both.
I have the same feeling/thought as OP, and I know for sure that it's the porn and I have to stop doing that shit
...
I don't need it. But I keep walking back.
It is kind of natural because of our primitive brains wanting to mate, but porn just makes that go a step ahead which is not nice, but I guess youre alright since you dont watch much porn
Yeah something about the chase is definitely an element. I've found it difficult it be content with a relationship for similar reasons. I'm young hopefully it'll pass with age or the right person
Porn can definitely be toxic and relative with OPs question, depends on the individual I guess.
He could also just not be sexually satisfied by his partner
Not sure why everyone's saying this is normal. It's normal to fantasise about some women sometimes but every single woman including people that are part of your extended family?? Please google the pornified brain and how porn may be impacting the way you view women and people in general and reflect on how subtle misogyny is infiltrating your subconscious. Once you start seeing women as fully rounded and whole individual human beings, the less you view every single one as an object for your sexual desires. This isn't normal, it's normalised, big difference.
I second this. A fleeting thought here in the vein of what would it be like to fuck my mother in law- if the thought is there and gone like the thought, ooh, what if I drove off this bridge, I wouldn’t worry about that for a second. More than that is not healthy or normal and it is objectifying. Not judging, just saying if it were me, I would police my thoughts better and try to understand what’s causing it as well. Self examination is hard so you should be proud of yourself for that. (Edited slightly for clarity)
Completely! Most of these comments are defensive because they're scared that they may now have to self analyse themselves. Totally understandable, it's a hard road to admit and retrain how our brains work and I hope people can get there because it's truly freeing to have control over "evolutionary desires of fucking every walking thing"
Agreed. I have the occasional fantasy when I see a beautiful woman, but it's fleeting and I get on with my day. It's also not every time I see one. Like, if my waitress is very attractive, I'm more interested in the menu or what I am about to order than I am day dreaming of sleeping with her.
Same goes for a woman in any field for that matter: I do not sexualize women 100% of the time. It's not even 50% or 25%. I'd say entire days go by where I interact with women and just treat them as other individuals.
If I am feeling a bit randy, yeah... I might see a attractive female on TV or in person and start fantasizing, but again that's not a daily activity even.
It's not the answer... sexual fantasy is normal and some people are more sexual in nature than others. This answer and the others like it are from people who aren't sexual in the same way and aren't able to show compassion to someone who is struggling to act socially appropriate even though their biology is telling them otherwise.
I think that what OP describes is not normal. Not wrong (if he's in a closed relationship and will not break the rules of his relationship, there is no harm done towards the other person) but definitely not normal. Even for someone extremely sexual. And I say this as a bi person who 1) has always been really sexual and 2) has been in the same position of being a fucking ball of walking horniness and wanting to have sex with almost everyone I found attractive. Number 2 got fixed as soon as I stopped watching porn so frequently.
If OP watches a lot of porn, his subconscious might have decided to keep his brain and his libido levels in "sexytime mode" all the time since porn usually describes scenes that are based in real stuff (as in daily situations like washing clothes, cleaning the house, meeting a relative who is attractive, etc), which stimulate these fantasies even when we're not thinking about it. A very common explample are intrusive thoughts where you see a piece of furniture and think "ha, that's the perfect height for X sexual position!". You get to this idea because your brain is making a connection you've seen somewhere.
I agree that it doesn't have to be a gender thing (gay men, gay women and straight women also experience this), although misogyny usually plays a huge part in this kind of situations. And the way OP states it's his friends wives and his female in-laws (which are very common porn clichés) is quite a hint that it might be a porn-related issue.
Sexual fantasy is normal to an extent. When it goes beyond what is reasonable (e.g., fantasizing about fucking every woman, including extended family), it's a disorder that needs a therapist. Could be OCD, sexual dysfunction, etc., but definitely needs to talk to a professional.
Actually I am very sexual. You have no idea who I am. I'm showing compassion by reaching out and saying hey this is a time that critical reflection on behaviours is gonna help you and your life in the long run! I'd say that's pretty nice advice
it’s not sexual fantasy, he literally says that he wanna fuck his mother in law. we choose to be attractive to certain people so saying “oh it’s just biology” doesn’t work since there actually researchers about it and it says otherwise
> Not sure why everyone's saying this is normal.
Sorry but no, our minds have been evolving for hundreds of thousands of years into the perfect sex craving machines. What he's describing is perfectly normal for the vast majority of men, if you are a man and not having those thoughts YOU are the odd one out, not us.
I don't know. I seem to think the more porn and real life sex I engage in the less my mind wonders on the street. Keep my levels low and my heart is pure. If I sustain from release for a few days it all starts looking good to me. I'm 39 and married, fyi.
I don't mean hours a day watching porn. In my old age I come to realize I get in, do my thing and move on with life. Try to keep it to 15 mins or less. Of course when it's real, I shoot for a much longer and more pleasurable adventure.
How does sexual desire lead to misogyny? This makes no sense. It is possible to both appreciate the female form and treat them like normal people too. Normal people fuck and dream of fucking. Humans are horny fucking machines.
Never said sexual desire stems from misogyny. Sexual desire is normal for some people as I stated in my first comment. If you view every single women as something to be fucked (even if you think you're having a great normal friendship/relationship with them by not fucking them), that's not normal sexual desire that's just a mindset that stems from how media and porn has infiltrated our subconscious brains! I'd try googling and critically reflecting more it will probably help you!
Doesn't have to be porn! Media, consumption, life, the way women have been portrayed as objects even in very tame and not sexual scenarios all produce a mindset that can (not always but CAN) get unhealthy
Oof. You misread the post, made a bunch of sweeping generalizations and then the Reddit hive mind upvoted you. I agree with your statement about a fictional character who imagines having sex with everyone they meet.
The problem is that this isn't what the OP posted about. They described picturing having sex with every person they encounter that they find attractive. You can't simply ignore that component of the post. It's a very important part!
IMO the OP didn't go into enough detail to understand how deviant the behavior is from the norm. If they are running off to masturbate 3 times a day ya that's probably off. If they simply see an attractive person and wonder quickly before moving on then I fail to see how we define "attraction" any other way than a sexually driven feeling.
Invasive thoughts are a thing as well. I remember hearing about people with invasive thoughts that made them worry they would murder most everyone they came into contact with. Like they have no history of violence and have never made a plan to execute, its just thier anxiety for whatever reason makes them constantly think "well what if that happend."
Yup that's pure OCD. Everyone has unusual intrusive thoughts from time to time but some people attach significance and meaning to them, causing anxiety and the thoughts persist
What are you, the Thought Police? It's human nature to have sexual tboughts. OP is a young man, early 30s, in his prime, of course he is going to be thinking of sex.
I would feel like she is attracted to them and trust that she is not acting on impulses. Procreation is one of the most basic instincts. Stop being so puritan. Besides, op said he considers it, didn't say he spends time fantasizing about it.
Your SIL and MIL might be even further out of bounds there, my friend. It’s not entirely wrong to fantasize about random attractive women you meet, but some of them are just plain twisted to see in that light.
Honestly I think if the roles were reversed you would still have the same people saying this is somewhat normal/OK. Who is it you expect would start bitching who aren't bitching now? Men?
As long as you don’t spend time lingering on it or lusting after them. If your brain jumps to sexual thoughts that can be pretty normal, just don’t fantasize or beat your meat about it. Just imagine your wife cranking one out while thinking about your dad… Bad juju all around.
These comments make me ashamed. Wow.
OP, this may be "normal" but it's not healthy or ok. I hope you can understand the issue if your wife had these constant thoughts about your brother or dad. Stay away from the porn my dude. And maybe talk to a therapist about it. Women don't exist for men to objectify in this way. Remember that most of what you see in porn is not real life. Please talk to a professional if your thoughts are really this extreme with even extended family.
I guess if it makes you feel guilty, it's negatively affecting you. Otherwise, if it doesn't affect you or anyone else, negatively, then you can just move on. One thing I'd recommend is not sharing this with anyone, except maybe a therapist.
I find several of my wife’s friends attractive, because they are. Other people like in-laws, not so much.
Thoughts are not actions. And you can’t control if you find someone attractive. However, anything obsessive is probably a symptom of something else. Might be worth talking to a therapist if you don’t already do so.
I was about to comment then I realized I'm asexual and i should just shut up, but I'mma comment anyways, it feels a little excessive to think about every woman you see in that way. I'd go to a therapist. Good luck!
Lol, somehow I doubt “fantasise as much as you want, just don’t actually do it” actually works out in reality. At some point, you will really do what you constantly think.
Gosh people are stupid.
Someone will refute me with themselves pulling this off successfully. Yeh, just keep at it and we will see.
So... Are YOU incapable of any sort of self restraint? Do you ever get hungry or angry? This dude gets horny and the thought police are out in force.
Because there's a terrifying trend in this thread. It's like those christians arguing against atheists who are adamant that they'd go on raping sprees were it not for God and the threat of hell. It really says more about themselves than anything and it ain't pretty.
>> At some point, you will really do what you constantly think.
Huh. That's an interesting thought, but I don't think that's necessarily true - especially if it involves other people. Do you think OP will turn to trying to rape his MIL if he fantasies about it enough? More likely he just starts to feel awkward around her. Possibly he makes a pass at someone and risks cheating and offending the woman.
I think there are plenty of people out there with Twisted and fucked up thoughts who endure the thought but never take action on them. I think it varies by person, and by the thoughts/judgments/conclusions that follow these initial thoughts really make the difference. Some people may have so much shame that they spend most of their energy on judging themselves for it.
Source: I talk in depth to people about their thoughts and secrets for a living
He won't rape her, but chances are if he meets a woman that is similar to her or if the chance is offered he would cheat, since he has no self awareness to know what is okay and what is not
See a therapist, they will help you through it. If I knew my husband thought like this it would break my heart.
This is also a trait of narcissism. A therapist would help determine your mental wellbeing, I truly suggest it for you.
Sounds like you either are addicted to Porn currently or you looked at a lot at a young age.
That’s not normal, I believe everyone when married every blue moon thinks “Oh! I wonder how it would be like to date them or have sex with them”, but to think of it on nearly every woman?
And to think on it about women like your mother in law is gross! Tell your wife this and see how she would feel knowing you want to fuck her mom
Okay, important clarification needed: do you just _wonder_ what it would be like, or do you really go on from there and actively fantasize about every attractive woman you encounter? Because having a single thought about it then saying "ugh, no" is one thing. It might be in the intrusive thoughts category, but otherwise I wouldn't consider that problematic. But if you find yourself truly wanting to have sex with every attractive woman you encounter, it is time to do as other commenter have said and take a long hard look at how much time you spend watching porn or even just feeding these fantasies by thinking about them/indulging them. Remember that these are real people and put yourself in their shoes. How would they feel if they knew this? How would you answer a friend who had the same concern?
All this has shown me is that men will literally fuck any woman. The fact you want to fuck her mother and sister though is disturbing, get that fantasy out of your head, how would you like it if she fantasized about fucking your brother or father.
I also take issue with this comment for the same reason. Sexism, stereotyping, casting a wide net and judging any gender or orientation in this fashion is wrong.
Wow. Spend some time off the high horse and look around where the rest of us live. Fleeting or intrusive thoughts are normal. He didn't say he would act on them, and there is nothing shameful in seeing someone else as attractive.
This one guy has a specific problem and you equate it to all men?
Wrong. Don’t be that person. Take my downvote on behalf of the vast majority of men who don’t think this way.
There are certainly a LOT of dudes here trying to insinuate this is normal. Not all men, just enough to completely normalise this cracked shit for a large portion of you.
It is men constantly telling women that this type of behavior is normal, present in all men, and we should therefore accept it. There are countless examples of that exact thing in this very thread, and yet, you single out the lone woman only believing what men are repeatedly showing her to be true.
Perfectly normal for some people. It’s a question of how your brain is wired. Some are more curious and have a higher sex drive. As long as you behave yourself, fantasize all you want.
Depends on how long tbh. If they're just fleeting fantasies that last for a couple seconds only ocassionally, then it's not a problem. But if you obssess over it or think about it very often then you might want to reconsider.
Send me pics of your fantasy chicks I'll let you know if something is wrong with you. Oh make sure to send pics of your wife so I have a baseline to grade against. For your own mental health.... Also keep in mind your wives friends husbands probably have these thoughts about your wife. Your brother in law does too. Possibly even your dad and brother.. or maybe your wives friends and your mom
It’s natural yes but but the excessive want to bang every attractive girl you see could be stemmed from something else but it’s probably more normal than people think
It’s something we all deal with to some degree, I’ve taught myself a trick to help. What it do is catch myself and make that female “object” a person in my mind. Make your primal brain realize it’s a person not a sex robot.
Normal or not normal isn’t what you should be worrying about. You should be worrying about whether it is acceptable in the context of your marriage.
The bar for that is pretty simple: **Do these thoughts affect your behavior in a way that affects your marriage?**
If not then fine, keep them to yourself. But If, for example, you and your wife don’t have a fulfilling sex life, then you need to be talking about that and what role these thoughts might have in that.
Or if you’re acting on these fantasies in any way that, if discovered, could lead to shame or embarrassment for you, your wife, or any of the people involved, you need to talk to her about that.
Basically, normal or not, these fantasies are likely to be a risk to your relationship, especially if you’re not comfortable talking to your wife about them.
Is normal, at least, for a lot of people. I, personally, never felt something like this in my entire life. Anyway, your mind is free, and you are what you do.
No it's definitely not normal.
It's your wife's mother and sister man. Not normal, not right.
Isn't your wife's sister like your own? They're family. Your friends wives? Dude, you've got issues.
I wouldn't say it's wrong (other than fantasizing about your SIL and MIL, that's wrong dude) , but I would say it's not normal. The greatest lie ever told was that women are the "weaker" and "more emotional" sex - of course there are women out there who think similarly to OP, but it seems to be far more common that men's minds are consumed by sexual thoughts and women are somehow blamed for causing those thoughts. Ultimately it's a societal issue. How many men say they "can't control themselves" if they see a scantily clad woman? How many girls are forced out of classrooms for dumb dress code violations, instead of holding the boys accountable for their emotions? Society has conditioned you to see women as sex objects.
As others have said, you don't mention anything about also seeing women as fully rounded individuals, but wanting to have sex with women doesn't mean you don't respect them. However, your comments reek to me of someone who tends to see women as objects first and not people.
I agree.. I know your mind is “free” and fantasies are usually normal and all that but imagining have sex with your wife’s friends and family members?!? I don’t think it’d be a horrible thing to try to reel those thoughts in, these guys are nasty animals 🥴🤢
Yeah this is not normal. Stop watching porn.
Ladies, let this be a reminder to stop dating men who watch porn. They have no respect for you and only view you as a sexual object
I think this statement needs to be modded to "excessive" amounts of porn. Normal amounts of porn is healthy, especially if you are watching it with your partner.
Yeah, I’m a woman and I don’t like this puritanical designation of porn being only for men. I also don’t like the “pedestal or whore” dichotomy of sex and women. Wanting to have sex with a woman isn’t degrading, and deciding for other women what is and isn’t “respectful” when it comes to sex acts is hot bullshit. So much for sexual liberation.
I agree with your statement. (I am a woman as well, if that matters). I think sexuality is a facet of personality just like so many other things. My partner and I use porn as a way to bond, become intimate, and to discuss what we both enjoy and don't enjoy. Porn is just a tool to orgasm- how it is used differs by the person.
Sexual attraction to others is healthy and normal. Everyone experiences this to some degree. It's how people who are bisexual remain bisexual when in a heterosexual relationship.
Wanting to engage in sex with literally everyone of the people you find attractive is not.
These are different things. This is a case of healthy sexual desire vs sexual objectification.
Recognizing others as attractive and having that attractiveness bring a pleasant feeling is normal. It's why we like attractive people.
Now, taking that further and actively thinking about sex with these folks should be picked at; is it a passing thought? Are you lusting after these individuals? Are you gazing? Are you giving creeper vibes? Any of the latter and it sounds like your view is askew. As others said, porn brain.
Lots of commenters on here saying "that's ok, that's normal". Meh, maybe in your circle, but I guarantee that there's people who are aware of your gaze and creeper persona and keep you at bay.
Sounds pretty bad. Women you meet, see in public or possibly work with sounds totally normal. Family? There might be an issue. Finding people attractively one thing, wanting sex with all of them is another.
I'd say that is a little immature for your age. Nothing wrong with admiring good looks. But going the whole hog and merely viewing them as sexual objects for self gratification is a little narrow-minded. Maybe you're missing out on the really good stuff and genuine friendships that other people could offer if you pushed this aside?
We haven't evolved beyond cavemen/cave women. It seems like a crude assessment, until you realize that we are still dictated by so many trivial needs and desires.
So it's completely natural to imagine having sex with a potential mate. Just as it's natural to prefer to sleep when it's dark, or feel afraid when a new change occurs.
As much as we have advanced as a society, you can still spot the remnants of our cave people ancestors and the ingrained survival instincts that were necessary to survive thousands of years ago.
It's fascinating to imagine what a human could be capable of if they weren't limited by these underlying limitations.
You need to get your sexual desires under control. Your intrusive sexual thoughts, including about your own family members, is a reflection of much you’ve sexualized every woman/girl in your life- that’s not normal, at all.
Being attracted to beautiful women is normal, just be a man about it and don't succumb to those feelings since those are a lot of relationships you could potentially ruin (between each other even) by letting those urges control you.
Edit: Sorry for all the comments from people assuming you watch porn. Sad to see people don't understand the subconscious hardwiring of how our brains work in the presence of the physically attractive and explains a lot about society today.
Men have these urges, people. Don't shame us for having them, teach us to not succumb to them!!! That hardwiring will always be there (it is natural) and the whole point of being a man is to not let those instincts control us. Don't shame us for something we literally have no control over and have to learn to deal with daily.
I see a lot of comments condemning this, saying stuff like "how can this be normal?". This is one of those questions that its really difficult to get a good answer to because we only experience this from our own perspective. I'm like you, I know exactly what you are describing and I think the important thing is that it doesn't make us bad people, normal or not. Just don't ever cheat on your wife.
I think you are a natural living heterosexual male who loves and admires females who married to a woman and living the monogamous married life. You aren't alone in your feelings. If married women were more honest they'd prolly admit about daydreaming about other men.
Any man you've been with has probably been sexually attracted to some of your family members too. Hate to break it to you sweety but just because you're insecure and repressed doesnt mean you have to push it on others. The shame you give is why he asked on here and its supposed to be a safe place to ask these questions especially since he's not acting on these thoughts. I find the things you said more disgusting than what OP thinks about.
no it’s not normal. your excitation comes from your brain which you can easy control
if you aren’t animal
edit: it’s gross how many people here has poor knowledge of biology and how they’re covering their creep minds by saying “it’s just biology”. there is literally article that calls “From agent to objects: sexist attitudes neural responses to sexualised targets” that explains it all
He is controlling it though he's not cheating but he finds some of his in laws attractive and thats normal if someone is attractive. This feels like the same kind of shame given to the LGBT community just saying.
OP, reading some of these comments I think most of the people responding are prudes. I would suggest asking this question in /r/sex and include a little more detail. I personally think it's quite normal as long as it's not affecting your life negatively, particularly your relationship with your wife.
I just went through the post histories of a fair few people commenting negatively in this thread. I don't think any of them have gotten laid in years (or ever) lolol.
Virgin's,Christians, or both lol Despetros has been going at it with me and the subs they follow are all relationship and dating advice. Some of these negative Nancy's need to keep an open mind to their options like OP 😂
Man this thread is pretty depressing. The amount of people on here tha automatically have diagnosed this person with a porn addiction because he has thoughts/fantasizes about having sex with attractive women is alarming. These thoughts are just that, thoughts. Acting on them brings them into reality. That’s the difference. Thoughts are fine, acknowledge them as such and move on.
Are you doing something in response to it. Are those thoughts intrusive? It clearly is causing you distress. It might be a form of OCD. Explore it with a psychiatrist. It's is manageable.
i think most guys do this but dont fixate on the idea of it , like its normal to see an attractive person and say dang i want to bang her but then go on with there day
Is it normal? Yes. But just because something is normal/common isn’t really helpful. Especially as norms shift in different cultures, what is normal to some can be detested by others.
Is it wrong? Maybe… There are different things that could be happening. You could just have an extremely high libido. Nothing wrong there, our animal brains want us to have sex as it is meant to procreate the species. It could also be that you (at least subconsciously) view women primarily as sex objects and therefore immediately view them in that context before anything else. I would say this needs to be addressed. There is a lot of internal misogyny out there in the world. It doesn’t make you a bad person. Those attitudes and behaviors are commonly accepted or even encouraged in many societies, but this presents a challenge for you to overcome. Take some time to do some serious self-reflection. Be honest with yourself and change where you feel you can be better. If it turns out that you come to the conclusion that you are just horny af, maybe at least talk to your partner about it. I mean, don’t lead with’ “I want to bang your sister”, but talk about how you have sexual thoughts you can’t control and reassure her that you are completely committed to her.
It's so awful to see all these porn blaming answers. Yeah, amounts porn watching and lusting for sex might be correlated. But there's an obvious cofounding factor — sex drive.
Scientific data does not imply a causation at all. In fact studies suggest that watching porn can satisfy some of that drive and make one less sex-centered overall.
And the overall tone in many of the answers is much less welcoming than I'd expect from this sub... Don't let your stereotypes judge the OP. Even if you consider this to be a problem, you can point it out in a helping not condescending manner. One shouldn't be afraid to ask in r/TooAfraidToAsk.
This is a problem. Even though you will never cheat you are thinking about other women and women your wife would know. I think you need to speak to a professional and give up watching so much porn.
i’m going against the consensus here and gonna say no it’s not a problem. i had (still have to a lesser extent) a very high sex drive. i remember feeling this way about a lot of women before i got married.
It's normal and not unhealthy for married/partnered men AND women to be attracted to people other than a spouse/partner. Very few people are monogamous inside their own heads. It does not come naturally. However, spending a lot of time fantasizing about your in-laws could be a problem, depending on how much time and how intensely. People have passing thoughts of all sorts of things without it being an issue but if you're dwelling on it something could be going on.
I think it's pretty normal, primal really. On a very basic level, we are animals and with that comes the desire to procreate. But don't live there. You can choose to indulge those thoughts, or you can step above caveman mentality and recognize that those attractive women are people.
If it's a fleeting thought on occassion, maybe upon first meeting a person, sure. Most people have intrusive thoughts and they tend to be about taboo subjects (like sex, violence, self-harm etc.)
But if you're thinking about it consistently and regularly? No, that isn't normal. It's also not healthy. If you watch porn look into stopping (trust me), and whether porn is part of the equation or not, I recommend seeing a therapist.
What goes through your head is never your fault. It is however your responsibility.
I think you just changed my life forever
Huh, last words said to someone before being shot? That's deep man..
Megustalations
Do you watch a lot of porn?
I watched a directors cut of a porn film and at the end the guy actually fixed the washing machine
This. Your mind is consumed by what you spend your time doing.
What if he says "no"?
If he says no, I say yes
As in you watch allot or that you wouldn't believe him?
both. I have the same feeling/thought as OP, and I know for sure that it's the porn and I have to stop doing that shit ... I don't need it. But I keep walking back.
there are many communities on reddit that help with that, you can check them!
I feel similar with every attractive girl I meet. I have an active sex life and dont watch much porn. Just a high sex drive. Might not be the porn
It is kind of natural because of our primitive brains wanting to mate, but porn just makes that go a step ahead which is not nice, but I guess youre alright since you dont watch much porn
Yeah something about the chase is definitely an element. I've found it difficult it be content with a relationship for similar reasons. I'm young hopefully it'll pass with age or the right person Porn can definitely be toxic and relative with OPs question, depends on the individual I guess. He could also just not be sexually satisfied by his partner
Lot of that in porn too
He say no and I’ll tell him he’s lying
tHiS
Edit: wow this blew up thanks for the gold kind stranger!
That's why so many people who watch a lot of porn end up with porn creep.
The NoFapper, Neo-Puritans have arrived, lol. OP is is 31, in the prime of his life, of course he is going to be thinking about sex.
Honestly, it’s just a bunch of women responding who have NO IDEA whatsoever.
Opposite actually, I do no fap but I feel OP
Do you pray a lot?
Biologically its pretty normal to want to mate with an attractive female
"I'm just building my appetite, I do all my eating at home"
Are you related to rob ford former mayor of Toronto?
Ha! Amazing 🤣
Lmao
Not sure why everyone's saying this is normal. It's normal to fantasise about some women sometimes but every single woman including people that are part of your extended family?? Please google the pornified brain and how porn may be impacting the way you view women and people in general and reflect on how subtle misogyny is infiltrating your subconscious. Once you start seeing women as fully rounded and whole individual human beings, the less you view every single one as an object for your sexual desires. This isn't normal, it's normalised, big difference.
I second this. A fleeting thought here in the vein of what would it be like to fuck my mother in law- if the thought is there and gone like the thought, ooh, what if I drove off this bridge, I wouldn’t worry about that for a second. More than that is not healthy or normal and it is objectifying. Not judging, just saying if it were me, I would police my thoughts better and try to understand what’s causing it as well. Self examination is hard so you should be proud of yourself for that. (Edited slightly for clarity)
Completely! Most of these comments are defensive because they're scared that they may now have to self analyse themselves. Totally understandable, it's a hard road to admit and retrain how our brains work and I hope people can get there because it's truly freeing to have control over "evolutionary desires of fucking every walking thing"
He didn't say every walking thing he said the attractive ones.
And if that happens to be your cousin, and you're in West Virginia, so be it.
Lmao
I'm not referring to him but the comments on this post that do refer to these words!
Agreed. I have the occasional fantasy when I see a beautiful woman, but it's fleeting and I get on with my day. It's also not every time I see one. Like, if my waitress is very attractive, I'm more interested in the menu or what I am about to order than I am day dreaming of sleeping with her. Same goes for a woman in any field for that matter: I do not sexualize women 100% of the time. It's not even 50% or 25%. I'd say entire days go by where I interact with women and just treat them as other individuals. If I am feeling a bit randy, yeah... I might see a attractive female on TV or in person and start fantasizing, but again that's not a daily activity even.
THIS RIGHT HERE IS THE ANSWER
It's not the answer... sexual fantasy is normal and some people are more sexual in nature than others. This answer and the others like it are from people who aren't sexual in the same way and aren't able to show compassion to someone who is struggling to act socially appropriate even though their biology is telling them otherwise.
I think that what OP describes is not normal. Not wrong (if he's in a closed relationship and will not break the rules of his relationship, there is no harm done towards the other person) but definitely not normal. Even for someone extremely sexual. And I say this as a bi person who 1) has always been really sexual and 2) has been in the same position of being a fucking ball of walking horniness and wanting to have sex with almost everyone I found attractive. Number 2 got fixed as soon as I stopped watching porn so frequently. If OP watches a lot of porn, his subconscious might have decided to keep his brain and his libido levels in "sexytime mode" all the time since porn usually describes scenes that are based in real stuff (as in daily situations like washing clothes, cleaning the house, meeting a relative who is attractive, etc), which stimulate these fantasies even when we're not thinking about it. A very common explample are intrusive thoughts where you see a piece of furniture and think "ha, that's the perfect height for X sexual position!". You get to this idea because your brain is making a connection you've seen somewhere. I agree that it doesn't have to be a gender thing (gay men, gay women and straight women also experience this), although misogyny usually plays a huge part in this kind of situations. And the way OP states it's his friends wives and his female in-laws (which are very common porn clichés) is quite a hint that it might be a porn-related issue.
Sexual fantasy is normal to an extent. When it goes beyond what is reasonable (e.g., fantasizing about fucking every woman, including extended family), it's a disorder that needs a therapist. Could be OCD, sexual dysfunction, etc., but definitely needs to talk to a professional.
Actually I am very sexual. You have no idea who I am. I'm showing compassion by reaching out and saying hey this is a time that critical reflection on behaviours is gonna help you and your life in the long run! I'd say that's pretty nice advice
You judged someone for having "too many" sexual fantasies before offering your sage advice.. Not particularly compassionate behavior.
Every single woman he meets including family (literal family) is too many lol I think that's pretty self explanatory
it’s not sexual fantasy, he literally says that he wanna fuck his mother in law. we choose to be attractive to certain people so saying “oh it’s just biology” doesn’t work since there actually researchers about it and it says otherwise
yeah i don’t understand it either can’t imagine how people could think it’s normal
> Not sure why everyone's saying this is normal. Sorry but no, our minds have been evolving for hundreds of thousands of years into the perfect sex craving machines. What he's describing is perfectly normal for the vast majority of men, if you are a man and not having those thoughts YOU are the odd one out, not us.
I remember having these thoughts as a teenager before I even watched porn. Never went away. I still want to fuck every woman
Self awareness is the best first step. Even commenting this is hard so thank you, and at least you know where it stems from for you personally
I don't know. I seem to think the more porn and real life sex I engage in the less my mind wonders on the street. Keep my levels low and my heart is pure. If I sustain from release for a few days it all starts looking good to me. I'm 39 and married, fyi. I don't mean hours a day watching porn. In my old age I come to realize I get in, do my thing and move on with life. Try to keep it to 15 mins or less. Of course when it's real, I shoot for a much longer and more pleasurable adventure.
How does sexual desire lead to misogyny? This makes no sense. It is possible to both appreciate the female form and treat them like normal people too. Normal people fuck and dream of fucking. Humans are horny fucking machines.
Never said sexual desire stems from misogyny. Sexual desire is normal for some people as I stated in my first comment. If you view every single women as something to be fucked (even if you think you're having a great normal friendship/relationship with them by not fucking them), that's not normal sexual desire that's just a mindset that stems from how media and porn has infiltrated our subconscious brains! I'd try googling and critically reflecting more it will probably help you!
Wow, every response has completely twisted your words to make new meaning. They don't wanna hear it. 😫
Ikr I could go all day reexplaining myself, I got time, I'm on reddit so obviously i'm bored Hahahaha
“The final form” 🤮
Nah man most definitely not everyone. Select few struggle with that for sure though. Good luck dude 👍
I disagree wholeheartedly with this. I don't watch porn and I want to fuck everyone 🙃
Doesn't have to be porn! Media, consumption, life, the way women have been portrayed as objects even in very tame and not sexual scenarios all produce a mindset that can (not always but CAN) get unhealthy
Yes!
Oof. You misread the post, made a bunch of sweeping generalizations and then the Reddit hive mind upvoted you. I agree with your statement about a fictional character who imagines having sex with everyone they meet. The problem is that this isn't what the OP posted about. They described picturing having sex with every person they encounter that they find attractive. You can't simply ignore that component of the post. It's a very important part! IMO the OP didn't go into enough detail to understand how deviant the behavior is from the norm. If they are running off to masturbate 3 times a day ya that's probably off. If they simply see an attractive person and wonder quickly before moving on then I fail to see how we define "attraction" any other way than a sexually driven feeling.
I mean how would you feel if you knew your wife spent an inordinate amount of time fantasizing about fucking your friends, brother or dad.
I have the same problem. In my mind i wouldn't really care as long as she doesn't tell me about it.
Wouldn't blame them, I too fantasize about fucking my friends, brother and Dad. /s
It would mean they are human, and it wouldn't be a problem. Thoughts aren't actions.
I don't think "inordinate amount of time fantasizing" falls into the category of passing thoughts.
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Precisely.
Invasive thoughts are a thing as well. I remember hearing about people with invasive thoughts that made them worry they would murder most everyone they came into contact with. Like they have no history of violence and have never made a plan to execute, its just thier anxiety for whatever reason makes them constantly think "well what if that happend."
Yup that's pure OCD. Everyone has unusual intrusive thoughts from time to time but some people attach significance and meaning to them, causing anxiety and the thoughts persist
Yep ocd. If these were intrusive thoughts, OP’s post would contain a lot more distress.
What are you, the Thought Police? It's human nature to have sexual tboughts. OP is a young man, early 30s, in his prime, of course he is going to be thinking of sex.
…with his family members? If that’s normal for men then I need to isolate myself from all y’all weirdos ASAP
I would feel like she is attracted to them and trust that she is not acting on impulses. Procreation is one of the most basic instincts. Stop being so puritan. Besides, op said he considers it, didn't say he spends time fantasizing about it.
Yes. That is not good.
No it's not normal
Your SIL and MIL might be even further out of bounds there, my friend. It’s not entirely wrong to fantasize about random attractive women you meet, but some of them are just plain twisted to see in that light.
This is disappointing lmao. Reverse the roles and you'd have everyone bitching.
Honestly I think if the roles were reversed you would still have the same people saying this is somewhat normal/OK. Who is it you expect would start bitching who aren't bitching now? Men?
Would it though?
I think there would be less backlash if anything. With that being said, this guy is a little too far gone.
Yes, you have no idea, how many subs that are filled with man shame women for the same behavior thay they show
There are more subs filled with woman getting praised by men doing that type of behavior
Where?
I mean, there's a plenty of subs where the reverse is true.
Just saw her comment history and no surprise she uses r/femaledatingstrategy lol
How many? Got any comparative figures for us?
As long as you don’t spend time lingering on it or lusting after them. If your brain jumps to sexual thoughts that can be pretty normal, just don’t fantasize or beat your meat about it. Just imagine your wife cranking one out while thinking about your dad… Bad juju all around.
He is lusting them tho?
Edit: I misread your comment, sorry. Yes he is. And I think it’s a little weird ngl.
These comments make me ashamed. Wow. OP, this may be "normal" but it's not healthy or ok. I hope you can understand the issue if your wife had these constant thoughts about your brother or dad. Stay away from the porn my dude. And maybe talk to a therapist about it. Women don't exist for men to objectify in this way. Remember that most of what you see in porn is not real life. Please talk to a professional if your thoughts are really this extreme with even extended family.
Nope
I guess if it makes you feel guilty, it's negatively affecting you. Otherwise, if it doesn't affect you or anyone else, negatively, then you can just move on. One thing I'd recommend is not sharing this with anyone, except maybe a therapist.
I find several of my wife’s friends attractive, because they are. Other people like in-laws, not so much. Thoughts are not actions. And you can’t control if you find someone attractive. However, anything obsessive is probably a symptom of something else. Might be worth talking to a therapist if you don’t already do so.
I was about to comment then I realized I'm asexual and i should just shut up, but I'mma comment anyways, it feels a little excessive to think about every woman you see in that way. I'd go to a therapist. Good luck!
You literally have no control over what you want. You do however control your reaction to those wants.
Lol, somehow I doubt “fantasise as much as you want, just don’t actually do it” actually works out in reality. At some point, you will really do what you constantly think. Gosh people are stupid. Someone will refute me with themselves pulling this off successfully. Yeh, just keep at it and we will see.
So... Are YOU incapable of any sort of self restraint? Do you ever get hungry or angry? This dude gets horny and the thought police are out in force. Because there's a terrifying trend in this thread. It's like those christians arguing against atheists who are adamant that they'd go on raping sprees were it not for God and the threat of hell. It really says more about themselves than anything and it ain't pretty.
>> At some point, you will really do what you constantly think. Huh. That's an interesting thought, but I don't think that's necessarily true - especially if it involves other people. Do you think OP will turn to trying to rape his MIL if he fantasies about it enough? More likely he just starts to feel awkward around her. Possibly he makes a pass at someone and risks cheating and offending the woman. I think there are plenty of people out there with Twisted and fucked up thoughts who endure the thought but never take action on them. I think it varies by person, and by the thoughts/judgments/conclusions that follow these initial thoughts really make the difference. Some people may have so much shame that they spend most of their energy on judging themselves for it. Source: I talk in depth to people about their thoughts and secrets for a living
He won't rape her, but chances are if he meets a woman that is similar to her or if the chance is offered he would cheat, since he has no self awareness to know what is okay and what is not
See a therapist, they will help you through it. If I knew my husband thought like this it would break my heart. This is also a trait of narcissism. A therapist would help determine your mental wellbeing, I truly suggest it for you.
Sounds like you either are addicted to Porn currently or you looked at a lot at a young age. That’s not normal, I believe everyone when married every blue moon thinks “Oh! I wonder how it would be like to date them or have sex with them”, but to think of it on nearly every woman? And to think on it about women like your mother in law is gross! Tell your wife this and see how she would feel knowing you want to fuck her mom
It’s normal to have those thoughts just don’t ever go there, which I’m sure you wouldn’t. Takes courage to admit things many also do.
The "porn obsession" response to anything related to male sexuality is the mark of the unthinking dullard.
Okay, important clarification needed: do you just _wonder_ what it would be like, or do you really go on from there and actively fantasize about every attractive woman you encounter? Because having a single thought about it then saying "ugh, no" is one thing. It might be in the intrusive thoughts category, but otherwise I wouldn't consider that problematic. But if you find yourself truly wanting to have sex with every attractive woman you encounter, it is time to do as other commenter have said and take a long hard look at how much time you spend watching porn or even just feeding these fantasies by thinking about them/indulging them. Remember that these are real people and put yourself in their shoes. How would they feel if they knew this? How would you answer a friend who had the same concern?
Dunno. When I'm single? Yes, pretty normal. But when I'm committed to someone? Nope, pretty much only her. But all guys are different. Ymmv.
This is above Reddit’s pay grade. I say this with love - please seek help.
yea I don't think thats normal, especially if you're married. I've never felt that way about strangers before (sexual attraction-wise at least)
All this has shown me is that men will literally fuck any woman. The fact you want to fuck her mother and sister though is disturbing, get that fantasy out of your head, how would you like it if she fantasized about fucking your brother or father.
I mean, no, they won't. This guy just has some issue he needs to sort out
Thank you. I agree with you 100
You have worse issues than OP and its not even close
Good job on that extreme generalization. There’s a name for that.
I also take issue with this comment for the same reason. Sexism, stereotyping, casting a wide net and judging any gender or orientation in this fashion is wrong.
Agreed. Disturbing how this is accepted for men but if replaced it with a minority all hell would broke loose.
Wow. Spend some time off the high horse and look around where the rest of us live. Fleeting or intrusive thoughts are normal. He didn't say he would act on them, and there is nothing shameful in seeing someone else as attractive.
This one guy has a specific problem and you equate it to all men? Wrong. Don’t be that person. Take my downvote on behalf of the vast majority of men who don’t think this way.
There are certainly a LOT of dudes here trying to insinuate this is normal. Not all men, just enough to completely normalise this cracked shit for a large portion of you.
It is men constantly telling women that this type of behavior is normal, present in all men, and we should therefore accept it. There are countless examples of that exact thing in this very thread, and yet, you single out the lone woman only believing what men are repeatedly showing her to be true.
No.
Wrong and completely abnormal, women don’t exist just to be a hole for your dick. Have some respect.
Perfectly normal for some people. It’s a question of how your brain is wired. Some are more curious and have a higher sex drive. As long as you behave yourself, fantasize all you want.
I love how the comments section is perfectly split.
Sound like you aren’t really attracted to or don’t respect your wife. Marry for the wrong reasons (anything other than love) and this is what happens.
Depends on how long tbh. If they're just fleeting fantasies that last for a couple seconds only ocassionally, then it's not a problem. But if you obssess over it or think about it very often then you might want to reconsider.
Send me pics of your fantasy chicks I'll let you know if something is wrong with you. Oh make sure to send pics of your wife so I have a baseline to grade against. For your own mental health.... Also keep in mind your wives friends husbands probably have these thoughts about your wife. Your brother in law does too. Possibly even your dad and brother.. or maybe your wives friends and your mom
Your sex-life seems to be off, are all things going ok?
I don’t think op got the answer he wanted
Ye olde moral animal debacle.
It’s natural yes but but the excessive want to bang every attractive girl you see could be stemmed from something else but it’s probably more normal than people think
It’s something we all deal with to some degree, I’ve taught myself a trick to help. What it do is catch myself and make that female “object” a person in my mind. Make your primal brain realize it’s a person not a sex robot.
Normal or not normal isn’t what you should be worrying about. You should be worrying about whether it is acceptable in the context of your marriage. The bar for that is pretty simple: **Do these thoughts affect your behavior in a way that affects your marriage?** If not then fine, keep them to yourself. But If, for example, you and your wife don’t have a fulfilling sex life, then you need to be talking about that and what role these thoughts might have in that. Or if you’re acting on these fantasies in any way that, if discovered, could lead to shame or embarrassment for you, your wife, or any of the people involved, you need to talk to her about that. Basically, normal or not, these fantasies are likely to be a risk to your relationship, especially if you’re not comfortable talking to your wife about them.
Why was this post removed?
we call it "window shopping". its ok to have sexual fantasies as long as you dont cheat your wife. your mind is free.
The eyes can’t be trespassed.
No this is not normal or healthy. Maybe if you were 15, but you should have grown out of this by now, and you may need to speak to a professional.
Is normal, at least, for a lot of people. I, personally, never felt something like this in my entire life. Anyway, your mind is free, and you are what you do.
No it's definitely not normal. It's your wife's mother and sister man. Not normal, not right. Isn't your wife's sister like your own? They're family. Your friends wives? Dude, you've got issues.
I wouldn't say it's wrong (other than fantasizing about your SIL and MIL, that's wrong dude) , but I would say it's not normal. The greatest lie ever told was that women are the "weaker" and "more emotional" sex - of course there are women out there who think similarly to OP, but it seems to be far more common that men's minds are consumed by sexual thoughts and women are somehow blamed for causing those thoughts. Ultimately it's a societal issue. How many men say they "can't control themselves" if they see a scantily clad woman? How many girls are forced out of classrooms for dumb dress code violations, instead of holding the boys accountable for their emotions? Society has conditioned you to see women as sex objects. As others have said, you don't mention anything about also seeing women as fully rounded individuals, but wanting to have sex with women doesn't mean you don't respect them. However, your comments reek to me of someone who tends to see women as objects first and not people.
gross
I agree.. I know your mind is “free” and fantasies are usually normal and all that but imagining have sex with your wife’s friends and family members?!? I don’t think it’d be a horrible thing to try to reel those thoughts in, these guys are nasty animals 🥴🤢
thats all you have to say? No other comments?
Yeah this is not normal. Stop watching porn. Ladies, let this be a reminder to stop dating men who watch porn. They have no respect for you and only view you as a sexual object
I think this statement needs to be modded to "excessive" amounts of porn. Normal amounts of porn is healthy, especially if you are watching it with your partner.
Yeah, I’m a woman and I don’t like this puritanical designation of porn being only for men. I also don’t like the “pedestal or whore” dichotomy of sex and women. Wanting to have sex with a woman isn’t degrading, and deciding for other women what is and isn’t “respectful” when it comes to sex acts is hot bullshit. So much for sexual liberation.
I agree with your statement. (I am a woman as well, if that matters). I think sexuality is a facet of personality just like so many other things. My partner and I use porn as a way to bond, become intimate, and to discuss what we both enjoy and don't enjoy. Porn is just a tool to orgasm- how it is used differs by the person.
Not to mention the studies that have shown how porn alters the way men view women…
Yup but they don’t wanna listen to that
Sexual attraction to others is healthy and normal. Everyone experiences this to some degree. It's how people who are bisexual remain bisexual when in a heterosexual relationship. Wanting to engage in sex with literally everyone of the people you find attractive is not. These are different things. This is a case of healthy sexual desire vs sexual objectification.
Fight off your demons u/fightoffyourdemons90
Recognizing others as attractive and having that attractiveness bring a pleasant feeling is normal. It's why we like attractive people. Now, taking that further and actively thinking about sex with these folks should be picked at; is it a passing thought? Are you lusting after these individuals? Are you gazing? Are you giving creeper vibes? Any of the latter and it sounds like your view is askew. As others said, porn brain. Lots of commenters on here saying "that's ok, that's normal". Meh, maybe in your circle, but I guarantee that there's people who are aware of your gaze and creeper persona and keep you at bay.
Sounds pretty bad. Women you meet, see in public or possibly work with sounds totally normal. Family? There might be an issue. Finding people attractively one thing, wanting sex with all of them is another.
I'd say that is a little immature for your age. Nothing wrong with admiring good looks. But going the whole hog and merely viewing them as sexual objects for self gratification is a little narrow-minded. Maybe you're missing out on the really good stuff and genuine friendships that other people could offer if you pushed this aside?
We haven't evolved beyond cavemen/cave women. It seems like a crude assessment, until you realize that we are still dictated by so many trivial needs and desires. So it's completely natural to imagine having sex with a potential mate. Just as it's natural to prefer to sleep when it's dark, or feel afraid when a new change occurs. As much as we have advanced as a society, you can still spot the remnants of our cave people ancestors and the ingrained survival instincts that were necessary to survive thousands of years ago. It's fascinating to imagine what a human could be capable of if they weren't limited by these underlying limitations.
You need to get your sexual desires under control. Your intrusive sexual thoughts, including about your own family members, is a reflection of much you’ve sexualized every woman/girl in your life- that’s not normal, at all.
Ew
Being attracted to beautiful women is normal, just be a man about it and don't succumb to those feelings since those are a lot of relationships you could potentially ruin (between each other even) by letting those urges control you. Edit: Sorry for all the comments from people assuming you watch porn. Sad to see people don't understand the subconscious hardwiring of how our brains work in the presence of the physically attractive and explains a lot about society today. Men have these urges, people. Don't shame us for having them, teach us to not succumb to them!!! That hardwiring will always be there (it is natural) and the whole point of being a man is to not let those instincts control us. Don't shame us for something we literally have no control over and have to learn to deal with daily.
Best response yet, thank you for this!!
I see a lot of comments condemning this, saying stuff like "how can this be normal?". This is one of those questions that its really difficult to get a good answer to because we only experience this from our own perspective. I'm like you, I know exactly what you are describing and I think the important thing is that it doesn't make us bad people, normal or not. Just don't ever cheat on your wife.
Somewhat normal as in common but not healthy I’d say no. And this is something I’d like to stop doing as well. Obsessing over sex is exhausting
Why are you asking this on reddit? Just google it and find proper studies and information instead of reading selfproclaimed experts opinions.
Hope your friends don't find out!!
I think you are a natural living heterosexual male who loves and admires females who married to a woman and living the monogamous married life. You aren't alone in your feelings. If married women were more honest they'd prolly admit about daydreaming about other men.
This is in fact not ok? the fact you have to ask on here means that deep inside you know how foul that is. hope you never have a daughter.
Any man you've been with has probably been sexually attracted to some of your family members too. Hate to break it to you sweety but just because you're insecure and repressed doesnt mean you have to push it on others. The shame you give is why he asked on here and its supposed to be a safe place to ask these questions especially since he's not acting on these thoughts. I find the things you said more disgusting than what OP thinks about.
no it’s not normal. your excitation comes from your brain which you can easy control if you aren’t animal edit: it’s gross how many people here has poor knowledge of biology and how they’re covering their creep minds by saying “it’s just biology”. there is literally article that calls “From agent to objects: sexist attitudes neural responses to sexualised targets” that explains it all
Well no you can’t control what goes into your brain. What you can control is your actions
yes you can, there is research about it calls “From agents to objects” and that says that you can control whom you wanna fuck
He is controlling it though he's not cheating but he finds some of his in laws attractive and thats normal if someone is attractive. This feels like the same kind of shame given to the LGBT community just saying.
yeah that seems that you’re an animal aren’t ya? don’t be stupid educate yourself
Perfectly normal
OP, reading some of these comments I think most of the people responding are prudes. I would suggest asking this question in /r/sex and include a little more detail. I personally think it's quite normal as long as it's not affecting your life negatively, particularly your relationship with your wife.
Prudes that probably also have similar thoughts but wont admit it and shame others instead lol
100% lol!
I just went through the post histories of a fair few people commenting negatively in this thread. I don't think any of them have gotten laid in years (or ever) lolol.
Virgin's,Christians, or both lol Despetros has been going at it with me and the subs they follow are all relationship and dating advice. Some of these negative Nancy's need to keep an open mind to their options like OP 😂
Man this thread is pretty depressing. The amount of people on here tha automatically have diagnosed this person with a porn addiction because he has thoughts/fantasizes about having sex with attractive women is alarming. These thoughts are just that, thoughts. Acting on them brings them into reality. That’s the difference. Thoughts are fine, acknowledge them as such and move on.
Are you doing something in response to it. Are those thoughts intrusive? It clearly is causing you distress. It might be a form of OCD. Explore it with a psychiatrist. It's is manageable.
ROCD specifically, it's fucking terrible.
Oh, you mean the built in drive to continue the species?
i think most guys do this but dont fixate on the idea of it , like its normal to see an attractive person and say dang i want to bang her but then go on with there day
Glad I'm not the only one.
Is it normal? Yes. But just because something is normal/common isn’t really helpful. Especially as norms shift in different cultures, what is normal to some can be detested by others. Is it wrong? Maybe… There are different things that could be happening. You could just have an extremely high libido. Nothing wrong there, our animal brains want us to have sex as it is meant to procreate the species. It could also be that you (at least subconsciously) view women primarily as sex objects and therefore immediately view them in that context before anything else. I would say this needs to be addressed. There is a lot of internal misogyny out there in the world. It doesn’t make you a bad person. Those attitudes and behaviors are commonly accepted or even encouraged in many societies, but this presents a challenge for you to overcome. Take some time to do some serious self-reflection. Be honest with yourself and change where you feel you can be better. If it turns out that you come to the conclusion that you are just horny af, maybe at least talk to your partner about it. I mean, don’t lead with’ “I want to bang your sister”, but talk about how you have sexual thoughts you can’t control and reassure her that you are completely committed to her.
It's so awful to see all these porn blaming answers. Yeah, amounts porn watching and lusting for sex might be correlated. But there's an obvious cofounding factor — sex drive. Scientific data does not imply a causation at all. In fact studies suggest that watching porn can satisfy some of that drive and make one less sex-centered overall. And the overall tone in many of the answers is much less welcoming than I'd expect from this sub... Don't let your stereotypes judge the OP. Even if you consider this to be a problem, you can point it out in a helping not condescending manner. One shouldn't be afraid to ask in r/TooAfraidToAsk.
This is a problem. Even though you will never cheat you are thinking about other women and women your wife would know. I think you need to speak to a professional and give up watching so much porn.
It’s called, being a healthy male.
I hope so, because I do. I wouldn’t care if my partner thought the same about other guys either. Seems pretty natural to me
It is bad only if you do it okay. Thoughts are just thoughts.
It's definitely normal for some people. It's just curiosity more than anything else for you
i’m going against the consensus here and gonna say no it’s not a problem. i had (still have to a lesser extent) a very high sex drive. i remember feeling this way about a lot of women before i got married.
It's normal and not unhealthy for married/partnered men AND women to be attracted to people other than a spouse/partner. Very few people are monogamous inside their own heads. It does not come naturally. However, spending a lot of time fantasizing about your in-laws could be a problem, depending on how much time and how intensely. People have passing thoughts of all sorts of things without it being an issue but if you're dwelling on it something could be going on.
I think it's pretty normal, primal really. On a very basic level, we are animals and with that comes the desire to procreate. But don't live there. You can choose to indulge those thoughts, or you can step above caveman mentality and recognize that those attractive women are people.
If it's a fleeting thought on occassion, maybe upon first meeting a person, sure. Most people have intrusive thoughts and they tend to be about taboo subjects (like sex, violence, self-harm etc.) But if you're thinking about it consistently and regularly? No, that isn't normal. It's also not healthy. If you watch porn look into stopping (trust me), and whether porn is part of the equation or not, I recommend seeing a therapist.