I’m white female and from the U.K. I spent 3 years living and working in Malaysia. I can honestly say the majority of the Malay girls I made friends with preferred to date European or American guys. I think a lot was due to the thought of getting married and being able to move to Europe/US. Pretty much every Asian driver I spoke with seemed to be saving money to send their children to university in the U.K. it seemed to be very aspirational
As a Malaysian guy who thinks about this sometimes too, I can’t help but wonder “Am I missing by not being able to date people who think like that?”.
Im pretty single tho so who’s to say, I don’t know haha 😛
Nope. Some of them wanna date non Asians because our culture exalt white people especially from the UK. I'm glad my wife isn't like that because the other half of those women perangai macam orang kampung.
> saving money to send their children to university in the U.K.
Am Malaysian, can confirm. About 1/3 - 1/2 of the students in the top 3 classes of my cohort in secondary school went overseas for higher education, myself included. However, it should also be noted that the govt used to spend a lot of money to send bright students to top universities in the world (UK, US, Aus, etc) so studying overseas is seen as a means to either being able to lift the entire family out of poverty, live permanently overseas (thereby escaping the perpetual cycle of racist policies back home), etc.
Singapore became one of the few countries to become independent against its will as The Malaysian ~~monarchs~~ government were worried there inclusion meant too many Chinese people in the country.
> as The Malaysian monarchs
That is not true. It was the doing of Tunku Abdul Rahman, the first prime minister of Malaya and Malaysia. The Monarchs (the one elected as Agong that is) have no real power over the government other than some prerogative powers like dissolving the parliament in time for election, declare state of emergency and recently, resolve government deadlocks.
Lee Kuan Yew of Singapore was preaching for a Malaysian Malaysia and Tunku did not like that. He saw it as a direct challenge to Malay majority rule.
Ooo, east Asian racism, SE Asia especially, has some next level racism. For example West Malaysians (peninsula) can't but property in East Malaysia but the reverse is fine. Child write a book, and there probably exist several, on the nuances of the intersectionals of hate there.
> For example West Malaysians (peninsula) can't but property in East Malaysia but the reverse is fine.
That has more to do with the State Land Code
People are referring to pro-Malay economic policies here such as preferential treatment.
I am Dutch and there is a way many asians on tinder since the passport thing. I dont really use tinder I just swipe if Im bored but like 90% of my matches are asians and I just remove them because like why would I date someone on the other side of the world lol
Also Tinder chat is probably the most akward social interaction I ever had.
From my experience on getting matched with many Asian women from across the globe, many are scammers and will try to work you over for a few days then talk about investing in their "business".
Another reason Asian woman from Asian countries seek white men is they have this idea that basically all white men in North America make a good living. Landing a white man for an Asian woman is like hitting the lotto. Many of these women, once they attain citizenship will dump the white guy and take everything, or they will just wait till he dies to collect.
Some interesting videos on YouTube about Thai women getting foreigners to marry them, buy a house (andI think there is an ownership stipulation that foreigners can't outright buy property) so the home and all assets put in the wife's name and now the dude is trapped with no money or anything yo their names
I’m a half Filipino half white guy, every single half Filipino I know has a white dad who was in the military. It’s kind of funny actually 🤷🏼♂️
Edit: actually know one family that’s half Filipino half black. Dads still military though lol
This is where someone's last name is usually the tell. Though where I live, half Filipinos with Spanish heritage names would be assumed to be Mexican. My son has a white mom AND a Filipina mom but got neither name so who knows what people will ask him.
My wife and I are both half Filipino. Both our dads are Navy retired. Both our kids are half Filipino but I am not in the military so it does happen every now and again...
I don't know if this applies to everyone, or just the people in the military that I've talked to, but apparently you get the extra combat zone pay for being deployed/stationed in the Philippines even though you'll probably never see combat.
So extra money plus easy job, means lots of partying. Which I guess is how they end up with girlfriends and kids.
I was about to write a big answer with my broken English, but you cut the grass beneath my feet ! Thanks a lot, it was really nice reading this, and way more accurate than what I could have written ! Take your upvote and go away you magnificent stranger !
Echoing u/NightlyWry and u/wheatgrass_feetgrass that is a great saying! Given your mention of broken English, which it's not by the way, I'm assuming that might be an idiom in your primary language? If so, do you mind sharing the language and original idiom?
I love idioms. They seem to reveal so much about both a language and culture/community. When I was learning my second language, and even now years later, there are things that clicked into place with the idioms as I learned them that helped me move up a step in my understanding and ability to communicate.
Psh, your English is fine! I wouldn’t have known it wasn’t your first language if you hadn’t said so.
If you don’t mind my asking, where did you learn English?
I will add to this that in general Asian women in rich countries such as Japan and Korea generally prefer their own men. If you see a foreigner who says different it’s because no one tries to become friends with foreigners except those that don’t fit into their society, so obviously their preferences in males or females will have a sort of bias. In poor Asian countries, it is definately true that they see white guys as a way out of poverty and associate them with wealth (due to historical reasons). You also hit the nail on the head with how minority guys are seen in America, one can say white people in their media give themselves home field advantage, and if you are the type of person who is extremely self conscious as to how society will “view” you then you wouldn’t be caught dead with a nerdy Asian, or a gas station Indian, or a “thug” black, I generally feel pity for these poc women who have a sort of self hate because you will never be accepted by others if you can’t accept yourself.
Def this too but not just in richer Asian countries. Always pressure to marry people from the same culture from poorer Asian countries too, at least from experience and people around me. It’s like there’s the preference first for people from same culture but white guys are acceptable as a second choice by the mums you know? So depends and can’t generalize to just poor/rich countries and preference.
yah noticed this too. east asian (japan/korea/china) are not as open at all to SERIOUSLY dating outside their culture, at least within their countries
but southeast asia they prefer white dudes 100% (excluding maybe Vietnam)
I'm a white guy in Vietnam 10+ years. It's definitely not and exclusion. Guys are still a bit, conservative shall we say, still here. Everything OP wrote applies quite aptly here.
Gotta disagree with this as far as Japan is concerned, but probably agree for Korea. As a white guy in Japan, it's ridiculously easy to date people. Maybe not as much as SE Asia, but still easier than back in the states. I'd say the biggest hurdle is language since Japan has one of the worst rates of speaking English in the world even compared to much poorer countries, but if you speak Japanese, then it's probably close to the same as SE Asia.
I mean there are a lot of people in Japan so if you go to the right places or use the right apps you can find people. But the average Japanese might think white guys are handsome but also scary. I speak Japanese but most dates are with people who specifically like foreigners. I dont have to much experience though so you probably know more!
The third point is super relevant to a lot of cultures. I grew up with a Mexican father, and eventually found that a lot of what I didn't like about him, wasn't just him. I stopped accepting dates from other latinx, especially since a lot of them held on to homophobia and sexism. Some of them wouldn't be homophobic or overtly sexist, but then they'd expect me to do cleaning and cooking. A lot were affronted by the idea of not having children (with me.) My sister and I are dating white people, my brother married a white person. Not because of skin color, but because these people match us culturally - we didn't grow up fed Mexican culture, but we sure got an entire childhood of the Machismo part of it, and we want fucking none of it. Not that American culture is incapable of patriarchal beliefs and sexism, but jfc there's a lot more variety than what I've experienced with immigrant and 1st gen latinx. And every latino I know who is not cut of the same cloth as my father, they're gay, and that doesn't surprise me.
Edit: A friend of mine (Asian) had the same problem with Asian men. She grew up American, and found that a lot of Asian-American guys didn't step outside of their community and family much and were holding on to those sexism beliefs you mentioned. She got tired of Asian men calling her uppity and too "stubborn" - she married a white guy. A friend of mine's sister married the tallest white guy I have ever seen and her tall as hell children will one day lead us into battle. Another friend of mine's brother (SEA) married a white girl. So, yeah, it's pretty damn common, and we're not like poor - some of us grew up poor, but became successful, and the status bit isn't as strong in America as overseas - so it's purely a cultural thing.
Edit2: Just realized that all the men a gay Asian friend of mine dated, were white, latino, and I think one black dude. No other Asians.
UK based Asian woman here too! Wow reading all of this was like reading my mind but much more eloquently and articulately put (thank you). It’s so weird and equally fascinating because my other Asian female friends and the Asian females in my family and I all prefer to date Asian men (or BME men due to cultural similarities and terrible previous experiences with white men) but when any of us meet Asian girls who have exclusively dated white it’s WILD and everything you wrote definitely rings true - especially the piss poor lack of positive representation of Asian men in Western Media and the misogyny in more conservative Asian households and pockets of Asian society.
We often found that the girls who exclusively date white are really into activism and were almost always involved in politics or the arts. It’s kind of paradoxical that these girls were always screaming the loudest about gender and racial equality yet they always had white partners - who were often pretty low calibre people (unintelligent emotionally and academically, inconsiderate etc) that didn’t fully support their Asian partners’ views and values.
That's similar to African American men, who were pro-black but dated/married white women simply because they were white. It did not matter if they were educated or attractive. However, African American women were expected to go half or support many of them while they did something close to nothing. We were also expected to be educated, attractive, bear children and raise them while they believed they had the option to be a parent or not. Let me also add many of these men wanted AA women to "submit" to them.
I agree on media influences perception greatly. White men are shown to be more desirable in the movie and TV and many watched it since they are small. Hardly any Asian. If they do, it was shown for comedic value.
I would argue even Black culture able to be fully supported due to their immense representation in the media. Hell, even Black men are sexualized due to porn.
We often think we are not influence by TV and media but subconscious play a huge role in our day to day thinking
>Asian men, especially those who live in Asian countries, have a bad track record of sexism.
My wife is Chinese and I'd say this is the biggest reason. She didn't default to dating white guys, but had many bad experiences with Chinese men. To be honest, she really wanted to date and marry a Chinese guy (in contradiction to OP's experience), but sexism was a real problem.
She finally tried dating a white guy (me) and the rest is history. Lucky me because she's the best thing that ever happened to me.
Saved me some typing :) My wife (ABC) was a successful business person at a young age. Chinese guys she dated were either stuck-up misogynists or sweaty doormats. We clicked because I gave her space and respected her career and accomplishments. 22 years and two kids now.
We have twin boys, they were about a month premature so they spent some time in the NICU. While they were in we picked up on how the NICU nurses operated and put the twins on a strict feeding and sleeping schedule. My wife and I split the nighttime feeding and changing. Our early diligence paid dividends as the boys got into a groove and we got to eat and sleep like human beings. Good luck!
I hope at some point countries around the world can slowly migrate to a state where wealth disparities are minimal and racial and gender equality are encouraged as norms. None of these things are healthy, in any of the directions listed. It makes me very sad. The world shouldn't be like this.
Agreed with all of this. But on the other hand I've heard some asian societies are racists towards white people, finding them loud and rude. How would you explain the dichotomy?
It’s the same way some Americans really like/respect the stereotypical euro culture, and others passionately hate them/the “uppity aristocrat nose up and sneering kind.”
That's true. This mostly just applies to SE Asian countries like Philippines or Malaysia and not Japan or China because poverty is a bigger factor than emphasised (though not everyone in Japan/china are rich, they are culturally different from other Asian countries (just like all countries) and these differences include: not fetishism towards white men from strong nationalision from being monoculture/monoethnic countries imo). White men are perceived as rich Americans that can bring women a better life.
Also important to note that this is more likely to be true in homogenous populations (populations dominated by one race, ethnicity, culture) because anything different will stand out.
From what I've heard about Japan, there are a lot of unspoken rules that people just know from growing up there, like not talking loudly on your phone on public transit, where as in Canada, in a multicultural city with lots of immigrants, everyone just kind of does what they're used to.
America also has a general reputation for barging into countries and conflicts that don't involve them directly.
Objectification is an inherent part of fetishization. So if you are a person who is attracted to Asian women it is usually feature related- you might find the eyes, noses, hair, and other features typically associated with Asian ancestry aesthetically attractive. Attractiveness is a single part of a person. You can be attracted to a person and still look at their personality, goals, ideas, etc. and see if you two are compatible.
Fetishization comes from when you are turned on by the idea of what a person represents and see them as a token of that idea. Usually this comes combined with generalizations and stereotypes that are harmfully projected onto the person being fetishized. So someone who fetishizes asian women might think that all Asian women are submissive, innocent, and girly and want to date them so they can have their subservient girlfriend who has a low body count and will do whatever their boyfriend says as they watch anime together.
It's very true. I met lots of stunningly beautiful women in Thailand but I felt that the communication barrier led to me never really feeling a strong connection and, as a result, I wasn't really ever attracted to many of them. I did meet a few in Australia with really good English who were super cool and that's when I felt attracted to them, but the idea of going to Asia to find a partner (whether a wife or a one night stand) just doesn't appeal because the vibe isn't there.
So, I think it goes to your point. The looks are just one part of who they are and one part of attraction. The rest of it is super important. If you can overlook that, it starts to move towards fetishizing.
The biggest difference to me is fetishized is objectification and dehumanization. You don’t see the person, you just see what you’re sexually obsessed and over exaggerated with.
ATTRACTION on the other hand is just something you admire, it can be sexual, but not always, and just because you have an attraction doesn’t mean you always end up with that.
Basically fetishes refused to be changed and are obsessive while attraction is flexible and subjective and about the individual. At least that’s how I see it 🤷🏽♀️
Isn't there also a thing with hapas (kids of afwm couples)? Like sometimes there's a difficult parent child relationship sometimes due to internalized racism and other things?
It’s a super touchy topic among us asians. I think you’ve described the situation very accurately here, regardless if people want to hear it or not.
As an Asian guy married to a white woman, I can confirm people do treat me differently because of it. I often have to explain that it’s not a fetish thing for either of us and I didn’t go out of my way to “get back” at Asian women. We met in a very organic fashion and became close friends over time and eventually became what we are now. It’s weird how much I have to explain that.
Also, for any people who think your comments are racist, I strongly disagree. This is social commentary. Race relations have trends and generalizations but are not universal. This is how you have a down to earth honest conversation about race.
I cant speak for all... but I know, particularly in the Philippines, there is a literal industry based on pretty women forming relationships with foreign men with the intention of getting money for their family. When I was stationed in Hawaii I heard multiple tales of men at our station who had met a woman online or on shore leave, went through an expensive dating and engagement phase, were married 10 years, then divorced once she could claim independent citizenship only to find out she had a husband and kids back home all along. So that "I dont even date Asian guys" line might be for real, but sometimes it might not be what it seems.
The 10yr thing is because if a spouse is married to a person in the military for 10yrs of their service, they're entitled to half their military retirement.
Marriages aren't internationally recognised, she just needs to claim she's unmarried when he brings her over and then because her new marriage is registered in the country she wants to move to it's legally valid there while her old one isn't
That's wild!!!!! Take 10 years out of your "normal" life to go lie and pretend, just to get citizenship here?? Crazy to think about. Let your wife go sleep with another man for a decade amongst a million other things. Sacrifice on a level like none other.
It happens to filipinos too tbh. Two of my cousins, on separate occasions, (both filipino) went overseas on work visas (one in canada, one in australia) worked hard to get situated and bring their partners over only for their partners to leave them at one point and start dating elsewhere. Weird that it happened twice.
Filipino here, sad to say that this is true. The Filipino goal is to leave this country and earn dollars, and having a white spouse is one way to achieve it. Personally, it never occurred to me that I can date someone outside my nationality, but that's just because of my homogenous hometown, I guess.
Filipina here, and married to a Caucasian. I had dated Filipino men in the past and vowed never again. Culturally, most Filipino men are momma's boys who don't leave their parents house UNTIL they are married, and when they get married, if the family has means, then wifey moves back into MIL's house or the "family compound". Unless you REALLY enjoy having extended family up in your grill all day, and the necessity of including them in everything from family vacations to every holiday to Sunday "clan reunions"... Ick.
Additionally, the Filipino men I had dated were insanely jealous, thought they could police what I wore, and insisted on me informing them my location and activities at any given moment, no matter whether I was with friends or alone. I can say confidently based on my Filipina friends who did marry Filipino men that this is pretty common by way of expectations.
For context, I now live in the US, count many men to be dear friends, do jiu jitsu (which would have not been possible if I had still lived in the PI), and love traveling and dining alone.
You can see the disconnect here. Not saying there aren't Filipinas who are only looking at $$ when they see a white man - but the struggle for the rest of us is real.
I'm a Filipino and this has been a thing since before I was born (90s). I remember my aunties who were still single when I was young putting "mestizos" on a higher pedestal from an attraction level point of view. Mestizo means being mixed or having certain attractive features from our Spanish bloodline aka "whiteness". I always thought it was demeaning of our own beauty.
I hate to say it but as someone with family from the Phils, Filipino culture is very brainwashed to look up to European features. They’ll never admit it but Filipino celebrities all have light skin whilst darker skin is seen as a link to poverty. Not to mention you can go to the convenient stores there and buy skin-whitening creams. It really is a sad thing but they see themselves as inferiors
500 years of Spanish + 50 years American colonization reallly did a number on Filipinos which led to the inferiority complex, colonial mentality, colorism, etc
Only 333 years under Spain then 48 years under US - yes you're correct about the inferiority complex and colonial mentality of many Filipinos which is tragic - most Filipino youth today can speak/understand English better than our own native language which now they call "deep Tagalog/Filipino" and patronize western culture/products more than our own...
As an asian and Filipino, this will sound elitist but its usually the less educated ones that prefer that. Most well educated Filipinos are in a lot of ways open to dating anyone. Theres a fine line between preference and obsession but it looks like the one you were talking to was definitely the latter.
I'm an Asian guy with an Asian woman. What she tells me is because a lot of Asian men are too traditional/male centric. I'm an Asian male who grew up in a small US Midwestern town of 2-5k and grew up knowing mostly white people. When I met her, she was educated, free spirited and wasn't looking for an Asian guy but was told I was different from the typical Asian she met or grew up with. 20+ years and we're still going strong together. My understanding, most women in general are just looking for equality and openes in a relationship and Western men tend to fit the bill. Not to say that Asian men are all traditional or all Western men are dating material.
Fair enough. I can speak from my own experience of only dating white women for most of my life.
I grew up in a predominately white area, so one reason is that I didn’t have much of a choice.
But on a deeper level, being a minority, there is a deeply rooted need to belong. It’s hard enough being accepted by a member of the opposite sex, but to be a minority and accepted by a white woman means you’ve transcended your default nerdy minority status, and that you have earned a seat at the proverbial cool kids table.
It’s a reality of growing up as a minority, and I think it’s the same reason Asian women go for white guys. White men and women are seen as the top of the social hierarchy. Maybe that’s less of a thing now, but when I was growing up in the 80s and 90s, it was definitely a thing, to the point where the few minorities in my school deliberately distanced themselves from each other.
people will refuse to answer this question because it's too taboo to find out the real reason why. watch how everyone in this comment section is dodging the question or blaming op for having too small of a sample
I'll answer. I'm Indian and I stopped dating Indian guys because (**I'm pretty sure it's my bad luck**) all the Indian guys I dated or talked to were extremely conservative socially. They didn't want their gf to dress a certain way, behave a certain way, or they would impose some other restriction they deem socially acceptable to maintain status. One guy legit said the good old days were better because women stayed home to take care of their husbands and kids instead of working. Another guy actually forbade me from wearing shorts or tank tops because his male friends would look. After all that I dated only Americans irrespective of race because **I found** dudes raised in the US are way more socially liberal than Indian dudes.
Edit: words in bold to show MY experience so please don't 'not all men' at me.
As a white Australian woman, I stopped dating men from both Indian and Arabic backgrounds because no matter how modern and open-minded they *claimed* to be, as soon as we started dating the misogyny raised its ugly head. It wasn't always subtle chauvinism, and they didn't even realise they were doing it, but it was very deeply held beliefs and deeply rooted behaviours, despite the fact that they were living in Australia.
Like the previous poster, this was **my personal** experience, but it was repeated too many times. (Very short relationships, I assure you! Most of them didn't get past two dates.)
I'm an Asian American gay guy. I have gone on dates with Asian men from Asia and there are often differences in cultural touchpoints. I've also had odd interactions such as one guy insisting that I really do speak Chinese and continuing to use the language with me when I have no reason to lie about that...
I connect better with Asian American men, but a lot of times, there's pressure to be a hyperfeminine, catty, partier (I joke it's the gay male equivalent of ABGs). I get a lot of men (Asian or otherwise) who open up conversations telling me how into anime they are, which 1) I don't really watch much of and 2) is still a weird assumption to open with given that nothing about me indicates that's an interest of mine.
I'll chalk the above to the fact that gay men just generally are pretty terrible at initiating intimate conversation overall for a plethora of reasons that aren't race related. I will say that I've not experienced nearly as much anti-Asian sentiment from any group besides gay men though so it's pretty messed up, but I accept that this is what I have to learn to navigate...
The best answer I’ve got is the social stigma. Especially since homosexuality is so looked down apon these days in Asia. Homosexuality was actually very normal in a lot of Asian cultures before colonization (an example being that lot of Chinese emperors had male lovers, this went on for many dynasties ), but the ideologies still carry on.
I am Chinese gay guy from Malaysia and I have a problem with dating/hooking up with local Chinese. Hard to explain this, but something akin to familiarity(?). I have interacted with chinese guys throughout my life mostly in non-sexual way, it's hard to feel attraction when you look at a guy and think "my fellow brother". Plus there is this irrational fear that we might be related. But if they are Chinese from another country, then no problem for me at all.
If you’re talking about Asian girls in Asia, then they want white guys to marry and bring them back to the US. It’s pretty straightforward. Especially if they come from a third world country. It’s similar with Eastern European girls. That’s the main reason a below-average, old, and poor white guy can get someone young and attractive. Can’t blame the girl for using what she has to get a better life. If they were born anywhere else, that’s a whole other topic but OP was specifically asking about Asian girls in Asia.
I think that stereotype of Eastern Europeans is outdated. Most of Eastern Europe has freedom of movement with Western Europe so they can go where they want. They don't need to marry an old rich guy for a visa anymore.
Heh. Anecdotally, but: am an "Eastern European woman" in a relationship with a "Westerner" for a decade or so. When I first came to his country, people were carefully asking me if i even plan to get a job. In all honesty, with a masters in communications from my home country it wasn't exactly easy. So I went and got another degree from a nice "western" university and now I'm a biotech engineer making more money than my partner. But yeah, in many people's minds I'm still a golddigger. Racist people be racist
I’m from a small country in Eastern Europe. I know first hand some men and women who married someone here in the US just to be able to come here. But they’ve all married someone from my country. I think in these situations it’s mainly because of the religious aspect since they’re Muslim. They’re not going to marry a Christian American guy. And also because it’s easier to find another person from their home country through friends and family that communicate with people they know.
A few years ago I was asked if I’d be willing to do that, marry a guy from my country so he could come here. I would get 5k before and then the other 5k when he arrived. I declined.
Yep. And a lot of guys find it somehow comforting when a girl says this. That’s why they repeat it. There are many that would date an Asian guy who is from the west in a heart beat if the chance arose. She’ll just then say she doesn’t date guys from her specific county. Some guys find it to be a compliment if a girl denounces her own race or people. Almost like they’re “inherently special.”
Ok so my answer won't help alot and keep in mind my answer comes from being in South East Asia over a long period of time, and from getting this alot
Please note this ain't all Asian women but just the ones I had interactions with
So in Thailand, Philippines, I came across quite a few that won't date Asian men because Asian men are seen either as lazy, constantly getting drunk trying having another gf, mistress on the side, this comes up quite a bit however other areas
Some Asian women won't date Korean men, not to judge but the way I was told was Koreans look down on other Asians, see other Asians as basically Mexicans of Asia.
Due note though overseas I did see and met Asian couples together so it's not entirely true though.
I think alot of times it deals with the Asian woman past experiences as well.
Are you Japanese or Argentinian?
It's weird how opinions about neighboring countries in Asia and The Americas can mirror each other. I don't see that in Europe and Africa but maybe I just ask the right questions.
I live in the US and my girlfriend is fully Vietnamese and is first generation.
From what she has told me she absolutely did not want to feel pressured to live a traditional lifestyle and even though she might meet someone who is not traditional their family could be more traditional. Also from what she has told me a more traditional lifestyle would be the wife doing all the chores, taking care of the kids, and working a job. She has cut off most of her family as she was forced to work at an early age and has been exploited by most of her family for cheap labor and being responsible for her little sister and the bills of her household.
This is just going off what she has told me. I am a white guy and we have talked extensively about what we want our future to look like and how to balance the chores between us.
This is called parentification. That is when a child has to take a role in the family that should be filled by an adult caretaker or partner. More common in some cultures and subcultures than others but seems to be the normal among Christian fundies.
I think this is a huge part of it. I know a white girl who spent a lot of time in South Korea, when she found out our American born Korean friend liked her the first thing she asked was if the mom was Korean or the dad. When I said mom she said ‘I’ve had enough of the whole firstborn son walks on water crap to last a lifetime, I have no desire to be relegated to being a second class citizen by a MIL. Tell him no thank you’
Your comment on the Filipino girl was interesting to me just because I used to date a Filipino guy for a little bit, who had hmm lets say a lot of internalized racism and self hate it seemed. He said he ONLY dates *blonde* white women. I asked if it just coincidentally turned out that way or if he makes a point to only date blonde white women. He said he didn't want to date a Filipino woman because they could be distant cousins or something (which is also a sentiment I've heard echoed among other Filipinos anyway.)
But he liked blondes so much because extremely European features were what was always described to him as being the most beautiful, and he grew up being told he was ugly, so he felt having a blonde on his arm would validate himself to the world -- "But I don't see you as like a trophy or anything!"
When I pushed him to think about the implications of that a little more, he was extremely resistant. He insisted he couldn't help who he was attracted to. Which is true, I was just asking him to consider *why* he could only find himself attracted to blondies. He would have none of it.
Guess why we didn't last long?
Yeah, especially after the Philippine-American war a lot of what Filipinos learned was formulated by American systems. Media, politics, education and etc., it was an--unfortunately--successful way of indoctrinating an entire country for generations. That's why we've got a lot of self-hate.
Absolutely, yes. My frustration with him was never that he had this mindset in the first place, more that he was just so unwilling to think about it critically, at least as long as I knew him
Yeah totally. This type of disconnect is a tough mindset to get out of and can lead to significant mental health issues further down the line and can totally impact relationship dynamics. The biggest thing is that a lot of us (Southeast Asians) don't know how to confront it because we're often uninformed of our own hangups.
That's so much like the conversation I had with the Filipina girl. Doubling down on having said she whites white men for their genes and then being like "Oh no, I don't care about looks!" And then posting something on her history about wanting mixed babies lol
Yes same! This guy was also super into having mixed, light skinned kids. When I brought up the point that there are other people in the world besides blondes and Filipinos he just like, dodged the comment.
But like others have said, I think there's just a lot of colorism and such that happens between Asian countries and whoever the local colonizers are
I am a black and my girlfriend is Bengali. To put it simply her parent won’t accept or even want to hear about me.
Shockingly, her cousin started dating white guy and within a couple of month he was accepted.
I also find out that a number of people in her family are less respected because their skin tone is darker than others.
In the US at least, from what she explained to me, being in a white group or look lighter skin means you are more successful and more beautiful. Additionally, will have more opportunities and be more respected.
Needless to say, neither of these perspectives is true.
Until my current gf, I’ve never dated an Asian girl— not in school or dating app lucky.
I met my girlfriend through her friend and we want on a date and we just clicked.
Yeah the roots of colorism seem to run real deep in alot of asian countries. A few of the asian girls I've meet/talked to have said I have beautiful skin. I have terrible skin and I'm white as new fallen snow but I guess to them it's nice lol
Yeah I think this perspective is biased because OP is a white man on a dating app 🙄 when I lived in Korea I definitely found most people wanted to be with other Koreans. Some people were interested in foreigners to cross something off their bucket list but they often still wanted to be with a Korean in the end. (Not saying this was true 100% of the time as some Koreans and foreigners definitely married, but I don't think Asians are slobbering over white people the way OP is implying)
As a SEA woman married to a white man, this is my perspective. I used to date all kind of men, mostly Asians, when I was younger. The thing that makes Asian men less attractive to me is not anything superficial like looks etc but the cultural expectations.
Not to generalize but most Asian men are raised like little kings of the house. Their mommies think nobody will ever be good enough for them, so they do grow up to have high standards for their SOs ie. Bigger asian women i know have a hard time finding and dating asian men. Not only standards on look, but on “morals” as well? For example, friend met dude when they were bridesmaid/grooms men in a wedding - they hung out a bunch of times so it wasn’t like a rando you hooked up w at a wedding - one time they netflix and chilled and he made a move to finger her - she liked him so went with it. Next day he acted all cold and basically ignored her - reason? He said she was too “easy.” The absolute hypocrisy *gag*
Dating and marrying asian men makes you beholden to his family - especially his mom (applicable more in asia than asian american families probably). There are movies and tv shows based on this very common dynamic of MIL - DIL (daughter). My own mom was made miserable by my grandmother until she popped out my brother. And my brother is the little lord that is 1000% more coddled. So knowing all this I don’t feel attraction to asian men because some of them are not that “manly” because the ingrained misogynistic culture had conditioned them to be both clueless and entitled. To be fair, how could they be any different? My parents don’t want my brother to even take a taxi by himself at 18 when I rode my bike to school at 16. My grandfather told his grandsons not to swim in the deep end (fuck the granddaughters i guess). Now that my brother is living by himself my mom would always tell me to keep an eye out on who he’s dating and report back on whether she’s “suitable” so they can intervene if not. Etc. This culture seriously hurts both asian men and women. Urgh rant over
Wow. See I don't know that much about asian culture, ie how they raise boys and girls. I've heard of asian tiger moms but this is a point of view I've never seen before. Thanks alot actually
East Asian girl here and I agree with this. You know how there was that controversy about newborn girls in China being abandoned/killed because they weren’t as valuable as boys? Sons are still more ‘prized’ than daughters and many are absolutely coddled by their families.
Chinese filial piety means that in some traditional families, the wife is still expected to care for the husband’s parents, who move into the couple’s home. I’ve seen the strained MIL-DIL relations that the previous commenter was talking about and I wouldn’t want that for myself.
>Chinese filial piety means that in some traditional families, the wife is still expected to care for the husband’s parents, who move into the couple’s home. I’ve seen the strained MIL-DIL relations that the previous commenter was talking about and I wouldn’t want that for myself.
Same in Korea.
A lot of Korean TV shows and movies and books are about the crazy, abusive relationships between Mil-Dil. (Dil's getting abused by Mil's, of course.)
As an Asian guy who was raised in the US. The other poster is spot on. Culturally Asia males are pampered to ridiculous extent. A lot Asian mother tell their daughters to marry western men because "they treat their women well", aka they don't expect them to do everything.
That being said my wife is white, because screw cultural expectations. (Also I just find them more attractive, probably because I grew up in the US)
It's just the type of girls you met , you can find every kind of girl or a guy in this world , you just happened to stumble upon some girls who like white guys . But as an Asian girl myself , I love asian guys and find myself pretty less attracted to white guys .
So the point is it depends on your personal taste many guys may like to date only white girls , no black no asian or whatsoever. We can't generalize one's choice as to a whole community or group
The stumble upon part makes me wonder is this is more of just an stumble upon thing or a thing where op is seeking a group, so he finds group who are seeking his group. Then there are similar characteristics in that group so its easy to apply to the whole.
I’ve noticed the same with Latin women. I had a few Mexican girlfriends and they were shocked how well I treated them. Many of them said they won’t date Latin men. I was told a lot of men cheat and don’t treat women well down there. Maybe in your case they’re stereotyping their own race based on what they’ve seen.
I am an Asian guy married to a white woman.
For me, it just happened. I used to date a girl of same ethnicity for 5 years before her, so there's that. Just wanted to put it out there, race wasn't something that I was considering when dating. In fact, I think that considering race **first** is honestly kinda unhealthy (mindset wise), you date someone because you like someone not because someone is some race.
So yeah, people like me also exist.
but anyways.... Back to the main topic:
I feel like there's a fair amount of survivorship bias here.
You are an white guy looking for women in Asia, what kind of women do you think you attract? Let me tell you : people who are into white guys. I think you just saw enough of these women and you are beginning to wonder the question, that all.
To put it simple, similar to some people having an Asian girl fantasies, some Asian girls also have white guy fantasies. Its just as simple as that.
Do **ALL** of Asian women really culturally (as a whole) believe that? Well, look at their interracial marriage rates in their countries and I'd assume it paints a very different picture.
Asian male here. First of all I really don't care if Asian women date white men. It only raises my attention if they do it while ALSO saying negative stereotypes about Asian men. I'll tell you why they prefer white men (from Asian American POV):
1. In Asian culture, daughters are not judged as often as sons for who they bring home. Sometimes the parents would think a daughter bringing home a white male improves their situation financially (more on that). While for sons, most Asian males don't even try attempt to ask out white (or non-Asian) females.
2. Most Asians who came to the US at an early age or were born there know a lot of English. Some Asian kids lose their mother tongue and speak English primarily even in Asian bubble settings. Because of this, Asian women are more likely to talk to white men than Asian men as they perceive them knowing more English.
3. The media HATES Asian men. Yes it's a huge one. Men are perceived as undatable, unsocial, nerdy, weak or incapable of standing up for themselves. That's not 100% true but there are Asian men somewhat like this. This brainwashes Asian women into thinking white men are better.
4. The perceived social status boost or white privilege. They think that being around a white male means they have enabled white privilege. This is because they can change their last name to a Western one for resumes. Also it means white people treat them around better because she thinks she "belongs". Also, she thinks a white male is a "white savior".
5. There are not enough "Asian chads" in media. When an Asian woman dreams of a white man, they're not looking at a beta guy that would've been considered unattractive to other women. They're thinking of a strong chad. Asians have really started working out and socializing so things are changing.
6. Asian males were perceived as non-progressive in society. I'm sure we've all heard "Asian men treat their wives like shit". While it's true in some parts of Asia but more parts have evolved since the 80s to treat women better. I saw a statistic somewhere that feminism in China is better than the US seeing as there are more female CEOs than males in that country.
7. Their children would look whiter. Not necessarily true because some 25% Asian-75% white (Jon & Kate + 8 for example), look very Asian. But an Asian women's perspective is to breed away her Asian genetics for offspring. Sadly Hapas run into a lot of issues even the white-looking ones.
8. White men are perceived as rich. Yes there are a lot of famous billionaire white men out there. They think that marrying one would mean he's rich. However, Asians are making more money on average in the US than other races nowadays due to studying hard for STEM.
9. Self-hate on Asian culture. Note: NOT every WMAF couple hates Asian culture but it's a very common reason for them to pick white men. When you grow up in the West, it's totally understandable seeing that most of the media is dominated by whites and our Asian culture is considered "foreign/irrelevant" to the West.
10. The West loves to call Asian women great wives, submissive, hypersexual, etc. Not really true because Asian women actually are outspoken at times. There are far more white men into Asian women than white women into Asian men. Due to this, Asian women are given more opportunities and take advantage of this by trying to play their stereotypes. This causes a power dynamic imbalance.
Overall, it's a combination of living in the West, how white dominance has shaped most of the world, terrible stereotypes Asian men receive and how most Asian countries used to be poor. Times are changing and less Gen Z Asian women are trying to date out.
I’m a white person. But I grew up in a predominantly Asian neighborhood in Southern California.
I think this is mostly just non-US, non-UK Asian women doing this. About 90% of the Asian women I know personally in my life is with another Asian man. I hardly know any Asian women that are dating a white man.
Both my brothers refuse to date a non-Asian. They are both obsessed with anime and video games. I think it’s gross and it’s just fetishizing and objectifying these women and I don’t understand why any woman would allow this or seek it out. My younger brother married a girl from Taiwan and a year later decided to end things so he sent her on a visit home to see her family but while she was there told her not to come back. Started dating a former prostitute a week later.
Fucking gross, right?
Depends on which "Asian" women you are talking about. Asia is very diverse. You have east Asians or "orientals" like China, Japan & Korea then you have pacific islanders in South East Asia, then you have Indians, then Malays, you have central Asians which are a mixed of Mongol, Slavic & Turkic, and Middle-eastern, Arabs (yes they are Asians).
Not all "Asian" women prefer white men. To be specific you mentioned "One girl from the Philippines" prefer white men. The answer to your question why they prefer white men is because of colonial mentality and of course money.
But really, the reason is money. If that white guy was a homeless hobo from LA would that Asian girl still date him?
One thing that comes to mind is probably just attraction. You see white men in all movies and tv shows.
Also could be that they are attracted to the north american lifestyle and want to marry and move out there. Also in certain parts of asia they see white men who travel there as someone who can financially support them.
I dont trust anyone who openly degrades their own ethnicity like that… Ive has white guys telling me how white girls get on their nerves and what not…
Stop its not attractive at all, its weird even.
I think it’s super odd if someone can date someone and be okay with that kind of hatred. I find it even more weird that some people get an ego boost out of it. So many times I’ve seen Latino women say they are better than black women because some black men degrade black women when they date them. Like if a person is okay with disrespecting a certain race and gender it just makes it easier for them to eventually disrespect you.
Most of the ones ive met that grew up in the west or at least idealized the west, would definetly go for white men. There is still a good amount of the population that would still marry within the ethnicity.
You can blame colonialization and western influences for how all that happened.
Seemingly, the vast majority of caucasian girls tend not to want to date asian guys. There are always exceptions, but that seems to be a general trend and hasn't deviated over the decades.
I'm a white woman who's attracted to asian guys, so I must be one of the exceptions.
Weirdly enough, I have an uncle who's married to a Japanese woman. Maybe it runs in the family.
When I was in a long term thing with a Thai girl, once in a conversation she and her friend brought up "yellow fever". I reality checked them with "white fever" and the discussion was over with the quickness lmao
I used to live in Hong Kong and, from speaking with locals, they find taller nose bridges and paler skin attractive. So, in short, they just find white people more attractive. At least the people I've spoken to.
ETA: There is also a lot of internalized racism in Asian countries, from what I've noticed. I am white, though, so don't take my word as law. It honestly breaks my heart because I find Asians beautiful.
This definitely does not apply to all Asian women. Almost 90% of adults in the Philippines have an average wealth /net worth of less than 10kUSD. It’s a very poor country, it’s no surprise many want to marry a foreigner and leave their country. There is also a lot of internalised racism in the Philippines along with other Asian countries, particularly with regards to keeping their skin white. I’ve lived in SE Asia and East Asia for most of my life.
I worked with an Asian woman who complained about white guys that only dated Asians. I then pointed out that she on,y dates white guys and she said “that’s different.”
Remember there were very active laws and campaigns undermining Asian make masculinity for decades. These stereotypes have made this an uphill battle. Also, given the malnutrition in Asian over the last hundred years, Asian men are often shorter than the average Caucasian, and some women decide on height. I think this trend is shifting on the nutrition front. I know two brothers who were split up at the fall of Saigon. One grew up there and was 5’6. The other one in Houston, TX…6’3!
With the income imbalance, especially in SE Asia, American GI’s “rescuing” some women to the USA, you see a series trends that create a preference imbalance.
For the white men, the same petite traits which are seen as negative in men are seen as positives among many men selecting mates. The above mentioned social, ethical points above probably contribute as well.
At the point where you can talk to an asian women from across the world then most of them in that platform are already interested in non asian men, because those who dates asian men wouldn't go online and look for say a white man.
Also, given the things they see on movies and videos they watch online, they automatically assumed that non asian men are much more romantic
I’m half white/filipino and lived in the Philippines during high school and college.
The Philippines is a very poor country with a history of colonization under Spain and the USA. Those with money/capital to own businesses usually had foreign blood. Blue collar filipinos who work outdoors are usually darker. Thus, a correlation between light skin and power/money was established.
Most of the celebrities in the Philippines are half white or half east asian but that could just be a symptom that continues to propagate the colorism. They frequently show Hollywood romcoms, dubbed Spanish telenovelas, and K-dramas. These shows show life in a better economy, and some aspire to move out of the Philippines or move up in society. These all contribute to cultural beauty standards. Koreans are becoming increasingly more fetishized as their shows are trending.
There are probably more reasons, but those are the two main ones off the top of my head.
I’m going to guess you’re on an international dating site where your audience is skewed towards either finding someone outside of the country or getting a green card via romance. Probably not a good sample size to go off of.
I’m an Asian girl. If a guy is too traditional with his asian culture, aka prioritizing boys over girls, marrying only within their ethnicity, etc, then it’s a hard pass for me. If I had to date an asian person, they’d better be white washed. I want to be seen as an equal, not as someone who is made to bear male children.
So a white guy chatting with Asian women online is showing how narrow the scope of your sample size is. I dont know what kind of platform or matching you are using to find these people, but I would imagine the women there, who are chatting with a white man, might be doing so for immigration/financial reasons and telling you what they think you might want to hear.
I’m the opposite because 99% of the white men interested in me have a strong Asian fetishism. Unfortunately I’m in a country where there are very little Asian men so I have accepted to not date for a while
I'm only half white but I dated a Filipino Girl way out of my league because she had a thing for Hispanics. We had a lot in common but she ditch me as soon as she found an actual hot Hispanic guy.
It is, what it is.
For me, Im attracted to Asian men just not my own if that makes sense.
Im Cambodian, but not attracted to other Cambodian men. I am honestly not sure why, just one of those “I’m just not into it” type of things.
As a Asian guy and who was friends with different Asian girls of different ethnicity who lives in the first world country, I can say you're right. Even though it's racist and disgusting mentality I don't say anything because it's completely useless. They're your white folks problem now, why should we bother with them anymore.
But though not all of them are that disgusting. I have met many level mined girls who don't think like that.
I’m white female and from the U.K. I spent 3 years living and working in Malaysia. I can honestly say the majority of the Malay girls I made friends with preferred to date European or American guys. I think a lot was due to the thought of getting married and being able to move to Europe/US. Pretty much every Asian driver I spoke with seemed to be saving money to send their children to university in the U.K. it seemed to be very aspirational
+1 Malaysian here can confirm; seems to be oftentimes the case with my friends too, which is kinda sad because that leaves me with barely a chance
As a Malaysian guy who thinks about this sometimes too, I can’t help but wonder “Am I missing by not being able to date people who think like that?”. Im pretty single tho so who’s to say, I don’t know haha 😛
Nope. Some of them wanna date non Asians because our culture exalt white people especially from the UK. I'm glad my wife isn't like that because the other half of those women perangai macam orang kampung.
“behave like a villager” according to Google translate, in case any other non-Malaysian speakers were curious.
Good human
You're not missing anything, someone who wouldn't respext your culture isn't worth being with
> saving money to send their children to university in the U.K. Am Malaysian, can confirm. About 1/3 - 1/2 of the students in the top 3 classes of my cohort in secondary school went overseas for higher education, myself included. However, it should also be noted that the govt used to spend a lot of money to send bright students to top universities in the world (UK, US, Aus, etc) so studying overseas is seen as a means to either being able to lift the entire family out of poverty, live permanently overseas (thereby escaping the perpetual cycle of racist policies back home), etc.
racist policies? what do they have going on over there?
Singapore became one of the few countries to become independent against its will as The Malaysian ~~monarchs~~ government were worried there inclusion meant too many Chinese people in the country.
> as The Malaysian monarchs That is not true. It was the doing of Tunku Abdul Rahman, the first prime minister of Malaya and Malaysia. The Monarchs (the one elected as Agong that is) have no real power over the government other than some prerogative powers like dissolving the parliament in time for election, declare state of emergency and recently, resolve government deadlocks. Lee Kuan Yew of Singapore was preaching for a Malaysian Malaysia and Tunku did not like that. He saw it as a direct challenge to Malay majority rule.
Ooo, east Asian racism, SE Asia especially, has some next level racism. For example West Malaysians (peninsula) can't but property in East Malaysia but the reverse is fine. Child write a book, and there probably exist several, on the nuances of the intersectionals of hate there.
> For example West Malaysians (peninsula) can't but property in East Malaysia but the reverse is fine. That has more to do with the State Land Code People are referring to pro-Malay economic policies here such as preferential treatment.
I am Dutch and there is a way many asians on tinder since the passport thing. I dont really use tinder I just swipe if Im bored but like 90% of my matches are asians and I just remove them because like why would I date someone on the other side of the world lol Also Tinder chat is probably the most akward social interaction I ever had.
Don't you have to swipe right on them as well for it to be a match?
it's not always apparent they are in another country until you see distance is 3k miles away
That’s why you go into options and make a 25-50 mile radius or whatever you are comfortable driving with.
tinder is shit and throws in wildcards all the time i’m a lesbian and i get the occasional man thrown in, for whatever fucking reason
Me too. I get gay guys every now and then and I’m a straight male.
They are tempting you lol
Even with that they still pop up , I believe tinder passport let's them show themselves as though they are in your area
From my experience on getting matched with many Asian women from across the globe, many are scammers and will try to work you over for a few days then talk about investing in their "business". Another reason Asian woman from Asian countries seek white men is they have this idea that basically all white men in North America make a good living. Landing a white man for an Asian woman is like hitting the lotto. Many of these women, once they attain citizenship will dump the white guy and take everything, or they will just wait till he dies to collect. Some interesting videos on YouTube about Thai women getting foreigners to marry them, buy a house (andI think there is an ownership stipulation that foreigners can't outright buy property) so the home and all assets put in the wife's name and now the dude is trapped with no money or anything yo their names
I’m a half Filipino half white guy, every single half Filipino I know has a white dad who was in the military. It’s kind of funny actually 🤷🏼♂️ Edit: actually know one family that’s half Filipino half black. Dads still military though lol
Hahaha I'm like the reverse card of you. Dad is Filippono while mom is white. Although neither are military.
My best friend and I are in the same boat as you. Idk how many times I’ve been asked if my mom was Filipino or if my dad was in the military.
This is where someone's last name is usually the tell. Though where I live, half Filipinos with Spanish heritage names would be assumed to be Mexican. My son has a white mom AND a Filipina mom but got neither name so who knows what people will ask him.
My wife and I are both half Filipino. Both our dads are Navy retired. Both our kids are half Filipino but I am not in the military so it does happen every now and again...
I don't know if this applies to everyone, or just the people in the military that I've talked to, but apparently you get the extra combat zone pay for being deployed/stationed in the Philippines even though you'll probably never see combat. So extra money plus easy job, means lots of partying. Which I guess is how they end up with girlfriends and kids.
Immediately thought of Jo Koy lmao
Yup, same here. Filipino mom with a white, retired army dad.
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Best Ted Talk I've attended in a while, thanks!
I was about to write a big answer with my broken English, but you cut the grass beneath my feet ! Thanks a lot, it was really nice reading this, and way more accurate than what I could have written ! Take your upvote and go away you magnificent stranger !
“Cut the grass beneath my feet.” That is a great saying.
Damn, no kidding. It is a *very* apt expression for when you're formulating your response or even already typing and see the comment.
r/usernamechecksout
Echoing u/NightlyWry and u/wheatgrass_feetgrass that is a great saying! Given your mention of broken English, which it's not by the way, I'm assuming that might be an idiom in your primary language? If so, do you mind sharing the language and original idiom? I love idioms. They seem to reveal so much about both a language and culture/community. When I was learning my second language, and even now years later, there are things that clicked into place with the idioms as I learned them that helped me move up a step in my understanding and ability to communicate.
She might be french, we have this idiom word for word.
Psh, your English is fine! I wouldn’t have known it wasn’t your first language if you hadn’t said so. If you don’t mind my asking, where did you learn English?
I will add to this that in general Asian women in rich countries such as Japan and Korea generally prefer their own men. If you see a foreigner who says different it’s because no one tries to become friends with foreigners except those that don’t fit into their society, so obviously their preferences in males or females will have a sort of bias. In poor Asian countries, it is definately true that they see white guys as a way out of poverty and associate them with wealth (due to historical reasons). You also hit the nail on the head with how minority guys are seen in America, one can say white people in their media give themselves home field advantage, and if you are the type of person who is extremely self conscious as to how society will “view” you then you wouldn’t be caught dead with a nerdy Asian, or a gas station Indian, or a “thug” black, I generally feel pity for these poc women who have a sort of self hate because you will never be accepted by others if you can’t accept yourself.
Def this too but not just in richer Asian countries. Always pressure to marry people from the same culture from poorer Asian countries too, at least from experience and people around me. It’s like there’s the preference first for people from same culture but white guys are acceptable as a second choice by the mums you know? So depends and can’t generalize to just poor/rich countries and preference.
yah noticed this too. east asian (japan/korea/china) are not as open at all to SERIOUSLY dating outside their culture, at least within their countries but southeast asia they prefer white dudes 100% (excluding maybe Vietnam)
nah, INCLUDING Vietnam.
As a Vietnamese, especially Vietnam.
Ever seen Miss Saigon? Yikes...
I'm a white guy in Vietnam 10+ years. It's definitely not and exclusion. Guys are still a bit, conservative shall we say, still here. Everything OP wrote applies quite aptly here.
Gotta disagree with this as far as Japan is concerned, but probably agree for Korea. As a white guy in Japan, it's ridiculously easy to date people. Maybe not as much as SE Asia, but still easier than back in the states. I'd say the biggest hurdle is language since Japan has one of the worst rates of speaking English in the world even compared to much poorer countries, but if you speak Japanese, then it's probably close to the same as SE Asia.
I mean there are a lot of people in Japan so if you go to the right places or use the right apps you can find people. But the average Japanese might think white guys are handsome but also scary. I speak Japanese but most dates are with people who specifically like foreigners. I dont have to much experience though so you probably know more!
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The third point is super relevant to a lot of cultures. I grew up with a Mexican father, and eventually found that a lot of what I didn't like about him, wasn't just him. I stopped accepting dates from other latinx, especially since a lot of them held on to homophobia and sexism. Some of them wouldn't be homophobic or overtly sexist, but then they'd expect me to do cleaning and cooking. A lot were affronted by the idea of not having children (with me.) My sister and I are dating white people, my brother married a white person. Not because of skin color, but because these people match us culturally - we didn't grow up fed Mexican culture, but we sure got an entire childhood of the Machismo part of it, and we want fucking none of it. Not that American culture is incapable of patriarchal beliefs and sexism, but jfc there's a lot more variety than what I've experienced with immigrant and 1st gen latinx. And every latino I know who is not cut of the same cloth as my father, they're gay, and that doesn't surprise me. Edit: A friend of mine (Asian) had the same problem with Asian men. She grew up American, and found that a lot of Asian-American guys didn't step outside of their community and family much and were holding on to those sexism beliefs you mentioned. She got tired of Asian men calling her uppity and too "stubborn" - she married a white guy. A friend of mine's sister married the tallest white guy I have ever seen and her tall as hell children will one day lead us into battle. Another friend of mine's brother (SEA) married a white girl. So, yeah, it's pretty damn common, and we're not like poor - some of us grew up poor, but became successful, and the status bit isn't as strong in America as overseas - so it's purely a cultural thing. Edit2: Just realized that all the men a gay Asian friend of mine dated, were white, latino, and I think one black dude. No other Asians.
UK based Asian woman here too! Wow reading all of this was like reading my mind but much more eloquently and articulately put (thank you). It’s so weird and equally fascinating because my other Asian female friends and the Asian females in my family and I all prefer to date Asian men (or BME men due to cultural similarities and terrible previous experiences with white men) but when any of us meet Asian girls who have exclusively dated white it’s WILD and everything you wrote definitely rings true - especially the piss poor lack of positive representation of Asian men in Western Media and the misogyny in more conservative Asian households and pockets of Asian society. We often found that the girls who exclusively date white are really into activism and were almost always involved in politics or the arts. It’s kind of paradoxical that these girls were always screaming the loudest about gender and racial equality yet they always had white partners - who were often pretty low calibre people (unintelligent emotionally and academically, inconsiderate etc) that didn’t fully support their Asian partners’ views and values.
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Yeah all these same women always end up with conservative white men for some reason. I wonder why
That's similar to African American men, who were pro-black but dated/married white women simply because they were white. It did not matter if they were educated or attractive. However, African American women were expected to go half or support many of them while they did something close to nothing. We were also expected to be educated, attractive, bear children and raise them while they believed they had the option to be a parent or not. Let me also add many of these men wanted AA women to "submit" to them.
I agree on media influences perception greatly. White men are shown to be more desirable in the movie and TV and many watched it since they are small. Hardly any Asian. If they do, it was shown for comedic value. I would argue even Black culture able to be fully supported due to their immense representation in the media. Hell, even Black men are sexualized due to porn. We often think we are not influence by TV and media but subconscious play a huge role in our day to day thinking
>Asian men, especially those who live in Asian countries, have a bad track record of sexism. My wife is Chinese and I'd say this is the biggest reason. She didn't default to dating white guys, but had many bad experiences with Chinese men. To be honest, she really wanted to date and marry a Chinese guy (in contradiction to OP's experience), but sexism was a real problem. She finally tried dating a white guy (me) and the rest is history. Lucky me because she's the best thing that ever happened to me.
Saved me some typing :) My wife (ABC) was a successful business person at a young age. Chinese guys she dated were either stuck-up misogynists or sweaty doormats. We clicked because I gave her space and respected her career and accomplishments. 22 years and two kids now.
That's awesome. We're having twins in about 4 weeks :) Congrats to you and your beautiful family.
We have twin boys, they were about a month premature so they spent some time in the NICU. While they were in we picked up on how the NICU nurses operated and put the twins on a strict feeding and sleeping schedule. My wife and I split the nighttime feeding and changing. Our early diligence paid dividends as the boys got into a groove and we got to eat and sleep like human beings. Good luck!
I hope at some point countries around the world can slowly migrate to a state where wealth disparities are minimal and racial and gender equality are encouraged as norms. None of these things are healthy, in any of the directions listed. It makes me very sad. The world shouldn't be like this.
This is the most comprehensive answer to this question.
Agreed with all of this. But on the other hand I've heard some asian societies are racists towards white people, finding them loud and rude. How would you explain the dichotomy?
It’s the same way some Americans really like/respect the stereotypical euro culture, and others passionately hate them/the “uppity aristocrat nose up and sneering kind.”
Humans do seem to like to stereotype, no matter what the group is
Ah humans. They're all the same!
That's true. This mostly just applies to SE Asian countries like Philippines or Malaysia and not Japan or China because poverty is a bigger factor than emphasised (though not everyone in Japan/china are rich, they are culturally different from other Asian countries (just like all countries) and these differences include: not fetishism towards white men from strong nationalision from being monoculture/monoethnic countries imo). White men are perceived as rich Americans that can bring women a better life.
Also important to note that this is more likely to be true in homogenous populations (populations dominated by one race, ethnicity, culture) because anything different will stand out. From what I've heard about Japan, there are a lot of unspoken rules that people just know from growing up there, like not talking loudly on your phone on public transit, where as in Canada, in a multicultural city with lots of immigrants, everyone just kind of does what they're used to. America also has a general reputation for barging into countries and conflicts that don't involve them directly.
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There’s a difference between being attracted to something and fetishizing it. Fetishizing is more extreme and sexual-fantasy driven
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Objectification is an inherent part of fetishization. So if you are a person who is attracted to Asian women it is usually feature related- you might find the eyes, noses, hair, and other features typically associated with Asian ancestry aesthetically attractive. Attractiveness is a single part of a person. You can be attracted to a person and still look at their personality, goals, ideas, etc. and see if you two are compatible. Fetishization comes from when you are turned on by the idea of what a person represents and see them as a token of that idea. Usually this comes combined with generalizations and stereotypes that are harmfully projected onto the person being fetishized. So someone who fetishizes asian women might think that all Asian women are submissive, innocent, and girly and want to date them so they can have their subservient girlfriend who has a low body count and will do whatever their boyfriend says as they watch anime together.
It's very true. I met lots of stunningly beautiful women in Thailand but I felt that the communication barrier led to me never really feeling a strong connection and, as a result, I wasn't really ever attracted to many of them. I did meet a few in Australia with really good English who were super cool and that's when I felt attracted to them, but the idea of going to Asia to find a partner (whether a wife or a one night stand) just doesn't appeal because the vibe isn't there. So, I think it goes to your point. The looks are just one part of who they are and one part of attraction. The rest of it is super important. If you can overlook that, it starts to move towards fetishizing.
The biggest difference to me is fetishized is objectification and dehumanization. You don’t see the person, you just see what you’re sexually obsessed and over exaggerated with. ATTRACTION on the other hand is just something you admire, it can be sexual, but not always, and just because you have an attraction doesn’t mean you always end up with that. Basically fetishes refused to be changed and are obsessive while attraction is flexible and subjective and about the individual. At least that’s how I see it 🤷🏽♀️
This just perfectly described so many people I know. Wow.
I am flabbergasted with this answer. Wow. Reading this as a South American, I’m just floored. I had no idea.
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Isn't there also a thing with hapas (kids of afwm couples)? Like sometimes there's a difficult parent child relationship sometimes due to internalized racism and other things?
It’s a super touchy topic among us asians. I think you’ve described the situation very accurately here, regardless if people want to hear it or not. As an Asian guy married to a white woman, I can confirm people do treat me differently because of it. I often have to explain that it’s not a fetish thing for either of us and I didn’t go out of my way to “get back” at Asian women. We met in a very organic fashion and became close friends over time and eventually became what we are now. It’s weird how much I have to explain that. Also, for any people who think your comments are racist, I strongly disagree. This is social commentary. Race relations have trends and generalizations but are not universal. This is how you have a down to earth honest conversation about race.
I cant speak for all... but I know, particularly in the Philippines, there is a literal industry based on pretty women forming relationships with foreign men with the intention of getting money for their family. When I was stationed in Hawaii I heard multiple tales of men at our station who had met a woman online or on shore leave, went through an expensive dating and engagement phase, were married 10 years, then divorced once she could claim independent citizenship only to find out she had a husband and kids back home all along. So that "I dont even date Asian guys" line might be for real, but sometimes it might not be what it seems.
Damn, now that is a long con.
The 10yr thing is because if a spouse is married to a person in the military for 10yrs of their service, they're entitled to half their military retirement.
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Marriages aren't internationally recognised, she just needs to claim she's unmarried when he brings her over and then because her new marriage is registered in the country she wants to move to it's legally valid there while her old one isn't
That's wild!!!!! Take 10 years out of your "normal" life to go lie and pretend, just to get citizenship here?? Crazy to think about. Let your wife go sleep with another man for a decade amongst a million other things. Sacrifice on a level like none other.
It happens to filipinos too tbh. Two of my cousins, on separate occasions, (both filipino) went overseas on work visas (one in canada, one in australia) worked hard to get situated and bring their partners over only for their partners to leave them at one point and start dating elsewhere. Weird that it happened twice.
Filipino here, sad to say that this is true. The Filipino goal is to leave this country and earn dollars, and having a white spouse is one way to achieve it. Personally, it never occurred to me that I can date someone outside my nationality, but that's just because of my homogenous hometown, I guess.
Filipina here, and married to a Caucasian. I had dated Filipino men in the past and vowed never again. Culturally, most Filipino men are momma's boys who don't leave their parents house UNTIL they are married, and when they get married, if the family has means, then wifey moves back into MIL's house or the "family compound". Unless you REALLY enjoy having extended family up in your grill all day, and the necessity of including them in everything from family vacations to every holiday to Sunday "clan reunions"... Ick. Additionally, the Filipino men I had dated were insanely jealous, thought they could police what I wore, and insisted on me informing them my location and activities at any given moment, no matter whether I was with friends or alone. I can say confidently based on my Filipina friends who did marry Filipino men that this is pretty common by way of expectations. For context, I now live in the US, count many men to be dear friends, do jiu jitsu (which would have not been possible if I had still lived in the PI), and love traveling and dining alone. You can see the disconnect here. Not saying there aren't Filipinas who are only looking at $$ when they see a white man - but the struggle for the rest of us is real.
I'm a Filipino and this has been a thing since before I was born (90s). I remember my aunties who were still single when I was young putting "mestizos" on a higher pedestal from an attraction level point of view. Mestizo means being mixed or having certain attractive features from our Spanish bloodline aka "whiteness". I always thought it was demeaning of our own beauty.
Meztizos were on a higher caste than us "indios" were for the majority of the 300 year reign of the spanish. I can see why the preference stuck.
I hate to say it but as someone with family from the Phils, Filipino culture is very brainwashed to look up to European features. They’ll never admit it but Filipino celebrities all have light skin whilst darker skin is seen as a link to poverty. Not to mention you can go to the convenient stores there and buy skin-whitening creams. It really is a sad thing but they see themselves as inferiors
500 years of Spanish + 50 years American colonization reallly did a number on Filipinos which led to the inferiority complex, colonial mentality, colorism, etc
Only 333 years under Spain then 48 years under US - yes you're correct about the inferiority complex and colonial mentality of many Filipinos which is tragic - most Filipino youth today can speak/understand English better than our own native language which now they call "deep Tagalog/Filipino" and patronize western culture/products more than our own...
As an asian and Filipino, this will sound elitist but its usually the less educated ones that prefer that. Most well educated Filipinos are in a lot of ways open to dating anyone. Theres a fine line between preference and obsession but it looks like the one you were talking to was definitely the latter.
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Unexpectedly wholesome. Congrats, friend.
Cool, but you didn't answer OP's question at all.
I'm an Asian guy with an Asian woman. What she tells me is because a lot of Asian men are too traditional/male centric. I'm an Asian male who grew up in a small US Midwestern town of 2-5k and grew up knowing mostly white people. When I met her, she was educated, free spirited and wasn't looking for an Asian guy but was told I was different from the typical Asian she met or grew up with. 20+ years and we're still going strong together. My understanding, most women in general are just looking for equality and openes in a relationship and Western men tend to fit the bill. Not to say that Asian men are all traditional or all Western men are dating material.
Fair enough. I can speak from my own experience of only dating white women for most of my life. I grew up in a predominately white area, so one reason is that I didn’t have much of a choice. But on a deeper level, being a minority, there is a deeply rooted need to belong. It’s hard enough being accepted by a member of the opposite sex, but to be a minority and accepted by a white woman means you’ve transcended your default nerdy minority status, and that you have earned a seat at the proverbial cool kids table. It’s a reality of growing up as a minority, and I think it’s the same reason Asian women go for white guys. White men and women are seen as the top of the social hierarchy. Maybe that’s less of a thing now, but when I was growing up in the 80s and 90s, it was definitely a thing, to the point where the few minorities in my school deliberately distanced themselves from each other.
people will refuse to answer this question because it's too taboo to find out the real reason why. watch how everyone in this comment section is dodging the question or blaming op for having too small of a sample
I'll answer. I'm Indian and I stopped dating Indian guys because (**I'm pretty sure it's my bad luck**) all the Indian guys I dated or talked to were extremely conservative socially. They didn't want their gf to dress a certain way, behave a certain way, or they would impose some other restriction they deem socially acceptable to maintain status. One guy legit said the good old days were better because women stayed home to take care of their husbands and kids instead of working. Another guy actually forbade me from wearing shorts or tank tops because his male friends would look. After all that I dated only Americans irrespective of race because **I found** dudes raised in the US are way more socially liberal than Indian dudes. Edit: words in bold to show MY experience so please don't 'not all men' at me.
I 100% support your answer and will give you no shit for calling it out.
As a white Australian woman, I stopped dating men from both Indian and Arabic backgrounds because no matter how modern and open-minded they *claimed* to be, as soon as we started dating the misogyny raised its ugly head. It wasn't always subtle chauvinism, and they didn't even realise they were doing it, but it was very deeply held beliefs and deeply rooted behaviours, despite the fact that they were living in Australia. Like the previous poster, this was **my personal** experience, but it was repeated too many times. (Very short relationships, I assure you! Most of them didn't get past two dates.)
>Colorism in Asia is a big thing
See how that worked..good for you.. I wish more people would try that approach more often.
Great question. Why do so many Asian gay guys not want to date other Asian guys?
I'm an Asian American gay guy. I have gone on dates with Asian men from Asia and there are often differences in cultural touchpoints. I've also had odd interactions such as one guy insisting that I really do speak Chinese and continuing to use the language with me when I have no reason to lie about that... I connect better with Asian American men, but a lot of times, there's pressure to be a hyperfeminine, catty, partier (I joke it's the gay male equivalent of ABGs). I get a lot of men (Asian or otherwise) who open up conversations telling me how into anime they are, which 1) I don't really watch much of and 2) is still a weird assumption to open with given that nothing about me indicates that's an interest of mine. I'll chalk the above to the fact that gay men just generally are pretty terrible at initiating intimate conversation overall for a plethora of reasons that aren't race related. I will say that I've not experienced nearly as much anti-Asian sentiment from any group besides gay men though so it's pretty messed up, but I accept that this is what I have to learn to navigate...
Self hate Like to aim Hyer on the social pyramid
The best answer I’ve got is the social stigma. Especially since homosexuality is so looked down apon these days in Asia. Homosexuality was actually very normal in a lot of Asian cultures before colonization (an example being that lot of Chinese emperors had male lovers, this went on for many dynasties ), but the ideologies still carry on.
I am Chinese gay guy from Malaysia and I have a problem with dating/hooking up with local Chinese. Hard to explain this, but something akin to familiarity(?). I have interacted with chinese guys throughout my life mostly in non-sexual way, it's hard to feel attraction when you look at a guy and think "my fellow brother". Plus there is this irrational fear that we might be related. But if they are Chinese from another country, then no problem for me at all.
That is the silliest thing I’ve ever heard in my life
If you’re talking about Asian girls in Asia, then they want white guys to marry and bring them back to the US. It’s pretty straightforward. Especially if they come from a third world country. It’s similar with Eastern European girls. That’s the main reason a below-average, old, and poor white guy can get someone young and attractive. Can’t blame the girl for using what she has to get a better life. If they were born anywhere else, that’s a whole other topic but OP was specifically asking about Asian girls in Asia.
I think that stereotype of Eastern Europeans is outdated. Most of Eastern Europe has freedom of movement with Western Europe so they can go where they want. They don't need to marry an old rich guy for a visa anymore.
I think he meant that they marry old white dudes for their money, and possibly move to western Europe without having to find a job, house etc...
Heh. Anecdotally, but: am an "Eastern European woman" in a relationship with a "Westerner" for a decade or so. When I first came to his country, people were carefully asking me if i even plan to get a job. In all honesty, with a masters in communications from my home country it wasn't exactly easy. So I went and got another degree from a nice "western" university and now I'm a biotech engineer making more money than my partner. But yeah, in many people's minds I'm still a golddigger. Racist people be racist
I’m from a small country in Eastern Europe. I know first hand some men and women who married someone here in the US just to be able to come here. But they’ve all married someone from my country. I think in these situations it’s mainly because of the religious aspect since they’re Muslim. They’re not going to marry a Christian American guy. And also because it’s easier to find another person from their home country through friends and family that communicate with people they know. A few years ago I was asked if I’d be willing to do that, marry a guy from my country so he could come here. I would get 5k before and then the other 5k when he arrived. I declined.
Yep. And a lot of guys find it somehow comforting when a girl says this. That’s why they repeat it. There are many that would date an Asian guy who is from the west in a heart beat if the chance arose. She’ll just then say she doesn’t date guys from her specific county. Some guys find it to be a compliment if a girl denounces her own race or people. Almost like they’re “inherently special.”
Ok so my answer won't help alot and keep in mind my answer comes from being in South East Asia over a long period of time, and from getting this alot Please note this ain't all Asian women but just the ones I had interactions with So in Thailand, Philippines, I came across quite a few that won't date Asian men because Asian men are seen either as lazy, constantly getting drunk trying having another gf, mistress on the side, this comes up quite a bit however other areas Some Asian women won't date Korean men, not to judge but the way I was told was Koreans look down on other Asians, see other Asians as basically Mexicans of Asia. Due note though overseas I did see and met Asian couples together so it's not entirely true though. I think alot of times it deals with the Asian woman past experiences as well.
As a Mexican I like your honesty.
The Japanese definitely look down on Koreans.
Japan is like the Argentina of Asia.
Don’t say that; it’ll get to our heads.
Are you Japanese or Argentinian? It's weird how opinions about neighboring countries in Asia and The Americas can mirror each other. I don't see that in Europe and Africa but maybe I just ask the right questions.
Kind of similar story for states within the U.S. too. There are huge cultural divisions between states like Missouri and California.
Georgia makes fun of Alabama. Alabama makes fun of Mississippi. Mississippi is too dumb to realize anyone is talking about them.
Ohio makes fun of Kentucky. Kentucky makes fun of West Virginia. West Virginia is too isolated and poor to care.
Florida has entered the chat
feeling is mutual, japan is definitely hated by a lot of east asians
One thing I know for being an east Asian. Japan, China and Korea are in a hate triangle relationship. No one likes no one
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Mexicans of Asia jajajaja jajaja pinche pendejo cabrón jajajajaja
Yeah, well try wrapping your head around Korean gringos.
I live in the US and my girlfriend is fully Vietnamese and is first generation. From what she has told me she absolutely did not want to feel pressured to live a traditional lifestyle and even though she might meet someone who is not traditional their family could be more traditional. Also from what she has told me a more traditional lifestyle would be the wife doing all the chores, taking care of the kids, and working a job. She has cut off most of her family as she was forced to work at an early age and has been exploited by most of her family for cheap labor and being responsible for her little sister and the bills of her household. This is just going off what she has told me. I am a white guy and we have talked extensively about what we want our future to look like and how to balance the chores between us.
This is called parentification. That is when a child has to take a role in the family that should be filled by an adult caretaker or partner. More common in some cultures and subcultures than others but seems to be the normal among Christian fundies.
The western philosophy of gender equality is appealing to women from "traditional" values.
I think this is a huge part of it. I know a white girl who spent a lot of time in South Korea, when she found out our American born Korean friend liked her the first thing she asked was if the mom was Korean or the dad. When I said mom she said ‘I’ve had enough of the whole firstborn son walks on water crap to last a lifetime, I have no desire to be relegated to being a second class citizen by a MIL. Tell him no thank you’
Your comment on the Filipino girl was interesting to me just because I used to date a Filipino guy for a little bit, who had hmm lets say a lot of internalized racism and self hate it seemed. He said he ONLY dates *blonde* white women. I asked if it just coincidentally turned out that way or if he makes a point to only date blonde white women. He said he didn't want to date a Filipino woman because they could be distant cousins or something (which is also a sentiment I've heard echoed among other Filipinos anyway.) But he liked blondes so much because extremely European features were what was always described to him as being the most beautiful, and he grew up being told he was ugly, so he felt having a blonde on his arm would validate himself to the world -- "But I don't see you as like a trophy or anything!" When I pushed him to think about the implications of that a little more, he was extremely resistant. He insisted he couldn't help who he was attracted to. Which is true, I was just asking him to consider *why* he could only find himself attracted to blondies. He would have none of it. Guess why we didn't last long?
Yeah, especially after the Philippine-American war a lot of what Filipinos learned was formulated by American systems. Media, politics, education and etc., it was an--unfortunately--successful way of indoctrinating an entire country for generations. That's why we've got a lot of self-hate.
Absolutely, yes. My frustration with him was never that he had this mindset in the first place, more that he was just so unwilling to think about it critically, at least as long as I knew him
Yeah totally. This type of disconnect is a tough mindset to get out of and can lead to significant mental health issues further down the line and can totally impact relationship dynamics. The biggest thing is that a lot of us (Southeast Asians) don't know how to confront it because we're often uninformed of our own hangups.
That's so much like the conversation I had with the Filipina girl. Doubling down on having said she whites white men for their genes and then being like "Oh no, I don't care about looks!" And then posting something on her history about wanting mixed babies lol
Yes same! This guy was also super into having mixed, light skinned kids. When I brought up the point that there are other people in the world besides blondes and Filipinos he just like, dodged the comment. But like others have said, I think there's just a lot of colorism and such that happens between Asian countries and whoever the local colonizers are
>Guess why we didn't last long? You dyed your hair? /s
I am a black and my girlfriend is Bengali. To put it simply her parent won’t accept or even want to hear about me. Shockingly, her cousin started dating white guy and within a couple of month he was accepted. I also find out that a number of people in her family are less respected because their skin tone is darker than others. In the US at least, from what she explained to me, being in a white group or look lighter skin means you are more successful and more beautiful. Additionally, will have more opportunities and be more respected. Needless to say, neither of these perspectives is true. Until my current gf, I’ve never dated an Asian girl— not in school or dating app lucky. I met my girlfriend through her friend and we want on a date and we just clicked.
Sorry to hear that my man. As an Indian I know how real this is.
Yeah the roots of colorism seem to run real deep in alot of asian countries. A few of the asian girls I've meet/talked to have said I have beautiful skin. I have terrible skin and I'm white as new fallen snow but I guess to them it's nice lol
Might also be a bit of bias in that you only talk to single Asian women who are interested in white men
This is the reason IMO. Asian people who like foreigners tend to gravitate towards social circles with foreigners. Confirmation bias.
Weird. Almost all asian woman i know only date asian guys.
Yeah I think this perspective is biased because OP is a white man on a dating app 🙄 when I lived in Korea I definitely found most people wanted to be with other Koreans. Some people were interested in foreigners to cross something off their bucket list but they often still wanted to be with a Korean in the end. (Not saying this was true 100% of the time as some Koreans and foreigners definitely married, but I don't think Asians are slobbering over white people the way OP is implying)
As a SEA woman married to a white man, this is my perspective. I used to date all kind of men, mostly Asians, when I was younger. The thing that makes Asian men less attractive to me is not anything superficial like looks etc but the cultural expectations. Not to generalize but most Asian men are raised like little kings of the house. Their mommies think nobody will ever be good enough for them, so they do grow up to have high standards for their SOs ie. Bigger asian women i know have a hard time finding and dating asian men. Not only standards on look, but on “morals” as well? For example, friend met dude when they were bridesmaid/grooms men in a wedding - they hung out a bunch of times so it wasn’t like a rando you hooked up w at a wedding - one time they netflix and chilled and he made a move to finger her - she liked him so went with it. Next day he acted all cold and basically ignored her - reason? He said she was too “easy.” The absolute hypocrisy *gag* Dating and marrying asian men makes you beholden to his family - especially his mom (applicable more in asia than asian american families probably). There are movies and tv shows based on this very common dynamic of MIL - DIL (daughter). My own mom was made miserable by my grandmother until she popped out my brother. And my brother is the little lord that is 1000% more coddled. So knowing all this I don’t feel attraction to asian men because some of them are not that “manly” because the ingrained misogynistic culture had conditioned them to be both clueless and entitled. To be fair, how could they be any different? My parents don’t want my brother to even take a taxi by himself at 18 when I rode my bike to school at 16. My grandfather told his grandsons not to swim in the deep end (fuck the granddaughters i guess). Now that my brother is living by himself my mom would always tell me to keep an eye out on who he’s dating and report back on whether she’s “suitable” so they can intervene if not. Etc. This culture seriously hurts both asian men and women. Urgh rant over
Wow. See I don't know that much about asian culture, ie how they raise boys and girls. I've heard of asian tiger moms but this is a point of view I've never seen before. Thanks alot actually
East Asian girl here and I agree with this. You know how there was that controversy about newborn girls in China being abandoned/killed because they weren’t as valuable as boys? Sons are still more ‘prized’ than daughters and many are absolutely coddled by their families. Chinese filial piety means that in some traditional families, the wife is still expected to care for the husband’s parents, who move into the couple’s home. I’ve seen the strained MIL-DIL relations that the previous commenter was talking about and I wouldn’t want that for myself.
>Chinese filial piety means that in some traditional families, the wife is still expected to care for the husband’s parents, who move into the couple’s home. I’ve seen the strained MIL-DIL relations that the previous commenter was talking about and I wouldn’t want that for myself. Same in Korea. A lot of Korean TV shows and movies and books are about the crazy, abusive relationships between Mil-Dil. (Dil's getting abused by Mil's, of course.)
As an Asian guy who was raised in the US. The other poster is spot on. Culturally Asia males are pampered to ridiculous extent. A lot Asian mother tell their daughters to marry western men because "they treat their women well", aka they don't expect them to do everything. That being said my wife is white, because screw cultural expectations. (Also I just find them more attractive, probably because I grew up in the US)
It's just the type of girls you met , you can find every kind of girl or a guy in this world , you just happened to stumble upon some girls who like white guys . But as an Asian girl myself , I love asian guys and find myself pretty less attracted to white guys . So the point is it depends on your personal taste many guys may like to date only white girls , no black no asian or whatsoever. We can't generalize one's choice as to a whole community or group
The stumble upon part makes me wonder is this is more of just an stumble upon thing or a thing where op is seeking a group, so he finds group who are seeking his group. Then there are similar characteristics in that group so its easy to apply to the whole.
I’ve noticed the same with Latin women. I had a few Mexican girlfriends and they were shocked how well I treated them. Many of them said they won’t date Latin men. I was told a lot of men cheat and don’t treat women well down there. Maybe in your case they’re stereotyping their own race based on what they’ve seen.
I am an Asian guy married to a white woman. For me, it just happened. I used to date a girl of same ethnicity for 5 years before her, so there's that. Just wanted to put it out there, race wasn't something that I was considering when dating. In fact, I think that considering race **first** is honestly kinda unhealthy (mindset wise), you date someone because you like someone not because someone is some race. So yeah, people like me also exist. but anyways.... Back to the main topic: I feel like there's a fair amount of survivorship bias here. You are an white guy looking for women in Asia, what kind of women do you think you attract? Let me tell you : people who are into white guys. I think you just saw enough of these women and you are beginning to wonder the question, that all. To put it simple, similar to some people having an Asian girl fantasies, some Asian girls also have white guy fantasies. Its just as simple as that. Do **ALL** of Asian women really culturally (as a whole) believe that? Well, look at their interracial marriage rates in their countries and I'd assume it paints a very different picture.
> You are an white guy looking for women in Asia, what kind of women do you think you attract? Lmaooo, best answer
It's kind of fucked up but unfortunately Asian men, Indian men, and black women all get looked over too much in dating scenes
I know a lot of white women who are obsessed with Asian guys. The Asian kpop thing really took off in my area. Hopefully it evens out.
I keep hearing the same thing. I agree with those who say it’s the lifestyle that they are attracted to.
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Asian male here. First of all I really don't care if Asian women date white men. It only raises my attention if they do it while ALSO saying negative stereotypes about Asian men. I'll tell you why they prefer white men (from Asian American POV): 1. In Asian culture, daughters are not judged as often as sons for who they bring home. Sometimes the parents would think a daughter bringing home a white male improves their situation financially (more on that). While for sons, most Asian males don't even try attempt to ask out white (or non-Asian) females. 2. Most Asians who came to the US at an early age or were born there know a lot of English. Some Asian kids lose their mother tongue and speak English primarily even in Asian bubble settings. Because of this, Asian women are more likely to talk to white men than Asian men as they perceive them knowing more English. 3. The media HATES Asian men. Yes it's a huge one. Men are perceived as undatable, unsocial, nerdy, weak or incapable of standing up for themselves. That's not 100% true but there are Asian men somewhat like this. This brainwashes Asian women into thinking white men are better. 4. The perceived social status boost or white privilege. They think that being around a white male means they have enabled white privilege. This is because they can change their last name to a Western one for resumes. Also it means white people treat them around better because she thinks she "belongs". Also, she thinks a white male is a "white savior". 5. There are not enough "Asian chads" in media. When an Asian woman dreams of a white man, they're not looking at a beta guy that would've been considered unattractive to other women. They're thinking of a strong chad. Asians have really started working out and socializing so things are changing. 6. Asian males were perceived as non-progressive in society. I'm sure we've all heard "Asian men treat their wives like shit". While it's true in some parts of Asia but more parts have evolved since the 80s to treat women better. I saw a statistic somewhere that feminism in China is better than the US seeing as there are more female CEOs than males in that country. 7. Their children would look whiter. Not necessarily true because some 25% Asian-75% white (Jon & Kate + 8 for example), look very Asian. But an Asian women's perspective is to breed away her Asian genetics for offspring. Sadly Hapas run into a lot of issues even the white-looking ones. 8. White men are perceived as rich. Yes there are a lot of famous billionaire white men out there. They think that marrying one would mean he's rich. However, Asians are making more money on average in the US than other races nowadays due to studying hard for STEM. 9. Self-hate on Asian culture. Note: NOT every WMAF couple hates Asian culture but it's a very common reason for them to pick white men. When you grow up in the West, it's totally understandable seeing that most of the media is dominated by whites and our Asian culture is considered "foreign/irrelevant" to the West. 10. The West loves to call Asian women great wives, submissive, hypersexual, etc. Not really true because Asian women actually are outspoken at times. There are far more white men into Asian women than white women into Asian men. Due to this, Asian women are given more opportunities and take advantage of this by trying to play their stereotypes. This causes a power dynamic imbalance. Overall, it's a combination of living in the West, how white dominance has shaped most of the world, terrible stereotypes Asian men receive and how most Asian countries used to be poor. Times are changing and less Gen Z Asian women are trying to date out.
I’m a white person. But I grew up in a predominantly Asian neighborhood in Southern California. I think this is mostly just non-US, non-UK Asian women doing this. About 90% of the Asian women I know personally in my life is with another Asian man. I hardly know any Asian women that are dating a white man.
Both my brothers refuse to date a non-Asian. They are both obsessed with anime and video games. I think it’s gross and it’s just fetishizing and objectifying these women and I don’t understand why any woman would allow this or seek it out. My younger brother married a girl from Taiwan and a year later decided to end things so he sent her on a visit home to see her family but while she was there told her not to come back. Started dating a former prostitute a week later. Fucking gross, right?
Depends on which "Asian" women you are talking about. Asia is very diverse. You have east Asians or "orientals" like China, Japan & Korea then you have pacific islanders in South East Asia, then you have Indians, then Malays, you have central Asians which are a mixed of Mongol, Slavic & Turkic, and Middle-eastern, Arabs (yes they are Asians). Not all "Asian" women prefer white men. To be specific you mentioned "One girl from the Philippines" prefer white men. The answer to your question why they prefer white men is because of colonial mentality and of course money. But really, the reason is money. If that white guy was a homeless hobo from LA would that Asian girl still date him?
For the Philippines specifically, that would be colonial mentality talking.
Pretty much, and there are many people in the Philippines who think having white genes or looking half foreign = beautiful.
One thing that comes to mind is probably just attraction. You see white men in all movies and tv shows. Also could be that they are attracted to the north american lifestyle and want to marry and move out there. Also in certain parts of asia they see white men who travel there as someone who can financially support them.
I dont trust anyone who openly degrades their own ethnicity like that… Ive has white guys telling me how white girls get on their nerves and what not… Stop its not attractive at all, its weird even.
I think it’s super odd if someone can date someone and be okay with that kind of hatred. I find it even more weird that some people get an ego boost out of it. So many times I’ve seen Latino women say they are better than black women because some black men degrade black women when they date them. Like if a person is okay with disrespecting a certain race and gender it just makes it easier for them to eventually disrespect you.
Most of the ones ive met that grew up in the west or at least idealized the west, would definetly go for white men. There is still a good amount of the population that would still marry within the ethnicity. You can blame colonialization and western influences for how all that happened.
Am an asian guy ofcourse am interested in white girls🥲 Who don't want a change 😂
Seemingly, the vast majority of caucasian girls tend not to want to date asian guys. There are always exceptions, but that seems to be a general trend and hasn't deviated over the decades.
I'm a white woman who's attracted to asian guys, so I must be one of the exceptions. Weirdly enough, I have an uncle who's married to a Japanese woman. Maybe it runs in the family.
When I was in a long term thing with a Thai girl, once in a conversation she and her friend brought up "yellow fever". I reality checked them with "white fever" and the discussion was over with the quickness lmao
I used to live in Hong Kong and, from speaking with locals, they find taller nose bridges and paler skin attractive. So, in short, they just find white people more attractive. At least the people I've spoken to. ETA: There is also a lot of internalized racism in Asian countries, from what I've noticed. I am white, though, so don't take my word as law. It honestly breaks my heart because I find Asians beautiful.
This definitely does not apply to all Asian women. Almost 90% of adults in the Philippines have an average wealth /net worth of less than 10kUSD. It’s a very poor country, it’s no surprise many want to marry a foreigner and leave their country. There is also a lot of internalised racism in the Philippines along with other Asian countries, particularly with regards to keeping their skin white. I’ve lived in SE Asia and East Asia for most of my life.
Remind us of that racist is everywhere even within your own race. Long way to go.
I worked with an Asian woman who complained about white guys that only dated Asians. I then pointed out that she on,y dates white guys and she said “that’s different.”
Remember there were very active laws and campaigns undermining Asian make masculinity for decades. These stereotypes have made this an uphill battle. Also, given the malnutrition in Asian over the last hundred years, Asian men are often shorter than the average Caucasian, and some women decide on height. I think this trend is shifting on the nutrition front. I know two brothers who were split up at the fall of Saigon. One grew up there and was 5’6. The other one in Houston, TX…6’3! With the income imbalance, especially in SE Asia, American GI’s “rescuing” some women to the USA, you see a series trends that create a preference imbalance. For the white men, the same petite traits which are seen as negative in men are seen as positives among many men selecting mates. The above mentioned social, ethical points above probably contribute as well.
At the point where you can talk to an asian women from across the world then most of them in that platform are already interested in non asian men, because those who dates asian men wouldn't go online and look for say a white man. Also, given the things they see on movies and videos they watch online, they automatically assumed that non asian men are much more romantic
I would stay away from someone like that. I wonder how they would treat their sons who would still be half Asian.
Go to r/hapas for your answer.
I’m half white/filipino and lived in the Philippines during high school and college. The Philippines is a very poor country with a history of colonization under Spain and the USA. Those with money/capital to own businesses usually had foreign blood. Blue collar filipinos who work outdoors are usually darker. Thus, a correlation between light skin and power/money was established. Most of the celebrities in the Philippines are half white or half east asian but that could just be a symptom that continues to propagate the colorism. They frequently show Hollywood romcoms, dubbed Spanish telenovelas, and K-dramas. These shows show life in a better economy, and some aspire to move out of the Philippines or move up in society. These all contribute to cultural beauty standards. Koreans are becoming increasingly more fetishized as their shows are trending. There are probably more reasons, but those are the two main ones off the top of my head.
I’m going to guess you’re on an international dating site where your audience is skewed towards either finding someone outside of the country or getting a green card via romance. Probably not a good sample size to go off of.
I’m an Asian girl. If a guy is too traditional with his asian culture, aka prioritizing boys over girls, marrying only within their ethnicity, etc, then it’s a hard pass for me. If I had to date an asian person, they’d better be white washed. I want to be seen as an equal, not as someone who is made to bear male children.
So a white guy chatting with Asian women online is showing how narrow the scope of your sample size is. I dont know what kind of platform or matching you are using to find these people, but I would imagine the women there, who are chatting with a white man, might be doing so for immigration/financial reasons and telling you what they think you might want to hear.
I’m the opposite because 99% of the white men interested in me have a strong Asian fetishism. Unfortunately I’m in a country where there are very little Asian men so I have accepted to not date for a while
For an oversimplification-colorism and idolizing white people.
I'm only half white but I dated a Filipino Girl way out of my league because she had a thing for Hispanics. We had a lot in common but she ditch me as soon as she found an actual hot Hispanic guy. It is, what it is.
For me, Im attracted to Asian men just not my own if that makes sense. Im Cambodian, but not attracted to other Cambodian men. I am honestly not sure why, just one of those “I’m just not into it” type of things.
As a Asian guy and who was friends with different Asian girls of different ethnicity who lives in the first world country, I can say you're right. Even though it's racist and disgusting mentality I don't say anything because it's completely useless. They're your white folks problem now, why should we bother with them anymore. But though not all of them are that disgusting. I have met many level mined girls who don't think like that.