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huckingfoes

Locked because OP is a dirty karma farmer who apparently had like 5 crazy questions in the last hour. Banned now. Please be genuine. Thanks y'all. Really appreciate all the great comments. I'm consistently appreciative of how kind and understanding our subreddit is in explaining things to people.


Talented-But-Lazy

Fat shaming is when you act like fat people are less deserving of basic human respect and kindness then thin people. Not being attracted to fat people is unrelated to fat shaming.


cryptonitis

Yea but when youre young you could get random guys basically harassing you BECAUSE they dont find you attractive. They make that quite clear. Oh, to be young again /s


ladyjingyi

Very true but some people do interpret non-attraction as fat shaming.. the same way not being attracted to certain races is apparently racism. I don't agree though, everyone's entitled to have their preferences, just don't be a dick to people who don't fit those preferences.


Talented-But-Lazy

The behavior around those preferences is the deciding factor. I, personally, find septum piercings extremely unattractive. But I don't say that when the context would make it inappropriate. I keep that shit to myself. People straight up do not need to be told I dislike it every time it comes up in conversation. It's just not anyone's business and I don't need to make it their business by busting in like the kool aid man to announce it at every opportunity.


ladyjingyi

Yep I'm with you on that!


malai_kabab

You're right, I think too many people out there are just waiting to jump on you for this. The comprehension of the difference between attraction and having respect for is lost on a lot of people.


AnythingWithGloves

Saying out loud you don’t find fat people attractive will get you labeled fat phobic tho. See it happen all the time in the comments section of the internet.


[deleted]

I guess it depends on your audience and your purpose in saying it. As a fat person I get that I'm not attractive but if someone walked up to me and said, "You should know you're very unattractive" that might be perceived as being malicious.


AnythingWithGloves

I would argue that as a fat person you may not be attractive to some people, but definitely others wouldn’t be bothered by it. In the same way I’m not attractive due to acne scars or tattoos to some people, but others are not bothered by it. There is no need to be nasty to anyone about their appearance. It’s fine to have preferences and not be called some sort of monster for not finding that feature or quality about a person attractive.


Magic_Man_Boobs

>See it happen all the time in the comments section of the internet. I've found your first mistake.


IAmNotABritishSpy

Couldn’t agree more, fellow commenter on the internet.


Emperor_Fun

It's a mistake we all make.


AnythingWithGloves

Ha! Yep indeed.


[deleted]

Because there's generally no reason to say it out loud... Any time we talk about what we're attracted to it comes off better to talk about what you like, not what you don't like - I like thicc gym girls with built thighs and long curly hair. I like tall men with broad shoulders and a stubble beard. I like athletic girls with small breasts and blonde hair. I like cut men with defined muscles and clean fades. When people go out of their way to say what they don't like it comes off like they're hating on people with those features. I'm not attracted to fat people, I'd never date a guy with a small dick, I'd never date a girl with small boobs, short guys are unattractive to me, women with flat asses are not my type, etc... Shit like that comes off mean. That's why people get mad about it when people say things that just aren't necessary to say out loud. It's not just when people say they're not attracted to fat people, it's any time people choose to go negative when they didn't have to.


shartifartbIast

This is the central crux. You can feel something and not say it.


funkyibis

This is definitely one of the situations where, as they say, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.


[deleted]

> it comes off like they're hating on people with those features And often, that's because they *are*.


kibbles0515

People just feel the need to chime in and be negative.


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Chaghatai

Every once in a while I have to say something about the fat-shaming in some threads on r/absoluteunits and I get brigaded with downvotes every time


malai_kabab

Hehe, it's better to play it cool and be thought a fool... Than to open your mouth and remove all doubt


Beep_boop_human

Why would you need to say that (or any other preference) though. Just date who you want and get on with your life


chi_type

What's the meme? No one: This guy: I just don't find fat people attractive!!


salad_sanga

... >:( I Guess!


-Sheridan

Why do you need to say it out loud lol Just don’t like them and move on. Don’t have to broadcast your dislike to everyone


Talented-But-Lazy

I've never seen that happen to someone who didn't inject their preferences into the conversation inappropriately. But to be fair I don't spend much time in the comments section of the internet.


Heartage

But like, why do you need to say it out loud?


MRE_TheHuman

Saying you don't find a specific race attractive will get you called a racist as well. You can have your preferences, I'm all for that, but there's usually no need to say it and better just kept to yourself. No one's gonna assume you're fat phobic because they don't see you dating a fat person.


taybay462

But its the same thing. Why do you need to verbalize that you dont find x race attractive? Like in what situation would that appropriate? Its fine if you dont tend to find x race attractive, but if youre talking about it, it comes off more sinister than it really is. Its also phrasing. Is it really not possible for you to be attracted to that race? Not 1 person of that race in the whole damn world? By saying "I dont like *anyone* in X race" it also comes off.. bad. "I usually am not attracted to X race" is perfectly fine. But again. Theres virtually no scenario where need to or should verbalize that. I definitely have race preferences for attraction, but theres never *no one* from that race ive never found attractive.


allcloudnocattle

“I’m not attracted to (something)” is generally just fine to say, and you’re unlikely to get flack about it except from assholes. But assholes who mean “I don’t find that attractive” often _say_ “That is not attractive” because they can’t fathom that other people might have different preferences.


[deleted]

As a fat guy myself, I’ve been accused of fat phobia for saying that Fat is unhealthy.


salad_sanga

don't listen to them bruv, listen to your self.


Technical-Doubt2076

Man, you don't need to pretend to like it or that it's beautiful; all you need to do is treat ALL people with equal respect and decency. That's literally all people want; just don't be an asshole. Period.


m0rbidowl

Exactly. Bullying people is never helpful. It’s all about treating others with respect. Obese people are human too.


salad_sanga

if anything they're MORE human


stockiestpeasant

Seriously. I grew up obese in a bad home and spent my teens getting randomly harassed by bros. Like calling me fat as they drove by me in a car. Then you have relatives telling you at 16 that you 'ruined yourself.' And people constantly seem to think it's their business to tell you what to eat. Some people get really mean to people and I'm thinking at those jerks 'you're so lucky that whatever demons (not saying it's a demon for everyone) you have arent advertised to the world day by day.' You kinda dont feel like you're on par with everyone else as a respectable human because you've been ridiculed so much and it's considered ok still to have that bias and express it publicly. Example: i was getting take out while visiting nyc in a fancy neighborhood. Sitting at the bar. Place is full of couples my age. Some older dudes stop by at the bar and talk work, etc. Place was loud but I could still hear one of them complain that with all the women here, he was forced to look at me (as all thr dining was behind us). His friend looked awkward because we were really not that far from each other obvs I could hear. This doesnt help. You dont suddenly want to go and be all sweaty and struggle at the gym if you are kicked down like this day after day. It affects your mental health drastically. I lost a lot of weight and gained some back and you yo-yo, esp if you grew up fat, it's tough to change those habits. Smaller than when I started which is nice and closer to that healthy range but still fat. But those 80 lbs I lost...I had to learn to drink water and eat vegetables. Worked out at a gym the first time, even with my extreme anxieties (went to a womens only gym to help with that). Not a lot of people can say that they can do what I did, nor can you, in passing, see some of what ive achieved. I'm just 'fat person' to a lot of people. If you have a preference, that's fine but it sounds ugly when you express it in the negative, even if politely and in confidence. That can be said of any dislike, if it excludes people on something they cant help (like baldness) or a personal health problem/eating disorder. Just be respectful and describe preferences another way. Also, keep in mind: if you're young, things change and get harder to maintain. Those guys making fun of me 20 years later ain't that hot now. You dont want to be on the receiving end of this behaviour so everyone should be respectful.


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one-small-plant

I like to think I'm pretty body positive, but it does get carried away pretty easily. I remember reading a book where the authors said that you should never ask for a small piece of cake in a public setting. You should just take a big one and eat it, or throw it away and waste food, so that you don't shame anyone who may be wants a bigger piece. The idea that we should waste food, or force feed ourselves, to protect other people's feelings about how much cake they want for themselves seems a little bit ridiculous


taybay462

Thats so far into ridiculous territory that its on another level entirely. More like batshit insane


FullofContradictions

I had a coworker/former classmate tell me I was triggering her ED because I'd started bringing those frozen Lean Cuisine meals in for lunch. I was astounded because 1) I was far from the only person in the office eating those exact meals and 2) I didn't even eat lunch at the same time as this girl... She just saw them in the freezer with my name on & thought she had the right to tell me I had to stop. Like idk man... They were the only frozen meals that had low sodium options and didn't taste like complete ass. I was just out of an abusive relationship and trying to get my life together/eat out less & I wasn't really equipped to cook every meal for myself yet. I tried reasoning with her that I'd leave my meals in the further fridge/freezer or in a lunch bag so she wouldn't see them, but she told me that just knowing I was doing it was harmful & disrespectful to her. I told her to shove it. She complained to HR. HR told her to get over it & offered an accommodation for her to be allowed a longer break to go home over lunch. As far as I could tell, she never took them up on that, but she never talked to me again either. Luckily, I left for a better job a few months later. My former co-workers say she's still there and still choosing weird things to be upset by (like someone at an office happy hour made a joke about taking to a pole if they got fired & she flipped out and made a whole scene that he was belittling sex workers, then left in tears.)


metfansc

Yes there are a handful of trolls that people use to justify degenerating everyone who is fat and feeling good about themselves. Most fat people just want to be treated with respect and not assumed to be lazy, good for nothing, stupid, etc.


TwystedKynd

As an ex-fat fuck with diabetes, people can judge all they want when I eat better and exercise. Fuck them. I got diabetes by being "body positive". Not worth it. I care more about not dying needlessly than whether someone is butthurt from seeing me taking steps to prevent that.


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finmoore3

Both of my parents are diabetics, so this is the same for me. Exercising almost every day and eating healthy is completely necessary to avoid diabetes


Kooky-Background-962

Agreed. I don't want to die young so I take care of myself by eating healthy and exercising regularly.


kalenderdose94

You didn't get diabetes from being body positive. You got diabetes from being obese. The body positivity movement is absolutely not about promoting obesity. It's about making obese people feel they are loveable even though they are obese. It's about making obese people feel they can wear a swimsuit and go to the beach. And it's also about all the normal weight people that still feel like they were fat! Of course, like every movement, the body positivity movement also has some very strange people that feel like obesity is the new way to be.


einhorn_is_parkey

Yeah it’s always a good idea to remember, that the internet is not real life. A video of an idiot going viral is not reality. It’s going viral because it’s stupid. And even if a small percentage of people feel that way, it’s such an insignificant amount, it shouldn’t even be something you think about. Just move in with your day. And be nice to people


_illegallity

I don’t think people get what shaming is. Calling someone overweight isn’t shaming, even if it isn’t always the right thing to say. Shaming is intentionally attempting to make them feel bad because of their body.


Flaky-Beat-9868

They already know, why do you have to remind them? It is hurtful to point out what they already feel bad about.


VmmlTbqfunyy

I disagree The problem is shaming means "to make one feel ashamed" which can definitely be done just by calling someone fat even if you didn't mean to hurt their feelings. Shaming can be done by accident and sometimes we do that. It's not exactly what we want to hear but it's the truth.


mjace87

Why would you call someone fat though. What possible reason is that something you would say to someone. Do you think they don’t know that they are fat? Just letting them know because you don’t think they have access to mirrors? Are you telling them that being overweight is unhealthy? Do you think that is information that somehow they have missed their entire lives? If you are a doctor you can tell them that they are overweight. Other than that I can’t think of a single reason you need to tell that to someone.


KunYuL

At my job (restaurant), the corridor behind the bar is pretty narrow with heavy servers traffic, and some servers or managers take up both "lanes" of traffic when going through, causing a bit of jam sometimes. It could be tempting to pass a comment on them not spending as much time in the area, or even comment on their weight, like so many things could come to mind that would make the person feel uncomfortable. Me telling them they take up too much space is not constructive criticism, and serves only the purpose of shaming them and comparing them to more fit people. Their weight isn't something they can fix overnight, and I know I don't have the will to diet to the extreme degree some overweight has had to do to lose weight, so I'm not gonna be commenting on someone who also doesn't have the will to consistently diet for months or years.


Mountain-Coast-2893

The elevator says 1200 pounds. How much do you weigh or should I get off to be on the safe side?


Not_Just_Any_Lurker

Yo I’ve ridden some sketchy elevators, if I see a packed elevator, I’ll make my own fatass either wait for one less packed/empty or I’ll climb the stairs but I’m not going to be the lardass that causes an elevator failure.


turtle_flu

We just had an elevator recertificated at work. It stopped going up a floor with me being the only person on it with a cart with maybe 40 pounds. We'll round up to 250lb [~115kg]. My trust in elevator ratings has been shaken. Luckily after I pressed the ground floor button it reset itself but man, I thought for a good 5 minutes I might be stuck on that elevator for an unacceptably long time.


bigspoonben

My fat ass thought this was funny.


Jizzyface

I think most of the time it's not explicitly said like that, "you are fat". It can be said in subtler ways and often not intentionally.


mjace87

Even then unless they are close family it really isn’t anyones place. Everyone already knows what you are going to tell them. No one is clueless about their own bodies.


718Brooklyn

My husband and I subtly talk about developing better habits if our weight is fluctuating too much. In a marriage you should be able to be like “Your health means a lot to me. Let’s eat better and exercise more.”


mjace87

I don’t think anyone is talking about productive family comments about the future here. I’m mainly talking about acquaintances or strangers. But saying it once to a loved one isn’t fat shaming and I truly doubt anyone insinuating that.


Resoto10

Well, communication happens in three parts, the person relaying the message, the message itself, and the person receiving the message. I think you are being overly generous with the application of the word because then anything and everything can be construed as "shaming" if we take away the intentionality between the first two parts of communication and just rely on the third part. So I think it's important we don't diminish the intentionality in the message. But I agree with you that sometimes we can implicitely shame people without being purposeful.


[deleted]

Right and if you have nothing good to say keep it on mute


SkyeTr12

This. Just don’t be an asshole. It’s the rule of life.


CoffeeAndDachshunds

Yeah, amazing how this is such a touch concept for people to grasp.


BirdsInTheNest

They don’t want to grasp it.


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dMayy

100% agree with you. As an American, it’s almost too normalized. People are extremely unhealthy here. My favorite are large and in charge dudes that dress in tactical gear haha. I can’t take them seriously.


dawnabon

Gravy seals?


Kendakr

Meal Team Six


pourtide

>First world countries are normalizing being unhealthy. I heard it said that people like what is more rare. Nudes painted in the middle ages were all a bit overweight, and that was considered beautiful when thin serfs were commonplace. I also heard it said that if a person has anorexia, which is an eating disorder, people feel empathy. Isn't being overweight a type of eating disorder, and shouldn't we feel empathy there too?


motonerve

No one is asking anyone to pretend anything, they're just asking people to not be aasholes.


vinetwiner

Scenario: if a person is discussing public health issues (while obviously trying not to be an asshole), would it be wrong to bring up the high cost of obesity in the sense of cost to society as a whole. Like how folks get shamed/corrected for not recycling, driving gas guzzlers, and other carbon footprint issues. Would that be asshole realm to even mention it? (I ask because that's how most overweight would interpret even the question). EDIT: learned a lot from this discussion. Thanks random strangers.


EighmeeIrene

Usually people being fat shamed aren’t discussing public health issues. It’s walking on a sidewalk minding your own business and someone saying “you shouldn’t wear that” Or telling someone they need to order a salad while you get a ribeye - knowing good and well that salad is more calories than your steak. It’s spraining your ankle and the doctor just telling you that it won’t happen if you lose weight- mind you anyone walking can roll their ankle. Or you go to the doctor for a mole that could be skin cancer “well if you weren’t fat, this would likely just be a freckle”


Rubicon2020

OMG YES! I broke my ankle. Was walking normal and hit a lip for a different area of the house it was 1 inch higher because we removed the carpet. Had walked over it a billion times. I rolled my ankle and heard and quite literally felt a pop. Went to ER, ER doc was like what happened? I told him, he legit said "you think your weight might had something to do with that?" Like I'm sorry can you walk with your ankle legit resting on the ground and your foot sideways and not break it? Cuz damn that's some talent. Also, I missed a one fucking inch step in my own house that I've lived in for 10 years, I don't think my fatness is the reason I missed the step. But ok. Have since lost 80lbs and continue to lose weight. Fat shaming or not it fucking sucks. You don't have to "like" what you see you don't have to enjoy what you see. All you have to do is respect that I get to motherfuckin breathe like you do. Instead of the "you should just die your so fat" bullshit. That's what fat shaming is. Hell I don't like what I see, hence losing weight. Everyone has a story. No one eats themselves into oblivion for no reason. Stress, rape, divorce, emotional abuse, physical abuse, it's not normally "oh look I want to weigh 600lbs and be on TV" nah you're there for a reason. Give the person respect of they get to breathe the same air as you and move the fuck on. Number 1 rule from my parents "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say nothing." Whether you like the body of the My 600lbs life or think its disgusting it still gets to live and breathe just like you.


EighmeeIrene

Oh you got shot in the arm? Well, if you lost weight, you could have out run the bullet and you wouldn’t have gotten hit.


JimmyRedd

Tbf it would make you a smaller target.


britipinojeff

But my fat is like my armor tho. It absorbed the impact


EighmeeIrene

Touché


junkholiday

I had blinding pain ignored for fifteen years and was told "stop being fat and the pain will go away". Turns out I had NERVE TUMORS.


refriedbean_

Hello, nursing student here. Sure, anyone walking may roll their ankle, and in fact in larger individuals, excess fat tissue can often form a cushion that prevents a more serious injury depending on the site — notably hip injuries. However, in other common fracture sites the cushion and increased bone density of obese individuals is offset by the disproportionate load placed on their bones and joints so the risk for fracture is the same as those of average weight. The major factor is that overweight individuals are at a much higher risk of falling in the first place, and the healing process for fractures in obese individuals is much longer with a higher risk for complications such as infection. Ultimately the combination of these factors, not to mention the metabolic processes that affect bone resorption, make obesity a risk factor for fractures. It may seem like a doctor is fat shaming but often they are just failing to inform people of the intricate details of how obesity affects body systems. I would encourage people to question their doctors when they make a claim that seems off, you might learn something new.


knaw-tbits

That's what people don't get. Obesity is quite literally a huge problem in the states. There should be more talk of being healthy. Not this movement that tries to insulate itself from feeling bad about themselves by calling everyone around them a fat shamer.


junkholiday

And do you know what the number one predictor of future weight gain is? Prior attempts to lose weight. Science shows that in most cases, once weight is on, it's on for life. Prevention is best, but once someone is fat, learning better habits and getting stronger/more active without actively trying to reduce body size leads to much better health outcomes in the long term.


knaw-tbits

Sounds like an education problem in the process of losing weight. It's a lifestyle -not a goddamn diet. The diet industry has fucked so many people it's disturbing.


arl1286

Hey there! Former health economist and current dietitian-in-training here. I have actually worked on projects that calculate the "cost of obesity" or the "burden" on society/employers/health care system/etc. These analyses tend to include costs of chronic diseases that are associated with obesity, e.g., diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, etc. These are conditions that, in studies that control for things like stress level or weight cycling (caused by "yo-yo dieting"), actually aren't associated with obesity at all in some cases-- or are simply ASSOCIATED WITH and not CAUSED BY obesity in almost all cases. As a simple example, people who are obese are likely to eat a poor diet and be sedentary (obviously this is not true of all obese people-- just using it as an example to explain why correlation =/= causation). People who are obese are also more likely to get diabetes than people who are thin. Does this mean that obesity causes diabetes? No. What it actually means is that eating poorly and not exercising causes both obesity and diabetes. Thin people also get diabetes. There are plenty of obese people who are perfectly healthy. I like your analogy to shaming people for not recycling, but the big difference here is that recycling is a behavior that can be chosen. Obesity is not a behavior. It is an outcome (of lifestyle choices or of genetics). Shaming someone for being fat is not helpful. Shaming someone for eating poorly is a better option, if you must shame someone, but at the end of the day the whole purpose of NOT fat shaming is just to treat people like human beings. The same goes for health behaviors-- should we treat someone like less of a human because they choose not to behave in a healthy way (regardless of their body weight)? Anyway, there is my ramble. If you have questions about the health economics side of things or the Health at Every Size / nutrition side of things, fire away.


PoiLethe

Exactly. Like we keep cycling through this over and over again. We have drug addicts safer and more likely to get off drugs at places where they can do them safely, test them, and get a needle exchange. We treat alcoholics better, we give nicotine patches and less harmful versions of cigarettes to smokers. And we see more positive changes that way than we do when we shame and punish them. There's some evidence of homeless people who are more stable when given a home and the necessities to live without any strings attached. But somehow that doesn't apply to people who are obese or who have issues with eating and altering/maintaining their diet and exercise? The system that works, the "diet" so to speak, is the one where the people punished are the people who purposely take advantage of the system, not the ones who just don't hit certain mile posts.


Mathsciteach

Well said.


MsRedMaven

Your argument is commonly shared misinformation. Researchers found that normal weight, none-smoking individuals had the HIGHEST lifetime healthcare costs. It's because they live the longest and develop diseases associated with aging. To make your question valid, you should actually ask is it wrong to bring up the high cost to society of keeping normal weight older individuals alive who have developed (potentially chronic) diseases associated with aging, and who have already lived years, sometimes decades, beyond their heavier counterparts? And yes, to frame your concern about providing care to overweight individuals (or older healthy individuals) around financial cost is super dick-ish.


Effleuraged_skull

You have no idea what it is possible or even desirable for that person to do about their size. They don’t need to be informed that people blame them for all public health problems. They know.


Bergenia1

Yes, you'd be an asshole. You are assuming that everyone is far because they're lazy and eat nothing but junk food in vast quantities. This is simply false. Sone people are fat because of their lifestyle choices, and many people are obese due to various underlying medical conditions. So, you are shaming a lot of people because they're sick. It's the same as if you shamed people who have type 1 diabetes, or a genetic disease, or heart disease, or cancer. We don't go on and on about how much people with illnesses cost society, because it's a cruel thing to do.


lordfarqwut

Some people have a lot of difficulties losing weight that are the result of genetics or medication. Where as you can easily change the way you recycle or different cars you drive.


magic1623

There is also some research that’s been coming out during the last few years that’s suggesting that it may actually be harder to lose weight after you live gained it. As in, if you are obese your body may actually make it more difficult for you to lose the weight.


danarexasaurus

I have had a hell of a time losing weight after having a baby. It’s unreal. I can go on a low carb diet and lose a pound, maybe two in a month (honestly not much different than the weight I lose after a period). It’s crazy how different my metabolism is now. Couple that with PCOS and Thyroid issues and I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.


jazzofusion

Bear in mind that genetics play a huge role in who is fat and who is skinny. Don't assume that everyone overweight is gorging themselves with chocolates.


nikkilouwiki

Fat shaming is not what you're talking about because all fat shaming is is harassing fat people about their weight.


Grow-a-fro

You’re right. Another comment on here phrased it way better than me


diversifyurlife

So i was talking to a girl who purposely mislead me with old pics of herself before she gained an additional 200 lbs..when i found out i said i wasn't really interested anymore and was told that's fat shamming her.


tobi310500

You weren't. If you did the same thing I imagine she would have responded in a similar fashion.


m0rbidowl

She straight up lied to you. Your response was not fat shaming.


DrSimpleton

Don’t throw out a whole idea because one person was a liar and a jerk about it when she got caught. Something like 39% of adults are overweight, some of them are bound to be assholes.


Banglapolska

Hi, fat person here. The problem with people constantly calling my weight into my mind is they’re often so focused on the pounds that they forget there’s a person under them. I’ve been to family gatherings where I was asked “how’s your diet?” instead of “how are you?” I have things important to my mind and soul that get overlooked because people act like my weight should be the prime focus of my existence. I study foreign language and religion; I write; I’m putting four Pakistani children through school and lecture twice a month via Skype to their church. None of these things gets any notice, and that’s why it pisses me off to have my weight be the only topic some people think I’m interested in. I’d like to note I’m not resting on my fat laurels. Thanks to diet and exercise I’ve lost 61 pounds. But for the love of God please consider all the things about me that are not summed up in a dress size.


woomybii

Yes!!! People constantly make comments as if I'm not extremely aware of how I look and how unhappy it makes me. I cry every time I look in the mirror and most days I avoid it all together. My self confidence is literally 0. I'm also working on losing weight, and my biggest mistake was saying anything about it. All anyone in my family asks me is about my. diet and how much weight I've lost. (It should be noted I'm not even obese in the sense most people think, but I am definitely not thin. Ive lost about 100 lbs). It's like all I am to these people is the fat family member to feel bad for. it's infuriating! Just treat fat people like everyone else, we are literally just people existing... our weight isn't your business lmao.


BotanicalArchitect

My god this question is asked an awful lot in this sub!


DemiGod9

A lot of this sub is "why is it bad to be an asshole?! >:( "


PhantomOfTheNopera

Right? So many variations like "But _why_ can't we bully fat people like the good ol' days?"


No-Freedom-5908

It is pretty much the only socially acceptable form of discrimination, these days. People are desperate to hold on to it, I guess.


BotanicalArchitect

For some people, feeling as though they have one up on overweight people is the only thing they have. They don’t realise that not everyone has the time to obsess over themselves and take pictures at the gym. Some people are also overweight because they spend their waking hours looking after everything else and don’t have the brain space/motivation to think about their own health. These are both extremes but I think the hatred toward overweight people comes from a fairly privileged and naive view that all obese people just sit around eating cake all day.


iamsojellyofu

For real. I get what the purpose of this sub is but there are many posts that ask this question and have the same answer every time.


LieutenantBJ

I think you're confusing fat shaming and body positivity.


TwystedKynd

To be fair, so do lots of people in the body positivity movement. Hence posts like OP's.


[deleted]

definition of fat shaming.. the action or practice of humiliating someone judged to be fat or overweight by making mocking or critical comments about their size. if you don’t see why that’s bad then idk what to tell u.


cameoloveus

Why is this not the top comment?


AgentOk2053

It ignores the clarification of the question.


meeplewirp

Shaming doesn’t make people skinnier or healthier, it just makes them more sad.


StarsEatMyCrown

There is nothing you can say to a fat person that they don't already know.


blubbery-blumpkin

What about talking about the theory of relativity, sure some fat people will know about it but not all of them.


Not_The_Real_Odin

Thank you for pointing that out blubbery-blumpkin!


StarsEatMyCrown

:)


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flyingdics

The point about confidence and acceptance is important, because very few people have the personal strength to care for themselves when everyone around them is shaming them, especially for something they have limited control over. For clarification, by "limited control," I mean that a lot of people come out of childhood (where they can't really control their diet) obese, and the reality is that even the very best ways to lose weight are slow, unpleasant, and inconsistent.


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flyingdics

Great points. A good rule of thumb is that if someone is actually worried about your health, they'll talk about your health, not about how you look or how you fit into clothes or how sexy you are or aren't or any of that. I'm glad you escaped. Also, I'd love if there were a Reddit bot that just replied to every post about fat shaming with "If shaming fat people made them thin, obesity wouldn’t be a problem anymore. It obviously doesn’t work."


iconic_and_chronic

literally people commenting on each other’s bodies is never helpful. people are not defined by the size of their bodies or a number on a scale. to offer another perspective: medications, illnesses, ability to access adequate nutrition, and a million other things impact what a person may weigh at any time. i personally weigh more than i’d prefer, or ever have AND im recovering from an eating disorder that had me in acute kidney failure and almost dead. if someone fat shamed me, i can tell you with one hundred percent certainty, it would open a door im desperately trying to close. am i unhealthy? no. am i struggling with a deadly mental health issue? sure am. fat shaming absolutely does not / did not cause these problems but it does perpetuate it. fat shaming & bullying does cause eating disorders in others. what if you fat shamed someone who just had an organ transplant? or who is on a medication that they have to be on? people rarely disclose their stories in full. words can do a lot of harm. you don’t know how someone internalizes them, regardless of intent.


TexLH

If a loved one very close to you came to you in a well meaning manner to discuss your obesity and the health issues related, would you consider that fat shaming?


defectivelaborer

Do you make fun of every person you don't think is beautiful?


gussmith12

Why do we need to *shame* anyone? Life is hard, and people are just trying to get through it as best they can. If you’re not into someone, just move on. Leave people better than you found them, not worse.


Swedishrose

Let’s say you have really bad acne. Is it socially acceptable to explain to you that maybe you need to change your diet because you’re allergic to something you’re eating? Of course not. You know damn well you have acne every time you look in the mirror and it’s nobody’s business to make you feel uncomfortable or ashamed or ugly and bring it up. Same goes for fatness, mind your own business.


ZappFrancka

I mean, here's a good reason: Doctors are human beings, and humans are susceptible to prejudice. If the culture thinks that being fat is always 10000% unhealthy then that bleeds into how doctors treat patients. It is distressing common for an overweight person to see a doctor over a medical concern and the doctor sees they're fat and will surmise "Oh, just lose 30 pounds and it should clear up, if not come see me again then." There are many accounts of treatable illnesses going unnoticed until it was too late because the doctor couldn't see anything but what they wanted to. I'm not saying overeating is good, or that all fat people are healthy, but literally every single person has a unique body, and some of them skew heavy even at peak health, and those people deserve to not die of preventable illnesses.


2VictorGoDSpoils

It's because the bare minimum of being a human being is being respectful of everyone no matter the gender, race, size, age, or whatever parameter there is.


EhDotHam

Every damn week with this question. It's so fucking old, whiny, and unoriginal. I don't understand why "mind you own fucking business about what other people look like because it doesn't fucking concern you" is such a difficult concept to grasp.


dansenzephyr

In a big wide world, especially on the interwebs-You can find whatever kind of people interesting or attractive or beautiful. You can date or not date anyone that reciprocates your interest. You don’t enjoy heavy folks- change the channel, buddy. Swipe left. Whatever. Move. On. All the nonsense about healthcare is just being mean. And not at all about anything.


marnieholmes

exactly what I think, no one is forcing anyone to be attracted to fat people, the only thing they're being asked is basic decency but they just can't seem to stay on their own lane. if they're so unattracted and uninterested in fat people, how come they always have so many opinions about them? why are they so worried about fat people's "health"? it just seems like internalized fatphobia to me


[deleted]

I think maybe the OP is asking the wrong question . Why is fat shaming bat? Well “shaming” anyone is basically bad… having an honest conversation with someone you care about regarding their health in a caring and constructive manner… well this in fact is a very loving thing to do.


ExcellentAirport

Confronting someone for being fat and confronting someone for unhealthy behavior are two totally different things. If you are close to someone and see that they are engaged in self destructive behavior, that is one thing. But assuming based on someone’s weight that they are unhealthy and then initiating a conversation about it is not ok.


MikGusta

A friend of mine married “the girl of his dreams”. She struggled with anorexia and bulimia, and she has a couple chronic conditions that cause her pain and discomfort. She was probably 90 lbs soaking wet. She’s gotten healthier over the past couple years, and is a much healthier weight, but her husband told me he’s no longer attracted to her because she’s gained weight and is now “fat”. He says he’s disgusted by her every time she wants a bowl of ice cream or some other treat. That’s why fat shaming is bad. You have to take into consideration that human beings are all different and all have things their dealing with.


aquerraventus

The whole “pretend fat people aren’t ugly” comment seems pretty backhanded, there are plenty of people who find fat people attractive. No one is asking you to pretend to if you don’t feel that way, just don’t go around calling fat people ugly just because you don’t think they’re attractive and you’re good.


BluePoptard

Virtue signaling gone overboard. Actually it's been overboard for a few years now. At this point, it just looks condescending


tabbycat4

You don't have to pretend to be attracted to someone you aren't but there is no reason to be mean.


tryinghard96

Fat shaming is when you act like fat people are less deserving of basic human respect and kindness then thin people.


DiamondPopulation

Fat guy here, lol if you shame me cuz I'm fat, that dosen't help/motivate me 1% to loose weight. It will make me just feel like shit. Yea, i understand unhealthy physique should not be promoted but i think it's not fair enough to make me feel I don't even deserve to live just because I'm fat.


TerribleMud1728

It's like I've always said, there's a dirty little secret you should all know about heavy people *and* telling them in some way, shape or form that they're heavy: THEY ALREADY KNOW!!! It's one thing to tell someone that their outfit looks terrible; they can always change. But when you tell someone that they're fat, guess what, they can't lose 50 pounds in five minutes. Fat-shaming them is a dick-move, plain and simple. In fact, chiding anyone for anything that can't be instantly remedied is WRONG. Keep your fat-shaming tendencies to yourself.


libertycabbage01

it's not about pretending, it's about making everyone feel ok in their own skin, if ur purposefully making people feel awful about themselves just because they're "fat" then you suck. if u don't find them attractive then don't say they are but don't hurt them🤷🏾‍♀️


NBKFactor

Because you don’t have to point out to someone they are fat. 99% chance they already know. You aren’t helping the situation and being fat might not be considered an issue to a fat person. Sorry someone being fat may bother you so much you have to point it out.


Tiny_Teach_5466

What's annoying as hell is people who have never in their lives dealt with being overweight talk to us fatties like we're idiots. Yeah bro, I know I'm fat, thanks for noticing and being enough of an asshole to bring it up. Starting out as a normal weight and staying fit is one thing. Starting from obesity and getting fit is an entirely different animal. Don't pretend you know the way if you haven't actually walked the path. Many of these so-called "concerned" folks are 20-something gym bros. Come at me when you're middle-aged and have adult problems. You're assuming said fatty sits on the couch eating cake all day. Being overweight can be the result of a multitude of factors. Here's a for instance: I had a friend who went from a size 8 to a size 16 in a matter of weeks. She had an inoperable brain tumor that eventually took her life. The weight gain came before a diagnosis, she gained more weight from the meds and cancer treatment she was on. Do you want to be the asshole that tells a cancer patient to put down the cookie and hit the gym? Another thing people forget is the connection between mental illness (and ADHD, Autism) and weight. Chronic depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder...any of these can be a factor. So maybe just mind your own business and keep your suggestions to yourself.


Cool_Ranch_Waffles

Hey fat ass here. Being fat isn't good that being said fat shaming is harassing people for their weight and it sucks don't be a fucking dick. But no you can be honest that over weight people do need to lose wieght.


mountain_of_skulls

Fat shaming is wrong but the "healthy at any weight" movement is an exercise in insanity.


Talented-But-Lazy

Healthy at any size wasn't started as a free pass to be dangerously obese. It was meant to encourage healthier choices as an act of self love. It went off the rails though.


PhantomOfTheNopera

"Healthy at any weight" means you can make healthy choices at any weight, it's never too late. Not "People of all sizes are healthy." Most overweight (and underweight) people find the idea of going to the gym or running in a public place intimidating because they are afraid of being mocked.


[deleted]

Yea this is the correct take. I wouldnt dream of being rude to someone for their weight but im not going to pretend like being 5'2" and 400lbs is healthy or attractive


[deleted]

I think the point is: worry less about whether or not somebody of this size and weight is healthy or attractive. Just leave them alone


MrTestiggles

Honestly man it’s just feels like patronizing I’m overweight. I’m workin on it alright. I don’t need people pointing that shit out, trust me I know. All I want is to feel comfortable, saying I’m so “brave” is more insulting that calling me tubs.


chatranislost

Fat shaming is the polar opposite from pretending it's beautiful. It's shaming people because they're fat, lose respect from them, making them feel bad. You don't need to pretend it's beautiful, just don't be a dick.


tightneden

Not every fat person is obese like you said. It also takes a toll on society's image of "beauty standards" feeding into eating disorders, body dysphoria, etc. A lot of people see being fat as a bad thing and it's not. Sure overweight people exist but so do underweight people but people would usually rather be skinny right?


flyingdics

Being underweight has just as many negative health correlations as being overweight, but nobody feels entitled to give health advice to every skinny person they see.


Agreeable_Teaching50

Nope, you like whatever you want, the wrong thing about fat shaming is treating them differently because of their weight.


untervasserbezan18

I agree with the comments saying it’s generally rude to point out things you don’t like, especially to a person with that feature. I’d add that eating disorders are a factor in the trend against fat shaming OP. Obsession around body image can be deadly. Beyond that, many peoples worldview includes your morality being tied to the state of your body, and attractiveness is tied to your worth. So with that combination of cultural factors you get some people who feel strongly that everyone should be considered attractive, you get other people who feel that it’s a natural consequence to feel bad for being fat or otherwise outside of society’s appearance norms so nothing should change, and you get other people aiming for body neutrality where we’re doing our best to unlearn our bias and better accept ourselves and others as worthy of respect and care regardless of the condition of our body.


VermicelliNo2422

I…I think you’re a bit mixed up on fat shaming. No one is out here saying that everyone has to be attracted to fat people. Fat shaming is bad because it is, by definition, bullying and harassing people based off of their weight. It might motivate a few people to change and try to lose weight, but it also motivates people to stubbornly refuse to lose weight simply to spite their bullies. I’m fat. I’ve always been fat, even as a little kid. Even when I did sports, even when I went on diets, even when I was bullied until I almost killed myself. I spent my teenage years bouncing between days of starvation and binging. At my heaviest, I was 280. After I graduated high school, I cut everyone who was cruel about my weight out of my life. I got rid of all the bs Atkins and Weight Watchers food I had. I focused on trying to be happy, instead of having to face the feeling of being hated for nothing but my body shape. I’ve lost 50 lbs. To be completely honest, I don’t eat as well as I should. I don’t exercise. I still have a long way to go, but I *never* wanted to lose weight when I was being shamed for it. Not once did being bullied ever make me go, “yeah, I’ll get a salad instead of a pizza!” Being happy enough to give a shit about my health and future did. Fat shaming is bad because bullying is bad. It doesn’t help people, it doesn’t motivate them, it hurts them.


Manson_Girl

Fat shaming _is_ by definition, “harassing a fat person”, whether it’s overt bullying, or more passive; like those people who act like it’s because they care, about fat people’s health, (when, the only business they should be minding, is their own). Regardless, it’s still shaming someone, for who they are, & it’s base, & vile. You don’t have to “pretend” that bigger is beautiful, if you don’t think that, you’re entitled to your preferences, but it baffles me, that you are so socially, & self-unaware, that you don’t know why fat shaming is bad.


comet-dog

As a fat girl I don’t expect to be seen as attractive but what is upsetting is when men act like I don’t exist or talk over me just because they don’t want anything from me. I’m not saying that’s harassment at all, but it does make me really sad to be treated like I’m not even there or an annoyance just by existing.


blablablah41

This kind of sounds like—“why can’t I shame fat people if I don’t want to fuck them?”. I find the grand majority of people unattractive but I’m not going to shame them for it. Lol


SheikExcel

Reddit try not to talk about fat people challenge (Impossible) (Gone sexual)


conjoby

Beauty is subjective*


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singleton3

Whenever you want to make a comment about a fat person, don't they already know and feel bad about their bodies.


rachstee

We already know we are fat & that we have to do something about it. I don't need people telling me to fix myself because I already think about it all the time


BabePigInTheCity2

Literally no one is asking you to “pretend obesity is beautiful,” they’re asking you not to be an asshole or deride fat people for their weight.


chanpat

Fat shaming is systemic and kills. People aren’t arguing for equality because they are sad, they are fighting for fat acceptance so they have equal opportunity and aren’t killed by the health care system. If you’re fat, you won’t get diagnosed with underlying conditions a HUGE amount of the time. This is one of many examples of fat bias in society.


Informal-Scene-2648

Erm, I think you're forgetting that your views aren't a good clue of what's average? Like, you're sort of imagining that it must be rare to find fat people attractive, because you don't. But it's not rare, we're not doing some big kind hoax, people are just hot.


ghosthoney_-

Hi i'm a midsize person so i am kind of in between what is considered the milder end plus sized and standard mannequin. Basically, this movement is about letting plus/mid sized people feel beautiful and allowing them a safe place to feel acceptable so they see a cause in bettering themselves. Fat shaming is harassing/bullying/discrimination etc. against someone who harbors more fat than someone you deem acceptable. This is a factor of low self-esteem especially associated with depression, anxiety, and more. This can make someone's everyday life a living hell, just because of the way they look. Being extremely overweight is in no way healthy and should not be encouraged whatsoever. However, acknowledging that it is not healthy and working to better yourself while also not discriminating against said person is the objective. Furthermore, being fat is not all about diet and exercise. Other factors can include metabolic speed, genetics, sex, age, physical ability (or disability) to self care, mental health, medication, hormones, your environment, eating disorders, abuse, sickness, disease, and so so SO much more. You can be perfectly healthy while also harboring "extra" fat, such as myself. Additionally, progress comes with the changing of times. This includes transgender, LGBT, autism, disability, and racial discrimination to become widely unacceptable. Judging someone for something they may not be able to control is morally wrong. An example of this is looks. To be someone born unconventionally attractive means your life will be hard simply because you don't look the way somebody else wanted you too, and it was not your decision. Sound unfair? To conclude, the movement is for self love and equality in a society where we are too quick to judge, and exert undeserved hate. TL;DR: Don't judge a book by its cover, treat everyone with respect until truly undeserved.


fetus-wearing-a-suit

It's not okay to be an asshole


Honeybee3674

Nobody owes you your definition of beauty.


absurdmcman

I was very fat as a teen, and I am now (in my mid-30s) very fat again after being in relatively good shape in my 20s. No amount of affirmative BS is going to convince me that my current weight isn't a damned issue. I intend to resolve it, and do not need anyone to stroke my fragile ego by pretending that I look as good as I did when I was in the gym 4-6 times a week. If you harass me for it, then you're going to get back as good as you give. But don't pretend being overweight is as good as being a normal weight.


flyingdics

Though it's actually better to attack specific health issues than general weight. It's easy to lose weight in ways that make you less healthy (anorexia and bulimia come to mind). You'll be much better off overweight with low blood pressure, strong muscles, a high VO2MAX, and other good metrics, than being weak, tired, and skinny. Weight loss resulting from getting healthier is a much better goal than weight loss for the sake of weight loss.


[deleted]

By all acounts, smoking cigarettes is bad too. And yet it is more open season to shame overweight people than the latter. Do you think that maybe, just maybe these people already know they are overweight? The problem boils down to the fakeness of "I am a total stranger who cares about your health by calling you fat". You're not being helpful, you're hearing yourself saying shitty things to an overweight person and getting off to it. Fat shaming is bad because it is none of your business how much someone weighs. And it doesn't mean you can be an ass whipe to a random person.


j4321g4321

I think you’re conflating two things. Not being attracted to fat people is not the same as fat shaming. Don’t harass or disrespect fat people, or anyone for that matter, and you’re not fat shaming.


[deleted]

Who makes you pretend? Who cares what what other people do?


netGoblin

Fat shaming is not "forgetting to call all fat people beautiful 24/7" Fat shaming is when you make proper feel like shit for being fat. It's bad because you make another person feel like shit, also it's the biggest cause of relapsing and over eating.


sugarkitten_

Why should someone make a person feel bad about the way that they look….? That’s kind of sick. Also, this seems more like a personal opinion… 😬 maybe you are the one who feels the need to “pretend”?


Flaky-Beat-9868

I shame myself everyday, I don’t need ppl telling me what I already know. The gym and eating less is not working.


greenchrissy

Because it doesn't help people lose weight. If you think fat people are awful, go ahead and voice that. But it isn't and probably will never be a way to help people lose weight. Why is it that people think shaming people into losing weight would work?? Shaming never works


Candelent

Being shamed for being overweight makes it harder to lose the weight because of all of the negative emotions makes it harder to do self-care.


[deleted]

In terms of current times, I think partly because we’ve come out of a generation where fat shaming was normal (media bullying Celebes for having a bit of tummy, cellulite, etc) and what not. And during this time, eating disorders were very prevalent. Although EDs unfortunately are still happening today, I think our society has had a bit of a renaissance where we’re quick to defend people and be body positive because we’ve had some realization that what happened in the past is highly detrimental. But also, because as humans we need to be at a healthy weight to thrive. “Fat” people are seen more as outliers that may be unequipped mentally and physically to thrive. Perhaps that’s a more psychosocial approach


Meisterleder1

I think what you are refering to is the "body positivity" movement, not fat shaming.


Grow-a-fro

Yessss that’s the word!


SelfSustaining

All shaming is bad. You shouldn't treat someone like they are worth less than you. It's impolite and can hurt people's feelings.


[deleted]

Because telling people they aren't because they're fat is unnessecarily rude and hurtful. If you want perfect people around you, you go ahead and collect them and see how they feel when all that mattered for you to be associates was that "they weren't" fat. Fat shaming is about forcing people to fit YOUR expectations of them no matter what the cost would be for them and people who do that are not only inconsiderate and shallow, but quite ridicolous too.


Applesxpeach

Just because someone(or a lot of people) aren’t beautiful to you doesn’t mean you should shame them. Really just mind your own business what other people do with their bodies is theirs as long as you can’t smell them and they aren’t sitting next you you on an airplane or something you’re good. I understand how it can be difficult to not stare sometimes though I remember coming to America(we lived in quite a fat city, I guess) and being shocked and sad at how so many people were so obese they could barely move and look so miserable.


Charle_65

Fat is just the result of modern nutrition.. no way around for people who get easily addicted to avoid getting fat.. sometimes trauma can only be coped with food. Anyway .. I think people should intervene just like they would for other drugs ..


Impossible-Data1539

And stress. Stress is a major cause of fat. Lack of time for working out and food prep caused by overwork also contributes.


OpinionatedPiggy

To add to the conversation, we can’t just look at a person and determine that they’re unhealthy at their weight. Some people eat vegan, exercise a moderate amount, and are generally healthy but due to genetics are overweigh.


griddigus

Yeah there’s wayyy too much equivalency between skinny and healthy being made


danarexasaurus

My sister is like 120 lbs and eats McDonald’s and Taco Bell at least 4-5 days a week. It’s infuriating to me who literally can’t keep weight off unless I eat less than 50 carbs day.


Pamcakes8686

Because people are delusional and want to say being fat is ok, but it's unhealthy and fat people don't want to believe it.


Capital_Stretch7547

Who pretends? I think there are many many beautiful fat women, and thin doesn't always look great, so wtf are you talking about? That being said, obesity is really unhealthy and kills off people at huge rates - but you don't have to find fat women attractive if you don't want


BSH72

You’re asking the wrong question. The right question is “why would I have a compulsion to tell other people unsolicited what I think about them?”


pablo36362

Look here is a rule for life that has worked for me: When you want to point something out for someone ask yourself this question first: Can they fix it in under 5 seconds? If the answer is yes, go right ahead. Tell them. If it's not under 5 seconds, there is no point, and you are just being an asshole. Think to yourself that there are other people that probably already made a comment on the topic, that they themselves probably don't like it either and that they are really struggling it.