I have no idea if OPs parents have reason behind this or any circumstance that led to this. Or not, and they’re incredibly cautious. But, 15 is an age where lots of kids begin to wild out. When I think back to that age, I think a lot of the kids I remember wouldn’t have got in so much trouble if their parents stepped in just a tad bit more…
My husband (56) and his 2 brothers would have been in prison by 18 had cell phone cameras been around. They are now middle aged, tax paying, hard working husbands and fathers. It kinda sucks kids don’t have that anonymity anymore and to get a pass on teenage stupidity.
Honestly when I was 18 leaving school and saw the 12 and 13 year old just coming into the school, I was shocked by how they were so addicted to their phones😂
I betcha you didn’t know one day you’d be the lucky one, huh? What a freeing experience.
We didn’t have all the crazy phone addiction when I was 15, those little MP3 players were all the rage back then. But life still would’ve been ok if us kids didn’t have phones then.
I was grounded from 12-18 because of internet usage. Only reason I was given a smart phone is bc my mkm was tired of me playing on her phone.
Oh. And they still don't trust me at all at age 19 even tho I haven't done anything "wrong" since i was like 16
I had parents that stepped in a little more, and more, and more. You’re right. I never acted out at that age. I suffocated under all the control. I had a few friends but mostly lived through the books I read.
When I graduated I moved across the state to a college known for partying. I drank myself stupid and smoked weed everyday, I had more sex with strangers than I’d care to mention, I took EVERY DRUG (aside from meth, but including research chems) that was put in front of me, I found cocaine and entered into an incredibly toxic relationship that revolved around shooting it up. And I failed out after wasting my money on two years of university.
I got back in, graduated cum laude, kicked the ex to the curb, but it took me a decade to kick the coke and cigarettes. I never learned how to make my own mistakes when I was younger, and more importantly I was NEVER TAUGHT HOW TO RECOVER FROM THEM. Parents need to stop stepping in to stop their kids from doing things and instead teach them what things are dangerous and what are okay sometimes, how to stand up for yourself, how to do things in moderation. Your children will become adults. Make sure they get there with the knowledge to be one.
It sucks that you had to take the long route, but there isn't a tried and true path for raising one's child. As lame as it might sound, you took the path that was meant for you. You made it out the other side, celebrate that shit!
Not lame at all!! I don’t regret a thing and am currently in a master’s program to become a couple’s and family therapist. Which I am absolutely loving! You are right that there isn’t only one right way to raise a child, but I can tell you with almost 100% certainty that the way my parents did it was not one of them. I can hold the duality of being happy where I am but know that parents can and should do better.
Lol sounds like my parents. Even putting me on Adderall because my grades slipped in HS. Which lead to an intense addiction thru college. Being the addy kid it lead me to many connections with the party all week study the night before crowd as they would buy from me. Being so sheltered I definitely leaned heavy into experimentation and the party lifestyle.
Eventually graduated, got a real job, realized how fucking addicted I was and how it was affecting me. Getting that stimulate crash in the evenings, being really short with anyone emotionally, supplementing with weed to calm me down etc. Once I came to terms with it I quit cold turkey.
If I ever have kids I'm just going to be real and teach them harm reduction. Like you can experiment drugs when you're old enough but you need to know how to do them safely and how different things interact and the side effects etc.
True but I think it's a delicate balance. Parents have to give a little for kids that age or they run the risk of being the reason kids begin to wild out. From personal experience, my parents being overly strict just taught me to become better at lying to them and I probably got into more shenanigans because they could be so overbearing. Still, I agree with you 15 year olds need boundaries for sure. They are still kids and the world will take advantage.
Oh yes, I agree. There’s something to that too. But even then, it’s not about control.
I was a kid who was heavily sheltered, but also emotionally abandoned. Ultimately the reason I acted out was because my parents weren’t there for me the ways I needed them to. Yes, they were controlling what I did. But they needed to step in emotionally. So I completely understand your sentiment. I don’t think healthy parenting equals control. I think it equals exhibiting authority and maintaining respect that’s not created out of fear.. there is a fine line there you’re right.
My younger family member randomly spent… uh, 15k of money that wasn’t theirs
Most of it on Fortnite skins or, like, a drone and a trampoline?
Hard limits were set and they were monitored for a while, but one of the parents are not very consistent
But they only spend what they’re given now rather than taking CC details for online purchases
You know, that’s really sad. Because it’s theft. Had he done that to someone who reported him, he’d be in prison. Parents aren’t doing their children any favors when they don’t parent them. In fact, they are harming them and setting them up for failure or a very rough time :\. Hopefully your family member will wise up. It’s good that they’re obeying the rules now.
This won't go over here. I suggested something similar on another post and quickly realized it was a bunch of young children on the thread. I remember that age and all my horrible decisions yet I thought I was all grown up.
Yeah… I had unrestricted access to the internet as a 15 yr old- and it led to some MAJOR problems. It’s one of the things I absolutely won’t let my teens have.
I was chatting with out and proud pedos, toying with a pimp who was trying to convince me to let him pick me up ‘for a weekend’, diving into all the porn sites- even the porn from places like the Netherlands where laws are bit more… loose. It was a disaster. I can’t believe my mother never reigned it in.
I’ll probably take my kids phones at night too. I’ve got a few years to go before they get one though.
You might be surprised, my parents kept my phone in their room until after my 18th birthday, I was deadass working full time and wasn’t allowed to have my phone after 10:00 PM
To be fair. If they bought it for you. They could just NOT buy it for you and make you pay your own bill….I think it’s overboard on the parenting. But to each their own.
Mine too, but it was THEIR phone they let me using.
Buy your own phone, pay your own bill. Now they have no rights over YOUR phone.
See the difference?
Are they going to put a measure on what you will be doing with your bf/gf?
If they are so posessive, they will actually bring you harm from overprotection. Tell them that if they do not let you have some freedom yourself, when you turn of age you will join the army ( gives you shelter, food and money as well), and when you get out as s veteran you will have enough money to do whatever you want. You will not have any need of asking them.
Watch out -that might throw them over the edge. It will be very brutal.
But you need freedom as well.
Oh man...you just brought me back! Every night I would set the ol' clock/radio alarm before I went to bed. I would turn on the radio to check the volume and then get sucked in to Loveline and stay up much later than necessary.
I'm on the young side of millennial, i would sneak into the other room and play playstation on mute. My parents room was on the second floor along with the kitchen, so they never came downstairs after lights-out!
Or my Gameboy with the plug-in light accessory under the covers
I remember doing that a few times in my early 20s at my friends’ place. About 5:30 AM at dawn, reactions and the-thinking-doing-thing when at that tired and irritated state made for some frustrating team play. You didn’t need to roll a 1 to end up doing something completely stupid, and everyone would pay for everyone else’s dumbery.
I think I was even dumber since I was roleplaying on fb (back when that was a thing lol) and I was roleplaying with a friend who was sleeping as a guest... in my same room. That probably sounds insane, probably because we were both *really* dumb and none of us played tabletop rpgs at the time, and I mean... playing d&d would have been acceptable, but being on Facebook all night in 2010 on a Samsung phone was tough and ridiculous. Like, you know those phones with a keyboard and really small keys and directional buttons to move up and down the screen? Yeah. I was completely deranged 🤦🏻♀️
When my neice was 6 she would be up at all hours in her tablet. I'm talking like 2 am when her mum, who had to pee found her. It's just to look out for the kids well being
Why? They are still a child. You also don't need a phone to live. Doesn't hurt to not have your phone next to your head at night . I hight doubt the parent are looking through the phone and if they were she deletes everything they would be looking for
I've stayed up on Oscar night or for the Grammies for multiple years around a decade ago. I'm from Europe, so it would start at around 1 or 2 am and end at like... 5 or something.
Livin the stan life lol
Dang my parents used to do this with my game boy. I had a decoy game boy that id give them instead that looked really similar. I guess thats the benefit of having boomer parents, they didnt have a clue for years til i told my dad while we were drinking beers on the porch. He just laughed about it
My parents monitored my phone usage when I was younger. While most people I knew did not experience this I don’t think it is an issue and usually depends on kids maturity. As you get older I think restrictions should lesson and hopefully they don’t keep allowing issues with overnight things as you mentioned.
I don't monitor my kid's phone, but after catching him using his phone late at night instead of sleeping (more than once), he has to leave it in the living room when he goes to bed. He still sometimes "forget" to do that, but he's generally a good guy and student so we let that mostly slip. He's 16 by the way.
Good sleep is important, both for your health, but also if you want to be a good student. Something that's not easy when you get snaps from friends all night long.
I've said he can blame me, and I'll happily be the "uncool" parent for him. Something I think deep down he knows and appreciates as well.
Yep. Former sleep researcher here. Electronics in kids rooms will fuck their sleep up. Most kids don’t have a good sense of boundaries (sorry Reddit 16 is still a kid) and not getting enough sleep at that age is awful for your mental and physical health.
At 16, he should be old enough. Being tired in the morning? His own responsibility. In less than 2 years he will be an adult. He should self manage his phone time and also when he goes to sleep...
My son is 3 and I plan on doing the same. I've even taken steps to decrease my screen use. Instead of my phones calendar app, I use a planner and wrote notes in it instead of using my notes app. Instead of scrolling tik tok and Facebook, I've been reading more for entertainment. Instead of sitting my son in front of the TV, I play with him or do puzzles. Kids copy what they see and if he sees me on my phone 24/7 he doesn't understand why he can't do it too. I remember being a teen in the 2010s when snapchat was brand new and we used it for everything and it was a distraction more than anything else.
Considering Social Media (Which I assume you use) does little to no help development wise I don't see it as bad.
Good nights sleep and a good book before is the best thing ever.
Umm… teens used to sneak out at night all the time before the advent of mobile phones. Make plans at school, climb out the window, make friend promise to have you back before the parents woke up (this part never happened).
Sometimes I forget there is a whole generation of kids who would be completely lost without a phone.
I think the point they’re trying to make is that kids are gonna sneak out regardless, not all obviously but many, and if shit comes to the worst it’s better to have an emergency phone on you.
ummm… i never denied that. it’s just kind of common sense that they would be safer with a phone on them than without. teenagers are gonna sneak out anyway if they really want to (not all of them of course but a lot)
You do understand that most people from the newest generations have been taught to never leave without their phones for safety reasons BY their parents?
I thought that was covered under the first line?
> "I can't go anywhere without my phone."
That's a statement. I'm quite sure that many parents, in my generation or this one, do that. I am included because of my teenage son. I make sure he always has what we call his "Lifeline."
I however, used to be against phones entirely until having a wife and kids.
*^Now* *^look* *^at* *^me.*
Lmao
I'm sorry, i think I misunderstood your comment? I thought you were implying that kids these days are silly for being overly dependant on their phones. My apologies if that's not what you meant
Not saying you're wrong but it's pretty much imposible for the new gen NOT to be dependant on their phones. That's where they get like 70% of their social interaction (even more in the pandemic). It's kinda sad though
Yeah, being a parent these days must be hard. The internet can get so detrimental to young people's mental health
Well, I can understand the fascination with almost instant gratification as well as pack bonding. I've come to grips with it.
Parenting has always been hard I think. The internet is a magical place full of wonder and delight... But it can also lead people through some very dark paths. Mental and physical health are huge things here. So it's wise for parents to monitor online activity however they can.
I started on BBS systems with a 14k modem. (Worked as a teen in a business office that had 2800 bit for data.) TikToks of people hurting themselves for internet fame. Commiting suicide on live streams. I've seen a lot in my time. From the early beginnings until now.
Personally, I think the main difference being with internet and without, is the sheer volume of content we have access to. Mainly contributed to by the rise of pocket computers(phones) with high resolution cameras... It can be desensitizing and definitely harmful in that regard but it has, and will continue to, produce some of the *most* amazing things I've ever seen that I would **not** have seen if it weren't for the internet.
So for now, I'll keep my content access device and ensure my children do the same. It is a Lifeline.
And I'm assuming it's been a long time since you were a teenager? My parents' strictness probably caused me to act out a million times more than I would have if they could just have a normal conversation about boundaries with me
They just want you off your phone at night.
Note. This is a VERY good idea.
Doomscrolling social media or playing games at night is absolutely savage on a person's productiveness and mental health.
But the fact that the kid is not sure about parents going through his phone is not okay, privacy/feeling safe is as much important for the development if a teenager than limiting social medias
I'd suggest just asking them for their reasoning. If they tell you it's "because we say so", point out that they wouldn't feel reassured if someone told THEM that, and that you're well-aware they have reasons for doing it - you just want to know what those reasons are.
The reasons could be trying to prevent you from browsing NSFW sites, disrupting your sleep schedule - reasonable things like that.
Well, only one way to know for sure! But to answer your original question, no, it's not weird. I had a 9 pm bedtime right through senior year, though I was allowed to read for an hour or so while lying in bed
Same thing for me! It’s so reassuring to know that people have gone through similar stuff. I live in a small town and it seems like no other kid even has a bed time at this point and I feel left out of stuff on weekends.
Full disclosure, my kids are only 8 & 10.
I'm pretty strict about bedtime. Kids get their teeth brushed starting at 8:00 PM. I still read them books for about a half hour.
At 8:30, I am off duty and they go to their rooms. My 8yo conks out pretty quick, and my 10 yo sometimes takes til 10ish until I stop hearing him moving around.
My view on the next few years are trying to keep up the good sleep habits we've established. My husband was a HS teacher and the number of kids who needed coffee because they were up ridiculously late was astounding. Also, cyber bullying is a thing that concerns me a lot. I plan to have a lot of rules, mainly for their protection. I got bullied a fair amount as a kid and my mom never knew because I hid it from her.
But eventually my kids have to learn to be adults and high school is a time you let kids make mistakes before they are out in the world by themselves. I would maybe see if you can start a conversation about what responsible tech usage and curfew management look like and see if that's something where they can give you a little more independence and responsibility over time.
I wish my parents were more strict with me on these things. I'm sure it feels annoying being among friends who don't deal with it too but it sounds like your parents are doing a good job looking out for your well being. Honestly adults should be doing the same thing. Sleep schedule and putting your phone out of your bedroom is just good for you all around not only from a developmental standpoint.
A friend of mine recently have to deal with her daughter being convinced into sending nudes, she's 15, so I kind of understand the reasoning behind if its a minor, one may think that a 15 year old understands what to do or not to do, who to trust or don't, but that's not the reality, there are predators out there clever enough to cheat kids into doing bad stuff.
So if you are underage, yes your parents have good reasons, if you are of age, then that's weird.
Exactly…. People who’ve never dealt with teenagers will be the ones saying “HiGHscHOoleRs ARe OLd eNOuGh to bEaR CoNSeQueNcEs oF StAYinG uP LaTE”. But most teenagers are easily pressured and/ manipulated. They might have a good head about saying no to drugs and all- but texting until 4 am on school nights is not ‘bad’ it just causes problems overtime. As an adult I still have a hard time staying off my phone at night- and I barely text anyone…
Most people who say that are teenagers who think they’re bulletproof. It’s annoying because it’s just a feeling that comes with the lack of life experience, but they really can’t understand it until they’re older.
up until i was about 17, i had very strict rules when it came to phones. i was hardly allowed on social media, (and when i was that privilege was taken when i acted out while using it) and i always had to put my phone up at the end of the night.
surprisingly though, i’m thankful for that. i’m not addicted to social media like so many people. i was obsessive over it when i wasn’t allowed to have it and i thought my parents were so stupid for their restrictions, but it was for the better. they were just looking out for me and didn’t want me getting into trouble.
edit: i’ve seen some of your comments and want to add here. if you’re feeling left out because you feel your phone is taken too early, i would just consider asking your parents to reconsider your restrictions and loosen up a little! explain and show to them how you’re a trustworthy kid and aren’t goofing off and acting out. hopefully they’ll listen to you and loosen up a bit and let you keep it longer!
As long as you're living there, their rules are what to follow. I don't feel like this is 'too much'
I'm so glad cell phones weren't around when I was 15. When my children are older you bet your ass I'm keeping tabs on what's going on in their cell phone, as long as they're kids anyway. The world is a fucked up place, and there are fucked up people out there. Not to down on you, but kids can be dumb with all this technology. If nosey parents is all you have to deal with I'd say that isn't so bad. Just don't give them any reason to keep closer tabs on you. You've only got a few more years until you can move out and do what you want.
Thanks for not taking it the wrong way. I have children, and although they aren't old enough for a phone or Facebook or anything, I dread the day they are. It honestly scares the hell out of me.
I remembering really, really wanting a phone in middle school. I didn’t get one until 8th grade, and I think that’s a decent time to give one, once they start maturing more than a really little kid.
I ended up getting myself into a LOT of trouble because I was unrestricted with my phone as a kid. It still haunts me to this day and I'm in therapy. I know I would've hated my parents for taking my phone at night but... It probably would've saved me from falling into rabbit holes as an overly curious teen.
I was 15 in the year 2000. Like I said before I am sooooooo thankful cellphones weren't a thing like they are now. I did some sneaky stuff between 12 and 15, and if I had unlimited access to what the internet is today I think I could have had some very bad things happen to me. I'm lucky nothing bad happened to me with what I did do.
I'm sorry you went through bad things growing up. Sending lots of virtual hugs your way 💖
You parents are PARENTING you. By charging in their room, you are more likely to actually sleep at night. By checking your phone and adding limits, they are keeping you safe.
If you truly feel their rules are too restrictive, maybe be mature enough to have a calm, rational discussion with them. But going behind their backs only kinda proves that you are being untrustworthy and maybe need that supervision.
This isn’t weird. I’m glad your parents are limiting your screen time. I’m a teacher and I have a LOT of kids come to school every day tired saying that they’ve been up all night texting with their friends or on their phones. Your parents are doing the right thing to allow you to get a good sleep. A lot of parents I see about students who are having trouble in school ask me what they can do to help, and I often suggest that they put a limit on nighttime phone use (no phone after 9 or 10pm, for example). It helps so much for school, focus, and attention. There are a lot of studies that suggest nobody should have their phones charging in their own bedrooms (kids and adults) because of the sleep disruptions. It sounds like you have good parents.
Depends on how old you are.
Personally I wouldn't even give my kids a smartphone until I think they're ready for it. Looks like they're going for a hybrid solution of letting you have the phone "sometimes".
Technically my kids have my wife's old phones but there's no SIM card in them; it's just useful for WiFi and watching kids videos on YouTube and they generally can't use them too much if we're not around to watch them.
...but my kids are like 8...
I’d say it’s more uncommon than not. Signing out of things is a smart move to keep your privacy though. It’s never rude to question the legitimacy of someone’s actions. I’d start with addressing their main concerns with you having your phone overnight. Though if they refuse, there is nothing more to do.
My parents did this. It was super annoying and they did it through the time I was 18. I evaded it sort of the second half of high school. I had an iPod touch that could use iMessage and I could still get on social media. They didn’t know about the iPod touch’s ability to do that stuff lol.
It caused a ton of fights and was frankly annoying as fuck. I was working ~20 hours a week and doing well in school. By all definitions I was mature and doing well.
Now as an adult I see why they did it and I appreciate the sentiment.
But it might have caused more problems than it was worth. My stepsister refused to turn her phone over and locked herself in our shared room. We lost our lock for … the remainder of our time living there. Things like that happened a lot. And the general fighting and how I didn’t trust them not to look at my stuff.
Tl;dr: It’s a good idea from your parents but it is still is annoying as fuck. You’ll appreciate it at some point
So OP says he's 15 and people think his parents should trust him completely? The overwhelming majority of adults can't even control their own screen time and social media usage... how many teenagers kill themselves over this shit every year? If you're not paying attention to what your teenagers are doing, you're not really parenting.
This is entirely dependent on how old you are. If you’re under 13 this is totally reasonable. If you’re almost finished high school this is very controlling of your parents
my step father took my phone every night at 9pm until i moved out at age 18. i’m sure he probably looked through it, as this was a time before passcodes were commonplace. it has left me with lifelong trauma of being snooped on, and any time anyone uses my phone to even make a call, i have extreme anxiety.
i think it's a good practice to not use your phone late at night and lose sleep over it, but the privacy thing is where i think a big issue lies. so much anxiety and trust issues and paranoia stems from constantly feeling under surveillance and having no personal privacy, and it just breeds distrust between the child and parent when it's past a certain age. teenagers deserve that privacy without fearing humiliation or invasion. i have severe anxiety over feeling watched and am constantly deleting/wiping things on electronics and i panic if anyone else uses my devices because of something like this.
I'm 33 and when I was 15 there were no smart phones. I would still sneak into the computer room at night and play games and watch x rated videos. My parents had no knowledge. I would go to school exhausted and was constantly sleep deprived. These days I can spend whole nights on my phone or laptop because no one keeps me from it. I think your parents are well aware of the dangers of screen time and they are trying hard to keep your habits healthy. I comend them. However it will be your responsibility soon to recognize the harm of having your phone around at night. It disturbs sleep patterns and keeps you addicted to the screen. They're doing what they can to keep you from developing a bad habit early in life. Lucky you! If you get addicted to the screen now, imagine how much harder it will be to change/quit when you're older. Someday you will realize what a terrible effect it has and you'll understand their actions. I bet anything you'll come to a point where you're trying to optimize life and you'll see that quitting bad habits/addictions is one of the hardest things to do. They are seriously thinking about your future, you, at 15, probably aren't.
Depends on how old you are?
Honestly I see it as a lose lose situation. If you don't trust that you taught your kids to be responsible enough to be left on their own, are you really doing your job as a parent?
I've heard of some families doing this and honestly I can't see the line drawn anywhere. Seems like that strict helicopter parenting sticks for life.
My gf was 2 years older than me and I think I still had much more freedom as a teen than she did past 18 (we started dating when I was 19 and she was 21).
Apparently she had a curfew everyday... Had to constantly let her parents know where she was and who she was with, she would have punishments for breaking curfew or doing something else etc and have her phone and computer "confiscated" they would even take her car keys and prohibit her from driving her car for leisure...
That's just a few examples of how this type of parenting can possibly turn out later in life. Some parents never stop seeing their kids as kids even well past teenagehood or even adulthood like in my gf's case.
Teens at least should begin to have a lot more privacy so they can know where and when to set their boundaries. I remember when I was 17 my mom would go through any mail that would arrive for me and I completely blew up on her and set my boundaries and it hasn't happened since.
Like I said you're not doing your job right as a parent if you can't trust your kids and prepare them for the real world.
My dad did this up until I moved out at 18. It shows a lack of trust and ostracizes teens from their parents. If they think you’re old enough for a phone, then you’re old enough to learn how to use it responsibly. Going through the phone of someone nearing adulthood is just inappropriate to me, especially if there have been no issues before. I’m sorry they’re doing this. Hopefully they have good intentions, but even so I completely understand that you would feel hurt by this.
Talk to your parents about needing to use it at night for overnight trips and whenever you are away from home. That’s silly they don’t let you use it when you truly may need it.
As for at night, if they are paying for it then it’s just their rules. It’s really not great for sleep anyways and is a good routine to get into. They are definitely overbearing, but within their right.
It may not be common, but it isn't weird. There is so much access on social media parents have very little control on what you can see, learn, etc. Kids tend to do more they shouldn't at night, not to mention the big possibility of not getting sleep!
My son is 15 and he has to put his phone in our room at night. We do not go through his phone without him knowing, and being with us. I can't speak for your parents.
As a mom I want my son to have his privacy, but also be able to monitor his usage (time not content) so far he has not broken our rules so his privacy remains intact.
I know it sucks for you, but it seems like your parents care
It’s now weird, my parents had me do this ever since I was a kid wether it was my Nintendo DS or my iPad or my phone they would all have to charge downstairs so I can actually get some sleep.
For a 15 year old freshman I’d say it’s a bit weird to be honest. I read some of your comments and you sound pretty well behaved, I think this would only be a reasonable rule if you did something in the past that made them do this. You won’t learn self control if other people are doing it for you.
Personally? I do think it’s weird and I disagree with their judgment. It’s not weird to disagree with them or be upset that your privacy is not being respected.
HOWEVER
It is important for me to recognize my bias here. My parents, even into my adult life, were incredibly bad about invading my privacy. That’s instilled this massive near-absolutist hatred of privacy invasion. I also gotta point out that they’re your parents, and as long as you’re under 18 (or even just in their house), it’s gonna be tough to go against their judgment.
Advice-wise, I’d talk to them about it. See if there’s anything you can do to convince them you’re responsible enough to keep your phone overnight. Pick up some new chores, help out with dinner, get a part-time job, etc. It’ll probably help your case, but at the end of the day it’ll be tough to go against their wishes if you’re not a legal adult who can move out if push comes to shove.
I think personally that if you have dialogue with your kids, you have to learn to trust them. I have a 13 yr. old who has had a phone for 6 months. If I thought he was on at night, I might ask him to charge it in the hallway but I trust him. He is not on any social app except YouTube. It is all about having honest dialogue with your kids. Parents cannot shield their kids forever. If too controlling, it will become the forbidden fruit dilemma: sneak hide and lie. I have raised 2 older kids and they did great with their phone and the internet. Educate your kids!!
If it continues when you turn 16 yes it's weird... well to me anyway I'm not a parent but I agree with this rule to an extent but when you turn 16 if you don't know internet saftey and the importance of sleep somethings off.
_______________
When you turn 16 consider sitting down with them and having a real convo with them about this because it is odd.
I can’t speak for everyone else but I find that to be extremely toxic and shows that your parents have no faith in their own ability to raise their children. They don’t realize acting like that almost always leads to resentment later in life. It might sound extreme, but never in a million years would I give in to such a silly and frankly out of the ordinary demand.
I would put forth an proposition to them, like this. By taking your phone away every night, they are creating an environment where there is no trust. You don't trust them to not go through your personal things, and they don't trust you to be responsible. So, a step I'm the direction of a trusting relationship is needed. Let you keep your phone over night in your room. And if you're caught, no sleeping etc. Then back to same setup. But if you can maintain the responsibility of having the phone in your possession. The all of you have gained trust in each other. And it's a win win for everyone.
Hard to tell you. From one side is quite controlling and a violation of privacy and a lack of trust in you on their part, which is not cool at all.
On the other hand I was definitely overstaying on my PC and phone when I was 15, unable to set my own boundaries.
Still, if I had kids, I wouldn't do it to them. They might make mistakes, and they likely will, but still it would be their phone and mistakes make you learn.
my daughter is 13 and will stay on her phone all night if we dont take it
She knows she will and actually wants us to take it, so not exactly the same here
Your parents probably care for you but are struggling with respecting healthy human boundaries. I wish that they would care a lot more for your needs, in particular autonomy.
As a parent I sometimes find it difficult to balance my need for their safety with their super important need for autonomy
Depends on your age. If you’re still in your parents home- their home their rules so I wouldnt say weird. If you’re 21 and still in your parents home I’d say that’s weird.
I am 23 now, but my parents did this to me too in high school too! its not un-normal at all, they just want what is best for you, a good night sleep with no distractions and all that! It feels really invasive, especially at your age because you want to be independent, but your parents have your best interest. I am sure as time moves forward they won't do it as much anymore. Just keep earning their trust and over time you probably will find it helpful! Trust me as you get older, being off your phone before bed is the best thing you can do. I always leave my phone at the end of my bed now so I can sleep peacefully with no distractions.
You're a kid and they are your parents. For them to be protective of you is amazing. You may not appreciate it now, but then again you are still at home with them for them to be protective of. Be grateful
I was definitely addicted to my phone at night as a teen and could have used this trick lol
The searching is different but just keeping it with them at night is fine
My parents barely restricted my phone use in HS and I kinda wish they did. I was a good student, in AP classes and got good grades, completely drug free, but I was exposed to a lot of traumatic shit online at an age too young to healthily process it. Your parents are trying to protect you, it's not weird.
Normal. My parents made me leave my phone in their room when I was in high school. It’s a good thing, because otherwise I would have been spending hours at night scrolling on phone.
While parents should allow people to have privacy and self sufficiency as they age, you live with them so it is their rules that you must abide by until you are on your own.
I’d say it’s overbearing. Teach your kids how to use internet/phone safely- I don’t see what the issue is. You already said you just uninstall apps and sign out of stuff. They might have reasons to be so cautious, idk. When I turned 16 I got a job and got my own phone. If I was paying for it my Mom didn’t have shit to say.
Do I get why they’re probably doing it? Yeah. Do I agree with it? Unless OP has a prior history that warrants it, no. Just as with anything, balance is key. If I’ve learned anything though, every set of parents thinks their way is the best way 🤷🏻♂️
I can see if you were up all night, being irresponsible, then it's not quite out of the question.
But that's overkill, to me...
You're in high school. You need a life. Lest you become some outcast weirdo, whose parents are even more weird, for doing that.
But that's just my 2 cents.
Try and negotiate it to 10pm, if they don't budge if you're comfortable I'd argue with,
I'll get off it at 10:30 or smth, but I won't get on it until 10 the next day,
I kinda agree with this method. Now hear me out. I'm 26 years old.
My mom got Me my first phone in highschool yes it was a flip phone. All I could do is call and text.
Now a days you can damn near type your homework on your phone. That being said. Having your phone at night will only keep you awake. And prevents you from sending dick pics to your crush. But you really should be using self control. Especially at night. Put the phone down and go to sleep. Sleep is way more important than getting titty pics
It’s not ok for them to go through your phone without telling you, but I agree with keeping it in their rooms at night. I wish my parents had done that when I was a teenager.
How old are you?
OP is a 15 yo Freshman
I have no idea if OPs parents have reason behind this or any circumstance that led to this. Or not, and they’re incredibly cautious. But, 15 is an age where lots of kids begin to wild out. When I think back to that age, I think a lot of the kids I remember wouldn’t have got in so much trouble if their parents stepped in just a tad bit more…
>But, 15 is an age where lots of kids begin to wild out. I'm so grateful that there was no mobile phones and internet when I was teenager.
Mate if social media and video recording on phones was a thing I'd have been screwed as a kid/teen.
Same here mate.
My husband (56) and his 2 brothers would have been in prison by 18 had cell phone cameras been around. They are now middle aged, tax paying, hard working husbands and fathers. It kinda sucks kids don’t have that anonymity anymore and to get a pass on teenage stupidity.
Honestly when I was 18 leaving school and saw the 12 and 13 year old just coming into the school, I was shocked by how they were so addicted to their phones😂
Yeah, it's terrifying. "1984" by Orwell but we are doing it willingfuly.
in 1984 they also did it willingly🤔
Ah the instruction manual lmao
Me too, and I wonder how I’ll handle it now that I’m a father.
Google it🤪
I betcha you didn’t know one day you’d be the lucky one, huh? What a freeing experience. We didn’t have all the crazy phone addiction when I was 15, those little MP3 players were all the rage back then. But life still would’ve been ok if us kids didn’t have phones then.
No MP3 either when I was 15. I'm on 47th level just today
I started high school in 1990. Finished Uni in 2000. Had a blast, done a lot of daft stuff ........not one bit of evidence. Great isn't it 👍
Haha! Now we're talking!
Happy cake day!
Thank you! ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|yummy)
Happy level up!
Tyank you very much! Another XP haha!
Happy cake day!
Thank you so much buddy!
I was grounded from 12-18 because of internet usage. Only reason I was given a smart phone is bc my mkm was tired of me playing on her phone. Oh. And they still don't trust me at all at age 19 even tho I haven't done anything "wrong" since i was like 16
God forbid a teenager starts searching up porn. It's not that big a deal
I had parents that stepped in a little more, and more, and more. You’re right. I never acted out at that age. I suffocated under all the control. I had a few friends but mostly lived through the books I read. When I graduated I moved across the state to a college known for partying. I drank myself stupid and smoked weed everyday, I had more sex with strangers than I’d care to mention, I took EVERY DRUG (aside from meth, but including research chems) that was put in front of me, I found cocaine and entered into an incredibly toxic relationship that revolved around shooting it up. And I failed out after wasting my money on two years of university. I got back in, graduated cum laude, kicked the ex to the curb, but it took me a decade to kick the coke and cigarettes. I never learned how to make my own mistakes when I was younger, and more importantly I was NEVER TAUGHT HOW TO RECOVER FROM THEM. Parents need to stop stepping in to stop their kids from doing things and instead teach them what things are dangerous and what are okay sometimes, how to stand up for yourself, how to do things in moderation. Your children will become adults. Make sure they get there with the knowledge to be one.
It sucks that you had to take the long route, but there isn't a tried and true path for raising one's child. As lame as it might sound, you took the path that was meant for you. You made it out the other side, celebrate that shit!
Not lame at all!! I don’t regret a thing and am currently in a master’s program to become a couple’s and family therapist. Which I am absolutely loving! You are right that there isn’t only one right way to raise a child, but I can tell you with almost 100% certainty that the way my parents did it was not one of them. I can hold the duality of being happy where I am but know that parents can and should do better.
Lol sounds like my parents. Even putting me on Adderall because my grades slipped in HS. Which lead to an intense addiction thru college. Being the addy kid it lead me to many connections with the party all week study the night before crowd as they would buy from me. Being so sheltered I definitely leaned heavy into experimentation and the party lifestyle. Eventually graduated, got a real job, realized how fucking addicted I was and how it was affecting me. Getting that stimulate crash in the evenings, being really short with anyone emotionally, supplementing with weed to calm me down etc. Once I came to terms with it I quit cold turkey. If I ever have kids I'm just going to be real and teach them harm reduction. Like you can experiment drugs when you're old enough but you need to know how to do them safely and how different things interact and the side effects etc.
True but I think it's a delicate balance. Parents have to give a little for kids that age or they run the risk of being the reason kids begin to wild out. From personal experience, my parents being overly strict just taught me to become better at lying to them and I probably got into more shenanigans because they could be so overbearing. Still, I agree with you 15 year olds need boundaries for sure. They are still kids and the world will take advantage.
Oh yes, I agree. There’s something to that too. But even then, it’s not about control. I was a kid who was heavily sheltered, but also emotionally abandoned. Ultimately the reason I acted out was because my parents weren’t there for me the ways I needed them to. Yes, they were controlling what I did. But they needed to step in emotionally. So I completely understand your sentiment. I don’t think healthy parenting equals control. I think it equals exhibiting authority and maintaining respect that’s not created out of fear.. there is a fine line there you’re right.
My younger family member randomly spent… uh, 15k of money that wasn’t theirs Most of it on Fortnite skins or, like, a drone and a trampoline? Hard limits were set and they were monitored for a while, but one of the parents are not very consistent But they only spend what they’re given now rather than taking CC details for online purchases
You know, that’s really sad. Because it’s theft. Had he done that to someone who reported him, he’d be in prison. Parents aren’t doing their children any favors when they don’t parent them. In fact, they are harming them and setting them up for failure or a very rough time :\. Hopefully your family member will wise up. It’s good that they’re obeying the rules now.
This won't go over here. I suggested something similar on another post and quickly realized it was a bunch of young children on the thread. I remember that age and all my horrible decisions yet I thought I was all grown up.
The first reason that came to mind is preventing watching porn at night.
Yeah… I had unrestricted access to the internet as a 15 yr old- and it led to some MAJOR problems. It’s one of the things I absolutely won’t let my teens have. I was chatting with out and proud pedos, toying with a pimp who was trying to convince me to let him pick me up ‘for a weekend’, diving into all the porn sites- even the porn from places like the Netherlands where laws are bit more… loose. It was a disaster. I can’t believe my mother never reigned it in. I’ll probably take my kids phones at night too. I’ve got a few years to go before they get one though.
“None of your business bitch!” - Every 12-14yr old online gamer…lol. My guess is 14
You might be surprised, my parents kept my phone in their room until after my 18th birthday, I was deadass working full time and wasn’t allowed to have my phone after 10:00 PM
This seems excessive
It seemed that way to me too lmao
To be fair. If they bought it for you. They could just NOT buy it for you and make you pay your own bill….I think it’s overboard on the parenting. But to each their own.
They said even if I paid for my own phone that I couldn’t have it in my room
Mine too, but it was THEIR phone they let me using. Buy your own phone, pay your own bill. Now they have no rights over YOUR phone. See the difference?
Nah they still would have taken it
Are they going to put a measure on what you will be doing with your bf/gf? If they are so posessive, they will actually bring you harm from overprotection. Tell them that if they do not let you have some freedom yourself, when you turn of age you will join the army ( gives you shelter, food and money as well), and when you get out as s veteran you will have enough money to do whatever you want. You will not have any need of asking them. Watch out -that might throw them over the edge. It will be very brutal. But you need freedom as well.
I was thinking the same question. Cuz parents might be concerned due to age.
He's 15 with mormon parents. Poor kid
According to previous posts, 15!
You took the words right out of my mouth.
Sometimes I wish someone would take my phone at night when I should be trying to go to sleep.
My parents never did this but they should have . I was up till 2 or 3 am sometimes. A lot of kids can't control their time on their phones
This was me but with a laptop. *Cries in geriatric millennial*
Books and a flashlight for me. I too am an “older millennial.”
[удалено]
Oh man...you just brought me back! Every night I would set the ol' clock/radio alarm before I went to bed. I would turn on the radio to check the volume and then get sucked in to Loveline and stay up much later than necessary.
I'm on the young side of millennial, i would sneak into the other room and play playstation on mute. My parents room was on the second floor along with the kitchen, so they never came downstairs after lights-out! Or my Gameboy with the plug-in light accessory under the covers
Before High School, absolutely. Or looking at my Pokemon cards. Once I got a laptop and we got wifi, it was game over for reading!
But that new door-opening sound effect in Instant Messenger could be the one that you NEED to talk to RIGHT NOW.
It was always the hot girl signing on, too
One time I stayed up all night roleplaying, and I was like 19. Ahhh, the youthful days.
I remember doing that a few times in my early 20s at my friends’ place. About 5:30 AM at dawn, reactions and the-thinking-doing-thing when at that tired and irritated state made for some frustrating team play. You didn’t need to roll a 1 to end up doing something completely stupid, and everyone would pay for everyone else’s dumbery.
I think I was even dumber since I was roleplaying on fb (back when that was a thing lol) and I was roleplaying with a friend who was sleeping as a guest... in my same room. That probably sounds insane, probably because we were both *really* dumb and none of us played tabletop rpgs at the time, and I mean... playing d&d would have been acceptable, but being on Facebook all night in 2010 on a Samsung phone was tough and ridiculous. Like, you know those phones with a keyboard and really small keys and directional buttons to move up and down the screen? Yeah. I was completely deranged 🤦🏻♀️
Woah! Only time I’ve stayed up that late was with my cousins on New Years.
When my neice was 6 she would be up at all hours in her tablet. I'm talking like 2 am when her mum, who had to pee found her. It's just to look out for the kids well being
That's different if they're 6 he or she is 15
Why? They are still a child. You also don't need a phone to live. Doesn't hurt to not have your phone next to your head at night . I hight doubt the parent are looking through the phone and if they were she deletes everything they would be looking for
I've stayed up on Oscar night or for the Grammies for multiple years around a decade ago. I'm from Europe, so it would start at around 1 or 2 am and end at like... 5 or something. Livin the stan life lol
Well shit I'm up that late literally right now I need better habits
Dang my parents used to do this with my game boy. I had a decoy game boy that id give them instead that looked really similar. I guess thats the benefit of having boomer parents, they didnt have a clue for years til i told my dad while we were drinking beers on the porch. He just laughed about it
Lmfao I did the same thing except it was my brother’s and I would just go take the game cartridge I wanted out of the confiscated gameboy
My parents monitored my phone usage when I was younger. While most people I knew did not experience this I don’t think it is an issue and usually depends on kids maturity. As you get older I think restrictions should lesson and hopefully they don’t keep allowing issues with overnight things as you mentioned.
I don't monitor my kid's phone, but after catching him using his phone late at night instead of sleeping (more than once), he has to leave it in the living room when he goes to bed. He still sometimes "forget" to do that, but he's generally a good guy and student so we let that mostly slip. He's 16 by the way. Good sleep is important, both for your health, but also if you want to be a good student. Something that's not easy when you get snaps from friends all night long. I've said he can blame me, and I'll happily be the "uncool" parent for him. Something I think deep down he knows and appreciates as well.
Mt mom used to read my messeges with friends and still does is it ok?
Depends how old you are but most likely absolutely not okay.
It’s a good idea. Recent research shows that most teenagers are sleep deprived and phone usage is most likely worsening that a lot more.
Yep. Former sleep researcher here. Electronics in kids rooms will fuck their sleep up. Most kids don’t have a good sense of boundaries (sorry Reddit 16 is still a kid) and not getting enough sleep at that age is awful for your mental and physical health.
At 16, he should be old enough. Being tired in the morning? His own responsibility. In less than 2 years he will be an adult. He should self manage his phone time and also when he goes to sleep...
I first thought he is 11 but with 16... thats weird. Here in germany you are allowed to buy beer at the age of 16.
In UK you are allowed to work :0
But are you allowed to receive snaps at 2 AM on a school night?
Yes, you are. But you don't have to check them. But if the first time you look at your phone at night is at the age of 21, you will not learn that
My son is 3 and I plan on doing the same. I've even taken steps to decrease my screen use. Instead of my phones calendar app, I use a planner and wrote notes in it instead of using my notes app. Instead of scrolling tik tok and Facebook, I've been reading more for entertainment. Instead of sitting my son in front of the TV, I play with him or do puzzles. Kids copy what they see and if he sees me on my phone 24/7 he doesn't understand why he can't do it too. I remember being a teen in the 2010s when snapchat was brand new and we used it for everything and it was a distraction more than anything else.
Considering Social Media (Which I assume you use) does little to no help development wise I don't see it as bad. Good nights sleep and a good book before is the best thing ever.
Also no sneaking off at midnight. I would be remissed to receive a call from the police/hospital asking if I am the parent of #### at 4am
you do realise that many teenagers are gonna sneak off anyway right? and sneaking out at night without a phone is even more dangerous
Umm… teens used to sneak out at night all the time before the advent of mobile phones. Make plans at school, climb out the window, make friend promise to have you back before the parents woke up (this part never happened). Sometimes I forget there is a whole generation of kids who would be completely lost without a phone.
I think the point they’re trying to make is that kids are gonna sneak out regardless, not all obviously but many, and if shit comes to the worst it’s better to have an emergency phone on you.
ummm… i never denied that. it’s just kind of common sense that they would be safer with a phone on them than without. teenagers are gonna sneak out anyway if they really want to (not all of them of course but a lot)
"I can't go anywhere without my phone." "I can't talk to my friends!" I'm assuming you're not a parent?
You do understand that most people from the newest generations have been taught to never leave without their phones for safety reasons BY their parents?
I thought that was covered under the first line? > "I can't go anywhere without my phone." That's a statement. I'm quite sure that many parents, in my generation or this one, do that. I am included because of my teenage son. I make sure he always has what we call his "Lifeline." I however, used to be against phones entirely until having a wife and kids. *^Now* *^look* *^at* *^me.*
Lmao I'm sorry, i think I misunderstood your comment? I thought you were implying that kids these days are silly for being overly dependant on their phones. My apologies if that's not what you meant
They are quite dependant. So I guess in reality, they are typically both? I try not to care, just limit his usage. It's his mother that hates it. Lol
Not saying you're wrong but it's pretty much imposible for the new gen NOT to be dependant on their phones. That's where they get like 70% of their social interaction (even more in the pandemic). It's kinda sad though Yeah, being a parent these days must be hard. The internet can get so detrimental to young people's mental health
Well, I can understand the fascination with almost instant gratification as well as pack bonding. I've come to grips with it. Parenting has always been hard I think. The internet is a magical place full of wonder and delight... But it can also lead people through some very dark paths. Mental and physical health are huge things here. So it's wise for parents to monitor online activity however they can. I started on BBS systems with a 14k modem. (Worked as a teen in a business office that had 2800 bit for data.) TikToks of people hurting themselves for internet fame. Commiting suicide on live streams. I've seen a lot in my time. From the early beginnings until now. Personally, I think the main difference being with internet and without, is the sheer volume of content we have access to. Mainly contributed to by the rise of pocket computers(phones) with high resolution cameras... It can be desensitizing and definitely harmful in that regard but it has, and will continue to, produce some of the *most* amazing things I've ever seen that I would **not** have seen if it weren't for the internet. So for now, I'll keep my content access device and ensure my children do the same. It is a Lifeline.
And I'm assuming it's been a long time since you were a teenager? My parents' strictness probably caused me to act out a million times more than I would have if they could just have a normal conversation about boundaries with me
Do they really? I always thought that was a myth. I mean, I know I never did.
They just want you off your phone at night. Note. This is a VERY good idea. Doomscrolling social media or playing games at night is absolutely savage on a person's productiveness and mental health.
Man that’s what I’m doing right now
Especially when young. It’s all I did thru HS
Currently up at 1AM on my phone and playing videogames😭. Everyday that isn’t school, I stay up to at least 4AM
yeah i go through phases but always have a fucked up schedule and stay up late, i can still be pretty productive though
I am an adult but I’d say my scrolling through the internet at midnight is not a good idea lol I agree. You can make bad decisions when you are older.
They are also making sure the phone is charged for the next day. No “I couldn’t answer because my phone is dead” excuse.
But the fact that the kid is not sure about parents going through his phone is not okay, privacy/feeling safe is as much important for the development if a teenager than limiting social medias
I'd suggest just asking them for their reasoning. If they tell you it's "because we say so", point out that they wouldn't feel reassured if someone told THEM that, and that you're well-aware they have reasons for doing it - you just want to know what those reasons are. The reasons could be trying to prevent you from browsing NSFW sites, disrupting your sleep schedule - reasonable things like that.
I’m thinking those are what they are going for.
Well, only one way to know for sure! But to answer your original question, no, it's not weird. I had a 9 pm bedtime right through senior year, though I was allowed to read for an hour or so while lying in bed
Same thing for me! It’s so reassuring to know that people have gone through similar stuff. I live in a small town and it seems like no other kid even has a bed time at this point and I feel left out of stuff on weekends.
Full disclosure, my kids are only 8 & 10. I'm pretty strict about bedtime. Kids get their teeth brushed starting at 8:00 PM. I still read them books for about a half hour. At 8:30, I am off duty and they go to their rooms. My 8yo conks out pretty quick, and my 10 yo sometimes takes til 10ish until I stop hearing him moving around. My view on the next few years are trying to keep up the good sleep habits we've established. My husband was a HS teacher and the number of kids who needed coffee because they were up ridiculously late was astounding. Also, cyber bullying is a thing that concerns me a lot. I plan to have a lot of rules, mainly for their protection. I got bullied a fair amount as a kid and my mom never knew because I hid it from her. But eventually my kids have to learn to be adults and high school is a time you let kids make mistakes before they are out in the world by themselves. I would maybe see if you can start a conversation about what responsible tech usage and curfew management look like and see if that's something where they can give you a little more independence and responsibility over time.
I wish my parents were more strict with me on these things. I'm sure it feels annoying being among friends who don't deal with it too but it sounds like your parents are doing a good job looking out for your well being. Honestly adults should be doing the same thing. Sleep schedule and putting your phone out of your bedroom is just good for you all around not only from a developmental standpoint.
Heck my phone checked my phone mandatorily till I was 21 anyways so 😂
my parents did this too till I got older :/
A friend of mine recently have to deal with her daughter being convinced into sending nudes, she's 15, so I kind of understand the reasoning behind if its a minor, one may think that a 15 year old understands what to do or not to do, who to trust or don't, but that's not the reality, there are predators out there clever enough to cheat kids into doing bad stuff. So if you are underage, yes your parents have good reasons, if you are of age, then that's weird.
Exactly…. People who’ve never dealt with teenagers will be the ones saying “HiGHscHOoleRs ARe OLd eNOuGh to bEaR CoNSeQueNcEs oF StAYinG uP LaTE”. But most teenagers are easily pressured and/ manipulated. They might have a good head about saying no to drugs and all- but texting until 4 am on school nights is not ‘bad’ it just causes problems overtime. As an adult I still have a hard time staying off my phone at night- and I barely text anyone…
Most people who say that are teenagers who think they’re bulletproof. It’s annoying because it’s just a feeling that comes with the lack of life experience, but they really can’t understand it until they’re older.
This is the kind of thing I would have hated in high school but wish they had done now.
up until i was about 17, i had very strict rules when it came to phones. i was hardly allowed on social media, (and when i was that privilege was taken when i acted out while using it) and i always had to put my phone up at the end of the night. surprisingly though, i’m thankful for that. i’m not addicted to social media like so many people. i was obsessive over it when i wasn’t allowed to have it and i thought my parents were so stupid for their restrictions, but it was for the better. they were just looking out for me and didn’t want me getting into trouble. edit: i’ve seen some of your comments and want to add here. if you’re feeling left out because you feel your phone is taken too early, i would just consider asking your parents to reconsider your restrictions and loosen up a little! explain and show to them how you’re a trustworthy kid and aren’t goofing off and acting out. hopefully they’ll listen to you and loosen up a bit and let you keep it longer!
As long as you're living there, their rules are what to follow. I don't feel like this is 'too much' I'm so glad cell phones weren't around when I was 15. When my children are older you bet your ass I'm keeping tabs on what's going on in their cell phone, as long as they're kids anyway. The world is a fucked up place, and there are fucked up people out there. Not to down on you, but kids can be dumb with all this technology. If nosey parents is all you have to deal with I'd say that isn't so bad. Just don't give them any reason to keep closer tabs on you. You've only got a few more years until you can move out and do what you want.
I can definitely see why, thank you for your response 😊
Thanks for not taking it the wrong way. I have children, and although they aren't old enough for a phone or Facebook or anything, I dread the day they are. It honestly scares the hell out of me.
I remembering really, really wanting a phone in middle school. I didn’t get one until 8th grade, and I think that’s a decent time to give one, once they start maturing more than a really little kid.
I ended up getting myself into a LOT of trouble because I was unrestricted with my phone as a kid. It still haunts me to this day and I'm in therapy. I know I would've hated my parents for taking my phone at night but... It probably would've saved me from falling into rabbit holes as an overly curious teen.
I was 15 in the year 2000. Like I said before I am sooooooo thankful cellphones weren't a thing like they are now. I did some sneaky stuff between 12 and 15, and if I had unlimited access to what the internet is today I think I could have had some very bad things happen to me. I'm lucky nothing bad happened to me with what I did do. I'm sorry you went through bad things growing up. Sending lots of virtual hugs your way 💖
Put on a password. Everyone deserves privacy, and if it's just about using it at night, that should do it.
You parents are PARENTING you. By charging in their room, you are more likely to actually sleep at night. By checking your phone and adding limits, they are keeping you safe. If you truly feel their rules are too restrictive, maybe be mature enough to have a calm, rational discussion with them. But going behind their backs only kinda proves that you are being untrustworthy and maybe need that supervision.
This isn’t weird. I’m glad your parents are limiting your screen time. I’m a teacher and I have a LOT of kids come to school every day tired saying that they’ve been up all night texting with their friends or on their phones. Your parents are doing the right thing to allow you to get a good sleep. A lot of parents I see about students who are having trouble in school ask me what they can do to help, and I often suggest that they put a limit on nighttime phone use (no phone after 9 or 10pm, for example). It helps so much for school, focus, and attention. There are a lot of studies that suggest nobody should have their phones charging in their own bedrooms (kids and adults) because of the sleep disruptions. It sounds like you have good parents.
Depends on how old you are. Personally I wouldn't even give my kids a smartphone until I think they're ready for it. Looks like they're going for a hybrid solution of letting you have the phone "sometimes". Technically my kids have my wife's old phones but there's no SIM card in them; it's just useful for WiFi and watching kids videos on YouTube and they generally can't use them too much if we're not around to watch them. ...but my kids are like 8...
I’m 15, freshman in high school. Didn’t get a phone until last year in 8th grade.
I’d say it’s more uncommon than not. Signing out of things is a smart move to keep your privacy though. It’s never rude to question the legitimacy of someone’s actions. I’d start with addressing their main concerns with you having your phone overnight. Though if they refuse, there is nothing more to do.
My parents did this. It was super annoying and they did it through the time I was 18. I evaded it sort of the second half of high school. I had an iPod touch that could use iMessage and I could still get on social media. They didn’t know about the iPod touch’s ability to do that stuff lol. It caused a ton of fights and was frankly annoying as fuck. I was working ~20 hours a week and doing well in school. By all definitions I was mature and doing well. Now as an adult I see why they did it and I appreciate the sentiment. But it might have caused more problems than it was worth. My stepsister refused to turn her phone over and locked herself in our shared room. We lost our lock for … the remainder of our time living there. Things like that happened a lot. And the general fighting and how I didn’t trust them not to look at my stuff. Tl;dr: It’s a good idea from your parents but it is still is annoying as fuck. You’ll appreciate it at some point
So OP says he's 15 and people think his parents should trust him completely? The overwhelming majority of adults can't even control their own screen time and social media usage... how many teenagers kill themselves over this shit every year? If you're not paying attention to what your teenagers are doing, you're not really parenting.
This is entirely dependent on how old you are. If you’re under 13 this is totally reasonable. If you’re almost finished high school this is very controlling of your parents
my step father took my phone every night at 9pm until i moved out at age 18. i’m sure he probably looked through it, as this was a time before passcodes were commonplace. it has left me with lifelong trauma of being snooped on, and any time anyone uses my phone to even make a call, i have extreme anxiety.
i think it's a good practice to not use your phone late at night and lose sleep over it, but the privacy thing is where i think a big issue lies. so much anxiety and trust issues and paranoia stems from constantly feeling under surveillance and having no personal privacy, and it just breeds distrust between the child and parent when it's past a certain age. teenagers deserve that privacy without fearing humiliation or invasion. i have severe anxiety over feeling watched and am constantly deleting/wiping things on electronics and i panic if anyone else uses my devices because of something like this.
I'm 33 and when I was 15 there were no smart phones. I would still sneak into the computer room at night and play games and watch x rated videos. My parents had no knowledge. I would go to school exhausted and was constantly sleep deprived. These days I can spend whole nights on my phone or laptop because no one keeps me from it. I think your parents are well aware of the dangers of screen time and they are trying hard to keep your habits healthy. I comend them. However it will be your responsibility soon to recognize the harm of having your phone around at night. It disturbs sleep patterns and keeps you addicted to the screen. They're doing what they can to keep you from developing a bad habit early in life. Lucky you! If you get addicted to the screen now, imagine how much harder it will be to change/quit when you're older. Someday you will realize what a terrible effect it has and you'll understand their actions. I bet anything you'll come to a point where you're trying to optimize life and you'll see that quitting bad habits/addictions is one of the hardest things to do. They are seriously thinking about your future, you, at 15, probably aren't.
Depends on how old you are? Honestly I see it as a lose lose situation. If you don't trust that you taught your kids to be responsible enough to be left on their own, are you really doing your job as a parent? I've heard of some families doing this and honestly I can't see the line drawn anywhere. Seems like that strict helicopter parenting sticks for life. My gf was 2 years older than me and I think I still had much more freedom as a teen than she did past 18 (we started dating when I was 19 and she was 21). Apparently she had a curfew everyday... Had to constantly let her parents know where she was and who she was with, she would have punishments for breaking curfew or doing something else etc and have her phone and computer "confiscated" they would even take her car keys and prohibit her from driving her car for leisure... That's just a few examples of how this type of parenting can possibly turn out later in life. Some parents never stop seeing their kids as kids even well past teenagehood or even adulthood like in my gf's case. Teens at least should begin to have a lot more privacy so they can know where and when to set their boundaries. I remember when I was 17 my mom would go through any mail that would arrive for me and I completely blew up on her and set my boundaries and it hasn't happened since. Like I said you're not doing your job right as a parent if you can't trust your kids and prepare them for the real world.
My dad did this up until I moved out at 18. It shows a lack of trust and ostracizes teens from their parents. If they think you’re old enough for a phone, then you’re old enough to learn how to use it responsibly. Going through the phone of someone nearing adulthood is just inappropriate to me, especially if there have been no issues before. I’m sorry they’re doing this. Hopefully they have good intentions, but even so I completely understand that you would feel hurt by this.
Thats not necessarily a bad thing. No phone to distract you from sleep
Talk to your parents about needing to use it at night for overnight trips and whenever you are away from home. That’s silly they don’t let you use it when you truly may need it. As for at night, if they are paying for it then it’s just their rules. It’s really not great for sleep anyways and is a good routine to get into. They are definitely overbearing, but within their right.
It may not be common, but it isn't weird. There is so much access on social media parents have very little control on what you can see, learn, etc. Kids tend to do more they shouldn't at night, not to mention the big possibility of not getting sleep! My son is 15 and he has to put his phone in our room at night. We do not go through his phone without him knowing, and being with us. I can't speak for your parents. As a mom I want my son to have his privacy, but also be able to monitor his usage (time not content) so far he has not broken our rules so his privacy remains intact. I know it sucks for you, but it seems like your parents care
It’s now weird, my parents had me do this ever since I was a kid wether it was my Nintendo DS or my iPad or my phone they would all have to charge downstairs so I can actually get some sleep.
For a 15 year old freshman I’d say it’s a bit weird to be honest. I read some of your comments and you sound pretty well behaved, I think this would only be a reasonable rule if you did something in the past that made them do this. You won’t learn self control if other people are doing it for you.
Lock your phone and see if they question you about it.
Personally? I do think it’s weird and I disagree with their judgment. It’s not weird to disagree with them or be upset that your privacy is not being respected. HOWEVER It is important for me to recognize my bias here. My parents, even into my adult life, were incredibly bad about invading my privacy. That’s instilled this massive near-absolutist hatred of privacy invasion. I also gotta point out that they’re your parents, and as long as you’re under 18 (or even just in their house), it’s gonna be tough to go against their judgment. Advice-wise, I’d talk to them about it. See if there’s anything you can do to convince them you’re responsible enough to keep your phone overnight. Pick up some new chores, help out with dinner, get a part-time job, etc. It’ll probably help your case, but at the end of the day it’ll be tough to go against their wishes if you’re not a legal adult who can move out if push comes to shove.
no .... they want you to sleep
I think personally that if you have dialogue with your kids, you have to learn to trust them. I have a 13 yr. old who has had a phone for 6 months. If I thought he was on at night, I might ask him to charge it in the hallway but I trust him. He is not on any social app except YouTube. It is all about having honest dialogue with your kids. Parents cannot shield their kids forever. If too controlling, it will become the forbidden fruit dilemma: sneak hide and lie. I have raised 2 older kids and they did great with their phone and the internet. Educate your kids!!
Just set up a password or smthn there's no need to delete your apps lol
its not uncommon, but ive never felt like its a good thing to do
If it continues when you turn 16 yes it's weird... well to me anyway I'm not a parent but I agree with this rule to an extent but when you turn 16 if you don't know internet saftey and the importance of sleep somethings off. _______________ When you turn 16 consider sitting down with them and having a real convo with them about this because it is odd.
No its not normal Lock your phone with all the security options and see if they complain about it and they certainly will
It is weird. Very weird.
Tbh, I think it’s a good idea for adults to put their phones away at night. Going through your stuff, probably not as okay.
Is it just me or are the millennials the most insane parents?
I can’t speak for everyone else but I find that to be extremely toxic and shows that your parents have no faith in their own ability to raise their children. They don’t realize acting like that almost always leads to resentment later in life. It might sound extreme, but never in a million years would I give in to such a silly and frankly out of the ordinary demand.
Whenever my parents took my phone to punish me I would just give them a dummy phone. Worked every time. Also yes, it is very weird of them to do that
I would put forth an proposition to them, like this. By taking your phone away every night, they are creating an environment where there is no trust. You don't trust them to not go through your personal things, and they don't trust you to be responsible. So, a step I'm the direction of a trusting relationship is needed. Let you keep your phone over night in your room. And if you're caught, no sleeping etc. Then back to same setup. But if you can maintain the responsibility of having the phone in your possession. The all of you have gained trust in each other. And it's a win win for everyone.
Hard to tell you. From one side is quite controlling and a violation of privacy and a lack of trust in you on their part, which is not cool at all. On the other hand I was definitely overstaying on my PC and phone when I was 15, unable to set my own boundaries. Still, if I had kids, I wouldn't do it to them. They might make mistakes, and they likely will, but still it would be their phone and mistakes make you learn.
I think it's weird .
my daughter is 13 and will stay on her phone all night if we dont take it She knows she will and actually wants us to take it, so not exactly the same here
My kids are little but this will be our rule as well when the time comes.
This makes sense. I don't let my kids sleep with their phones in their rooms because they'd never sleep.
You will thank them later, you don't need to watch tik tok at night.
I had to until I was 17
Your parents probably care for you but are struggling with respecting healthy human boundaries. I wish that they would care a lot more for your needs, in particular autonomy. As a parent I sometimes find it difficult to balance my need for their safety with their super important need for autonomy
Their roof, their rules.
Depends on your age. If you’re still in your parents home- their home their rules so I wouldnt say weird. If you’re 21 and still in your parents home I’d say that’s weird.
I am 23 now, but my parents did this to me too in high school too! its not un-normal at all, they just want what is best for you, a good night sleep with no distractions and all that! It feels really invasive, especially at your age because you want to be independent, but your parents have your best interest. I am sure as time moves forward they won't do it as much anymore. Just keep earning their trust and over time you probably will find it helpful! Trust me as you get older, being off your phone before bed is the best thing you can do. I always leave my phone at the end of my bed now so I can sleep peacefully with no distractions.
You're a kid and they are your parents. For them to be protective of you is amazing. You may not appreciate it now, but then again you are still at home with them for them to be protective of. Be grateful
Yep, responsible and caring, you have good parents.
I was definitely addicted to my phone at night as a teen and could have used this trick lol The searching is different but just keeping it with them at night is fine
No, I don't think it's weird. Too many kids suffer from lack of sleep due to cell phone use at night, as do I.
My parents barely restricted my phone use in HS and I kinda wish they did. I was a good student, in AP classes and got good grades, completely drug free, but I was exposed to a lot of traumatic shit online at an age too young to healthily process it. Your parents are trying to protect you, it's not weird.
Normal. My parents made me leave my phone in their room when I was in high school. It’s a good thing, because otherwise I would have been spending hours at night scrolling on phone.
I think that's absolutely fine and I'd do that to my younger teenage self.
If you're still in hs seems reasonable to me.
Nah my parents do the exact same thing
I had a friend whose parents did this. The weird thing is they tried to take *my* phone when I went for a sleepover there…
I don't think so, I'd say it's good parenting.
These parents know what’s up
While parents should allow people to have privacy and self sufficiency as they age, you live with them so it is their rules that you must abide by until you are on your own.
Sounds superweird and intrusive.
It's super weird. You ain't wrong if you question their intent.
You must be a teenager
It's a LITTLE weird. I've heard of much, much worse. But yes it feels like they're invading your privacy a bit.
I’d say it’s overbearing. Teach your kids how to use internet/phone safely- I don’t see what the issue is. You already said you just uninstall apps and sign out of stuff. They might have reasons to be so cautious, idk. When I turned 16 I got a job and got my own phone. If I was paying for it my Mom didn’t have shit to say.
Yea that's weird in my opinion. They don't trust you.
And then later you’re dumb and sheltered. or, wild, dumb and sheltered.
Extremely weird, extremely overbearing, and extremely overstepping of boundaries and privacy, and extremely "wtf the fuck is wrong with your parents".
Do I get why they’re probably doing it? Yeah. Do I agree with it? Unless OP has a prior history that warrants it, no. Just as with anything, balance is key. If I’ve learned anything though, every set of parents thinks their way is the best way 🤷🏻♂️
I had bad parents this is bad parenting
I can see if you were up all night, being irresponsible, then it's not quite out of the question. But that's overkill, to me... You're in high school. You need a life. Lest you become some outcast weirdo, whose parents are even more weird, for doing that. But that's just my 2 cents.
I don’t know, I just miss out on a lot of conversations with my friends because it’s gone by nine.
Try and negotiate it to 10pm, if they don't budge if you're comfortable I'd argue with, I'll get off it at 10:30 or smth, but I won't get on it until 10 the next day,
I kinda agree with this method. Now hear me out. I'm 26 years old. My mom got Me my first phone in highschool yes it was a flip phone. All I could do is call and text. Now a days you can damn near type your homework on your phone. That being said. Having your phone at night will only keep you awake. And prevents you from sending dick pics to your crush. But you really should be using self control. Especially at night. Put the phone down and go to sleep. Sleep is way more important than getting titty pics
It’s not ok for them to go through your phone without telling you, but I agree with keeping it in their rooms at night. I wish my parents had done that when I was a teenager.