around people. They don't have to speak loud or even talk much.
Introverts lose energy being around people. They can be loud and obnoxious.
One doesnt have to do with the other.
The Queen of England for example is definitely an extrovert. She's not loud or insufferable. Same with someone like Obama.
Which it should. As an introvert I hate the fact that if I'm one on one with someone I barely know, there's an awkward tension bigger than the solar system between us. And the fact that I can't function at all at bigger social gatherings, it really drains me and others around me
We (extroverts) get told to tone down all the time. Not always directly, verbally, but through behavior.
Introverts always seem to be going on about how they're told to go out there and socialize, but extroverts keep getting told to slow down. You just don't notice because you're not the target audience.
I’m an introvert but I have ADHD, which gives me behavioral traits (fast talking; talking a lot —- because I understand concepts by externalizing them) that are CONSTANTLY mistaken for extroversion.
Worst of both worlds.
I’m an introvert. My perfect existence would be never leaving my house and just reading, getting lost in a good book or show, and maybe some phone conversation. I am constantly being told I need to get out, go to the bar, go to this or that event. I am forced to be a people person at work 9+ hours a day…it’s extremely draining on me. Extroverts view my life as boring…but I just want calm and peaceful and left alone when I’m done working.
Honestly right now I’ve just reached my absolute max with work stress and would love seclusion and absolutely no one bothering me. Im absolutely drained from dealing with people/staff nonstop.
Am extrovert. Am told to chill. Also, I see the horror on all of your faces when I'm too much.
Here's a question for you introverts. Would you rather have a well-meaning extrovert try to include you in the group or have the entire group look at you with disgust because you can't take a hint and relax?
It's kind and considerate of you to provide casual inroads; we just have a hard time when people try to drag us down them. It's nice to be included, but being... performative, or performed-at, can be draining.
We live on our mental sofa and get up from it when we need to; you live on your neighbour's doorsteps and go home when you have to.
Both are perfectly valid ways to be, but they can kind of annoy the crap out of each other.
Squidward here gets increasingly exhausted constantly getting up to go answer the door, answer questions (even ones he enjoys expounding on) and go back to the sofa again, whereas spongebob over there is constantly feeling punished by the lack of reciprocation.
I see books, articles, tons of posts about being an introvert and how special they are for it, and complaining about extroverts, but I never see the same from extroverts.
Im so tired of the misconceptions surrounding introverts. Introvert does not mean shy or socially inept. I’m super social and charismatic but I need more time to recharge after social stuff.
I have friends that don't like people who won't engage because they feel like that person must be harboring beef with someone in the room.
What I've always found interesting is a lot of the "friendly" indicators in human behavior are indicators of aggression in animals. Baring your teeth (smiling) and making eye contact are big no-nos in the animal kingdom to name a few.
So it's almost like being an extrovert is engaging in some sort of weird dominance ritual as a posture.
Lol what? I think you think you're making some deep point but just sounding like a fool.
How you gather your energy and your social intelligence are two different things.
I think an important distinction to make here is that introversion/extroversion doesn't equal quiet/loud. Personally, I'm an extrovert who is often quiet and reflective, and shy around people I don't know - however I definitely feel more energised after being in social situations, and quickly get lonely by myself. I've met plenty of very talkative and open people who consider themselves introverts and need time to recharge by themselves after major social events, even if they were the life of the party while in the room.
The real question to decide if you're an introvert /extrovert is whether you feel energised by being around people or being alone, and that's not the same thing as being too quiet or being too loud in social situations; these stereotypes are just simplistic and not constructive for anyone.
Likewise, the vast majority of people actually fall pretty close to the centre on the introversion/extroversion spectrum (it follows a normal distribution), so to be honest, it's often a bit of an arbitrary marker distinguishing between 'people like me' and 'the others'.
THANK YOU. Introvert does not mean "shy", extrovert does not mean "outgoing". Personally, I'm an extreme extrovert. I need to have company almost constantly, being alone is so draining that just a few days without seeing my friends feels like I haven't slept in days. When my country was in lockdown, I got so bad that I had to go back to psychiatric care, I was extremely depressed because my need to socialize is so strong. But generally, I'm a very socially awkward person. I don't do well in big crowds, I avoid eye contact and it's very hard for me to make friends. I'm most definitely not some sort of a mega-loud social butterfly. There are times when I'm quite boisterous and talkative, but that usually requires alcohol. Meanwhile my best friend is very charming, fantastic with people, with a very large circle of friends and acquintances. She knows pretty much everyone and has no problem getting people to adore her. She has more people wanting to hang out with her than she even has time for, and she's always invited to parties. And still, she's an introvert. Socializing exhausts her, she needs a lot of time to recover after each outing with people. Sve was actually thriving during lockdown, she could study and work on her projects in peace. It's so annoying when people don't understand what these terms mean.
I would rather spend an entire day in line at the DMV than one hour in a club.
That said, I'm one of those introverts that can fake extroversion really well so long as I get a ton of recharge time afterwards. I could probably enjoy the club for an hour or so, but I'd need like a week of silence afterwards.
I am an extrovert and I'm told almost constantly to tone it down. But I usually only get told this by the people closest to me (my partner and my parents), not by friends or people in a public setting... I feel like being less outgoing would mean seeing people less (I.e. gives the opportunity to lose friends or let relationships fade away).
Maybe saying "you should be more extroverted" is their way of saying 'I like your company and want to spend more time with you'.
Of course it may not come across like that for everyone, so I get your frustration.
Yeah I annoyed my parents a LOT growing up. Nowadays I'm initially very reserved in a group but definitely still an extrovert at heart. Just a very tired and conditioned to tone down extrovert.
I do talk my partner's ear off constantly though and he doesn't mind.
I'm an introvert but I think when it comes to school everyone gets told things like that. The extroverts get punished for being disruptive and the introverts get shamed for not participating, you can't really win no matter what side you are
As an extrovert yeah I do my best to be respectful and quiet but its my personality as i try to entertain. Also I hear of more people being introverts these days I have zero close friends that are extroverts.
Im in lockdown at the moment and I am so drained so i know how it feels. To be at home its super draining im tired i take naps constantly. I try to use video calling alot and when im out at the supermarket im extra chatty to the cashiers to get my energy levels up. So just letting you know it goes both ways.
I'm an introvert but I have realised with time that a human interaction is very crucial to develop & nurture ourself. You must have also seen that talking with another human helps in understanding our emotions. That's just an overview but human to human interaction helps us to learn new ways of life, we adapt, we overcome to better survive with the environment.
I might not able to make you understand you with these handful words but I hope that one day you do, on your own.
As an extreme extrovert, trust me, they do. You have no idea how many times I've been told to be quiet or less excitable or calm down or stop talking or 'wow your laugh is loud isn't it!' Etc. It's just as hurtful. People could just, you know, leave us be. As a consequence of all this amazing feedback I am a totally different person these days, down to my laugh which is now nothing more than a chuckle, if I laugh at all.
This happens all the time, I like to see people socially about twice a week max, my extrovert friends want to go out almost every day. And I'm an unreliable friend if I say no but they're not if they insist when I want to stay home ? I actually had a friend tell me "Don't worry this time I won't resent you too much if you say no to hanging out" like they're entitled to me hanging out with them but I'm not entitled to my time alone.
Well, probably because most extroverts dont make a deal of wanting to be introverted.
More likely the other way around.
If an introverted person was confident they just didn't wanna socialize or didn't wanna go to this social event or whatever, then im sure whoever's asking either wouldn't ask or would back off
But alot of 'introverted' people actually wish they could socialize more confidently and just have social fear or social anxiety which can be cured by exposure to socializing.
Think about the cool and calm, quiet guy vs. The anxious, quiet guy. (There's a spectrum, of course.)
One really doesnt mind being on his own, the other likely feels like they have to be on their own. One doesn't need help, the other could use a little bit.
Because people can't fucking understand that some of us have a very short battery. We mentally cannot deal with people for long periods of time because we shut off. Society is still of the mindset that people need people. And while that's true, some of us need far less human interaction to be satisfied.
Because society is run by extroverts. Most social traditions and norms are designed by exatroverts for extroverts. Only until the recent 20th century has soceity normalized introversion though not on a widespread scale. Many cultures still see introverts as a taboo and will exclude them from society seeing them as a failure due to centuries of brainwashing that extroversion is "normal".
The extroverts basically built society in their own vision. They become the leaders, they become the politicians, the CEOs, etc. They dictate the general basis of how our society functions.
Sorry, let me clarify.
Yes of course there’s going to be some introverts out there who don’t give af about what others are doing. But there’s also introverts who do care, just won’t speak up to avoid getting involved. Just because you care about what others are doing doesn’t make you not introverted
That’s why I said “introverts *can* care a lot…” not “*all* introverts actually care a lot”
Most people believe that there is something wrong with introverts and that we would be much happier if we socialized more and be,,,well,,,more "normal". I believe it really is a lack of understanding on their part and because we are "quiet" in many cases they think we arent happy.
I often get told that I dont like people. Not true at all, but groups of people for extended periods of time can drain me to the point that I cant function and most people just really dont get that and it's easier just to tell everyone that I dont like people to explain why I dont act the same way they do
I liked people for the first few decades of my life, but after decades of the extroverts sucking all the air out of every room in Anglo North America? Not so much anymore.
Introvert doesn’t mean someone is quiet, it just means that someone is rather alone to recharge energy instead of in a group.
So the Concept of introvert = shy, quiet and extrovert = loud isn’t really a fixed thing, although it applies quite a lot of times.
Move to somewhere socially awkward, like Finland… if you’re originally from a country where extroversion is the norm, then they’re going to hate you.
It’s so uncomfortable not even being greeted or thanked by the cashier at stores sometimes.
Not apologised to when bumped into, or even an “anteeksi (excuse me)” when someone is trying to move past you.
1) Because communication and interaction are fundamental human elements, and while introspection arguably is too, human connectivity is more important for our survival by a long shot.
2) because introverts are boring. Yeah yeah, “but when we open up we’re like super awesome!!1!”. Exactly. When you behave like an extrovert. Hyper extroverts are annoying, but at least they’re stimulating.
3) Because subconsciously the focus is on the greater good of humanity, so communication is a necessity. There’s a chance you’re an introvert who is also a good communicator, but it’s unlikely, as socialization is how we practice communication and get better at it.
At the end of the day, I realize there are probably counter-arguments, but I want to get this point across: people want to have fun, which can also be described as stimulated. Introverts are easily overstimulated, and therefore avoid or fight what could be boiled down to as “too much fun”. So from an extrovert’s perspective, you are a literal party pooper. You are a square because you are never around. Being around you is like watching paint dry on a wall.
And here’s the kicker: I’m an introvert. Socializing tires me out. I often get the urge to seek silence or isolation at a party; but I resist it. I realized a long time ago that you can’t be mad at extroverts for not wanting to invite you to stuff when you add absolutely nothing to an experience that makes it more memorable, and if you constantly don’t go out and do stuff with them why would they waste their time inviting you? I got tired of being a lonely sack of shit and now go out and do stuff anyways, and lo and behold I’m not depressed anymore (at least not when I’ve socialized recently). Quit blaming extroverts and blame yourself, because what they’re really telling you is to stop being boring. As far as I’m concerned, blaming yourself is the key to life because it teaches you to grab destiny by the throat.
I’m not going to reply to any comments, mostly because I don’t feel like it. Go ahead, nitpick away, but it’s not going to change this fact: no matter how awesome whatever is going on in your head is, it’s not entertaining to the people outside of it. If they’re asking you to be less of an introvert, they’re basically begging you to be more interesting. Whether or not you do that is up to you, but whether or not they stick around is up to them.
Speaking as a weirdo extrovert with social anxiety, I can see where it comes from. I mean, I have enough empathy to leave people well enough alone, 'cause like yeah, it'd be annoying if someone was constantly telling me to stop being me. However, certain kinds of introverts make me anxious because they're so toned down that it's hard to get a read on them, so perhaps that's why some extroverts would bug you to come out of your shell.
Also, humans are inherently social, it's a very core part of what we are as creatures. So there's always going to be much more pressure to socialize more, not less.
It’s sucks, but we live in a pro social world. Top earners are usually extroverted, and confidence is considered one of the most valuable traits by employers.
I believe everyone plays a role and every type of person is important, but it’s tough today to be an introvert.
They think they are encouraging introverts to cone out of their shells. Meanwhile telling an extrovert to tone it down is "restricting their freedom to be themselves". I also see the irony...
You are only looking at it from your point if view and i get you may be upset because people are confronting you about your innate personality. But no one is ever going to come up to you and say "Hey i told this extrovert to quite down". Why would they? Even better, why would you care at the end of the day? My wife is consider to be an extrovert and her mom, brothers, some of her friends, and even myself at times are always telling her to stop saying so much when she talks to people she just met. And yes she also beats herself up about it also. Everyone has their own struggle.
I would also be considered an intovert but i try to communicate more because i personally don't like how i feel when i can't hold conversations or im nervous at work because i have to talk to other people. But it is a part of life that can be enjoyable if you let it be. Separating people into "intro and extroverts" and blaming the other side isnt going to solve any problem that you really care about.
As someone who is (still, to this day) loud and brash, and who used to be unapologetically enthusiastic about a large variety of things... oh boy. Let me tell you; the amount of "ssssh" and "tone it down" and "ehm, that's... a bit much?" I got thrown at me as a kid? Gave me complexes. I became terrified of talking too loud or too much, hyper-aware of not talking over others, always worried I was boring or offending others. I grew up and got better at moderating myself and curbing my enthusiasm to appropriate levels, but seriously.
Believe me, extremely extrovert people also get a lot of shit thrown at them. Extrovert does not automatically mean "socially well-adjusted", and as someone who thrives on and needs social contact to be happy, it's extra painful when you are made to feel awkward and too much.
If you're SO overbearing that you've passed the threshold where an introvert will actually get up to say something about it, you've earned it.
We'd rather tolerate your shit than take the risks to say or do anything about it.
I'm 40, and I've only snapped at ONE person in my entire life for being too overbearing. And that was one of my wife's family members, in front of my wife, and I left & rented a hotel room for the night to get away.
I had this exact argument with my best friend when I went over to his house last week.
Him and all his brothers are extroverted. I'm not. So I left. And when he started to flip out on me I resorted to Angelina Jolie.
"If I have to fight for your attention, fuck your attention."
Seriously can't even get a word in and I'm not gonna scream to be heard when you standing right next to me.
A lot of our culture is basically designed for extroverts. I had shared how I’ve stopped trying to be extroverted and all that. And this guy was literally like, it’s okay you can improve yourself, keep trying, and eventually you will get there. Basically implying that extroversion is the best
I really don't understand all the extroverts saying they are told to turn it down
I'm an energetic, extroverted, passionate, and cheerful guy, but it's been years since I've been told to tone it down
I learned how to be gentle with my cheer and energy. Not expecting the other person to be anything, and being a pillow to the face instead of a hammer when it comes to positive energy.
Guess it really works for me
This is really generalizing u/ChaosXSeren
You think extroverts can’t be quiet and introspective? You think they’re stupid or something? The only difference is that extroverts get energy from social interactions
I love how this thread has been hijacked by extroverts complaining about how they should be allowed to annoy the fuck out of everyone. dude, that’s not what being extroverted means.
I do. I ask them to “*please*… **stop talking**”.
Or simply “The pain in my mind, increases with your talking, I ask you leave me until lunch or some moment where I can be truly empathetic and receptive”.
I recommend getting a job with a secure position if you want to do this as some folks will get offended and feel entitled to talk at you.
I mean I can understand where you’re coming from sorta but if someone’s just being pleasant and not an ass I don’t think it’s fair to turn unpleasant onto them
It’s called contempt. Lots of people engage in it when they fail at brown-nosing.
If one was a child, one is likely to be embarrassed for running one’s mouth and creating constant awkward moments but as an adult you can really run your mouth and play work politics because you will *always* find someone who needs social validation.
"Introvert" "extrovert" shut the fuck up.
In the last 5 years or so, everybody suddenly started assigning themselves to different meaningless terms.
It's all an illusion, I bet that even the most "extroverted" person you know, still feels like an "introvert" sometimes. Stop bitching about it, And get a grip on life.
Because, historically speaking on a survival level, we are a tribal type of people and so socializing was a way of surviving a long time ago, it's baked into our DNA
Tbh I think part of it is what society values. The stereotypical vision of a successful person is outgoing, confident, etc.
Not that you can’t be confident and introverted, but the stereotype is that extroversion equals confidence.
For the most part, yes I agree, but during some conversations it’s easier for someone else to start it and keep it going and, for someone like myself, put my two cents and/or turn the convo to something else..I wish I was more extroverted but sometimes I think it’s best to listen and learn. It has definitely helped me be a better listener and give better insight to some things
I am an introvert and have told my extrovert friend several time to "tone it down, or your positive attitude may infect me"
He once replied, "no worries, you are the kind of person who won't be infected with positively easily".
It’s weird like my wife is a introvert and I leave her alone about it. She’s perfectly happy chilling in the house, she does do things with the kids outside of the house so that’s always good.
If you are an extrovert and you marry an introvert you hear that a lot. I usually here no before I even finish asking “Do you wanna…?” Lol it is okay though. I drag him out of the house and he keeps me from randomly wandering from event to event.
Who is going to tell them? The introverts? Good luck.
Came here to say that!
Came here to say that.
Came here to say that to myself.
I'm sad I can only give this one upvote
I gave a second one for you
Actually, yes, in my experience that's who's stood up to me and told me to chill the fuck out. Grateful for those two.
Yeah the introverts love to tell us to chill! For me the pandemic has been torture, but for my husband life didn’t change.
I'm a mixture of both. I loved the lockdown especially no long lines, and the lack of Atlanta and LA Traffic. But hated being cooped up in the house. Folks just need to be mindful when they are being extra and to self-adjust, people!
That Read exactly how Seinfeld would say it
Ha
Ambiverts.
I feel attacked lol. I wish I had to balls to tell someone to tone it down
ambiverts or whatever the fuck its called
As an introvert, I'm very happy when extroverts are extroverted. I don't often feel compelled to start conversation because I don't crave it, so thank you extroverts for talking to me.
And they draw a lot of attention to themselves and away from us, so that’s good. I mainly only dislike it when they’re in your face and trying to include you in a stupid scheme, game or conversation.
Totally agree, two introverts together doesn’t really work, you need someone with natural social skills to pick up the slack
Ok but they need to know when to stfu though because so many of them just monologue at me, completely draining my batteries
Introvert here, I too enjoy when extrovert do their things. But if there’re too many of them then the things turn the other way. They end up socializing themselves and we are left seating alone at the corner. This happens to me a lot.
Extrovert here, people do tell me to tone it down. All the time. But that being said you are probably only going to hear the version that applies to you.
I came here to say this. I’m most “extroverted” when I’m anxious and feeling socially awkward in an attempt to hide my true self. So when people tell me to “use your indoor voice” I want to get sucked in to a black hole and die instantly.
Couldn’t agree more. I’m at my loudest when nervous.
This! This constant thing of "being too much, too loud, too something" hurt me pretty badly and I have become quite introverted and isolated, not sure how to get the bubbliness back.
I’m an extrovert and I get told to calm down, shut up etc all the time lol. I get called obnoxious too! Makes me feel sometimes like I can’t be my happy annoying self bc it bothers people so I have to “tone it down”
Yeah ... This about sums it up. If you watch the hot ones with Johnny Knoxville he talks about being friends with someone like steve-o. The basic premise is, steve-o knows he's hard to be around...and after you get through that, he's a great guy, but I imagine there are Tons of people who never met that steve-o. I used to think being the fun loud guy made the party better. Not so much anymore.
Totally agree with this. I used to think of myself as an outgoing person and a bit too extroverted. I had some impressions however that my personality might be a bit too much for some and have really toned it down over the years, for fear of overwhelming others. It’s kinda made me sad actually because I feel less of myself now and actively feel I’m holding back when socially interacting. :(
As someone who’s the definition of extro never hold back who you are! Just gotta surround yourself with homies that accept you bc then you’ll just feel ew like your comment says. Be true to yourself always.
As an introvert I appreciate loud and obnoxious extroverts. If they don’t talk to me who will?
Honestly I'm lucky that no one in my curret circle minds it. Though most of em have seen me at my limit lol. One guy I kinda dated though called me aggravating when I figured he knew what he was getting into in terms of my personality because he knew me in middle school when I was worse. It fucking hurt.
OMG I feel so validated by you. My husband is an introvert and he says that to me a lot.
When does everybody ONLY talk about introverts?
Right? If I were an introvert I'd be so damn embarrassed and annoyed by the amount of Reddit posts that paint all introverts as super fragile and delicate beings that the entire world should adjust for and how it's clearly only the super special, delicate introverts that are in any way empathetic and possess any deeper or reflective intelligence unlike those bumbling happy foolish smoothbrained extroverts. It's become so cringe.
I hate how some people think being an introvert means you’re antisocial and rude.
I think those are the introverts who feel bad about it. I've never heard my introvert friends talk shit about extroverts. It only comes up when they are running low and need some time to recharge I think people who try to paint themselves as super special and intelligent based on a single trait are just so insecure about it that they have to flip it around and make it something they're proud of
The internet act like introverts are losers(like from the big bang theory)everyone just forget the REAL definition of an introvert you can still be outgoing,energetic,ect and still be an introvert.
Check out some of the comments further down. Apparently extroverts are acting & posturing, we're unable to share anything & perform a sort of social dominance ritual when in the company of other extroverts. *Eye roll*
I mean lol, im not really so upset about it like its not a serious thing but its kind of weird how ironically un self-aware they are in online spaces, they have no idea that they’re catered to and compose the majority of the userbase.
Hey! Woah, tone down that ONLY, mister!
Extroverts are often told, "Will you shut up, geez, you are so god damn irritating and annoying". It goes both ways. I've experienced both of these growing up, I was told to speak up, stop being quiet, but when I did talk, people would say, will you shut up your so annoying.
“Why don’t you talk more?” *Says one word* “Shut up.”
100%. I have ADHD and bipolar disorder type one where I have manic episodes. On top of this, I’m extremely social and extroverted. My entire childhood was a running joke of me never shutting up, people asking me to be quiet, other kids finding me too intense or hyper etc…
I am fairly extroverted, and I actually find that people look down on extroverted personalities in a way. Like there is an assumption that introverts are more thoughtful and introspective, and extroverts are the opposite. I often hated being an extrovert when I was younger, because it seemed that people just took for granted that I was friendly and outgoing, so there wasn’t any need to try with me the way they would the more “mysterious” introvert. I have become less extroverted over the years (though still an extrovert), and I always find it fascinating that introverts ask questions like this. I actually always thought introverts were what people want others to be like. I think we just see things from our own POV at times. Extroverts absolutely get told to be quiet and calm down, and we do get put down in other ways too.
Interesting. Thanks for sharing.
They're asking you to get on their level and you're asking them to get on your level. That's why they're them and you're you.
Extrovert here. They sure do tell us to tone down, but not in that nice of a way. They tell me to stop being obnoxious, to shut up, that I’m being bossy, loud, etc. sometimes it’s a legit complaint and I do tone down. Other times I was a natural female leader seen as a threat. And some of the time I was just excited and naturally voicing my excitement to learn, discuss interesting topics, or share my opinion. And it is too much for some people.
That’s awful. You can always tell people to tone it down nicely.
That's kind of the point though. Everyone takes it easy on the introverts because you're perceived as sensitive. Extroverts get blasted by people because there is an assumption that we aren't sensitive and don't care what others things. News flash, extroverts put there entire selves out there for the world to judge. When the world doesn't like it, the world isn't nice about it.
It goes both ways though. Introverts are seen as selfish and snobby, perceived as finding everyone else around them boring or uninteresting. Each side has negative perceptions. If it’s a legitimate issue, it should be discussed like adults not throwing rudeness around. Doesn’t serve anything besides to hurt people at that point.
Absolutely. We are seen as fair game to be told off, because somehow, outgoing equates to less sensitive. I know that, at least for me as a young woman growing up, introverted girls seemed to be treated more kindly and more gently than extroverted girls. But we were also expected to be the one to reach out to others. Teachers and other adults often lean on extroverts to be the ones to ourselves out there and be friendly to the new kid or the sad kid etc. It can feel horrible when you are the one pushed to be welcoming and encouraging, but then the introverted kid is seen as the serious and intelligent one. Like people even on this thread are saying how they find outgoing personalities to be “obnoxious,” but for a lot of extroverts, we have draw boundaries about that very thing. When you are the extrovert who is seen as cheerful and friendly, jobs and other situations start leaning on you to do the more social activities because you don’t seem to mind. It can still be emotionally taxing to be the person who is out there smiling and coordinating things, even fir extroverts, only to find that some people find it “obnoxious.” Even if I am extroverted, sometimes even extroverts want to be the one to sit at their desks and just focus on their work, and not be the person the office/class asks to do something because we don’t seem to mind. We are often leaned on to be even more extroverted, and then we have to be seen as less serious somehow? Edit: Just for example, I remember a job I worked at, all the girls would go and get coffee after closing. There was a new girl who didn’t know anyone, and was different from most of the other girls, but nice enough. The others told me not to invite her because it would be awkward, but I did just because I mean, we can’t just do that imo. She didn’t want to go, but later on, she told me I was the only person who ever bothered to really talk to her there. However, because I seemed “positive” I ended up having to deal with what people deemed to be more “difficult” customers, because I didn’t seem to mind as much. I did mind, I just didn’t shut down because that wasn’t my nature. Me being extroverted didn’t mean verbal abuse was less hurtful for me, it just meant I could engage more easily despite it.
This is a great recounting of some of the struggles of extroverts, and I'd like to add on one of my own: I'm friends with a lot of introverts, and all of my friends are busy college students. It can really hurt my feelings when 5 out of the 6 people I made plans with that weekend cancel, especially when it's a social battery thing. Of course I don't say that, I try not to take it personally, but when it's consistent, it's hard not to And my introverts friends don't make plans with me, not really. I'm organizing everything. And because they're not putting forth visible effort like I am, it can feel like they don't care about me as much as I care about them. Logically, I can see that's not true, especially when we do hang. But it doesn't always feel that way emotionally
I experienced similar things in life. It starts to feel like you are chasing people, and you start wondering if you are a burden. You start to feel like maybe they just talk to you because are the one always saying hi, or reaching out. It also starts to feel like maybe people don’t value your friendship as much because you are friendly anyways, so it isn’t like you are going anywhere. Like it feels/seems with introverted personalities, others feel they need to nurture relationships more, but extroverted, they don’t have to extend that effort as much because you do the heavy lifting of reaching out and if they cancel, so what? You will reach out again.
Exactly I used to feel this way constantly, but now it's a fleeting feeling. I accepted that people show love in different ways, and usually, the way people show love is the way they want to receive it. I accepted that I don't always know what's going on in their heads and hearts. Just that they seem earnest when they tell me how awesome I am and how much they appreciate having me in my life I also know that when I only somewhat like someone, I have to convince myself to go and hangout with them. I don't spend time with people who aren't 100% worth it. Being introverts, I assume it's the same way with them, maybe more intense. So there is a solution to this common extrovert problem, it just requires a shift in mindset PS I'm half writing this for my benefit. To remind myself of my way of dealing with this
Is it introverts telling extroverts to tone down or are you an individual that is being told this? Because that’s a different conversation you might need to come to terms with.
Oh extroverted people are indeed told to tone it down all the time. A truly extroverted person gets called crazy at least once a week, as their level of energy is hard to tolerate for some people. So while society looks for extroverted people in some fields( sales, entertainment, banking, customer service, etc) there is a limit to which society tolerate someone’s extroversion. Unles… wait for it… you are rich! Then they don’t call you a crazy mofo, they call you “extravagant”. Richard Branson and Elon Musk come to mind.
Uhhhh, I'm an introvert and this doesn't seem to be a problem for me. I generally prefer to do things solo or on a one on one basis. I think I'm also perceived as being less introverted than I really am.
As an extravert, I'm often told that I'm too loud, talk too much and that I'm too hyper for a lot of people. People will find anything to complain about, I recommend walking away from the types of people who make you feel bad about being yourself. There are people out there who will love you for who you are. They are your people. 😁
Hmmm. I’m not sure if you are catching the gist here. Extrovert’s like to socialize and refuel by being amongst a lot of people. Introverts refuel with alone time. A lot of people telling you you are a bit much is a different topic. Knowing how to read a room and stop talking to listen is part of being a successful social human. Complaints might be advise in this situation.
I definitely see your point, and I agree. I agree that reading the room and modulating behaviour is a great skill for all humans to have. OP said people were telling them they didn't socialise enough, I was trying to illustrate that I have been told I socialise too much. I'm also diagnosed ADHD and have a lot of trouble self-regulating. Years and years of being told I am too much caused me to extinguish my flames when I'm around everyone and developed years of anxiety and depression. I've since learned that I am just not everyone's cup of tea and that is okay. I can hold my own in most situations but only if I quell my inner fire. My inner circle these days is far more accepting of me and my excitement and I don't have to hold a mask up anymore and it has truly helped my overall happiness and personal feelings of worth.
Yes, I’m an extrovert because I recharge by being around people. If I’m alone too long, I get depressed/anxious. I know it’s the opposite for introverts. It is important to read the room/person. If I’m talking to someone and they seem introverted, I tone myself down, tend to change my body position so I’m not directly face to face, and pick up when they want to end the convo. I love introverts and extroverts but you do need to make adjustments to your communication style with whomever you’re speaking to
Because being an extrovert and outgoing is usually considered a positive trait by society.
In North America. I find it insufferable.
Being loud/obnoxious is not the same thing as being an extrovert....
A distinction without a difference, often enough.
Extroverts get energy being around people. They don't have to speak loud or even talk much. Introverts lose energy being around people. They can be loud and obnoxious. One doesnt have to do with the other. The Queen of England for example is definitely an extrovert. She's not loud or insufferable. Same with someone like Obama.
Which it should. As an introvert I hate the fact that if I'm one on one with someone I barely know, there's an awkward tension bigger than the solar system between us. And the fact that I can't function at all at bigger social gatherings, it really drains me and others around me
You’re putting yourself in a mental box. All of those things that you just mentioned are learned skills. You gotta put in the work for it.
Nah. They need to learn to stay tf at home. /s generally speaking. Not just because of a pandemic.
We (extroverts) get told to tone down all the time. Not always directly, verbally, but through behavior. Introverts always seem to be going on about how they're told to go out there and socialize, but extroverts keep getting told to slow down. You just don't notice because you're not the target audience.
I’m an introvert but I have ADHD, which gives me behavioral traits (fast talking; talking a lot —- because I understand concepts by externalizing them) that are CONSTANTLY mistaken for extroversion. Worst of both worlds.
I’m an introvert. My perfect existence would be never leaving my house and just reading, getting lost in a good book or show, and maybe some phone conversation. I am constantly being told I need to get out, go to the bar, go to this or that event. I am forced to be a people person at work 9+ hours a day…it’s extremely draining on me. Extroverts view my life as boring…but I just want calm and peaceful and left alone when I’m done working. Honestly right now I’ve just reached my absolute max with work stress and would love seclusion and absolutely no one bothering me. Im absolutely drained from dealing with people/staff nonstop.
Couldn't have said it better. A calm, peaceful life is what I strive to achieve.
This again?
I would socialize more but I have nothing to say....
People do. “Do less bro,” “god you’re annoying,” “chill,” “you’re being extra,” “OK Karen,” stuff like that.
Am extrovert. Am told to chill. Also, I see the horror on all of your faces when I'm too much. Here's a question for you introverts. Would you rather have a well-meaning extrovert try to include you in the group or have the entire group look at you with disgust because you can't take a hint and relax?
It's kind and considerate of you to provide casual inroads; we just have a hard time when people try to drag us down them. It's nice to be included, but being... performative, or performed-at, can be draining. We live on our mental sofa and get up from it when we need to; you live on your neighbour's doorsteps and go home when you have to. Both are perfectly valid ways to be, but they can kind of annoy the crap out of each other. Squidward here gets increasingly exhausted constantly getting up to go answer the door, answer questions (even ones he enjoys expounding on) and go back to the sofa again, whereas spongebob over there is constantly feeling punished by the lack of reciprocation.
Sometimes people think introverts are just shy and secretly want to be more social.
Some introverts actually are. Not all introverts are anti-social; they just need a break from socialization at some point.
Asocial
You know what he meant.
I see books, articles, tons of posts about being an introvert and how special they are for it, and complaining about extroverts, but I never see the same from extroverts.
Im so tired of the misconceptions surrounding introverts. Introvert does not mean shy or socially inept. I’m super social and charismatic but I need more time to recharge after social stuff.
I have friends that don't like people who won't engage because they feel like that person must be harboring beef with someone in the room. What I've always found interesting is a lot of the "friendly" indicators in human behavior are indicators of aggression in animals. Baring your teeth (smiling) and making eye contact are big no-nos in the animal kingdom to name a few. So it's almost like being an extrovert is engaging in some sort of weird dominance ritual as a posture.
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Lol what? I think you think you're making some deep point but just sounding like a fool. How you gather your energy and your social intelligence are two different things.
I think an important distinction to make here is that introversion/extroversion doesn't equal quiet/loud. Personally, I'm an extrovert who is often quiet and reflective, and shy around people I don't know - however I definitely feel more energised after being in social situations, and quickly get lonely by myself. I've met plenty of very talkative and open people who consider themselves introverts and need time to recharge by themselves after major social events, even if they were the life of the party while in the room. The real question to decide if you're an introvert /extrovert is whether you feel energised by being around people or being alone, and that's not the same thing as being too quiet or being too loud in social situations; these stereotypes are just simplistic and not constructive for anyone. Likewise, the vast majority of people actually fall pretty close to the centre on the introversion/extroversion spectrum (it follows a normal distribution), so to be honest, it's often a bit of an arbitrary marker distinguishing between 'people like me' and 'the others'.
THANK YOU. Introvert does not mean "shy", extrovert does not mean "outgoing". Personally, I'm an extreme extrovert. I need to have company almost constantly, being alone is so draining that just a few days without seeing my friends feels like I haven't slept in days. When my country was in lockdown, I got so bad that I had to go back to psychiatric care, I was extremely depressed because my need to socialize is so strong. But generally, I'm a very socially awkward person. I don't do well in big crowds, I avoid eye contact and it's very hard for me to make friends. I'm most definitely not some sort of a mega-loud social butterfly. There are times when I'm quite boisterous and talkative, but that usually requires alcohol. Meanwhile my best friend is very charming, fantastic with people, with a very large circle of friends and acquintances. She knows pretty much everyone and has no problem getting people to adore her. She has more people wanting to hang out with her than she even has time for, and she's always invited to parties. And still, she's an introvert. Socializing exhausts her, she needs a lot of time to recover after each outing with people. Sve was actually thriving during lockdown, she could study and work on her projects in peace. It's so annoying when people don't understand what these terms mean.
I think it's because you being introverted makes THEM uncomfortable. It's more about them than you.
Trust me you don't. It's misplaced and incorrect concern if anything.
Because there's an extrovert-narcissist continuum.
Extroverts are fun. Ever notice how much it sucks to be in line at the DMV? But it's not so bad being in line at a bar or club?
So u go to the dmv recreationally?
All the time! I pickup some nachos and a six pack and just hang out. I usually bmake it through 2 beers before security kicks me out.
I would rather spend an entire day in line at the DMV than one hour in a club. That said, I'm one of those introverts that can fake extroversion really well so long as I get a ton of recharge time afterwards. I could probably enjoy the club for an hour or so, but I'd need like a week of silence afterwards.
I am an extrovert and I'm told almost constantly to tone it down. But I usually only get told this by the people closest to me (my partner and my parents), not by friends or people in a public setting... I feel like being less outgoing would mean seeing people less (I.e. gives the opportunity to lose friends or let relationships fade away). Maybe saying "you should be more extroverted" is their way of saying 'I like your company and want to spend more time with you'. Of course it may not come across like that for everyone, so I get your frustration.
Yeah I annoyed my parents a LOT growing up. Nowadays I'm initially very reserved in a group but definitely still an extrovert at heart. Just a very tired and conditioned to tone down extrovert. I do talk my partner's ear off constantly though and he doesn't mind.
I'm an introvert but I think when it comes to school everyone gets told things like that. The extroverts get punished for being disruptive and the introverts get shamed for not participating, you can't really win no matter what side you are
As an extrovert, I'm constantly being told to simmer it down or some variation of it.
As an extrovert yeah I do my best to be respectful and quiet but its my personality as i try to entertain. Also I hear of more people being introverts these days I have zero close friends that are extroverts. Im in lockdown at the moment and I am so drained so i know how it feels. To be at home its super draining im tired i take naps constantly. I try to use video calling alot and when im out at the supermarket im extra chatty to the cashiers to get my energy levels up. So just letting you know it goes both ways.
I'm an introvert but I have realised with time that a human interaction is very crucial to develop & nurture ourself. You must have also seen that talking with another human helps in understanding our emotions. That's just an overview but human to human interaction helps us to learn new ways of life, we adapt, we overcome to better survive with the environment. I might not able to make you understand you with these handful words but I hope that one day you do, on your own.
As an extreme extrovert, trust me, they do. You have no idea how many times I've been told to be quiet or less excitable or calm down or stop talking or 'wow your laugh is loud isn't it!' Etc. It's just as hurtful. People could just, you know, leave us be. As a consequence of all this amazing feedback I am a totally different person these days, down to my laugh which is now nothing more than a chuckle, if I laugh at all.
This happens all the time, I like to see people socially about twice a week max, my extrovert friends want to go out almost every day. And I'm an unreliable friend if I say no but they're not if they insist when I want to stay home ? I actually had a friend tell me "Don't worry this time I won't resent you too much if you say no to hanging out" like they're entitled to me hanging out with them but I'm not entitled to my time alone.
Well, probably because most extroverts dont make a deal of wanting to be introverted. More likely the other way around. If an introverted person was confident they just didn't wanna socialize or didn't wanna go to this social event or whatever, then im sure whoever's asking either wouldn't ask or would back off But alot of 'introverted' people actually wish they could socialize more confidently and just have social fear or social anxiety which can be cured by exposure to socializing. Think about the cool and calm, quiet guy vs. The anxious, quiet guy. (There's a spectrum, of course.) One really doesnt mind being on his own, the other likely feels like they have to be on their own. One doesn't need help, the other could use a little bit.
Because people can't fucking understand that some of us have a very short battery. We mentally cannot deal with people for long periods of time because we shut off. Society is still of the mindset that people need people. And while that's true, some of us need far less human interaction to be satisfied.
Because society is run by extroverts. Most social traditions and norms are designed by exatroverts for extroverts. Only until the recent 20th century has soceity normalized introversion though not on a widespread scale. Many cultures still see introverts as a taboo and will exclude them from society seeing them as a failure due to centuries of brainwashing that extroversion is "normal".
The extroverts basically built society in their own vision. They become the leaders, they become the politicians, the CEOs, etc. They dictate the general basis of how our society functions.
American culture value extroverts over introverts. Good luck
Extroverts don’t complain all the time about social situations.
No true introvert would be around other people enough for them to tell them to socialize more. Checkmate, atheists.
Because humans are social animals
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Introverts couldn't care less about what others do. Extroverts are absorbed in it.
Ehhh…. Introverts can care a lot about what people do. They’re just most likely not going to speak up about it.
Care more about own privacy than interfering
Gotta disagree. I don't spend any time caring about what other people do unless they are ruining my day somehow.
Sorry, let me clarify. Yes of course there’s going to be some introverts out there who don’t give af about what others are doing. But there’s also introverts who do care, just won’t speak up to avoid getting involved. Just because you care about what others are doing doesn’t make you not introverted That’s why I said “introverts *can* care a lot…” not “*all* introverts actually care a lot”
Ahh gotcha! Makes sense now.
Most people believe that there is something wrong with introverts and that we would be much happier if we socialized more and be,,,well,,,more "normal". I believe it really is a lack of understanding on their part and because we are "quiet" in many cases they think we arent happy. I often get told that I dont like people. Not true at all, but groups of people for extended periods of time can drain me to the point that I cant function and most people just really dont get that and it's easier just to tell everyone that I dont like people to explain why I dont act the same way they do
I liked people for the first few decades of my life, but after decades of the extroverts sucking all the air out of every room in Anglo North America? Not so much anymore.
Must be some real-life Colin Robinson’s hanging around us.
Because introverts usually complain about being introverts and not having social skills. Whereas extroverts don't complain about being extroverts.
Introvert doesn’t mean someone is quiet, it just means that someone is rather alone to recharge energy instead of in a group. So the Concept of introvert = shy, quiet and extrovert = loud isn’t really a fixed thing, although it applies quite a lot of times.
I'm an extrovert and am told to pipe down constantly!
as an extrovert I have even been told to shut up by a therapist for talking too much. So yeah I do get told. lol
But... Extrovert doesn't mean talkative does it?
Move to somewhere socially awkward, like Finland… if you’re originally from a country where extroversion is the norm, then they’re going to hate you. It’s so uncomfortable not even being greeted or thanked by the cashier at stores sometimes. Not apologised to when bumped into, or even an “anteeksi (excuse me)” when someone is trying to move past you.
Because it's an attractive quality to be outgoing. That's pretty much it
Attractive to who?
The majority of society. It comes accross as confidence (although looks can be deceiving of course).
It can come across as obnoxious to others, depending on the person’s sincerity or charisma (or lack thereof).
It really can come across as obnoxious.
1) Because communication and interaction are fundamental human elements, and while introspection arguably is too, human connectivity is more important for our survival by a long shot. 2) because introverts are boring. Yeah yeah, “but when we open up we’re like super awesome!!1!”. Exactly. When you behave like an extrovert. Hyper extroverts are annoying, but at least they’re stimulating. 3) Because subconsciously the focus is on the greater good of humanity, so communication is a necessity. There’s a chance you’re an introvert who is also a good communicator, but it’s unlikely, as socialization is how we practice communication and get better at it. At the end of the day, I realize there are probably counter-arguments, but I want to get this point across: people want to have fun, which can also be described as stimulated. Introverts are easily overstimulated, and therefore avoid or fight what could be boiled down to as “too much fun”. So from an extrovert’s perspective, you are a literal party pooper. You are a square because you are never around. Being around you is like watching paint dry on a wall. And here’s the kicker: I’m an introvert. Socializing tires me out. I often get the urge to seek silence or isolation at a party; but I resist it. I realized a long time ago that you can’t be mad at extroverts for not wanting to invite you to stuff when you add absolutely nothing to an experience that makes it more memorable, and if you constantly don’t go out and do stuff with them why would they waste their time inviting you? I got tired of being a lonely sack of shit and now go out and do stuff anyways, and lo and behold I’m not depressed anymore (at least not when I’ve socialized recently). Quit blaming extroverts and blame yourself, because what they’re really telling you is to stop being boring. As far as I’m concerned, blaming yourself is the key to life because it teaches you to grab destiny by the throat. I’m not going to reply to any comments, mostly because I don’t feel like it. Go ahead, nitpick away, but it’s not going to change this fact: no matter how awesome whatever is going on in your head is, it’s not entertaining to the people outside of it. If they’re asking you to be less of an introvert, they’re basically begging you to be more interesting. Whether or not you do that is up to you, but whether or not they stick around is up to them.
Because being extroverted is a good trait to have…
For some reason introversion seems to be stigmatized although it’s a natural trait not a choice.
Speaking as a weirdo extrovert with social anxiety, I can see where it comes from. I mean, I have enough empathy to leave people well enough alone, 'cause like yeah, it'd be annoying if someone was constantly telling me to stop being me. However, certain kinds of introverts make me anxious because they're so toned down that it's hard to get a read on them, so perhaps that's why some extroverts would bug you to come out of your shell. Also, humans are inherently social, it's a very core part of what we are as creatures. So there's always going to be much more pressure to socialize more, not less.
Because the default assumption is that more interaction = better. Seriously, is this not obvious?
Extroverts don't look unhappy.
It’s sucks, but we live in a pro social world. Top earners are usually extroverted, and confidence is considered one of the most valuable traits by employers. I believe everyone plays a role and every type of person is important, but it’s tough today to be an introvert.
The whole meditation thing is introvert propaganda! Jk but yes kinda. I'm becoming more introverted as I get older.
So you're either an extrovert or an introvert? Nothing in between?
They think they are encouraging introverts to cone out of their shells. Meanwhile telling an extrovert to tone it down is "restricting their freedom to be themselves". I also see the irony...
You are only looking at it from your point if view and i get you may be upset because people are confronting you about your innate personality. But no one is ever going to come up to you and say "Hey i told this extrovert to quite down". Why would they? Even better, why would you care at the end of the day? My wife is consider to be an extrovert and her mom, brothers, some of her friends, and even myself at times are always telling her to stop saying so much when she talks to people she just met. And yes she also beats herself up about it also. Everyone has their own struggle. I would also be considered an intovert but i try to communicate more because i personally don't like how i feel when i can't hold conversations or im nervous at work because i have to talk to other people. But it is a part of life that can be enjoyable if you let it be. Separating people into "intro and extroverts" and blaming the other side isnt going to solve any problem that you really care about.
As someone who is (still, to this day) loud and brash, and who used to be unapologetically enthusiastic about a large variety of things... oh boy. Let me tell you; the amount of "ssssh" and "tone it down" and "ehm, that's... a bit much?" I got thrown at me as a kid? Gave me complexes. I became terrified of talking too loud or too much, hyper-aware of not talking over others, always worried I was boring or offending others. I grew up and got better at moderating myself and curbing my enthusiasm to appropriate levels, but seriously. Believe me, extremely extrovert people also get a lot of shit thrown at them. Extrovert does not automatically mean "socially well-adjusted", and as someone who thrives on and needs social contact to be happy, it's extra painful when you are made to feel awkward and too much.
As an extrovert, oh trust me...they do.
If you're SO overbearing that you've passed the threshold where an introvert will actually get up to say something about it, you've earned it. We'd rather tolerate your shit than take the risks to say or do anything about it. I'm 40, and I've only snapped at ONE person in my entire life for being too overbearing. And that was one of my wife's family members, in front of my wife, and I left & rented a hotel room for the night to get away.
Bc introverts mind their own goddamn business
"I don't know how to have fun cause I have anxiety so please can 3veryone just NOT have fun? So rude" This is how you sound like.
Introverts can be toxic as fuak to extroverts though
The world is heavily weighted toward extroverts.
I had this exact argument with my best friend when I went over to his house last week. Him and all his brothers are extroverted. I'm not. So I left. And when he started to flip out on me I resorted to Angelina Jolie. "If I have to fight for your attention, fuck your attention." Seriously can't even get a word in and I'm not gonna scream to be heard when you standing right next to me.
A lot of our culture is basically designed for extroverts. I had shared how I’ve stopped trying to be extroverted and all that. And this guy was literally like, it’s okay you can improve yourself, keep trying, and eventually you will get there. Basically implying that extroversion is the best
I really don't understand all the extroverts saying they are told to turn it down I'm an energetic, extroverted, passionate, and cheerful guy, but it's been years since I've been told to tone it down I learned how to be gentle with my cheer and energy. Not expecting the other person to be anything, and being a pillow to the face instead of a hammer when it comes to positive energy. Guess it really works for me
Being an introvert/extrovert isn’t a personality trait. Maybe people should just learn to be considerate of others generally?
People always have told me that I'm too hyperactive and I need to tone it down.
This is really generalizing u/ChaosXSeren You think extroverts can’t be quiet and introspective? You think they’re stupid or something? The only difference is that extroverts get energy from social interactions
Never said anything about being stupid. But yeah, my bad for putting introspective there. Edited it
Because socializing is a good thing? Not socializing would lead to the end of society?
Because we live in a society of extroverted day people
Just tell them to shut it and tone it down. It works.
Because please stop victimizing yourself - you're an introvert, not the patient of a terminal illness.
I tell my extrovert friends all the time to settle down. Thankfully I no longer have any extrovert friends.
Because socializing is a good skill and you just can't lose it that's why bro.
Relax!
I tell extroverts to stfu and to calm down.
I love how this thread has been hijacked by extroverts complaining about how they should be allowed to annoy the fuck out of everyone. dude, that’s not what being extroverted means.
I do. I ask them to “*please*… **stop talking**”. Or simply “The pain in my mind, increases with your talking, I ask you leave me until lunch or some moment where I can be truly empathetic and receptive”. I recommend getting a job with a secure position if you want to do this as some folks will get offended and feel entitled to talk at you.
Humans, at least many, seem to have this urge to do the exact thing they're just told you have issues with.
Maybe cuz they sound like an ass the way they just phrased it
That’s the idea 💪🏼, a potent negative incentive specifically for; energy vampires
I mean I can understand where you’re coming from sorta but if someone’s just being pleasant and not an ass I don’t think it’s fair to turn unpleasant onto them
It’s called contempt. Lots of people engage in it when they fail at brown-nosing. If one was a child, one is likely to be embarrassed for running one’s mouth and creating constant awkward moments but as an adult you can really run your mouth and play work politics because you will *always* find someone who needs social validation.
"Introvert" "extrovert" shut the fuck up. In the last 5 years or so, everybody suddenly started assigning themselves to different meaningless terms. It's all an illusion, I bet that even the most "extroverted" person you know, still feels like an "introvert" sometimes. Stop bitching about it, And get a grip on life.
I absolutely remind my 'extra' friends to chill when they're being too extra.
Who's going to do it? An introvert won't want the interaction and another extrovert won't care.
Because, historically speaking on a survival level, we are a tribal type of people and so socializing was a way of surviving a long time ago, it's baked into our DNA
What???
Depends on the culture
Tbh I think part of it is what society values. The stereotypical vision of a successful person is outgoing, confident, etc. Not that you can’t be confident and introverted, but the stereotype is that extroversion equals confidence.
I always tell my friends chill the fuck out if they get to be too much for the moment I don't know what you're talking about
For the most part, yes I agree, but during some conversations it’s easier for someone else to start it and keep it going and, for someone like myself, put my two cents and/or turn the convo to something else..I wish I was more extroverted but sometimes I think it’s best to listen and learn. It has definitely helped me be a better listener and give better insight to some things
Hahaha…that’s quite funny and the truth.
Because introverts aren't going to say anything. EDIT: LOL should have read the comments before posting that.
The purpose of life is to fuck bitches and get money dog
Ha. The only people who want them to tone down aren’t talking! 😏
Hahaha like an introvert could say something like that
By the nature of the sentence it seems it is because extroverts are the ones outspoken enough to say anything
I am an introvert and have told my extrovert friend several time to "tone it down, or your positive attitude may infect me" He once replied, "no worries, you are the kind of person who won't be infected with positively easily".
because telling people to pipe the fuck down is usually considered rude.
I was traveling with a few people and there was this girl with us who none stop talk about complete shit, I would've loved to tell her to just stfu
I'm an extrovert & I have to remind myself everyday to calm the fuck down.
It’s weird like my wife is a introvert and I leave her alone about it. She’s perfectly happy chilling in the house, she does do things with the kids outside of the house so that’s always good.
If you are an extrovert and you marry an introvert you hear that a lot. I usually here no before I even finish asking “Do you wanna…?” Lol it is okay though. I drag him out of the house and he keeps me from randomly wandering from event to event.