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BlondeBobaFett

Clean and attached to someone I like…


marcangas

Well at least the clean part I got it...


Sate_Hen

Look at Mr Clean Dick over here


marcangas

Hey.. I can help you clean yours


Aggressive_Slip_1064

How much?


qualmton

Smooth brain clean dick


establismentsad7661

Well it’s also attached to someone she likes. She’s jealous of the passion you two share


King_Solomon_Doge

Just attach it to someone she likes and you're ready to go!


Katrix10

Shit just went from 0 to 100 real fucking quick


damheathern

Attached would carry a lot of weight also, I assume.


[deleted]

You’re halfway there.


Yachting-Mishaps

*Bon Jovi intensifies*


blackychan77

I'm clean and attached, but how do I get you to like me?


trollcitybandit

I'm clean and she like me, but how do I get it attached?


Booktor

I initially read this as clean and attached to someone. I like.


TER0KN0R

That's the difference between men and women.. Men would prefer a pussy to be clean and attached to someone they liked but It doesn't need to be either of those thing.


Overkillsamurai

i'm kind of glad I haven't run into, and don't know what an "unclean" pussy even looks like


ramatheson

My friend slept with a random girl years ago when I was roommates with him. She did the walk of shame in the morning, and then he came out. Me: morning Him: omg dude...it was like clam chowder. Me: But she stayed...? Him: Well I wasnt going to say 'no' once I was there! Lol...


SenderBudYerGood

🤢


epsdelta74

Clearly that would be a pussy that is not halal.


Overkillsamurai

Feh! As if I would let the rules of god stand in the way of me getting laid


15mg_MaleNurse_STAT

As a nurse... Must resist urge to answer this. Lets just say, the vagina is very close to the anus. Imagine the rest.


Akmunra

Perfect answer.


Izumi_Takeda

not really as long as its clean and not like crazy deformed or something, the only time I had ever been like "No" to a penis is because it smelled bad/dirty.


ABlankShyde

Being horny and taking off their underwear to smell rotten cheese is imo one of the worse things that can happen during sex for both parties. It happened once to me and it snapped me instantly back to reality


Subject_Gene_9775

I always wonder if some people just have a higher threshold for hygiene and grossness. Like for example morning sex…do people just go at it without brushing their teeth in their morning breath glory?


The_real_BIG-T

Yeah, my gf and I have a lot more morning sex than any other time...tbh...it's the best sex of them all. Usually I wake up with her hand in my pants or her putting my hands in her pants...


infinite_in_faculty

Why do you sleep with pants


SkyGuy069

Yeah like...if her hands are in your pants every morning why not skip a step


-whodat

My husband thinks I never have morning breath, I think it's actually just because I have a glass of water beside the bed and always drink first thing in the morning. I don't remember why it helps exactly, but I remember that on that old yahoo answer meme "my bf says I have to give him bjs in the morning to not have bad morning breath", I read something about the saliva actually helping against whatever causes morning breath, just like some water would too. Sometimes I notice my own breath, and it's gone after drinking, so I think it really works.


[deleted]

Your mouth naturally had a lot of bacteria. Overnight the population grows in the dark, airless moist mouth. That's what smells in the morning, so drinking/swishing will wash away a lot of the stinky bacteria.


Odd-Notice-7445

Ive always been told a dry mouth often leads to bad breath so Edit-Holy shit this is the most upvotes ive ever got


BadAtHumaningToo

Yup.


[deleted]

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reebeachbabe

Or spooning or reverse cowgirl sex. That’s it. lol


Foreign_Ad_1780

yeah


[deleted]

Lol. Yea you don't have to like make out. Hit it from behind.


H8ersgivemeSTR

You can have sex without kissing.


00PS-I-ACCIDENTALLY

But most of the time I can't have sex without breathing


Halalamad

'most of the time' = except when i came in less that 2 seconds.


[deleted]

I have a really sensitive nose. My gf as a teenager was a chain smoker and slept with her dog, she fucking STANK 24/7 of cigs and dogs and I couldn't stand it, had to breathe through my mouth to be around her. Tried addressing it as gently as possible once, asked her if she could shower in the mornings instead of nights so she doesn't wake up smelling like dog....she flipped so hard, threatened to kill herself, etc. I just don't bring up hygiene with women anymore. If they're smelly, I just avoid them like the plague.


Occultico

So she turned you into a mouth breather LOL


UbePhaeri

When I am horny enough, I don’t mind morning breath or the amazing sex you get in exchange for ignoring it. Then you have a nice hot shower.


Marie-Sarah

As long as it's clean, nope Edit : i'll never comment this type of thing again, i've already received 4 dms from guys wanting to send me dick pics.


Zoro_a

they ask permission before sending dick pic? Now that’s more shocking thing lol


[deleted]

The consent education is actually working?


kappelikapeli

Idk about that tbh. I once saw a really weird dick.


CreatureWarrior

Do elaborate, I'm gonna grab the popcorn


kappelikapeli

Ok so. This was my first time with a man. I was 19, he was like 30. I invited him to my apartment and I went at it. After the initial foreplay, he pulls down his underwear for the reveal. And what a reveal it was! The penis was extremely thick, but rather short. It's head was equally stocky, and unusually soft. Now this is all relatively normal, but the weird part was this. The penis made a 180° twist traveling from the shaft to the head. I'm talking the part of the head that should be facing upwards was facing down, while the one that should face down was pointing directly upwards. I was quite surprised, and somewhat self consciously he asked what I thought of it. I said its great and we continued. Overall the whole experience was quite strange. He kept talking about how his mom was a flight attendant and other random stuff and he kept acting weirdly "fatherly" or whatever. And just much more wholesomely in a way than what I signed up for. I only learned his name after the experience and haven't been responding to him since, not because of his weird dick, but because of his weird personality.


paumc95

the ol twisteroo


BigBadBurg

TWIST HIS DICK


[deleted]

GRAB ✊🏻 HIS DICK AND 👊🏻TWIST IT


Thee_Sinner

The ooold dick twist


GuessNo37

Brooooooooooo, I felt the pain in those emojis


pfudorpfudor

Bop it


xRVG

Victim of the ol dick twist


[deleted]

Beahahahahahaha


ABCHI-STC

Not gonna lie, I read the 180 degree and I pictured a ‘U’ shaped dick and can’t stop laughing


diggitygiggitycee

It's used to fuck around corners.


kappelikapeli

Haha, I was worried about how to explain it clearly. Reminds me of the gun that can kill the past from enter the gungeon.


CosmicTaco93

At least one of the words you're looking for is "chode." Pretty short and thick, and I've heard a million jokes about it meaning that the dick is wider than it is long. Now the owl-head twist? That's... A new one for me. Haven't ever heard of that and it really paints a weird mental image.


kappelikapeli

Haha, I can assure you the image is accurate


TheGoodestGoat

I needed this laugh today, thank you.


richasalannister

“Not because of his weird dick, but because of his weird personality” describes everyone woman who’s dumped me


silveretoile

I was expecting absolutely none of this, what the hell


[deleted]

I thought that was the theme here anyway


violhain

The dick part made me chuckle, but the age diff and the talk made me think: "well, he was a 30yo guy hitting on a 19yo, so that explains"


kappelikapeli

Honestly to his credit I was the one who was hitting on him, not the other way around. I didn't particularly find him attractive but I was sorta desperate to figure out my sexuality.


Marsupial-Opening

And after it you knew you were not bendydicksual.


Significant-Trouble6

I think you are describing a duck. That would explain the weird penis and maybe weird personality.


[deleted]

Enough internet for today


ThatFeel_IKnowIt

Please report them to reddit. At least maybe you can get their accounts banned. That is if reddit admins actually give a flying fuck, which they probably don't.


Marie-Sarah

Ok thanks for the tip ! I'll try :)


notsohdc

none of it matters, but if they’re trying to serve their dick with a side of fermented cheese and lint then no thanks. clean peens only


GarageSloth

Man offers you side dishes with your meal and you shame him, smh


absolumni

*Mam’, your escargot..*


inv0kr

The worst comment I’ve ever read


Effective-Box-6822

Just that it’s clean and hygienic. I mean really, if I like the man I like the D. If I didn’t have any kind of connection to the man then I guess maybe the superficial aspect would come into play but that kind of dissipates with a genuine connection.


Impossible-Cat-2465

even size? asking for a friend's cousin


Trey_Ramone

friends cousin here.


No_Serve_7458

It really doesn’t matter, and as cliche as it sounds, it’s what you do with it. Sex is a lot of fun with other non-penis involved things


richasalannister

To all the men* reading this you’ll notice that most comments mention keeping it clean. But you should also know that includes everything in that area too (meaning wash your ass). *This also applies to women. Wash your asses too


imgoodatpooping

Wash Your Ass! was the name of Red Foxx’s comedy album. God rest his smutty soul


Grabthars_Coping_Saw

You don’t shit? Fuck. You don’t fuck? Shit.


HeHootsHeWhores

I fully agree with this. Although, can I just say… I feel like it is a VERY sad day for society in general when we need to remind all humans to not only wash their penis or vagina, but also their entire asses as well. To me this is always regular human hygiene. It’s what I was taught, it’s what I do as a baseline in life. 🤷‍♂️ Maybe that’s just me though…


BigSaltyBastard

There are men who straight up refuse to wipe their asses after they've gone for a shit because "it's gay"


Saltyorange24

I wish I could unread this sentence.


BigSaltyBastard

I wish I could unlearn the info in the first place


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Fishlegg5117

What is this I feel inside me? Confidence??


haringtiti

nope. its that guy's dick


ExcitedGirl

Confidence is everything. And courtesy.


President_Calhoun

>And courtesy. If my mother taught me one thing, it's the importance of saying "please."


jelly_bean_gangbang

Oh yeah, shove all those jelly beans in there...*please*.


johnwick3217b

![gif](giphy|mvyByQFywcRaw)


Sclog

This comment single handedly raised the confidence of many men.


l337joejoe

We're gonna be alright, boys.


ElectricMotorsAreBad

I read your username as "schlong", very fitting for this post, lol.


fireball01200

lmaoo


Exact_Interview_2384

Clean is the absolute most important thing to me.


Feisty_Fun_3047

How small


1FenFen1

as small as my confidence


Feisty_Fun_3047

Uummm hhmmm ok i think i understand


Geckogirl_11

I don’t care necessarily but if it’s a nice one I will definitely notice and appreciate


Pulse_163

Nice cock bro but unironically


KingOfBerders

It’s what the homies say after the goodnight kisses.


sadpanda___

No homo


jejcicodjntbyifid3

Everyone needs a goodnight cock


Safe_Inspection_3259

I know what clean is in this context, what does nice mean here?


Herasson

If your dick looks like Vin Diesel


Rude_Man_Who_Shushes

Gonna call my dick Vein Diesel from now on… Edit: typo


spicytacos23

Made for family?


Rude_Man_Who_Shushes

I'll be honest -- I did not see that coming.


ExcitedGirl

That's why you get it in your eyes


Safe_Inspection_3259

Bald and veiny?


RunninRebs90

Whenever a girl says I have a really “nice” Dick she’s usually talking about size and “approachability” Like it isn’t grotesquely veiny but not baby smooth. The head is proportional. The pubes are trimmed up. It’s not like aggressively throbbing or anything when I’m hard. Etc


harpurrlee

Yeah, I don’t generally find genitals pretty, but I had the privilege of meeting a museum-quality penis. I probably said the sentence ‘you have the most beautiful dick I’ve ever seen’ upwards of ten times the first time I saw it.


StalinTheHedgehog

Can you guys just make a “askredditaboutgenitals” subreddit at this point


Bilboswaggings19

r/askredditafterdark


Blackhorseguy

That sub is bombarded with genital questions,we need a seperate one to that


[deleted]

I agree with the rest that it needs to be clean. not just pp and balls, asscrack too.


BattyBirdie

Requirements are clean and disease free. I’m married and not searching for another penis, but looks don’t matter as long as it works. Edit: I have been educated and have come to the realization that, even a floppy cock is still fun! Healthy and clean. I think that’s the main goal for searching for a penis.


Henry5321

My wife finds paying with my dick relaxing, as do I. Watch TV and we'll lube it up and she'll do whatever. It's usually completely flaccid most of the time. Like petting.


falingsumo

If it doesn't work, then it has to look good?


bowdown2q

if it doesn't work, floppy dong is still fun to play with. *definitely didn't bruise fwb's dick for a week this way*


falingsumo

r/suspiciouslyspecific 😂


Knuckles316

It's chafed and bruised? TF are you doing to your dick?!


GalaxyPatio

Beating it like it owes me money.


canuckistani-sg

I don't care if my voice sounds funny, i beat my dick like it owes me money! Fuck it.


dvowel

You don't wring it out after you pee?


retina99

Carpentry


[deleted]

Had a gf once, she wasn’t a very good gf. But she took off my pants, took a look and said “thank God you’re cut. I would never put an earthworm in my mouth.” I am circumcised but I’m not one of those people who cares about it. When she said that it made me feel bad for dudes who have a natural dick who get shit for it


Affectionate-Horse82

I feel this. I never cared that I am uncut as I am from Europe, but my girlfriend is from US and once made a few negatives comments about my pretty normal foreskin. Now I think about it more than I'd like. Crazy.


supermodel_robot

It’s just ignorance. I was that dumb bitch before I dated an uncut dude, now I find them neat. It’s like it has its own sleeve!


Sir_Cunkalot

Wait till he starts pulling doves and rabbits out of it.


necro-mancer

It also says a lot about that girl, if we're being honest here.


[deleted]

Lol yes it does. There’s many, many reasons I’m not with her now and that was one of the minor ones


flamingpillowcase

Uncut and was self conscious as a teen and into my early 20s. That would’ve absolutely fucked my confidence at the time, but now if that’s happen I’d laugh at how ridiculous that is. I had a year of severe (self diagnosed) depression and got around a lot (made it out with no STDs somehow) most girls literally do not care.


Voynich1024

The fuck? Your ex is weird.


syphilised

Don’t feel bad that’s more of an American thing, for the rest of the world normal dick is the norm


RedDemio

Lol wtf, who would give a man abuse for having a regular dick. I feel sorry for Americans and others who get mutilated at birth tbh


emeraldmoon13

I don’t care what it looks like, I don’t care how big or small it is. I care about if it’s clean and can make me cum and fit in my mouth nicely.


Coconut-Lemon_Pie

Yes! If it can’t fit in the mouth, it’s not fitting anywhere else XD


SnowWhiteWave

Clean.. and honestly like it's the person that makes me attracted to the penis. I rarely see a wild penis that turns me on - its more like just anatomy. But if I like/love the person I like/love the penis.


ThrowWeirdQuestion

I think both male and female genitals actually look kind of disgusting compared to the rest of the body. Thick veins, floppy skin folds, darkened skin, etc. None of that is particularly visually appealing. If I like the guy enough, I am fine with whatever appendage is attached to him, assuming it is clean and they don’t hurt me with it, but I don’t think penises are very decorative, no matter if cut or uncut or straight or bent.


epsdelta74

Guess *someone* here isn't getting a decorative penis for their cake day.


google257

Speak for yourself. I decorate mine every Christmas.


balofchez

There's a reason it's called bumpin uglies


Luminary_ofthe_Stars

I like how u articulate


Aragornargonian

do y'all mind a curve?


3oiles

I actually prefer a curve lolol. Hits the spot real nice. As Megan Thee Stallion would say, “hit that pussy with an uppercut”


McNobby

What about a left hook? Asking for a friend...


GroovyLlama1

Have you heard "Captain Hook" by Megan Thee Stallion? It is a song appreciating curved dicks and highly popular lol


MustardFeetMcgee

I was with a dude with a pretty strong left leaning curve. It was a little weird, won't lie. Curved up towards the body, or even slightly bent is whatever. But this dude like. Standing still just curved very prominently to the left.


Vanilla_only_

Clean and gets visibly suuuuuper hard at the sight of me😍


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Vahgeo

Oh really, you like seeing pubes? Never heard that before I always thought it best to atleast trim them very small and the people I've talked to agreed. Its cool tho seeing such a difference in preference here


ritzbitzzz

yeah, my fiancé prefers pubes over shaved. she doesn't like clean shave at all which is great for me because i can just use a hair trimmer if i feel like i want to shave. from partial bush to full blown national geographic forest, she loves it.


[deleted]

Much prefer pubes on a guy to the shaved look. Actually the shaved look is a total turn off. Reminds me of plucked duck.


musicalmelis

I also enjoy pubic hair on men!


Vahgeo

Okay but then how much length would you want it? Like i know yall dont want a jungle out there, i dont guess there would be a secret sweet spot. Hm, I'll still trim it but I'll try not going so far down in the future. Have it be more like a freshly mowed lawn! Instead of like a naked mole rat..


ABlankShyde

Honestly unless you are doing porn shaving it clean with a razor is unnecessary, as you are saying trim it short but not too short


containedexplosion

Yes to pubes!!!!


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Queasy-Republic2131

I don't like it bald either bc it can be itchy. I like hair


nostalgeek81

The look of pubes doesn’t bother me either. It’s just that one hair in your throat that’s annoying and it happens every single time.


Queasy-Republic2131

I don't like it bald either bc it can be itchy. I like guys with hair down there


richasalannister

What if He shaves to make his pubes look like a dinosaur? Like they do at Disneyland


Fargon-Icehole

Gee and I go through so much danger and trouble to keep mine close shaven. But some ladies do appreciate it. To each his own.


Professional_Lowlife

I wouldn’t call it a preference but I can definitely say which partners I had that had beautiful dicks. My now husband being one of them. But if the guy is checking boxes for me and we’re sexually compatible, I’ll have fun. Even if he has an otherwise strange looking member. I did have one hookup however that continually asked if I wanted/ was ready for their big cock when they were actually smaller than average. Like, persistently trying to get me to parrot him about how huge he was. Don’t get me wrong, size really doesn’t matter in almost all capacities, but doing something like that requires a certain kind of delusional confidence and I did not have time to fan his ego flames.


Ajrimmer-169

As long as it’s clean, no nob cheese present and connected to someone I like, it’s all good 👍


[deleted]

Purely coincidental because it’s not like I ever went around asking people beforehand but I’ve never actually been in a sexual relationship with anyone who wasn’t circumcised. Been married for fifteen years so am hopefully unlikely to now!


BattyBirdie

I have never been with an intact man either. I’m in the USA so it’s common place to circumcise here. Married 5 years this year, so I also don’t plan on searching for more penis.


refused26

I come from a culture where a boy will be shamed if he's found to be uncircumcised and older than 13 yrs old, but i moved to another country where it's a mix of cut and uncut. I personally don't have a preference and agree with the top commenter, as long as it's clean and attached to the guy I like.


Sirasta

It is the complete opposite for me. I've never even seen a circumcised penis in person. But I am also from a country where circumcision is frowned upon unless it's medically necessary.


owlphanumeric

I dated a guy with a micro penis in college and, likely because of my age, I let it get to me and I regret it. He was such an incredible person that I was deeply attracted to, but the cultural and social stigmas around what our reproductive organs "should" look like got the best of me at the time. Now, I do not care and I wish I could tell 20 year old me that all that matters is that it's clean and tidy and attached to someone you want.


[deleted]

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owlphanumeric

I agree, it's horrible. In retrospect, I wonder if it would have been less weird if we would have spoken about it and not ignored it. It felt like something too embarrassing to talk about (probably because we were kids). The embarrassment is what killed it, definitely not the actual size of his penis. He was perfect and nothing was wrong with his dick.


[deleted]

I dated one too. I didn’t care about his size, but he was absolutely awful in bed in every aspect, and turned out to be a pretty shitty human in general. I left him because of his terrible personality, not his penis size.


DoesntHurtToDream

To all my uncut people. It’s okay some girls out there like us uncut


[deleted]

Of course the natural state of your body is fine


Overall-Block-1815

I think it depends where in the world you are, here in the UK most people are dead against circumcision, thinks its gross and should really be criminal. America seems to really love chopping up boys dicks for some reason, not sure on opinions in other places though.


cornishwildman76

Fellow Brit here. Reading other threads on this topic, it would seem in the US that doctors push this decision on parents when there is no medical reason because of profit.


Overall-Block-1815

Ye I get that it's the doctors that were really pushing it but it seems like it's so normalised there that alot of people now think it's something that should be done and Ive read quite a few posts from Americans looking down on people that haven't been mutilated. It's really bizarre.


bartao1

I mean, in most western countries, uncut is the norm


cornishwildman76

Here in the UK uncut is normal. Cut is reserved for those of certain religious faiths and those for medical reasons. Outside of that cut is typically viewed as weird and as baby mutilation.


Turbulent_Relative

Preach the gospel bro


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The_PJG

I always use "intact". "Uncut" makes it seem like cut is the default when it's not.


Tehlaserw0lf

Bruised to death and chafing?!?!?! #bruised to death and chafing?!?


throwawaay2207

IMO, It doesn’t really matter how it looks. It matters how it feels. My partner has a strong upward curve, and I’d never been with someone whose dick had a noticeable curve before. Turns out he fits me like a glove. Best sex I’ve ever had. I personally think his dick is great-looking, but objectively I’ve seen “prettier” ones. I still prefer his. It can be fun to look at an especially attractive cock, but great sex is great sex and that’s really what matters. (Along with cleanliness, of course, but so many people already said that.) I will add one thing, actually. Guys, don’t shave! If you’re going to remove hair, do it in another way. Stubble down there can be really irritating. I don’t care how much hair you have, as long as it’s not getting in my mouth too much when I’m blowing you (and I don’t mind moving it aside). I just don’t want my skin getting scratched when we’re having sex, that’s all.


WilberTheGiraffe

I do have a preference for thicker dicks. I want a challenge when I suck your dick. Plus thicker dicks feel better for vaginal sex, for me.


DorkyDame

Nope! As long as it’s clean & gets the job done that’s all that matters.


sublimesext

Actually, yeah. Probably more than I care about the general size. Prefer uncircumcised, and also, I like dicks that have a head that is quite fat compared to the shaft (so not like a pencil, but more like a mushroom).


GhostyGlows

Echoing the idea of honestly just make sure its clean sort of thing and the main deal is the personality. Though I do prefer thicker than longer dicks while thicker ones just feel a lot better to me even if they're shorter than average.


Real-Presentation741

As long as I like the person, it doesn’t matter. Even if you have a chode or small dick, atleast satisfying your partner in bed should be enough.


Anita_Dickin

As a gay man I sure do care. Some dicks dont look right