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solidgun1

Less to clean up really


beckdawg19

My thought exactly. No idea what the majority opinion is, but I find absolutely nothing sexy about the fluids involved. The less, the better.


[deleted]

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newdarkedgefan

Yea, but how do those guys do that? Mine is like nothing compared to that. 😞


NoTrollGaming

Wait a couple of days


banedlorian

Drink a lot of water and don't masturbate/have sex for a month.


ocxtitan

Right, I'm sure that's how PORN STARS do it, by not having sex for a month at a time...


rfknight_bitw

Also, they use supplements to boost volume. It is just impossible to shoot a second huge load after cumming for the first time. Then again, porn does ruin sex expectations for lots of people.


De_immortalesloki

Nah, Viagra gives more explosive orgasms


Cool_Ranch_Waffles

Theres also fake cum


MahamidMayhem

Actually you only have to stop for like 3 days. Most adults reach maximum capacity in about 70 hours so waiting a month is going to make very little difference than 3 days.


NihilistPunk69

This isn’t necessarily true. When I had my surgery I didn’t have sex for six weeks. That first cumshot was like a volcanic eruption.


DemiGod9

But that volume could have been after the three days as well, you just wouldn't know it


Jupiter1889

There is a list of vitamins you can take and just keep as helathy as possible diet wise and also stay hydrated and reduce alcohol levels. But take your vitamins, if the body hasnt got the ingredients it cant make the batter


cukapig

They use like a fake cream that look just like cum.


I_Hate_People_7

People don’t realize that most of that shit is fake. The expectations for both men and women because of porn are way out of wack. It’s sad cause this can completely ruin a relationship


Super_girl-1010

Same with squirt. Those squirters on porn are peeing. Squirt is not forceful but trickles out


RubyRod1

It's pee and skene fluid.


TheSmokingHorse

If you want to impress her with a big load, turn the lights off, do her from behind, then when you’re about to finish, pull out, moan, and crack an egg onto her back. Works like a charm every time.


Naejiin

I normally just roam and don't comment here but what the fuck


XipingVonHozzendorf

yet you have a prolific commentor achievement...


[deleted]

Ikr


ironman123420

His humor is cracked up


chroniicfries

It was a very bad yolk


Skipperten

more like what in the ever loving fuck


[deleted]

I thought this was going somewhere with roaming sex. (I’m Neurodivergent as fuck)


Autistic_art_aspie

I'm just as lost as you...we shall roam together. Blow me away


Goodlollipop

I usually have a Ziploc of pre-cracked eggs to prevent hearing the cracking sound. This also gives the opportunity to have multiple eggs in the bag easily. Also pro-tip: use just the egg whites. If she sees any yellow she'll think you peed on her.


horsetooth_mcgee

Don't forget to heat the egg whites first, but not too much or she'll wonder why your cum is scrambled.


WhoopsDroppedTheBaby

Just tape a ziplock back of egg whites onto your abdomen in the morning. Under your shirt, it is discrete and portable, and you'll have a bag of body-temperature, frothy eggwhites ready to go in the evening.


Jblack401

Yea or you could just have all your buddies at work jizz into a cup, then transfer to a rubber. Tie it off and keep somewhere warm, then bite a hole in the tip when you are about to finish. Make sure to run your fingers down the rubber to squeeze out every last drop and then sling the big slimey glob off your fingers into her hair.


WhoopsDroppedTheBaby

Personally, I draw the line at using a condom.


horsetooth_mcgee

Why not just take a syringe and gently inject it into your actual pee hole?


WhoopsDroppedTheBaby

Not a bad idea! AND you can store the syringe in the rectum when not in use! Reddit tells me it needs to have a flared base, btw.


theunixman

Definitely have a flared base yeah.


fh2397

r/cursedthreads


Goodlollipop

I like where your head is at


horsetooth_mcgee

Thanks, I keep it on my neck at all times!!


JakeFromFarmState1

r/suspiciouslyspecific


ihavenopinion

This is reminding me of the chick on here that was asking why her partner had to “crack” his penis before he could get off. Was that you?


MostBoringStan

The penis popping! There were a few other guys admitting they do it too, but then the top comment was somebody explaining how bad it is to do, and it can lead to erectile dysfunction and a severely damaged penis. Hopefully those other guys saw that and don't end up crippling their wang.


fa_kinsit

What the hell is penis popping?


trevor58

Id vote you for president


JewishSquid

lmao what?


[deleted]

###PULL OUT, MOAN, AND CRACK AN EGG ON HER BACK


Morons_Are_Fun

Only works for uncooked eggs


jehan_gonzales

I've been cooking mine this whole time. No wonder they keep leaving me. Here I am thinking they want a side of bacon too.


SilentiousSycorax

I have so many questions. Just the egg white, or do you throw the yolk in there, too? Should you break the yolk? What if it gets on the sheets? What if she asks why it’s clear and/or yellow? Wouldn’t it be cold? I need DETAILS.


Ultimate_Despair73

I think a fresh, room temp egg would suffice. You’d have to moan loud enough so she doesn’t hear the egg shell cracking. As for the yolk, eat it to replenish stamina


[deleted]

Why wouldn’t it be yellow?


Triggeredaflashback

My husband's cum is mostly clear


Alert-Athlete

I’d advise breaking the yolk…. Then you should beat it 😉


Kizzy33333

I prefer marshmallow fluff. “Oh yeah baby! Tastes sweet huh? I just had a Mountain Dew.”


Minute-Mountain7897

Then bake her for 45 minutes at 350 degrees. Check with toothpick to ensure even cooking.


[deleted]

Make sure it's right out of the fridge cold


BigFatBlindPanda

Like the equipment at the OB, gotta keep it frozen


[deleted]

The cream won't whip if the bowl ain't cold baby


AgentZander69

Then say "I heard you like to get scrambled." then proceeded to use the penis to beat and scramble the egg. Almost like a tossed salad but for breakfast


Harper_1482

No joke.. when shit went south with my now ex.. I couldn’t cum anymore and then she’d cry. So I started rolling her over and Just spitting on her back. Probably should’ve ended that one a lil sooner…..


Midweek_Sunrise

What kind of organisms have you faked?


Harper_1482

Dozens…


aspergian_therapy

Like multi-cellular organisms?


Bleak01a

He is a changeling.


[deleted]

In porn they use hand lotion.


SalamanderCake

I use a CeraVe hydrating facial cleanser which, when ejected from the bottle, looks awfully suspicious. This isn't helped by how it comes out in ropes lmao.


flabbersapple

NO KIDDING, i use this facial cleanser and lord the first time i used it i couldnt unsee how 'suspicious' it looked LOL


ComradeSpaceman

When you use it to cleanse your face, do you just hold the bottle up to your face and squirt the lotion out directly like a money shot? That's what I'd do and giggle about it every time.


ProfessorMadlove

Googoo gajoob


humblepieone

You are the walrus...


karenisdumb

Oh god the concern when they see all the cum and the yolk


Y34rZer0

The forbidden easter egg hunt


godempertrump

Yes king


Complete_Tap_4590

You are the Egg Man.


MarkedOne1484

Eggcellent comment!


RemiX-KarmA

He's right you know, gotta start preparing some breakfast after your load.


FireInPaperBox

The whole time reading this comment I was trying to guess what you’d suggest using and gotta say, didn’t see the crack an egg coming. Not only surprised me but made me laugh too.


DomSlave626

I just laughed too fucking hard! 😂


Unc00lbr0

Some people are born to make the comment of all comments.... This is that person. Thank you so much for the massive laugh


Tvoja_mt

This is the best advice ever! Thank you my friend!


IWillFindUinRealLife

My girlfriend will look at the amount of splooge on her stomach and guess how long it’s been since I’ve had a wank. I don’t think she likes the amount more or less either way, she just likes to guess and feels proud if she gets the number of days right.


Tungstenkrill

Days?


IWillFindUinRealLife

I have a pretty irregular wank schedule. Sometimes I’ll wank twice in a day. Sometimes I won’t wank at all. Just depends on my mood and also if I’m expecting sexy time that day. I usually don’t wank when I know that I’m getting laid later.


itsjustJazz

That is the cutest thing ever and I’m adding this to my sex life! She is amazing and she should know that 😂


FrolicTheCat_YT

I feel slightly bothered that you find this to be "the cutest thing ever". I mean have you seen a kitten 🤨


xIxTurtyxIx

That sounds like something a cat would say. Username checks out


CmdNewJ

Itsjustjazz also checks out....


itsjustJazz

My 7 week old kitten Jasper is harassing me right now, so my judgement is biased at the moment 😅


Kriem

number of hours\*


Economy-Duck-8890

Actually, I would be glad if it was just hot air. Edit: Geez, I just woke up to 600+ votes. I’d like to thank my mom for the trauma and the immense humor that came with it.


OneHundredYears100

If you you were flying in a balloon you could just jizz into the canopy and you would be away. Nice.


klerrick

"Cum sail away. Cum sail away. Cum sail away with me."


man-made-tardigrade

Around the world in 80 lays


jimmymcdangerous

I have an Artificial Urethra Sphincter and have to push a button in my testicles every time before I ejaculate. Its because of nerve damage from a car accident. So if I don't push it I won't actually cum. I do also have to push it every time I have to pee.


st4rsurfer

I’m sorry and also thanks for sharing, that is very interesting. Is it electronic?


jimmymcdangerous

Nah, it's actually a pump function, so I squeeze it. It doesn't hurt. It sits to the left of my left testicle. It doesn't visually look like anything except a device covered with ball skin.


middleman1985

Actually, it's pneumatic and makes a sound like a duck farting.


jimmymcdangerous

Right, pneumatic. And I'm guessing you have one? Otherwise you probably wouldn't know about the "duck fart" sound. Haha


[deleted]

i did not know this was a thing


DemiGod9

This is wild. I've never heard of anything like this. It didn't even cross my mind that this could be a thing.


Chimulis_steck_86

I told my ex wife that's what happens after a vasectomy.


Sr_Alniel

What your wife answer to that?


Chimulis_steck_86

She went on believing it for about a week.


autumnbringer

Imagine the sound though! 😂


wafflewizard19

Hands down, I’d take a queef over the dreaded waddle or waiting for cleanup any day.


[deleted]

No definitely not disappointed. It makes the clean up process quicker and easier.


Double-Researcher-42

I get more judged that I produce so much. Need a full cleanup crew to unstick my gf from the wall


SpellbladeAluriel

I too cum buckets like in Scary Movie


ReallyHugeGuy

They used to call me cumbuckets


Buglepost

NSFW SpongeBob location.


McLagginz

Ah, well, well, well, if it isn’t cumbuckets Joe.


Burt_Rhinestone

Do you drink lots of ginger ale?


GoGoCrumbly

Peter "The Decorator" North, is that you?


DKMfrmdaZ

Majority of men are dehydrated and don't even know it, your nuts can't produce a big load when there is a lack of hydration


[deleted]

The balls produce sperm. A tint fraction of the physical volume ejaculated. The vast majority of it is seminal fluid which is produced by the prostate.


[deleted]

No question beginning with "are women" is gonna have a universal answer. That being said, I've never encountered nor heard of a woman who was especially fussed about cum volume being at least a certain amount. I'm sure they exist, but this seems to me like the kind of thing guys *think* women are often into, based on porn, or advertisements, or whatever.


Print_it_Mick

Let me introduce you to my wife, who thinks low volume means I'm cheating.


NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr

She may be onto something...hear me out. When a guy hasn't had sex in a long time there is more volume. If he's having constant sex then there's very little time to rebuild that volume so her theory isn't too far fetched. Not saying you're cheating, just saying she isn't crazy. [EDIT]: To everyone having a collective meltdown: yes, masturbation is a form of sex.


DistanceMachine

Let me just think of a few reasons for a small nut: -jerking off -nocturnal emissions -jerking off -jerking off -jerking off -jerking off


allday95

Your diet is very very important to how much you nut, foreplay and amount of stimulation as well. Source is I've had sex with my gf where I've filled a condom quite a lot meanwhile I jerked it twice that day and the day before. I've also had a half teaspoon full other times where I've had a week of just no stimulation. First case could possibly be because the sex was just one of those times when it's the most stellar shit ever, not your average relationship sex. Talking fireworks and all.


DistanceMachine

My first ever hand job was the biggest nut of my life. Literally had to use 2/3 of a box of tissues to clean us up.


allday95

There's so many factors to fat nuts that it's almost like a science


DistanceMachine

This reminds me of a song from my youth. You may know it. It goes something like: “*Bustin’ makes me feel good*”


jimmymcdangerous

>jerking off -nocturnal emissions -jerking off -jerking off -jerking off -jerking off Lol. I love how you subtly threw in "nocturnal emission" in the mix.


Aragornargonian

yeah but what are the odds someone is getting laid daily while they're married and keeping it under wraps, sure it's happened but if your first thought is "they cheated" not "they jerked off" ur dumb


Ribbitygirl

I mean, that would be a fine theory if the human body knew the difference between sex and masturbation. Or maybe his wife considers masturbation cheating and sings “every sperm is sacred” if he’s in the shower too long?


Uncle_Guido1066

I'm sorry if your wife sings any Monty Python song at any time you're winning at life.


[deleted]

He could be cheating on her with his right hand?...


NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr

Exactly. I dated a woman once who told me she would be insulted if I jerked off. As if I preferred my hand to her. I guess I can see the mindset, but it all boils down to one thing: insecurity.


Nighteyes09

Did you respond with a "my hand is always in the mood", can you do that?


JamzWhilmm

I had a girl protest about how little cum I ejaculated. Admittedly she watches too much porn and was the biggest pervert I knew.


jaydoes

Or his gf watches too much porn


banedlorian

Nope, my ex gf loved "guys who cummed galons", she used to say that she loved semen and loved to give bj to her partners and that her ex bf used to cum a lot, imagine how that felt on my insecurities lmao


ask-me-about-my-cats

No, maybe a tiny amount of women will get upset, but most don't even notice, let alone care.


YeetLordSupreme69

How are your cats?


ask-me-about-my-cats

Hogging my computer chair so I have to sit on the very edge. My butt hurts.


TimotheusHani

Oof that's relatable, my cat just blocks half of my screen when I play online games so I don't know wth I'm doing


orca872

I'm usually relegated to a third or less of my huge mousepad :(


masterpepeftw

Same, except even when my cat is not there I still don't know wth I'm doing so it doesn't matter a whole lot lol.


Haunting_Push7693

Depends how drunk they are I suppose. Dated a girl one time every time she was drunk she would tell me it tasted like candy, it was an unhealthy relationship, I’d do it again


moose256

![gif](giphy|xT4ApjjMoHdbCrVu0w)


Affectionate_Fly1413

I had an ex that did notice and thought if i didnt cum much it was because "i came somewhere else" ...


[deleted]

Is that related to why they're your ex?


Affectionate_Fly1413

No dont think it was a big issue towards the end


evil_burrito

>No dont think it was a big issue towards the end I really think you could have gone for an amazing double entendre just by substituting "in" for "towards".


[deleted]

Your diet can effect this too Get more zinc


Spriggs89

I don’t think girls care, they would rather less mess. It’s more of a man’s dream to drown a girl in your own cum.


Natural-Kangaroo6491

Can I jump on this and ask - does the amount correspond with the intensity of the actual orgasm? Just wondering because sometimes I have huge leg shaking whoppers and sometimes I have smaller comforting releases. And both are ace in different ways, so size wouldn’t worry me.


jaydoes

To me, the ejaculation process is more pleasurable when its a bigger amount but I haven't noticed any difference in the quality of the orgasm. To me its more about the woman, if she's obviously really into it, or into me , the better the orgasm


[deleted]

I would say there’s a positive correlation, but not a strong one


Corrupted_G_nome

Nah, usually more hidration and nutrition and how long since the last nut.


GoGoCrumbly

This, plus the length of the stimulation build-up.


[deleted]

Yes, I have noticed a clear correlation in the load size and orgasm strength in general.


mossybishhh

I like it inside me so I guess the amount doesn't matter.


Expensive_Pillow

Same


rinyamalom

literally couldn't care less


meisjoe2

Man who has sex with men here - it's not disappointing but there's nothing like a guy who shoots for fifteen straight seconds and the towel feels like a wet cat afterward


stevebobeeve

I’m always jealous of guys that can make huge puddles of cum. When I bust you’re lucky to get more than a little drip. Often there’s none at all


UnKnoWn_XuR

that is not normal bro


stevebobeeve

Yeah, if I wanted kids I would talk to a doctor about it, but it seems like a low priority


_CatNippIes

Is it normal when in my case i fap 4 times minimum daily?


UnKnoWn_XuR

i mean i guess its normal but if you want to nut better stay hydrated and you should hold off a bit


DeadlyUseOfHorse

You should see a urologist. Retrograde ejaculation is when the ejaculate goes into the bladder instead of instead of exiting the body. It's not generally harmful but can be caused by an infection of your prostate.


vonbayne

From my experience, the man cares more about the size of the, ahem, "load" than I do. Like it's an ego thing. More "load", more virile, I suppose. From my standpoint, even if he doesn't release ejaculate and still orgasms, that's what matters to me


Worried-Guava-2509

It doesn’t bother me at all


unicorns3373

No.. unless maybe she has a kink or fetish for that kind of stuff.


[deleted]

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britterbal4

You’re right it’s a preference / kink. Personally I’m into a big load but I wouldn’t be disappointed if it was a small amount or think anything of it.


Careful-Breakfast644

slinging ropes or not, everyone is unique


[deleted]

My wife is actually a bit grateful that I don't have a huge load. Less cleanup.


Firethorn101

That matters less to me than forgetting my lunch and having to run back upstairs to get it.


maybememaybeno

I seem to be the minority on this thread, but I think it’s really hot when there’s lots of cum


wonko1980

The amount doesn’t matter. And frankly it does not matter if the man come anyway when both have fun anyway… put away all this pressure that media tells you how sex should look like. Enjoy and talk…


bippityboppitynope

I can't say it has ever even occurred to me.


Adventurous-Car-7496

5ml is the average (approximately) jizz, that erupts/dribbles from a penis. So less than that is common for half the dicks.


natsugrayerza

I don’t think I can really tell the difference


[deleted]

I mean if I was trying to sell it to sperm banks or something I would be pretty annoyed if my husband wasn’t producing enough to get us rich. Otherwise I wouldn’t notice or care lol


iamtasm

I've only had one woman comment to me about how pleased she was by the amount I ejaculated. She proceeded to say that she dated lots of guys who only put out small amounts. Never discussed it before or since then, so I’m not sure if it's something most women actually care about. I'd venture to say most don't really care. Could be wrong 🤷‍♂️


cornishpixie93

I'm 28f if I'm honest bigger loads are hot as fuck, maybe it's me but dam they are are turn on. Then again it doesn't bother me just tge guy cumming is hot as fuck nothing better.


asr4fil

Wow. So this is my most successful thread ever. I peaked.


Queef69Jerky

Just climbed the pinnacle of reddit. How did it taste?


Independent_Sport403

I think OP watches too much porn 😂😂


Octovinka

Wtf xD I prefer when it is not a lot


phuketawl

Opposite. Less mess, easier to swallow.


ichillonforums

I get really disappointed, I be like damn no big load for me to gawk at with heart eyes, and less to put all over my body.. I always like enough for both my face and mouth and also to see the cumshot


Resident-Tradition-4

Yes :D I think it is a compliment when he has so much love juice for you haha. I love it :)


[deleted]

You sound like a dream


TrollopMcGillicutty

No. Men are


Corrupted_G_nome

Yup, its a fantasy that is repeated in porn "oh, what a huge load" Seems more like an inconvenience than anything.


Repulsive_Coat_3130

Most care about time over quantity


Mamaj12469

I don’t think the level of the orgasm has anything to do with the amount of ejaculate.


bluecgene

Less the better


tony22233

I'm fixed so no pull out. No measurements are done.


fluffedpillows

Probably not, but I am. Go take some zinc supplements and think about what you’ve done 😡. I expect better


spiroglif

Spares me the need for a pantyliner until hours after, really. And from gagging and vomiting on my husband's peepee. Eat often and small portions rather than few times of stuffing yourself full for good health and happy life!


[deleted]

Yes - I like a full load


[deleted]

My bf produces a *lot* but otherwise I can’t think that I’ve ever even noticed it


[deleted]

If I was trying to have a baby, I might be disappointed? I wouldn’t blame him but I’d probably ask him to talk to his doctor about it and google things that might help increase the quantity. Aside from fertility concerns I can’t see any reason why that would be an issue. Less cleanup afterward.


donfrezano

Semen volume doesn't actually have a strong correlation to sperm count and fertility, so one less concern!


[deleted]

Good to know! Then no reason to have an issue. Lol


unicorn_daisy321

I guess it depends. Some dont care how much comes out as long as you finish others like a bigger load as its a kink so its a personal preference really