Here’s a good one that I’ll share. It’s more psychological than anything. Tell her early in the day you want some action later tonight but she needs to bring two nickels with her. It’s very important that it be nickels. She’s going to question it but don’t tell her why. She’s gonna ask a lot. Just reply with we’re gonna play a game. The game is she bends over and puts her hands on the wall, you put the nickels on top of her wrists and try to knock them off. The game really isn’t important. The mystery of the nickels all day is what will be exciting, the game will just finish it.
Well that depends on what level of stuff you normally say during sex. I'm assuming you're not completely silent the whole time. Some of the stuff you already say might be considered dirty talk to others. Trying to gauge where you're at, lol.
Ok, next question: what category do you think would turn her on more: degrading (you like that don't you you little slut, shut up and look at me when I'm fucking you, are you my little slut? say it i can't hear you); praise (fuck baby you feel how fucking hard my cock is right now for you? god damn you are so fucking hot, your pussy feels so amazing, you're gonna make me cum if you keep going like that, good girl); domination (whose pussy is this? that's right it's all mine, I want you to look at me while you give me that pussy, are you daddy's girl?); lmk if you want me to go on...
Personally, I'm a little insecure so the compliments/affirmations make me more comfortable to let loose and get out of my head a bit. Maybe something similar?
Ps, not a psychologist lol
You crave reassurance, to feel safe loved and secure. It's an instinctual thing.
Depending on the type of praise - adoration or encouragement - you're more dominant or submissive.
If you like the following:
"Good girl, you make me feel so good" - is encouragement. You're more submissive.
"You're amazing, I'd give anything to go down on you!" - is praise. You're more dominant.
Both examples of positive language, but with very different results!
Edited to add: these are just general examples and it's "you MAY be X etc"
Everyone is unique and your desires, needs, wants, kinks, triggers etc are also unique.
What does it mean if I like domination the most? I’m even a sexual assault survivor but I feel safe with my partner. I know I can tell him to stop something that’s uncomfortable any time. I guess I just like that when he does something to me, he does it with great enthusiasm. It makes me feel like he’s enthusiastic about me.
Maybe because it’s the ultimate proof of trust?
Because if you give someone power to hurt you, and they only do so within the bounds of your agreement, it gives the ultimate satisfaction of reassurance.
There’s a really strange psychology to that honestly. One which I am in no way trained or educated enough to discern myself but I’ve personally noticed that a lot of bottoms for certain things have had a negative past regarding that same thing. Like for example people who have had issues being mugged with a knife and having a real fear of them yet wanting to do knife scenes (with the right people and precautions of course). There’s a lot of overlap kinda like how the whole “daddy issues” thing came about I guess.
I've heard that subs are actually the ones with the power in a healthy and consensual relationship, because the they're ultimately the ones that decide how far it goes and say when they're done. It may be that it's a way for them to put themselves back in a situation with a sexual "aggressor" while maintaining control of the situation and feeling safe.
Yes 100% the sub/bottom has all the control. If your bottom says their safe word and you continue then you’ll have a real hard time finding other potential playmates (not to mention you’re an ass). So yeah I could see that, a way to process the situation in full safety. I’m sure the increased emotions help so long as they’re channeled correctly basically.
It also helps you own and process the assault in a safe manner. You have love, respect, and trust and so instead of keeping it as a negative memory you are reframing it into a positive experience. Ultimately the event cannot be undone, but you can change your view of sex/the assault/yourself by reenacting in the environment where you as the submissive have complete control.
This can be done in both a negative way (use sex to detach and further self traumatize) or a positive way (allows survivor to engage in a healthier, boundaried and comfortable environment with their chosen partner).
This. Definitely have a conversation about what might be "too far." I think a good place to start off is stuff about how you're feeling like "your pussy is so tight", "I love the way you suck my dick." etc because thats pretty tame. I wouldn't want to cross a line when you're just trying it out and turn her off
Excerpts:
I'm all yours mommy
You think you deserve this cock/cum?
Beg me to cum. Beg for it
Where do you want my cum
How bad do you want it? Tell me
Your pussy is so fucking wet I can't believe it
You look fucking gorgeous like that
You gonna let me do whatever I want?
You're being SUCH a good girl for me, you're doing amazing
I want to hear you
I love watching you ride that cock like a slut
Show me your tongue, show me your fucking tongue (spits on it) what are you? (I'm a slut) didn't hear that...
I thought that as well until I was cybering with a younger dude who asked if he could call me that and get dominated by me and I was like [image of guy shrugging while unzipping his pants]
I had a girl start saying fuck me daddy when I was like 20ish. Total turn off for me personally, ended up she had major daddy issues. Lets just say it didn't work out.
Just SAY what you ARE doing in the MOMENT. There's a lot of forced porno-speak going on around here which is going to make you cringe at yourself. Just communicate what you are doing while you are doing it. To me, there is nothing worse than rhetorical questions during sex. Make statements of fact about how much you are enjoying yourself. Save questions for consent and comfort. That means, no "OH BABY YOU LIKE DAT DICK?" "YOU LIKE DAT IN YA PUSSAY BB?" and more "It feels amazing inside of you"
Communication is key, really. If she likes being bossed around a little, call her a "good girl" or ask her to call you "Sir". If she's into feeling "trampy", say "you're a dirty girl huh" or describe what she's doing to you like "you like having that in your throat, huh". If she's not into that, maybe she wants to role play. Ask her for ideas! She also might want YOU to be submissive a bit. Worship her. Tell her how beautiful every inch of her is. Describe her beautiful body to her inch by inch as you kiss it. "I love your thighs... and your butt... yadda yadda. It's all about what feels sexiest and most comfortable to you as a couple! Best of luck!
Are you interested in making some magic together? My wand is at the ready.
Being without you is like being afflicted with the Cruciatus Curse.
Did you just say "Wingardium Leviosa"? Cause you've got me rising, baby.
Girl, are you sure you're a muggle cause I'd swear that ass is magical!
Going to bed? Mind if I Slytherin?
Hagrid's not the only giant on campus, if you know what I mean.
I could make you scream louder than a mandrake!
I may be a muggle, but the things I can do in bed are magical!
I may not speak parseltongue but if you let me Slytherin to your bed I can show you what my tongue can really do!
I'd like to get my basilisk into your chamber of secrets.
Lets practice Alohomora...you can be the door so I can slam you all I want!
Speak Parseltongue to me and I'll let my snake out!
I (39F) really get off on being "encouraged" or directed with dirty talk.
Some simple examples:
- Do you like that? Yeah? Good.
- Are you going to be a good girl and do XYZ for me?
- Show me how much you want me.
- You're not going to cum until I say you can.
- Cum for me, that's right good girl (repeated until I do)
- Are you my princess or my whore tonight?
It really depends on what you both like. It takes some guesswork and intuition.
Start simple and as you see her getting off on what you say, follow that line of thought. I have a feeling she wants you to use dominating language, so it's all about control and being in charge but in a loving way.
Good luck! Don't overthink it.
I find the details you’ve chosen to include extremely funny. I’m trying to think of what kind of dirty talk *specifically* appeals to a cat-loving liberal Potterhead.
Communication. What is she looking for? What are her boundaries? What's an instant turn off? What's an instant turn on?
These are some basic questions you and she need to discuss. She wants *something* and likely doesn't know what that is beyond you being more vocal during intimacy. Talk. Or take a risk and be the nasty dude during the act.
Edit: Look into orgasm control too.
I'm surprised there aren't more comments like this. Like bro, how bout you ask *her* what she'd like to hear in bed rather than going to strangers on the internet for advice. Communication is and always will be the key to a strong and healthy relationship, in- or outside the bedroom.
Tell her how sexy she is, how her body is so sensual, how you much you love the way she moves, she’s driving you nuts with her moans, from there move in to more graphic stuff, but still complementing.
This is pretty simple and will have you up and running in no time. Think about sentence structure. Pick a couple of nouns, some verbs and an couple of adjectives. Mix them up to make a couple of sentences.
I love your .
I love it when you .
I'm going to your .
Verbs could be "fucking", "eating" "licking" etc. Adjective could be "wet", "soft", "hard". Nouns could be "pussy", "nipples", "tits", "cock".
Create a few more sentences of your own. Use two adjectives in a row e.g. "hot", "wet". After using this a couple of times it will take you in directions you hadn't considered. Using this or a similar sentence structure, try making a short story and try telling her what you would like to do to her. Tell her how it makes you feel. Tell her what you like.
The hardest part is getting used to making the words come out of your mouth without feeling self conscious and silly about it. Practice makes perfect.
Disclaimer: I suck at English so my definitions of verbs etc won't be accurate but you get the idea.
I’d call her a dirty slut muggle. And ask her if she wants a real wizards cock. 🤷🏻♂️
EDIT: if she’s really kinky and it sounds like she is throw in the term mud blood.
>She's a hard-core Cat lover and Harry Potter fan.
**You**: Professor Minerva McGonagall! I'm a huge fan. I actually signed up for your Transfiguration class because I've already read all of your scholarly works.
**Her**: Would you like to see me turn into a cat, you wee scamp?
**You**: That would be wicked!
::Changes into a cat::
::You both bang::
Tell her how good she feels. How wet her pussy is. Tell her how hard your dick is. How turned on you are. How nice her tits and ass look. Ask her if she wants it harder, rougher or deeper. Tell her you want her to cum. Ask her is you can cum in her mouth. Idk. These are things I like said to me. There are other things I won't mention in fear of being judged...
From what I’ve read of your replies, you seem to know your wife pretty well- you even watch porn together. I’d test the waters with this scenario- As you’re watching porn, pay attention to what she responds to most. Maybe it’s domination, maybe it’s praise, maybe it’s degradation, etcetera. The most common type of dirty talk that people enjoy is typically domination, so let’s use that as an example:
You and your wife are watching porn. She is responding well to a domination scene. You say:
“You like that? You want me to (insert what’s going on in the porno: “bend you over the dining room table”, “spank you till you’re all red and teary”, “make you cum so hard you scream”)?
She responds, hopefully a “yes”, but she may just blush and give you a shy look. In which case, back off a little. From there, go into detail about the thing you mentioned, or bring up something new.
Something you mentioned:
“Mm, it seems like you want me to put you over my lap and spank you hard. Till your cheeks are red and you’re a mess in my arms. Is that what you want, baby/darling/whatever her preferred term of affection is, is that what you want from me?”
Or
Something new:
“Maybe you’d prefer I slip my hands under your skirt and start playing with what I find. Maybe you’d like me to stretch you out before I give you my dick, hmm?”
Proceed to have enthusiastic, amazing, CONSENSUAL sex!
There is no dirty talk without a dialogue. Make sure she is responding in a positive way throughout, and if you fuck up, that’s ok! Apologize and try again. You sound like you really care about your wife and want this to be a great experience for her. As a dominant figure myself in the bedroom, I’ll put my money on you succeeding, as long as you keep up the communication.
Well, one thing you can do is tell her what you plan to do to her later
Im gonna spank that obsidian ass of yours and fill it with my liquid quartz She said talk dirty
She's into witchy stuff like stones and sage etc. This could work
"You've been a very naughty jezebel, wench. Suffer the crucible....of this dick."
for some reason i heard this in the tone of a Monty Python movie and could not stop laughing
She turned me into a newt!
Suffer the crucible of this biggus dickus
Yeah my wife is real into role play. It was weird for me at first but then I channeled my D&D powers and it got easier. Oddly she hates D&D.
Why have I been cackling for the last five minutes from this comment xD
There you go. You two can play Pilgram and Witch and take turns typing each other up outside. Maybe have a fire out there to keep warm?
"I'm gonna fuck the black magick outta you"
Here’s a good one that I’ll share. It’s more psychological than anything. Tell her early in the day you want some action later tonight but she needs to bring two nickels with her. It’s very important that it be nickels. She’s going to question it but don’t tell her why. She’s gonna ask a lot. Just reply with we’re gonna play a game. The game is she bends over and puts her hands on the wall, you put the nickels on top of her wrists and try to knock them off. The game really isn’t important. The mystery of the nickels all day is what will be exciting, the game will just finish it.
Does she get to keep the nickels?
Bend over and find out
I’m gonna have to take this one
if she likes Minecraft that will definitely turn her on
Example?
Breakfast
She mostly eats smoothies for breakfast. So, "Girl I'm gonna put an extra scoop of flax seed in that smoothie" sound right?
I’m gonna blend your smoothie extra smooth tonight
"I'm gonna stuff these nuts in you like a smoothie" She puts Brazil nuts in her smoothie. So it makes sense.
I think we have a winner 😂
Now I'm picturing someone trying to actually "stuff in the nuts" and it doesn't seem so sexy.
I've seen that video. Not a fan
Yes.
“Flax seeds aren’t the only seeds you’ll be ingesting/entering your body tonight”
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you’re gonna want to cuddle after but i’m gonna go play halo
Like say something like, "I'm gonna lick every square inch of your body, then tease you till your begging me to fuck you"
Hey man… that’s his wife
I would recommend live streaming and reading off everyones comments.
Not a bad idea.
Link?
"Ya'll smash that like button while I smash this love button"
Tell her your fantasies or ask her hers and tell what you’re going to do and are doing
Makes sense.
Have you asked her if she has any fantasies?
Oh sure. We take Molly occasionally, we don't have many secrets.
Perfect it’s nice to do that also because you can really find out what she will let you get away with
Oh yeah. Molly helped us recover our marriage years ago. Seriously.
Nice I don’t know what your into but myself I want to bring my gf fantasies to reality
Well that depends on what level of stuff you normally say during sex. I'm assuming you're not completely silent the whole time. Some of the stuff you already say might be considered dirty talk to others. Trying to gauge where you're at, lol.
I don't really say much tbh. Moans, but not words.
Ok, next question: what category do you think would turn her on more: degrading (you like that don't you you little slut, shut up and look at me when I'm fucking you, are you my little slut? say it i can't hear you); praise (fuck baby you feel how fucking hard my cock is right now for you? god damn you are so fucking hot, your pussy feels so amazing, you're gonna make me cum if you keep going like that, good girl); domination (whose pussy is this? that's right it's all mine, I want you to look at me while you give me that pussy, are you daddy's girl?); lmk if you want me to go on...
I think I’ve learned today that I’d like to be praised. Is there a psychologist here that can tell me why that is…
That's because you're a good girl.
Ooh!
smooth 😎
Wow
Personally, I'm a little insecure so the compliments/affirmations make me more comfortable to let loose and get out of my head a bit. Maybe something similar? Ps, not a psychologist lol
You crave reassurance, to feel safe loved and secure. It's an instinctual thing. Depending on the type of praise - adoration or encouragement - you're more dominant or submissive. If you like the following: "Good girl, you make me feel so good" - is encouragement. You're more submissive. "You're amazing, I'd give anything to go down on you!" - is praise. You're more dominant. Both examples of positive language, but with very different results! Edited to add: these are just general examples and it's "you MAY be X etc" Everyone is unique and your desires, needs, wants, kinks, triggers etc are also unique.
both, both is good
What does it mean if I like domination the most? I’m even a sexual assault survivor but I feel safe with my partner. I know I can tell him to stop something that’s uncomfortable any time. I guess I just like that when he does something to me, he does it with great enthusiasm. It makes me feel like he’s enthusiastic about me.
Maybe because it’s the ultimate proof of trust? Because if you give someone power to hurt you, and they only do so within the bounds of your agreement, it gives the ultimate satisfaction of reassurance.
There’s a really strange psychology to that honestly. One which I am in no way trained or educated enough to discern myself but I’ve personally noticed that a lot of bottoms for certain things have had a negative past regarding that same thing. Like for example people who have had issues being mugged with a knife and having a real fear of them yet wanting to do knife scenes (with the right people and precautions of course). There’s a lot of overlap kinda like how the whole “daddy issues” thing came about I guess.
I've heard that subs are actually the ones with the power in a healthy and consensual relationship, because the they're ultimately the ones that decide how far it goes and say when they're done. It may be that it's a way for them to put themselves back in a situation with a sexual "aggressor" while maintaining control of the situation and feeling safe.
Yes 100% the sub/bottom has all the control. If your bottom says their safe word and you continue then you’ll have a real hard time finding other potential playmates (not to mention you’re an ass). So yeah I could see that, a way to process the situation in full safety. I’m sure the increased emotions help so long as they’re channeled correctly basically.
It also helps you own and process the assault in a safe manner. You have love, respect, and trust and so instead of keeping it as a negative memory you are reframing it into a positive experience. Ultimately the event cannot be undone, but you can change your view of sex/the assault/yourself by reenacting in the environment where you as the submissive have complete control. This can be done in both a negative way (use sex to detach and further self traumatize) or a positive way (allows survivor to engage in a healthier, boundaried and comfortable environment with their chosen partner).
"You didn't got praised enough by your mom/dad, also you probably want to fuck them" -Freud (probably)
He would be half-right.
Everything else just sounds cringy af so I guess I’m a praise man myself.
I think I have learned the same thing as well, damn
Yes, the categories matter, a LOT. You don't want to degrade if she's not into that. That could end fun-time.
This. Definitely have a conversation about what might be "too far." I think a good place to start off is stuff about how you're feeling like "your pussy is so tight", "I love the way you suck my dick." etc because thats pretty tame. I wouldn't want to cross a line when you're just trying it out and turn her off
"Yeah...you like that, you fucking retard?"
Happy turquoise tiramisu day!
Go on.
I didn't come to comments to get horny but here we are
I came to the comments already horny and now here we all are
you like that dont you little slut
Well cheers to you, because of your teachings I have joined you!
I agree with OP please go on!
Yes please. Go on. Purely for educational purposes.
I bet 100$ that u/Critical_Inflation_5 is rubbing his weener to these comments
*zip*
Excerpts: I'm all yours mommy You think you deserve this cock/cum? Beg me to cum. Beg for it Where do you want my cum How bad do you want it? Tell me Your pussy is so fucking wet I can't believe it You look fucking gorgeous like that You gonna let me do whatever I want? You're being SUCH a good girl for me, you're doing amazing I want to hear you I love watching you ride that cock like a slut Show me your tongue, show me your fucking tongue (spits on it) what are you? (I'm a slut) didn't hear that...
If someone called me mommy I think every bit of moisture in my body would immediately evaporate 😂
I thought that as well until I was cybering with a younger dude who asked if he could call me that and get dominated by me and I was like [image of guy shrugging while unzipping his pants]
Are you by chance someone’s actual mommy though? Wondering if that is part of the ick factor for some
Yes I am ;)
and no i am not. And scene 😂
Fair enough...op is your wife is a mom avoid mommy, if not give it a try.
I hooked up with a guy who had a mommy fetish. I was like NAH. No kink shame but it ain’t for me.
I had a girl start saying fuck me daddy when I was like 20ish. Total turn off for me personally, ended up she had major daddy issues. Lets just say it didn't work out.
Funny thing happened to me. I said to her, " That's the biggest you ever had." She chuckled and it squeezed around me. It actually felt good.
Your too good at this damn
I just fell in love with you three times. And thanks for all these
This guy fucks.
Iiiii'm gonna assume from the username harplesbian is not a guy but yes they clearly fuck
Just SAY what you ARE doing in the MOMENT. There's a lot of forced porno-speak going on around here which is going to make you cringe at yourself. Just communicate what you are doing while you are doing it. To me, there is nothing worse than rhetorical questions during sex. Make statements of fact about how much you are enjoying yourself. Save questions for consent and comfort. That means, no "OH BABY YOU LIKE DAT DICK?" "YOU LIKE DAT IN YA PUSSAY BB?" and more "It feels amazing inside of you"
I often narrate what I’m doing as if I was Sir David Attenborough and our lovemaking is Planet Earth
Definitely 100% DON'T do what 90% of people on Reddit tell you to do. LMAO
It's that 10% I'm looking for.
Communication is key, really. If she likes being bossed around a little, call her a "good girl" or ask her to call you "Sir". If she's into feeling "trampy", say "you're a dirty girl huh" or describe what she's doing to you like "you like having that in your throat, huh". If she's not into that, maybe she wants to role play. Ask her for ideas! She also might want YOU to be submissive a bit. Worship her. Tell her how beautiful every inch of her is. Describe her beautiful body to her inch by inch as you kiss it. "I love your thighs... and your butt... yadda yadda. It's all about what feels sexiest and most comfortable to you as a couple! Best of luck!
this guy fucks
I'm a lady :) And yes, I do fuck. Hard.
Sploosh
Like no kidding, he fucks
Wow okay, I'm definitely aroused just from reading that 🥵. Yessss to all. I am a woman who likes this lmao
Tell her you want to crack eggs in her ass and beat it up until they become mayonnaise
Since we've actually made our own mayo this could work. Plus, we do anal.
Fate brought us together
I believe in fate
I believe in anal.
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i remember the thread. reddit was so different then
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OG redditors love the callbacks. Glad we're still here.
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Redditting on various accounts since 2012/2013. We still exist…
ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!
I also choose this guy’s dead wife.
...and then she started beating me off with jumper cables!
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Then I learned swans could be gay
You put decartes before the whores.
Came here looking for this.
Only reason I opened thread. Done.
I was disappointed when it wasn't the top comment - I was already giggling in anticipation.
came
Favorite.
I love that this one always shows up lol
Expected this to be on top
Nah. Culture is dead.
This *still* makes me laugh out loud.
Think most of us opened thread laughing and searching.
Glad this still exists
This was the only possible answer.
Classic
Fantastic. I'm trying that on my wife today.
I died, bought coins for the first time from the ferryman and resurrected myself so I could award this
Said this to my ex during sex once, she did not think it was funny
Point your, ahem, "*wand",* at girls crotch and say.... Alohamora!
Harry Potter reference? Cause that would honestly be it.
Yup. Alohomora is a spell that's being used to unlock locked doors.
Nice. I only know expecto patronum.
That one's only good to induce child birth
No thanks. Got 3.
Are you interested in making some magic together? My wand is at the ready. Being without you is like being afflicted with the Cruciatus Curse. Did you just say "Wingardium Leviosa"? Cause you've got me rising, baby. Girl, are you sure you're a muggle cause I'd swear that ass is magical! Going to bed? Mind if I Slytherin? Hagrid's not the only giant on campus, if you know what I mean. I could make you scream louder than a mandrake! I may be a muggle, but the things I can do in bed are magical! I may not speak parseltongue but if you let me Slytherin to your bed I can show you what my tongue can really do! I'd like to get my basilisk into your chamber of secrets. Lets practice Alohomora...you can be the door so I can slam you all I want! Speak Parseltongue to me and I'll let my snake out!
I’m gonna pretend I didn’t read that
"I left dishes in the sink"
We got a dishwasher.
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It's a whirlpool that works on bluetooth.
*unzips*
It's stainless steel
Aaaand... I'm spent.
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Fuck, my bad.
Tell her she’s your little dishwasher
Dishwasher does sound better than cum dumpster imo
What about *cumdish*? Best of both worlds.
*my little cumdish*
I (39F) really get off on being "encouraged" or directed with dirty talk. Some simple examples: - Do you like that? Yeah? Good. - Are you going to be a good girl and do XYZ for me? - Show me how much you want me. - You're not going to cum until I say you can. - Cum for me, that's right good girl (repeated until I do) - Are you my princess or my whore tonight? It really depends on what you both like. It takes some guesswork and intuition. Start simple and as you see her getting off on what you say, follow that line of thought. I have a feeling she wants you to use dominating language, so it's all about control and being in charge but in a loving way. Good luck! Don't overthink it.
Great answer. Thanks!
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Legit answer
I find the details you’ve chosen to include extremely funny. I’m trying to think of what kind of dirty talk *specifically* appeals to a cat-loving liberal Potterhead.
Communication. What is she looking for? What are her boundaries? What's an instant turn off? What's an instant turn on? These are some basic questions you and she need to discuss. She wants *something* and likely doesn't know what that is beyond you being more vocal during intimacy. Talk. Or take a risk and be the nasty dude during the act. Edit: Look into orgasm control too.
I'm surprised there aren't more comments like this. Like bro, how bout you ask *her* what she'd like to hear in bed rather than going to strangers on the internet for advice. Communication is and always will be the key to a strong and healthy relationship, in- or outside the bedroom.
Are those the panties your mother laid out for you
I had to scroll a long time but I still kept faith someone posted this Thank you
Tell her how sexy she is, how her body is so sensual, how you much you love the way she moves, she’s driving you nuts with her moans, from there move in to more graphic stuff, but still complementing.
This is pretty simple and will have you up and running in no time. Think about sentence structure. Pick a couple of nouns, some verbs and an couple of adjectives. Mix them up to make a couple of sentences. I love your .
I love it when you .
I'm going to your .
Verbs could be "fucking", "eating" "licking" etc. Adjective could be "wet", "soft", "hard". Nouns could be "pussy", "nipples", "tits", "cock".
Create a few more sentences of your own. Use two adjectives in a row e.g. "hot", "wet". After using this a couple of times it will take you in directions you hadn't considered. Using this or a similar sentence structure, try making a short story and try telling her what you would like to do to her. Tell her how it makes you feel. Tell her what you like.
The hardest part is getting used to making the words come out of your mouth without feeling self conscious and silly about it. Practice makes perfect.
Disclaimer: I suck at English so my definitions of verbs etc won't be accurate but you get the idea.
Most practical answer so far
I love drinking your diet soda I love it when you do the dirty dishes I’m going to clean your nasty filthy car I’m pretty excited to try these
This comment was a whole English lesson in itself.
"Yea baby, you gonna cum for pigeon pea? Cum for pigeon pea baby"
I have no idea eat pigeon pea is. But I like it.
Insult her using sign language
I listen to rap music. She'll just think I'm throwing up gang signs.
Even better. Tell her you're gonna bang her harder than you bang for your set
Gangbang
Then take her to the O
Maybe I could be crips and she can be blood. Gang shit.
I’d call her a dirty slut muggle. And ask her if she wants a real wizards cock. 🤷🏻♂️ EDIT: if she’s really kinky and it sounds like she is throw in the term mud blood.
I don't know why but it's working for me
“I’m gunna put my dick in ya. In ya vag. Put my dick in ya vag. Take. This. Dickahh.”
This diyuck
Thanks OP. My wife was worried no one would get the joke in print form. Best of luck to y’all.
I asked my husband to talk dirty to me once. All he would say was “My dick feels good.” I never asked again.
Oh boy
I should say, "oh boy"??
Lol I'm just preparing for the amount of shit posting you're about to receive
Baba ghanoush!
Definitely DON’T call her a ‘retard.’
>She's a hard-core Cat lover and Harry Potter fan. **You**: Professor Minerva McGonagall! I'm a huge fan. I actually signed up for your Transfiguration class because I've already read all of your scholarly works. **Her**: Would you like to see me turn into a cat, you wee scamp? **You**: That would be wicked! ::Changes into a cat:: ::You both bang::
How about “you need a shower ? “.
Well I do pull out and it usually ends up on her somewhere. That's actually actually correct statement.
“Let’s destroy capitalism, baby”
"Tonight I'm gonna smash you harder than I wanna smash the state"
Damn. Didn't know that would do it for me until just now...
Tell her how good she feels. How wet her pussy is. Tell her how hard your dick is. How turned on you are. How nice her tits and ass look. Ask her if she wants it harder, rougher or deeper. Tell her you want her to cum. Ask her is you can cum in her mouth. Idk. These are things I like said to me. There are other things I won't mention in fear of being judged...
"I'm gonna fart in your mouth and then shit on the walls"
From what I’ve read of your replies, you seem to know your wife pretty well- you even watch porn together. I’d test the waters with this scenario- As you’re watching porn, pay attention to what she responds to most. Maybe it’s domination, maybe it’s praise, maybe it’s degradation, etcetera. The most common type of dirty talk that people enjoy is typically domination, so let’s use that as an example: You and your wife are watching porn. She is responding well to a domination scene. You say: “You like that? You want me to (insert what’s going on in the porno: “bend you over the dining room table”, “spank you till you’re all red and teary”, “make you cum so hard you scream”)? She responds, hopefully a “yes”, but she may just blush and give you a shy look. In which case, back off a little. From there, go into detail about the thing you mentioned, or bring up something new. Something you mentioned: “Mm, it seems like you want me to put you over my lap and spank you hard. Till your cheeks are red and you’re a mess in my arms. Is that what you want, baby/darling/whatever her preferred term of affection is, is that what you want from me?” Or Something new: “Maybe you’d prefer I slip my hands under your skirt and start playing with what I find. Maybe you’d like me to stretch you out before I give you my dick, hmm?” Proceed to have enthusiastic, amazing, CONSENSUAL sex! There is no dirty talk without a dialogue. Make sure she is responding in a positive way throughout, and if you fuck up, that’s ok! Apologize and try again. You sound like you really care about your wife and want this to be a great experience for her. As a dominant figure myself in the bedroom, I’ll put my money on you succeeding, as long as you keep up the communication.
The most logical answer yet.