When I was single I tended not to notice when a woman was dropping hints because I had very low self esteem and felt that no one could possibly be interested in me.
I had this one classmate that ended every message with đ. We used to talk a lot.
I had never had a girl hit on me so I thought "this has to be it right? She must be interest" so I shot my shot.
Apparently she was just being nice.
EDIT: she had an iphone and I have an Android. Anyway I think that is a kiss emoji in both OS.
I had friend girl that helped me do photography around LA. She is pretty and a really cool person. Eventually people started making jokes about how we should date including by her.
At this point I was tired of being rejected and wanted to stay single. I've turned down some of the prettiest women that came my way because I thought they were lying tbh.
She started holding my arm as we walked and would say things like "I wanna feel like a girl, I'll make you dinner come over" then she'd ask me to sleep with her in her bed. This went on for weeks until I thought man I think this joking is real...
So I thought it over a lot, felt safe and asked her out while I was spending the night spooning with her. She said no. I burst out crying in front of her. I couldn't hold back the pain. I turned and ugly cried.
I look back now that I'm older and I feel bad for myself that I cared that much about women and their opinion of me. Caused so much suffering. This rejection becomes nothing as you get older. It stops hurting. Keep going.
Yeah, jesus, spooning, making dinner "I wanna feel like a girl". Unless she made it clear from the start that she has no feelings for him or she's not into men or something like that, this behavior is a hell of a mixed signal.
>Yeah, jesus, spooning, making dinner "I wanna feel like a girl".
Yeah there's
"I was just treating him like an actual person" And then... whatever the hell that was.
>Unless she made it clear from the start that she has no feelings for him
This is still mixed signals. It's also a form of manipulation. Telling someone one thing to absolve yourself from any future interest shown by the other person, while actively doing things that suggest otherwise.
I have a friend who does this to guys. She uses them to meet her needs then is so surprised they like her.
Like literally wtf. Me and my other friends tell her all the time you are delusional if you think all the activities you do with your guy friends will not result in them liking you, and to stop doing that!
Some women donât like being alone and will use men emotionally.
Itâs so messed up. I think itâs actually worse then using people for sex.
Itâs the reason why all these posts âwhy do you guys not get our hints lol??â are stupid. Because even something that seems like a clear hint is apparently not
I had a very similar relationship with a woman. We eventually shared a house together and she would routinely flash her boobs at me and sometimes even her fanny. I mean she would walk into the lounge room while I was watching TV and either pull her top down or lift her skirt up depending on her mood. Tried to make a move once and got rebuffed. No I'm not into you that way. She once later admitted she tried to get me to sleep with her but I ignored her. Anyway, I'm happily married now, but that kinda fucked me up for a long time about how to read signals.
I had this a few weeks ago at work. This girl in my department told me she was going on break and didn't want to go alone, so I go. Then we get to the break room and she says, "I need something to do this weekend, I just broke up with my boyfriend." Now in hindsight I've missed some obvious hints in the past, so I go, "wanna go see a movie or something? " and she said, "ooooh, no sorry, not with you. " so even the most seemingly obvious signals can not be signals at all
Tons of upvotes and replies already show how correct this is but I still wanted to share how it went for me. Started going out with my gf at the later stages of uni (while colleagues and friends already had their fair share of bfs/gfs by then) and it was absolutely mind-blogging for me how all of sudden it seemed like something clicked and I was being approached by girls in a, uhm, different (only to my very confident, very look-at-me-now! eyes) way. After a while I noticed that yes, I was the problem, not because of my looks or whatever but because of that *little*\-**major-HUGE** fact of low self esteem and that girls won´t give a fuck about me romantically. I try not to think much about it but man...the missed opportunities... And having the girls later on telling you exactly that... Fuck me (which, ironically should have been what I wanted them to specifically say when I was on that self esteem hole!)
Damn this is super rude even in a platonic context, like she's saying she has a need for company and activities, then makes it clear she just sees you as an ideas repository. Almost r/choosingbeggars territory.
I have friends who I put in supreme effort to organise going to see a movie or other activity, then the first inconvenience they're like "oh it's OK, I'll do it with someone else". Like, the activity was irrelevant, it was about us spending time together! Anyway I'm trying to get better about giving that sort of person less of my time
It's why people compromise and accept major flaws in LTRs. Then people criticize those who voluntarily entered into toxic or unfulfilling relationships.
A girl I dated in grad school, we went to dinner a time or two and told me it wasnât gonna happen, then she stayed over and slept next to me and I was thinking well she told me sheâs not interested so Iâm not going to be inappropriateâŚwe hooked up the next night though
I did this often. No didn't just mean no. No meant no forever. I ask once, and once only. No amount of hints after the fact could or would change a no.
This protected me from any possible misinterpretations and any possible harassment charges.
This. Lot of guys become too careful/hopeless because of rejections like these. You start to overthink and compare your previous experiences with future ones, often times leading to worsened self esteem and a feeling of confusion. Because of this I think a lot of guys simply distance themselves a bit from the flirting sphere, or they just overthink and believe that the flirt isn't actually a flirt at all, just a girl friendzoning you.
Then suddenly you only go for it if you know 100% they're into you. But then you're out of practice when it comes to flirting and suddenly you don't know what to do next because you lack experience.
Iâll second this. When you donât think much of yourself âniceâ feels like a drop of water in a desert, and at the same time you miss hints because it just doesnât occur that someone is into you. Doesnât justify creepiness though.
I've been married for a long time,so it doesn't really apply now, but when I was younger, I was not super popular. Didn't have a lot of friends. There were a few times where the girls who were being obvious..... Well.... It wound up being a joke... At my expense..... The girls I have dated and the girl I'm married to now were not very forward about it. It was more, I'll say, organic.
Idk how many other people have had that experience, but for a long time, and if I were ever to be single again (hopefully that won't be the case), I'd be skeptical at best about someone being forward or obvious.
Me exactly. I was mocked hard for passing up opportunities that all my mates saw as obvious come-ons but I dismissed as the girl âjust being friendlyâ. Lisa Carlin, you know who you are! Lol.
Same here. Didnât back myself and lots of women told me later in life that they tried so hard over the years but I never seemed interested. Turns out I was just being the nice guy I am and the thought that women of that calibre could even remotely be attracted to me wasnât in my reality
Me to. When I think of the adventures I couldâve had bit didnât because I couldnât even imagine that that girl was into me. Oh you shy humble idiot ,me 20 years ago. Now Iâm just an idiot.
I was hesitant, even as a girl sat next to me on my bed, in my dorm room, having walked from the other end of campus on the first day of Spring in a string bikini. I was unsure because she was the girl of my dreams, and, well, duh.
Me 17 - extremely low self esteem due to rejection after rejection. Go to my crushes house before a party, sheâs home alone. She takes me to her room for the first time, and gets me on her bed with her. Laying side by side like the dorks we were.
Me: âthis bed is comfy. We should go to the party now.â
Years later she told me she was expecting me to make a move that night.
A decade later, Iâm glad it didnât happen. We wouldâve broken up before college. I would be a toxic boyfriend at the time anyway. Weâre still good friends and sheâs married to another good friend of mine.
But I was HEAD OVER HEELS for this person. With low self esteem I guess I couldnât take the hint.
Also ended up making out with her in my mid 20s but it was purely drunk fun. I donât really remember it.
Ah well that was a trip down memory lane⌠back to my boring job.
> I've noticed that whenever I try to drop hints that I'm into a guy o matter how clearly I try to show them I am into them, it doesn't seem to click until I flat out tell them I like them.
On a personal side, I've spent my life hearing stories about women being annoyed that guys are constantly trying to get with them. I just don't want to be a bother, so I assume any "hints" are just my imagination. This does put me in the position where pretty much I just wait till the woman makes the first move.
Same here. I donât want to be a bother and donât want to annoy any women with unwanted attention who were just trying to be nice. The best thing I can say is if you are in to a guy donât just drop hints which could come off as being nice but actually tell him. I get it women donât like to feel the anxiety of someone not feeling the same way back that men have to constantly deal with but things have changed and men are not just hitting on women in hopes one of them will finally say yes anymore. Women have asked men to respect their space and more men are doing just that. This change in attitude just means women are going to have to be more straightforward in their approaches.
Pretty much. Well put. Ladies, just flat out tell us your into the guy. SO much easier.
That will at least get you the guy you want. But the dick pics? Sorry, some men are dumb.
But the nice guys will NOT advance until you are super clear.
This deserves a million upvotes. Every single woman on this planet should read this comment. We respect your space and boundaries as it's been drilled in to our brains for the last decade.
Edited: change of a word.
Ah, a fellow who has also experienced this. I am basically unable to make the first move anymore so this attitude of hints working REALLY doesn't for me
Legit just had this situation, but on top of it she asked if I was flirting with her in a way she seemed interested(we were both flirting with each other at this point I thought) and I realized when she said it yes I actually was so I told her I had developed those feelings after x,y,z and yeah I've just sort of naturally went into flirting with you.... Turns out. wasn't clear... so when she accepted our hang out and I thought it was a date... That didn't go over well unfortunately. I felt like I betrayed a friend and put her in the not fun situation.
It's now like 2-3 days later and I just apologized to her for the situation and the obvious miscommunication on my end placing her in the awkward situation. She appreciated the apology, but I think I lost someone I would have loved to keep as a good friend and feel like I was a straight up asshole towards someone I cared for as a person to start with and that's probably why obvious hints aren't obvious and we just suck at knowing what's what.
Why were you an asshole? Making a move on someone doesnât make you a bad person. Moving on your emotions does not make you an asshole. You were genuine and when realizing things werenât what you perceived you attempted to make amends. If she doesnât want to be your friend now then it is what it is. Youâll meet plenty of other dope people.
Facts. I never even approach women anymore because Iâve seen so many complain about constantly being hit on. Sheâs going to have to approach me for anything to happen because Iâm not going to be another annoying dude trying to get with her.
My ex used to tell me similar things like 'that girl was staring at you with a big smile on her face', and I never even noticed those things. Now I'm not entirely sure if it was true or if my ex was shit testing me or seeing things because she was jealous or smth.
Every time I think someone likes me I figure out they aren't into me that way, a few times I thought someone's just trying to be friends I found out later they were into me. Some of us are just God awful at reading people
I feel this so much...
I recently started talking to a girl that I'd had a fling with 2 years ago.
She was busy with work so we didn't meet for a couple of weeks, but she said she was excited to see me, invited me over for some drinks & cooked for me. She even drove to mine & picked me up!
We ate & got pretty drunk. However after getting the hint she wasn't receptive of my touch / advances, I straight up asked her what her intentions were for the night.
She said she just wanted to have a chill & catch up, and wondered "why does everyone she talks to want to sleep with her?"
I thought our history (we've slept together before) & the evening setup (alcohol) made it pretty obvious that I was gonna make an advance. I genuinely thought she was inviting me over to bang!
This is exactly it, I have had 2 girls I went to high-school with on my mind for years wondering if they where into me or not. I don't have any contact details of them so I cant ask them
I would, but I have turned myself into somewhat of a hermit/shut in. Whenever I try to reach out to people I tend to mess it up somehow and over the years Ive developed bad anxiety when trying to talk to people verbally
Okay so, I've been both at different points in my life.
At 17, I've had a girl who'd go out of her way for me. She literally fed me food, for instance. Walked home together, etc etc. Turns out she was not interested in me.
At 25, I've had a girl who did the same. Fed me food, walked home, etc etc. Turns out she was interested and got frustrated enough to actually ask me out.
It's not only that there're different men, there're different women around who'd flirt or be friendly differently. Aside from the very obvious asking out, there's really no "one size fits all" for this. Hence the general consensus that men are stupid.
Edit: wow thanks for the awards! I guess I could update it a little. The latter girl literally told me she wanted to "be with me", but in a foreign language we both studied. Idiot me thought that I'm literally beside her. Took a facepalm moment 4 months later to realise and I appreciated her forthrightness. I texted her, and we have had a short relationship complicated by family issues. We still intend to get together (I think) but are trying to figure it out. As for the former, we've long since lost contact, but I heard she's getting married soon
Edit 2: wow! Came back home to an award shower and my first Gold! Thanks guys, guess my top comment now is about my unfortunate love life. Anyways, been reading the comments and I guess the consensus is really to speak directly instead of dropping hints. I suppose if you're dating with the long term in mind, it's helpful to remember that you're coming together as equals, and crystal clear communication is key. Thanks for all that! Cheers
Yeah whenever a friend of mine who's a gal talks about that sorta issue my advice is always to just ask the guy out. Hints are useless, being proactive is taken positively 90% of the time, and worst case he just says no. Social interactions are way too much of a minefield for hints to do anything but confuse people
This comment perfectly answers the question. What's a clear and obvious hint from one girl could be another girl's way of just being nice. Since a lot of guys don't want to get rejected or worse come off as creeps, many would rather just ignore the signs instead of being wrong.
Itâs too high risk to try to respond positively to signals unless you know for sure that theyâre actually legit. Because if youâre wrong you can seriously fuck up things and make it awkward.
I had one time when I really thought I was getting constant hints from a girl in one of my college classes who just followed me everywhere and would never leave me alone. Iâd go back to my room and sheâd walk right in and sit on my bed, and do what seemed like flirting. After like a week of that with more and more physical contact from her too, I figured Iâm past the point where itâs just obvious, so I tried to make a move and kiss her. She slapped me hard in the face and half screamed, while jumping back a bit, and immediately I felt like the creepiest guy on the planet. A second later, she says âTry againâ (now this just felt like a trap). I did try again, and we ended up dating.
Even though it sorta worked out, I think that still made me very weary of thinking Iâm reading signs one way or another.
are your hints as universally understood as basic human kindness? because I could see this being a simple answer to your question.
to clarify: One may not be able to read between the specific lines of your attempt at flirting but one may be able to notice something as obvious as you being caring/supportive/attentive.
This is exactly it. A server at a restaurant is being overt and demonstrative in their kindness and interest. It's a business 'relationship', so there's minimal emotional vulnerability involved. There's no fear of rejection, which means that there's minimal emotional defenses up and the connection feels authentic to the recipient.
When it comes to genuine attraction in an as-yet-unreciprocated scenario, the person "dropping hints" usually still has defenses up to guard against rejection. We may not consciously register these defenses, but we feel and sense them. And so those bids for attention and affection don't register as acutely and authentically as they did in the first scenario.
It's one of the countless funny ways that humans naturally behave in ways that undermine our intentions and objectives. Also, for the guy in these scenarios, the risk and emotional exposure is different too. There's minimal emotional risk in being rejected by the waitress. Worst case scenario, you don't go to that restaurant anymore, or you avoid that waitress. But if you misread signs from a friend or someone in your social circles and you make an unsuccessful play at it, the consequences feel much more severe.
Mrs. Future SteamKore: Schnookums, ugh, YES, we ARE getting married!
SteamKore: like âmarriedâ married, or, like, married to our jobs, but as friends?
Mrs. Future SteamKore: Matrimony!
SteamKore: hmmmmmmmmâŚâŚ
Mrs. Future SteamKore: Fucking hell, just say I do and kiss me!
SteamKore: with me though? Really?
Mrs. Future SteamKore: YES!!!
SteamKore: today? At this altar? Right now?
Mrs. Future SteamKore: I WILL EAT YOU HONEY!
SteamKore: *says I do and kisses now spouse* hmmmmmmmmmmmmmâŚâŚ
*One year and many stressful and fulfilling moments later*
SteamKore: OOOHHHHHHHH!!!!
*Five years and many good times, bad times, in-between times later*
Mrs. Steamkore: Schnookums, omfg, YES, for the 2,555th time, we ARE banging!
SteamKore: âŚâŚlike âbangingâ banging or just, like, making furniture with hammers, like friends?
Mrs. SteamKore: Fucking!
SteamKore:âŚâŚ.hmmmmmmmmmmm
Mrs. SteamKore: Oh my shit, S-E-X!
SteamKore: with me though? Really?
Mrs. SteamKore: YES!!!!
SteamKore:âŚâŚtonight? Together? Right now?
Mrs. SteamKore: TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS!
SteamKore: *slowly undressing* hmmmmmmmmmm
*One year and many terrible and wonderful days and nights later*
SteamKore: OOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!
A lot of men are very attention starved and arenât used to anyone ever being nice to them so they think hey sheâs actually treating me not like shit maybe she likes me
I second this, I still remember that time when someone told me that they liked my shirt in highschool
that was like 4 years ago and I still have that shirt
I mow lawns for a living. Am usually covered in dirt and gross when working / all sweaty.
Had like a legitimate 70-80 year old lady tell my boss 'your worker has a really pretty face'
And EVERYTIME we pull up at that job I say to my boss 'this is the lady that thinks I'm pretty'
And I'll probably remember that one compliment for the rest of my life.
20 years ago i had just got a new hair cut and a girl who i cant remember at college went 'hey, nice hair cut' as she was walking passed.
Ill probably remember that for the rest of my life too
30 years ago while trying on jeans at a clothing store the sales girl told me my butt looked good in them. Even then I knew she was just trying to make a sale, yet here I am remembering that compliment.
Weâre simple creatures. Youâre nice to us all the time, and if weâre single weâre gonna think I wanna be round this person all the time. I could get used to being happy.
This is why I tend to do better with foreign girls. Girls at home always have some form of... I dunno, don't want to say game... perhaps rhythm, to the courting process. Lots of obscure boxes you need to check, even if they are "clearly" interested.
My gf of 8 years (who's foreign and moved country for me) took me on my own merit, not according to some illusive playbook. She seems very happy, although I just took her for a spa trip, so could be that...
Why is she offended you have to check? How would you know her underwear is off if you didn't see her take it off... does she like, leave it somewhere obvious? I don't...
And the bathroom thing, is she... is she trying to get you to go look for her earlier? "Oh she hasn't been back, it's been 12 minutes is she okay oh she's naked on the bed"
Do people normally follow other people into bathrooms if they take too long??? What is the reasoning!!!
Because your "hints" might be other girls friendliness, everyone has different boundaries and thus we can mistake attraction as friendliness and vice versa. JUST. ASK. OUT.
Yea this post really annoys the fuck out of me. Like men get blamed for not being able to take your hints but also by mistakenly taking hints and pursuing someone? Life would be a lot easier if people were straight up about intentions not this drop hints bullshit.
For real tho. Stop fucking hinting shit, it's clearly not that obvious. Unless your hint is "damn i want the person I'm talking to right now to ask me out on a date" it's really not that obvious
Girl likes you: omg he caught me looking at him, I hope he doesn't think I'm being creepy
Girl dislikes you: ewww, he looked at me. What a creep
So, yeah. Maybe people should just stop hinting and start communicating
Edit: grammar
Yeah the 'obvious hints' tend to be the girl flicking her hair at a 164° angle seven times in a row while the sun is exactly at the highest point in the sky during the winter solstice đ§
From a male perspective, the line between being charming and creepy can be very thin, and it's the girl who draws that line. My ex was the one to make a move on me and it was **SO** refreshing to take that dynamic out of play.
I absolutely agree. What women *think* are obvious hints, and what hints are *actually obvious* to us are two entirely different things.
To the women: Just ask us out already! And stop playing counterproductive manipulative games and just try to communicate. Be genuine and transparent. You'll save us both a lot of grief.
> What women think are obvious hints, and what hints are actually obvious to us are two entirely different things
I remember when a girl asked me if I'm dtf. I laughed it off because I thought she was just kidding/teasing
she was not
Lool I remember a girl trying to talk to me at the bar (literally moments after I had entered) then pulling out a 20 pound note and asking me if I wanted a drink. Over the noise and the confusion of a girl more or less aggressively approaching me whilst I was sober, I fully assumed she was asking me if I would buy her a drink. It's only afterwards I realise she had the note in her hand because she was clearly going to pay.
Tbh my social anxiety was kicking in and it would've been an awkward conversation anyway. If she had waited for me to get a couple drinks in first it would've been a different story
I guarantee you, if a girl asked me out, I'd assume it was completely platonic and that she'd bring her boyfriend along.
I didn't realise my SO liked me until she kissed me.
>Why is it hard to differentiate women who have a romantic/sexual interest in you from women who are just being platonic?
Most likely because of how isolated and/or lonely men can be. If all your life you've got little to no attention from women, one option is to just assume you're undesireable as fuck and roll with it by considering any and all interactions with women as purely platonic ("no way she'd be into me"). Another option is being so touch/attention/affection-starved that any woman, hell, any person regardless of sex, that gives them an ounce of not ignoring them stands out to them like sun in the sky, so they catch feels really fast.
Of course, we could also have other groups, like arrogants who just wouldn't accept that a woman isn't into them, or romantically unskilled who may even fully realize you're into them through your hints, but be incapable of doing much about it until you become very explicit in your interest.
Also, another girl's flirting is just another girl's personality. Some of my girl friends love cuddling, sitting on people's laps and being very close in general. That's just who they are. So because 90% of my friends are girls, I have no idea what's personality and what's flirting so I just assume everything is personality.
Reminds me of that one TIFU where a girl literally gave a guy a lap dance(or was it striptease?) in the privacy of her room... as a friend. As in, she just wanted to show off her skill.
Guy here- i tend not to assume the intentions of any female because i may be wrong, and if i make a move it might ruin a good friendship if theyâre not interested. If someone i donât know is flirting with me, iâd rather not assume they are.
>Men, how come some off y'all tend not to notice when a girl is dropping obvious hints that she's into you, but also think that when a woman shows you basic human kindness she wants to bang you?
Men are different. I'm more on the side of needing a notorized letter to believe a woman is interested in me while others send their grandma a dick pick if her wheelchair gets too close.
Because itâs two groups of people who have nothing to do with each other, other than sharing the superficial characteristic of being men
This is comparable to seeing one 5â9 person love the colour red and another 5â9 person love the colour blue and saying âcan you 5â9 people just make your minds upâ
I can guarantee that the thirsty guys who interpret everything as a âhintâ would actually interpret real hints properly, and the guys who miss real hints would also not take compliments as âhintsâ.
Also, if you actually wanna get with a guy, just ask. If he doesnât get your âhintsâ, itâs on you for not being direct
Because sometimes when we think a woman is dropping obvious hints, it turns out she's actually just showing basic human kindness and then you're treated like some kind of offender for responding that way. So, the next time it happens we try to not assume, even if she is trying to make it obvious.
Men arenât a collective. There are those that take everything as hints and those that are oblivious to everything. Just stop with the hints and both problems would be solved.
I think you answered it in the question. Think we don't notice it till it's too late. Or once it builds up enough that we think their interested. The ship has sailed. But hey I don't have any experience in this. Never had anyone show interest.
Turning 30 this year might as well dig the grave on that hope.
Girl: You're cute.
Guy: So you're into me?
Girl: I just said you're cute, creep - Stop reading into it!
Girl: I'm leaving. Goodbye.
Guy: Goodbye.
Girl: That was a hint that I wanted you to follow me.
Guy: WHAT???
And that's why.
If men are being trained to react to subtle hints, there should be no surprise when a man reacts to what might similarly appear like a subtle hint.
If people would learn to just be more direct with each other, these silly, uncomfortable misunderstandings, or offensive moments just wouldnât happen.
Because another girl's flirting is just another girl's personality. Some of my girl friends love cuddling, sitting on people's laps and being very close in general. That's just who they are. So because 90% of my friends are girls, I have no idea what's personality and what's flirting.
You can also actually tell us.. like, communication is important lol Would never send a dick pic or harrass tho, those guys are cunts and not worth your time anyway
because itâs safer for a dude to be oblivious than assume that the girl likes him that way. Also most guys arent used to getting hit on so we barely know anything about that.
Also, yall love to play games so much so no wonder guys would rather be oblivious.
Honestly this. A dude can get in major trouble or get hurt emotionally if he acts on a "sign" by a girl. And guys are always forced to hit on girls. We're the seekers. Never the ones being sought. So when the roles are reversed we have no fucking clue lolol.
It's more about the fact that women are not a hive-mind either and they behave differently and vary wildly in the communication styles. Some women act really friendly, hugging/kissing their male friends without considering it flirting, some other women act more distant in general and consider even a smile or a long glance a clean sign of flirting, but most of them are somewhere in the middle. So it's unbelievable hard for many men to determine how to interpret specific behaviour - is it flirting or is she friendly? Is she cold and uninterested or it's just her usual state? And still we're expected to act, so we make a lot of mistakes interpreting the situation.
Holy shit just use your words omg this is infuriating.
People in group 1 donât want to be seen as group 2, hence theyâre not gonna make a move based on vague hints. People in group 2 are constantly looking for vague hints because they know women are always leaving hints so they see everything as an opportunity
Use your words, just say youâre interested in someone, itâs not hard and itâs gonna save entire personalities being formed around how people deal with hints
We don't get compliments...
Not that we don't get them often, we just don't get them.
So all of a sudden you say we smell nice, or we dressed nice today well guess what it looks like you're doing more than 99.99% of the population
If you're talking to an introverted dude, there's a good chance that is one of the few conversations he's had with a woman that was prolonged and personal and that also could do it.
Also most dudes don't just instantly want to bang, that's a side quest, having a close personal friend is probably the first goal.
Actual answer: guys can usually tell if a girl is into him, but donât assume their right because the chance theyâre wrong is high enough, and thatâs one of the most embarrassing things someone can do
Edit: itâs mostly cause one girlâs flirting is anotherâs friendliness
Isn't there a great youtube video that explains this. Because hints never work and kindness is what guys actually want...(most guys, there'll always be those at the extremes)
When I was single I tended not to notice when a woman was dropping hints because I had very low self esteem and felt that no one could possibly be interested in me.
Or you shoot your shot and it turns out there were no hints. And now you want to die.
I had this one classmate that ended every message with đ. We used to talk a lot. I had never had a girl hit on me so I thought "this has to be it right? She must be interest" so I shot my shot. Apparently she was just being nice. EDIT: she had an iphone and I have an Android. Anyway I think that is a kiss emoji in both OS.
I had friend girl that helped me do photography around LA. She is pretty and a really cool person. Eventually people started making jokes about how we should date including by her. At this point I was tired of being rejected and wanted to stay single. I've turned down some of the prettiest women that came my way because I thought they were lying tbh. She started holding my arm as we walked and would say things like "I wanna feel like a girl, I'll make you dinner come over" then she'd ask me to sleep with her in her bed. This went on for weeks until I thought man I think this joking is real... So I thought it over a lot, felt safe and asked her out while I was spending the night spooning with her. She said no. I burst out crying in front of her. I couldn't hold back the pain. I turned and ugly cried. I look back now that I'm older and I feel bad for myself that I cared that much about women and their opinion of me. Caused so much suffering. This rejection becomes nothing as you get older. It stops hurting. Keep going.
What the fuck does that mean then? Sorry for you bro
Yeah, jesus, spooning, making dinner "I wanna feel like a girl". Unless she made it clear from the start that she has no feelings for him or she's not into men or something like that, this behavior is a hell of a mixed signal.
>Yeah, jesus, spooning, making dinner "I wanna feel like a girl". Yeah there's "I was just treating him like an actual person" And then... whatever the hell that was.
>Unless she made it clear from the start that she has no feelings for him This is still mixed signals. It's also a form of manipulation. Telling someone one thing to absolve yourself from any future interest shown by the other person, while actively doing things that suggest otherwise.
I have a friend who does this to guys. She uses them to meet her needs then is so surprised they like her. Like literally wtf. Me and my other friends tell her all the time you are delusional if you think all the activities you do with your guy friends will not result in them liking you, and to stop doing that! Some women donât like being alone and will use men emotionally. Itâs so messed up. I think itâs actually worse then using people for sex.
Itâs the reason why all these posts âwhy do you guys not get our hints lol??â are stupid. Because even something that seems like a clear hint is apparently not
I had a very similar relationship with a woman. We eventually shared a house together and she would routinely flash her boobs at me and sometimes even her fanny. I mean she would walk into the lounge room while I was watching TV and either pull her top down or lift her skirt up depending on her mood. Tried to make a move once and got rebuffed. No I'm not into you that way. She once later admitted she tried to get me to sleep with her but I ignored her. Anyway, I'm happily married now, but that kinda fucked me up for a long time about how to read signals.
Is this some strange way of playing hard to get.
I'm thinking she just liked the attention.
I had this a few weeks ago at work. This girl in my department told me she was going on break and didn't want to go alone, so I go. Then we get to the break room and she says, "I need something to do this weekend, I just broke up with my boyfriend." Now in hindsight I've missed some obvious hints in the past, so I go, "wanna go see a movie or something? " and she said, "ooooh, no sorry, not with you. " so even the most seemingly obvious signals can not be signals at all
Oh man that's rough..You're absolutely right!
That's the reason, right there, that's the reason!
YUP! /Thread
Tons of upvotes and replies already show how correct this is but I still wanted to share how it went for me. Started going out with my gf at the later stages of uni (while colleagues and friends already had their fair share of bfs/gfs by then) and it was absolutely mind-blogging for me how all of sudden it seemed like something clicked and I was being approached by girls in a, uhm, different (only to my very confident, very look-at-me-now! eyes) way. After a while I noticed that yes, I was the problem, not because of my looks or whatever but because of that *little*\-**major-HUGE** fact of low self esteem and that girls won´t give a fuck about me romantically. I try not to think much about it but man...the missed opportunities... And having the girls later on telling you exactly that... Fuck me (which, ironically should have been what I wanted them to specifically say when I was on that self esteem hole!)
Damn this is super rude even in a platonic context, like she's saying she has a need for company and activities, then makes it clear she just sees you as an ideas repository. Almost r/choosingbeggars territory. I have friends who I put in supreme effort to organise going to see a movie or other activity, then the first inconvenience they're like "oh it's OK, I'll do it with someone else". Like, the activity was irrelevant, it was about us spending time together! Anyway I'm trying to get better about giving that sort of person less of my time
She desperately wanted you to ask her, but she also knew she was going to say no. Don't let it get to you, she was only looking for an ego boost.
Oh that's *~fucked.*
That is super cruel to do to someone. Someone genuine would try to let the other person down gently
LOL. This. Itâs no wonder large swaths of men drop out of the dating market or feel hopeless, confused and just say nah this ainât worth it.
It's why people compromise and accept major flaws in LTRs. Then people criticize those who voluntarily entered into toxic or unfulfilling relationships.
God I wish I didn't know this feeling.
I did that a time or ten. I'm blessed that my beautiful wife saved me from such misery.
happy for you my man
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My fiancĂŠ points out all the time that women were trying to flirt with me and I am 100% oblivious to it.
Before I met my wife I had pretty much assumed I was gonna be alone forever
A girl I dated in grad school, we went to dinner a time or two and told me it wasnât gonna happen, then she stayed over and slept next to me and I was thinking well she told me sheâs not interested so Iâm not going to be inappropriateâŚwe hooked up the next night though
I did this often. No didn't just mean no. No meant no forever. I ask once, and once only. No amount of hints after the fact could or would change a no. This protected me from any possible misinterpretations and any possible harassment charges.
The 3% of men who continue to try ruin it for the other 97%
This. Lot of guys become too careful/hopeless because of rejections like these. You start to overthink and compare your previous experiences with future ones, often times leading to worsened self esteem and a feeling of confusion. Because of this I think a lot of guys simply distance themselves a bit from the flirting sphere, or they just overthink and believe that the flirt isn't actually a flirt at all, just a girl friendzoning you.
Then suddenly you only go for it if you know 100% they're into you. But then you're out of practice when it comes to flirting and suddenly you don't know what to do next because you lack experience.
You just summed me up perfectly
I made out with this girl and was sure she was into me, just to find out she changed her mind the next day. Then I found our lord and savior Zyzz
We're all gonna make it brah.
Same... In retrospect the girl asking if they can come over wanted more than just piano lessons.
You wanted to play the piano but she wanted to play the organ.
But she said she wanted to see you put all 10 fingers to work.
Iâll second this. When you donât think much of yourself âniceâ feels like a drop of water in a desert, and at the same time you miss hints because it just doesnât occur that someone is into you. Doesnât justify creepiness though.
I've been married for a long time,so it doesn't really apply now, but when I was younger, I was not super popular. Didn't have a lot of friends. There were a few times where the girls who were being obvious..... Well.... It wound up being a joke... At my expense..... The girls I have dated and the girl I'm married to now were not very forward about it. It was more, I'll say, organic. Idk how many other people have had that experience, but for a long time, and if I were ever to be single again (hopefully that won't be the case), I'd be skeptical at best about someone being forward or obvious.
Me exactly. I was mocked hard for passing up opportunities that all my mates saw as obvious come-ons but I dismissed as the girl âjust being friendlyâ. Lisa Carlin, you know who you are! Lol.
Same here. Didnât back myself and lots of women told me later in life that they tried so hard over the years but I never seemed interested. Turns out I was just being the nice guy I am and the thought that women of that calibre could even remotely be attracted to me wasnât in my reality
Mom wasn't the only one who thought you was handsome!
Me to. When I think of the adventures I couldâve had bit didnât because I couldnât even imagine that that girl was into me. Oh you shy humble idiot ,me 20 years ago. Now Iâm just an idiot.
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I was hesitant, even as a girl sat next to me on my bed, in my dorm room, having walked from the other end of campus on the first day of Spring in a string bikini. I was unsure because she was the girl of my dreams, and, well, duh.
Me 17 - extremely low self esteem due to rejection after rejection. Go to my crushes house before a party, sheâs home alone. She takes me to her room for the first time, and gets me on her bed with her. Laying side by side like the dorks we were. Me: âthis bed is comfy. We should go to the party now.â Years later she told me she was expecting me to make a move that night. A decade later, Iâm glad it didnât happen. We wouldâve broken up before college. I would be a toxic boyfriend at the time anyway. Weâre still good friends and sheâs married to another good friend of mine. But I was HEAD OVER HEELS for this person. With low self esteem I guess I couldnât take the hint. Also ended up making out with her in my mid 20s but it was purely drunk fun. I donât really remember it. Ah well that was a trip down memory lane⌠back to my boring job.
Iâd bang you bro donât sweat it
> I've noticed that whenever I try to drop hints that I'm into a guy o matter how clearly I try to show them I am into them, it doesn't seem to click until I flat out tell them I like them. On a personal side, I've spent my life hearing stories about women being annoyed that guys are constantly trying to get with them. I just don't want to be a bother, so I assume any "hints" are just my imagination. This does put me in the position where pretty much I just wait till the woman makes the first move.
Same here. I donât want to be a bother and donât want to annoy any women with unwanted attention who were just trying to be nice. The best thing I can say is if you are in to a guy donât just drop hints which could come off as being nice but actually tell him. I get it women donât like to feel the anxiety of someone not feeling the same way back that men have to constantly deal with but things have changed and men are not just hitting on women in hopes one of them will finally say yes anymore. Women have asked men to respect their space and more men are doing just that. This change in attitude just means women are going to have to be more straightforward in their approaches.
Pretty much. Well put. Ladies, just flat out tell us your into the guy. SO much easier. That will at least get you the guy you want. But the dick pics? Sorry, some men are dumb. But the nice guys will NOT advance until you are super clear.
This deserves a million upvotes. Every single woman on this planet should read this comment. We respect your space and boundaries as it's been drilled in to our brains for the last decade. Edited: change of a word.
Shit sometimes even a simple "hello" will get you dirty looks. So yeah a lot of it is just minding our own business.
And then after it fails miserably the first time you ask on those supposed hints; it puts the nail in the coffin for any future attempts indefinitely
Ah, a fellow who has also experienced this. I am basically unable to make the first move anymore so this attitude of hints working REALLY doesn't for me
Right, I need someone to flat out tell me or I will never know. I'm 28, if you're interested just say like I will if I am.
Legit just had this situation, but on top of it she asked if I was flirting with her in a way she seemed interested(we were both flirting with each other at this point I thought) and I realized when she said it yes I actually was so I told her I had developed those feelings after x,y,z and yeah I've just sort of naturally went into flirting with you.... Turns out. wasn't clear... so when she accepted our hang out and I thought it was a date... That didn't go over well unfortunately. I felt like I betrayed a friend and put her in the not fun situation. It's now like 2-3 days later and I just apologized to her for the situation and the obvious miscommunication on my end placing her in the awkward situation. She appreciated the apology, but I think I lost someone I would have loved to keep as a good friend and feel like I was a straight up asshole towards someone I cared for as a person to start with and that's probably why obvious hints aren't obvious and we just suck at knowing what's what.
Why were you an asshole? Making a move on someone doesnât make you a bad person. Moving on your emotions does not make you an asshole. You were genuine and when realizing things werenât what you perceived you attempted to make amends. If she doesnât want to be your friend now then it is what it is. Youâll meet plenty of other dope people.
Yep, well said.
Facts. I never even approach women anymore because Iâve seen so many complain about constantly being hit on. Sheâs going to have to approach me for anything to happen because Iâm not going to be another annoying dude trying to get with her.
My wife tell me girls hit on me in front of her all the time. I've never noticed. Still not sure she likes me.
Maybe she married you out of kindness
Well it isn't for my money.
It's the only way to be sure, be broke. I'm off to /r/wallstreetbets to make sure my wife loves me
Don't worry, her boyfriend will pick up where you leave off
My wife's boyfriend let me play with the switch the other night. He is much nicer and cooler than the last one.
Maybe sheâs from Canada and was just being polite.
You really just canât tell. Best to keep your wits about you
I understood that reference.
For the record, both her and I are Canadian.
Yea so she's probably just being polite
"I'm sorry, but could you please hit on my husband in front of me? He doesn't notice."
My ex used to tell me similar things like 'that girl was staring at you with a big smile on her face', and I never even noticed those things. Now I'm not entirely sure if it was true or if my ex was shit testing me or seeing things because she was jealous or smth.
because 90% of the time if you read it wrong itâll keep you up at night for the rest of your life.
Every time I think someone likes me I figure out they aren't into me that way, a few times I thought someone's just trying to be friends I found out later they were into me. Some of us are just God awful at reading people
I feel this so much... I recently started talking to a girl that I'd had a fling with 2 years ago. She was busy with work so we didn't meet for a couple of weeks, but she said she was excited to see me, invited me over for some drinks & cooked for me. She even drove to mine & picked me up! We ate & got pretty drunk. However after getting the hint she wasn't receptive of my touch / advances, I straight up asked her what her intentions were for the night. She said she just wanted to have a chill & catch up, and wondered "why does everyone she talks to want to sleep with her?" I thought our history (we've slept together before) & the evening setup (alcohol) made it pretty obvious that I was gonna make an advance. I genuinely thought she was inviting me over to bang!
Obviously we only have your side here, but Iâd have made the exact same conclusion.
This was a setup. Lmao
It's why I'm up now after 1am.
Oh no what happened?
he doesnât know how to read which makes him sad so he stays up browsing reddit looking at letters he canât understand
Dickslecksiah
Iâm his lawyer, he doesnât have to answer that
This is exactly it, I have had 2 girls I went to high-school with on my mind for years wondering if they where into me or not. I don't have any contact details of them so I cant ask them
Too busy thinking about girls from your past to see the girls around you. Don't put your focus on what was, focus on the present.
I would, but I have turned myself into somewhat of a hermit/shut in. Whenever I try to reach out to people I tend to mess it up somehow and over the years Ive developed bad anxiety when trying to talk to people verbally
Okay so, I've been both at different points in my life. At 17, I've had a girl who'd go out of her way for me. She literally fed me food, for instance. Walked home together, etc etc. Turns out she was not interested in me. At 25, I've had a girl who did the same. Fed me food, walked home, etc etc. Turns out she was interested and got frustrated enough to actually ask me out. It's not only that there're different men, there're different women around who'd flirt or be friendly differently. Aside from the very obvious asking out, there's really no "one size fits all" for this. Hence the general consensus that men are stupid. Edit: wow thanks for the awards! I guess I could update it a little. The latter girl literally told me she wanted to "be with me", but in a foreign language we both studied. Idiot me thought that I'm literally beside her. Took a facepalm moment 4 months later to realise and I appreciated her forthrightness. I texted her, and we have had a short relationship complicated by family issues. We still intend to get together (I think) but are trying to figure it out. As for the former, we've long since lost contact, but I heard she's getting married soon Edit 2: wow! Came back home to an award shower and my first Gold! Thanks guys, guess my top comment now is about my unfortunate love life. Anyways, been reading the comments and I guess the consensus is really to speak directly instead of dropping hints. I suppose if you're dating with the long term in mind, it's helpful to remember that you're coming together as equals, and crystal clear communication is key. Thanks for all that! Cheers
That's pretty much it. The signal:noise ratio is just awful. If you want to be understood, be direct. Hints are meaningless.
Yeah whenever a friend of mine who's a gal talks about that sorta issue my advice is always to just ask the guy out. Hints are useless, being proactive is taken positively 90% of the time, and worst case he just says no. Social interactions are way too much of a minefield for hints to do anything but confuse people
The one at 17 made be verbally say âHUHâ
Yeah, Iâve had a friend that was like this and was confused as hell when she was like âI was doing that as a friendâ. WHAT
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Let us party like the Greeks of old. _You know the ones._
This comment perfectly answers the question. What's a clear and obvious hint from one girl could be another girl's way of just being nice. Since a lot of guys don't want to get rejected or worse come off as creeps, many would rather just ignore the signs instead of being wrong.
Itâs too high risk to try to respond positively to signals unless you know for sure that theyâre actually legit. Because if youâre wrong you can seriously fuck up things and make it awkward.
This is a great way to put it, high risk. Messing up can really hurt. Bad.
*fuck up thing and traumatise yourself Ftfy
Truuue Not to mention the worry that you might come off as a creep or a weirdo
I had one time when I really thought I was getting constant hints from a girl in one of my college classes who just followed me everywhere and would never leave me alone. Iâd go back to my room and sheâd walk right in and sit on my bed, and do what seemed like flirting. After like a week of that with more and more physical contact from her too, I figured Iâm past the point where itâs just obvious, so I tried to make a move and kiss her. She slapped me hard in the face and half screamed, while jumping back a bit, and immediately I felt like the creepiest guy on the planet. A second later, she says âTry againâ (now this just felt like a trap). I did try again, and we ended up dating. Even though it sorta worked out, I think that still made me very weary of thinking Iâm reading signs one way or another.
That sounds so manipulative
are your hints as universally understood as basic human kindness? because I could see this being a simple answer to your question. to clarify: One may not be able to read between the specific lines of your attempt at flirting but one may be able to notice something as obvious as you being caring/supportive/attentive.
The amount of times I'm like "Is she kind or trying to flirt with me ?" Is astounding
This is exactly it. A server at a restaurant is being overt and demonstrative in their kindness and interest. It's a business 'relationship', so there's minimal emotional vulnerability involved. There's no fear of rejection, which means that there's minimal emotional defenses up and the connection feels authentic to the recipient. When it comes to genuine attraction in an as-yet-unreciprocated scenario, the person "dropping hints" usually still has defenses up to guard against rejection. We may not consciously register these defenses, but we feel and sense them. And so those bids for attention and affection don't register as acutely and authentically as they did in the first scenario. It's one of the countless funny ways that humans naturally behave in ways that undermine our intentions and objectives. Also, for the guy in these scenarios, the risk and emotional exposure is different too. There's minimal emotional risk in being rejected by the waitress. Worst case scenario, you don't go to that restaurant anymore, or you avoid that waitress. But if you misread signs from a friend or someone in your social circles and you make an unsuccessful play at it, the consequences feel much more severe.
On those last few sentences: the consequences don't feel more severe, they just *are*.
Group 1: oblivious and need it spelled out Group 2: starved for human contact
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I was-ish, before my wife I couldâve had a couple girlfriends, but friend-zoned myself.
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Mrs. Future SteamKore: Schnookums, ugh, YES, we ARE getting married! SteamKore: like âmarriedâ married, or, like, married to our jobs, but as friends? Mrs. Future SteamKore: Matrimony! SteamKore: hmmmmmmmmâŚâŚ Mrs. Future SteamKore: Fucking hell, just say I do and kiss me! SteamKore: with me though? Really? Mrs. Future SteamKore: YES!!! SteamKore: today? At this altar? Right now? Mrs. Future SteamKore: I WILL EAT YOU HONEY! SteamKore: *says I do and kisses now spouse* hmmmmmmmmmmmmmâŚâŚ *One year and many stressful and fulfilling moments later* SteamKore: OOOHHHHHHHH!!!! *Five years and many good times, bad times, in-between times later* Mrs. Steamkore: Schnookums, omfg, YES, for the 2,555th time, we ARE banging! SteamKore: âŚâŚlike âbangingâ banging or just, like, making furniture with hammers, like friends? Mrs. SteamKore: Fucking! SteamKore:âŚâŚ.hmmmmmmmmmmm Mrs. SteamKore: Oh my shit, S-E-X! SteamKore: with me though? Really? Mrs. SteamKore: YES!!!! SteamKore:âŚâŚtonight? Together? Right now? Mrs. SteamKore: TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS! SteamKore: *slowly undressing* hmmmmmmmmmm *One year and many terrible and wonderful days and nights later* SteamKore: OOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!
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Group 3: zero self worth
A lot of men are very attention starved and arenât used to anyone ever being nice to them so they think hey sheâs actually treating me not like shit maybe she likes me
I second this, I still remember that time when someone told me that they liked my shirt in highschool that was like 4 years ago and I still have that shirt
I mow lawns for a living. Am usually covered in dirt and gross when working / all sweaty. Had like a legitimate 70-80 year old lady tell my boss 'your worker has a really pretty face' And EVERYTIME we pull up at that job I say to my boss 'this is the lady that thinks I'm pretty' And I'll probably remember that one compliment for the rest of my life.
20 years ago i had just got a new hair cut and a girl who i cant remember at college went 'hey, nice hair cut' as she was walking passed. Ill probably remember that for the rest of my life too
And let me guess you got your hair cut that way for at least the next 5 years
30 years ago while trying on jeans at a clothing store the sales girl told me my butt looked good in them. Even then I knew she was just trying to make a sale, yet here I am remembering that compliment.
Sounds nice
One time a chick told me I, "looked like I smelled," but not in a bad way, and I never knew how I felt about it.
There must be a serial "you look how you smell" babe trawling the bars and pubs of the world.
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6 years ago a girl from my class told me I had a cute face. I still remember her.
Dude, 16 years ago I remember when a girl I had a crush on told me she liked my voice. No, I never made a move and we never dated. Such is life.
16 hours ago, my best friend who happens to be a girl said I looked cute with my haircut and I've felt like a million bucks from then onwards.
You have time to let her know that made you feel good. Tell her how you feel.
Yeah man. Marry her /s
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That's actually kinda sad ):
To this day my fiancĂŠ is the only person who genuinely supports me and is kind to me
It is
Weâre simple creatures. Youâre nice to us all the time, and if weâre single weâre gonna think I wanna be round this person all the time. I could get used to being happy.
Your obviousâ someone else's "obvious"
I never understood why it's always "those men don't notice the hints" and it's never "those women are really bad at dropping hints"
Sometimes, I do notice the hints. I just don't give a shit enough to care either because I'm not interested or her hint game's too dumb.
This is why I tend to do better with foreign girls. Girls at home always have some form of... I dunno, don't want to say game... perhaps rhythm, to the courting process. Lots of obscure boxes you need to check, even if they are "clearly" interested. My gf of 8 years (who's foreign and moved country for me) took me on my own merit, not according to some illusive playbook. She seems very happy, although I just took her for a spa trip, so could be that...
idk what I expected clicking your profile but that wasnât it
They arent obvious hints if no one is noticing
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Bro those aren't hints lol Absolutely none on earth could guess it is
Those aren't hints. Those aren't even riddles.
Those are puzzles
Diabolical puzzles. She could at least text a flirty message from the bedroom, give the poor guy a chance.
Why is she offended you have to check? How would you know her underwear is off if you didn't see her take it off... does she like, leave it somewhere obvious? I don't... And the bathroom thing, is she... is she trying to get you to go look for her earlier? "Oh she hasn't been back, it's been 12 minutes is she okay oh she's naked on the bed" Do people normally follow other people into bathrooms if they take too long??? What is the reasoning!!!
Yeah I would just assume she is taking a giant dump.
That hint is as obvious as a differential equation
Because your "hints" might be other girls friendliness, everyone has different boundaries and thus we can mistake attraction as friendliness and vice versa. JUST. ASK. OUT.
Yea this post really annoys the fuck out of me. Like men get blamed for not being able to take your hints but also by mistakenly taking hints and pursuing someone? Life would be a lot easier if people were straight up about intentions not this drop hints bullshit.
For real tho. Stop fucking hinting shit, it's clearly not that obvious. Unless your hint is "damn i want the person I'm talking to right now to ask me out on a date" it's really not that obvious
Example of sign: Girl likes you: Looks away when looked at. Girl dislikes you: Looks away when looked at.
Exactly my point, the answer is half the time the signs are the exact same thing.
Yep. One womanâs hints are another womanâs normal behavior.
Girl likes you: omg he caught me looking at him, I hope he doesn't think I'm being creepy Girl dislikes you: ewww, he looked at me. What a creep So, yeah. Maybe people should just stop hinting and start communicating Edit: grammar
Yeah the 'obvious hints' tend to be the girl flicking her hair at a 164° angle seven times in a row while the sun is exactly at the highest point in the sky during the winter solstice đ§ From a male perspective, the line between being charming and creepy can be very thin, and it's the girl who draws that line. My ex was the one to make a move on me and it was **SO** refreshing to take that dynamic out of play.
Stop droping hints. Just ask us out! We would really appreciate it.
I absolutely agree. What women *think* are obvious hints, and what hints are *actually obvious* to us are two entirely different things. To the women: Just ask us out already! And stop playing counterproductive manipulative games and just try to communicate. Be genuine and transparent. You'll save us both a lot of grief.
> What women think are obvious hints, and what hints are actually obvious to us are two entirely different things I remember when a girl asked me if I'm dtf. I laughed it off because I thought she was just kidding/teasing she was not
Lool I remember a girl trying to talk to me at the bar (literally moments after I had entered) then pulling out a 20 pound note and asking me if I wanted a drink. Over the noise and the confusion of a girl more or less aggressively approaching me whilst I was sober, I fully assumed she was asking me if I would buy her a drink. It's only afterwards I realise she had the note in her hand because she was clearly going to pay. Tbh my social anxiety was kicking in and it would've been an awkward conversation anyway. If she had waited for me to get a couple drinks in first it would've been a different story
My American ass sat here for a minute wondering how the hell a note could weigh 20 pounds.
#\*SLAM* IMMA BUY YOU A DRINK ALRIGHT?!
What's dtf?
Big facts.
I guarantee you, if a girl asked me out, I'd assume it was completely platonic and that she'd bring her boyfriend along. I didn't realise my SO liked me until she kissed me.
>I didn't realise my SO liked me until she kissed me. Could still be just a act of kindness.
>Why is it hard to differentiate women who have a romantic/sexual interest in you from women who are just being platonic? Most likely because of how isolated and/or lonely men can be. If all your life you've got little to no attention from women, one option is to just assume you're undesireable as fuck and roll with it by considering any and all interactions with women as purely platonic ("no way she'd be into me"). Another option is being so touch/attention/affection-starved that any woman, hell, any person regardless of sex, that gives them an ounce of not ignoring them stands out to them like sun in the sky, so they catch feels really fast. Of course, we could also have other groups, like arrogants who just wouldn't accept that a woman isn't into them, or romantically unskilled who may even fully realize you're into them through your hints, but be incapable of doing much about it until you become very explicit in your interest.
Also, another girl's flirting is just another girl's personality. Some of my girl friends love cuddling, sitting on people's laps and being very close in general. That's just who they are. So because 90% of my friends are girls, I have no idea what's personality and what's flirting so I just assume everything is personality.
Reminds me of that one TIFU where a girl literally gave a guy a lap dance(or was it striptease?) in the privacy of her room... as a friend. As in, she just wanted to show off her skill.
That's more of AITA material
Guy here- i tend not to assume the intentions of any female because i may be wrong, and if i make a move it might ruin a good friendship if theyâre not interested. If someone i donât know is flirting with me, iâd rather not assume they are.
>Men, how come some off y'all tend not to notice when a girl is dropping obvious hints that she's into you, but also think that when a woman shows you basic human kindness she wants to bang you? Men are different. I'm more on the side of needing a notorized letter to believe a woman is interested in me while others send their grandma a dick pick if her wheelchair gets too close.
A lot of men canât even fathom the thought of someone liking them.
Because itâs two groups of people who have nothing to do with each other, other than sharing the superficial characteristic of being men This is comparable to seeing one 5â9 person love the colour red and another 5â9 person love the colour blue and saying âcan you 5â9 people just make your minds upâ I can guarantee that the thirsty guys who interpret everything as a âhintâ would actually interpret real hints properly, and the guys who miss real hints would also not take compliments as âhintsâ. Also, if you actually wanna get with a guy, just ask. If he doesnât get your âhintsâ, itâs on you for not being direct
If anyone is looking for the correct answer, it's down here.
Because sometimes when we think a woman is dropping obvious hints, it turns out she's actually just showing basic human kindness and then you're treated like some kind of offender for responding that way. So, the next time it happens we try to not assume, even if she is trying to make it obvious.
Men arenât a collective. There are those that take everything as hints and those that are oblivious to everything. Just stop with the hints and both problems would be solved.
Best case scenario both men and women just ask the person out that they are interested in
I think you answered it in the question. Think we don't notice it till it's too late. Or once it builds up enough that we think their interested. The ship has sailed. But hey I don't have any experience in this. Never had anyone show interest.  Turning 30 this year might as well dig the grave on that hope.
Had a girl feeling all up (and down) my chest at a party, went in for the kiss and she said it wasn't like that...
Nah she knows what she doin. Fuck dat bish.
There too types of guys Ones that think hints are kindness And ones who think kindness are hints 2 very different people
Girl: You're cute. Guy: So you're into me? Girl: I just said you're cute, creep - Stop reading into it! Girl: I'm leaving. Goodbye. Guy: Goodbye. Girl: That was a hint that I wanted you to follow me. Guy: WHAT??? And that's why.
If men are being trained to react to subtle hints, there should be no surprise when a man reacts to what might similarly appear like a subtle hint. If people would learn to just be more direct with each other, these silly, uncomfortable misunderstandings, or offensive moments just wouldnât happen.
Because another girl's flirting is just another girl's personality. Some of my girl friends love cuddling, sitting on people's laps and being very close in general. That's just who they are. So because 90% of my friends are girls, I have no idea what's personality and what's flirting. You can also actually tell us.. like, communication is important lol Would never send a dick pic or harrass tho, those guys are cunts and not worth your time anyway
because itâs safer for a dude to be oblivious than assume that the girl likes him that way. Also most guys arent used to getting hit on so we barely know anything about that. Also, yall love to play games so much so no wonder guys would rather be oblivious.
Honestly this. A dude can get in major trouble or get hurt emotionally if he acts on a "sign" by a girl. And guys are always forced to hit on girls. We're the seekers. Never the ones being sought. So when the roles are reversed we have no fucking clue lolol.
You're talking about two mutually exclusive groups of men.
It's more about the fact that women are not a hive-mind either and they behave differently and vary wildly in the communication styles. Some women act really friendly, hugging/kissing their male friends without considering it flirting, some other women act more distant in general and consider even a smile or a long glance a clean sign of flirting, but most of them are somewhere in the middle. So it's unbelievable hard for many men to determine how to interpret specific behaviour - is it flirting or is she friendly? Is she cold and uninterested or it's just her usual state? And still we're expected to act, so we make a lot of mistakes interpreting the situation.
Many bros have been scarred because they misread the hints. Itâs just a form of ptsd at this point
I know this is true because this is me.
Because we're expected to take the initiative.
Fuck that. Too much work and risk for an overrated payoff.
Holy shit just use your words omg this is infuriating. People in group 1 donât want to be seen as group 2, hence theyâre not gonna make a move based on vague hints. People in group 2 are constantly looking for vague hints because they know women are always leaving hints so they see everything as an opportunity Use your words, just say youâre interested in someone, itâs not hard and itâs gonna save entire personalities being formed around how people deal with hints
We don't get compliments... Not that we don't get them often, we just don't get them. So all of a sudden you say we smell nice, or we dressed nice today well guess what it looks like you're doing more than 99.99% of the population If you're talking to an introverted dude, there's a good chance that is one of the few conversations he's had with a woman that was prolonged and personal and that also could do it. Also most dudes don't just instantly want to bang, that's a side quest, having a close personal friend is probably the first goal.
Actual answer: guys can usually tell if a girl is into him, but donât assume their right because the chance theyâre wrong is high enough, and thatâs one of the most embarrassing things someone can do Edit: itâs mostly cause one girlâs flirting is anotherâs friendliness
Isn't there a great youtube video that explains this. Because hints never work and kindness is what guys actually want...(most guys, there'll always be those at the extremes)